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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Watch all episodes for free on
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2
00:00:24,959 --> 00:00:26,625
Jerry!
Jerry, come on!
3
00:00:26,627 --> 00:00:28,160
We got to go!
You got to come with me, Jerry!
4
00:00:28,162 --> 00:00:29,595
Rick?
It's important, Jerry.
5
00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:31,497
The fate of the galaxy
rests on your shoulders.
6
00:00:31,499 --> 00:00:32,998
Let's go.
Put some pants on.
7
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,833
N-Never mind, there's no time
for pants, Jerry.
8
00:00:34,835 --> 00:00:36,402
I'll make you a pair of pants
on the way.
9
00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:38,337
It's a Rick and Jerry
adventure!
10
00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:40,105
Rick and Jerry episode!
11
00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:14,540
Then I thought,
"Hey, what about Jerry?
12
00:01:14,542 --> 00:01:16,408
He's... He's good
with regular folk."
13
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:18,677
This is a real situation
where... where...
14
00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:20,245
Where Jerry
could really shine.
15
00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:21,814
"He's a master convincer."
16
00:01:21,816 --> 00:01:24,349
Rick, I'm not an idiot.
I know what this is.
17
00:01:24,351 --> 00:01:25,951
Oh. Okay, well,
I told Morty,
18
00:01:25,953 --> 00:01:28,287
"Look, parents get divorced.
They get sad. He'll be fine,"
19
00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:31,156
but I think he's worried
you're gonna, you know... Pbht!
20
00:01:31,158 --> 00:01:32,591
And you know how Morty gets
when he gets emotional.
21
00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:34,159
It impedes my work.
22
00:01:34,161 --> 00:01:35,994
So, I told him I'd take you out
and give you a win.
23
00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:37,629
Wait. My son asked you
to take me
24
00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:39,498
on some kind of
pity adventure
25
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:41,033
to keep me
from killing myself?
26
00:01:41,035 --> 00:01:42,468
Wait, w-what
did you think it was?
27
00:01:42,470 --> 00:01:44,036
An execution.
28
00:01:44,038 --> 00:01:46,138
Geez!
You really do need a win.
29
00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:47,606
No! I-I don't know.
30
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:49,174
I mean, you never made me
the pants, so...
31
00:01:49,176 --> 00:01:50,742
So, you thought
I was gonna drive you
32
00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:51,877
into the middle
of the galaxy
33
00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:53,378
and shove you
into the vacuum of space
34
00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:54,613
with your dick
hanging out?
35
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:55,781
And we're seeing
how you'd act
36
00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:57,116
if that were
about to happen?
37
00:01:57,118 --> 00:01:58,884
I mean I'll make you
the pants right now.
38
00:01:58,886 --> 00:02:00,252
Take me two seconds
to make you pants.
39
00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:01,820
I have pants at home!
Jerry, if I make pants,
40
00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:03,455
they'll be better than
your pants at home.
41
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:04,756
Also, if I wanted
to kill you...
42
00:02:04,758 --> 00:02:06,458
Yeah, I get it.
It would be amazing.
43
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:07,759
Please, take me home.
44
00:02:07,761 --> 00:02:09,394
I'll tell my son we had
an amazing adventure.
45
00:02:09,396 --> 00:02:10,662
Well, if it's
all the same,
46
00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:11,864
could we go
get our story straight?
47
00:02:11,866 --> 00:02:13,532
Because
you're a terrible liar.
48
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:15,100
You called me
a master convincer!
49
00:02:15,102 --> 00:02:16,468
You believed me?
50
00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:23,709
Huh. This seems...
kind of fancy.
51
00:02:23,711 --> 00:02:25,444
Jerry, for all you know,
this is the equivalent
52
00:02:25,446 --> 00:02:26,712
of an alien truck stop.
53
00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:28,013
You have
no frame of reference.
54
00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:29,581
You're in a universe
beyond your imagining.
55
00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:31,617
But, yes,
it is super fancy.
56
00:02:31,619 --> 00:02:33,152
I mean, my job here is
to make Morty happy.
57
00:02:33,154 --> 00:02:35,053
I'm not gonna take you
somewhere dangerous.
58
00:02:36,123 --> 00:02:37,256
Rick Sanchez.
59
00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:39,491
I told you if I ever saw
your face in here again,
60
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,093
I would stick you
like the pig you are.
61
00:02:41,095 --> 00:02:44,296
Shnoopy Bloopers,
I told you if you tried...
62
00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:46,999
There'd be two funerals.
63
00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:48,934
Aaah!!
64
00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:51,470
Someone?
65
00:02:51,472 --> 00:02:54,339
Uh, someone?
Someone!
66
00:02:57,945 --> 00:02:59,878
My friend!
It has been too long.
67
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,513
Oh, it's great
to see you again, buddy!
68
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:03,749
Yeah, you're doing it.
69
00:03:03,751 --> 00:03:05,617
Mr. Sanchez gets
anything he wants!
70
00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:07,586
The resort's covered
in an immortality field.
71
00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:09,321
You can't die here.
That's the gimmick.
72
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,660
Okay, but still...
Bad parenting.
73
00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:16,428
Hey, rich a-holes are
rich a-holes.
74
00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:17,863
They all pay top dollar
to come here
75
00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:19,731
and enjoy a consequence-free
vacation.
76
00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:21,466
No death, no disease,
no dismemberment.
77
00:03:22,670 --> 00:03:23,802
Can't even have
a heart attack.
78
00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:25,237
Got it.
The perfect place
79
00:03:25,239 --> 00:03:26,905
to take the most fragile being
in the universe.
80
00:03:26,907 --> 00:03:28,674
I can tell you expect me
to refute that,
81
00:03:28,676 --> 00:03:29,875
but it's
right on the money.
82
00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:31,076
If I come home
without you,
83
00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:32,844
I doubt Morty's gonna
let me off the hook.
84
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:34,780
Yeah, but what if you came home
with Jeff Goldblum.
85
00:03:34,782 --> 00:03:36,081
Jeff Goldblum?
86
00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:37,516
What the are you
talking about, Jerry?
87
00:03:37,518 --> 00:03:39,318
Jesus!
88
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:40,886
Holy shit!
89
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:42,421
Yo, what's up,
"Big Chill"?!
90
00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:44,089
Don't go
into the telepod!
91
00:03:45,226 --> 00:03:47,159
Hey, maybe we would have fun
on a fake adventure.
92
00:03:47,161 --> 00:03:48,860
On a fake adventure.
93
00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:50,696
Speaking of...
What are we gonna tell Morty?
94
00:03:50,698 --> 00:03:52,231
I don't know.
But whatever it is,
95
00:03:52,233 --> 00:03:54,566
we're gonna need a couple more
of these babies!
96
00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:58,537
What's wrong?
97
00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:00,572
Mom,
do you think I'm hot?
98
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:04,209
I... don't think that's something
that matters.
99
00:04:04,211 --> 00:04:05,510
So, I'm not hot?!
100
00:04:05,512 --> 00:04:07,913
I'm saying the part of you
that cares about that
101
00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:09,715
is a part you shouldn't
give any energy to.
102
00:04:09,717 --> 00:04:11,083
That's not an answer!
103
00:04:11,085 --> 00:04:12,884
Because I'm not an issue
of Cosmo, okay?
104
00:04:12,886 --> 00:04:14,386
I'm your mother
and a doctor, and...
105
00:04:14,388 --> 00:04:15,721
I'm hideous!
106
00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:18,390
Geez.
What's with her?
107
00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:19,858
Teenage-girl stuff.
108
00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:22,995
Is that a...
hoof collage?
109
00:04:22,997 --> 00:04:26,265
It's perfectly legal, if that's
what you're wondering.
110
00:04:26,267 --> 00:04:28,900
Cool... zies.
111
00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:31,770
"We just don't have anything
in common any more, Summer."
112
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,138
Oh, yeah, Ethan?
113
00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:35,140
What do you have in common
with Tricia Lange?
114
00:04:35,142 --> 00:04:37,042
A mutual love
of French cinema?
115
00:04:37,044 --> 00:04:38,477
The belief
that a carbon tax
116
00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:41,346
is the only viable solution
to climate change?
117
00:04:41,348 --> 00:04:44,650
Or could it be
her massive stripper titties?!
118
00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:46,585
There it is.
119
00:04:48,255 --> 00:04:49,388
Boob-ya!
120
00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:51,256
And that's when
Malakai the Squid came,
121
00:04:51,258 --> 00:04:56,628
rips off his face,
and beneath it is my face.
122
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,830
I liked it.
Thank you, sir.
123
00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:00,399
Yeah, of course he likes it.
Look at him.
124
00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:02,634
Mother got two heads
and three trunks.
125
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:03,835
All right,
we'll put a pin in it.
126
00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:05,203
I'm gonna
go take a leak.
127
00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:15,180
What the...?!
128
00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:23,288
My hands are dry!
My hands are dry!
129
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,427
My name is
Risotto Groupon.
130
00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:31,029
I am the assistant general
manager of the restaurant.
131
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:32,698
Do you have
any comment cards,
132
00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:34,132
because I might have
some thoughts.
133
00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:36,968
My kingdom was
usurped by force
134
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:38,303
with weapons
and technology
135
00:05:38,305 --> 00:05:40,038
supplied by
your father-in-law!
136
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,407
Hey, he usurped
my kingdom, too, man.
137
00:05:42,409 --> 00:05:45,210
He basically got me kicked out
of my home, stole my family.
138
00:05:45,212 --> 00:05:47,479
Then we are brothers,
and you have wondered
139
00:05:47,481 --> 00:05:49,715
what your life could have been
without Rick.
140
00:05:49,717 --> 00:05:51,016
Wondered? Sure.
141
00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:53,051
I mean, I've wondered
about having a vagina.
142
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:54,453
Would you help me
kill him?
143
00:05:54,455 --> 00:05:55,787
What? No!
144
00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:57,622
He's my wife's father.
Move on.
145
00:05:57,624 --> 00:05:59,658
Do you...
like theme-park rides?
146
00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:01,326
Oh, you really moved on.
147
00:06:01,328 --> 00:06:05,397
There is a popular attraction
here called the Whirly Dirly.
148
00:06:05,399 --> 00:06:08,166
Between the first whirly
and the third dirly,
149
00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:11,269
the ride dips just outside
the immortality field.
150
00:06:11,271 --> 00:06:13,472
You're asking me to lure Rick
to his death?
151
00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:16,341
I'm only asking you
to go on a ride with Rick,
152
00:06:16,343 --> 00:06:19,544
get off the ride without Rick,
and go home to your family,
153
00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:21,880
where you can...
wonder about having a vagina.
154
00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,782
Okay, okay, that was
a very specific example
155
00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:25,083
pulled from thin air.
156
00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:26,485
I don't want to be known
as the vagina guy.
157
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:28,887
Risotto, you're needed.
Someone ordered
158
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:31,223
the Nuzzy Guzzy Fresh
and Fluzzy Special.
159
00:06:31,225 --> 00:06:33,992
Look, I'm not like Rick,
160
00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:36,228
so you're free to do
as you please.
161
00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:38,263
But there comes a time
in every man's life
162
00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:40,232
when he must choose
the foundation
163
00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:42,334
on which his legacy
will be built...
164
00:06:42,336 --> 00:06:45,737
One of compromise
or one of blood.
165
00:06:59,386 --> 00:07:02,053
Oh, yeah.
166
00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:04,256
That's what I'm talking about.
167
00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:08,360
Oops! Okay, a little more
on the other side then.
168
00:07:08,362 --> 00:07:09,694
Oh, come on!
169
00:07:09,696 --> 00:07:11,563
Oh, geez!
170
00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:13,231
Aah! Stop!
171
00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:16,268
So, the hospital just let you
walk right out of there
172
00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:17,669
with horse parts
in a bag?
173
00:07:17,671 --> 00:07:18,837
For Christ's sakes,
Morty,
174
00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:19,905
women going through
a divorce
175
00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:21,106
need a creative outlet.
176
00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:22,707
What was that?
177
00:07:24,812 --> 00:07:26,311
Summer!
178
00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:30,148
I'm coming, Summer!
179
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:33,351
What the hell
happened?!
180
00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:38,490
How do we get her
back to normal?!
181
00:07:38,492 --> 00:07:40,959
I don't know, man! This thing is
pretty complicated.
182
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,394
I-I'm gonna call Rick.
183
00:07:42,396 --> 00:07:44,329
Well, hold on.
We can't just call your grandpa
184
00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:45,797
whenever
there's a problem.
185
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,365
We can handle this
ourselves.
186
00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:49,301
I mean, I don't see the point
in trying to.
187
00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:51,203
This is obviously
Rick-level
188
00:07:51,205 --> 00:07:52,838
I have
a medical degree.
189
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,306
Is that
what this is about?
190
00:07:54,308 --> 00:07:55,841
L-Like, you want
to prove yourself?
191
00:07:55,843 --> 00:07:58,009
Oh, it's not about anything,
Morty. How dare you?
192
00:07:58,011 --> 00:07:59,544
Okay, good.
Then I'll just call... Ow!
193
00:07:59,546 --> 00:08:01,379
Morty, I need this.
194
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:04,549
Hey, Jerry, triple trunks here
says he knows a place
195
00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:06,852
where the ladies drop panties
for anyone bi-pedal.
196
00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:08,119
Yeah, I'm
not really interested.
197
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:09,921
My heart still belongs
to Beth.
198
00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:11,423
Oh. Huh. Okay.
199
00:08:12,493 --> 00:08:14,392
What, you don't think
I have a shot?
200
00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:15,494
I didn't say that.
201
00:08:15,496 --> 00:08:17,629
Excuse me.
May I have another one of these?
202
00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:19,164
Coming right up.
203
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:22,033
Hmm, things weren't always
so bad between Beth and me.
204
00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:23,802
We had some good times
when we were younger.
205
00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:25,203
Oh, yeah, I bet.
206
00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:26,872
That's how teenage pregnancy
happens, my friend.
207
00:08:26,874 --> 00:08:28,440
Yeah, no.
208
00:08:28,442 --> 00:08:30,842
Things were pretty great, even
until a couple of years ago.
209
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,177
Jerry, I get it.
210
00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:33,812
That's around the time
I moved in with you guys.
211
00:08:33,814 --> 00:08:35,146
Oh, I guess
you're right.
212
00:08:35,148 --> 00:08:36,681
Jerry, you know,
I hope you're not suggesting
213
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,583
that I had anything to do
with your marriage breaking up,
214
00:08:38,585 --> 00:08:41,386
because there are some major
issues between you and Beth
215
00:08:41,388 --> 00:08:43,388
that have been there
since you guys met.
216
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:47,859
Hey, to
new beginnings.
217
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,561
To the Whirly Dirly.
218
00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:51,129
The Whirly Dirly?
219
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:53,598
All right,
what's going on here?
220
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,433
When did you get cool?!
221
00:08:56,637 --> 00:08:58,003
When you stole my wife!
222
00:08:58,005 --> 00:08:59,204
I should have done that
a long time ago!
223
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:01,006
We're going on
the Whirly Dirly!
224
00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:02,574
Whirly Dirly, baby.
225
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:05,343
Aha, look at this.
226
00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:06,745
It says "normalize."
227
00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:08,213
I bet if we
just press that...
228
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:10,248
But... if the machine was made
by spider people,
229
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:12,083
normal would mean
eight legs.
230
00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:14,052
Oh, God! Are you gonna
go on another spiel
231
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,987
like you did
with the flesh-colored crayon?
232
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:18,390
I'm pretty sure "normalize"
will make her normal.
233
00:09:20,127 --> 00:09:22,093
Aah!
234
00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:24,062
I'd call that progress.
235
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,564
She's huge!
And normal!
236
00:09:25,566 --> 00:09:27,165
I'm not normal!
237
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:28,333
Mom!
238
00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:29,501
Okay, this says "reverse."
Done and done.
239
00:09:29,503 --> 00:09:31,236
I don't think
that's a good idea.
240
00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:32,904
Oh, come on! What else
could "reverse" possibly mean?
241
00:09:34,541 --> 00:09:35,874
Aah!
242
00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:37,909
Mom, call Rick!
243
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,344
Thank you.
244
00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:40,845
There's a customer-service
number on here.
245
00:09:40,847 --> 00:09:42,113
Mom!
246
00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:48,453
Oh, man.
This is gonna be awesome!
247
00:09:48,455 --> 00:09:51,122
I got to hand it to you, Jerry.
This was a solid idea.
248
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:52,357
Uh, yeah. Uh-huh.
249
00:09:52,359 --> 00:09:54,359
And you know what?
I'll cop to it.
250
00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:55,860
I put a lot of strain
on your marriage.
251
00:09:55,862 --> 00:09:57,696
It wasn't fair.
I'm sorry.
252
00:09:57,698 --> 00:09:59,598
What?! I didn't respect
your marriage.
253
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,132
I certainly
didn't do it any favors.
254
00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:02,601
And for what it's worth,
255
00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:04,769
I'll apologize to Beth for it
when we get home.
256
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:07,038
Whoo! Whirly Dirly! Yeah!
257
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:08,373
Stop the ride!
We got to get off.
258
00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:09,808
What are you
talking about, buddy?
259
00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:11,343
We got to get out of this thing.
We got to get out!
260
00:10:11,345 --> 00:10:13,578
Jerry, come on, man!
261
00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:15,113
We haven't even gotten
to the first whirly.
262
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:17,415
No, no, this sucks.
It's so boring.
263
00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:18,950
I mean,
I'm falling asleep here.
264
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:20,619
Let's just get out and crawl
down the sides.
265
00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:31,529
Uh, get down!
Duck down!
266
00:10:31,531 --> 00:10:33,031
It's more fun
when you scrunch down.
267
00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:35,133
Jerry, what the...
268
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:37,636
Oh
269
00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:55,587
Rick, up here! There's
a spot where you can kill him!
270
00:10:55,589 --> 00:10:59,290
Good call, Jerry!
271
00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:00,825
Hey, how'd you know
about that?
272
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,127
Uh...
273
00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:19,778
Lisa?
274
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:30,221
So, uh, Jerry, big fan
of the Whirly Dirly, are you?
275
00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:32,390
Not anymore.
Obviously.
276
00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:35,226
But when you were,
how did you know about it?
277
00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:42,033
We had a deal,
Jerry Smith.
278
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:47,038
It's a really
common name.
279
00:11:48,175 --> 00:11:49,541
Now, take it easy, Rick.
280
00:11:49,543 --> 00:11:51,176
You've been in a serious
roller-coaster crash.
281
00:11:51,178 --> 00:11:52,777
It's... It's no time
to be thinking about
282
00:11:52,779 --> 00:11:55,280
who did or didn't play a role
in your attempted murder.
283
00:11:55,282 --> 00:11:57,015
Get it off me!
284
00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:58,316
It's eating me!
285
00:11:58,318 --> 00:11:59,884
Look, I confess, okay?
286
00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:01,519
They told me about all the
bad stuff you did to this planet
287
00:12:01,521 --> 00:12:03,588
and reminded me of all
the bad stuff you did to me.
288
00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:05,156
But then you said
you were sorry, and I realized
289
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:06,558
you're not a monster...
Not like this thing.
290
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,359
It's got me good.
291
00:12:08,361 --> 00:12:09,594
This is a mislead,
right?
292
00:12:09,596 --> 00:12:11,396
You're inventing a thing
to save me.
293
00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:12,797
That would be called
a knife, Jerry.
294
00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:14,265
It's been invented.
295
00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:16,134
I'm making a way out of here...
One seat ought to do it.
296
00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:17,635
I'm sorry.
I-I made a mistake.
297
00:12:17,637 --> 00:12:20,171
I won't do it again!
Nobody ever does.
298
00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:24,275
You self-righteous
piece of
299
00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:25,844
You took my family!
300
00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:27,278
I took your family?
301
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:28,813
Who do you think
had more taken from them
302
00:12:28,815 --> 00:12:30,081
when you shot 20 ccs
303
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,950
of liquid dream-killer
into my daughter?
304
00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:34,819
She was Rick's daughter, Jerry.
She had options!
305
00:12:34,821 --> 00:12:36,187
Oof.
306
00:12:36,189 --> 00:12:38,223
That all ended
because she felt sorry for you.
307
00:12:38,225 --> 00:12:40,358
You act like prey,
but you're a predator!
308
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,093
You use pity to lure in
your victims!
309
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,428
That's how you survive!
310
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,763
I survive
because I know everything.
311
00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:46,798
That snakes survives
because children wander off,
312
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,433
and you survive
because people think,
313
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:51,069
"Oh, this poor piece of.
He never gets a break."
314
00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:52,904
I can't stand
the deafening silent wails
315
00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:54,305
of his wilting soul.
316
00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:55,907
"I guess I'll hire him
or marry him."
317
00:12:55,909 --> 00:12:59,444
- Rick!
- Rick!
318
00:13:05,085 --> 00:13:06,551
I knew you wouldn't
let me die.
319
00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:07,986
That was never an option.
320
00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:09,454
Because you never had
a son.
321
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:11,055
No, because I need
a living organism
322
00:13:11,057 --> 00:13:13,958
coated in gibble snake bile
to attract a shmooglite runner.
323
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,027
Wait, what's happening? Use
that confusion, Jerry.
324
00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:19,264
It'll make you wriggle more like
an abandoned newborn.
325
00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:22,233
Jesus Christ!
326
00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:25,236
What the Rick?!
327
00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:27,739
Help! Help me!
328
00:13:29,075 --> 00:13:30,542
Aaah!
329
00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:41,419
There's a space port
20 miles south.
330
00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:43,488
We'll be able to board
a galaxy class cruise ship
331
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:44,889
and jump through a wormhole
that will put us
332
00:13:44,891 --> 00:13:47,425
within spitting distance
of the Milky Way.
333
00:13:47,427 --> 00:13:48,860
But, hey,
it's about the journey,
334
00:13:48,862 --> 00:13:50,962
not the destination,
right, Jerry?
335
00:13:54,868 --> 00:13:57,068
Just stay put, sweetie!
Mom's still on hold.
336
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:59,137
Morphizer customer service.
How may I help you?
337
00:13:59,139 --> 00:14:01,439
Yes, I'm having a little trouble
with one of your machines.
338
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:03,107
Oh, I'm sorry
to hear that, ma'am.
339
00:14:03,109 --> 00:14:05,944
Do you see a little compartment
on the side of the machine?
340
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,545
Let me check.
Yes, got it.
341
00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:08,880
Mom?
342
00:14:08,882 --> 00:14:11,449
Great! Now, do you see
the little button next to it?
343
00:14:11,451 --> 00:14:13,384
I do. Give that
button a push.
344
00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:15,053
Okay.
Mom, listen to me!
345
00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:17,355
We're free!!
346
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:20,225
Okay, so I pushed the button,
and three little men ran out.
347
00:14:20,227 --> 00:14:22,093
What do I do next?
348
00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:23,461
Hello?
349
00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:24,662
I think
we got disconnected.
350
00:14:24,664 --> 00:14:25,763
Morty!
351
00:14:25,765 --> 00:14:26,898
Don't "Morty" me!
352
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:28,600
I tricked Rick into taking Dad
on an adventure
353
00:14:28,602 --> 00:14:29,801
because I thought
I could get a break
354
00:14:29,803 --> 00:14:31,436
from this kind of
but no!
355
00:14:31,438 --> 00:14:33,638
Like father,
like damn daughter!
356
00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:35,874
You want to be like Rick,
congratulations!
357
00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:39,010
You're just as arrogant
and just as irresponsible!
358
00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:40,345
Everything
okay here?
359
00:14:40,347 --> 00:14:41,946
Mind your own damn
business, Gene!
360
00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:44,749
I'm having a conversation
with my mother here!
361
00:14:44,751 --> 00:14:46,918
Kissing Rick's ass isn't gonna
help him keep him around,
362
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:49,854
Mom, but it will help you lose
everyone else.
363
00:14:49,856 --> 00:14:51,689
Like I lost Summer.
364
00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:53,391
Hey, you haven't
lost her yet.
365
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,360
No, I definitely did.
She's gone.
366
00:14:55,362 --> 00:14:57,028
God damn it!
367
00:14:59,366 --> 00:15:00,398
Go ahead.
368
00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:04,102
Oh, come on.
What's happening?
369
00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:07,338
Your friend is class C or above
cybernetic augmentations.
370
00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:08,873
Emphasis on the above.
371
00:15:08,875 --> 00:15:10,408
In any case,
he needs to be neutralized.
372
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:11,676
What?! Wait!
373
00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:12,744
Ugh!
374
00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:14,779
Brain hurty.
375
00:15:14,781 --> 00:15:16,014
What did you do?
376
00:15:16,016 --> 00:15:18,082
It's a synaptic dampener
that blocks violent tendencies
377
00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:19,384
and controversial thought.
378
00:15:19,386 --> 00:15:21,519
He will now be
an ideal passenger.
379
00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:23,788
I want cookies
and a 90-minute cut of "Avatar."
380
00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:25,323
Seriously?
381
00:15:25,325 --> 00:15:27,091
Quit it. It'll wear
off in six hours.
382
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:29,794
It's cheaper than banning
dangerous people from flights.
383
00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:31,596
I mean, let everybody
buy a ticket, right?
384
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,398
Otherwise,
the terrorists win.
385
00:15:37,904 --> 00:15:39,203
Aah!
386
00:15:39,205 --> 00:15:41,806
I'm sorry I'm not
a classic maternal archetype.
387
00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:43,675
Okay, I don't know what to do
when you people come to me
388
00:15:43,677 --> 00:15:45,543
with your weird
puberty issues.
389
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:47,512
What are you gonna do
when your daughter asks you
390
00:15:47,514 --> 00:15:48,680
if she's attractive?
391
00:15:48,682 --> 00:15:50,949
I'll say "yes"!
Morty, gross!
392
00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:52,583
Well, she's
gonna be super hot.
393
00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:54,218
Her mother's gonna be
Jessica...
394
00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:55,820
Wait, when did Summer
ask you that?!
395
00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:58,222
Right before she Clive Barkered
herself. Why?
396
00:15:58,224 --> 00:15:59,757
Wait,
I know where she is!
397
00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:01,693
Ethan and Summer were
supposed to go camping,
398
00:16:01,695 --> 00:16:03,928
and then he dumped Summer
for this girl, Tricia Lange,
399
00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:06,064
who's got huge boobies
and took her.
400
00:16:06,066 --> 00:16:08,232
Campsite... The one with the
name that sounds like somebody
401
00:16:08,234 --> 00:16:10,301
gave up halfway
through naming it.
402
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:11,936
Uh... Camp Flabanabba!
403
00:16:11,938 --> 00:16:13,504
Mama's coming, baby.
404
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:16,040
Mama's coming, and she cares
about your titties!
405
00:16:16,042 --> 00:16:19,410
They have
sweet smiggle honey cookies.
406
00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:22,480
Mmm! And low-calorie
petroleum flakes.
407
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:23,715
Obviously cookies.
408
00:16:23,717 --> 00:16:24,916
Let's get you
the flakes then.
409
00:16:24,918 --> 00:16:26,384
Okay, but it's not
what I wanted.
410
00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:27,885
Well, maybe next time,
you won't be
411
00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:30,254
such a dumb piece of
and you can pick for yourself.
412
00:16:30,256 --> 00:16:31,622
That's not nice.
What's that?
413
00:16:31,624 --> 00:16:33,524
Did you just have
a controversial thought?
414
00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:35,193
No. That's what I
thought, bitch.
415
00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:37,195
You little punk-ass.
416
00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:38,896
This is the best.
417
00:16:38,898 --> 00:16:41,332
I agree.
You've made things even easier
418
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:42,800
than if you hadn't
been incompetent.
419
00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:44,802
Uh-oh.
We get shoot-shoot now.
420
00:16:48,908 --> 00:16:50,575
we're about to enter
the wormhole.
421
00:16:50,577 --> 00:16:52,877
So, I hope everybody bought
a dinner first.
422
00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:54,312
Nice.
Nice.
423
00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:55,680
Jerry, step over there
424
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:57,115
and lock yourself
in the escape pod.
425
00:16:57,117 --> 00:16:58,916
You're not killing us?
I'm killing Rick.
426
00:16:58,918 --> 00:17:01,552
You're free to go. You're
no threat to me or anyone.
427
00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:02,954
Now you're
just being mean.
428
00:17:02,956 --> 00:17:04,522
Yeah, you're mean...
No offense.
429
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,224
Mean would be
shooting you, Jerry.
430
00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:07,592
This is
saving a bullet.
431
00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:09,227
Go back to
your quietly ashamed family
432
00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:10,561
and live out
the rest of your days
433
00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:12,230
in denial
of your vagina fantasies.
434
00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:15,133
It was a one-time thought
that everyone has!
435
00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:18,002
What are you doing?
436
00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:20,238
I'm being
triumphantly brave!
437
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:21,839
It's not triumphant
or brave.
438
00:17:21,841 --> 00:17:23,141
You're not risking
anything.
439
00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:24,342
You might shoot me.
440
00:17:24,344 --> 00:17:25,643
I think
you know I won't.
441
00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:27,011
Because you know
I feel sorry for you.
442
00:17:27,013 --> 00:17:28,546
You're just doing this
so you can tell yourself
443
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:29,947
you fought... Ow!
444
00:17:31,084 --> 00:17:33,017
Woman:
Temporal shield compromised.
445
00:17:33,019 --> 00:17:35,620
Congratulations, Jerry.
You get to die a man.
446
00:17:35,622 --> 00:17:37,088
Uh, that's okay!
I'll leave!
447
00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:40,091
Please don't shoot.
I-I'm the vagina guy, remember?
448
00:17:43,997 --> 00:17:48,266
Whoa!
What is happening to me?
449
00:17:48,268 --> 00:17:50,268
Where is this?
Where am I?
450
00:17:50,270 --> 00:17:51,602
Am I dead?
451
00:17:51,604 --> 00:17:53,137
A-Am I... Am I still alive?
452
00:17:53,139 --> 00:17:55,807
Rick: Those aren't the questions
you should be asking.
453
00:17:55,809 --> 00:17:56,841
Huh?!
454
00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:57,942
Shh!
455
00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:22,600
Ah, got ya!
456
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,068
Come here,
you little pumpkin.
457
00:18:24,070 --> 00:18:26,471
I have shit on my ass.
458
00:18:26,473 --> 00:18:28,372
Whoa, oof this!
459
00:18:28,374 --> 00:18:29,941
Who am I?
460
00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:31,442
Who am I?
461
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:34,579
I'm time!
I'm literally time!
462
00:18:34,581 --> 00:18:39,951
All: Whooooa!
463
00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:41,285
Aah!
464
00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:44,021
Oh, God. I feel like
our souls were united,
465
00:18:44,023 --> 00:18:46,224
and we were all one
with eternity.
466
00:18:46,226 --> 00:18:47,725
Our body's unchanged,
467
00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:50,261
yet our minds have lived
a thousand lifetimes.
468
00:18:50,263 --> 00:18:52,263
Is that enough time
for me to forgive you?
469
00:18:52,265 --> 00:18:53,498
I don't know,
but it's enough time
470
00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:55,500
for a synaptic dampener
to wear off.
471
00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:02,006
He hadn't decided
he was still going to kill us!
472
00:19:02,008 --> 00:19:04,108
He was talking himself into it.
I've seen it before.
473
00:19:04,110 --> 00:19:06,878
Cosmic apotheosis wears off
faster than salvia.
474
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:09,046
I'm starting to believe you
because I just finished merging
475
00:19:09,048 --> 00:19:11,015
with your essence
for an endless epoch,
476
00:19:11,017 --> 00:19:13,050
and I'm already back to thinking
you're an asshole.
477
00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:14,919
Fine with me.
Let's just go our separate ways.
478
00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:16,521
Sounds like you
and the word "epoch"
479
00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:17,722
have a lot
of catching up to do.
480
00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:19,257
Wait, don't leave me!
481
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:22,326
and walk around the cabin
482
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:24,428
and maybe take the wormhole out
for breakfast.
483
00:19:26,232 --> 00:19:27,698
but not both.
484
00:19:29,969 --> 00:19:31,636
You think you got that thing
figured out?
485
00:19:31,638 --> 00:19:32,837
Yeah, I know
what I'm doing.
486
00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:34,772
Good.
Because I have an idea.
487
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:40,645
It's actually a contraction
of "some" and "more,"
488
00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:42,079
you see that?
Oh, wow.
489
00:19:42,081 --> 00:19:43,181
I was way off.
490
00:20:01,067 --> 00:20:03,000
Morty,
what's happening here?
491
00:20:03,002 --> 00:20:04,769
Summer got into
my grandpa's garage,
492
00:20:04,771 --> 00:20:07,171
messed around, and
turned herself into a monster.
493
00:20:07,173 --> 00:20:09,407
My mom did the same
to make her feel better.
494
00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:10,675
She's a good mom.
495
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:15,780
Oh, my God.
I have to go call my mother!
496
00:20:15,782 --> 00:20:17,481
Tricia, wait!
Ethan! Ethan!
497
00:20:17,483 --> 00:20:19,517
Hey, it's okay.
Sit down.
498
00:20:19,519 --> 00:20:21,819
You made
my sister cry, Ethan.
499
00:20:21,821 --> 00:20:23,454
You messed with
her body image.
500
00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:24,622
Look, Morty, I...
501
00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:25,957
Shh, shh, shh.
502
00:20:25,959 --> 00:20:29,227
Careful, Ethan.
Your s'more is burning.
503
00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:41,439
Uh, I guess we better
get on the same page
504
00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:42,807
about our fake adventure.
505
00:20:42,809 --> 00:20:44,308
Right.
I'll make you a deal.
506
00:20:44,310 --> 00:20:45,876
I'll leave out the part
where you tried to murder me...
507
00:20:45,878 --> 00:20:47,311
And I'll leave out
the part
508
00:20:47,313 --> 00:20:51,148
where you admitted
to sabotaging our marriage.
509
00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:52,283
You want to...?
510
00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:54,051
Nah, if the family
sees me like this,
511
00:20:54,053 --> 00:20:55,720
they'll
feel sorry for me.
512
00:20:55,722 --> 00:20:58,222
Which is no longer
my signature move.
513
00:20:58,224 --> 00:21:00,224
Later days, amigo.
514
00:21:02,362 --> 00:21:04,695
Actually, I just realized,
I don't have my wallet,
515
00:21:04,697 --> 00:21:06,030
and my bus pass is in there,
so maybe...
516
00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:07,732
Stay strong, Jerry.
I believe in you!
517
00:21:48,041 --> 00:21:50,675
I tell you, fellas.
This is the life.
518
00:21:50,677 --> 00:21:52,310
It certainly is.
519
00:21:52,312 --> 00:21:53,511
To freedom!
520
00:21:55,481 --> 00:21:56,881
Ooh!
Looks like a 4-22.
521
00:21:56,883 --> 00:21:58,382
Ooh, a couple cranks
on scaling knob
522
00:21:58,384 --> 00:22:01,252
with a four dilabyte cross fade
would fix that in a jiff.
523
00:22:01,254 --> 00:22:04,021
Four? You'd be lucky
to clear 13% de-morphized
524
00:22:04,023 --> 00:22:05,423
with that
kind of range.
525
00:22:05,425 --> 00:22:08,559
Gentlemen, gentlemen,
what did we agree on?
526
00:22:08,561 --> 00:22:09,994
Together: No work talk!
527
00:22:09,996 --> 00:22:12,930
Let's just relax and enjoy
our retirement, shall...
528
00:22:12,932 --> 00:22:14,598
Oh, my God!
529
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:16,233
Aaah!
529
00:22:17,305 --> 00:22:23,820
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