Original subtitles

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

>> I can't believe this is actually happening, Zach.

>> I know, I keep feeling we're going to wake up from a dream.

>> You want me to beat you?

>> Yes.

>> I'm sorry, do we?

>> Shit, this is actually happening.

>> I'm going to do it right.

>> We need to chill out.

We can't look like Dorks in our first day, is that?

>> Okay.

>> All right.

>> I just can't keep my eye.

>> My God.

[MUSIC]

>> I'm going to go.

>> I'm going to go.

>> Yeah, dick face.

[MUSIC]

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> It's beautiful man.

>> It's just beautiful.

>> Good evening, gentlemen.

>> It's daytime.

>> Mr. President.

>> So it is.

>> Boy, is ready to be inducted?

>> Yes, Mr. President.

>> See, as you well, as these boys have to call Mr. President, we're all still

getting--

>> I'm just gonna dick.

>> Boys, this is charity, this is faith.

Girls, this is Zach.

And what is it?

>> Christian, Cameron.

>> [LAUGH]

>> Boys, welcome to 24 party machine, man.

>> Woo!

>> Some of you get these boys a beard, hand job, please.

>> You're right, man.

>> Somewhere.

>> Just so happy for this.

>> I love this place.

[MUSIC]

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> Hi girls, where'd you start, we're going downstairs in

Duction ceremony.

>> Where are you?

>> You mean me in my room.

>> Yes, Mr. President.

>> [LAUGH]

>> See fellas, not right there.

Never gets old.

>> All right, fellas, we're fucking around.

We have some cherries of popits and serious party to do.

>> Wow!

>> Holy shit, did you hear what he just said?

>> Oh my god.

>> We're not even at the serious party yet.

>> It's even better than I imagined.

>> [LAUGH]

>> The average male graduate makes 125,000 per year.

Meanwhile, the average female graduate makes 41,500 per year.

>> This is the Isaac Tarzan's next month of the IEL.

>> This is bullshit.

>> Yes, it is bullshit, Misty.

And why would these women put up with such inequitable,

inexcusable disparity?

Some out of the women of Sterling College got in their heads

that being married to one of these successful men is just as good as being successful themselves.

Which is a bunch of holy.

Yes.

>> Is the astronaut single?

>> [LAUGH]

>> That's not the point.

The point is we over so hard to get into this college.

We're not just here for the parties, the sex, and the Lancelot rich husband, right?

>> [INAUDIBLE]

>> Then what are you doing here, Miss Kramer?

>> It is, Miss Kramer, isn't it?

Kelly Kramer.

>> So shitty, Marshall.

>> Yes, I know who I am.

So, this is Delta Pi sorority.

I'd heard you were meeting.

Even though you don't have a house.

>> I'd say it shows resolve.

>> I'd say it shows resolve.

It's pathetic.

>> Not only that, it's unfair.

>> Especially when you consider how many houses the fraternities have.

Am I right, ladies?

>> [INAUDIBLE]

>> Sterling College has always offered more opportunities to its male students.

You really think that you and your quote unquote sorority can overturn

50 years of history.

>> Yes, I do.

>> I was hoping you'd say that.

>> Gentlemen, you enter an elite brotherhood established by our founders in 1963.

Just as Sterling College is known as the cradle of awesome,

Alfa House is known as a place where awesome goes to get its freak up.

>> Now, are you ready to uphold the tradition of this fraternity?

>> Yes, let me hear you say yes.

>> Yes.

>> Yes, let me hear you say yes.

>> Yeah.

>> Good.

>> Do you swear to never speak ill of her?

Let me hear you say yes.

>> Yeah.

>> To never let her hound hauls fall silent.

To never let her kegs run empty.

And to never, ever let the party die.

>> Whoa, yeah.

>> Now, suck the guys dick on your media left.

>> What?

>> Really?

>> No, this mess in theaters want to see if you really do it.

>> I have nobody to my left.

>> Gentlemen, welcome to Alfa House.

>> What's the matter?

>> My hey, who turned out the lights?

>> I'm sorry, Mr. Kroger.

Am I interrupting something?

>> Of course not.

>> Always an honor to be visited by our associate dean.

>> I see you are inducting a fresh batch of pervert,

strunks, and future felons.

How far too it is that I've found you on a very accepting frame of mind?

>> You think about pledging?

>> It's really flattering, but unfortunately we're about to capacity for the year.

>> No, the peacock and with the strippers was not a bad move.

I see they went for the naughty book-worm look.

>> You can throw on these one sexy cop.

>> You see?

>> This is why I'm here.

>> For too long Alfa House has been a bastion for sex-

>> Probably the last stop.

>> Stop it!

It's not a good thing!

It's everything that's wrong with Sterling College!

>> But we are going to transform it into a shining example of everything that Sterling College has to offer.

Opportunity.

Diversity.

Equality.

>> Can you get to the point?

I'm sobering up over here.

>> Gentlemen, meet your new brothers.

>> Hello, boys.

>> As of tonight, I am making Alfa House officially co-ed.

>> No, you can't.

>> I can't.

>> And I do.

>> Dean Bonnoff never approved this.

>> Oh, oh, oh, oh, I doubt Dean Mungalen would give approval to such a dramatic change to his old fraternity.

>> The luckily, fraternity matters, fall under the purview of the associate dean.

Which is me.

This is bullshit!

[MUSIC]

>> What's your name, Potty Mow.

>> Cameron, is there something on your feeble mind, Cameron?

>> You can't just change a frat like this.

This isn't fair.

>> And having a sorority without a house is.

>> Excellent, return, Renee.

>> It's not fair to the girls.

It's still frat.

You can bring a bunch of girls in here, but they're going to have to live with a bunch of guys.

Fair to make them live in that kind of environment.

>> Hm.

>> Excellent point, Cameron's friend.

>> Zach.

>> Don't care.

>> With Alfa House being co-ed, it is governed by state and federal laws which forbid anyone

from making a member of the opposite sex feel harassed, disenfranchised or otherwise uncomfortable.

>> It means you horned odds will dial down the debauchery.

>> Significantly.

>> How significantly?

>> This place is going to make the Mormon tabernacle look like Mardi Gras.

>> Everybody will be on their best behavior.

>> Or else you're out.

>> Out of Alfa House?

>> Out of Alfa House.

Out of Sterling College.

>> Poop!

Out of luck.

>> Ladies.

>> Why don't you go make yourselves at home.

>> Girls?

>> Can someone have to be there for a share?

>> This is a disaster.

>> Come on out of here.

>> Where are you going?

>> Sorry dudes.

>> How's all that happened to be a friend for the booze and the couches?

>> What about brotherhood?

What about never letting the party die?

>> Two.

>> Look around.

The party's dead.

I should be Albo's deep and co-ed trim right now.

>> Watch these Delto Pile's Lesbos from our front door into a chassis belt.

>> How do you do, losers?

>> Oh.

>> Jerry Castration.

>> Come on, seriously, guys.

>> Wait, what?

>> Bye bye.

>> Well, looks like you're the de facto president of party

>> Congratulations.

>> All right, listen up.

This is how it's going to work.

You two are going to divide up the house equally.

I'm putting this on both your shoulders.

Got it?

>> Got it.

>> Got it.

>> Good.

>> So this is how it's going to work.

You guys are going to get the rooms in the back and we'll get the rooms in the front.

>> Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You're talking to the acting out of the house.

President here, okay?

If anybody decides who gets what rooms it's me.

>> Okay, so what do you suggest?

>> Girls in the front, guys in the back.

And you can share your room with me.

>> I'll pass.

How many bathrooms are in this, how home?

>> Two upstairs, one down here.

>> We each get one upstairs.

The one downstairs is for guests.

And the living room and the kitchen are common areas.

Does that work for you?

>> Yes.

>> Make it so.

>> All right.

>> How's that?

>> I am not sure what I think.

She wants to fuck me.

>> That's not going to happen.

>> Oh yeah, we'll see about that, sweetie.

>> Oh.

>> Melanie?

>> Zach.

>> Oh my god.

What are you doing here?

>> I just transferred.

I was over at state last semester.

>> Well, hello there, she's not on it.

>> Cameron.

Wow.

Didn't miss that.

Melanie.

Upstairs now.

>> Oh, my god.

What are you doing here?

>> I just transferred.

I was over at state last semester.

>> Well, hello there, she's not on it.

>> Cameron.

Wow.

Didn't miss that.

>> Melanie.

Upstairs now.

We're having a meeting.

Okay.

>> Well, I guess I'll be seeing you around the house then.

>> Yeah, I guess so.

>> This place is repulsive.

>> Is that a used condom?

>> Oh.

>> Please.

>> Please.

I know these aren't the best of arrangements.

>> No matter what those cavemen downstairs think, this place is just as much ours as it is

theirs.

The road is going to be rough.

It's going to be dirty.

And occasionally we'll have a used condom in it.

But we can do this.

>> Sisters on three.

>> One, two, three.

>> This is bullshit.

>> We can't have chicks living here.

>> I totally agree.

>> I know that from that, though I love your hercunania swirl and a boy procco on four-foot

ties.

>> Dude, what?

>> Makes zero sense, dude.

>> Look, guys, this is our house.

Those girls who are invaders in our territory.

Cameron and I, we'd want to be out this for as long as I can remember.

I'm not throwing that dream down the shitter because of some chicks.

>> I mean, two, dude.

But my dream did not include a pussy embargo.

>> Guys are missing the bigger picture here.

Did you see the talent that just walked into this house?

At this moment, the rooms directly above our heads are being stopped with some pretty decent

great inventory.

This house is basically just a cost-o-full of vads, right?

And if we play our cards right, we might be getting some free samples.

>> Besides how bad can it be living with girls?

>> Let's go down.

>> They're cleaning.

>> Nice, we're at the ladies.

>> What the fuck do you think you're doing?

>> Just because you're comfortable living like pigs doesn't mean we have to be.

>> [SOUND]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [SOUND]

>> [SOUND]

>> What the hell?

>> [SOUND]

>> What's going on?

>> I hate this room.

>> So.

>> I hate this room.

>> [MUSIC]

>> Fuckin' hate pig.

[MUSIC]

>> I think it used to the view though.

[MUSIC]

>> Yo, I definitely get both the number three.

>> [MUSIC]

>> The box starts by on my son's die.

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> Enjoying the view?

>> [MUSIC]

>> Yeah, what do you say?

>> We were just.

>> Yeah.

>> You know these paint fumes are making me kind of dizzy.

>> Yeah, me too.

>> You wanna get out of here?

>> Definitely.

>> Okay.

>> [MUSIC]

>> I'm gonna have to shift for you.

>> [MUSIC]

>> Perfect.

>> I'm gonna kill you.

>> I'm gonna kill you.

>> I'm gonna have to help me.

>> What happened?

>> I caught Jersey's jaw here staring at me through my bedroom door.

>> Whoa, kiss my taint, all right?

I am way cooler than those Jersey Shore douche bags.

>> I'm taking the summation.

>> Whoa, okay, pause right there, all right?

Nobody has to take anything to Dean Marshall.

How about you promise to stay in your apartment for the house and

will promise to stay in ours?

>> But we get the basement, okay?

You guys got to go off fucking Martha Stewart on the rest of the house.

We get one place that's just ours just like we like it.

>> Deal.

>> I catch you looking at me again.

I'm turning your balls into a keychain.

>> Is that a promise?

>> [SOUND]

>> I thought I were.

>> Dude, I can do it.

>> I've been taking this place over.

>> Then what the fuck are we doing about it?

>> Because I am one ass-hero way from leaving.

>> We do what we do best.

>> That would be?

>> We'd be guys.

We do everything we can to run the deltas out of this place and back in the

lecture hall they came from and then we take alpahouse back for ourselves.

>> What about Marshall's big plant?

>> What's he going to do about it if they leave voluntarily?

>> But what about the bitchy one?

>> Leave her to me.

>> You boys ready for this?

>> Oh yeah.

>> Good.

>> We started son up.

[MUSIC]

>> Let's go.

Get out, go shirt, go.

[MUSIC]

>> Listen up, recruits.

As acting president of alpahouse, it is my responsibility.

Strike that.

My pleasure to ensure that you have the proper induction in this most

honorable institution.

Being enough as a goddamn privilege.

>> The guy is brilliant.

>> And like any privilege, it's earned through hard work.

Isn't that right, gentlemen?

>> Give me a break.

>> New recruits will ask for a permission before speaking to the president.

>> Speak to this.

[LAUGH]

>> What is your name, recruit?

>> Kelly Kramer.

>> Do you have a middle name?

>> Fuck off.

>> Pretty.

>> People call you K2?

>> Nobody calls.

>> Here's the deal, K2.

Just as generations of alphas before you.

You and your little fembots here are going to have to endure some minor

inconveniences.

>> To demonstrate you are worthy for a spot in this house.

If any of you can't handle it, you are welcome to me.

>> Bring it, shit weasel.

Play your little games.

Get that frat bullshit out of your system.

I guess what?

We're still going to be here.

Are we done?

>> You are dismissed.

>> Whatever.

Girls.

>> That didn't go as planned.

>> No, it did not.

>> They have to leave.

Oh, they will.

I have a plan.

[MUSIC]

>> Excuse me, leave.

>> Hey!

>> So sorry.

>> We good?

>> We're watching that.

>> We're watching this now.

>> Oh, good.

>> And this is how they pay for college.

>> All right, K2, you got the choice between every hole filled with

ca, Brazilian, horse, and Vegas.

Looks like that one in the ward.

Or white man can hop.

>> Sorry.

Don't have TV in my room.

>> Oh, problem.

>> Boys.

>> Good to go, boss.

>> Good.

>> Thank you.

>> All right.

White man can hop with this.

>> All right, let's do these battles here.

Nice.

[MUSIC]

>> Home movie.

>> Sorry.

It's part of, you know.

>> It's all right.

Hey, I might even learn a thing or two.

>> I.

>> Oh.

>> Gotta go.

[MUSIC]

>> This is not why I do your stupid story.

>> Change is never easy, Renee.

We're not about to let some smudgy videos break us.

We will persevere.

>> Hello, ladies.

Have we got a treat for you?

And other shirts.

>> What is this?

>> Oh, well, we thought that the house could use a little more solidarity.

So, what each and every one of you is going to do is think of the sludiest thing you've

ever done on a first date right along the shirt and where did dinner?

>> No.

>> Come on.

>> Come on.

Where do we get to?

See?

Solidarity.

Besides, President Sorters, right, Cam?

>> What do you think?

>> See you all at dinner.

[MUSIC]

>> I'm not doing this.

Yes, you are.

We all are.

Think of all the women who have stood up for what they believe is right.

It was with Blackwell.

Susan B. Anthony.

>> [LAUGH]

>> If those women could endure all they had to go through, surely we can endure this.

Right, ladies?

All of you start writing.

And be truthful.

We want to compromise our integrity.

Jessica.

>> I said be truthful.

[MUSIC]

>> [LAUGH]

[MUSIC]

>> I've been around for a while.

>> Here to mention the set.

>> I made these for you.

[LAUGH]

>> [LAUGH]

>> [LAUGH]

>> God, don't know what the fuck this is.

>> Relax, right?

I am a pointed.

[MUSIC]

>> How's it working?

>> All right, TD Canada one, it's ready for its broadcast day.

>> Sweet.

>> It's wrong.

>> Party careful, careful.

[MUSIC]

>> Well, you see me hanging on the bar and I'm looking like a movie star now.

[MUSIC]

>> Perfection.

>> Man, you like the way I fill my jeans and you like the way I gold toothgreens.

[MUSIC]

>> I get a sense of your traction.

>> But you might want to love me.

>> I'm a sta.

>> I'm a sta.

>> I'm a sta.

>> I'm a sta.

>> Somebody help me cause I'm glad I'm a ass.

I'm a sta.

>> I'm a sta.

>> Somebody help me cause I'm ready to crash.

I'm a lot of luck and I'm on a cash now.

>> No, no, no, hold it.

[MUSIC]

>> Still not going.

>> Check, pack.

>> So don't want to go to fight class today.

>> Hey, how is history yesterday?

>> The feminist movement.

>> Round.

>> There you are.

>> They make the Disney princess seem like they're bad.

>> I mean hello.

They can have anything I wanted.

>> What?

>> Did you see that?

>> I was full.

[MUSIC]

>> Exactly.

You got to take out this footage.

It's totally epic.

>> Maybe later, guys.

>> Tennies, man.

>> Oh, so.

>> Hey there.

>> Fuck.

>> Can I get some?

>> Oh.

>> Hi.

>> Studying, huh?

>> Trying to.

>> Just like old times, you remember our first date.

>> 7th grade.

>> After school, you asked me to meet you.

>> In the library.

>> Right.

>> You said you wanted me to help you with your history assignment.

But I seem to remember what you really wanted was to feel my boots.

>> Under their sweater, over the broth, I remember correctly.

>> Oh, you remember.

>> So what are you studying now?

>> History.

>> You don't say.

What you get to it.

>> We should shout again.

>> We're not on.

>> Yeah, so much.

>> Five.

>> It's good for the environment.

>> No, it's good for the environment.

>> It is.

>> No, it's the.

>> It's okay, funny.

>> Yeah.

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> Do you have to be such an asshole?

>> I think you mean president asshole.

>> I'm taking this to the dean.

>> Y'all would love to get her out of the hot pocket.

>> I have no idea what that means.

>> I'll tell you about it later.

>> Stop me.

>> Stop her.

>> Stop her.

>> Stop her.

>> You're serious.

>> Well, now you're just flirting with me academically, aren't you?

>> No, seriously.

Those are impressive numbers.

>> I'm on the phone.

>> I'm going to lunch.

>> I'm going to lunch.

>> Be back by one.

>> Three.

>> Yes, yes.

Well, I look forward to speaking about Virgin Mary much more as well.

>> Yes, yes, Alpha House project is moving forward.

Students are getting along.

No, no, no, no, no, complaints.

And if there are, there's always provision of 13.

>> Listen, if we have to use it, we must definitely will.

>> Listen up, ladies.

The game has changed.

Before you know it, we're going to have this house all to ourselves.

>> How?

>> Like this.

>> What are you doing?

>> We have to do to take this house.

Sell up, girls.

It's time to blow some minds.

>> [APPLAUSE]

[MUSIC]

>> Hey, what's up, K2?

>> I just really wanted to apologize for the way of enacting lately.

>> Really?

>> Yeah, you know, I know it must be weird.

Being forced to live with a bunch of women.

It's a lot to take in all at once.

>> Yeah, it's cool.

We've been having fun.

>> Yeah, totally.

>> That's two.

>> Anyways, the girls and I want to offer you kind of peace operate.

>> A peace offer.

>> Yeah, you know, all the trouble we've caused you, it's the least we can do.

So dinner tonight at the house, on us.

>> Sure, sounds good.

>> Perfect, I'll see you then.

And remember to dress nice.

If that's something really special planned.

>> All right.

>> See you.

>> Okay, all right.

[MUSIC]

>> Good evening, gentlemen.

>> We, your office sisters, would like to thank you for welcoming us so warmly into your home.

As a token of our gratitude, we prepared a very special meal for you tonight.

One, I think you remember for a long time.

>> Please, take a seat.

[MUSIC]

>> Enjoy your dinner, boys.

[MUSIC]

>> I don't know about your office, but I am damaged.

[MUSIC]

>> Time for stage two.

[MUSIC]

>> Yes, associate Dean Marshall please.

[MUSIC]

>> Don't you like what you see it?

>> All right, looks delicious.

>> Can help fill.

[MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> Do you have any wasabi?

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

>> Bangor, ring.

[MUSIC]

>> Dude, they're just boobs.

>> No, no, no, no, he's choking.

>> My God.

>> There's anybody to do the hind way.

>> I'm gonna have to relax.

>> I'm a laggor.

>> [MUSIC]

>> So you okay?

>> Okay, look at my face, asshole.

>> What's going on?

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> I say I was disappointed but

>> I think that's a good one.

>> Because of your antics.

The heinous treatment of sushi.

I've been forced to expel members of your fraternity for

indecency and fraternization.

>> And I particularly expected more from you, Ms. Kramer.

>> Me too.

>> Shut up, potty mouth.

>> I'm so sorry, sir, it won't happen again.

>> Good.

>> Because I will not hesitate to put each and

every one of you out on the street.

If you cannot follow the rules.

[MUSIC]

>> That is all.

>> [INAUDIBLE]

>> Edgar's gone.

>> Yeah, I'm so wet.

>> Are you done?

>> We're just getting started.

>> We dialed up a notch.

We just can't get caught in the process.

[MUSIC]

>> One man eliminated, but now we've lost two of her own.

That was sloppy.

From now on, we play smarter.

We play harder.

We can't afford to have any more casualties.

[MUSIC]

>> That's awesome.

>> Pliny, you sure it's going to work?

>> Dude, please.

>> I swear to do these this morning.

>> Well, this is going to be educational.

>> [SOUND]

>> Good afternoon.

My presentation is on.

>> I'm paid.

>> [MUSIC]

>> In 79 AD, the Italian city of Pompeii was destroyed by the sudden

in devastating eruption of Mount Vesuvius.

For centuries before it's ruined, however, Pompeii was a thriving metropolis,

a place of wealth and abundance.

In fact, its citizens produced works of art, dance and music still in marble today.

>> You don't say.

>> [SOUND]

>> Thanks.

Little do the people know that danger is lurking in the peaks and mountains nearby.

[LAUGH]

[MUSIC]

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> Kill your children and your children children.

Come on.

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> So Abby seems to think you guys had something to do with her presentation earlier.

>> I assure you we had nothing to do with the destruction of Pompeii.

>> Whatever.

>> I'm sorry that Edgar got kicked out last night.

>> Yeah.

Same about Jessica and Katie.

Who would have thought that Associate Dean Duchbag was actually a man of his word?

I'm still not sure why he showed up at that exact moment though.

Just bad luck I guess.

>> Hey.

Do you remember that night in high school when we were in Johnny Peterson's basement and

you threw up all over his coffee table?

>> Yes.

>> I told his mom I would stick with the flu.

Did not have the heart to tell her that we got into his dad's liquor.

>> Yeah, I drank you under the table that night.

>> What?

>> I'm just saying you are kind of a lightweight.

>> Really?

>> Really?

>> Really?

>> Really?

[MUSIC]

>> Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Sid Orstrip.

The rules are simple.

You flip this coin and call it in the air.

>> Get it right?

You take a shot.

Get it wrong.

You remove an article of clothing and take a shot.

>> Okay.

>> If you pass out or end up naked, you're out.

The last man?

>> War woman.

Standing.

>> Wins the game.

There are no prizes.

This is simply a challenge to determine the better sex.

Are you ready?

>> Yeah.

>> I said are you fucking ready?

>> Yeah.

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> What?

>> What the games begin?

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [LAUGH]

>> [MUSIC]

>> It's so big right now.

>> All right then let's finish this.

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [LAUGH]

>> [LAUGH]

>> [LAUGH]

>> I want to rematch.

>> Okay, lie back because you're very, very drunk right now.

>> [MUSIC]

>> I can't do all my secrets.

I thought you were the one.

The promises, the promises, I swear they lost for a lifetime.

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> This is lightweight.

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> So, this time.

>> [MUSIC]

>> What am I doing here?

How did I get here?

You pay it?

>> [MUSIC]

>> What the hell is going on here?

>> Exactly what I said what happened when one of your boys crossed the line.

>> I found them with a few my girls in their room.

>> Sounds pretty consensual to me.

>> No, it sounds like you can aspire to get them drunk so you can take advantage of them.

>> Oh, poor shit, you are there.

>> I suggest you boys begin adhering to the rules.

Otherwise, you'll all be looking for a new home.

Kelly's going to wipe us out if we don't get some help.

>> I think I know just the person.

[MUSIC]

>> Yo, who is that?

>> That my boys is my cousin Natalie.

She's our inside man.

>> Cameron, boys, I heard you need some help.

>> Yeah, you have no idea.

>> I can tongue back in your face.

>> Come on baby, put it back.

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> I'm busy Stephanie.

>> I don't give a rat's ass.

>> Marshall, what the devil you up to?

>> Dean Bonglehorn, I'm not quite sure what you're referring to.

>> Alpha House, you're trying to launch some kind of co-ed program?

>> Yes, yes, the first of its kind and the state in fact.

Very progressive and certainly within my remett status, so see Dean.

>> But I hear that it has resulted in the injection of some students from the fraternity.

>> Yes, it's unfortunate but necessary.

>> My ass, I cannot fail to life me figure out why you would think it's a good idea to put a bunch of

sex up young adults under one roof.

What did you think was going to happen?

>> The benefits of the program far outweigh the risks.

Making the Greek system co-ed fosters unity between the genders and

the offers for a more cohesive living situation.

>> But no fratization with the opposite sex?

You're suppressing their natural urges.

Hell, when I was an alpha.

>> Yes, yes, we all know about the old days when you went Greek, sir.

>> The point is students come to Sterling College to learn and have fun.

Not to be put into some social experiment.

>> I appreciate your concern, sir.

>> I don't know what your end game is, Marshall.

But if I get a call that says that this little plan of yours went tits up, it's your ass.

Not mine.

>> Tits up, my ass.

Got it.

Will there be anything else?

>> Sir.

>> No.

Carry on with whatever this you're doing here.

>> Ladies, this is Natalie.

She just transferred to Sterling.

So please make her feel at home.

>> Hi, Natalie.

>> Hey.

>> Hi.

>> I'm Albin.

>> Hey.

[MUSIC]

>> Here comes my man, perfect dance, braille, and ten cup.

>> Links, britain.

>> Thanks for joining me.

He's better realize and bottom ones like you, fly, sleigh, to fly.

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> These better than you are would take a classic off.

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> [LAUGH]

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> Any progress with Kelly?

>> No progress there.

That girl is wrapped tighter than a con lumps you in the

woods dick.

>> Just keep trying to break that high man, okay?

If you see any opportunity to take some leverage, take it.

>> Roger that.

>> Love you, cousin.

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> I need you to do some research for me.

>> I think we have a double agent in our miss.

Find out everything you can about that new girl, Natalie.

I want it.

>> Time to turn up the heat.

[MUSIC]

>> No, no, no, no, no, no.

>> Okay, not here.

>> This is our basement.

Okay, this is our territory.

>> I've enjoyed her to burlesque her size.

>> [MUSIC]

>> Okay, but like five minutes.

[MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> We can make a ten.

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> I think I want one.

>> There we go.

Best beat.

[MUSIC]

>> Ooh.

>> Ooh.

>> Ooh.

>> What is going on in here?

>> [MUSIC]

>> So close.

>> Dude, we should all just leave the house, okay?

We're dropping like flies.

>> Yeah, I wish I could get Alice in a drop her pants.

Yeah, I bet her cool is like fine, China.

>> Dude, now you're just being creepy.

>> Guys, we can do this.

And we're out for us for Christ's sake.

All right, we'll wear them down, you'll see.

[MUSIC]

>> You okay?

>> We're not going to make it.

Not with your girls walking around the house, flirting your goods.

>> Flumping our goods.

>> We're not built to defend against this.

It's like you're actually trying to get us tossed out.

[MUSIC]

>> All I ever wanted was to be an alpha.

[MUSIC]

>> What are you doing?

>> It's just wanting my goods.

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> Feeling better?

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah.

>> I need to tell you something.

You're right about us.

Kelly is trying to take over Alpha House and turn it into a sorority.

>> What?

>> How?

>> It's something called provision 13.

It states that if the ratio of either gender falls below 40%, the gender that has the majority has control.

>> That's why you guys have been getting kicked out so that we have the majority.

We've been playing you the entire time.

I'm sorry.

[MUSIC]

[SOUND]

>> Oh, you asshole!

>> You cross enemy lines.

>> I can't believe you're fucking her.

>> Smell any of all of them.

>> It was just one.

>> Oh, and a half.

[MUSIC]

>> Okay, look, I am sorry that I punched you.

But you fucking deserve that.

You know that?

>> No.

>> Shit.

Shit.

So what do we do now, huh?

Big guy?

I have an idea.

[MUSIC]

>> All right, sneak in the demarches office.

>> I would have written about the provision of the victim both shaped and

used against the girl.

>> Okay, shit.

Security.

>> Go, go, go, why are you doing this?

[MUSIC]

>> Okay, let's do this.

Quick in, quick out.

>> Your mom, dick.

>> Okay.

[MUSIC]

>> You finding anything?

>> No.

>> You do, do, do, do, do, check it out.

>> What?

>> [LAUGH]

>> Got it.

All right, now let's rub our balls on the resolve.

>> Do you plan to spell?

[MUSIC]

>> Shit.

>> Shit.

[MUSIC]

>> I want to fuck you.

>> My freak.

>> Boss was desk.

>> You treat me like that.

>> Okay, so that's a freak when we did it, Marshall's office.

>> [SOUND]

>> Enjoy it once you're a baby.

>> Marshall's got his eye on the deemed assistant Virgin Mary College.

Prostitus, expensive, and all girls.

>> [LAUGH]

>> When you think he came up with that freak idea, to co-ed all the fraternities.

He had to show his commitment to women's issues in order to seal, but deal.

Marshall's certificate freak.

He only wants that job so that he can flirt with college girls.

>> Flip.

[MUSIC]

>> Gentlemen, we are not going to sit idly by and watch our beloved fraternity be stolen from beneath our feet.

>> From this night forward we do everything in our powers to stop the advancement of Kelly and

the muggy dick lover we know as Associate Dean Duchbag.

>> How?

>> Wow.

>> And up with the drawings just tell them to plan.

>> First, we vow not to touch the poo.

So keep it in your pants.

Then we beat those lying.

Disengenuous, fraudulent, mendacious,

perfidious, doors at their own game.

>> It was with us.

[SOUND]

>> Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to three charity days where all those

youth earn my students are donated to the charity of every fraternity and is a

variety of joy.

[MUSIC]

>> Hmm, yeah, not exactly the turn of I was expecting, but it's not pretty.

>> Shitty, yeah.

>> Actually, yeah.

>> The girls seem to be doing pretty well.

>> It's suspiciously well.

>> Come get your kisses.

[MUSIC]

>> Dude, give me $10.

You should stop it, right?

>> Hey everyone.

>> Whoa, look.

>> It's your money, it's your charity day.

[MUSIC]

>> Oh, are you gonna squirt me where you're big done?

>> Mm.

>> That will be $75.

>> Thanks.

>> I think you can throw it.

[LAUGH]

>> [LAUGH]

>> We are in trouble, man.

>> Big trouble.

>> Zack.

>> Oh, is that?

>> Jack, who?

>> Oh, come on, Cameron.

>> Oh, Zack.

>> He's not here, did you see it?

>> Really?

You're that pissed at me?

>> He says that you liked him and that he was bad at the sex.

>> What did you expect me to do?

I'm trying to fit in be a part of the group just like you.

You would have done the same thing.

Probably already have.

>> He says he has nothing else to save you.

>> I have nothing else to save him.

>> Dude, geez, we need to figure something out.

>> He's in body.

>> Dude, he's getting serious.

>> Hey, I have a question.

>> You're probably done with her.

Do you think her legs?

>> You like her?

>> Shut up.

>> You like smelling me, I fucking knew it.

>> Hey, guys, Zack likes Melanie.

>> Okay, you get one more of those in this.

Where did Christ be going to punch you right in the gooch?

>> What you got?

>> Almost finished.

>> Check it out.

>> Nice.

>> And the website?

>> Ready to roll.

>> Okay.

>> Five bucks a day?

>> Keeps the blue balls away.

>> Make it ten.

>> We're getting creamed out there.

>> Ten, it is.

>> I'm back time.

>> I know that Kelly is in this whole empowerment thing, but I kind of just want to rage

>> Get some dick, you know?

>> I mean, that's what it's supposed to be all about.

>> Okay.

>> I'm totally agree.

>> Hey, Renee, can you move to the right a bit?

>> I wanted to get a better looking rod.

It's really nice.

>> You think so?

>> Yeah, can I see it?

>> Yeah.

>> I finally swear to got myself some new ones.

>> Hey, I'm back.

>> Back, though.

>> It is nice.

>> Mm-hmm.

>> I love your cousin.

>> Touch it, I'll kill you, man.

Literally.

>> It's cute.

It would get me dead.

>> It's haunted, definitely.

>> Nice job, boys.

>> We had a camera 7 as a 5.

>> Which one is that?

>> Stolen in K2's room.

>> Shit, do you think she found it?

>> I don't know.

>> If she did, she'd be in here cutting our dicks off, right?

Wouldn't she?

>> Oh, fuck.

[MUSIC]

>> Dude, so how much are we going so far?

>> $12,000.

>> What?

>> Yeah, and that's just the first day, dude.

I'm telling Zach.

If we keep going like this, we're going to be able to buy our own fraternity.

>> You can't be ready.

>> Dude, that's like the third time that's happened to me today.

>> What?

>> Collegey February?

>> Yeah, weird, right?

>> Yeah.

>> Hello, boys.

>> Hey, do you like your coffee autograph?

>> It's so cool.

>> Did I need this buddy me to go around?

Now, exactly what am I autographing?

>> This.

>> Oh, shit.

>> Oh, what happened to my dick?

>> No, I'm so sorry.

>> This is not what I look like.

This is not what I look like.

>> I have a friend who's really good at photo editing.

>> Give me that.

>> That is boring.

>> Much crooked.

>> Actually, it's a perfect writing goal.

>> My dick does not look like this.

>> Dude, calm down.

>> No.

>> No, I will knock him down.

I need the world to know that I do not have a goddamn 90 to great penis.

In fact, I am going to show everything.

>> Oh, oh.

>> Keep your pants open.

>> No, you're pants open.

>> It's not over.

>> Not yet.

>> I'm up.

>> I want to show him.

>> No.

>> Kelly, what's wrong?

>> I've got that research you asked for, Natalie.

>> Guys, it's!

[MUSIC]

>> Kelly, are you there?

You bad, bad girl.

>> What are you guys doing here?

>> You got the no from Kelly's issue, you want the party.

>> Shit.

>> You've been set up.

Come on, we have to get out of here.

>> God.

>> What are you doing in my room?

With drugs and fetish wear.

I told you they were out of control.

>> Well, Dean Bongolon, I think you'll agree.

There really is no choice here.

>> I agree.

Gentlemen.

>> You're out.

>> Dude.

>> Well, that's it then.

Without these two, the guys have less than 40% and even without Miss Lady Payne here, we've

still got the majority.

>> Up a house, it's ours!

[MUSIC]

>> You know, it didn't have to be this way.

We could have changed Sterling College for the better.

We could have found a way to live together as equals.

But instead, you had to sew the seeds of discontent.

And you know what happened?

>> You're right!

The fucking whirlwind!

That's what happened!

>> Oh.

>> You're sexy when you're megalomaniacal.

>> Laugh it up, Frodo.

>> But tonight, I'll be sleeping in my nice warm bed.

>> In this very house.

>> Where will you be sleeping?

>> Oh, well, it's Tuesday, so that would be with your mom.

[SOUND]

>> Oh!

[MUSIC]

>> Later, the deserves.

>> Molly, let's go.

>> I'm really sorry, boys.

I wish there was something I could do.

>> Yeah, me too.

But unfortunately, my hands are tied.

>> Yeah, I'm sure.

>> Come on, guys.

[MUSIC]

[SOUND]

[SOUND]

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

>> I brought all the paperwork to officially turn out the house

of high sorority.

All you have to do is sign right here.

[SOUND]

>> Is there something wrong?

>> I am afraid we are going in a different direction.

You see, the co-ed fraternity project was meant to showcase how Sterling College fosters

productive interaction between the genders.

I'm sure you'll agree it was an unmitigated disaster.

>> I don't understand what about provision 13.

>> Give you the fraternity.

[LAUGH]

>> I don't know.

Why don't I also open up a brothel?

[LAUGH]

>> I don't know what you girls did.

>> I don't think so.

>> I did what you told me to do.

>> Can you prove that?

>> [SOUND]

>> I don't think so.

>> You have 24 hours to vacate Alpha House.

[SOUND]

>> That is all.

[SOUND]

[MUSIC]

>> Girls, you can't say I'm out of time.

>> We need to talk.

>> Alpha's no longer fraternity.

>> I know shit.

You made sure of that, Corolla de Vil.

>> We were just following Marshall's orders.

He told me you wanted to show how he was a big supporter of female empowerment by turning them

with sexist fraternity on campus and just sorority.

But in the end, he just wanted to shut it down and he used us to do it.

>> Wait, shut it down?

>> Completely abandoned, boarded up.

We're just as homeless as you are now.

>> I know that I don't deserve this.

>> That we don't deserve this after what we did, but we can't just sit back and

watch Alpha House disappear.

>> What we mean?

>> Yes, we.

That dick we need to deal with coming to him.

Nobody crosses Kelly Dorothy Kramer.

>> Right.

>> I'm Dorothy.

>> Shut up.

>> Now you're going to help us get Alpha House back or what?

>> I don't know.

You did already break our trust once.

>> Please.

>> We'll do anything.

>> Anything?

[MUSIC]

>> Looking good, ladies.

>> We're in.

>> Having building 2KM.

>> And don't feel the need to change on account of us, okay?

>> I'm sorry, but there's absolutely nothing I can do to overturn Associate Dean Marshall's decision.

>> What about the Alpha Creed?

>> Yeah, once an Alpha, always an Alpha.

>> I really wish I could help you.

>> Thank you, sir.

We really appreciate your time.

>> Of course, if Marshall was to lose his position with the administration, all of his policies

would be reviewed.

>> Wait a minute, are you saying that if we get Dean Marshall kicked out of the college that

we might be able to get Alpha House back?

>> Well, the reason for his dismissal would have to be something pretty and

if we were to get the college, we would have to be able to get the college back.

>> If we were to get the college back, we would have to get the college back.

>> If we were to get the college back, we would have to get the college back.

>> If we were to get the college back, we would have to get the college back.

>> If we were to get the college back, we would have to get the college back.

>> If we were to get the college back, we would have to get the college back.

>> If we were to get the college back, we would have to get the college back.

>> If we were to get the college back, we would have to get the college back.

>> If we were to get the college back, we would have to get the college back.

>> If we were to get the college back, we would have to get the college back.

>> Cameron, take a team into Marshall's office.

List cameras here, here, here.

>> Roger that.

>> Once you're in, be fast.

In and out, but make sure the cameras are invisible, undetectable.

We need full coverage.

>> All right.

>> There we go.

>> Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

>> Whatever he does in that office, we need to see it.

>> What do you think we'll find?

>> I don't know, but based on what his assistant said, probably some freaky ass shit.

>> [INAUDIBLE]

[MUSIC]

>> Did he just ask to get fucked in the ass by a chick wearing a squirrel costume?

>> Yeah, I think so.

>> I think I just kicked him in not for a little.

>> What are we gonna do with all this intel after we gather good?

>> We bathed the trap.

>> [LAUGH]

>> Morning Stephanie.

Nice to see you working.

>> What's this?

>> What's this?

>> [MUSIC]

>> Oh, my.

>> I'm good luck.

>> What happened?

>> [SOUND]

>> What's the password?

>> Hey, come on.

>> Hey, come on.

>> Hello?

Anyone here?

[MUSIC]

>> I'm Miss Furry, double stuff?

>> Hold on, make yourself at home.

Wow, I knew you had a lot of stuff.

>> Better.

>> Oh.

[MUSIC]

>> This is so disgusting.

>> I think you mean this is so awesome.

>> [LAUGH]

>> Isn't this what you wanted?

Mr. Rosenbush.

[MUSIC]

>> I see.

>> Jesus, wait a second.

>> Please.

>> Please.

>> Call me Tiger.

>> His poor name is Tiger Rosenbush.

>> That's hard in mind.

>> A mokie McKinley.

>> You see K2, what you do?

>> I know how it works.

And no, I'm not going to tell you my name.

>> Okay.

>> Tiger.

>> [MUSIC]

>> Take your pants off.

>> Yeah, right away Mr. Lister.

[MUSIC]

>> Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

>> Almost there.

>> Yeah.

>> Boxer briefs.

>> Oh.

>> Can never make up my mind.

>> Lose them.

[MUSIC]

>> Where is it?

>> That's it, isn't it?

>> No, no, no, no, that's as much.

>> Oh.

>> I'm in the middle of the world.

>> I'm in the middle of the world.

>> [MUSIC]

>> Oh, you do.

>> Berkeley, a dog.

>> What?

>> What?

>> Ruff.

>> Ruff.

>> Louder.

>> Ruff.

>> Ruff.

[MUSIC]

>> Yeah, like a pussycat.

>> Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> And what is the car I'll say?

>> It's just moo-hoo.

>> The car says moo-hoo.

>> Are you ready, Tiger?

>> That's great.

>> Oh my god.

>> It's, she going to.

>> Yes, she.

[MUSIC]

>> I am honored to be speaking in front of you today.

>> And particularly grateful to Provost Alias and the other Virgin Mary administrators

for making time in the very busy schedules to be here today.

Thank you.

Throughout my tenure at Sterling College, I'm most proud of how I fought for equal gender rights.

>> Although I did not achieve the level of success I had hoped with my most recent project.

>> The rehabilitation of Sterling College's most notorious and disrespected fraternity.

I swear to you, on my nanny's graves, I will continue the gender fight until I have

serviced the needs of every female student.

>> That is so gross.

>> It is so gross.

>> That's gross.

>> That I profit my resignation as Associate Dean of Sterling College.

>> You guys ready?

>> And accept the position of Dean, a Virgin Mary University.

>> Drop it like it's hot.

>> Roll it.

[MUSIC]

>> Provost Alias, I still look forward to bringing my person now to go to this.

>> All right.

>> As well as inserting my rigid ethics into the lives of your most.

>> All right.

>> Yeah.

>> One that's used to roll out of it.

>> Now, I have questions and they talk.

>> I'm sorry.

>> Hello.

>> No, no, this is not me.

>> That is, that is, it's Photoshop people.

>> Oh, my.

>> Thanks for coming.

>> Can we come to the top of me?

>> Please, don't leave.

>> Tell me which one does it.

>> Where is the top of me?

>> No, please don't, please don't.

>> Please.

>> It's not.

>> Say the powerful.

>> I'm just afraid that we thought you were.

There's not push for you a Virgin Mary college after a walk.

>> Sorry.

>> You can.

>> Tiger, rose in bush.

>> I can.

>> Can I be a puppy then?

>> Great job.

[MUSIC]

>> Alias.

>> Alias.

[MUSIC]

>> Today, we re-enter an elite brother.

>> Yeah.

>> And sister.

>> All we're ready to uphold the traditions of this fraternity.

>> I mean, for Turner sorority.

>> If you are, let me hear you say yeah.

>> Yeah.

>> And do we pledge no matter what?

To never let her hollowed halls fall silent.

To never let the kids go dry.

>> And to never, ever let the party die.

If you're with me, let me hear you say fuck yeah.

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> Welcome back to the 24 hour party machine.

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> But I'm back in five minutes and put my clothes back.

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> I have to say when I told you guys to find some dirt, I wasn't expecting this.

>> Well, sir, it was a full team effort.

Without everybody involved?

Never would have happened.

>> I have some fond memories of this place.

Throwin' back bros, bangin' tang.

>> [LAUGH]

>> Hell, I was the alpha male.

>> Three years running.

>> Sometimes wish I could come back.

>> Sir, you're always welcome back.

Once an alpha, always an alpha.

>> I may just take you up on that.

>> Party, get over here.

Tracy is showing us what she learned in Mexico.

>> Why don't you stand and do it.

Come on, excuse us.

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> Have a great party.

Thank you, sir.

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> I was thinking.

>> Were you?

>> Yeah, I was thinking we could, you know, again, unless you're still mad at me.

>> Let's go.

>> Okay.

>> Woo, good girl.

>> [APPLAUSE]

>> Don't send the door on my face.

>> Why shouldn't I?

>> Because I, I'm about to use.

[MUSIC]

>> You wanna come in?

>> [MUSIC]

>> So what do you want?

>> I just, I know you don't like me very much, but since we're officially now roommates.

>> Housemates.

>> Right.

I figured that we should start fresh.

K2, look, I know I can be a bit of an asshole, but I think that if you got to know me a little more that we might be able to.

>> Yeah, I want.

>> Yeah.

>> Turn around.

>> [MUSIC]

>> Bangorang.

>> You're an asshole.

>> President asshole.

>> But I don't hate you.

>> Oh, apparently not.

>> Yeah, I understand.

>> Sadie Salter.

>> What?

>> My poor name.

>> And that's what I want you to call me for the rest of the night.

Sadie Salter.

>> Ah.

>> Anything you say, Miss Salter.

>> [MUSIC]

>> Bangorang.

>> [MUSIC]

>> Hey, a little squirrel.

You want a nutty little guy?

>> [MUSIC]

>> Two, not cool.

You scared him.

>> You want a nut?

>> Yeah.

>> You want a nut?

You potentially drenched Birkenstock piece of pulp.

I'll get you nut.

>> Whoa, hey, here's enough.

>> Have a nut.

>> Whoa, whoa, whoa.

>> Would you like another nut?

>> Here's another nut.

>> Here's another nut.

>> Here, take up.

>> What's wrong, don't you like my nuts?

>> Here, you can't handle my nuts.

Take my nuts.

Where's the fucking squirrel?

>> Yeah, get over here.

Get, get you.

>> Get up, fucker.

>> Here, get up.

>> I'm trying.

>> I'm saying you.

>> Can't lose.

>> What's that?

>> I want you.

>> What?

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> Here, here.

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> We can know how and how and how.

And I just pretend it's not true.

I don't know.

I'll take it big, yeah, we only want.

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

>> [MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

(upbeat music)

[BLANK_AUDIO]