All language subtitles for Futurama.S09E01.The.One.Amigo.DSNP.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb.en[cc]

[♪ theme music playing]

Aw, you're all such talented artists.

I'm gonna put this cute little guy
on the corkboard.

This isn't kids' stuff, Mom!

We're making NFTs!

NFTs? So, like, digital art, right?

[scoffs] Hardly.
Though, in this case, yes.

"NFT" stands for Non-Fungible Token.
That means it's unique.

Ah. So, if I buy an NFT,
I'm the only one who has that image.

- No.
- But I own the original?

Meesh, Mom! No one wants the original!

So, if I were to buy an NFT,
what would I actually own?

A concept.

In the form of a digital token
stored on the blockchain.

Blockchain. Blockchain.

Blockchain, eh? That is so interest...
[snoring]

[exclaims] I sold my horsie NFT!

Somebody bought
Mandy's awful horse drawing?

Uh-huh. For $3!

[grunts] Money? Who said money?

Nobody. But top NFTs
do sell for millions.

Like this collection,
"The Apathetic Fish Society."

They look kind of cool,
yet also extremely stupid.

Cool yet stupid, you say?

Clearly, I, Bender,

am destined to be
the next smash-hit NFT!

You know,
he might be just stupid enough.

Might be.

Look at that. Yeah. [grunts]

Come on now. Forget it.

[grunts]

Yeah. Giddyup. Oh.

[keyboard clacking]

It's go time!

The Bender Collection
drops in three, two...

Let's sell some Bender.

[gunshot]

Oops. Wrong gun.

- [dings]
- [Bender gasps]

Bender with sombrero
just sold for one cent!

That's 'cause I bought it.

To trick suckers
into thinking it's valuable.

Then I paid a quarter!

Whoa, whoa, whoa. This whole NFT thing
is completely crooked?

I love it!

[notifications dinging]

[chuckles] It's happening!

The suckers are snapping up
Bender's NFTs now!

- [all cheering]
- How much did I make?

You're not gonna believe this.

- You just made 90...
- Million?

- Four...
- Thousand?

- Dollars!
- Cents?

Wait. $94? Whoo-hoo! I'm rich!

In your face, kids who helped me!

You children
really earned that ice cream.

I probably should have paid for it.

Anyway, thanks for the ice cream.

[device beeps]

Huh. Apparently, one buyer purchased
all of Bender's NFTs.

[laughs] What kind of idiot
would do that?

That kind.

[gasps]

[choking]

Note how the apathy conveyed by the fish

is exceeded only by the laziness
of the art itself.

- Fabulous.
- Quite so.

And here's a piece
we just acquired for $94.

[crowd exclaims]

That's me! That's my NFT!

Excuse me?
No. This piece belongs to the museum.

Could you step aside, sir?
You're blocking the art.

I am the art!

That NFT represents
the very concept of me, Bender.

That concept now resides in our NFT.
So scoot!

But... But... But...

[sobbing]

I lost everything!

I sold off all the little pieces of me!

Can't you just hack in
and get your NFT back?

Dad, that hacking stuff
only happens in stupid TV shows.

Does it look like
we're in a stupid TV show?

Kind of.

The blockchain
is cryptographically secure.

There's no way to hack in.

Unless you can
factor a million digit number,

which I very much doubt.

I can't even factor six! I've tried!

[sobbing]

I don't know who
or what I am anymore!

[continues sobbing]

According to your self-published
handwritten autobiography,

you're Bender Rodriguez,

the coolest Mexican
bending robot in the world.

And also, my best friend.

Then, truly, I have nothing!

Good bye, jerks!

I'm off to rediscover
the concept of Bender!

Perhaps in the land of my ancestors.
What land was that again?

Mexxxico. With three 'X's.

Got it.

Adios, carnitas bags.

[groans]

[horn blaring]

[grunts]

[grunts]

Ah, Mexxxico!

Maybe here, in the land of my
robo ancestors, I can find myself.

Hola, amigo.

Close enough.

Yep, it's shiny and metal, all right.

[slurps] And what of your ass?

[speaks Spanish]

[both gulping]

[both burping]

We must have been made
in the same factory!

We have so much in common!

Come, amigo.

I will take you to my village
where my family has lived for centuries

without a single software update.

Mexico has been home
to many great empires.

The Toltecs, the Aztecs,

and in the 2200s, the Nanotechs.

- The ancient stone robots?
- Sí.

Everywhere we still find ruins
of their great civilization.

[rumbling]

Because they were bad at building stuff.

Here, our people still fire pottery,
just as the ancients did.

[speaking Spanish]

Please, the pleasure is all mine.

[kids laughing]

Hey, what are those dorks doing?

Playing hoop.
Our ancient national sport.

Whoever gets the ball
through the hoop wins.

[chuckles]
It's cute how bad they suck.

Well, it's basically
impossible to score.

The ball is just a big, heavy rock.

[groans]

Hey, that was the best shot
I've ever seen.

It nearly went through.

I'm great, all right.

And here is where my familia has lived
for generations.

Welcome to Casa Rodriguez.

That's so weird.

The house and me
have the same last name.

You are Bender Rodriguez?
I am Doblando Rodriguez.

We are all some kind of Rodriguezes.

Everyone say hola to Bender,
my long lost cousin.

[all] Hola, Bender.

¡Hola, tío Bender!

Aah! Parasite!

Bender, this is my Abuelatron.

And yours too, come to think of it.

[gasps] You're my grandma?
I can't believe I never met you before.

Nieto, you move away
when you just eight seconds old.

I can tell you are muy especial.

I really am.
And so is this rusty old village.

I feel so surrounded by love.

I don't like talk about feelings.
Time for a drink!

You're a booze bag? Me too!

[Abuelatron chuckles]

Poor Bender will never have

another moment of happiness
unless we can get his NFT back.

But I know it's impossible
'cause of blockchain.

Blockchain is not the boss of me.
I say we grab it off the wall and run!

I've always wanted
to pull a museum heist.

Oh, you poor, ignorant dopes!

You can't just
steal an NFT off the wall!

To steal an abstract
mathematical construct,

you need a professor.

And we have a professor.

Now as everyone knows,

the secret to a good heist is,
"the more complex, the better."

Which is why I 3D printed
this exact scale model of the museum.

We know, we've been staring at it.

I even purchased tiny NFTs
at tremendous expense

to simulate the museum's collection.

And there's a fully
functioning tiny cafeteria.

Here behind this bulletproof glass wall,
is the museum's secure computer room

...where the digital file of Bender's
NFT is actually located.

Not in the TV itself,

- as certain unnamed idiots might think.
- Rude.

There's one thing
you didn't think of, Professor.

The museum's full of security cameras.

And there's one thing
you didn't think of,

which is that I did think of that.

You see, my model also has
a fully functioning security system.

I'll simply jack into
the real security feed

and replace it
with the feed from my model.

The guards won't see us breaking in.

They'll just see these adorable
little empty galleries.

I don't care if they can't see me.

I paid for this custom one-eyed mask
and I'm wearing it!

[yawns]

[dogs barking]

Oh, those look amazing, Abuelatron.

Living in a big city,
I've only ever had the handmade kind.

The old ways are the best, Bender.
Here, try one.

Oh, man, that's good!
I wouldn't mind having seconds.

You know, Bendejo,
I used to love cooking with your mother.

Could you tell me about her?

I barely remember anything
because she was so uninteresting.

Oh, she was such a kind, thoughtful arm.

Always picking things up
to give to others.

Which reminds me...

This is an ancient quipu,

passed down from our ancestors.

Your mother,
well, she wanted you to have it.

Then why didn't she give it to me?

Because I steal it.

[both laugh]

Hey, what's with the weird knots?

Maybe some kind of ancient code.
No one knows what it is anymore.

I don't know what I is anymore, either,

but thank you.

I steal again. [chuckles]

Ooh, you are a bad grandma!

[laughs]

Get ready to lose, primo!

Ha! You miss more shots
than a stormtrooper!

Yes! Closer than usual!

Oh, yeah? Watch this!

Oh.

You know, the annual village hoop
tournament is tomorrow.

You think I'm good enough?

I still never actually scored a point.

Bender, the victor wins
great honor for his family.

Then I shall win it for you!

Welcome to Hoop Day,

our most popular and only event
of the year!

[crowd cheering]

May this contest please
the ancient Nanotech emperors,

deep in their subterranean tombs.

It's gonna be fundido on a bundido!

[whistle blows]

[chuckles]

[crowd cheering]

[crowd cheering]

Man, it's like
no one else is even trying.

I'm literally killing guys
left and right!

We pray our finalists,
Bender and Doblando

will please the ancients

with an epic display of trash talk.

- Good luck, primo.
- Love ya, cuz.

Hey! Save it for the match!
[blows whistle]

[all groan]

Switching to miniature security feed.

I mean, Charlene's great,
and it feels like love,

but hell, I ain't sure
I even know what love is.

Hey, did them screens just blink?

Man, why every time I talk feelings,
you gotta change the damn subject?

I'm sorry, Earl. I'll do better.

After three days of thrilling play,
the score is tied zero-zero,

with only two days left
on the shot clock.

[both grunting]

Oh! And Doblando gets by Bender
with a magnificent ass-fake.

[grunts]

[panting]

- [groans]
- [crowd gasps]

Oh, no!
I have accidentally lost the ball!

[Bender laughs]

[commentator]
Bender goes through to the hoop.

Swish, baby! In my face!

[crowd cheering]

Queso on a cross!
Bender has won the tournament!

[whooping]

I so proud of you, my little pachuco!

[kissing]

Grandma, you're embarrassing me!
Now do the other side.

- [chuckling]
- [kissing]

Let's do this, why not?

Nothing in our way now,
but a foot of bulletproof glass.

You're on, Zoidberg.

Uh-oh. I can't snip it.

Who said anything about snipping?
Here, step in.

When boiled,

shellfish emit an intense scream
at precisely 2,000 hertz.

I'm feeling 2,000 hertz right now.

[screaming]

A-ha! I found Bender's NFT!

[alarm beeping]

Uh-oh. It's the alarm at Planet Express.
There's been a break in!

[alarm blaring]

[grunting]

Scram, ya saucers. Go on, beat it.

It's a miniature art heist!
They're stealing those little NFTs!

I guess my parents
never showed much affection,

- so, in my own sex life...
- [alarm blaring]

- Robbery in progress, baby.
- Oh, thank God.

Most of all, I wanna thank my familia

for giving me back
the concept of who I am.

It turns out, I'm you.

And I'm also this beautiful place,
and my proud heritage.

It all adds up to
Bender Bending Rodriguez,

Champion of Hoop!

[crowd cheering]

I will never forget you, Bender.

[sobbing]

Bender, you have won the ultimate honor.

Soon you shall meet
the ancient emperors themselves.

Ooh, fun! When?

Right after we sacrifice you.

Uh, I think you're confused, Padre.
I won.

If anybody's getting sacrificed,
it should be him.

Oh, no, no, no, no!

The honor of death goes to the winner.

What?

Hey, wait a second.
You sucked on purpose!

How can you say such a thing?

I tried almost my very best!

Our champion shall die gloriously,

on the altar of the ancients.

- What altar?
- It's down there.

Where?

[screaming] Bite my shiny metal...

I guess we'll never know
what he was trying to say.

Thanks for springing us
from the joint, kids.

Mommy said you're a cautionary tale.

What matters is we heisted Bender's NFT!

Before they nabbed us,

I managed to download it
onto my USB toothstick.

Then I deleted the original.

- [cheering]
- We did it!

Ugh, that's not how an NFT works.

Is too!

But I hit delete! Really hard!

You can't just delete an NFT!

There are billions of copies
stored all over the universe.

Wha?

But only the museum has access
to a hash code on the blockchain

that authenticates ownership.

But... But...

[grumbles]

I should not have booby trapped
my toothstick.

...ass!

[whimpers]

[grunts]

Well, not the worst hole
I've ever woken up in.

No way!
The ancient emperors are real?

What a load! [grunts]
They're just dumb carvings.

[rumbling]

Uh... Did I say "dumb"?
I... I meant "majestic"!

- Bender!
- Bender!

[yells]

You have pleased us
with your thrilling hoop victory.

Qué magnífico, Bender!

You came to play and gave it 110%.

It was 109, but thanks for rounding up.

Uh, what are those
weird string dealies on your chest?

It's an old technology
known as string memory.

The bits are represented
by ones and naughts.

So it's like a computer program?

Sí. Each program is stored in a quipu.

That one does spreadsheets,

that one solves
the Traveling Salesman Problem,

and that one lets you play
Solitaire on your phone.

- And that one?
- Is macrame.

So these strings can compute anything?

'Cause there's this NFT
I'd like to steal...

No, no, no, no.

[speaking Spanish]

To steal an NFT off the blockchain,

you'd have to be able to factor
huge integers in polynomial time.

I know. I know. A little kid told me.

You got a quipu that can handle it?

Alas, no.

We once had such an algorithm,
but it was lost to history.

"The Algorithm of the Gods,"
we called it.

Knotted of beautiful blue
and gold threads.

Blue and gold?

[both gasp]

[speaking Spanish]

I can't believe it!

At last, the Algorithm of the Gods
has been returned to its rightful home!

Oh, come on, you've already got a wall
full of algorithms!

How about I just keep it
as my parting gift?

Bender, it's called
the Algorithm of the Gods for a reason.

Porque es too
powerful for the mortal world.

But it was given to me
by my poor old mother,

What's Her Name?

Could I at least kiss it goodbye?

You have moved my soul. One kiss.

[laughs]

See ya, fossils!

After him!

We no move, estúpido.

So how was Me-he-co?

Yeah, what was it like
meeting your family?

Well, it was kind of like meeting

the different facets of myself,
'cause they were all great.

Sounds like your family
is a lot like your NFT.

Yeah, and that's why I want it back!

To remind me of my people or whatever.

What's the holdup?

Dude, calculations
this massive take time.

You can't just plug in a quipu
and expect it to...

[dings]

That's a fast quipu.

The NFT is all yours again, Bender!

[Bender asps]

In some way I don't understand
even the slightest bit,

I'm back, baby!

[all cheering]

And the best part of all
is knowing that blasted museum

won't be able to show it anymore.

Um, actually...

- What?
- Why is it still here?

I hate this place.

As we've been trying to tell you,

no person or museum can own the image.

What Bender owns is the NFT.

[all groaning]

Guys, it's okay.

I'm actually fine with this.

Really? Why?

Because I now own the factors
of a million digit binary number

that no one else can ever have!

And that's what's truly important to me.

Well, yeah, but you're a robot.

Why would a human want an NFT if
it's just some huge string of numbers?

No conceivable reason.

[♪ theme music playing]