Original subtitles

Previously on The West Wing:

PRESIDENT: This is my last China Summit.

It's my last chance.

Progress isn't good enough for me now.

I want to get something done.

JOSH: You used to love it

when I couldn't dress myself without you.

I used to love peppermint ice cream too,

but now those little pieces of candy--

they get stuck in your teeth in a way that I find irritating.

VINICK: Help me bring the promise

and the opportunity of America to all Americans.

The President can't give me the job that I want. Which one?

His.

You're running?

Starting tomorrow.

C.J.

Sir.

I can't move.

C.J.: We just have to hope the doctors will talk

some sense into him and get this plane turned around.

TOBY: We turn this plane around,

and that's the end of his presidency.

We can't land in China with you in...

This plane is going to China!

JOSH: * Monday, Monday...

* La,la, la-la-la-la...

* So good to me...

* La la, la-la-la-la...

* Monday morning...

* La, la, la-la...

( phone rings )

Josh Lyman's office.

* ...it was all I hoped it would be... *

He's got a lunch, but the afternoon's wide open.

Who is it. Didero's office.

3:00? Done.

Who's my lunch?

Me.

We're having breakfast.

We need to be able

to have a conversation.

What are we doing now? We get interrupted.

Nothing going on here today.

This lunch has been canceled six times.

It's going to kill you to buy me a salad?

* Monday, Monday...

( phone ringing )

* La, la-la-la...

( knocking )

Josh Lyman's office.

Come on in.

Who was it?

Wrong number.

It's a quiet day.

Would you like to do the briefing?

I really wouldn't.

You'd be quite good.

The press room's a mausoleum.

Everybody's on the plane.

You got nothing to worry about.

I'd just be more comfortable if...

I'm acting Chief of Staff.

I don't want to be acting Press Secretary on top of it.

They don't like him.

Just run through the schedule then you can skip out

and do your Christmas shopping.

Let me see.

"President in China...

"six days of negotiation...

Day One, trade, WTO, partridge, pear tree."

Stellar. You think I should tease

the North Korea stuff?

No. If the Chinese won't deal,

we don't want it to be obvious

that everything else on the agenda

was a lead up to the North Korea stuff.

So I'm making this put-out-the-garbage-week,

what with everybody gone.

Take-out-the-trash. I'm sorry?

Announcements we hope nobody hears? Yeah.

Take-out-the-trash.

Not put-out-the-garbage.

Okay.

I'm just saying. It has a name.

DONNA: Josh Lyman's office.

You don't have anything else for me?

Slow day. Hang on.

C.J., you've got Josh and Annabeth.

In about four minutes the wires are going to report

that the President's in the midst

of a pronounced multiple sclerosis episode,

and for the moment does not have the use of his legs.

We're ditching the sightseeing, we're staying three days,

not six, but the substantive portions

of the China summit will continue as planned.

They will?

We're playing it by ear. You got a pen? Yeah.

State, Treasury, Hutchinson, the VP.

Berryhill's office knows,

but I don't know if anybody got the Ambassador...

We'll call. Is he okay?

The President's condition in no way affects

his ability to conduct...

We got it. This is me asking.

I don't know.

His arms are working, which is good,

they weren't an hour ago.

So maybe he's up doing the polka five minutes from now.

Otherwise... I don't know. I got to...

Go.

Your office, five minutes.

Josh Lyman for the Secretary,

please.

Right away.

Mr. Secretary.

Happy holidays to you too, sir.

I'm going to need you

to take me off the speaker phone for a second,

if that's okay.

You're just reading the statement

and introducing the guys from the medical office.

They don't know anything.

Nobody's heard from Dr. Strangelove?

Strenlowe. I think he's busy up there.

They only got one doctor on the plane?

The Surgeon General's there too, she's also busy.

You didn't brief, right?

15 minutes.

The VP's on his way, he'd like to make the statement.

She's got it. No, not really.

People find it reassuring to hear...

The President can't walk.

Resist the temptation to treat this like an opportunity.

It's not a campaign stop.

He's the highest-ranking man in the building,

which means, one, getting his face out there

is the responsible thing to do,

and two, he doesn't need anybody's permission to do it.

Good morning. Sir.

Mr. Vice President. Good morning, sir.

What a blow.

I was playing tennis when I heard.

I couldn't believe my ears.

JOSH: We were just discussing

your statement.

I'll just get the ball rolling,

and then you and the physicians can jump in. Sure.

We've canceled the military greeting on the tarmac

and the welcome ceremony tomorrow morning.

The First Lady's flight from New Delhi

lands before ours does,

so we'll see her just as soon as we touch down.

She's going to be cranky.

I think she should ride with you.

Chinese have agreed to clear their press out of the airport.

Not much for

freedom of the press anyhow.

We ought to think about doing the same.

They've already seen him.

TOBY: Yes, but the no-photo rule on the plane

does not apply to the tarmac.

We let them stay,

there's a shot of the hydraulic wheelchair lift

lowering the President to the ground

on the cover of every publication

on the planet.

C.J.: Press clears the airport

before the President disembarks.

Pool spray first thing

in the morning.

We'll see how it goes,

but we should think about skipping the banquet.

Oh, I don't know about that.

She likes the food.

KATE: It's important they have

the opportunity to impress us.

The banquet in particular.

She does like the food.

C.J.: Can we send the First Lady?

I can sit through a meal.

I've been doing that in a chair for years.

MILLY: You have to pace yourself. Fatigue is a real issue.

TOBY: Maybe we let go of the Tibet conversation,

cut straight to... No.

They're not going to budge on Tibet anyway.

We talk about Tibet so that they can be implacable.

We talk about Taiwan so that they can hold the line

against the capitalist imperialist foe.

We do it all, so that when we get to North Korea

and they agree to do our dirty work,

they won't have lost face at every other step

along the way.

Cancel the banquet, cancel whatever the hell you like,

but we do not skip one step, not one moment,

of my negotiation with President Lian.

All right, let's see if we can't push North Korea

up on the calendar.

Maybe Thursday morning

instead of Friday. I'll talk to protocol.

MAN: Ladies and gentlemen, we've begun our initial descent.

Indeed.

You can use C.J.'s office.

I don't need an office.

The doctors say the paralysis is temporary,

but I think they're lying.

They can't lie about the President's condition,

that would be a crime.

And one we've committed before, to boot.

Sight for sore eyes.

We could have put together a lunch,

you needed to see me so bad.

She's about to brief.

Or the Vice President is.

( reporters clamoring )

Hang on, hang on.

I know... I know this is a shock to everyone.

Um, I was playing tennis when I heard.

I couldn't believe my ears.

But I spoke to the President myself,

and he was perfectly clear:

This summit will proceed as planned.

He is physically encumbered,

but, as far as we can tell right now...

As far as we can tell?

...the condition in no way affects his mental acuity.

Has there been a cognitive evaluation?

Well, we're going to have a detailed statement

from the President's physicians in a moment,

I'm not a doctor-- I'm not going to talk to you about those particulars.

What I can tell you is that I plan to meet

with some of the members of the Cabinet later today

to see if there's any way that we can provide the President

with support as he continues to do the work of this country.

Lord Almighty. Pull Will out of there.

RUSSELL: The President will have a successful dialogue

With President Lian in China.

And once he's back in Washington,

we'll see what adjustments need to be made...

Margaret I'm going to need five minutes on the phone

with every member of the Cabinet.

A Cabinet meeting?!

An informal conversation

with senior members of the administration.

The President doesn't need the Cabinet

swooping in on their shining steeds.

Do you want to step into your office or something?

The President is still running the show,

on two continents.

Russell can stop

with the less-than-subtle

insinuations to the contrary.

There will be no Cabinet meeting.

It's been announced.

You don't think it'll be more awkward

if it doesn't happen?

Watch yourself, you and your candidate.

You done?

No. Free advice

for the campaign trail:

Stop with the ceaseless mentions of his tennis game.

It doesn't make him look young and vigorous,

it makes him look like a dilettante

who can't settle down with a thick book.

Wheels down in Beijing in a minute or so.

Cabinet meeting.

You really think all the talk about tennis

makes him look flaky?

No, I think it makes him look young and vigorous.

( speaking Chinese )

ABBEY: Where is he?

Sorry. In the back, ma'am.

( speaking Chinese )

There's a problem with the compressor starter

on the hydraulic lift.

It could be another half hour.

We've been sitting here forever.

Do they have a... a jet-way

or something?

( speaking Chinese )

( speaking Chinese )

Don't hold your breath.

Pretty snazzy with the language there.

Not really. Second grade vocabulary.

Compressor starter and hydraulic lift is second grade?

It is in China.

ABBEY: Did you run the SSEP?

Yes. It shows severe conduction delay.

We're at 85% loss of nerve function in the lower limbs.

ABBEY: Spinal cord lesion?

That's our best guess.

TOBY: Still working on it.

How long have they kept you people sitting here?

They've never used

their elevator system before.

PRESIDENT: A forklift will do.

MILLY: You could lie down. We're not going anywhere...

I don't want to lie down.

I want to get off this damn plane.

ABBEY: Where's Dr. Strenlowe?

C.J.: He's on the phone to the lab.

I called the hospital here already

and we'll do an MRI as soon

as we get settled.

ABBEY: An MRI's not going to tell us anything

we don't know already.

MILLY: Maybe, maybe not.

Tell me your name one more time.

Curtis, sir.

Okay, how much can you bench press, Curtis?

Quite a bit, sir.

How about we stage a prison break?

Absolutely.

ABBEY: I'd cancel the whole darn thing if I were you.

Lift with your legs, son, not your back.

MILLY: ...side effects.

It could be vomiting. Some people get seizures.

Mr. President.

Jed? Sir?

Jed, what are you doing?

You okay?

Yes, sir.

Take your time.

No need to rush.

Am I going too fast?

No, no. I'm just saying, you drop me,

that's a moment that follows you the rest of your life.

Yes, sir.

You keep this up, your arms are going to fall off.

I hope somebody brings the damn chair.

I hope so too, sir.

We don't want to work you into another bypass or anything.

I'm happy to help. We gonna get a photo?

Soon. JOSH: Good, cause we got talking heads

claiming he's in a coma and we flew him to China

so they could do a wax mockup like they did of Chairman Mao.

TOBY ( over phone ): How are the markets looking?

Uh, we took a hit. Dow's down 470.

C.J.: Ouch. We should probably get

the Treasury Secretary on camera with an "I'm okay, you're okay."

And you gotta dig up something

to announce to the press.

Something with the President at work.

Anything that makes him look active

and not, you know... Paralyzed?

Feliz Navidad.

Talk to the agencies and the policy shops.

We need to drum up some activity.

It was trash week. Not anymore-- we need executive orders

and "The President just called the Speaker of the House

from Beijing to talk about big hairy weapon systems."

All right.

Think you could check in at the Pentagon,

maybe keep an eye on this Cabinet meeting?

No problem.

See Vinick announcing his run for the presidency?

Just the sound bites.

I'll have Donna get you a tape.

You can join me in my despair.

( knocking ) I'll take a look.

There's someone here from NASA.

He needs to speak to whoever's in charge,

and at this point, I have no idea who that is.

Maybe keep the philosophical questions to yourself.

I got it.

You missed us, didn't you?

Like a hangnail.

Thanks for waiting. Josh Lyman.

Walter Sprout. The administrator isn't here.

Apparently not. We should wait.

Who's the administrator? Edward Austin Kelwick.

And he administers what? NASA.

NASA Administrator.

You're from NASA.

Program manager

for Near Earth Object Observation. Walter Sprout.

I'm sure he's coming.

Well, I'm going in four minutes,

so we should plug on.

Could I get some water? ( clears throat )

Water?

Sure.

I'm sorry, I just... I-I-I've been, uh...

sweating quite a lot, and I think that

it's gotten me dehydrated and, uh...

Okay, you need to... take it easy.

Yeah, there's an object...

coming toward the Earth.

From the sky?

An asteroid.

A-S-0-0-2-6-7.

There are a lot of asteroids in the sky,

from my... limited understanding.

Thousands. Well, I'm thinking you should... write up

a memo, uh, drop it off... The LINEAR Observatory in New Mexico

recorded a series of images yesterday

that were analyzed overnight by the Minor Planet Center in Cambridge,

and their data were posted on the NEO Confirmation Page

to be verified by astronomers across the globe, myself included.

Now, our calculations

could be wrong, but, uh...

if they're not, they indicate that an object following that trajectory

would strike the Earth in approximately 48 hours.

46.

And this asteroid is... Big.

How...

Big.

Margaret, I need the NASA Administrator

and Leo.

I loved a man once.

I never told him.

Okay.

KATE: Don't forget to thank him

for allowing us to enjoy his magnificent space.

You want to remind me again?

It's a big deal-- he's supposed to be sitting first,

we're supposed to approach them.

On our knees.

Well, yes, since you mention it.

The memory's not gone.

It's next, maybe, but not yet.

"Allowing us to enjoy his magnificent space."

I'm gonna hit her.

If you need to take a break at any time,

I'm fine. just, I don't know, tug on your earlobe

or something-- we'll make something up.

I desperately hope you're not serious.

It's a three-hour meeting-- I'm gonna want to take a break.

Then you should tug on your earlobe,

and this one'll make something up.

It's just better if we avoid saying that

you're exhausted and need some rest.

You should move away from me as quickly as possible.

Yes, sir.

You ready?

Go ahead.

Lian. ( speaks Chinese )

TRANSLATOR: It is a great honor for myself

and for the People's Republic of China

to welcome the President of the United States.

( translator speaking Chinese) Thank you. On behalf of the American people,

let me say it is an honor to be here.

I would like to personally thank you

for allowing us to enjoy your magnificent space.

LEO: I thought we had technology

that detects large hunks of rock hurtling toward our planet.

The Spaceguard system. Expensive, if memory serves.

Well, Spaceguard only detects objects

over one kilometer in diameter-- anything large enough

to take out human life as we know it.

Now, this is considerably smaller.

It's 400 meters. That's considerably smaller.

Twice the size of the Astrodome.

Gives new meaning to the phrase "duck and cover."

A collision is improbable,

but since we can't rule it out, we felt we should alert you.

Where would it hit? Somewhere in the Northern Hemisphere.

You can't get any more specific? No.

What kind of damage are we talking about?

You're gonna wish you lived in Antarctica.

We're waiting for another look at it.

It orbits close to the sun,

so it's in our daylight 80% of the time.

Now, Japan's tracking it, and we may get a glimpse

at the observatory in Maui next couple of hours,

but they've had cloud cover.

So we may be hit with a hunk of intergalactic rock,

we don't know when or where,

and there's no more information coming

because in Maui it's cloudy?

Welcome to my world.

TRANSLATOR: As long as both China and the United States

keep an eye on the larger picture...

( President Lian continues in Chinese )

TRANSLATOR: ...and maintain a long-term perspective,

and abide by the principles

in the three Sino-U.S. joint communiqués,

our relationship

will continue to grow and thrive...

Does he look out of it to you? What?

The President.

Ours?

TOBY: He's squirming.

Well, he's probably bored.

Lian refuses to move past affirming his commitment

to a fruitful partnership between our two countries.

TOBY: He's not listening.

Where's C.J.?

( President Lian and translator continue )

I think he's having trouble.

He looks fine.

He's been flapping around a lot with the arms.

Is he talking?

Yeah. But Lian's been on a roll for a while.

That.

There, with the arm. Did you see that?

That is a little...

Oh, my God.

He's tugging on his earlobe.

We got to get him out of there.

What do you... We got to get him out.

We're gonna pull the plug. What can I say?

Nothing that indicates...

Just go.

( President Lian and translator continue )

This is not good. Shh-shh-shh-shh.

TRANSLATOR: Explain to President Bartlet that...

Pardon me.

Please forgive me,

President Lian... ( translator speaking Chinese )

President Bartlet has an urgent call from Washington.

( translator speaking Chinese)

We need to take a break for just a few moments.

( speaks Chinese )

Of course. No trouble at all.

( speaks Chinese )

TRANSLATOR: Clear the hall.

You okay?

Yeah, I just got to take a minute.

The plan was flawed. It was.

Ideally the recipient of the secret sign stays in the room.

Yes. I almost pulled my ear off.

I had to step out for a call from Leo.

I thought he didn't work for us anymore. These things change.

We should get back to him if you're up to it.

Bound to be better news than what's happening here.

Oh, you'd be amazed.

CHARLIE: So, is this thing

gonna kill us like it killed the dinosaurs?

It's not gonna hit us. But if it does?

Then likelihood is, it hits an ocean,

starts a tsunami, and, you know, surf's up.

In Illinois.

Announce-able achievements:

preliminary diplomatic relations established with Myanmar.

That's a violent military dictatorship.

Yes, but we establish relations, maybe we talk them out of it.

Forward motion on the ERISA reform.

We were supposed to pass it two months ago. We didn't,

but we're moving in that direction.

We got a press room worried that the President's no longer fit

to keep his job, and you're giving me forward motion?

There's always the asteroid coming to destroy the planet--

we could announce that.

Can we do this now? What?

The conversation that was supposed to happen over lunch

but that ship sailed, so let's just have it now.

Can't. World ending. I thought it wasn't hitting.

Might. I thought there's nothing you can do.

There isn't. Doesn't mean the situation's

not to be monitored closely.

Tomorrow. Lunch.

Definitely.

( grunts)

I just needed a break.

I thought I was gonna fall out of that damn chair.

That's the fatigue.

I feel like I've got a noose around my waist.

Anything I can get you, sir? No, go ahead, thanks.

Doctor's on his way up. I don't want the doctor.

I don't care, frankly. I just need to close my eyes

for 15 minutes.

MILLY: He has to take a look...

He's just gonna tell me to lie down.

Mission accomplished. It's the jet lag.

Ha! Jet lag. I have two doctors here now.

Clearly you don't know what to do with yourselves.

ABBEY: It's not the jet lag-- Strenlowe told you,

Milly told you, and I told you,

that the fatigue could be overwhelming

and you should take it easy.

You elected

not to do that.

Leo tells me there's an asteroid

coming to hit the Earth.

Maybe we should sit quietly for a few moments

and ponder that.

Anything?

Uh... NASA's got a clear shot in Maui.

It should tell us more.

The President's having trouble getting through meetings.

They had to pull him out.

He sat on a plane for 20 hours-- he'll bounce.

I just looked at the tape.

Vinick's announcement?

Makes you want to cry like a little girl, doesn't it?

It's a tough primary for him.

I wouldn't tear my shirt yet.

Russell offered me campaign manager. Really.

Turned him down.

Hoynes asked, too. Popular.

You change your cologne or something?

You think Hoynes could win?

With Baker out,

Russell's got a huge financial advantage.

Sitting VP, he's gonna raise a lot more money.

And he's in a position to offer a lot more favors.

Hoynes is a guy without a job.

That said, Hoynes has much more experience

in the job Russell holds, he was elected senator of a huge

and complicated and usually Republican state,

and Russell got elected representative

of a district the size of my thumb.

Hoynes is smarter than Russell.

I mean, he'll kick his ass in the debates.

And he's got more foreign policy experience.

It could happen.

But you got to want to work for him,

and you got to want him to win.

You want that?

I want to get Jed Bartlet a third term.

( sighs )

Yeah. What happened to the good old days

when... a couple of hacks with cigars

chose the nominee

in a smoke-filled back room?

They didn't do so bad, did they?

Roosevelt, Truman, Eisenhower...

We need a back room.

Well, we've just about outlawed smoking,

and at this point, I'm not allowed

to even look at a cigar.

But we're it.

You and me.

This is the back room.

C.J.: Anything?

He's still asleep.

We asked for a 15-minute break.

He's been asleep for four hours.

MILLY: I'm aware of that.

Okay. We split up tomorrow into shorter sessions

so he can take more breaks.

Maybe he's only in the first hour of each one.

I not sure he'll make it

through an hour in a chair.

Lying down is not as physically taxing.

He can't nap through the whole summit.

I'm not saying he sleeps

20 hours a day,

but he'll be much more productive

if he's not using all his energy

to hold his body upright.

He is the brains in the operation, right?

So staff sits in on the meetings,

he's the man behind the curtain.

TOBY: They're gonna drag their heels if he's not in the room.

We're going to be talking about shrimp exports

for the next three days.

We make it clear

we're running all decisions back to him.

He's got to show his face sometime

or the Chinese, the entire world's, gonna go ballistic.

They'll think he's worse and we're hiding him.

They'll be right.

He could do a 15-minute hello.

A photo op?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, he's gonna love that.

He's up.

Why not the first even half an hour of each meeting?

One meeting in the morning, certainly.

One?

We're the ones with the hard agenda.

Any excuse we give them to run out the clock...

The meetings can continue after I leave.

You leave each meeting after 30 minutes.

Lian will take a break when you go

to make sure we know

he doesn't like negotiating with subordinates,

we lose half the day.

Are you benching me?

Eight weeks ago you told me

the only way North Korea honors a non-proliferation agreement

is if China agrees to be the enforcer,

conducting inspections, imposing sanctions

if need be.

You told me the single most tangible threat

to the next three generations of Americans

is a nuclear North Korea.

And then you told me this was our shot.

Never quote me to me.

Call Kelwick at NASA,

see if they got a read overnight.

How many spots are there in the bunker?

What bunker?

The President's.

I mean, there's space for a bunch of people, right?

You throwing a party?

If the asteroid hits and the President,

the First Lady, and 80% of senior staff are in China,

don't you think we oughta sort out

who takes their spots?

When did you get placed

on the National Security Council?

Did I miss that?

I mean, clearly, you should go.

That's one.

In the name of all that is holy.

You might want me there to help out

is all I'm, all I'm saying.

Season's greetings.

Margaret's booking hotel rooms for the apocalypse.

I gotta get a flashlight.

You pick your dream candidate yet?

I don't know how all of this all works.

You pick the smartest, most capable,

most honorable individual you can think of

and you have a conversation.

Ideally, before the New Hampshire filing deadline.

I can't pick up and leave the White House

to go run a campaign for some dark horse

I pulled out of a cornfield.

I did.

Come on. Who's on the wish list?

I don't know. Uh... There's this one guy...

No, it's, it's a stupid idea.

There are no stupid ideas.

Well, there are. I don't know why people say that,

but give it a whirl.

The President can't move his legs.

NASA's wondering

if the next ice age starts on Tuesday.

I gotta stay here, finish what I started.

It doesn't finish, Josh.

It keeps going.

LIAN ( through translator): Our currency policy is designed to insure domestic stability

as we make the challenging transition

towards a capitalist economic model.

Certainly....

but it's driving our manufacturers out of the market.

( translator speaks Chinese )

LIAN ( through translator ): I will consult with the Finance Minister.

We can talk more about this in the afternoon.

No. ( being translated into Chinese)

I'm sorry.

We need to move on this afternoon.

We need to discuss other items on the agenda this afternoon.

LIAN ( through translator): The Finance Minister has discussed this

with the International Monetary Fund in Washington.

I cannot make a decision

before I speak with the Finance Minister.

CHARLIE: You briefing now?

I don't brief.

I read prepared statements to the press.

Well, if that's what you're up to,

the Press Room's...

I'm doing laps. Not ready to go in yet.

The President just signed this Executive Order

on the Protection of Federal Infrastructure Investments.

He signed it in China?

While juggling a rickshaw and a pagoda.

Great. Great. This is good.

You okay?

Well, the press just got wind

of the asteroid story.

It was bad enough

with just the paralyzed President.

Now they're a little overheated.

You're briefing on the asteroid?

I don't brief, but if I did,

NASA wouldn't want us commenting.

So what are you gonna do?

I'm gonna go in there and I'm going to read them

the President's Executive Order

on the Protection of Federal Infrastructure Investments.

Hopefully, they've calmed down.

Okay, you missed it again.

I'm just, I'm gonna take another lap.

BARTLET: 400 meters in diameter.

So if it hits here in the Pacific, we've got a tsunami.

Takes out 70, maybe 80% of California

and the Pacific Northwest.

( knocking )

Yeah, come on in.

Hitting dry land, obliterating a city,

is frankly, the optimal scenario;

at least the damage is contained.

This is cheery.

They got a good look at it from Near Earth

Asteroid Tracking in Maui.

They've determined it's either bigger than we were told

and farther away, or smaller than we were told

and closer.

Helpful.

How's it going with Lian?

He's dragging his heels.

On exchange rates?

Says they're not ready to float the yuan,

but he'll talk it over with the Finance Minister.

Did you bring up Shang?

The former President?

Yes, he and I talked about this three years ago.

He said it would take two years, tops to make the transition.

They're gonna say it took longer.

You bring up Shang

'cause he's a more powerful figure than Lian,

probably still is.

Lian is threatened by the very notion of Shang.

You get leverage

just by using his name.

We'll bring it up when we go back...

You can't go back on exchange rates.

You got to move on.

North Korea's gonna get

swept right off the table.

There's a lot of American jobs on the line, Mr. President.

Job loss is going to seem

like cake in the face

of three-dimensional nuclear chess.

You can't let 'em walk all over you.

The real nightmare scenario is here.

The Great Forest of the North.

Russia?

4.3 million square miles

of dense forest.

The asteroid hits here,

a shower of burning rock

rains down on those woods and starts a fire that burns

till it shrouds the hemisphere in a blanket

of soot and ash that blocks out the sun for weeks.

"Impact winter," they call it.

Merry Christmas, sir.

Leo, good to see you.

I heard you were visiting.

Helping out for a couple of days, actually.

You on your way to the Cabinet Room?

Yeah, just getting a couple of folks together.

See if we can pitch in.

Mind if I join you?

Sure, that'd be great.

Did you put in Kyle?

Who's Kyle? From NIH.

With the blonde and the cowlick.

Kyle's there, Dan Rosten's there.

Hey, can I get your copy

of the Approps guidelines?

Sure.

Oh, my gosh. The VP.

Whatcha got?

Nothing.

You seen Leo?

He'll be back in ten.

The Bunker? Let me see that.

Hey!

You forgot the Vice President?

Some guy named Dan's in the bunker, but not the VP?

I just put him in.

Spots in the President's bunker

in the event of total annihilation after impact.

Somebody needs to repopulate.

Who's Dan?

The UPS guy.

Wears the shorts.

You're going for beefcake?

That's how you want

to regenerate the American people?

WILL: Sure, he'll kill you an elk for dinner.

Assuming we have elk.

You going to put an elk in the bunker?

Somebody's got to be there to invent the telephone.

A couple of thinkers, maybe.

Think you could do that?

What?

Reinvent the telephone?

No. I don't think so, no.

Me, neither. I need you.

See? Tell them to put me on the list.

We're having our conversation now.

Don't you think it would be irresponsible

for me to leave this administration

before the end of the second term?

It's a conversation about me, not you.

I gotta get over to the OEOB.

You have to sit down and talk to me.

That's what you have to...

You're very demanding today.

You and Leo who thinks I should be wandering the American byways

in search of the next President.

I quit.

What?

What? No, you don't. Walk with me.

Look at my face. I'm not messing with you.

Donna...

There's gonna be a temp here tomorrow.

Oh, for... We're supposed to have lunch.

I canceled. It was crappy of me.

This is what we were gonna talk about.

Tomorrow?

We were going to talk about where my job was going

because though working for you is an honor and a privilege,

I'm ready for more

and it's not happening here and I've started looking...

Slow down. Slow down.

We'll talk about it, absolutely.

You're right. Tomorrow. Lunch.

You and me.

She quits. Oy.

Ted Barrow said they made some progress

in the Taiwan conversations today.

Are you happy with where they landed?

I talked to Liz.

She and Doug are gonna bring the kids for Christmas.

They said they may even persuade Zoey to make an appearance.

BARTLET: They had other plans.

I'm not dying,

there's no need to rush to the bedside.

Did you talk to Lian about the AIDS clinics?

Jed?

Jed?!

What the hell are you doing?

Brushing. Do you mind?

Oh, you're gonna crack your head.

I'm fine.

Please, you're not stable.

Leave it alone. Abbey, leave it.

This chair is not locked down.

For God's sake...

( gasps ) Jed!

Michael!

Michael!

Jed?

You okay? Help me.

Up, sir.

I am fine.

Get out. That's an order.

Jed, please...

Go!

It's okay. It's okay. Okay.

So, now, will you let me...?

Don't touch me.

Okay.

What the hell am I doing here?

Apparently, you like the tile.

Abigail, I swear to God...

Wasted time!

No, it's not.

Maybe you're not gonna skin the whole cat,

but you're gonna make some headway.

Is that so?

You're gonna get your North Korea talks.

Are you out of your mind?

Lian's walking all over my staff.

I'm in one meeting the whole day.

All they did was feed me tea made from tien-chi ginseng

and deer horn glue.

You see, it's the thing for the nerve damage.

But that meant I had to piss every 12 minutes,

which is more of an ordeal than it was

when I was able to stand without assistance.

The new kid, Curtis, and I are becoming very close.

Whatever it takes.

We didn't have time to get

to the AIDS clinics, Abbey.

I was trying to make some headway

on the exchange rates.

Lian just sits there smiles and goes on and on

about the ginseng and my circulation.

This is their dream come true;

me stuck in that damn wheelchair.

You tell your staff

to bring it up tomorrow.

I tried that.

Do you hear me? I tried that! Decisions are made in the room!

I am not in the room!

I can't do the job, Abbey.

Do you understand?

I can't do it.

I cannot do the job!

Look at me!

Look at me!

C.J.: A few shots of you signing the agreement,

maybe a handshake with Lian.

It's the White House photographer, not the pool,

so he can shoot chest up,

if you'd like to stay in this chair.

You could get a cardboard cutout.

They have those here, don't they?

Mr. President, it's not all we hoped for,

but we're laying groundwork for the future.

The Secretary of State'll come back next month,

take a stab at the North Korea talks.

Mm-hmm.

We'll knock this off as quick as we can,

then we're back on the plane.

The asteroid has entered our daylight.

No getting another look.

Now we just wait for loud noises.

Let's go take some pictures.

( camera clicking )

I'm sorry we weren't able to arrange a one-on-one meeting.

( translating )

We had many fruitful conversations

with your advisors.

Yes.

Yes.

Now just the two Presidents, please.

If you all could step aside, thank you.

I wonder if it would be possible to say hello

to former President Shang before we left the country.

( translating )

I met with him on a number of occasions as you know,

and our talks were always exceptionally fruitful.

It would be nice to sit together again,

just two old men.

You speak pretty good English, don't you?

You got enough of the signing, right,

it's just a handshake you need?

C.J., they're going. Who?

What?

We got preliminary budgets from everyone but Transportation.

They said you knew why.

You ever work on a campaign?

No.

You gonna work on the next one?

The Presidential? Maybe. I don't know.

Assuming we get something from Transportation Thanks.

by the end of the day,

C.J.'s gonna want marked-up copies from you next Wednesday

so she can look at them before she talks to OMB.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the asteroid has passed us.

The world is not ending today.

( applause )

"Asteroid AS00267,

traveling at a speed of 22,356 miles per hour,

"missed the Earth's atmosphere by 73,400 miles

and is now receding toward the sun."

( applause )

C.J.: How long can he sit up?

Doctors said maybe 30 minutes.

What are we at now?

72.

He wanted to know the exact numbers

on how much uranium the South Koreans enriched on that test.

Because...

I don't know.

He asked for the numbers and then kicked me back out.

Ms. Cregg,

the President would like the translators back in there.

Gentlemen?

Would you go back in, please?

Leo.

Leo, the President is in a room with Lian,

they won't let anybody in there,

they're talking about God only knows what,

and the Surgeon General predicted he'd flop over dead

if he tried to keep at it this long.

I was gonna tell you the world's not ending, but maybe it is.

The asteroid passed?

It passed.

We live to fight another day.

Wasn't wheels up a half hour ago?

That was the idea.

Hi.

Can I help you?

Where's Donna?

Who's Donna?

You're sitting in her chair.

The blonde girl?

Yeah.

I'm Marla Whorisky.

I'm covering this desk for a few days.

You need something?

I'm Josh Lyman, what are you...

You're a temp.

She'll be back in a few days, you said?

She got a new job, I think.

I've got her cell, if you want to give her a call.

You have to pull him. This is not a good idea.

If he's having trouble he'll say something.

It's been an hour and 40 minutes.

I know.

I mean, there's a cost at this stage in his disease.

The President's made his choice, Milly.

He'll come out when he wants to come out.

You'll have to check that very carefully,

their translator's spelling ain't what he thinks it is.

It's about time.

He's a talker.

What the hell is it?

It's a seating arrangement.

It's the North Korea talks.

Donna quit.

Donna Moss?

She's gone.

You piss her off?

I don't know.

She has a new job.

Good for her.

See, I tried to tell you this.

People move on.

Marla, I need you to make me a plane reservation

as quickly as you can.

I need to go to Houston.

Texas?

Yes.

Hang on. Hang on.

Let me get a pen.

Janet, put me on the next flight to Houston.

C.J.: I could kiss you on your married mouth.

ABBEY: Watch yourself.

Did you have to give in on satellite technology?

Yes, but on a five-year plan.

TOBY: Buys us some time to get an agreement on non-military uses.

You got potential, sir,

you ought to think about running for office.

( laughs )

I want Leo on the phone.

Have you seen my cell phone?

I had it, I gave it to somebody.

I would like to be the one to tell Leo McGarry

this son-of-a-gun lassoed us a North Korea summit.

The man is a force of nature.

I want a tape.

Curtis, the only member of the administration

to witness the negotiation for what may be

the summit of the century,

did he not sneak on a tape recorder?

I don't think he did.

Wasted opportunity.

MILLY: They're planning a ticker tape parade out there.

You sweat right through your clothes.

Better get you out of this chair.

Come on, Curtis, give me a hand, will you?

I need... I need a minute.

Milly.

C.J.: April.

Two days of talks in Beijing

with North Korea, South Korea... Japan.

Japan.

China's agreed to get aggressive with North Korea

if the inspections fall apart.

( chuckles )

We had none of this.

We were bailing on the whole idea.

Leo...

let me call you back.

That's your angel.

You broke the wings off the angel.

( kids giggling )

( doorbell rings )

Put that angel down. Put it down.

Put that angel down right now.

Put it down.

Wow. Hi.

How ya doing?

You lost?

Could be.

Come on in.

I'm sorry to bug you at home...

but there wasn't time to wait

for you to get back to Washington.

I'm there next week.

I'm on a bit of a deadline.

It's a filing deadline.

Oh, Josh, Josh, Josh.

WOMAN: Matt?

It's a little crazy, I know.

I'm not running for Congress again, Josh.

Now, you came a long way, I'm sorry about that,

but it's just... I'm not talking about Congress.

WOMAN: Matt, where's the box with the tinsel, honey?

Have you seen it anywhere?