Original subtitles

- Guys! Guys! We're doing a video for Cliff and Cindy.

What do you wanna say?

- First, the big studio sale, now the big wedding -

MVP year for our boy Clifford.

(scoffing) - | fuckin' hate you, Anderson.

(laughing) - And when you're all famous,

don't forget about your crew from film school, huh?

Boys in the wood hood!

- You dance with who brung ya, Cliffy!

- The red dot. - There's the red dot.

- You comfortable?

- Hey, can | ask you a question, Mr. Cliff Anderson--

- Yes. - --Of Venice Beach, California?

- Yes, Mrs. Cydney Anderson,

formerly Miss Cydney Carswell

of Pacific Palisades, California.

- How did you get this scar?

Omigod, | can't believe | didn't notice it before.

- You know we wouldnt be here tonight if it wasntíor me.

| mean, | brought her to that Black Eyed Peas concert,

| introduced them. | mean, | basically hooked them up!

- That's a long story. And...

it involves, uh...

Homeland Security...

(Cydney laughing) ls notfunny.

...and me being unexpectedly pressed into services

of Deputy Air Marshal,

and | don't really wanna talk about it.

(making buzzer sound) - Try again.

A little less grandiose, thank you.

- Uh, my brother hit me with his skateboard

when | was nine. - Wait - which brother is this?

- Uh, that'd be Tommy, the dick, from Michigan.

- My little brother getting married before me!

- Yeah, | wonder why. C'mon, your armpit smells like ass.

Will you let the fuck off?

- Óh, | came all the way from Michigan

to do this one more time! Oh, how does that feel?

- Wait - | thought he said Maryland at the wedding.

- Excuse me, but whose brother is this?

(laughing) - Oh, I'm so sorry.

He's got, like, 16 brothers, okay?

All right, Tommy from Michigan.

A new wife should know these things.

- Yes. (Cydney giggling)

- lwant you guys to know how much | love you,

| adore you, and | hope you have the best time on your honeymoon.

And, uh, make it something to remember.

Love you guys.

- | think they just wanted to start off their lives together

with some kind of adventure!

- Feetin, feet in, feet in! Oh! - Ahh!

Christ, are you insane? - |lt's arental.

- Mrs. Cydney Anderson.

Mrs. Cydney Ander... No, Mrs. Cydney Anderson.

Listen, you know, it's like Writing cheques in January -

| know I'm gonna blow it.

- You gotta keep practicing.

- Would you get back in here?! God!

- Vve never seen so many shades oí green!

Hey, hey, get a picture of me!

Yeah!!! (laughing)

- Hey, hey, hey. - Yeah!!!

Whoa! - Ahh! Stop it.

- Look! Look!

- Ah! Whoal!

Wow! - Hey, hey! Look, look!

Trackers! Hey!! - Hey!!

- Hey! Hey, how do they do that?!

That trail right down there!

- Did it myself back in the day.

'| show you whatit's all for.

The most gorgeous dead-end God ever made.

- Wow! - Yeah!!

- You know, drop me off right here.

Forget the hike. - Only two ways

in and out, Cydney: by foot or by kayak.

But that's what makes it so special.

It's another day in paradise

The sun is out

The skies are blue

The birds are singing songs

About the flowers in bloom

The air is always bright and clear

There's never any trouble here

Here in paradise

Paradise with you

And if a rain cloud

Should appear on the horizon...

- Yep, beautiful it is, bruddah.

How many days?

- One day in, one atthe beach,

and another day back. - Common mistake.

- What, you think | need more?

- Don't know if you need more, but you sure want more.

As long as all your permits

are updated and so on. - Yeah, yeah. See?

- Okay, yeah. 'Cause the rangers do get out and work the trail.

So you wanna keep these close, Cliff.

- ANright. - And this, too.

D'you miss me? - Three days sounds plenty.

- Man...

- Nine whole minutes.

Do you realize that's the longest we've been apart

since we got married? You must've missed me

something awful. - This is 11.5 miles each way,

right? - Each way.

- Tell me you missed me. - Well...

- IIl give you a BJ in the car.

- Okay. - Another one.

- Anyways...

Check this out, Cliff. Now, you're gonna cross

over five valleys. Each time you do,

you're gonna gain or lose

1,000 feet of elevation. That's the killer.

- | missed you too, baby. - What?

Oh, did you go somewhere?

- You're so bad!

- $475.35. - All right.

Yeah, | know it looks like | robbed a bank...

- Ift's our wedding haul!

- Whazzup, whazzup?

- Sully.

Back from Oahu? - How's my boy? Glad to see you.

You weren't near Honolulu, were you?

- No, no, other side. Waves were junk for three days.

Move it over here. Why?

What's the stink in 'Lulu?

- Maybe not for now. Wanna help these two

out to their car? - Yeah, Must dump my gear,

M be right with'em.

- Boy's gonna help with your bags.

Mahalo! - Mahalo...

- Get an early start, bruddah.

- Yeah, | will! - Aloha.

- Mahalo...

(ominous music)

(music playing) ... I need your love

Each and every day

Na na na na na na

All right

Na na na na na na

All right

- Hove our new lives!

- Hey!

- What are you doing?

- It's Hawalli.

- Just because we're in Hawaii, we're gonna do things

we don't normally do, like pick up hitchhikers?

- Oh, c'omon. Nothing bad ever happens in Hawaii, right?

- Mahalo.

- Aloha.

- So how far are you going?

- Lumahai Beach. - Lumahai, Lumahai...

| don't think we know

that area. - Ah, it's about 10 miles ahead.

Right on this road. Right by where the big trail is?

You know that trail?

- Yeah, the... the big trail?

Um...

But, uh...

but we're not going that far. So...

- So how far do you go?

- Uh... just...

up the road a bit.

So... if you guys, you know,

stay here five more minutes, Im sure someone'"ll come along--

- We was waltin' for an hour 'fore you stopped.

Maybe more.

Shit, thought this was Hawail.

- Sorry.

- C'mon.

- Uh...

Hey, you guys married?

- Yeah.

Yeah, we just got married. - Uh, hold this?

Some of these pictures totally suck.

Just one of those cameras

you chuck. This one-- - Cleo, what are you doing?

These people wanna see less of us, not more.

- Oh, here itis.

That's us doing the deed in Oahu.

- Oh, wow. - We just woke up one morning

and decided to get married. Pretty, isntit?

- Yeah,its lovely. Ws...its, u...

Wait - IS this in a grocery store?

- Paulas Market.

They do it up real nice for you. - Oh, wow.

Yeah, there's an onion.

- The produce manager took that picture.

Um, | know It sounds kinda tacky,

butit's pretty friggin' pretty when they add

al tne lttle radishes in there and stutt?

- Oh, right, that's what those are.

Um, hey, baby, look,

it's Kale and Cleo getting married in Oahu.

- Yeah.

Suitable for framing.

You know what?

We-weljust drive you there.

- Ten miles, | mean, listen--

--could've been there by now. - Maybe next time, huh?

- Ah, Kale, don't be that way.

- Baby, c'mon.

- C'mon, guys. You don't have to make this

a bigger deal than-- - Cleo, get the fuck out

oí this man's ride!

(ominous music)

- Well...

| think we handled that really well.

(music) - Up there!

- Kalalau Trail! - Yeah!

- Whoo! - That's good.

(laughter) - Bye!

- Well, | was just pointing and shooting.

These new things have too many buttons for me.

- Yeah, that's what you get for buying top-of-the-line.

| might have to, uh, break down

and actually read the manual someday, huh?

- I'd love to see that. - Thanks.

Wow. - Oh...

Ah...

okay.

- | guess everybody else did it.

- Did they really?

- Show it no fear.

- You think the restof it

kinda washed away or something? - Watch me.

Keep your eyes down, keep your speed up.

Avoid those green rocks...

... and just be fearless.

- Well, he made that look easy. - Yeah, but he's not wearing

a whole Dave's World of Camping store on his back.

Al right.

(feigned straining) - World record, baby.

- Okay, okay.

- Omigad. - Careful.

- You got:it. - Okay. Thank you.

- You did great.

- C'mon, baby, you can do it.

- Ahhh! - Whoa!

- Outstanding.

- Did | almost just die right there?

- C'mere, c'mere, c'mere.

Are you okay? - Yeah...

| was doing so well, | thought. - God...

Hey.

What's your name?

(Hawaiian music) Have we met before?

"Cause, uh, when | first saw you guys,

| was feeling a little déja-vu-ey.

- No... No. - No.

- Nowhere | remember, Nick.

- Thatface...

Are you an actor?

- No, no, no, no. (Cydney laughing)

- | haven't seen you on TV?

- No such luck, no.

- Actually, Cliff is a screenplay writer.

He's very sought-after. All the big movie studios

want him to do their projects. - | knew | smelled

fame and fortune on you.

A screenplay writer, huh? - We just say "screenwriter."

- Any movies | might know? - Uh, well, actually, my, uh...

my first script IS in pre-production right now,

so if you ask me again the same time next year...

- Who's in it? - Um...

still trying to figure that out, still casting, so...

- Well, Nic Cage is always money in my book.

Mike how he gets all intense...

(imitating Cage): ...right at the end of a sentence!!!

So you got a good act-two twist.

- Yeah. lt's, uh... - Yeah?

Are you in the business, Nick? - Me? No, no.

Tjust took some course. One oí those writing boot-camps.

| had so many ass-puckering experience in life,

| figured: Hell, III just throw ¡t down on paper

and make myself a million bucks.

- Yeah,its not that easy, is 1t?

- | iked it all, except the paperwork.

You know, actually making pages, it'S... ugh.

But | got the basics down. Uh, three acts,

hero with the journey, red snappers, all that shit.

- Red snappers? - Yeah, you bring in a character

just to fuck with the audience,

try to throw them off-track, but--

- Ift's a herring. It's a red herring.

- Im pretty sure it's a snapper.

Excuse me while | shake the bush here.

So you're, like, halfway to famous, huh, Cliff?

- Pretty much.

- Outstanding! - Yeah, there's a whole big crew

getting ready in Vancouver, building sets and stuff.

- But they're there...

you're here.

- Yeah.

Yeah... its hard to explain, butthey...

they brought in another guy

to do, uh, a quick rewrite. So...

- On your story?

- Just a two-week punch-up. They... It's common.

- Yeah, how long ago was this?

- Uh...

- Nine weeks. Yeah.

- Oh, no, that's fucked up.

That's your vision, Cliff, that's your baby.

You cantiet'em get away with that shit.

- He's got these agents and they don't do... | mean,

they don't fight for him or anything.

And | was just telling Cliff-- - Not that me

isn't my favourite subject, but maybe we could talk

about something else for a while.

- Well, Im gonna leave you with one last pearl of wisdom.

- Get a new agent?

- Get a new story.

- Me, too. - Oh, | have one. No.

- What should we do? - Watta minute.

- Should we go up or go back down?

- This was supposed to be the best service ever.

- | don't care. - Did you hear about Oahu?

What happened there? - What? What happened?

- Well, my dad just called from KCK -

reception's, like, major shit out here,

but he said something about some murders.

- Wow. - There's no service.

- Flat line?

- Im in and out. Mostly out. Walit - this is in Honolulu?

- Dad wants us to leave.

| think he's in major over-reaction mode,

okay? - Some newlyweds

were Kkilled, he said. That's what happened.

So... - Wow, that's awful.

Ve were just there, like, the day before yesterday.

- We've been planning this

for, like, 5 and a half months. Does he not even know

it's a different island? - Wh-what did your dad say?

| mean, do they know who did it?

Do they know anything?

- He says they're looking for two people,

a man anda woman. lt's all | got.

- Justlike that movie, hun?

Uh... Natural Born Killers.

(gasping) - Omigod, that movie

like, totally freaked me out.

When his head was doing that thing?

- Majorly.

- Well, what do you think? - Well, | mean, it was Oahu,

not here. - Well, speak now,

or forever hold your peace.

- Well, hey, | mean,

it's our honeymoon, right?

- Well, my exit here.

Be sale.

Some hard yards ahead.

- Are you, uh... are you camping

over al Secret Falls?

(panting) | read all about it

in the guidebook.

- Justíor the day.

| had to run back to the truck for a little butane.

- Well, um, how close is it?

- It's like everything else in Hawail: as close as far away gets.

- Oh, baby, it sounds so romantic...

- Yeah, but 'd like to get

to the beach-- - It's only, like, a mile?

It's, like, nothing. - Honey, c'mon.

Maybe we should give the man his privacy.

- Ah, don't matter to me.

Plenty of eatin' to go around.

- What?

- Ah, nothing.

Uh...

one mile, huh?

- What? Serious? - Yeah.

- Oh, cool!

Hey, wait up!

(music)

Wow.

- Welll.

| do believe she's clothesless.

- Hey there...

stranger. - | do believe he is too.

- This is Gina!

- He mentioned Gina before?

- Crazy-ass love of my crazy-ass life!

- He is now.

- Okay, so...

they're, like, a couple?

- Y'all comin' in or what?!

- Baby, we going in or what?

- Yeah, in a minute.

Let me see if | can get some reception.

- Okay.

- Ahhh...

Wow, that's nice.

| hope we're not intruding

on your... private paradise here.

- Well, forget. it.

Nicko's always bringin' home strays.

(Cydney laughing) - Mrs. Cydney Anderson.

We're newlyweds.

- Miss Gina Scruggs.

We're not.

(Cydney laughing)

It's illegal to marry children. (Cydney laughing)

- Oh! - You are so dead.

(laughter)

- Okay.

Here we go...

C'mon.

"Thursday on Oahu,

“possibly...

“mainlanders on their honeymoon...

"... teeth and fingerprints removed...

"... have reason to believe...

“killers may have jumped islands

to Kauai."

- Are you shittin' me?

- No, these girls on the trail told us.

- | feel like maybe we saw somethin'.

They know who it was who did the killing?

- Um, | don't think so.

photo of suspect...”

- Y'know what | heard...

A few people die out here every year.

They just stand under a waterfall,

get hit by some falling rock,

or maybe they just slip and go right on over and vanish.

(chuckling)

Who knows how, huh? Or even why.

Could be the wages of sin.

How ya doin', Hotwheels?

- Um... goad.

- That's two lies in one day.

Comes natural to you, don'tit?

- You following us, Kale?

- Y'know, i ainta fact that you deceived us.

Every man's got a pack of lies in him, right?

It's just that you thought...

we was foolish enough to buy it.

- That... m sorry, | don't--

- What'd you think, anyway?

Just 'cause we choose to look a certain way,

that makes us what? Desperadoes?

- No. | don't think--

- Jesus, man, y'know, sometimes it feels

like the whole world's just...

spittin' in my face.

- Excuse me.

Look...

| thought you said you were going to Lumahai Beach.

- Going to that area. That's what we said.

- Well, you didn't say

you were doing the trail, so...

- Neither did you.

- Look, we offered you a ride, you didntwantit.

You didn't take it. So | don't really understand

what the issue is between us.

- Kale.

- Joy and happiness here?

- No, | think we're good.

- Outstanding.

- How far you going, Hotwheels?

- Playing it by ear. You?

- Maybe the next beach. Uh, Hana...

What's it called?

- Hanakaprai.

- That one, yeah. Maybe there, maybe further.

- Need permits to go further.

- Should be givin us aride, man.

- C'mon.

- So after a $45 taxi ride,

we wind up at the Ocean View Hotel!

Sounds nice, doesn'tit?

Problem is, it hadn't actually had an ocean view

since 1987,

when these high-rises went up across the street.

Jesus, everyone's like, "Oh, Waikiki's so great."

Honestiy, ltwas gettin on my last nerve.

- Um, are we... are we okay? - Yeah. Let's keep an eye

on our timing, okay? - Yeah, but do those packs

belong to who | think-- - Yeah, they said

they were doing the trail all alone. Maybe they were.

Sh, its 1.30 already. C'mon, lets go.

- Hey, baby, you wanna break this down?

Ve should get going, too.

- Okey-dokey.

- Thank you.

So you guys don't mind If we tag along?

| mean, we're all goin' to the same place.

- It's... fine with me. Uh...

Yeah, you kidding?

- Did you take the permits?

- No, | didn't touch them.

- | put them right here in this brochure.

- Well, did you leave them at the store?

- No. I'm pretty sure | put them...

No, "m positive | pult... Si!

- While we're still young, huh, Cliff?!

- Yeah, one sec!

- Ne leave no man behind.

- They're some hard yards.

(music)

- Well, guess you can't have rainbows without a little rain.

Right?

- You hear that, uh, Cliff here is a big screenplay writer?

- You write for the movies? Well, whoopty-ta!

- Yeah, we say "screenwriter." - Sorry.

- He's on the prowl for a new story.

Y'know, 1 can tell you shit you aintseen

in no Hollywood movie. - You watch yourself, now.

- What?

- What, what? You know what.

- Maybe CIiff here can change the names

to protect the guilty.

You do that in movies, right? - Yeah.

- You know Johnny Depp? - He knows Nic Cage.

Can you see him playing me in some movie?

- Baby, you know Nic Cage? - Yeah.

Yeah, | do now. - No, see, me, myself,

| like that Johnny Depp better. | mean, he is just... dreamy!

| mean, the way he looks at you? - Jesus Christ. Honey,

it all starts with a story.

Am | right, Cliff? - Yeah.

- l once made a surprise visit

in a certain dictator's palace on the Tigris River.

Newly evacuated,

still smelled the Havana tobacco hanging in the air.

Ve were tasked with finding perishable intel, computer dish,

smtlike that. Butin the master bathroom -

about the size of fuckin' Ethiopia, by the way;

there's golden dolphins for faucets -

there was this lockbox bolted to the floor,

had his initials engraved on top.

Ve start beatin' on that fuckin' lock.

- Wait - Iraq? You were in Iraq? - Yeah, firstin.

- Óh. - Me and my wolf pack.

Fuck those pictures you saw of the Fourth Infantry.

That was later. What I'm giving you now is God's real shit.

- He is not supposed to be talkin' about this stuff.

- So... inside this box,

| figured maybe cash,

maybe a set of pearl-handled pistolas -

hell, maybe some damn fine presidential-grade hashish.

We finally burn it open with a 50-grain det cord...

ls a handy too! - det cord? - Yeah.

- Wrap it around a tree three feet thick - pow! -

drop it across the trail If someone's hot on your ass.

Remember that trick. - Yeah.

Yeah, det cord, thats anice detall.

- You gotta get the details right, Cliff.

Otherwise, we're just makin' another big craptastic movie.

So we open this thing, what do we find?

What do we find? What do we find...?

Iron Man, Avengers... Dude Was a Silver Age Marvel freak!

And you know what he had most of,

in his own personal stash?

- Idontknow. | wasnt there.

- Sub-Mariner. All in French, for some reason.

- Namor, Prince of the Deep? Why Sub-Mariner?

Isnt inat one oí the smit ies?

- One theory?

Tug-job material.

Mr. Presidente had a thing for French-speaking fellows,

little Speedos and big spears. One theory.

Phew.

- So, uh...

you were like, uh, Special Ops.

What were you, Seals? Rangers?

- Officially, I'm only allowed to say I've been a sworn officer

participating in the tactical phase

oí certain missions that would make most men

wanna crawl up and hide inside their own assholes.

- And unofficially?

- Im a goddamn American Jedi.

Possible title number one, by the way.

Hey, uh...

see this? - Oh!

- Took afrag from a Bouncing Betty.

Anti-personnel mine.

It caved in the back of my fuckin' head!

Medivacked out to Germany, got my skull rebuilt

with space-age titanium. Can't go through

a metal detector without ringing cherries,

but that's cool. Lets me travel with a Gilligan

just about wherever | want.

- Gilligan?

- Uh,it's...

... My little buddy.

- That's some toothpick.

- Here's the kicker, though:

when | took that shrapnel, | never feltit.

| mean, | felt the impact, | felt my backside go all wet,

but no real pain.

Now, maybe | don't recall events in full - they did scoop out

a little grey Spam back there -

but... get this:

my wolf pack, they will swear

that | was ambulatory for more than 17 minutes

before they forced me to lie down, tackled me!

Even then, | was lookin'

to monkey-fuck a Marlboro Light!

There's no nerve endings in the brain, Cliff.

Remember that...

when you write the scene.

- Yeah, there's some... really good details there.

- Yeah, he's really hard to kill.

(music)

Hey, y'all make it to the beach?

- Yeah,its great. Just keep going.

- Hey, see any rangers up ahead? - None that | saw.

- If's only, like, three miles to the beach, we hope.

- Yeah, butlots oí twists and turns ahead.

- Hey, the further we go, the fewer people on the trail.

- And your point is?

- Back there, pretend you gotta pee.

(groaning) - Pretend?

- Cops in Honolulu released a photo of the killers.

Apparently, they didn't know they were on camera.

Shit. - What?

It could be anybody.

- Are you sure about that?

They don't look familiar to you?

- Y'all good, or what?!

- Having a bathroom break!

- You are freaking me out! That could be anybody.

- | mean, what do we really know about these people?

Aside from him and his stories? Which, | might add,

are starting to sound more and more bullshitty to me.

Next thing we're gonna find out,

he's got the heart ofa... baboon or something.

- | think he's just trying to impress.

| mean, he thinks you're gonna write a movie about his life

or something. - What do we know?

- Well, she's from Savannah,

her father Is a controlling military shit,

she rebelled, met Nick in South Carolina,

but he reminded her too much of Daddy.

He chased her until finally giving up and moving on,

but that's when she got interested in him, of course.

It's their first time in Hawaii, they thought Waikiki

Was a little Las Vegas, but they love it here on Kauai.

Girls talk.

- So they were on Oahu, too.

- | guess they were.

(ominous music)

- He's an interesting guy, Cliff.

- Yeah, the first man ever who wants to talk

while he's in the bathroom.

What is going on back there?

- You keep shakin' that bush so we know you're there!

Keep shakin' that bush!

(grunting)

- We're supposed to be on our honeymooan!

Okay? So siow down

that overactive brain of yours, 'cause | wanna enjoy myself here?

Babe,

we're gonna be fine.

- Well, | guess the beach Will still be there tomorrow.

- | hope we are. (laughter)

- Fucker! - You're doing great, babe!

Oh! Amazing! - Yeah.

- All right, we got macaroni and cheese

with, uh...

"real imitation cheese."

- Honey, that's a vegetable dish where | come from.

- What? (laughing)

- That's good reflexes...

for a writer.

(inaudible conversation)

- What?

- What, what?

- What do you mean, "what, what"?

What's everybody looking at?

- Whatever he's looking at.

- Probably just a goat.

There's a lot of them in these valleys.

- | haven't seen any goats!

- | don'"t expect you would, Cliff.

Your situational awareness kinda sucks.

That's not a knock. You're a screenwriter,

Im a Jedi.

That's just different paths we chose.

Think they Kkill him first?

Or he just drowned in there?

| always wondered.

- Ah, no, I'm good.

Uh, just so | know whether or not to be offended,

uh, define "situational awareness."

- What's the first thing you do when you step onto a plane?

Maybe have asip of that fine Champagne, huh?

You do fly in first class, right?

- | put away my shit, like everyone else.

- Well, when | board a plane,

making my way back to the cheap seats,

| clock every door,

| pace off the distance between those exits

and my seat. That plane loses power on takeoff,

| can make egress in the dark,

totally blind. Wihe aisle crowds up,

Im gonna climb over the back of 36D,

guy with that shiny-ass toupee, make the over-the-wing exit.

And | know the handle swings down, not up,

and the door swings in, not out.

Tknow al that inside of 30 seconas,

before they even pop the cork for you up there

in Hollywood class. (laughing)

See, if you wait

till an emergency happens before you decide

what to do...

you're already dead.

- What... chance do you have

of that happening? - Happened in Sioux City.

- Sioux City? - DC-10.

It rolled four times on landing,

wound up in lowa cornfield,

112 people dead.

- Yeah, | remember seeing that on TV.

- Yeah.

| saw it from the inside.

- He is really hard to Kkill.

- Let's go.

- Hey! What are you gonna do with that thing?!

- Dinner.

C'mon.

- Uh, dry underwear,

but, uh, thanks, though.

- Here, Kitty, Kitty, kitty, kitty, Kitty, kitty, kitty.

C'mon, Kitty, kitty.

Kitty, Kit...

- Excuse me”?

- Well, it's no problem.

You wanna stay in the kitchen with the lady folks, you stay.

- Oh, yeah, I'm an adult! So that kitty noise,

that... that's not... doesn't work anymore.

("jungle" music)

(groaning)

- Y'know...

... XW'crossed my mind...

thatit crossed your mind...

that we're the ones...

me and Gina...

- The ones who...? - It's okay, Cliff.

That's your screenplay-writer mind workin' its magic,

spinnin' shit

every which way. You gotta think like that.

- What?

The killers?

- The gruesome twosome. Hmm?

Possible title number two. - See now,

| think your mind's spinnin', Nick.

- So you think It's just a coincidence

we were there at the same time, on Oahu.

- Just like Cydney and | were there.

- There's a lot of people on Oahu when the murders happened.

Thats the way you look atit? - Thats exactiy how | look atit, Nick.

- Good.

Though it would make a hell of an act-two twist.

- We're not really huntin' goats here, are we?

- Mm... no.

- Then mind telling me what the hell we are doing out here?

- We gotus a shadow, two of'em.

Haventidentified 'em as hostile yet,

but they passed by our camp, doubled back for a second look,

and then they took cover somewhere in here.

| know, you didn't see 'em.

- People from the talls? - ltwas someone else.

- ANright, we should get back to camp, cmon.

- Gina could take care oí herself.

- l was thinking about Cydney. - Oh.

Gina could take care of her too.

- Are you just so fucking with me, Nick?

- If Iwas the killer, | wouldn't stay on Oahu.

I'd come right here.

- Wait.

- I'ma little worried about Cliff.

- Oh, please. Boys are happiest when they're huntin' somethin'

they can't quite catch. Besides,

gives us a little time together.

- Oh, no. Dope's not really my thing.

- So... what is your thing,

Cydney? Because we really...

hadn't heard yet.

- ltwould sound kinda boring to you.

- Oh, well, try me.

- Well...

we've been working really hard at getting pregnant.

We-'re gonna have five kids:

two boys and three girls.

And...

theyl be beautitul beyond belief, oí course.

Ve wanna get a place in the Palisades,

close to one of the bluffs,

take long walks in the summertime

and watch all the boats come in.

Y'know, anditiljust be...

us, y Know? Our family.

And you... | guess, y'know,

Miust be happy being called Mom and...

Mrs. Cydney Anderson.

For a while.

- Y'Know, there's this...

...preacher back in Georgia

and he used to tell all us kids

how we would rot in hell for having sex

outside the sanctity of marriage.

And then one day - y'Know, bless his little heart -

his wife caught him out back the Waffle House

with some hooker.

A girl with a really big dick.

Yeah.

So...

now,

when people wanna tell me

how so fuckin' perfect their lives are...

... I dontbelieve 'em.

- Um...

("jungle" music)

- Hey.

Nick!

- | do lie about my old life sometimes.

See, when my parents

stopped slapping the crap out of each other and split up,

they decided that they could have two kids each.

The problem was,

there was five kids.

So | did the-the-the foster-scare thing for a while

and that only lasted until | met this guy named Rocky.

He was a couple years older.

And...its so funny,

everyone in the neighbourhooad thought he was, like,

this fine young gentleman, Y'know,

but |... l saw something different in him,

something risky,

something crooked

and cool.

- Didn't hurt that he had his own truck, neither.

- He did. - Yeah. Wrong paint on one door,

but damn, he had some nice chrome wheels on it.

Yeah, | know guys like Rocky.

- Yeah, this one night, he, uh...

he drove me out onto the lake...

... and itwas hot and raining,

and | had the top button

of my shorts all undone for this guy, y'know,

and so hoping this is why we came down here.

Ah, God.

| remember the way the cracks in the vinyl seat

were pinching the back of my legs, y'know.

And that was bothering me, butwhat he was doing

With his fingers sure wasn't.

And suddeniy he's in my hand, al slippery and nice,

and he's about to go off and I'm about to come

for, like, the first time ever...

... and then he puts the headlights on.

And he makes me get out of the car to go...

... go look at something over by a pile of leaves...

... and... andit was Goldie, the neighbour's Labrador.

And he still had...

... Still had the pantyhose wrapped around his neck

from when he had hung it from a tree.

He said...

he would Kkill me If | ever told anybody.

- Well, did you ever tell anybody?

- Yeah.

Right now.

- Jesus.

- Y'know, it alíways amazes me

how much people talk about themselves

when they're on vacation,

talk to people they only just met.

- Yeah...

Yeah.

(inaudible conversation)

- Hey, what you doing? - Ahhhhh!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

You're Cliff, yeah?

Cliff Anderson. - What are you doing?

- | thought that was you, but then | see four peeps

instead of two, y'know, and | got all mixed up.

- What are you doing here?! Why are you following us?!

And who is that female?! - That's my bitch, Jessie.

- Butwhat are you doing here?! - Your permits, bruddah.

You went and leave 'em at the store, okay?

- You came all this way just-- - Auntie thought you needed 'em.

This aintihe maintand, bruddah.

We do this shit here, okay? Okay?

- All right. m sorry. - Okay?

Easy.

- Hey, babe, where you been?

Are you okay? - Yeah.

- Where's Nicko at?

- Last time | saw him, he was...

up, uh... l dunno, over there.

- Well, look at that.

- Yeah, baby, look at that.

- Hold this for me, please?

One to the neck - | broke it off.

The body's clean.

- Okay, baby, you are a man in full,

but how's about puttin' the head that-a-way

so the blood runs downhill instead all over our shit?

- Okay, and how's about you make sure

to cinch off the oesophagus this time,

so you dontíoul tnhe meat. - Im sorry,

you gonna do this, or am |?

- Hey, | ran into your friends.

They looked a little spooked.

What'd you say to 'em? - Just, uh--

- Hey, CIiff, can | see that thing?

Thank you.

See, |, uh, spent a summer

in the meat department at the Piggly Wiggly,

so this ain't nothin' to me.

But... if you're squeamish...

You wanna get all the way back here, the anus.

And now,

Wwhat you wanna do is,

get the bag - the gut bag - out.

| mean,

| find that more interestin' than gory, really.

- You guys hungry?

- Okay...

... these two have graduated to the official crazy category.

You know that, right?

- Solets just pack our bags and get out oí here.

Ve can make some excuse,

we can-- - Like what?

Like, uh, we think you're the killers?

- No. We can... we can say one oí us doesntíeel good,

or something. We don't have to go through with this.

Ve can just pack up our bags. - Look, it was hard enough

getting in here, we cantjust leave.

- Well, what do you suggest?

- If's only two more miles to the beach, right?

- Two long miles. - | kKnow.

But | think we have to ride this thing out.

Keep Nick talking,

keep him thinking he's gonna be the star

of some Hollywood movie. Keep them both happy.

So that everybody gets to the beach alive.

But we keep our game face on.

Do not let them know that anything is wrong here.

Do you understand me?

Hey.

Do you understand me?

- | just thought we were gonna have a real honeymoon.

- Rise and shine!

(indistinct distant voice)

Outside now.

We wanna see everybody's smiling face.

- Shit, it was only one goat.

- This is the Kauai County Police.

We want you face down,

on the ground, now.

We want to see your hands!

Show me your hands.

/ shit you not.

- Those boys jumpin' in heavy. You might wanna hang back,

let'em do their thing.

- C'mon!

- Get down on the ground! - Fucking pigs!

- Let me see your hands! - Fuck you messin' with us for?

Ve ain't got nothing to do with it, nothing!

- Hold it right there.

- So what the hell did they do? - Cantsay.

- Stop groping me!

- Al right, man, all right, relax!

- Does it have something to do with the murders in Honolulu?

- | really can't say.

- If's... it's those guys.

Ws, un, Kale and Cleo. They thinkits them.

- Hey, baby, don't worry! Relax! They ain't got nothin' on us!

- Im gonna sue your fucking ass!

- Go ahead, man, look all you want.

Think there's a gun in there? Show me a gun.

- We almost picked these guys up in a car.

- | have rights!

(spitting)

Baby, dontietem take me! Ow!

- What the fuck, man? - Well.

- Y' Know, | have to admit,

l... | thought it might've been you guys.

(Cydney laughing) - You're joking!

So much for our game face, huh?

| can't believe it, 'cause | thought it was you!

- My God,itis! Its me!

You! The killer! | mean, please!

(panting)

Well, whoopty-ta.

- Ample time till sunset, too, huh?

Outstanding.

- Yes. Hey, you guys,

want to get a shot of us in front of this rainbow?

- Oh, baby, | ook like hell. - Oh, no, you look great!

- Oh, c'mon. - You... you're a good liar.

- All right, here you go. - Okay.

- | just point and shoot it? - Yeah.

- 'Kay. Rolling. Go ahead.

- Hey. Whoo... - Hey!

- We survived the trail!

And our honeymoon. (laughter)

- Hey!

- Hey. - Hey, there's a sea cave

down the coast. - Yeah, | read about that.

West-southwest, around this point.

- Well, lets do 1!

(Nick laughing)

- No, T cuta deal with these guys!

| got two kayaks, one hour, 40 bucks.

And, no, you don'"t owe me 20.

- Yeah, | just got plans, is all.

- What kind of plans could you have?

- Covert plans. - You do know

how to handie a kayak.

- Pally, | done shark fishing in a kayak.

- 'Course. - Rod-and-reel, coast of Alaska.

Caught a 400-pound salmon shark. He put up a hell of a fight,

but you know who's gonna win that battle.

- Nick, are any oí your stories true?

- Want me to send you pictures? - Yeah.

- Yeah. - C'mon, let's go!

It'd give us a chance to talk about our movie deal!

- Cydney!

Tell her I'll be back for a sunset walk!

Me and Gina!

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

- Where are they goin'?!

- Idontknow.

- What?!

- The sea cave! They won't be long!

- Sonofabitch.

(gasping)

Nick!!!

Wait! Don't go!

(distant shouting)

- Hey, what is she saying?

- | dunno.

- Come back, come back.

- Got a nice bounce to her, tnough, dontshe?

- Nick!!!

- Sunset!

Im comin' back!

- Dammit! Nick!

C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon...

(suspenseful music)

- What, are you running out of gas?

- Our own tactical frequency, huh?

- Hustwanna make sure we get you back in time.

- Copy that. Jedi out.

Jedi out.

(suspenseful music)

Outstanding.

(suspenseful music)

(suspenseful music)

- Where are you?!

- Hey!

Gotta ask you something.

- Shoot.

- What is that, uh...

... Uh... "shake that bush"? What does that mean?

- Kiddin' me?

- What, some Special Ops lingo?

- What we've got here is...

a failure to communicate.

It's Paul Newman, Coo! Hand Luke.

Right before he breaks from the chain gang.

You should know that.

- | should, yeah.

- God, is it alive?

- Well, the stories were great, Nick.

They're really helpful.

But your situational awareness?

It actually kinda sucks.

- Cliff? - Call me Nick.

(Cydney): 1t always amazes me how much people

talk about themselves when they re on vacation,

talk to people they just met. How did she say?

It always amazes me how much people talk about themselves

when they're on vacation, talk to people they just met.

Hey, baby, look, it's Kale and Cleo

getting married in Oahu.

- Suitable for framing.

(suspenseful music)

We say screenwriter. We say screenwriter,

not screenplay writer.

- Guns? No, no. Who got guns?

- Guy named Kale. Runs with a gin

named Cleo. Maybe when you get back,

you can tell somebody about it, okay?

Just a two-week punch-up.

Yeah, just a two-week punch-up.

Just a punch-up. Two weeks.

Yeah, working on a two-week punch-up.

- Oh...

and we invited...

| had to invite my other sisters and then my sorority sisters.

- | basically hooked them up!

- Check this out! Hello!

Yeah, we're in pre-production...

in Canada. - My little brother

getting married before me! - And, uh, we are still casting.

My brother's a dick!

- Dunno why I'm telling you. We just came here to dance.

-You dance with who brung ya, Cliffy!

- | absolutely love you.

- Just the most magical weekend.

- Our wedding hall!

- Magical.

Magical.

This is the happiest day of my life!

(sirens howling)

- This is the scene right now,

in the harbour area near Pier 19,

Wwhere, late today, a city trash collector

stumbled across what appears to be another couple homicide.

- C'mon. This ain't got nothin' to do with us.

- Something | can show you?

- Uh, well, not me,

but see that dangerously handsome man over there?

When he comes in here and asks you what | was lookin' at,

can you show him this ring? And that one.

And let's not deny him that little rascal right there.

- Seems like he's more interested in water sports

right now. - Just an operational cover.

Trust me, he is watching us.

Any second now, he's gonna come on in here, drag me out,

and then forget somethin',

need to double back and ask you all private-like

what it was | was lookin' at. - Been playing this game awhile?

- Nicko. | love him to tears,

but he does take his own sweet time.

(Nick): Anytime, hon.

- You know what? Also show him

that one right there. Okay? Just those four.

- Shit. - What?

- Left my drink.

- And let's not forget this little rascal right here.

- Pfft. - So | take it

you're planning the next step?

- Oh, | got plans.

Covert plans.

Im gonna make a sunset proposal on Kalalau Beach.

Okay, | just need to make sure

that this isn't gonna be... Y'Know, underwhelming

compared to whatever's stuck

inside oí that twangy hittte nead of hers.

- Uh, you know, let me, uh...

- Uh... is that gonna work?

Ifit's truly gonna disappoint her,

I'Il roll over and play dead for you.

Im gonna be the easiest mark

you ever had. Just, please, help me getiit right.

Gina is gonna be the first and last for me.

She is the one.

- Well, to tell you the truth...

... Vhink sheHove anything you give her.

- So you didn't buy anything?

- What do | wanna buy in there? - | dunno. | mean, you just...

y'know, it took you so long,

| was thinking maybe they got ya.

- No, no, | got away clean.

Its 1600, we should catch that ferry.

- Where's your drink? - Goddammit!

(horn honking) - Babe, get a picture oí me

with Honolulu in the back. - Uh, | have a better idea.

Let's get the both of us. - C'mon, c'man!

It's right there, it's right there!

- Uh, excuse me... - C'mon, run...!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Walt, wait, wait!

- Ah, crap.

- Su!

- Honolulu! Whoo! - Hawali! Whoo!

- We made it, we made it!

- Have we met before? - No, no, no.

- Haven't seen you on TV? - No such luck, no.

Sometimes, it seems like...

... like nothing exists until we get there,

till we put our eyes oniit.

Like the whole fuckin' world was manufactured

for our wants and needs, y'know?

- Think it'l be a nice sunset? - | mean, like ¡f | take...

Wijustturn my head... y'know, for just a minute,

but don't tell me, but does everything just stop,

just shut down,

go into some energy-saving hibernation mode,

till | choose to reactivate them

by simply...

- You should say sweet stuff to me sometimes.

- How many times do | need to tell you?

If there's anyone in this world that | could love,

it's you. Why is that never enough?

- Just forget about it.

- Look, you helped create

this fevered dream of immortality.

You are the privileged witness who's gonna help me lead

100 different lives.

It's you.

- Look, | getit.

| know that in some bent way,

your need for detachment fits my need for attachment.

Thatsit. ls afiting fuckin fuckin fit.

| get it, okay?

Let's stop Iying to ourselves, okay?

- Tm notiying now.

Hove the idea

of loving you.

- And Hove hearing it.

It's sick andit's sad.

Does that make me crazy, Rocky?

Am | crazy?

Am 1?

- lt makes you exciting.

- Well, whoopty-ta.

- Outstanding.

- No!!!

- Ahh!

Ahhhh...!!!

(screaming)

- Nick?!

Nick!!!

(panting)

(banjo music)

Jesus.

Who is this? - Hello. My name is Woody,

and I'm calling to make sure

youre getting the most out of your ATÉT calling plan.

- Oh, sweet fuckin' Jesus. You know what? Where you at?

What state are you in? - Im not supposed to say.

- Okay, Woody, there's been some murders in Honolulu.

Maybe you've heard, maybe you haven't.

But they are comin' after me and | need your help.

Can you do this for me, Woody?

Woody, are you there?

- | hear your concerns, madam, but with our Free roam plan,

we can offer you more minutes

regardiless of the time of day. - Screw the calling plan!

Listen to me good, okay? You're gonna be my 911 boy,

okay, Woody? All right, | need you to call

the Princeville Kauai Police Department and you tell them

that | can have the killers to the Kalalau Beach

in about 30 minutes. Can you do that for me?

Woody! - Im placing you

on brief hold. - No, you do not put me on hold

and check with your supervisor! | need you to just do ¡t! Okay?

And | also need you to maybe call

for some air ambulance or somethin', because just...

- Hello?

Hello, madam?

Hello?

- Please tell me yoU'll do this for me.

Please, please, please swear to me that you will.

- This is in the Pacific Ocean? - Jesus!

God, | hope you're recording this call!

Yes, it is in the Pacific Ocean!

Yes, it1is one oí the five islands!

Im on Kauai, in the Hawalian chain...

chain of islands. (Cydney): We re almost there.

A little more, baby.

Right there.

- Ahh! (Gina screaming)

(Rocky grunting)

Ahhhhh!!!

Ahh!

(groaning)

(screaming)

Bitch!

She got a call!

Ask for help back at the beach!

Remember,

nothing exists until we get there!

- Gotit. Rocky?

Nothing exists until / get there.

- Here | come, baby.

(music)

(screaming) - Hey, hey, whoa, whoa.

Didn't mean to scare you.

- But you haven't seen two dudes,

two kayaks-- - He shot my boyífriend,

shot me in the fuckin' hand-- - Let me see that.

- No, let go! - Tman EMT, okay?

- | don't care! | need to go! - Let me take a look.

| can help you. - ... He is right behind me!

- Let's get her down. - No! Let me...!

- Im an EMT. C'mere.

Let me take a look. Sit her down, okay?

- Okay! Okay! TI go down!

- Calm down.

- Okay, and there's gonna be-- - Hey, whoa!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Hey, hey, hey!

(Gina screaming) - Put her down. Listen to me.

You're safe! - Calm down.

- He was right behind me just a minute ago.

You dontunderstand! - Who you talking about?

- He-he-he... Oh, God.

- Gina?

You feeling better? Huh?

- Hey!

Hey!

- Relax, relax. - We need to go right now!

Do you hear me?! - Shes afriend of my witfe.

She has a little issue with, uh, crystal meth, okay?

Normally, she's pretty functional,

but obviously this ain't normal.

- He killed my Nicko!

He killed-- - C'mon!

- He wants to be us! That's what he wants!

Him and his girlfriend wanna be us!

- She's iced out of her mind right now.

| mean, it's been a while.

Look, look, look, look. C'mere.

- No. No, no, no, don't go, don't go.

- Look atihnis.

Been finding these the whole trip.

Think she just got in over her head this time,

so | hope we don't have to involve the police or anything.

Promise I'l| get her back safe, okay?

- Don't listen to him! - Look, we're just out here

'cause someone took off

with two of our boats. Last thing we want

is to get involved in somebody else's mess.

- Right? - Yeah. Right.

EXxcept... - Exceptwhat?

- If's just that | don't get why her pupils are normal,

and yours are the size of olives.

- Guys...

that was a perfectly good story.

(screaming)

Fuck!

Count your fuckin' shots! Gina, hey!!!

No way.

(gunshot) (Rocky screaming)

(scream echoing)

- Nicko...

- How many people?

- Enough... to get goad atit...

Oh, | bit my tongue. | hate that.

- That's gonna stop hurtin' in a second.

- Why, Nick?

You think this is it? Huh?

Bad guy buys it, crowd goes nuts.

Y'know what | hate about that ending,

aside from being cliché?

It's your version of reality, pally.

Not mine!

Oh, it'd feel so good to squeeze that trigger

right now, wouldn't it? Yeah.

But you kill me, you Kkill yourself.

Oh, you... you ain't gonna do that.

- ... weapons down!

Put your weapons down!

- You got too much to live for, you got too many attachments!

You're just too soft! Here, kitty, kitty, kitty,

kitty, Kitty, kitty, kitty.

- Guy standing with a weapon, correct?

He is the one you told us about, correct?

The area's closed! Al trails are blocked!

- C'mon, Nick! C'mon, do it!

- ... all weapons! - You dontkill me,

II| come back! These fuckin' idiots

cantkeep me locked up! Hey!

One year from today, Honolulu Pier 19.

Okay, around noon, be there!

- Weapon ready. - Someone's gonna burst by you,

maybe give you a little nudge.

They might not look like me, okay?

Might look a little something like you.

Circle the date, Nick! Because that is the day

that you're gonna realize just how good | really fuckin' am!

- | have to know I'm about

to kill the right man. Is he the one | want?

- Cmon, do 1!

Just do it. C-mon. Do 1 - Last chance!

Weapons down!

Do “.

- Outstanding!

- Don't die on me, don't die on me again!

Christ!

- | would've done it If | were you.

- Well, you ainthim.

- The one you want...

... e one who killed al those people...

... and the one that et fuck up my le...

... 18 the same guy...

... Who's about to pick up that gun.

Yeah, him.

- Chopper 1... (inaudible transmission)

... requesting two ambulances.

(grunting) - What are you doin'?

- No, ¡t's all right.

This is for you.

- Holy crap.

DId you getit from that store in Honolulu?

- eBay.

- eBay.

How long have you had it?

- Year and a half.

- Ayear and a halt?!

Well, what you waitin' for, you dumb bastard?!

- For the right moment?

- Baby, you are...

a man in full.

- Imjust gonna...

(sighing)

- | don'"t need no honeymoon. - Let's not do a honeymoon.

(music)

DVD Subtitling: CNST, Montreal