Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:10,446
Another one?
2
00:01:10,613 --> 00:01:13,199
Well, I'm still vertical,
so I'd like to change that.
3
00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:24,877
Ho, ho.
4
00:01:27,380 --> 00:01:28,965
Bitter. Pint.
5
00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:31,926
You just get off?
6
00:01:37,515 --> 00:01:38,933
I'm taking a break.
7
00:01:39,058 --> 00:01:41,143
Between shifts,
I guess you could say.
8
00:01:41,894 --> 00:01:43,062
You ain't driving, are you?
9
00:01:43,396 --> 00:01:45,898
I steer a little, but the
reindeer do most of the work.
10
00:01:50,194 --> 00:01:52,154
This is my fourth year
as a Santa.
11
00:01:53,823 --> 00:01:54,824
How about you?
12
00:01:54,949 --> 00:01:56,117
Lostcount
13
00:01:57,618 --> 00:02:00,121
I forget why I started
doing it in the first place.
14
00:02:00,496 --> 00:02:02,665
Same reason anybody
does anything.
15
00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:05,209
The money.
16
00:02:05,293 --> 00:02:07,003
Money. Money.
17
00:02:08,421 --> 00:02:10,047
This whole planet runs on greed.
18
00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:17,013
Man: It's the look on
the kiddies' faces, innit?
19
00:02:17,138 --> 00:02:18,472
That's what does it for me.
20
00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:21,100
The look. Yeah, that look.
21
00:02:22,768 --> 00:02:24,603
Lasts about two seconds.
22
00:02:25,021 --> 00:02:26,897
As soon as they're
finished unwrapping,
23
00:02:27,231 --> 00:02:29,442
they want the next present,
24
00:02:29,775 --> 00:02:32,111
they want the next cool thing.
25
00:02:32,445 --> 00:02:34,113
That's how this world works.
26
00:02:34,238 --> 00:02:36,240
And kids...
What kids have become.
27
00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:39,577
They're just like
little junkies.
28
00:02:40,578 --> 00:02:43,039
They're little shits.
They just demand.
29
00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:44,665
They don't believe.
30
00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:48,336
They just want, crave, consume.
31
00:02:53,758 --> 00:02:55,468
Maybe this is my last year.
32
00:02:58,304 --> 00:02:59,722
The last Christmas.
33
00:03:04,143 --> 00:03:07,938
I can't stand seeing
another Santa in distress.
34
00:03:08,147 --> 00:03:09,899
Put his drinks on my tab.
35
00:03:09,982 --> 00:03:11,108
Yeah. Okay?
36
00:03:11,817 --> 00:03:13,152
Very merry of you. Okay.
37
00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:15,654
I better get going.
38
00:03:16,781 --> 00:03:18,699
Presents aren't gonna
deliver themselves.
39
00:03:21,911 --> 00:03:23,662
For your grandson.
Save me a trip.
40
00:03:23,788 --> 00:03:25,998
It's that new video game.
41
00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:28,876
It's astro blaster,
blaster astro.
42
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,169
I don't know.
43
00:03:30,252 --> 00:03:31,462
Merry Christmas.
44
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,631
How'd he know
my grandson's name?
45
00:03:35,174 --> 00:03:37,009
How'd he know I have a grandson?
46
00:03:38,177 --> 00:03:41,138
Oi! That door leads to the roof.
47
00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:43,224
Piss head.
48
00:03:43,307 --> 00:03:45,601
Go easy on him. It's Christmas.
49
00:03:47,937 --> 00:03:51,107
Hey! You can't be up here.
50
00:03:51,399 --> 00:03:54,068
If you break your neck,
I'm the one...
51
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,215
My god.
52
00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:24,098
It's...
53
00:04:26,267 --> 00:04:27,351
Beaufi_.
54
00:05:14,565 --> 00:05:15,900
Hi. Hi, hi, hi.
55
00:05:17,026 --> 00:05:18,861
There she is. Hello, muffin.
56
00:05:19,862 --> 00:05:21,614
Let's go see grandma.
57
00:05:24,158 --> 00:05:25,326
Ooh.
58
00:05:26,494 --> 00:05:27,536
Merry Christmas.
59
00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:31,457
Merry Christmas, Trudy.
60
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:32,833
Merry...
61
00:05:34,210 --> 00:05:39,048
Merry Christmas, daddy,
ya filthy animal.
62
00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:41,509
She got to stay up late
and watch home alone.
63
00:05:41,592 --> 00:05:43,344
Uh-huh. It was so funny.
64
00:05:45,471 --> 00:05:47,932
That... that hurts. Yep.
65
00:05:48,057 --> 00:05:49,350
Okay... all morning.
66
00:05:50,142 --> 00:05:51,310
Thank you.
67
00:05:52,728 --> 00:05:53,938
For doing this.
68
00:05:54,605 --> 00:05:56,023
I'm not doing it for you.
69
00:05:58,275 --> 00:06:00,486
It's Christmas! Yeah!
70
00:06:20,631 --> 00:06:21,840
Merry Christmas, al.
71
00:06:21,924 --> 00:06:23,217
Hi, Linda. Merry Christmas.
72
00:06:23,592 --> 00:06:25,010
Mr. Lightstone. Hey, ai.
73
00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:26,387
Hey, you back there, tru?
74
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:28,448
Yeah, I bet you're
excited for Christmas.
75
00:06:28,472 --> 00:06:30,057
What did you ask Santa for?
76
00:06:30,391 --> 00:06:31,892
Not to work on Christmas Eve.
77
00:06:31,976 --> 00:06:34,270
Must've been naughty
this year, 'cause here I am.
78
00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:37,332
Just make sure you let Santa
through the gates later, ai.
79
00:06:37,356 --> 00:06:38,649
Yeah. Have a merry one, now.
80
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:40,776
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, al.
81
00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:42,486
Merry Christmas, tr...
82
00:06:42,987 --> 00:06:44,154
Thank you, al. Yeah.
83
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:16,520
Merry Christmas.
84
00:07:17,021 --> 00:07:18,606
Hope you're on the nice list.
85
00:07:19,690 --> 00:07:21,090
Woman 1: That doesn't
go over there.
86
00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:30,326
Woman 2: Excuse me.
87
00:07:35,039 --> 00:07:36,332
What the hell is this?
88
00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:39,418
You are the worst catering
company on the planet.
89
00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:41,128
It's lengthwise, not width.
90
00:07:41,253 --> 00:07:42,338
Unbelievable.
91
00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:00,731
Okay.
92
00:08:00,939 --> 00:08:02,858
Hi. Hi, guys. Merry Christmas.
93
00:08:03,442 --> 00:08:05,110
Hi. I'm fine. Thank you so much.
94
00:08:08,072 --> 00:08:11,408
Hlnevergetover the fact
that you grew up like this.
95
00:08:13,077 --> 00:08:15,371
My therapist says
hlneverget over it, either.
96
00:08:16,330 --> 00:08:17,331
I need a drink.
97
00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:24,588
Hey, look at that.
98
00:08:34,473 --> 00:08:35,808
Alva: Hi, Linda.
99
00:08:36,392 --> 00:08:38,227
Hey. How's it going, alva?
100
00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:40,604
You gained weight.
101
00:08:40,771 --> 00:08:42,606
Looks good on you, though.
102
00:08:42,731 --> 00:08:44,525
Mnpmnm. Thank you.
103
00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:46,318
'Sup, limp dick?
104
00:08:47,653 --> 00:08:49,530
I got great feelings
about this Christmas.
105
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:52,032
You want to know why? Yeah.
106
00:08:52,157 --> 00:08:53,826
'Cause I think this is the year
107
00:08:53,909 --> 00:08:55,744
that mom's gonna
kick herself upstairs
108
00:08:55,953 --> 00:08:58,372
and choose one of us
to start running the show.
109
00:08:58,747 --> 00:09:02,626
And I got to tell you, Jason,
that I'm gunning for your ass.
110
00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:05,849
What would a lightstone
family Christmas be
111
00:09:05,921 --> 00:09:07,589
without groveling andinfighfing?
112
00:09:09,091 --> 00:09:10,551
Woman: Your rosé, ma'am.
113
00:09:10,676 --> 00:09:13,262
Honey, smile. It's Christmas.
114
00:09:14,805 --> 00:09:16,056
Good. Good girl.
115
00:09:18,976 --> 00:09:21,937
I am sorry about my sister.
116
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:29,027
It is really nice to see you.
117
00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:32,656
To have you here.
118
00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:39,663
Okay, I'm behind. Catch
me up on all the hot goss.
119
00:09:40,706 --> 00:09:43,292
Hot goss. Okay. Um...
120
00:09:44,001 --> 00:09:46,587
Well, you remember Bert,
my sister's pride and joy.
121
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:50,299
Yo, yo, yo.
This is the Bert locker
122
00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:53,635
living that bling life
on Christmas Eve.
123
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:56,597
Hashtag blessed.
124
00:09:57,723 --> 00:09:59,600
He just got
what I can only assume
125
00:09:59,683 --> 00:10:02,352
will be his first of many
sexual harassment accusations.
126
00:10:02,978 --> 00:10:04,396
Mom paid off the school,
127
00:10:04,646 --> 00:10:06,690
and now the gymnasium
is named after us.
128
00:10:06,774 --> 00:10:08,025
Of course she did.
129
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:09,318
What about tragic Mike?
130
00:10:09,985 --> 00:10:11,069
All I'm saying is,
131
00:10:11,195 --> 00:10:12,946
if I was on one of those planes,
132
00:10:13,322 --> 00:10:15,282
9/11 would've ended
with a bunch of terrorists
133
00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:18,619
skydiving over Connecticut
without their parachutes.
134
00:10:19,161 --> 00:10:21,413
Alva: Yes. Yes. Boom.
Yeah. You like that?
135
00:10:21,497 --> 00:10:22,915
Yeah, I do like it.
136
00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:25,167
Kiss me in front of my son. Now?
137
00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,339
He might actually be
a decent actor.
138
00:10:31,048 --> 00:10:32,549
He's been doing
an Oscar-worthyjob
139
00:10:32,674 --> 00:10:34,754
of pretending to find my
sister appealing.
140
00:10:34,802 --> 00:10:37,095
Now he wants mom
to fund a film for him.
141
00:10:38,514 --> 00:10:40,492
Gertrude: Not a chance.
That's not gonna work for me.
142
00:10:40,516 --> 00:10:42,392
Morgan: It's gertrude!
Alva: It's mom.
143
00:10:42,476 --> 00:10:44,353
Okay, let's do this.
Okay, okay. Come on.
144
00:10:44,478 --> 00:10:45,979
Comeon. Bem
getoverhere. No.Mom.Mom!
145
00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:47,523
Positions. Game time, buddy.
146
00:10:47,606 --> 00:10:48,708
Okay. Okay.
This is my good side.
147
00:10:48,732 --> 00:10:50,532
Bert: I'm busy. We've
gone over this! Come on!
148
00:10:50,609 --> 00:10:51,652
Morgan: Gosh. Okay.
149
00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:53,254
Alva: Bert, get in the middle.
150
00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:54,530
So it begins.
151
00:10:54,613 --> 00:10:56,365
Seriously, come. You
know what that means.
152
00:10:56,532 --> 00:10:58,492
Shall we jockey forward?
153
00:11:01,537 --> 00:11:02,871
No, we can hang back.
154
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:05,082
Yeah.
155
00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:07,125
Trudy, honey?
156
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,170
Come on over here.
157
00:11:12,214 --> 00:11:13,340
Just, like...
158
00:11:14,299 --> 00:11:15,699
Gertrude: Threaten
'em or bribe 'em.
159
00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:17,135
This isn't rocket science.
160
00:11:17,219 --> 00:11:18,679
Same shit we always do.
161
00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:21,014
That's what?
162
00:11:22,057 --> 00:11:23,600
That's the best you can do?
163
00:11:23,809 --> 00:11:25,519
Excited to see your grandma?
164
00:11:25,644 --> 00:11:26,895
Listen, you cocksucker.
165
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:28,856
It's Christmas,
so why don't you take
166
00:11:28,939 --> 00:11:30,816
yourbestofien mflwmpm
167
00:11:30,941 --> 00:11:33,777
and ram it up your fucking box.
168
00:11:34,945 --> 00:11:37,489
Maybe you don't
realize who I am.
169
00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:39,133
Those were grandma words.
You know, forget them.
170
00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:40,826
Alva: Oh, boy. Look
at Mr. Cool back here.
171
00:11:40,909 --> 00:11:42,953
Yeah, what's your
angle, man, hmm?
172
00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:45,622
No angle.
I'm not doing anything.
173
00:11:45,998 --> 00:11:47,207
Oh, yeah.
174
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:49,134
Gertrude: No, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no. No!
175
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,795
Don't shit in my mouth and
tell me it's chocolate cake.
176
00:11:52,129 --> 00:11:53,589
Grandma's cool.
177
00:11:53,672 --> 00:11:55,465
Gertrude: I can make
that story go away...
178
00:11:55,591 --> 00:11:57,134
I think your brother's
up to something.
179
00:11:57,259 --> 00:11:58,886
No, I just decided
to let you guys
180
00:11:59,011 --> 00:12:00,679
have all the fun
sucking up to mom today.
181
00:12:01,179 --> 00:12:03,473
Please. You are king suck-up.
182
00:12:03,724 --> 00:12:05,642
You named your kid gertrude.
183
00:12:07,185 --> 00:12:09,146
Alva, you named
your son bertrude.
184
00:12:09,813 --> 00:12:10,898
Okay.
185
00:12:11,023 --> 00:12:12,858
Sorry, Bert, but
that's not a real name.
186
00:12:12,983 --> 00:12:15,819
Sorry, Linda. We can't all be
lucky enough to have daughters.
187
00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:17,154
Mom, I can hear you.
188
00:12:18,989 --> 00:12:21,366
You know something
we don't. What is it?
189
00:12:21,533 --> 00:12:23,035
No, I don't. I don't.
190
00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:24,328
I got it. Bingo.
191
00:12:24,453 --> 00:12:25,621
I'm onto you, man. Come on!
192
00:12:25,746 --> 00:12:27,331
We were just... come on,
193
00:12:27,456 --> 00:12:28,665
come oh.
194
00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:30,250
Gertrude: You big sack of shit.
195
00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:32,169
Ooh. No wonder
your husband left you.
196
00:12:32,961 --> 00:12:34,755
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
197
00:12:36,131 --> 00:12:38,342
Merry Christmas to you,
too, senator.
198
00:12:39,343 --> 00:12:41,386
Merry Christmas, mommy.
Merry Christmas.
199
00:12:42,471 --> 00:12:43,639
Linda: Merry Christmas.
200
00:12:43,764 --> 00:12:46,600
Why in the hell are you
standing all the way back there?
201
00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:49,478
Merry Christmas, grandma!
202
00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:50,729
Little bitch. Gertrude1aw.
203
00:12:51,021 --> 00:12:54,066
Little gertrude. And how is
my favorite granddaughter?
204
00:12:54,691 --> 00:12:56,443
Everybody calls me Trudy now.
205
00:12:57,319 --> 00:12:58,528
Trudy?
206
00:12:59,613 --> 00:13:01,865
That makes her sound
like a whore. Okay.
207
00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:04,367
Oh, she doesn't even know
the meaning of the word.
208
00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:06,703
I'm starving. Let's eat.
209
00:13:06,828 --> 00:13:08,080
Great.
210
00:13:08,205 --> 00:13:10,666
And, mom, I think
gertrude is a beautiful name.
211
00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:13,043
Mm-hmm.
I only call her gertrude.
212
00:13:13,168 --> 00:13:14,928
Merry Christmas, gertrude.
Come on, bertrude.
213
00:13:44,783 --> 00:13:46,034
Whoo-hoo!
214
00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:21,737
Another fucking Christmas.
215
00:14:25,574 --> 00:14:27,200
Trudy: I made these
all by myself.
216
00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:28,869
Jason: No way.
217
00:14:28,994 --> 00:14:31,074
Trudy: I even made one
that looks exactly like Santa.
218
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:33,749
Exactly. Yeah.
219
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:35,709
Santa gets a candy cane, too?
220
00:14:35,834 --> 00:14:37,044
Yeah.
221
00:14:37,169 --> 00:14:38,211
Okay.
222
00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:41,465
It's perfect.
223
00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:43,050
No peeking.
224
00:14:43,592 --> 00:14:47,262
This house has so many chimneys.
225
00:14:47,345 --> 00:14:49,347
How will Santa know
which one to come down?
226
00:14:49,473 --> 00:14:50,974
Oh, Santa just knows.
227
00:14:51,433 --> 00:14:52,684
Christmas magic.
228
00:14:56,313 --> 00:14:57,689
Honey, what's wrong?
229
00:14:57,814 --> 00:15:00,817
Daddy never took me to see
Santa at the mail this year.
230
00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:03,361
Linda: He didn't.
231
00:15:06,490 --> 00:15:07,783
I am so sorry.
232
00:15:10,702 --> 00:15:12,287
This year has been weird.
233
00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:15,916
I never got to tell Santa
what I wanted for Christmas.
234
00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:18,418
Oh, honey. Come here.
235
00:15:22,297 --> 00:15:23,423
You know what?
236
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:27,594
You go put your pj's on,
237
00:15:29,096 --> 00:15:31,932
and I will be two minutes.
238
00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:39,106
Yes!
239
00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:43,985
Okay...
240
00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:53,453
Yes.
241
00:15:57,415 --> 00:15:58,583
Yes!
242
00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:05,215
Because you have been so
good to me and mommy this year,
243
00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:09,177
we decided that
you could have one gift...
244
00:16:09,928 --> 00:16:11,012
Early!
245
00:16:11,513 --> 00:16:12,556
Really?
246
00:16:18,270 --> 00:16:19,354
What is it?
247
00:16:21,773 --> 00:16:24,442
That is a very special
walkie-talkie.
248
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:26,611
It's magic.
249
00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:28,113
Magic? Mm-hmm.
250
00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:29,823
What you got right there
251
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,742
is a direct hotline
to Santa claus himself.
252
00:16:33,243 --> 00:16:34,494
I can talk to Santa?
253
00:16:34,578 --> 00:16:39,166
Oh, yeah. It's just like
writing him a letter, but better.
254
00:16:39,374 --> 00:16:40,500
Mm. Mm.
255
00:16:41,751 --> 00:16:43,044
Now, the only thing is,
256
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:45,505
he might not have time
to answer you.
257
00:16:45,630 --> 00:16:47,799
He's delivering a lot
of presents tonight.
258
00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:48,925
Mm-hmm.
259
00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:51,386
But he'll hear everything
you want to say to him.
260
00:16:58,268 --> 00:16:59,644
Hello, Santa?
261
00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:02,105
This is Trudy lightstone.
262
00:17:03,565 --> 00:17:05,233
I hope you're having
a nice night.
263
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:11,573
It's really cold tonight, so
don't forget your mittens.
264
00:17:13,283 --> 00:17:16,161
So, I wanted to tell you, Santa,
265
00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:18,288
I was extra good this year,
266
00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:22,125
so I wrote a big list for you
with all the stuff I wanted.
267
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:24,711
But then...
268
00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:28,798
Then I realized I
don't need any of that.
269
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:33,136
I really only want
one present for Christmas.
270
00:17:35,347 --> 00:17:37,390
I want mommy and daddy
to make up
271
00:17:39,059 --> 00:17:40,977
so we can be a family again.
272
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,521
Okay.
273
00:17:44,231 --> 00:17:45,607
Good night, Santa.
274
00:17:47,651 --> 00:17:49,027
Good night, Mr. Bunny.
275
00:18:02,374 --> 00:18:03,917
Which one of you did that?
276
00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:06,544
You can't go two seconds without
277
00:18:06,628 --> 00:18:08,388
crapping on the roof
like a bunch of pigeons?
278
00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:12,592
So unprofessional.
279
00:18:16,096 --> 00:18:18,348
You know, Rudolph
will never do this crap.
280
00:18:31,903 --> 00:18:32,946
Hmm.
281
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,044
Mm, mm.
282
00:18:49,421 --> 00:18:50,630
Homemade.
283
00:18:57,887 --> 00:18:59,931
Ugh. Skim.
284
00:19:10,734 --> 00:19:11,985
Oh, yeah.
285
00:19:12,444 --> 00:19:13,653
That's the stuff.
286
00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:22,954
Dubois.
287
00:19:23,872 --> 00:19:25,999
That's some prewar
shit right there.
288
00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:28,084
Good shit.
289
00:19:41,139 --> 00:19:42,307
Mm.
290
00:19:42,474 --> 00:19:43,767
That pairs well.
291
00:19:44,142 --> 00:19:46,227
What do we have here?
292
00:20:02,786 --> 00:20:03,870
Oh, yeah.
293
00:20:04,662 --> 00:20:05,914
That's the stuff.
294
00:20:15,965 --> 00:20:17,133
You know...
295
00:20:19,302 --> 00:20:20,845
Christmas is all right,
296
00:20:21,763 --> 00:20:24,974
but you Americans don't
celebrate my favorite holiday.
297
00:20:26,101 --> 00:20:27,560
Yeah? What?
298
00:20:28,269 --> 00:20:29,270
Boxing day.
299
00:21:03,054 --> 00:21:04,514
Yo, yo. B. Lightstone here,
300
00:21:04,639 --> 00:21:06,182
live streaming the
dream, you know.
301
00:21:06,975 --> 00:21:08,726
They say the richest man...
302
00:21:10,061 --> 00:21:11,312
Say goodbye.
303
00:21:11,896 --> 00:21:12,897
And if you...
304
00:21:15,191 --> 00:21:17,569
Grandma! Your Wi-Fi sucks dick.
305
00:21:17,861 --> 00:21:18,987
Damn it!
306
00:21:19,696 --> 00:21:21,865
When he was small,
I begged you to beat him.
307
00:21:39,549 --> 00:21:41,468
Hey. Merry Christmas.
308
00:21:41,593 --> 00:21:43,261
Or should I say
"happy holidays" now?
309
00:21:43,386 --> 00:21:45,805
Right? I mean, it's like,
people, make up your minds.
310
00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:47,408
You know what I'm
saying? Can I help you?
311
00:21:47,432 --> 00:21:49,350
Yeah. I sure hope so. See...
312
00:21:49,476 --> 00:21:51,144
My car broke down
a little ways...
313
00:21:51,269 --> 00:21:53,396
Out here? This is
a private road.
314
00:21:53,646 --> 00:21:54,898
You're telling me.
315
00:21:55,064 --> 00:21:56,691
It's the first place
I've seen for miles.
316
00:21:56,774 --> 00:21:57,984
I think I got frostbite.
317
00:21:58,318 --> 00:21:59,611
Where the hell am I, anyway?
318
00:21:59,694 --> 00:22:01,654
G.t. Lightstone family compound.
319
00:22:01,863 --> 00:22:02,989
I'll call you a tow.
320
00:22:12,790 --> 00:22:14,375
All right, revelers.
321
00:22:14,501 --> 00:22:16,127
Time to steal Christmas.
322
00:22:16,252 --> 00:22:17,462
Sound off.
323
00:22:17,587 --> 00:22:18,922
Jingle. Check.
324
00:22:19,047 --> 00:22:20,673
Peppermint. Check.
325
00:22:20,798 --> 00:22:21,841
Sugarplum. Check.
326
00:22:22,258 --> 00:22:25,053
Krampus. Ready to fuck shit up.
327
00:22:25,762 --> 00:22:27,055
Candy cane. Check.
328
00:22:27,263 --> 00:22:29,599
Go for frosty. Go for tinsel.
329
00:22:29,974 --> 00:22:31,476
Go for gingerbread.
330
00:22:31,601 --> 00:22:33,978
Are we gonna use these
stupid code names all night?
331
00:22:34,312 --> 00:22:35,855
Scrooge: 'Tis the season.
332
00:22:36,356 --> 00:22:38,900
Welcome to your worst
Christmas ever.
333
00:22:40,735 --> 00:22:42,946
Trudy loves seeing
Santa at the mall.
334
00:22:43,947 --> 00:22:45,573
She loves going with her father.
335
00:22:45,698 --> 00:22:47,178
And you should've
taken her yesterday,
336
00:22:47,283 --> 00:22:48,868
like you do every Christmas,
337
00:22:48,952 --> 00:22:50,328
but we didn't even
hear from you.
338
00:22:50,453 --> 00:22:51,733
Mom put me on a special project.
339
00:22:51,788 --> 00:22:53,206
It's complicated. But it's not,
340
00:22:53,331 --> 00:22:55,291
because it keeps happening
over and over.
341
00:22:55,416 --> 00:22:57,710
Your mother forcing herself
between us. You're right.
342
00:23:02,757 --> 00:23:04,676
What if we could give Trudy
her Christmas wish?
343
00:23:05,885 --> 00:23:06,987
You're trying to win me back
344
00:23:07,011 --> 00:23:09,180
with a romantic weekend
at your mother's?
345
00:23:09,305 --> 00:23:12,475
What if things really
changed this time?
346
00:23:14,686 --> 00:23:16,854
We got out from under
my mother's thumb.
347
00:23:17,438 --> 00:23:18,856
We'll walk away.
348
00:23:18,982 --> 00:23:21,109
From the company, the family.
349
00:23:24,487 --> 00:23:25,613
Tonight.
350
00:23:27,115 --> 00:23:28,116
What are you up to?
351
00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:16,706
Let's go. We need
to get you out of here.
352
00:24:16,789 --> 00:24:18,583
Mommy, where are you going?
353
00:24:19,250 --> 00:24:20,835
She's going for the
panic room! What?
354
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:22,295
Yes. Go, bertrude. Without us?
355
00:24:27,967 --> 00:24:29,552
Alva: Fuck, fuck, fuck.
356
00:24:52,075 --> 00:24:53,675
Gertrude: There isn't
room for all of us.
357
00:24:53,743 --> 00:24:55,578
She can fit at least two
of us. Mom, take me.
358
00:24:55,662 --> 00:24:57,580
Mom! Oh, yeah.
359
00:24:57,664 --> 00:24:59,290
Mom, can Bert come, too?
360
00:25:01,959 --> 00:25:03,270
Man: Okay. Move it
or lose it, son.
361
00:25:03,294 --> 00:25:04,796
Move it! Whoa, whoa.
362
00:25:05,505 --> 00:25:06,964
You're supposed to protect us.
363
00:25:07,090 --> 00:25:08,383
We protect the primary asset.
364
00:25:12,595 --> 00:25:13,763
Who the hell are you?
365
00:25:14,430 --> 00:25:16,516
You can call me Mr. Scrooge.
366
00:25:17,517 --> 00:25:18,685
Hilarious.
367
00:25:18,810 --> 00:25:19,936
Get him.
368
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:31,197
Bah humbug, motherfucker.
369
00:25:40,665 --> 00:25:41,874
Scrooge: Hey. Step aside.
370
00:25:44,252 --> 00:25:46,337
Tinsel, peppermint,
sweep upstairs.
371
00:25:46,671 --> 00:25:48,715
I want all the
lightstones together.
372
00:25:49,632 --> 00:25:51,259
Kill anybody else you find.
373
00:26:01,561 --> 00:26:03,938
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
374
00:26:05,314 --> 00:26:07,233
Linda: Trudy, honey,
we got to go.
375
00:26:08,651 --> 00:26:10,278
Wake up, honey. Wake up.
376
00:26:10,403 --> 00:26:12,864
Maybe we can get out the
back by the servants' stairs.
377
00:26:19,912 --> 00:26:21,956
Come on. Not now. Not now.
378
00:26:23,458 --> 00:26:25,042
Fuck! Fuck!
379
00:26:26,169 --> 00:26:27,712
Mistletoe, gingerbread.
380
00:26:54,697 --> 00:26:57,742
Hi.
381
00:26:58,618 --> 00:26:59,911
You got me.
382
00:27:00,453 --> 00:27:02,371
I don't want any trouble, okay?
383
00:27:02,455 --> 00:27:04,123
Downstairs. Now.
384
00:27:04,749 --> 00:27:08,336
Look, mister, I don't
want to get involved.
385
00:27:08,461 --> 00:27:10,588
I just have a job to do.
386
00:27:10,713 --> 00:27:11,881
Okay? That's it.
387
00:27:12,548 --> 00:27:14,050
I'm just gonna take my bag,
388
00:27:14,759 --> 00:27:17,011
and I'm just gonna
scooch up that chimney.
389
00:27:19,138 --> 00:27:20,431
Enough talk. Let's go.
390
00:27:21,766 --> 00:27:23,100
You don't want to do this.
391
00:27:23,226 --> 00:27:24,393
What? This?
392
00:27:26,145 --> 00:27:27,438
Now, move!
393
00:27:28,856 --> 00:27:29,941
Are you deaf?
394
00:27:30,024 --> 00:27:31,150
Fucking move!
395
00:27:42,411 --> 00:27:44,038
No, no, no.
396
00:27:44,163 --> 00:27:46,791
No! Wait!
397
00:27:47,333 --> 00:27:48,709
Wait.
398
00:27:48,835 --> 00:27:50,461
Wait! Don't go!
399
00:27:50,545 --> 00:27:52,255
Come back!
400
00:29:07,914 --> 00:29:08,915
Fuck!
401
00:29:33,648 --> 00:29:34,649
Oh, shit.
402
00:29:56,337 --> 00:29:59,423
Damn chickenshit reindeer
leave me here to die.
403
00:30:08,474 --> 00:30:11,394
Scrooge: Violent night
404
00:30:11,519 --> 00:30:14,480
gory night
405
00:30:14,855 --> 00:30:16,941
all is calm
406
00:30:17,108 --> 00:30:20,903
if all doesn't want to get
shot in the fucking head
407
00:30:21,862 --> 00:30:22,905
gertrude: Cute.
408
00:30:23,239 --> 00:30:26,117
Do you have any idea
who you're fucking with?
409
00:30:29,954 --> 00:30:32,289
I know exactly
who I'm fucking with.
410
00:30:32,790 --> 00:30:34,583
Wait, wait.
Did you actually think
411
00:30:34,709 --> 00:30:36,210
that I spent months
412
00:30:36,335 --> 00:30:39,005
planning a complex break-in
to the most secure
413
00:30:39,088 --> 00:30:40,631
private residence in the country
414
00:30:40,756 --> 00:30:42,299
and I didn't know
who lived here?
415
00:30:42,425 --> 00:30:43,759
Well, you're wrong.
416
00:30:44,593 --> 00:30:46,137
'Cause your staff are dead.
417
00:30:46,846 --> 00:30:48,389
Your security are dead.
418
00:30:48,472 --> 00:30:51,976
Now, sit down
and shut the fuck up!
419
00:31:21,255 --> 00:31:22,339
Fuck.
420
00:31:25,384 --> 00:31:26,719
We planned it. It's all right.
421
00:31:26,844 --> 00:31:28,262
It'll be solved
in a couple minutes.
422
00:31:28,387 --> 00:31:29,638
Better be solved.
423
00:31:30,056 --> 00:31:32,141
So much like a scene from
my movie dark ransom.
424
00:31:32,266 --> 00:31:33,642
Oh, my god.
425
00:31:34,894 --> 00:31:36,353
If they didn't have guns,
426
00:31:36,437 --> 00:31:38,355
I could take out three,
maybe four of them.
427
00:31:38,731 --> 00:31:40,274
Alva: Try all of them.
428
00:31:40,816 --> 00:31:43,027
Ew, mom. Yuck.
429
00:31:43,152 --> 00:31:45,029
Ifyou'd really done your
research, you'd know
430
00:31:45,154 --> 00:31:47,698
that my brother Rory
was kidnapped in the '70s.
431
00:31:48,449 --> 00:31:50,785
But my father
nevercahed the police.
432
00:31:51,327 --> 00:31:53,829
Dad sent in our own
private extraction team,
433
00:31:53,913 --> 00:31:56,415
and Rory was home safe
and sound a week later.
434
00:31:57,833 --> 00:31:59,919
And the kidnappers
were never found.
435
00:32:01,337 --> 00:32:02,379
If you get me.
436
00:32:04,757 --> 00:32:06,008
I know.
437
00:32:06,133 --> 00:32:08,928
I know all about
your extraction team
438
00:32:09,053 --> 00:32:10,813
that you affectionately
call "the kill squad"
439
00:32:10,888 --> 00:32:12,389
behind closed doors.
440
00:32:12,473 --> 00:32:14,642
I also know that
they're on their way
441
00:32:14,767 --> 00:32:16,644
and how long it's gonna
take 'em to get here.
442
00:32:16,769 --> 00:32:19,313
I even know their credit
ratings and their dick sizes.
443
00:32:19,438 --> 00:32:20,523
If you get me.
444
00:32:20,648 --> 00:32:23,234
Then you should also know
you're already dead.
445
00:32:23,484 --> 00:32:25,111
We don't do ransoms.
446
00:32:25,236 --> 00:32:27,696
Again, I know. I know.
447
00:32:27,822 --> 00:32:29,698
See, I know a lot, gertrude.
448
00:32:29,824 --> 00:32:31,075
I really do.
449
00:32:31,742 --> 00:32:34,703
Like the fact that you have
300 million in us. Dollars
450
00:32:34,829 --> 00:32:37,456
sitting in your personal
vault downstairs.
451
00:32:37,540 --> 00:32:38,958
The fuck? That's right.
452
00:32:39,667 --> 00:32:41,877
300 million that
the us. Government
453
00:32:42,002 --> 00:32:45,464
gave lightstone to quietly
distribute in the middle east
454
00:32:45,548 --> 00:32:47,299
to all the worst people,
455
00:32:47,383 --> 00:32:51,262
to grease the wheels and
keep that sweet oil flowing.
456
00:32:51,387 --> 00:32:55,808
300 million that... oops...
Disappeared in the fog of war.
457
00:32:55,891 --> 00:32:58,435
Except it didn't really
disappear, did it, gerty?
458
00:32:58,853 --> 00:33:00,146
'Cause you stole it.
459
00:33:00,521 --> 00:33:01,689
Did you know about this?
460
00:33:01,814 --> 00:33:02,982
Scrooge: Man, this family.
461
00:33:03,607 --> 00:33:05,943
This moneygrubbing family.
462
00:33:06,610 --> 00:33:08,279
Clinging desperately
to your wealth,
463
00:33:08,404 --> 00:33:10,614
when your poor employees
don't even have enough coal
464
00:33:10,739 --> 00:33:12,199
to keep tiny Tim warm.
465
00:33:12,283 --> 00:33:14,410
What is it with you and
all this Christmas shit?
466
00:33:15,911 --> 00:33:17,329
Talk all you want.
467
00:33:17,746 --> 00:33:19,415
You'll never get in the vault.
468
00:33:19,540 --> 00:33:22,793
Oh, oh, oh. Because when
you hit the panic button,
469
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:24,587
it reset the combination?
470
00:33:24,712 --> 00:33:27,590
I keep telling you, I know.
471
00:33:33,304 --> 00:33:36,015
This is what breaking
into a vault has turned into?
472
00:33:36,849 --> 00:33:40,519
Remember when you just had
to drill holes and blow shit up?
473
00:33:40,811 --> 00:33:42,211
I don't know,
maybe I'm getting old,
474
00:33:42,313 --> 00:33:44,033
but there was something
romantic about that.
475
00:33:44,148 --> 00:33:46,028
Candy cane: Boss, you copy?
476
00:33:46,066 --> 00:33:47,484
I'm kind of busy here.
477
00:33:47,985 --> 00:33:49,486
You're gonna want to see this.
478
00:33:59,872 --> 00:34:01,040
Maybe he fell.
479
00:34:01,582 --> 00:34:03,000
You rappel down
buildings with him.
480
00:34:03,125 --> 00:34:05,044
You gonna tell me
he just fell out a window?
481
00:34:06,420 --> 00:34:08,589
All right, look lively,
gang. We got a gopher.
482
00:34:25,439 --> 00:34:26,440
Linda: You know what?
483
00:34:26,857 --> 00:34:30,861
Um, I think Mr. Bunny
wants to go to sleep.
484
00:34:31,111 --> 00:34:32,863
So, let's tuck him in.
485
00:34:32,988 --> 00:34:34,031
Okay?
486
00:34:35,699 --> 00:34:37,076
It's gonna be okay.
487
00:34:51,507 --> 00:34:53,801
Hello? Santa?
488
00:34:54,218 --> 00:34:55,469
Are you there?
489
00:35:01,684 --> 00:35:02,685
Shit.
490
00:35:08,357 --> 00:35:10,192
This is candy cane
at checkpoint three.
491
00:35:10,818 --> 00:35:13,570
Shit. Shit. Shit.
492
00:35:16,865 --> 00:35:18,284
Video game.
493
00:35:19,994 --> 00:35:21,120
Video game.
494
00:35:21,245 --> 00:35:23,539
Didn't anybody ask
for a bat or a sword
495
00:35:23,664 --> 00:35:26,041
or molotov cocktails?
496
00:35:35,175 --> 00:35:36,343
Wait.
497
00:35:52,318 --> 00:35:53,485
Toy: Mommy, llove you.
498
00:35:54,820 --> 00:35:56,030
Poetry book.
499
00:35:56,905 --> 00:35:58,907
Die hard on blu-ray. Fuck!
500
00:36:12,504 --> 00:36:13,756
(Guncuck$
501
00:36:13,839 --> 00:36:15,257
safety's on, dipshit.
502
00:36:26,143 --> 00:36:27,936
Wait. Hang on. Hang on.
503
00:36:29,521 --> 00:36:31,857
Wait, wait, wait. Look.
504
00:36:32,149 --> 00:36:33,400
I don't want to kill you.
505
00:36:37,488 --> 00:36:41,116
Well, a big fat guy, gray beard.
506
00:36:43,786 --> 00:36:44,995
Santa...
507
00:36:46,038 --> 00:36:47,748
I'm gonna rip
your fucking balls off.
508
00:37:01,428 --> 00:37:02,513
Shit.
509
00:38:48,118 --> 00:38:49,495
Oh, god.
510
00:38:50,871 --> 00:38:51,997
Ooh.
511
00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:54,291
Ooh.
512
00:38:55,375 --> 00:38:56,668
Ooh.
513
00:38:57,211 --> 00:38:58,855
Candy cane:
This is candy cane checking in.
514
00:38:58,879 --> 00:39:00,631
Compound is clear and secured.
515
00:39:02,341 --> 00:39:04,341
Scrooge: Copy. What's
the status on the kill squad?
516
00:39:05,802 --> 00:39:07,842
Gingerbread: Kill squad
won't be here for two hours.
517
00:39:07,888 --> 00:39:10,390
So we're doing good. The outer
seal's already been breached.
518
00:39:10,849 --> 00:39:12,643
Is there a 911 thing on here?
519
00:39:16,063 --> 00:39:17,523
Am I doing that correct?
520
00:39:17,648 --> 00:39:18,941
Hello?
521
00:39:19,066 --> 00:39:20,526
Hello, can anybody hear me?
522
00:39:20,984 --> 00:39:22,236
Trudy: Can you hear me, Santa?
523
00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:26,406
Hello?
524
00:39:26,990 --> 00:39:28,075
Santa?
525
00:39:31,411 --> 00:39:32,829
Yeah, this is Santa.
526
00:39:36,083 --> 00:39:37,793
I hope I'm not bothering you.
527
00:39:40,003 --> 00:39:42,589
Daddy said you were
very busy tonight.
528
00:39:44,550 --> 00:39:47,844
I'm... I'm on a break.
529
00:39:48,887 --> 00:39:50,430
Who am I speaking to?
530
00:39:53,225 --> 00:39:55,143
My name is Trudy lightstone,
531
00:39:55,644 --> 00:39:57,604
and I've been
very good this year.
532
00:39:59,106 --> 00:40:00,399
Trudy...
533
00:40:02,818 --> 00:40:04,319
Trudy lightstone.
534
00:40:13,745 --> 00:40:14,788
Yeah, Trudy.
535
00:40:16,039 --> 00:40:17,666
You're on my nice list.
536
00:40:18,458 --> 00:40:20,252
You've been a very
good girl this year.
537
00:40:22,337 --> 00:40:23,880
Where are you now, Trudy?
538
00:40:26,133 --> 00:40:28,552
I'm in a big room
with all my relatives.
539
00:40:28,677 --> 00:40:31,638
There's two bad men
with guns watching us.
540
00:40:35,392 --> 00:40:36,435
Oh, no. Six left.
541
00:40:36,810 --> 00:40:38,228
Are you gonna help us, Santa?
542
00:40:40,063 --> 00:40:41,732
Yeah. Of course
I'm gonna help you.
543
00:40:41,857 --> 00:40:44,192
I'm gonna get you out of there.
544
00:40:45,027 --> 00:40:47,738
Take all these bad guys
on my naughty list...
545
00:40:48,905 --> 00:40:51,408
I'm gonna take a lump of coal,
546
00:40:51,700 --> 00:40:55,287
each and every one of them,
and shove it straight up...
547
00:40:55,412 --> 00:40:56,538
The ass.
548
00:40:59,583 --> 00:41:01,168
I mean, come on, sweetie.
549
00:41:01,293 --> 00:41:03,795
We want to keep you
on the nice list, you know.
550
00:41:05,631 --> 00:41:07,758
Sorry. Can I say
"butthole," then?
551
00:41:08,592 --> 00:41:09,843
I mean, it's borderline.
552
00:41:10,260 --> 00:41:11,887
How about "anus"?
553
00:41:12,512 --> 00:41:16,266
Technically, yes,
"anus" is the tech...
554
00:41:16,391 --> 00:41:18,060
Okay, look, Trudy.
555
00:41:18,352 --> 00:41:20,771
I got to call for help,
and the phone lines are down.
556
00:41:20,896 --> 00:41:23,190
You probably know this
house better than anybody.
557
00:41:23,523 --> 00:41:25,233
You got any suggestions?
558
00:41:25,359 --> 00:41:26,526
I have an idea.
559
00:41:29,529 --> 00:41:31,823
All right, you're telling me
there's a goddamn Santa claus
560
00:41:31,948 --> 00:41:33,158
running around here?
561
00:41:38,121 --> 00:41:40,707
Okay, well, he looks jolly as
fuck, but who the hell is he?
562
00:41:40,832 --> 00:41:42,752
There's no Santa listed
on the employee manifest.
563
00:41:42,793 --> 00:41:44,169
Yeah, there's more.
564
00:41:44,294 --> 00:41:46,338
Frosty hasn't checked in.
I can't reach him.
565
00:41:46,505 --> 00:41:47,673
All right, keep trying.
566
00:41:50,926 --> 00:41:51,968
All right, it's official.
567
00:41:52,219 --> 00:41:54,059
We got a gopher ontheloose,
and he's dangerous.
568
00:41:54,096 --> 00:41:55,222
Watch your backs.
569
00:42:00,686 --> 00:42:02,729
Ai? Ai?
570
00:42:09,152 --> 00:42:11,029
Oh, shit.
571
00:42:19,579 --> 00:42:20,580
Oh, shit!
572
00:42:20,706 --> 00:42:23,667
Scrooge: Frosty,
what's your status?
573
00:42:27,212 --> 00:42:29,131
Frosty, sound off.
574
00:42:31,967 --> 00:42:33,051
Frosty?
575
00:42:34,761 --> 00:42:37,848
Is that... is that the naughty
guy I met in the basement?
576
00:42:37,973 --> 00:42:39,433
Your friend is dead.
577
00:42:39,683 --> 00:42:42,769
He got a star in his face,
then his head caught on fire.
578
00:42:42,894 --> 00:42:44,646
It's a long story.
579
00:42:47,649 --> 00:42:49,693
Is this our santy?
580
00:42:49,818 --> 00:42:52,612
Is this our santy claus?
581
00:42:52,738 --> 00:42:53,989
Yeah, it is.
582
00:42:55,282 --> 00:42:56,825
To whom am I speaking?
583
00:42:57,033 --> 00:42:58,952
Well, for tonight,
I'm Mr. Scrooge.
584
00:42:59,077 --> 00:43:02,831
Now, what is it that
you want exactly, Santa?
585
00:43:02,956 --> 00:43:05,417
I want you to put
down your weapons,
586
00:43:06,376 --> 00:43:08,420
I want you to let
this family go,
587
00:43:09,045 --> 00:43:10,440
and then I want
to find my reindeer,
588
00:43:10,464 --> 00:43:12,424
and I want to continue
delivering my presents.
589
00:43:15,635 --> 00:43:17,012
Are you fucking with me?
590
00:43:17,262 --> 00:43:19,347
All right, who the hell
are you really, huh?
591
00:43:19,473 --> 00:43:21,892
Some security guard who's
watched too many action flicks?
592
00:43:22,017 --> 00:43:24,478
Some loser ex-cop
stuck in a mall
593
00:43:24,603 --> 00:43:26,603
playing dress-up with fat
kids pissing on your lap?
594
00:43:26,646 --> 00:43:28,106
Stop me when I get it right.
595
00:43:28,231 --> 00:43:30,192
It's a little more
complicated than that.
596
00:43:30,317 --> 00:43:31,943
Not to me, it's not.
597
00:43:32,068 --> 00:43:33,987
'Cause I want to make it
my personal mission,
598
00:43:34,112 --> 00:43:38,366
my holiday to-do list,
to find you and to end you
599
00:43:38,492 --> 00:43:41,953
and to wipe my ass with you
and this whole fucking holiday.
600
00:43:42,162 --> 00:43:44,623
That's what I want
for Christmas, Santa.
601
00:43:44,748 --> 00:43:48,543
That is a terrible thing
to want for Christmas.
602
00:43:49,461 --> 00:43:52,255
But maybe you and I should
discuss that in person.
603
00:43:53,799 --> 00:43:56,009
Santa claus is coming to town.
604
00:44:08,146 --> 00:44:09,189
Shit.
605
00:44:19,199 --> 00:44:20,492
All right, who did you hire
606
00:44:20,617 --> 00:44:22,744
to play Santa at your
Christmas party, huh?
607
00:44:23,161 --> 00:44:26,665
I said, who's playing Santa at
your fucked-up Christmas party?
608
00:44:27,207 --> 00:44:29,042
I didn't hire a Santa.
609
00:44:29,709 --> 00:44:31,837
I never have a Santa. Itstacky.
610
00:44:32,462 --> 00:44:33,713
Scrooge: So, who is he?
611
00:44:38,343 --> 00:44:39,386
Who is he?
612
00:44:39,511 --> 00:44:41,137
Somebody better start talking,
613
00:44:41,263 --> 00:44:43,348
or I'm gonna bash
her brains in with this...
614
00:44:44,474 --> 00:44:48,395
Damn, gertrude. You really
got a thing for nutcrackers, huh?
615
00:44:50,021 --> 00:44:53,984
So, I'm gonna torture
everyone in your family
616
00:44:54,359 --> 00:44:56,862
until you tell me who's
running around your mansion
617
00:44:56,987 --> 00:44:59,531
playing Santa
and fucking with my shit.
618
00:44:59,656 --> 00:45:01,533
And who should I pick first?
619
00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:03,493
Should I go by age?
620
00:45:04,953 --> 00:45:06,454
Or should I go by IQ?
621
00:45:07,163 --> 00:45:09,833
Pick Jason.
He's my mom's favorite.
622
00:45:09,958 --> 00:45:11,710
Yep. Him.
The one in the sweater.
623
00:45:11,960 --> 00:45:14,296
All right.
Jason lightstone it is.
624
00:45:14,421 --> 00:45:15,630
The number one son. No.
625
00:45:15,755 --> 00:45:17,048
Wait. No, we don't need...
626
00:45:17,173 --> 00:45:18,651
We don't need to do that.
No, it's okay.
627
00:45:18,675 --> 00:45:20,510
No. We don't need to do this.
628
00:45:23,555 --> 00:45:25,765
No, dont_.Puth_. Dont_.No.
629
00:45:25,891 --> 00:45:27,767
No, no, no. Candycane
give me this fucking...
630
00:45:36,902 --> 00:45:39,654
I'm telling you,
no one hired a Santa.
631
00:45:39,779 --> 00:45:41,197
All right. You're right.
632
00:45:41,323 --> 00:45:42,425
You're right. Let's stop it.
633
00:45:42,449 --> 00:45:44,451
What are we doing here? Come on.
634
00:45:44,576 --> 00:45:47,495
What are we, amateurs?
We're half-assing this.
635
00:45:47,621 --> 00:45:50,582
Come on. It's not
called a finger cracker.
636
00:45:52,375 --> 00:45:53,627
Okay, candy cane.
637
00:45:53,752 --> 00:45:55,086
Stick one of his bozaks
in there.
638
00:45:55,211 --> 00:45:56,421
I'm not touching his balls.
639
00:45:56,546 --> 00:45:58,107
Scrooge: What, are you
a Princess all of a sudden?
640
00:45:58,131 --> 00:45:59,799
I've seen you
scoop out brains before.
641
00:45:59,925 --> 00:46:01,193
Candy cane: You want
me to scoop his brains out,
642
00:46:01,217 --> 00:46:02,617
I'll scoop his brains
out right now,
643
00:46:02,677 --> 00:46:03,863
but I'm not touching his junk.
644
00:46:03,887 --> 00:46:05,180
I don't care who does it.
645
00:46:05,305 --> 00:46:06,765
I better be looking
at flat balls,
646
00:46:06,890 --> 00:46:08,058
like, in three seconds.
647
00:46:08,683 --> 00:46:09,851
I'll do it.
648
00:46:10,685 --> 00:46:11,937
Krampus. Perfect.
649
00:46:12,062 --> 00:46:13,396
Not that guy. Not that guy.
650
00:46:13,521 --> 00:46:16,208
That's what I love about sociopaths.
Always up for trying new things.
651
00:46:16,232 --> 00:46:17,525
You don't need to do this, okay?
652
00:46:17,651 --> 00:46:19,486
No, it's all right. No.
653
00:46:19,611 --> 00:46:21,905
No. Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
654
00:46:22,030 --> 00:46:24,324
Oh, god. Oh, my god.
655
00:46:26,159 --> 00:46:27,494
Krampus: Put your nuts in.
656
00:46:27,827 --> 00:46:29,037
Yummy, yummy.
657
00:46:29,746 --> 00:46:31,539
Stop hurting my daddy,
658
00:46:31,831 --> 00:46:33,875
or Santa will get mad.
659
00:46:34,960 --> 00:46:37,295
Oh. What a cutie.
660
00:46:37,879 --> 00:46:39,599
So, what do we know
about Santa, little one?
661
00:46:39,673 --> 00:46:41,150
She doesn't know
anything about Santa.
662
00:46:41,174 --> 00:46:43,426
He wasn't asking you.
663
00:46:44,177 --> 00:46:46,346
She's playing make-believe.
664
00:46:46,471 --> 00:46:48,390
She's pretending
to talk to Santa.
665
00:46:48,765 --> 00:46:50,642
It's not pretend.
Santa's my friend,
666
00:46:50,767 --> 00:46:52,268
and he said he's going
to save us.
667
00:46:52,394 --> 00:46:53,561
Jason: No.
668
00:46:53,645 --> 00:46:55,814
And beat you up.
Scrooge: Oh, is he?
669
00:46:56,064 --> 00:46:59,109
I bet he'd come out of hiding
if you asked him to, huh?
670
00:47:00,026 --> 00:47:01,170
What do you say you come with me
671
00:47:01,194 --> 00:47:02,630
and we play a little
gamewmwmm? Jason: No.
672
00:47:02,654 --> 00:47:03,756
Trudy, come on.
Tell him the truth now.
673
00:47:03,780 --> 00:47:05,365
You aren't talking
to Santa. Yes, I am.
674
00:47:05,490 --> 00:47:06,866
No, you're not. Come on, now.
675
00:47:06,992 --> 00:47:09,369
Yes, I am. Damn it,
Trudy, Santa isn't real!
676
00:47:18,253 --> 00:47:19,379
I'm sorry, honey.
677
00:47:20,714 --> 00:47:22,632
Santa's just a thing
adults tell kids
678
00:47:22,757 --> 00:47:24,300
to make them feel better, okay?
679
00:47:27,429 --> 00:47:29,014
Your mommy and I give
you the presents,
680
00:47:29,472 --> 00:47:30,974
and we say they're from Santa.
681
00:47:32,726 --> 00:47:34,894
He's not coming to
save us. He doesn't exist.
682
00:47:36,354 --> 00:47:37,689
It's all made-up.
683
00:47:40,066 --> 00:47:41,067
Really?
684
00:47:41,526 --> 00:47:44,738
Scrooge: Aw. What a way
to find out that there's no Santa.
685
00:47:44,863 --> 00:47:47,907
Hey, let's come back easter and
ruin the easter bunny for her, too.
686
00:47:48,867 --> 00:47:50,285
Linda: Trudy! Come back here!
687
00:47:50,410 --> 00:47:51,470
Scrooge: Stop her! Linda: Trudy!
688
00:47:51,494 --> 00:47:53,347
Krampus: Hey! Candy cane:
You idiots, stay at your posts.
689
00:47:53,371 --> 00:47:54,539
Linda: Trudy!
690
00:47:54,664 --> 00:47:56,374
I'll find this little brat.
691
00:49:33,221 --> 00:49:35,974
Trudy: Santa. Santa!
692
00:49:36,224 --> 00:49:37,475
Santa!
693
00:49:39,978 --> 00:49:41,229
This is Trudy.
694
00:49:42,355 --> 00:49:43,898
Are you okay, Santa?
695
00:49:47,610 --> 00:49:48,945
Hi. Hey.
696
00:49:49,070 --> 00:49:50,238
Are you okay?
697
00:49:50,905 --> 00:49:52,198
I'm good.
698
00:49:52,949 --> 00:49:54,450
I was just wrapping
something up.
699
00:49:55,702 --> 00:49:57,328
I ran away and hid in the attic.
700
00:49:57,704 --> 00:49:59,497
Okay. If you're safe,
701
00:50:00,748 --> 00:50:03,626
just stay there and
stay quiet, all right?
702
00:50:03,877 --> 00:50:08,381
Okay. I can set up booby
traps, like in home alone.
703
00:50:08,590 --> 00:50:10,008
Okay, I don't know
what that means,
704
00:50:10,133 --> 00:50:11,634
but, yeah, do that.
705
00:50:11,759 --> 00:50:13,011
Just do it quietly.
706
00:50:15,138 --> 00:50:16,973
Are you really Santa?
707
00:50:20,894 --> 00:50:22,312
Of course I am, sweetheart.
708
00:50:24,105 --> 00:50:26,191
My daddy says
there isn't any Santa.
709
00:50:28,443 --> 00:50:31,321
He says parents just tell
their kids that Santa's real
710
00:50:31,446 --> 00:50:32,906
to make them feel better.
711
00:50:33,781 --> 00:50:35,783
He said they give us presents
712
00:50:35,909 --> 00:50:37,535
and say they're from Santa.
713
00:50:38,286 --> 00:50:39,454
Yeah.
714
00:50:40,455 --> 00:50:42,040
Yeah, a lot of parents say that.
715
00:50:42,707 --> 00:50:46,002
But I still bring presents
to kids that need me.
716
00:50:47,921 --> 00:50:49,422
Kids who really believe.
717
00:50:51,674 --> 00:50:53,801
How do you know
who really needs you?
718
00:50:54,802 --> 00:50:56,596
Christmas magic.
719
00:50:56,721 --> 00:50:58,765
I'm not really sure
how it works.
720
00:51:06,606 --> 00:51:07,899
But, uh...
721
00:51:11,110 --> 00:51:12,445
I remember
722
00:51:14,322 --> 00:51:16,115
when Trudy lightstone
wrote to me.
723
00:51:16,950 --> 00:51:18,618
She must have been
about six years old,
724
00:51:18,743 --> 00:51:22,080
and she said that
she felt lonely sometimes.
725
00:51:22,538 --> 00:51:24,249
She missed having a best friend.
726
00:51:24,832 --> 00:51:27,961
And so I brought her a
beautiful little stuffed rabbit.
727
00:51:28,086 --> 00:51:29,420
Mr. Bunny.
728
00:51:29,545 --> 00:51:31,422
And then I remember
the next year,
729
00:51:31,547 --> 00:51:33,549
and you said you had
this amazing dream
730
00:51:33,675 --> 00:51:37,345
and that, afterwards,
all you wanted to do was...
731
00:51:37,720 --> 00:51:38,888
To fly!
732
00:51:39,013 --> 00:51:40,974
To fly. To fly.
733
00:51:42,642 --> 00:51:46,854
I mean, Santa might have
some magic, but...
734
00:51:47,689 --> 00:51:50,441
Making a little girl fly?
735
00:51:53,528 --> 00:51:55,196
But giving you a kite,
736
00:51:57,240 --> 00:51:59,200
floating just beneath
the clouds,
737
00:52:00,493 --> 00:52:03,162
well, it's about
as good as it gets.
738
00:52:03,288 --> 00:52:04,706
I knew it.
739
00:52:05,164 --> 00:52:07,375
I knew you were real, Santa.
740
00:52:10,253 --> 00:52:12,422
Don't be too hard on
your parents, all right?
741
00:52:15,174 --> 00:52:17,760
Grown-ups have a hard time
believing things.
742
00:52:19,595 --> 00:52:21,014
Can you use your Christmas magic
743
00:52:21,139 --> 00:52:23,266
to make them love
each other again?
744
00:52:23,391 --> 00:52:25,226
I wish I had that kind of power.
745
00:52:26,853 --> 00:52:29,147
Mrs. Claus and I have
been going on year...
746
00:52:30,398 --> 00:52:31,607
1,100, and...
747
00:52:33,693 --> 00:52:35,570
Grown-up relationships
are complicated.
748
00:52:37,238 --> 00:52:38,364
It takes work.
749
00:52:39,490 --> 00:52:40,825
A lot of work.
750
00:52:43,786 --> 00:52:44,996
Do you still love her?
751
00:52:46,205 --> 00:52:47,498
Yeah, I do.
752
00:52:49,208 --> 00:52:51,919
But sometimes, even if you
want to make somebody happy...
753
00:52:53,755 --> 00:52:55,465
The magic just goes away.
754
00:52:58,301 --> 00:52:59,510
Hey.
755
00:53:00,345 --> 00:53:01,971
I've got an idea.
756
00:53:02,388 --> 00:53:03,514
This will be fun.
757
00:53:04,974 --> 00:53:08,102
Why don't you guys
open your presents?
758
00:53:09,270 --> 00:53:12,482
I want to see what you
rich assholes get each other.
759
00:53:13,483 --> 00:53:17,236
And some of you might not
make it till tomorrow morning,
760
00:53:18,696 --> 00:53:21,115
so this could be
your only chance.
761
00:53:22,408 --> 00:53:23,534
Come on.
762
00:53:23,659 --> 00:53:25,536
Where's the Christmas spirit?
763
00:53:28,623 --> 00:53:29,874
Morgan: Uh...
764
00:53:31,167 --> 00:53:35,129
Gertrude, uh, I got you
something pretty special.
765
00:53:35,254 --> 00:53:36,648
Krampus: Did you
hear that, gertrude?
766
00:53:36,672 --> 00:53:38,508
He got you something amazing.
767
00:53:38,800 --> 00:53:40,385
What could it be?
768
00:53:41,636 --> 00:53:43,721
Oh, my god, this is exciting.
769
00:53:43,846 --> 00:53:44,931
Mom.
770
00:53:46,349 --> 00:53:47,517
Can I call you mom?
771
00:53:48,976 --> 00:53:50,520
Mrs. Lightstone.
772
00:53:52,563 --> 00:53:55,650
Okay, so in the business,
they call this...
773
00:53:56,818 --> 00:53:57,860
A pitch deck.
774
00:53:59,237 --> 00:54:00,238
Pitch deck. Morgan: Yeah.
775
00:54:00,655 --> 00:54:01,989
It's called explosive force.
776
00:54:02,407 --> 00:54:03,658
Starring me.
777
00:54:03,783 --> 00:54:05,243
And if you look in the back,
778
00:54:05,493 --> 00:54:08,913
there are the financial numbers.
779
00:54:09,372 --> 00:54:12,125
I'm kind of a big deal in Asia.
780
00:54:13,793 --> 00:54:15,503
Parts of Asia, at least.
781
00:54:16,045 --> 00:54:17,964
We were in parts of
Asia once, and, hke,
782
00:54:18,089 --> 00:54:19,632
we couldn't even
go to a restaurant.
783
00:54:20,550 --> 00:54:22,718
What is there a better gift than
784
00:54:23,219 --> 00:54:26,389
gift of a golden opportunity?
785
00:54:28,933 --> 00:54:30,013
Krampus: Oh, no.
786
00:54:31,352 --> 00:54:33,479
Granny doesn't like it.
787
00:54:34,105 --> 00:54:36,149
Mother, I got you
something really special.
788
00:54:42,864 --> 00:54:45,241
It's a sentimental photo
of the day I was born.
789
00:54:45,992 --> 00:54:47,368
I remember.
790
00:54:47,785 --> 00:54:48,786
I was there.
791
00:54:49,328 --> 00:54:50,830
Krampus: She
doesn't give a shit.
792
00:54:53,583 --> 00:54:55,042
Swing and miss again!
793
00:54:55,168 --> 00:54:56,461
This is so fun.
794
00:54:56,586 --> 00:54:57,855
Alva: Mommy, how
about another one?
795
00:54:57,879 --> 00:54:59,338
I got you a lot of good things.
796
00:54:59,464 --> 00:55:01,382
I'll grab one. Alva, sit down.
797
00:55:01,507 --> 00:55:03,134
You've already
given me one. It's...
798
00:55:03,259 --> 00:55:04,385
It's Jason's turn.
799
00:55:04,469 --> 00:55:05,553
Jason: Uh...
800
00:55:06,596 --> 00:55:09,515
I... I think I left it
in the car.
801
00:55:09,640 --> 00:55:11,559
No, I saw you put one
under the tree earlier.
802
00:55:12,351 --> 00:55:14,020
No. It's in the... yeah, I did.
803
00:55:14,145 --> 00:55:17,190
I could've sworn.
You know what, it's...
804
00:55:17,315 --> 00:55:19,233
You don't... you don't...
805
00:55:19,358 --> 00:55:22,111
It's this one, right?
Yeah, I got you, bro.
806
00:55:22,195 --> 00:55:23,404
Come on.
807
00:55:25,239 --> 00:55:26,657
Gertrude: Thank you.
808
00:55:28,034 --> 00:55:29,785
It's my favorite whiskey.
809
00:55:30,912 --> 00:55:32,163
You can skip the note.
810
00:55:56,812 --> 00:55:57,897
Thank you, Jason.
811
00:56:04,237 --> 00:56:05,738
What's the card say?
812
00:56:06,322 --> 00:56:08,658
I think I'll just keep that
between Jason and I.
813
00:56:09,242 --> 00:56:12,537
No one really needs
to know. Right, Jason?
814
00:56:15,331 --> 00:56:16,582
Right.
815
00:56:18,251 --> 00:56:20,253
Tru dy: Did you ever have
a mommy and daddy?
816
00:56:22,380 --> 00:56:24,257
Yeah, of course
I had a mommy and daddy.
817
00:56:24,382 --> 00:56:27,760
I wasn't... I wasn't
always Santa claus.
818
00:56:28,803 --> 00:56:30,388
I had a life before this.
819
00:56:32,056 --> 00:56:34,225
A long, long, long time ago.
820
00:56:38,938 --> 00:56:40,565
They used to call me...
821
00:56:41,857 --> 00:56:43,442
Nicomund.
822
00:56:47,655 --> 00:56:49,115
Nicomund the red.
823
00:56:50,908 --> 00:56:52,618
Trudy: You had
a different job then?
824
00:56:53,619 --> 00:56:54,912
Santa: Yeah, you could say that.
825
00:56:56,372 --> 00:56:57,623
I was a warrior.
826
00:56:58,165 --> 00:57:00,376
A raider. A thief.
827
00:57:01,544 --> 00:57:03,212
And if somebody got in my way,
828
00:57:04,297 --> 00:57:05,715
me and skullcrusher would...
829
00:57:05,840 --> 00:57:07,216
Tru dy: Who's skullcrusher?
830
00:57:08,342 --> 00:57:10,094
Skullcrusher's my...
831
00:57:11,470 --> 00:57:12,638
My hammer.
832
00:57:14,140 --> 00:57:15,683
My favorite hammer.
833
00:57:16,517 --> 00:57:18,394
I was a surgeon with that thing.
834
00:57:18,894 --> 00:57:21,105
Used to be able to take
three heads, line 'em up...
835
00:57:22,773 --> 00:57:23,983
But why?
836
00:57:25,568 --> 00:57:26,777
What?
837
00:57:27,028 --> 00:57:28,738
Why'd you do those things?
838
00:57:31,490 --> 00:57:32,783
Because I was mean.
839
00:57:34,869 --> 00:57:36,078
And I was greedy.
840
00:57:38,789 --> 00:57:40,750
And I wanted gold, jewels.
841
00:57:41,792 --> 00:57:44,045
Yeah, lmean, if there was
a naughty list back then,
842
00:57:44,170 --> 00:57:45,796
I'd be top dog.
843
00:57:47,882 --> 00:57:49,216
Well, maybe...
844
00:57:50,801 --> 00:57:51,886
What?
845
00:57:51,969 --> 00:57:53,971
Maybe all those bad things
you used to do...
846
00:57:55,556 --> 00:57:58,351
Maybe you can use them
to do good things instead.
847
00:57:59,226 --> 00:58:00,394
To help.
848
00:58:01,812 --> 00:58:03,022
What do you mean?
849
00:58:03,731 --> 00:58:07,151
Mr. Bunny, he wasn'tjust a toy.
850
00:58:08,152 --> 00:58:10,696
That night, you gave me
what I wished for.
851
00:58:11,656 --> 00:58:13,157
A best friend.
852
00:58:14,367 --> 00:58:16,577
'Cause you're good and kind.
853
00:58:17,161 --> 00:58:19,747
And you mean more than just
the presents you bring.
854
00:58:20,581 --> 00:58:22,708
That's why I believe
in you, Santa.
855
00:58:23,250 --> 00:58:24,877
That's why I believe.
856
00:58:31,258 --> 00:58:32,468
Thank you.
857
00:58:34,804 --> 00:58:37,723
You stay hidden, Trudy,
till I come get you.
858
00:58:39,100 --> 00:58:40,351
Stay safe.
859
00:58:42,019 --> 00:58:44,438
Scrooge: All right, we
got satellite confirmation.
860
00:58:44,563 --> 00:58:46,357
Extraction team's on the go.
861
00:58:46,732 --> 00:58:48,901
Eta, 30 minutes.
862
00:58:49,026 --> 00:58:50,319
We're on schedule.
863
00:58:50,611 --> 00:58:52,029
Everything's good.
864
00:58:52,196 --> 00:58:53,632
Thorp: All right, fellas.
865
00:58:53,656 --> 00:58:55,032
Look alive, look alive.
866
00:58:55,700 --> 00:58:56,992
You all know the plan,
867
00:58:57,201 --> 00:59:00,162
and I like my operations
like I like to fuck.
868
00:59:00,538 --> 00:59:03,124
Hard and fast
with minimal cleanup.
869
00:59:03,666 --> 00:59:07,586
Now, some idiot gets in
your way, what do you do?
870
00:59:07,795 --> 00:59:09,672
All: Fuck their shit up right!
871
00:59:10,089 --> 00:59:11,382
Damn right.
872
00:59:12,091 --> 00:59:13,592
Time to lube up.
873
00:59:16,220 --> 00:59:18,514
Let's go, motherfuckers!
Let's go!
874
00:59:24,729 --> 00:59:26,522
This fucking family.
875
00:59:46,375 --> 00:59:48,335
Toy: Ho, ho, ho, ho.
876
00:59:48,461 --> 00:59:50,087
Merry Christmas.
877
00:59:50,212 --> 00:59:51,422
Happy holidays.
878
00:59:51,547 --> 00:59:52,548
Traitor.
879
00:59:54,800 --> 00:59:56,135
I got him in the east wing.
880
00:59:56,343 --> 00:59:58,183
Scrooge: All right,
we're on our way. Hold him.
881
01:00:12,276 --> 01:00:13,569
Step aside.
882
01:00:28,125 --> 01:00:32,296
Scrooge: Now, how did this tired,
old, fat piece of shit get the drop on us?
883
01:00:32,880 --> 01:00:34,131
Gingerbread: I don't know.
884
01:00:34,465 --> 01:00:35,800
Candy cane: He's not even armed.
885
01:00:36,467 --> 01:00:38,260
This bag is the only
thing he had on him.
886
01:00:38,344 --> 01:00:39,595
Scrooge: What's in there?
887
01:00:41,096 --> 01:00:42,348
Can't see anything.
888
01:00:47,102 --> 01:00:48,312
Scrooge: Here, give it to me.
889
01:01:00,157 --> 01:01:01,534
What kind of moron
890
01:01:02,243 --> 01:01:03,994
carries a chess set with him?
891
01:01:08,290 --> 01:01:09,583
What the fuck?
892
01:01:09,708 --> 01:01:11,919
Doesn't make any sense.
Look at all this shit.
893
01:01:19,385 --> 01:01:22,096
So, you're gonna tell us
what's the gimmick with the bag?
894
01:01:22,429 --> 01:01:23,848
It's magic.
895
01:01:24,265 --> 01:01:26,684
You put your hand in,
out comes a present.
896
01:01:28,602 --> 01:01:30,688
I don't really understand
how itworks, either.
897
01:01:32,565 --> 01:01:35,484
So, you're Mr. Scrooge.
898
01:01:35,901 --> 01:01:37,403
That's right.
899
01:01:37,611 --> 01:01:38,988
But who are you?
900
01:01:39,864 --> 01:01:41,407
Weihnachtsmann.
901
01:01:42,908 --> 01:01:44,326
Julenissen.
902
01:01:45,661 --> 01:01:47,538
Shengdan laorén.
903
01:01:48,664 --> 01:01:51,333
Babbo natale, pere Noel,
kris kringle.
904
01:01:51,917 --> 01:01:54,003
Jolly old Saint Nick.
905
01:01:54,295 --> 01:01:56,338
People call me a lot of things.
906
01:01:58,090 --> 01:02:00,509
Scrooge: Very funny.
907
01:02:00,634 --> 01:02:02,970
Or should I say, "ho, ho, ho"?
908
01:02:03,512 --> 01:02:06,473
If you're Santa,
where's your reindeer?
909
01:02:06,891 --> 01:02:08,475
They were on the roof
910
01:02:08,601 --> 01:02:11,020
until that guy I turned
into an ice kebab just...
911
01:02:13,689 --> 01:02:14,857
You don't believe me?
912
01:02:15,190 --> 01:02:16,483
Go check.
913
01:02:16,609 --> 01:02:19,236
Prancer left a tasty
log up there.
914
01:02:19,361 --> 01:02:20,988
Scrooge: This fucking guy.
915
01:02:21,113 --> 01:02:22,323
You don't think...
916
01:02:22,990 --> 01:02:25,576
Now, I know you're an idiot,
but don't be an idiot out loud.
917
01:02:25,659 --> 01:02:27,661
Come on, he's
just in santy claus
918
01:02:28,037 --> 01:02:29,914
with a fucking trick bag.
919
01:02:30,039 --> 01:02:31,957
Santa: Oh, no!
920
01:02:32,082 --> 01:02:33,709
That bag was full
of kids' dreams!
921
01:02:33,834 --> 01:02:35,419
Scrooge: Oh, come on.
922
01:02:35,544 --> 01:02:37,963
Everybody knows that
Christmas dreams are bullshit.
923
01:02:39,048 --> 01:02:41,133
My father used to make
a big deal out of it
924
01:02:41,258 --> 01:02:42,885
every Christmas.
925
01:02:43,260 --> 01:02:45,304
Every freaking Christmas
with the presents
926
01:02:45,429 --> 01:02:47,640
and the candy
and the decorations
927
01:02:47,765 --> 01:02:51,226
and the Christmas caroling
and all that bullshit.
928
01:02:52,686 --> 01:02:54,021
And then when I was...
929
01:02:55,022 --> 01:02:57,691
I don't know, 10, 11,
930
01:02:58,567 --> 01:03:00,361
he got laid off,
and that Christmas,
931
01:03:00,486 --> 01:03:01,737
couldn't even afford a tree.
932
01:03:01,862 --> 01:03:03,447
No Christmas dinner, no gifts.
933
01:03:03,572 --> 01:03:05,866
Nothing, nada, culo, dick.
934
01:03:06,825 --> 01:03:08,202
But our neighbors...
935
01:03:08,327 --> 01:03:10,037
Our neighbors,
oh, they had it all.
936
01:03:10,162 --> 01:03:13,832
I could see all that yuletide cheer
through their window, mocking me.
937
01:03:14,583 --> 01:03:16,752
So Christmas Eve
rolls around, and...
938
01:03:19,088 --> 01:03:20,839
I waited for everybody
to go to bed.
939
01:03:21,590 --> 01:03:24,259
And then I snuck in there
to take it all.
940
01:03:26,595 --> 01:03:28,764
Only problem was that the
gramps got up to take a piss
941
01:03:28,847 --> 01:03:31,058
and the two of us scared
the shit out of each other.
942
01:03:31,141 --> 01:03:34,269
And, he fell down the stairs
943
01:03:34,353 --> 01:03:37,648
and broke his neck,
and he died in the hospital.
944
01:03:38,899 --> 01:03:41,544
Everybody thought that I did it,
and every time I tried to tell them,
945
01:03:41,568 --> 01:03:43,070
I tried to tell them that...
946
01:03:45,656 --> 01:03:46,991
Anyway, maybe I did do it.
947
01:03:48,200 --> 01:03:49,702
Maybe I did push him.
948
01:03:49,827 --> 01:03:51,161
Poor old fucker.
949
01:03:51,787 --> 01:03:54,999
So, you see,
Christmas ruined my life.
950
01:03:55,499 --> 01:03:56,667
Okay? But you know what?
951
01:03:56,875 --> 01:03:58,043
It set me on the path
952
01:03:58,168 --> 01:04:00,129
and made me the great
man that I am today.
953
01:04:00,254 --> 01:04:01,547
I'm sorry, Jimmy.
954
01:04:03,298 --> 01:04:04,299
I really am.
955
01:04:05,259 --> 01:04:07,261
But I do gifts.
I do Christmas cheer.
956
01:04:07,511 --> 01:04:09,638
I don't get involved
in people's lives.
957
01:04:09,763 --> 01:04:13,142
Oh, yeah? Yeah, well,
maybe you fucking should!
958
01:04:18,022 --> 01:04:20,774
Um, how did he know your name?
959
01:04:21,734 --> 01:04:22,776
Bjorn.
960
01:04:23,152 --> 01:04:24,945
What's your excuse?
961
01:04:26,739 --> 01:04:29,533
Didn't I get you that huffy
bike you wanted back in '82?
962
01:04:29,950 --> 01:04:32,244
The one you wrote me
50 times about!
963
01:04:33,245 --> 01:04:34,705
What about you, Kira?
964
01:04:35,372 --> 01:04:37,708
You made your brother eat worms.
965
01:04:38,083 --> 01:04:39,293
That's naughty!
966
01:04:39,585 --> 01:04:41,211
Okay, how does he know
about my bike?
967
01:04:41,587 --> 01:04:44,757
It's a lucky guess, like,
"hey, do you like big tits?"
968
01:04:44,882 --> 01:04:46,967
Come on, every kid
wants a fucking bike.
969
01:04:47,342 --> 01:04:50,095
You're gonna tell me who
you work for... Christ. No.
970
01:04:50,220 --> 01:04:52,806
You've got five seconds to
tell me who you really are.
971
01:04:52,890 --> 01:04:56,018
Five, four, three, two...
972
01:04:56,143 --> 01:04:57,728
I'm Santa claus!
973
01:04:57,978 --> 01:04:59,271
Well, not anymore.
974
01:05:25,506 --> 01:05:26,673
Gingerbread: Is it snowing?
975
01:05:27,049 --> 01:05:29,927
Candy cane: Is he
doing this with Santa magic?
976
01:05:37,101 --> 01:05:38,852
Let it snow!
977
01:05:51,198 --> 01:05:52,699
It's not snow.
978
01:05:53,033 --> 01:05:54,118
It's styrofoam.
979
01:05:54,243 --> 01:05:56,245
I told you this
guy's a big phony.
980
01:06:10,884 --> 01:06:12,219
Where'd he go?
981
01:06:13,011 --> 01:06:14,388
He went up the chimney.
982
01:06:14,763 --> 01:06:16,043
I saw it. Scrooge: I don't know,
983
01:06:16,098 --> 01:06:18,016
he had a rig
or some pulley system
984
01:06:18,142 --> 01:06:20,022
that just yanked him up.
You can't fit up there.
985
01:06:20,144 --> 01:06:21,744
It's impossible.
You see one weird thing,
986
01:06:21,770 --> 01:06:23,814
and then you think
you're in a fairy tale?
987
01:06:23,939 --> 01:06:26,066
Man: Incoming. We've got
sleigh bells approaching.
988
01:06:26,358 --> 01:06:27,651
Oh, my god.
989
01:06:27,901 --> 01:06:29,236
It's his reindeer.
990
01:06:31,530 --> 01:06:33,740
It's the extraction team.
991
01:06:33,824 --> 01:06:35,409
Pull yourselves together!
992
01:06:50,674 --> 01:06:54,094
And that is the
sound of my kill squad.
993
01:06:54,720 --> 01:06:58,390
You're fizzity-fucked now.
994
01:06:58,515 --> 01:07:01,101
Huh? What are you gonna
do? You little elf bitch.
995
01:07:01,351 --> 01:07:03,145
Bertie.
996
01:07:03,270 --> 01:07:04,563
Hashtag blessed.
997
01:07:08,358 --> 01:07:09,610
Yeah!
998
01:07:10,360 --> 01:07:11,403
Parkour.
999
01:07:11,528 --> 01:07:12,654
Kill him, babe!
1000
01:07:16,450 --> 01:07:17,784
Morgan's gonna save us.
1001
01:07:19,912 --> 01:07:22,998
Jean-Claude Van dipshit
just ditched us, sweetie.
1002
01:07:30,631 --> 01:07:32,257
Hold your fire.
1003
01:07:32,633 --> 01:07:33,800
Morgan: Barrel roll!
1004
01:07:35,594 --> 01:07:36,762
Easy, easy.
1005
01:07:36,970 --> 01:07:38,722
Easy. Yeah!
1006
01:07:38,847 --> 01:07:40,015
Identify yourself.
1007
01:07:40,766 --> 01:07:42,517
I'm one of the hostages.
1008
01:07:42,643 --> 01:07:45,520
Morgan steel, the actor.
1009
01:07:46,480 --> 01:07:48,649
Played a lot of
soldiers in my career.
1010
01:07:48,774 --> 01:07:51,902
Can I just say, thank you
for your service. Semper fi.
1011
01:07:53,111 --> 01:07:54,863
What's the situation inside?
1012
01:07:55,697 --> 01:07:57,366
Bunch of ex-military guys,
1013
01:07:57,491 --> 01:07:59,368
but I got to warn you,
they know you're coming.
1014
01:07:59,493 --> 01:08:00,953
I think they're readyforyou.
1015
01:08:01,203 --> 01:08:02,371
They better be.
1016
01:08:02,913 --> 01:08:04,331
We're on a tight schedule.
1017
01:08:04,998 --> 01:08:06,500
Shit.
1018
01:08:12,506 --> 01:08:15,384
All right, let's move out.
Man: Let's move out.
1019
01:08:19,721 --> 01:08:20,931
Come on.
1020
01:08:22,057 --> 01:08:23,600
You got to be kidding me.
1021
01:08:23,725 --> 01:08:26,311
Hey, thorp, you're 10
minutes late. What kept you?
1022
01:08:26,895 --> 01:08:29,106
Looks to me like your
net's got a hole in it.
1023
01:08:29,231 --> 01:08:31,584
Or are you just letting your
hostages out for some exercise?
1024
01:08:31,608 --> 01:08:33,777
No, no, no. We got a
wild gopher running around
1025
01:08:33,902 --> 01:08:36,280
complicating shit
and causing problems.
1026
01:08:36,405 --> 01:08:37,990
Who? Lightstone security?
1027
01:08:38,115 --> 01:08:39,550
Nah, I don't think so. Some
intruder dressed as Santa.
1028
01:08:39,574 --> 01:08:41,014
But I'm telling you,
I'm telling you,
1029
01:08:41,118 --> 01:08:42,744
there's something
weird about him.
1030
01:08:42,828 --> 01:08:44,288
Might be the real Santa.
1031
01:08:45,455 --> 01:08:47,082
Thefud 01:08:48,250
she's joking.
1033
01:08:49,209 --> 01:08:50,669
My squad will take care of it.
1034
01:08:53,213 --> 01:08:55,716
Beta team, go find this asshole.
1035
01:08:58,093 --> 01:09:02,097
Now, let's unwrap
our present, shall we?
1036
01:09:02,597 --> 01:09:04,433
All right, you heard the man.
1037
01:09:04,683 --> 01:09:06,393
Time to kill Santa.
1038
01:09:07,102 --> 01:09:09,187
I've got him. He's on the roof.
1039
01:09:09,646 --> 01:09:11,398
Roger that. I got eyes on him.
1040
01:09:29,333 --> 01:09:31,209
Scrooge: Right,
sugarplum. Hit that button.
1041
01:09:38,425 --> 01:09:39,676
Scrooge: Here we go.
1042
01:09:40,135 --> 01:09:41,470
Our skeleton key.
1043
01:09:41,595 --> 01:09:43,138
The "open" magic stick.
1044
01:09:43,430 --> 01:09:45,140
This better fucking work.
1045
01:09:45,474 --> 01:09:47,726
I'm flushing my career
for this, my reputation.
1046
01:09:48,018 --> 01:09:50,270
Yeah, then you can
buy yourself a new rep.
1047
01:09:59,738 --> 01:10:03,075
Thorp: As a kid, I loved unwrapping
Christmas presents so much
1048
01:10:03,200 --> 01:10:05,660
that my mom would wrap
empty boxes for me.
1049
01:10:07,120 --> 01:10:08,997
I didn't care that
nothing was inside.
1050
01:10:21,968 --> 01:10:23,637
Is this a fucking joke?
1051
01:10:26,515 --> 01:10:28,266
Thorp: You said it
would fucking be here!
1052
01:10:28,809 --> 01:10:31,812
I'm telling you, my
intel was rock solid.
1053
01:10:31,937 --> 01:10:33,980
I had guys on the inside.
1054
01:10:35,690 --> 01:10:38,860
300 million in cash was
delivered here yesterday
1055
01:10:38,985 --> 01:10:40,946
to this fucking mansion.
1056
01:10:46,701 --> 01:10:48,495
Somebody must've intercepted it.
1057
01:10:53,125 --> 01:10:54,626
Son of a bitch.
1058
01:11:17,524 --> 01:11:18,817
Shit.
1059
01:11:19,359 --> 01:11:21,027
Santa, you okay?
1060
01:11:22,112 --> 01:11:23,196
Santa.
1061
01:11:23,321 --> 01:11:26,366
A bunch of new bad guys showed
up. They're on the naughty list.
1062
01:11:27,451 --> 01:11:30,078
They got their gadgets
and their gizmos on them.
1063
01:11:31,371 --> 01:11:33,498
I'm sorry. I think
this is it, kid.
1064
01:11:33,748 --> 01:11:35,375
No, no, don't say that.
1065
01:11:35,500 --> 01:11:36,710
The naughty list...
1066
01:11:38,253 --> 01:11:39,588
It just grows and grows.
1067
01:11:48,805 --> 01:11:52,184
He's in that structure.
Body cams on.
1068
01:11:52,434 --> 01:11:53,768
Tru dy: Don't give up.
1069
01:11:54,519 --> 01:11:56,563
You make a wish
this time, Santa.
1070
01:11:56,980 --> 01:11:58,482
Just this once.
1071
01:11:58,773 --> 01:12:01,109
If you could have
anything in this world,
1072
01:12:02,027 --> 01:12:03,528
what would it be?
1073
01:12:09,743 --> 01:12:12,078
I wish I could see
Mrs. Claus again,
1074
01:12:13,371 --> 01:12:15,081
tell her how much I love her.
1075
01:12:16,291 --> 01:12:18,585
Then you make
that wish come true.
1076
01:12:19,878 --> 01:12:20,921
Shit.
1077
01:12:21,129 --> 01:12:22,923
No, no.
1078
01:12:24,841 --> 01:12:26,092
Oh, god.
1079
01:12:41,816 --> 01:12:44,402
You said these guys,
they're naughty.
1080
01:12:44,861 --> 01:12:46,905
And what do you do
to the naughty ones?
1081
01:12:47,489 --> 01:12:48,990
I give them a lump of coal.
1082
01:12:49,407 --> 01:12:51,409
Yeah. Give them their lumps.
1083
01:12:52,911 --> 01:12:54,913
Take that coal and shove it
straight up their...
1084
01:12:55,038 --> 01:12:57,207
Anuses. Yeah!
1085
01:13:03,296 --> 01:13:04,631
They're right outside.
1086
01:13:19,354 --> 01:13:21,189
Santa's gonna eat
through these guys
1087
01:13:21,731 --> 01:13:23,483
like a plate full of cookies.
1088
01:13:28,280 --> 01:13:29,573
Soldier 1: Move, move.
1089
01:13:33,410 --> 01:13:34,744
Hey, lock it up.
1090
01:13:36,997 --> 01:13:38,164
Lights down.
1091
01:13:40,000 --> 01:13:41,293
Stay at my back.
1092
01:13:42,377 --> 01:13:43,962
All right, we got this, boys.
1093
01:14:03,106 --> 01:14:05,233
All right, where
the fuck is my money?
1094
01:14:05,358 --> 01:14:07,152
Where's the money?
1095
01:14:18,622 --> 01:14:21,124
All right, I've been
a sweetheart up to now.
1096
01:14:21,499 --> 01:14:22,751
But that's all over.
1097
01:14:22,876 --> 01:14:24,419
No more fucking games!
1098
01:14:24,961 --> 01:14:26,087
Where's the money?
1099
01:14:26,212 --> 01:14:28,757
Or I will shoot every last
one of you and enjoy it.
1100
01:14:33,470 --> 01:14:35,972
It's in the vault.
I just looked in the vault.
1101
01:14:36,097 --> 01:14:37,474
Had the money been in there,
1102
01:14:37,599 --> 01:14:39,160
I'd have a different
expression on my face.
1103
01:14:39,184 --> 01:14:40,393
Impossible.
1104
01:14:40,644 --> 01:14:42,646
Takes days to get
into that thing.
1105
01:14:42,854 --> 01:14:46,149
Not if we have the key,
Mrs. Lightstone.
1106
01:14:47,651 --> 01:14:48,818
Gertrude: Thorp.
1107
01:14:51,112 --> 01:14:53,448
You can't trust anyone
these days.
1108
01:14:53,740 --> 01:14:55,659
Scrooge: I'm
not sure how, butyou
1109
01:14:55,784 --> 01:14:58,244
or one of your shithead
kids moved the money.
1110
01:14:58,703 --> 01:15:00,288
And this upsets me.
1111
01:15:01,039 --> 01:15:02,415
It upsets me
1112
01:15:02,540 --> 01:15:06,169
in a way that makes me want
to just randomly shoot at people.
1113
01:15:07,295 --> 01:15:09,172
Hold on. Just... sorry.
1114
01:15:09,547 --> 01:15:10,965
What? What?
1115
01:15:11,091 --> 01:15:13,651
What if you randomly shoot the
only person who knows where it is?
1116
01:15:16,054 --> 01:15:18,056
Oh, fuck you people!
1117
01:15:53,007 --> 01:15:54,259
Santa: Suck on this.
1118
01:16:19,492 --> 01:16:20,952
I need some feedback, guys.
1119
01:16:22,120 --> 01:16:23,872
Guys, what the hell is going on?
1120
01:17:49,833 --> 01:17:51,167
Jesus Christ.
1121
01:17:52,919 --> 01:17:55,713
Nope. Justjolly old Saint Nick.
1122
01:18:07,851 --> 01:18:10,436
Oh, god! There you go.
1123
01:18:10,728 --> 01:18:12,105
A little stocking stuffer.
1124
01:18:13,231 --> 01:18:16,568
Where is it? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
1125
01:18:16,693 --> 01:18:19,112
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
1126
01:18:19,237 --> 01:18:21,656
I got to watch. Fuck!
1127
01:18:23,074 --> 01:18:25,201
Ho-ho-holy shit.
1128
01:18:27,662 --> 01:18:30,206
Gertrude would never
trust anybody
1129
01:18:30,331 --> 01:18:32,500
who wasn't blood
with this kind of info.
1130
01:18:34,502 --> 01:18:36,838
The in-laws wouldn't know shit,
1131
01:18:38,047 --> 01:18:40,383
which means that
I can shoot her...
1132
01:18:42,135 --> 01:18:44,055
Unless you tell me
where the fucking money is.
1133
01:18:44,137 --> 01:18:46,097
Linda: Please don't,
okay? It's Christmas.
1134
01:18:46,222 --> 01:18:47,515
Shut up!
1135
01:18:49,142 --> 01:18:50,476
I swear, I'll blow
her brains out
1136
01:18:50,602 --> 01:18:51,871
unless you tell me
where the money went.
1137
01:18:51,895 --> 01:18:53,229
I did it!
1138
01:18:54,188 --> 01:18:56,524
What? Okay. Yeah, I did it.
1139
01:18:56,649 --> 01:18:58,443
I moved the money.
No, don't be an idiot.
1140
01:18:58,568 --> 01:19:00,111
What? The money's
our only leverage.
1141
01:19:00,236 --> 01:19:01,956
My wife has a fucking
gun to her head, so...
1142
01:19:01,988 --> 01:19:03,828
Yeah, how did you find
out that we were coming?
1143
01:19:03,907 --> 01:19:05,366
I didn't. I was stealing it.
1144
01:19:06,409 --> 01:19:08,077
Yeah, coincidence.
Gertrude: Oh, my god.
1145
01:19:08,202 --> 01:19:10,121
I was planning to take the money
1146
01:19:10,204 --> 01:19:12,582
and leave with my wife
and daughter tonight
1147
01:19:12,707 --> 01:19:14,000
and never come back here.
1148
01:19:14,834 --> 01:19:18,004
And then my mom would
1149
01:19:18,129 --> 01:19:20,048
read the note with her
whiskey in the morning
1150
01:19:20,173 --> 01:19:21,716
and know what I had done.
1151
01:19:21,841 --> 01:19:24,135
For years, I have
been telling you
1152
01:19:24,260 --> 01:19:26,596
to stop caring about your
mother's fucking money!
1153
01:19:26,721 --> 01:19:29,807
And you think the solution
was to steal a bunch of it.
1154
01:19:30,850 --> 01:19:34,270
Well, yeah, it does sound
stupid when you say it like that.
1155
01:19:34,395 --> 01:19:36,314
Alva: How can you
do this right now?
1156
01:19:36,439 --> 01:19:38,479
It's disgusting. After all
that mother has given us?
1157
01:19:38,524 --> 01:19:40,443
Come on, alva. Everything
she ever gave you,
1158
01:19:40,568 --> 01:19:41,778
she made damn sure we knew
1159
01:19:41,903 --> 01:19:43,343
she had the power
to take right back.
1160
01:19:43,738 --> 01:19:46,908
I have spent years
groveling to you.
1161
01:19:47,033 --> 01:19:49,619
In the meanwhile,
I was destroying
1162
01:19:49,702 --> 01:19:51,746
the only good thing in my life.
1163
01:19:51,871 --> 01:19:53,311
Krampus: What are
we doing here, huh?
1164
01:19:53,373 --> 01:19:56,000
Family therapy or doing a heist?
1165
01:19:56,125 --> 01:19:58,628
Yeah, enough of
this sharing bullshit.
1166
01:19:59,128 --> 01:20:00,630
All right. Where'd you put it?
1167
01:20:07,345 --> 01:20:08,805
Look at this little idiot.
1168
01:20:13,851 --> 01:20:14,936
Oh, no.
1169
01:20:15,061 --> 01:20:16,479
What?
1170
01:20:16,813 --> 01:20:18,606
The bad guys found me. Okay.
1171
01:20:19,273 --> 01:20:20,566
I'm coming.
1172
01:20:27,240 --> 01:20:30,952
You know, booby traps don't
work unless you hide them.
1173
01:20:33,955 --> 01:20:35,123
You little moron.
1174
01:20:38,751 --> 01:20:40,586
Jesus! Shit!
1175
01:20:44,757 --> 01:20:46,509
Help me! Help me! Help!
1176
01:20:48,136 --> 01:20:50,179
You'll be... You'll be fine.
1177
01:20:51,139 --> 01:20:52,419
Sit tight.
I'll be back in a sec.
1178
01:20:55,393 --> 01:20:57,603
Right after I kill
this little piece of shit!
1179
01:21:01,024 --> 01:21:02,650
You little fucking brat.
1180
01:21:51,741 --> 01:21:52,909
Candy cane: You're dead!
1181
01:21:53,117 --> 01:21:54,869
You're so fucking dead!
1182
01:22:02,668 --> 01:22:04,378
Fucking piece of shit.
1183
01:22:10,176 --> 01:22:12,261
You little...
1184
01:22:30,822 --> 01:22:32,073
Incoming!
1185
01:22:52,301 --> 01:22:53,678
Son of a fucking...
1186
01:23:02,979 --> 01:23:04,105
Fuck.
1187
01:23:04,856 --> 01:23:06,524
I got you now, kid.
1188
01:23:06,649 --> 01:23:08,067
Yeah? Heads up.
1189
01:23:10,611 --> 01:23:12,071
That's all you got?
You fucking...
1190
01:23:14,949 --> 01:23:16,409
Enough of this shit.
1191
01:23:43,102 --> 01:23:44,145
Santa!
1192
01:23:47,523 --> 01:23:48,566
Santa: Aw.
1193
01:23:54,280 --> 01:23:55,990
Hi, Trudy.
1194
01:23:56,574 --> 01:23:59,243
I made booby traps like in
the movie. It was so funny.
1195
01:23:59,368 --> 01:24:01,746
Ho, ho, ho.
1196
01:24:08,044 --> 01:24:11,422
Trudy, I want you to...
Just do me a favor.
1197
01:24:12,715 --> 01:24:15,468
Just turn around
and close your eyes.
1198
01:24:15,718 --> 01:24:17,720
Maybe put your fingers
in your ears,
1199
01:24:18,346 --> 01:24:21,057
and sing jingle bells
as loud as you can.
1200
01:24:21,766 --> 01:24:23,601
Jingle bells, jingle bells
1201
01:24:23,684 --> 01:24:25,686
jingle all the way
1202
01:24:25,811 --> 01:24:27,980
oh, how fun it is to ride...
1203
01:24:28,105 --> 01:24:30,942
You were about to murder
aninnocentchhd.
1204
01:24:31,067 --> 01:24:32,211
Jingle bells, jingle bells...
1205
01:24:32,235 --> 01:24:33,236
Innocent?
1206
01:24:34,028 --> 01:24:35,238
It's naughty.
1207
01:24:35,780 --> 01:24:37,031
Naughty.
1208
01:24:38,032 --> 01:24:39,367
Naughty!
1209
01:24:39,575 --> 01:24:41,160
It's part of the
lightstone legacy.
1210
01:24:41,285 --> 01:24:42,662
We're horrible people.
1211
01:24:43,037 --> 01:24:44,747
So I get why you
did what you did.
1212
01:24:44,872 --> 01:24:46,934
When your grandfather told
me I'd never run the company
1213
01:24:46,958 --> 01:24:49,126
because a girl doesn't
have what it takes,
1214
01:24:49,627 --> 01:24:51,504
ihadto snatch the
reins away from him.
1215
01:24:51,587 --> 01:24:52,672
But the point is,
1216
01:24:52,797 --> 01:24:54,382
a lightstone takes
what's theirs.
1217
01:24:54,507 --> 01:24:56,050
I'm proud of you, son.
1218
01:24:56,175 --> 01:24:57,455
All right, where the hell is it?
1219
01:24:59,887 --> 01:25:01,389
The money's hidden inside.
1220
01:25:03,349 --> 01:25:06,018
Scrooge: And the three
wise men presented him with gifts
1221
01:25:06,143 --> 01:25:09,105
of frankincense, myrrh...
1222
01:25:11,065 --> 01:25:14,068
And cold hard cash.
1223
01:25:14,193 --> 01:25:15,611
Load it up, boys.
1224
01:25:15,778 --> 01:25:17,780
All right,
we're securing the money.
1225
01:25:18,072 --> 01:25:19,824
Kill the hostages
and meet us outside.
1226
01:25:20,449 --> 01:25:21,534
What?
1227
01:25:25,621 --> 01:25:26,872
Bert: Mom.
1228
01:25:26,998 --> 01:25:28,332
Itsfine, befl.
1229
01:25:28,457 --> 01:25:29,667
Everything's fine.
1230
01:25:29,792 --> 01:25:31,002
Okay.
1231
01:25:31,961 --> 01:25:33,629
Everybody, get up.
1232
01:25:34,088 --> 01:25:38,342
It's time for a murder.
1233
01:25:38,926 --> 01:25:40,970
Come on. You don't
want to kill us.
1234
01:25:41,178 --> 01:25:42,263
You really don't.
1235
01:25:42,596 --> 01:25:44,432
Oh, yes, I do.
1236
01:25:45,099 --> 01:25:47,601
I really, really, really do.
1237
01:25:47,727 --> 01:25:49,186
And I'm gonna start with you.
1238
01:25:49,312 --> 01:25:51,480
No, no, no. Vvam
am
am
1239
01:25:54,066 --> 01:25:55,568
you got to kill
aunt Linda first.
1240
01:25:55,651 --> 01:25:57,028
What the hell, Bert?
1241
01:25:57,111 --> 01:26:00,698
You want to squeeze in being a
little shit before you die, bertrude?
1242
01:26:00,823 --> 01:26:02,241
I say shoot him
first. Bert: What?
1243
01:26:02,533 --> 01:26:04,327
Alva: Wait. No. Don't shoot him.
1244
01:26:04,452 --> 01:26:06,412
Don't shoot him first.
And don't you call him
1245
01:26:06,537 --> 01:26:08,789
a little shit,
you gold-digging bitch.
1246
01:26:08,873 --> 01:26:10,583
Okay. I changed my mind.
1247
01:26:10,708 --> 01:26:12,602
Shoot the alcoholic bitch
first. Don't call my mom
1248
01:26:12,626 --> 01:26:14,104
an alcoholic bitch.
Your mom's an alcoholic.
1249
01:26:14,128 --> 01:26:15,755
I'm sorry. You're a
gold-digging bitch.
1250
01:26:15,880 --> 01:26:18,007
I'm a gold-digger, when I
have a whole-ass career?
1251
01:26:18,132 --> 01:26:19,651
You're not even part
of the fucking family.
1252
01:26:19,675 --> 01:26:22,303
She's an engineer.
You know goddamn well...
1253
01:26:22,428 --> 01:26:23,637
Shut up!
1254
01:26:27,475 --> 01:26:30,561
Just like rats in a barrel.
1255
01:26:32,271 --> 01:26:34,440
Why don't you die
with some dignity?
1256
01:26:39,945 --> 01:26:41,197
Get off of me!
1257
01:26:41,572 --> 01:26:42,865
Okay, okay.
1258
01:26:43,199 --> 01:26:44,408
Fuck you!
1259
01:26:44,617 --> 01:26:46,869
This is for yelling at my child!
1260
01:26:46,994 --> 01:26:48,371
Creep!
1261
01:26:48,496 --> 01:26:50,081
That's for slapping me,
motherfucker!
1262
01:26:50,206 --> 01:26:51,957
Alva: This is for
your dumb fucking hat!
1263
01:27:01,634 --> 01:27:02,843
Linda: Is he...
1264
01:27:03,594 --> 01:27:04,845
Is he dead?
1265
01:27:08,891 --> 01:27:10,017
Yeah.
1266
01:27:11,769 --> 01:27:13,145
Thanks, Linda.
1267
01:27:13,729 --> 01:27:16,190
Well, it's nice to do something
as a family for a change.
1268
01:27:17,608 --> 01:27:19,068
Oh, shit!
1269
01:27:19,693 --> 01:27:20,945
I'm gonna...
1270
01:27:25,408 --> 01:27:26,700
Alva: That was for Morgan.
1271
01:27:27,576 --> 01:27:31,455
He may have been stupid,
but he was very, very hot.
1272
01:27:33,457 --> 01:27:35,334
Trudy!
1273
01:27:35,501 --> 01:27:36,669
Mommy!
1274
01:27:37,837 --> 01:27:39,463
Thank god, baby.
1275
01:27:40,089 --> 01:27:41,382
Oh. Are you okay?
1276
01:27:41,882 --> 01:27:43,092
I'm okay, mommy.
1277
01:27:43,217 --> 01:27:44,260
Okay.
1278
01:27:44,385 --> 01:27:46,804
This is my friend, Santa.
1279
01:27:51,267 --> 01:27:52,935
What the fuck?
1280
01:27:53,352 --> 01:27:55,062
I can't thank you
enough, mister...
1281
01:27:55,187 --> 01:27:57,731
Claus. But please call me Santa.
1282
01:27:57,940 --> 01:27:58,983
Mm-hmm.
1283
01:27:59,066 --> 01:28:01,735
You guys should get out
of here. It's dangerous.
1284
01:28:02,570 --> 01:28:04,530
They took my husband
and her grandmother.
1285
01:28:06,740 --> 01:28:08,220
Anybody know how
to work these gizmos?
1286
01:28:08,325 --> 01:28:09,577
I think so.
1287
01:28:09,702 --> 01:28:11,036
I used to hunt with my dad.
1288
01:28:12,580 --> 01:28:14,331
Man 1: Copy that.
How's that looking?
1289
01:28:14,457 --> 01:28:15,777
Man 2: Yeah,
I got it on lockdown.
1290
01:28:15,833 --> 01:28:17,073
Man 1: Heads on a swivel, boys.
1291
01:28:18,419 --> 01:28:19,795
Man 3: Incoming!
Man 4: Heads up!
1292
01:28:21,422 --> 01:28:22,715
Man 4: Who's shooting?
1293
01:28:25,217 --> 01:28:26,302
Man 5: Cap, get down!
1294
01:28:32,725 --> 01:28:34,977
Gun 'em down. Mow them all down.
1295
01:28:52,036 --> 01:28:53,847
Scrooge: Let's get the
fuck out of here. Let's go.
1296
01:28:53,871 --> 01:28:56,248
Go where? Come
on, move, you old bat.
1297
01:28:57,208 --> 01:28:58,667
Get your fucking
hands off of me.
1298
01:29:07,968 --> 01:29:09,512
Oh!
1299
01:29:10,054 --> 01:29:11,263
Oh, shit.
1300
01:29:11,388 --> 01:29:14,475
My balls! My fucking balls!
1301
01:29:31,700 --> 01:29:34,203
My balls! Why did you
shoot me in the ball...
1302
01:29:38,040 --> 01:29:39,500
Jesus.
1303
01:29:40,918 --> 01:29:41,919
Sorry.
1304
01:29:44,171 --> 01:29:46,549
Don't worry about us,
Mr. Claus. We got this.
1305
01:29:47,508 --> 01:29:48,884
Jason: Who is that guy?
1306
01:29:49,218 --> 01:29:51,345
He said he was Mr. Claus.
1307
01:29:53,764 --> 01:29:55,224
Fuck. Trudy. No, no.
1308
01:29:55,349 --> 01:29:56,767
She's in the house. She's okay.
1309
01:29:56,892 --> 01:29:58,227
She's safe.
1310
01:29:58,769 --> 01:30:00,437
Yeah. Oh, thank god.
1311
01:30:21,166 --> 01:30:22,626
No, no.
1312
01:30:22,751 --> 01:30:24,712
Go, go, go. No. Wait.
1313
01:31:11,342 --> 01:31:13,135
Oh, shit!
1314
01:31:15,971 --> 01:31:17,348
Ho, ho!
1315
01:31:20,351 --> 01:31:21,393
Fuck!
1316
01:32:05,396 --> 01:32:07,147
Fucking die.
1317
01:33:01,076 --> 01:33:02,494
Scrooge: Come on.
Come on. Come on.
1318
01:33:02,953 --> 01:33:05,205
Yeah, over here. Over here.
1319
01:33:06,039 --> 01:33:07,416
Santa!
1320
01:33:08,375 --> 01:33:09,668
Come on!
1321
01:33:10,169 --> 01:33:11,462
Yeah.
1322
01:33:55,422 --> 01:33:56,423
Fuck.
1323
01:34:20,364 --> 01:34:21,698
You're real?
1324
01:34:23,784 --> 01:34:25,619
You're him.
1325
01:34:29,206 --> 01:34:30,582
You're you.
1326
01:34:30,707 --> 01:34:33,210
That's what I've been
trying to tell you.
1327
01:34:33,502 --> 01:34:36,463
The real goddamn Santa claus.
1328
01:34:37,297 --> 01:34:39,007
This is not your night, pal.
1329
01:34:39,591 --> 01:34:41,552
Oh, I don't know.
I think you're wrong.
1330
01:34:42,344 --> 01:34:45,472
I think my whole shitty
life's built up to this moment.
1331
01:34:45,597 --> 01:34:46,932
Because when I kill you,
1332
01:34:47,558 --> 01:34:50,227
this whole goddamn holiday
finally ends.
1333
01:34:52,104 --> 01:34:53,438
Whatever it takes...
1334
01:34:55,732 --> 01:34:57,651
Christmas dies tonight.
1335
01:37:16,915 --> 01:37:19,376
The last Christmas.
1336
01:37:29,469 --> 01:37:31,304
Not if you still believe.
1337
01:38:04,004 --> 01:38:07,382
I have no idea what
the fuck is going on here.
1338
01:38:10,177 --> 01:38:11,553
But this ends now.
1339
01:38:16,933 --> 01:38:18,685
Damn right it does.
1340
01:38:28,195 --> 01:38:29,863
Linda: Trudy, be careful.
1341
01:38:33,700 --> 01:38:35,118
Trudy: Santa!
1342
01:38:36,078 --> 01:38:37,996
Oh, no. Santa.
1343
01:38:39,539 --> 01:38:40,791
Oh, no.
1344
01:38:48,006 --> 01:38:49,966
You saved my daughter.
1345
01:38:50,926 --> 01:38:52,219
Santa: No.
1346
01:38:53,345 --> 01:38:54,763
She saved me.
1347
01:38:55,347 --> 01:38:57,641
Help him. Please help him.
1348
01:38:57,766 --> 01:39:00,060
Honey, I don't think
there's anything we can do.
1349
01:39:00,185 --> 01:39:01,353
Santa: It's okay.
1350
01:39:02,104 --> 01:39:03,563
It's too late for that.
1351
01:39:03,688 --> 01:39:04,940
Too late.
1352
01:39:06,691 --> 01:39:07,859
I'm cold.
1353
01:39:09,611 --> 01:39:11,613
I haven't felt cold in years.
1354
01:39:12,280 --> 01:39:13,782
We need to keep him warm.
1355
01:39:15,158 --> 01:39:16,910
All of the fires are going out.
1356
01:39:17,035 --> 01:39:18,662
We need to find
something to burn.
1357
01:39:20,622 --> 01:39:22,040
Igotanidea.
1358
01:39:30,090 --> 01:39:32,217
No, no, no, no. No, Jason, no.
1359
01:39:32,342 --> 01:39:33,343
Tru dy: Please, Santa.
1360
01:39:33,885 --> 01:39:35,887
I don't want you to die.
1361
01:39:39,558 --> 01:39:41,059
Alva: Jason, let's
slow this down.
1362
01:39:41,184 --> 01:39:42,686
What are you doing?
1363
01:39:43,645 --> 01:39:46,064
I've lived longer than
any man should ever live.
1364
01:39:46,189 --> 01:39:48,692
He's pretty much dead.
What the hell is happening?
1365
01:39:48,817 --> 01:39:50,920
You don't need to burn money.
Jason: Okay. More. Yeah.
1366
01:39:50,944 --> 01:39:54,156
You can't die, Santa.
You have to get up.
1367
01:39:54,281 --> 01:39:56,741
I think I used up
all my Christmas magic.
1368
01:39:58,076 --> 01:39:59,244
Sorry.
1369
01:40:01,538 --> 01:40:05,083
I'm sorry I can't give
you what you asked for.
1370
01:40:06,710 --> 01:40:08,503
Jason: Take that. Take that.
1371
01:40:09,045 --> 01:40:10,338
Trudy: But you did.
1372
01:40:13,633 --> 01:40:15,510
Santa, please don't die.
1373
01:40:15,635 --> 01:40:18,180
Wake up. Wake up.
1374
01:40:18,305 --> 01:40:20,025
Jason: We need to
get him close to the fire.
1375
01:40:20,849 --> 01:40:22,017
Jason.
1376
01:40:23,643 --> 01:40:25,312
Just wake up.
1377
01:40:26,479 --> 01:40:27,772
Please.
1378
01:40:34,779 --> 01:40:36,948
Oh, I am so, so sorry.
1379
01:40:42,329 --> 01:40:43,622
This man...
1380
01:40:46,124 --> 01:40:49,461
This brave, brave man,
whoever he was...
1381
01:40:49,586 --> 01:40:50,837
He's Santa.
1382
01:40:51,379 --> 01:40:53,131
The real Santa. He is.
1383
01:40:53,757 --> 01:40:55,592
And I still believe in him.
1384
01:40:57,177 --> 01:40:59,554
I'll always believe
in you, Santa.
1385
01:41:04,517 --> 01:41:06,186
Ibeheve in him, too.
1386
01:41:09,522 --> 01:41:10,857
He saved Trudy.
1387
01:41:12,275 --> 01:41:13,818
He saved our family.
1388
01:41:16,613 --> 01:41:18,156
What's realer than that?
1389
01:41:23,119 --> 01:41:24,287
Yeah, and maybe...
1390
01:41:27,457 --> 01:41:28,708
Ibeheve in him, too.
1391
01:41:30,001 --> 01:41:31,294
Uh, so do I.
1392
01:41:33,004 --> 01:41:35,257
Oh. Shit.
1393
01:41:35,465 --> 01:41:37,092
Iguess_.
1394
01:41:38,093 --> 01:41:39,552
I guess I do, too.
1395
01:41:40,136 --> 01:41:41,554
Alva: Fuck me.
1396
01:41:41,930 --> 01:41:43,306
I believe, too.
1397
01:41:54,192 --> 01:41:55,568
Oh, my god.
1398
01:41:55,694 --> 01:41:56,778
Santa!
1399
01:42:02,242 --> 01:42:03,326
Jason: You...
1400
01:42:05,287 --> 01:42:06,413
You were dead.
1401
01:42:08,039 --> 01:42:09,207
Christmas magic.
1402
01:42:10,750 --> 01:42:12,836
I still don't really
understand...
1403
01:42:13,670 --> 01:42:15,005
How it works.
1404
01:42:21,428 --> 01:42:22,804
Thank you.
1405
01:42:23,096 --> 01:42:24,848
I don't know how we
can ever repay you.
1406
01:42:25,515 --> 01:42:28,184
You brought me back from
the dead, so we'll call it even.
1407
01:42:29,894 --> 01:42:31,021
Even?
1408
01:42:31,146 --> 01:42:33,189
We just burned
half a million dollars.
1409
01:42:34,524 --> 01:42:35,942
Look, Santa! Hmm?
1410
01:42:36,067 --> 01:42:37,235
Look who came.
1411
01:42:44,743 --> 01:42:47,454
Now you show up, huh?
1412
01:42:48,204 --> 01:42:49,664
You leave me here to die,
1413
01:42:49,789 --> 01:42:51,916
come back after all
the work's done, huh?
1414
01:42:52,042 --> 01:42:54,627
You know what? I should
make you guys into a stew
1415
01:42:54,753 --> 01:42:56,296
and feed you to the elves!
1416
01:42:59,007 --> 01:43:03,386
Yes, blitzen! Yes,
I'm talking to you!
1417
01:43:03,678 --> 01:43:05,472
You, too, prancer.
1418
01:43:11,102 --> 01:43:12,520
You got my sack.
1419
01:43:13,271 --> 01:43:16,566
My spare... you went home
and you got my spare sack?
1420
01:43:19,361 --> 01:43:21,905
God, I can't stay mad
at you guys. I...
1421
01:43:23,281 --> 01:43:27,160
Aw. I can't. I can't.
1422
01:43:45,095 --> 01:43:46,346
Hello, beautiful.
1423
01:43:46,888 --> 01:43:47,931
Skullcrusher!
1424
01:44:01,319 --> 01:44:02,529
Guess this is goodbye.
1425
01:44:02,946 --> 01:44:04,197
I gotta go.
1426
01:44:05,407 --> 01:44:06,658
Do you have to?
1427
01:44:10,870 --> 01:44:12,956
It's Christmas Eve,
and there's a lot of
1428
01:44:13,081 --> 01:44:14,624
boys and girls on the nice list
1429
01:44:14,749 --> 01:44:16,376
that want their
presents, you know?
1430
01:44:19,170 --> 01:44:20,505
Thank you.
1431
01:44:21,714 --> 01:44:23,049
For what?
1432
01:44:23,466 --> 01:44:24,717
For believing in me.
1433
01:44:25,760 --> 01:44:28,012
For reminding me that
Christmas still matters.
1434
01:44:29,973 --> 01:44:31,391
And that I still...
1435
01:44:32,559 --> 01:44:33,768
Matter.
1436
01:44:36,563 --> 01:44:38,148
You gave me
my "ho, ho, ho" back.
1437
01:44:48,658 --> 01:44:50,410
All right. Get out of here.
1438
01:44:54,539 --> 01:44:57,250
Merry Christmas!
1439
01:44:59,878 --> 01:45:01,129
Hyah!
1440
01:45:01,212 --> 01:45:04,549
Now, dasher! Now, dancer!
1441
01:45:04,674 --> 01:45:06,718
Now, prancer and Vixen!
1442
01:45:06,843 --> 01:45:10,054
On, comet! On, cupid!
1443
01:45:10,180 --> 01:45:13,099
On, donner and blitzen!
1444
01:45:13,224 --> 01:45:16,853
Come on, you beautiful bastards!
1445
01:45:16,978 --> 01:45:20,064
We've got some work to do!
1446
01:45:20,315 --> 01:45:22,692
Hyah!
1447
01:45:23,234 --> 01:45:25,778
Ho, ho, ho!
1448
01:45:25,904 --> 01:45:28,990
Merry Christmas!
1449
01:46:57,495 --> 01:46:59,581
Hey, yo! What's Gucci,
squad fam?
1450
01:46:59,706 --> 01:47:02,667
It's the Bert locker,
living the dream.
1451
01:47:02,792 --> 01:47:05,169
You know what? See
this guy? Dead as hell.
1452
01:47:05,253 --> 01:47:06,546
Santa's real, all right?
1453
01:47:06,671 --> 01:47:08,339
Don't end up on
the naughty list.
1454
01:47:08,464 --> 01:47:09,674
Do better.
1455
01:47:09,799 --> 01:47:11,134
Bert lightstone out.
93727
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof