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Synced by zeFFex to -BBR release
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HAPPY GILMORE
3
00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:55,138
My name is Happy Gilmore.
4
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:59,226
Ever since I was old enough to skate,
I loved hockey.
5
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,980
I wasn't really
the greatest skater.
6
00:01:03,814 --> 00:01:06,733
But that didn't keep my dad
from teaching me...
7
00:01:06,942 --> 00:01:09,319
...the secret of making
a great slap shot.
8
00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:14,867
My dad worshipped hockey.
My mom didn't.
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00:01:15,284 --> 00:01:20,163
So she moved to Egypt, where there's
not a hockey rink within 1500 miles.
10
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:23,917
Dad took me to games
to see our favorite player...
11
00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:26,545
...Terry O'Reilly,
"The Tasmanian Devil".
12
00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:30,924
He wasn't a big guy,
but he feared nobody, just like me.
13
00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:35,929
Handsome fellow, huh? He said
when I grew up, I could be anything.
14
00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:39,349
But all I ever wanted to be
was a hockey player.
15
00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:45,022
My childhood was going great,
but life is full of surprises.
16
00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:57,701
After the funeral, I was sent to live
with my grandma in Waterbury.
17
00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:06,793
I was nervous,
since I didn't know her that well.
18
00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:11,298
She dressed like Gene Simmons
from KISS to cheer me up.
19
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:14,384
She's the sweetest person
in the world.
20
00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:20,891
After my dad died,
I developed a short fuse.
21
00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:23,060
That kid stole my party blower.
22
00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:27,439
Instead of asking for it back,
I hit him in the head repeatedly...
23
00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:28,398
with a hammer.
24
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:32,569
Most of the time, I was quick to say
I was sorry.
25
00:02:34,446 --> 00:02:38,075
Years later, I played junior hockey
and still hold two league records...
26
00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:40,369
...most time spent
in a penalty box...
27
00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:44,873
...and I was the only guy to ever try
to stab someone with his skates.
28
00:02:46,625 --> 00:02:49,837
After I graduated, I had
a lot of different jobs.
29
00:02:49,962 --> 00:02:51,338
I was a road worker...
30
00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:55,092
...a janitor...
31
00:02:58,929 --> 00:03:00,931
...a security guard...
32
00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,520
...a gas station attendant...
33
00:03:09,773 --> 00:03:11,525
...and a plumber.
34
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:16,530
Lately, I've been working
construction. It's not bad.
35
00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:18,740
I'm a good shot
with a nail gun.
36
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:24,037
But one day my boss, Mr. Larson,
got in the way.
37
00:03:24,997 --> 00:03:29,042
Apparently, he also has a short fuse.
Look at the monster.
38
00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:33,547
He got in a few lucky punches,
but I feel I won the fight.
39
00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:35,716
Anyway, those jobs
weren't for me.
40
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:39,887
I was put on this planet
for one reason... to play hockey.
41
00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:45,559
It's my puck, baby!
Don't you ever touch my puck!
42
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:50,564
Is that Gilmore again?
How many times has he tried out?
43
00:03:50,856 --> 00:03:52,232
At least ten times.
44
00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:54,484
He has a lot of intensity.
45
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,363
Not a strong skater, though.
46
00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,240
Nor the best puck handler.
47
00:04:04,912 --> 00:04:06,163
But, my God...
48
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,418
What a shot.
49
00:04:12,544 --> 00:04:17,007
It that goal regulation size
or what?!
50
00:04:21,303 --> 00:04:22,971
Number one...
51
00:04:23,514 --> 00:04:26,600
...number fifty-two... number sixteen...
52
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:29,937
They saw my power.
They won't dog me this year.
53
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,188
...number nine...
54
00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:35,901
...and number forty-three.
The rest of you...
55
00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:38,529
...better luck next year.
56
00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:42,157
Coach, what's going on?
What about me?
57
00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:43,825
Gilmore.
58
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:47,037
I called your number,
didn't I?
59
00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:48,956
No, you didn't.
60
00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:52,459
Well, better luck next year.
61
00:04:53,544 --> 00:04:55,629
That wasn't very nice!
62
00:05:02,177 --> 00:05:04,054
You think you're better
than me?!
63
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:11,019
Where you going?
I got Subway.
64
00:05:11,353 --> 00:05:12,604
I already ate.
65
00:05:13,021 --> 00:05:16,567
I knew the guy working there,
so we got extra meatballs.
66
00:05:16,775 --> 00:05:18,652
Great. I got to run.
67
00:05:18,861 --> 00:05:21,071
Can you stay?
I had a rough day.
68
00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:22,072
Bye.
69
00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:24,074
- When will you be back?
- Never.
70
00:05:30,956 --> 00:05:31,874
Terry, wait!
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00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:34,918
Wait! Hold on a second, babe.
72
00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:38,046
You're not going for good,
are you?
73
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,841
You're going nowhere
and taking me with you.
74
00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:46,096
All you ever talk about is being a pro
hockey player, but you're not any good.
75
00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:50,142
I am good! You know what?
You're a lousy kindergarten teacher!
76
00:05:50,434 --> 00:05:53,770
I saw the finger paintings
you bring home... they suck!
77
00:05:55,439 --> 00:06:00,027
I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.
They're excellent finger paintings.
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00:06:00,569 --> 00:06:01,945
Please don't go.
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00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:05,032
I'm not spending the rest of my life
with a loser.
80
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:06,283
I'm gone.
81
00:06:06,408 --> 00:06:11,121
Good! Get the hell out of my life!
Who needs you? Beat it!
82
00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:14,124
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean that.
83
00:06:14,458 --> 00:06:17,252
I just yell
'cause I get so scared.
84
00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:19,963
Scared of being a nobody.
85
00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:23,634
Why don't you come back
upstairs, honey?
86
00:06:23,926 --> 00:06:27,262
I'll give you the old smoochy-smoo
kissy-wissy.
87
00:06:28,639 --> 00:06:32,142
You know Happy
will make everything okay.
88
00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:42,986
I want to kiss you all over
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00:06:43,529 --> 00:06:45,489
And over and again
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00:06:46,448 --> 00:06:49,785
I want to kiss you all over
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00:06:52,704 --> 00:06:55,499
Till the night closes in
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00:06:56,333 --> 00:06:59,169
Till the night closes in
93
00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:02,172
Terry!
94
00:07:18,021 --> 00:07:20,023
Sit tight.
I'll be right over.
95
00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:29,700
Hey, you don't want breakfast?
96
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:40,377
Grandma?
97
00:07:43,589 --> 00:07:45,799
Put that down!
It's my grandmother's!
98
00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:48,719
Cut it out, kid.
We're just doing our job.
99
00:07:49,011 --> 00:07:50,554
What are you talking about?
100
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:53,390
Your grandmother
hasn't paid taxes in 10 years.
101
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:58,312
Grandma, you didn't pay
your taxes?
102
00:07:58,604 --> 00:08:01,398
I would have,
but I didn't have any money.
103
00:08:02,774 --> 00:08:04,318
Where are you taking her stuff?
104
00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:07,362
I'm not taking her stuff,
the government is.
105
00:08:07,571 --> 00:08:11,408
It's not like I'm taking her stuff
over to my place.
106
00:08:11,742 --> 00:08:13,076
Don't get mad at me.
107
00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:17,372
But she's an old lady.
Look at her. She's old.
108
00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:20,834
You can't just take her stuff.
She's too old.
109
00:08:21,126 --> 00:08:25,088
I'm sorry. I have no discretion.
Her stuff is now our stuff.
110
00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:28,926
Well, at least we got the house.
111
00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:32,679
I'll bring furniture from my place.
We'll be okay.
112
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:36,433
Now you'll really be mad.
I'm taking the house, too.
113
00:08:36,767 --> 00:08:40,103
My grandfather built this house
with his bare hands.
114
00:08:40,312 --> 00:08:44,691
My grandma's been here over 60 years.
You can't take her house.
115
00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:49,613
Mrs. Gilmore owes the IRS
$270,000 in back taxes.
116
00:08:49,905 --> 00:08:52,282
We have to take the house.
117
00:08:52,616 --> 00:08:57,287
If you can't repay the money in 90
days, we sell the house to someone else.
118
00:08:57,621 --> 00:08:58,997
You hate me, don't you?
119
00:08:59,623 --> 00:09:01,083
No, I don't hate you.
120
00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:09,091
He hates me.
121
00:09:12,553 --> 00:09:14,221
Don't worry-
things will be okay.
122
00:09:14,930 --> 00:09:16,306
Look at this place.
123
00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:20,894
Silver Acres Rest Home.
It looks more like a country club.
124
00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:23,397
Nice grass, nice people.
125
00:09:23,689 --> 00:09:25,899
I hope you brought
your bathing suit.
126
00:09:26,275 --> 00:09:28,902
You're going to make friends
in no time.
127
00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:29,820
Mister!
128
00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:34,116
Get me out of here!!!
129
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:38,287
Here, eat that!
Leave us alone!
130
00:09:39,663 --> 00:09:42,166
Grandma, you could come
live with me.
131
00:09:42,457 --> 00:09:44,751
Nonsense, dear.
You're a grown man.
132
00:09:45,043 --> 00:09:48,505
I wouldn't burden you
like that and that's final.
133
00:09:48,839 --> 00:09:51,758
Tell me, how is that nice girlfriend
of yours?
134
00:09:52,176 --> 00:09:54,261
She got hit by a car.
She's dead.
135
00:09:54,678 --> 00:09:58,432
Listen, I will get that $270,000
and get your house back.
136
00:09:58,849 --> 00:09:59,975
I promise.
137
00:10:00,184 --> 00:10:01,351
Oh, sure.
138
00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:05,606
In the meantime, just stay here
and have some fun.
139
00:10:06,023 --> 00:10:07,816
I will, dear. Don't worry.
140
00:10:09,443 --> 00:10:12,154
Pardon me,
but it's nap time.
141
00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:14,698
Nap time... that sounds nice.
142
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:17,492
- You go.
- I love you.
143
00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:20,621
I love you, too, darling.
144
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:26,668
Buddy, do me a favor.
You see that lady?
145
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,171
She's very important to me.
146
00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:32,841
I want you to take
extra special care of her.
147
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,718
You know what I mean?
148
00:10:35,010 --> 00:10:38,055
I can't accept that.
But this is what I can do.
149
00:10:38,347 --> 00:10:42,309
I can take extra special care
of that young lady for nothing.
150
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,979
I appreciate that.
151
00:10:46,897 --> 00:10:48,482
Have a nice afternoon.
152
00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:53,862
Sir, could I trouble you for a glass of
warm milk? It helps put me to sleep.
153
00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:57,407
You could trouble me for a warm glass
of shut the hell up.
154
00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:01,703
Go to sleep
or I will put you to sleep.
155
00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:05,249
Check out the name tag.
You're in my world now, Grandma.
156
00:11:05,582 --> 00:11:07,251
Oh, dear.
157
00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:12,339
Bet you I can hit a ball
past that tree.
158
00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:14,716
Twenty bucks says you can't.
159
00:11:14,925 --> 00:11:17,970
Morons, I told you I want to watch
the hockey game.
160
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:20,681
Cut the golf sissy crap
and finish up.
161
00:11:21,098 --> 00:11:22,015
Oh, relax.
162
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:26,019
You can enjoy your grandma's
possessions for another half hour.
163
00:11:28,689 --> 00:11:31,441
Oh, you got a hold of that one!
164
00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:34,236
- You try it.
- It's not as easy as it looks.
165
00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:36,864
Sorry, ladies.
I'm not the golfing type.
166
00:11:37,155 --> 00:11:39,366
You hit a ball past my ball...
167
00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:43,120
...we'll finish work so you can watch
your hockey game.
168
00:11:43,412 --> 00:11:45,372
Give me the stupid club.
169
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:53,130
Look at this stupid thing.
170
00:11:53,297 --> 00:11:56,884
This will be hilarious.
Look how he's standing.
171
00:11:57,593 --> 00:11:59,261
You like that?
172
00:12:13,317 --> 00:12:14,818
Holy shit.
173
00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:15,944
Back to work.
174
00:12:16,153 --> 00:12:18,030
That house is 400 yards away.
175
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:19,156
Is that good?
176
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:21,992
- That's unbelievable.
- Beginner's luck.
177
00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:24,494
I bet $20 you can't do it again.
178
00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:26,079
Bring it on.
179
00:12:39,510 --> 00:12:41,678
You boys are going to pay
for that...
180
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:46,683
- You hit him!
- He shouldn't have been standing there.
181
00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:49,436
One more time.
Double or nothing.
182
00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:50,979
You better pay up.
183
00:13:01,198 --> 00:13:04,451
Oops. Maybe we should
get back inside.
184
00:13:04,868 --> 00:13:07,454
You made a bet.
Pay the man.
185
00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:27,391
Thanks. Tell your friends.
186
00:13:27,683 --> 00:13:29,643
Step right up, folks!
187
00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:34,773
See if you can outdrive the amazing
Golf Ball, uh, Whacker Guy!
188
00:13:37,693 --> 00:13:39,486
That's great.
189
00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:41,154
Very good.
190
00:13:42,281 --> 00:13:46,326
Bend your knees. Remember,
it's in the hips. You're doing great.
191
00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:48,245
It's in the hips.
192
00:13:48,537 --> 00:13:51,165
Fifty bucks I can hit it
over the highway.
193
00:14:00,007 --> 00:14:02,009
That's real good.
194
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:05,512
So long, sucker.
195
00:14:10,434 --> 00:14:12,436
How often do you play?
196
00:14:12,603 --> 00:14:13,979
This is my first time.
197
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,858
You should play
in the Waterbury Open tomorrow.
198
00:14:18,150 --> 00:14:20,110
Yeah, right, I'll see you there.
199
00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:26,074
He's going to play.
200
00:14:26,617 --> 00:14:28,869
And, by God,
he's going to win.
201
00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:41,215
Mister, you need a helmet.
202
00:14:41,507 --> 00:14:43,050
Don't worry about it.
203
00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:51,308
Yeah, bring that shit on.
204
00:14:52,226 --> 00:14:53,393
I love it.
205
00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:55,270
Awesome.
206
00:14:55,812 --> 00:14:57,898
God, that hurt,
but I'm okay.
207
00:14:58,315 --> 00:14:59,983
What the hell
are you doing?
208
00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:04,029
Just 364 more days till the next
hockey tryouts. I got to get tough.
209
00:15:06,323 --> 00:15:07,783
God, that felt good.
210
00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:10,285
Cut that out.
You're making me sick.
211
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:14,581
So you're a hockey player.
212
00:15:14,998 --> 00:15:17,918
You got to give that up
and concentrate on golf.
213
00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:19,169
Who are you?
214
00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:21,839
I'm the club pro here...
Chubbs Peterson.
215
00:15:22,172 --> 00:15:26,426
I'm offering to teach you
how to play golf, personally, for free.
216
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:27,678
No.
217
00:15:28,011 --> 00:15:29,763
You don't know who I am,
do you?
218
00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:31,348
No, I don't.
219
00:15:31,974 --> 00:15:33,767
Back in 1965...
220
00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:37,938
...Sports Illustrated said I would be
the next Arnold Palmer.
221
00:15:38,230 --> 00:15:39,189
What happened?
222
00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:41,692
I wasn't allowed
to play pro anymore.
223
00:15:41,984 --> 00:15:44,194
I'm sorry.
Because you're black?
224
00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:47,197
Hell, no.
An alligator bit my hand off.
225
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:48,782
Oh, my God!
226
00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:52,536
Tournament in Florida.
My ball went down by a lake.
227
00:15:52,703 --> 00:15:56,999
Damn alligator just popped up!
Cut me down in my prime.
228
00:15:57,291 --> 00:16:01,587
But I tore one of that bastard's eyes
out. Look at that.
229
00:16:02,296 --> 00:16:03,964
You're pretty sick, Chubbs.
230
00:16:04,298 --> 00:16:05,883
I've never seen anyone...
231
00:16:06,049 --> 00:16:09,720
...who can hit the ball
half as far as you. You got real talent.
232
00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:14,516
That's nice of you to say, but
I trained all my life to play hockey.
233
00:16:14,808 --> 00:16:18,145
Golf is no different... requires talent,
self-discipline.
234
00:16:18,562 --> 00:16:21,064
Golf requires goofy pants
and a fat ass.
235
00:16:21,398 --> 00:16:24,234
Talk to my neighbor... a great golfer.
Huge ass.
236
00:16:24,526 --> 00:16:28,155
I bet your neighbor can't drive
the ball 400 yards.
237
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:32,993
I bet your neighbor doesn't have a shot
to get on the Pro Tour.
238
00:16:33,911 --> 00:16:35,162
How would I do that?
239
00:16:35,496 --> 00:16:38,499
You win the Open tomorrow,
you're on the Pro Tour.
240
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:41,919
Then, who knows? Maybe you'll win
the Tour Championship.
241
00:16:42,586 --> 00:16:44,254
Get that gold jacket
I never got.
242
00:16:44,755 --> 00:16:47,174
Gold jacket, green jacket...
who cares?
243
00:16:52,346 --> 00:16:55,516
Don't worry. It's made of wood...
real sturdy.
244
00:17:01,230 --> 00:17:03,190
Sorry about that.
245
00:17:03,524 --> 00:17:06,360
It was good to meet you,
but, uh...
246
00:17:08,111 --> 00:17:09,780
I'm out of here.
247
00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:12,199
This is not real smart, kid.
248
00:17:12,491 --> 00:17:15,828
I thought you were pro material,
primed for the big bucks.
249
00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:24,294
Hey, Chubbs...
250
00:17:24,586 --> 00:17:26,380
...what kind of big bucks?
251
00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:36,890
Stupid golf clubs.
Why the hell am I doing this?
252
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:43,480
Whoa... must be Burt Reynolds
or something.
253
00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:47,401
Good morning!
254
00:17:47,943 --> 00:17:52,114
Isn't this great? Blue skies,
fresh-cut grass, birds chirping.
255
00:17:52,322 --> 00:17:56,785
You going to recite me a poem?
Geez, you love this golf stuff.
256
00:17:57,536 --> 00:18:00,873
A guy your size... why not play
a real sport, like football?
257
00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:04,334
My mama wouldn't let me.
Said it was too dangerous.
258
00:18:04,626 --> 00:18:06,295
Yeah, good call.
259
00:18:07,004 --> 00:18:08,505
Hey, who's that?
260
00:18:09,089 --> 00:18:12,968
The shorter guy is Doug Thompson,
president of the Tour.
261
00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:17,347
The other guy is Shooter McGavin,
leading money winner this year.
262
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:18,932
Who's the girl?
263
00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:22,769
I'm Virginia Venit, Director
of Public Relations for the Tour.
264
00:18:23,103 --> 00:18:27,566
Of course. I've heard you've done
some really interesting things.
265
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:30,611
Right now I'm working
on a promotion...
266
00:18:31,028 --> 00:18:34,448
You know what would be great?
If I could get a Pepsi.
267
00:18:34,990 --> 00:18:36,033
Sure.
268
00:18:37,701 --> 00:18:39,161
Oh, miss?
269
00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:40,704
Diet.
270
00:18:41,622 --> 00:18:42,998
Right.
271
00:18:44,041 --> 00:18:46,835
Hey, thanks for dressing up.
272
00:18:47,169 --> 00:18:50,797
If I wore clothes like those,
I'd have to kick my own ass.
273
00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:52,466
Good morning, everyone.
274
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:57,471
Welcome to the Waterbury Open.
Before we begin, I have a treat for you.
275
00:18:57,804 --> 00:19:00,015
Ladies and gentlemen,
Shooter McGavin.
276
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:09,775
Thank you, Doug.
I saw Doug play yesterday.
277
00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:13,445
He spends more time in the sand
than David Hasselhoff.
278
00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:16,365
Let me get serious.
You're all aware...
279
00:19:16,573 --> 00:19:20,744
...today's winner will be invited
to join the Pro Tour.
280
00:19:21,078 --> 00:19:23,747
Although only one will become
my colleague...
281
00:19:24,081 --> 00:19:26,166
...all of you are now my friends.
282
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:32,214
Thank you.
Now go get 'em!
283
00:19:34,716 --> 00:19:39,721
Next up: Lafferty, Daniel
and Gilmore... Happy.
284
00:19:42,224 --> 00:19:44,434
Where you taking
those clubs, punk?!
285
00:19:46,812 --> 00:19:48,480
Mr. Gilmore,
I'm your caddy.
286
00:19:48,897 --> 00:19:51,191
Sorry. I'll carry these.
287
00:19:51,275 --> 00:19:53,360
They're my grandfather's.
They're pretty old.
288
00:19:54,236 --> 00:19:56,405
What should I do then?
289
00:19:56,697 --> 00:19:58,907
Why don't you just watch me...
290
00:19:59,116 --> 00:20:01,910
...and make sure
I don't do anything stupid?
291
00:20:04,538 --> 00:20:07,374
Mr. Gilmore, Mr. Lafferty
is teeing off now.
292
00:20:07,541 --> 00:20:09,543
Okay. Good luck, buddy.
293
00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:12,796
Get out of the way.
294
00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:23,223
Where were you that time,
dipshit?
295
00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:39,448
Probably the best I'll hit
all day.
296
00:20:39,781 --> 00:20:41,533
Mr. Gilmore, you're up.
297
00:21:03,847 --> 00:21:04,932
Damn it!
298
00:21:07,017 --> 00:21:08,018
Time!
299
00:21:08,852 --> 00:21:12,022
Relax. Do what we discussed.
Don't look at the green.
300
00:21:12,314 --> 00:21:15,442
Hit the ball. There's no goalie
anywhere to block it.
301
00:21:15,776 --> 00:21:19,279
Remember, it's all in the hip.
Come on. Work with me.
302
00:21:19,613 --> 00:21:22,950
It's all in the hips.
All in the hips.
303
00:21:23,367 --> 00:21:25,786
It's all in the hips.
304
00:21:26,203 --> 00:21:27,120
Get off me!
305
00:21:27,412 --> 00:21:30,374
Just easing the tension.
Just easing the tension.
306
00:21:30,666 --> 00:21:32,876
Well, ease it on someone else.
307
00:21:51,311 --> 00:21:52,980
What the hell?
308
00:21:56,817 --> 00:21:59,152
Good. Now we just worry
about putting.
309
00:21:59,570 --> 00:22:00,988
Oh, yeah. Putting.
310
00:22:02,990 --> 00:22:04,950
Remember what I said.
311
00:22:05,284 --> 00:22:08,203
Use your shoulders
to push the ball, not the arms.
312
00:22:08,412 --> 00:22:10,080
Don't break the wrist.
313
00:22:10,414 --> 00:22:14,668
Whoa, you're confusing me.
Just let me put the ball in the hole.
314
00:22:29,683 --> 00:22:30,726
Is he kidding?
315
00:22:51,288 --> 00:22:52,706
This is pathetic.
316
00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:08,055
Good shot.
317
00:23:08,472 --> 00:23:09,389
It's about time.
318
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:14,228
True. I just couldn't get the ball in
the hole. I wanted to, but I couldn't.
319
00:23:45,175 --> 00:23:47,594
He shoots, he scores!
320
00:23:48,095 --> 00:23:53,016
That was much easier than putting.
I should try and do that every time.
321
00:23:53,308 --> 00:23:54,685
Good plan.
322
00:23:54,852 --> 00:23:56,854
- Did you see that?
- Yes. Nice.
323
00:23:57,187 --> 00:23:59,690
He got a hole in one
on a par four.
324
00:23:59,857 --> 00:24:01,233
I said I saw it.
325
00:24:01,441 --> 00:24:04,695
I hope he wins.
He's a publicist's dream.
326
00:24:04,987 --> 00:24:09,283
A guy who can drive the ball
that far... he could really draw a crowd.
327
00:24:09,575 --> 00:24:13,537
So could a golfer with an arm
growing out of his ass.
328
00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:28,946
Now, you make this one
in four or less shots...
329
00:25:29,238 --> 00:25:30,697
...you win the tournament.
330
00:25:30,906 --> 00:25:31,865
Four shots.
331
00:25:32,866 --> 00:25:36,870
Think of it this way. The other team
has pulled their goalie.
332
00:25:37,287 --> 00:25:40,707
It's wide open.
All you have to do is tap it in.
333
00:25:41,542 --> 00:25:43,126
I can do that.
334
00:26:02,396 --> 00:26:04,565
Don't worry.
You're doing fine.
335
00:26:04,898 --> 00:26:08,569
All you have to do is tap it in.
Just tap it in.
336
00:26:09,570 --> 00:26:11,780
Just tap it in.
337
00:26:18,162 --> 00:26:22,749
Just tap it in. Just tap it in.
Give it a little tappy.
338
00:26:23,167 --> 00:26:24,585
Tap, tap, tap-a-roo.
339
00:26:28,755 --> 00:26:30,424
Grandma, Grandma...
340
00:26:30,757 --> 00:26:32,926
...Grandma, Grandma.
341
00:26:36,180 --> 00:26:37,639
All right!
342
00:26:48,692 --> 00:26:51,111
He's going to be on the Tour.
Super.
343
00:26:54,615 --> 00:26:56,533
That's cute.
344
00:26:57,451 --> 00:27:02,372
Mr. Gilmore, Virginia Venit.
I'm P.R. Director of the Tour.
345
00:27:02,664 --> 00:27:03,624
Nice to meet you.
346
00:27:03,916 --> 00:27:05,375
Congratulations.
347
00:27:05,709 --> 00:27:09,463
I saw that hole in one on a par four.
That must be a record.
348
00:27:09,630 --> 00:27:11,632
I got a hockey record.
349
00:27:11,965 --> 00:27:15,719
I tried to stab someone with my skate.
Nobody else ever did that.
350
00:27:16,303 --> 00:27:17,471
That's wonderful.
351
00:27:17,804 --> 00:27:20,724
I am a bit bummed.
I thought we got money for this.
352
00:27:21,016 --> 00:27:26,021
Cheer up. Next week in Portland,
the winner takes home $216,000.
353
00:27:26,730 --> 00:27:28,315
And the guy
who comes in last?
354
00:27:29,066 --> 00:27:30,317
$2,400.
355
00:27:30,609 --> 00:27:33,320
So no matter what,
I'll get some money.
356
00:27:36,865 --> 00:27:40,327
Yeah. Well, I'll see you
next week then.
357
00:27:40,828 --> 00:27:42,162
Bye.
358
00:27:44,998 --> 00:27:48,335
I hate to admit this,
but this is my first trophy.
359
00:27:48,752 --> 00:27:51,171
I wish that goofy golf guy
wasn't on top.
360
00:27:51,255 --> 00:27:53,674
Maybe I'll put a hockey guy
on instead.
361
00:27:53,841 --> 00:27:55,759
Happy, shut your trap.
362
00:27:56,260 --> 00:27:58,554
- You were great out there today.
- Thank you.
363
00:27:58,762 --> 00:28:01,682
But not that great.
A lot of that was luck.
364
00:28:02,015 --> 00:28:04,810
Some might call it luck.
I like to call it...
365
00:28:05,018 --> 00:28:07,020
...well, luck, I guess.
So what?
366
00:28:07,312 --> 00:28:09,189
Don't join the Pro Tour yet.
367
00:28:09,690 --> 00:28:12,442
We got work to do
before you go against professionals.
368
00:28:12,609 --> 00:28:15,362
Forget it.
I'll pick up the rest as I go.
369
00:28:15,529 --> 00:28:19,533
Don't be a fool! People would kill
to hit the long ball like you.
370
00:28:19,825 --> 00:28:22,536
You got an advantage
over any other golfer.
371
00:28:22,870 --> 00:28:25,122
By developing the rest
of your game...
372
00:28:25,455 --> 00:28:27,040
...you'd be unstoppable.
373
00:28:27,457 --> 00:28:29,710
You're right,
but I need money.
374
00:28:30,043 --> 00:28:34,715
Don't be an asshole. Give me six
months. I'll work with you every day.
375
00:28:35,465 --> 00:28:40,262
No, I got to go. I appreciate
everything. Wish me luck.
376
00:28:44,433 --> 00:28:46,643
Best of luck, kid.
Best of luck.
377
00:28:46,935 --> 00:28:49,980
Marty, shut up
and I'll tell you.
378
00:28:50,272 --> 00:28:52,774
The price is $200 per quilt.
379
00:28:52,983 --> 00:28:55,694
Well, this is handmade
quality shit.
380
00:28:56,111 --> 00:28:58,822
When do you need them by?
Okay.
381
00:28:59,156 --> 00:29:00,824
Good doing business
with you.
382
00:29:00,991 --> 00:29:04,328
Okay, everyone. Turn up your volumes.
Announcement.
383
00:29:04,661 --> 00:29:07,789
Good news... arts and crafts time
is extended 4 hours.
384
00:29:07,998 --> 00:29:09,666
My fingers hurt.
385
00:29:10,083 --> 00:29:11,335
What's that?
386
00:29:12,169 --> 00:29:13,754
My fingers hurt.
387
00:29:15,839 --> 00:29:20,010
Well, soon your back will hurt
because you just got landscaping duty.
388
00:29:20,511 --> 00:29:22,095
Anyone else's fingers hurt?
389
00:29:24,056 --> 00:29:25,432
I didn't think so.
390
00:29:27,518 --> 00:29:30,103
Why do you make me act
like that, huh?
391
00:29:30,521 --> 00:29:33,440
Mr. Gilmore!
Toidy's to the right, dear.
392
00:29:33,774 --> 00:29:36,693
- How's Grandma?
- Super. It's arts and crafts time.
393
00:29:36,860 --> 00:29:38,654
Grandma is quite a quilter.
394
00:29:39,780 --> 00:29:41,698
That's a tremendous trophy.
395
00:29:41,990 --> 00:29:44,493
Happy, I'm so glad to see you.
396
00:29:44,701 --> 00:29:46,286
I'm glad to see you, too.
397
00:29:46,453 --> 00:29:48,789
I think about you all the time.
398
00:29:49,206 --> 00:29:51,792
Looks like everyone's
having fun here.
399
00:29:56,797 --> 00:30:00,133
Good news... I made
the Professional Golfers' Tour.
400
00:30:00,467 --> 00:30:01,593
That's lovely.
401
00:30:01,802 --> 00:30:04,304
You know what else is lovely?
402
00:30:04,721 --> 00:30:08,809
If I can beat those other guys...
we'll get the house back.
403
00:30:09,226 --> 00:30:13,397
Oh, thank God! I can't stand to live
in this place another minute!
404
00:30:13,689 --> 00:30:15,482
I thought you liked it here.
405
00:30:15,899 --> 00:30:18,485
That orderly is nice.
Don't you like him?
406
00:30:18,902 --> 00:30:20,153
Oh, I do.
407
00:30:20,487 --> 00:30:24,950
It's just that the air conditioner's
broken. I'm getting a little warm.
408
00:30:25,159 --> 00:30:27,327
Let the kid fix it for you.
409
00:30:27,870 --> 00:30:30,372
Get the little twisty knobs.
410
00:30:31,832 --> 00:30:34,334
That ain't doing it. Okay.
411
00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:39,673
Mister! Mister!
412
00:30:40,090 --> 00:30:42,342
Get this off of me! Mister!
413
00:30:42,676 --> 00:30:44,261
I'll be right down!
414
00:30:44,845 --> 00:30:49,016
You know that "Mister, mister" lady?
I think I killed her.
415
00:31:01,778 --> 00:31:05,699
Norman spends more time in the sand
than David Hasselhoff.
416
00:31:06,950 --> 00:31:08,327
Come on, that was funny.
417
00:31:08,535 --> 00:31:11,246
- It was the first time I heard it.
- Drink up.
418
00:31:11,538 --> 00:31:16,043
Anyone tapped the keg yet?
I'll pump. I'm Happy Gilmore.
419
00:31:16,376 --> 00:31:18,462
Mark Lye.
Welcome to the Tour.
420
00:31:18,754 --> 00:31:22,216
I heard about the ace you had
on a par four. Impressive.
421
00:31:22,382 --> 00:31:24,051
You heard about that?
422
00:31:24,384 --> 00:31:26,803
Cool. That's a nice jacket.
423
00:31:27,095 --> 00:31:29,890
You get one if you win
the Tour Championship.
424
00:31:30,224 --> 00:31:32,226
Oh, yeah? What's that?
425
00:31:32,518 --> 00:31:34,728
Only the biggest tournament
of the year.
426
00:31:35,020 --> 00:31:37,731
Oh, really? Where's yours?
427
00:31:37,940 --> 00:31:41,818
Good one. He's funny.
I'll have mine in three months.
428
00:31:42,110 --> 00:31:43,779
Not if I have anything
to do with it.
429
00:31:44,071 --> 00:31:46,073
Whoa, look out.
430
00:31:46,573 --> 00:31:47,950
You better look out.
431
00:31:48,242 --> 00:31:51,411
If you're free, join us at 9:00
on the ninth green.
432
00:31:51,703 --> 00:31:54,498
- What happens there?
- Secret of the pros.
433
00:31:54,832 --> 00:31:56,291
All right, cool.
434
00:31:56,583 --> 00:32:01,588
I'm out of here. I hear the Asteroids
machine calling my name. Peace.
435
00:32:02,130 --> 00:32:04,633
And, Happy... dress nice, huh?
436
00:32:04,925 --> 00:32:06,593
All right, all right.
437
00:32:16,937 --> 00:32:18,814
Almost nine o'clock.
438
00:32:41,211 --> 00:32:44,047
Public relations lady,
you seen Shooter McGavin?
439
00:32:44,381 --> 00:32:46,967
- No. Why?
- I need to beat the piss out of him.
440
00:32:47,301 --> 00:32:50,387
Let me guess... the ninth green
at nine trick.
441
00:32:50,721 --> 00:32:52,306
It would appear so.
442
00:32:52,598 --> 00:32:54,141
He does deserve a beating.
443
00:32:54,474 --> 00:32:58,437
But if you beat him up,
I'll have to explain to the papers...
444
00:32:58,645 --> 00:33:02,816
...why the new guy beat up
Shooter McGavin. More work for me.
445
00:33:03,150 --> 00:33:04,484
I don't want to do that.
446
00:33:04,818 --> 00:33:07,905
Forget about Shooter.
He's just threatened by you.
447
00:33:08,238 --> 00:33:10,532
He's afraid you'll steal
his thunder.
448
00:33:10,824 --> 00:33:12,743
That's nice of you to say.
449
00:33:14,912 --> 00:33:18,165
So, I'm going to go change now.
450
00:33:19,917 --> 00:33:23,587
My girlfriend's dead. She fell off
a cliff and died on impact.
451
00:33:23,879 --> 00:33:26,089
Really?
I'm sorry to hear that.
452
00:33:28,342 --> 00:33:32,429
You should get some sleep.
Tomorrow's a big day.
453
00:33:32,846 --> 00:33:34,515
You're right. It is.
454
00:33:46,193 --> 00:33:48,904
Hello. I'm Verne Lundquist,
with Jack Beard.
455
00:33:49,112 --> 00:33:53,200
We have a nice crowd here
on this sun-sational April morning...
456
00:33:53,367 --> 00:33:56,119
...for the 22nd annual
AT&T Invitational.
457
00:33:56,411 --> 00:33:59,540
Here today are elite golfers
from around the world.
458
00:33:59,873 --> 00:34:04,044
The favorite is Shooter McGavin.
He's won three of the last four.
459
00:34:07,881 --> 00:34:09,550
Thanks, man.
460
00:34:10,384 --> 00:34:11,718
Here's my last buck.
461
00:34:12,052 --> 00:34:13,637
This is the last time.
462
00:34:13,929 --> 00:34:17,808
He's just trying to make some money.
Leave him alone.
463
00:34:19,768 --> 00:34:21,728
I don't know why I'm winning.
464
00:34:22,062 --> 00:34:25,190
I'm in the zone.
The hole seems to get bigger.
465
00:34:25,399 --> 00:34:26,859
You like being the favorite?
466
00:34:27,067 --> 00:34:30,487
I'm not. With the great players here,
anyone could win.
467
00:34:30,821 --> 00:34:32,281
I'll just do my best.
468
00:34:32,489 --> 00:34:36,326
The real favorite is Portland. Every
time I visit, it's harder to leave.
469
00:34:36,660 --> 00:34:39,580
Must be something in the water.
Well, time to play golf.
470
00:34:39,913 --> 00:34:41,165
Good luck.
471
00:34:42,082 --> 00:34:44,918
I'm a hockey player
playing golf today.
472
00:34:45,085 --> 00:34:46,170
Name?
473
00:34:46,336 --> 00:34:47,504
Happy Gilmore.
474
00:34:47,921 --> 00:34:49,590
The guy with the long drive.
475
00:34:49,923 --> 00:34:52,843
- Caddy's name?
- You haven't given me one yet.
476
00:34:53,135 --> 00:34:55,429
On the Pro Tour,
you provide your own.
477
00:34:55,929 --> 00:34:57,306
Really?
478
00:34:59,183 --> 00:35:00,350
Okay.
479
00:35:02,519 --> 00:35:05,355
Easy with those clubs.
They're antiques.
480
00:35:07,608 --> 00:35:10,444
Gary Potter. Great to have you
on the Tour.
481
00:35:10,777 --> 00:35:15,240
I feel a lot of solid energy coming
out of you. Good positive aura.
482
00:35:15,449 --> 00:35:17,117
Nice to meet you.
483
00:35:17,534 --> 00:35:20,787
Is it always like this... TV cameras,
people and stuff?
484
00:35:21,079 --> 00:35:23,582
Yeah, a lot of pressure.
Rise above it.
485
00:35:23,790 --> 00:35:26,710
Harness in the good energy,
block out the bad.
486
00:35:27,044 --> 00:35:29,129
Harness energy, block bad.
487
00:35:29,546 --> 00:35:32,132
Feel the flow, Happy.
It's circular.
488
00:35:32,549 --> 00:35:34,009
It's like a carousel.
489
00:35:34,301 --> 00:35:37,221
You get on the horse.
It goes up, down and around.
490
00:35:37,554 --> 00:35:41,600
Circular. Circle. With the music,
the flow. All good things.
491
00:35:42,142 --> 00:35:45,395
Okay. Well, great. Thanks.
Nice to meet you.
492
00:35:46,230 --> 00:35:47,481
Psycho.
493
00:35:47,981 --> 00:35:50,400
Next to tee off,
Happy Gilmore.
494
00:35:52,027 --> 00:35:53,737
Give me a club.
495
00:35:55,489 --> 00:35:56,824
I'll get it.
496
00:36:08,836 --> 00:36:12,381
Fu..., sh..., fu..., ass...
497
00:36:21,765 --> 00:36:22,933
Sorry.
498
00:36:27,938 --> 00:36:28,856
Psycho.
499
00:36:45,205 --> 00:36:47,958
What a shot
by Happy Gilmore!
500
00:36:48,250 --> 00:36:50,043
Who the hell is
Happy Gilmore?
501
00:37:12,649 --> 00:37:14,109
Oh, yeah!
502
00:37:15,986 --> 00:37:17,154
I got it!
503
00:37:18,989 --> 00:37:19,948
Like that, baby?
504
00:37:20,240 --> 00:37:22,868
Plenty more
where that came from!
505
00:37:24,953 --> 00:37:27,247
Get Virginia Venit in here, now.
506
00:37:27,456 --> 00:37:28,999
Use a five iron.
507
00:37:29,249 --> 00:37:31,627
You think so?
Give me my wedge.
508
00:37:45,516 --> 00:37:48,810
Five iron, huh?
You're fired. Bye-bye.
509
00:38:03,325 --> 00:38:07,913
What are you doing, Happy... riding
a bull? You're acting like a damn fool!
510
00:38:14,086 --> 00:38:17,714
Doing the bull dance.
Feeling the flow. Working it.
511
00:38:18,006 --> 00:38:21,134
On the 18th green, Shooter McGavin
putts for the win.
512
00:38:21,468 --> 00:38:25,722
His crowd seems unusually small
for this type of moment.
513
00:38:31,395 --> 00:38:34,189
Most people are over watching
Happy Gilmore.
514
00:38:34,481 --> 00:38:36,149
He's the talk of the course...
515
00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:39,820
...with his huge drives
and bizarre behavior.
516
00:38:40,028 --> 00:38:44,408
He's on the 17th green right now,
having trouble closing out his day.
517
00:38:44,741 --> 00:38:49,204
Happy, the ball has its own energy
or life force, if you will.
518
00:38:49,621 --> 00:38:52,541
Its natural environment
is in the hole.
519
00:38:52,833 --> 00:38:54,501
Why don't you send him home?
520
00:38:55,252 --> 00:38:58,088
His bags are packed.
He has his plane ticket.
521
00:38:58,380 --> 00:39:00,048
Bring him to the airport.
522
00:39:00,674 --> 00:39:01,800
Send him home.
523
00:39:03,260 --> 00:39:05,762
Send him home.
I'll send him home.
524
00:39:06,096 --> 00:39:08,599
It's time to go home, ball.
525
00:39:12,686 --> 00:39:15,689
Son of a bitch ball!
Why didn't you go home?!
526
00:39:15,898 --> 00:39:20,068
That's your home! Are you too good
for your home?! Answer me!
527
00:39:20,486 --> 00:39:22,905
Suck my white ass, ball!
528
00:39:29,161 --> 00:39:33,081
Draft a press release stating Gilmore
is being thrown off the Tour.
529
00:39:33,415 --> 00:39:34,958
I want to see it by 6:00 P.M.
530
00:39:35,292 --> 00:39:39,463
You're right... his behavior is
completely unacceptable.
531
00:39:39,796 --> 00:39:43,133
But golf has been waiting
for a player like this.
532
00:39:43,425 --> 00:39:46,136
A colorful, emotional,
working class hero.
533
00:39:46,345 --> 00:39:49,556
I will not tolerate this behavior.
Gilmore is gone.
534
00:39:49,765 --> 00:39:51,642
I got a call
from the Dallas Open.
535
00:39:51,850 --> 00:39:55,521
They're deluged with calls
from people who want to see Happy.
536
00:39:55,812 --> 00:39:57,814
- They sold out.
- Already?
537
00:39:58,106 --> 00:40:01,360
I know he's a little rough.
Let me work with him.
538
00:40:03,654 --> 00:40:07,074
Okay. Fine.
But he's your responsibility.
539
00:40:07,491 --> 00:40:09,493
If he cleans up, he can stay.
540
00:40:09,701 --> 00:40:11,995
If he doesn't, it's your ass.
541
00:40:12,329 --> 00:40:13,997
And any more of this...
542
00:40:17,501 --> 00:40:18,961
...and he's gone.
543
00:40:27,010 --> 00:40:28,345
Shooter! Shooter!
544
00:40:28,595 --> 00:40:30,764
What do you think
of Happy Gilmore?
545
00:40:30,973 --> 00:40:34,184
I didn't see him play.
I was too busy winning.
546
00:40:34,518 --> 00:40:36,687
But a 450-yard drive
is impressive.
547
00:40:36,937 --> 00:40:41,275
Yeah. Where did he finish again?
Dead last? Yeah, he had a good day.
548
00:40:41,692 --> 00:40:43,277
Did he really make
a 450-yard ace?
549
00:40:43,485 --> 00:40:44,862
Where's my check?
550
00:40:45,154 --> 00:40:46,405
We mail them next week.
551
00:40:46,697 --> 00:40:47,948
I want mine now.
552
00:40:48,282 --> 00:40:49,616
I don't have any checks.
553
00:40:49,867 --> 00:40:53,370
He got one. Give me
one of them big ones, I don't care.
554
00:40:55,581 --> 00:40:56,832
Give me a beer, pal.
555
00:40:57,249 --> 00:40:58,500
Put that on my tab.
556
00:40:58,834 --> 00:41:01,628
You were the talk
of the tournament, Gilmore.
557
00:41:01,837 --> 00:41:03,380
Wow, thanks a lot.
558
00:41:03,714 --> 00:41:07,968
You sure crush the ball at the tee.
You'd do well in a long-drive contest.
559
00:41:08,302 --> 00:41:12,055
You'd make good money, traveling,
hustling at driving ranges.
560
00:41:12,264 --> 00:41:14,975
I know what you're doing
right now...
561
00:41:15,184 --> 00:41:20,189
...and I don't like it. So just shut
your trap before I put my foot in it.
562
00:41:22,566 --> 00:41:26,570
Don't turn your back on me.
Listen, this is Shooter's tour.
563
00:41:26,862 --> 00:41:30,115
I worked hard, paid my dues...
now it's Shooter's turn.
564
00:41:30,324 --> 00:41:34,578
Shooter won't let his reign at the top
be spoiled by some freak.
565
00:41:34,912 --> 00:41:36,371
Did you call me a freak?
566
00:41:36,872 --> 00:41:39,500
I was on this tour for one reason...
money.
567
00:41:39,583 --> 00:41:41,877
Now I got a new one...
kicking your ass.
568
00:41:42,294 --> 00:41:44,713
I'd like to see you try.
569
00:41:45,756 --> 00:41:46,798
Let's do it.
570
00:41:47,925 --> 00:41:49,259
I meant at golf.
571
00:41:49,510 --> 00:41:51,178
What's going on here?
572
00:41:51,470 --> 00:41:54,181
I was looking for the other half
of this bottle.
573
00:41:54,389 --> 00:41:57,226
Oh, there's some of it
right there.
574
00:41:57,518 --> 00:41:59,811
- Why don't you put it down?
- I know.
575
00:42:00,938 --> 00:42:04,942
Just stay out of my way.
Or you'll pay. Listen to what I say.
576
00:42:05,442 --> 00:42:07,402
Why don't I go eat some hay?
577
00:42:07,736 --> 00:42:10,948
I could make things out of clay
and lay by the bay.
578
00:42:11,281 --> 00:42:12,741
What do you say?
579
00:42:17,621 --> 00:42:20,249
Calm down or you'll get kicked
off the Tour.
580
00:42:20,666 --> 00:42:23,585
- That can't happen.
- It can, and I don't want it to.
581
00:42:24,002 --> 00:42:25,462
You could be a big star.
582
00:42:25,671 --> 00:42:27,631
I just want to make
some money.
583
00:42:27,965 --> 00:42:31,301
You won't be around long enough
to do that if you don't behave.
584
00:42:31,510 --> 00:42:33,387
What do you mean by "behave"?
585
00:42:33,595 --> 00:42:35,973
No swearing,
no throwing clubs...
586
00:42:36,223 --> 00:42:38,934
...and especially no hitting
other players.
587
00:42:39,142 --> 00:42:41,019
You mean no fun.
588
00:42:41,228 --> 00:42:42,771
You can have fun.
589
00:42:43,105 --> 00:42:47,651
That's why I think people come
to see you. But keep it within reason.
590
00:42:48,819 --> 00:42:53,615
I will work on what you call behaving.
But I won't act like a stiff.
591
00:42:54,032 --> 00:42:56,118
Fine. Thank you.
592
00:42:57,703 --> 00:42:59,163
Hey, um...
593
00:42:59,663 --> 00:43:01,331
...you want to get some food?
594
00:43:01,623 --> 00:43:04,334
No, thanks.
I don't date golfers.
595
00:43:04,668 --> 00:43:06,545
Good. I'm a hockey player.
596
00:43:09,047 --> 00:43:11,341
Just behave, okay?
597
00:43:14,469 --> 00:43:18,640
Happy Gilmore approaches the tee
in the 72nd annual Cleveland Classic.
598
00:43:19,057 --> 00:43:21,977
Happy Gilmore!
Drive it 400 yards!
599
00:43:22,394 --> 00:43:26,023
I can't believe I have fans.
I waited all my life for that.
600
00:43:28,025 --> 00:43:29,693
Don't be alarmed,
Mr. Gilmore.
601
00:43:29,902 --> 00:43:33,155
I know we had our problems,
but I'm proud of you.
602
00:43:33,363 --> 00:43:35,115
Thanks a lot, Mr. Larson.
603
00:43:35,324 --> 00:43:37,326
It's good to see you again.
604
00:43:37,701 --> 00:43:40,037
How's that, uh, thing feeling?
605
00:43:40,329 --> 00:43:42,706
Terrific. The nail comes out
next week.
606
00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:45,209
Well, you hardly even notice it.
607
00:43:49,379 --> 00:43:51,173
Let's make a little noise here.
608
00:43:53,550 --> 00:43:55,844
Come on!
I can't hear you!
609
00:44:22,454 --> 00:44:24,414
Trying to reach
the green from here?
610
00:44:24,665 --> 00:44:26,083
That's not possible, sir.
611
00:44:26,416 --> 00:44:27,376
I beg to differ.
612
00:44:27,459 --> 00:44:31,421
Happy Gilmore accomplished that feat
no more than an hour ago.
613
00:44:31,755 --> 00:44:35,592
Well, moron, good for Happy...
Oh, my God!
614
00:44:46,144 --> 00:44:47,187
Oh, my God.
615
00:44:54,987 --> 00:44:58,407
Hey, Shooter,
you forgot your nine iron.
616
00:45:02,703 --> 00:45:07,207
A large and economically diverse crowd
here at the Michelob Invitational.
617
00:45:07,499 --> 00:45:10,127
It's the tour sensation,
Happy Gilmore...
618
00:45:10,419 --> 00:45:15,215
...who's attracting all types
to this course. I even saw one guy...
619
00:45:15,424 --> 00:45:18,886
...wearing one of those
beer-dispensing helmets.
620
00:45:27,853 --> 00:45:30,731
Damn you people.
Go back to your shanties.
621
00:45:31,690 --> 00:45:35,319
This is a biggie, pal.
I got to make some real money.
622
00:45:35,569 --> 00:45:37,946
What do you think?
Slightly downhill?
623
00:45:38,238 --> 00:45:39,406
And slanting left.
624
00:45:39,615 --> 00:45:42,743
No, you think that
'cause you only got one shoe on.
625
00:45:44,495 --> 00:45:45,662
Oh, yeah.
626
00:46:00,052 --> 00:46:01,178
Happy Gilmore
627
00:46:32,167 --> 00:46:33,293
You got the ball?
628
00:46:42,886 --> 00:46:44,680
Happy Gilmore from nine feet.
629
00:46:45,097 --> 00:46:46,890
Here comes the putter throw.
630
00:46:47,182 --> 00:46:52,062
Wait. He's restrained himself.
Maybe this is a new Happy Gilmore.
631
00:46:56,358 --> 00:46:59,820
Another tournament here in Dallas,
and Shooter McGavin wins again.
632
00:47:00,112 --> 00:47:02,406
He's won here 3 years in a row.
633
00:47:15,752 --> 00:47:17,504
That son of a bitch!
634
00:47:17,921 --> 00:47:22,092
Give me my ball! Give it here!
Cough it up, you dirty bastard!
635
00:47:22,426 --> 00:47:23,760
I'll rip it out of you!
636
00:47:24,011 --> 00:47:25,012
Give me...
637
00:47:25,762 --> 00:47:27,097
Give me the ball.
638
00:47:32,227 --> 00:47:33,770
You have one eye.
639
00:47:35,439 --> 00:47:36,690
Chubbs.
640
00:47:37,441 --> 00:47:38,609
You took his hand.
641
00:48:21,318 --> 00:48:24,655
That Happy Gilmore is a real crack-up.
He's a hoot!
642
00:48:24,905 --> 00:48:27,908
He's bringing in
some big crowds.
643
00:48:28,242 --> 00:48:32,287
Today, one of his fans mooned me.
He had "HAPPY" written on his ass.
644
00:48:32,579 --> 00:48:35,916
"HA" was on one cheek
and "PPY" on the other.
645
00:48:36,250 --> 00:48:38,001
I love what he's doing for golf.
646
00:48:38,252 --> 00:48:42,089
- Well, I'm starting to come around.
- Everyone is.
647
00:48:42,297 --> 00:48:43,841
Well, I'm not, Doug!!
648
00:48:44,091 --> 00:48:45,759
This man is destroying golf.
649
00:48:46,051 --> 00:48:49,179
I saw two fat bikers in the woods
off 17 having sex.
650
00:48:49,388 --> 00:48:51,348
How can I chip
with that going on?
651
00:48:51,682 --> 00:48:55,644
- Kick him off the Tour.
- He hasn't broken any rules.
652
00:48:56,061 --> 00:48:57,437
He's a disgrace to the game!
653
00:48:57,729 --> 00:49:02,317
Yes, but our ratings are up.
We're attracting new, youthful sponsors.
654
00:49:02,860 --> 00:49:04,278
I'm sorry, Shooter.
655
00:49:04,611 --> 00:49:06,071
There's nothing I can do.
656
00:49:09,825 --> 00:49:12,619
Then I'll have to take care of this
myself.
657
00:49:13,579 --> 00:49:17,207
Grandma, I came in 9th place.
I won $35,000.
658
00:49:17,457 --> 00:49:19,126
So we'll get the house back?
659
00:49:19,418 --> 00:49:22,045
As long as I don't place last
the next two times...
660
00:49:22,337 --> 00:49:23,797
...we'll get the money in time.
661
00:49:24,006 --> 00:49:25,966
That's wonderful, Happy.
662
00:49:26,300 --> 00:49:27,885
I love you, Grandma. Bye.
663
00:49:28,177 --> 00:49:29,720
Good-bye, darling.
664
00:49:34,558 --> 00:49:38,187
We should go on that date.
I've been pretty good lately.
665
00:49:38,478 --> 00:49:41,815
Oh? I hear you broke a rake
and threw it in the woods.
666
00:49:42,065 --> 00:49:45,694
I didn't break it.
I was testing its durability.
667
00:49:45,986 --> 00:49:48,906
I put it in the woods
because it's made of wood...
668
00:49:49,031 --> 00:49:50,991
...and he should be
with his family.
669
00:49:52,493 --> 00:49:54,328
At least I didn't punch anyone.
670
00:49:55,412 --> 00:49:59,249
Okay, we'll go on a date.
But just as friends.
671
00:49:59,750 --> 00:50:02,669
Slow down. I don't want to be
more than friends.
672
00:50:03,003 --> 00:50:04,671
I just met you.
673
00:50:08,759 --> 00:50:10,093
Fit you okay?
674
00:50:10,427 --> 00:50:13,347
I haven't skated
since I was a little kid.
675
00:50:15,599 --> 00:50:18,435
Can we get a little time here?
676
00:50:19,603 --> 00:50:22,606
For Happy Gilmore, anything.
677
00:50:25,943 --> 00:50:27,611
You played ice hockey?
678
00:50:27,945 --> 00:50:29,071
Shut up.
679
00:50:31,156 --> 00:50:32,950
Oh, my God... power failure.
680
00:50:33,450 --> 00:50:35,452
It's very scary in here.
681
00:50:35,619 --> 00:50:36,787
Did you plan this?
682
00:50:37,120 --> 00:50:38,372
No.
683
00:50:42,709 --> 00:50:45,546
I thought we were going to be
just friends.
684
00:50:46,171 --> 00:50:49,633
What? Friends listen to "Endless Love"
in the dark.
685
00:51:03,689 --> 00:51:07,568
This song reminds me
of seventh grade.
686
00:51:07,734 --> 00:51:10,237
It reminds me
of my grandmother.
687
00:51:10,571 --> 00:51:11,822
That's kind of weird.
688
00:51:12,156 --> 00:51:14,241
She took me to see this movie.
689
00:51:14,324 --> 00:51:17,035
I had the biggest crush
on Brooke Shields.
690
00:51:18,162 --> 00:51:22,166
My grandma told me I should
write her a letter, so I did.
691
00:51:22,583 --> 00:51:25,502
I got a letter back
from Brooke two weeks later.
692
00:51:25,669 --> 00:51:28,422
But it was in my grandmother's
handwriting.
693
00:51:29,256 --> 00:51:30,924
Your grandma sounds sweet.
694
00:51:31,216 --> 00:51:34,845
She is sweet.
That's why I feel so terrible.
695
00:51:35,179 --> 00:51:36,346
Why?
696
00:51:37,681 --> 00:51:39,683
No, forget it.
697
00:51:40,601 --> 00:51:42,686
You can tell me.
698
00:51:43,520 --> 00:51:47,900
She's stuck in a nursing home.
The IRS repossessed her house.
699
00:51:48,525 --> 00:51:49,776
That's awful.
700
00:51:50,110 --> 00:51:51,528
That's why I joined the Tour.
701
00:51:51,862 --> 00:51:54,281
I'm close to getting
her house back.
702
00:51:54,448 --> 00:51:57,284
Don't tell anyone.
I'm kind of embarrassed.
703
00:51:58,744 --> 00:52:01,121
Don't worry.
I won't tell anyone.
704
00:52:03,457 --> 00:52:04,875
I'll make you a bet.
705
00:52:05,959 --> 00:52:07,628
Do you always carry a puck?
706
00:52:07,794 --> 00:52:08,879
Yeah.
707
00:52:10,422 --> 00:52:14,384
Now, if you get that puck
in the net over there...
708
00:52:14,801 --> 00:52:17,721
...I๏ฟฝll never bother you again.
709
00:52:18,222 --> 00:52:20,974
But if you miss...
710
00:52:21,808 --> 00:52:24,603
...you have to give me
a big, fat kiss.
711
00:52:25,020 --> 00:52:26,563
And you have to pretend
you like it.
712
00:52:27,105 --> 00:52:28,232
Really?
713
00:52:28,774 --> 00:52:29,817
Good luck.
714
00:52:43,163 --> 00:52:44,414
Shit.
715
00:52:45,249 --> 00:52:47,668
Talk about your all-time backfires.
716
00:52:49,086 --> 00:52:50,170
Happy...
717
00:52:53,799 --> 00:52:55,467
...I didn't see it go in.
718
00:53:08,272 --> 00:53:11,942
I'll give it all to you
719
00:53:13,610 --> 00:53:16,613
My love, my love, my love
720
00:53:17,364 --> 00:53:19,950
My endless love
721
00:53:37,718 --> 00:53:39,887
Welcome to soggy San Francisco...
722
00:53:40,220 --> 00:53:42,472
...site of this year's Pepsi Pro-Am.
723
00:53:43,015 --> 00:53:45,392
Hello, Happy.
I'm Bob Barker.
724
00:53:45,726 --> 00:53:47,728
What an honor.
Nice to meet you.
725
00:53:48,020 --> 00:53:50,230
We're playing together today.
726
00:53:51,148 --> 00:53:53,734
That's funny.
Who am I really playing with?
727
00:53:53,984 --> 00:53:56,778
In a Pro-Am, each golfer plays
with a celebrity.
728
00:53:56,987 --> 00:53:57,905
Wow.
729
00:53:58,155 --> 00:54:02,409
Nick Faldo and I won last year.
I'd like to win this year.
730
00:54:02,618 --> 00:54:04,495
I'll do my best.
731
00:54:05,120 --> 00:54:06,580
Hey, Gilmore?
732
00:54:06,914 --> 00:54:09,416
You suck, you jackass.
733
00:54:09,708 --> 00:54:11,168
Shut the hell up.
734
00:54:13,462 --> 00:54:17,216
I'd love to punch that guy in the face,
but I'd get in trouble.
735
00:54:17,508 --> 00:54:19,510
You get this
on "Let's Make A Deal"?
736
00:54:19,718 --> 00:54:21,178
"The Price Is Right", Happy.
737
00:54:22,012 --> 00:54:22,930
Oh, yeah. Sorry.
738
00:54:23,263 --> 00:54:25,682
It happens.
Let's play some golf.
739
00:54:31,104 --> 00:54:32,439
Jackass.
740
00:54:36,401 --> 00:54:38,070
The club went further
than the ball.
741
00:54:39,863 --> 00:54:41,406
What was that all about?
742
00:54:41,698 --> 00:54:46,703
It's just that it's rainy
and that guy... It just slipped.
743
00:54:53,627 --> 00:54:58,298
Get a blanket and suntan lotion,
'cause you'll never get off that beach.
744
00:54:58,799 --> 00:55:02,970
Just the way you never got
into the NHL, you jackass!
745
00:55:09,643 --> 00:55:11,436
The green's that way.
746
00:55:19,069 --> 00:55:22,072
You will not make this putt,
you jackass.
747
00:55:27,828 --> 00:55:29,371
Nice shooting, soldier.
748
00:55:33,834 --> 00:55:35,836
All right, Happy...
749
00:55:36,336 --> 00:55:38,338
...nice and easy.
750
00:55:43,552 --> 00:55:45,846
That was not nice and easy.
751
00:55:50,642 --> 00:55:52,436
That guy is driving me crazy.
752
00:55:52,728 --> 00:55:56,482
What's driving me crazy is
you not getting the ball in the hole.
753
00:55:56,899 --> 00:55:59,693
Don't push me, Bob.
Now's not the time.
754
00:56:04,531 --> 00:56:05,866
Jackass.
755
00:56:10,662 --> 00:56:12,539
This guy sucks!
756
00:56:13,582 --> 00:56:17,753
We haven't seen Gilmore play this badly
since his first day on tour.
757
00:56:18,045 --> 00:56:21,089
He and Bob Barker
are now dead last.
758
00:56:21,381 --> 00:56:25,552
You should be working at the snack bar,
not playing golf.
759
00:56:25,802 --> 00:56:27,137
Relax, Bob.
760
00:56:27,346 --> 00:56:31,808
There is no way you could have been
as bad at hockey as you are at golf.
761
00:56:32,226 --> 00:56:33,894
Okay, let's go.
762
00:56:35,270 --> 00:56:38,190
You like that, old man?!
You want a piece of me?
763
00:56:39,024 --> 00:56:42,152
I don't want a piece of you.
I want the whole thing!
764
00:56:57,376 --> 00:56:59,670
Now you're gonna get it,
Bobby!
765
00:57:19,898 --> 00:57:21,984
The price is wrong, bitch.
766
00:57:33,245 --> 00:57:34,788
I think you've had enough.
767
00:57:35,956 --> 00:57:36,874
No?
768
00:57:39,918 --> 00:57:41,587
Now you've had enough.
769
00:57:42,421 --> 00:57:43,797
Bitch.
770
00:57:46,592 --> 00:57:48,260
That couldn't have gone better.
771
00:57:48,385 --> 00:57:51,054
Instead of hitting you,
he hits Bob Barker.
772
00:57:51,305 --> 00:57:52,306
Perfect.
773
00:57:52,556 --> 00:57:54,641
So, see you
at the next tournament?
774
00:57:54,933 --> 00:57:58,896
No need. This was on national TV.
Gilmore is gone.
775
00:57:59,104 --> 00:58:02,983
Let's get something at the Red Lobster.
My treat.
776
00:58:03,275 --> 00:58:04,526
Some other time.
777
00:58:04,818 --> 00:58:06,612
I thought we were friends.
778
00:58:07,029 --> 00:58:09,323
We are. I just have to go.
779
00:58:09,656 --> 00:58:13,494
I'll be at the Red Lobster
in case you change your mind.
780
00:58:13,827 --> 00:58:15,245
God bless!
781
00:58:15,913 --> 00:58:17,247
There you are.
782
00:58:17,581 --> 00:58:19,833
Happy Gilmore,
come on down!
783
00:58:20,167 --> 00:58:22,252
Thank you, Shooter.
Sit down.
784
00:58:23,003 --> 00:58:26,840
So you got in a fight with a game show
host on national TV.
785
00:58:27,049 --> 00:58:28,717
That is not entertainment.
786
00:58:29,009 --> 00:58:32,262
This is not hockey,
no matter how much you want it to be.
787
00:58:32,471 --> 00:58:34,681
I know that and I'm sorry.
788
00:58:34,973 --> 00:58:36,934
But there was a guy out there...
789
00:58:37,267 --> 00:58:40,395
...giving me crap. It took all I had
not to hit him.
790
00:58:40,687 --> 00:58:44,358
So you head-butt Bob Barker?
Who won that fight, anyway?
791
00:58:44,691 --> 00:58:45,692
Enough, Shooter.
792
00:58:45,943 --> 00:58:48,111
The board has done the following:
793
00:58:48,320 --> 00:58:51,114
Fined you $25,000
and suspended you for one month.
794
00:58:51,448 --> 00:58:54,451
- What?! I got to play!
- What?! Kick him off the Tour.
795
00:58:54,993 --> 00:58:57,788
The board thinks
that might be extreme...
796
00:58:58,121 --> 00:59:01,458
...considering the fact
that our ratings were...
797
00:59:01,959 --> 00:59:03,627
...the highest we've ever had.
798
00:59:03,877 --> 00:59:06,547
My grandmother's house
got repossessed.
799
00:59:06,880 --> 00:59:10,717
If I don't win more prize money,
they'll sell it to someone else.
800
00:59:11,051 --> 00:59:13,345
Whoop-dee-doo.
Get out.
801
00:59:18,767 --> 00:59:23,230
It's over. My grandmother
will never see her house again.
802
00:59:23,480 --> 00:59:27,818
But you've made a lot of money.
You could buy her a nice condo.
803
00:59:27,943 --> 00:59:31,822
My grandfather didn't build
any condos with his bare hands.
804
00:59:32,239 --> 00:59:34,616
Damn it,
I hate that Bob Barker.
805
00:59:34,908 --> 00:59:38,078
There must be
another way to get the $50,000.
806
00:59:38,370 --> 00:59:42,124
I don't want to talk about it.
I failed, okay?
807
00:59:42,416 --> 00:59:45,878
Let me just enjoy the one thing
that makes me a bit happy...
808
00:59:46,170 --> 00:59:48,797
...this fresh, delicious, tasty...
809
00:59:49,089 --> 00:59:51,300
...meaty, turkey-filled...
810
00:59:51,592 --> 00:59:56,430
...Cold Cut Combo. I eat three
every day just to keep me strong.
811
00:59:56,722 --> 00:59:57,973
Hey, Happy...
812
00:59:58,265 --> 00:59:59,933
...can I have one of those?
813
01:00:00,267 --> 01:00:01,935
Coming right up!
814
01:00:07,441 --> 01:00:09,776
Talk about a hole in one.
815
01:00:10,068 --> 01:00:13,280
Subway sandwiches
will drive away your hunger.
816
01:00:14,364 --> 01:00:15,365
What do you think?
817
01:00:15,491 --> 01:00:18,827
I love it. He looks so handsome.
And it makes me hungry.
818
01:00:19,119 --> 01:00:22,789
They gave me a card
that gives us free Subway for life.
819
01:00:22,998 --> 01:00:24,124
That's lovely.
820
01:00:24,458 --> 01:00:26,460
You know what else is lovely?
821
01:00:26,752 --> 01:00:29,963
That commercial puts us up
to $275,000.
822
01:00:30,297 --> 01:00:32,466
Let's go get your house back.
823
01:00:42,184 --> 01:00:43,852
What the hell?
824
01:00:49,066 --> 01:00:50,400
What's going on here?
825
01:00:50,651 --> 01:00:54,488
It's exciting. We're auctioning off
your grandmother's house.
826
01:00:54,696 --> 01:00:58,033
You said if we got the money,
we could buy it back.
827
01:00:58,325 --> 01:00:59,576
You can buy it back.
828
01:01:00,327 --> 01:01:02,913
Bidding will start at $100,000.
Do I hear 100?
829
01:01:03,163 --> 01:01:05,415
This is the exciting part.
Have fun.
830
01:01:06,792 --> 01:01:10,420
Look at all these people.
What's going on, Happy?
831
01:01:10,838 --> 01:01:12,089
Thank you, two.
832
01:01:12,506 --> 01:01:14,174
They're auctioning it off.
833
01:01:14,424 --> 01:01:17,219
Good. We'll get it cheaper
than we thought.
834
01:01:17,511 --> 01:01:19,513
Two fifty, thank you.
835
01:01:20,138 --> 01:01:22,349
Maybe not. Two seventy-five!
836
01:01:22,641 --> 01:01:24,852
Two seventy-five. And three.
837
01:01:25,144 --> 01:01:26,520
Three fifty down front.
838
01:01:26,812 --> 01:01:30,149
I have three fifty.
Seventy-five anywhere?
839
01:01:30,566 --> 01:01:34,027
Three fifty... sold to the gentleman
in the white sweater.
840
01:01:34,319 --> 01:01:35,863
What just happened, Happy?
841
01:01:37,656 --> 01:01:39,449
Go wait in the car, Grandma.
842
01:01:41,285 --> 01:01:43,370
What the hell
is wrong with you?
843
01:01:43,620 --> 01:01:45,706
I enjoy real estate speculation.
844
01:01:47,124 --> 01:01:51,128
You touch me, I burn the house down
and piss on the ashes.
845
01:01:51,420 --> 01:01:52,963
What do you want for it?
846
01:01:53,630 --> 01:01:54,631
You know what.
847
01:01:55,048 --> 01:01:57,050
You off the Tour.
848
01:01:57,259 --> 01:01:59,761
Quit, and the house is yours.
849
01:02:00,053 --> 01:02:01,138
Fine. I quit.
850
01:02:01,430 --> 01:02:03,390
No way. Happy, come here.
851
01:02:03,640 --> 01:02:07,478
He's right. I don't belong in golf.
I'm a hockey player.
852
01:02:07,686 --> 01:02:10,063
- What team do you play for?
- Easy.
853
01:02:10,397 --> 01:02:13,317
Face it, Happy.
You are a golfer.
854
01:02:14,151 --> 01:02:18,655
I did this to get Grandma's house back.
Now I can. No regrets.
855
01:02:19,072 --> 01:02:24,077
What do you think she wants more... to
get her house back or see you succeed?
856
01:02:26,246 --> 01:02:29,917
Maybe she can have both.
Hey, Shooter.
857
01:02:30,626 --> 01:02:32,836
The Tour Championship
is next week.
858
01:02:33,545 --> 01:02:37,174
If I beat you, I get the house.
You beat me, I'll quit.
859
01:02:37,508 --> 01:02:40,427
You're going to beat me?
At golf?
860
01:02:42,513 --> 01:02:43,847
You're on.
861
01:02:44,389 --> 01:02:48,018
But you're in trouble. I eat pieces
of shit like you for breakfast.
862
01:02:48,268 --> 01:02:50,521
You eat pieces of shit
for breakfast?
863
01:02:52,439 --> 01:02:53,565
No.
864
01:02:58,445 --> 01:03:01,615
That was great.
I know you will kick his ass.
865
01:03:01,907 --> 01:03:03,575
That makes one of us.
866
01:03:03,867 --> 01:03:06,620
Take care of Grandma.
I'll walk from here.
867
01:03:06,912 --> 01:03:09,957
- Where are you going?
- To learn to play golf.
868
01:03:12,626 --> 01:03:15,128
I'm stupid, you're smart.
869
01:03:15,671 --> 01:03:17,756
I was wrong,
you were right.
870
01:03:18,298 --> 01:03:20,801
You're the best,
I'm the worst.
871
01:03:21,093 --> 01:03:24,972
You're very good-looking,
I'm not attractive.
872
01:03:25,264 --> 01:03:28,892
Okay, as long as you're willing
to admit that. Now...
873
01:03:29,143 --> 01:03:32,980
...are you ready to work
and do what I tell you?
874
01:03:33,313 --> 01:03:34,857
Believe me, I'm ready.
875
01:03:35,983 --> 01:03:37,651
Then let's get to work.
876
01:03:39,570 --> 01:03:42,072
I'm sorry. Here.
877
01:03:43,198 --> 01:03:44,658
Here's your pinky.
878
01:03:52,374 --> 01:03:54,168
"Happyland", just like me.
879
01:03:54,459 --> 01:03:56,753
Don't get excited.
I've been here before.
880
01:03:59,339 --> 01:04:03,510
This is embarrassing. I'm a
professional golfer, for God's sake.
881
01:04:03,760 --> 01:04:07,598
No, it's your short game
that's embarrassing. Let's go.
882
01:04:22,821 --> 01:04:26,158
Just line up the putt.
Don't even look at the hole.
883
01:04:26,575 --> 01:04:31,038
Aim for a spot six inches
in front of the hole. Line up with that.
884
01:04:31,371 --> 01:04:33,373
Okay. Six inches.
885
01:04:56,396 --> 01:04:58,398
This one's very tough.
886
01:05:03,278 --> 01:05:05,072
He's laughing, having fun.
887
01:05:05,364 --> 01:05:07,658
Yeah, laugh it up.
Enjoy your night.
888
01:05:08,575 --> 01:05:10,369
Happy, concentrate.
889
01:05:17,459 --> 01:05:19,002
I hate that clown.
890
01:05:19,336 --> 01:05:24,007
Easy. If you can't beat the clown,
how will you beat Shooter McGavin?
891
01:05:32,474 --> 01:05:34,143
You're gonna die, clown!
892
01:05:36,103 --> 01:05:39,022
Is that funny? I don't hear you
laughing now!
893
01:05:39,439 --> 01:05:40,607
Enough.
894
01:05:40,816 --> 01:05:42,359
What? I can't do it!
895
01:05:42,901 --> 01:05:46,113
Come with me, Happy.
Come on!
896
01:05:46,446 --> 01:05:48,532
You suck, you stupid clown!
897
01:05:50,826 --> 01:05:52,619
Remember, this isn't hockey.
898
01:05:52,911 --> 01:05:57,082
You don't play with raw emotion.
You can't putt angry.
899
01:05:57,499 --> 01:06:01,253
You must clear your mind
of everything else and stay focused.
900
01:06:06,133 --> 01:06:07,926
How can I do that?
901
01:06:08,343 --> 01:06:11,471
Think of a place
that's really perfect.
902
01:06:11,805 --> 01:06:13,974
Your own happy place.
903
01:06:14,308 --> 01:06:17,394
Go there and all your anger
will disappear.
904
01:06:17,811 --> 01:06:19,062
Then putt.
905
01:06:20,022 --> 01:06:21,273
Happy place.
906
01:06:21,690 --> 01:06:23,484
Happy place.
907
01:06:23,775 --> 01:06:25,652
Your happy place.
908
01:06:55,599 --> 01:06:56,600
Now how do you feel?
909
01:06:56,850 --> 01:06:57,851
Better.
910
01:06:58,519 --> 01:06:59,520
Now putt.
911
01:07:22,167 --> 01:07:23,544
Your happy place.
912
01:07:30,509 --> 01:07:33,011
We took some giant steps
tonight.
913
01:07:33,846 --> 01:07:35,514
I'm really proud of you.
914
01:07:36,056 --> 01:07:37,182
Here.
915
01:07:38,225 --> 01:07:40,519
I got something special
for you.
916
01:07:40,936 --> 01:07:41,895
Thanks, Chubbs.
917
01:07:42,187 --> 01:07:46,900
It's the putter I used when I played...
slightly modified, of course.
918
01:07:47,192 --> 01:07:49,695
Man, this is excellent.
919
01:07:50,946 --> 01:07:55,826
You got the spirit of a hockey player
in you, so I figured... why fight it?
920
01:07:56,076 --> 01:07:58,328
I got something for you, too.
921
01:07:58,871 --> 01:08:02,082
If not for you, none of this
would have happened...
922
01:08:02,332 --> 01:08:04,585
...so I wanted to show
my appreciation.
923
01:08:08,589 --> 01:08:10,549
This looks nice.
What is it?
924
01:08:10,841 --> 01:08:11,800
Open it.
925
01:08:12,092 --> 01:08:13,051
Shit.
926
01:08:13,760 --> 01:08:14,845
Oh, man.
927
01:08:15,137 --> 01:08:17,097
Remember the 'gator
that got your hand?
928
01:08:17,431 --> 01:08:19,099
I got his head.
929
01:08:31,612 --> 01:08:34,323
First my dad and now Chubbs.
930
01:08:34,615 --> 01:08:38,076
Anyone I get close to, dies.
If I were you, I'd run.
931
01:08:38,494 --> 01:08:40,871
You can't blame yourself
for this.
932
01:08:41,288 --> 01:08:44,458
I guess that alligator
finally finished the job.
933
01:08:44,958 --> 01:08:46,543
I'm going to miss you, pal.
934
01:08:55,302 --> 01:08:56,970
How am I going to play today?
935
01:08:57,262 --> 01:08:58,931
Just remember
what he taught you.
936
01:08:59,223 --> 01:09:03,227
Congratulations, murderer.
You killed a golf legend.
937
01:09:03,519 --> 01:09:04,561
Beat it, McGavin.
938
01:09:04,770 --> 01:09:09,233
I'm dedicating my performance at the
Tour Championship to Chubbs' memory.
939
01:09:09,650 --> 01:09:11,652
I'm playing for Chubbs.
940
01:09:11,860 --> 01:09:13,403
I called it first.
941
01:09:13,946 --> 01:09:17,157
You want to beat him?
Beat him on the course.
942
01:09:17,491 --> 01:09:20,202
Yeah, I'm gonna beat your ass
out there.
943
01:09:20,410 --> 01:09:22,579
Right. And Grizzly Adams
had a beard.
944
01:09:22,913 --> 01:09:24,665
Grizzly Adams did have a beard.
945
01:09:28,001 --> 01:09:29,795
The golfers
of the Tour Championship...
946
01:09:30,212 --> 01:09:33,549
...are ready to begin.
There may be 63 professionals...
947
01:09:33,841 --> 01:09:35,342
...vying for the title
of world's best...
948
01:09:35,425 --> 01:09:38,846
but in the minds of the spectators,
there are only two.
949
01:09:39,096 --> 01:09:41,056
Tour kingpin Shooter McGavin...
950
01:09:41,348 --> 01:09:44,685
...and bad boy Happy Gilmore,
just off suspension.
951
01:09:44,935 --> 01:09:47,938
Wouldn't you know it?
They've been paired together.
952
01:09:48,147 --> 01:09:51,775
I have some good interior design ideas
for Grandma's house.
953
01:09:52,109 --> 01:09:54,528
You know the bedroom
next to the stairs?
954
01:09:54,820 --> 01:09:56,071
Yeah, that was my room.
955
01:09:56,363 --> 01:09:58,866
I'm turning it
into my trophy room.
956
01:10:11,795 --> 01:10:13,463
It just may not be
big enough.
957
01:10:14,840 --> 01:10:15,966
All right.
958
01:10:30,272 --> 01:10:34,151
You know what's pathetic?
You've been playing golf all your life.
959
01:10:38,906 --> 01:10:41,325
Let me show you
how we do it in the pros.
960
01:10:48,624 --> 01:10:50,000
That's got to hurt.
961
01:10:58,217 --> 01:11:01,845
Happy learned how to putt.
Uh-oh.
962
01:11:03,847 --> 01:11:05,432
Here's a free lesson.
963
01:11:11,772 --> 01:11:13,774
Can't learn that
on a hockey rink.
964
01:11:25,244 --> 01:11:27,704
Somebody's closer.
965
01:11:29,790 --> 01:11:32,626
After one day,
Shooter McGavin is leading.
966
01:11:32,835 --> 01:11:36,046
But the big surprise
is young Happy Gilmore...
967
01:11:36,713 --> 01:11:40,050
...nipping at his heels,
trailing by only one stroke.
968
01:11:41,718 --> 01:11:42,970
Shooter from the sand.
969
01:11:43,262 --> 01:11:45,889
Playing like he really wants
that jacket.
970
01:11:51,895 --> 01:11:54,648
Happy Gilmore answers back
with a birdie.
971
01:12:08,412 --> 01:12:11,206
Happy with a long eagle opportunity.
972
01:12:13,292 --> 01:12:14,543
It's good!
973
01:12:15,294 --> 01:12:17,254
And Shooter can't believe it!
974
01:12:17,588 --> 01:12:20,591
He is now tied
with Happy Gilmore!
975
01:12:23,719 --> 01:12:26,763
Uh-oh. A little too much zip
on that one.
976
01:12:28,307 --> 01:12:31,226
Hold it, hold it, hold it.
977
01:12:31,643 --> 01:12:32,895
No!
978
01:12:36,732 --> 01:12:40,694
I didn't see that. Did it go in?
I wasn't watching.
979
01:12:41,111 --> 01:12:45,616
I wasn't watching. I saw it go up.
Did it go back in?
980
01:12:46,116 --> 01:12:49,244
At the end of day three,
Happy Gilmore has the lead.
981
01:12:49,578 --> 01:12:53,749
One has to be impressed with the vast
improvement in his short game.
982
01:13:13,352 --> 01:13:14,895
Donald, it's Shooter.
983
01:13:15,312 --> 01:13:17,940
Shooter!
It's great to hear from you!
984
01:13:18,232 --> 01:13:20,442
Want to go to Sizzler
and get some grub?
985
01:13:20,984 --> 01:13:22,402
No, thanks. Not hungry.
986
01:13:22,611 --> 01:13:27,115
This call is about business.
I need you here in the morning.
987
01:13:27,533 --> 01:13:29,743
It's the final day
of the Tour Championship...
988
01:13:29,827 --> 01:13:31,995
...and it promises to be
a classic.
989
01:13:32,454 --> 01:13:34,540
Happy Gilmore leads the pack.
990
01:13:34,832 --> 01:13:39,002
Is this a changing of the guard?
We'll know in 18 holes.
991
01:13:45,467 --> 01:13:48,262
Happy is really on today.
992
01:14:01,191 --> 01:14:02,234
There he is.
993
01:14:02,860 --> 01:14:04,111
That worm.
994
01:14:04,653 --> 01:14:06,321
Happy, look out!
995
01:14:12,452 --> 01:14:13,537
Are you okay?
996
01:14:13,704 --> 01:14:15,372
Volkswagen.
997
01:14:15,706 --> 01:14:17,291
Jackass!
998
01:14:33,223 --> 01:14:34,558
Jackass!
999
01:14:35,225 --> 01:14:39,188
You have no serious injuries.
Just keep off your feet for a few days.
1000
01:14:39,480 --> 01:14:41,273
Forget it.
I have to finish.
1001
01:14:41,565 --> 01:14:44,401
Do what you like. What do I know?
I'm just a doctor.
1002
01:14:44,568 --> 01:14:46,028
- Are you okay?
- I'm fine.
1003
01:14:46,361 --> 01:14:49,490
There is no shame
in throwing in the towel.
1004
01:14:49,698 --> 01:14:51,909
You must be careful
with your health.
1005
01:14:52,201 --> 01:14:54,077
Let's just play some golf.
1006
01:14:54,912 --> 01:14:56,455
I knew Happy Gilmore
was tough...
1007
01:14:56,788 --> 01:15:00,417
...but I can't believe he's playing
after being hit by a car.
1008
01:15:00,751 --> 01:15:03,045
Let's hope it doesn't affect
his game.
1009
01:15:07,007 --> 01:15:10,552
That's the first time he's failed
to outdrive McGavin.
1010
01:15:10,761 --> 01:15:14,431
Well, well, well. Happy Gilmore is
human after all.
1011
01:15:15,432 --> 01:15:19,728
Happy Gilmore is in trouble
if he can't hit the long ball.
1012
01:15:20,145 --> 01:15:21,396
If he has a chance...
1013
01:15:21,688 --> 01:15:24,942
...of winning today, he must do it
on the green.
1014
01:15:30,572 --> 01:15:35,285
He has to focus now.
He has to save this one for par.
1015
01:15:38,497 --> 01:15:41,208
That bogey drops him
out of the lead.
1016
01:15:41,625 --> 01:15:44,419
If he wants to stay in this thing...
1017
01:15:44,753 --> 01:15:46,213
...he has to calm down.
1018
01:15:53,095 --> 01:15:56,932
Don't worry about your grandma.
She can live with me... be my maid.
1019
01:16:03,397 --> 01:16:05,399
Look at the cabbage
he's in now.
1020
01:16:05,607 --> 01:16:09,236
Things just keep getting worse
for Happy Gilmore.
1021
01:16:11,989 --> 01:16:14,491
Just remember what Chubbs said.
1022
01:16:14,783 --> 01:16:16,743
"Go to a happy place."
1023
01:16:17,202 --> 01:16:19,496
"Go to a happy place."
1024
01:16:57,201 --> 01:16:58,452
God!
1025
01:17:11,215 --> 01:17:13,800
This looks like the end
for Happy Gilmore.
1026
01:17:13,800 --> 01:17:16,178
Shooter now has
a commanding lead.
1027
01:17:35,906 --> 01:17:37,574
Happy, look who's here.
1028
01:17:37,908 --> 01:17:39,243
Grandma.
1029
01:17:40,077 --> 01:17:42,788
Happy, you look upset.
What's wrong?
1030
01:17:43,080 --> 01:17:45,833
I stink.
I'm not going to win.
1031
01:17:46,124 --> 01:17:50,712
Don't worry, sweetheart. The house
isn't important. It's just a house.
1032
01:17:51,046 --> 01:17:53,423
Stop fraternizing with the help,
Gilmore.
1033
01:17:53,715 --> 01:17:56,677
Just hit your ball,
if you can find it.
1034
01:17:57,302 --> 01:17:58,428
Hi, Grandma.
1035
01:17:59,471 --> 01:18:03,934
Forget him. I just want you
to be happy, darling.
1036
01:18:06,562 --> 01:18:07,938
All right, Grandma.
1037
01:18:14,486 --> 01:18:17,281
Grandma wants me
to be happy.
1038
01:18:38,677 --> 01:18:41,889
Chin up, Happy.
Don't feel bad about me.
1039
01:18:42,306 --> 01:18:44,099
I got my hand back, see?
1040
01:18:46,477 --> 01:18:49,104
We've only just begun
1041
01:18:51,315 --> 01:18:53,984
To live
1042
01:18:55,777 --> 01:18:58,822
White lace and promises
1043
01:19:00,991 --> 01:19:04,953
A kiss for luck
and we're on our way
1044
01:19:14,546 --> 01:19:19,134
It ain't over yet, McGavin. The way
I see it, we've only just begun.
1045
01:19:46,870 --> 01:19:49,998
Happy, the gold jacket's yours.
Shooter will choke.
1046
01:19:55,420 --> 01:19:56,463
Unbelievable!
1047
01:20:08,767 --> 01:20:12,855
Damn you people!
This is golf, not a rock concert!
1048
01:20:19,695 --> 01:20:20,863
Putz!
1049
01:20:40,257 --> 01:20:41,592
Happy...
1050
01:20:42,134 --> 01:20:43,677
...rules!
1051
01:20:57,441 --> 01:21:00,068
Happy Gilmore has charged
in the back nine...
1052
01:21:00,194 --> 01:21:02,446
...and is now even
with Shooter McGavin.
1053
01:21:02,779 --> 01:21:06,116
If Shooter doesn't get
out of the funk he's in...
1054
01:21:06,450 --> 01:21:08,702
...he may miss out
on the gold jacket.
1055
01:21:09,161 --> 01:21:13,415
Ladies and gentlemen, the 18th hole
is a par three, 160 yards.
1056
01:21:13,624 --> 01:21:16,460
In the event of a tie,
there will be a play-off.
1057
01:21:16,752 --> 01:21:19,254
Mr. Gilmore,
you have the honors.
1058
01:21:20,506 --> 01:21:22,800
No matter what,
I'm having fun.
1059
01:21:23,133 --> 01:21:25,385
You're starting
to sound like a golfer.
1060
01:21:25,719 --> 01:21:27,596
I know. Keep it down.
1061
01:21:47,616 --> 01:21:51,245
Nice shot! Fifteen feet
short of the hole.
1062
01:22:03,173 --> 01:22:05,134
Shooter's ball is
in the woods.
1063
01:22:05,467 --> 01:22:09,179
Happy's on the 18th green,
where a car driven by a crazed fan...
1064
01:22:09,513 --> 01:22:11,098
...rammed the TV tower.
1065
01:22:14,017 --> 01:22:16,478
Let me through...
I'm looking for my ball.
1066
01:22:16,687 --> 01:22:20,649
This is golf, okay? Excuse me.
Thank you.
1067
01:22:26,530 --> 01:22:27,656
Is this your ball?
1068
01:22:28,490 --> 01:22:30,159
Yes, it is.
1069
01:22:30,367 --> 01:22:32,119
It struck my foot.
1070
01:22:32,578 --> 01:22:33,787
Doug!
1071
01:22:35,164 --> 01:22:36,748
Do I get a drop?
1072
01:22:37,875 --> 01:22:40,043
The rule says,
"Play it as it lies."
1073
01:23:03,734 --> 01:23:05,402
That's two so far, Shooter.
1074
01:23:05,736 --> 01:23:07,905
You can count.
Good for you.
1075
01:23:08,238 --> 01:23:12,409
And you can count on me waiting
for you in the parking lot.
1076
01:23:26,256 --> 01:23:27,591
You're still away.
1077
01:23:27,925 --> 01:23:29,927
I'm aware of that.
Thank you.
1078
01:23:31,053 --> 01:23:32,012
I can't see.
1079
01:23:32,304 --> 01:23:33,347
Hey, up here.
1080
01:23:46,902 --> 01:23:49,404
Shooter needs this
to put pressure on Happy.
1081
01:23:49,738 --> 01:23:52,199
If he misses, Happy can two-putt
to victory.
1082
01:24:03,168 --> 01:24:04,920
Choke on that, baby!
1083
01:24:14,847 --> 01:24:15,973
Shooter.
1084
01:24:24,857 --> 01:24:28,819
If Gilmore sinks this, it will cap
an amazing comeback.
1085
01:24:46,545 --> 01:24:49,339
Great. Now I have a tower
blocking my ball.
1086
01:24:49,673 --> 01:24:53,093
We'll get it moved and you'll finish
tomorrow. Right, Doug?
1087
01:24:53,343 --> 01:24:56,972
No, he has to hit it now.
"Play it as it lies."
1088
01:24:57,389 --> 01:25:01,852
I hit it off Frankenstein's fat foot.
Those are the rules.
1089
01:25:02,186 --> 01:25:05,022
He's right.
Take your shot, Mr. Gilmore.
1090
01:25:06,148 --> 01:25:10,027
Virginia, just so you know,
my jacket size is 44 long.
1091
01:25:10,319 --> 01:25:13,655
And my right arm is a bit longer
than my left.
1092
01:25:14,198 --> 01:25:18,660
Hit it around the tower, sink your putt
and we'll go to sudden death.
1093
01:25:26,043 --> 01:25:28,045
Nah, I'll just beat him now.
1094
01:25:29,713 --> 01:25:30,631
Good luck.
1095
01:25:36,094 --> 01:25:38,555
Chubbs, I know
you'll help me here.
1096
01:26:14,133 --> 01:26:16,218
Oh, my God.
1097
01:26:17,052 --> 01:26:20,931
Incredible!
Happy Gilmore wins the gold jacket.
1098
01:26:24,143 --> 01:26:26,436
I love you. I love you.
1099
01:26:26,728 --> 01:26:28,438
And I love you.
1100
01:26:29,148 --> 01:26:31,441
Doug! It's impossible!
1101
01:26:31,775 --> 01:26:34,570
That's my jacket!
It's mine!
1102
01:26:35,404 --> 01:26:37,281
He stole my jacket!
1103
01:26:37,906 --> 01:26:40,117
I believe that's Mr. Gilmore's.
1104
01:27:02,097 --> 01:27:04,475
I will get you, Shooter!
1105
01:27:05,976 --> 01:27:07,644
Stop! Stop!
1106
01:27:08,770 --> 01:27:10,314
Be still!
1107
01:27:10,647 --> 01:27:11,815
Don't!!!
1108
01:27:24,828 --> 01:27:26,163
- Coming?
- You bet.
1109
01:27:26,497 --> 01:27:27,831
All right.
1110
01:27:41,303 --> 01:27:44,014
Here's to Chubbs,
wherever he is.
1111
01:27:47,559 --> 01:27:49,019
Hey, Happy.
1112
01:27:51,730 --> 01:27:53,190
Nice jacket.
1113
01:27:56,026 --> 01:27:58,195
Who are you waving at,
Happy?
1114
01:27:59,863 --> 01:28:02,574
Nobody, Grandma.
Let's go home.
83826
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