Original subtitles

KEEP OUT

Okarun, you first.

I believe it's ladies first, actually.

But see, I'm so teary-eyed.

They're bone dry.

It's only fair to go side-by-side!

Hey! Okarun, you're behind me!

Argh, that's not fair, Miss Ayase! Now you're behind me!

-Damn you! -Wait! Hold on, stop it!

-Let's go. -Okay.

So what were we going to do again when Turbo Granny shows up? Punch her?

No! We're luring her outside of Shono City

to separate her from the location-bound spirit!

That way, she'll weaken, and even we can defeat her.

That's right, that's right.

But we defeated that giant alien already, so maybe we can defeat her, too?

You were scared just now.

I mean, she's an old hag!

After experiencing something that huge, an old hag…

So huge!

Wh-What should we do, Miss Ayase?!

Calm down! You just mentioned it just now! We're leaving Shono City, right?

Let's go!

What?!

No way! Is this legit?

She's coming this way!

I'm borrowing this!

I should be able to do it. Go!

Her eyes are mouth! So gross!

Miss Ayase, please unleash the curse!

I'll make something out of this!

-Got it! Counting on you! -Okay! I'll do my best!

Man, no good. I don't think I can do it.

I am utterly useless…

Oh, that's right, you become a total downer.

I'll cheer for you, so go do your best! Fight on!

I'll be crushed to death from that pressure…

No way!

Miss Ayase? What's going on?

Why? I can't see it!

The power of the curse is gone?

I returned his weenie to him.

The curse is no longer.

What a surprise!

I didn't expect you to use the power of the curse to transform!

But I won't let you do it.

You thieving pig! I won't let you use my power!

I'm going to thoroughly chew and eat you up!

Taunt her.

That thing has absolute confidence in its running.

A few random taunts and it's sure to take the challenge.

Are you that scared of losing in a race?

Such brute force is so unfashionable.

I mean, your name is Turbo Granny, right?

There's no way you'd pass on a race to show off how fast you can run.

If you're really Turbo…

then challenge us with how fast you can run!

You…

Who do you think you're mouthing off to, huh?

There's no way I'd lose in a running match.

Fine. I'll accept your challenge.

Besides, I can eat you two at any point.

What are the rules? Where's the finish line?

No finish line. We're playing tag.

If you catch us, you win. Simple, yeah?

Count for ten minutes when you begin.

We'll make a run for it in the meantime.

Those are the rules, so you absolutely have to adhere to them.

If you don't, the legend of Turbo Granny will just be a piece of crap.

Very well.

I hate people who break the rules.

Then, let's begin! Run, Okarun!

One, two…

Amazing! I totally thought we were goners!

-Miss Ayase, are you a genius? -…four…

I know! But I shoulda provoked a bit harder!

Ten minutes might be cutting it close!

Five minutes…

Eight minutes…

-Hold on! She's counting weird! -Six minutes…

Ten minutes.

Okaru…

Miss Ayase!

Miss Ayase!

Her ten minutes have passed.

Now I have to count your ten minutes.

Forty…

One minute…

That's cheating! Release Miss Ayase at once!

Fifty-six…

-Fifty-seven… -Stop! That way of counting is absurd!

You said you were going to adhere to the rules!

She didn't specify how to count.

Four minutes… Five minutes…

Gimme a break! Stop counting!

Ten minutes.

There.

Caught you.

But you're kinda dense, Okarun.

I'll probably be saving you next time, too!

Let me suckle that teat!

Ouch!

How dare you suckle my teat without permission?!

Let go, you bastard! Brat!

You're the one who said it!

I absolutely won't let go until you release Miss Ayase!

Ouch!

What the hell's going on? I can't muster my strength!

Is it because of this outfit?!

Damn you! I have no choice!

I'll possess you!

What a hassle!

Damn brat!

You aren't connected to some sorcerer, are you?

Oh well. I'll eat the girl and end it all.

What is this feeling of being crushed inside a hand?

I can tell. Even if I can't see, I can tell really well.

Granny's main form slipped in, so it's crystal clear…

by sense of touch!

Blast you!

Let go!

You saved me, Miss Ayase!

That's my line. That was awesome, Okarun!

Damn it! Let me outta this brat!

I caught you, you scummy old hag! How should we torture you now…

Give her back.

Give Granny back!

Location-bound spirit, kill them!

Crab!

Why is the location-bound spirit a crab?!

Grandma said the dead turn themselves into freshwater crabs to cross the River Styx!

BEWARE OF BEARS

This way! Over here! Where are you looking, you fool?

Okarun, time to transform!

Damn old hag! You stay still, you punk!

-How dare you address me as such? -Miss Ayase, hurry!

It's really hard! Unlike before, you have the real thing in there!

Here it comes!

That was close! This is super serious!

Curse you! Don't use my power without permission!

Let go, you punks!

This is great! It's easier to squish you directly!

Momo-chan, it's lookin' bad.

Hey! Don't get chummy and call me by my first name!

You're too heavy so I can't make this curve.

For real?!

Damn it!

Time to go full throttle now!

Wicked! It's like a helicopter!

I can't do it anymore.

Ouch!

Okarun, are you okay?

I'm all droopy…

Sorry. Seriously, you're a lifesaver!

But I already used one full throttle.

That's right, you can only go full throttle twice, right?

But I think we gained some distance, didn't we?

It's here!

There's a ton of faces on its back!

Crap! There's a lot of people here, too!

What's that? He's totally giving a piggyback ride.

What dedication. So hilarious!

This is totally embarrassing!

No way! Nobody else can see the crab?!

Hold on a second!

That means we just look like we're all in on a chicken fight!

I hope I don't bump into any friends!

Momo-chan, my stamina is getting seriously low.

Come on, try harder! What about your other full throttle?

No good even if I go full throttle. I can't leave Shono City distance-wise!

At this rate, that thing will catch up and eat us!

Seriously, anything but that!

I ain't letting no crab eat me! I would rather eat a crab instead!

Let's try something. Hang a right, Okarun!

HEALTH LAND

Welcome. How many will it be?

Two!

Head upstairs!

It should be harder for it to chase us in a narrow place!

It doesn't matter at all?!

An explosion!

Run away!

Hot! What is this place?

This is not good, Miss Ayase!

Crabs thrive in waterfronts!

Water is water, but…

this is a hot spring!

When you boil crabs, the meat tightens up and gets plump, right?

Tightening up means that the muscle fibers stiffen up,

so maybe its movements will slow down.

It stopped.

It stopped!

Boiled!

Now that it's all red, it totally looks yummy!

Freaky! You were looking at it like that?

Stop eyeing it, and let's just get out of here!

Straight down this road and we'll escape Shono City.

Wait, aren't there fewer people than before?

Indeed.

What's that?

Crap!

What are those guys?!

Idiots! You won't get away that easily!

There's a giant cemetery at the edge of Shono City!

I just borrowed some help from the spirits already resting there.

After all, Shono City is our territory!

Miss Ayase!

We're not letting you leave Shono City!

Okarun, go full throttle.

Huh? Is it all right?

Even if I use it here, we won't make it to the next city!

If you don't use it, we'll die right here!

Trust me!

Man, I'm so depressed.

You're done for.

One more full throttle from this kid and he'll be immobile!

Do it!

Momo-chan, I can't make this turn!

Don't stop!

Momo-chan! We gotta get back to the original route!

You untransformed!

Huh?

Don't suddenly let go of me!

Okarun, land!

I'm done for. I'm at my limit!

My body is going to rip apart!

Too wicked! I thought I was gonna puke out my organs!

Okarun, stand up!

It's only a little further!

Turbo Granny.

Crap, I let go of her!

I can't forgive you for this. You keep cheating.

What I detest the most…

is your lack of respect for elders.

You really are an amazing senior.

I've never seen an old person who can bully young folks this much.

Mad respect for that.

Speak properly, you punk.

I can see through your ploys to use modern words to fool the elderly.

I really hate those words. I hate it.

I hate shady brats like that.

What a…

son of a bitch.

All right, I'll eat ya, so run away.

You can leave Shono City real soon now.

I'll wait for you to finish running. Ten minutes? Or 20 minutes?

Then I'll take one second.

My ability is to take anything…

and grab it.

Get back here!

Turbo Granny used to be called the Hundred Kilo Granny!

The Takasaki Line's maximum speed is 120 kmph!

She can't catch up to us!

You're so slow! What a slowpoke!

You're nothing compared to us!

You're dead meat!

You fool!

Trains aren't always going at full speed!

They slow down at curves!

But I can always run at 100 kmph. I'm not letting you get away!

"I'm not letting you get away," is my line, moron.

Just like Grandma said, you always take the bait if I taunt ya.

You're already on board…

the rails of your defeat.

Yeah. Welcome to Kamigoe City.

You rotten bastard pigs!

Let go of me!

You were really fast, senior.

It's like you haven't lived a long time for nothing.

Nobody can win against you.

But in this race…

I win.

Ow.

Miss Ayase, where are we?!

Where's the crab? And Turbo Granny?

Looks like we defeated them.

I really didn't want to be rough like this.

This is where girls around your age

were violated, cut to pieces, and tossed away.

They didn't become evil spirits because they wanted to.

We spirit mediums have long hunted Turbo Granny.

Granny always showed up in places

where spirits of girls met irrational deaths.

Perhaps she went around

consoling the spirits of the girls who couldn't rest in peace.

But the dead shouldn't assault the living. That's no good.

We have to use force to send them to the other side.

The same goes for the living.

They should never do anything to mock the dead.

Trample into their territory disrespectfully,

and you can only blame yourself for your death.

Those are the rules for the living and the dead to coexist.

I'm glad you were okay.

Damn it, old hag! Don't take all the big ones!

If you don't give me this piece of crab, I'll break your The Idiot Shogun DVDs!

Try me! You do that and I'll burn all your Ken Takakura merch!

You're taking Mr. Ken as hostage?! You really aren't human!

You're the one who took The Idiot Shogun hostage first!

Um, I don't have an appetite, so if you'd like…

You have crab right in front of you but no appetite? What a loser.

Monster.

I'd totally be eating under normal circumstances!

How can you eat crab right after experiencing what happened?

Then what do you want to eat at what kind of time, you entitled brat?

I don't want to talk anymore!

You're so whiny for a guy.

Are you sure you have something down there?

I do! Thank you for retrieving it for me!

-Show me. -Huh?

I'm telling you to show me that it's actually there.

Um…

Are you stupid?

Are you insane?!

Miss Ayase, do something about this!

This family is insane!

Hold up, you!

Thank you for everything.

It's late so be careful.

I think it'll be safer than this house.

You're not getting away next time.

I'm never showing you.

So chilly.

Leave her be. She's not serious about it.

You weren't eating crab and were pretty depressed,

so I think she tried to cheer you up?

So that's it. I'm sorry I made her be so considerate…

Not!

Well then, goodbye.

Yeah. Bye-bye.

Goodbye?

Goodbye…

Goodbye?

Goodbye…

Goodbye?

Goodbye…

Goodbye?

Goodbye…

Goodbye?

Okarun!

See you tomorrow!

Okay!

Grandma, why was it a crab?

They say spirits of the dead turn themselves into freshwater crabs

to cross the River Styx!

That's why they turned into location-bound spirits inside that tunnel.

But yeah, I'm surprised you really ate all that crab!

Next episode, "Like, Where Are Your Balls?!"

That's why I told you to show me.