Original subtitles

[♪ rock music playing]

[Narrator] People are always asking me if I know Tyler Durden.

[Tyler] Three minutes. This is it. Ground zero.

Would you like to say a few words to mark the occasion?

[muffled]

[Narrator] With a gun barrel between your teeth, you speak only in vowels.

I can't think of anything.

For a second I totally forget about Tyler's whole controlled demolition thing,

and I wonder how clean that gun is.

It's getting exciting now.

That old saying, how you always hurt the one you love?

Well, it works both ways.

-[sirens wailing] -We've front row seats for this

theater of mass destruction.

The demolitions committee of Project Mayhem,

wrapped the foundation columns of a dozen buildings with blasting gelatin.

In two minutes, primary charges will blow base charges,

and a few square blocks will be reduced

-to smoldering rubble. -[beeping]

I know this, because Tyler knows this.

[Tyler] Two and a half. Think of everything we've accomplished.

And suddenly, I realize that all of this...

the gun, the bombs, the revolution...

has got something to do with a girl named Marla Singer.

Bob. Bob had bitch-tits.

This was a support group

-for men with testicular cancer. -[sobbing]

The big moosey slobbering all over me... that was Bob.

We're still men.

Yes, we're men.

Men is what we are.

Eight months ago, Bob's testicles were removed. Then hormone therapy.

He developed bitch-tits because his testosterone was too high,

and his body upped the estrogen.

-And that was where I fit. -They're gonna have to open up my pecs again

-and drain the fluid. -Between those huge, sweating tits

that hung enormous, the way you'd think of God's as big.

Okay. You cry now.

-No, wait. Back up. Let me start earlier. -[clock ticking]

For six months, I couldn't sleep.

[echoing] I couldn't sleep. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't sleep.

With insomnia, nothing's real.

Everything's far away.

Everything's a copy of a copy of a copy.

-When deep space exploration ramps up... -[line ringing]

...it'll be the corporations that name everything...

the IBM Stellarsphere,

the Microsoft Galaxy,

planet Starbucks.

Gonna need you out of town a little more this week.

We got some red flags to cover.

It must've been Tuesday. He was wearing his cornflower-blue tie.

You want me to de-prioritize my current reports...

-Yeah. -...until you advise of a status upgrade?

Make these your primary action items.

Here's your flight coupons. Call me from the road if there's any snags.

[Narrator] He was full of pep.

Must have had his grande latte enema.

Like so many others, I had become a slave

-to the Ikea nesting instinct. -[woman speaks indistinctly]

Uh, yes. I'd like to order the Erika Pekkari dust ruffles.

-[woman] Please hold. -If I saw something clever,

like a little coffee table in the shape of a yin-yang, I had to have it.

The Klipske personal office unit,

the Hovetrekke home exer-bike,

or the Johannshamn sofa with the Strinne green stripe pattern.

Even the Rizlampa wire lamps

of environmentally friendly unbleached paper.

I'd flip through catalogs and wonder...

What kind of dining set defines me as a person?

I had it all... even the glass dishes

with tiny bubbles and imperfections,

proof that they were crafted by the honest, simple,

-hard-working indigenous peoples of... -[woman] Please hold.

-...wherever. -I was holding.

-[automated voice] Your call is important to us. -We used to read pornography.

Now it was the Horchow collection.

No, you can't die from insomnia.

What about narcolepsy? I nod off. I wake up in strange places.

-I have no idea how I got there. -You need to lighten up.

Can you please just get me something?

[Narrator] Red and blue Tuenols, lipstick-red Seconals.

No. You need healthy, natural sleep.

Chew some valerian root and get more exercise.

Hey, come on. I'm in pain.

You wanna see pain? Swing by First Methodist Tuesday nights.

See the guys with testicular cancer.

That's pain.

[♪ chorus vocalizing in distance]

I always wanted three kids. Two boys and a girl.

Mindy wanted two girls and a boy.

We never could agree on anything.

Well, uh, you know, she...

She had her first child last week, a... a girl.

With... With her, uh... With her new husband.

[man whispering] Fuck.

And... And thank God, you know? [chuckles]

I'm... I'm glad for her.

[whimpering] Because she deserves it.

Aw.

Everyone, let's thank Thomas for sharing himself with us.

[all] Thank you, Thomas.

I look around this room, and I see a lot of courage,

and that gives me strength.

We give each other strength.

It's time for the one-on-ones. So let's all of us here

follow Thomas' good example, and really open ourselves up.

Would you find a partner, please?

[Narrator] And this is how I met the big moosey.

[man] Come on. Let's go over here.

[Narrator] His eyes already shrink-wrapped in tears.

Knees together. Those awkward little steps.

-My name is Bob. -Bob...

[Narrator] Bob had been a champion bodybuilder.

You know that chest-expansion program you see on late-night TV?

-That was his idea. -I was a juicer.

You know, using steroids.

Diabonal and...

Wistrol.

Oh, they use that on racehorses, for Christ's sakes.

And now I'm bankrupt.

I'm divorced.

My two grown kids...

won't even return my phone calls. [sniffles]

[Narrator] Strangers with this kind of honesty make me go a big rubbery one.

Go ahead, Cornelius.

You can cry.

[crying]

-[Narrator] And then, something happened. -[crying continues]

-I let go. -That's really good.

Lost in oblivion, dark and silent and complete.

[♪ choir music playing]

I found freedom.

Losing all hope was freedom.

It's okay.

[grunts]

-Babies don't sleep this well. -[snores]

I became addicted.

[people chattering]

[chattering]

[Narrator] If I didn't say anything,

people always assumed the worst.

-[man 1] Welcome, Travis. -[man 2] Welcome, Travis.

-They cried harder. -[sobbing]

Then I cried harder.

[group chattering]

[woman] Now we're going to open the green door...

the heart chakra.

-[Narrator] I wasn't really dying. -[woman continues]

I wasn't host to cancer or parasites.

I was the warm little center that the life of this world crowded around.

Imagine your pain as a white ball of healing light.

It moves over your body, healing you.

Now, keep this going. Remember to breathe,

and step forward through the back door of the room.

Where does it lead? To your cave.

Step forward into your cave.

That's right.

You're going deeper into your cave,

and you're going to find your power animal.

[cooing]

Slide.

[giggles]

[Narrator] Every evening I died...

and every evening I was born again.

Resurrected.

[men sobbing]

Bob loved me because he thought my testicles were removed, too.

Being there, pressed against his tits,

ready to cry.

This was my vacation.

And she... ruined... everything.

This is cancer, right?

This chick, Marla Singer,

did not have testicular cancer.

She was a liar.

She had no diseases at all.

I had seen her at Free and Clear, my blood parasites group Thursdays.

Then at Hope, my bimonthly sickle-cell circle.

And again at Seize the Day, my tuberculosis Friday night.

[coughing]

Marla, the big tourist.

Her lie reflected my lie,

and suddenly, I felt nothing.

I couldn't cry.

So once again, I couldn't sleep.

Next group, after guided meditation,

after we open our heart chakras, when it's time to hug,

I'm gonna grab that little bitch Marla Singer and scream...

Marla, you liar! You big tourist!

I need this! Now get out!

[clock ticking]

[Narrator] I hadn't slept in four days.

[man on TV] Absolutely. We'll just let that dry.

[Narrator] When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep,

-and you're never really awake. -[applause on TV]

-[bells tolling] -[woman] To begin tonight's communion,

Chloe would like to say a few words.

[Narrator] Oh, yeah. Chloe.

Chloe looked the way Meryl Streep's skeleton would look

if you made it smile and walk around the party being extra nice to everybody.

Well, I'm still here,

but I don't know for how long.

That's as much certainty as anyone can give me.

But I've got some good news.

I no longer have any fear of death.

But I am in a pretty lonely place.

No one will have sex with me.

I'm so close to the end, and all I want is to get laid for the last time.

I have pornographic movies in my apartment...

and lubricants and amyl nitrate.

Thank you, Chloe.

Everyone, let's thank Chloe.

-[woman] Thanks, Chloe. -[members] Thank you, Chloe.

[coughing]

Now, let's ready ourself for guided meditation.

You're standing at the entrance of your cave.

You step inside your cave, and you walk.

[Narrator] If I did have a tumor,

-I'd name it Marla. -It's a very quiet place.

Marla... the little scratch on the roof of your mouth

that would heal if only you could stop tonguing it, but you can't.

[woman] Step deeper into your cave as you walk.

You feel the healing energy of this place all around you.

Now find your power animal.

Slide.

[woman] Okay. Now let's partner up.

Pick someone special to you tonight.

[chattering]

Hey.

-We need to talk. -Sure.

-I'm on to you. -What?

Yeah. You're a faker. You're not dying.

Sorry?

In the Tibetan philosophy, Sylvia Plath sense of the word,

I know we're all... we're all dying, all right?

But you're not dying the way Chloe back there is dying.

So?

So you're a tourist. Okay? I've seen you.

I saw you... saw you at melanoma. Saw you at tuberculosis.

I saw you at testicular cancer.

I saw you practicing this.

-Practicing what? -Telling me off.

Is it going as well as you hoped, "Rupert"?

-I'll expose you. -Go ahead. I'll expose you.

[woman] All right, come together. Let yourselves cry.

[crying softly]

Oh, God, why are you doing this?

It's cheaper than a movie, and there's free coffee.

No, look. This is important, okay?

These are my groups. I've been coming here for over a year.

Why do you do it?

I don't know. When people think you're dying,

man, they really, really listen to you instead of just--

Instead of just waiting for their turn to speak?

Yeah. Yeah.

-Share yourself... completely. -[moans]

Look, you don't want to get into this. It becomes an addiction.

-Really? -I'm not kidding.

I can't cry if there's another faker present, and I need this.

So you got to find somewhere else to go.

Candy-stripe a cancer ward. It's not my problem.

Wait, wait... Wait a second. Ho-Hold on.

I'll tell you. We're gonna split up the week, okay?

You take lymphoma and tuberculosis--

You take tuberculosis. My smoking doesn't go over at all.

-Okay. Good. Fine. -[coughs]

Testicular cancer should be no contest, I think.

Well, technically, I have more right to be there than you.

-You still have your balls. -You're kidding.

-I don't know. Am I? -No. No.

-What do you want? -I'll take the parasites.

You can't have both the parasites, but why don't you take the blood parasites--

-I want brain parasites. -I'll take the blood parasites,

-but I'm gonna take the organic brain dementia, okay? -I want that.

You can't have the whole brain.

-So far you have four. I only have two. -Okay.

Take both the parasites. They're yours. Now we both have three.

Hey, you left half your clothes!

[tires squealing]

[car horns honking]

What, are you selling those?

Yes! I'm selling some clothes.

So, we each have three. That's six.

What about the seventh day? I want ascending bowel cancer.

-[Narrator] The girl had done her homework. -Thank you.

No. No. I want bowel cancer.

That's your favorite, too? Tried to slip it by me, eh?

Look, we're gonna split it, okay?

Take the first and third Sunday of the month.

[horns honking in distance]

Deal.

Looks like this is goodbye.

Well, let's not make a big thing out of it, okay?

How's this for not making a big thing?

[door opens]

Hey, Marla!

-[horn honks] -Marla!

May-Maybe we should exchange numbers.

-Should we? -We might want to switch nights.

Okay.

[♪ humming]

[Narrator] This is how I met Marla Singer.

[♪ humming continues]

Marla's philosophy of life was that she might die at any moment.

The tragedy, she said, was that she didn't.

It doesn't have your name. Who are you?

-Cornelius? Rupert? Travis? -[horns honking]

Any of the stupid names you give each night?

-[turbulence] -[Narrator] You wake up at Sea-Tac,

S.F.O., L.A.X.

-[camera shutter clicks] -You wake up at O'Hare,

Dallas-Fort Worth,

B.W.I.,

Pacific, Mountain, Central.

Lose an hour. Gain an hour.

Check-in for that flight doesn't begin for another two hours, sir.

This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time.

-[bell dings] -You wake up at Air Harbor International.

[woman on PA] ...the aircraft has come to a complete stop.

[Narrator] If you wake up at a different time, in a different place,

could you wake up as a different person?

Everywhere I travel... tiny life.

Single-serving sugar. Single-serving cream.

Single pat of butter.

The microwave Cordon Bleu hobby kit.

Shampoo-conditioner combos.

Sample package mouthwash. Tiny bars of soap.

[man] ...professional wait staff--

[Narrator] The people I meet on each flight,

they're single-serving friends.

Between takeoff and landing, we have our time together,

but that's all we get.

[all] Welcome!

[Narrator] On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.

I was a recall coordinator. My job was to apply the formula.

Here's where the infant went through the windshield. Three points.

[Narrator] A new car built by my company

leaves somewhere traveling at 60 miles per hour.

The rear differential locks up.

[man] The teenager's braces are wrapped around the backseat ashtray.

Might make a good anti-smoking ad.

[Narrator] The car crashes and burns with everyone trapped inside.

Now, should we initiate a recall?

The father must've been huge. You see where the fat's burned to the seat?

The polyester shirt?

-Very modern art. -[chuckles]

[Narrator] Take the number of vehicles in the field, "A,"

multiply it by the probable rate of failure, "B,"

then multiply the result by the average out-of-court settlement, "C."

"A" times "B" times "C"

equals "X."

If "X" is less than the cost of a recall,

we don't do one.

Are there a lot of these kinds of accidents?

You wouldn't believe.

Which car company do you work for?

A major one.

[Narrator] Every time the plane banked too sharply

on takeoff or landing, I prayed for a crash, or a midair collision.

Anything.

[screaming]

Life insurance pays off triple if you die on a business trip.

[dings]

"If you are seated in an emergency exit row." Yeah.

"And you feel you would be unable or unwilling to perform

the duties listed on the safety card,

please ask a flight attendant to reseat you."

It's a lot of responsibility.

Wanna switch seats?

No. I'm not sure I'm the man for that particular job.

An exit-door procedure at 30,000 feet. Mm-hmm.

The illusion of safety.

Yeah. I guess so.

You know why they put oxygen masks on planes?

So you can breathe.

Oxygen gets you high.

In a catastrophic emergency, you're taking giant, panicked breaths.

Suddenly you become euphoric, docile.

You accept your fate.

It's all right here.

Emergency water landing, 600 miles an hour.

Blank faces, calm as Hindu cows.

That's, um...

That's an interesting theory.

-What do you do? -What do you mean?

What do you do for a living?

Why? So you can pretend like you're interested?

[laughs] Okay.

You have a kind of sick desperation in your laugh.

We have the exact same briefcase.

-Soap. -Sorry?

I make and I sell soap.

The yardstick of civilization.

-[Narrator] And this is how I met-- -"Tyler Durden."

Did you know if you mixed equal parts of gasoline

and frozen orange juice concentrate, you can make napalm?

No, I did not know that. Is that true?

That's right. One can make all kinds of explosives using simple household items.

-Really? -If one were so inclined.

[briefcase latches click]

Tyler, you are by far the most interesting

"single-serving" friend I've ever met.

See, I have this thing... Everything on a plane is single-serving, even--

-Oh, I get it. It's very clever. -Well, thank you.

How's that working out for you?

-What? -Being clever.

Great.

Keep it up then. Keep it right up.

[sighs] Now a question of etiquette.

As I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch?

[Narrator] How I came to live with Tyler is...

Airlines have this policy about vibrating luggage.

[woman speaks indistinctly on PA]

Was... Was it ticking?

Actually, throwers don't worry about ticking,

'cause modern bombs don't tick.

-Sorry. "Throwers"? -Baggage handlers.

But when a suitcase vibrates, then the thrower's gotta call the police.

My suitcase... was vibrating?

Nine times out of 10, it's an electric razor,

but every once in a while...

[whispering] it's a dildo.

Of course, it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo.

We have to use the indefinite article, "A" dildo.

Never... "your" dildo.

I don't own--

[Narrator] I had everything in that suitcase...

My CK shirts, my DKNY shoes,

my AX ties.

-Never mind. -[tires squealing]

[man] Hey! That's my car!

-[police radio chatter] -[siren wailing]

[Narrator] Home was a condo on the 15th floor

of a filing cabinet for widows and young professionals.

The walls were solid concrete.

A foot of concrete's important when your next-door neighbor lets her hearing aid go

and has to watch game shows at full volume.

Or when a volcanic blast and debris

that used to be your furniture and personal effects

blows out of your floor-to-ceiling windows

and sails flaming into the night.

[helicopter circling]

[police radio chatter]

I suppose these things happen.

There's nothing up there.

You can't go into the unit. Police orders.

Do you have somebody you can call?

[Narrator] How embarrassing. A house full of condiments and no food.

The police would later tell me that the pilot light might have gone out,

letting out just a little bit of gas.

That gas could have slowly filled the condo--

1,700 square feet with high ceilings for days and days.

[dialing]

-[line ringing] -Then the refrigerator's compressor

could've clicked on.

[ringing]

[Marla clears throat] Yeah?

-I can hear you breathing, you-- -[handset settles in cradle]

[Narrator] If you asked me now,

I couldn't tell you why I called him.

[line ringing]

-[engine starts] -[ringing continues]

[vehicle departs]

[rings]

[ringing continues]

Hello?

[Tyler] Who's this? [crunching]

Tyler?

-Who is this? -Um... [clears throat]

We met... We met on the airplane. We had the same suitcase.

-[crunching continues] -Uh, the clever guy.

[Tyler] Oh. [laughing] Oh, yeah. Right. Okay.

I called a second ago. There was no answer. I'm at a pay phone.

Yeah. I star-69ed you. I never pick up my phone. [crunching]

-So, what's up, man? -Uh, well...

You're not gonna believe this.

[Tyler] You know, man, it could be worse.

A woman could cut off your penis while you're sleeping

and toss it out the window of a moving car.

There's always that. I don't know. It's just...

When you buy furniture, you tell yourself, "That's it.

That's the last sofa I'm gonna need."

Whatever else happens, I've got that sofa problem handled.

I had it all. I had a stereo that was very decent,

a wardrobe that was getting very respectable.

I was close to being complete.

-Shit, man. Now it's all gone. -All gone.

Hmm. All gone.

Do you know what a duvet is?

-Comforter. -It's a blanket.

Just a blanket. Why do guys like you and I know what a duvet is?

Is this essential to our survival

in the hunter-gatherer sense of the word?

No. What are we then?

We're, uh... I don't know. Consumers.

Right. We are consumers.

We are by-products of a lifestyle obsession.

Murder, crime, poverty... These things don't concern me.

What concerns me are celebrity magazines,

television with 500 channels,

some guy's name on my underwear.

Rogaine, Viagra, olestra.

-Martha Stewart. -Fuck Martha Stewart.

Martha's polishing the brass on the Titanic. It's all going down, man.

So fuck off with your sofa units

and Strinne green stripe patterns.

I say, never be complete.

I say, stop being perfect. I say, let... let's evolve.

Let the chips fall where they may.

But that's me, and I could be wrong. Maybe it's a terrible tragedy.

Nah. It's just... It's just stuff.

-It's not a tragedy, but-- -Well, you did lose

a lot of versatile solutions for modern living.

Fuck. You're right. No. I don't smoke.

My... My insurance is probably gonna cover it, so...

[grunts]

What?

The things you own end up owning you.

But do what you like, man.

[groans] Oh, it's late.

-Hey, thanks for the beer. -Yeah, man.

I should find a hotel.

-[groans] -What?

-What? -A hotel?

-Yeah. -Just ask, man.

-What are you talking about? -[chuckles] Oh, God.

Three pitchers of beer, and you still can't ask.

-What? -You called me 'cause you needed a place to stay.

-Oh, hey, hey... No, no, no. I didn't mean-- -Yes, you did. So just ask.

Cut the foreplay and just ask, man.

Would... Would that be a problem?

Is it a problem for you to ask?

-Can I stay at your place? -Yeah.

Thanks.

-I want you to do me a favor. -Yeah, sure.

I want you to hit me as hard as you can.

What?

I want you to hit me as hard as you can.

[Narrator] Let me tell you a little bit about Tyler Durden.

Tyler was a night person.

While the rest of us were sleeping, he worked.

He had one part-time job as a projectionist.

See, a movie doesn't come all on one big reel. It comes on a few.

So someone has to be there to switch the projectors

at the exact moment that one reel ends and the next one begins.

If you look for it, you can see these little dots

come into the upper right-hand corner of the screen.

[beep]

In the industry, we call them "cigarette burns."

That's the cue for a changeover.

He flips the projectors, movie keeps right on going,

and nobody in the audience has any idea.

Why would anyone want this shit job?

Because it affords him other interesting opportunities.

Like splicing single frames of pornography into family films.

So when the snooty cat and the courageous dog with the celebrity voices

meet for the first time in reel three,

that's when you'll catch a flash of Tyler's contribution to the film.

[♪ singing in movie]

-[woman moans] -[♪ singing continues]

Nobody knows that they saw it, but they did.

A nice, big cock.

[♪ singing continues]

[crying]

Even a hummingbird couldn't catch Tyler at work.

[♪ soft piano music playing]

Tyler also works sometimes as a banquet waiter

at the luxurious Pressman Hotel.

-[urinating] -He was the guerrilla terrorist

in the food service industry.

Do not watch. I cannot go when you watch.

Apart from seasoning the lobster bisque,

he farted on meringues, sneezed on braised endive.

And as for the cream of mushroom soup, well--

-[chuckles] Go ahead. Tell them. -You get the idea.

What do you want me to do? You just want me to hit you?

Come on. Do me this one favor.

-Why? -Why? I don't know why. I don't know.

-I've never been in a fight. You? -No, but that's a good thing.

No, it is not. How much can you know about yourself

if you've never been in a fight?

I don't wanna die without any scars.

So, come on. Hit me before I lose my nerve.

Oh, God. This is crazy. I--

-So go crazy. Let 'er rip. -Hey, I don't know about this.

I don't either, but who gives a shit?

-No one's watching. What do you care? -Wait.

-This is crazy. You want me to hit you? -That's right.

-What, like, in the face? -[laughing] Surprise me.

This is so fucking stupid.

[train horn blowing in distance]

[grunts]

Motherfucker!

-You hit me in the ear! -Well, Jesus, I'm sorry.

Ow! Christ! Why the ear, man?

-Aw, I fucked it up kinda. -No. That was perfect.

[grunts]

-[groaning] -[chuckles]

Nah, it's all right.

-You okay? -That really hurts.

-Right. -Hit me again.

[laughing] No. You hit me. Come on.

[both grunting]

[siren wailing in distance]

We should do this again sometime.

[chuckles]

-Where's your car? -What car?

[belches]

[Narrator] I don't know how Tyler found that house,

but he said he'd been there for a year.

-It looked like it was waiting to be torn down. -[groans]

Most of the windows were boarded up.

There was no lock on the front door

from when the police, or whoever kicked it in.

-The stairs were ready to collapse. -[board cracks]

I didn't know if he owned it or if he was squatting.

Neither would have surprised me.

Yep. That's you.

That's me. That's the toilet. Good?

Yeah. Thanks.

-[Narrator] What a shit-hole. -[springs clang]

-Nothing worked. -[water pipes rumble]

Turning on one light meant another light in the house went out.

There were no neighbors, just some warehouses and a paper mill.

That fart smell of steam, the hamster cage smell of wood chips.

After work tomorrow, we'll be--

Hey. What have we here?

[both grunting]

Hold on. Hold on. [groans]

-Hey, guys. -Hey.

-Hey. -It's cool. [grunts]

[♪ whistling]

[Narrator] Every time it rained, we had to kill the power.

By the end of the first month, I didn't miss TV.

That's it. Okay.

I didn't even mind the warm, stale refrigerator.

[both grunting]

Can I be next?

All right, man. Lose the tie.

-[glass shatters] -Ooh! [laughs]

[Narrator] At night, Tyler and I were alone for a half a mile

in every direction.

-[glass shatters] -You got it.

[dog barking]

Rain trickled down through the plaster and the light fixtures.

Everything wooden swelled and shrank.

Everywhere were rusted nails to snag your elbow on.

The previous occupant had been a bit of a shut-in.

-[bell dings] -Hey, man, what are you reading?

Listen to this. It's an article written by an organ in the first person.

"I am Jack's medulla oblongata.

"Without me, Jack could not regulate his heart rate, blood pressure or breathing."

There's a whole series of these.

-I Am Jill's Nipples. -[clattering]

-I Am Jack's Colon. -Yeah. "I get cancer. I kill Jack."

Whoa... Ohh!

[Narrator] After fighting, everything else in your life got the volume turned down.

[hushed] What are you getting yourself into every week?

-What? -[Narrator] You could deal with anything.

[hushed] Have you finished those reports?

-[water splashes] -[Tyler] If you could fight anyone, who would you fight?

-[scrubbing] -I'd fight my boss, probably.

Really?

Yeah. Why? Who would you fight?

-I'd fight my dad. -I don't know my dad.

I mean, I know him, but he left when I was, like, six years old,

married this other woman and had some other kids.

He, like, did this every six years.

He goes to a new city and starts a new family.

Fucker settin' up franchises.

My dad never went to college, so it was real important that I go.

-That sounds familiar. -So I graduate. I call him up long distance.

I say, "Dad, now what?" He says, "Get a job."

-Same here. -Now I'm 25.

I make my yearly call again. I say, "Dad, now what?"

He says, "I don't know. Get married."

[scoffs] I mean... I can't get married.

-[thunder rumbles] -I'm a 30-year-old boy.

We're a generation of men raised by women.

I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer we need.

[Narrator] Most of the week, we were Ozzie and Harriet.

-[♪ whistling] -But every Saturday night,

-we were finding something out. -[men shouting]

We were finding out more and more that we were not alone.

[men groaning]

[man] Who turned the lights off?

It used to be that when I came home angry or depressed...

-[man] Good night, Marla. -...I'd just clean my condo,

polish my Scandinavian furniture.

I should've been looking for a new condo.

I should've been haggling with my insurance company.

I should've been upset about my nice, neat flaming little shit.

But I wasn't.

The basic premise of cyber-netting any office is make things more efficient.

[Narrator] Monday mornings, all I could do was think about next week.

Can I get the icon in cornflower blue?

Absolutely. Efficiency is priority number one, people.

Because waste is a thief.

I showed this already to my man here. You liked it, didn't you?

[hisses]

[Narrator] You can swallow a pint of blood before you get sick.

It was right in everyone's face.

Tyler and I just made it visible.

It was on the tip of everyone's tongue.

Tyler and I just gave it a name.

[♪ rock music playing]

[♪ man singing indistinctly]

Come on, people, you gotta go home.

[♪ music continues]

Turn off the jukebox. Lock the back.

-[man 1] Keep it down. -[man 2 hawks]

-Keep it down. -[spits]

[Narrator] Every week, Tyler gave the rules that he and I decided.

Gentlemen...

welcome to Fight Club.

[switch clicks]

The first rule of Fight Club is

you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is

you do not talk about Fight Club.

Third rule of Fight Club...

Someone yells "stop," goes limp, taps out, the fight is over.

-Fourth rule... Only two guys to a fight. -[scattered laughter]

Fifth rule... One fight at a time, fellas.

-[laughter] -Sixth rule... No shirts, no shoes.

Seventh rule... Fights will go on as long as they have to.

And the eighth and final rule...

If this is your first night at Fight Club,

you have to fight.

[loud shouting, cheering]

[Narrator] This kid from work, Ricky,

couldn't remember whether you ordered pens with blue ink or black.

-Come on, man! -But Ricky was a God for 10 minutes

when he trounced the maitre d' of a local food court.

Sometimes, all you could hear were the flat, hard packing sounds over the yelling.

Or the wet choke when someone caught their breath and sprayed--

-Stop! -You weren't alive anywhere like you were there.

But Fight Club only exists in the hours

between when Fight Club starts and when Fight Club ends.

Even if I could tell someone they had a good fight,

I wouldn't be talking to the same man.

Who you were in Fight Club is not who you were in the rest of the world.

The guy who came to Fight Club for the first time,

his ass was a wad of cookie dough.

After a few weeks, he was carved out of wood.

If you could fight any celebrity, who would you fight?

-Alive or dead? -It doesn't matter. Who'd be tough?

Hemingway. You?

Shatner. I'd fight William Shatner.

[Narrator] We all started seeing things differently.

-[clattering] -Everywhere we went, we were sizing things up.

I felt sorry for guys packed into gyms,

trying to look like how Calvin Klein

or Tommy Hilfiger said they should.

Is that what a man looks like?

[laughing] Ahh. Self-improvement is masturbation.

Now, self-destruction...

-Excuse me. -[woman coughing]

[man screaming]

[all shouting]

Pound his ass! Hit him again, man! Come on! Hit him!

[shouting continues]

[Narrator] Fight Club wasn't about winning or losing.

It wasn't about words.

The hysterical shouting was in tongues,

like in a Pentecostal church.

-Is that it? -Stop! Stop!

When the fight was over, nothing was solved,

-but nothing mattered. -Hey, cool.

[Narrator] Afterwards, we all felt saved.

Hey, man, how about next week?

-How about next month? -I hear you.

Irvin, you're in the middle. New guy. You too.

[Narrator] Sometimes, Tyler spoke for me.

Fell down some stairs.

I fell down some stairs.

Fight Club became the reason to cut your hair short, or trim your fingernails.

Okay. Any historical figure.

I'd fight Gandhi.

-Good answer. -How about you?

-Lincoln. -Lincoln?

Mm. Big guy, big reach. Skinny guys fight till they're burger.

[groans] Fuck.

Hey. Even the Mona Lisa's falling apart.

[rings]

Hello.

[Marla] Where have you been the last eight weeks?

-Marla? -[karate yell]

-How'd you find me? -You left that forwarding number.

I haven't seen you in any support groups.

Yeah, we split them up. That was the idea, remember?

Yeah, but you haven't been going to yours.

-How do you know? -I cheated.

-[karate yell] -I found a new one.

-Really? -It's for men only.

-Like the testicle thing? -[karate yell]

-Look, this is a bad time. -I've been going to Debtors Anonymous.

-You wanna see some really fucked-up people? -I'm just on my way out.

Me too. I've got a stomach full of Xanax.

I took what was left of a bottle.

It might have been too much.

[Narrator] Just picture watching Marla Singer throw herself

around her crummy apartment.

But this isn't a for-real suicide thing.

This is probably one of those cry-for-help things.

[Narrator] This could go on for hours.

So you're staying in tonight then?

Do you wanna wait and hear me describe death?

Do you wanna listen

and see if my spirit can use a phone?

-[clattering] -Have you ever heard a death rattle before?

[♪ intense music playing]

[Narrator] Tyler's door was closed. I'd been living here for two months,

and Tyler's door was never closed.

[footsteps on stairs]

You won't believe this dream I had last night.

Yeah, I can hardly believe anything about last night.

[gargles, chuckles]

What... What are you doing here?

What?

This is my house. What are you doing in my house?

Fuck you.

[cup clatters]

[Tyler laughs] Ah!

Oh, you got some fucked-up friends, I'm tellin' you.

[chuckling] Limber, though.

Silly cooze.

So I come in last night. Phone's off the hook.

Guess who's on the other end.

[Narrator] I already knew the story before he told it to me.

[Marla] Have you ever heard a death rattle before?

Do you think it'll live up to its name?

Or will it just be a death hair ball?

[coughs]

Prepare... to evacuate soul.

Ten, nine, eight--

[Narrator] Now, how could Tyler, of all people,

think it was a bad thing that Marla Singer was about to die?

[Marla] Five, four,

three... Oh, hang on.

You got here fast.

[♪ woman singing indistinctly]

Did I call you?

Huh?

Hey. [chuckles]

[stifled laugh]

The mattress is all sealed in slippery plastic.

[rattling]

Oh, don't worry. It's not a threat to you.

[siren wailing]

Oh, fuck.

Somebody called the cops.

[police radio chatter]

-[radio chatter continues] -[officer] Back there!

[officers shouting]

-513... Where's 513? -Oh, end of the hall.

You know, the girl who lives there used to be a charming, lovely girl.

-[dog barking] -She's lost faith in herself.

-Miss Singer! -She's a monster.

You have every reason to live!

She's infectious human waste!

-Miss Singer! -Good luck trying to save her!

If I fall asleep, I'm done for.

You're gonna have to keep me up

all night.

Un-fucking-believable. [coughs]

[Narrator] He was obviously able to handle it.

You know what I mean. You fucked her.

No, I didn't.

-Never? -No.

-You're not into her, are you? -No! God, not at all.

[Narrator] I am Jack's raging bile duct.

Are you sure? You can tell me.

-Believe me, I'm sure. -[Narrator] Put a gun to my head

and paint the walls with my brains.

That's good, 'cause she's a predator posing as a house pet.

Stay away from that one.

[chuckling]

And the shit that came out of this woman's mouth, I ain't never heard.

My God.

I haven't been fucked like that since grade school.

-[shudders] -[Narrator] How could Tyler not go for that?

The night before last, he was splicing sex organs into Cinderella.

Marla doesn't need a lover. She needs a fucking caseworker.

She needs a wash. And she's in love with sport fuckin'.

[Narrator] She invaded my support groups. Now she'd invaded my home.

Hey, hey. Sit down.

Now, listen. Can't have you talking to her about me.

-Why would I talk to her-- -You say anything about me or what goes on in this house

to her or to anybody, we're done.

-Now promise me. -Okay.

-You promise? -Yeah, I promise.

-Promise. -I just said I promise.

That's three times you promised.

[Narrator] If only I had wasted a couple of minutes

and gone to watch Marla Singer die,

none of this would've happened.

-[Marla moaning loudly] -[loud thumping]

[Marla] Oh, my God! Yeah! Oh! Harder! Harder!

Yes! Ooh! Aah!

Aah! Ohh! Aah!

[Tyler and Marla shouting, grunting]

[Narrator] I could've moved to another room

on the third floor, where I might not have heard them.

[shouting continues]

-But I didn't. -[rats squeaking]

[Marla moaning]

-[loud thumping] -[moaning, screaming]

-[slapping] -[moaning, screaming continue]

[Marla screaming loudly]

-[Marla and Tyler screaming] -[bed thumping]

[rattling]

-What are you doin'? -Just goin' to bed.

-[Marla moaning] -You want to finish her off?

-[gasps] Oh! -[clattering]

No. No, thank you.

[Marla] I found the cigarettes.

-Who are you talking to? -Shut up.

-[Marla moaning] -[Narrator] I became the calm little center of the world.

-I was the Zen master. -[Tyler grunting]

I wrote little haiku poems.

I e-mailed them to everyone.

-Is that your blood? -[modem connecting]

Some of it, yeah.

-You can't smoke in here. -[snickers]

Take the rest of the day off. Come back Monday with some clean clothes.

Get yourself together.

[Narrator] I got right in everyone's hostile little face.

Yes, these are bruises from fighting.

Yes, I'm comfortable with that.

I... am enlightened.

You give up the condo life,

give up all your flaming worldly possessions,

go live in a dilapidated house

-in a toxic-waste part of town... -[Tyler grunting]

-...and you have to come home to this. -[loud thumping]

[phone rings]

[Tyler and Marla moaning and shouting]

[Marla screaming loudly]

[rings]

-Hello? -Yes. This is Detective Stern with the arson unit.

We have some new information about the incident

-at your former condo. -Yes?

I don't know if you're aware, but it seems that someone sprayed Freon

into your front door lock,

then tapped it with a chisel to shatter the cylinder.

No, I wasn't aware of that at all.

[Narrator] I am Jack's cold sweat.

Does this sound strange to you?

Uh, yes, sir. Strange. Very strange.

-The dynamite... -Dynamite?

...left a residue of ammonium oxalate potassium chloride.

-Do you know what this means? -No. What does it mean?

It means it was homemade.

I'm sorry. This is just coming as quite a shock to me, sir.

See, whoever set this homemade dynamite

could've blown out your pilot light days before the actual explosion.

The gas was just the detonator.

Who would go and do such a thing?

-I'll ask the questions. -Tell him.

Tell him the liberator who destroyed my property

has realigned my perception.

[detective] Excuse me. Are you there?

No, I am listening.

It's a little hard to know what to make of all this.

Have you recently made enemies with anyone

who might have access to homemade dynamite?

-Enemies? -Reject the basic assumptions of civilization,

especially the importance of material possessions.

-[detective] Son, this is serious. -Yes, I know it's serious.

-I mean that. -Yes, it's very serious.

Look, nobody takes this more seriously than me. That condo was my life.

Okay? I loved every stick of furniture in that place.

That was not just a bunch of stuff that got destroyed.

-It was me! -[Narrator] I'd like to thank the Academy.

[detective] Is this not a good time for you?

-Just tell him you fuckin' did it. -Shh!

Tell him you blew it all up. That's what he wants to hear.

-Are you still there? -Wait.

-Are you saying that I'm a suspect? -No, no.

I may need to talk to you a little further,

so how about you just let me know if you're gonna leave town?

-Okay? -Okay.

[Narrator] Except for their humping, Tyler and Marla were never in the same room.

My parents pulled this exact same act for years.

The condom is the glass slipper of our generation.

You slip one on when you meet a stranger.

You dance all night.

Then you throw it away.

-The condom, I mean. Not the stranger. -[lighter flicks]

What?

[chuckles]

[inhales] I got this dress at a thrift store for one dollar.

It was worth every penny.

It's a bridesmaid's dress.

Someone loved it intensely for one day,

then tossed it.

Like a Christmas tree.

So special.

Then, bam.

It's on the side of the road,

tinsel still clinging to it...

like a sex crime victim,

underwear inside out,

bound with electrical tape.

Well, then it suits you.

You can borrow it sometime.

[stomping on stairs]

Get rid of her.

-Why can't you get rid of her? -Don't mention me.

[Narrator] I'm six years old again,

passing messages between parents.

You know what, I really think it's time you got out of here.

-Don't worry. I'm leaving. -Not that we don't love your little visits.

You know, you are such a nutcase. I can't even begin to keep up.

[bottle clatters]

♪ Gotta get off ♪

Thanks. Bye.

♪ Gotta get off this merry-go-round ♪

♪ Gonna get, need to get ♪

♪ Gotta get on where ♪

[chuckling]

You kids.

Wh-Why do you still waste time with her?

I'll say this about Marla... At least she's tryin' to hit bottom.

What, and I'm not?

Stickin' feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.

What are we doin' tonight?

-Tonight? -Yeah.

-We make soap. -Really?

To make soap, first we render fat.

[walkie-talkie squawks]

[man on walkie-talkie, indistinct]

The salt balance has to be just right,

so the best fat for making soap comes from humans.

-Wait. What is this place? -A liposuction clinic.

Aha! Pay dirt.

The richest, creamiest fat in the world.

Fat of the land.

No...

Don't pull it. No, don't pull it.

[grunting, muttering]

-Oh, God! Oh! -Get another one. [grunts]

As the fat renders, the tallows float to the surface.

Like in Boy Scouts.

It's hard to imagine you as a Boy Scout.

Keep stirrin'.

Once the tallow hardens, we skim off a layer of glycerin.

If you were to add nitric acid, you got nitroglycerin.

If you were then to add sodium nitrate and a dash of sawdust, you got dynamite.

Yeah, with enough soap,

one could blow up just about anything.

[Narrator] Tyler was full of useful information.

Now, ancient peoples found that clothes got cleaner

when they washed them at a certain point in the river.

-You know why? -No.

[mutters]

'Cause human sacrifices were once made on the hills above this river.

Bodies burned. Water seeped through the wood and ashes to create lye.

This is lye, the crucial ingredient.

Once it mixed with the melted fat of the bodies,

a thick, white, soapy discharge crept into the river.

May I see your hand, please?

-[kisses] -What is this?

-This is a chemical burn. -Uh... [screams]

It'll hurt more than you've ever been burned,

-and you will have a scar. -What are you doing?

[Narrator] If guided meditation worked for cancer, it could work for this.

-Stay with the pain. Don't shove this out. -No, no! Oh, God!

Look at your hand. The first soap was made from the ashes of heroes,

like the first monkey shot into space.

Without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothin'.

[Narrator] I tried not to think of the words "sear" or "flesh."

Stop it! This is your pain. This is your burning hand. It's right here.

I'm going to my cave. I'm going to my cave.

I'm gonna find my power animal.

No! Don't deal with it the way those dead people do! Come on!

I get the point! Okay! Please!

No. What you're feeling is premature enlightenment.

[coughs]

This is the greatest moment of your life, man, and you're off somewhere missing it.

I am not... [shouting, indistinct]

Shut up. Our fathers were our models for God.

If our fathers bailed, what does that tell you about God?

-No, no-- -Listen to me.

You have to consider the possibility

that God does not like you, and he never wanted you.

In all probability, he hates you.

-This is not the worst thing that can happen. -It isn't?

-We don't need him. -We don't! I agree!

Fuck damnation, man. Fuck redemption.

-We are God's unwanted children? So be it! -[shouting, indistinct]

Listen! You can run water over your hand to make it worse,

or... Look at me!

Or you can use vinegar to neutralize the burn.

-Please let me have it! Please! -First you have to give up.

First you have to know... not fear...

know that someday you're gonna die.

You don't know how this feels! [sobbing]

It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

Okay. [whimpering]

Congratulations.

You're one step closer to hitting bottom.

[Narrator] Tyler sold his soap to department stores at $20 a bar.

-God knows what they charged. -This is the best soap.

-Why, thank you, Suzie. -It was beautiful.

We were selling rich women their own fat asses back to them.

He was wearing his yellow tie.

I didn't even wear a tie to work anymore.

"The first rule of Fight Club is you don't talk about Fight Club"?

I'm half asleep again. I must've left the original in the copy machine.

"The second rule of Fight Club..." Is this yours?

-Huh? -Pretend you're me.

Make a managerial decision.

You find this. What would you do?

Well, I gotta tell ya,

I'd be very, very careful who you talk to about that.

Because the person who wrote that is dangerous.

And this buttoned-down, oxford cloth psycho might just snap

and then stalk from office to office

with an Armalite AR-10 carbine gas-powered semiautomatic weapon,

pumping round after round into colleagues and coworkers.

This might be someone you've known for years,

someone very, very close to you.

[Narrator] Tyler's words coming out of my mouth.

And I used to be such a nice guy.

Or maybe you just shouldn't bring me

every little piece of trash you happen to pick up.

[phone rings]

Compliance and Liability.

My tit's gonna rot off.

Will you excuse me? I need to take this.

What are you talking about?

I need you to check and see if there's a lump in my breast.

-Go to a hospital. -I can't afford to throw money away on a doctor.

-I don't know about this, Marla. -Please?

[Narrator] She didn't call Tyler. I'm neutral in her book.

That's nice. Taking food to Mrs. Hannaburr, Mrs. Raines?

-Where are they, exactly? -Tragically, they're dead.

I'm alive, and I'm in poverty. You want any?

-No. No, thank you. -I got one for you.

Thanks for the thought.

What happened to your hand?

Uh, nothin'.

-Right there? -Mmm.

Feel anything?

-No. -Well, make sure.

-Okay, I'm... I'm pretty sure. -You feel nothing?

No. Nothing.

Well, that's a relief. Thank you.

-Uh, I mean, no problem. -I wish I could return the favor.

There's not a lot of breast cancer in the men in my family.

Could check your prostate.

Uh, I think I'm okay.

Well, thanks anyway.

-Are we done? -Yeah, we're done.

See you... around.

[men chattering]

Cornelius?

Cornelius!

It's me... Bob!

Hey, Bob.

-[grunts] -We all thought you were dead.

No, no. Still here. [chuckles]

How are you, Bob?

Better than I've ever been in my whole life.

Really? You still remaining men together?

No, no. I got somethin' so much better now.

Really? What is it?

Well, first rule is

I'm not supposed to talk about it.

And the second rule is, I'm not supposed to talk about it.

-And the third rule is-- -Bob. Bob. I'm a member.

Look at my face, Bob.

[laughing]

That's fuckin'... That's fuckin' great.

-I've... I've never seen you there. -I go Tuesdays and Thursdays.

-I go Saturday. -Congratulations.

Yeah. Hey, to both of us, right?

-Have you heard about the guy that invented this thing? -Well, uh, yeah, actually. I--

-I hear all kinds of things. -Yeah?

Supposedly, he was born in a mental institution.

And he sleeps only one hour a night.

-He's a great man. -Oh--

Do you know about Tyler Durden?

[men shouting, cheering]

[shouts]

Take him down! Take him down!

-Take him down! -[grunting]

[cheering]

Yeah!

I didn't hurt you, did I?

Actually, you did.

Thank you for this. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

-[Narrator] Fight Club. -[laughing]

-Bob... Bob... No, Bob. -This was mine and Tyler's gift...

our gift to the world.

-Look around. Look around. I see a lot of new faces. -[laughter]

-Shut up! -[laugher stops]

Which means a lot of you have been breaking the first two rules of Fight Club.

Man, I see in Fight Club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived.

I see all this potential. And I see it squandered.

God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas,

waiting tables.

Slaves with white collars.

Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes,

working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need.

We're the middle children of history, man.

No purpose or place.

We have no great war, no great depression.

Our great war's a spiritual war.

Our great depression is our lives.

We've all been raised on television to believe that one day

we'd all be millionaires and movie gods and rock stars.

But we won't.

And we're slowly learning that fact.

And we're very, very pissed off.

-[men] Yeah! -[murmuring]

The first rule of Fight Club is

-you do not talk about-- -[loud banging]

-Who are you? -Who am I?

Yeah.

There's a sign in the front that says "Lou's Tavern."

I'm fuckin' Lou. Who the fuck are you?

Tyler Durden.

Who told you motherfuckers that you could use my place?

-We have a deal worked out with Irvin. -Irvin?

Irvin's at home with a broken collarbone.

He don't own this place. I do.

-How much money is he gettin' for this? -There is no money.

-Really? -Free to all.

-Ain't that somethin'? -It is, actually.

Look, stupid fuck,

-I want everybody outta here right now. -Hey.

You should join our club.

-Did you hear what I just said? -You and your friend.

-[grunting] -You hear me now?

No, I didn't quite catch that, Lou.

[spits, groans]

-Still not gettin' it. -Hey...

[groans] Okay, okay, okay. I got it.

I got it. I got it. Shit, I lost it.

Back! All of you!

-[gun cocks] -Everybody back.

[laughing]

[laughing continues]

Aw, Lou.

Come on, man. We really like this place.

[groans, laughs hysterically]

-Oh! Oh! Oh. That's right, Lou, get it out. -Shut the fuck up!

Oh, yeah!

Yeah! [laughing hysterically]

[laughing continues]

-Think that's fuckin' funny? -Oh, Lou!

Lou! [laughing hysterically]

Ow.

Fuckin' guys are loony. I'm tellin' ya.

-Unbelievable. -[screams]

-[coughs] You don't know where I've been, Lou. -Oh, my God!

You don't know where I've been! [laughing]

-Lou! Please let us keep it, Lou! Please, Lou! -Okay!

Fuckin' use the basement! Christ!

I want your word, Lou! I want your word!

On my mother's honor.

[groaning]

[screaming, gagging]

-Thanks, Lou. -[gagging continues]

You too, big guy.

We'll see you next week.

This week, each one of you has a homework assignment.

You're gonna go out, and you're gonna start a fight with a total stranger.

[men murmuring]

You're gonna start a fight.

And you're gonna lose.

Excellent choice, sir.

Hey! Watch out, jackass! Come on!

[Narrator] Now, this is not as easy as it sounds.

I'm thinkin' you really... What? Son of a bitch...

-[Narrator] Most people-- normal people... -[shouting]

...do just about anything to avoid a fight.

Excuse me. You sprayed me with your hose. I don't--

-Like that? -That's not necessary.

Dave! Go call 911!

-[screams] -Put the hose down. Stop it!

Stop it!

Sorry.

[shouting indistinctly]

Leave me alone! You crazy?

[grunts]

[grunting]

Bastard!

We need to talk.

-Okay. -[door closes]

Where to begin? With your constant absenteeism?

With your unpresentable appearance?

You're up for review.

I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.

-What? -Let's pretend.

You're the department of transportation. Okay?

Someone informs you that this company

installs front seat mounting brackets

that never pass collision tests,

brake linings that fail after a thousand miles,

and fuel injectors that explode and burn people alive.

What then?

-Are you threatening me? -No.

-Get the fuck outta here. You're fired. -I have a better solution.

You keep me on the payroll as an outside consultant.

And in exchange for my salary, my job will be never to tell people

these things that I know.

I don't even have to come into the office. I can do this job from home.

Who... Who the fuck do you think you are, you crazy little shit?

-Security? -[Narrator] I am Jack's smirking revenge.

[groans]

What the hell are you doing?

[groans, coughing]

[groans] That hurt.

Why would you do that?

Oh, my God. No! Please stop!

[choking]

What are you doing?

Oh, God, no! Please! No!

[Narrator] For some reason, I thought of my first fight... with Tyler.

No!

[groaning]

Under and behind and inside

everything this man took for granted,

something horrible had been growing.

Now, look. Just give me the paychecks like I asked,

and you won't ever see me again.

And right then, at our most excellent moment together--

Oh, thank God. Please don't hit me again! Please!

-Telephone, computer, fax machine... -[whistling]

Fifty-two weekly paychecks and 48 airline flight coupons.

We now had corporate sponsorship.

This is how Tyler and I were able to have Fight Club every night of the week.

[shouting, cheering]

Now nobody was the center of Fight Club except the two men fighting.

The leader walked through the crowd, out in the darkness.

Tyler was now involved in a class-action lawsuit

with the Pressman Hotel over the urine content of their soup.

[screaming]

I am Jack's wasted life.

Yeah! Yeah! [laughs] Yeah!

[man] Thank you, sir.

[Narrator] Tyler dreamed up new homework assignments.

He handed them out in sealed envelopes.

[whirring]

[whirring]

Did you know there's a Fight Club up in Delaware City?

Yeah, I heard.

-[alarm wailing] -There's one in Penn's Grove, too.

-Leave it. -Bob even found one up in Newcastle.

Yeah. Did you start that one?

-No. I thought you did. -Nah.

[scoffs]

[alarm wailing]

[cooing]

-Stop for a second. -Hey, what are we doing?

-Turn around. -What are we doing?

-Homework assignment. -What kind of homework assignment?

Human sacrifice.

Hey, is that a gun? Please... Please tell me that's not a gun.

-It's a gun. -What are you doing?

-Meet me in the back. -No... Hey, don't fuck around. This isn't--

Meet me in the back.

-[Narrator] On a long enough time line... -Fuck!

...the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.

-[whimpering] -Stop. What are you doing? Come on.

-Hands behind your back. -God.

Give me your wallet.

Raymond K. Hessel, 1320 Southeast Banning, apartment A.

-Small, cramped basement apartment, Raymond? -How did you know?

'Cause they give shitty basement apartments letters instead of numbers.

Raymond, you're going to die.

-[sobbing] Oh, my God, no. -Is that your mom and dad?

Mom and Dad are gonna have to call up kindly Dr. So-and-So

to pick up your dental records. Wanna know why?

-'Cause there's gonna be nothing left of your face. -[whimpering]

-Aw, come on. Come on! -An expired community college student ID.

-What'd you study, Raymond? -S-S-Stuff.

Stuff? Were the midterms hard?

-I asked you what you studied. -Biology, mostly.

-Why? -I... I don't know.

What did you want to be, Raymond K. Hessel?

The question, Raymond,

was what did you want to be?

Answer him, Raymond! Jesus!

-Veterinarian! Veterinarian! -Animals.

-Yeah, animal s-s-- -Stuff. Yeah, I got that.

-That means you have to get more schooling. -Too much school.

-Would you rather be dead? -No.

Would you rather die, here, on your knees, in the back of a convenience store?

[whimpering] No. No, please. No.

[hammer releases]

I'm keeping your license.

Gonna check in on you. I know where you live.

If you're not on your way to becoming a veterinarian

in six weeks, you will be dead.

[whimpering]

Now run on home.

Run, Forrest, run!

I feel ill.

Imagine how he feels.

Come on. This isn't funny!

That wasn't funny. What the fuck was the point of that?

Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of Raymond K. Hessel's life.

His breakfast will taste better than any meal you and I have ever tasted.

[Narrator] You had to give it to him.

-Come on. -He had a plan.

And it started to make sense in a Tyler sort of way.

No fear. No distractions.

The ability to let that which does not matter truly slide.

You are not your job.

You're not how much money you have in the bank.

You're not the car you drive.

You're not the contents of your wallet.

You're not your fuckin' khakis.

You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.

[footsteps on stairs]

I'll be out of your way in a sec.

You don't have to go.

Whatever.

No, I mean, uh... It's okay.

[clattering]

[tools whirring]

[hammering]

You still going to groups?

Yeah.

-Chloe's dead. -Wow. Chloe.

When did that happen?

Do you care?

I don't know. I haven't thought about it in a while.

Yeah, well,

it was the smart move on her part.

Hey, listen, um...

What... What are you getting out of all this?

What?

I mean, all this. Why do you keep...

Is this making you happy?

Yeah, well, sometimes.

Wh... I don't know. I don't understand.

I mean, why does a weaker person need to latch on to a strong person?

What... What is that?

What do you get out of it?

No, that's... that's not the same thing at all.

I mean, we're... It's totally different with us.

-We're... We're-- -"Us"?

-[saw whirring] -What do you mean by "us"?

-I'm sorry. Do you hear this? -Hear what?

You're not hearing all that noise? Just hold on a second.

No, wait. What were you saying?

Don't change the subject. I want to talk about this.

-You're not talking about me, are you? -No. What?

That day you came over to my place to play doctor. What was going on there?

What are you talking about?

-Nothing. Nothing. -I don't think so.

-Come on. What do you want? -Look at me.

-No. What? -Look at me.

-What is that? -It's nothing. Don't worry about it.

-Oh, my God. Who did this? -A person.

-Guy or girl? -What do you care if it's a guy or a girl?

-What do you care if I ask? -It's none of your business. Leave me alone.

-You're afraid to say it. -I am not afraid to say. Let me go.

-No! Talk to me. -Let go of me. Leave me alone.

-This conversation... -"This conversation..."

-...is over. -"...is over."

I just can't win with you, can I?

Hey, you know, this is getting a little old.

[doorbell rings]

Wh... What... What is all this?

What do you think?

Hey, why do we need bunk beds?

Hey!

Too young.

Sorry.

What's all that? What--

Right. If the applicant is young, tell him he's too young.

-Old, too old. Fat, too fat. -Applicant?

If the applicant then waits for three days

without food, shelter, or encouragement,

he may then enter and begin his training.

Training for what?

You think this is a game?

You're too young to train here. End of story.

Now quit wasting our time. Get the fuck out of here.

[door opens, closes]

Bad news, friend.

It's not gonna happen.

I'm sorry if there was a misunderstanding.

It's not the end of the world. Just go away.

Go. 'Cause you are trespassing,

and I will have to call the police.

Don't you look at me. Do you think you're ever getting in this house?

You're never getting in this fucking house.

Never. Now get the fuck off my porch. Get off my porch!

[Narrator] Sooner or later, we all became what Tyler wanted us to be.

And I'm gonna go inside and I'm gonna get a shovel.

-You got two black shirts? -Sir.

-Two pair black pants? -Yes, sir.

-One pair black boots? -Sir.

-Two pair black socks? -Sir.

-One black jacket? -Sir.

-$300 personal burial money? -Yes, sir.

All right.

[snickers]

You're too old, fat man.

Your tits are too big. Get the fuck off my porch.

Bob. Bob. Listen...

[chattering, indistinct]

Like a monkey ready to be shot into space.

Space monkey.

Ready to sacrifice himself for the greater good.

[crickets chirping]

You are too fucking old, fatty!

And you...

You're too fucking...

blond!

Get out of here, the both of you!

-[door slams] -[Narrator] And so it went.

[Tyler] Listen up, maggots.

You are not special.

You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake.

You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else.

[Narrator] Tyler built himself an army.

[Tyler] We are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.

We are all part of the same compost heap.

[Narrator] Why was Tyler Durden building an army?

To what purpose?

For what greater good?

In Tyler we trusted.

[man] No, no, no, no. When he was like,

"You are not your job," I was like, "Yeah!" I mean...

-Hey, what's all this? -[laughs] Hey.

Okay! What's going on?

-Go on in. We're celebrating. -What are we celebrating?

Go on.

[♪ singing on TV]

-Hey. -Let me get that for you.

-[man belches] -[chattering on TV]

[man on TV] Same great taste. Pepsi... Generation Next.

-[♪ news theme music playing] -[men shushing]

[woman on TV] Investigators are on the scene right now.

Hold on. Police Commissioner Jacobs has just arrived.

Commissioner. Commissioner, could you please tell us what you think has happened here?

We believe this is one of many recent acts of vandalism around the city

somehow related to underground boxing clubs.

We will be coordinating a rigorous investigation.

[woman 1] That was Police Commissioner Jacobs,

who just arrived on the scene here of a four-alarm fire

-that broke out about an hour ago. -Boy, she's hot.

Live from the Parker Morris Building, Lauren Sanchez. Back to you in the studio.

-[woman 2] It was just-- -[man] Yeah!

-Yeah. -[laughing]

Holy shit.

-Yeah! -...a controlled blaze that may have started--

[laughter]

[men whooping]

What the fuck did you guys do?

[woman 1] ...how the blaze started,

but arson investigators are on the premises

-and a hazardous materials... -[laughing]

-If you're just joining us... -Sir, the first rule of Project Mayhem is

you do not ask questions, sir.

[woman 1] ...broke out about an hour ago at the Parker Morris Building downtown.

Police Commissioner Jacobs is on the scene conducting an investigation...

The victory in the war against crime will not come overnight.

It will take dedication and commitment...

-[inaudible] -...and most of all, cooperation.

The streets are safer now. There's hope in the inner city.

-However, this is only the beginning. -I gotta take a piss.

These are the first steps in a long journey.

-That is why we have created Project Hope-- -Bob.

"Helping Others With Prevention and Enforcement."

Project Hope will be a joint effort

between the police and community leaders.

It will be a powerful new weapon in the war against crime.

[applause]

[gasping, grunts]

[muffled scream]

[Tyler screams]

[Tyler] Wrap it around the top of his hacky sack, Bob.

-Man. His balls are ice cold. -[muffled whimpering]

Hi. You're gonna call off your rigorous investigation.

You're gonna publicly state that there is no underground group, or

-these guys are gonna take your balls. -[muffled] No!

[Tyler] They're gonna send one to the New York Times

and one to the L.A. Times, press-release style.

Look.

The people you are after are the people you depend on.

We cook your meals. We haul your trash.

We connect your calls. We drive your ambulances.

We guard you while you sleep.

Do not fuck with us.

[Muffled Screaming] No! No! No!

[grunts]

Fooled ya.

[train rumbling]

[inaudible]

Bob, you're this way.

Let's go.

[Narrator] I am Jack's inflamed sense of rejection.

Hey!

[distorted shouting]

-[shouting, cheering] -Yeah!

[laughs]

[cheering, shouting]

[shouting fades]

[inaudible]

[Narrator] I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes

of every panda that wouldn't screw to save its species.

I wanted to open the dump valves

on oil tankers and smother all those French beaches I'd never see.

I wanted to breathe smoke.

[spits]

Where'd you go, psycho boy?

I felt like destroying something beautiful.

[gagging]

-Get him to a fuckin' hospital. -You got it.

Don't worry, Mr. Durden. Airport parking, long term.

After you, Mr. Durden.

After you.

[tires screech]

-Something on your mind, dear? -No.

All right, yeah. Why wasn't I told about Project Mayhem?

[both] First rule of Project Mayhem is you do not ask questions.

-What are you talking about? -Why didn't you include me in the beginning?

Fight Club was the beginning. Now it's moved out of the basement.

It's called Project Mayhem.

You and I started Fight Club together. Do you remember that?

It's as much mine as it is yours, you know.

-Is this about you and me? -Yeah. I thought we were doing this together.

You're missing the point. This does not belong to us.

-We are not special. -Fuck that. You should've told me.

[horn honking]

-Hey, Tyler! -[honking]

-God damn it, Tyler! -What do you want?

Statement of purpose? Should I e-mail you?

-Should I put this on your action item list? -Oh, look--

-You decide your own level of involvement! -I will!

I want to know certain things first.

-[both] The first rule of Project Mayhem-- -Shut up!

-I want to know what you're thinking. -Fuck what you know.

You need to forget about what you know. That's your problem.

Forget about what you think you know about life, about friendship,

and especially about you and me.

Wh... What? What is that supposed to mean? What...

What are you doing?

Guys, what will you wish you'd done before you die?

-Paint a self-portrait. -Build a house.

-Hey-- -And you?

I don't know. Nothing. Nothing.

Come on, get in the right lane.

I have to know the answer to this question. If you were to die right now,

how would you feel about your life?

I don't know! I wouldn't feel anything good about my life.

Is that what you want to hear me say? Fine. Come on!

-Not good enough. -[honking]

Stop fucking around! Tyler!

[honking]

Jesus Christ!

God damn it! God damn it! Fuck you!

Fuck Fight Club. Fuck Marla. I am sick of all your shit.

[chuckles] Okay, man. Okay.

-Quit screwing around. Take the wheel. -Look at you.

-Take the wheel, all right? -Look at you! You're fuckin' pathetic!

Why? Why? What are you talking about?

Why do you think I blew up your condo?

What?

[Tyler] Hitting bottom isn't a weekend retreat.

It's not a goddamn seminar.

Stop trying to control everything, and just let go.

Let go!

All right. Fine.

Fine.

[grunting]

[Narrator] I'd never been in a car accident.

This must have been what all those people felt like

before I filed them as statistics in my reports.

-Goddamn. -Huh?

[laughing hysterically]

We just had a near-life experience!

-[water dripping] -[distorted voices, indistinct]

[Tyler] In the world I see,

you're stalking elk through the damp canyon forest

around the ruins of Rockefeller Center.

[distorted voices continue]

You'll wear leather clothes that will last you the rest of your life.

You'll climb the rich, thick kudzu vines that wrap the Sears Tower.

And when you look down, you'll see tiny figures pounding corn,

laying strips of venison in the empty carpool lane

of some abandoned superhighway.

-Feel better, champ. -[mutters]

[door closes]

[birds chirping]

[Narrator] And then...

-Tyler? -...Tyler was gone.

Was I asleep?

Had I slept?

[man] You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake, you understand me?

[Narrator] The house had become a living thing,

wet inside from so many people sweating and breathing.

We are all part of the same compost heap.

So many people moving, the house moved.

Planet Tyler. I had to hug the walls.

Trapped inside this clockwork of space monkeys.

You can't be smoking in here. Do you know how much ether we have in this fucking house?

Cooking and working and sleeping in teams.

[phone ringing]

Hang on a second. I'll have to call you right back. Yeah.

[modem connecting]

[radio chatter]

It's under control, sir.

Where is Tyler?

Sir, the first rule of Project Mayhem is you do not ask--

Right, uh... Okay.

[Narrator] I'm all alone.

My father dumped me. Tyler dumped me.

I am Jack's broken heart.

What comes next in Project Mayhem, only Tyler knows.

The second rule is you do not ask questions.

Get the fuck away from me. Get the fuck away from me!

Who are all these people?

Paper Street Soap Company.

Can I come in?

He's not here.

What?

Tyler isn't here.

Tyler went away.

Tyler's gone.

[train horn blows in distance]

[dog barking in distance]

[man shouting] Jesus, get some help!

[men shouting]

All right! Lay him down!

Got two gunshot wounds comin' through! Clear some fucking room!

What happened? What happened?

We were on assignment. We were supposed to kill two birds with one stone.

-Destroy a piece of corporate art... -[beeping]

Operation Latte Thunder, go.

And trash a franchise coffee bar.

We had it all worked out, sir.

-It went smooth until-- -Police! Freeze!

-What? -They shot Bob.

-They shot him in the head. -Those fuckin' pigs!

[men groaning]

[man] Oh, God.

Those motherfuckers!

You morons.

You're running around in ski masks, trying to blow things up.

What did you think was gonna happen?

Okay, quick. We gotta get rid of the evidence. We gotta get rid of this body!

-Bury him. -What?

Take him to the garden and bury him.

-Come on, people! Let's go! -Hey! Get your fucking hands--

Get away from him! What are you talking about?

This isn't a fucking piece of evidence. This is a person!

He's a friend of mine, and you're not gonna bury him in the fucking garden.

He was killed serving Project Mayhem, sir.

-This is Bob. -But, sir, in--

In Project Mayhem we have no names.

No, you listen to me. This is a man, and he has a name.

And it's Robert Paulson, okay?

-Robert Paulson? -He's a man,

and he's dead now because of us, all right?

Do you understand that?

I understand.

In death, a member of Project Mayhem

has a name.

His name is Robert Paulson.

His name is Robert Paulson.

-His name-- -[all] Is Robert Paulson.

[all] His name is Robert Paulson.

-Come on, guys. Please, stop it. -His name is Robert Paulson.

His name is Robert Paulson.

-His name is Robert Paulson. -Shut up! This is all over with!

His name is Robert Paulson. His name is Robert Paulson.

-[quietly] I have to find Tyler. -His name is Robert Paulson.

His name is Robert Paulson. His name is Robert Paulson.

His name is Robert Paulson. His name is Robert Paulson.

His name is Robert Paulson. His name is Robert Paulson.

[chanting continues]

[phone rings]

Tyler?

No, this is Detective Stern of the arson unit.

I need to see you in my office--

[echoing] His name is Robert Paulson.

[Narrator] I went to all the cities on Tyler's used ticket stubs, barhopping.

I didn't know how or why, but I could look at 50 different bars,

and somehow I just knew.

I'm looking for Tyler Durden. It's very important that I talk to him.

I wish I could help you...

sir.

Every city I went to...

-Hey! -...as soon as I set foot off the plane,

I knew a Fight Club was close.

Hey! Hey!

Taxi!

Look at my face. I'm a member.

Now, I just need to know if you've seen Tyler.

I'm not exposed to... speak any such information to you,

nor would I, even if I had said information you want at this juncture, be able.

-You're a moron. -I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

-[Narrator] Tyler had been busy... -[inaudible]

...setting up franchises all over the country.

[crowd shouting]

Was I asleep?

-[crowd shouting] -Had I slept?

Is Tyler my bad dream, or am I Tyler's?

-We've just heard the stories. -What kind of stories?

Like, nobody knows what he looks like.

He has facial reconstructive surgery every three years.

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Is it true about Fight Club in Miami?

Is Mr. Durden building an army?

[Narrator] I was living in a state of perpetual deja vu.

Everywhere I went, I felt I'd already been there.

It was like following an invisible man.

The smell of dried blood.

Dirty, bare footprints circling each other.

That aroma of old sweat, like fried chicken.

The feel of a floor still warm from a fight the night before.

I was always just one step behind Tyler.

[men] His name is Robert Paulson.

His name is Robert Paulson. His name is Robert Paulson.

His--

Welcome back, sir.

How have you been?

Do you know me?

Is this a test, sir?

No, this is not a test.

You were in here last Thursday.

Thursday?

You were standing exactly where you are now, asking how good security is.

It's tight as a drum, sir.

Who do you think I am?

Are you sure this isn't a test?

No, this is not a test.

You're Mr. Durden.

You're the one who gave me this.

[Narrator] Please return your seat backs

to their full, upright, and locked position.

[line rings]

[phone ringing]

-Yeah? -Marla, it's me.

-Have we ever done it? -Done what?

-Have we ever had sex? -What kind of stupid question is that?

Is it stupid because the answer's yes, or because the answer's no?

-Is this a trick? -No, Marla, I need to know--

You mean you want to know if I think we were just having sex or making love?

So we did make love.

Is that what you're calling it?

Just answer the question, Marla, please!

-Did we do it or not? -You fuck me, then snub me.

You love me, you hate me. You show me a sensitive side,

then you turn into a total asshole.

Is that a pretty accurate description of our relationship, Tyler?

[Narrator] We have just lost cabin pressure.

-What did you just say? -What is wrong with you?

-What did you just call me? Say my name. -Tyler Durden.

Tyler Durden, you fucking freak. What's going on?

-I'm coming over. -No, wait, Marla, I'm not there--

-[dial tone] -[exhales]

[Tyler] You broke your promise.

-Jesus, Tyler. -You fuckin' talked to her about me.

Tyler, what the fuck is going on here?

I ask you for one thing, one simple thing.

Why do people think that I'm you?

Answer me!

Sit.

Now answer me. Why do people think that I'm you?

I think you know.

-No, I don't. -Yes, you do.

Why would anyone possibly confuse you with me?

-[lighter flicks] -Uh, I... I don't know.

-You got it. -No.

-Do not fuck with us. -Say it.

Because...

Say it.

Because we're the same person.

That's right.

We are the all-singing, all dancing--

Tyler, I don't understand this.

You were looking for a way to change your life.

You could not do this on your own.

All the ways you wish you could be,

that's me.

I look like you wanna look. I fuck like you wanna fuck.

I am smart, capable, and most importantly,

-I'm free in all the ways that you are not. -Oh, no.

-Tyler's not here. Tyler went away. Tyler's gone. -What?

This is impossible.

-No. -This is crazy.

People do it every day. They talk to themselves.

They see themselves as they'd like to be.

They don't have the courage you have to just run with it.

[grunting]

Naturally, you're still wrestling with it, so sometimes you're still you.

-We should do this again sometime. -[bottle shatters]

Other times, you imagine yourself watching me.

If this is your first night at Fight Club, you have to fight.

Little by little, you're just letting yourself become...

Tyler Durden.

You are not your job or how much money you have in the bank!

-No, you have a house. -Rented in your name.

You have jobs. You have a whole life.

You have night jobs because you can't sleep.

-Or you stay up and make soap. -Marla... You're fucking Marla, Tyler.

Uh, technically, you're fucking Marla. But it's all the same to her.

[gasping]

Oh, my God.

Now you see our dilemma.

She knows too much.

I think we're gonna have to talk about

how this might compromise our goals.

Wh... What are you saying?

This is... This is bullshit. This is bullshit. I'm not listening to this.

-You are insane. -No, you're insane.

And we simply do not have time for this crap.

[Narrator] It's called a changeover.

The movie goes on, and nobody in the audience has any idea.

[line beeping]

-Sir! Are you checking out? -Yeah, uh, b-bill me.

I need you to initial this list of phone calls, please.

-When were these made? -It says right there, sir.

Between 2:00 and 3:30 this morning.

No, I w--

Have I been going to bed earlier every night?

Have I been sleeping later?

Have I been Tyler longer and longer?

Is anybody here?

Deja vu all over again.

Yeah, with enough soap, we could blow up just about anything.

Oh, my God.

[line ringing]

-[man on phone] 1888. -I'm sorry. Who am I calling?

1888 Franklin. This is maintenance. Hello?

-Hello? -1888 Franklin Street?

Yes. Can I help you?

-Hello? -Yeah. Yeah.

Uh, I need to talk to your supervisor right away.

-Speaking. -Okay, listen to me.

I think something really terrible is about to happen at your building.

-You have got-- -It's under control, sir.

-Excuse me? -Don't worry about us, sir. We're solid.

[man on phone] 2160.

Marla! Marla! Hey! Fuck! Wait!

Marla! Wait. I gotta talk to you! Marla! Marla!

Your whacked-out bald freaks hit me with a fucking broom!

-They almost broke my arm! -I tried to warn you--

They were burning their fingertips with lye. The stink was unbelievable.

Look... Look, listen. It's gonna take a tremendous act of faith on your part,

but you've got to hear me out.

Oh, here comes an avalanche of bullshit.

A little more faith than that.

No, listen, I don't want to hear anything you have to say.

You have every right to be...

Um, I'll just have a coffee, thanks.

Sir, anything you order is free of charge, sir.

Why is it free of charge?

-Don't... Don't ask. -Whatever.

Uh, I'll have the clam chowder,

the fried chicken with the baked potato with everything,

and a chocolate chiffon pie.

Clean food, please.

In that case, sir, may I advise against the lady eating the clam chowder?

No clam chowder, thank you.

[Marla clears throat] You got about 30 seconds.

Marla, I know that I've been acting very, very strange.

Okay? I know that it's got to seem like there's two sides to me when you're with me.

-Two sides? You're Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Jackass. -I deserve that, but--

I've come to realize something very, very important.

What?

The full extent of our relationship wasn't really clear to me up until now,

for reasons I'm not gonna go into, but the important thing is,

-I know that I haven't been treating you so nice. -Yeah, whatever.

No, no... 15 seconds. 15 seconds, please. Please.

Fifteen seconds. Don't open your mouth or move.

I'm trying to tell you that I'm sorry.

Because what I've come to realize is that I really like you, Marla.

-You do? -I really do.

I care about you,

and I don't want anything bad to happen to you because of me.

Marla, your life is in danger.

-What? -You need to leave town for a while.

Get out of any major city and just go camping or something.

-You're an insane person. -No, no.

I've involved you in something terrible that's about to happen.

No.

-Shut up. Shut up! -You're not safe.

Listen. I tried, Tyler.

-I really tried. -I know you did.

There are things about you I like.

You're smart. You're funny. You're spectacular in bed.

But... you're intolerable.

You have very serious emotional problems.

Deep-seated problems for which you should seek professional help.

-I know, and I'm sorry. -Yeah, you're sorry, I'm sorry, everyone's sorry.

But... I can't do this anymore.

I can't. And I won't.

I'm gone.

You can't leave, Marla. You're not safe!

-Marla, wait! You don't understand. -No! Leave me alone!

-Marla, I am trying to protect you. -Just go away! Let go of me!

-I don't ever want to see you again! -That's fine.

If that's what it takes... Here, wait. Wait right here.

[brakes squealing]

-[honking] -Hold it right there. Shut up! Shut up!

Here. Take this money and get on this bus.

I promise you I will never bother you again if that's what you want.

-[honking] -Shut up!

Please get on the bus. Please get on the bus!

-Why are you doing this? -Because they think you're some kind of a threat.

-[horns honking] -I... I can't explain it right now. Just trust me.

If I see where you're going, you will not be safe.

I'm not paying this back. I consider it asshole tax.

That's fine. Remember, stay out of major cities for at least a couple of days, okay?

Tyler?

You're the worst thing that ever happened to me.

-[honking] -[man shouting]

Hello. I need you to arrest me.

I am the leader of a terrorist organization

responsible for numerous acts of vandalism and assault all over this city.

[real Tyler] ...in the metropolitan area,

with probably a couple hundred members.

Chapters have sprung up in five or six other major cities already.

This is a tightly regimented organization,

with many cells capable of operating

completely independent of central leadership.

Look. Go to the house, okay? 1537 Paper Street.

That's our headquarters.

In the back, buried in the garden,

you'll find the body of Robert Paulson.

In the basement,

you're gonna find some bathtubs that have been used very recently

to make large quantities of nitroglycerin.

I believe the plan is to blow up the headquarters

of these credit card companies and the T.R.W. building.

Why these buildings? Why credit card companies?

If you erase the debt record, then we all go back to zero.

It'll create total chaos.

Keep him talking. I need to make a phone call.

[door opens, closes]

I really admire what you're doing.

What?

You're a brave man to order this.

You're a genius, sir.

You said if anyone ever interferes with Project Mayhem,

even you, we gotta get his balls.

-It's useless to fight. -This is really a powerful gesture, Mr. Durden.

-It'll set quite an example. -You're making a big mistake, fellas.

-You said you'd say that. -I'm not Tyler Durden!

You told us you'd say that, too.

All right, I am Tyler Durden. Listen to me.

I'm giving you a direct order. We are aborting this mission right now.

You said you would definitely say that.

[muffled] Let me go! [muffled]

Are you fucking out of your minds? You're police officers!

-Somebody timing this? -No!

-No! No-- -[knocking]

Keep your mouth shut!

-[knocking continues] -Shit.

Yeah?

-Hey, you know, some of this information checks out. -Uh-huh.

-Let's go over to that house on Paper Street. -Be right there.

-Okay. -Hey, wait!

-You got him? -I got him.

-Sir, we have to do this. -Come on, Mr. Durden. Stop fighting.

-You're gonna fuck up-- -Where's the rubber band?

Get away from me! Drop that fucking knife! Drop it!

Back up.

Face down on the floor, both of you right now!

Get down on the floor!

First person comes out this fucking door gets a...

gets a lead salad, you understand?

[elevator bell dings]

[horns honking]

Get away! Get away!

[honking]

-[real Tyler] I ran. -[panting]

I ran until my muscles burned and my veins pumped battery acid.

Then I ran some more.

[siren wailing]

[Tyler] What the fuck are you doing?

Running around in your underpants. Man, you look like a crazy person.

No, I'm on to you. I know what's going on here.

Well, come on, then. I got us a great place to watch from.

[grunting] It'll be like pay-per-view.

[laughing]

-[beeping] -Oh, Christ.

-Now what are you doing? -I'm stopping this.

Why? Greatest thing you've ever done, man.

No, I can't let this happen.

You know there are 10 other bombs in 10 other buildings.

God damn it, since when is Project Mayhem about murder?

The buildings are empty. Security and maintenance, all our people.

We're not killing anyone, man. We're setting 'em free.

Bob is dead. They shot him in the head.

You wanna make an omelet, you gotta break some eggs.

No, I'm not listening to you. You're not even there.

[muttering]

Okay... [muttering]

[beeping continues]

Wouldn't do that. Not unless I knew which wires were what.

If you know, then I know.

Or maybe I knew you'd know,

so I spent the whole day thinking about the wrong ones.

[beeping continues]

[shudders]

You think?

Oh, heavens no. Not the green one.

-Pull any one but the green one. -[beeping continues]

[beeping stops]

I asked you not to do that!

-[grunts] -Fuck!

Tyler, get away from the van.

Tyler, I'm not kidding! Get away from the van!

God damn it!

Whoa! Whoa!

Okay, you are now firing a gun at your imaginary friend

near 400 gallons of nitroglycerin!

Come on... Tyler! Tyler!

[shouts]

Aw, come on. Don't go.

-Tyler! Tyler! -[grunting, screaming]

[grunts]

Oh, God!

Come here!

What?

[mutters]

[screaming]

-[karate yell] -[screams]

[grunting]

[neck cracks]

[Tyler] Three minutes. This is it.

The beginning.

Ground zero.

[real Tyler] I think this is about where we came in.

Would you like to say a few words to mark the occasion?

-[muffled] -I'm sorry?

I still can't think of anything.

Ah, flashback humor.

It's getting exciting now.

Two and a half.

Think of everything we've accomplished, man.

Out these windows, we will view the collapse of financial history.

One step closer to economic equilibrium.

[siren wailing]

[indistinct shouting]

Why is she here?

Tying up loose ends.

[Marla] Put me down, you bald-headed fucks!

-I'm begging you, please don't do this. -I'm not doing this.

We are doing this. This is what we want.

No, I don't want this.

Right, except "you" is meaningless now.

-We have to forget about you. -Jesus.

You're a voice in my head.

-You're a voice in mine. -You're a fucking hallucination.

-Why can't I get rid of you? -You need me.

-No, I don't. I really don't anymore. -Hey, you created me.

I didn't create some loser alter ego to make myself feel better.

-Take some responsibility. -I do.

I am responsible for all of it, and I accept that.

So, please, I'm begging you...

Please call this off.

-Have I ever let us down? -[thunder rumbling]

How far have you come because of me?

I will bring us through this.

As always, I will carry you, kicking and screaming,

and in the end, you will thank me.

Tyler...

Tyler, I'm grateful to you

for everything that you've done for me.

-But this is too much. I don't want this. -What do you want?

Want to go back to the shit job, fucking condo world,

watching sitcoms?

Fuck you. I won't do it.

Oh, my God. This can't be happening.

It's already done, so shut up.

Sixty seconds. Can you see all right?

No.

I can figure this out.

I can figure this out. This isn't even real.

You're not real. That gun is--

That gun isn't even in your hand.

That gun's in my hand.

Hey, good for you. Doesn't change a thing.

Why do you want to put a gun to your head?

Not my head, Tyler.

Our head.

Interesting.

Where are you going with this, Ikea boy?

Hey, it's you and me.

Friends.

Tyler...

I want you to really listen to me.

Okay.

My eyes are open.

[choking]

[inhales]

What's that smell?

[sirens wailing]

[clattering]

[elevator bell dings]

[chattering, laughing]

-Where is everybody? -I don't know. What's goin' on?

Mr. Durden!

Oh, my God.

Sir?

-[choking] -Are you, uh...

Are you all right, sir?

[raspy voice] Oh, yeah, I'm okay.

-You look terrible, sir. -What happened?

Oh, nothing. It's no problem.

Oh, no, no, sir. He's not kidding.

You look really awful. You need medical assistance.

-I'm fine. -[groans]

-[Marla shouting] -Look, I'm fine. Everything's fine.

-[man] Come on. -[Marla continues shouting]

Ow! [shouts, indistinct]

-Let... Let her go. -Christ Almighty!

You!

Hi, Marla.

Leave her with me and get your stuff. I'll meet you downstairs.

-Are you sure? -Yes, I'm sure.

You fucker!

What kind of sick fucking game are you playing now,

putting me on a fucking bu... Oh, my God, your face!

Yeah, I know.

What happened?

-[gasps] -Don't ask.

-You're shot. -Yes, I'm shot.

Oh, my God.

-I can't believe he's standing. -One tough motherfucker.

Who did this?

I did, actually.

Find some gauze.

You shot yourself?

Yes, but it's okay. Marla, look at me.

I'm really okay.

Trust me.

Everything's gonna be fine.

[Marla gasps]

[♪ rock song playing, Pixies "Where Is My Mind?"]

You met me at a very strange time in my life.

♪ With your feet on the air ♪

♪ And your head on the ground ♪

♪ Try this trick and spin it ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Your head'll collapse if there's nothing in it ♪

♪ And you'll ask yourself ♪

♪ Where is my mind? ♪

♪ Where is my mind? ♪

♪ Where is my mind? ♪

♪ Way out in the water ♪

♪ See it swimming ♪

♪ I was swimming in the Caribbean ♪

♪ Animals were hiding behind the rock ♪

♪ Except for little fish when they told me east is west ♪

♪ Trying to talk to me coy koi ♪

♪ Where is my mind? ♪

♪ Where is my mind? ♪

♪ Where is my mind? ♪

♪ Way out in the water ♪

♪ See it swimming ♪

♪ With your feet on the air and your head on the ground ♪

♪ Try this trick and spin it Yeah ♪

♪ Your head'll collapse if there's nothing in it ♪

♪ And you'll ask yourself ♪

♪ Where is my mind? ♪

♪ Where is my mind? ♪

♪ Where is my mind? ♪

♪ Way out in the water ♪

♪ See it swimming ♪

[♪ vocalizing]

♪ With your feet on the air and your head on the ground ♪

♪ Try this trick and spin it ♪

[♪ vocalizing]

[♪ music fades]