Original subtitles

Sometimes the world looks perfect

Nothing to rearrange

Sometimes you just get a feeling

Like you need some kind of change

No matter what the odds are this time

Nothing's gonna stand in my way

This flame in my heart like a long lost friend

Gives every dark street a light at the end

Standing tall

On the wings of my dream

Rise and fall

On the wings of my dream

The rain and thunder

The wind and haze

I'm bound for better days

It's my life and my dream

Nothing's gonna stop me now

Ah, this is getting ridiculous.

I didn't have time to do the laundry yesterday.

This is the only clean shirt I've got to wear to work.

You think this looks okay with a tie?

Well, it looks pretty stylish to me.

Yeah.

Cousin, don't worry. I do the laundry tonight.

Mmm. Oh, wait a minute. I, I can't.

I got, uh, to study for history

and I'm three days behind on the dishes.

Well, now I barely have time to eat breakfast.

but there are no clean bowls for your cereal.

there are no clean spoons for your cereal.

Care for a handful of cereal?

Balki, the apartment is a mess.

Mmm.

and my extra work at the paper, we don't have time

to get caught up on the household chores anymore.

I think we should get a maid.

Cousin, I hardly think getting a young woman to milk a goat

is going to solve our problem.

Not a milkmaid.

I'm talking about a maid.

Someone who comes in while we're at work, cleans up

and is gone by the time we get home.

Oh, On Mypos, we call those people thieves.

Well, in America we call them maids

and we're going to get one.

We're gonna hire someone to come in once a week

and clean this place up.

Fine by me.

Milk?

Ugh. Cousin...

I've been lookin' for two days and nothin'.

I can't believe what they charge for housekeepers.

Well, wait till you hear this, I got--

Well, wait till you hear this... It's impossible to find a maid

who'll work for $35 a day.

Cousin, I found a maid.

You did? Yeah.

You found a maid? Yeah!

No.

I found someone who's willing to work every day

for $35 a week.

Can I sniff out a bargain or what?

There's gotta be a catch.

You gotta be crazy to work for $35 a week.

You didn't hire a crazy person, did you?

Well, of course I didn't, don't be ridiculous.

Would I give the week's grocery money

to a crazy person to shop for us?

You gave the week's grocery money to a total stranger?

Cousin, try to pay attention.

I didn't give the week's grocery money to a total stranger.

I gave it to a woman who I have very,

very good feeling about.

Yes. Oh, well, I stand corrected.

It's okay.

No. You are the crazy person!

What is the matter with you?

Balki, that's the last you'll see of her.

She's probably out blowing our money at the track.

Uh. Oh, I'm sorry it took so long, but I got a butcher

who didn't know his ribs from his rump.

Oh, you must be Larry.

I've heard a lot about you.

Listen, I've seen your bedroom. I think I can save it.

Uh.

Cousin, this, this is she.

This is our new housekeeper.

I like you to meet Mrs. Bailey.

Mrs. Bailey, I... I think there's been a misunderstanding.

Oh, you probably think you're dealing

with a crazy person, right?

Well, well, why would I think that?

Well, because only a crazy person

would work for $35 a week.

Well, that does seem logical.

The only thing that makes me crazy

I don't need the money.

It's the work that makes me happy.

You got an eight-inch spring form cake pan?

I, uh, kinda doubt it.

Well, now, I've got just enough time

to do the laundry before I start making dinner.

You boys like chocolate cake? Yes.

It's Cousin Larry's favorite.

Then chocolate it is.

Wait. Uh, uh, here

uh, Mrs. Bailey, let me give you a hand...

No, no, no. That's my job.

Your job is to get these clothes dirty.

And by the looks of things, you're the best.

Thanks. I'll be back.

Well, uh, cousin, it appears

that someone has found us a rather incredible maid.

Is there anything you'd like to say to that someone?

Yes.

What the hell is an eight-inch spring form cake pan?

Good morning, Harriette.

Oh, good morning, baby.

Mmm-mmm, look at you.

I haven't seen you this wrinkle-free in ages.

That new maid must really be somethin'.

Oh, yes, she is something.

She is somethin'.

She's there early before we get up, has a big breakfast waiting.

Dinner's ready when we get home.

She even turns down the beds

and has a little mint on the pillow.

Yeah.

And I should be happy.

So what's the problem?

Well, uh, I... I don't know.

I got somebody who waits on me hand and foot

and, uh,

Look, you're never gonna believe this.

HARRIETTE: What, what, what?

Mr. Gorpley's in a good mood. You're kidding.

No, he, he let me play darts with him.

Is that right? Yeah.

I got to hold the board.

What's that on your shirt, baby?

Oh, this is a... A note that Mrs. Bailey

pinned to me to remind me to take my vitamins.

Isn't it a good idea?

Now, Cousin Larry and I will never...

Cousin Larry and I will never

forget anything.

I think I can remember to floss.

Well, I certainly hope so

because as Mrs. Bailey says,

plaque is the leading cause of tooth decay and gingivitis.

Mmm.

Mrs. Bailey is so smart.

I always thought that gingivitis

was Fred Astaire's dancing partner

Oh, there you are.

Mrs. Bailey! Mrs. Bailey!

Oh, oh, what am I gonna do with you boys?

You walked right out without taking your galoshes.

I mean, it's bad enough you're gonna ruin your shoes

you wanna ruin your health, too?

I'm so sorry.

Oh, and you came all the way down here.

You shouldn't have come down here.

Uh, he's right. You really shouldn't have.

Bartokomous!

Get these memos out to everybody in circulation.

Okay.

See to it that all these sacks are sorted.

Oh, okay.

And remember to get all your pick-ups done early today.

Okay.

Go! Go... Okay.

Pardon me, young man.

There is a nicer way to ask for things.

And I didn't once hear you use the magic word.

Excuse me? No, no, no. Not excuse me.

Please.

And you should smile more.

Balki, come here.

Say you're sorry.

I'm sorry.

Is he always like that?

No.

Sometimes he'll wear a plaid.

Oh, I almost forgot.

You did? Mmm-hmm.

Now, be honest.

I've never worked with snout before.

Just like Mama used to make.

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Mrs. Bailey, let's go offer

the uneaten ones to my friend Jimmy the security guard.

Oh, that'll be fun. Okay. Come on.

Oh, Larry, what did I tell you about your posture?

That's better.

BALKI: Jimmy! Jimmy!

You've got a problem, baby.

You didn't hire a maid, you hired a mother.

Wow.

That was some concert, huh?

I just love George Michael.

You know, when he sang Careless Whisper, I melted.

Just makes me feel so romantic.

Well, why don't you select some music to sustain the mood?

And we'll be right back.

Balki.

I think this could be the greatest night of my life.

Now, when we go back into the living room, I'll dim the lights,

ask Jennifer to dance and then

when I feel the time is right, I'll do this.

Why would anybody do this?

Because when I do this,

that means that you will tell

Mary Anne that you want to go upstairs and see her

Great Cities of the World place mat collection.

I've already seen it.

I was quite disappointed in Barcelona.

Balki, trust me.

Barcelona is much prettier this time of year.

May I have this dance?

Why, yes, you may.

So, uh, Mary Anne,

uh, would you like to

join with Larry and Jennifer?

What...

Ooh.

Wow.

Uh, Mary Anne, why don't you take Balki upstairs and show him

your Great Cities of the World place mat collection?

Well, okay.

Oh, you're home.

Mrs. Bailey.

Mrs. Bailey. Yes...

Listen, I want you to meet our friends.

This is Mary Anne.

And, uh, this is Jennifer.

Hello, Jennifer. Hi.

And this, this is Mrs. Bailey

our new housekeeper.

I work here.

Oh, honey, this one's crazy about you.

Uh, listen, Mrs. Bailey,

I think you've done enough work for one day.

Now, why don't you take the rest of the evening off?

Oh, Larry, that's so sweet of you.

Well, if I don't have to fold the clothes,

why don't I mix up a batch of chocolate chip cookies

and then I can get to know your friends better.

Chocolate chip cookies! What a great idea.

Yeah, I really think it's, uh, kind of late for all this.

Yeah, it is late. We better be going.

What Uh, you're leaving?

Well, Larry, I have to get up early tomorrow morning

and we've kind of lost the mood.

Oh, no, no, no. We haven't.

Once she's gone, the lights go down,

the music will come up and I'll find

the mood if it kills me.

Larry, I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Yeah, but...

and look at my place mats or what?

Did your dates leave?

Yes, yes, they did.

Oh. I hope I didn't ruin the evening.

Oh, no, no, Mrs. Bailey. You didn't ruin anything.

They always leave around this time.

Anyway, we can still have those chocolate chip cookies.

Aw, of course we can.

Here we go.

All right, Balki. We have to talk about Mrs. Bailey.

Well, well, you know, that's a good idea.

Look, it's midnight

We should give her a raise.

A raise wasn't what I had in mind.

Look, Balki, I like Mrs. Bailey as much as anybody

but it's like living with my mother.

I know it. It gets better and better.

Mrs. Bailey is driving me crazy.

Cousin, what are you talking about?

Mrs. Bailey's a wonderful woman

and a terrific housekeeper.

She's everything we wanted and more.

It's the more that's driving me crazy.

It's the more that is always here

when I want to be alone.

It's the more that always makes sure

I wash my hands before dinner.

And it's the more that ruined

what could have been

So what are you saying?

I am saying I just wanted someone who would come in and clean up a little,

not someone who would tuck me in every night.

Balki, I'm going to have to fire Mrs. Bailey.

Well, you can kiss that notion goodbye.

Mrs. Bailey likes taking care of us

and I like being taken care of.

So it's two against one. She stays.

No, Balki, no, I should go.

Oh, Mrs. Bailey, I didn't mean, uh...

No, that's all right. What I, what I meant...

Mrs. Bailey, I'm sorry, I... Please don't do this...

Please, please, don't apologize.

It's just a situation that didn't work out.

I'm very pleased to have met you both.

And I'm sure you'll find someone more suitable.

Please don't... Please don't, don't...

Aah, look, uh, Balki, believe me that

this is, this is really not what I had...

...in mind.

Oh. Hey, buddy. You're home early.

So how was class?

Eh, Balki?

Balki?

I think you should know that, that...

Okay, it's been three days now.

Balki, how long you gonna keep this goin'?

Forever or until you hire Mrs. Bailey back,

which ever comes first.

Well, Balki, I'm not gonna hire Mrs. Bailey back.

Oh. Oh, hi, Mrs. Bailey.

Hi, Larry. Come on in. Sit down.

This is for you and Balki.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, my goodness.

Three days and this place hasn't fallen apart?

My, I'm proud of you. Well, thanks.

Mrs. Bailey! Mrs. Bailey, you came back!

You came back!

She came back!

I still can't believe what you boys did for me.

I just had to come back and say thank you.

Thank us

Well, we were glad to do it.

Took a little legwork, but when Balki and I found

that sorority at Northwestern that needed a housemother,

well, we both knew you'd be perfect for the job.

You were so right. I've never enjoyed a job more.

But don't you enjoy working for us?

Oh, of course, sweetheart.

But Larry was right. I really don't belong here.

We need you. No, you don't.

Yes, I do. No, you don't.

You can take care of yourself.

But these college kids, they really need me.

Oh, well, I've got to get going

but please, come and visit me, will you?

Oh. Sure, we will. Oh, that's great.

Come on. And enjoy the cake.

Don't forget now, come and visit.

Oh, we will. Will do, will do.

Ooh, ooh, one more thing.

Try to make it a habit to keep the toilet seat down.

You'll thank me when you get married.

Well, I'll be snookered.

You went out and found Mrs. Bailey

a job that makes her happy.

Oh, Balki, was that you?

It's been so long since I heard it.

Uh, cousin...

Um, I'm sorry.

I feel awful.

You know, for... For three days

I've done nothing

but sit in my bedroom

and be angry at you.

Oh, is that where you were? I was so worried.

I thought you moved out.

You're not gonna make this easy, are you?

No.

Cousin, I apologize.

I...

when you were out giving of yourself.

You know, you are a saint.

I'm humbled in your presence.

I would be honored to be the dirt on your shoes.

No, dirt is too honorable for me.

Yeah. Mmm.

I would be honored to be... Okay, okay.

To be the mildew on your shower curtain.

Yeah, Balki, that's enough.

That, that's good, that, that's, that's good.

Ugh...

Cousin, I'm sorry. I forgive you.

Oh, good idea.

You want, uh, real plates or paper?

Well, uh, let me see.

Yours. Paper.

Right.