Original subtitles

Sometimes the world looks perfect

Nothing to rearrange

Sometimes you just

Get a feeling like you need

Some kind of change

No matter what the odds are this time

Nothing's gonna stand in my way

This flame in my heart

Like a long lost friend

Gives every dark street

A light at the end

Standing tall

On the wings of my dreams

Rise and fall

On the wings of my dreams

The rain and thunder

The wind and haze

I'm bound for better days

It's my life and my dream

Nothing's gonna stop me now Nothing's gonna stop me now

It's my life and my dream

Nothing's gonna stop me now

Nothing's gonna stop me now

"Christmas Sales." Huh. Give me a break.

"Mother Teresa." You're out of luck.

"Motor Cycle Maidens..."

Think I'll save this for my private moments.

Balki, it was no big deal.

It had better be. You're 40 seconds late!

Cousin Larry just did a great thing.

What did he do? Tear up your green card?

This man, Larry Appleton, just saved my life.

Balki, it was nothing.

I'll be the judge of that.

We were walking across the street,

And this man pushed me out of the way.

It was a reflex.

You risks your life to save another.

In Mypos he would be considered a very great man.

This is America. Here, he's still considered a jerk.

Don't listen him.

You're a hero.

What... For what?

For running out into the street and throwing my body

between you and certain death?

Well, maybe a small hero.

No, cousin, take it from me.

You're a big one.

In Mypos, if somebody did what you just did,

he's no longer a regular person.

He's lift up to primodopolos.

Primo what?

Primodopolos.

Huh.

And, and I am but a lowly sheepherder.

Balki, what are you doing?

He's basking in my, uh, glory.

Get up or get out.

Balki.

Balki, get up. No.

Up. No.

Up. No!

I must bask in your glory.

It's a custom of my people.

And it's a custom of my people to earn a living.

And my custom is bigger than your custom.

Now, get up!

Okay. Okay.

But inside I'm still basking like crazy.

SUSAN: That was a great meal.

I didn't know Balki could cook like that.

Well, it was a little embarrassing. I usually like to feed myself.

You did save his life.

He's just trying to say thank you.

Well, don't me wrong.

It's just that in Mypos they have rules.

What kind of rules?

Well, rules like Balki's head must never be

higher than the primodopolos'.

Well, it is his culture.

See you later, hero.

She's right.

I did save his life.

If he wants to serve me, who am I to complain?

Who am I to stand in the way of his culture?

Did you want something?

I bring your Roman slippers.

I ironed them.

You ironed my slippers?

Tough to get a crease.

But anything for a primodopolos.

Anything else I can do for you?

No. I'd just like to sit and read my mystery.

What are you doing? What are you doing?

Balki, I just would like to finish this book so that I can go to bed.

You, you can't go to bed until you finish that book?

That's right.

The Great-Aunt Phoebe did it.

She did not have to be in a wheelchair.

She used to get up at night, dress like a man, and stab relatives.

That's right

Now, you can go to bed.

Is there anything else I can do for you?

Balki, look.

I know you're doing this because you feel you have to,

and I appreciate it. It's just that...

Could we not do the head thing?

Well... Actually that rule is optional.

Good.

Then stop, now.

Up. Up. Up.

Good.

Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to watch a little TV.

All right.

Eh!

Balki.

Balki, would you come here, please?

A bit closer.

Closer.

Closer.

What are you doing?

I'm making your lunch for tomorrow.

Sheep Wellington.

Well, thank you.

Balki, how long does this primodopolos thing go on?

Forever.

Don't you ever, ever do that again.

Don't worry.

What were you doing?

Trying to see if you were alive.

Well, obviously, I am.

And that makes me happier than a tick on a sheepdog.

BALKI: Are you going to stay mad at me long?

No. I am not going to stay mad at you.

It's just that you, you, you...

You scared me!

BALKI: A hero can be scared?

Oh...

All right, not, not, not scared but, uh, uh...

Surprised.

Look, Balki, I know you're only trying

to take care of me, and I appreciate the thought,

but this has got to come to an end.

Why... Am I tethered to the table?

So that you can't walk in your sleep and fall out the window.

Pretty smart, huh?

Now? No chance.

I'm going to untie myself now.

Goodnight.

Goodnight

LARRY: Balki!

'Cause we are living

In a material world

And I am a material boy

You know that we are living

In a material world

And I am a material...

Hello.

How are you this morning, American hero?

Two hours late. Someone turned off my alarm.

I wonder who that could be?

Me. Oh!

I turned off it so you could sleep in.

I have never been late in my life.

Not in high school, not in grade school.

I was born three weeks early.

Oh! Thanks for dropping by, Appleton.

Uh, I'm docking you two hours' pay.

Don't you give me that face yet.

All right, Mr. Twinkacetti.

Two hours, what is it, huh?

A few paltry dollars?

Take it out of my salary.

That is your salary.

Balki, this whole thing is getting out of hand.

I'm just not cut out to be served.

Well, you have to be. You're the primodopolos.

No, I'm not. I resign.

Wait. You can't do that.

It's for life.

I'm the primodopolos? Yes, you are.

And anything I say goes?

You can't serve me anymore.

But if I can't serve you, I've failed.

And if I've failed the primodopolos,

then I'm a... Nebulopolos.

You'll get over it.

Sticks and stones.

That's just exactly what they throw at nebulopoli.

I'm a disgrace.

I can't even show my face in public.

Well, I'll just get back to my sweeping.

Nobody knows

The trouble I've seen

Nobody knows

The sorrow

Still wearing the bag?

Turnip, I like the look...

But it's scaring away customers.

Thank you.

Not even fun to abuse anymore.

I don't know what to do. I'll tell you what to do.

Go jump in front of a taxi cab

and hope the turnip pulls you out of the way.

And what if he doesn't?

Either way, your problems are solved.

Thanks, but I prefer a solution that I can live through.

Well, sure. Think of yourself.

Wait a minute, I got an idea. I have a friend who is an actor.

Why don't you just hire him to break into the apartment,

make a little noise, wake up the turnip,

and then run like hell?

Oh, you mean it. Uh, well...

Well, uh, that's a real, uh... Idea.

Uh, but, uh, uh, I don't think so.

Huh! It's up to you.

You're the primopodomus.

What's the cost on something like this?

50 bucks. 50?

I wouldn't be asking him to do King Lear.

BALKI: Mr. Twinkacetti, I can't find the basement.

I keep on looking.

Have him come before midnight.

I don't wanna be up late. All right.

Balki.

Balki.

Yeah, is Jimmy there?

He's in New York? What's he doing there?

King Lear?

Uh, no, no. No message.

His loss... My gain.

Where have you been?

I work my own hours.

You're not supposed to take things.

That's what I do.

And look at this outfit.

Who ever heard of a burglar wearing a baseball cap?

All right, look, let me go over it again.

You come through the window you wake him up, threaten me.

Do you think you can handle that?

Is this some kind of hospital or something?

Hospital?

Look, I'll wake him up.

You try to look... Mean.

Oh, no! Oh, no! It's a burglar!

Balki, look, it's a robber!

Oh, oh, we're going to be robbed!

And here I am frozen with fear.

Oh, if only someone with courage would jump up and save us.

Wait a minute.

What about you? You can do it, Balki.

Don't be ridiculous.

He's got a gun.

He does?

You're not supposed to have a gun.

That's real.

Oh! Oh, you're not, uh...

Oh, you're a burglar.

Oh, my God.

Uh, uh, don't shoot. Please.

I am barely in my mid 20's.

I have never been skiing. I didn't mean to offend you.

I love your hat. It's just that I make a lousy...

Shut up! I can. I can do that.

I didn't talk through the entire third grade.

Will you shut up?

You can't do that to Cousin Larry.

Yes, I can. Yes, he can.

You do that again and you're in big trouble.

Balki, if the man wants to shove me, let him shove me.

There, you heard it. Yeah.

If you do that one more time...

Why do you keep doing that?

Because I'm the one that's got the gun.

Give me that.

All right, buster, reach for the friendly skies!

You can put your hands down now.

Even better.

Not you. Oh.

Down yours, up yours.

What your name is?

Uh, John Doe?

Put your hand out.

Shame on you, John Doe.

Breaking into other people's houses

and taking things that don't belong to you!

A-ha!

Yeah, you're right. Whatever you just said.

Call the police, cousin.

Oh, you bet I will.

Help! Police! Help!

Help! Help! Police!

Boy, the police department was fun.

I like that they gave me ice-cream cone

and then, they let me take my fingerprints.

Don't touch anything until you wash your hands.

They even let me stand in the line up.

It's just as well. First prize is 20 years.

Well, I'm gonna turn in.

Wait 15 minutes. I warm up your bed.

No. That is over.

Well, then it's back to the bag on my head.

Balki, don't you realize what you've done?

I did something wrong?

No, you saved my life.

You're a hero. What you did took guts.

Really? Yes.

Am I as brave as you?

Oh, you, I'm way down here

and you are way, way...

We are even.

Equals.

Two peas in a pod. A couple of primodopoli.

But I don't feel like a hero.

Somebody was pushing my friend and I have to stop him.

Well, that's all I did when I pushed you out of the way of the taxi.

That's what you do when you care about somebody.

You care about me?

Well...

I care about you too.

Well...

Thank you... For the service

and for saving my life.

Goodnight.