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1 ♪ We don't got to take it slow ♪

Ooh.

- ♪ I wanna feel the sweat ♪ - Oh, hi!

- Carrie! - Hey, hi!

Um, excuse me. Sorry.

Excuse me.

Wow. Good thing I have sharp elbows.

- Hi. - Hi!

Two gimlets, straight up.

- Ah! - I made a bold choice.

- I hope that's okay. - I never loved you more.

In a nutshell, the honeymoon is not over.

I'm still pinching myself that I get to live there.

Well, that's how I feel about your place.

Mm, I mean, to be clear, the... the Gramercy house

was built in the 1840s, so it has its cracks, but...

Oh, my God, your house is that old?

She looks amazing. Who's her doctor?

Anyway, I love the history.

You know, I love, um...

I love picturing all the ladies who lived there before me

in their bustles and their button shoes.

And their cute little purses.

Too tiny to hold their stupid fucking phones with lame-ass texts.

- Wow, I sense we've taken a turn. - Yeah.

It must have been so much easier

- being single back then. - Hm, I wonder.

I mean, it's just such a messed-up time to be dating.

Like, last night,

I got stood up by a psychiatrist.

Well, that can't be good for your mental health.

And then I text him,

"Dude, what is your fucking problem?

We made a plan." And he texts me back,

"Is this something you would like to discuss?"

"I have an opening Thursdays at four.

I don't take insurance."

It's actually not about him.

It's about this.

My phone is who I'm in a relationship with.

I mean, you're so lucky

that you met Aidan before all of this.

- Hmm. - I spend every waking hour

scrolling, swiping, texting,

and it's all just hurtful or meaningless.

I'm so sick of it. I'm so done.

I'm just... I wanna...

- Oh! Oh, my God. - Ow! What the fuck?!

I just did that.

Yep, I did that.

Okay.

I'd better give you this before I get

forcibly removed from this bar.

I invited you to drinks because

I have a little something for you.

Aw, and if I don't like it,

I just chuck it over there, right?

That's what we're doing now?

I should probably get my phone... or not.

"245."

Wait, that's my old address.

245 East 73rd Street.

- You made this. - I did.

I know how much you loved your old apartment,

so I wanted you to have a little piece of it with you always.

Oh, my gosh, I love it.

Hi.

Which one of you two should I sue?

Oh, not me.

All my money went to these two gimlets.

Oh, then it's you. Good.

Can I buy ya a drink before we go to court?

Oh, no thanks. I'm good.

But you can buy my friend here a drink,

as long as you're not a psychiatrist.

Uh, I'm not, but I am good at

pretending to listen.

- Oh. - I'm Alex.

Hi. I'm Lisette.

Can we get three gimlets? I'm buying you one, too.

I'm gonna need a witness in court, you know.

Here we go again.

In what grade do I get to stop lugging

Gabby's art projects home

at the end of the school year?

Well, at least the entire Lost and Found

did not have your kid's name on it.

- Oh, there's Ainsley. - Lois was very clear.

Don't bother submitting Cleo's ACT score unless it's a 35.

I messengered over

a Brunello Cucinelli scarf to Lois,

and still no word back.

- Well, Lois told me that... - Veronica.

Oh.

Hi, Charlotte. Hi, Lisa.

Were you all just talking about Lois Fingerhood,

the Ivy Whisperer?

- No. - I'm not familiar.

I... I'm sorry, who?

We are so sorry to barge in on you...

Something very disturbing is happening

right outside these doors!

Oh, motherfucker!

I knew this day would come.

Here we go. Alright.

Did ya call 911?

Oh, no, no. I-It's nothing like that.

Oh, no.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Then what's with all the drama,

and the big Charlotte eyes?

I'm sorry about the F-bomb.

That doesn't need to leave this room.

You scared me.

You really did. You scared me.

It has come to our attention

that some of the parents have broken the Arbor code

and hired outside college admissions consultants.

Is that what this is all about?

Lois Fingerhood, AKA The Finger?

Yes, exactly!

Though they were very tight-lipped about it,

they're obviously ashamed of themselves.

As they should be.

This school has excellent college counselors.

We've been very happy with Debbie.

Debbie...

Debbie's fine, but she's no Lois.

How do you think we got nine kids

into Princeton this year?

It wasn't because of Debbie.

What are you saying?

He's saying F-bomb the rules

as long as you get into an Ivy.

One F-bomb and I'll never hear the end of it.

Just to be clear, you're telling us

to hire the Finger-Lady?

I would never say that

because I live in reality.

You're too late.

And she's impossible to get to.

There's a reason why her name has the word "finger" in it.

Okay. I should not be doing that. I know.

Let's just call this

"Greg's Inappropriate Tuesday."

"Sitting in the sunlight,

"the woman felt the fog of the last few nights lift.

"She realized her recent tossing and turning

"and insecurities were remnants of another time.

"A time when she was less sure of her path.

"This is a new house, she reminded herself.

"A new life. This wasn't her past...

It was the present. May, 1846."

Hm. Hello there.

Oh, my God, oh, my God!

Oh, my God, oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh! Oh, my God!

Hi, Aidan, period.

Uh, you won't believe this, comma, but turns out, comma,

hiding in our beautiful, comma, bucolic backyard are rats.

Exclamation point. Many, many rats.

Exclamation point, exclamation point,

exclamation point.

I'm upstairs

because I don't know if they can do steps.

Exclamation point.

And I forgot to lock the back door,

so they can probably push it open

if they work together as a team.

Exclamation point, exclamation point.

Anyway,

a guy's gonna come tomorrow to clear the yard, but...

I really, comma, really wish you were here.

Period.

Mm... Delete.

There's rose petals everywhere.

- I planned that. - Oh, that was you?

See, those two belong together.

I don't know.

I just wish she didn't bug me so much.

Those lashes are ridic.

- What are you guys watching? - Bi Bingo.

And, like, you're putting a lot of pressure on me

because you're, like, obsessed with Jodi.

- So, at this point... - Oh, it's a reality show.

It looks really idiotic.

Yeah. It's awesome.

She's such a fake fucking bitch.

She literally knew that I was going after Tina and Matthew...

- Wait, who's she? - ... and, like, everyone knows

that I've been really struggling with that fucking choice,

but she doesn't care, so she just comes in,

and everyone's like, "Yeah, like, the sex with Joanie is insane."

Like, "Okay?"

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, Ernesto, it's...

- It's all gone. - Yeah.

Well, you said you wanted me to make sure

I got all the places where the rats could hide,

and they were nesting deep in everything out here.

It was like a rat superhighway.

Oh.

Ah! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Shoe! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, don't do that.

Oh, my God, you scared me.

I thought you were a rat.

You know better than that.

Don't do that.

Don't do that again.

Oh, my gosh!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God. You almost gave me a heart attack.

You?

Oh, my... Oh, my God. How did you get in?

Comin' up the front stoop,

some worker was on his way out.

What are you doing here? Wh... How did you get here?

Well... Wyatt's with Kathy's

whole family for the night,

and... I just felt weird about

shuttin' you down when you called the other night.

Wow, you flew up for one night because you felt weird?

Man, that's weird.

And I love it.

Oh, yeah, I could've called you,

but then I wouldn't be able to do this.

Mm.

I'm really sorry.

Apology accepted.

Well, that was easy. I'm gonna go now.

- Ah! Who you callin' easy? - Come here.

I have been working so much,

I guess I just lost track of what really matters.

Do you think it's desperate

if I text Lois Fingerhood again now?

Thirty seconds after the last text? Yes.

I'll keep it short.

Oh, my God. You and the phone!

Lois Fingerfuck can wait.

I brought you down this block

because I am trying to show you something.

- Ta-da! - Oh, my God, Anthony!

Someone stole your great idea!

Char, it's me. I stole my great idea.

Brick and mortar, baby!

Wait. Make that dick and mortar.

- Oh, my God! Bread handles! - Yep.

It's a theme.

Men at work! Morning, fellas.

Good morning.

They're not exactly living up to the Hotfellas brand.

Don't tell gay porn,

but hot construction workers aren't a thing.

This is incredible!

How did this come together so quickly?

It didn't. You were just too friggin' busy

- for me to catch you up. - I'm sorry.

Anthony, you have a place.

- This is thrilling! - It is.

Speakin' of thrilling, bread sconce.

And this is such a great neighborhood.

It's just two blocks from the kids' school.

Two blocks away from all those horny,

carb-starved mothers.

Ka-ching! And look at this low counter.

Crotch height! I'm a genius.

Hey, actual hard-copy newspaper.

I didn't think those still existed.

Mm, they most certainly do.

So, you... you felt weird about the other night,

and I've been feeling weird about something, too.

Yeah? Shoot.

Well, I'm trying to give you the space to be...

fully there for Wyatt and the boys,

but... sometimes things happen,

and I wanna tell you about them.

You know, like... like the rats.

I wrote this whole long text to you,

and I just...

I felt like I couldn't send it.

- That's... that's crazy. - Is it?

See, then I'm lost...

because I thought we weren't supposed to be...

in touch.

Yeah, right.

I, uh...

Yeah, I'm kinda... I'm kinda lost too.

I was, um, so upset

and, I think, guilty

for bein' up here

the night of Wyatt's accident that...

maybe I... I went a little overboard.

Okay.

I mean, I... I still... I... I gotta stay

fuckin' laser-focused with that situation at home,

but... you can text me, you...

You know, little stuff, big stuff.

- Call me if it's important. - Mm.

So... anytime?

Only during business hours?

Weekends?

- Are operators standing by? - Well, I can't say

you won't get a little Muzak now and then.

But yes, sure, fire away.

Good.

I feel better.

That garden was the reason why I said something.

You know, I thought everything was just perfect out there,

but...

you know, I just wasn't looking underneath.

I'm just trying to look underneath this, you know?

Far from perfect...

but no rats. Rat-free zone.

First thing I wanna hear about

is this gardener you hired to fix this mess.

You mean, I can't just grow dirt?

Nope.

Ooh! Don't let the cat out. No, no, no, no, no!

She's always trying to get outside.

- Why... why does she... - Hey!

... keep trying to escape?

Her boyfriend's in Virginia.

Come here.

Mm.

I really have never done that

with anyone before or felt this sort of...

- Yeah. - ... connection

where it's almost like we've known each other for forever.

You've been through nothing together!

You met last week!

She's so manipulative.

She's getting in everyone's heads,

telling them that I'm the problem.

Amber is the problem!

Don't trust her with Matthew. Don't trust her with Tina.

Ooh.

Ooh, Adam. Hm.

Okay, Adam Gardens.

Mm. Come on.

Come on. Up, up, up. Ooh.

Hm.

Here. Here, take that, take that.

Hi, love, period.

Hope your flight was uneventful, period.

Um, listen.

We need furniture, exclamation point.

Um, I've been stalking this table online,

I'll attach at the end.

It's got woodwork, like you, and style, like me.

And it's a little weird, like us right now.

And I'm really afraid someone else is gonna get it,

so let me know your thoughts ASAP, period.

I love you so, period.

As does Shoe, period.

I'm taking a quick poll.

When you see this photo, what do you think?

- Ooh, gorgeous. - That's interesting.

Okay, great, thank you. That was very helpful.

And I wanna point out

that you both used words in your response.

And here is how Aidan responded

to my impassioned text

about how much I love this table for us.

Hm.

What did you send back? A middle finger emoji?

No, I'm an adult and I know how to communicate.

With angry silence.

Hey, Seema, there's a guy over there

who's giving you a thumbs-up with his eyes.

Navy blue sweater.

No, I already dated him.

More or less.

What, is this an eye exam, or did...

or did you actually date him?

Well, I might as well have.

There are basically five guys in all of New York,

and I've dated all of them.

Good evening, ladies.

You ordered guacamole, medium spice?

Yes, we did.

To be clear, I am still out there.

I've just gotten more efficient.

I can't waste my time the way I did with Ravi.

You sound like the only smart contestant on Bi Bingo.

Is anybody else watchin' that piece of doo-doo?

Is that the one where they send the horny bisexuals

- to the Caribbean? - Close.

Hawaii. It is so awful.

I can feel my IQ dropping with every episode.

I... I literally scream at the TV.

Me too. It's insane.

Sorry, I couldn't not say something.

No, please.

I... I need company in my outrage.

There is this one woman that I'm obsessed with.

- Jamie? - Yes! Jamie!

How can she have such horrible taste

in both men and women?

I know, does she not see how hot she is?

And she chooses Mitch?!

A big zero! It's so frustrating.

I know! And she had so much more chemistry with Autumn.

It's driving me crazy!

You two realize you do have free will?

Yes, but I cannot look away.

I've finally discovered the joy of hate-watching.

- Bon appétit, ladies. - Oh, thank you.

You know, I think that's what I'm doing with men: Hate-dating.

And what exactly does hate-dating look like?

So, after that, I went back to grad school,

got my MBA, and here I am.

Todd, I'm all for higher education.

I come from a long line of doctors.

But you're a perpetual student,

and you're obviously looking for a mommy to make your lunches

and tuck you in at night.

Not interested.

So, yeah, me and my ex weren't really right for each other.

But we love our kids, and we're determined

to stay in each other's lives. You know, so they don't suffer.

- You know what I think, Wolf? - Hm?

I think your divorce isn't final.

I think you're shopping around, sampling the merchandise,

and you're gonna reconcile with your wife

about ten minutes after you tell me you love me.

And your actual name is something like Stan or Dan.

- It's Dan. - Yeah.

I'm pretty good at this. Take care.

So, after 20 years,

we were both feelin' like maybe...

Maybe you'd become roommates,

but ya didn't have the balls to end it,

so you hooked up with your 27-year-old temp

and now you're living in your Tribeca score palace

and your only regret is having to fork over half your assets,

which is why you'll be wanting to split this check.

Been there, done that.

Have the receipts to prove it.

Drinks, $30.

Telling you to go shove it, priceless.

- Hi. - Nope.

It is you.

- Oh! - I glanced in and I thought

that looks like Miranda, but never in a million years

could someone who was just a lowly intern last month

have suddenly scored themselves

such an impressive and large office.

Clearly a mistake.

Joy, hi! What are you doing up at HRW?

- Apart from harassing you? - Uh-huh.

I had a meeting. The BBC sent me to find out

why you Americans haven't fixed the world yet.

Would you like to sit?

Yes. Let's... let's pretend that there's enough room.

So, what are you up to?

Well, uh, they've moved me into working almost exclusively

- with refugees, so... - No, no, I meant in life.

I can get all of that out there.

So, what's going on with you?

Tell me something scintillating.

- You want scintillating? - Long for it.

The other night, I took a nun's virginity.

So, what you're saying is that you are the Antichrist.

Would the Antichrist have an office this small?

No, and the window would be cleaner.

And wouldn't there be more than one window?

Not necessarily.

- Business is off everywhere. - Mm.

What does the devil have for lunch?

I'm intrigued.

That painting goes on the south gallery wall.

- That's right. Uh... - Okay. Bear with me.

Yes! Lois Fingerhood's private account

is not so private.

She accepted your follow request immediately.

- Thirsty-ass. - She doesn't even know me.

Oh, well, I changed your profile pic

to a bottle of wine.

- Ladies love that shit. - Oh.

I don't know, Grace.

Now the cutting in the Ann Lowe section

just seems slower to me.

You don't like it when I actively try

to put the audience to sleep?

Oh.

I gotta take this.

- Hi. Anything? - We just hacked into

Lois' private Insta account.

Okay. You went there. Now what?

She just posted pictures of her son's Little League game.

Oh, my God! She's there right now!

- Like a sitting duck. - Uh!

Charlotte, are we doing this?

Lisa, we've already done it.

Which one is she?

- Uh... - Is that her? In the visor?

It's hard to say. I mean...

- Here you go, Asher! - Asher!

- Her son's name is Asher. - Okay, great!

Yes!

Woo! Nice, Asher!

Oh my, great hit.

- Great hit. - You rocked it, Asher!

Great, great hit.

It was a single.

Are you with the Huskies?

In a sense, yes.

My son is also an athlete, at Arbor.

He plays lacrosse. He'll be a senior next year.

- A senior? Mm. - Mm-hm.

I see what's going on here.

Ms. Fingerhood...

my daughter will be a senior, too.

All we ask is 30 seconds of your time.

Thirty seconds,

and you will never hear from us again.

Bases are loaded. Talk fast.

- Oh! - Outta the way.

- Um... - Wait, n... now?

Penelope, head up.

Frederique, loosen up your arm.

Very good.

Diego... where's your focus?

Tighter, fix position. Shoulders down.

Fuck.

Keep the rhythm tighter. Tighter, please.

Point your feet.

Active legs. Active legs.

Oh, my God!

Wha...

Mom!

What are you doing here?

I'm sorry to interrupt,

but you weren't answering any of my calls or texts.

- Because I'm busy. - I can see that now.

Um... h-hello. So nice to meet you.

I just got a call and it's very time-sensitive.

Uh, nice to meet you, too, Mrs. Goldenblatt.

- Lily, I'll catch you later. - Yeah.

Bye.

- Is that... - Diego, yes.

And it was finally happening, and you totally killed the mood.

Honey, I am so sorry.

And also, I'm happy because we all thought

that it was just in your mind.

Mom!

What do you take me for?

I'm so sorry. That came out wrong.

Okay, can you get someone

to cover your Thursday ballet class?

No, that would be really hard. Why?

You're going to have to, because Lisa and I

have found a very powerful college consultant

to meet with you and Herbert Jr. At five o'clock on Thursday.

Why? I like Debbie.

I thought that we weren't going off the deep end

- with that stuff. - I was wrong.

The deep end is where we need to be!

- Sorry. - Oh, hello.

- Watch it, lady! - Keep it up!

Hey, move out of the way! Move!

- Watch it! - Excuse me.

- Get off the track! - Sorry. Sorry, I just have to...

Hey, nice defense, William!

- Ground ball! Ground ball! - Herbert...

you gonna let him get away with that?

- Stay on him. Look alive! - Coach? Hi, honey.

- Coach! Keep playing. - Mom?

- What are you doing? - I have to talk to Coach A!

Gotta get you out of practice on Thursday!

Oh, lucky shot!

- So close! - I'm good!

And I've confirmed your 3:30 call with the Fisse Corp.

Perfect. Anything else?

Yes, that guy named Wolf called again.

Said, "Apologies if I misspoke at drinks.

Please give me another chance."

So what? You yell at them,

and then they like you?

It's sick.

If he calls back,

you tell him, in no uncertain terms,

"It is not happening,

lose my number, move on."

Now, that isn't a client you're throwing away, is it?

Never. He's a first date who said, "Nice rack,"

before my derrière even hit the chair.

- Need I say more? - No, but I need to say more.

Your office, please?

Oh, Seema, my one and only.

Can, um, I be frank with you?

Why do I feel like there's an intervention coming?

Oh, come on.

For years, I have watched you

date guy after guy after guy.

It's pained me.

It's actually caused me physical pain.

It's in my chest, sometimes my lower hip.

And yet, I have held my tongue.

Wow. I'm so sorry my love life

has been so hard for you.

I appreciate that.

And I think you're ready for the big guns, huh?

Sydney.

Who's that? Oh, that 78-year-old

Pringles heir with a colostomy bag?

No. Jerome just passed, sadly.

I'll have Sydney meet you after work today.

- Just trust me. - Wait, did I just say yes?

Hi, how are you?

Seema.

Sydney.

- Hi. - Hi.

Uh...

Sydney, this is a little uncomfortable,

but you know Elliot, he thinks everyone's gay.

Unfortunately, I'm not.

My life would be so much easier if I were.

Seema, darling, I'm not gay either.

- I'm a matchmaker. - Oh.

Well, I'm Indian. We invented matchmaking.

My mother has been working pro bono since I was 12.

Right, right.

How's that workin' out for ya?

Let me guess: You're 55, passing for 49.

Hello, good skin.

You are financially stable.

You say you want someone to take care of you

but yet, you have to make all the decisions.

You're the one who chooses the restaurant, the wine,

and flags down the waiter for the check.

You have made all your dreams come true

except for finding the Man of Your Dreams.

Now, you say it's because you're too picky.

But it's really because, until now...

you hadn't met me.

- I'm not paying for these drinks. - Oh, no, no.

Elliot's taking care of everything,

including my fee.

Ladies, have you had a chance to look at the menu?

- No, I don't... - Uh, yes.

My friend will have the salmon tartare,

wasabi vinaigrette on the side,

extra avocado.

And, um, hold the scallion.

And I'll have the, uh, crispy artichoke

and a martini five minutes ago.

Did I get that right?

- Lucky guess. - Hm.

Seema, if you're gonna work with me,

I'm gonna need you to put yourself

completely in my hands.

I need you to do everything I ask you to do.

Starting with...

the way you dress.

What's wrong with how I dress?

Oh, kitten, I've seen your Instagram.

It's all metallics and animal prints.

Metallics read "cold"

and animal prints read...

- "predator." - So, what do you want me in,

pastels?

- Would it kill you? - It might.

Seema, you've been trying it your way

for the past 30 years.

Why not try it the Sydney Cherkov way?

Everybody loves the Sydney Cherkov way.

Women, men. Theys, thems.

Come on. What do you have to lose?

Here we go.

Well done.

Roy, I need... I need one thing from you

and one thing only:

assurance that there will be no more rats.

- You got it. - Okay,

because the first guy said that

and I never saw him again.

And this... this... this is a call to arms.

There were rats, Roy. There were so many rats

that I had to throw away the shoes I was wearing.

And I loved those shoes, so, Roy, I need your word.

No rats now, later,

ever, ever again.

Ma'am, I will use the deadliest poison I got.

Yep, yep. The only way to go.

- Hello. - Hello.

I hope they use organic, nontoxic chemicals.

Oh, absolutely. No other way to go.

They've been in there for 45 minutes

and I'm not hearing anything.

Do you think she's giving them a test or something?

No, I don't think it works that way.

I think they're just talking.

God, I hope she says yes.

Do you think the gift bag of truffles seemed too desperate?

- No, it was perfect. - Okay, okay.

- Hi! - Hi!

- How'd it go? - We'll talk.

Uh, first, may I use your restroom?

Yes. Of course.

- Guys... - How'd it go?!

She said I'd have to scrap everything

and start all over again!

I mean, she said I am "too well-rounded."

"Nothing pointy."

Me too! She said, "Don't mention lacrosse.

It reeks of privilege."

She said, "Don't mention piano...

... It's too mundane."

Don't mention that I'm Asian or adopted! I...

Good God!

And she said she wants

more relatably African-American experiences.

I mean, Mom, am I inauthentic?

Not at all, sweetheart.

This is exactly...

what I was afraid of.

Lisa, what have we done?

Nope, nope. Not doin' this.

Kids, Charlotte, this ends now.

- But Lois told us... - She said if we don't continue to...

Fuck Lois fucking Fingerfuck!

Yeah, I'll see myself out.

Sugar!

Again, thank you so much

for taking time out of your busy schedule.

Oh, yeah, this has been a real pleasure.

- You forgot your truffles! - Mm-hm.

Good luck with Debbie.

Please, Seema.

- I'm Jake. - Seema.

The truth is, uh... Well, the truth is,

Niko was the real alpha of the family.

- Mm. - Good at sports. Good at math.

Good-looking.

Meanwhile, just this week, he calls me up

to ask if I can lend him a hand on a down payment.

- Oh. - Oh, I say sure.

He's my brother.

Well, my half-brother.

I'm sorry, what was I just talking about?

Your family.

You sound like a devoted brother and son.

- Oh, thank you. - Mm-hm.

- Yeah, I like to think so. - Dessert?

- Oh, for dessert, two tiramisu. - Of course.

I, uh, I feel like

I've just been talking the whole time.

- Well... - You are a wonderful listener.

I'm so glad I met you, Seema.

Actually, Jake, you haven't met me.

- Excuse me? - This isn't the real me.

These pearls...

they aren't real.

Wait a minute. What are you saying?

For starters, I'm not usually this quiet and agreeable.

I don't actually share your views

on campaign finance reforms.

And I don't ever wear pastels.

I feel like the Easter Bunny's side piece.

Also,

I hated the Cabernet you chose

and tiramisu is tired,

but, you know, Sydney told me that men,

they like to feel in charge. So...

Well...

I actually really admire your honesty.

There's nothing sexier than an honest woman.

Oh, thank you.

I'm actually so relieved that you feel that way.

Oh, yeah. For sure.

Excuse me a moment? Restroom.

Of course.

Hi.

Oh, my God, what are you doing here?

Oh, I always observe my clients

on their first date.

It's included in the Sydney Cherkov experience.

Well, I'll have you know,

I wound up showing Jake my true self

and he was very appreciative.

- Was he? - Mm-hm.

Seema, um, Jake just texted me.

- He's gone. - What do you mean?

He just went to the bathroom, like, a second ago.

Seema, kitten...

And I quote, "I have enough challenges at work."

Jake is gone,

and he's never coming back.

Jake is out. You blew it.

Then I'm out.

You and I? Not a match.

I would rather spend the rest of my life alone

than wearing fake pearls

and pretending to be someone I'm not.

This wasn't the Sydney Cherkov experience.

It was the Sydney Jerk-off experience.

Yeah, I heard that one before.

And guess what? She's still single.

Thank you.

Kitten, can I have a fresh fork?

I cannot believe last night's episode.

Mimi is bananas.

Certifiable!

How could she not pick Jamie?

Jamie is everything!

- I have such a crush on her. - So do I!

- We should be on that show. - We should!

- I'll be right back with some limes. - Okay.

Uh, this lunch invitation? Thumbs down.

- What? - What do you mean "what"?

You're using me as a guacamole beard.

What'd you do? Did you call the restaurant

to find out what shifts she's working?

- Maybe. - Mm.

Wow. I can't believe you're bold enough

to call a restaurant to stalk a waitress,

and I... I can't even tell Aidan about a...

that I'm upset about a thumbs-down.

You're still thinking about that?

Why don't you just call him?

'Cause I... I don't wanna seem ridiculous.

His family's in crisis,

and I'm obsessing about an emoji?

So, maybe take a break from the obsessing.

- It's beneath you. - You're right,

we should talk about something more elevated,

like, uh, Bi Bingo.

Ava's kinda hot, right?

- I don't watch the damn show. - No, the guacamole girl!

- Oh. - She's cute.

And we have the same taste in women.

I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna ask her out.

I predict a very bright future for you.

Your... your combined good cholesterol will be

through the roof.

And, oh, my God, what about that bikini scene?

Whipped cream in the pool? Gross, but, mm, also kinda hot.

So gross and so hot.

You know, guys, I'm gonna excuse myself.

I'm gonna go to the restroom, or in your language,

I'm voting myself off the island.

You know who else is hot?

Ashley from Oregon?

I was gonna say you.

Would you like to grab a drink sometime?

Oh, my God, I'm flattered,

but I'm straight.

And married.

With two kids.

Oh! I... I-I-I assumed you were queer

because of Bi Bingo, I guess.

It's a TV show.

I watch The Walking Dead and I'm not a zombie.

Good point.

Enjoy.

Hey, dude, what's your beef?

I send you a passionate plea as to why I think

that very special table is the essence of us,

and your reaction

is to send me back a stupid emoji.

Mm-mm. No way.

Here I thought I had this big victory with him.

You know, that we could be in touch,

but texting and emojis are not a relationship.

A relationship is standing across from someone

and saying, "What do you think?"

And then they say, "What do you think?"

Well, I just stood across from someone and said,

"What do you think about getting a drink?"

And she said, "What do you think about the fact

that I'm straight, married, and have two kids?"

- Oops. - A nun, a straight waitress?

I gotta stop playing Dating Bingo.

Yeah. Bingo's too random for you.

You need someone more, uh, Yahtzee.

Well, I do have a real crush

on this Brit I know through work.

- Who... Oh, the BBC one? - Joy.

- Mm! - I really like her.

- Oh, good. - But it might be totally inappropriate.

What, she's married and straight too?

No, she's a classic lesbian,

- but it's a work contact... - Oh.

... and if it goes wrong,

I can't just not go to her restaurant ever again.

Miranda, ask the classic lesbian out.

People meet through work.

- You're overthinking this. - Me?

- Mm-hm, yes. - Overthinking something?

Alright, listen, I gotta hustle.

I'm meeting a landscape architect at 3:00.

Very exciting.

Woman dancing in red dress emoji. Whoa!

- Bye. - Excuse me. Bye.

Shoe?

Hey, Roy, have you seen the cat?

Yeah, she was here when my guy left,

- a few minutes ago. - Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Shoe?

Kitty? Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Is this who you're lookin' for?

Oh, my gosh, thank you!

- Uh-huh. - Oh, thank you. Where was she?

Well, she was crouched by the gate,

looking excited,

but also a little bit guilty.

Well, thank God

you just happened to be walking by.

Yeah, I don't think people just "walk by" anymore.

I have an appointment. Adam, Adam Gardens?

Oh! Yes, I'm sorry.

Sorry, I thought you'd, um...

I don't know, have a truck or something.

- I don't have the job yet. - Right, right.

- Well, hi, I'm Carrie. - Hi, Carrie.

- Hi. - And don't worry, I have a truck.

- Okay, good. - And some workers.

- And here is your kitty back. - Okay... Oh.

- Thank you. I really enjoyed the hang. - Ah.

Here ya go.

Thank you.

She's a good hanger. Oh, welcome home.

"Dead Wait." What's the story behind that?

- I'd have to know you longer. - Oh.

- Show me your garden, Carrie. - Sure. Yes, sorry. Come on in.

Well, I don't think you need much.

What the fuck happened here?

- I'm not cursing. - Yeah.

- It's landscape architect lingo. - Oh. Rats.

Well, they must have been hungry.

Okay, so...

what do you want to do out here?

Um, not get rabies?

I don't know, maybe something like your Liv Tyler garden?

It's so pretty.

What's she like?

Very nice.

Well, that's good.

Do you know me long enough yet to explain the T-shirt?

It's the name of a band I was in in high school.

Oh, were you any good?

The T-shirt was more successful than we were.

So I quit music and I started sellin' T-shirts.

Yeah, all kinds.

I had a, um, store over on East 8th Street

next to the Baskin-Robbins.

You had a store in high school?

- Junior, senior years. - Wow.

Wow, a native New Yorker. Wow, that's very rare.

Greenwich village, born and raised.

But enough about me.

- Now, you. - Yes.

I always like to ask the owner one fundamental question,

you know, when I start to design a job.

So...

- Carrie... - Yes.

... what is your ultimate vision

for this space?

Uh...

I don't know. What do you think?

What do you think?

Adam... I have no idea.

Here's the thing, um,

I loved everything as it was, but now that's all changed.

So... I... I don't know what... what comes next.

I think that's exciting.

- Hm. - Not knowing.

'Cause then, what is meant to be

has the space to show up.

Your cat's outside again.

Oh! No, no, no, no, no.

Shoe, honey. No, no, no.

We're inside people.

"The woman lifted her petticoat... "

I'll be right back.

"... and hurried up the twisting iron staircase.

She stepped carefully in her dove-grey button boots

to make sure that she wouldn't stumble

as she crossed the threshold and went on her way."

- Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.MY-SUBS.com -