All language subtitles for Its.A.Great.Feeling.1949.DVDRip.XviD-FRAGMENT.EN

...is the largest studio in the world...

... the home of Warner Bros. pictures.

This is the entrance to a world
of glamour and enchantment.

Through these portals pass
the most beautiful trucks in the world...

...bringing to the studio many different
things necessary to produce a picture:

Equipment, costumes, everything,
in fact, from an airplane to a hairpin.

It's just an average day in the studio
for most of our people...

...but it seems to be a special event
for the director.

Mr. Trent' s on the phone, Raoul.

Hello, Arthur.

You ' re my favorite producer...

...and I'd do anything
in the world for you except that.

All right, let's finish this clambake.

- Yes, this is King Vidor. Put him on.
Have you made up your mind, King?

I've made up my mind, Arthur.
Get yourself another boy.

I'm a director, not a butcher.

- Oh, Mr. Curtiz.
- Yeah?.

- Mr. Trent is on the phone again.
- Tell him stop calling me.

- My third no is final.
- Yes, sir.

And David Butler is here to see you.

- You're in, Mr. Butler.
- Thanks, honey.

Come in, David.
I have great news for you.

I want you to know...

...that Curtiz, Walsh and Vidor
have been calling me all morning...

...fighting to do this new picture
I'm producing.

- But I'm saving it for you.
- Well, thanks.

You're gonna direct Mademoiselle Fifi
starring Dennis Morgan.

- Great.
- And Jack Carson.

It's been nice knowing you.

Yes, sir?

Have you talked any director
into doing the Morgan-Carson picture?

No, sir.

It seems there's only one man who'll
direct a picture with Jack Carson in it.

We have to start shooting by Friday.
Whoever it is, get him.

- But just a minute-
- Get him.

Yes, sir.

Warner Bros. started talking pictures,
now they're gonna finish them too.

I won't let them do it to me.

Do you know what it'd be like
with that guy in charge?.

- Yup.
- I love Carson, he's a wonderful guy.

But he's such a big ham.

With him in front of the camera
and behind the camera...

...where do I wind up?

Yup.

He'll give himself every love scene with
the girl, every good line, every close-up.

The only thing the audience
will see of me is the back of my head.

That's better
than the front of Carson's.

At least I'd like my own mother
to recognize me.

Yup.

What am I knocking myself out
about a picture for anyway?.

I always wanted to go to Broadway.

The theater,
the thrill of an opening night.

Doesn't it make the blood
pound in your veins?

Yup.

Well, thanks, Coop.

- You've been a big help.
- I have?

Yup.

Say, the studio isn't really serious
about letting Carson direct a picture?.

- Serious?. They're mad about it.
I can understand that.

Well, well, well. Jack Curtiz in person.

That's the trouble
with actors, Ronnie.

No appreciation for what we do
to make you look good.

Morgan would love
to hear you say that.

Don't think it's gonna be easy
directing Dennis.

I love him, he's a wonderful guy,
but he's such a big ham.

Well, what makes you think
you'll have trouble with him?

You know Morgan, always
trying to get his face in the camera.

- I may have to turn him around.
- So you can get your face in the camera.

Well, now, let me get this straight.

- You love Dennis.
- That's right.

- He's a wonderful fellow.
- One of the best.

- But he's such a big ham.
- The biggest ham in Hollywood.

- Good luck.
- Thanks.

- Hi, genius.
Hello.

Oh, hello, Dennis. I was just saying
some nice things about you.

I know, I saw the razor.

Wait a minute,
you didn't finish my nails yet.

You got teeth, haven't you?

- Hello, Mr. Morgan.
- Hello, Agnes.

- A New York haircut, nice and short.
- Yes.

Hey, wait a minute, Dennis.
Not too short.

Don't forget,
we're gonna do Mademoiselle Fifi.

About the gay '90s.

We need some of that fluff
around our necks.

- Very short.
- Yes, sir.

Dennis, as your director,
I insist you look the part...

...or else we'll get you a wig.

Fine, while you're at it,
get somebody to stand under it.

Wait a minute,
you can't quit the picture now.

- You can't do this to me.
- Why not?

If you're not in it,
they'll cancel the whole thing.

Don't be silly, Jack.
You're gonna be the director, the star.

You're gonna see the picture.
It's a round robin, you can't miss.

- Just a minute, please.
- Yes, sir.

Look, I may as well be frank.
I'm broke, I need the money.

I'm building a house, I just bought a car.
I gotta make this picture right now.

Money isn't everything.
Money brings unhappiness.

I gotta get a hunk of that misery
or else the sheriff will get me.

I'd like to help you,
but I've got a deal for a show.

The producer's in town today
from New York.

I'm running through some
numbers for him. Great score too.

Why don't you drop over the recording
stage later and eat your heart out?.

Pretty soon,
that's all I'll have left to eat.

I'm not a bit moved.

Tomorrow I'll be
on the train heading East.

Yeah? Look for me,
I'll be on the track.

Stretched across it.

No, I can't do it. I need the money.

Still I know the songs I like

And this bebop has got to stop

It's time to call a strike

You're making a big mistake. His
voice will never get over in New York.

So if there's anything

That you can do about it

Give me a song
With a beautiful melody

He gets so far off-key
he needs a compass to get back.

Play it with strings
Till it sings in my memory

You need a trained voice for your show.
His isn't even housebroken.

Remain in your heart

If it takes you way back to the past

It's the kind of a song that will last

And if the words to the tune
Seem to say what you're thinking of

Just sing the words to the girl
And she'll fall in love

His really isn't such a bad voice.
It's just a little delinquent.

And when you're holding her tight

You'll find I'm as right as can be

She'll be glad that she fell

To a beautiful melody

That's right, you phony tenor,
trample it to death.

And when you're holding her tight

You'll find I'm as right as can be

She'll be glad that she fell

Because she's under the spell

Of a beautiful melody

You can't take him to New York
after that, can you?.

- I should say not.
- I didn't think so.

I can't even take my wife to Pasadena.
I'm the janitor.

Congratulations, you were great.
And we'll sign the contract tomorrow.

When you hit New York with
that song, it'll sweep the country.

Well, thank you, sir. Thank you.

Grace.

Here, take this
to Jack Carson's dressing room.

Oh, no, I'm too young to die.

- Please, let me take Mr. Carson's lunch.
- Are you serious?.

I've been in Hollywood three months and
I haven't had a chance yet to audition.

I got news for you:
You're not getting one now.

Thanks.

If you're not back in half an hour,
I'll send out a searching party.

What's the rush, young lady?

Sorry, Mr. Greenstreet. I was running
to Jack Carson's dressing room.

That's a switch. They're usually
running when they come out.

Who's there?.
- Lunch.

But you can't stop building now,
there's only one wall in the bathroom.

Look, I'll get the money. I'll-

Do you wanna buy half a house?.
Combination sun deck and bathroom.

Look, any time you're ready. Unless
you want me to eat out of your hand.

Oh, I'm sorry.

- This is a delicious lunch.
- I wish it wasn't.

- I better not get used to eating.
- Pot cheese and sauerkraut.

- It's good for what ails you.
- lf it isn't, it'll give it to you.

You're new here, aren't you?

I've been at Warner Bros.
a little while...

...but in Hollywood three months,
four days and 22 hours.

A native, huh?.

It's so different
from the little town I come from.

Oh, you probably never even heard of it.
Gurky's Corners, Wisconsin.

I never heard-?. I come from Milwaukee,
that's only 14 miles from there.

I'll never forget
one Saturday in Gurky's Corners.

I had the most wonderful...

What am I doing?
I'm supposed to be depressed.

Well, I can't understand why.
You're a director and a famous actor.

Oh, I know if I ever
get the chance to sing and act...

...I'll be the happiest girl
in the whole world.

Nobody's happy in Hollywood.

You get knifed in the back
by your best friend.

Well, I know if I ever
get the chance to sing and act...

...I'll be the happiest girl in the world.

Uh-oh. I feel an audition coming on.

Look, bright eyes,
would you mind leaving?.

I'm not in the mood right now.

How long have you been
in Hollywood?

- Three months.
- You must have studied nights.

I've been in every casting office
in this town.

And they won't even look at me.

This is first chance I've had
to be alone with a director...

...and show him what I can do,
and you're gonna listen.

Oh, listen.

All right, Peter,
maybe I am nothing to you.

A tramp you picked up at Leicester
Square to throw away like an old shoe.

But remember this, I am a woman.

Yeah, that's great, kid, honest,
but you're barking up the wrong director.

I won't have a job myself unless
I keep Dennis Morgan off that train.

- And get him to sign for the picture.
- No, no. Don't leave us.

I'm not thinking of myself.
I know I'm dirt under your feet.

- But what about the baby?
- What?

- Your baby.
- My baby.

I don't even know her.

Even the lowest creature
crawling on this Earth...

...couldn't desert an innocent child.

Hey, wait a minute.

Come here, kid.

The lowest creature crawling on this
Earth. That's him- I mean, that's it.

Hey, you got something.

- What's your name?
- Judy Adams.

- I could change it.
- How'd you like to play a scene for me?.

You made me the happiest girl
in the whole world.

Wait a minute.

Get me the Wardrobe, quick.

You do me this favor,
I'll give you a part in my new picture.

- Now.
- Oh, Mr. Carson.

Yes?

- My husband must never know.
- I'll be the last one to tell him.

Really, if he knew I came here,
there's no telling what he would do.

Oh, that clears up everything.

- It's been nice seeing you.
- But you don't understand.

- I am Mrs. Jack Carson.
- Mrs. Jack Carson?

Wait over there.

Go ahead, this is very interesting.

Jack and l
were childhood sweethearts.

And last year, when he came back
to Wisconsin, he swept me off my feet.

We were married in my hometown,
Gurky's Corners.

Jack said we had to keep it a secret.
It would hurt his career.

Yeah, with other girls. The snake.

But we can't keep it
a secret any longer.

You see, I'm going to have a...

- No.
- Yes.

A baby. He doesn't deserve it.

Now, you shouldn't be standing.
Sit down and rest.

- Here, take this.
- Thank you.

When I phoned Jack last month
and told him he was gonna be a mother-

I mean, a father,
his whole attitude changed.

He became tender and kind,
considerate.

It's hard to believe he's really human.

And then he sent for me
to come to Hollywood.

Started building a house
with a little pink and blue nursery.

Ran himself into debt.

And now that the picture's
been canceled...

...there's nothing left for me to do
but go back to Gurky's Corners.

Aw, you poor kid.

You know, when he told me
he needed money and everything...

...I thought he was just kidding.

Well, it may be my death warrant...

...but I'll sign the contract
for the picture.

It's a good thing it's still here.

I'll see that you get that house
and that pink and blue nursery.

Even though Jack will grab the room
and make the kid sleep in the basement.

Here.

Oh, thanks.

Go ahead. Go on, go on.

This is Dennis.
I have something for the front office.

Will you send
a studio messenger over?.

Sorry I'm late.

Thank you.

It's getting late. I better
get these dishes to the commissary.

Yes, I guess you better.

Hey, nice going, kid. You were great.

Look, here's 5 bucks.
Load up on pot cheese and sauerkraut.

You'll have to load on plasma
when I get through with you.

Dennis-
- Wait a minute, I don't want this.

You promised I'd be in your picture.

Mrs. Jack Carson.
How stupid can a guy get?

- The wife-and-baby gag.
Yeah, but, Dennis...

You ought to thank her.

She gave you a chance
to be directed by Carson.

Direct? You couldn't teach Lassie
how to act like a dog.

Oh, I don't know about that.

Where I come from,
a promise is a promise, Mr. Carson.

Pink and blue nursery,
that's where I ought to be.

- With a rattle in each hand.
- I was so anxious to be in your picture.

I was even willing
to double-cross Mr. Morgan.

I'll see to it that you're as good
as Jane Wyman was in Johnny Belinda.

- She didn't even talk in that one.
- Well, you can't have everything.

Now, you listen to me.
I worked hard for this chance.

And you think
you can brush me off with $5.

I'm sorry I fooled you, Mr. Morgan.

But I don't think very much of you,
refusing to help your best friend.

I'm taking the next train
back to Gurky's Corners.

What's with her?
What's she so upset about?

- What'd you promise her?
- You know, a part in the picture.

The usual malarkey.

Did you ever think she believed you?.

Oh, how could she?.
Everybody knows I'm a liar.

Maybe word hasn't reached
Gurky's Corners yet.

- Made me look like a heel too.
- Yeah.

That kid sounded like
her heart was broken.

I can't worry about
every girl whose heart I break.

- I'd be staying up nights.
- Yeah, she'll get over it.

Yeah, sure.

Hey, maybe that's her. Or she...

Not that I care.

She was gonna take the next train
to Gurky's Corners.

Hello? Oh, hello, Arthur.

Hello, Jack, Jane Wyman is here.

I just told her she was going to play
the title role in Mademoiselle Fifi...

...and that you were
gonna direct her personally.

It came as a bit of a surprise to her.

No, no. That would be impossible.

Here, Mommy, take this.

Oh, thank you, Maureen.

Suddenly called out of town, huh?.

- Well, I'll get another leading lady.
- I just talked to the boss.

If you don't get one by Friday,
you'll be out of a job.

Okay, by Friday.

Why don't you put on a girdle
and play the part yourself?.

I'm going up to the front office.

Maybe you could play my part too.

But, Dennis. Dennis, you gotta
help me find a leading lady.

Look, we're pals, buddies.

When you came to Hollywood,
broke, didn't have what to eat...

- ...who gave you your first square meal?.
- Salvation Army.

- Who phoned them?
- Who gave you the nickel?

That was a slug.

Look, Dennis,
you know Alexis Smith, don't you?.

- Yeah.
- Well, couldn't you just talk to her?

- No.
- Dennis.

Dennis. Wait a minute.

What about Eleanor Parker?

We might as well face it.
You're a wonderful guy and I love you.

- But you're such a big ham.
- You're such a big ham, I know.

No leading lady
is gonna trust her career to you.

- What?
- Find yourself some unknown kid.

Somebody who doesn't know
any better.

Of course. Sit down.

- Let Daddy take over.
- What are you talking about?.

- Mrs. Jack Carson.
- You mean little Miss Pot Cheese?

Sure, it's the oldest story
in the world.

Big star steps out of the part,
little country girl takes over.

Little country girl becomes big star.
It's the great Hollywood fable.

- Hey, I think you got something there.
- Yeah.

I'll discover her, I'll put her to picture,
I'll direct her.

That beautiful doll will
be grateful to me, very grateful.

Oh, no, I'll discover her.

I'll play the love scenes with her.
We'll rehearse at my house at night.

And she'll be very grateful to me.

Wait a minute, she can't be
grateful enough for both of us.

Anyway, it won't work.

I mean, those things just...

They just don't happen in real life.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I guess you're right.
I was carried away.

Besides, I think
she was playing you for a big sucker.

Yeah, country girl, huh?

Probably works behind the third bubble
at the downtown burlesque.

Trying to con the two of us
into a part in the picture.

- A couple of smart guys like us, huh?.
- Ridiculous, isn't it?.

- A couple of smart guys like us.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, I guess I'll get myself
a glass of orange juice.

Well, I think I'll go get a glass of milk.

- See you later.
- Yeah.

Goodbye. Now...

What time does the train leave
for Prairieville?.

Train 76 leaves on Track 4 at 12:28.
It arrives Kansas City, 8:02.

Transfer to Harvey Junction, Missouri,
to CGG and O.

Arrive Prairieville, 4:32, Wednesday.

Take Harry's cab to the hotel.

Yes?

What's the fare
to Gurky's Corners, Wisconsin, please?.

Why, the fare is...

- Gurky's who?.
- Gurky's Corners.

Miss, I've been on this job
since 1932...

...and I assure you, there's
no such place as Gurky's Corners.

My mother will be very surprised
to hear that.

I was born there.

Oh, born, huh?.

Well, just a moment.

Excuse me,
I haven't had this open in 15 years.

Gurky's Corners. Gurky's Corners.

Gurky's Corners, Wisconsin.
It's a blow, but you're right.

- What's the fare, please?
- Fare?

- Mm-hm.
- "See Schedule F." F.

Gurky's Corners. Gurky's Corners.

Double asterisk.

"See Appendix D."

Appendix D.

Circle, dot, square.

That means it's entered
in special schedule listings.

Here we are.

Schedule.

Here we are. Got the little rascal now.

- The fare is $68.15.
- Thank you very much.

I have just enough for my ticket.

Yes?

What time does the next train leave
for Gurky's Corners, Wisconsin?.

The fare is $68.15.

I don't wanna go there. I just
wanna know what time the train leaves.

I don't think this is my day.
Just a minute.

F. F.

Double asterisk. Appendix D.

Circle, dot, square.

Here we are.

Gurky's Corners. It's still here.

Train leaves Los Angeles at 2:32 p.m.
Just 29 minutes.

- Thanks.
- Bon voyage.

Yes?

I'd like some information about the train
for Gurky's Corners, Wisconsin.

The fare is $68.15,
the train leaves at 2:32 p.m.

And you have exactly 28
and one-half minutes to make it.

What track?

Why don't you go to San Francisco?.

Don't wanna go, just curious
about what track it leaves on.

- Curiosity killed the cat, you know.
- Meow.

- What track does it leave on?
- Just a minute.

F.

Double asterisk. Appendix D.

Circle, dot, square.

You must be new around here.

- Why?.
- You have to look everything up.

The train leaves on Track 8,
and don't you ever speak to me again.

It'd be a pleasure.

- Yes?.
- Could you direct me to the washroom?.

- Play a song for you, senorita?.
- Only 10 cents, we play beautiful song.

- For 15 cents, we go away.
- No, thank you.

Good, we are tired of playing anyhow.

- The way we play-
- Might cheer you up, though.

Very funny.

Thanks, I don't feel
like hearing a song.

Judy, I've been looking
all over for you.

I wanted to explain
what happened in my dressing room.

- You don't have to explain anything.
- Wait a minute, let him explain.

- Sounds interesting.
- What happened in your dressing room?.

- Would you gentlemen mind moving on?.
- Only 10 cents, we play beautiful song.

- For a quarter, we go away.
- lt was 15 cents before.

- Fifteen cents, two for a quarter.
- Here.

We got a good racket, lady.
Don't louse it up.

I don't blame you
for being angry with me.

When you hear what I have to say,
I'm sure you'll be very grateful.

Chicago, Pittsburgh, Philadelphia.

Train leaving on Track...

But why did Mr. Carson
make all those promises?

You've got to understand Jack.
There's nothing malicious about him.

He's really trying to be warm-hearted,
generous and kind.

- You two really stick up for each other.
- You bet we do.

It's not his fault that his personality's
just a little obnoxious.

You've really got something, kid.

- Believe me, I've seen them.
- I'd like to believe you, Mr. Morgan.

But how do I know
I'm not being fooled this time too?

How do I know that you
and the producer are like this:

If I'm not telling you the truth,
may I never see the light of day again.

Game called on account of darkness.

Don't believe anything
this walking Blarney Stone is saying.

He and the producer aren't like this:
Not like that:

They're not even like that:

Lookit, Judy,
I'm gonna be honest with you.

We can't guarantee
you're gonna be a star.

But we're gonna do everything
to see that you get a break.

But I've been fooling myself.
I can't act.

- Hasn't stopped him.
- Hasn't stopped him.

I said it first.

No, I'm going home
and marry Jeffrey Bushdinkle.

- lf he'll still have me.
- But this is your chance.

You've read about this:
Star steps out of picture.

- Country girl takes her place.
- Country girl becomes a star.

I mustn't listen to you.
I mustn't believe you.

You fooled me once,
I mustn't let it happen again.

- But we're on the level, Judy.
- How can we prove it to you?

Danny.

Danny.

He'll tell you.
Can't we make her a star?.

Aren't we always on the level?
- Tell her about us, Danny.

Yeah, you hear that?

But I'm just a little waitress.

No Hollywood producer
even looked at me.

Because you don't dress the part.
All you need is clothes.

Isn't that right?

We'll get her an ensemble
from top to bottom. Inside out too.

- That ought to do it, eh, Danny boy?
- Yes.

Oh, that sounds wonderful. I'll stay.

Oh, thanks, Danny.
You convinced her.

- Did we make you miss your train?.
- How could you?.

I am the train.

Oh, I've seen so many beautiful things.
I don't know which to pick.

I'm having the same trouble myself.

This dress would look wonderful
on you.

- We'll take that. Have the lady try it on.
- Yes, sir. Come with me, dear.

Hey, what's the idea?

- I don't like that dress on Judy.
- Look, we have an agreement.

Today, she's mine. What I say goes.

All right, but tomorrow, she's mine.
And off comes that dress.

- I'll put it back on her Thursday.
- Friday, I'll take it right off again.

- Well, really?
- You-

You two boys ought to be ashamed
of yourselves.

Think of what you're doing
to that poor, innocent girl.

- But, Joan, you don't understand.
- Two grown men acting like grown men.

Why, Joan, you don't think Jack and l'd
take advantage of a situation like this.

Are you kidding?.

Joan, I told you,
you don't understand.

I've never denied you anything. Anything
money could buy I've given you.

But that wasn't enough, was it?
Things are going to be different.

- They aren't doing anything wrong.
- Just a minute. Get out.

Get your things out
before I throw them and you with them.

Get out before I kill you.

What's that for?

I do that in all my pictures.

- Sweet girl.
- Yeah.

Oh, I just love Miss Crawford
on the screen.

You know,
I still don't like this dress on Judy.

Well, you know, maybe we're wrong
about the way we're handling her.

- What do you mean?
- We shouldn't take her to Trent's office.

He always likes
to discover his own talent.

Running an elevator, behind
a soda fountain, dancing in a chorus.

Yeah, the old Hollywood fable.

Hey, I just got an idea.

I knew you'd make it.

I can't understand it.

I can't either.

But there it is.
Every girl I see looks the same to me.

About 5-foot-4, blond, and they all smile
at me with that same sickening smile.

I think these lenses
will solve your problem.

I don't need an oculist.
I need an analyst.

- This ought to do the trick.
- What?

Even if she doesn't get the part, she can
always pick up a few extra dimes.

Her name is McLaughlan.
She lives in the apartment below us.

And her boyfriend's a policeman.
Looking for Judy?.

- I could change my mind.
- Don't bother with me.

I've already had my career.
Judy's not in.

- You got any idea where I could find her?.
- I'll break it to you gently.

Dennis Morgan, Hollywood Bowl,
stars shining, full moon.

You poor boy.

It's wonderful of you
to get tickets for the Bowl.

This is as good a time
as any to tell you, Judy...

...I've got another ticket for you.

This is a railroad ticket
to Gurky's Corners.

It would never have worked.

It started out as a gag
and got away from us.

The two big brains, the star makers.

Believe me,
go on back home before you get hurt.

Do you think it would be the first time
I ever got hurt?

I know it's gonna be tough
and maybe I'll never succeed...

...but I've made up my mind
and I'm a stubborn person.

Thousands of girls in Hollywood
as stubborn as you.

I worked in the five-and-ten,
eight and a half hours a day...

...to earn money so I could
take dramatic lessons from Mrs. Hoskins.

- And I took singing lessons too.
- From Mr. Hoskins?.

Go ahead and laugh,
but he's pretty good.

- He could even help you too.
- Probably, but that's beside the point.

Odds are against you. Why don't
you go home where they're aren't?.

Maybe I can't act
and maybe I can't sing...

...but I wanna find out for myself,
Mr. Dennis Morgan.

And if you don't mind, I'll buy my own
ticket to the Hollywood Bowl.

You win, kid.

Even if you don't get to be a star...

...Hollywood's gonna know
it's been in a fight.

And I'm gonna do my best
to see you get a break.

Oh, Mr. Morgan, you made me
the happiest girl in the whole world.

Anybody around here
seen Dennis Morgan?.

- Do you feel a draft?
- No, why?

A big wind just blew in.

- Oh, Mr. Morgan.
- Sticks and stones may break my bones-

Come on. We better hurry.

- lsn't Mr. Carson going with us?.
- Sorry, only two.

Hey.

Seventeenth row.

Lucky I got here in time.

- I'm Jack Carson.
- Yes?

I'd like my usual tickets.

Seventeenth row.

Anybody wanna use the field glasses?.

Oh, no.
I'd rather guess at the whole thing.

Well, I'm glad they were sold out.

It's so much more beautiful
from up here.

Except when the clouds
get in your way.

You know,
I kind of like this longhair stuff.

When I sit here listening
to that Beethoven-

Wagner.

That stuff, it does something to me.

Makes a fellow feel
like he needs a girl.

Does it make a girl feel
like she needs a fellow?

All I can think of is how cold I am.

Wish there was some way
to keep warm.

Maybe you'd like one of us
to get your coat.

Oh, that'd be wonderful, Mr. Carson.

Allow me.

Why, Mr. Morgan.

It'll be a pleasure.

Well, as long as you're up,
you're closer to the parking lot.

You're closer now.

All right, I'll get her coat for her,
and she'll be grateful to me.

Very grateful.
If I get back soon enough.

Well, Judy, alone at long last.

Mr. Morgan,
you shouldn't hold my hand.

- What would Mr. Carson think?
- What would Mr. Carson think with?

- And besides, Jeffrey wouldn't like it.
- Jeffrey?.

Jeffrey Bushdinkle, my boyfriend.

- Nobody's named Jeffrey Bushdinkle.
- Except Jeffrey Bushdinkle.

You may not believe this,
but he's really awfully nice.

If this were Gurky's Corners,
you know what we'd be doing?.

What?

We'd be down at Hanson's drugstore
listening to the juke box.

And maybe even to one
of your records too.

That sounds like a song cue,
if I ever heard one.

Blame my absent-minded heart

It's really quite regretful

That my heart is so forgetful

When you're away

It always seems to fall apart

If I don 't show I'm lost without you

Blame my absent-minded heart

Did we meet in December?

There's so much it must remember

And if I haven 't said

I've loved you from the start

Blame my absent-minded heart

Blame my absent-minded heart

Did we meet in December?

There's so much it must remember

And if I haven 't said

I've loved you from the start

Blame my

- Absent-minded heart
- Absent-minded heart

To coin a phrase,
I hope I'm not intruding.

Oh, Mr. Carson,
thanks for bringing my coat.

Yeah, you won't need it now.
You're warm enough.

Have you any future plans
for the evening, Mr. Casanova?.

- We were going to Schwab's for a soda.
- Oh, now, isn't that peachy?.

I'll be glad to drive you.

- Oh, thanks.
- Just a minute.

What'll it be, folks?

I want a banana split with chocolate,
strawberry, vanilla ice cream...

...maraschino cherries,
and don't spare the whipped cream.

- What?.
- She must be on a diet.

- Yeah.
- I always had that at Hanson's.

I'll have a pineapple soda myself.

- What about you?
- I'm not drinking tonight.

Do you think
you could spare me for a minute?

- I forgot about a phone call.
- Don't be too soon.

I have a hunch he's up to something.

Aren't you?.

Believe me, Judy.

All I wanna do
is arrange a screen test for you.

- Really?
- Really.

And if Jack had any sense...

Let's see who the brain is calling.

What?. Oh, gee, Mr. Trent,
you shouldn't talk that way.

I got my mother's picture
in my pocket.

Oh, yes. Yes, Arthur.

Yes, if you insist, we'll test the new girl
in Technicolor.

Spare no expense, huh?.

We're like that:

What are you trying to do?.
Drive me into an early ulcer?.

We're not making tests of unknowns
in Technicolor...

...black and white or pencil drawings.

Oh, no, no,
three cameras will be more than plenty.

First thing in the morning, huh?

All right.
We'll go right to the recording stage.

Recording stage?
You won't even get on the lot.

- And that's the way it is.
- But I can't understand why.

- Having trouble?.
- Oh, no, no.

Not at all.

Mr. Trent left word
not to let Mr. Carson on the lot.

You and Trent are like this, eh?

This must be you.

Sorry, Mr. Carson,
those are my orders.

Charlie, help me.
Forget about what Mr. Trent said.

We're trying to give this kid a break.
Gonna record her.

- Trent will thank you when he sees it.
- I got my orders.

Never mind. I'll take over.

Now listen, flatfoot,
you heard my pal.

He wants to give the kid a break.
Now knock off and let him in.

- I got my orders.
- Come on now, scram, out of the way.

Listen, you don't scare me.

Come here, wise guy.

Just a minute.

Now, look, Charlie,
I've got a reputation for being tough.

Do what I say.

Otherwise, people will start talking,
stop going to my pictures.

Studio will lose money,
they'll close up shop, shut down.

You'll be out of a job.

- I never thought of it that way.
- Well, think of it that way, will you?

Go ahead. Go on.

Go ahead. Get in there.

Now, look here.

You're not gonna open
that big fat trap of yours, are you?.

No, Mr. Robinson.

- My friends can go through?.
- Yes, Mr. Robinson.

And smile.

- Thanks, Eddie.
- Ain't nothing.

What I won't do to keep my job.

Me too.

Now, the next number,
we'll use the quartet.

Right over here, boys.

- Well, what is it now?
- Don't get excited already.

Well, what is it?

I got some extra work for you,
that's all.

Sorry, but I'm tied up
with the Ernie Felice Quartet.

We wanna record
a chorus of " Big Fat Lie"...

...with Miss Adams for the test.

Sorry, Dennis, I haven't got the time.

Listen, Heindorf,
as the director of Mademoiselle Fifi...

...I order you to do it.

I won't do it. And if you don't like it,
you can take it up with Petrillo.

Pardon me.

Are you the Ray Heindorf...

...the musical genius
of the motion-picture industry?.

- You boys know "Big Fat Lie"?.
- Yeah, we know it, Ray.

- Put her on the mike.
- Right.

Right this way, Judy. Here.
Here's a copy of the music.

A sheer coincidence.

What I'd like to know is this:

How can she possibly sing a song
she never even heard before?.

Do I ask that about your pictures?

I kind of believed you
When you said your nights were lonely

Till the day that I came by

But when you whispered
That I was your one and only

That was a big fat lie

I should've been wiser than I was
And seen right through you

But the moon got in my eye

That stuff about
"I never lived until I knew you "

That was a big fat lie

You must've started to fib
When you were wearing a bib

And such a habit's hard to break

A little lie is okay
But when you lie night and day

That's more than even I can take

You told me we ought to marry
And I let you sway me

Kissed my happy days goodbye

And when you told that man
You'd honor and obey me

That, baby, was a big fat lie

Let's face it.
You're no George Washington.

An overexaggeration
Of a super prevarication

Just a big fat lie

- Great. You were great, kid.
- Thanks.

Just a second, actor.
I'm the director in this picture.

Didn't you like it?

The pear-shaped tones
came out pear-shaped...

...but the interpretation
was all wrong.

How would you know?

Because she's supposed
to be Mademoiselle Fifi.

You know, French, Paris,
Folies Bergere, l'amour.

When you sing, I wanna hear
those postcards in your voice.

- I'll run through it once for her, Ray.
- Boys, let's take it again.

I want the full orchestra.
No offense, fellas.

It's just that my voice is so rich
that I need the full treatment.

- Make those violins moan.
- They won't be the only ones.

Sit down.

I kind of believed you
When you said your nights were lonely

Till the day that I came by

But when you whispered
That I was your one and only

Cherie, that was a big fat lie
And you know that

You must've started to fib

When you were wearing
What you call a bib

And such a habit that's hard to break

A little lie that's okay
But when you lie night and day

That's more than even I, me
I can 't take that

You told me we ought to marry
And I let you sway me

Kissed my happy days goodbye

And when you told that man
You'd honor and obey me

That, my petite, was a big fat-

That, baby, was a big fat lie

I'll give you a snap when to start.
Let me hear that playback.

Clear the center, everybody.
Got a lot of work here.

- No, no, no, I wanna hear Judy's voice.
- Very pretty.

Judy, when you hear that song,
act like you're singing it.

- Okay.
- And you, Dennis, just act.

- Or am I asking the impossible?.
- Thank you very much.

All right. Let's go.

Judy, listen to everything Jack says,
do exactly the opposite.

You'll be a big success.

- I'll take over.
- It's all yours.

You can't run that camera.
Wait for the crew.

We can't. No time to wait.

Trent's liable to find out
about this any minute.

After all, what is this?.
Just a big Brownie.

I haven't been making pictures
for 10 years without learning something.

Listen, you've been living for 30
without much improvement.

Listen, wise guy, I'll handle my own
camera and my own cue lights...

...my own playback,
my own equipment.

May I make my own entrance?.

Yeah, if that's possible.

- You're too kind.
Okay, boys, I'm rolling.

Speed.

Action.

I'll make this a screen test
Hollywood will never forget.

- Oh, have you got my pills?.
- This is the third one today, Mr. Trent.

I'm pushing myself too hard.
Three pictures going at once.

Two more in preparation.

You ought to get away on a vacation
and forget about the studio for a while.

What's the matter?

For just a moment,
you looked 5-foot-4, blond...

...and you were wearing
that same sickening smile.

Are you sure you feel up
to seeing the tests this morning?.

We'll make a stab at it anyway.

CARSON
I kind of believed you

When you said your nights were lonely

Till the day that I came by

But when you whispered
That I was your one and only

That was a big fat lie

I should've been wiser than I was
And seen right through you

But the moon got in my eye

That stuff about
"I never lived until I knew you "

Cherie, that was a big fat lie
And you know that

Mademoiselle.
Mademoiselle, Mademoiselle Fifi.

JUDY
You must have started to fib

When you were wearing a bib

And such a habit's hard to break

What happened to his voice?

A little lie is okay
But when you lie night and day

That's more than even I can take

You told me we ought to marry
And I let you sway me

Kissed my happy days goodbye

And when you told that man
You'd honor and obey me

That, baby, was a big fat lie

Let's face it.
You're no George Washington.

I think I can hear them applauding.

Oh, you're in, baby.
You know something?.

Maybe we ought to change this contract
to 600 a week.

But I'm not worth that much.

Oh, Mr. Trent. Mr. Trent.

Why, Trent will come out of there
raving about you.

- We'll make it 700 a week.
- Pardon me, please.

- Well, maybe 600's enough.
- I'm sorry, sir. I'm sorry.

How about 500?

Do you think I can get my job back
at the commissary?.

...and how that French Killer
can take it.

There he goes.
He's down again, but not for long.

He 's right back up again.

What men. How do they stand it?
The crowd is going mad.

They wanted action,
and they're sure getting it tonight.

Excuse me.
I get excited at these things.

- I understand, I'm the same way myself.
- Yeah.

You can 't tell me
these matches are not on the level.

The Swede is suffering.

Even though Mr. Trent had
a nervous breakdown and has to go...

...the picture is canceled,
and they foreclosed on your house...

...I want you to know
I'm not discouraged.

He's hitting the Swedish Maniac
with everything but the referee.

All right, so I'm a liar.

What if you can't be
in that Broadway show...

...because they
found somebody else?.

You might've been
terrible in it anyway.

I believe in looking
at the brighter side.

Anything goes in there tonight.

Down on the mat again.
And they both got a hold.

Now what's gonna happen?
Oh-oh. What a switch.

Mr. Trent hasn't left town yet,
you know.

Oh, if I could just get the chance
to sing for him.

Whoa, nelly, he's really squeezing
and putting it on.

But the referee wants to see
and nobody's gonna stop him.

He's right in there for a close look,
but maybe he looked a little too close.

He's getting squeezed himself.
He can take it too.

He got himself in that fix.

It looks like he'll have to get out
of it same way he got in.

But you can't give up.
You've gotta be like them.

The Swedish Maniac and French Killer,
fighting for their countries.

- Swedish Maniac and the French Killer.
- Two guys from Milwaukee.

Yeah, named Sam.

Gotta have that foreign bill up
to draw in suckers.

- Otherwise, they wouldn't draw flies.
- Flies, they might.

I don't believe it. If that was a fake,
Hollywood wouldn't fall for it.

The French Killer's weakening,
the Swede's got him.

Hey, hold everything.
Say something in French.

- Mademoiselle from Armentieres.
- That's great.

What's Arthur Trent looking for?

An established star for Mademoiselle Fifi.
Okay, we'll give him one.

- Direct from Paris.
- We'll change the color of her hair.

Her makeup, her wardrobe.

- kicking, punching, biting.

They'll put the picture back on schedule,
I'll get my house back, my new car.

His arms around the Killer's neck.

He's getting weaker
and weaker and weaker...

Here are your train tickets, Mr. Trent.
You have Compartment B, Car 16.

You know this will be
my first vacation in 20 years?.

It'll do you good.

Pretty decent of the studio
to pay my expenses...

...make my reservations for me,
tell me to stay as long as I like.

Who's trying to get rid of me?.

Who wants to put the knife in me?.
Why is everybody being so nice?.

Mr. Trent, your nerves
are getting the best of you.

Yes, I guess you're right.

It was awfully nice of the studio
to arrange this trip.

But why so soon?.
What are they trying to do to me?.

Mr. Trent's office.

It's The Hollywood Reporter.

Oh, probably calling to say goodbye.

- Hello.
- Hello, Arthur.

Calling about a cable
just received from Paris.

Yvonne Amour,
star of Comedie-Francaise...

...rumored secretly signed
by Warner Bros...

...arrives Pasadena today for lead
in Mademoiselle Fifi.

Say, I thought
that picture was postponed.

The wolves are moving in.
My chair isn't even cold yet.

Somebody else is taking over my job
of producing Mademoiselle Fifi.

I'll call you back
and give you the whole story.

As soon as I find out myself.

Let me have a half-hour.
I promise I'll give you an exclusive.

I'll get the front office.

No. How do I know who's my friend?

How do I know who's my enemy?.
Everybody's sweet to me.

- Please, better take another one of this.
- Sometimes, I even wonder about you.

Get me Publicity.

No, no, no, Publicity.
I don't know the number.

The telephone girls too.

Yes? Oh, hello, Arthur.

The stills on who?

Anybody ever hear of a French pastry
named Yvonne Amour?.

No.
Never heard of her.

You sure you got the name right,
Arthur?.

No, I'm not double-crossing anybody.
You're my favorite producer.

Publicity.

The wire service wants some background
on Yvonne Amour.

Yvonne Amour again?

A minute. Papers wanna know
what time her train gets to Pasadena.

It's the New York office.

They never send us their releases,
figure we can read it in the paper.

Arthur, we'll have the pictures
over this afternoon.

Now, listen, boys. Send a couple
of cameramen over to Pasadena.

We want some cheesecake on Amour,
" I love America" with her legs crossed.

They want a biography.

Yvonne Amour,
born in the shadow of the Eiffel Tower.

- How do you know?
- It's a big tower.

Her father,
a colonel in the French Foreign Legion.

Killed 16 years ago
in northern Afghanistan.

Mother?

A Russian ballerina.
White Russian, of course.

So beautiful,
18 duels were fought over her.

- Living?
- Poor kid got caught in the crossfire.

- The rest you can make up.
- Skolsky's on the line.

We throwing a luncheon for Amour?

What luncheon?.
A dinner, a party, the works.

We'll take over a whole sound stage.
Hors d'oeuvres, champagne.

Call the French consul,
we're having frog's legs.

She was born in Paris
under the Eiffel Tower.

Her mother's White Russian.

CHORUS
Fiddle-dee-dee, fiddle-dee-di

All I can see are rainbows in the sky

Oh, fiddle-dee-di

Fiddle-dee-dee, fiddle-dee-di

Life is an all-the-year-round
Christmas tree

Oh, fiddle-dee-dee

I should worry, I should care

I should envy a millionaire

Chances are that he

Walks around and envies me

Fiddle-dee-dee, fiddle-dee-di

Joy is a thing you never qualify

Don 't ask yourself why

Be happy

Singing fiddle-dee-dee

Swinging fiddle-dee-dee

Singing fiddle-dee-dee

Fiddle-dee-di

Ray, here they are now.

This thing's getting away from us.

These cablegrams were just
to get an audition with Trent...

- ...not to bring out the Foreign Legion.
- Ooh-la-la.

- How do we get out of here?
- It's too late now.

We may all wind up in the bastille.

I can't keep my eyes open.
My eyelashes are getting so heavy.

- Hold your head back.
- lf I do, my wig starts slipping.

- We're in trouble.
- Mademoiselle, welcome to Warner Bros.

Will you come with me, please?

May I present
Mademoiselle Yvonne Amour.

- Eleanor Parker, Patricia Neal.
- How do you do?

Excuse me, I'll be right back.

You're gonna be happy in America,
working in pictures.

Oh, thank you.

Get a load of that accent.

- We're in trouble.
- You said that.

Yeah,
but now we're in mucho trouble.

You'll love making pictures,
Miss Amour.

Of course, you do have to get up
a little early, around 5:30.

On the set by 8.

Makeup, Wardrobe,
those lights and those directors.

All work, work, work.

Nothing to eat, you have to diet.
Keep those hips down.

No fun, early to bed, early to rise.

Keeps your agent
healthy, wealthy and wise.

- You'll love it.
- Oh, thank you.

Yeah, merci beaucoup.
We'll see you later, kids.

Poor kid.

And they'll probably make her
a blond.

Mademoiselle,
may I present Mr. Arthur Trent...

...one of my favorite producers.

Oh, likewise.

Oh, likewise.

Shall we all eat
before we lose our bon appetit?

Yes, yes, yes.

Mademoiselle Amour,
may I present Monsieur Andre Bernet...

...and a delegation
of your countrymen.

Mademoiselle
has a fine sense of humor.

Yes.

In fact, she'd like to sing
a song before we eat. Shall we?.

Ray, may I present Yvonne Amour.

- Mr. Heindorf.
- Well, how do you do?

Her favorite song
is "Cafe Rendezvous."

That song hasn't been published yet.
Does she know it?

I study him. I know him.

- What?.
- She knows him.

- Mademoiselle.
- "Cafe Rendezvous," boys.

I was lonely, so were you

Your eyes said dance

I wanted to

When we danced

I heard you mispronounce
"Je vous adore"

And after our first kiss

You mispronounced
" Encore"

It was morning in Paris

I knew you'd be enthusiastic
about her.

To me

I was not sad

Because I knew

We would surely meet again

I know where and when

Tonight, I'll be waiting there for you

A t the Cafe Rendezvous

Where did you say
this young lady is from?.

Paris.

- France?
- Yeah.

Oh, mademoiselle.

Blond? Blond.

- I told you they'd make her a blond.
- You were right.

Well, it all happens at once.

The picture's canceled,
Trent's leaving for New York.

- Everything's finished.
- Yeah.

Well, it's up to you
to tell Judy the bad news.

- Why me?
- You got us into this, didn't you?

- Hello, Mr. Carson.
- Oh, hello.

- Who's that?.
- Oh, her name's McLaughlan.

She lives here too.

Gee, I don't know
what to say to Judy.

- Hi, Judy.
- Well, when do we eat?

We'll have dinner
in about five minutes.

- Come on in.
- Yeah?.

- Go ahead, Dennis.
- No, you go ahead.

Yeah.

Grace is out getting the dessert.

Well, have you talked to the studio?

Dinner. That reminds me of a joke.

One cannibal said to the other cannibal,
"What's cooking in the big pot?. "

The other cannibal says, "Dinner."

So the first cannibal says,
"Anybody we know?. "

So the first cannibal says,
"Anybody we know?. "

Yeah.

But have you talked to the studio?

Oh, yeah, the studio, huh?.

- They loved you.
- What about Mr. Trent?.

Oh, you really sent him.

Look, I know I messed it up.

But as long as you have faith in me,
I won't stop trying.

I want you both to know
I'm not discouraged. Not a bit.

Why didn't you tell her the truth?.
She thinks she's still got a chance.

Didn't have the heart.
Why didn't you tell her?.

Well, I got a heart too.

But right now, it feels like a lump
of pot cheese and sauerkraut.

"Mr. Jeffrey Bushdinkle.
Gurky's Corners, Wisconsin."

Don't read Judy's mail.

I'm not, but at least
I can see where it's going, can't l?

Blow on it. You might steam it open.

Hello, Grace. I was just weighing it to
see if there was enough postage on it.

If you wanna know,
it starts off with "Dear Jeffrey."

Yeah, we figured that out ourselves.

What you didn't figure out
is the rest of it.

I don't have to open that letter.

Fourscore and seven years ago,
I wrote the same one.

I could've gone back
to my home town...

...and married a guy
who was crazy about me.

But no. I wrote him
and said I chose a career instead.

Hm. Some career.

Lettuce and tomato on rye.
Hold the mayonnaise.

But this is different, Judy's got talent.
We'll figure out something.

Why don't you two stop giving her
that hokey routine?.

She likes this Jeffrey Bushdinkle
and he likes her.

- I like Judy too.
- Oh, I like her very much.

From what I have gathered,
Jeffrey wants to marry her.

Yeah, but we can see
that she gets fame and fortune.

- You gotta make her go back home.
- Oh, we can't do that. I tried once.

She won't leave as long as
she thinks Hollywood is wonderful...

...and you two are knights in shining
armor doing everything to help her.

If we could make her think
we're really a couple of heels.

Oh, now, Dennis.
How could we possibly do that?.

Yeah.

Hey, that redhead.

- Who?
- The one who lives downstairs.

- lrene McLaughlan?
- Yeah.

- You can help us.
- Sure, anything you say.

- Here's what we'll do.
- Yeah?

Dennis and I'll go downstairs,
and when we get down there...

The Cafe Rendezvous.

Where are Dennis and Jack?

Oh, they just stepped down
to the patio for some fresh air.

There's plenty of fresh air
on the balcony.

Well, they wanted it perfumed a little.

- What do you mean?.
- Shh. I hear them now.

- We can get you in pictures.
- Oh, you can?.

Why, sure.

The producer and I are just like that:

Oh, Mr. Carson.
It sounds too good to be true.

You've heard the story
a thousand times.

- Star steps out of picture.
- Country girl takes her place.

- Little country girl becomes big star.
Your name in lights.

Houses, cars.

Oh, it sounds wonderful.

But how do I know
you're telling me the truth?.

The truth?

If we're not, may we never see
the light of day again.

Why, Judy.

I'm sorry,
but I wish it had landed on you.

And I thought
you were both so wonderful.

The next man who tells me
he can get me into pictures...

...I'm gonna slap him in the face.

I'm taking the next train
back to Gurky's Corners.

Well, how does it feel
to be a nice guy?.

Awful.

- Oh, porter?.
- Yes, sir?.

I'm in Room B.

I'd appreciate it if you'd keep it
as quiet as possible. I'm a sick man.

Yes, sir. I'll do my best, sir.

- Can I help you, miss?.
- No, thanks.

I've had enough help in this town.

Oh, just a minute, please.

Thanks.

Goodbye, Hollywood.

You've heard the story
a thousand times.

Houses, cars.

Of course, it's not going to be easy.

May be a little rough at times.

A little rough at times.

A little rough at times.

A little rough at times.

Though poets may okay it

There's nothing tougher than love

I've got a lot of cause to say it

Love, at its best, is strictly a thrill

Manufactured

Don 't wait until

Your eyes start to glow

You'll wind up fractured

There's nothing rougher than love

No matter how you slice it

There's nothing tougher than love

But if you're gonna paradise it

You'll find, like me

It's worth all the tears

The doubts and the fears

The stormy weather

Hearts and flowers

All those torch songs after hours

Love is mighty rough once you fall
But there

- Is absolutely
- Is absolutely

Nothing like it
But there

- Is positively
- Is positively

Nothing like it
But there

- Is definitely
- Is definitely

Nothing like it at all

Love is mighty rough once you fall
But there

- Is absolutely
- Is absolutely

Nothing like it
But there

- Is positively
- Is positively

Nothing like it
But there

- Is definitely
- Is definitely

Nothing rougher than love

- What's the matter, lady?
Oh, you scared me awake.

Something wrong, miss?.

We must've hit a bump. Oh, I'm sorry.

Porter. Oh, this is terrible.

Porter, can't you do something?.
My nerves are at the breaking point.

Mine's broke, but I'll do my best, sir.

Blame my absent-minded heart

It's really quite regretful

That my heart is so forgetful

When you're away

It always seems to fall apart

If I don 't show I'm lost without you

Blame my absent-minded heart

Did we meet in December?

There's so much it must remember

And if I haven 't said

I've loved you

From the start

Blame my absent-minded

Heart

It is.

Why didn't Morgan and Carson tell me
that face had a voice like that?.

Mr. Trent, you'd better not say
what I think you're gonna say.

I can get you in pictures.

You said it.

But wait a minute.

You don't understand.

- Oh, yes, I do.
- No, you don't understand.

She doesn't understand.

I'm not the kind of man
who chases after girls.

You could've fooled me.

Miss. Miss, please.
You've got a great future.

You mean,
little country girl becomes a big star...

...my name in lights, cars, houses.

- Yes, that's it.
- Uh!

But wait a minute.

Should I tuck you in, sir?.

Mind if I join you for lunch?.

They won't deliver it
to my dressing room anymore.

Hey, what's that you're eating?.

Pot cheese and sauerkraut.

She got you, huh?.

No, no, no.

I just eat it
because it's good for what ails you.

- Lots of vitamins in it.
- Yeah.

Lumps of vitamins.

Well, just think...

...in a couple of hours,
she'll be Mrs. Jeffrey Bushdinkle.

A fate worse than death.

We'll never see her again.

Oh, it's only you.

Well, what do you want
for 18.50 a week, Virginia Mayo?.

Everybody's a comedian.

No straight men left.

Except one.

It's from Trent.
He heard Judy sing on the train.

He's changing Mademoiselle Fifi
to an American girl.

- Wants her to do the part.
- Picture's on again.

I'll get my house.
They'll unchain my car.

- There's only one catch.
- What?

She changed trains
and he doesn't know where she lives.

But we know.

- Gurky's Corners.
- Gurky's Corners.

- Hey, let's go tell her.
- Yeah, let's.

Let's...

Let's not, huh?.
It wouldn't work anyway.

She'd probably just spit
in our eye again.

What's the use of knocking
ourselves out for nothing?.

Yeah, it's ridiculous.

- Couple of smart guys like us.
- Yeah, silly.

Well, I'll go get myself
a glass of orange juice.

I'll get myself a glass of milk.

- See you later.
- Right.

Sure this is the Adams' house?.

Yeah, sure, this is it.

Hurry up. I've gotta save a girl
from a fate worse than death.

Hello, stranger.

Let's keep it that way.

My friends,
we are here on this occasion...

...to unite two young people
in marriage.

Marriage is the foundation of the home
and of the family, and of all civilization.

If any of you can show good reason...

...why these young people
may not lawfully be joined together...

...Iet him now speak
or forever hold his peace.

Go ahead, yell.
Tell her she can be a big star.

You tell her. You got here first.

Do you, Jeffrey Bushdinkle, take this
woman for your lawful wedded wife?.

Do you, Judy Adams, take this man
for your lawful wedded husband?.

By virtue of the power vested in me...

...by the sovereign state of Wisconsin,
I pronounce you man and wife.

What can she see in that cornball?

Let her lead her dull little life
with her dull little Jeffrey Bushdinkle.

What some girls will go for.
He's got nothing.

Nothing.