Original subtitles

Did he show?

No. What if he doesn't come?

No big deal. I'll tell the story.

Did he really start a fight in school?

All I know is something happened and he got sent to the principal.

I bet he's grounded.

What a jerk. Why did he start a fight? And that's the kind of thinking that

makes me nuts.

What did he do?

I know you... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

How come whenever something nasty goes down, I take the heat? It's like... I'm

guilty till proven innocent.

Because you're usually guilty?

No. Just because somebody does some things sometimes doesn't mean he does

everything all the time.

Forget it.

All right.

I got a story about this very thing. It's about a guy who's a little

He doesn't go along with what's normal, you know?

People don't like things that aren't normal. It makes them uncomfortable.

But that's the way my guy likes it.

That is, until he gets into trouble and he has nowhere to turn.

And the only person who believes in him is the one person who fears the most.

Committing for the approval of the Midnight Society.

I call this story... The Tale of Vampire

Town.

Coming. Mysterio funeral home.

Oh, hi, honey.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm on my way.

No. No, I won't forget the milk.

Yeah.

See you soon.

Tonight I arrive in Wisteria, a fabled vampire town.

Only last week there was a vampire attack in this quiet hamlet. Could it be

Dreyfus, the greatest vampire of all, has returned?

Legend has it that he slept in the catacombs beneath Wisteria for

If this is true, and he is indeed risen from his grave, I will do everything in

my power to meet him.

Faith.

Toothpaste. Dad, take it easy.

I mean... Father, please take care.

Sorry, Mr. Lugosi.

What's time?

You know I only eat red meat.

Yeah, peanut butter sticks to the fangs. If I'm going to hunt vampires, then I

need to think like a vampire.

And I don't think that they eat bread butter.

Daria, one mile.

You sure you want to go to this place? I mean, I got field feeds for the Jets

game tomorrow. Honey, this is Adder's call.

Yeah, but field feeds. This is a family trip.

We agreed as a family to let Adder choose the place. Yeah, yeah.

Transylvania, here we come.

This is the place?

Just as I imagined it.

Better have cable.

Oh, what is that?

Mel!

Raven's blood.

Nightshade and mandrake. A vampire delicacy from Romania.

They can't resist it.

He gets this from your side of the family.

Why did he always make fun of me?

You're a great kid, Adder.

But we just don't understand his fascination with vampires.

I'm sorry. If I'm not the person that you want me to be... All we want is for

you to be happy.

And if that means dressing up and carrying around bottles of stinky

then go for it.

Come on.

I can't.

Not till after sunset.

Right. Gotta think like a vampire.

You know vampires aren't real, don't you?

That's what we're here to find out.

A cheery spot.

Someone should open a window.

We never open the curtains.

Sunlight damages our antiques.

But you do have cable, right? And running water.

Perfect. We booked two rooms.

It should be under the name Carbio.

Sign the book, please.

And your other guest?

He'll be here after sunset.

Don't ask.

What's this about this town being full of vampires?

Old fables, like the Witches of Salem.

I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.

We heard there was a vampire attack last week.

Do you believe in vampires?

Of course not.

Neither do I.

Neither does anyone else in Wisteria.

We've been fighting those rumors for years. It keeps the tourists away. Or in

our case, it attracts them.

Still, people believe what they want to.

Speaking for the citizens of Wisteria, we'd appreciate it if you wouldn't

silly rumors.

Memo to self.

hotel guy about vampires.

He's gonna love Adder.

I wouldn't fool around in that getup if I were you.

Show me to my room.

Number 16, up the stairs to the left.

I want to see the catacombs.

Catacombs?

They've been closed for years.

Closed?

I mean, show me.

I understand there's an entrance in the basement of this inn.

Is that the way?

The catacombs are sealed up.

Why are you so interested?

To say I have an appointment.

Did you get a look at what attacked you the other night?

Too bad.

Because somebody just checked in that's making me very nervous.

My father looks at me like I were from another world.

Perhaps I am.

Or should be.

The catacombs are sealed.

But that won't stop me.

Tonight. While everyone sleeps, I will find Dreyfus, if he exists.

You'll add her. What are you writing?

Nothing.

You're writing something.

You just make fun of it, like everything else.

Well, hunting vampires is pretty goofy. Let's talk about something else.

Well, I'm turning in.

We have plenty to talk about tomorrow.

Yeah, a real yak fest.

You sure he's the one who jumped me?

Why else would he be coming down here?

We got him, all right.

He's really here.

Don't move, you devil!

Thought we saw the last of your kind ages ago! My kind? What are you... Hey,

whoa, whoa. I'm not a vampire.

Look out!

Get down!

Fuck!

Come on, I know another way.

Cover the south tunnel. I'll track the north.

What do we do when we get him?

Stake the vampire.

What am I doing?

I gotta be crazy.

Who are

you?

I am the dragon.

You're real?

I never thought I'd really find you.

You're not what I expected.

Feed.

Feed? He will not feed.

I swear I'm not a vampire.

I'm a vampire hunter.

Look at him. He looks like a vampire.

Stay dead!

You're right.

He came up through here.

That's how he nearly got you the other night. He can't be far.

Let's split up.

We've got you now.

He wasn't in the... It's okay.

He can't get away. Wait.

I swear I'm not a vampire.

My name is Dr. Carbile.

My parents are saying that you're in.

You vampires are all the same.

Real brave until you're about to get stained.

No, look.

Where are you?

Kissy? Hello?

Don't let him fool you.

Why don't you rats leave our town alone?

But I'm a kid. I go to Westport High, ninth grade.

This is just an act.

So... So... So what?

So I can pretend.

I wanted to see if vampires are real.

And they are. I found one. So did we.

And we're going to send you back where you came from.

Raven's blood?

Nightshade and mandrake all the way from Romania.

For you, better than blood, isn't it?

And you, you haven't eaten in a long, long time.

You saved my life.

Um, yeah. I guess I did.

So, it was Dreyfus all along.

I never thought I'd find him. It was all just a dumb game.

Oh, it's not a game here, son.

There are dozens of vampires buried down below.

We don't usually have problems, but every so often.

So, this really is Vampire Town.

I'm sorry, kid.

If there's anything I can do to make it up to you.

Actually, there is.

You can tell that hotel guy that I'm not really a vampire.

Stanley?

That little weasel ran away, didn't he? Yeah.

He really is kind of a weenie.

You know, this place isn't so bad after all. And today is going to be about

Adder, right?

Adder? Yes, Adder.

Our Adder?

Adder?

Hey, guys.

How did you sleep?

Terrific.

You feeling okay?

I couldn't be better.

Good.

You ready to go check out those catacombs?

Did you really go with me?

Hmm. It's a little weird, but if you're into it, who am I to judge?

Well, thanks a lot, Dad.

But they're closed.

Really?

Ah, gee.

Too bad.

So, let's do something else.

Um, I thought maybe we could use those jet tickets.

You're kidding.

You want to go to the game?

But what about the vampire hunt?

I came. I saw.

It's over.

You sure?

Positive. Well, let's hit it. We'll make it in time for kickoff.

I'll be right there.

Hello?

Hello, Andrew.

Hey, thanks for not saying anything to my parents about last night.

I don't think they'd understand.

I'll never breathe a word.

In case you run into any more vampires.

How kind.

Well, bye.

Oh, you know, there's something that I don't get. If Dreyfus only rose last

night, then who attacked Mr. Mueller last week?

I was hoping people would think it was you.

Yeah, but we, uh... Wait.

What do you mean, hoping?

It's getting harder and harder to get by undetected.

I hope you like Vampire Town, because you'll be staying here a long, long

And that's the end.

That was a great story.

Well, meeting's over.

We're out of here.

I'm sorry, Quinn.

It wasn't fair to think you started the fight. It's okay.

Yeah, me too, dude.

I wasn't thinking.

Don't worry about it.

So,

who

did start the fight?

I did. But, hey, the guy deserved it. He nabbed my lunch.

Yeah, I kind of figured.

That's because you're a smart guy, just like me.