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1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,004
(dramatic music playing)
2
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,425
(foreboding crescendo)
3
00:00:08,425 --> 00:00:10,552
(theme song playing)
4
00:00:37,078 --> 00:00:39,330
{\an8}(ominous music playing)
5
00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:41,791
{\an8}(whooshing)
6
00:00:41,791 --> 00:00:43,710
{\an8}ZAPP BRANNIGAN: Captain's log. Stardate,
7
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:45,587
{\an8}National Donut Day.
8
00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:48,673
{\an8}We're under attack from
a ship made of solid fire.
9
00:00:48,673 --> 00:00:52,010
{\an8}All weapons simply pass through
and come out the other end.
10
00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:55,096
{\an8}Like that ball bearing
I once mistook for a mint.
11
00:00:55,096 --> 00:00:56,306
{\an8}(Kif groans)
12
00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:58,224
{\an8}It's a conundrum, Kif.
13
00:00:58,224 --> 00:00:59,851
{\an8}Pray fetch my travel tub.
14
00:00:59,851 --> 00:01:02,270
{\an8}I do my best thinking in the shower.
15
00:01:02,270 --> 00:01:03,396
{\an8}(shower running)
16
00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:05,774
{\an8}(humming)
17
00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:07,525
♪ Ya ba bum ♪
18
00:01:07,525 --> 00:01:09,110
♪ Ya ba bum bum bum ♪
19
00:01:09,110 --> 00:01:12,238
(groans) Could you at least
close the curtain, sir?
20
00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:14,240
- ZAPP: Certainly.
- (curtain rattles)
21
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:16,201
- (missiles exploding)
- Lieutenant Kroker!
22
00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:18,828
{\an8}You expect me to think without a loofah?
23
00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:21,039
{\an8}- Where's my loofah?
- What loofah?
24
00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:22,874
You! You're the loofah.
25
00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:26,586
- (gasps)
- (Kif grunting)
26
00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:29,756
Will you be quiet? I'm trying to think!
27
00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:34,177
Ah-ha! Water!
28
00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:36,137
Fire's mortal enemy!
29
00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:38,098
{\an8}Lieutenant, fire water.
30
00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:42,769
- (click, buzz)
- (mechanical whirring)
31
00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:44,771
{\an8}(suspenseful music playing)
32
00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:48,358
- (water dripping)
- (pipes rattling)
33
00:01:48,858 --> 00:01:51,569
What the? Who used up all the water?
34
00:01:51,569 --> 00:01:55,782
Your shower depleted the
ship's three-year supply, sir.
35
00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:57,408
(laser blasting)
36
00:01:57,408 --> 00:01:58,743
ZAPP: Well, no worries.
37
00:01:58,743 --> 00:02:01,037
I can end this battle with two words.
38
00:02:01,037 --> 00:02:02,122
(dramatic sting)
39
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,957
"We surrender."
40
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:06,417
(ethereal voice)
Sign this certificate of defeat,
41
00:02:06,417 --> 00:02:08,044
so I can show my mom.
42
00:02:08,044 --> 00:02:10,630
- (fire crackling)
- (blowing)
43
00:02:10,922 --> 00:02:12,632
Kif, my desk.
44
00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:16,886
I'll just put the old Zapp Hancock on it.
45
00:02:16,886 --> 00:02:19,264
Big confident dot on the I.
46
00:02:19,264 --> 00:02:20,223
(Kif grunts)
47
00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:21,391
(gasps)
48
00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:24,561
Oh-ho. You're juicier than I thought, Kif.
49
00:02:24,727 --> 00:02:25,895
(Kif groaning)
50
00:02:25,895 --> 00:02:28,982
(wailing)
51
00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:32,235
(grunting)
52
00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:33,945
(sighing)
53
00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:35,280
(gasps)
54
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:36,656
I have had it!
55
00:02:36,781 --> 00:02:39,868
I'm through putting up with
your... (inhales) crap!
56
00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:42,245
I'm filing a formal complaint!
57
00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:43,913
It's pronounced compliment.
58
00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:46,916
♪
59
00:02:46,916 --> 00:02:49,460
And now, I am proud to present
60
00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:52,547
the monthly Only Good Employee
of the Month Award.
61
00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:53,631
(joyless) Yay.
62
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:56,801
This month's recipient
has the special distinction
63
00:02:56,801 --> 00:03:00,096
of also having won the award
every previous month.
64
00:03:00,096 --> 00:03:01,931
Do you think it's me?
65
00:03:01,931 --> 00:03:03,975
♪
66
00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:14,235
(shutter snaps, printing)
67
00:03:14,819 --> 00:03:16,821
Congratulations!
68
00:03:16,821 --> 00:03:17,989
Well done, Leela.
69
00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:20,575
You've reached the pinnacle of success
70
00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:23,745
in the stagnant,
dead-end delivery business.
71
00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:25,914
You've really hit rock top!
72
00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:29,250
Thanks, everybody. It's a dream come true.
73
00:03:29,250 --> 00:03:32,670
A recurring dream.
That I can't wake up from.
74
00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:33,755
ZOIDBERG: Who wants cake?
75
00:03:33,922 --> 00:03:35,256
There's one handful left. I'll have it.
76
00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:36,841
(slurping)
77
00:03:36,841 --> 00:03:39,844
(dramatic music playing)
78
00:03:39,844 --> 00:03:40,803
(gavel bangs)
79
00:03:40,803 --> 00:03:43,431
I call this disciplinary hearing to order.
80
00:03:43,431 --> 00:03:46,643
Captain Brannigan, Lieutenant Kroker has
made some serious,
81
00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:49,354
though somewhat amusing, allegations.
82
00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:50,438
Do you have counsel?
83
00:03:50,438 --> 00:03:52,065
I say, I say, present!
84
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:54,442
Lieutenant Kroker, do you have counsel?
85
00:03:54,442 --> 00:03:56,778
- (wings flapping)
- (squawks)
86
00:03:56,778 --> 00:03:59,072
You're representing
both sides in this case?
87
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:01,783
Till my wings give out, Your Honor.
88
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:03,743
I'm going to allow this.
89
00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:07,080
Now, Mr. Kroker, please describe
90
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,290
the horrific treatment you endured
91
00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:12,418
at the hands of my innocent
other client there.
92
00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:15,630
He took a public shower and used me to...
93
00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:18,549
- scrub his armpit.
- (audience gasps)
94
00:04:18,549 --> 00:04:19,968
It was a joke.
95
00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:22,637
Literally everyone was laughing
except Kif.
96
00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:26,015
He insisted on telling me
his fantasies about my wife!
97
00:04:26,015 --> 00:04:28,017
That was just locker room talk.
98
00:04:28,017 --> 00:04:29,644
He wore greenface!
99
00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:31,688
- (gasps)
- (thud)
100
00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:34,649
It was a Halloween costume.
101
00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:38,278
He made me watch him perform
an erotic fan dance
102
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:41,656
with a ping-pong paddle
and a no-show sock.
103
00:04:41,656 --> 00:04:43,658
It was a different time!
104
00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:45,118
It was yesterday!
105
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:46,744
So you admit it!
106
00:04:46,744 --> 00:04:49,122
Your Honor, I have reached a verdict.
107
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:52,083
I find my client, Zapp Brannigan,
108
00:04:52,333 --> 00:04:54,544
- guilty.
- I'm going to allow this.
109
00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:55,545
(gavel bangs)
110
00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:58,464
Captain Brannigan,
there is no room in this organization
111
00:04:58,464 --> 00:05:00,550
for bullying and harassment.
112
00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:03,594
- Your egregious behavior cannot--
- (creaking)
113
00:05:03,594 --> 00:05:05,096
Why are you massaging me?
114
00:05:05,096 --> 00:05:06,597
You just seem so tense.
115
00:05:06,889 --> 00:05:10,059
Also, you should smile more.
You're prettier when you smile.
116
00:05:10,893 --> 00:05:13,313
See? It's just nicer for everyone.
117
00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:16,024
It is therefore this court's judgment
118
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:18,318
that you face the ultimate penalty.
119
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,570
Dating a woman over 35?
120
00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:23,740
Zapp Brannigan,
you are hereby... canceled.
121
00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:24,741
(dramatic sting)
122
00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:27,160
- (gasps)
- The second-worst punishment.
123
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,703
You will be stripped of your title
124
00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:31,706
while you undergo mandatory
sensitivity training.
125
00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:33,958
And for the duration of your cancellation,
126
00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:36,127
you shall wear the Scarlet C.
127
00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:37,420
(beeps)
128
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:41,215
I object to these
frivolous, paltry charges.
129
00:05:41,215 --> 00:05:42,717
Frivolous poultry?
130
00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:44,927
You insult me, sir!
131
00:05:44,927 --> 00:05:46,262
(squawks)
132
00:05:46,262 --> 00:05:48,264
{\an8}♪
133
00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:53,853
(splashing)
134
00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:56,064
(sucking)
135
00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:57,065
(rotary phone ringing)
136
00:05:58,066 --> 00:05:59,776
LEELA: Who is it? Poop?
137
00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:01,736
Captain Turanga Leela,
138
00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:04,322
you put in an application
to be a DOOP pilot?
139
00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:06,657
Uh, yeah. Like an hour ago.
140
00:06:06,657 --> 00:06:07,784
You're hired.
141
00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:11,037
♪
142
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:13,373
(all cheering)
143
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,291
Captain of the Nimbus!
144
00:06:15,291 --> 00:06:17,627
So you're gonna be
Kif's commanding lobster?
145
00:06:17,627 --> 00:06:19,170
Negative. Right?
146
00:06:19,170 --> 00:06:21,631
Affirmative. I'm taking some family leave,
147
00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:24,300
so I can get bossed around
by someone I like.
148
00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:26,636
Psst. Stinky needs changing.
149
00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:28,846
But the DOOP did authorize me
to bring along
150
00:06:28,846 --> 00:06:30,515
two trusted crew members.
151
00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:31,891
A first officer,
152
00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:34,018
which, in a bold command decision,
153
00:06:34,018 --> 00:06:35,019
will be Fry.
154
00:06:35,019 --> 00:06:36,312
Aw, thanks, honey.
155
00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:38,815
I mean, Captain Honey. Sir. (blows kiss)
156
00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,650
And a Chief Science Officer.
157
00:06:41,275 --> 00:06:43,319
- Professor-- (yells)
- I, Bender,
158
00:06:43,319 --> 00:06:45,947
humbly accept
this prestigious appointment.
159
00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:48,199
Also, it comes with double salary.
160
00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:50,660
So long and good luck, you three.
161
00:06:50,660 --> 00:06:53,454
You have been an important part
of the Planet Express family,
162
00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:55,873
and you'll be greatly missed.
163
00:06:55,873 --> 00:06:57,875
(heartfelt music playing)
164
00:06:58,918 --> 00:07:00,711
Next item of business. We have...
165
00:07:00,711 --> 00:07:03,339
one, two, three office chairs for sale.
166
00:07:03,339 --> 00:07:06,426
(dramatic music playing)
167
00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:10,179
I'm here for the sensitivity training,
168
00:07:10,179 --> 00:07:13,141
and, uh, also, do you have
a better-looking sister?
169
00:07:13,141 --> 00:07:15,017
Please go inside and take a seat.
170
00:07:15,017 --> 00:07:17,061
The training will begin shortly.
171
00:07:17,061 --> 00:07:19,814
(slurping)
172
00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:21,649
Howdy, cancel mates.
173
00:07:21,649 --> 00:07:23,693
You wanna know why I got sent here?
174
00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:24,694
Nope.
175
00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:26,279
Indecent exposure!
176
00:07:26,487 --> 00:07:29,073
- (loud whirring)
- (cackling evilly)
177
00:07:29,073 --> 00:07:30,658
- (slurping)
- (doors creak)
178
00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:33,828
(panting) You all saw it, right?
You wanna see it again?
179
00:07:33,828 --> 00:07:36,038
I could barely see it the first time.
180
00:07:36,038 --> 00:07:37,748
- What?! (grunts)
- (whirring)
181
00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:39,709
I've seen brighter. (slurps)
182
00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:41,669
Yeah, well, it's not about the brightness.
183
00:07:41,669 --> 00:07:43,337
It's about the color temperature!
184
00:07:43,754 --> 00:07:45,465
How 'bout you? What did you do?
185
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,467
Meh, it was total BS.
186
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:50,303
Some people "alleged"
I was verbally abusive
187
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,555
and threw food at my coworkers.
188
00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:54,682
I mean, a lot of people, actually.
189
00:07:54,682 --> 00:07:56,267
That's ridiculous.
190
00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:58,728
You're obviously not
the type to waste food.
191
00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:00,688
You should talk, you family-sized
192
00:08:00,688 --> 00:08:01,856
bucket of lard-ass!
193
00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:03,149
- (grunts)
- Ow!
194
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:05,193
That hurt in more ways than one.
195
00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:07,278
- It hurt in two ways.
- (door opens)
196
00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:09,030
(footsteps thumping)
197
00:08:10,823 --> 00:08:14,243
Hello, class. 'm Dr. Kind,
your sensitivity instructor.
198
00:08:14,243 --> 00:08:16,496
Wow, you're ugly.
199
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:19,207
Oh! Now, we don't talk that way in here.
200
00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:21,083
This is a safe space.
201
00:08:21,083 --> 00:08:23,002
The fact is, sometimes,
202
00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:25,379
our words hurt other people,
203
00:08:25,379 --> 00:08:28,758
and we need to be made aware
of how that feels.
204
00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:31,177
(ominous music playing)
205
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:32,220
(growls)
206
00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:33,804
(deep voice) It feels like this!
207
00:08:33,804 --> 00:08:36,265
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
208
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,643
This isn't some woke-ass seminar!
209
00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:42,480
This course will take the form
of a simulated space mission,
210
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,899
with me as your abusive captain!
211
00:08:44,899 --> 00:08:47,944
And you'll learn from the
example I'm not setting!
212
00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:49,070
Ouch!
213
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:50,863
(yelps)
214
00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:52,365
(creaking)
215
00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:55,117
(normal voice) Now, kindly
follow me to the simulator.
216
00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:57,662
Ooh, careful. There's a step.
217
00:08:57,662 --> 00:09:00,248
{\an8}(mysterious music playing)
218
00:09:02,291 --> 00:09:04,502
(deep voice)
This mission may be simulated,
219
00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:07,672
but my abuse will be very real.
220
00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:10,299
Set course for degradation!
221
00:09:10,299 --> 00:09:13,344
Hm, never been there. Sounds exotic.
222
00:09:13,344 --> 00:09:15,137
♪
223
00:09:15,137 --> 00:09:18,349
I'm pleased to have a civilian
pilot of your caliber, Leela.
224
00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:20,643
The DOOP is rebranding to project an image
225
00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:23,563
of peaceful exploration rather than war.
226
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:25,690
Also, we want to show
we care about looking
227
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:27,525
like we care about hiring women.
228
00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:30,611
(dramatic music playing)
229
00:09:31,487 --> 00:09:33,406
LEELA: Wow, it's huge!
230
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:36,576
It's like a Princess cruise ship
with laser cannons!
231
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,202
I hope they have a kids' center.
232
00:09:38,202 --> 00:09:39,829
They don't. But there's a buffet with
233
00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:42,540
all-you-can-eat week-old sashimi.
234
00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:43,541
Score!
235
00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:47,044
(dramatic music playing)
236
00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:53,593
LEELA (whispers) I'm really nervous.
237
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,386
What if I can't handle this?
238
00:09:55,386 --> 00:09:57,722
(whispers) Leela, I know
absolutely nothing,
239
00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:59,223
but I know one thing.
240
00:09:59,223 --> 00:10:00,933
You'll be great.
241
00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:03,728
Nimbus crew, I'm pleased to introduce
242
00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:05,771
Zapp Brannigan's replacement,
243
00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:08,190
Captain Turanga Leela.
244
00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:11,277
At ease, crew.
245
00:10:11,402 --> 00:10:14,530
I, um, I know I'm nothing
like Zapp Brannigan, but I--
246
00:10:14,530 --> 00:10:18,784
(loud cheering)
247
00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:22,788
♪
248
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:24,290
Dear Captain's Diary.
249
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:26,709
If you're not me, don't read this.
250
00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:28,961
We're preparing to make first contact
251
00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:30,963
with a primitive civilization.
252
00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:33,674
- Anyway, G2G. TTYL.
- (beep)
253
00:10:33,674 --> 00:10:35,968
PS, Fry looks cute.
254
00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:38,262
(clicking)
255
00:10:38,512 --> 00:10:40,431
Captain, it's time to descend
to the planet.
256
00:10:40,431 --> 00:10:42,099
Have you readied a shuttle-copter?
257
00:10:42,099 --> 00:10:43,934
I've been thinking about that.
258
00:10:43,934 --> 00:10:45,728
Maybe we shouldn't intimidate them
259
00:10:45,728 --> 00:10:47,355
with our advanced technology.
260
00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:48,731
Hm... Generally,
261
00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:51,150
I like to intimidate new civilizations,
262
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:52,777
but what did you have in mind?
263
00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:54,320
A bucket on a rope.
264
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:55,863
(Bender grunts)
265
00:10:55,863 --> 00:10:57,573
Sorry you can't come, Bender.
266
00:10:57,573 --> 00:11:00,117
Your robot technology might scare them.
267
00:11:00,117 --> 00:11:02,620
(mocking gibberish)
268
00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:04,288
- (creaking)
- Safe travels.
269
00:11:04,288 --> 00:11:06,957
(dramatic music playing)
270
00:11:06,957 --> 00:11:09,126
This was a clever idea, Captain.
271
00:11:09,126 --> 00:11:11,295
See, Leela? You're doing great.
272
00:11:11,295 --> 00:11:13,923
- (all screaming)
- (rope whipping)
273
00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:15,925
(evil laughter)
274
00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:19,095
Hope my robot technology
isn't scaring you.
275
00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:20,930
And now, to stop it.
276
00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:22,932
(blabbering)
277
00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:23,933
(yelps)
278
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:25,351
♪
279
00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:27,186
(all screaming)
280
00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:29,438
- (rattling)
- (grunting)
281
00:11:29,438 --> 00:11:32,233
(screaming, grunting)
282
00:11:32,858 --> 00:11:34,694
(inhabitants gasping)
283
00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:39,198
Hello! We are people from the
sky who come in peace.
284
00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:41,492
(sighs) They speak Tactillian.
285
00:11:41,492 --> 00:11:42,576
(air whistling)
286
00:11:42,576 --> 00:11:43,703
Ah!
287
00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:47,456
I am Airee, Quing of Planet Tactillia.
288
00:11:47,456 --> 00:11:49,166
For centuries, we have wondered
289
00:11:49,166 --> 00:11:51,419
if we are alone in the universe.
290
00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:54,547
But now, we know intelligent life exists,
291
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:57,591
flying among the stars in a bucket.
292
00:11:57,591 --> 00:11:59,510
Welcome.
293
00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:02,680
- (Tactillians ooh and ah)
- (bubbling)
294
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:06,434
The bucket people have
unusual bodies, oh Quing.
295
00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:09,895
They have fewer knobs, but not none!
296
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:13,524
Hey! Just 'cause I'm wearing
a short skirt.
297
00:12:13,524 --> 00:12:15,192
(nasally) No means no.
298
00:12:15,192 --> 00:12:18,320
Blech! What are you doing? Stop that!
299
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:20,448
Captain! Respect their customs!
300
00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:23,409
We need to win the hearts
and knobs of these people.
301
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:25,536
- But they're so grabby. Oops!
- (pop)
302
00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:27,371
- (deflating)
- Whee!
303
00:12:27,371 --> 00:12:29,498
Um... Quing Airee,
304
00:12:29,498 --> 00:12:31,625
we have important matters to discuss,
305
00:12:31,625 --> 00:12:33,210
but it may be difficult.
306
00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:36,464
Our civilizations are at very
different levels of technology.
307
00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:39,216
No kidding. You traveled in a bucket.
308
00:12:39,216 --> 00:12:42,303
- Actually, that was--
- We have much to teach you.
309
00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:44,388
♪
310
00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:50,561
(deep voice) Brush harder, tubby!
311
00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:53,564
You can't yell at me.
You're on your short arms.
312
00:12:53,689 --> 00:12:55,608
I yell at any height I want!
313
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,735
You! Brush your teeth!
314
00:12:57,735 --> 00:12:58,819
I don't have teeth.
315
00:12:58,819 --> 00:13:00,654
Then brush my teeth!
316
00:13:00,654 --> 00:13:02,114
FLASHBOT: Damn, those are nice--
317
00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:03,616
- Whoa!
- (mouth monster growling)
318
00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:07,411
(gulps) You all think
you've humiliated your crews.
319
00:13:07,411 --> 00:13:09,622
You ain't seen nothin'.
320
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,916
I'm gonna do something so degrading
321
00:13:12,124 --> 00:13:14,502
that you'll never be the same!
322
00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:18,464
I'm going to take a shower...
right here on the bridge!
323
00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:19,715
(dramatic sting)
324
00:13:19,715 --> 00:13:21,342
You sicken me.
325
00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:24,303
(majestic music playing)
326
00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:27,807
(balloon deflating)
327
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:29,725
If you're wondering how our civilization
328
00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:31,977
- became so advanced...
- We're not, but--
329
00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:35,231
...it's because we learned to
harness pneumatic technology.
330
00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:38,067
All the sophisticated machinery you see
331
00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:39,819
is powered by air.
332
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:40,945
I've heard of air.
333
00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:43,239
(pumping, whooshing)
334
00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:45,533
This is our main air power plant.
335
00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:48,536
The air blows through
high-pressure transmission lines,
336
00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:51,121
so our citizens can power their appliances
337
00:13:51,121 --> 00:13:53,040
and inflate their meals.
338
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:56,502
I'm fascinated by all this wonderful air.
339
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:57,962
Where does it come from?
340
00:13:57,962 --> 00:13:59,630
I'm glad you asked.
341
00:13:59,922 --> 00:14:01,465
(pumping)
342
00:14:01,465 --> 00:14:03,425
(dramatic music playing)
343
00:14:03,425 --> 00:14:05,010
Behold!
344
00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:06,512
- Oh no, wait. Hang on.
- (pumping harder)
345
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:08,097
(wind blowing)
346
00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:09,515
Behold!
347
00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:12,434
The Great Blow Hole!
348
00:14:12,893 --> 00:14:14,812
(deep inhale, deep exhale)
349
00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:17,147
Fresh from the hole.
350
00:14:17,147 --> 00:14:18,482
Whoa!
351
00:14:18,482 --> 00:14:19,900
(air blowing)
352
00:14:20,901 --> 00:14:22,194
This is kinda fun.
353
00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:24,113
Get out of our air!
354
00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:25,948
(Fry yelling)
355
00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:27,783
- (groaning)
- This is an amazing
356
00:14:27,783 --> 00:14:29,785
natural resource, Quing Airee.
357
00:14:29,785 --> 00:14:32,580
You should do everything
in your power to protect it.
358
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:34,874
Uh, Leela, a word.
359
00:14:35,749 --> 00:14:38,168
I may not have told you
everything about this mission.
360
00:14:38,168 --> 00:14:40,296
These people are lovely and whatever.
361
00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:41,338
- It's debatable.
- (Fry groans)
362
00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:44,633
- We're really here for the air.
- What?
363
00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:47,720
GLAB: The whole core of
this planet is frozen gas.
364
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:50,598
It's like a slot machine
that keeps paying out air!
365
00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:52,892
That sounds like a really boring casino.
366
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,435
Have you been to space, Leela?
367
00:14:54,435 --> 00:14:56,186
Not a lotta air out there,
368
00:14:56,186 --> 00:14:58,939
and what we do have is, like, 50% burp.
369
00:14:58,939 --> 00:15:01,942
Which is why you must get them
to sign this treaty
370
00:15:01,942 --> 00:15:03,777
granting us air rights.
371
00:15:03,777 --> 00:15:05,487
LEELA: So,
372
00:15:05,487 --> 00:15:07,781
this peace mission
isn't really about peace?
373
00:15:07,781 --> 00:15:09,366
Who said it's not about peace?
374
00:15:09,366 --> 00:15:11,327
It's entirely about peace.
375
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:12,745
Also, air.
376
00:15:13,203 --> 00:15:16,290
Leela, sometimes
we coerce people with war.
377
00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:18,292
Other times, we take the high road
378
00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:20,044
and trick them with peace.
379
00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:22,171
(burps) Excuse me.
380
00:15:22,963 --> 00:15:25,841
(fanfare plays)
381
00:15:25,841 --> 00:15:28,135
- (deflating)
- (clattering)
382
00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:30,638
It is my great pleasure
383
00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:33,891
to sign this peace treaty
with Captain Leela
384
00:15:33,891 --> 00:15:36,936
and her big bucket of space friends.
385
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,896
(applause)
386
00:15:38,896 --> 00:15:41,815
Tradition dictates that the parties begin
387
00:15:41,815 --> 00:15:43,651
with the ritual knobbling.
388
00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:45,486
(bubbling)
389
00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:46,695
Uh...
390
00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:50,407
Our captain will gladly
engage in the knobbling.
391
00:15:50,407 --> 00:15:52,284
I will? I'd rather not.
392
00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:54,244
(whispers) I said knobble!
393
00:15:54,244 --> 00:15:56,956
♪
394
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,958
(sniffing) Blech!
395
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:01,377
It's starting to get real ripe in here.
396
00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:05,255
No offense, but could it
possibly be all the food you threw?
397
00:16:05,255 --> 00:16:07,925
MARLENE: Let's find out. (grunts)
398
00:16:07,925 --> 00:16:10,636
- Ow.
- Man. It does stink.
399
00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:13,806
It's like rotten flesh
floating in a puddle of vomit.
400
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:15,599
- (curtain slides)
- You wish.
401
00:16:15,599 --> 00:16:16,934
It's a durian!
402
00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:17,935
(dramatic sting)
403
00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:18,894
No.
404
00:16:18,894 --> 00:16:20,312
Noooo!
405
00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:22,022
What's a durian, by the way?
406
00:16:22,022 --> 00:16:25,609
Earth's most putrid yet delicious fruit.
407
00:16:25,609 --> 00:16:29,154
So refreshing after a public shower.
408
00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:31,365
(loud chewing)
409
00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:34,868
My God. It actually has stink lines.
410
00:16:34,868 --> 00:16:36,537
Tough it out, snowflake!
411
00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:40,332
Now you see how you've
demoralized your own crews!
412
00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:43,377
Crews you expect
to follow you into battle!
413
00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:46,130
At least with me in charge,
they don't suffer long.
414
00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:49,383
Let's see how well you fight
under these conditions.
415
00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:51,760
- Crew to simulated battle stations!
- (beep)
416
00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:54,722
- (siren blaring)
- Captain Cranky! 90 degrees to starboard!
417
00:16:54,722 --> 00:16:55,723
(clicking)
418
00:16:55,723 --> 00:16:58,058
- Shields up, Flashnut!
- (beep)
419
00:16:58,058 --> 00:17:01,645
Fire simulated missile, you fat moron!
420
00:17:01,645 --> 00:17:03,439
- So mean.
- (beep)
421
00:17:03,439 --> 00:17:04,732
(missile launching)
422
00:17:04,898 --> 00:17:07,735
That simulated ship
looks a bit like my real ship,
423
00:17:07,735 --> 00:17:09,445
- the Nimbus.
- (missile exploding)
424
00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:11,113
Yes! Direct hit!
425
00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:12,156
(laughs)
426
00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:15,367
Now, who's the fat, incontinent moron?
427
00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:17,578
(dramatic music playing)
428
00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:20,998
(lasers blast, missiles explode)
429
00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:24,626
- (siren blaring)
- (Bender singing along to the siren)
430
00:17:24,626 --> 00:17:26,045
Hey, man, that's catchy!
431
00:17:26,211 --> 00:17:28,922
What song is that playing
on the emergency siren?
432
00:17:28,922 --> 00:17:31,550
It's the emergency siren!
We're under attack!
433
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,052
Ah! I'm getting outta here!
434
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,803
(dramatic sting)
435
00:17:34,803 --> 00:17:36,430
(siren continues)
436
00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:38,015
(whimpering)
437
00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:42,436
♪
438
00:17:42,436 --> 00:17:44,271
(bubbling)
439
00:17:44,271 --> 00:17:46,565
We need this treaty, Leela.
440
00:17:46,565 --> 00:17:49,443
Act like a captain
and start fondling knobs.
441
00:17:49,443 --> 00:17:51,695
(clears throat)
442
00:17:51,695 --> 00:17:55,449
(sighs) On behalf of
the Democratic Order of Planets,
443
00:17:55,449 --> 00:17:58,285
it is my honor to, respectfully,
444
00:17:58,285 --> 00:18:00,537
- grope your slimy...
- (popping)
445
00:18:00,537 --> 00:18:03,207
(quietly): (groaning) I can't do it.
446
00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:06,502
- Something just seems inappropriate.
- (squishing)
447
00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:07,961
Possibly this thing.
448
00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:11,548
(ship roaring)
449
00:18:12,966 --> 00:18:15,552
(impressed gasps)
450
00:18:15,552 --> 00:18:17,805
What a marvelous bucket.
451
00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:19,890
- (door whirs)
- (grunts)
452
00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:21,391
Jumping Judas.
453
00:18:21,391 --> 00:18:24,019
I've never seen a simulation so realistic.
454
00:18:24,019 --> 00:18:27,064
Is it "okay" to hit on a simulation?
455
00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:28,649
What is the meaning of this?
456
00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:30,901
I thought I canceled all four of you!
457
00:18:30,901 --> 00:18:33,779
Yes, but I hijacked this ship
458
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:37,658
after hog-tying your pathetic
sensitivity instructor!
459
00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:39,493
(crashes)
460
00:18:39,493 --> 00:18:41,245
It was a teachable moment.
461
00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:42,913
So, our ship was real?
462
00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:45,207
And the simulation was simulated?
463
00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:47,835
(dramatic music playing)
464
00:18:47,835 --> 00:18:51,797
No one cancels Dr. Gary Kind.
465
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:54,675
- Who's the tall short guy?
- Dr. Gary Kind,
466
00:18:54,675 --> 00:18:57,386
one of the DOOP's most notorious gropers.
467
00:18:57,636 --> 00:18:59,471
- (excited murmuring)
- A groper?
468
00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:01,223
(excited chatter)
469
00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:04,726
(all moaning)
470
00:19:04,726 --> 00:19:07,521
Now, this gentleman's a diplomat.
471
00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:11,441
You messed with the wrong
doctor of botanical science.
472
00:19:11,441 --> 00:19:13,485
But I have with me a bio-weapon
473
00:19:13,485 --> 00:19:16,530
of inconceivable power!
474
00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:18,574
He's got something in his jacket!
475
00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,117
And so do I!
476
00:19:20,284 --> 00:19:23,537
- (whirring)
- (Flashbot cackling)
477
00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:24,913
(all gasp)
478
00:19:24,913 --> 00:19:28,250
Jeez. How many more durians
does this guy have?
479
00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:32,254
One. Enough to befoul
this planet's air supply
480
00:19:32,254 --> 00:19:33,755
for centuries!
481
00:19:33,755 --> 00:19:35,132
(dramatic sting)
482
00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:37,092
Gary, put down the durian.
483
00:19:37,092 --> 00:19:39,803
We swore never to use those in peacetime.
484
00:19:39,803 --> 00:19:41,930
(rotary phone ringing)
485
00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:45,434
Bender to Leela! The Nimbus
came under attack about an hour ago!
486
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:47,311
I probably should have called earlier.
487
00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:49,396
Be on the lookout for a small gunship
488
00:19:49,396 --> 00:19:52,316
about yea big from a million miles away.
489
00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:56,028
Captain Leela, command the
Nimbus to fire on Dr. Kind.
490
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:57,070
♪
491
00:19:57,070 --> 00:19:58,906
LEELA: But, he's surrounded
492
00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:01,325
by those poor innocent pervs.
493
00:20:01,325 --> 00:20:02,993
They might get hurt.
494
00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:05,329
(cackling) What a wimp!
495
00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:07,164
Captains need to be ruthless.
496
00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:09,166
Women belong in the kitchen,
497
00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:12,127
fixing me a sweet durian pie.
498
00:20:12,127 --> 00:20:14,213
That's an offensive stereotype.
499
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:15,964
Leela's terrible at baking.
500
00:20:15,964 --> 00:20:17,466
(badge buzzing)
501
00:20:17,758 --> 00:20:19,676
BADGE: Your eight-hour
sensitivity training
502
00:20:19,676 --> 00:20:20,636
is complete.
503
00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:21,887
Please deposit me
504
00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:24,014
in the nearest recycling bin.
505
00:20:24,014 --> 00:20:25,349
No chance.
506
00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:29,394
Zapp Brannigan, having completed
your rehabilitation,
507
00:20:29,394 --> 00:20:32,731
I hereby reinstate you
as Captain of the Nimbus.
508
00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:34,566
Order your ship to fire!
509
00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:35,943
Uh, thank you, Glab,
510
00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:38,487
but, uh, I'm not sure I can do that.
511
00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:40,530
Dr. Kind taught me a lot.
512
00:20:40,530 --> 00:20:42,115
That's wonderful!
513
00:20:42,115 --> 00:20:45,702
I now know there's a difference
between right and wrong.
514
00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:48,580
One of them gets you canceled.
515
00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:50,499
(cackling)
516
00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:53,252
See what you get with PC culture?
517
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:57,005
Weak captains too cowardly to
shoot the helpless!
518
00:20:57,005 --> 00:20:59,258
(gagging, groaning)
519
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:01,176
(mechanical clanking)
520
00:21:01,176 --> 00:21:03,887
Ah, what a beautiful night
521
00:21:03,887 --> 00:21:05,889
for smell-gazing.
522
00:21:05,889 --> 00:21:07,057
(sniffing)
523
00:21:07,182 --> 00:21:08,058
(retches)
524
00:21:09,309 --> 00:21:10,769
You should have shot me
525
00:21:10,769 --> 00:21:13,230
before I destroyed your precious air!
526
00:21:13,230 --> 00:21:16,984
If I were captain, I'd have
fired without a second thought!
527
00:21:16,984 --> 00:21:18,819
(badge buzzing)
528
00:21:18,819 --> 00:21:21,071
BADGE: Your eight-hour
sensitivity training
529
00:21:21,071 --> 00:21:22,114
is complete.
530
00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:23,657
Please deposit me...
531
00:21:23,657 --> 00:21:26,076
(badge screaming)
532
00:21:26,076 --> 00:21:29,413
Dr. Kind, having completed
your rehabilitation,
533
00:21:29,413 --> 00:21:32,416
I name you Captain of the
Nimbus. Order your ship to--
534
00:21:32,416 --> 00:21:33,500
Fire!
535
00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:34,793
(cackling)
536
00:21:34,793 --> 00:21:36,169
(yelps)
537
00:21:36,169 --> 00:21:39,506
(slow motion gasping)
538
00:21:39,506 --> 00:21:43,010
(dramatic music playing)
539
00:21:43,010 --> 00:21:44,678
(slow motion footsteps)
540
00:21:44,678 --> 00:21:47,014
(slow motion yell)
541
00:21:47,764 --> 00:21:48,765
(dramatic sting)
542
00:21:49,766 --> 00:21:53,645
(all cheering)
543
00:21:53,645 --> 00:21:55,522
Leela, you're a hero!
544
00:21:55,522 --> 00:21:57,149
(sniffing, retches)
545
00:21:58,150 --> 00:22:01,570
Quing Airee, I am now prepared to knobble.
546
00:22:01,570 --> 00:22:04,031
- Don't mind the durian.
- (gagging)
547
00:22:04,031 --> 00:22:07,993
I declare the groping optional.
Where do I sign?
548
00:22:10,912 --> 00:22:12,080
(panting)
549
00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:14,916
♪
550
00:22:14,916 --> 00:22:16,460
In conclusion,
551
00:22:16,460 --> 00:22:18,587
I sincerely apologize
552
00:22:18,587 --> 00:22:21,006
to all those I've harmed.
553
00:22:21,006 --> 00:22:22,674
Especially Kif Kroker,
554
00:22:22,674 --> 00:22:25,218
the giant sex ladies of Amazonia,
555
00:22:25,218 --> 00:22:26,762
simulated Leela,
556
00:22:26,762 --> 00:22:29,973
{\an8}and, of course, the late Dr. Kind.
557
00:22:29,973 --> 00:22:31,475
- (crowd applauding)
- FLASHBOT: Yeah, baby!
558
00:22:31,475 --> 00:22:34,019
- (Flashbot cackling)
- (Marlene grunts)
559
00:22:34,019 --> 00:22:36,855
Move! This ceremony is for Leela.
560
00:22:36,855 --> 00:22:38,231
Captain Leela, having
561
00:22:38,231 --> 00:22:41,360
heroically secured
our supply of space air,
562
00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:44,279
I present you the DOOP's highest honor,
563
00:22:44,279 --> 00:22:46,031
the Medal of Valor.
564
00:22:46,031 --> 00:22:48,950
(applause, cheering)
565
00:22:48,950 --> 00:22:51,244
It's pronounced velour.
566
00:22:51,244 --> 00:22:54,790
{\an8}Your refusal to shoot
unarmed civilians when ordered
567
00:22:54,790 --> 00:22:57,000
{\an8}was an inspiration to us all,
568
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:59,795
{\an8}as well as grounds for
a dishonorable discharge!
569
00:22:59,795 --> 00:23:02,923
{\an8}What do you think this is,
the Peace Corps? Get out!
570
00:23:02,923 --> 00:23:05,842
{\an8}♪
571
00:23:07,260 --> 00:23:10,639
I guess I just don't have what
it takes to be a DOOP captain.
572
00:23:10,639 --> 00:23:12,891
No, you have something better.
573
00:23:12,891 --> 00:23:15,060
You have what it takes to be Leela.
574
00:23:16,603 --> 00:23:18,230
(shutter snaps, printing)
575
00:23:23,026 --> 00:23:24,361
(sniffing)
576
00:23:24,361 --> 00:23:26,154
Yum. Durian!
577
00:23:26,154 --> 00:23:29,366
May I slurp your cheek clean
with my tendrils? (slurp)
578
00:23:29,366 --> 00:23:33,078
Eh, sure. And thanks for asking first.
579
00:23:33,078 --> 00:23:34,204
(slurping)
580
00:23:34,204 --> 00:23:36,039
ZOIDBERG: Ew, blech!
581
00:23:36,039 --> 00:23:38,333
But also yum. (slurping)
582
00:23:38,333 --> 00:23:41,420
♪
40641
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