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1
00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:16,936
I know many of you are feeling
pretty cheesed off
2
00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:19,936
about my speech last Saturday
delaying Strictly,
3
00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:23,776
but let me reassure you that
this lockdown will be different.
4
00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:26,936
We learnt vital lessons last time.
5
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:29,936
Ergo facto, from midnight tonight,
6
00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:33,936
posting online photos
of your sourdough starter is banned.
7
00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:36,936
Zoom pub quizzes
and comparisons with the Blitz
8
00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:39,936
will result
in immediate imprisonment.
9
00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:43,936
And finally, Joe Wicks
is now punishable by death.
10
00:00:44,961 --> 00:00:47,936
So remember our three-word slogan,
11
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:49,960
not my fault.
12
00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:54,936
New James Bond auditions,
Harry Styles, take one.
13
00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:58,616
A martini, shaken not stirred.
14
00:00:58,640 --> 00:00:59,936
And non-alcoholic.
15
00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:01,936
I'm on a detox right now.
16
00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:04,960
Thank you. I have pretty hands.
17
00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:15,936
Sir, the election results
are coming in.
18
00:01:15,960 --> 00:01:17,456
Shouldn't we be watching TV?
19
00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:18,936
Antifa cut the cable.
20
00:01:18,960 --> 00:01:20,936
Or maybe we didn't pay the bill.
21
00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:23,936
Shouldn't you, at least,
be getting some overhyped nonsense
22
00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:25,936
from your Twitter feed?
23
00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:26,937
Can't. I over-tweeted.
24
00:01:26,961 --> 00:01:29,936
Besides, I've got it in the bag,
everybody's saying it.
25
00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:33,616
Look at Jared, he's not worried,
he's cool as a cucumber.
26
00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:40,960
Plus, if there's any problem, I got
a direct line to the Supreme Court.
27
00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:44,936
'I'm sorry, this number
has been blocked." Huh?
28
00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:45,976
That's been happening to me
a lot lately.
29
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:48,936
For the first time
since becoming Vice President,
30
00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:50,936
I'm going to be honest.
31
00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:53,960
You've made a lot of mistakes
and not everyone is voting for you.
32
00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:59,936
Is that possible?
Have I somehow gone wrong?
33
00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:04,616
John F Kennedy, did I connect
with the American people like you?
34
00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:07,936
Did I make them understand how big,
truly big, my penis is?
35
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:11,936
And you, Jim Washlington,
we're so alike.
36
00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:13,936
We both have great hair.
37
00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:19,936
And you,
Major Cheeseburger of Burger Town,
38
00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:22,936
my true political hero,
how did I do?
39
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:25,936
Fantastic. You were the greatest.
40
00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:27,936
I knew it! Thanks, Burgy.
41
00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:28,937
Are you real, by the way?
42
00:02:28,961 --> 00:02:30,976
Pretty sure you're just insane.
43
00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,936
One way to find out.
44
00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:34,936
I was wrong, I am real!
45
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:35,976
Argh!
46
00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:41,936
It's gonna be a great election,
the best election.
47
00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:44,960
Win or lose, there's still time
for me to get to Bolivia.
48
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,936
Michael, you said
you'd take the bins out.
49
00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:53,776
Good evening, Sarah.
50
00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:55,936
Well, firstly, let me assure you
51
00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:57,936
the bins remain very much
my priority.
52
00:02:57,960 --> 00:02:59,936
Well, it doesn't look like it.
53
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:01,936
If I may, they remain my priority.
54
00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:03,936
But what we shouldn't forget
55
00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:07,936
is that this household has two
brand-new bins from Argos, a record.
56
00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:09,456
But the binmen
come tomorrow morning.
57
00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:12,936
Well, that's your opinion.
I obviously have my own timeframe.
58
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:14,960
But, Sarah, let me just... Argh!
59
00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:23,936
Hello, ambulance, please.
I'm badly injured.
60
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:27,456
My address? Forgive me,
I'm not going to answer that.
61
00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:29,936
But what I will say is that,
under the Tories,
62
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,936
emergency wait times
have dropped considerably.
63
00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:37,936
New James Bond auditions,
RuPaul, take one.
64
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:40,936
Hi, Bondage queens.
65
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:43,976
I am loving this look
and working this look.
66
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:47,456
Double oh seven. Double oh, my God!
67
00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:48,936
Cut!
68
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:50,960
Which way to Pussy Galore?
69
00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:11,936
Thanks for coming, everyone.
70
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,776
Mum, I'm just going to say it,
71
00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:15,976
we're concerned about the way
the firm is being run.
72
00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,456
Fuck off. Where's my sherry?
73
00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:20,936
Damn it!
We're haemorrhaging countries.
74
00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:22,936
Even Barbados
wants out of the monarchy.
75
00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:24,936
And Scotland's
talking about walking.
76
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:26,936
Don't worry about Scotland.
77
00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:29,936
Leaving is their only bargaining
chip now their oil's worth crap.
78
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:33,936
We all think we need younger,
fresher eyes in charge.
79
00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:35,936
The younger the better. Yah!
80
00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:37,936
Vroom, vroom!
81
00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:38,937
I think what we're saying is
82
00:04:38,961 --> 00:04:42,936
we need someone younger, but also
older than the younger ones.
83
00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:43,937
That's not what I'm saying.
84
00:04:43,961 --> 00:04:46,936
You've got fresh ideas, Charles.
85
00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:47,937
Lay them on me, then, genius.
86
00:04:47,961 --> 00:04:49,936
Organic crackers.
87
00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:51,936
THEY GROAN Oh, not that again!
88
00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:54,936
No, hear me out. This time,
they'll be a lot less crumbly.
89
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:57,936
Can I jump in? My family sells
party supplies, right?
90
00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,976
Will and I are thinking synergy,
royal balloons,
91
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:03,936
royal confetti,
royal kiddie birthday parties.
92
00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:05,296
Erm...
93
00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:06,936
Fresh ideas.
94
00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:09,616
Where's my sherry?
95
00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:12,616
Now, listen,
this is my fucking business
96
00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:13,936
and I run it my fucking way.
97
00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:16,936
We cut ribbons, we visit hospitals,
98
00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:18,936
we give knighthoods to Asians,
understand?
99
00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:23,936
But, Gran, that's two glasses
of sherry in one afternoon.
100
00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:28,960
She's in a sherry coma.
101
00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:33,936
Then I have to step up
and run the firm.
102
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:35,960
I'm in charge!
103
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,936
Well, colonising Mars
was not that great a challenge,
104
00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:53,936
not for three intrepid chums
like us.
105
00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:57,936
We have excellent growing conditions
here in the scro-dome.
106
00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:00,936
Yep, there's no fertiliser
like human excrement.
107
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:01,976
Dinner is served.
108
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:03,936
Hey, we're past November 3rd.
109
00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:06,776
Wasn't something supposed
to happen on Earth?
110
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:07,936
Right.
111
00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:10,936
The mystery catastrophe
that we came here to escape.
112
00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:12,936
I wonder what happened.
113
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:14,936
Why don't you call that minxy
little songbird of yours?
114
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:18,936
Oh, right, Grimey.
I love her so much.
115
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:20,936
Probably should have called
her once
116
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:22,936
since we landed on a new planet.
117
00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:27,976
'Mars to Grimey.
118
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:29,936
'Come in, Grimey.
119
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:33,776
'It's me, Elon,
the father of your child.'
120
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:36,936
No answer.
121
00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:39,936
Something really bad
must have happened on Earth.
122
00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:41,936
There's news coming in
on my Kindle Fire,
123
00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:44,960
a revolution in communication
starting at only £19.95.
124
00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:47,936
Hi, everyone in space.
125
00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:50,296
Great news, I won the election.
126
00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:51,936
Very hugely won it.
127
00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:54,456
Some people might try
to steal it back, though.
128
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:58,456
So Space Force Army, get ready
to shoot down lasers and missiles.
129
00:06:58,480 --> 00:06:59,936
President out.
130
00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:02,936
My God, Trump won.
131
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:06,296
Civilisation will be set back
a thousand years.
132
00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:08,936
To a time
when Branson was actually cool.
133
00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:12,936
Yes, we'll need that cheery
good humour to get us through this.
134
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:15,936
This is why my future self
warned me to get away.
135
00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:18,936
Which reminds me,
I'll be back in a sec.
136
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:22,936
And this time, bring the damn
bicycle pump, dumb-ass!
137
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:24,936
So this is it.
138
00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:27,296
It really was a one-way trip.
139
00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:30,960
Then nothing left to do
but sit back and enjoy the poo pot.
140
00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:35,960
Actually, there's no pot
in that one.
141
00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:44,936
Dude, just want you to know
that I'm, like,
142
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:47,936
totally Team Charles, always was.
143
00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:50,936
Ah, thanks, man.
I'm super ready for it.
144
00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:54,936
A lot of new stuff to learn,
like writing this Christmas speech.
145
00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:55,937
What have you got so far?
146
00:07:55,961 --> 00:07:57,936
"Hi."
147
00:07:57,960 --> 00:07:59,936
Let the jerk-offs in publicity
finish it.
148
00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:02,480
Grab your sword,
let's make some knights.
149
00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:05,936
Why am I knighting you?
150
00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:09,936
I'm 100 years old and
I raised £50 million for charity.
151
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:11,776
Cool story.
152
00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:15,960
I now pronounce you
Sir Thomas of, er...
153
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:19,456
Oh, shit!
154
00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:21,776
No big deal, first-time jitters.
155
00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:23,936
We regroup, we go again.
You the man.
156
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:25,960
I the man.
157
00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:31,936
Enough fun meddling in election,
time for business.
158
00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:33,936
I am very impressed by you.
159
00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:37,936
You cause pain and suffering,
crash world economies,
160
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:41,936
destabilise governments
and kill people with no mercy.
161
00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:43,936
You're like me, but cuter.
162
00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:48,936
Let's just say I've found
the Russian people very welcoming.
163
00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:50,976
Comrade, let me cut to the chase.
164
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,136
I want you to be
Russian Prime Minister.
165
00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:54,936
I am President.
166
00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:56,936
Every five years, we switch jobs,
167
00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:59,936
but I am always in charge.
168
00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:02,936
Interesting. What's in it for me?
169
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,936
Oh, the best Russia has to offer,
170
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:08,936
state-of-art Russian video recorder.
171
00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:10,936
It uses magnetic tape.
172
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:11,937
Great breakthrough.
173
00:09:11,961 --> 00:09:16,936
Or latest Russian smartphone,
stores up to two numbers.
174
00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:18,616
Game included.
175
00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:21,936
Mr Putin,
I thought you were a serious man.
176
00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:22,937
I am serious.
177
00:09:22,961 --> 00:09:24,976
This is serious negotiation.
178
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:28,616
So, let's get started on vodka.
179
00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:32,936
Made in spiritual home of vodka,
Colchester.
180
00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:34,936
HE CHUCKLES Enough!
181
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:37,296
I've already been offered a job
and I'm gonna take it.
182
00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:40,936
What job? I'm replacing James Corden
on his chat show.
183
00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:42,936
Really? Yes.
184
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:45,296
They were looking for someone
kinder, warmer,
185
00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:47,936
and fundamentally less appalling.
186
00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:50,936
Hmm. So horrible, evil,
soulless James Corden
187
00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:53,936
is out of work and available?
188
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:57,936
Wow! Vladimir Putin, oh, my God!
189
00:09:57,960 --> 00:09:59,936
You're a legend, mate.
190
00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:01,936
How cool is this office?
191
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:03,936
Oh, my God, a Betamax.
192
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:05,936
A-mazing!
193
00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:07,960
Wow! Is that your umbrella?
194
00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:10,936
Wow!
195
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:12,936
And it had a poison tip.
196
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:14,000
Incredible!
197
00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:17,960
Oh, well, the search goes on.
198
00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:21,936
Another successful night
for Foxman.
199
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:25,936
I resolved a potentially deadly
dispute between two neighbours
200
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:29,936
by helping them correctly interpret
a Section 106 planning obligation.
201
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:33,960
Someone appreciates your work, sir.
You've received an anonymous gift.
202
00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:38,960
Rubbish, trash,
half-eaten leftovers.
203
00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:42,936
Someone knows how to spoil the Fox.
204
00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:43,976
Home-made jam,
205
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,936
and it's got a lovely sheen.
206
00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:48,960
Wait, sir, it might be a trap.
207
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:51,937
It's not jam!
208
00:10:51,961 --> 00:10:54,776
It's the one substance
that can destroy Foxman...
209
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:55,960
Corbynite!
210
00:10:57,480 --> 00:10:58,936
Drifting too far left.
211
00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:00,936
Obsessing about Israel.
212
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:02,936
Electability dying.
213
00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:04,936
Sir, what should I do?
214
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:06,936
Only one antidote to Corbynite...
215
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:07,937
Blairite!
216
00:11:07,961 --> 00:11:09,960
To the Blair phone.
217
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,240
People forget how popular
these were.
218
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:20,936
'A new dawn has broken, has it not?
219
00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:23,936
'Education, education and education.
220
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:27,456
'She was the people's princess.'
221
00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:29,936
My fox powers have returned
stronger than ever.
222
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:31,936
In fact, let's invade somewhere.
223
00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:33,960
I'll prepare the dossier.
224
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:38,936
New James Bond auditions,
Oprah, take one.
225
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:40,936
Why are you here, Mr Bond?
226
00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:43,936
To bring fresh garden vegetables
and love.
227
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:46,296
Market day! Cut!
228
00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:48,960
I say cut, dear.
229
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,776
Ah, the perfect crumble.
230
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,456
Next we attack the tawny port
and plum jam market.
231
00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:56,936
Yah.
232
00:11:57,961 --> 00:11:59,936
I'll jam your plums!
233
00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:01,936
She came out of her sherry coma.
234
00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:04,936
What the fuck have you done
to my business?
235
00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:07,936
I've sold a damn sight more
ginger chutney than you ever did.
236
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:10,456
I the man.
Well, I'm back in charge.
237
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:11,936
Wait, the dogs.
238
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:13,936
While I was out, did you walk them?
No.
239
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,936
But so what
if they piss on the rug?
240
00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:17,616
You idiot!
241
00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:20,960
They're royal corgis. They're
trained never to pee indoors.
242
00:12:26,961 --> 00:12:28,776
Ah!
243
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:30,936
Legal trouble got you down?
244
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:32,936
I'm Kim Kardashian West,
245
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:33,937
kriminal defence attorney,
246
00:12:33,961 --> 00:12:35,936
and I'm here for you.
247
00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:38,936
Whether you accidentally on purpose
leaked your own sex tape...
248
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,960
..or had a disagreement
with your sister on national TV...
249
00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:47,936
..or maybe killed someone,
I'm not here to judge.
250
00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:49,936
That's his job.
251
00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:51,936
All I care about
is bringing you justice
252
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:54,936
and making a super-awesome
documentary about me doing it.
253
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:56,936
Kim gave me excellent legal advice
254
00:12:56,960 --> 00:12:58,936
about signing this waiver
of privacy.
255
00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:00,976
And now you're in the documentary.
256
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:03,936
Kim explained
I better not start any more fires
257
00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:06,936
after she got me out of jail.
That would be terrible...
258
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:07,937
for my brand. Huh?
259
00:13:07,961 --> 00:13:09,936
Kim refused to work for me
260
00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:12,616
because my facial hair
looks guilty on camera.
261
00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:15,936
No-one feels sorry for sideburns,
that's bad TV.
262
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,296
I'm Kim and I'll take your case.
263
00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:20,136
Because I care... about me.
264
00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:21,936
Keeping up with the Kourtroom, baby!
265
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:23,936
K&K out!
266
00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:32,936
Why are there all these
small explosions?
267
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:36,136
Are they human larvae
popping from their growth pods?
268
00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:39,936
No, it's Bonfire Night,
people are sending up rockets.
269
00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:42,936
Ah, that is an inefficient use
of rocket fuel.
270
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:45,936
They should send one big rocket
to Jupiter's moon, Lysithea,
271
00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:47,936
where the minerals are plentiful
and sweet...
272
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:49,936
according to a podcast.
273
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:51,936
Well, it's a bit of fun
for the kids, really,
274
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:54,936
and a celebration of the fact
they caught Guy Fawkes.
275
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:56,936
What is a Guy Fawkes?
276
00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:58,936
Oh, don't play dumb, Dom.
277
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:01,936
He put a load of gunpowder under
Parliament and tried to blow it up.
278
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:03,776
Say that again.
279
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:06,960
He didn't agree with Parliament
so he tried to blow it up.
280
00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:13,936
No wonder he is celebrated
so highly.
281
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:16,976
Well, no, it's more the fact
that he got disembowelled
282
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:18,936
and ripped into pieces.
283
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:21,936
So, hypothetically,
if I were to blow up Parliament,
284
00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:23,936
would that happen to me?
285
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:25,936
No, no, no,
I wouldn't even sack you.
286
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:27,960
Too right, you wouldn't.
287
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:34,936
I'm sorry, Mother,
but you leave me no choice.
288
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:37,936
I've organised a hostile takeover
289
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,776
in partnership with
a giant international consortium.
290
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:43,936
I'm very excited to be part
of this historic merger.
291
00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:46,936
Jesus, you're selling us out
to China?!
292
00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:49,160
It's not that big a step.
Check your crown.
293
00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:51,296
Ah...
294
00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:52,936
There's nothing you can do.
295
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:54,296
I've the votes of the board
behind me.
296
00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:55,936
We don't vote.
297
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:56,976
I'm the Queen.
298
00:14:57,000 --> 00:15:01,936
Perhaps you forgot,
this is a constitutional monarchy.
299
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:04,936
You're a constitutional fuckwit.
300
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:06,936
All those in favour of selling
the thousand-year tradition
301
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:09,960
of British monarchy to
a Chinese despot, raise your hand.
302
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:16,937
No, you don't.
303
00:15:16,961 --> 00:15:18,936
'Fraid you lose, Charles.
304
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:21,936
Damn it!
Xi said I could be king of China.
305
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:25,936
No, I said you could run the King
Of China restaurant in Cleethorpes.
306
00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:26,937
The offer is still open.
307
00:15:26,961 --> 00:15:28,936
Can it sell organic crackers?
308
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:30,936
The offer is now closed.
309
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,936
Oh! OK, vote done, I'm Queen,
310
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:33,937
everybody fuck off.
311
00:15:33,961 --> 00:15:36,456
I like your authoritarian style.
312
00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:38,456
I have another merger proposal.
313
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:40,936
I have pangolins, you have corgis,
314
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:43,936
how about we cross-breed them?
315
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:46,936
Hmm, a pangolorgi?
316
00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:49,960
Well, at least it would be more
intelligent that these shitheads.
317
00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:53,936
What are you up to now, Dom?
318
00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:56,936
Collecting gunpowder
to blow up Parliament?
319
00:15:56,960 --> 00:16:00,936
Don't be ridiculous,
gunpowder is ancient technology.
320
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,776
I am collecting lithium batteries.
321
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:04,936
May I borrow your mobile?
322
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:05,937
Will I get it back?
323
00:16:05,961 --> 00:16:08,136
If not, what are the consequences?
324
00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:09,960
None.
325
00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:13,456
James Bond is a spy.
326
00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:15,296
What a terrible guy.
327
00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:16,936
No, stupid, God!
328
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:20,296
Why did I agree to write the theme
song for the new James Bond movie?
329
00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:23,936
I don't get him.
I'm younger than 9/11.
330
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:26,936
Don't worry, Billie, I'll 'elp ya!
331
00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:30,800
I went through exactly the same
fucking thing with Skyfall.
332
00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:27,296
It was better with Sean Connery.
333
00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:29,936
Still, glad they kept the boobs.
334
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:37,936
Dom, how's the plan
to blow up Parliament coming along?
335
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:39,936
Exceedingly poorly.
336
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:41,960
I need a drink.
337
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:48,960
Ah...!
338
00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:58,936
Little Red Riding Hood
was off to see her granny.
339
00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:02,936
But though her mummy had told her
to stick to the main path,
340
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:04,936
she decided to take a shortcut.
341
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:06,936
Hello, little girl.
342
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:08,960
What's in your basket?
343
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:13,936
A Glock nine-millimetre with modular
optic slide and reversible magazine.
344
00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:15,936
Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy, kid.
345
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:17,776
Let's just keep it polite.
346
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:19,936
You've taught me
an important lesson.
347
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,936
In fact, I'm going back to school
and getting a job.
348
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:24,936
The National Rifle Association,
349
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:27,960
making everyone's life better.
350
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:38,616
Mum?
351
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:39,936
Mum!
352
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:41,976
She's gone!
353
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:44,936
Like fuck I am.
354
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:47,296
I had myself uploaded to the cloud.
355
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,936
I'm going to run this business
forever.
356
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:56,960
Oh, stop crying!
357
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:03,936
Kia ora! Another practically
perfect day in New Zealand.
358
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:07,456
Yes, Jacinda, except for this
bit of arthritis in my knee.
359
00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:09,296
We can't have that.
360
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:12,936
But thanks to recent legislation,
we have a solution.
361
00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:40,937
Actually, my knee's fine.
362
00:20:40,961 --> 00:20:42,960
Best to be sure.
363
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:46,936
New James Bond auditions,
James Corden, take one.
364
00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:48,936
Oh, my God!
365
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:51,456
I'm auditioning for James Bond!
366
00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:53,936
The greatest! The coolest!
367
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:55,936
The best spy in the world!
368
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:57,936
The legend. Wow!
369
00:20:57,960 --> 00:20:59,936
Unbelievable!
370
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:12,976
Joe, why aren't you at
headquarters?
371
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:16,776
Well, I am, right between
the griddle and the fryer.
372
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:18,936
Hey, can I get you started
on a Lumber-Joe Special?
373
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:21,936
It's like a Lumberjack Special
except I make it.
374
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:23,936
He's been cooking all night.
375
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:26,936
Gotta catch up on these orders.
That's the phone book, Joe.
376
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:29,936
Did you tell him
the election results?
377
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:32,936
At his age, you've gotta
break news like that gently.
378
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,776
I only just told him the Dodgers won
the World Series.
379
00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:37,936
So great for Brooklyn.
380
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:40,456
Er, yeah, I'm going to tell him.
381
00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:42,936
What? Before he's finished
making breakfast?
382
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:44,936
You are fucking mental.
383
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:46,936
Adele, what are you doing here?
384
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:48,936
Lady Gaga said his eggs were...
385
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:52,936
I'll get some going for you.
386
00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:56,936
Joe, you won.
387
00:21:56,960 --> 00:22:00,936
Fantastic. Who's getting
a super-scrambled Biden hash?
388
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:03,936
Er, I guess the whole nation.
389
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:12,936
I lost! Mayor Cheeseburger lied!
390
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:14,936
How could he lie
when he's so delicious?
391
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:16,936
Hey, where are you going, asshole?
392
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,936
Hey, man, I got a job
on Fox & Friends.
393
00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:48,960
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