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1
00:00:01,646 --> 00:00:03,226
You are not leaving this table until you
2
00:00:03,252 --> 00:00:04,716
eat all of your broccoli, young lady.
3
00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:07,288
Great. I've become my mother.
4
00:00:07,322 --> 00:00:09,056
Please, Emma, do it for Daddy.
5
00:00:12,528 --> 00:00:15,430
Okay, how 'bout just this one piece?
6
00:00:17,433 --> 00:00:19,300
Oh! Don't you give me those eyes.
7
00:00:19,334 --> 00:00:21,536
I invented those eyes.
8
00:00:25,340 --> 00:00:28,042
We can do this all night, sister. Okay?
9
00:00:28,077 --> 00:00:30,078
You're not leaving this table
until that plate is clean.
10
00:00:35,551 --> 00:00:37,719
Well played, Emma. Well played.
11
00:00:41,290 --> 00:00:44,058
♪ It's amazing how the unexpected ♪
12
00:00:44,093 --> 00:00:46,914
♪ Can take your life
and change direction ♪
13
00:00:47,014 --> 00:00:50,839
- Sync and corrected by TheDelta - - www.addic7ed.com -
14
00:00:52,568 --> 00:00:56,237
Well, pretty sure you're the first
guy to pass out in a Lamaze class.
15
00:00:56,272 --> 00:00:58,173
You know, it's comforting to
know that during the birth,
16
00:00:58,207 --> 00:01:00,008
you'll be right there by my side...
17
00:01:00,042 --> 00:01:01,432
unconscious.
18
00:01:01,911 --> 00:01:03,996
I'm sorry, but nobody told me we were
19
00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:06,081
gonna see a video of an actual birth.
20
00:01:06,115 --> 00:01:08,016
God, I hope I never see that again!
21
00:01:09,652 --> 00:01:10,752
Maybe nobody noticed.
22
00:01:10,786 --> 00:01:12,587
Ha! Yeah, well, if they
didn't hear you snoring,
23
00:01:12,622 --> 00:01:13,688
they definitely heard you giggle
24
00:01:13,723 --> 00:01:14,856
every time the instructor said
25
00:01:14,890 --> 00:01:17,192
"vagina."
26
00:01:18,995 --> 00:01:21,396
Well, of course, I
thought you said "yogurt."
27
00:01:21,430 --> 00:01:24,332
I mean, why would I want to get
all sweaty and bendy with you?
28
00:01:25,835 --> 00:01:27,736
Oh, whoa!
29
00:01:27,770 --> 00:01:29,704
Is it just me or are you twice as big
30
00:01:29,739 --> 00:01:30,872
as the last time I saw you?
31
00:01:32,475 --> 00:01:34,242
Well, I just came by
to make you an offer
32
00:01:34,276 --> 00:01:35,744
you can't refuse.
33
00:01:35,778 --> 00:01:37,278
So, it turns out that Brad and I
34
00:01:37,313 --> 00:01:38,580
can't take that cruise we booked,
35
00:01:38,614 --> 00:01:41,016
because one of us committed a felony,
36
00:01:41,050 --> 00:01:42,217
and is in jail.
37
00:01:43,419 --> 00:01:46,021
My money was so on you in that scenario.
38
00:01:47,156 --> 00:01:48,957
Well, the tickets are nonrefundable,
39
00:01:48,991 --> 00:01:50,291
so, I thought you might like to go.
40
00:01:50,326 --> 00:01:52,627
Oh my God, really? A cruise?
41
00:01:52,662 --> 00:01:53,928
I've... I've never been on one.
42
00:01:53,963 --> 00:01:56,131
- Mrs. Wheeler that's so amaze...
- Okay, shh.
43
00:01:57,900 --> 00:02:00,101
Not you and Danny.
44
00:02:00,136 --> 00:02:02,404
Me and Danny, okay?
45
00:02:02,438 --> 00:02:05,774
I mean, do you really want to
be seen in a bikini right now?
46
00:02:05,808 --> 00:02:08,076
Me thinks not.
47
00:02:08,110 --> 00:02:12,113
Plus, I thought it would be a
really fun mother/son bonding trip.
48
00:02:12,148 --> 00:02:14,983
I mean, somebody never lets
us have any fun anymore.
49
00:02:18,087 --> 00:02:20,822
Oh, man, wow!
50
00:02:20,856 --> 00:02:22,791
Just wow, but...
51
00:02:22,825 --> 00:02:24,526
I don't know, Mom. I mean,
52
00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:26,795
we've been pretty busy with
these Lablahzery classes.
53
00:02:28,497 --> 00:02:30,532
Ah, Lamaze.
54
00:02:30,566 --> 00:02:32,200
The poor man's epidural.
55
00:02:35,037 --> 00:02:37,038
Yeah, but they're super
important to Riley.
56
00:02:37,073 --> 00:02:39,353
Oh, oh, you know, we're
good. It was a special.
57
00:02:39,408 --> 00:02:42,477
One and done. We are 100%
ready to have this baby.
58
00:02:42,511 --> 00:02:44,369
Hey, Tucker, can I talk
to you for a second?
59
00:02:44,614 --> 00:02:46,748
I mean, I doubt it.
You're pretty long-winded.
60
00:02:48,217 --> 00:02:51,620
Danny, this cruise is
gonna be so much fun!
61
00:02:51,654 --> 00:02:53,622
You know, I took a Lamaze class once.
62
00:02:53,656 --> 00:02:55,290
I got thrown out for giggling every time
63
00:02:55,324 --> 00:02:57,459
the instructor said "vagina."
64
00:03:04,717 --> 00:03:06,952
Man, I thought you said there
would be hot chicks here.
65
00:03:06,986 --> 00:03:08,287
There are.
66
00:03:08,321 --> 00:03:09,988
They're just pregnant.
67
00:03:13,159 --> 00:03:15,027
Yeah.
68
00:03:17,330 --> 00:03:19,988
Oh my God. Oh my God! My ex-girlfriend
from high school's over there!
69
00:03:20,088 --> 00:03:21,431
Crap! She can't see me like this.
70
00:03:21,531 --> 00:03:23,565
She dumped me so hard in the
middle of cheerleading practice.
71
00:03:23,599 --> 00:03:24,800
Wow, that must've been awkward.
72
00:03:24,834 --> 00:03:27,502
Yeah! Considering I was on
top of the pyramid at the time.
73
00:03:28,838 --> 00:03:31,440
I have been planning my
revenge moment for years.
74
00:03:31,474 --> 00:03:32,989
I mean, I'm supposed to
be living large right now!
75
00:03:33,089 --> 00:03:34,590
Not sitting on an old, smelly pillow
76
00:03:34,616 --> 00:03:36,116
at the Y with my fat, sweaty friend.
77
00:03:37,227 --> 00:03:38,327
I'm pregnant.
78
00:03:38,361 --> 00:03:40,062
Yeah, that's what I
said. Fat and sweaty.
79
00:03:41,498 --> 00:03:42,665
Tucker?
80
00:03:42,699 --> 00:03:44,066
Tucker Dobbs, is that really you?
81
00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:45,768
Adrienne? Adrienne!
82
00:03:45,802 --> 00:03:48,304
Wow! What a... What a small world!
83
00:03:48,338 --> 00:03:49,471
What... What are you doing here?
84
00:03:49,506 --> 00:03:51,628
I'm guessing the same
as you. Having a baby!
85
00:03:51,728 --> 00:03:53,162
Oh, you must be Tucker's wife!
86
00:03:53,197 --> 00:03:54,530
- Oh, we're not...
- Into bragging.
87
00:03:54,565 --> 00:03:56,432
But! But this is...
88
00:03:56,467 --> 00:03:59,602
This is my smart, beautiful,
lawyer wife, Riley.
89
00:03:59,636 --> 00:04:01,737
She's a lawyer.
90
00:04:01,772 --> 00:04:03,673
She used to be a swimsuit
model before she got fat.
91
00:04:05,676 --> 00:04:08,811
Wow! Wow, and look at you
with... with the husband.
92
00:04:08,846 --> 00:04:11,535
Oh, crazy, right? This is my Joe.
93
00:04:11,635 --> 00:04:13,469
Joe, this is my old friend
from high school, Tucker.
94
00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:15,304
Kinda more than a friend.
95
00:04:15,339 --> 00:04:17,840
Oh! Were you that cheerleader dude?
96
00:04:20,110 --> 00:04:21,510
Okay.
97
00:04:22,980 --> 00:04:25,348
Well, great catching up, right?
98
00:04:25,382 --> 00:04:26,853
Oh, what's the rush?
99
00:04:27,318 --> 00:04:28,918
You know, we should have lunch,
100
00:04:28,952 --> 00:04:30,186
the four of us.
101
00:04:30,220 --> 00:04:31,788
I know we're free right now.
102
00:04:31,822 --> 00:04:34,724
Uh, yeah, if it's not awkward, or any...
103
00:04:34,758 --> 00:04:36,835
Oh, no, that's okay. I love awkward.
104
00:04:37,695 --> 00:04:39,195
Awkward can be fun.
105
00:04:41,999 --> 00:04:44,367
What do you mean Mom is sending
you and Riley on a cruise?
106
00:04:44,402 --> 00:04:46,336
Why would she do that? What's the catch?
107
00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:48,438
No catch. She just
thought with the baby...
108
00:04:48,472 --> 00:04:51,318
Hey, I've had a kid for over three
years, and what's she ever given me?
109
00:04:52,910 --> 00:04:55,424
Well, actually, she has been
kind of invaluable with Emma.
110
00:04:55,524 --> 00:04:56,991
But that's no cruise!
111
00:04:57,693 --> 00:04:59,475
What up, sons of bitches?
112
00:05:00,031 --> 00:05:02,900
That's right, I just
called myself a bitch.
113
00:05:02,934 --> 00:05:06,070
You know why? Because
I embrace my flaws.
114
00:05:06,104 --> 00:05:08,939
You see, boys, life is
about confidence, courage.
115
00:05:08,974 --> 00:05:10,874
And you know what gives me courage?
116
00:05:10,909 --> 00:05:12,743
Booze, you got any?
117
00:05:12,777 --> 00:05:14,445
No, and I'm glad you're here.
118
00:05:14,479 --> 00:05:16,280
Let's talk about Mexico, shall we?
119
00:05:16,314 --> 00:05:18,816
Okay, I'll go first. I like it!
120
00:05:20,151 --> 00:05:21,119
I can't believe you only thought about
121
00:05:21,219 --> 00:05:22,058
Danny for this vacation.
122
00:05:22,158 --> 00:05:23,758
I should get to go on a cruise, too.
123
00:05:23,793 --> 00:05:25,227
Well, you know, to be honest, sweetie,
124
00:05:25,261 --> 00:05:26,661
I didn't think you'd be interested.
125
00:05:26,696 --> 00:05:27,696
Why not?
126
00:05:27,730 --> 00:05:29,865
I tan well, I look great in shorts,
127
00:05:29,899 --> 00:05:32,067
and quite frankly, I've always
wanted to order a pink drink
128
00:05:32,101 --> 00:05:33,192
without feeling ashamed.
129
00:05:34,136 --> 00:05:35,591
Well, Ben, all you had to do was ask
130
00:05:35,691 --> 00:05:38,192
if you wanted to spend some
alone time with your mom.
131
00:05:41,897 --> 00:05:45,366
I-I-I'm sorry. Did you just
say "alone time" with you?
132
00:05:46,869 --> 00:05:49,937
I cannot believe that both my boys
133
00:05:49,972 --> 00:05:52,090
want to spend a whole week with me.
134
00:05:52,641 --> 00:05:55,543
And to think, I almost gave
one of you up for adoption.
135
00:05:59,849 --> 00:06:01,783
You know what, I'm being selfish.
136
00:06:01,817 --> 00:06:03,651
You asked Danny first.
He should go with you.
137
00:06:03,686 --> 00:06:05,058
Oh, no, no, no, that's okay, dude.
138
00:06:05,158 --> 00:06:06,826
You deserve a rest. You should go.
139
00:06:06,860 --> 00:06:08,794
No, no, no, you should go. I insist.
140
00:06:08,829 --> 00:06:10,907
Oh, but you look so good in shorts.
141
00:06:11,765 --> 00:06:15,368
All right, you two kids fight it
out amongst yourselves and decide.
142
00:06:15,402 --> 00:06:18,070
I am going to the drugstore
to get some Band-Aids.
143
00:06:18,105 --> 00:06:20,473
I don't want my nipples to get sunburnt.
144
00:06:26,013 --> 00:06:27,247
You tricked me!
145
00:06:27,281 --> 00:06:29,172
Not as dumb as I think, huh?
146
00:06:30,855 --> 00:06:32,722
Don't you mean, "Not
as dumb as you think?"
147
00:06:32,757 --> 00:06:34,924
No, that doesn't make sense at all.
148
00:06:36,394 --> 00:06:38,628
Fine, whatever. You have declared war,
149
00:06:38,662 --> 00:06:41,698
so we shall settle this the
way all Wheeler gentlemen do.
150
00:06:41,732 --> 00:06:44,187
We go to battle. Loser goes with Mom.
151
00:06:44,202 --> 00:06:46,836
I'm in, but what are we gonna play?
152
00:06:46,871 --> 00:06:49,105
The customary challenge
would be Slaughter Ball,
153
00:06:49,140 --> 00:06:52,022
but local laws have now made it
illegal in the tri-state area.
154
00:06:52,910 --> 00:06:55,469
Might I suggest a civilized
game of Donkey Tail?
155
00:06:55,569 --> 00:06:58,037
Hmm, I'll allow it.
156
00:06:58,071 --> 00:07:00,105
But the ceremonial tail's been missing
157
00:07:00,140 --> 00:07:01,574
since the great fire of '07.
158
00:07:01,608 --> 00:07:03,342
Oh, has it?
159
00:07:03,376 --> 00:07:05,277
Who's the ass? You're the ass!
160
00:07:06,446 --> 00:07:07,580
Get back here!
161
00:07:09,983 --> 00:07:11,884
And that is how I ended up
162
00:07:11,919 --> 00:07:14,954
the executive producer
of a hit talk show.
163
00:07:14,988 --> 00:07:17,252
Did I mention I won a New
York Entertainment Award?
164
00:07:17,324 --> 00:07:19,659
Shockingly, no.
165
00:07:19,693 --> 00:07:21,694
I won a New York Entertainment Award.
166
00:07:21,728 --> 00:07:23,279
- That's great, Tucker.
- Yeah.
167
00:07:23,379 --> 00:07:25,413
You did really well for yourself.
168
00:07:25,448 --> 00:07:27,449
You know, since we're bragging.
169
00:07:27,483 --> 00:07:29,017
- Was I bragging?
- A little.
170
00:07:30,319 --> 00:07:32,724
I was just voted Graphic
Designer of the Year.
171
00:07:33,156 --> 00:07:35,624
Wow! That is really impressive.
172
00:07:35,658 --> 00:07:38,193
Both real and impressive,
isn't it, Tucker?
173
00:07:38,228 --> 00:07:40,095
I mean, it's all right.
174
00:07:40,130 --> 00:07:42,271
I... I was gonna keep
this is a secret, but...
175
00:07:42,799 --> 00:07:45,467
I own this bar!
176
00:07:45,502 --> 00:07:48,123
Right? I mean, sometimes you just
gotta burn off all that cash, right?
177
00:07:48,538 --> 00:07:50,005
Man, it's tough being rich!
178
00:07:51,608 --> 00:07:53,209
- Money can't buy everything.
- No.
179
00:07:53,243 --> 00:07:54,338
Like the truth.
180
00:07:54,611 --> 00:07:56,512
Or silence, okay?
181
00:07:56,547 --> 00:07:57,914
Well... Well, this has been great.
182
00:07:57,948 --> 00:07:59,849
And it's been great seeing you.
183
00:07:59,883 --> 00:08:02,418
Be sure to tell the old
gang how amazing I'm doing.
184
00:08:02,452 --> 00:08:04,860
Yeah, hey, hey, why make
this a one-time thing?
185
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:06,861
We'd love a new couple friend.
186
00:08:06,896 --> 00:08:08,396
- Dinner tomorrow night?
- Seriously?
187
00:08:08,431 --> 00:08:11,032
- We're actually...
- Totally available.
188
00:08:11,067 --> 00:08:13,034
Come on, what do you say? Same place?
189
00:08:13,069 --> 00:08:15,036
I mean, you do own the joint.
190
00:08:15,071 --> 00:08:17,672
I do, all right.
191
00:08:17,707 --> 00:08:18,840
- Yeah, all right.
- See ya.
192
00:08:18,874 --> 00:08:20,508
Really lookin' forward to it.
193
00:08:21,677 --> 00:08:23,945
- Why didn't you stop him?
- I don't know! I panicked!
194
00:08:23,980 --> 00:08:25,714
You're the one who suggested lunch.
195
00:08:25,748 --> 00:08:27,416
Yeah, 'cause I thought
it would be hilarious
196
00:08:27,450 --> 00:08:29,018
to see you squirm in front of your ex.
197
00:08:29,118 --> 00:08:31,091
Not because I wanted to be
dragged into some weird production
198
00:08:31,191 --> 00:08:33,793
of Tucker Dobbs' Sad
Little House of Lies.
199
00:08:33,827 --> 00:08:35,795
It's a terrible play.
200
00:08:35,829 --> 00:08:37,863
Riley, come on!
201
00:08:41,301 --> 00:08:44,070
Don't do that! I thought you were Danny!
202
00:08:44,104 --> 00:08:45,705
You didn't see me.
203
00:08:54,014 --> 00:08:55,581
I'm hiding from Danny!
I'm hiding from Danny!
204
00:08:55,616 --> 00:08:56,849
Hiding from Danny. Hiding from Danny.
205
00:08:56,884 --> 00:08:58,551
Hiding from Danny.
Hiding from Danny, hiding.
206
00:09:01,855 --> 00:09:03,656
Well, I guess I'm done babysitting.
207
00:09:05,159 --> 00:09:06,626
Hello!
208
00:09:09,563 --> 00:09:11,256
All right, hey! What do you say...
209
00:09:11,332 --> 00:09:12,699
we camp out in Daddy's room tonight,
210
00:09:12,733 --> 00:09:14,801
that way we won't run into
Uncle Donkey. It'll be fun!
211
00:09:16,303 --> 00:09:18,405
I'm comin' for ya, little bro!
212
00:09:18,439 --> 00:09:20,273
Camping trip canceled!
213
00:09:20,307 --> 00:09:21,708
Running from Danny!
214
00:09:21,742 --> 00:09:23,710
Running from Danny! Running
from Danny! Running from Danny!
215
00:09:23,744 --> 00:09:25,145
Running from Danny! Here.
216
00:09:25,245 --> 00:09:27,480
Talk to you later, Flaskie. Hey.
217
00:09:32,285 --> 00:09:34,153
- You're an ass!
- No, you're an ass!
218
00:09:41,395 --> 00:09:43,062
You're an ass!
219
00:09:47,034 --> 00:09:48,468
Still the ass!
220
00:09:53,775 --> 00:09:54,941
Aw.
221
00:09:54,976 --> 00:09:58,178
Your dad has never lost
a game of Donkey Tail.
222
00:09:59,347 --> 00:10:01,378
That's probably not the
proud moment I think it is.
223
00:10:01,478 --> 00:10:03,579
Gimme a minute, and I'll
come up with something else.
224
00:10:05,983 --> 00:10:08,135
I still can't believe you lost
the Donkey Tail in the subway.
225
00:10:08,235 --> 00:10:10,603
They called me "Donkey Boy," Ben.
226
00:10:10,638 --> 00:10:12,439
You know I don't do
well with name-calling!
227
00:10:13,774 --> 00:10:16,042
We need a new game.
How 'bout Dart Dodge?
228
00:10:16,077 --> 00:10:18,211
No! I still have a hole behind my ear.
229
00:10:18,245 --> 00:10:19,713
Bottle Drop?
230
00:10:19,747 --> 00:10:21,636
No, I still have a
slight limp when it rains.
231
00:10:23,818 --> 00:10:25,152
Flag on the play!
232
00:10:25,186 --> 00:10:27,321
I am officially changing the game,
233
00:10:27,355 --> 00:10:29,523
since you two knuckleheads
can't settle it,
234
00:10:29,557 --> 00:10:32,459
and I know how much you both
want to go away with Mom.
235
00:10:32,493 --> 00:10:34,260
We do, Mom, we really do.
236
00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:35,894
Yeah, Mom, we're dying to go.
237
00:10:35,928 --> 00:10:37,262
Dying.
238
00:10:37,296 --> 00:10:39,397
Well, then, it's a good thing I came up
239
00:10:39,432 --> 00:10:42,091
with a little something
I like to call "Truth...
240
00:10:42,191 --> 00:10:44,593
or Mom-sequences."
241
00:10:44,627 --> 00:10:47,062
Let's see who knows me best!
242
00:10:47,096 --> 00:10:49,531
- Oh, crap!
- Oh, I so got this!
243
00:10:49,565 --> 00:10:52,314
All right, Ben, you honk the
horn if you know the answer.
244
00:10:52,414 --> 00:10:53,914
Danny, hit the bell.
245
00:10:53,949 --> 00:10:55,916
When you know the answer.
246
00:10:57,085 --> 00:10:58,448
I didn't ask a question yet.
247
00:10:58,548 --> 00:10:59,548
Got it.
248
00:10:59,582 --> 00:11:00,816
Okay, this...
249
00:11:03,086 --> 00:11:04,186
All right, here we go.
250
00:11:05,288 --> 00:11:06,455
What's my favorite...
251
00:11:06,490 --> 00:11:07,556
Chardonnay!
252
00:11:07,591 --> 00:11:08,515
When did I go to jail?
253
00:11:08,615 --> 00:11:10,449
'92, '96 and 2012.
254
00:11:10,483 --> 00:11:11,817
Where did your dad and I conceive...
255
00:11:11,851 --> 00:11:13,752
Back seat of the Pinto, you were 17.
256
00:11:13,786 --> 00:11:15,703
- And wearing?
- A full leg cast!
257
00:11:15,722 --> 00:11:17,122
Where is Aunt Sylvia...
258
00:11:17,157 --> 00:11:18,624
Buried under the bridge
by the East River.
259
00:11:18,658 --> 00:11:19,858
How many aliases?
260
00:11:19,893 --> 00:11:22,361
Three aliases! Uh, Brenda
Wong, Barbara Wachowski,
261
00:11:22,395 --> 00:11:23,737
and, for some reason, Bruce Winston.
262
00:11:23,797 --> 00:11:25,698
- Who are my...
- Archenemies!
263
00:11:25,732 --> 00:11:27,800
Tonya, the Schwarma Guy, and Nana Lyle.
264
00:11:27,834 --> 00:11:30,169
- Who is my favorite...
- Danny! All day, every day!
265
00:11:30,203 --> 00:11:32,972
Yes! In a surprise twist, Benji wins!
266
00:11:33,006 --> 00:11:35,074
Yes, I did it! Ha!
267
00:11:36,777 --> 00:11:38,163
I don't have to go on that stupid cruise
268
00:11:38,263 --> 00:11:40,698
to stupid Mexico with
stupid Mom, you do!
269
00:11:42,902 --> 00:11:44,202
Oh, crap.
270
00:11:45,271 --> 00:11:47,305
Hey, Mom, I didn't mean it...
271
00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:50,842
Mom, come on, I was just joking!
272
00:11:53,145 --> 00:11:54,179
Uh-oh.
273
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:56,915
No slam, you know what that means.
274
00:11:56,949 --> 00:11:58,635
It's gonna be a very long night.
275
00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:05,958
How do you know so
much about Mom anyway?
276
00:12:05,992 --> 00:12:08,193
How do you not? She never shuts up.
277
00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:16,930
Oh! Hey, Riley. Wow.
278
00:12:17,003 --> 00:12:19,705
You know what? You really
do have that pregnancy glow.
279
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,170
Aw, really?
280
00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:24,210
'Cause you have that
fake compliment glow.
281
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:27,438
I am not going to dinner with you
and your incredibly amazing ex, okay?
282
00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:30,107
I'm a lawyer. I have to
lie every day at work.
283
00:12:30,141 --> 00:12:31,953
I don't want to have to
do it in my real life.
284
00:12:32,744 --> 00:12:34,635
Come on, please!
285
00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:36,580
Look, if she finds out
I made everything up,
286
00:12:36,614 --> 00:12:38,441
she'll tell everyone from high school.
287
00:12:38,450 --> 00:12:41,051
And once again, I'll
be Dorky Doody Dobbs.
288
00:12:42,387 --> 00:12:44,788
You'll always be Dorky
Doody Dobbs to me.
289
00:12:46,658 --> 00:12:47,892
Fine.
290
00:12:47,926 --> 00:12:51,451
I'll, um, I'll just tell Danny
you took me to Lamaze class.
291
00:12:51,663 --> 00:12:53,331
Oh, you wouldn't dare.
292
00:12:53,365 --> 00:12:54,799
Oh, I dare.
293
00:12:56,268 --> 00:12:58,035
- Danny!
- No.
294
00:12:58,070 --> 00:12:58,960
Danny, I need to talk to you...
295
00:12:58,986 --> 00:13:00,208
Tucker and I are having dinner tonight.
296
00:13:00,539 --> 00:13:01,939
That's what I thought.
297
00:13:03,208 --> 00:13:06,241
Hey, uh, do you want to come
have second breakfast with me?
298
00:13:06,545 --> 00:13:08,546
No can do. Can't leave the couch.
299
00:13:08,581 --> 00:13:10,115
Mom locked herself in Ben's room,
300
00:13:10,149 --> 00:13:11,516
and the first one to leave the couch
301
00:13:11,550 --> 00:13:13,485
will be chastised to
a new level of shame
302
00:13:13,519 --> 00:13:14,853
if she comes out and we're not here.
303
00:13:16,322 --> 00:13:18,008
A simple "no" would have sufficed.
304
00:13:22,128 --> 00:13:24,997
It's clearly a gorilla petting a cat.
305
00:13:26,332 --> 00:13:29,101
Dude, please, it's obviously
a penguin playing a ukulele.
306
00:13:30,570 --> 00:13:32,229
We should really get
the ceiling painted.
307
00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:35,607
She's never coming out, is she?
308
00:13:35,642 --> 00:13:37,113
We should order more pizza.
309
00:13:37,213 --> 00:13:39,214
And we need to get our stories
straight before she comes out.
310
00:13:39,248 --> 00:13:40,815
We need to stick together.
311
00:13:40,850 --> 00:13:42,215
Oh, hey Mom! Remember when I knew all
312
00:13:42,241 --> 00:13:43,245
that stuff about you that Danny didn't?
313
00:13:43,345 --> 00:13:44,284
I love you!
314
00:13:45,955 --> 00:13:49,157
You know, I can't
believe I wasted my youth
315
00:13:49,191 --> 00:13:51,059
raising the two most ungrateful,
316
00:13:51,093 --> 00:13:53,819
mean, sorry excuses for sons
this world has ever seen.
317
00:13:53,996 --> 00:13:55,124
Would it have been that traumatic
318
00:13:55,224 --> 00:13:57,058
to spend some time
alone with your mother?
319
00:13:57,092 --> 00:13:59,555
The one person, who spent
her life trying to make sure
320
00:13:59,655 --> 00:14:01,857
that you got to be a
professional hockey player,
321
00:14:01,891 --> 00:14:05,160
and you... the proud brother
of a professional hockey player.
322
00:14:06,462 --> 00:14:08,278
I have never been this disappointed
323
00:14:08,378 --> 00:14:09,812
in my own flesh and
blood, and, trust me,
324
00:14:09,846 --> 00:14:12,677
I have had a lifetime of
disappointment from you both.
325
00:14:13,817 --> 00:14:15,051
Mom, we're so sorry.
326
00:14:15,085 --> 00:14:17,053
No, no, he's not, but I am, Mom.
327
00:14:17,087 --> 00:14:18,762
I really am. I want to go
on that cruise with you.
328
00:14:18,889 --> 00:14:21,057
Yeah, well, I'm sorrier,
so I should go with you.
329
00:14:21,091 --> 00:14:22,200
No way! I'm going!
330
00:14:22,300 --> 00:14:23,367
Screw you! I'm going!
331
00:14:23,401 --> 00:14:25,002
What makes you think
she wants to go with you?
332
00:14:25,036 --> 00:14:26,537
Because we never spend
any time together!
333
00:14:28,373 --> 00:14:30,441
And I'm back to being fought over.
334
00:14:30,475 --> 00:14:31,942
Order restored.
335
00:14:37,193 --> 00:14:39,694
Look... all you have to do
is sit through one dinner,
336
00:14:39,728 --> 00:14:41,262
and when they call for another date,
337
00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:43,331
I will tell them I dumped you.
338
00:14:43,365 --> 00:14:45,266
Or better yet, you died.
339
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:47,035
And you can waddle
off into the distance.
340
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:50,171
Totally fine with that, Doody.
341
00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:53,108
Oh, man, that gift just keeps on giving.
342
00:14:54,510 --> 00:14:56,144
I can't believe you did this to me!
343
00:14:56,178 --> 00:14:58,648
Hey, I thought it'd be funny to
see you squirm in front of your ex.
344
00:14:58,748 --> 00:15:01,650
It wasn't my idea to lie
about being your husband.
345
00:15:01,684 --> 00:15:03,118
Well, I panicked!
346
00:15:03,153 --> 00:15:04,853
I couldn't tell him
you're a broke actor,
347
00:15:04,888 --> 00:15:06,171
and I'm a knocked-up single woman who
348
00:15:06,197 --> 00:15:07,446
doesn't even know who the father is.
349
00:15:07,521 --> 00:15:10,256
And now, thanks to you, I have
to tap dance through another meal.
350
00:15:10,290 --> 00:15:13,411
Hey, if they ask us out again?
Feel free to say I dumped you.
351
00:15:14,428 --> 00:15:17,129
I'm going on that cruise with
Mom if it's the last thing I do.
352
00:15:17,164 --> 00:15:18,664
Well, it will be the last thing you do
353
00:15:18,699 --> 00:15:20,499
after the last thing I do to you,
354
00:15:20,534 --> 00:15:22,768
which will render you unable to
do the last thing you wanted to do.
355
00:15:22,803 --> 00:15:25,071
Good one, Danny.
356
00:15:25,105 --> 00:15:27,042
I didn't get it, but
I like your passion.
357
00:15:27,541 --> 00:15:29,475
I'm going with Mom! I won the quiz.
358
00:15:29,510 --> 00:15:30,636
That shouldn't count.
359
00:15:30,736 --> 00:15:32,136
You were trying to
win, so you could lose,
360
00:15:32,170 --> 00:15:33,236
now we're trying to win, so we can win!
361
00:15:33,336 --> 00:15:35,270
Ooh, you know, that one, I actually got.
362
00:15:35,305 --> 00:15:36,855
Good job, Danny!
363
00:15:37,107 --> 00:15:40,009
You know, just once, I wish you'd
say, "Good job, Danny" to me.
364
00:15:40,043 --> 00:15:42,678
Just try to come up with a
real competition I can't win.
365
00:15:42,712 --> 00:15:44,280
Hey, can I vodka soda with a twist?
366
00:15:44,314 --> 00:15:45,914
Yeah, sure thing.
367
00:15:49,653 --> 00:15:50,953
Boom!
368
00:15:50,987 --> 00:15:53,355
Bartending. Now that, I can crush.
369
00:15:53,390 --> 00:15:54,690
What... No, that's not even fair.
370
00:15:54,724 --> 00:15:56,615
Then back out now, and
let me go on the cruise.
371
00:15:56,693 --> 00:15:58,195
Oh, no. It's on!
372
00:15:58,295 --> 00:16:00,529
Whoever gets the most tips at
the end of a half an hour, wins.
373
00:16:00,564 --> 00:16:01,717
Done.
374
00:16:01,865 --> 00:16:04,100
And I will stay
impartial by not tipping.
375
00:16:04,134 --> 00:16:05,335
You never tip!
376
00:16:25,122 --> 00:16:26,790
Time! Danny wins!
377
00:16:26,824 --> 00:16:28,091
Damn it!
378
00:16:28,125 --> 00:16:30,390
You are going on that cruise!
379
00:16:30,728 --> 00:16:32,380
Okay, well, I'm gonna go
home and start planning
380
00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:34,414
some fun couple things to do in Mexico.
381
00:16:34,448 --> 00:16:37,050
Matching tats, mother/son massages, oh!
382
00:16:37,084 --> 00:16:38,743
Oh, and by the way, I just heard.
383
00:16:38,843 --> 00:16:39,869
We have to share a king.
384
00:16:39,969 --> 00:16:41,203
You're cool with that, right?
385
00:16:44,241 --> 00:16:46,809
Ha! You thought you had it
in the bag, didn't you, bro?
386
00:16:46,843 --> 00:16:48,077
Yep. I'm crushed.
387
00:16:48,111 --> 00:16:50,379
Totally blindsided. Have
a great time with Mom.
388
00:16:50,414 --> 00:16:52,581
Wait. You threw the competition?
389
00:16:52,616 --> 00:16:54,350
I didn't even have to!
390
00:16:54,384 --> 00:16:55,551
I knew that shirt was coming off,
391
00:16:55,585 --> 00:16:56,756
like, two seconds in.
392
00:16:56,887 --> 00:16:58,754
Man, you can be such a basic bitch.
393
00:16:59,823 --> 00:17:02,058
Wait, so you didn't ever
want to go away with Mom?
394
00:17:02,092 --> 00:17:04,627
I did for, like, a second,
but then I remembered,
395
00:17:04,661 --> 00:17:05,928
"Oh, yeah, it's Mom."
396
00:17:05,963 --> 00:17:07,798
But... But that's cheating!
I didn't want to go either!
397
00:17:07,898 --> 00:17:10,066
Well, you should've thought of
that before your whole strip show.
398
00:17:10,100 --> 00:17:11,913
No! No, no, no, no, no.
399
00:17:12,002 --> 00:17:14,404
Page three of the Wheeler
War Family Guide Book
400
00:17:14,438 --> 00:17:17,006
clearly states, deceptive
rules are strictly forbidden.
401
00:17:17,041 --> 00:17:18,041
We're still in this.
402
00:17:18,075 --> 00:17:19,603
Damn it, I wrote that
book to confuse you.
403
00:17:19,703 --> 00:17:21,671
I didn't think you'd actually read it.
404
00:17:21,705 --> 00:17:23,045
Fine, whatever, your pick.
405
00:17:23,140 --> 00:17:25,007
Loser goes with Mom, and
there's no way I'm losing.
406
00:17:25,042 --> 00:17:25,980
What's it gonna be?
407
00:17:26,009 --> 00:17:27,844
Oh... I dunno.
408
00:17:27,878 --> 00:17:29,379
- Five Minute Tag, you're it!
- Damn!
409
00:17:30,748 --> 00:17:32,181
What was that all about?
410
00:17:32,216 --> 00:17:34,917
No idea.
411
00:17:34,952 --> 00:17:36,052
Well, this was fun, right?
412
00:17:36,152 --> 00:17:37,919
Let... Let's do this
again sometime, yeah?
413
00:17:37,953 --> 00:17:39,721
We haven't even ordered yet.
414
00:17:39,755 --> 00:17:41,020
The service here sucks.
415
00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:42,521
Actually, so does the food.
416
00:17:42,555 --> 00:17:43,755
Isn't this your bar?
417
00:17:45,191 --> 00:17:46,324
It is.
418
00:17:46,359 --> 00:17:49,194
You're fired.
419
00:17:51,130 --> 00:17:52,564
You know, Tucker,
420
00:17:52,598 --> 00:17:55,364
it is so interesting how
you managed to open up a bar,
421
00:17:55,464 --> 00:17:57,932
become an executive
producer of a hit TV show,
422
00:17:57,967 --> 00:18:00,356
and still be a reserve
for the Navy SEALs.
423
00:18:00,803 --> 00:18:03,538
Tell me again how you
made all... that happen.
424
00:18:06,042 --> 00:18:07,609
Well, I...
425
00:18:07,643 --> 00:18:10,979
I... I couldn't do it without
the help of my beautiful wife.
426
00:18:12,115 --> 00:18:13,715
Help, beautiful wife.
427
00:18:14,751 --> 00:18:16,652
Girl, you better help me.
428
00:18:16,686 --> 00:18:18,087
- Are you serious?
- Come on, please help me.
429
00:18:18,121 --> 00:18:19,621
- I'm not helping.
- You better help me.
430
00:18:23,460 --> 00:18:24,044
Oh my gosh, I...
431
00:18:24,144 --> 00:18:25,911
I can't believe that
thing's happening over there!
432
00:18:27,547 --> 00:18:29,949
Oh no! My water just broke!
433
00:18:29,983 --> 00:18:31,584
I think the baby is coming!
434
00:18:31,618 --> 00:18:33,252
- Really?
Now? - Uh-huh.
435
00:18:33,286 --> 00:18:34,587
Yes! Yes, it is!
436
00:18:34,621 --> 00:18:36,022
The... the baby is coming, so... so,
437
00:18:36,056 --> 00:18:37,590
so, we will obviously have to go.
438
00:18:37,624 --> 00:18:39,094
Talk soon... or not.
439
00:18:39,259 --> 00:18:40,973
Everybody stand back,
she's having a baby!
440
00:18:41,061 --> 00:18:42,862
Wait. You're having our baby now?
441
00:18:42,896 --> 00:18:44,397
- Danny, hey!
- His baby?
442
00:18:44,431 --> 00:18:46,143
Oh, we got to get you to the hospital!
443
00:18:46,233 --> 00:18:48,367
- You're it!
- Aw, dang it!
444
00:18:48,402 --> 00:18:51,102
Boom. Game over. I win. You lose.
445
00:18:51,202 --> 00:18:53,370
You have to go on the cruise. Ha!
446
00:18:54,505 --> 00:18:55,772
Drinks on me.
447
00:18:57,041 --> 00:18:58,942
Well, just you two. Let's not get crazy!
448
00:19:00,545 --> 00:19:02,346
Tucker, what the hell is going on here?
449
00:19:02,380 --> 00:19:04,247
Oh, I-I'll tell you
what's going on here.
450
00:19:04,282 --> 00:19:06,249
He's a bigger liar than you are.
451
00:19:06,284 --> 00:19:08,254
No, I can explain... Wait. What?
452
00:19:08,586 --> 00:19:09,987
What... What did you lie about?
453
00:19:11,856 --> 00:19:14,191
Everything. I'm not her husband.
454
00:19:14,225 --> 00:19:16,186
She doesn't even know who
the father of the baby is,
455
00:19:16,286 --> 00:19:18,054
and I'm just trying to
hook up with her sister.
456
00:19:19,223 --> 00:19:20,890
Is that true?
457
00:19:20,924 --> 00:19:22,625
Yeah, my sister's really hot.
458
00:19:22,793 --> 00:19:25,962
No... look, why did you lie?
459
00:19:28,866 --> 00:19:31,834
Because I'm a... pregnant, single girl
460
00:19:31,869 --> 00:19:33,665
who saw her ex-boyfriend and panicked.
461
00:19:34,004 --> 00:19:35,182
I mean, now that I
know that you're just as
462
00:19:35,282 --> 00:19:37,440
much of a loser when it comes to love...
463
00:19:37,475 --> 00:19:40,009
maybe there's a reason
we found each other again.
464
00:19:40,044 --> 00:19:41,911
Maybe we could give it another shot.
465
00:19:43,981 --> 00:19:45,014
Wow.
466
00:19:46,250 --> 00:19:47,951
That is really messed up.
467
00:19:49,487 --> 00:19:50,887
That guy is our "manny,"
468
00:19:50,921 --> 00:19:53,323
and was hired for just
this type of emergency.
469
00:19:53,357 --> 00:19:55,258
Riley and I are very much in love,
470
00:19:55,292 --> 00:19:56,626
and very happily married.
471
00:19:56,660 --> 00:19:57,927
Now, if you will excuse me,
472
00:19:57,962 --> 00:20:00,130
I need to go witness the
birth of my first child.
473
00:20:01,532 --> 00:20:03,867
Honestly, Adrienne, I...
474
00:20:03,901 --> 00:20:05,201
I can't believe you.
475
00:20:06,804 --> 00:20:08,838
I just can't... I
just can't believe you.
476
00:20:13,010 --> 00:20:14,292
Sound the chimes!
477
00:20:14,392 --> 00:20:17,194
This Bonnie voyage is about to take off.
478
00:20:17,228 --> 00:20:18,562
No need to rub it in, Mom.
479
00:20:18,596 --> 00:20:20,897
I'm already super depressed
I can't go with you.
480
00:20:20,932 --> 00:20:22,766
Super depressed. This is all an act.
481
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,501
I'm actually crying on the inside.
482
00:20:24,535 --> 00:20:28,138
Well, actually, Benji, I felt
so terrible about what happened
483
00:20:28,172 --> 00:20:30,974
that I gave both tickets
to Danny and Riley.
484
00:20:31,009 --> 00:20:32,676
I'm gonna spend the week here.
485
00:20:32,710 --> 00:20:33,944
With you.
486
00:20:33,978 --> 00:20:34,978
Uh-oh.
487
00:20:36,881 --> 00:20:38,682
Oh! Oh, look at this.
488
00:20:38,716 --> 00:20:42,285
Look at how happy I made your daddy!
489
00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:44,654
Oh, he's crying with joy!
490
00:20:44,689 --> 00:20:46,423
- No, I'm not!
- Yes, you are.
491
00:20:46,457 --> 00:20:47,991
It is joy.
36629
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