Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,521 --> 00:00:04,573
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,641 --> 00:00:07,977
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,044 --> 00:00:11,113
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,197 --> 00:00:14,099
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,150 --> 00:00:18,070
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,121 --> 00:00:20,539
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do... ♪
7
00:00:20,606 --> 00:00:22,124
Uh, uh, hold it.
Hold it.
8
00:00:22,208 --> 00:00:23,792
What-what...
what's going on here?
9
00:00:23,877 --> 00:00:24,910
I'm pregnant.
10
00:00:24,978 --> 00:00:26,161
You...
you're what?
11
00:00:26,246 --> 00:00:27,329
Yeah.
12
00:00:27,414 --> 00:00:28,998
We're in the middle
of a thing here.
13
00:00:29,082 --> 00:00:30,582
Well, you didn't return
any of my texts.
14
00:00:30,633 --> 00:00:31,967
So what-what...
so what's going on?
15
00:00:32,052 --> 00:00:34,103
You-you... you want, like,
a... a ride to the place?
16
00:00:34,170 --> 00:00:35,471
Peter, what's
going on?
17
00:00:35,538 --> 00:00:38,073
What's going on, Lois,
is that this girl
18
00:00:38,141 --> 00:00:40,859
is obviously not well,
and I have just learned
19
00:00:40,927 --> 00:00:42,494
that she's been stealing
from the show,
20
00:00:42,562 --> 00:00:45,898
and she should probably
be escorted out of the building.
21
00:00:45,999 --> 00:00:49,499
♪ Family Guy 10x01 ♪
Lottery Fever
Original Air Date on September 25, 2011
22
00:00:50,070 --> 00:00:51,820
♪ Nah, nah ♪
23
00:00:51,905 --> 00:00:54,773
♪ Family Guy. ♪
24
00:00:54,774 --> 00:00:57,974
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
25
00:00:58,912 --> 00:01:00,613
We now return
26
00:01:00,681 --> 00:01:03,749
to Star Trek II: The Wrathof Khan, edited for goats.
27
00:01:03,817 --> 00:01:06,652
Marooned for all eternity
28
00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:09,405
in the center of a dead planet.
29
00:01:10,908 --> 00:01:12,992
Buried alive.
30
00:01:13,043 --> 00:01:15,861
Buried alive.
31
00:01:18,048 --> 00:01:20,199
Lois, I need $28,000.
32
00:01:20,267 --> 00:01:21,467
For what?
33
00:01:21,535 --> 00:01:23,452
I've decided I want to open
a sushi restaurant.
34
00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:24,654
What do you know
about sushi?
35
00:01:24,721 --> 00:01:26,138
I don't care
about the sushi.
36
00:01:26,206 --> 00:01:28,624
I just want to yell at customers
when they walk in the door.
37
00:01:33,563 --> 00:01:35,982
Here comes a black guy!
38
00:01:36,049 --> 00:01:37,199
Peter, you're not
getting money
39
00:01:37,267 --> 00:01:38,567
for that or
anything else.
40
00:01:38,635 --> 00:01:40,736
We're running seriously
low on cash right now.
41
00:01:40,821 --> 00:01:43,406
In fact, I may have to
get my own full-time job.
42
00:01:43,490 --> 00:01:45,625
Geez. Are we really living
that close to the edge?
43
00:01:45,692 --> 00:01:46,909
You know we
are, Brian.
44
00:01:46,977 --> 00:01:48,644
Why do you think
we waited so long
45
00:01:48,712 --> 00:01:50,346
to take you to the
groomer's last month?
46
00:01:53,733 --> 00:01:55,935
Hey, isn't it time for me
to get a haircut?
47
00:01:56,003 --> 00:01:58,237
Oh, no. I think
you just got one.
48
00:01:58,305 --> 00:01:59,572
Are you sure?
49
00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:01,574
'Cause I feel like
my nails are really long.
50
00:02:01,642 --> 00:02:03,275
Yeah, I'll check,
but I'm pretty sure
51
00:02:03,343 --> 00:02:05,027
it's not for another
couple of weeks.
52
00:02:06,596 --> 00:02:08,164
What day is this?
53
00:02:08,231 --> 00:02:10,232
Like it or not, we're
going to have to start
54
00:02:10,300 --> 00:02:11,934
living on a strict
budget for a while.
55
00:02:12,002 --> 00:02:13,736
Good evening. I'm Tom Tucker,
and this is...
56
00:02:13,804 --> 00:02:15,204
♪ News... ♪
57
00:02:15,272 --> 00:02:17,289
I thought you were going
to sing with me, Joyce.
58
00:02:17,357 --> 00:02:18,557
Okay. Our top
story tonight.
59
00:02:18,625 --> 00:02:20,192
The Rhode Island
State Lottery
60
00:02:20,260 --> 00:02:23,362
has climbed to a record
$150 million jackpot.
61
00:02:23,430 --> 00:02:24,730
That's right, Tom.
62
00:02:24,798 --> 00:02:26,932
Powerball fever has
officially gripped Quahog.
63
00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:29,468
We sent Channel Five News
Asian correspondent
64
00:02:29,536 --> 00:02:32,438
Tricia Takanawa around town
to get the public reaction.
65
00:02:32,506 --> 00:02:35,841
Mayor West, what do you plan
to do if you win the lottery?
66
00:02:35,909 --> 00:02:38,044
Well, I'd finally
splurge and buy myself
67
00:02:38,111 --> 00:02:40,746
one of those fancy
four-piece suits.
68
00:02:40,814 --> 00:02:42,682
I'd like to join
your country club.
69
00:02:42,749 --> 00:02:45,084
I assume that won't
be a problem.
70
00:02:45,152 --> 00:02:48,721
And how about you,
every Persian guy in the world?
71
00:02:48,789 --> 00:02:51,057
White BMW.
72
00:02:51,124 --> 00:02:52,124
There you go, Lois.
73
00:02:52,192 --> 00:02:53,292
That's the answer right there.
74
00:02:53,343 --> 00:02:54,894
We'll just win the lottery.
75
00:02:54,961 --> 00:02:57,463
In fact, I'm going to go buy
my winning ticket right now.
76
00:03:02,352 --> 00:03:03,519
Peter, what's wrong?
77
00:03:03,587 --> 00:03:04,687
It's, uh, nothing.
78
00:03:04,755 --> 00:03:06,605
I'm just going
to wait a minute.
79
00:03:06,673 --> 00:03:09,108
There's teenagers
in skinny jeans out there.
80
00:03:12,713 --> 00:03:15,381
Everyone, I got big news.
81
00:03:15,449 --> 00:03:18,317
We are going
to be rich.
82
00:03:18,385 --> 00:03:19,869
Oh, my God, Peter.
83
00:03:19,936 --> 00:03:21,871
There are thousands of
lottery tickets here.
84
00:03:21,938 --> 00:03:23,873
Where did you get the
money for all these?
85
00:03:23,940 --> 00:03:26,208
Simple. I took out a second
mortgage on the house.
86
00:03:26,276 --> 00:03:28,094
What?!
Peter, this is idiotic.
87
00:03:28,161 --> 00:03:30,212
Your odds of winning
are like 100 million to one.
88
00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:33,149
Don't you know the lottery
is just a tax on stupid people?
89
00:03:33,216 --> 00:03:34,800
Would you be saying
that if the prize
90
00:03:34,868 --> 00:03:37,169
was 150 million bags of
the neighbor's garbage?
91
00:03:37,237 --> 00:03:38,270
But it's not.
92
00:03:38,338 --> 00:03:39,638
I mean... I mean, is it?
93
00:03:39,706 --> 00:03:41,824
It's... that-that is an
unrealistic, unfair question.
94
00:03:41,892 --> 00:03:43,175
Peter, Brian's right.
95
00:03:43,243 --> 00:03:45,077
How can you be
so irresponsible?
96
00:03:45,145 --> 00:03:46,729
You take these tickets
back right now.
97
00:03:46,797 --> 00:03:47,763
No way, Lois.
98
00:03:47,831 --> 00:03:48,964
We're going to win.
99
00:03:49,032 --> 00:03:50,666
I got lots of good
karma built up
100
00:03:50,734 --> 00:03:52,118
from doing those
USO shows.
101
00:03:53,453 --> 00:03:55,071
So, apparently, they found
102
00:03:55,138 --> 00:03:57,206
a weapon of mass destruction--
my putter.
103
00:04:00,010 --> 00:04:01,660
All right, boys.
Go get 'em over there.
104
00:04:01,728 --> 00:04:04,563
And now, please welcome
Mr. Bruce Jenner.
105
00:04:21,565 --> 00:04:23,215
Just wanted to
remind you fellas
106
00:04:23,266 --> 00:04:25,117
what you're all
fighting for.
107
00:04:28,638 --> 00:04:30,089
Okay, this is
it, you guys.
108
00:04:30,157 --> 00:04:31,624
They're going to announce
the winning lottery numbers.
109
00:04:31,691 --> 00:04:34,760
Time for the Griffin family
to meet its destiny.
110
00:04:34,828 --> 00:04:35,795
When we lose,
I'm getting a divorce.
111
00:04:35,862 --> 00:04:37,329
Understood.
112
00:04:37,397 --> 00:04:39,365
We're here live in our studio
where a checkout girl
113
00:04:39,432 --> 00:04:41,467
in a cheap dress
who wants to be a model
114
00:04:41,535 --> 00:04:43,052
is ready to draw
the winning numbers.
115
00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:44,420
"E!"
116
00:04:44,504 --> 00:04:45,454
That's
a three, honey.
117
00:04:45,539 --> 00:04:46,539
Turn it around.
118
00:04:46,590 --> 00:04:47,540
This.
119
00:04:47,591 --> 00:04:48,591
Thirty-one.
120
00:04:48,675 --> 00:04:50,009
Spooky ghost mouth.
121
00:04:50,076 --> 00:04:51,243
That's a zero.
122
00:04:51,294 --> 00:04:52,645
Snowman.
123
00:04:52,712 --> 00:04:53,762
Eight.
124
00:04:53,847 --> 00:04:55,181
Two sailboats.
125
00:04:55,248 --> 00:04:56,432
Forty-four.
126
00:04:56,516 --> 00:04:57,850
Seventeen.
127
00:04:57,917 --> 00:04:59,435
No, that's...
Oh, yes, that is 17.
128
00:04:59,519 --> 00:05:00,970
She's good at 17.
129
00:05:01,054 --> 00:05:02,354
Well, folks,
those are our winning numbers.
130
00:05:02,422 --> 00:05:03,549
Good luck to all of our...
131
00:05:03,550 --> 00:05:04,515
Twenty-four!
132
00:05:04,516 --> 00:05:05,589
No, that's it. We're done.
133
00:05:05,590 --> 00:05:07,127
Anyone watching,
do not count 24.
134
00:05:07,128 --> 00:05:08,452
Pancakes!
135
00:05:08,453 --> 00:05:09,366
Okay, I don't know
what she's doing now.
136
00:05:09,367 --> 00:05:10,567
Somebody turn the machine off.
137
00:05:10,597 --> 00:05:11,697
N-Nikki, Nikki, that's good.
That's good.
138
00:05:11,732 --> 00:05:12,699
Go... go wait in my car.
139
00:05:12,722 --> 00:05:14,623
All right, you did good.
140
00:05:15,572 --> 00:05:18,107
Going to take her
to Walt's Roast Beef.
141
00:05:18,175 --> 00:05:19,642
All right, kids,
we got 200,000
142
00:05:19,709 --> 00:05:20,943
lottery tickets
we got to check.
143
00:05:21,011 --> 00:05:22,812
All right, how do you
want to do this?
144
00:05:22,879 --> 00:05:25,147
A static shot of the house
where night turns into day
145
00:05:25,215 --> 00:05:27,716
or a montage song that
over-explains what we're doing?
146
00:05:27,784 --> 00:05:29,585
Um, that
second one
147
00:05:29,653 --> 00:05:31,153
sounds like it
could be funny.
148
00:05:31,221 --> 00:05:32,605
♪ ♪
149
00:05:32,689 --> 00:05:34,306
♪ Checking lottery tickets ♪
150
00:05:34,391 --> 00:05:36,158
♪ Looking at the numbers ♪
151
00:05:36,226 --> 00:05:38,927
♪ And seeing if they match
the ones on the news ♪
152
00:05:38,979 --> 00:05:40,613
♪ If they do,
then we're winners ♪
153
00:05:40,697 --> 00:05:42,665
♪ If they don't,
then we put them ♪
154
00:05:42,732 --> 00:05:44,450
♪ In the designated pile ♪
155
00:05:44,518 --> 00:05:46,468
♪ For tickets
we already checked ♪
156
00:05:46,536 --> 00:05:48,737
♪ This is taking forever ♪
157
00:05:48,805 --> 00:05:50,923
♪ That's why Brian is yawning ♪
158
00:05:50,991 --> 00:05:53,125
♪ And Stewie's
rubbing his eyes ♪
159
00:05:53,193 --> 00:05:55,711
♪ The montage is almost over ♪
160
00:05:55,778 --> 00:05:58,130
♪ That's why the music
and the vocals ♪
161
00:05:58,215 --> 00:06:01,783
♪ Are fading out right now. ♪
162
00:06:01,835 --> 00:06:03,335
Well, that's it.
163
00:06:03,403 --> 00:06:06,572
Three days wasted looking
through 200,000 lottery tickets.
164
00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:08,040
Those weren't
the lottery tickets.
165
00:06:08,108 --> 00:06:09,575
That was a test.
166
00:06:09,643 --> 00:06:11,594
These are
the lottery tickets.
167
00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:15,164
Is this another test?
168
00:06:15,232 --> 00:06:16,465
Yes.
169
00:06:16,533 --> 00:06:18,067
These aren't the real
lottery tickets, either.
170
00:06:18,134 --> 00:06:20,486
These are the real
lottery tickets.
171
00:06:20,570 --> 00:06:23,939
So, in addition to buying
200,000 lottery tickets,
172
00:06:24,007 --> 00:06:26,408
you had 400,000 fake ones
printed up?
173
00:06:26,476 --> 00:06:29,278
I had to be sure.
174
00:06:30,463 --> 00:06:32,631
Oh, my God. We won!
175
00:06:32,699 --> 00:06:34,016
What?
Let me see that.
176
00:06:35,452 --> 00:06:37,219
Yes! We won the lottery!
177
00:06:37,287 --> 00:06:38,621
I'm getting a penis butler.
178
00:06:38,672 --> 00:06:39,805
Sir?
179
00:06:39,873 --> 00:06:41,690
All right, butle
my penis. Butle it!
180
00:06:47,271 --> 00:06:48,338
This is awesome.
181
00:06:48,405 --> 00:06:49,572
Now that we're rich,
182
00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:51,407
our lives are going
to be so much better.
183
00:06:51,475 --> 00:06:53,042
You sure it was
such a good idea
184
00:06:53,110 --> 00:06:54,511
to cash that
lottery check?
185
00:06:54,578 --> 00:06:56,913
It seems foolish to have
all this money lying around.
186
00:06:56,981 --> 00:06:58,848
Oh, you'd rather have
it down at the bank
187
00:06:58,916 --> 00:07:00,450
where the Jewish
guys can leer at it?
188
00:07:00,518 --> 00:07:02,135
Yeah!
All right!
189
00:07:02,203 --> 00:07:03,236
Money!
190
00:07:03,304 --> 00:07:04,637
Whoo-hoo!
Whoo!
191
00:07:04,705 --> 00:07:06,940
Hello?
192
00:07:07,007 --> 00:07:08,708
Did you blow all your money yet?
No, Daddy.
193
00:07:08,776 --> 00:07:10,276
All right. Call me
when you blow all your money.
194
00:07:10,344 --> 00:07:11,744
Love you. Bye.
195
00:07:11,812 --> 00:07:13,480
All right, so how are we
going to spend our winnings?
196
00:07:13,547 --> 00:07:15,081
I'm going to get some
supermarket fried chicken
197
00:07:15,149 --> 00:07:17,083
and eat it until I'm nauseous.
198
00:07:17,168 --> 00:07:19,969
I'm going to finally get my gal
that doodad she's been wantin'!
199
00:07:20,037 --> 00:07:22,071
I'm going to get a floor mirror
to squat over
200
00:07:22,139 --> 00:07:23,940
and see what's making
all that noise.
201
00:07:24,008 --> 00:07:25,742
Okay, everybody
just calm down.
202
00:07:25,809 --> 00:07:27,610
We're not going to go crazy
spending our winnings,
203
00:07:27,678 --> 00:07:29,646
and we're not going to let
this money change us.
204
00:07:29,713 --> 00:07:31,114
What are you talking about?
205
00:07:31,182 --> 00:07:33,483
This money is our ticket
to the good life, starting now.
206
00:07:33,551 --> 00:07:36,019
I just bought a giant room
full of gold coins,
207
00:07:36,086 --> 00:07:38,521
and I'm going to dive into it
like Scrooge McDuck.
208
00:07:42,159 --> 00:07:44,827
Aah! It's not a liquid!
209
00:07:44,895 --> 00:07:48,131
It's a great many pieces
of solid matter
210
00:07:48,199 --> 00:07:50,667
that form a hard,
floor-like surface!
211
00:07:50,734 --> 00:07:52,101
Aah!
212
00:07:56,357 --> 00:07:58,424
Peter, what are you
doing here?
213
00:07:58,492 --> 00:07:59,859
Shouldn't you
be at work?
214
00:07:59,927 --> 00:08:01,361
I quit my job, Lois.
215
00:08:01,428 --> 00:08:03,062
You what?
Yeah, we're rich now.
216
00:08:03,130 --> 00:08:04,464
I don't need to be working.
217
00:08:04,532 --> 00:08:05,698
Ah, you should've
been there, Lois.
218
00:08:05,766 --> 00:08:07,800
I told Angela what she could do
with that job,
219
00:08:07,868 --> 00:08:09,769
just like I always fantasized.
220
00:08:09,837 --> 00:08:11,404
Angela, I just want
to thank you
221
00:08:11,472 --> 00:08:13,506
for several extremely
pleasurable years
222
00:08:13,574 --> 00:08:14,807
working for this
corporation.
223
00:08:14,875 --> 00:08:17,110
Uh, certain
unexpected developments
224
00:08:17,177 --> 00:08:18,711
have created
a situation
225
00:08:18,779 --> 00:08:20,947
where I am no longer
in need of employment.
226
00:08:21,015 --> 00:08:22,782
Uh, I would be
remiss, however,
227
00:08:22,850 --> 00:08:25,084
if I did not extend
my gratitude to you
228
00:08:25,152 --> 00:08:27,587
for your unwavering
fairness and belief in me,
229
00:08:27,655 --> 00:08:29,756
and there is a giant poo
on your desk.
230
00:08:33,127 --> 00:08:34,944
Hey, Horace,
another round for everybody.
231
00:08:37,731 --> 00:08:38,881
Gosh, Peter,
you're really
232
00:08:38,949 --> 00:08:40,016
being generous
with your money.
233
00:08:40,084 --> 00:08:41,551
Hey, what's the point
of being rich
234
00:08:41,619 --> 00:08:43,453
if you can't share it
with your pals, huh?
235
00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:44,737
Okay, wait,
I-I got one.
236
00:08:44,805 --> 00:08:46,139
Who would you
rather do?
237
00:08:46,206 --> 00:08:47,974
Susan Boyle
or a sex doll
238
00:08:48,042 --> 00:08:49,993
that's been passed
around a fraternity?
239
00:08:50,060 --> 00:08:51,461
Well, have they been
cleaning the doll?
240
00:08:51,528 --> 00:08:53,713
Please, these guys are Betas--
they're total animals.
241
00:08:53,781 --> 00:08:54,847
Hey, I got
one, Peter.
242
00:08:54,915 --> 00:08:56,049
What would you
rather do?
243
00:08:56,116 --> 00:08:57,684
Tread water where
you are right now
244
00:08:57,751 --> 00:08:59,519
or increase your
net worth fivefold
245
00:08:59,587 --> 00:09:00,853
within the next
18 months?
246
00:09:00,921 --> 00:09:01,988
Huh?
247
00:09:02,056 --> 00:09:03,590
What? I... what are you
talking about?
248
00:09:03,657 --> 00:09:05,725
Well, my friend Marty
is a whiz with chemistry,
249
00:09:05,793 --> 00:09:07,193
and he says
he's come up
250
00:09:07,261 --> 00:09:08,778
with a new penis
enlargement pill,
251
00:09:08,845 --> 00:09:11,898
and if we can bankroll him
$100,000 in startup money,
252
00:09:11,966 --> 00:09:13,800
he'll triple our
investment in a year.
253
00:09:13,867 --> 00:09:16,436
Well, uh...
gee, I-I'm... I don't, uh...
254
00:09:16,503 --> 00:09:17,837
Peter, I've taken
the liberty
255
00:09:17,905 --> 00:09:19,772
of mocking up some
sales projections.
256
00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:21,274
Wow, that's pretty good.
257
00:09:21,342 --> 00:09:23,276
And this would be
our net profits.
258
00:09:23,344 --> 00:09:24,477
Yikes.
259
00:09:24,545 --> 00:09:25,979
You know, Peter, uh,
260
00:09:26,046 --> 00:09:29,315
Bonnie's birthday is coming up,
and I'll be gol-darned
261
00:09:29,383 --> 00:09:32,118
if I didn't go ahead and
promise her that Stevie Nicks
262
00:09:32,186 --> 00:09:35,121
would come to our house
and sing three songs to her.
263
00:09:35,189 --> 00:09:38,458
Boy, do I got a big mouth, huh?
264
00:09:38,525 --> 00:09:40,727
Yeah, if you're going to open
your mouth with the missus,
265
00:09:40,794 --> 00:09:41,995
stick to kisses, huh?
266
00:09:45,165 --> 00:09:47,300
What neat humor.
What neat humor.
267
00:09:47,368 --> 00:09:49,636
So what do say, Peter?
Can you help us out?
268
00:09:49,703 --> 00:09:51,104
Of course I can, you dope.
269
00:09:51,171 --> 00:09:52,822
We're pals, right?
270
00:09:55,442 --> 00:09:56,592
There you go.
271
00:09:56,660 --> 00:09:57,627
Hey, Horace,
give us
272
00:09:57,695 --> 00:09:58,928
three shots
of your best bourbon.
273
00:09:58,996 --> 00:10:01,314
And have that Russian waiter
I like bring it over.
274
00:10:03,083 --> 00:10:05,568
♪ La la la la la
la la la la la la ♪
275
00:10:05,619 --> 00:10:07,920
♪ Trololo ♪
276
00:10:08,005 --> 00:10:10,406
♪ La la la la la
la la la la la la ♪
277
00:10:10,474 --> 00:10:11,624
♪ Ho ho ho ho ho ♪
278
00:10:11,692 --> 00:10:12,759
♪ Ho ho ho ho ho ♪
279
00:10:12,843 --> 00:10:14,043
♪ Ho ho ho ho ho ♪
280
00:10:14,111 --> 00:10:15,411
♪ Ho ho ho ho ho ♪
281
00:10:15,479 --> 00:10:17,914
♪ La la la la la la
la la la la la la ♪
282
00:10:17,981 --> 00:10:20,400
♪ La la la la la
la la la la la ♪
283
00:10:20,467 --> 00:10:25,271
♪ Ah la la la ♪
284
00:10:25,339 --> 00:10:29,876
♪ La la la la la la ♪
285
00:10:29,943 --> 00:10:31,978
♪ La la la la la ♪
286
00:10:32,046 --> 00:10:34,781
♪ Bop ba da da da da da da da ♪
287
00:10:34,848 --> 00:10:39,752
♪ La la la la la la. ♪
288
00:10:39,820 --> 00:10:41,754
Boy, you wouldn't guess
from that smile
289
00:10:41,822 --> 00:10:43,623
that all his kids
were stillborn, huh?
290
00:10:43,691 --> 00:10:45,925
All right, well,
thanks again, Peter.
291
00:10:45,993 --> 00:10:47,393
I got to head out.
292
00:10:47,461 --> 00:10:49,362
I told my mother I'd visit
her in the hospital.
293
00:10:49,430 --> 00:10:50,813
Yeah, and I got to work.
294
00:10:50,881 --> 00:10:52,281
I'm flying a leg
to Minneapolis tonight.
295
00:10:52,349 --> 00:10:53,616
Oh.
296
00:10:53,667 --> 00:10:54,917
Yeah, I-I-I understand.
297
00:10:54,985 --> 00:10:56,185
You... you've got
other things to do.
298
00:10:56,253 --> 00:10:57,787
I-I just wrote you guys
a couple of checks,
299
00:10:57,855 --> 00:10:59,472
but no, you... you-you-you
do your things.
300
00:10:59,540 --> 00:11:01,307
What?
No, I mean, I-I'm just saying,
301
00:11:01,375 --> 00:11:03,710
I-I thought friends hang out,
do things with each other.
302
00:11:03,777 --> 00:11:05,328
You know,
especially when one friend
303
00:11:05,396 --> 00:11:07,747
gives the other friends
a whole bunch of money.
304
00:11:07,815 --> 00:11:11,334
Oh. Well, I guess I
could stick around.
305
00:11:11,402 --> 00:11:14,437
Yeah, and I-I guess
the co-pilot can fly the plane.
306
00:11:14,505 --> 00:11:17,340
She's a woman and passengers
are usually okay with that.
307
00:11:17,408 --> 00:11:18,708
I once saw a
deodorant commercial
308
00:11:18,776 --> 00:11:20,042
that had a
woman pilot.
309
00:11:20,110 --> 00:11:21,661
That's more like it.
310
00:11:21,745 --> 00:11:24,180
From now on, we're all gonna do
whatever I want to do.
311
00:11:24,248 --> 00:11:25,531
'Cause I'm the one
with the dough.
312
00:11:25,599 --> 00:11:27,233
Okay, I guess that's fair.
313
00:11:27,301 --> 00:11:28,968
Good.
'Cause what I want to do is
314
00:11:29,036 --> 00:11:31,037
stay here, get drunk
and watch TV.
315
00:11:31,105 --> 00:11:34,207
We now return to MichaelMcDonald During Allergy Season.
316
00:11:34,274 --> 00:11:36,142
Haa...
317
00:11:36,210 --> 00:11:38,461
Haa-haa...
318
00:11:38,529 --> 00:11:40,546
Haa-haa-haa-haa-haa...
319
00:11:40,631 --> 00:11:42,014
Haa...
320
00:11:42,099 --> 00:11:43,499
♪ Haa-chu! ♪
321
00:11:45,636 --> 00:11:48,404
Hey, Peter, you wanted me
to watch the entire first season
322
00:11:48,472 --> 00:11:51,007
of True Blood and come show you
where there was boob?
323
00:11:51,074 --> 00:11:52,475
That's right, I
don't want to see
324
00:11:52,543 --> 00:11:53,810
any actual TrueBlood, just boob.
325
00:11:53,877 --> 00:11:55,077
Yeah, well, I found some.
326
00:11:57,931 --> 00:11:59,165
No!
327
00:11:59,233 --> 00:12:01,634
Anna Paquin boob does
not count as real boob!
328
00:12:01,702 --> 00:12:03,870
That's like looking
at a 12-year-old boy.
329
00:12:03,937 --> 00:12:05,972
Geez. Y-You should
know that, Joe!
330
00:12:06,039 --> 00:12:07,073
You should
definitely know that!
331
00:12:07,141 --> 00:12:08,441
Sorry, Peter.
332
00:12:08,509 --> 00:12:10,443
Sorry doesn't show me
nipples worth seeing!
333
00:12:10,511 --> 00:12:13,279
And as for you, Anna, you're
dreadful and so is the program.
334
00:12:13,347 --> 00:12:14,480
I didn't write it.
335
00:12:14,548 --> 00:12:16,182
Yeah, but you know
the people who do.
336
00:12:16,250 --> 00:12:17,784
That Alan Ball--
you know him, right?
337
00:12:17,851 --> 00:12:18,818
Yeah.
338
00:12:18,886 --> 00:12:19,919
How come everything
he writes
339
00:12:19,987 --> 00:12:21,821
is so dreary?
I don't know.
340
00:12:21,889 --> 00:12:23,556
Tell him to cheer up!
Things ain't so bad!
341
00:12:23,624 --> 00:12:26,025
This is a weird episode.
342
00:12:27,828 --> 00:12:30,062
Okay, Quagmire, I want you
to take the first bite
343
00:12:30,130 --> 00:12:31,430
out of this fudge pop,
344
00:12:31,498 --> 00:12:33,866
because that first bite
is the one that really hurts.
345
00:12:33,934 --> 00:12:36,302
Well, okay.
346
00:12:39,957 --> 00:12:42,091
Ah! Ow!
347
00:12:42,159 --> 00:12:43,092
Ow!
348
00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:44,160
Yeah, that's right "Ow."
349
00:12:44,227 --> 00:12:45,261
Now, you swallow that.
350
00:12:45,329 --> 00:12:46,562
Don't you dare spit that out.
351
00:12:46,630 --> 00:12:47,513
What's the
difference?
352
00:12:47,581 --> 00:12:48,431
You got what
you wanted.
353
00:12:48,499 --> 00:12:49,448
I said swallow it!
354
00:12:50,701 --> 00:12:52,168
Now, smear what's
left of it on your face
355
00:12:52,236 --> 00:12:56,088
and look at me
with your mouth open.
356
00:12:56,156 --> 00:12:58,291
Look at yourself,
you filthy whore.
357
00:13:00,794 --> 00:13:02,595
I don't even
want this now.
358
00:13:07,134 --> 00:13:09,769
Okay, guys, now you're gonna do
a synchronized duet
359
00:13:09,837 --> 00:13:12,338
of "Makin' Whoopee" while
I shoot you with this BB gun.
360
00:13:12,406 --> 00:13:13,372
That doesn't
sound safe.
361
00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:14,207
Action!
362
00:13:15,776 --> 00:13:17,527
♪ Another bride ♪
♪ She looks so gay ♪
363
00:13:17,594 --> 00:13:19,228
♪ Another June ♪
♪ Oh, what a day ♪
364
00:13:19,279 --> 00:13:21,964
♪ Another sunny
honeymoon ♪
365
00:13:22,032 --> 00:13:23,165
♪ Hip hip hoor... ♪
366
00:13:23,233 --> 00:13:24,734
♪ Another seas... ♪
367
00:13:24,801 --> 00:13:26,435
♪ Another reason ♪
368
00:13:26,503 --> 00:13:28,304
♪ For making whoopee ♪
369
00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:32,992
Look, you aren't gonna shoot us
in the eye, are you, Peter?
370
00:13:33,076 --> 00:13:34,126
Oh, no, Joe.
371
00:13:34,211 --> 00:13:35,795
I wouldn't try
to shoot you in the eye.
372
00:13:35,879 --> 00:13:37,830
♪ A lot of shoes ♪
♪ We're throwing shoes ♪
373
00:13:37,915 --> 00:13:39,321
♪ A lot of rice ♪
♪ It's all so ni... ♪
374
00:13:40,267 --> 00:13:42,768
Peter, it was really
close to my eye!
375
00:13:42,836 --> 00:13:43,769
Relax, Joe.
376
00:13:43,837 --> 00:13:45,037
I'm nowhere near your eye.
377
00:13:45,105 --> 00:13:46,505
Hey, Joe, open your eye.
378
00:13:46,573 --> 00:13:49,342
Gotcha.
379
00:13:49,409 --> 00:13:51,310
What the hell, Peter?!
You shot him in the eye!
380
00:13:51,378 --> 00:13:52,778
Keep singing, you.
And keep your chin up,
381
00:13:52,846 --> 00:13:54,013
so I can see your throat.
382
00:13:54,097 --> 00:13:55,798
No, no screw this!
You're a jerk!
383
00:13:55,866 --> 00:13:57,600
Jerk? What kind of a way is that
384
00:13:57,668 --> 00:13:59,435
to talk to your friend
who gives you money?
385
00:13:59,503 --> 00:14:00,536
Go to hell, Peter!
386
00:14:00,604 --> 00:14:01,737
We don't need
your money!
387
00:14:01,805 --> 00:14:03,239
And we don't need
friends like you!
388
00:14:03,307 --> 00:14:04,607
Yeah! We're out of here!
389
00:14:04,675 --> 00:14:05,875
Fine, go on. I don't care.
390
00:14:05,943 --> 00:14:07,710
I don't need you, I got money!
391
00:14:07,778 --> 00:14:10,046
You know, Peter,
you used to be a great guy.
392
00:14:10,113 --> 00:14:11,647
But ever since
you won that lottery...
393
00:14:13,183 --> 00:14:14,917
Come on, Joe!
394
00:14:14,985 --> 00:14:16,719
this guy!
Aah!
395
00:14:20,023 --> 00:14:22,091
I'm here to audition
for Fiddler on the Roof.
396
00:14:22,159 --> 00:14:23,492
Come right in.
397
00:14:31,817 --> 00:14:34,119
Peter, my God, what the
hell are you wearing?
398
00:14:34,186 --> 00:14:36,237
It's a solid gold
tuxedo, Lois.
399
00:14:36,305 --> 00:14:37,706
I had to fight three rappers
400
00:14:37,773 --> 00:14:39,607
down at the Nonsense Store
for this.
401
00:14:39,675 --> 00:14:41,409
Look, Peter, this
is not who we are.
402
00:14:41,477 --> 00:14:43,511
I'm worried the money
is changing this family,
403
00:14:43,579 --> 00:14:45,013
and not the
way you hoped.
404
00:14:45,081 --> 00:14:47,348
Well, I was hoping it would make
you shut up, so you're right.
405
00:14:47,416 --> 00:14:49,150
You know, I spoke to
Bonnie this morning,
406
00:14:49,218 --> 00:14:52,120
and she said you haven't talked
to Joe or Quagmire in two weeks.
407
00:14:52,188 --> 00:14:53,671
Who cares?
I don't need Quagmire.
408
00:14:53,739 --> 00:14:55,373
And I certainly don't need Joe.
409
00:14:55,441 --> 00:14:56,674
I got Money Joe.
410
00:14:57,727 --> 00:14:59,060
That's a good one, Money Joe!
411
00:14:59,128 --> 00:15:01,229
I don't like what this money
is doing to us.
412
00:15:01,297 --> 00:15:03,331
It's even affecting
Brian and Stewie.
413
00:15:04,533 --> 00:15:05,633
I think I'm gonna
take a nap.
414
00:15:05,701 --> 00:15:07,836
What, here?
Yeah, I had a giant mobile
415
00:15:07,903 --> 00:15:10,255
put in the sky so I can
sleep wherever I want.
416
00:15:12,858 --> 00:15:15,110
This is nice.
417
00:15:15,194 --> 00:15:17,428
I hope that bear
comes around soon.
418
00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:20,031
That's sort of my fave--
Oh, look, the bear!
419
00:15:20,098 --> 00:15:21,549
And it's not just them.
420
00:15:21,617 --> 00:15:24,519
Chris has also been developing
some very expensive tastes.
421
00:15:24,587 --> 00:15:26,855
Model glue, sir?
422
00:15:26,922 --> 00:15:28,573
Well, what do
we have today?
423
00:15:28,624 --> 00:15:31,726
Today we have a recent vintage
procured just this morning
424
00:15:31,794 --> 00:15:33,478
from Michael's Hobby Shop.
425
00:15:33,546 --> 00:15:35,547
Yes, that's
very nice.
426
00:15:35,614 --> 00:15:37,515
Bring me my
finest rag.
427
00:15:37,583 --> 00:15:39,334
Your fancy rag, sir.
428
00:15:39,418 --> 00:15:41,186
You are relieved
for the evening.
429
00:15:46,442 --> 00:15:49,444
You don't see
poor people doing this!
430
00:15:49,512 --> 00:15:50,678
Lois, don't you understand?
431
00:15:50,763 --> 00:15:52,947
We don't got any of
our old problems anymore.
432
00:15:53,015 --> 00:15:54,883
We don't have to worry
about paying bills,
433
00:15:54,950 --> 00:15:56,768
we don't have to worry
about saving dough.
434
00:15:56,836 --> 00:15:59,237
All we got to do
is enjoy ourselves.
435
00:15:59,305 --> 00:16:00,321
Interested?
436
00:16:03,108 --> 00:16:05,493
Oh, my God.
437
00:16:05,578 --> 00:16:08,830
Peter, it's
beautiful!
438
00:16:08,898 --> 00:16:10,131
Is it a blood
diamond?
439
00:16:10,199 --> 00:16:11,566
Ah, the bloodiest.
440
00:16:11,634 --> 00:16:14,235
The two kids who found it were
forced to murder each other.
441
00:16:14,303 --> 00:16:16,070
Oh, Peter,
I love it.
442
00:16:16,138 --> 00:16:19,007
Hey, you want to watch a DVD
of the murder while we do it?
443
00:16:19,091 --> 00:16:20,291
I already watched it
eight times,
444
00:16:20,359 --> 00:16:22,494
so I know exactly
which part I want to blam at.
445
00:16:25,798 --> 00:16:28,132
Chris, Meg, now that
I'm a rich father,
446
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:30,635
you will try to impress me,
and I will remain distant.
447
00:16:30,703 --> 00:16:31,736
Go.
448
00:16:31,804 --> 00:16:33,838
Um, say, Dad,
did I tell you
449
00:16:33,906 --> 00:16:36,007
I got second place
in the yacht race?
450
00:16:36,075 --> 00:16:38,276
Hmm. Sounds like
somebody's dad
451
00:16:38,344 --> 00:16:39,944
is happier than
me right now.
452
00:16:40,012 --> 00:16:41,646
Well, um, how about this, Dad?
453
00:16:41,714 --> 00:16:43,781
The school paper is
doing a story about me.
454
00:16:43,849 --> 00:16:45,583
That's because I
had it arranged.
455
00:16:45,651 --> 00:16:48,419
Uh, I was thinking about
joining the Army?
456
00:16:48,487 --> 00:16:49,687
No.
457
00:16:49,755 --> 00:16:51,689
Meg, as a girl, your
life holds no merit.
458
00:16:51,757 --> 00:16:53,925
And, Chris, try as you
may, you will never be
459
00:16:53,993 --> 00:16:55,793
as good as your older
brother who died.
460
00:16:55,861 --> 00:16:57,495
He was good at
sports and talking.
461
00:16:57,546 --> 00:16:59,414
Now, pardon me
while I look at scrimshaw
462
00:16:59,481 --> 00:17:01,182
through a magnifying glass.
463
00:17:01,250 --> 00:17:03,685
Ah, brave men all.
464
00:17:03,752 --> 00:17:05,653
Lost sons of New Bedford.
465
00:17:05,721 --> 00:17:07,322
That's good scrimshaw.
466
00:17:10,593 --> 00:17:12,994
Ah, I never thought
I'd be having high tea
467
00:17:13,062 --> 00:17:15,263
at the Park Barrington
every single day.
468
00:17:15,331 --> 00:17:18,032
Yes, it's nice to eat in a sea
of white faces, isn't it?
469
00:17:18,100 --> 00:17:21,369
Waiter, have the chef prepare
a bucket of your finest caviar,
470
00:17:21,437 --> 00:17:23,421
and then give it
a helicopter tour of the city.
471
00:17:23,489 --> 00:17:24,455
Very good, sir.
472
00:17:24,523 --> 00:17:25,990
Very good indeed.
473
00:17:26,058 --> 00:17:28,960
I hope it enjoys it as much as
that Maine lobster I ordered.
474
00:17:29,028 --> 00:17:31,429
And over there is the
Rhode Island State House,
475
00:17:31,497 --> 00:17:33,698
the second largest
self-supporting marble dome
476
00:17:33,766 --> 00:17:35,133
in North America.
477
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:36,701
Why the
am I doing this?
478
00:17:36,769 --> 00:17:38,303
I could've just
said I did it.
479
00:17:38,370 --> 00:17:40,038
Sir, about
your bill...
480
00:17:40,089 --> 00:17:41,639
Oh, don't worry, Carstairs,
481
00:17:41,707 --> 00:17:43,775
there's ample gratuity
on there for you.
482
00:17:43,842 --> 00:17:45,143
Nyah.
483
00:17:45,210 --> 00:17:47,946
Well, actually, sir, your
card has been declined.
484
00:17:48,013 --> 00:17:49,380
Oh, really?
485
00:17:49,448 --> 00:17:51,799
Well, I'm sure a brief call
to my accountant
486
00:17:51,867 --> 00:17:54,002
will resolve this
to our mutual satisfaction.
487
00:17:55,971 --> 00:17:57,238
Hello, Schnozzenstein?
488
00:17:57,306 --> 00:17:58,640
This is Peter Griffin.
489
00:17:58,707 --> 00:18:00,642
There seems to be
some issue with our credit.
490
00:18:00,709 --> 00:18:03,511
I told Carstairs
you'd set everything straight.
491
00:18:03,579 --> 00:18:05,013
What do you mean I'm broke?!
492
00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:07,365
What about all that money
I sent to the Gayman Islands?
493
00:18:07,433 --> 00:18:09,167
They did what with it?!
494
00:18:09,234 --> 00:18:11,269
No, I don't want it back!
495
00:18:11,337 --> 00:18:12,987
I'm gonna miss you,
Carstairs.
496
00:18:13,055 --> 00:18:15,523
I shall miss
you, too, sir.
497
00:18:15,591 --> 00:18:17,208
With no one to look after,
498
00:18:17,275 --> 00:18:19,043
Carstairs fell into
a deep depression
499
00:18:19,111 --> 00:18:20,812
from which he never emerged.
500
00:18:20,879 --> 00:18:22,647
He died two weeks later.
501
00:18:22,715 --> 00:18:24,282
Some say of a broken heart.
502
00:18:24,350 --> 00:18:25,283
What, sir?
503
00:18:25,351 --> 00:18:26,584
But that was Carstairs.
504
00:18:30,155 --> 00:18:31,639
I can't believe it.
505
00:18:31,707 --> 00:18:32,974
We lost everything.
506
00:18:33,042 --> 00:18:34,575
What do we do now?
507
00:18:34,643 --> 00:18:36,844
Well, seems like our
only hope is the lottery.
508
00:18:36,912 --> 00:18:39,981
Holy (bleep), we won twice and
we're right back here again.
509
00:18:40,049 --> 00:18:43,418
We had $150 million, and
we blew through it in a month.
510
00:18:43,485 --> 00:18:45,603
Yeah, but on the bright side,
if this hadn't happened,
511
00:18:45,671 --> 00:18:46,738
we never would've met Kyle.
512
00:18:46,805 --> 00:18:48,406
Hey.
513
00:18:48,474 --> 00:18:49,440
Hello. Hey there.
Hi. What's up?
514
00:18:49,508 --> 00:18:51,009
And that's not even Kyle.
515
00:18:51,076 --> 00:18:52,543
Peter, we can't
live like this.
516
00:18:52,611 --> 00:18:54,262
Well, what are we
supposed to do, Lois?
517
00:18:54,330 --> 00:18:55,463
Everything we
had is gone!
518
00:18:55,531 --> 00:18:57,081
We have friends, Peter.
519
00:18:57,149 --> 00:18:58,366
Not anymore, we don't.
520
00:18:58,434 --> 00:18:59,600
They're good people.
521
00:18:59,668 --> 00:19:00,702
They'll listen.
522
00:19:00,769 --> 00:19:02,403
And they'll care
what happens to us,
523
00:19:02,471 --> 00:19:05,173
even after everything
that's happened.
524
00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:07,475
You know, I'm still young
enough you can drop me
525
00:19:07,543 --> 00:19:09,310
at the fire station,
no questions asked.
526
00:19:17,386 --> 00:19:19,687
Well, well.
Look who it is.
527
00:19:19,755 --> 00:19:20,655
Who is it?
528
00:19:20,723 --> 00:19:21,773
It's me, Peter.
529
00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:22,707
I'm standing
right here.
530
00:19:22,775 --> 00:19:24,208
This is a glass eye, Peter.
531
00:19:24,276 --> 00:19:25,977
They had to remove
the one you shot.
532
00:19:26,045 --> 00:19:28,446
Oh, boy, that whole
day was a mess, huh?
533
00:19:28,514 --> 00:19:30,214
What happened to you, anyway?
You look terrible.
534
00:19:30,282 --> 00:19:32,650
Look, you guys,
I messed up bad.
535
00:19:32,718 --> 00:19:34,652
Winning the lottery
was the worst thing
536
00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:36,554
that ever happened
to me and my family.
537
00:19:36,622 --> 00:19:39,090
I thought being rich
would solve all my problems,
538
00:19:39,158 --> 00:19:42,193
but all it did was make me
forget what was important.
539
00:19:42,261 --> 00:19:44,328
Like who my real friends are.
540
00:19:44,380 --> 00:19:46,080
I don't expect
you to forgive me,
541
00:19:46,165 --> 00:19:49,667
but if, for some reason, you do,
you can find me
542
00:19:49,718 --> 00:19:52,369
in a cardboard box on the corner
of Meeting and Thayer.
543
00:19:54,189 --> 00:19:55,423
Peter, wait.
544
00:19:57,092 --> 00:19:58,976
That corner's
a bit of a hike for me.
545
00:19:59,044 --> 00:20:00,561
I'd rather just
come see you at home.
546
00:20:03,115 --> 00:20:05,416
What-- where'd you get
this kind of money?
547
00:20:05,484 --> 00:20:07,985
The penis enlargement pill you
gave me the startup money for.
548
00:20:08,053 --> 00:20:09,504
It turned a pretty nice profit.
549
00:20:09,571 --> 00:20:11,939
I guess it's only fair
that I give you my percentage
550
00:20:12,007 --> 00:20:13,658
so you can get your house back.
551
00:20:13,726 --> 00:20:17,428
Quagmire, I don't know
what to say.
552
00:20:17,496 --> 00:20:18,563
Thank you.
553
00:20:18,630 --> 00:20:19,947
You're welcome.
554
00:20:20,015 --> 00:20:21,966
And if it makes you feel better,
it was money well spent.
555
00:20:22,034 --> 00:20:23,518
Just ask Sandra
the waitress over there.
556
00:20:23,585 --> 00:20:25,136
We had a great time
last night.
557
00:20:25,204 --> 00:20:26,771
Tough girl.
558
00:20:26,839 --> 00:20:28,139
Made it into work.
559
00:20:31,110 --> 00:20:33,177
Boy, I got to say,
it's good to be home.
560
00:20:33,245 --> 00:20:35,012
Yeah. Despite all
the ups and downs,
561
00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:36,647
things turned out for the best.
562
00:20:36,715 --> 00:20:39,317
I mean, really, we're no worse
off than we were before.
563
00:20:39,384 --> 00:20:40,985
Plus, we learned something.
564
00:20:41,053 --> 00:20:42,820
And you can't
put a price on that.
565
00:20:42,888 --> 00:20:44,222
Look, Lois, we all know
what happened.
566
00:20:44,289 --> 00:20:45,422
We're all depressed.
567
00:20:45,474 --> 00:20:47,141
All right, let's just
go to different rooms
568
00:20:47,209 --> 00:20:49,043
and stare blankly
out the window, saying nothing.
569
00:20:49,111 --> 00:20:53,111
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
570
00:20:57,119 --> 00:20:59,137
Congratulations to
tonight's sweepstakes winner,
571
00:20:59,154 --> 00:21:01,089
Daniel San Martin Marrero.
572
00:21:01,156 --> 00:21:02,290
Shapes.
Shut up.41826
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.