Original subtitles

[classical music]

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

[upbeat music]

[children shouting]

- [boy 1] Come on, Mandy, you can do it! - [boy 2] Hit a homer!

[boy 3] Easy now!

[boy 4] Come on, back up, back up!

[girl playing classical music on piano]

[woman coughs]

[upbeat music resumes]

[children continue shouting]

Back up, back up!

[classical music]

[music fades]

[boy] Well, fans, it's the bottom of the ninth and bases are loaded.

And guess who the orphans have at bat?

That's right, it's the homerun queen herself,

the belter from the shelter,

- Miss Amanda... - Amanda Lemmon!

- What? - [woman] I'm gonna kill you!

Didn't I tell you not to play ball in that dress?

Aw, come on, Diane, I ain't gonna hurt it.

It's time for your interview. Now drop the bat, let's go!

Just let me smash this ball downtown, OK?

All right, you got ten seconds.

Otherwise, the game is gonna be called on account of bloodshed.

Come on, Frankie, I gotta go to Staten Island.

Staten Island? What about camp? You'll miss the bus!

I won't either. It's just a look-see.

They're not trying to place you with the Butkis' are they?

So what if they are?

You ever met those people?

That family collects kids.

They'll take anybody.

Even the rejects like you.

Shut up, Frankie. At least I got an interview.

And Amanda Butkis steps to the plate.

[children laughing]

[children teasing]

[boy] Hit me in!

[children cheering]

Come on, relay, relay!

Over here!

[horn honks]

- Come on, come on. Hop in. - Aw, man, it was a grand slam.

Hey, Diane, see if they want a little boy. You know, me and her, two-for-one?

What am I, on sale? Get your own.

Staten Island, please.

You're out! We win!

You never touched home base! Yeah!

You're a dead man, Frankie!

[dog barking]

- Here you go. - Thanks.

OK, so, you know, it's not exactly park Avenue,

but you can't always judge a book by the cover.

Besides, you don't wanna be an orphan forever.

So adopt me, why don't ya?

They won't let me adopt you on my salary.

Besides that, you know what? You deserve a mother and a father.

- So get a husband. - It's not like buying a car, you know.

I know. It's gotta be that can't-eat, can't-sleep,

reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence, World Series kind of stuff.

- Right? - Well, a girl's gotta have her standards.

Well, I got mine and I say...

...let's blow off these people.

[clears throat]

Gum.

Hat.

Other gum.

Now look, I know these people have a stupid name.

But they really like kids, OK?

Put on a smile.

Sell it, girl.

Why do I always gotta wear a dress?

[Diane] 'Cause it makes you look so pretty.

[knocks on door]

Oh, isn't she the most precious thing?

What a pretty little dress.

- She's a honey alright. - Oh!

Look at that, Fanny, she's got your mother's smile.

And your father's sense of humor.

- I'm sorry. - That was very funny.

- Come on in. - [Fanny] Come on, sweetie.

[both talking at once]

- Callaway, huh? - [man] Yeah.

Must be a real bigshot.

Oh, you'd be surprised how big.

All this for her?

- Uh-huh. - Geez.

Welcome home, princess.

He forgot again, didn't he?

Oh, well, I'm afraid your father's been unavoidably detained.

But if it's any consolation, I know an old butler who's mighty glad to see you.

Oh, I'm sorry, Vincenzo. How terribly rude of me.

I'm very glad to see you too.

Ahh, thank you, honey.

Hey, I see you've been practicing.

Congratulations.

- What's the excuse this time? - Your father?

Well, he's...

He's preparing for your arrival up at the summer house.

- Which one? - On Lake Minocqua.

But that's been closed for years.

- He never goes up there. - Well, he does now.

- Oh, Vincenzo, you big fat fibber. - Mmm?

- What's going on? - My lips are sealed.

You mean it's a surprise?

Oh, yeah, I suppose you could put it that way.

It's a welcome home party for me!

Isn't it? I knew Daddy was up to something.

- Oh, well, now, Alyssa, I didn't say... - Oh, Vincenzo, I won't tell.

I've never had a surprise party my whole life.

Well, this will certainly be a surprise.

Come on, come on, come on, come on, move it!

[children chattering]

- I've got 43. - Me too.

- Guess who's missing? - Oh, come...

- Where's Amanda? - She's not coming.

I'm gonna kill her.

[Diane] Hey, slugger, s'up?

I'm not going to stupid camp.

Oh, yeah, I don't blame you.

Look at this place, it's a pigsty.

Probably gonna take you the whole week just to make your bed.

Don't joke, I'm serious.

I'm not joking.

That's why I sent the bus ahead without us.

- Liar. - Oh, yeah? How much you wanna bet?

- Fifty bucks. - OK, so I didn't send the bus.

Cough it up.

But I will.

And then you and I can just sit here until you tell me what's really wrong.

I'm not going to stupid Butkis' either.

I was waiting for that one.

If they're the best I can do, Frankie's right. I am a reject.

You're not a reject.

It's just that most people wanna adopt...

Babies. I know.

This orphan stuff is like growing up in the dog pound.

Everybody wants a puppy. Just once I'd like to sleep in my own room.

Hey, come here a minute.

- Listen to me. You listening to me? - Mm-hm.

I'm gonna find you the best home in the entire world.

That's a promise.

You don't make promises, remember?

I didn't say I don't make promises.

I said I don't make promises I can't keep.

There's a big difference.

Now... can we please go to camp?

Please?

- Please, please, please, please, please, please? - OK, OK, OK, OK, OK, OK!

But you still owe me fifty bucks.

[up-tempo music]

[children chattering on bus]

Oh, Vincenzo, it's gorgeous!

I think this house is going to be my favorite.

[Vincenzo] Yeah, I remember many happy years here.

- Hey! There she is! - Oh, Daddy!

Come over here! Oh, my little...

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

You're not Alyssa Callaway. Alyssa Callaway's a little girl

and you're a foot taller than she is.

- It's me, honest. - It is?

Honey, I've missed you so much. I'm sorry I wasn't at the airport to meet you.

That's OK. I knew it had to be something really important.

- Ah. - Like... a party, maybe?

- She knows about the party? - I didn't say a thing.

- Huh. - Vincenzo didn't tell me.

I figured it out on my own.

- Oh. - I should've let you surprise me,

but I'm too excited.

You are?

It's still on, isn't it?

Yes, of course it's still on, sweetheart,

but are we talking about the same party?

Oh, Roger! She's darling!

Alyssa, I would like you to meet a very good friend of mine,

Clarice Kensington.

Hello, Miss Kensington, how do you do?

Ohh... what a perfect little girl.

Roger, I'm absolutely smitten!

You and I are going to be great friends.

Are you here for my party?

Your party?

Roger, don't tell me you haven't told her.

Told me what?

Sweetheart, the party is not for...

Another couple of hours.

So, let's get you settled in there, princess.

Yes, why don't you do that.

I'm sure you two have lots to talk about.

[exhales] He didn't tell her, I can't believe he didn't tell her.

Maybe he wanted to give her the good news in person.

I'm sorry, did I say something to you?

[up-tempo music]

[excited chattering on bus]

Remember to bring your own bag. Everybody off!

Yo, Carmen, you blind?

What?

[chattering]

Girl, when you gonna get a life?

- Miss Kensington seems nice. - [Roger] Mm-hm.

Does she work with you?

[stammers] Not exactly.

Hey, I got something to show you.

Right up here.

You see there, across the lake?

That's Camp Callaway.

That was your mom's favorite project.

So, is she from the camp?

- Who? - Miss Kensington.

Oh, sweetheart, I gotta have a little talk with you.

You know, Alyssa, a lot's happened while you were gone.

And you know I haven't been able to come up to this house since Mom passed away.

Mm-hm.

But there comes a time when a person has to move on.

You're getting older and...

...and there's just so much a father can do without help.

- We have Vincenzo, he helps us. - That's right, he does.

And he's been a good friend to this family for a long time, but...

...what I think our family really needs is a...

Excuse me.

Telephone, boss, it's a board meeting.

- Oh, let me call them back... - They said it was urgent.

I'm with my...

- Will you forgive me? - Don't I always?

It's so good to have you home.

- It's on two? OK. - Yeah.

Hey, young lady.

Summer vacation, officially. Go play.

- Will you come with me? - Gee, I wish I could, princess.

But I'm afraid I got a lot of work to do, sorry.

[Frankie] Whoa! Check it out!

Buckingham Palace!

That's in London, brainless.

It's the Callaway house.

[boy] Nobody's lived there for years. It's haunted.

- It's not either. - Ask anyone.

Every full moon old lady Callaway's ghost

crosses the lake and eats one of the campers.

Yeah, right, and Santa Claus lives with the Tooth Fairy in Queens.

- You ever been over there? - No.

If you're so sure it's not haunted, why don't you go over there and ring the doorbell?

- Think I'm scared? - Five bucks says you're chicken.

Cough it up, choir boy. Show me your money.

Oh, this I gotta see.

[Clarice] I didn't even know they had a caterer in the country. Thank God.

- [gasps] - [Clarice] They say the first Mrs. Callaway

was a lovely woman, but look at this room.

No wonder the woman's dead, she had absolutely no taste.

I can't wait to sell this house.

Now, Jules, I want one bar set up in here

and two out in the patio...

Well hello, munchkin.

[nervous laugh]

Oh, boy.

Daddy!

Honey? Honey, what's the matter?

What?

What, what? You all right?

No!

What? What happened?

[stammers] She hates this house!

Oh, let's not be dramatic, darling.

She was hiding in the den and I simply said that we might... fix it up some day.

That is if you'll let me.

Who is she?!

[nervous laugh]

I guess there's no easy way to say this.

Sweetheart... Clarice and I...

- ...will be married next month. - Wha...?

You're finally gonna have a real family.

And she's gonna be your new mother.

Isn't that wonderful?

[feigns a deep sigh]

She does this sometimes.

- Honey. Honey, honey... - [Clarice] And she gets away with it.

I'm sorry, roger, but little tantrums mustn't be rewarded.

Alyssa... come on, sweetheart.

[Clarice] Roger, you're only making it worse.

I know what I'm talking about.

All right, people, back to work.

Shoo, shoo, shoo. Let's focus on the engagement party.

Sure hope you're right.

Trust me, I'm a woman.

Oh, look at the time. I've got to get my face on.

How's about some milk and cookies, huh?

I've lost my mother and now I've lost my father.

I have no family. I'm an orphan.

I'm running away and don't you dare tell Daddy!

[boy 1] Come on, come on, we gotta hide.

[Frankie] What if we get caught?

[boy 1] Don't let her see ya.

- [boy 2] Who? - [Frankie] Old lady Callaway.

There's no ghost.

- [boy 2] Look at her. - [Frankie] She's nuts.

[Alyssa] I won't go back. I won't.

She's not the boss of me.

Vincenzo, have you seen Alyssa?

I'm under strict orders not to tell you that she ran away.

Great, why didn't you stop her?

Well, I thought I'd give her the benefit of a head start.

So she could reclaim a little dignity, you know.

You'll make sure she comes home OK?

Sure, don't worry. Right away, boss.

Thanks, Vin.

It doesn't look haunted.

That's what they want you to think stupid.

Frankie, this isn't funny anymore, let's get out of here.

Don't worry, she'll chicken out.

Go, go, go.

Well, if it isn't a little orphan girl.

[all gasp]

- [Frankie] Someone's home! - We were just coming after you.

Look, I didn't mean nothing! it was just a joke, you know?!

Just kidding around, honest!

[door closes]

She didn't even scream.

Let's get you ready for the big dinner, OK?

Big dinner? Listen, Lurch, you don't want me, I'm too skinny.

There are other kids, big fat ones, right outside. Eat them.

What in the world are you talking about?

Hey, Frankie...

...the full moon, that's tonight, right?

- [theme from Psycho] - [all gasp]

[Frankie] Old lady Callaway's ghost?

[all] It's her!

[all screaming]

Guess you think I'm pretty stupid, huh?

Nah, you're just a little upset, that's all.

- Looks like I just won five bucks. - Mmm?

So, when's this party? Am I invited?

Your dress is upstairs on the bed, cocktails are at five.

Now, if you'll excuse me, please.

A dress? Me? You gotta be kidding.

Nobody's even looking for me.

[sighs] There you are.

[laughing] I have been looking everywhere for you.

- You have? - Well, of course I have.

Let me ask you a question.

You did not come all the way up here

to sit around like a bump on a log, did you?

No... I guess not.

Well then, come on, slugger, they're playing football.

You're missing out on all the fun.

OK.

[grunts] I thought, "Where is she? What's happened to her?"

- [whistle blows] - [chattering]

- So I hear Amanda's quite the jock. - Yeah, the kid's a natural.

- Great speed. - OK, student body left. Everybody block for Amanda.

- On four. Ready? - [all] Break!

- Who's Amanda? - Funny.

[Twilight Zonetheme]

She's probably eating her liver right now.

Do you think one camper's enough?

I mean, what if she's still hungry?

Look!

Twenty-four, thirty-six, hut, hut, hut, hut!

- Hey, I got it! - [boy] Run!

- [screams] - [all shouting]

You're going the wrong way.

Whoo!

Great speed. Bad sense of direction.

[♪Georgia Satellites: "Hippy, Hippy Shake"]

♪For goodness sake

♪I got the hippy, hippy shake ♪

- [screaming] - ♪Yeah, I got the shake

♪I got the hippy, hippy shake ♪

♪Whoo! The hippy, hippy shake ♪

♪Well I've been shaking to the left, shake it to the right ♪

♪You do the hippy shake shake with all of your might ♪

♪Baby yeah

♪Yeah, come on shake

♪Oh it's in the bag

- ♪Whoo! The hippy hippy shake ♪ -[both grunt]

[both gasp, scream]

Do you see... what I see?

I don't know what you see, but what I see is me.

I see me too.

Does that mean there's two of you?

Or... or two of me?

[grunts]

[shudders]

Wow, there really is two of us.

Don't you find this odd?

No, this is weird.

This is really, really weird.

Wait a sec. You live at the Callaway house.

And your that girl from camp.

[both] They thought I was you.

Alyssa Callaway, it's a pleasure to meet you.

Amanda, put her there.

No wonder that big penguin guy asked me in.

Oh, that's Vincenzo, he's our butler.

Who's the woman with the dark, long hair?

I liked her.

Oh, that's Diane. We're buds.

She's pretty cool for a grown-up.

Mm-hm.

What the heck were you doing over there anyway?

I... I wanted to see what it was like to be an orphan.

What? Why?!

Because it looked like fun.

Fun being an orphan?

What's the matter with you?

So why were you at my house?

I was... just...

I was just ringing the doorbell.

What for?

Because kids think that place is haunted.

That's stupid.

Yeah? Well then, who's that scary blond lady?

She's absolutely horrid.

If I were you, I'd get rid of her.

Any suggestions?

You're talking to a pro here.

I've driven away more possible parents than you'll ever meet.

Don't you want a family?

Girl's gotta have her standards.

So tell me something, this party.

You really don't wanna go?

I'd rather eat dirt.

OK, so listen. You be me, I'll be you. One night only.

Tomorrow at noon, we switch back.

- What do you say? - That's wonderful.

That way, you can scare off Clarice for me.

Only, don't be such a goody-goody. You know, I got a reputation to protect.

I scored a touchdown, didn't I?

OK, just don't talk so good.

Use lousy English, like...

"Ain't ya never gonna wanna don't ya have to go to the bathroom?"

That sort of thing.

You ain't got nothing to worry about.

I say, you do catch on rather quickly.

- Stables, noon. - Yes.

[♪Us 3: "Cataloop [Flip Fantasia]"]

♪Yeah

♪Yeah

♪Yeah

♪What's that?

♪Yeah

♪Yeah yeah

♪Funky funky

♪How 'bout a big hand now?

♪Wait, wait a minute

♪Groovy groovy jazzy funky pounce bounce dance ♪

- ♪As we dip in the melodic sea ♪ - Ooh! Close

Miss Kensington says "fashionably late" was an hour ago.

What seems to be the problem?

I'm a hairdresser, not a zookeeper.

♪Floating like a butterfly Set afloat sounding like a lullaby ♪

♪Brace yourself as the beat hits ya ♪

♪Dip trip, flip...

What in the name of God is going on here?

[nervous laugh] Hi, Vinny.

I mean, Vincenzo.

I got... distracted.

Oh, you don't have to apologize.

- Really? - Mm-hm.

Cool.

I mean, it's just that I'm so terribly relived that you aren't pissed.

Oh...

Pissed, miss?

Oh... why don't you... Why don't you get dressed, please?

And let... let Carlo do your hair, all right?

I liked it better when she fainted.

[kids chattering]

[grunting]

[small gasp]

This is really good!

Well, of course it is, silly. It's you favorite.

It is?

Oh, yes, of course.

The...

...big, gooey, messy burger.

Also known as a Sloppy Joe.

Sloppy Joe, right.

Your favorite?

Yes, and with dern good reason.

Did you just say "dern"?

- [quiet chattering] - [mild-tempo music on piano]

I haven't seen you in so long.

Hello. Good evening.

- [man] Good evening. - How swell of you to come.

- So nice to see you. - [man] Nice to see you.

- Like my dress? - [man] Very nice.

[waiter] Escargot, Miss Callaway?

Why, thank you, waiter person.

I'm starving.

I mean, I'd adore one.

This tastes like a balloon.

It's snails, miss.

Good.

Nice.

Chewy.

All this money and these people eat slugs?

Well, look who's finally decided to grace us with her presence.

Clarice, right? You looked better with the mask.

I beg your pardon.

Alyssa.

Clarice has been regaling us with your many accomplishments at the Academy.

Might we entice you to play something?

Of course, I'd be delighted.

Whatever did you have in mind?

Checkers, dodgeball?

No, no, dear girl.

Muffy was referring to the piano. [gasps]

[stammers]

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please?

Before we sit down to dinner, my future step-daughter,

whom I absolutely adore, has consented to play one of the pieces

that won her first prize at the Windsor Academy Youth recital.

Hold it, time out. I can't play the piano.

But I just told everyone that you would.

Then do me a grand favor and un-tell them.

Look, you little... [chuckles]

If you embarrass me in front of all these people,

I'll make sure that you never play anything...

...ever again.

Have I made myself clear?

Clear as glass.

In fact, I can see right through you.

[applause]

Ladies and gentlemen,

normally I'd be tickled to play a selection from...

...Chopin. But in honor of my new stepmother,

- whom I absolutely adore... - [crowd] Aww.

I decided to play a little something of my own.

You think maybe my daughter's asking for a little bit of attention?

- I'd say she's demanding it. - Hm.

[children shouting] A shark! Shark!

Fin! Huckleberry Finn!

Yeah, that's it! You got it!

[boys cheering]

[girls booing]

Oh, man, the guys are ahead of us by eight seconds.

OK, Amanda, it's your turn. You're up. Go, girl.

- Me? - You're the best. Show 'em what you got.

[all cheering]

[boys booing]

Look at her, she's nervous.

Yeah, so?

I thought Amanda wasn't scared of nothing.

[Alyssa] What am I supposed to do?

Ready. Set. Go!

[all] Song!

What? What happened?

"London Bridge is Falling Down"!

That's it!

[girls cheering]

[knocking on door]

You may enter.

- Mind if we talk? - What ever about?

Clarice.

- [makes gagging sounds] - Hey. Hey, hey!

None of that. She was very upset with your performance this evening.

Now, don't you think you should give her a chance?

I did. And she's a big phony-baloney if you ask me.

I've never heard you this outspoken.

Wouldn't it be nice to have a mother?

Yeah, and it'd be nice to have a father too.

- But... I mean... - No, sweetheart,

I think the person you're really angry at... is me.

- You? - Mm-hm.

- What'd you do? - Well, I...

I haven't been much of a father lately.

I've been working and I haven't seen you.

But you know what? All that's gonna change.

Because Clarice is going back to the city tomorrow.

Gee, I hope it was nothing I did.

No, no, no. She's got a wedding to plan.

But that means you and I are gonna get to spend some time together.

Get to know each other again. Is that OK?

Yeah? Good.

Let's tuck you in, you little snuggler.

- I'll see you tomorrow. - OK.

Good night, honey.

Hey.

I like having a father.

Well, I like having a daughter. Good night, sweetie.

Lights out!

Lights out, cabin three.

[cricket chirrs]

[frog croaks]

Come on, come on, this I gotta see.

We're gonna get caught, I just know it.

Come on, Frankie, it's a full moon.

Shut up, stupid. Zombies hear better than dogs.

- [croaks] - [screams]

It's a frog!

- [boys gasp] - [girls screaming]

Amanda, scared of a frog?

She's changed all right.

Now do you believe me?

Yeah, she's one of them vampire people.

Let's get out of here!

[Diane] A frog, huh?

Well, you know what? You should've kissed it.

It might've turned out to be Prince Charming.

Eww, gross.

Not for you, for me.

You've kissed a frog?

No, toads are my specialty.

Big, old, ugly suckers with tongues like this.

- It is not. - It is too.

How else do you think I'm gonna catch a guy, huh?

- I don't know. I don't know. - Huh? Huh?

- [both laughing] - A-ha! There's that smile.

And that time I think it went all the way up to your eyes.

You remind me of someone.

I do? Who?

Someone I've never met.

Well, how can I do that if I've never met her?

Sometimes, when I dream, I think I see her.

You know, you've been acting just a little bit weirdo today, kiddo.

I think maybe it's all this fresh air.

Don't make fun.

Sorry.

It's just that usually, you're such a tough guy.

- Don't tell anyone, 'kay? - Scouts honor.

I mean, after all, I wouldn't want to spoil my reputation none.

None.

I've got an idea. let's go spy on the boys.

[Roger] Aww.

Safe trip, honey.

[♪James Brown: "I Got You [I Feel Good]"

♪I feel good

♪I knew that I would now

♪I feel good

♪I knew that I would now

♪So good

♪So good

♪I've got you

♪Ow! I feel nice

♪Like sugar and spice

♪I feel nice

♪Like sugar and spice

♪So nice

♪So nice

Oh, my God!

♪When I hold you in my arms

♪I know that I can do no wrong ♪

♪And when I hold you in my arms ♪

♪My love won't do you no harm ♪

♪And I feel nice

♪Like sugar and spice

♪I feel nice

♪Like sugar and spice

♪So nice

♪So nice

♪I got you

♪I feel good

♪I knew that I would now

♪I feel good

♪I knew that I would

♪So good

♪So good

♪I got you

How was the party?

Well, the good news is, Clarice is gone.

You did it!

The bad news is, she'll be back in a week.

Oh, you didn't.

So what's a cool guy like your dad doing with a witch like her anyway?

It's too bad he didn't meet Diane first.

Now she's awesome.

Yeah, they'd be perfect for each other.

You're not thinking what I hope you're not thinking.

- Wanna bet? - But he's getting married next month.

So, all they gotta do is meet once. Then they'll fall in love for sure.

How do you know?

'Cause Diane says when it happens, it happens like that.

OK, so look, you go back to Diane and I'll go back to your dad.

Wait, why not the other way around?

Because you know what he likes and I know what she likes.

They need all the help they can get.

But how are we going to get them together?

[horse whinnies]

I can't believe I let you talk me into this.

You're too tense. Relax.

Oh, I got 1,000 pounds of wild animal under my butt and she says "Relax".

Just move with the horse and you'll be fine.

Now when did you become an expert all of a sudden?

Ain't you never seen a Western?

Honey, the last Western I saw was an omelet.

Look at your form, young lady. What happened to those equestrian classes you took?

Are you asking me a question?

Come on, I'll race you to the lake.

No, no. Slow is good.

I like to enjoy the scenery.

[groans]

♪I've got spurs that jingle jangle jingle ♪

♪As I ride merrily along

Hey, we're doing a good job, aren't we?

I think I'm finally getting the hang of this.

Hey!

I'm getting the hang of this!

Oh, come on, Amanda, my voice isn't that bad!

Oh, well.

♪I've been in the desert on a horse with no name ♪

♪Feels good to get out of the rain ♪

Not only is she an excellent rider, she's a gourmet cook.

She paints. She speaks four languages.

You know, honey, you could learn a lot from Clarice.

Alyssa, there's a...

Alyssa. Alyssa?

Honey?

Alyssa?!

Come here, come here. Shh.

I'm jiggling. [humming]

Whoa, whoa, ho.

[exhales] Where is that girl?

- Did you bring it? - Mm-hm.

Whoa, bud.

- [whinnies] - [screams]

Somebody, turn this thing off!

Wow.

Alyssa!

Stop this right now! I'm telling you to stop!

Somebody!

- Step on it! - Yah!

Oh, God!

Please! Oh!

- Oh, dear. Oh, my. - Ha! Ha!

Help!

Help me! Somebody help me!

Hang on.

Hang on! Hang on!

[both shouting]

- Help me, someone! - Hang on. Slow down, girl.

Oh, God, don't talk to me, talk to the horse.

I was talking to the horse.

- [sobbing] - It's OK, it's OK.

No! I'm on a killer! They gave me a killer horse!

Relax, it's OK. Shh. You're gonna be OK.

- [continues sobbing] - OK.

You OK?

Lord Almighty, I about dropped my transmission back there.

Ah, well, if it's any consolation,

I used to look like a real jerk on a horse. Oh!

How many fingers here, cowboy?

- Six. - Close enough.

- Can you stand? - Yeah.

[groans]

I'm not sure which is more bruised, my butt or my ego.

[Diane] You should have somebody take a look at that.

- My butt? - No.

- That cut right there. - Ow!

- Ooh, sorry. - Oh, great.

You know what? We have first aid over at the camp.

Oh, thanks, I just live over here.

Are you Roger Callaway?

- I think so. - The Roger Callaway?

From the Callaway Foundation for Kids?

Yeah, that's me.

Oh, I'm Diane Barrows. You know, I always wanted to meet you.

My kids just love your camp.

- Oh, yeah? You have kids? - Well, they're not mine,

I work for the Eastside Children's Center in Manhattan and we're here for a week.

Oh, of course.

Well, it was very nice to meet you, Mr. Callaway.

- Roger, please. - Roger.

Oh, and thank you for saving my life.

And you really should put some iodine on your butt.

- Cut. - [laughs]

- Miss barrows. - Diane.

Diane, I was wondering if I could offer you some iced tea or something.

I'd love to hear more about the camp and how it's all going.

- Only if we can walk. - You took the words right out of my mouth.

- Yes! - Come on.

[Diane] Now lay still.

[Roger groans, flinches]

- Ow. - You certainly are an angel of mercy, Miss Barrows.

Oh, I see worse cuts than this every day.

- Thanks, Vincenzo. - My gang's always inventing new ways to get hurt.

- [all chuckle] - You must really love children.

Well, what's not to love?

Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow!

Oh, ow, ow, ow, ow. You big baby. Oh, come here.

Is that better?

Yeah.

[clears throat]

I can't hear anything.

We've gotta get closer.

[Diane] You know... you're not at all what I expected.

Oh. What were you expecting?

Well, blue blood, for one thing.

I sort of thought you'd be some rich, big, old, fat geezer

who smokes cigars.

Really? No, I made my money the old-fashioned way.

- Pure dumb luck. - I doubt that.

Nope, I swear to God.

About 12 years ago a cellular phone

was just something out of Star Trek.

But I thought it was pretty cool so... I bought the airspace.

- [Diane] Get out! - [Roger] Yeah.

[Diane] Oh, my God. That's like money out of thin air.

You'll notice I don't carry one. I hate the damn things.

Excuse me, Miss Kensington, boss.

She insists.

Excuse me, it's my... Miss Kensington.

Hi, Clarice, how you doing?

[Clarice] How am I doing?

[sobbing laughter]

Please. Honey, look, honey...

Do you have any idea

what your daughter has done?

- No, what? - She spit...

Gum? In your hair?

- Are you sure? - Am I sure?!

Oh, my God, you should see it!

Well, I'm certain it wasn't intentional.

Look, of course, you've had a rough day.

No, no, "rough" is a broken nail, darling.

What I've had is a train wreck!

Look, just try to calm down, I'll speak to her...

You know what, Roger? Excuse me, I think I'm just gonna go now.

Just one second, one second, please.

Wait, Roger. Is there a woman there with you, Roger?

Yes, there's sort of a woman here, she's from the camp across the lake.

Oh, how delightful.

I'm in the middle of a crisis and you're having a bachelor party.

I'm in a meeting, that's all.

It's just a meeting.

Look, no, we're not gonna have dinner.

There's nothing gonna go on...

Please...

I'll see you at the end of the week.

OK. Me too.

Bye bye. I'm so sorry...

Sorry about that.

But she squeezed me so hard, it just sort of popped out.

- Uh-huh. - Don't think she likes me very much.

Sweetheart, she's been looking forward to meeting you for months.

Do you have any idea how much she loves children?

No. Do you?

Well... come to think of it,

you are the first kid I've ever seen her with.

But I'm sure it's a whole bunch.

And you love her, right?

Well... yes.

Like that can't-eat, can't-sleep, reach-for-the-stars,

over-the-fence World Series kind of stuff?

Is that what it says in the dictionary?

And you're marrying her because Alyssa needs...

I mean, I, I need a mother.

Honey, I think that's enough questions for today.

Wait. I only got one left.

Let's have it.

Who was that pretty woman out on the patio?

[woman] The Roger Callaway?

[Diane] On a white horse, no less.

[woman] So?

So, he comes riding up, saves my life.

He's probably worth a billion dollars.

He's totally cute. Oh, my God, he's so cute.

And to top it all off, he's, honest to God, a nice guy.

And I'm just stupid enough to think he's available.

- Isn't he? - No.

Is to!

[scoffs] How would you know?

Was he wearing a ring?

[scoffs] Look, even if he was available,

he wouldn't be interested in me.

You shouldn't put yourself down.

Guys like him like girls with food names.

Cookie, Muffin, Candy.

They don't marry girls like me.

He did once.

What is this, published somewhere?

Her name was Kathy and she wasn't a food, she was a teacher.

Ah. He's even more perfect than I thought.

I'm cheating, give me one of those.

Give me that stick.

- [Roger] Vincenzo? - [Vincenzo] Hmm?

[Roger] Do you believe in magic?

You mean like card tricks?

No. Sparks between two people.

The thing that happens when you least expect it.

Why do you ask?

[stammers] I... No reason, just...

It's been so long since Kathy and...

[sighs]

I just didn't think it could happen to me again.

Well, that Miss Kensington is really something.

[Roger] Well, actually...

...that's not who I meant.

Yeah, I know.

Well, you're my best man.

Aren't you supposed to come up with some words of wisdom right about now?

Why don't you go for a drive?

See where you end up.

Where's he going?

Hey, Vinny!

[whistling]

It's the home office. The Butkis' want Amanda.

The paperwork just went through.

Well...

Hi, who the hell is this?

Oh, yeah? Well, this is Diane Barrows.

And since when does your department OK an adoption

without the case worker's report?

Yeah, I know these people are nice.

Yes. Yes. Look, have you ever met those people?

These people collect kids, they will take anybody.

[children chattering]

Excuse me, can you tell me where Diane Barrows is, please?

- I think she's in the office. - [girl] Come on, let's go!

Let me just run this by you one more time, OK?

Just, please, just... Just hear me out one more time.

OK, I know I don't make that much money and I know that...

...I'm a little bit single, but I want to adopt Amanda.

No! I... Are you laughing at me?

- He's laughing at me! - [man on phone laughing]

You stupid jerk!

[exhales]

- Diane? - What?!

Oh, it's you.

Did I come at a bad time?

A bad time for a "meeting"?

No, I'm just having a little problem with one of my kids.

Is there anything I can do to help?

You've already saved my life, Mr. Callaway.

- What can I do for you? - I would like to apologize for yesterday.

It was very rude. I never should have taken that call

and I would like to make it up to you.

OK, then give me your car.

Well, perhaps we could discuss it over lunch at a little pizza joint I saw in town.

Oh, I'm sorry. I can't.

I understand. Maybe some other time then.

No, it's not like that.

It's that I'm on duty today in the mess hall.

- It's my kids' turn to serve. - Oh, I see.

But, you know what? If your heart's set on Italian, you could join us.

We're having macaroni and cheese.

- Still come with a peach cobbler? - Oh, yeah. All you can eat.

[Clarice] Muffy, darling, Craig can meet the president on Sunday.

I need bridesmaids.

You must come.

Oh! Fabulous!

Oh, there's my other line. Gotta go, love you, mean it, ciao.

Hello? Bernard.

Bernard, why do you keep bothering me with numbers?

It's my wedding. Whatever it costs, just get it!

It's a cozy little spot.

When was the last time you were here?

It must be ten years.

- Ten years?! - Yeah.

What'd you do, build the camp and then never come back?

No, it was my wife's idea.

She had a very, very big heart.

- Had? - She passed away when Alyssa was born.

Oh. Sorry.

I just never could come back.

Until now, that is.

[all cheering]

Here you go.

Hi, Carmen. Where's Amanda?

I don't know. One minute she's behind me and the next...

Will you get her for me, please? I want to introducer her to someone.

Sure.

I'm having the hardest time keeping tabs on this girl.

She keeps running off.

Tell me about it. I got one just like her at home.

- [chattering] - [gasps]

- What are you doing? - I'm...

...cleaning this window. Look at it, it's filthy.

Diane wants to see you, come on.

- [stammers] But... I... - Hey, where you going with my hat?

Do something, Alyssa.

Here she comes now.

My compliments to the chef.

Amanda, take that thing off.

Let her keep it on. For all we know, it might be the latest thing.

[all gasp]

[stifles laughter]

[snorts]

Excuse me, ma'am...

...did you just snort?

[snorts]

I suppose you think this is funny. Hmm?

Well, maybe you'll get a little chuckle out of this.

You wouldn't dare.

[screams]

Food fight!

[♪Little Richard: "Tutti Frutti"]

♪Tutti frutti Oh rutti ♪

♪Tutti frutti Oh rutti ♪

♪Tutti frutti Oh rutti ♪

♪I got a gal, named Sue

That was great! I couldn't have done it better myself.

I almost had a heart attack.

[delighted screaming]

♪She rocks to the West

♪She's the gal that I love best ♪

♪Tutti frutti Oh rutti ♪

♪Tutti frutti Oh rutti ♪

♪Tutti frutti Oh rutti ♪

[both laughing]

I... I guess that's what they mean by "eat and run", huh?

We need doggy bags.

Oh, damn, look at me, I'm covered in cobbler.

Well, you look good in peach.

Actually, leave it. I may still be hungry.

I can't believe you hit me with the butter.

I didn't start it. You just talked to that short order cook of yours.

Oh, yeah. Where is she anyway?

Look at your head.

You know, if you wanna get cleaned up, there's showers right over there.

You know, I've got a better idea.

Will you excuse me? And maybe hold some of that?

Pardon me.

Whoo!

- What's wrong with him? - Beats me.

I've never seen him act like this.

Yahoo!

[shouts]

Yeow!

I think he's gone mental.

He's got a lot on his mind.

Didn't your mother tell you not to swim after you eat?

Oh, yeah, I forgot. I got a cramp!

Oh! I can't swim!

[shouts]

Ah, no fair. I saved you.

Uh-uh. It's too cold.

I'm not going in there.

[gasping]

Come on, I don't wanna save you right now!

All right, buster, you better be worth it.

Yahoo!

Roger? You're not funny.

Roger? Oh, my God.

Roger?

Say... a guy could drown waiting for you.

Callaway, I'm gonna kill you!

Bonsai!

[screams]

Roger, I am gonna kill you.

- It's working. - Look at them.

[Vincenzo] Mmm. Now that's more like it.

[chuckles]

Whoo-hoo! Roger, darling, anyone home?

Well, Miss Kensington, what a surprise.

We weren't expecting you.

Yes, I know. [clears throat] Where's Roger?

Oh, Mr. Callaway is out for the afternoon.

Oh, I see.

Well, when he returns will you please tell him I wish to speak with him?

- Yes, ma'am. - Thank you so much.

I'd like a Diet Coke, please.

One Diet Coke coming up.

With lime.

Hmm, fairly early in the day to be looking at stars.

[gasps]

What do we have here?

[gasps]

[sobs]

[whimpers]

- Just like I said. - You know what,

you can't always be this much fun, because it wouldn't be fair.

Trust me, I haven't done anything like this in years.

Well, it feels good, doesn't it?

Feels better every second.

- Oh, don't move. - Why?

- There's a thing. - What do you mean "a thing"?

- It's a little... - A bug? A bug?

- It's a... it's a... - A bug? What kind of

It's right here. A maraschino bug.

It's highly poisonous.

And you wanted to go for pizza.

I almost didn't come over at all.

I'm glad you did.

- Diane? - Shh.

- [rumbling] - [both scream]

What was that?

[groans] It's a sign.

What do you mean "a sign"?

I mean, I don't know what I mean. I...

I think I know what you mean.

It's your Miss Kensington, right?

I'm getting married next month.

Well, of course you are.

[groans]

So what was this? Just sort of a last fling?

I didn't know what this was. I was hoping to find out.

Oh, Rog, don't worry about it. I can help you out here.

It was nice to meet you.

And thanks for the camp.

Oh, by the way, congratulations.

Diane, please. Diane.

You know what?

This just kills me.

We might've hit this one out of the park, you and me.

It was there. I know it.

That can't-eat, can't sleep,

reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence

World Series kind of thing.

Oh, well.

I have got to get a dictionary.

They were so close.

Grown-ups, they think too much.

I give up.

No, we mustn't!

And why mustn't we?

Because, third time's the charm.

- Right? - Right.

Boss! Boss!

- It's Miss Kensington. - Thanks, Vincenzo.

- I'll take it down here. - No, no, no, no.

Not here. Up there.

- Up there? - I'm afraid so.

- [laughing] Roger, darling! - Clarice!

Your hair. You're here!

Ooh, what did you do? Fall in the lake?

You know, it's the funniest thing. I was...

Aren't you supposed to be in New York?

Oh, I couldn't bear to be away from you a moment longer.

Oh, you were just gone a day.

I know and I was positively miserable the entire time.

Which is why I've decided we simply mustn't wait another day.

- To what? - To be married, silly.

Oh, next month seems like an eternity.

And when two people are as much in love as we,

I say what's wrong with tomorrow?

- Tomorrow? - Darling, you haven't said a word about my hair.

OK, listen to this.

"Dear Roger, you are so totally fresh. Just thinking about you drives me mental."

Meet me at that place we met with the horses. 7:00 tonight. Love, Diane."

- How's that? - Very romantic.

- Wanna hear mine? - Yep.

"Dear Diane..."

[Roger] "Dear Diane, ever since the first time I saw you riding a horse,

I can't stop thinking about it.

And I know we were disturbed at the lake when the canoes fell over,

but I must see you again where I saved your life at 7:30.

Yours truly, Roger Callaway."

Yes!

Ah, there you are, my little gum-chewing assailant.

- You're back. - What, no big hug hello?

You're not supposed to be here.

[scoffs] In a perfect world, dear, neither are you.

Now get packed, we're leaving for the city.

Right now? It's too soon.

Maybe I didn't make myself clear.

We're leaving tonight.

This little act of yours is getting old.

- What act? - Oh, please.

By the time I was your age, I'd been through three step-mothers,

so I know all about the lengths that little girls will go through

to keep Daddy all to themselves.

Hey, you got that all wrong, lady.

Alyssa, don't be rude. I am talking.

What was I saying? Oh, yes.

[clears throat] You have had Roger to yourself for nine wonderful years,

but after tomorrow, I'm the woman of the house.

And you're off to a year-round boarding school.

Possibly in Tibet. Ha-ha-ha!

Did you say tomorrow?

[sighs] Should I have come here?

Yes, stupid.

He's only worth about 20 billion dollars for God's sakes.

Right, now I'm just after him for his money.

How shallow is that?

I liked him before I knew he was rich.

Hmm.

So I should've come here.

OK, so, he's a little bit engaged.

But... [scoffs]

...I've never met her, so maybe that doesn't count.

No.

God.

Come on, ladies, perk up.

Come on, Amanda, we're missing the fireworks!

[woman] Amanda. Amanda.

Amanda, this is Miss Van Dyke, she's from Children Services.

Hello there, little lady.

I believe I have some very good news for you.

Come to mama, sweetheart.

I feel pretty ding-dang-dong stupid.

- But my name's Amanda! - Alyssa, stop it.

Come on, honey.

Do we have to listen to this the whole way?

Oh, great, now I'm gonna be roadkill.

Diane, help!

Wait a minute, what are you doing?!

Damn!

You were supposed to protect her!

You should've done something. You could've slit their tires or something, anything!

- They had the paperwork. - What paperwork?

We couldn't find you! Miss van Dyke was here.

What did you want us to do, lie in front of the van for God's sake?

I would have.

I'm taking the Jeep.

- Hey, that's the camp's. - Don't you give me...!

[man on radio] Lots of tie-ups this morning.

And it's 20 minutes for the Lincoln, ten for the Holland.

The BQE's backed up for about two miles

and if you're taking the Van Wyck better allow and extra 15.

Whatever you do, stay out of Midtown.

It's going to be wall-to-wall limos as socialite Clarice Kensington

finally lands her man.

[Mr. Butkis] Now these little nincompoops over here are your new brothers and sisters.

Now from the left you got Bubba, Bridget, Brenda,

Bonnie, Billy, Bobby, Ben and little Harry Jr.

Now he's ours.

Look here, there's been a big mistake.

You see, my name is not Amanda.

- [Mrs. Butkis laughs] Oh, we know that, honey. - You do?

Sure. And you will never have to be Amanda again.

[Mr. Butkis] That's right, because from now on, you're gonna be little Betty Butkis.

Huh? Now kids, scoot over and give Betty here some Cocoa Puffs.

Oh and after breakfast, we're gonna go down and see where your daddy works.

Isn't that gonna be fun?

[telephone rings]

[woman] Callaway residence. One moment, please.

Miss Callaway, it's for you.

Hello, this is Miss Callaway.

[Alyssa] Amanda, I can't talk long.

It's me, Alyssa. Or should I say...

Betty Butkis.

Oh, no! I'm adopted?!

[groaning]

Those guys scary or what?

What happened yesterday?

- Are you sitting down? - Yeah, kind of.

Clarice moved up the wedding.

Your dad's getting married in two hours and 12 minutes.

Oh, no. What do we do now?

I don't know, but it's gonna have to be something major.

And quick. Amanda, you've got to get me out of here.

These people aren't just scary. they're...

[phone clicks]

Amanda?

Alyssa?

Alyssa!

New kids aren't allowed to use the phone.

Butkis rules.

- [knocking on door] - Hmm?

Hey, Vin, you've been taking care of Alyssa all her life.

- Right? - Oh, no, Alyssa, not again.

- Answer the question. - Yes, from the day she was...

From the day you were born.

So you know pretty well everything about her?

- Mm-hm. - Every freckle, every bruise, every scar?

Yeah, I supposed you could say that.

Bet you don't remember this one, do ya?

No, that one escapes me.

Broken bottle, sliding into home.

- Huh? - Or this one.

Rusty nail, right through my shoe. Bled for six blocks.

How about here? Ever seen this?

- When did you get that? - Roman candle last 4th of July.

- Right in the head. - My God!

You're not Alyssa.

Nope, name's Amanda. Put her there.

Identical strangers?

Holy mackerel, that's amazing!

Yeah, and it's weird too.

But if you're here with us, then Alyssa is...

- In a whole lot of trouble. - I gotta tell Mr. Callaway.

Oh, no. Wait! You can't tell him yet.

We've gotta get him to see Diane one more time before the wedding.

They'll fall in love and Clarice will be history.

[Clarice] Where the hell is everybody?!

Vincenzo!

I sure hope you got a plan.

[clears throat]

Vincenzo?

What are you doing here?

I came for Mr. Callaway's daughter, Alyssa.

You got her, I want her back.

What are you talking about?

I don't have Roger Callaway's daughter, I don't even know Roger Callaway's daughter.

Oh. Oh, yes you do.

This. This is Alyssa Callaway.

No. [stammers] You gotta get your eyes checked because this is a little girl named Amanda.

Oh, oh no. No, no. This is your Amanda.

But...

Oh, my God.

Look, they're identical.

Oh, this is amazing.

Yeah, and it's weird too.

Now I understand that through some simple mix-up,

that Alyssa is in the care of Child Services.

Now, I've been authorized to tell you that if I get her back right away,

there'll be no legal entanglements.

[stammers] She's not exactly with me.

- Here. - What?

She's been... well, she's adopted.

Well, then you better un-adopt her quick.

Mr. Callaway's getting married in 90 minutes at St. Bartholomew's.

He's expecting his daughter to be there, his real daughter.

- Ninety minutes? - Yeah.

Well, I can't even get to Staten Island and back in 90 minutes.

Well, can I suggest that you go really, really fast?

Here, if you get into any trouble, call this number.

Ask for Lou.

Lou.

Lou who?

Well, hey. Look at this mess.

Clean it up.

- You clean it. - Betty, put a cork in it, OK?

He's management.

My father's Roger Callaway.

And when he finds out what you're doing here,

he's gonna buy this whole town,

and kick you out of it.

Ooh, Roger Callaway, huh?

Well then, how come you ain't at his wedding?

Oh, yeah.

[Amanda] Come on, Diane, you can do it.

We might have to stall a little bit.

How?

How should I know? You're the brains of this operation.

[Diane] I must be crazy.

I am not going in that church, no matter what happens,

I am not going in that church.

It's only natural to be nervous.

Actually, I was thinking about the World Series.

- Baseball? - Mm-hm.

Vincenzo, did you ever hit a homerun?

Not recently.

Well, you know the feeling when it's bottom of the ninth,

the bases are loaded,

and you know the next one's coming right down the middle.

And then... you just connect.

And, for an instant, you know it's going over the fence

and out of the park,

and further then you could ever imagine.

[Vincenzo] Yeah, that's a great feeling.

Yeah.

Clarice hates baseball.

- [gears grinding] - Come on, Seabiscuit, don't fail me now.

Hello? Hello?

[man] You looking for a Butkis?

- What? - You looking for a Butkis?

Yes! Yes, I am. Do you know where he is?

At the salvage yard, where else?

Harry works those poor kids to the bone.

- What do you mean? - Why do you think he's got so many?

[Jeep backfires]

[motor dies]

Lou, Lou. Hey, hey, buddy, can I use your phone?

Yeah, sure. No charge.

We've been looking for you, Your Highness.

Leave me alone.

But, Your Majesty, we brought you something.

Yeah, something to make you feel more at home.

I knew somebody in this church would have a Prozac.

What is taking so long?

Relax, Clarice, enjoy the moment.

This is the happiest day of your life.

I'm happy. Don't I look happy?

This is me happy, see?

Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy!

Let's get this show on the road!

[Billy] Here's your royal throne, Alyssa Callaway.

- [children laughing] - Hail Betty.

Queen of the scrap heap.

[all] Hail Betty!

My name's Alyssa Callaway!

Yeah, right, and I'm Princess Di.

[helicopter approaches]

[man on speaker] Attention, Harry Butkis.

We're here to pick up Alyssa Callaway.

All you kids in the yard, stand clear.

We're coming in.

Told ya!

Alyssa Callaway, I gotta get you to that church.

- Hey, that is my kid! - Get out of my way, you piece of junk.

I would love nothing more than to kill you.

Before I turn you over to Social Services.

[quiet chattering]

[Clarice] Alyssa, go on. Hurry.

[nervous chuckle]

Oh, God.

Hi, how ya doing? Good to see ya.

Hey, Granny. Nice hat. Thanks for coming.

Get moving.

Any slower and she'd be walking backwards.

She's... she's just not herself today.

[Alyssa] We'll never make it. We only have ten minutes.

- [Diane] So, Lou? - [Lou] Yeah?

[Diane] How close can you land this thing to the church?

[Lou] Central Park close enough?

[Diane] Central Park? The Central Park?

That will do.

[chattering]

[man] Play ball!

[crowd cheering]

[organ plays "Wedding March"]

Who would've thought my first little girl would be the last to get married?

Oh, Daddy... shut up.

[exhales] Enough of this.

OK. All right, I'm here. Let's do it.

Oh. Dearly beloved, we're gathered here in the sight of God

to join in holy matrimony Clarice and Roger.

Hmm?

[Diane] I'm not going in the church, I'm not going in the church.

I'm not going in the church, I'm not going in the church.

Oh, no. Not another horse.

Diane, come on!

All right, here we go.

Where is the driver?

Oh, hey buddy! You gotta take us to St. Bart's right away. It's an emergency!

When I close this. I'm on my break!

I wanna thank you for all your help, bud.

- Yah! - [shouts]

Hey! Hey!

Hey! That's... That's my horse!

[both shouting]

Faster, yah! Yah!

To have and to hold, for richer or poorer,

in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live.

I do, I do. I really do. Now him.

- [audience murmuring] - [clears throat]

- Yah! Yah! Yah! Yah! - Hit the brakes! Hit the brakes!

Amanda, there's a black car!

[both shouting]

- Hang on! - I'm hanging on. [screams]

What street's it on again?

54th and Park. Are we there yet?

- Almost. - Signal!

[car horn honks]

And do you, Roger,

take this woman, Clarice, to be your lawful wedded wife?

To have and to hold, for richer or poorer,

and in sickness and in health

as long as you both shall live?

Whoa!

Oh, God. We made it?

Aren't you coming?

[stammers] No, I think I'm just gonna wait for Amanda out here.

Diane Barrows,

get your butt up here

this instant!

OK. OK.

Maybe I'll just stand in the back and take a little look-see.

I...

I...

[slow-tempo music]

[no audio]

[door closes]

[indistinct dialogue]

Yes!

- Roger. - Hmm?

- I can't. - [audience murmurs]

Yes!

Excuse me, what did you say?

I'm so sorry, Clarice. I can't.

I should've said something earlier.

I'm in love with someone else.

Ah!

Guess I deserved that.

This is all your fault.

Lady, if you touch that child

I'll pop you one, so help me God.

Oh, my God, there's two of them.

It's a conspiracy!

[laughs] Well, at least I'll get to hit one of you.

Hey!

Back off, Barbie.

[gasps]

And by the way,

you have a little tiny bit of something here on your teeth.

I have never been more humiliated in my life!

Wanna bet?

- [screams] - [audience laughs]

[Clarice] Daddy!

Oh, my God!

About time you showed up.

I got here as soon as we could.

Hi, Daddy.

You're...?

- This is impossible. - Nothing's impossible.

- Right, Alyssa? - You got that right.

If... If you're... you're my...?

- Who are you? - Name's Amanda.

Put her there. I'm with her.

Well, I guess we're even.

What do you mean?

You saved my life.

I'm sorry about spoiling the party.

I just didn't want the wrong girl to go down the isle.

I... I mean the wrong flower girl.

I think you had it right the first time.

Told you, third time's the charm.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

All of this, this was your doing?

Oh, it was, was it?

[Roger] Well, ladies,

what do you have to say for yourselves?

[inaudible]

[both] So, kiss already!

- [giggles] - Put her there...

Sister.

And it's a high fly ball...

Over the left field wall.

[Vincenzo clears throat]

Excuse me. This gentleman claims

that the ladies stole his buggy.

[gasps] Oh, my God, he's right. We did!

Whoa, you did go out of your way.

It was her idea.

Vincenzo, I'd like you to ask that nice gentleman if he'd sell.

I don't care what it costs. That horse deserves a house in the country.

Oh...

I trust we can make some kind of arrangement.

Well, girls, what do you say we do a little sightseeing?

And then you girls can tell us the whole story.

Driver, once around the park, if you please.

It'll be my pleasure, boss.

[shouting]

[♪Marvin Gaye and Kim Weston: "It Takes Two"]

[Weston] ♪One can have a dream, baby ♪

[Gaye] ♪Two can make that dream so real ♪

[Weston] ♪One can talk about being in love ♪

[Gaye] ♪Two can say how it really feels ♪

[Weston] ♪One can wish upon a star ♪

[Gaye] ♪Two can make that wish come true, yeah ♪

[Weston] ♪One can stand alone in the dark ♪

[Gaye] ♪Two can make the light shine through ♪

[both] ♪It takes two, baby

♪It takes two, baby

♪Me and you

♪It just takes two

♪It just takes two

♪It takes two, baby

♪It takes two, baby

♪To make a dream come true

♪It just takes two

[Weston] ♪One can have a broken heart ♪

♪Living in misery

[Gaye] ♪Two can really ease the pain ♪

♪Like a perfect remedy

[Weston] ♪One can be alone in a car ♪

♪On a night like these all alone ♪

[Gaye] ♪Two can make just any place ♪

♪Seem just like being at home ♪

[both] ♪It takes two, baby

♪It takes two, baby

♪Me and you

♪It just takes two

♪It takes two, baby

♪It takes two, baby

♪To make a dream come true

♪It just takes two

[both vocalizing]

♪It just takes two

♪It just takes two

[Weston] ♪Ooh one can go out to a movie ♪

♪Looking for a special treat

[Gaye] ♪Two can make that single movie ♪

♪Something really kind of sweet ♪

[Weston] ♪Yeah one can take a walk in the moonlight ♪

♪Thinking that it's really nice ♪

[Gaye] ♪But two walking hand-in-hand ♪

♪Is like adding just a pinch of spice ♪

[both] ♪Yeah it takes two, baby ♪

♪It takes two, baby

♪Me and you

♪It just takes two

♪It takes two, baby

♪It takes two, baby

♪To make a dream come true

♪It just takes two

[both vocalizing]

♪Me and you

♪It just takes two

♪It takes two, baby

♪It takes two, baby

♪To make a dream come true

♪It just takes two