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1
00:00:01,042 --> 00:00:04,045
(Christmas music playing)
2
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{\an8}(theme song playing)
3
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{\an8}(festive music playing)
4
00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:45,086
{\an8}(electronic Hynotoad drones)
5
00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:47,380
{\an8}(ornaments tinkle)
6
00:00:50,091 --> 00:00:53,386
Ah, Xmas season is upon us.
7
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Secure the perimeter!
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00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:55,930
(all yell)
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00:00:55,930 --> 00:00:57,599
{\an8}(tense music playing)
10
00:00:57,599 --> 00:00:59,642
{\an8}- Razor lights in place?
- (slicing)
11
00:00:59,976 --> 00:01:01,936
- Roger!
- Then, stand back!
12
00:01:01,936 --> 00:01:04,272
(click, gigging)
13
00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:09,903
- (hooting)
- ALARM: Intruder alert.
14
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,529
- (hooting)
- (boinging)
15
00:01:11,529 --> 00:01:13,573
{\an8}- (Bender and Hermes grunting)
- (wheel clicking)
16
00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:14,824
{\an8}(clang)
17
00:01:14,824 --> 00:01:17,243
{\an8}Santa's not getting past that! No way!
18
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{\an8}- Unless he knocks it down or something.
- Hey, robot.
19
00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:21,873
{\an8}Someone left a card in your stocking.
20
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{\an8}That's weird.
21
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{\an8}Normally, I get mail delivered
22
00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:25,293
{\an8}to my ass.
23
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{\an8}(creaks)
24
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{\an8}"I know what you did next Xmas!"?
25
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{\an8}Okay... Random!
26
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{\an8}I wonder what you will have done
27
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:37,597
{\an8}and who could possibly
will have known about it.
28
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{\an8}Eh, I do a lot of stuff.
29
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{\an8}I'm probably doing something right now.
30
00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:44,687
(mysterious music playing)
31
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{\an8}Who's ready for their very first
animated holiday special?
32
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{\an8}- Hooray!
- So fun!
33
00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:51,152
{\an8}Whatever.
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00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:54,656
{\an8}Ooh! Wait for me.
I love having other kids around.
35
00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:56,658
NARRATOR (on TV): This year's rerun of
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00:01:56,658 --> 00:01:59,077
There's a Holiday for Everyone
37
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is brought to you by...
38
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Mom's Old Fashioned Blood Remover.
39
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,791
{\an8}Now in oatmeal spice.
40
00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:15,343
And that holiday is Xmas.
41
00:02:15,343 --> 00:02:18,221
(kids cheering, laughing)
42
00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:19,848
KWANZAABOT: Hey, kids, any chance
43
00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:21,766
y'all wanna remix this holiday special,
44
00:02:21,766 --> 00:02:24,310
and hear the dope story
of Kwanzaabot instead?
45
00:02:24,310 --> 00:02:27,355
Or your favorite goofy golem,
Chanukah Zombie?
46
00:02:27,355 --> 00:02:29,649
No! Tell us about Santa!
47
00:02:29,649 --> 00:02:30,733
Again?
48
00:02:30,733 --> 00:02:33,069
Yes! Every year!
49
00:02:33,069 --> 00:02:34,404
- (Kwanzaabot sighs)
- Oy...
50
00:02:36,948 --> 00:02:38,491
(whimsical music playing)
51
00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:40,952
The ancient tradition of Xmas
52
00:02:40,952 --> 00:02:43,538
began in the year 2801,
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00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:45,290
when the Friendly Robot Company
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00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:48,126
developed a high-powered mechanical Santa
55
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capable of delivering
over five mega-presents per second.
56
00:02:53,464 --> 00:02:54,966
(popping)
57
00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,262
- (glass shattering)
- Hey...
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00:02:59,262 --> 00:03:00,597
KWANZAABOT: They tricked him out with
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00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:02,223
a pair of carbon-fiber Tims
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00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:04,559
and a chrome naughty-nice sensor.
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00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:06,728
CHANUKAH ZOMBIE:
So he'd know who deserved gifts
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00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:09,355
and who deserved brutal punishment.
63
00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:12,400
Yo, that might've been
the first mistake right there.
64
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:14,861
- (sleigh bells jingling)
- But on Santa's very first delivery,
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00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:17,864
something went tragically meshuggenah.
66
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:19,574
- (creaking)
- His naughty-nice sensor
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00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:21,034
malfunctioned.
68
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,661
Man, that's some bleeped-up (klaxon).
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00:03:23,661 --> 00:03:25,538
(sleigh bells jingle)
70
00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:27,540
Yay! Santa's here!
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00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:30,543
- (gunfire)
- (people screaming)
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00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:33,296
Oh! Oh my! (grunting)
73
00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:35,506
- (video stops)
- Oh, thank you.
74
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:37,842
I'm sorry, kids.
75
00:03:37,842 --> 00:03:41,095
I never wanted you to know Santa was real.
76
00:03:41,095 --> 00:03:43,598
(somber music playing)
77
00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:46,476
(hammering)
78
00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:49,520
Yuletide news, everyone!
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I know how to fix Santa!
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00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,650
(incredulous chatter)
81
00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:55,652
I just need to sneak up on him
82
00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:59,155
and reverse the polarity
of his naughty-nice sensor.
83
00:03:59,155 --> 00:04:02,659
But Santa is always on guard
against attacks. Just like me.
84
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:04,535
- Hii-yah!
- Ow!
85
00:04:04,535 --> 00:04:06,746
You'll never be able to sneak up on him.
86
00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:08,456
Not through space, no,
87
00:04:08,456 --> 00:04:10,416
but through time, probably.
88
00:04:10,416 --> 00:04:14,462
You see, Santa is only prepared
for an attack from the present.
89
00:04:14,462 --> 00:04:18,424
So I've been souping up
my old time machine.
90
00:04:18,424 --> 00:04:19,550
Where is it?
91
00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:21,886
The question is when is it?
92
00:04:21,886 --> 00:04:24,597
And the answer is right about...
93
00:04:25,473 --> 00:04:27,016
now!
94
00:04:27,016 --> 00:04:29,102
(impressed chatter)
95
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:30,270
It's so amazing.
96
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,146
I don't even care that it's on my foot.
97
00:04:32,146 --> 00:04:33,231
(cracking)
98
00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:35,650
I've installed a manual transmission
99
00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:36,985
with a reverse gear,
100
00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:39,320
so it can now go backward in time
101
00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:40,697
as well as forward.
102
00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:42,532
- (unlocks car)
- Hooray-- (grunts)
103
00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:45,994
My plan is to back up to the year 2801,
104
00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:47,912
when things first went wrong,
105
00:04:47,912 --> 00:04:50,039
and materialize behind Santa
106
00:04:50,039 --> 00:04:52,959
as he exits this very fireplace.
107
00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:55,753
Did this building even exist in 2801?
108
00:04:55,753 --> 00:04:59,215
Yeah, but back then,
it was some kinda meat market,
109
00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:01,968
where butchers would hook up
and grind their sausages.
110
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:03,928
Yes, anyway, once there,
111
00:05:03,928 --> 00:05:05,888
I'll quickly reverse the polarity
112
00:05:05,888 --> 00:05:09,726
of Santa's naughty-nice sensor,
then return to the present.
113
00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:11,769
Problem solved.
114
00:05:11,769 --> 00:05:15,231
Um, Professor, isn't it risky
to go back in time
115
00:05:15,231 --> 00:05:16,607
and change history?
116
00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:18,067
Oh my, yes.
117
00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:20,361
But I'll go alone to minimize the chance
118
00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:23,573
of anyone becoming their own grandfather.
119
00:05:23,573 --> 00:05:26,534
- These things happen.
- No, they don't.
120
00:05:26,534 --> 00:05:30,163
Next time you see me,
Santa will have been good again!
121
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,247
Ta-ta!
122
00:05:31,247 --> 00:05:34,000
(heroic music playing)
123
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:37,587
Uh, just a couple of centuries
straight backwards.
124
00:05:39,088 --> 00:05:40,214
(bang, echoing meow)
125
00:05:40,214 --> 00:05:41,716
Damn it! I backed over
126
00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:43,634
Mrs. McGillicuddy's time cat!
127
00:05:43,634 --> 00:05:46,637
- (clicking, grinding gears)
- Clutch, shift, and...
128
00:05:46,637 --> 00:05:48,765
away we go!
129
00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:51,851
- (zaps)
- (echoing cat yowl)
130
00:05:52,935 --> 00:05:55,855
(dramatic music playing)
131
00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:57,106
(whooshing)
132
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(beeping)
133
00:06:05,323 --> 00:06:07,825
{\an8}(klaxons honking)
134
00:06:09,952 --> 00:06:12,288
♪
135
00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:18,211
SANTA: Ho-ho-hot!
136
00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:21,089
(whirring)
137
00:06:21,547 --> 00:06:23,549
{\an8}- (beeping)
- Cookie.
138
00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:26,803
(loud munching)
139
00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:30,473
♪
140
00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:35,186
Cookie!
141
00:06:35,186 --> 00:06:37,605
(loud munching)
142
00:06:37,605 --> 00:06:39,690
(clicking, beeping)
143
00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:42,777
Cookie!
144
00:06:42,777 --> 00:06:44,987
(loud munching)
145
00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:48,408
- (grinding gears)
- Just shift into forward and...
146
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:49,492
Whoa!
147
00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:50,993
(zaps, beeping)
148
00:06:50,993 --> 00:06:54,747
Oh, bother. I shifted
into reverse by accident.
149
00:06:54,747 --> 00:06:58,167
I guess I'll have to take her
around by the scenic route.
150
00:06:58,167 --> 00:07:01,254
♪
151
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:04,632
(sips)
152
00:07:04,632 --> 00:07:08,010
Ah, here comes the Big Backwards Bang.
153
00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:09,637
(zaps, whirring)
154
00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:11,431
Ow! I'm being crushed
155
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:14,392
- by all the matter that ever was.
- (crinkling)
156
00:07:15,351 --> 00:07:18,020
(zapping, whirring)
157
00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:20,898
And here we are, the future!
158
00:07:20,898 --> 00:07:24,152
(reverse explosions)
159
00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:25,820
(zaps)
160
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:29,866
(sips)
161
00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:32,535
(zapping)
162
00:07:32,910 --> 00:07:33,911
Ee-eye!
163
00:07:33,911 --> 00:07:35,246
(zapping)
164
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,124
- How'd it go?
- Not a hitch!
165
00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:39,584
(splattering)
166
00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:41,419
I fixed Santa!
167
00:07:41,419 --> 00:07:43,713
(all cheering)
168
00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:45,548
It'll be my first happy Xmas
169
00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:48,509
since I got frozen
and never saw my family again!
170
00:07:48,509 --> 00:07:50,094
Now, hold on!
171
00:07:50,094 --> 00:07:51,596
Xmas isn't for a week.
172
00:07:51,596 --> 00:07:54,307
Until then, we got nonstop busy work.
173
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,559
Oh fuff. Let's stop pretending
174
00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:58,561
we do anything around here.
175
00:07:58,561 --> 00:08:00,646
Everyone, take the week off,
176
00:08:00,646 --> 00:08:03,483
and be with your so-called loved ones.
177
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:04,942
- (gasping)
- Really?
178
00:08:04,942 --> 00:08:06,527
I forgot I had loved ones!
179
00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:08,863
- It's a human resources miracle!
- (excited chatter)
180
00:08:08,863 --> 00:08:11,782
Uncle Fry,
I hope you'll join me and Cubert
181
00:08:11,782 --> 00:08:13,743
at my chalet in the Bronx.
182
00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:16,579
Wait! My family's hoping to meet Fry.
183
00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:18,331
I mean, they met him before,
184
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:20,291
but he didn't make much of an impression.
185
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:23,211
I'll wear out my welcome at one,
and then go to the other.
186
00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:26,005
(excited chatter)
187
00:08:30,218 --> 00:08:32,053
- So, Bender...
- No.
188
00:08:32,053 --> 00:08:35,097
You and I are
the only ones with no family.
189
00:08:35,097 --> 00:08:36,599
- Maybe we could--
- No.
190
00:08:36,599 --> 00:08:39,602
- Hang out?
- Oh. Hang out, you say?
191
00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:41,938
Let me think that over for a-- No.
192
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:44,732
No. Oh, sorry.
193
00:08:44,732 --> 00:08:46,776
Uh, I thought you were still talking.
194
00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:48,444
(festive music playing)
195
00:08:48,444 --> 00:08:51,447
(Fry and Cubert grunting, laughing)
196
00:08:51,447 --> 00:08:52,532
(yelps)
197
00:08:58,788 --> 00:09:00,206
- (sweaters whirring)
- (beeping, flash)
198
00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:04,085
(festive steel drum music playing)
199
00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:07,922
(game beeping)
200
00:09:07,922 --> 00:09:11,425
(laughter)
201
00:09:11,425 --> 00:09:13,970
(fan whirring)
202
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:15,638
{\an8}(somber music playing)
203
00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:19,684
{\an8}(sighs) It's just you and me,
moldy sandwich man.
204
00:09:23,479 --> 00:09:25,439
(dialing)
205
00:09:25,439 --> 00:09:26,566
(dial tone, beep)
206
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,109
Hello. Calculon acting.
207
00:09:28,109 --> 00:09:30,861
Hey, it's me! Your extremely close
friend Bender.
208
00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:31,946
Wanna hang out?
209
00:09:31,946 --> 00:09:33,364
How did you get this number?
210
00:09:33,364 --> 00:09:35,908
I didn't! I'm just dialing
every number in order.
211
00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:37,326
Keep dialing.
212
00:09:37,326 --> 00:09:39,036
(grumbles) This nuts bolts!
213
00:09:39,161 --> 00:09:40,162
(slams receiver)
214
00:09:40,162 --> 00:09:42,498
- Hey, Bender.
- Yes? I mean no!
215
00:09:42,498 --> 00:09:44,625
{\an8}I brought dumpster nog...
216
00:09:44,625 --> 00:09:47,420
{\an8}- And not the kind for kids.
- (sloshes)
217
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,797
{\an8}- Hm. What's in it?
- What's not in it?
218
00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:52,466
You want nutmeg on that?
219
00:09:52,466 --> 00:09:54,218
Nutmeg? Gross!
220
00:09:55,511 --> 00:09:56,846
(ticking)
221
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:59,265
BOTH: ♪ Five golden rings! ♪
222
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:01,767
♪ Four something something,
three something else ♪
223
00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:04,270
♪ Two no one cares, and a partridge ♪
224
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:05,896
♪ Drowned in our nog! ♪
225
00:10:05,896 --> 00:10:06,981
(dripping, splats)
226
00:10:06,981 --> 00:10:09,567
Whoof! This stuff is strong!
227
00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:12,194
Hey, how many glasses have we hadded?
228
00:10:12,194 --> 00:10:14,405
None. This is just from the fumes.
229
00:10:14,655 --> 00:10:15,656
(glasses clink)
230
00:10:16,657 --> 00:10:17,658
(ticks)
231
00:10:17,658 --> 00:10:19,160
Aw, it's not fair!
232
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:20,703
Everyone else gets to have fun
233
00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:22,413
with their stupid family.
234
00:10:22,413 --> 00:10:24,749
My species dies when we reproduce.
235
00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:26,751
So if I had a family, I'd be dead.
236
00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:29,545
- Does anyone even care about that?
- I sure don't.
237
00:10:29,545 --> 00:10:32,715
If you ask me,
"good" Santa is ruining Xmas.
238
00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:36,052
- I'd like to give him such a snipping.
- (snipping)
239
00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:39,805
Ooh, I'd bend him a new one!
But he's not here right now!
240
00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:42,183
But, he has was been here.
241
00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:44,852
Every Xmas, he shows up in the fire hole.
242
00:10:44,852 --> 00:10:45,936
(gasps)
243
00:10:45,936 --> 00:10:48,481
We could drunk drive the time machine
244
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:50,816
to last Xmas and kidnap him!
245
00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:54,153
Then, he won't be able to deliver presents
this Xmas!
246
00:10:54,153 --> 00:10:57,156
And our stupid friends' holiday
will be ruined!
247
00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:58,949
(cheering)
248
00:10:58,949 --> 00:11:01,744
Wait. Is kidnapping Santa a good idea,
249
00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:05,122
or does it just seem like a good idea
because we're intoximated?
250
00:11:05,122 --> 00:11:07,958
It's a good (belches) idea.
251
00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:09,502
- (woozy giggling)
- (opens time machine door)
252
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:10,753
Whee!
253
00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:12,630
(woozy laugh)
254
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:15,466
Set course for last Xmas!
255
00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:16,884
(zaps)
256
00:11:16,884 --> 00:11:19,053
♪ Jingle bells, Zoidberg smells ♪
257
00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:20,554
♪ Just like rotten eggs ♪
258
00:11:20,554 --> 00:11:23,724
(gasps) I'm immortalized in song.
259
00:11:23,724 --> 00:11:26,769
♪ ♪
260
00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:29,105
Cookie? (loud munching)
261
00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:30,189
(zaps)
262
00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:33,317
And here we are, last Xmas.
263
00:11:33,317 --> 00:11:34,902
Get him!
264
00:11:34,902 --> 00:11:37,905
Bite my glittering festive ass!
265
00:11:37,905 --> 00:11:39,907
(surprised grunting)
266
00:11:39,907 --> 00:11:42,868
Unhand me, you naughty boys! (grunts)
267
00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:45,496
(muffled yelling)
268
00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:46,580
(Bender grunts)
269
00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:48,165
(muffled yelling)
270
00:11:48,165 --> 00:11:50,126
- (grunting)
- (zaps)
271
00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:53,129
{\an8}♪
272
00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:54,964
(zaps)
273
00:11:55,965 --> 00:11:57,383
(muffled yelling)
274
00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:59,552
Shove him in the old meat locker!
275
00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:01,387
We have an old meat locker?
276
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:03,889
BENDER (singing): ♪ Silent night ♪
277
00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:05,391
♪ Holy night ♪
278
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:06,475
(clangs)
279
00:12:06,475 --> 00:12:07,560
(Bender grunts)
280
00:12:07,935 --> 00:12:08,936
(door creaks)
281
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:11,397
(Bender and Zoidberg grunting)
282
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:13,190
Oh, boy. Hey, boy.
283
00:12:13,190 --> 00:12:14,358
(Bender grunts)
284
00:12:14,358 --> 00:12:17,737
Try spreading joy now, you big Xmas ham.
285
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:19,905
(door creaks, slams)
286
00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:22,908
- We're geniuses!
- I'm geniuses!
287
00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:25,202
♪ Do the Bender! Do the Bender! ♪
288
00:12:25,202 --> 00:12:27,413
BOTH: ♪ Do the Bender! Do the Bender! ♪
289
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:29,373
(Zoidberg whooping)
290
00:12:29,373 --> 00:12:30,583
You know, Zoidberg,
291
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,918
you're only half as bad
as I thought you were.
292
00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:35,504
(sniffles) That means a lot.
293
00:12:35,504 --> 00:12:38,007
{\an8}- (metallic bang)
- Uh-oh. We woke the meat up.
294
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:40,551
(dramatic music playing)
295
00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:42,678
- (angry growl)
- (yelling)
296
00:12:42,678 --> 00:12:43,846
(panting)
297
00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:45,931
- What do we do?
- The time machine!
298
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:47,016
BENDER: Good idea!
299
00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:49,018
(grunts)
300
00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:54,648
Get ready to sleep in heavenly peace!
301
00:12:54,648 --> 00:12:56,650
(Bender and Zoidberg whimper)
302
00:12:56,650 --> 00:12:57,902
Ho, ho--
303
00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:00,154
Whoa!
304
00:13:00,988 --> 00:13:03,657
(zapping, yelling)
305
00:13:03,657 --> 00:13:06,827
BOTH: Ooh... Ah...
306
00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:08,913
- Ooh...
- (Santa yelling)
307
00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:15,377
He's dead. We killed Santa Claus.
308
00:13:15,377 --> 00:13:18,631
Uh... You killed Santy Claus.
309
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:21,342
{\an8}Uh... Robot?
310
00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:22,468
{\an8}♪
311
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:24,720
(whimpering)
312
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:26,180
(frightened squeal)
313
00:13:27,264 --> 00:13:30,768
(tense music playing)
314
00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:33,062
This was supposed to be a fun kidnapping!
315
00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:34,313
What do we do now?
316
00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:35,981
We gotta get rid of the body.
317
00:13:35,981 --> 00:13:37,483
That's usually pretty fun.
318
00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:38,692
♪
319
00:13:38,692 --> 00:13:42,071
Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!
320
00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:43,155
Stroke!
321
00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:44,990
Oops.
322
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:46,617
- (splash)
- Oops.
323
00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:48,494
Ow!
324
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:50,329
(distant ship horn)
325
00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:54,291
Okay. Now, we just add some
extra weight to sink the corpse.
326
00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:55,376
(heavy bang)
327
00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:57,628
It's not working!
328
00:13:57,628 --> 00:13:59,046
(marker squeaking)
329
00:13:59,046 --> 00:14:00,130
Still nothing!
330
00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:03,384
- Why! Won't! You! Sink!?
- (clanging)
331
00:14:03,384 --> 00:14:05,803
(both sputtering)
332
00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:06,887
BOTH: Ah!
333
00:14:06,887 --> 00:14:08,305
(splashing)
334
00:14:08,305 --> 00:14:09,974
(both panting)
335
00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:12,101
(police siren blaring)
336
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:14,186
URL: Hands up, boat bags.
337
00:14:14,186 --> 00:14:16,105
What's with the bloated floater?
338
00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:18,274
I admit it! We murd-- (grunts)
339
00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:21,694
Uh, just, uh, dumping
some toxic waste, officers.
340
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:24,113
Huh. Guess you gotta put it somewhere.
341
00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:26,031
Carry on, night dumpers.
342
00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:27,658
♪
343
00:14:27,658 --> 00:14:29,201
(Bender giggles)
344
00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:30,786
(boat rumbling)
345
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:37,042
Dwight, it's time to teach you
the Conrad holiday turducken recipe.
346
00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:39,128
Cooked in alphabetical order.
347
00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:40,838
Alrighty then.
348
00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:44,550
We gonna start with the chicken,
then duck, and then...
349
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:46,719
(muttering) Let me see now.
Now the E and the F...
350
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:49,388
(normal) Husband! We using
flamingo this year?
351
00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:52,224
At $20 a pound!? No, thank you.
352
00:14:52,224 --> 00:14:54,727
(dramatic music playing)
353
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:56,604
(flushing)
354
00:14:56,604 --> 00:14:58,689
- It's not working!
- Flush harder!
355
00:14:58,689 --> 00:15:01,734
I'm flushing as hard as I can!
Got any other ideas,
356
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:04,236
Mr. I'm-So-Great- At-Hiding-Corpses?
357
00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:07,781
Well, at least I have ideas!
What do you suggest?
358
00:15:07,781 --> 00:15:10,492
Hm... We could try an acid bath.
359
00:15:10,492 --> 00:15:12,119
That does sound relaxing, but--
360
00:15:12,119 --> 00:15:14,914
No! We'll dissolve Santa's body!
361
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:17,291
Professor has some acid
upstairs in his lab.
362
00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:18,918
I'll go fill this trash bag.
363
00:15:20,127 --> 00:15:21,378
(footsteps departing)
364
00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:24,089
- (splashing)
- (liquid dripping, hissing)
365
00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:26,091
- Oops!
- (floor creaking)
366
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,678
(hissing, bubbling)
367
00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:31,889
Remind me, is this the ground floor?
368
00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:33,682
(both yell)
369
00:15:33,682 --> 00:15:34,767
(crashing)
370
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:38,771
Behold, my family's traditional
Yuletide feast.
371
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:40,856
(grunts) Turdolphin!
372
00:15:40,856 --> 00:15:44,276
It's fresh turtle cooked inside
a fermented dolphin.
373
00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:47,404
Wow. Soon, it's gonna be
barf inside a vomit.
374
00:15:47,404 --> 00:15:50,449
Dad. Shh! Keep the truth to yourself.
375
00:15:50,449 --> 00:15:52,618
Which part smells like whale butt?
376
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:54,328
Ooh, that would be the gravy.
377
00:15:54,328 --> 00:15:55,537
(sloshing)
378
00:15:55,537 --> 00:15:58,123
(dramatic music playing)
379
00:15:58,123 --> 00:15:59,917
- (cranking)
- You ruined everything!
380
00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:02,086
You're the one who wanted to kidnap Santa!
381
00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:04,296
Oh, yeah? Well, you enabled me,
382
00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:07,925
so shut up and keep pushing him
into the meat grinder!
383
00:16:07,925 --> 00:16:10,511
Bender, look! It's working!
384
00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:12,930
Wait. Where's my claw?
385
00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:15,933
(festive music playing)
386
00:16:15,933 --> 00:16:18,727
Gather round, relatives, as I cook up
387
00:16:18,727 --> 00:16:20,938
turducken a la Farnsworth
388
00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:23,357
with this 3D poultry printer.
389
00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:26,276
As long as it's got three
dimensions, I'll eat it.
390
00:16:26,276 --> 00:16:28,487
We start with liquid chicken.
391
00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:31,365
(beeping, whirring)
392
00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:33,575
Then, some duck filament.
393
00:16:33,575 --> 00:16:36,870
(clicking)
394
00:16:39,289 --> 00:16:42,167
{\an8}And finally, a whole fresh turkey.
395
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:44,336
{\an8}I printed this one out earlier.
396
00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:45,587
{\an8}(bones crunching)
397
00:16:45,587 --> 00:16:46,839
(squishing)
398
00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:53,220
(licking fingers, humming happily)
399
00:16:53,220 --> 00:16:56,473
Oh, man. I need to head out
if I'm gonna make it to Leela's.
400
00:16:56,473 --> 00:16:59,768
- Do you have any skis?
- No, but I can print some.
401
00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:02,730
(pop, whirring)
402
00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:04,857
♪
403
00:17:05,232 --> 00:17:08,569
How are we making turducken?
There's nothing in the refrigerator.
404
00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:11,697
Eh, that fridge doesn't work.
We use it as a spare bedroom.
405
00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:14,199
We serve fresh turducken, Leela.
406
00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:17,453
- (squawks)
- They roam the sewers in huge flocks.
407
00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:20,748
(gobbling, quacking, clucking)
408
00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:22,875
- Are they hard to catch?
- Oh, no.
409
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,668
They crave death.
410
00:17:24,668 --> 00:17:26,962
(various squawks)
411
00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:28,589
(door creaks)
412
00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:29,882
Hey! Sorry I'm late.
413
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,925
I got hungry and ate my skis.
414
00:17:31,925 --> 00:17:33,802
Fry, you made it!
415
00:17:33,802 --> 00:17:36,096
You remember my parents and my grandma?
416
00:17:36,096 --> 00:17:38,849
- (tentacle squishing)
- Ah, yes. The rose of the sewers.
417
00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:39,933
Mwah!
418
00:17:39,933 --> 00:17:42,686
Leela, if you don't marry him,
419
00:17:42,686 --> 00:17:44,813
- I will.
- (popping)
420
00:17:44,813 --> 00:17:47,274
So, uh, where's Bender and Zoidberg?
421
00:17:47,274 --> 00:17:50,110
What? I figured they were
with you. Or something.
422
00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:52,446
They're probably relaxing by the fire.
423
00:17:52,446 --> 00:17:54,740
(dramatic sting)
424
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:56,033
(Bender whimpering)
425
00:17:56,033 --> 00:17:59,286
The only rational option is to eat Santa.
426
00:17:59,286 --> 00:18:00,913
Right? Right!?
427
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:02,164
I don't know!
428
00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:04,750
Oh, this is a nightmare before Xmas.
429
00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:06,627
I wish we'd never become friends!
430
00:18:06,627 --> 00:18:09,630
We're not friends! And we never were!
431
00:18:09,630 --> 00:18:10,839
(emotional music playing)
432
00:18:10,839 --> 00:18:13,425
But we danced. And murdered.
433
00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:14,510
(whirring)
434
00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:15,594
I'll do the carving.
435
00:18:15,594 --> 00:18:17,513
You want white Christmas
or dark Christmas?
436
00:18:17,513 --> 00:18:19,515
- (knocking on door)
- (both yelp)
437
00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:20,599
(door creaks)
438
00:18:21,016 --> 00:18:22,851
ALL: Surprise!
439
00:18:22,851 --> 00:18:24,436
Bah humbug!
440
00:18:27,564 --> 00:18:29,483
♪
441
00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:34,655
Nobody's home!
Leave a message at the beep.
442
00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:35,864
Beep!
443
00:18:35,864 --> 00:18:37,574
Open up or we'll carol!
444
00:18:37,574 --> 00:18:40,744
ZOIDBERG: Uh, Bender! We have company!
445
00:18:40,744 --> 00:18:43,622
BENDER: Uh, just a sec! I'm tidying up.
446
00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:46,542
(clanking, chainsaw roaring,
metal scraping)
447
00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:48,377
- LEELA: Hii-yah!
- (grunts)
448
00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:51,922
Come in, come in! Everything's normal.
449
00:18:51,922 --> 00:18:53,090
(footsteps approach)
450
00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:54,967
Merry Xmas, you guys.
451
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:57,511
We didn't know you hadn't
been invited anywhere.
452
00:18:57,511 --> 00:19:00,556
We came as soon as we realized
what losers you are.
453
00:19:00,556 --> 00:19:03,225
Uh, punch?
454
00:19:03,225 --> 00:19:05,686
Nah, I'll just have a beer.
455
00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:09,022
(creak, pop)
456
00:19:09,022 --> 00:19:11,567
Who's hungry? We all brought
457
00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:14,194
our families' unique holiday dishes.
458
00:19:14,903 --> 00:19:16,864
- Turducken!
- Turdolphin!
459
00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:18,323
Huh.
460
00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:19,700
How thoughtful of you all
461
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,535
to drop this disturbing food off,
462
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:24,246
and then be immediately
on your way. Goodbye!
463
00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:25,789
Dinner's served!
464
00:19:25,789 --> 00:19:29,001
Isn't that pretty?
It looks like a magazine.
465
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:32,171
Bender, since when do you have three legs?
466
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,381
Uh, uh, th-this one's a spare.
467
00:19:34,381 --> 00:19:36,592
In case I break down on the highway.
468
00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:39,469
And why is it wearing a snow boot?
469
00:19:39,469 --> 00:19:40,554
(grunts)
470
00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:44,349
(muffled yelling)
471
00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:46,685
(carving knife whirring)
472
00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:49,771
(heartwarming music playing)
473
00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:57,529
Finally, an old-time happy Xmas,
474
00:19:57,529 --> 00:19:59,364
with presents for everyone!
475
00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:01,617
(whispers) I'm hoping for Batman underpants.
476
00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:04,203
Santa should be here any minute now.
477
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,288
(kids and Fry cheering)
478
00:20:06,288 --> 00:20:08,290
The guilt is too much! I confess!
479
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:09,833
Santa won't-- (muffled grumbling)
480
00:20:09,833 --> 00:20:11,543
(sleigh bells jingling)
481
00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:13,420
What's that? Who's jingling!?
482
00:20:13,420 --> 00:20:16,298
Ah, here he comes!
483
00:20:16,298 --> 00:20:19,885
(whimsical Christmas music playing)
484
00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:23,597
Yay! It's good Santa!
485
00:20:23,597 --> 00:20:26,516
Indeed, because I fixed him.
486
00:20:26,516 --> 00:20:28,936
Santa seems less dead than we thought.
487
00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:30,604
(laser whirring)
488
00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:32,272
ALL: Ooh...
489
00:20:32,272 --> 00:20:35,442
- (gunfire)
- (all screaming)
490
00:20:35,442 --> 00:20:37,277
- (glass breaking, smashing)
- I don't understand.
491
00:20:37,277 --> 00:20:38,445
He's still evil!
492
00:20:38,862 --> 00:20:40,906
I personally went back in time
493
00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:43,700
and reversed his naughty-nice sensor!
494
00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:46,245
- Uh-oh.
- What you do, old man?
495
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:49,748
- (gunfire continues)
- Oh, I've made a complete Fry of myself.
496
00:20:49,748 --> 00:20:52,876
You see, Santa's sensor
was exactly like the one
497
00:20:52,876 --> 00:20:54,378
on this punch bowl.
498
00:20:54,378 --> 00:20:56,004
When he was first built,
499
00:20:56,004 --> 00:20:58,423
it was in the correct position.
500
00:20:58,423 --> 00:21:01,802
But when I went back in time,
I flipped it around.
501
00:21:01,802 --> 00:21:05,013
Me! Oh, lordy-loo.
502
00:21:05,013 --> 00:21:08,141
I'm the one who made Santa evil.
503
00:21:08,141 --> 00:21:10,018
- (all gasp)
- You monster!
504
00:21:10,018 --> 00:21:12,062
- (loud rumbling)
- (electricity fizzling)
505
00:21:12,062 --> 00:21:14,398
- (zooming)
- (sleigh bells jingle)
506
00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:16,984
SANTA: You've all been very naughty!
507
00:21:16,984 --> 00:21:19,903
Especially you, Mandy.
508
00:21:19,903 --> 00:21:23,365
I'm sorry I forgot to feed the hamster!
509
00:21:23,365 --> 00:21:25,242
Arm yourselves!
510
00:21:25,242 --> 00:21:26,618
(dramatic music playing)
511
00:21:26,618 --> 00:21:30,330
(all screaming)
512
00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:34,668
(beeping)
513
00:21:35,168 --> 00:21:37,212
Cookie? (munching)
514
00:21:37,212 --> 00:21:38,422
(zaps)
515
00:21:38,422 --> 00:21:41,633
And here we are, last Xmas.
516
00:21:41,633 --> 00:21:43,176
Get him!
517
00:21:43,176 --> 00:21:46,096
Bite my glittering festive ass.
518
00:21:46,096 --> 00:21:47,556
(surprised grunting)
519
00:21:47,556 --> 00:21:51,518
Unhand me, you naughty boys. (grunts)
520
00:21:51,518 --> 00:21:53,437
- (muffled yelling)
- Who are those handsome guys,
521
00:21:53,437 --> 00:21:55,272
and what are they doing to poor Santa?
522
00:21:55,272 --> 00:21:57,399
That's us, you idiot.
523
00:21:57,399 --> 00:21:59,609
You didn't take us to last Xmas.
524
00:21:59,609 --> 00:22:03,030
You took us to next Xmas!
Meaning this Xmas!
525
00:22:03,030 --> 00:22:05,282
Damn it, Bender. I'm a doctor,
526
00:22:05,282 --> 00:22:06,908
not a time machine guy!
527
00:22:06,908 --> 00:22:09,411
- (grunting)
- (zaps)
528
00:22:10,245 --> 00:22:12,873
(confused chatter)
529
00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:15,459
- (power whirring)
- I think I speak for everyone when I say,
530
00:22:15,459 --> 00:22:17,002
uh-whuh?
531
00:22:17,002 --> 00:22:18,837
I can't hold it in anymore!
532
00:22:18,837 --> 00:22:20,255
(muffled yelling)
533
00:22:20,255 --> 00:22:23,300
We kidnapped and murdered Santa!
534
00:22:23,300 --> 00:22:25,052
(all gasp)
535
00:22:25,052 --> 00:22:28,347
- Oh.
- We didn't mean to, but still!
536
00:22:28,347 --> 00:22:30,140
(both crying)
537
00:22:30,140 --> 00:22:32,768
Stop blubbering, you bloobs!
538
00:22:32,768 --> 00:22:34,227
You're heroes!
539
00:22:34,227 --> 00:22:35,854
- (crying)
- BENDER: What-roes?
540
00:22:35,854 --> 00:22:38,106
The professor set Santa to kill!
541
00:22:38,106 --> 00:22:41,151
You saved all (muttering) 19 of us!
542
00:22:41,151 --> 00:22:43,904
- We're heroes?
- Damn right, we are!
543
00:22:43,904 --> 00:22:47,240
BOTH: ♪ Do the Bender!
Do the Bender! Do the Bender! ♪
544
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:49,076
- (Zoidberg whooping)
- Aw, Bender!
545
00:22:49,076 --> 00:22:51,119
You and Zoidberg are friends now?
546
00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:52,579
That's so cute.
547
00:22:52,579 --> 00:22:54,539
Uh, absolutely not!
548
00:22:54,539 --> 00:22:56,708
You're all having a mass hallucination!
549
00:22:56,708 --> 00:22:59,628
So, what happened to Santa?
550
00:22:59,628 --> 00:23:00,712
(sipping)
551
00:23:00,712 --> 00:23:02,297
You're drinking out of him.
552
00:23:02,297 --> 00:23:04,716
There's one thing
I still don't understand.
553
00:23:04,716 --> 00:23:07,260
Which one of you meatbags
wrote the creepy notes?
554
00:23:07,260 --> 00:23:09,054
(dramatic sting)
555
00:23:09,054 --> 00:23:10,764
- 'Twas I!
- (all gasp)
556
00:23:10,764 --> 00:23:11,973
(clanging)
557
00:23:13,475 --> 00:23:14,643
(sipping)
558
00:23:14,643 --> 00:23:16,895
I sent the notes from the future!
559
00:23:16,895 --> 00:23:18,438
Because I murdered you?
560
00:23:18,438 --> 00:23:22,275
No! Because I knew what you did next Xmas.
561
00:23:22,275 --> 00:23:24,736
You became friends with Zoidberg!
562
00:23:24,736 --> 00:23:26,822
So I'm blackmailing you!
563
00:23:26,822 --> 00:23:29,991
No... No!
564
00:23:29,991 --> 00:23:31,493
You take Amy's Venmo?
565
00:23:31,493 --> 00:23:33,120
- Sure.
- Hey!
566
00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:36,706
(festive music playing)
567
00:23:37,582 --> 00:23:38,750
SANTA: Cookie!
568
00:23:38,750 --> 00:23:41,336
(electricity fizzling)
569
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:43,213
Yo, Santa Bot!
570
00:23:43,213 --> 00:23:47,134
I'ma drop my Futurama Xmas list for 3023.
571
00:23:47,300 --> 00:23:50,095
Y'all ready for this?
I'm about to get nice.
572
00:23:50,095 --> 00:23:51,263
(Christmas hip-hop music playing)
573
00:23:51,263 --> 00:23:52,973
Kwanzaabot. Yeah.
574
00:24:16,329 --> 00:24:19,249
(Christmas hip-hop music ends)
575
00:24:19,249 --> 00:24:22,335
♪
37202
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