All language subtitles for st.denis.medical.s01e11.1080p.web.h264-successfulcrab_track3_[eng]

- All right, Dr. Patel
will be administering

the anesthesia now, so why
don't you count back from five,

and we'll see you
on the other side.

- Five, four, three,

two, one, zero.

- Okay, great.
- Now what?

- Oh, you're still--
yeah, that's okay.

You know, sometimes
it takes a beat.

Why don't you start
naming some colors for me?

- Blue, yellow...

orange.

- Uh-huh, that's a good one.

- Periwinkle...

sienna, burnt sienna.

Should I keep going?
- Patel, what's the deal here?

- Let me just
adjust the dosage.

- Some patients are
resistant to anesthesia.

It's just a matter of getting
the dosage right.

- Cerulean...
- You can stop with the colors.

All right, we should be good.

- Finally.

- Okay, let's do this.
Gina?

- Nope, I'm still here.
- Jesus Christ!

What is this guy, Wolverine?

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Again, no more tilapia
in the microwave, okay?

It smells like a mermaid
gave birth in here,

and I think we all
deserve better.

Now, last item on the agenda--

our operating margins
once again have dipped.

Zero gains--it's like we
might as well not even be open.

To that end,
I need everyone to start

doing a better job
of recommending

additional services
to our patients.

- You mean like upselling?

- We could push
more plastic surgeries.

A lot of our patients
are fugly.

- Well, it's not
upselling, per se,

but I would like you
to educate our patients

about scan screenings,
wellness practices,

and then encourage them
to use their insurance.

- So upselling--got it.

- How are
the hospital's finances

even our responsibility?

We're health-care workers,

not a bunch
of sleazy car salesmen.

[people murmuring]

- Oh, maybe we could have,
like, a sales contest.

You know,
whoever upsells the most

could--could win
some kind of prize.

- Well, Ron,
you are just gonna love this,

because I was about to announce

that we are having
a sales contest.

Anyone want to take a guess
what the prize is?

Hmm? Hmm? Hmm?

What's that? A T-shirt?

No. No, it isn't.

I think we can do
a lot better than that.

- Nobody said T-shirt.

- Dakota,
start your rounds, please.

I think that'd be good.

Uh, who would like
to go see "zha"

with some floor-seat tickets
in Portland tonight?

- Wait, you got
floor seats to SZA?

- That is another way
people pronounce it, yes.

And if you are interested,
it certainly wouldn't hurt you

to start promoting our
brand-new, state-of-the-art

luxury VIP patient
recovery suite.

- I'm sorry.

Why are we spending money
on a VIP suite

when this hospital
is literally falling apart?

I mean, there's been a leak
by Zone B for, what,

like, three weeks now?

- It's been 19 days.
Stop being so dramatic.

I'll follow up
with maintenance.

In the meantime, I want you
to go out there and just...

- Upsell.
- It's not upselling.

This is gonna be a big draw

for our more
discerning patients.

All the linens are
pure Egyptian cotton.

Mm, It's like cool
mayonnaise to the touch.

And we've got
wall-to-wall 5G Wi-Fi,

which is the strongest kind.

Drives marine life nuts, apparently.

- Hey.

Well, the doctors
didn't find anything,

and all your vitals
are within range.

So the bad news is,
you know, I hate to say it,

but without a specific
illness or injury,

I--I can't keep you here, Ruth.

I'm so sorry.
- I figured.

My cough always acts up
in the cold.

[clears throat]

I'm sure it'll go away
eventually.

- Ruth's what's known
as a frequent flyer.

She's a nice person, unhoused,

just looking for a break
from outside.

I really wish we could do
more for her.

I just think, God,

what if that were
my grandmother in there,

you know?

I mean, I guess
then we would be like,

"Ah, zombie!"

[laughs]

"Who did we bury?"

Sorry. Sorry.

No, it's--it's not--
it's not funny.

- Do you think
I could get a blanket?

That wind is just nasty.

- Of course.
- I'll bring it back.

- It's yours.

Just be careful out there,
all right?

And I wish we could do
more for you.

- I know.
If you could, you would.

[hollow tapping]

- Man, what are you doing?

- Oh, it seems like
a pretty straightforward job.

I'm thinking saddle clamp,
a little elbow grease.

Yeah, I should be able
to bang this out in no time.

- And you're basing this
on what?

You have zero training in this.

- Oh, come on. Sure, I do.

I mean, what is the human body

but an elaborate
series of pipes?

You know, veins, intestines--
it's all pipes.

People are pipes.
People are pipes.

- Man, let the plumbers
do their thing.

- Oh, I see.
[chuckles]

You don't think I can do it.

- I don't care.

And, no, I don't.

But, hey, knock yourself out.

I gotta go.

Somebody stuck
a Barbie doll

in one of their pipes.

- [chuckles]

And Bingo was his name-o.

- See, I think the whole idea
of upselling patients

on medical procedures
is kind of gross--

I mean, like, really gross.

It's just not the kind of thing

I'd usually do.
- Yo, dude.

Did you see
Paige and Dakota teamed up?

- Yeah, I was just
talking about--

- I high-key want
those SZA tix.

What if you and I team up,
and if either of us wins,

we split the tickets?

- Oh, yeah,

'cause then we'd have them,

you know, like,
the two of us together.

Let's do it.
[chuckles]

- Great.

- Great.

- Really, it's all right.
I know my way out.

- Yeah, I know.

I just wanted to show you
one quick thing before you go.

And that thing is...

your new digs
for the rest of the day.

- Wait.

This is for me?

- If I get in trouble,
I get in trouble.

You know,
my job is to help people,

and, uh,
I'm doing the right thing.

So, you know, come at me, bro.

Get comfy,
make yourself at home.

You can take a nap or watch TV

or read a brochure
on coping with lupus--

whatever you want.

- Hey, maybe
"Shawshank Redemption" is on.

- You know,
I think it always is.

- I don't even know
how to thank you.

- There's no need, truly.

- Wow. Egyptian.

- It's funny.

This really isn't
that different from the OR.

You know, you mark the site,
use a steady hand,

and make a clean incision.

And...

that's the wrong spot.

All right, well, take two.

- How's it coming, Luigi?

- [laughs]
That's good.

You see, racist jokes
can be funny.

Well, I've identified
the main problem area.

Just about to attack
the leak head-on.

It just feels good to work
with your hands, you know?

- You work with your hands
all the time.

- [scoffs] Please.

I don't mean those soft,
fancy-boy hands

you're sporting--no offense.

I'm talking about man hands,
you know--

calloused and sinewy,
covered in grime and grit.

- Okay, I'm gonna let you

get back to your
blue-collar cosplay.

- Look, I just don't want
to be one of those rich,

spoiled doctors
who always calls up

some grunt to do
his dirty work for him--

again, no offense.

- Hiring workers
is a convenience.

Obviously, if I had to do
the job myself,

I could.
- Uh-huh.

Hey, could you pass me
that spud wrench?

- Spud?
- The spud, yeah.

- Okay.

Uh... spud, right?

- Yeah, it's right there.
- I see it.

- [grunts]
I'm gonna just give you

all these wrenches.

You may want to switch out
from that spud.

- Okay. Um...

- Up to six hours,
including throbbing

and sensitivity
to light and loud noises...

[indistinct TV chatter]

[door thuds]
- Hi.

Um, can I help you
with something?

- Thanks, but I'm doing great.

Bogs and the sisters
just assaulted Andy

in the furnace room.

- I'm sorry, what I meant was,

um, what are you doing in here?

- Oh, just resting.

Nurse's orders.

- Uh-huh.

Which nurse's orders?

Got a minute?
- Hmm?

- Hey, I'm just wondering
about the woman

currently having a spa day
in the VIP suite.

Do you know
anything about that?

- Yeah.

You know what, Joyce?

I do.
- Mm.

'Cause she said you told her
she could stay in there

without paying for it,
which is the exact opposite

of what I told you to do.

- Well, that's right.

I did do that.

I did, because, uh--
because that woman...

- Yes?

- She's an heiress.

- What? Her?

- Yeah, I know.
Yeah, yeah.

She, um...
[exhales sharply]

She comes
from a very, very rich,

very philanthropic family,
the Dusseldorfs.

I'm sure you're familiar
with them, right?

- Oh, of course.
How could I--how could I not?

- Yeah, yeah.

So I figured, you know,

we're having money problems.

I would just give
this rich lady

the red-carpet treatment.

She'd become our golden goose,

uh, but it was
presumptuous of me.

Sorry, I'm gonna go
kick her out.

- No, no, no.
No. No. No.

You played it perfectly.
- No? Oh.

- Ah, I see you, girl.
- Thanks.

- I see you.
- Yeah.

Um, well, she's not gonna be
thrilled, though,

that I--that I--I outed her,
'cause she's, um--

she's a really private person.

You know,
she likes to blend in.

So--so it might be best
if you just don't mention it.

- Oh, I promise
I'll be discreet.

- Okay. You know how
the super rich are.

- Oh, yeah, it's all, you know,

charcuterie boards
and trips to the moon--

just eating little gherkins
in space with the pinkies up.

[laughs]

- I--I meant the anonymity.
- Anonymity, yes.

Yes, that's another thing.

- Do I need to wear it
when I sleep?

- That's probably a good idea,

at least
for the first week or two.

- Great.

- But if you're looking
to speed up your recovery,

we do offer in-house
acupuncture sessions.

It's amazing for fractures--

really stimulates
the blood flow.

- Yeah, that's not
really my thing.

- Totally get it.

Acupuncture has
a lot of side effects--

increased muscle tone,
sexual performance boost.

It's not for everyone.

- I think I'm good
with just the splint.

- Okay, well, since you're
so obsessed with the splint,

how do you like this idea?

Two splints.

- But easily, the most
common reason for a leak

is a loose coupling nut.

If working
in a confined space,

a basin wrench is going
to be your best friend here.

- You know, it just occurred
to me you might want to try

tightening the coupling nut.

I've had some good success
with that in the past.

- You don't think
I've tried tightening

the coupling nut, Ron?

Obviously, that was
the first thing I tried.

[scoffs]
Tighten the coupling nut.

Get serious.

- Well, did you use
a basin wrench?

- Are you just getting this
from the Plumber Jordan video?

First YouTube result
for "how to fix leaking pipe"?

- I came down to your level,
and I hate it here.

I'm going to lunch.

- No, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

Ron, Ron, Ron, wait.

Can you hold this clamp
real quick?

Please, just two seconds.
Just hold it.

Right there.

Yeah, that's it.
- Watch my finger.

- Uh-huh. Perfect.

Oh, look who's done
this before.

Nice.

- Yeah, well, that's
what I was saying.

- It's about to get
pretty hairy, though.

I can take it from here.

Enjoy your lunch.

- Well, I mean,
I have a couple minutes.

- Hmm?

I ate a NutRageous bar
a while ago,

so my blood sugar
should still be good.

- Ah.
Welcome to the party, Mario.

[chuckles]

- Knock, knock.
[chuckles]

Gosh, I just wanted to come in
and apologize

for being so dang rude earlier.

We lost a patient this morning,

and I was still in
that emotional headspace.

Oh, the patient died off-site,
by the way.

Yeah, no, we, um--
we got him healthy,

and then he went to another
hospital and died there.

Anyway, this is for you.
- Oh, wow.

- Yeah. Mm-hmm.
- Thanks.

Ooh, this looks warm.
- It is. [chuckles]

Not that a person like you
needs more stuff, but--

- Oh, believe me,
I always like more stuff.

- I am the same way.

Like, no matter how much
you get, it's still not enough.

I am a people person.

I love people.

Do I also love the idea
of a new radiology suite?

Yes.

Robotics platforms in the OR?

You bet.

A big old helipad that sits
atop a surgical amphitheater

that hosts TED Talks
on the weekends,

Portland General
crapping in their pants.

[chuckles]

But mostly, I love people.

- So you think he's gonna
go out the same way as Brooks,

but then he ends up making it
down to Zihuatanejo.

- Incredible.
Incredible.

Bit of a spoiler,
but that's fine.

Um, hey, what do you say
I take you on a private tour

of the hospital, show you
what we do around here?

- I got time.
- Okay.

Stella. Stella.

While we're gone, can you
kind of freshen up the bed

and spruce up the pillows?

Thanks, babe.

What do you say we start
in the maternity ward

and see some babies?
- [gasps]

Adorable!
- Oh, great.

There's a 14-pounder
in there right now.

- Yikes.
- A real chonker.

[clinking, clanging]

- When Bruce isn't
saying anything

for long periods of time,

he's really not a bad guy
to be around.

Oh, and, look...

it's a callus forming.

Still in the early stages,

but by tomorrow,

coal-miner vibes.

- Hey, I brought you
some tea...

Hey, do you know where
the lady who was in here went?

- Yeah, uh,
Joyce went to take her

on a tour of the hospital
or something.

- What?

- Ooh, that's nice.

- Oh, yes, that is one
of my personal favorites.

Ah, of course, it's just
a print, but who knows?

Maybe one day we'll have
a real Monet in here.

- Oh, that would be amazing.
- Wouldn't it be?

[laughs]
- Hey. Oh.

What you doing, girlfriends?

What you talking about?

- Oh, Ruth and I are
just discussing

our mutual love of art.
- Hmm.

- Oh, you must have some
wonderful pieces in your home.

- Oh, I don't really have
a home.

- Oh, yeah, I so get that,
right, you know?

You're coming,
and you're going,

and one week you're in Nice,

and one week
you're in Vail, right?

You know, you're everywhere,

and yet you're nowhere, so...

Oh, boy, it has been
such a day, though, huh?

You must be dying to get back
in that big, comfy bed.

- This firecracker?
Are you kidding me?

She's got more energy
than I do.

In fact, why don't we go
storm the gift shop

and then we'll snag some
brownies in the cafeteria?

They are a triumph.
- Hey, why don't I take her?

You've got important
things to do.

- Nothing is more important

than this little lady
right here.

Now, let's get 5 CCs of brownie
into that mouth, stat.

[laughs]
I'm kidding.

5 CCs is barely anything.

- Yeah, I'm happy that Ruth is
inside and thriving, frankly,

but I'm a little n-nervous.

Uh, you really don't want
to get caught lying to Joyce.

Uh, just ask Theresa.

But you'd have to ask her
at 3:00 in the morning,

'cause that's when
her shift starts now.

- I hear a lot of people saying

that our health-care system
is broken,

but it seems pretty great,
if you ask me.

Nobody even mentions
the brownies.

- "If the pipes are
on the older side,

then epoxy putty may be used
to repair any corroded seals."

Interesting.

- But that's not gonna work

if you're dealing with
a faulty flange.

Try not moving around, please.

- You've got a real bee
in your bonnet

about this flange theory.

- I'm not married
to the flange.

Maybe it's a press fitting.
- Ooh!

Ooh, ooh, did we try
swapping out the O-ring?

- We're about to.
- Jackpot.

- Dakota, can you come in here
and finish this off?

She's much better
than me anyway.

Dakota.
Dakota!

- So we knock out this wall,

then the whole thing
becomes a courtyard--

topiaries, a koi pond.

I'm imagining your name
on a fountain.

- I'm imagining
your name on it.

[laughter]
- Wow.

How generous is this woman?
- Oh.

- Is it okay if I use
the ladies' room?

- Oh, sure.
You know what?

Use the one in our staff room.

The other one's
for the riff-raff.

It's disgusting.
- Oh.

Thank you.
- Scoot.

[laughs]

- Joyce, come on, a koi pond?

- It's Japanese for "fish."

- I'm saying that if we were
to get a large donation,

we should probably use that
money to buy new Alaris pumps

or hire more patient techs.

- Yeah, I love that.
I love that idea.

But I'm saying, lure people in
with the koi pond,

become
a health-care destination,

and then we can hire
an infinite number

of patient techs.

Oh, look at us jammin'.

We're jammin'.

[laughs]

- A koi pond?
That's what we need?

People here are burning
themselves out just to--

Sorry, I just remembered that
this is imaginary money, so...

[chuckles]

- Hmm...

- Is everything okay?
- Oh, yeah, totally.

Just seeing here
that you haven't had

a colonoscopy since... ever.

That can't be right, can it?

- Yeah, but I thought you don't
need that until you're 45.

I'm 37.

- Yeah, sure, they say 45,

but they also say you should
get your oil changed

every 10,000 miles, when--
I mean, we all know it's 5,000.

- 5,000, yeah.

- Then, one day, bam,
your engine's shot.

Turns out, they were wrong.

- Yeah, I'll think about it.

- Oh, Gary.

Gary, Gary, Gary.

Either there is cancer
in your colon right now

waiting to attack the rest
of your body, or...

there isn't.

And if you're willing
to wait eight years

to find out which it is,
it's brave.

- I guess I could schedule
something.

- Yes!
- Yes!

- Let's go.

Sorry, just excited
to keep your colon healthy.

- Matt, super-good liar.
- It's kind of fun.

The key is, as you're lying,

you clench your butt together
super hard,

to the point where it hurts,

and that keeps your mind
off the guilty feeling.

- I really thought this would
be a number-one situation.

[clattering, clanging]

- What are you two doing?

I have a very important VIP
coming through here.

I cannot have my doctors

ripping into the walls
like lunatics.

- No, no, no, no, no,
Joyce, come on.

We're right at
the one-yard line

with this thing, really,
and I'm sorry.

Are you talking about her?

That's not a VIP.
I've treated her before.

That's just--I don't know--
some lady.

- What?
- [scoffs]

Yeah, what?

Just some lady?

She's just some--some lady?

Are we all just some ladies
to you, Bruce, huh?

I don't think Eleanor Roosevelt
would like that.

- Okay. Okay.
- Yeah. And you know what?

Every patient matters,
all right?

And shouldn't just
be kicked to the curb.

- Right. Right.

But especially Ms. Dusseldorf,

who is filthy rich
and is going to build us

a Japanese koi pond
for our new courtyard.

- Exactly.

Now make this stuff go away
before you blow it.

- Yeah.
- Dusseldorf?

- You try making up a last name
that sounds real!

- [scoffs]

- Bang!
- We won!

What about Paige and Dakota?

- They didn't even check
people's coverage.

Almost every procedure
got rejected by insurance.

[squeals]
- That's amazing.

I mean, you know, very bleak
on a society level,

but really good
in this one instance.

So are you gonna go
to the show?

- Of course, yeah.
What do you mean?

- Hey, Gavin.

[whispering] I sold mine
to Gavin from the lab

for 200 bucks--way over face.

Here you go, boy.

- This my date?

- Uh, I guess so.

- You guys are gonna have
the best time.

Tell me how it is.

- So you want to drive
and I drink,

or do you want me to drive
and just roll the dice?

- Oh.

- Well, Plumber Jordan
would be proud.

[both chuckling]

- I fixed a leak today!
- Oh, yeah.

And not some run-of-the-mill,

"just swapped out
the O-ring" leak.

Give me a break.

This is a leak's leak,
you know,

the kind you tell
your grandkids about.

Oh, yeah.

- I also reset a broken neck

and took a battery
out of a kid's esophagus.

- Sure.
- But...

I fixed a leak...

[both chuckling]

In the wall!
- There you go.

- I'm gonna have to get
a whole crew in here tomorrow.

They Mickey Moused
the whole thing.

Who told them to do this?

It's no good.

- This was wonderful.

Oh, you guys have
the most amazing hospital.

- Well, thank you.

We--we really do have a lot
of good stuff going on here,

but, um, we could do
so much more

if only we had the money.

- You have to have the money.

- Yes, exactly.

Um, do you--do you think
we'll get it?

- I really do.

I know you'll get it.

You'll get the money.

- [gasps]

You just made my day with that.

Oh!

The truly wealthy
are a complex breed--

uh, refined yet eccentric,
discriminating yet fickle.

Extracting their money
is a delicate art,

but I have been known to...

[British accent]
Pick a pocket or two...

right, guv'na?

- Am I--am I the gu--oh.

[British accent]
Uh, you got that right, Joyce.

- [normal voice]
Just use your normal voice.

- [normal voice]
Okay. Um...

uh, Joyce did
a really good job today.

- [British accent]
Hello, hello.

[chuckles]