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1
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[BELLS JINGLING]
2
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MAN: Ho! Ho! Ho!
3
00:01:06,199 --> 00:01:08,917
Merry Christmas!
4
00:01:08,941 --> 00:01:11,310
♪ Here comes Santa Claus,
here comes Santa Claus ♪
5
00:01:11,334 --> 00:01:13,965
♪ Right down Santa Claus Lane ♪
6
00:01:13,989 --> 00:01:16,663
♪ Vixen and Blitzen
and all his reindeer ♪
7
00:01:16,687 --> 00:01:19,178
♪ Pulling on the reins ♪
8
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♪ Bells are ringing, children singing ♪
9
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♪ All is merry and bright ♪
10
00:01:23,651 --> 00:01:25,585
♪ Hang your stockings... ♪
11
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Oh, no, Santa Claus,
don't come to town. Aw, no.
12
00:01:28,961 --> 00:01:30,634
♪ Here comes Santa Claus... ♪
13
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Oh, God, you're killin' me
with this Qallunaat shit.
14
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Come on, turn it off, bro. Please?
15
00:01:36,142 --> 00:01:37,423
♪ For the boys and girls again... ♪
16
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Oh, God. Okay, come on.
17
00:01:39,449 --> 00:01:40,862
Isn't it supposed to be on, like,
18
00:01:40,886 --> 00:01:42,975
police radio or something, Officer?
19
00:01:43,843 --> 00:01:45,649
It is on police radio.
20
00:01:45,673 --> 00:01:48,173
Captain Pendleton has
dispatch play Christmas music
21
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- on Christmas Eve.
- That's stupid.
22
00:01:50,460 --> 00:01:52,351
It's just one night a year.
23
00:01:52,375 --> 00:01:54,745
Yeah, Christmas maybe, but they
24
00:01:54,769 --> 00:01:56,616
have been shoving their way of life
25
00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:58,967
on people everywhere they show up.
26
00:01:58,991 --> 00:02:03,058
You know, they want me to live
my life off of three wise guys
27
00:02:03,082 --> 00:02:07,976
who followed a star to a barn
to find some magic kid?
28
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:09,629
And that's supposed to be more spiritual
29
00:02:09,653 --> 00:02:12,881
than-than our ancestors dancing
on the northern lights
30
00:02:12,905 --> 00:02:15,418
while they watch down on us?
31
00:02:15,442 --> 00:02:16,985
[GROANS]
32
00:02:17,009 --> 00:02:20,727
Qallunaat Christmas makes me
feel like such a loser.
33
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- [BURPS]
- It's your lucky day.
34
00:02:23,015 --> 00:02:25,689
Every year, Captain
Pendleton makes a big show
35
00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:27,430
at our Christmas party.
36
00:02:27,454 --> 00:02:30,607
He pardons an inmate in the holding cell.
37
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It's been a slow year, and
he didn't have anyone to pardon,
38
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so... you're it. Congrats.
39
00:02:36,478 --> 00:02:37,744
Wait. What?!
40
00:02:37,768 --> 00:02:40,530
Okay, so, you-you're pulling in
your own brother
41
00:02:40,554 --> 00:02:43,513
on a bullshit charge just to let me go?
42
00:02:44,083 --> 00:02:45,970
Oh, now, come on, Yuka.
43
00:02:45,994 --> 00:02:48,233
I mean, I know you're a sellout,
44
00:02:48,257 --> 00:02:50,540
but bullshit you are not.
45
00:02:50,564 --> 00:02:52,455
How can you stand working
46
00:02:52,479 --> 00:02:55,458
for that lying sack of shit every day?
47
00:02:55,482 --> 00:02:57,939
Ah, it's tough, Jack.
Just the sound of his voice
48
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makes me want to punch something.
49
00:02:59,790 --> 00:03:02,987
[SCOFFS] Yeah, well, unless
you're the lead sled dog.
50
00:03:03,011 --> 00:03:05,436
[CHUCKLING]: Guess the
view's pretty much the same.
51
00:03:05,460 --> 00:03:07,818
♪ Hear those sleigh bells
jingle jangle... ♪
52
00:03:07,842 --> 00:03:09,518
I'm sorry for dragging
you in, Jack, but...
53
00:03:09,542 --> 00:03:11,474
[SCOFFS] Nah.
54
00:03:11,498 --> 00:03:13,476
You won't be alone
for a couple hours and...
55
00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:14,825
Oh.
56
00:03:14,849 --> 00:03:16,764
- ...you'll get some turkey.
- What?
57
00:03:17,315 --> 00:03:19,047
Really?
58
00:03:19,071 --> 00:03:20,439
♪ Right down Santa Claus Lane... ♪
59
00:03:20,463 --> 00:03:22,528
What about some pie? I want some pie.
60
00:03:22,552 --> 00:03:25,662
- If you're lucky.
- If I'm...
61
00:03:25,686 --> 00:03:27,969
♪ 'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight... ♪
62
00:03:27,993 --> 00:03:30,493
Ah, fuck Santa Claus!
63
00:03:30,517 --> 00:03:33,694
Cheer up, Jack. You'll be back
on that barstool in an hour.
64
00:03:45,053 --> 00:03:47,055
[ELECTRICAL WHOOSH]
65
00:03:55,237 --> 00:03:57,215
Whoa.
66
00:03:57,239 --> 00:03:59,285
What the hell is that?
67
00:04:01,188 --> 00:04:02,742
I don't know.
68
00:04:02,766 --> 00:04:06,483
I mean, it's too much of a point
to be the northern lights.
69
00:04:07,233 --> 00:04:09,314
Must be a low polar orbit satellite.
70
00:04:09,338 --> 00:04:11,099
Oh, no, no, no.
71
00:04:11,123 --> 00:04:13,144
It must be for you,
72
00:04:13,525 --> 00:04:17,018
'cause "Yuka" means "shining"
and "brilliant" in Inuit, right?
73
00:04:17,042 --> 00:04:18,628
Although not
74
00:04:18,652 --> 00:04:21,718
so fucking brilliant
when you fuckin' arrest me.
75
00:04:21,742 --> 00:04:25,113
♪ Who's that walking in the snow... ♪
76
00:04:25,137 --> 00:04:27,724
PENDLETON: All right! Gather around.
77
00:04:27,748 --> 00:04:29,378
Time for a little Secret Santa here!
78
00:04:29,402 --> 00:04:30,814
[CHEERING]
79
00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:33,338
And it's no secret
that I'll be your Santa again.
80
00:04:33,362 --> 00:04:35,210
- [LAUGHTER]
- Can I get a "ho ho ho"?
81
00:04:35,234 --> 00:04:36,776
ALL: Ho! Ho! Ho!
82
00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:39,562
You people'd have to go
1,500 miles to the North Pole
83
00:04:39,586 --> 00:04:41,564
- to find a better Santa than me.
- [LAUGHTER]
84
00:04:41,588 --> 00:04:43,653
- Would you take that, dear?
- [ALL GROANING]
85
00:04:43,677 --> 00:04:45,394
MAN: Doesn't the base
know it's Christmas Eve?
86
00:04:45,418 --> 00:04:47,657
Hey, Santa, how about our own
power grid for Christmas?
87
00:04:47,681 --> 00:04:49,180
MATHESON: Eat shit, Buzz.
88
00:04:49,204 --> 00:04:51,791
That does it.
Mayor's on the naughty list!
89
00:04:51,815 --> 00:04:53,880
- You heard him.
- Bad boy.
90
00:04:53,904 --> 00:04:55,882
PENDLETON: All right, all right.
Arch Houghton? Where's Arch?
91
00:04:55,906 --> 00:04:58,015
- We got a Secret Santa for ya.
- MAN: Okay.
92
00:04:58,039 --> 00:04:59,974
PENDLETON: There you go. Merry Christmas.
93
00:04:59,998 --> 00:05:01,932
[CHEERING, INDISTINCT CHATTER]
94
00:05:01,956 --> 00:05:04,587
I got you, too. Get over here.
95
00:05:04,611 --> 00:05:06,545
Hey, look... she busted her brother!
96
00:05:06,569 --> 00:05:08,765
[CHEERING, BOOING]
97
00:05:08,789 --> 00:05:10,288
RITA: Your Christmas is saved, Lane!
98
00:05:10,312 --> 00:05:11,681
Uh-huh.
99
00:05:11,705 --> 00:05:13,552
ALL [CHANTING]: Jack! Jack! Jack!
100
00:05:13,576 --> 00:05:15,511
- Jack! Jack! Jack!
- PENDLETON: All right.
101
00:05:15,535 --> 00:05:17,078
- Jack! Jack! Jack!
- All right, all right.
102
00:05:17,102 --> 00:05:18,644
- Take it easy. Take it easy.
- Jack! Jack! Jack! Jack!
103
00:05:18,668 --> 00:05:20,037
She's got work to do. Mayor?
104
00:05:20,061 --> 00:05:21,908
- Yes, sir.
- Get over here.
105
00:05:21,932 --> 00:05:24,085
- He knows what it is.
- Booze for him...
106
00:05:24,109 --> 00:05:27,653
- This guy needs it in here.
- [OOHING, LAUGHTER]
107
00:05:27,677 --> 00:05:29,090
MAN: Look at that, honey.
108
00:05:29,114 --> 00:05:30,482
WOMAN: Oh, great.
109
00:05:30,506 --> 00:05:32,093
MAN [MUFFLED]: Three
cheers for the mayor!
110
00:05:32,117 --> 00:05:34,225
Hip, hip, hooray!
111
00:05:34,249 --> 00:05:36,686
[MUFFLED, INDISTINCT CHATTER]
112
00:05:47,132 --> 00:05:49,656
[BEEPS, BUZZES]
113
00:06:19,077 --> 00:06:22,297
So, when do I get pardoned?
114
00:06:24,025 --> 00:06:25,494
I'll come back and get you
115
00:06:25,518 --> 00:06:28,323
after Captain Pendleton's
done hearing himself talk.
116
00:06:28,347 --> 00:06:30,673
So is that when I get pie... after that?
117
00:06:30,697 --> 00:06:32,544
'Cause I'm kind of hungry now.
118
00:06:32,568 --> 00:06:34,546
Yes. Don't worry.
119
00:06:34,570 --> 00:06:36,809
You'll get your pie.
120
00:06:36,833 --> 00:06:38,855
I promise.
121
00:06:38,879 --> 00:06:40,483
It won't be long.
122
00:06:50,108 --> 00:06:52,501
[DOOR CLOSES]
123
00:06:54,677 --> 00:06:59,919
♪ Santa please come early
this Christmas ♪
124
00:06:59,943 --> 00:07:04,881
♪ And bring something special for me ♪
125
00:07:04,905 --> 00:07:07,144
[BELLS JINGLING]
126
00:07:07,168 --> 00:07:09,668
♪ Ooh-ooh
127
00:07:09,692 --> 00:07:12,758
- [SIGHS]
- ♪ Ooh-ooh ♪
128
00:07:12,782 --> 00:07:14,934
- Well, I'm humbled.
- ♪ Santa... ♪
129
00:07:14,958 --> 00:07:16,762
[ELECTRICAL WHOOSH]
130
00:07:16,786 --> 00:07:19,635
As I have been
since I started this tradition
131
00:07:19,659 --> 00:07:22,986
some... 20 years ago?
132
00:07:23,567 --> 00:07:24,655
Hmm.
133
00:07:24,679 --> 00:07:26,424
♪ Praying, Santa, please... ♪
134
00:07:26,448 --> 00:07:28,317
You know, every Christmas Eve...
135
00:07:29,059 --> 00:07:30,994
I like to look out that window there,
136
00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:34,563
and I envision those...
those Three Wise Men
137
00:07:34,587 --> 00:07:38,088
just looking up
at that Star of Bethlehem.
138
00:07:38,608 --> 00:07:40,960
Same stars that my ancestors looked at
139
00:07:40,984 --> 00:07:43,528
when they first arrived to tame
140
00:07:43,552 --> 00:07:47,053
and make this the great
49th state of Alaska.
141
00:07:47,077 --> 00:07:49,839
Before that... what was there out here?
142
00:07:49,863 --> 00:07:51,667
Bunch of bears and Eskimos?
143
00:07:51,691 --> 00:07:53,756
That's about it.
144
00:07:53,780 --> 00:07:56,498
Tonight, above all nights,
145
00:07:56,522 --> 00:07:58,369
I thank Jesus...
146
00:07:58,393 --> 00:08:00,632
for my responsibilities
He has bestowed upon me.
147
00:08:01,208 --> 00:08:02,483
First,
148
00:08:02,507 --> 00:08:04,549
to my duty to defend my country
149
00:08:04,573 --> 00:08:06,551
and work to support our neighbors
150
00:08:06,575 --> 00:08:08,771
at the Cheney Air Force Listening Station
151
00:08:08,795 --> 00:08:11,513
with their state-of-the-art LRD radar.
152
00:08:11,537 --> 00:08:14,255
Hmm? We may just be a modest
little community down here.
153
00:08:14,279 --> 00:08:17,780
Little outpost 151, but we support
154
00:08:17,804 --> 00:08:21,131
that high-tech station
with our low-tech values.
155
00:08:21,155 --> 00:08:22,828
- WOMAN: Yes.
- Am I right?
156
00:08:22,852 --> 00:08:24,700
- Oh, yeah.
- Now, I know
157
00:08:24,724 --> 00:08:26,343
it's a hassle when
they get a little greedy
158
00:08:26,367 --> 00:08:29,835
with our power grid, but
they rely on us for supplies,
159
00:08:29,859 --> 00:08:31,576
and we offer police protection
160
00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:34,492
outside that base
365 days out of the year.
161
00:08:34,516 --> 00:08:35,928
- MAN: Yeah!
- Yes!
162
00:08:35,952 --> 00:08:37,495
[WHOOPING, LAUGHTER]
163
00:08:37,519 --> 00:08:39,150
Tonight we got a duty
164
00:08:39,652 --> 00:08:43,284
to a... a greater superior officer.
165
00:08:43,308 --> 00:08:46,112
So, on this night,
night before His birthday,
166
00:08:46,136 --> 00:08:49,159
He would have us remember
that He wants us to be kind
167
00:08:49,183 --> 00:08:51,683
to strangers and visitors and stuff.
168
00:08:51,707 --> 00:08:54,295
"I was hungry, you gave me
something to eat."
169
00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:57,167
- Mm-hmm.
- "I was thirsty and you
170
00:08:57,191 --> 00:08:59,256
"gave me something to drink.
171
00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:02,520
I was a stranger, and you said,
'Come on inside here.'"
172
00:09:02,544 --> 00:09:04,609
And all the folks said,
"When-when was this?"
173
00:09:04,633 --> 00:09:08,178
And you said, "When you were
being nice to a stranger,
174
00:09:08,202 --> 00:09:10,398
you were being nice to me." Right?
175
00:09:10,422 --> 00:09:11,877
But the point is, you all know
176
00:09:11,901 --> 00:09:13,270
what I'm saying.
Unless you've been living
177
00:09:13,294 --> 00:09:14,646
in a cave somewhere, you know
178
00:09:14,670 --> 00:09:17,274
every year, I am kind to a stranger
179
00:09:17,298 --> 00:09:19,276
as long as they ain't killed nobody,
180
00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:21,583
or tried to terrorist-attack
that Air Force base.
181
00:09:21,607 --> 00:09:23,149
That would be a red line.
182
00:09:23,173 --> 00:09:25,239
[LAUGHTER]
183
00:09:25,263 --> 00:09:27,241
So tonight, once again,
184
00:09:28,108 --> 00:09:29,765
I would like to pardon a stranger.
185
00:09:29,789 --> 00:09:32,507
Yuka, dear, could you please
go fetch the stranger
186
00:09:32,531 --> 00:09:33,942
to be kind to?
187
00:09:35,942 --> 00:09:37,120
Of course I won't call him a stranger,
188
00:09:37,144 --> 00:09:39,209
seeing it was your brother Jack
you brought in here,
189
00:09:39,233 --> 00:09:40,906
and I've known Jack since about ever.
190
00:09:40,930 --> 00:09:43,344
[LAUGHTER]
191
00:09:43,368 --> 00:09:45,587
I shouldn't say that.
192
00:09:47,763 --> 00:09:49,741
[MUFFLED, INDISTINCT CHATTER]
193
00:09:49,765 --> 00:09:51,985
[SIGHS]
194
00:09:54,335 --> 00:09:57,251
[ELECTRICAL CLICK, BUZZING]
195
00:10:02,082 --> 00:10:03,866
[BUZZES]
196
00:10:05,477 --> 00:10:07,479
[SNORING]
197
00:10:10,003 --> 00:10:12,808
- Jack?
- [LOUD SNORING]
198
00:10:12,832 --> 00:10:14,834
Hey, Jack?
199
00:10:17,583 --> 00:10:19,585
Goddamn grid.
200
00:10:20,666 --> 00:10:22,774
[SNORING CONTINUES]
201
00:10:22,798 --> 00:10:24,150
Jack?
202
00:10:25,900 --> 00:10:27,388
- [LOUD SNORING]
- Jacko.
203
00:10:27,412 --> 00:10:29,108
Wake up.
204
00:10:30,150 --> 00:10:32,152
[GASPS]
205
00:10:47,575 --> 00:10:49,358
How'd you get in there?
206
00:10:58,067 --> 00:10:59,444
Who are you?
207
00:11:04,013 --> 00:11:06,059
I want to be pardoned.
208
00:11:09,025 --> 00:11:10,525
Just like you...
209
00:11:11,608 --> 00:11:13,108
will want to be pardoned.
210
00:11:15,067 --> 00:11:17,358
Meet Sergeant Yuka Mongoyak,
211
00:11:17,810 --> 00:11:19,396
a woman with a knack
212
00:11:19,420 --> 00:11:22,356
for detecting
the most subtle of mistruths.
213
00:11:22,380 --> 00:11:26,360
On this night, a night
of the most powerful of myths,
214
00:11:26,384 --> 00:11:29,188
that skill will be tested
like never before.
215
00:11:29,212 --> 00:11:31,190
She's about to learn
216
00:11:31,214 --> 00:11:33,454
that the truth can take
many different forms,
217
00:11:33,478 --> 00:11:35,630
depending on how you look at it.
218
00:11:35,654 --> 00:11:39,851
Because tonight,
Sergeant Yuka's vantage point
219
00:11:39,875 --> 00:11:42,071
is at the very heart...
220
00:11:42,095 --> 00:11:44,856
of The Twilight Zone.
221
00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:46,684
[THE TWILIGHT ZONETHEME PLAYING]
222
00:11:46,708 --> 00:11:48,469
NARRATOR: You're traveling
through another dimension,
223
00:11:48,493 --> 00:11:51,602
a dimension not only of
sight and sound but of mind.
224
00:11:51,626 --> 00:11:54,866
It is the middle ground
between light and shadow,
225
00:11:54,890 --> 00:11:57,608
between science and superstition.
226
00:11:57,632 --> 00:12:00,002
And it lies between
the pit of one's fears
227
00:12:00,026 --> 00:12:02,570
and the summit of one's knowledge.
228
00:12:02,594 --> 00:12:06,269
You are now traveling through
a dimension of imagination.
229
00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:10,578
You've just crossed over
into The Twilight Zone.
230
00:12:10,592 --> 00:12:14,311
Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com
231
00:12:15,127 --> 00:12:17,129
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
232
00:12:28,881 --> 00:12:32,513
♪ When the kids are fast asleep ♪
233
00:12:32,537 --> 00:12:35,733
♪ Gently down the stairs we'll creep ♪
234
00:12:35,757 --> 00:12:37,605
♪ Then we'll lock and bolt
235
00:12:37,629 --> 00:12:39,998
- ♪ All the doors ♪
- Yuka?
236
00:12:40,022 --> 00:12:42,653
♪ Just you and me and Santa Claus... ♪
237
00:12:42,677 --> 00:12:44,067
Hey!
238
00:12:45,550 --> 00:12:47,049
[BUZZES]
239
00:12:47,073 --> 00:12:50,139
Hey. What is taking so long?
240
00:12:50,163 --> 00:12:52,271
Someone's in here, Captain!
241
00:12:52,295 --> 00:12:55,057
- Is Jack screwing around again?
- I don't know
242
00:12:55,081 --> 00:12:57,276
who this is in cell three,
or how he got here.
243
00:12:57,300 --> 00:12:59,235
What the hell are you talkin' about?
244
00:12:59,259 --> 00:13:00,845
I got all these people up here.
245
00:13:00,869 --> 00:13:02,741
They're waiting for me.
246
00:13:06,025 --> 00:13:07,775
He wants to be pardoned.
247
00:13:08,692 --> 00:13:10,376
What the fuck is this?
248
00:13:11,067 --> 00:13:13,733
An elf escape from Santa's workshop?
249
00:13:15,101 --> 00:13:16,275
Who...
250
00:13:16,885 --> 00:13:19,081
who-who is...
251
00:13:19,105 --> 00:13:20,648
who the hell is this,
252
00:13:20,672 --> 00:13:22,563
and wh-why... why is he wearing a suit?
253
00:13:23,275 --> 00:13:24,608
You're throwing a party.
254
00:13:25,192 --> 00:13:26,610
I'm dressed for the best party.
255
00:13:27,150 --> 00:13:28,220
Uh, one thing, though,
256
00:13:28,244 --> 00:13:29,831
and I hate to be the one, but...
257
00:13:29,855 --> 00:13:33,487
I actually came
from the North Pole, and...
258
00:13:33,511 --> 00:13:34,923
there's no workshop up there.
259
00:13:36,431 --> 00:13:37,484
Just a bunch of snow.
260
00:13:38,733 --> 00:13:40,537
Came from the North Pole, huh?
261
00:13:40,561 --> 00:13:42,539
Yeah, I just... flew over it
262
00:13:42,563 --> 00:13:43,932
on my way over here.
263
00:13:43,956 --> 00:13:46,282
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY] I've been everywhere.
264
00:13:46,650 --> 00:13:48,023
I'm actually a, uh...
265
00:13:48,608 --> 00:13:50,025
I'm an extreme tourist.
266
00:13:50,358 --> 00:13:52,181
It's a thing. Have you heard about it?
267
00:13:54,275 --> 00:13:55,944
Mayor put you two up to this?
268
00:13:55,968 --> 00:13:57,641
Don't look at me.
269
00:13:57,665 --> 00:14:00,296
[CHUCKLES]: No, I actually
have my own YouTube channel.
270
00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:03,284
It's called The Aggro
Traveler's Bucket List.
271
00:14:03,308 --> 00:14:05,784
I legally had my name changed
in California
272
00:14:05,808 --> 00:14:07,259
to A. Traveler.
273
00:14:07,283 --> 00:14:08,478
[CHUCKLES]
274
00:14:08,502 --> 00:14:10,785
I visit the hardest places to get to.
275
00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:12,743
Most people, they end up on Thanksgiving
276
00:14:12,767 --> 00:14:15,093
at Montage Kapalua Bay, and they're like,
277
00:14:15,117 --> 00:14:17,922
"I should've gone to Iglaak, Alaska,
278
00:14:17,946 --> 00:14:20,446
"to be pardoned by Captain Lane Pendleton
279
00:14:20,470 --> 00:14:22,603
on Christmas Eve. Duh."
280
00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:26,780
Are you shittin' me?
281
00:14:26,804 --> 00:14:28,390
I mean, they-they've heard about this?
282
00:14:28,414 --> 00:14:30,436
They've heard about me
all the way up here?
283
00:14:30,460 --> 00:14:31,671
Are you kidding me?
284
00:14:31,695 --> 00:14:34,814
Any aggro traveler
anywhere in the world knows
285
00:14:34,814 --> 00:14:37,599
about Captain Lane Pendleton's
Christmas Eve pardons.
286
00:14:39,036 --> 00:14:43,059
That to be here in Iglaak
on Christmas Eve sits...
287
00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:46,584
high on any extreme tourist bucket list.
288
00:14:46,608 --> 00:14:48,804
Ride a train to the top of Jungfraujoch.
289
00:14:48,828 --> 00:14:50,675
Dive off Stari Most bridge.
290
00:14:50,699 --> 00:14:53,678
Kiss Dee Dee Ramone's tombstone
at Hollywood Forever Cemetery.
291
00:14:53,702 --> 00:14:56,029
Get pardoned by Captain Lane Pendleton
292
00:14:56,053 --> 00:14:58,010
on Christmas Eve in Iglaak,
293
00:14:58,034 --> 00:14:59,292
Alaska.
294
00:14:59,316 --> 00:15:00,816
[CHUCKLES]
295
00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:02,600
I did not realize.
296
00:15:02,624 --> 00:15:04,167
I could see it, though.
297
00:15:04,191 --> 00:15:06,126
- I could.
- Would that mean, um...
298
00:15:06,675 --> 00:15:09,085
uh, Captain Pendleton, would you...
299
00:15:09,567 --> 00:15:11,372
would you pardon me tonight?
300
00:15:12,417 --> 00:15:14,351
Oh, yeah, uh...
301
00:15:14,375 --> 00:15:16,440
Well, let me think about that
302
00:15:16,464 --> 00:15:18,225
one, uh...
303
00:15:18,249 --> 00:15:20,401
Hmm... [CHUCKLES]
304
00:15:20,425 --> 00:15:22,296
Have you committed any crime?
305
00:15:23,776 --> 00:15:26,276
Only waiting so long to come here.
306
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:28,931
[LAUGHS]Y-You know, you said
you got a YouTube.
307
00:15:28,955 --> 00:15:31,586
Maybe you can video me-me pardon you,
308
00:15:31,610 --> 00:15:34,517
- and put it on the show, if you want.
- Yeah. Absolutely.
309
00:15:34,541 --> 00:15:36,267
You know what, I'll video it...
310
00:15:40,097 --> 00:15:42,099
[QUIETLY]: Just a phone.
311
00:15:43,361 --> 00:15:44,686
I'll throw it up online,
312
00:15:44,710 --> 00:15:46,514
and that way all the extreme tourists
313
00:15:46,538 --> 00:15:48,820
can see for themselves
just how truly charming
314
00:15:48,844 --> 00:15:51,214
- you and this town are.
- Well, it's a good town.
315
00:15:51,238 --> 00:15:53,477
[CHUCKLES] If you do
this tonight, Captain,
316
00:15:53,501 --> 00:15:56,483
there'll be a lot more people
just like me here next year.
317
00:15:56,809 --> 00:16:00,049
Yeah, you know that-that show
Alaskan Trooperson Nat Geo,
318
00:16:00,073 --> 00:16:01,877
they just totally blew us off.
319
00:16:01,901 --> 00:16:04,488
I think it's just 'cause the
Air Force base up the road
320
00:16:04,512 --> 00:16:06,142
doesn't like people poking around.
321
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:07,883
What kind of phone is this?
322
00:16:07,907 --> 00:16:09,841
Oh, Jesus, look at that thing.
323
00:16:09,865 --> 00:16:11,495
Who makes that?
324
00:16:11,519 --> 00:16:13,391
It's a Russian design.
325
00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:16,858
It's Russian-made?
326
00:16:17,983 --> 00:16:19,503
The Russians don't make anything.
327
00:16:19,527 --> 00:16:22,071
- They steal everything.
- Oh, no, no,
328
00:16:22,095 --> 00:16:25,379
that actually already has
an 8K video resolution.
329
00:16:25,403 --> 00:16:27,076
It's a beta, but...
330
00:16:27,100 --> 00:16:29,296
I'm sure if I said it was
for Captain Pendleton,
331
00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:31,341
I could get you one.
332
00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:33,343
Well, they're just across
our front yard there,
333
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:35,954
- across the Chukchi Sea, the Russians.
- I know.
334
00:16:36,218 --> 00:16:38,220
They know all about you.
335
00:16:41,288 --> 00:16:44,093
All right, well, doesn't look
like it's gonna be Jack's night,
336
00:16:44,117 --> 00:16:46,313
so give him his phone back, unlock him.
337
00:16:46,337 --> 00:16:47,949
I gotta pardon this guy.
338
00:16:47,973 --> 00:16:49,275
Captain.
339
00:16:50,890 --> 00:16:53,407
[QUIETLY]: We should run
a 10-29 active warrants search.
340
00:16:53,431 --> 00:16:56,236
Now? There's not gonna be
anybody there tonight.
341
00:16:56,260 --> 00:16:58,542
It's all done online.
342
00:16:58,566 --> 00:17:01,284
PENDLETON: Well, what is
your concern, Sergeant?
343
00:17:01,308 --> 00:17:03,634
YUKA: You said it.
Russian-made things are crap.
344
00:17:03,658 --> 00:17:06,246
This is not a Russian phone.
345
00:17:06,270 --> 00:17:07,525
Why is he lying?
346
00:17:08,141 --> 00:17:10,187
This could be a 10-96.
347
00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:12,948
All right, you check it out,
348
00:17:12,972 --> 00:17:15,777
- and I'll pardon him, huh?
- But what if we get a hit?
349
00:17:15,801 --> 00:17:17,900
We'll arrest him again.
350
00:17:18,586 --> 00:17:20,414
[CLAPS HANDS]
351
00:17:26,333 --> 00:17:27,963
You have I.D.?
352
00:17:27,987 --> 00:17:29,162
Oh.
353
00:17:39,955 --> 00:17:42,044
[SMACKS LIPS] Ooh. Bright.
354
00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:54,274
♪
355
00:17:56,929 --> 00:17:58,278
[SNORING]
356
00:18:06,156 --> 00:18:09,091
Right down here, we call
this "The Corridor."
357
00:18:09,115 --> 00:18:11,180
Oh. I got to tell you,
this is incredible.
358
00:18:11,204 --> 00:18:12,834
The crowd's gonna be excited to see you.
359
00:18:12,858 --> 00:18:16,316
[CHATTER CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]
360
00:18:16,340 --> 00:18:18,559
♪
361
00:18:24,261 --> 00:18:26,239
[BAND PLAYING LIVELY MUSIC]
362
00:18:26,263 --> 00:18:28,589
WOMAN: ♪ Jingle all the way
363
00:18:28,613 --> 00:18:31,069
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪
364
00:18:31,093 --> 00:18:32,941
♪ In a one-horse open... ♪
365
00:18:32,965 --> 00:18:35,378
- [BAND CONTINUES PLAYING]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
366
00:18:35,402 --> 00:18:36,988
Hey, lookee here,
367
00:18:37,012 --> 00:18:39,104
lookee here, the Good Lord has brought us
368
00:18:39,128 --> 00:18:41,471
an honest-to-goodness stranger
369
00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:43,299
to actually pardon here tonight.
370
00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:44,996
- [MUSIC STOPS]
- Now, Jack Mongoyak
371
00:18:45,020 --> 00:18:46,607
is back there sleeping it off,
372
00:18:46,631 --> 00:18:47,999
but I'm not too worried.
373
00:18:48,023 --> 00:18:49,958
We'll just pardon him next year.
He'll be back.
374
00:18:49,982 --> 00:18:52,265
- [LAUGHTER]
- Meanwhile,
375
00:18:52,289 --> 00:18:54,267
this guy may be a stranger, everybody,
376
00:18:54,291 --> 00:18:55,964
but he's... he's a great guy.
377
00:18:55,988 --> 00:18:59,185
In fact, he's... he's
a little bit of a celebrity.
378
00:18:59,209 --> 00:19:00,433
He's got a-a show
379
00:19:00,457 --> 00:19:02,013
on the YouTube.
380
00:19:02,037 --> 00:19:03,450
- [OTHERS GASPING]
- Yeah.
381
00:19:03,474 --> 00:19:06,583
Yeah. And-and it's about
visiting cool places. Right?
382
00:19:06,607 --> 00:19:08,237
So I figure since he's here tonight,
383
00:19:08,261 --> 00:19:10,196
we must be... cool, too.
384
00:19:10,220 --> 00:19:12,198
And I'm not talking about the weather.
385
00:19:12,222 --> 00:19:14,809
[LAUGHTER]
386
00:19:14,833 --> 00:19:17,377
Oh. Let me, uh, just do this here.
387
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:19,553
All right.
388
00:19:19,577 --> 00:19:22,904
Hey, this is A. Traveler,
and I am finally,
389
00:19:22,928 --> 00:19:24,372
finally here.
390
00:19:24,396 --> 00:19:25,605
I am so far up north,
391
00:19:25,629 --> 00:19:28,170
I'm a hundred miles
from the Arctic Circle
392
00:19:28,194 --> 00:19:30,346
here in Iglaak, Alaska.
Everyone say "hello!"
393
00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:33,088
ALL: Hello!
394
00:19:33,112 --> 00:19:35,003
Now, it is Christmas Eve.
395
00:19:35,027 --> 00:19:37,353
That means you know who this is.
396
00:19:37,377 --> 00:19:40,150
And I'm not talking about no Santa Claus.
397
00:19:40,728 --> 00:19:43,403
It's Captain Lane Pendleton, everyone!
398
00:19:43,427 --> 00:19:44,926
[OTHERS CHEERING, SHOUTING]
399
00:19:44,950 --> 00:19:46,406
PENDLETON: Oh, no, no...
400
00:19:46,430 --> 00:19:49,322
- YUKA: Houghton.
- Sir, would-would it be okay if I...
401
00:19:49,346 --> 00:19:51,498
- got a selfie with, the troopers?
- Oh, what the hell!
402
00:19:51,522 --> 00:19:52,890
- All right!
- Thank you.
403
00:19:52,914 --> 00:19:54,979
I want to know how he got in the cell.
404
00:19:55,003 --> 00:19:56,720
- Did you put him in there?
- No.
405
00:19:56,744 --> 00:19:59,269
TRAVELER: Everybody say "Iglaak"
on three, okay? One, two,
406
00:19:59,293 --> 00:20:01,899
- three.
- ALL: Iglaak!
407
00:20:01,923 --> 00:20:04,424
There was that set of keys
missing from last winter,
408
00:20:04,448 --> 00:20:07,165
and we never changed the locks,
because Lupino lost them
409
00:20:07,189 --> 00:20:09,911
in six feet of snow, and we
figured no one'd find them.
410
00:20:09,935 --> 00:20:11,028
PENDLETON: All right, all right,
411
00:20:11,052 --> 00:20:12,867
let's do this thing.
Houghton, grab the chair.
412
00:20:12,891 --> 00:20:16,150
And, ladies and gentlemen, attention!
413
00:20:17,896 --> 00:20:20,178
- Where's the chair?
- HOUGHTON: Back there.
414
00:20:20,202 --> 00:20:23,356
PENDLETON: All right, all
right, come on back here.
415
00:20:23,380 --> 00:20:25,140
Merry Christmas, John.
416
00:20:25,164 --> 00:20:26,750
It's Sergeant Yuka Mongoyak.
417
00:20:26,774 --> 00:20:28,012
- [TAPS KEYBOARD]
- Oh, yeah.
418
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:30,319
Party's in full swing.
419
00:20:30,343 --> 00:20:32,365
The pardoning just started,
which is why I called.
420
00:20:32,389 --> 00:20:34,105
Have you had any guests check in?
421
00:20:34,129 --> 00:20:37,239
May go by the name of A.
Traveler, wearing a black suit,
422
00:20:37,263 --> 00:20:38,849
five-nine, not from here.
423
00:20:38,873 --> 00:20:41,765
- YUKA: City type.
- Thank you, just...
424
00:20:41,789 --> 00:20:43,922
I.D. says California.
425
00:20:48,187 --> 00:20:50,296
[SIGHS]: No, huh?
426
00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:51,645
Okay.
427
00:20:51,669 --> 00:20:53,124
Hmm.
428
00:20:53,148 --> 00:20:55,431
All right, well,
you have a nice Christmas.
429
00:20:55,455 --> 00:20:58,763
PENDLETON: With the power vested in me...
430
00:21:00,330 --> 00:21:02,786
...I hereby declare you pardoned
431
00:21:02,810 --> 00:21:05,876
from our jail cell in Iglaak... Alaska.
432
00:21:05,900 --> 00:21:07,791
And, of course, from all of us,
433
00:21:07,815 --> 00:21:09,619
Merry Christmas, sir.
434
00:21:09,643 --> 00:21:11,534
[CHEERING, WHOOPING]
435
00:21:11,558 --> 00:21:12,883
Thank you.
436
00:21:12,907 --> 00:21:15,103
Can I... can I say something?
437
00:21:15,127 --> 00:21:16,931
Um...
438
00:21:16,955 --> 00:21:19,760
on part of my journey up here,
439
00:21:19,784 --> 00:21:22,502
I rode the Trans-Siberian Railway
440
00:21:22,526 --> 00:21:24,982
nonstop for eight days,
441
00:21:25,006 --> 00:21:27,376
from Moscow to Vladivostok.
442
00:21:27,942 --> 00:21:29,552
And along that ride,
443
00:21:29,576 --> 00:21:31,685
so many people came up to me
444
00:21:31,709 --> 00:21:35,993
to ask me about that tough
American sheriff in Iglaak
445
00:21:36,017 --> 00:21:37,865
that they all admired.
446
00:21:37,889 --> 00:21:39,823
- [LAUGHTER, LIVELY CHATTER]
- Now, they even said
447
00:21:39,847 --> 00:21:42,130
that the North Koreans told the Russians
448
00:21:42,154 --> 00:21:45,220
that if they ever were
gonna attack the United States,
449
00:21:45,244 --> 00:21:48,266
that they'd have to go
around Captain Pendleton
450
00:21:48,290 --> 00:21:51,357
and the entire town of Iglaak, Alaska!
451
00:21:51,381 --> 00:21:54,098
- [CHEERING]
- That's right. That's right.
452
00:21:54,122 --> 00:21:56,187
That's the truth!
453
00:21:56,211 --> 00:21:57,885
Crank up the music.
454
00:21:57,909 --> 00:21:59,930
Merry Christmas.
This is Sergeant Yuka Mongoyak
455
00:21:59,954 --> 00:22:02,331
with the Alaska State Troopers
Iglaak Post.
456
00:22:02,331 --> 00:22:04,252
Sorry to trouble you on Christmas Eve,
457
00:22:04,276 --> 00:22:06,101
but I'm inquiring to see
if there are any personnel
458
00:22:06,125 --> 00:22:08,517
considered AWOL from your Air Force base?
459
00:22:09,798 --> 00:22:11,187
PENDLETON: Shall we get this party going?
460
00:22:11,211 --> 00:22:12,608
OTHERS: Yeah!
461
00:22:12,632 --> 00:22:14,393
[SIGHS HEAVILY]
462
00:22:14,417 --> 00:22:16,830
Or have any alerts been issued
on suspicious individuals
463
00:22:16,854 --> 00:22:18,421
in the area?
464
00:22:20,067 --> 00:22:21,313
I appreciate your help.
465
00:22:21,337 --> 00:22:22,488
You, too.
466
00:22:22,512 --> 00:22:23,942
Merry Christmas.
467
00:22:24,992 --> 00:22:27,057
[LIVELY CHATTER CONTINUES]
468
00:22:27,081 --> 00:22:29,234
♪ On Christmas Eve ♪
469
00:22:29,258 --> 00:22:30,887
♪ And you're calling it a night ♪
470
00:22:30,911 --> 00:22:33,238
♪ Just know if Santa's happy ♪
471
00:22:33,262 --> 00:22:36,284
♪ The presents will come all right ♪
472
00:22:36,308 --> 00:22:38,334
♪ Make Santa happy ♪
473
00:22:38,358 --> 00:22:40,984
[LIVELY CHATTER CONTINUES]
474
00:22:41,008 --> 00:22:43,620
♪ Make Santa happy ♪
475
00:22:45,274 --> 00:22:47,817
Captain Pendleton just pardoned me...
476
00:22:48,494 --> 00:22:50,627
and you're looking
to put me back in jail?
477
00:22:53,325 --> 00:22:56,435
You haven't believed a single
word out of my mouth, have you?
478
00:22:57,385 --> 00:22:58,847
Captain Pendleton does, but...
479
00:22:59,192 --> 00:23:00,289
not you.
480
00:23:02,423 --> 00:23:04,991
Now, that's the first
honest thing you've said.
481
00:23:06,889 --> 00:23:09,456
Don't you want to open up the
present that I brought for you?
482
00:23:12,301 --> 00:23:14,525
What you'd like most for Christmas?
483
00:23:15,565 --> 00:23:17,282
♪ To make sure you've done right ♪
484
00:23:17,306 --> 00:23:19,371
I don't believe in Christmas.
485
00:23:19,395 --> 00:23:20,894
♪ Make Santa happy ♪
486
00:23:20,918 --> 00:23:22,939
♪ No coal in your stocking this year ♪
487
00:23:22,963 --> 00:23:24,985
You believe in what you believe.
488
00:23:25,009 --> 00:23:27,577
Isn't that what Christmas is all about?
489
00:23:28,926 --> 00:23:30,295
♪ Make Santa happy ♪
490
00:23:30,319 --> 00:23:33,298
♪ No coal in your stocking this year ♪
491
00:23:33,322 --> 00:23:35,343
♪ You gotta make Santa happy ♪
492
00:23:35,367 --> 00:23:38,564
♪ If you want a Merry Christmas ♪
493
00:23:38,588 --> 00:23:41,243
♪ This year. ♪
494
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:49,662
[DOOR OPENS]
495
00:23:49,686 --> 00:23:50,858
YUKA: Jack?
496
00:23:51,340 --> 00:23:52,491
[SNORING]
497
00:23:52,515 --> 00:23:53,883
Hey, Jack?
498
00:23:53,907 --> 00:23:55,798
- [METALLIC CLACKING]
- Oh, what? What?
499
00:23:55,822 --> 00:23:57,549
I brought you some turkey and stuffing.
500
00:23:57,573 --> 00:23:59,085
Okay, thanks.
501
00:23:59,109 --> 00:24:01,858
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
502
00:24:02,351 --> 00:24:04,981
When the fuck am I
getting out of here, Yuka?
503
00:24:05,005 --> 00:24:06,623
Are you fucking me over?
504
00:24:06,647 --> 00:24:09,231
And by the way, do you
see any pie on here?
505
00:24:09,232 --> 00:24:11,341
Turkey now, pie later.
506
00:24:11,365 --> 00:24:12,646
[SCOFFS]
507
00:24:12,670 --> 00:24:14,020
[QUIETLY]: Bullshit.
508
00:24:18,005 --> 00:24:19,528
Hey, Jack?
509
00:24:27,108 --> 00:24:30,316
What would you say is the thing
I'd want most for Christmas?
510
00:24:30,340 --> 00:24:32,188
Fuck Christmas.
511
00:24:32,212 --> 00:24:33,608
Okay, yeah, but...
512
00:24:34,083 --> 00:24:35,192
what if?
513
00:24:36,183 --> 00:24:37,880
I don't know.
514
00:24:39,219 --> 00:24:41,275
Maybe to be one of them.
515
00:24:46,775 --> 00:24:49,483
I honestly don't know
if you know who you are anymore.
516
00:24:50,983 --> 00:24:52,469
I know who I am.
517
00:24:52,493 --> 00:24:54,558
And I'm proud of who I am.
518
00:24:54,582 --> 00:24:56,212
At least I'm doing something.
519
00:24:56,236 --> 00:24:57,802
Yeah, their way.
520
00:25:04,679 --> 00:25:06,265
♪
521
00:25:06,289 --> 00:25:08,509
[DISTORTED, ECHOING VOICES]
522
00:25:12,948 --> 00:25:16,473
[DISTORTED LAUGHTER, CHEERING, CLAPPING]
523
00:25:20,477 --> 00:25:22,479
[DISTORTED, ECHOING MARCHING BAND MUSIC]
524
00:25:25,961 --> 00:25:28,331
TRAVELER: ♪ Old Mr. Kringle is soon ♪
525
00:25:28,355 --> 00:25:30,681
♪ Gonna jingle the bells that'll tingle ♪
526
00:25:30,705 --> 00:25:32,770
♪ All your troubles away ♪
527
00:25:32,794 --> 00:25:35,642
♪ Everybody's waiting
for the man with the bag ♪
528
00:25:35,666 --> 00:25:38,471
♪ 'Cause Christmas is coming again ♪
529
00:25:38,495 --> 00:25:40,299
- Everybody!
- [CHEERING]
530
00:25:40,323 --> 00:25:43,172
♪ He's got a sleigh full,
it's not gonna stay full ♪
531
00:25:43,196 --> 00:25:46,262
♪ Stuff that he's droppin'
every stop of the way ♪
532
00:25:46,286 --> 00:25:49,395
♪ Everybody's waiting
for the man with the bag ♪
533
00:25:49,419 --> 00:25:52,703
♪ 'Cause Christmas is coming again ♪
534
00:25:52,727 --> 00:25:55,836
♪ He'll be here ♪
535
00:25:55,860 --> 00:25:57,621
♪ With the answers to the prayers ♪
536
00:25:57,645 --> 00:25:59,666
♪ That you made through the year ♪
537
00:25:59,690 --> 00:26:02,191
♪ You'll get yours ♪
538
00:26:02,215 --> 00:26:05,803
♪ If you've done everything you should ♪
539
00:26:05,827 --> 00:26:07,239
♪ Extra special good ♪
540
00:26:07,263 --> 00:26:10,982
♪ He'll make this December
the one to remember ♪
541
00:26:11,006 --> 00:26:13,115
♪ The best and the merriest ♪
542
00:26:13,139 --> 00:26:14,594
♪ You ever did have ♪
543
00:26:14,618 --> 00:26:16,944
♪ Everybody's waiting
for the man with the bag... ♪
544
00:26:16,968 --> 00:26:19,469
Oh, where is your Christmas spirit, Yuka?
545
00:26:19,493 --> 00:26:21,645
You having a good time? You want a drink?
546
00:26:21,669 --> 00:26:23,497
No, I'm good, thank you.
547
00:26:26,195 --> 00:26:28,173
10-97 on "A. Traveler."
548
00:26:28,197 --> 00:26:31,263
Oh, well, he's a good guy.
549
00:26:31,287 --> 00:26:33,091
[SIGHS]
550
00:26:33,115 --> 00:26:35,204
I knew there wouldn't be
any priors on him.
551
00:26:36,567 --> 00:26:38,749
Do you want to release Jack
when he sobers up?
552
00:26:38,773 --> 00:26:41,926
I mean, we brought him in
intending to release him.
553
00:26:41,950 --> 00:26:44,537
I know he's drunk, but come on.
554
00:26:45,150 --> 00:26:47,975
Everyone is. It's Christmas.
555
00:26:47,999 --> 00:26:49,890
He wasn't disorderly in the first place
556
00:26:49,914 --> 00:26:51,150
or resisted arrest.
557
00:26:52,900 --> 00:26:56,027
Give me a chance for a twofer pardon.
558
00:26:56,525 --> 00:26:58,464
Never done one of those before.
559
00:26:58,488 --> 00:27:00,249
Yes, Captain.
560
00:27:00,273 --> 00:27:01,942
Very jolly of you.
561
00:27:03,276 --> 00:27:04,775
All right, go fetch him.
562
00:27:04,799 --> 00:27:06,255
Let's do it. [CLEARS THROAT]
563
00:27:06,279 --> 00:27:07,256
Thank you.
564
00:27:08,431 --> 00:27:10,041
TRAVELER: Dance break!
565
00:27:10,065 --> 00:27:11,197
[CHEERING AND LAUGHTER]
566
00:27:12,198 --> 00:27:13,547
[LIVELY CHATTER]
567
00:27:17,290 --> 00:27:20,399
[ALL GROANING]
568
00:27:20,423 --> 00:27:22,836
Oh, no. There's still more song left.
569
00:27:22,860 --> 00:27:24,577
BUZZ: Fucking Air Force base.
570
00:27:24,601 --> 00:27:26,057
MATHESON: Come on, now.
571
00:27:26,081 --> 00:27:27,798
This town exists because of that base.
572
00:27:27,822 --> 00:27:29,278
At this time next year,
573
00:27:29,942 --> 00:27:32,890
we will not be sharing a power grid.
574
00:27:32,914 --> 00:27:34,457
RITA: Stop your campaigning.
575
00:27:34,481 --> 00:27:36,459
We already reelected you last month.
576
00:27:36,483 --> 00:27:37,721
MATHESON: God.
577
00:27:37,745 --> 00:27:39,418
I'm getting so sick of you, Colchack.
578
00:27:39,442 --> 00:27:42,856
The Air Force does not ask
to tap into our power grid.
579
00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:45,294
If it wasn't for them,
we wouldn't be here, so shut up.
580
00:27:45,318 --> 00:27:46,947
John, John, you've had too much to drink.
581
00:27:46,971 --> 00:27:49,907
Stop talking about
the fucking grid and fix it!
582
00:27:49,931 --> 00:27:51,648
- Do something!
- PENDLETON: Hey!
583
00:27:51,672 --> 00:27:53,302
Hey, relax. It'll come back on.
584
00:27:53,326 --> 00:27:55,502
It always does, everybody. Geez.
585
00:27:58,983 --> 00:28:00,526
[ALL EXCLAIM]
586
00:28:00,550 --> 00:28:01,701
- All right.
- There you go.
587
00:28:01,725 --> 00:28:03,225
Et voilà.
588
00:28:03,249 --> 00:28:04,443
PENDLETON: Now, listen,
before you crank up
589
00:28:04,467 --> 00:28:05,879
the Christmas karaoke over there,
590
00:28:05,903 --> 00:28:07,533
it does occur to me that we've got a...
591
00:28:07,557 --> 00:28:11,755
another prisoner back there
to offer a Christmas pardon to.
592
00:28:11,779 --> 00:28:14,061
[DISTORTED]: What do y'all think?
593
00:28:14,085 --> 00:28:15,280
- Yeah.
- Yeah, let's do it.
594
00:28:15,304 --> 00:28:17,413
- It's a twofer!
- [CHEERING]
595
00:28:17,437 --> 00:28:19,471
All right, all right. Arch, go grab
596
00:28:19,495 --> 00:28:21,155
Jack Mongoyak, bring him out here.
597
00:28:21,179 --> 00:28:23,051
I wouldn't pardon Jack Mongoyak.
598
00:28:28,128 --> 00:28:31,233
You're missing some tools
from your snow machine shed.
599
00:28:33,388 --> 00:28:35,584
No, not that we're aware of.
600
00:28:35,609 --> 00:28:36,934
Now you know.
601
00:28:37,065 --> 00:28:38,900
About a thousand dollars' worth.
602
00:28:40,311 --> 00:28:42,240
They're in the trunk
of Jack Mongoyak's car.
603
00:28:43,767 --> 00:28:46,572
Back at the bar where
Sergeant Mongoyak picked him up.
604
00:28:46,596 --> 00:28:49,053
Jack's never stole a thing in his life.
605
00:28:49,077 --> 00:28:50,707
Fine.
606
00:28:50,731 --> 00:28:52,608
Don't believe me.
607
00:28:54,483 --> 00:28:55,692
I-Ida?
608
00:28:56,476 --> 00:28:58,367
[CLEARS THROAT] You mind running
609
00:28:58,391 --> 00:29:00,755
down the road and checking on Jack's car?
610
00:29:00,779 --> 00:29:02,483
IDA: Sure thing, Captain.
611
00:29:06,483 --> 00:29:08,594
Can I finish the song now?
612
00:29:08,618 --> 00:29:10,379
[PENDLETON SIGHS]
613
00:29:10,403 --> 00:29:12,468
Um... [CLEARS THROAT]
614
00:29:12,492 --> 00:29:14,252
How-How'd you know about the tools?
615
00:29:14,276 --> 00:29:15,558
YUKA: Captain,
616
00:29:15,582 --> 00:29:17,995
just 'cause he said it
doesn't mean it's true.
617
00:29:18,019 --> 00:29:20,067
Like everything else he's said tonight.
618
00:29:20,543 --> 00:29:23,043
And if Trooper Lupino finds the tools,
619
00:29:23,067 --> 00:29:25,524
I'd guess you stole them
and put them there.
620
00:29:25,548 --> 00:29:27,192
And if they're not there...
621
00:29:27,942 --> 00:29:30,901
wh-what would make you say such a thing?
622
00:29:31,946 --> 00:29:33,706
[CLEARS THROAT]
623
00:29:34,192 --> 00:29:36,361
It's 'cause I know things...
624
00:29:36,385 --> 00:29:38,317
about this town.
625
00:29:39,692 --> 00:29:42,652
And I know things about you people.
626
00:29:47,317 --> 00:29:48,504
Rita,
627
00:29:49,025 --> 00:29:51,333
you're on a strict two-drink limit,
628
00:29:51,357 --> 00:29:53,378
but that's your fifth glass of eggnog.
629
00:29:53,402 --> 00:29:56,120
Not counting the two
shots of Patrón you had
630
00:29:56,144 --> 00:29:57,382
before you left the house.
631
00:29:57,406 --> 00:29:59,166
So what?
632
00:29:59,190 --> 00:30:00,994
It's Christmas.
633
00:30:01,358 --> 00:30:02,735
And Jacques,
634
00:30:03,108 --> 00:30:05,216
do you think your ex-wife
will be expecting
635
00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:07,174
those delinquent child support
payments in her stocking?
636
00:30:07,198 --> 00:30:08,567
What the hell are you talking about?
637
00:30:08,591 --> 00:30:10,830
That's not true. That's not even true.
638
00:30:10,854 --> 00:30:13,833
And, Mr. Colchack, your
bid on the construction
639
00:30:13,857 --> 00:30:15,487
of the airfield runway
out beyond the lagoon
640
00:30:15,511 --> 00:30:17,600
was the lowest of all three bidders.
641
00:30:18,645 --> 00:30:21,275
You piece of shit.
642
00:30:21,299 --> 00:30:23,669
- I knew it.
- Mayor Matheson over here
643
00:30:23,693 --> 00:30:25,715
awarded the project
to the Russian company
644
00:30:25,739 --> 00:30:28,239
- across the Bering Strait.
- That has not been determined.
645
00:30:28,263 --> 00:30:30,023
BUZZ: Now, see, I warned
you about this asshole!
646
00:30:30,047 --> 00:30:31,634
How could you reelect him?
647
00:30:31,658 --> 00:30:34,332
Oh, like you didn't go down
on all the Air Force brass
648
00:30:34,356 --> 00:30:36,813
to get that bid for the cargo
loading apron at the base,
649
00:30:36,838 --> 00:30:38,631
- Buzzy.
- Going down on?
650
00:30:38,655 --> 00:30:40,225
Now, that'ssomething you know about.
651
00:30:40,249 --> 00:30:42,296
- Hang on to this, honey!
- Oh, you wish, bitch!
652
00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:43,820
- BUZZ: Rita!
- MATHESON: Hey, hey!
653
00:30:43,844 --> 00:30:44,995
[RITA AND DOTTIE GRUNTING]
654
00:30:45,019 --> 00:30:46,823
For crying out loud!
655
00:30:46,847 --> 00:30:48,651
Hey, don't you touch me!
656
00:30:48,675 --> 00:30:50,692
[OVERLAPPING SHOUTING]
657
00:30:57,684 --> 00:31:00,053
- PENDLETON: The party's over. Come on.
- DOTTIE: Let go of me! Thanks.
658
00:31:00,077 --> 00:31:01,968
- The party's over, everybody. Come on.
- Break it up.
659
00:31:01,992 --> 00:31:04,275
Grab your coats
and get your drunk heinies
660
00:31:04,299 --> 00:31:07,626
out of here. Everybody.
661
00:31:07,650 --> 00:31:09,454
WOMAN: Take it easy.
662
00:31:09,478 --> 00:31:10,760
PENDLETON: Merry Christmas.
663
00:31:10,784 --> 00:31:12,786
Drive home safe. Let's go.
664
00:31:14,788 --> 00:31:16,200
Get him home safe.
665
00:31:16,224 --> 00:31:18,618
All right. Merry Christmas.
666
00:31:42,293 --> 00:31:46,491
[WOLF HOWLING]
667
00:31:46,515 --> 00:31:49,102
PENDLETON: How the hell
did he get in that cell?
668
00:31:49,126 --> 00:31:51,061
And how'd you know all these things?
669
00:31:51,085 --> 00:31:52,671
A. Traveler.
670
00:31:52,695 --> 00:31:54,325
Is that even your real name?
671
00:31:54,942 --> 00:31:57,284
Hey, 15, this is Post.
672
00:31:57,308 --> 00:32:00,200
Y-You got a 10-71 on those tools yet?
673
00:32:00,224 --> 00:32:03,288
IDA: Post, this is 15. It's 10-23.
674
00:32:03,312 --> 00:32:05,162
There were no tools in Jack's car.
675
00:32:05,186 --> 00:32:08,078
Repeat, negative on stolen tools.
676
00:32:08,102 --> 00:32:10,472
Everyone's having a drink.
677
00:32:10,496 --> 00:32:12,822
- 10-4.
- YUKA: See?
678
00:32:12,846 --> 00:32:14,998
- He's lying.
- Wait a minute.
679
00:32:15,022 --> 00:32:17,780
You did know right where to
go with Matheson and Colchack
680
00:32:17,804 --> 00:32:19,275
to set them off.
681
00:32:20,692 --> 00:32:22,222
How?
682
00:32:22,567 --> 00:32:24,877
Well, they've hated each other
683
00:32:24,901 --> 00:32:27,227
ever since Buzz tried
to feel up Dottie Matheson
684
00:32:27,251 --> 00:32:28,575
ten years ago at this very party.
685
00:32:28,599 --> 00:32:30,588
That is an unsubstantiated rumor,
686
00:32:30,612 --> 00:32:32,929
and how did you know that?!
687
00:32:32,953 --> 00:32:34,931
How's he know that? What, are you...
688
00:32:34,955 --> 00:32:37,871
What are you, friend? Huh?
689
00:32:38,637 --> 00:32:41,180
You a Russian spy? Man in Black?
690
00:32:41,439 --> 00:32:44,680
If you're Santa Claus, you're a
little late delivering your toys.
691
00:32:45,608 --> 00:32:46,595
[SIGHS]
692
00:32:46,619 --> 00:32:48,466
I'm Special Agent Douglas Heyes
693
00:32:48,490 --> 00:32:50,642
from the Anchorage field office.
694
00:32:50,666 --> 00:32:51,991
Iglaak is a small town,
695
00:32:52,015 --> 00:32:53,732
but there exists widespread corruption
696
00:32:53,756 --> 00:32:56,605
that could affect the security
of the United States of America.
697
00:32:56,629 --> 00:32:58,983
You have any Bureau identification?
698
00:32:59,849 --> 00:33:03,742
Undercover special agents
don't have I.D., Sergeant.
699
00:33:04,358 --> 00:33:06,813
Who's under investigation?
700
00:33:12,900 --> 00:33:15,648
I'll tell you who's under investigation.
701
00:33:18,205 --> 00:33:20,207
You are.
702
00:33:24,700 --> 00:33:27,200
And you're going right
back into that cell
703
00:33:27,224 --> 00:33:31,228
until we can confirm with
the Bureau in Anchorage.
704
00:33:52,206 --> 00:33:54,184
JACK: Hey. Yo.
705
00:33:54,208 --> 00:33:55,968
What's the story with my pie?
706
00:33:55,992 --> 00:33:57,709
Yo, Captain, I'm supposed to be getting
707
00:33:57,733 --> 00:33:58,983
some pie.
708
00:33:59,692 --> 00:34:01,858
I know the reasons you don't trust me.
709
00:34:02,433 --> 00:34:05,064
But we'll work well together
once Captain Pendleton's removed
710
00:34:05,088 --> 00:34:07,066
and you replace him.
711
00:34:07,090 --> 00:34:08,938
When you're the lead sled dog.
712
00:34:08,962 --> 00:34:10,766
Jack, you're pardoned.
713
00:34:11,372 --> 00:34:12,942
Hell no.
714
00:34:12,966 --> 00:34:15,335
It's 30 below, I-I'm too drunk to drive,
715
00:34:15,359 --> 00:34:18,058
and I'm not leaving till I get
some motherfucking pie.
716
00:34:31,158 --> 00:34:34,093
[LINE RINGING]
717
00:34:34,117 --> 00:34:37,314
OPERATOR: You've reached the
Federal Bureau of Investigation,
718
00:34:37,338 --> 00:34:39,174
Anchorage Field Office.
719
00:34:39,198 --> 00:34:40,723
If this is an emergency,
720
00:34:40,747 --> 00:34:42,449
please use our directory to contact
721
00:34:42,473 --> 00:34:43,842
a field agent directly.
722
00:34:43,866 --> 00:34:45,714
[CRACKS NECK]
723
00:34:45,738 --> 00:34:48,673
We're sorry, but there is no agent
724
00:34:48,697 --> 00:34:50,675
that matches the information provided.
725
00:34:50,699 --> 00:34:53,591
Our hours are Monday
through Friday, 7:00 a.m...
726
00:34:54,187 --> 00:34:55,617
I'll go see.
727
00:34:58,826 --> 00:35:00,317
Yuka.
728
00:35:02,863 --> 00:35:05,561
I'll go with you.
729
00:35:21,991 --> 00:35:23,969
What the actual fuck?
730
00:35:23,993 --> 00:35:27,059
[CHUCKLES]: What the actual what?
731
00:35:27,083 --> 00:35:28,302
Did you see that?!
732
00:35:29,782 --> 00:35:32,630
- Get those guns off me.
- Yuka?
733
00:35:32,654 --> 00:35:35,372
- Yuka, did you not see that?
- JACK: I saw something.
734
00:35:35,396 --> 00:35:36,460
Right?
735
00:35:36,484 --> 00:35:38,483
Yeah, he looked like a fucking snail.
736
00:35:38,507 --> 00:35:41,944
He had antennae coming out his h-head.
737
00:35:41,968 --> 00:35:43,510
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
738
00:35:43,534 --> 00:35:45,512
Yuka, you're awfully quiet.
739
00:35:45,536 --> 00:35:47,863
- What do you believe?
- PENDLETON: She saw it.
740
00:35:47,887 --> 00:35:49,647
She saw it. We all saw it.
741
00:35:49,671 --> 00:35:51,693
She may not be saying
anything, but she saw it!
742
00:35:51,717 --> 00:35:54,217
No one saw anything
because that's insane.
743
00:35:54,241 --> 00:35:56,828
It's probably shadows from
your flashlights or something.
744
00:35:56,852 --> 00:35:59,265
Antennae? [CHUCKLES]
745
00:35:59,289 --> 00:36:01,509
You two are tripping on cheese log.
746
00:36:05,150 --> 00:36:07,123
Take off the hat.
747
00:36:19,317 --> 00:36:22,108
Now, I've been nothing but nice to you.
748
00:36:23,275 --> 00:36:25,483
Nothing but nice.
749
00:36:26,099 --> 00:36:27,380
So, you need to consider
750
00:36:27,404 --> 00:36:29,992
if it's worth the irreversible remorse
751
00:36:30,900 --> 00:36:32,627
to further address me...
752
00:36:38,894 --> 00:36:41,608
...with such rude intentions.
753
00:36:47,483 --> 00:36:50,360
Especially when I know things...
754
00:36:50,384 --> 00:36:52,442
about you, Captain Pendleton.
755
00:36:53,858 --> 00:36:56,279
All you need to know is I got
you locked up in my jail.
756
00:36:56,303 --> 00:36:57,889
And to be exact,
757
00:36:57,913 --> 00:37:00,283
this jail is officially considered
758
00:37:00,307 --> 00:37:02,415
Alaska State Trooper Post 151.
759
00:37:02,983 --> 00:37:06,028
What's the primary purpose of Post 151?
760
00:37:06,052 --> 00:37:07,769
To serve the public good.
761
00:37:07,793 --> 00:37:09,248
By the support and protection
762
00:37:09,272 --> 00:37:11,381
of an acknowledged
temporary vulnerability
763
00:37:11,405 --> 00:37:14,732
outside of the Cheney Air Force
Listening Installation.
764
00:37:14,756 --> 00:37:17,169
It's the point at which the
Air Force facilities' power grid
765
00:37:17,193 --> 00:37:19,868
connects and is shared
with the town of Iglaak's
766
00:37:19,892 --> 00:37:22,313
- older existing grid.
- PENDLETON: Okay. That's enough.
767
00:37:22,338 --> 00:37:24,454
There's a camouflage
shed somewhere nearby
768
00:37:24,478 --> 00:37:27,223
that houses the connection point
between the Air Force base
769
00:37:27,247 --> 00:37:28,877
and the town's power grid.
770
00:37:28,901 --> 00:37:31,749
He's experiencing a mental
breakdown of some kind.
771
00:37:31,773 --> 00:37:32,968
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
772
00:37:32,992 --> 00:37:35,492
So, if a hostile force were to invade,
773
00:37:35,516 --> 00:37:37,494
they'd just have to destroy
774
00:37:37,518 --> 00:37:39,104
- that one shed?
- PENDLETON: That location
775
00:37:39,128 --> 00:37:41,019
is classified information.
776
00:37:41,043 --> 00:37:44,936
Classified is actually the most...
777
00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:48,287
lucrative type of information.
778
00:37:48,983 --> 00:37:51,314
Isn't it, Captain Lane Pendleton?
779
00:37:53,229 --> 00:37:54,903
Oh.
780
00:37:54,927 --> 00:37:56,556
That's right, she doesn't know.
781
00:37:56,580 --> 00:37:57,906
[CHUCKLES]
782
00:37:57,930 --> 00:38:00,386
Captain Pendleton
has sold the information
783
00:38:00,410 --> 00:38:02,852
to our neighbors across the Chukchi Sea.
784
00:38:02,876 --> 00:38:03,998
The Russians.
785
00:38:04,022 --> 00:38:05,609
Nothing you've said has been the truth.
786
00:38:05,633 --> 00:38:06,784
Oh, you want the truth?
787
00:38:06,808 --> 00:38:08,535
Oh, you can't handle the truth.
788
00:38:08,559 --> 00:38:10,440
[LAUGHS]
789
00:38:10,464 --> 00:38:12,485
I'm sure anyone can understand
the captain's motivation
790
00:38:12,509 --> 00:38:14,313
- for such corruption.
- PENDLETON: There is no motivation
791
00:38:14,337 --> 00:38:15,924
'cause there has been no corruption.
792
00:38:15,948 --> 00:38:17,229
20 years
793
00:38:17,253 --> 00:38:19,144
as the big cheese in Iglaak, Alaska.
794
00:38:19,168 --> 00:38:21,494
It's not a location, nor is
795
00:38:21,518 --> 00:38:23,932
Alaska State Trooper an occupation,
796
00:38:23,956 --> 00:38:25,988
where anyone can make any real money
797
00:38:26,012 --> 00:38:28,505
or actually make any real impact
on the world.
798
00:38:28,529 --> 00:38:29,738
You shut your mouth.
799
00:38:29,762 --> 00:38:32,250
Especially someone like you,
Lane Pendleton,
800
00:38:32,274 --> 00:38:33,593
would have made a great impact.
801
00:38:33,617 --> 00:38:34,856
You shut your mouth.
802
00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:35,983
The best impact.
803
00:38:39,493 --> 00:38:42,167
I'm gonna put a hole in this insect.
804
00:38:42,191 --> 00:38:44,984
But you gave up on that idea.
805
00:38:45,008 --> 00:38:47,129
You gave up on yourself, you just...
806
00:38:47,153 --> 00:38:48,434
gave up.
807
00:38:49,442 --> 00:38:51,722
I never gave up on anything.
808
00:38:53,289 --> 00:38:55,398
I'm Agent Marius Constant
from the National
809
00:38:55,422 --> 00:38:56,965
Reconnaissance Office.
810
00:38:57,525 --> 00:38:59,489
Captain will save a lot
of money and headache
811
00:38:59,513 --> 00:39:01,230
and maybe lives if he just confesses
812
00:39:01,254 --> 00:39:03,885
that he told the Russians
about the location of the shed.
813
00:39:04,317 --> 00:39:05,625
He's lying!
814
00:39:05,649 --> 00:39:07,279
At this very minute,
815
00:39:07,303 --> 00:39:09,455
Russian Spetsnaz forces
are on their way to sabotage
816
00:39:09,479 --> 00:39:12,763
what I know is the location of the shed.
817
00:39:12,787 --> 00:39:14,108
Thing is,
818
00:39:14,615 --> 00:39:16,617
my people are going to intercept them.
819
00:39:22,324 --> 00:39:24,041
I'm going there right now,
820
00:39:24,066 --> 00:39:26,677
to warn the Americans or the Russians.
821
00:39:30,492 --> 00:39:32,538
He stays here.
822
00:39:35,998 --> 00:39:37,826
[DOOR OPENS]
823
00:39:39,314 --> 00:39:40,707
[DOOR SLAMS]
824
00:39:44,297 --> 00:39:46,362
Mm. [EXHALES, CHUCKLES]
825
00:39:46,386 --> 00:39:48,016
I thought he'd never leave.
826
00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:50,279
Now we can talk.
827
00:39:50,303 --> 00:39:52,934
So, I'm just trying to prove
to everybody here
828
00:39:52,958 --> 00:39:55,501
what you've known for all these years,
829
00:39:55,525 --> 00:39:58,113
that he doesn't care about this area,
830
00:39:58,137 --> 00:40:00,550
this land, or your people.
831
00:40:00,574 --> 00:40:01,986
That he's a liar.
832
00:40:02,010 --> 00:40:03,683
[LOCK CLICKS]
833
00:40:03,707 --> 00:40:05,424
[CREAKING]
834
00:40:05,448 --> 00:40:07,494
[PANTING]
835
00:40:09,216 --> 00:40:11,871
See, I told you I knew
what you wanted for Christmas.
836
00:40:13,442 --> 00:40:15,739
So this is my gift to you.
837
00:40:15,763 --> 00:40:19,941
Soon, you're gonna be the one
giving the orders around here.
838
00:40:31,083 --> 00:40:32,736
♪
839
00:40:54,983 --> 00:40:56,942
Don't be afraid of me, Yuka.
840
00:40:57,263 --> 00:40:58,501
I mean, you don't know this...
841
00:40:58,526 --> 00:41:00,330
and how would you know... but...
842
00:41:00,634 --> 00:41:02,829
you and I are a lot alike.
843
00:41:02,853 --> 00:41:04,570
We have a lot of bosses above us.
844
00:41:04,594 --> 00:41:07,834
There's always a bigger boss
to be in awe of or afraid of.
845
00:41:07,858 --> 00:41:09,525
But you and I,
846
00:41:09,947 --> 00:41:12,013
we're worker ants
847
00:41:12,037 --> 00:41:13,525
who get the job done.
848
00:41:14,213 --> 00:41:15,625
Today I will.
849
00:41:15,649 --> 00:41:17,279
You won't. [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
850
00:41:17,303 --> 00:41:19,890
But you know what?
I'll keep my promise, though.
851
00:41:19,914 --> 00:41:21,315
I'll put in a good word.
852
00:41:21,339 --> 00:41:22,592
You'll be running this place.
853
00:41:22,616 --> 00:41:24,329
But working for us.
854
00:41:24,353 --> 00:41:26,086
Captain Pendleton, this is Post.
855
00:41:26,110 --> 00:41:27,466
10-19. Return to base.
856
00:41:27,490 --> 00:41:28,725
10-39. Urgent.
857
00:41:28,749 --> 00:41:30,446
10-39. Urgent.
858
00:41:35,321 --> 00:41:36,994
Pendleton, can you hear me?
859
00:41:37,018 --> 00:41:38,256
[STATIC]
860
00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:39,692
Our intelligence indicated
861
00:41:39,716 --> 00:41:41,520
that you would be vulnerable to attack,
862
00:41:41,544 --> 00:41:44,132
somewhere in this vicinity,
863
00:41:44,156 --> 00:41:45,436
on this day.
864
00:41:45,460 --> 00:41:48,527
So, in order to ensure
the success of the invasion,
865
00:41:48,551 --> 00:41:50,538
Pendleton needed to lead us
to the power source
866
00:41:50,562 --> 00:41:53,489
of the Air Force
early discrimination system
867
00:41:53,513 --> 00:41:55,085
in order to remove it.
868
00:41:55,109 --> 00:41:56,809
And you let Pendleton go.
869
00:41:56,809 --> 00:41:59,092
Is it because maybe you thought
it'd get rid of him
870
00:41:59,116 --> 00:42:01,225
or give you his job or both?
871
00:42:01,900 --> 00:42:03,096
You'll never have to worry
872
00:42:03,120 --> 00:42:04,706
about Captain Pendleton again.
873
00:42:04,730 --> 00:42:08,188
Or, uh, Christmas, for that matter.
874
00:42:08,212 --> 00:42:11,278
[CHUCKLES] What's with the gun, Yuka?
875
00:42:11,942 --> 00:42:14,325
I mean, why do you want to kill me?
876
00:42:14,983 --> 00:42:16,544
You knew what I was.
877
00:42:16,568 --> 00:42:18,546
I did nothing but lie to you.
878
00:42:18,570 --> 00:42:20,200
Only,
879
00:42:20,224 --> 00:42:23,377
once I said something
that might benefit you,
880
00:42:23,401 --> 00:42:25,771
you chose to ignore it.
881
00:42:25,795 --> 00:42:28,165
See, that's not a lie.
882
00:42:28,608 --> 00:42:30,942
You willingly accepted the lie.
883
00:42:31,775 --> 00:42:33,400
That's worse.
884
00:42:33,890 --> 00:42:34,983
Now it's too late.
885
00:42:35,936 --> 00:42:39,026
[PANTING]
886
00:42:47,554 --> 00:42:49,251
No.
887
00:42:49,950 --> 00:42:51,386
It's not too late.
888
00:42:54,084 --> 00:42:56,086
Just arrived at the mesosphere.
889
00:42:59,535 --> 00:43:01,198
Captain Pendleton, respond!
890
00:43:01,222 --> 00:43:03,137
Do not go to the shed!
891
00:43:06,531 --> 00:43:08,942
All units respond.
892
00:43:09,621 --> 00:43:12,692
Does anyone have a 20
on Captain Pendleton?
893
00:43:13,321 --> 00:43:15,952
Captain Pendleton, this is Post. 10-19.
894
00:43:15,976 --> 00:43:19,067
Repeat, 10-19. Do not go to the shed.
895
00:43:20,976 --> 00:43:22,543
Ah, fuck!
896
00:43:31,192 --> 00:43:32,794
Hey, bro.
897
00:43:33,150 --> 00:43:34,796
You know, if you could, uh,
898
00:43:34,820 --> 00:43:39,434
you know, like, use your magic
and open my cell, too...
899
00:43:54,884 --> 00:43:56,427
Whoa.
900
00:43:56,451 --> 00:43:58,603
That's a cool trick, man.
901
00:43:58,627 --> 00:44:00,192
Thanks.
902
00:44:03,545 --> 00:44:06,548
[INDISTINCT ARGUING]
903
00:44:11,248 --> 00:44:13,242
Arch!
904
00:44:13,266 --> 00:44:15,442
- [HORN HONKING]
- Arch!
905
00:44:16,166 --> 00:44:18,666
Any 20 on Captain Pendleton?
906
00:44:18,690 --> 00:44:20,886
Yeah. A while ago,
I saw him going south on Nixon,
907
00:44:20,910 --> 00:44:22,192
but, just now,
908
00:44:22,216 --> 00:44:23,845
he tore off toward County Highway.
909
00:44:23,869 --> 00:44:26,457
- No! Get off me!
- Break it up, ladies!
910
00:44:26,481 --> 00:44:29,764
- Break it up!
- Get the fuck off me! Get off!
911
00:44:29,788 --> 00:44:32,313
♪
912
00:45:01,777 --> 00:45:04,867
♪
913
00:45:26,454 --> 00:45:28,891
[HOWLING IN DISTANCE]
914
00:45:46,036 --> 00:45:48,067
Captain Pendleton!
915
00:45:50,557 --> 00:45:52,297
Captain Pendleton!
916
00:45:54,482 --> 00:45:56,199
Step away from the structure
917
00:45:56,223 --> 00:45:58,442
with your hands raised above your head.
918
00:46:00,488 --> 00:46:04,555
You brought a Remington shotgun
to a Russian invasion?
919
00:46:04,579 --> 00:46:06,383
[EXHALES, SNIFFS]
920
00:46:06,407 --> 00:46:07,819
Put the gun down, Sergeant.
921
00:46:07,843 --> 00:46:09,692
He lied about that, too.
922
00:46:10,715 --> 00:46:12,519
Lane Pendleton,
923
00:46:12,543 --> 00:46:14,442
you're under arrest.
924
00:46:16,504 --> 00:46:20,160
[CHUCKLING]
925
00:46:23,946 --> 00:46:25,010
[SNIFFS]
926
00:46:25,034 --> 00:46:26,838
Oh, really, Yuka?
927
00:46:27,395 --> 00:46:29,049
Out here?
928
00:46:32,360 --> 00:46:33,942
Now?
929
00:46:36,350 --> 00:46:38,328
You're here.
930
00:46:38,692 --> 00:46:41,635
So the Traveler wasn't lying
about what you did.
931
00:46:42,483 --> 00:46:45,567
You came to meet your Russian
contacts to tip them off.
932
00:46:47,096 --> 00:46:49,011
[SHOTGUN PUMPS]
933
00:46:59,150 --> 00:47:01,438
Well, maybe, uh...
934
00:47:01,462 --> 00:47:04,334
it'll be better
with you guys running things.
935
00:47:11,559 --> 00:47:13,996
[HEART BEATING]
936
00:47:27,183 --> 00:47:29,292
Oh.
937
00:47:29,316 --> 00:47:31,275
Let me guess.
938
00:47:36,758 --> 00:47:39,021
You're getting my job.
939
00:47:42,323 --> 00:47:43,942
Is that what he told you?
940
00:47:47,194 --> 00:47:49,775
Yeah. Yeah, see...
941
00:47:51,358 --> 00:47:53,316
it's only a lie
942
00:47:53,340 --> 00:47:55,650
if we choose to believe it.
943
00:47:59,317 --> 00:48:02,000
[DISTANT BOOMING]
944
00:48:45,348 --> 00:48:49,633
♪ Ding-dong, ding-dong,
ding-dong, dong-dong ♪
945
00:48:49,657 --> 00:48:54,072
♪ Ding-dong, ding-dong, ding-dong, ding ♪
946
00:48:54,096 --> 00:48:55,465
♪ Santa ♪
947
00:48:55,489 --> 00:48:57,162
- ♪ Won't you hurry ♪
- Mmm.
948
00:48:57,186 --> 00:48:58,729
That's pretty good.
949
00:48:59,596 --> 00:49:02,251
Definitely worth the wait.
950
00:49:02,496 --> 00:49:06,998
♪ We've been waiting all year long for ♪
951
00:49:07,022 --> 00:49:10,828
♪ You and your reindeer in the sky ♪
952
00:49:10,852 --> 00:49:13,439
NARRATOR: The most dangerous
lies come in the form
953
00:49:13,463 --> 00:49:15,702
of beautifully wrapped gifts.
954
00:49:15,726 --> 00:49:18,314
On this evening, Sergeant Yuka discovered
955
00:49:18,338 --> 00:49:22,405
that there's no difference
between myth and mistruth.
956
00:49:22,942 --> 00:49:26,409
She unwrapped
her fateful present far too late
957
00:49:26,942 --> 00:49:29,716
on this dark and silent night
958
00:49:30,192 --> 00:49:32,153
in The Twilight Zone.
959
00:49:32,177 --> 00:49:34,608
♪ Hurry, Santa! ♪
68403
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