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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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00:00:02,534 --> 00:00:05,434
Charlie... Are you leaving?
2
00:00:05,467 --> 00:00:07,767
No, I usually carry
an umbrella and my briefcase
3
00:00:07,801 --> 00:00:09,400
to the men's room. .
4
00:00:09,434 --> 00:00:11,868
The mayor wants to talk to us
about his speech. .
5
00:00:11,901 --> 00:00:14,000
That's just an excuse
to hang out with us
6
00:00:14,033 --> 00:00:16,667
'cause he didn't want
to be alone. .
7
00:00:16,701 --> 00:00:19,400
The mayor wouldn't use work
to trick us into staying late. .
8
00:00:19,434 --> 00:00:22,033
Last night he said he wanted
to review a tax proposal.
9
00:00:22,067 --> 00:00:24,033
I spent the night
listening to him talk
10
00:00:24,067 --> 00:00:25,801
about his high school
football team. .
11
00:00:25,834 --> 00:00:28,701
He played football?
No, he was just a big fan.
12
00:00:28,734 --> 00:00:30,367
Charlie, Caitlin, good.
13
00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:32,200
I've been thinking a lot
14
00:00:32,234 --> 00:00:34,200
about that speech
for the fundraiser. .
15
00:00:34,234 --> 00:00:35,501
All business.
16
00:00:35,534 --> 00:00:37,601
I think
we should review a videotape
17
00:00:37,634 --> 00:00:40,067
of last year's speech...
see how we can improve it. .
18
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:47,734
Sir, this is "blazing saddles."
19
00:00:47,767 --> 00:00:50,734
I must have accidentally
grabbed the wrong tape. .
20
00:00:52,234 --> 00:00:54,000
This movie's a classic. .
21
00:00:54,033 --> 00:00:55,868
We gotta watch a little.
22
00:00:55,901 --> 00:00:59,133
I was actually headin' out
to meet someone for a beer. .
23
00:00:59,167 --> 00:01:01,067
Oh, no need. .
24
00:01:01,100 --> 00:01:03,100
Imported or domestic? .
25
00:01:04,334 --> 00:01:06,267
Whichever one's stronger.
26
00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:33,000
Angie, would you type this? .
27
00:01:33,033 --> 00:01:35,133
It's the mayor's speech
for the fundraiser. .
28
00:01:35,167 --> 00:01:36,968
You wrote another draft?
29
00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:39,000
I don't think I have time
for this, Charlie. .
30
00:01:39,033 --> 00:01:40,834
See if you can squeeze it in
31
00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:42,901
when you're done buying pants
off the net.
32
00:01:44,601 --> 00:01:47,400
Charlie, I've got this
mayor thing all figured out. .
33
00:01:47,434 --> 00:01:50,734
He's lonely.
He needs romantic companionship. .
34
00:01:50,767 --> 00:01:53,200
Hey, I'll watch movies
with the guy. .
35
00:01:54,701 --> 00:01:57,434
That's as far as I'm goin'. .
36
00:01:57,467 --> 00:01:59,434
We should fix him up. .
37
00:01:59,467 --> 00:02:01,701
Why do women feel
like the world is a better place
38
00:02:01,734 --> 00:02:03,634
if everybody's paired off?
39
00:02:03,667 --> 00:02:05,634
I won't be a part
of any fix-up. .
40
00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:07,868
Okay, but I was just
in the mayor's office. .
41
00:02:07,901 --> 00:02:10,100
There's a copy of "mystic pizza"
on his desk.
42
00:02:10,133 --> 00:02:12,200
I know a girl named Karen
who'd be good for him. .
43
00:02:12,234 --> 00:02:14,667
My neighbor Judith
would be perfect for him. .
44
00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:16,634
She's into music. She writes. .
45
00:02:16,667 --> 00:02:18,667
She even grew a beautiful garden
on the roof. .
46
00:02:18,701 --> 00:02:20,868
Is she hot? .
47
00:02:20,901 --> 00:02:24,300
Is that all men care about? .
48
00:02:24,334 --> 00:02:27,734
Well, the garden thing's
a close second. .
49
00:02:29,567 --> 00:02:31,467
Give him her number
and we're done. .
50
00:02:31,501 --> 00:02:33,901
We have to orchestrate a setup
51
00:02:33,934 --> 00:02:36,968
where he doesn't know
he's being set up. .
52
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:38,868
Isn't that
kind of manipulative? .
53
00:02:38,901 --> 00:02:41,601
Wake up, Charlie.
That's how it's done. .
54
00:02:41,634 --> 00:02:44,133
Maybe I'm just
an old-fashioned guy,
55
00:02:44,167 --> 00:02:46,501
but whatever happened
to meetin' a girl at a bar,
56
00:02:46,534 --> 00:02:49,300
buyin' her a couple of drinks,
and goin' back to her place? .
57
00:02:51,133 --> 00:02:53,601
Is romance dead? .
58
00:02:57,167 --> 00:02:59,434
I am not going to a hockey game.
Don't ask me again. .
59
00:02:59,467 --> 00:03:01,801
When you needed someone
to go with you to the ballet,
60
00:03:01,834 --> 00:03:03,801
I went. .
61
00:03:03,834 --> 00:03:06,000
And I was respectful,
just like you asked. .
62
00:03:06,033 --> 00:03:07,834
You stood up and yelled,
63
00:03:07,868 --> 00:03:09,868
"hey, get a load
of the jugs on that swan!"
64
00:03:09,901 --> 00:03:12,501
I just said
what everyone was thinkin'.
65
00:03:12,534 --> 00:03:16,000
I guess it won't hurt me
to go to a stupid hockey game. .
66
00:03:16,033 --> 00:03:18,067
Ah, hockey! .
67
00:03:18,100 --> 00:03:20,801
The sport of my people. .
68
00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:22,968
What are you talking about?
69
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,467
I just found out
from a genealogist
70
00:03:25,501 --> 00:03:27,434
that I'm 1/8 Canadian.
71
00:03:27,467 --> 00:03:30,868
I always knew my lineage
had exotic foreign stock.
72
00:03:30,901 --> 00:03:33,067
1/8 doesn't make you Canadian. .
73
00:03:33,100 --> 00:03:36,467
It means a distant relative
had sex with a mountie. .
74
00:03:40,634 --> 00:03:42,167
Hey, Caitlin.
75
00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:43,300
Charlie! .
76
00:03:43,334 --> 00:03:45,267
What a surprise. .
77
00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:48,467
The last place
I'd expect to see you is here.
78
00:03:48,501 --> 00:03:51,000
I mean, in all
of New York City...
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00:03:51,033 --> 00:03:52,834
enough! .
80
00:03:52,868 --> 00:03:54,133
This is Judith.
81
00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:55,901
I'm Charlie.
82
00:03:55,934 --> 00:03:57,000
I'm Randall. .
83
00:03:57,033 --> 00:03:59,901
It's a pleasure. .
84
00:03:59,934 --> 00:04:02,167
Yes, well, nice meeting you. .
85
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,400
Sir, why don't we join them?
86
00:04:04,434 --> 00:04:06,334
Judith is very attractive. .
87
00:04:06,367 --> 00:04:10,033
She's got the look
of a woman who's available. .
88
00:04:10,067 --> 00:04:13,968
My God, son,
your libido is frightening.
89
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:16,100
I meant for you. .
90
00:04:16,133 --> 00:04:18,067
Oh, all my moves are rusty. .
91
00:04:18,100 --> 00:04:21,834
It's not like the old days
when I could just wink...
92
00:04:21,868 --> 00:04:24,901
next thing you know,
she's in my microbus
93
00:04:24,934 --> 00:04:27,667
on the way
to a steppenwolf concert. .
94
00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:29,501
Sir, you are the mayor
95
00:04:29,534 --> 00:04:31,968
of the most important city
in the free world. .
96
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,868
Trust me, chicks dig that. .
97
00:04:36,601 --> 00:04:38,400
He's comin' over,
98
00:04:38,434 --> 00:04:40,567
but I'm not sure
he's got the killer instinct. .
99
00:04:40,601 --> 00:04:43,634
Phone call for the mayor. .
100
00:04:43,667 --> 00:04:46,767
Of what city? .
101
00:04:46,801 --> 00:04:48,734
New York, sir. .
102
00:04:48,767 --> 00:04:50,734
That would be me.
103
00:04:50,767 --> 00:04:53,534
I'm the mayor of New York. .
104
00:04:53,567 --> 00:04:55,634
Ah, thank you. .
105
00:04:55,667 --> 00:04:57,501
Uh-huh. .
106
00:04:57,534 --> 00:05:00,434
Well, I'm unwilling to declare
a state of emergency.
107
00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:05,467
I'll call you when I get back
to my mansion. .
108
00:05:07,567 --> 00:05:09,367
So, you're the mayor. .
109
00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:11,634
Oh, you recognize me. .
110
00:05:11,667 --> 00:05:13,267
Of course.
111
00:05:13,300 --> 00:05:15,300
I voted for you... Twice. .
112
00:05:15,334 --> 00:05:18,000
Warm up the microbus. .
113
00:05:20,667 --> 00:05:23,734
Knock him on his ass! .
114
00:05:23,767 --> 00:05:26,000
Come on, Carter.
You gotta get into it. .
115
00:05:26,033 --> 00:05:27,868
You call that skating? .
116
00:05:27,901 --> 00:05:31,100
Let me tell you something...
you are no Scott Hamilton! .
117
00:05:32,367 --> 00:05:34,234
Okay, this was a mistake.
118
00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:36,601
I should never have made you
come to this game.
119
00:05:36,634 --> 00:05:38,667
I'm feeling comfortable here...
120
00:05:38,701 --> 00:05:40,601
think I'm starting to fit in. .
121
00:05:42,601 --> 00:05:44,367
"Roll out the barrel!"
122
00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:47,434
♪ roll out the barrel
123
00:05:47,467 --> 00:05:49,601
♪ we'll have a barrel of fun
124
00:05:49,634 --> 00:05:53,200
♪ roll out the barrel...
125
00:05:53,234 --> 00:05:55,567
that's good.
Switch seats with me. .
126
00:05:58,100 --> 00:05:59,901
Okay, fans,
127
00:05:59,934 --> 00:06:01,901
it's timeto select a contestant
128
00:06:01,934 --> 00:06:04,100
for next week'smillion-dollar shot. .
129
00:06:04,133 --> 00:06:06,434
Section 11... .
130
00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:08,501
Row v... .
131
00:06:08,534 --> 00:06:10,534
Seat 8!
132
00:06:10,567 --> 00:06:12,267
I won.
133
00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:13,634
I won! .
134
00:06:13,667 --> 00:06:14,701
Whoa! .
135
00:06:16,067 --> 00:06:18,634
Did the mayor mention
my speech to you? .
136
00:06:18,667 --> 00:06:19,868
No. .
137
00:06:19,901 --> 00:06:21,834
He hasn't said a word about it. .
138
00:06:21,868 --> 00:06:23,601
Why are you obsessing
about this?
139
00:06:23,634 --> 00:06:27,234
I'm just wondering,
did he like it or not? .
140
00:06:28,501 --> 00:06:30,767
You know something, don't you? .
141
00:06:30,801 --> 00:06:32,834
Did he say anything to you? .
142
00:06:32,868 --> 00:06:34,734
He hated it, didn't he? .
143
00:06:34,767 --> 00:06:36,667
Tell me... no, don't. .
144
00:06:36,701 --> 00:06:38,667
If it's bugging you that much,
145
00:06:38,701 --> 00:06:41,834
why don't you just ask him
what he thought?
146
00:06:41,868 --> 00:06:43,934
I would, but I've barely seen
the guy in a week. .
147
00:06:43,968 --> 00:06:46,267
He's spending every minute
with Judith. .
148
00:06:46,300 --> 00:06:49,133
This morning I ran into him
in my building's laundry room. .
149
00:06:49,167 --> 00:06:51,033
He was in Judith's kimono.
150
00:06:51,067 --> 00:06:53,767
I can't believe
she's got him doing laundry.
151
00:06:53,801 --> 00:06:57,033
I mean,
who's wearin' the pants? .
152
00:06:57,067 --> 00:06:58,968
From what I saw, not him. .
153
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:00,501
Hey, everybody! .
154
00:07:00,534 --> 00:07:02,567
Guess what we did this morning. .
155
00:07:02,601 --> 00:07:05,300
Pulled off a jewel heist? .
156
00:07:05,334 --> 00:07:07,400
We went shopping
for a new wardrobe. .
157
00:07:07,434 --> 00:07:09,734
Ju-ju thinks I finally look
"plugged in." .
158
00:07:09,767 --> 00:07:12,501
Oh, I ate
my first organic potato.
159
00:07:12,534 --> 00:07:16,934
I can already feel the toxins
being expunged from my system. .
160
00:07:18,334 --> 00:07:20,234
You should try one, Charlie. .
161
00:07:20,267 --> 00:07:23,534
Actually, I'm kind of attached
to my toxins. .
162
00:07:23,567 --> 00:07:26,200
We've been through a lot
together.
163
00:07:26,234 --> 00:07:29,767
Charlie, I read something this
morning that I liked very much. .
164
00:07:29,801 --> 00:07:31,868
Well, that's great to hear. .
165
00:07:31,901 --> 00:07:35,133
It was an article ju-ju wrote
for the Chelsea bu called... .
166
00:07:35,167 --> 00:07:37,234
"Tofu and you." .
167
00:07:38,300 --> 00:07:40,100
Anyway, I've gotta go.
168
00:07:40,133 --> 00:07:42,100
I'm late
for my racquetball game. .
169
00:07:42,133 --> 00:07:44,467
Oh, actually, Randall,
I thought we'd go see
170
00:07:44,501 --> 00:07:47,200
that new exhibit of
12th-century Asian tapestries. .
171
00:07:47,234 --> 00:07:49,767
Correction... I'm late
for my tapestry thingy. .
172
00:07:52,133 --> 00:07:54,167
Did you see
the way he backed down? .
173
00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:58,400
She's leading him around
by his... Organic potatoes. .
174
00:08:02,968 --> 00:08:05,300
You can stare at me
all you want,
175
00:08:05,334 --> 00:08:06,968
but if I make that shot,
176
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:09,067
I am not splitting
the million with you.
177
00:08:09,100 --> 00:08:10,901
I know.
178
00:08:10,934 --> 00:08:14,234
I know it was your seat
to begin with,
179
00:08:14,267 --> 00:08:17,234
but we switched,
fair and square. .
180
00:08:18,901 --> 00:08:21,100
Yes, I am aware
that you took me in
181
00:08:21,133 --> 00:08:23,501
when I was kicked out
of my apartment. .
182
00:08:23,534 --> 00:08:25,400
Yes, I am aware
183
00:08:25,434 --> 00:08:27,434
that I probably
wouldn't be alive
184
00:08:27,467 --> 00:08:29,767
if you hadn't bailed me out
of that Mexican jail,
185
00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:33,501
but sorry... no deal. .
186
00:08:34,567 --> 00:08:36,667
Fine! If I win,
you get half the money! .
187
00:08:36,701 --> 00:08:38,434
End of discussion!
188
00:08:38,467 --> 00:08:40,501
I'm glad we had this talk. .
189
00:08:40,534 --> 00:08:43,400
Hey, guys, I'm Barry Melrose
of ESPN hockey.
190
00:08:43,434 --> 00:08:46,234
I'm here to take some pictures
with Stuart bondek.
191
00:08:46,267 --> 00:08:48,234
I'm Stuart bondek.
I'm glad to meet you.
192
00:08:48,267 --> 00:08:50,267
Carter Heywood...
I get half the money. .
193
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:52,767
Hey!
194
00:08:52,801 --> 00:08:54,767
Barry Melrose...
a fellow Canadian. .
195
00:08:54,801 --> 00:08:56,067
How are you?
196
00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:58,534
Paul lassiter
of the ottawa lassiters. .
197
00:08:58,567 --> 00:09:01,133
What do you say
after the photo op
198
00:09:01,167 --> 00:09:04,467
we ditch these hosers
and party like it's boxing day. .
199
00:09:04,501 --> 00:09:06,567
Sweet.
200
00:09:06,601 --> 00:09:08,634
Charlie, I read your speech. .
201
00:09:08,667 --> 00:09:11,234
Oh, great!
So, what'd you think? .
202
00:09:11,267 --> 00:09:14,601
Well, we thought parts of it
were very interesting. .
203
00:09:15,734 --> 00:09:17,300
We did? .
204
00:09:17,334 --> 00:09:18,634
Excuse me, sir.
205
00:09:18,667 --> 00:09:21,200
Judith is gonna observe
the meeting? .
206
00:09:21,234 --> 00:09:24,634
No, that would be awkward.
She's going to participate. .
207
00:09:27,934 --> 00:09:30,968
Well, isn't this nice? .
208
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:33,868
Here's your speech.
It just needs a few tweaks. .
209
00:09:33,901 --> 00:09:35,767
Sir, you crossed out
210
00:09:35,801 --> 00:09:38,067
nearly every salient point
in here...
211
00:09:38,100 --> 00:09:40,234
the crime rates,
public education,
212
00:09:40,267 --> 00:09:42,033
welfare reform. .
213
00:09:42,067 --> 00:09:44,868
They were a real downer. .
214
00:09:44,901 --> 00:09:47,067
Sir, I worked very hard
on this speech. .
215
00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:50,767
And it was
a very good first draft. .
216
00:09:50,801 --> 00:09:52,000
Thank you. .
217
00:09:52,033 --> 00:09:54,300
When I was up
at 4:00 A.M. writin' it,
218
00:09:54,334 --> 00:09:57,534
I was hopin' for a thumbs up
from the mayor's girlfriend. .
219
00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:03,300
Sir, can I see you outside
for a moment?
220
00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:13,200
I'm sorry, sir. Judith
does not have the authority
221
00:10:13,234 --> 00:10:15,000
to change my speech.
222
00:10:15,033 --> 00:10:16,968
Charlie,
she's an experienced author. .
223
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,167
In fact,
in one of her past lives,
224
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,067
she was a Greek playwright. .
225
00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:23,601
Why don't you just have ju-ju
write the whole thing? .
226
00:10:23,634 --> 00:10:26,968
That's a great idea, Charlie.
I'll go tell her the good news. .
227
00:10:31,501 --> 00:10:33,033
Ooh, Charlie,
228
00:10:33,067 --> 00:10:35,200
I hope this isn't a bad time,
229
00:10:35,234 --> 00:10:38,033
but can I have
Wayne gretzky's birthday off? .
230
00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:44,934
How 'bout Celine Dion's?
231
00:10:50,501 --> 00:10:52,968
Judith will bring down
our administration
232
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,234
just like yoko
brought down the Beatles. .
233
00:10:55,267 --> 00:10:57,234
Look, this woman
is not a problem. .
234
00:10:57,267 --> 00:10:59,100
That's what Ringo said. .
235
00:10:59,133 --> 00:11:01,868
Next thing you know,
he was starring in "caveman." .
236
00:11:01,901 --> 00:11:03,801
What the hell is this?!
237
00:11:03,834 --> 00:11:05,667
Judith told the mayor
238
00:11:05,701 --> 00:11:08,234
about the evils
of processed sugar,
239
00:11:08,267 --> 00:11:10,501
so he replaced the vending
machine with a juicer. .
240
00:11:10,534 --> 00:11:13,601
First my speech,
now my sugar...
241
00:11:13,634 --> 00:11:15,601
she's taking over. .
242
00:11:15,634 --> 00:11:18,400
She makes the mayor happy,
and besides, isn't it possible
243
00:11:18,434 --> 00:11:20,367
she could make
the speech better? .
244
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:23,234
Anything's possible.
I'm about to drink a carrot. .
245
00:11:23,267 --> 00:11:26,133
No, Stuart!
You've got to want it! .
246
00:11:26,167 --> 00:11:27,734
Concentrate!
247
00:11:27,767 --> 00:11:30,434
I can't with you yappin' at me. .
248
00:11:30,467 --> 00:11:33,167
How are you gonna feel in front
of 20,000 screaming fans?! .
249
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:34,968
You wanna cry, tough guy? .
250
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:38,000
Come on, tough guy,
mama's boy... squirt a few. .
251
00:11:38,033 --> 00:11:39,033
Cry! .
252
00:11:39,067 --> 00:11:41,167
Get off my back. .
253
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:42,834
Hey, hey, hey. .
254
00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:44,834
Will you hosers keep it down?
255
00:11:44,868 --> 00:11:47,767
I'm nursin'
a major hangover, eh.
256
00:11:47,801 --> 00:11:49,901
Paul, give it a rest.
You're not Canadian. .
257
00:11:49,934 --> 00:11:52,767
We're sick of hearing
about back bacon, fur trapping,
258
00:11:52,801 --> 00:11:55,300
and the comic genius
of Howie mandel. .
259
00:11:55,334 --> 00:11:57,167
You guys are jealous. .
260
00:11:57,200 --> 00:12:00,033
That's what this is all aboot. .
261
00:12:02,167 --> 00:12:04,367
A million dollars at stake. .
262
00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:06,133
You could travel. .
263
00:12:06,167 --> 00:12:08,067
You'll be financially secure. .
264
00:12:08,100 --> 00:12:10,167
Babes love rich guys. .
265
00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:12,067
Hey, it worked.
266
00:12:12,100 --> 00:12:13,334
Angie... .
267
00:12:13,367 --> 00:12:15,801
You're not rich yet. .
268
00:12:15,834 --> 00:12:17,801
Sir, can I talk
to you for a minute? .
269
00:12:17,834 --> 00:12:19,000
Absolutely. .
270
00:12:19,033 --> 00:12:20,334
In private. .
271
00:12:20,367 --> 00:12:21,801
Right. .
272
00:12:29,934 --> 00:12:31,934
Oh, Judith,
I meant to tell you,
273
00:12:31,968 --> 00:12:34,133
somebody jammed a porkchop
in the juicer. .
274
00:12:34,167 --> 00:12:35,968
Oh, no. .
275
00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:38,234
It was probably
that big Canadian guy. .
276
00:12:38,267 --> 00:12:41,067
Way to keep an eye out,
Charlie. .
277
00:12:41,100 --> 00:12:43,567
Sir, Judith's been around
the office an awful lot,
278
00:12:43,601 --> 00:12:45,567
and it's makin' me
uncomfortable. .
279
00:12:45,601 --> 00:12:47,501
What are you saying?
You don't like her? .
280
00:12:47,534 --> 00:12:49,567
No, no. Judith's great. .
281
00:12:49,601 --> 00:12:52,467
She's by far
my favorite extraneous person
282
00:12:52,501 --> 00:12:54,868
I'd rather not have around. .
283
00:12:54,901 --> 00:12:57,601
Sir, Judith is not qualified
to advise you on policy,
284
00:12:57,634 --> 00:12:59,934
and she has no business
writing that speech. .
285
00:12:59,968 --> 00:13:02,100
You're questioning
my professionalism. .
286
00:13:02,133 --> 00:13:04,100
You're undermining
my authority. .
287
00:13:04,133 --> 00:13:06,534
Not to mention,
you're bad talkin' my lady. .
288
00:13:08,033 --> 00:13:09,701
If you'll excuse me,
289
00:13:09,734 --> 00:13:11,701
Judith gets upset
when I keep her waiting. .
290
00:13:11,734 --> 00:13:13,834
Oh, my God. You are so...
291
00:13:13,868 --> 00:13:15,834
I'm so what? What am I? .
292
00:13:15,868 --> 00:13:17,367
Nothing. .
293
00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:19,400
No, come on, tough guy.
Spit it out, huh?
294
00:13:19,434 --> 00:13:21,133
I'm so... .
295
00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:22,300
Whipped. .
296
00:13:26,868 --> 00:13:29,467
You are whipped!
297
00:13:29,501 --> 00:13:32,567
Judith and I
may be a modern couple,
298
00:13:32,601 --> 00:13:36,100
but trust me,
I'm still wearing the pants. .
299
00:13:47,701 --> 00:13:49,133
Ladies and gentlemen,
300
00:13:49,167 --> 00:13:52,868
please direct your attentionto center ice,
301
00:13:52,901 --> 00:13:54,901
where Stuart bondekwill be taking .
302
00:13:54,934 --> 00:13:56,734
ESPN's million-dollar shot. .
303
00:14:04,467 --> 00:14:06,567
What are you doin' here?
304
00:14:06,601 --> 00:14:09,234
I'm his coach. He needs me. .
305
00:14:09,267 --> 00:14:11,901
Don't aim.
You always miss when you aim.
306
00:14:11,934 --> 00:14:13,300
I know. .
307
00:14:13,334 --> 00:14:14,767
Remember... .
308
00:14:14,801 --> 00:14:16,434
Power through. .
309
00:14:16,467 --> 00:14:18,634
You're makin' it harder. .
310
00:14:18,667 --> 00:14:21,434
A million dollars. .
311
00:14:21,467 --> 00:14:23,367
Don't overthink it. Relax. .
312
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:24,667
Don't touch me! .
313
00:14:24,701 --> 00:14:26,267
Don't shove me. .
314
00:14:40,534 --> 00:14:43,801
Let them go! Let them go!
Let them go! .
315
00:14:54,701 --> 00:14:55,801
Aah! .
316
00:14:55,834 --> 00:14:56,968
Aaah! .
317
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:02,734
Ladies and gentlemen,
318
00:15:02,767 --> 00:15:04,667
it is an honor to present
319
00:15:04,701 --> 00:15:07,901
the mayor of New York,
Randall Winston. .
320
00:15:09,467 --> 00:15:11,801
Mesdames et messieurs,
321
00:15:11,834 --> 00:15:14,601
c'est un honneur pour prsenter
322
00:15:14,634 --> 00:15:19,767
le maire du New York,Randall Winston. .
323
00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:26,367
You need help. .
324
00:15:28,334 --> 00:15:31,901
My administration has overseen
a time of tremendous prosperity
325
00:15:31,934 --> 00:15:34,200
for the citizens
of this great city. .
326
00:15:35,534 --> 00:15:38,767
But prosperity
can't simply be measured
327
00:15:38,801 --> 00:15:42,000
in terms of economic growth
and financial security. .
328
00:15:42,033 --> 00:15:46,267
There's peace, love,
and harmonic bliss. .
329
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:51,167
Let's try an exercise. .
330
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,367
Take the hand of the person
on the side of you. .
331
00:15:54,767 --> 00:15:57,033
Come on, don't be shy. .
332
00:16:04,133 --> 00:16:06,667
Well, I think
this is as good a time as any
333
00:16:06,701 --> 00:16:08,567
to do our big cash giveaway. .
334
00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:11,567
Taped beneath the seat
of one of you lucky people
335
00:16:11,601 --> 00:16:13,734
is a crisp $100 bill.
336
00:16:15,067 --> 00:16:17,767
Charlie, help me!
337
00:16:17,801 --> 00:16:20,501
I gotta get
the original speech.
338
00:16:20,534 --> 00:16:23,033
Paul, go out to the limo
and get my briefcase.
339
00:16:23,067 --> 00:16:25,567
I'm not goin' out there.
It's only 5 degrees celsius.
340
00:16:25,601 --> 00:16:28,400
Paul, you are aboot
to get your ass kicked. .
341
00:16:28,434 --> 00:16:31,033
Can I type directly onto
the teleprompter? .
342
00:16:31,067 --> 00:16:34,267
Sure. .
343
00:16:34,300 --> 00:16:35,968
Mo... .
344
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:37,968
Movi... .
345
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,667
Movi... lng. .
346
00:16:40,701 --> 00:16:43,133
Moving! Moving on... .
347
00:16:43,167 --> 00:16:46,901
You're typing too slow.
Let me type. .
348
00:16:46,934 --> 00:16:48,067
Okay.
349
00:16:48,100 --> 00:16:49,901
I have to apologize. .
350
00:16:49,934 --> 00:16:51,667
We've had some... .
351
00:16:51,701 --> 00:16:53,200
Technical difficulties. .
352
00:16:53,234 --> 00:16:58,167
Man, I really have to take
a whiz. .
353
00:17:01,667 --> 00:17:03,667
You typed that? .
354
00:17:03,701 --> 00:17:05,701
That was for you, not him. .
355
00:17:05,734 --> 00:17:07,467
Why would I wanna know that? .
356
00:17:07,501 --> 00:17:10,868
Here's the disk. .
357
00:17:10,901 --> 00:17:12,334
Other city things...
358
00:17:12,367 --> 00:17:14,834
crime, crime rate. .
359
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:16,968
Granted, the crime rate is up,
360
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:20,167
"but what goes up
must come down. ."
361
00:17:22,033 --> 00:17:25,133
"Spinning wheel
gotta spin round. ."
362
00:17:27,501 --> 00:17:31,200
"Talk about your troubles.
It's a cryin' sin. .
363
00:17:31,234 --> 00:17:34,167
Ride a painted pony..." .
364
00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:35,567
Oh, thank God. .
365
00:17:35,601 --> 00:17:37,100
Ladies and gentlemen,
366
00:17:37,133 --> 00:17:39,133
we live in an age
of opportunity. .
367
00:17:41,534 --> 00:17:43,968
Well, you blew our chance
at a million bucks. .
368
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:46,434
Hope you're happy. .
369
00:17:46,467 --> 00:17:49,968
Look, I told you in arena jail
370
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:53,567
that I'm sorry.
371
00:17:53,601 --> 00:17:55,701
I got carried away. .
372
00:17:55,734 --> 00:17:57,934
Do you know
what I could have done
373
00:17:57,968 --> 00:17:59,968
with a half a million dollars?
374
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:03,434
I could have finally produced
my independent film. .
375
00:18:03,467 --> 00:18:07,133
Ah, yes...
"missionary: Impossible." .
376
00:18:08,834 --> 00:18:10,934
Look, when you stop
to think about it,
377
00:18:10,968 --> 00:18:12,801
we're both responsible. .
378
00:18:12,834 --> 00:18:14,634
It's both our faults. .
379
00:18:14,667 --> 00:18:16,567
Yeah, you're right.
380
00:18:16,601 --> 00:18:20,367
I mean, you're an overbearing,
annoying control freak,
381
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:24,033
and I hang out with you. .
382
00:18:24,067 --> 00:18:26,000
How cool was it
383
00:18:26,033 --> 00:18:28,968
to have 18,000 people
singin' that song to us, huh?
384
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,801
♪ na na na na
385
00:18:30,834 --> 00:18:32,834
♪ na na na na
386
00:18:32,868 --> 00:18:36,701
♪ hey hey-ey, goodbye
387
00:18:36,734 --> 00:18:38,601
♪ na na na na
388
00:18:38,634 --> 00:18:40,400
♪ na na na na...
389
00:18:40,434 --> 00:18:42,934
we're done with that. .
390
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,501
Well, I, for one,
learned a little lesson
391
00:18:47,534 --> 00:18:49,334
about greed tonight. .
392
00:18:49,367 --> 00:18:52,000
To think, I almost let money
destroy our friendship. .
393
00:18:52,033 --> 00:18:55,467
Hmm. .
394
00:18:55,501 --> 00:18:57,734
Damn you.
395
00:18:57,767 --> 00:19:00,167
I could have bought
a Louis vuitton travel trunk! .
396
00:19:04,167 --> 00:19:07,167
Okay. Thank you. .
397
00:19:08,334 --> 00:19:09,467
Well... .
398
00:19:09,501 --> 00:19:11,267
The times loved the speech. .
399
00:19:11,300 --> 00:19:13,601
They're runnin'
a full transcript. .
400
00:19:13,634 --> 00:19:15,567
Oh, and if anyone asks,
401
00:19:15,601 --> 00:19:18,434
your new anticrime program
is code name "painted pony." .
402
00:19:18,467 --> 00:19:20,801
I, uh, I wanna apologize. .
403
00:19:20,834 --> 00:19:23,667
Deep down, I knew
that speech wasn't right.
404
00:19:23,701 --> 00:19:26,634
I guess I was afraid
that if I told Judith
405
00:19:26,667 --> 00:19:29,167
she wouldn't wanna see me
anymore. .
406
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:31,501
She's crazy about you. .
407
00:19:31,534 --> 00:19:33,667
You're smart, funny. .
408
00:19:33,701 --> 00:19:37,200
From what Caitlin says,
you look great in a kimono. .
409
00:19:37,234 --> 00:19:40,701
It's all in the genes, Charlie. .
410
00:19:40,734 --> 00:19:44,634
My grandfather,
God rest his soul...
411
00:19:44,667 --> 00:19:49,667
84 years old...
had an ass like a marble statue. .
412
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:54,734
You know what his nickname was? .
413
00:19:54,767 --> 00:19:57,701
"Old marble ass"? .
414
00:19:57,734 --> 00:20:00,601
Oh, I've told you this story. .
415
00:20:00,634 --> 00:20:02,767
You deserve to be with a woman
416
00:20:02,801 --> 00:20:05,033
who accepts you
for who you are. .
417
00:20:05,067 --> 00:20:07,901
Remember, relationships
are give-and-take. .
418
00:20:07,934 --> 00:20:11,000
They aren't just about the needs
of one person. .
419
00:20:11,033 --> 00:20:13,033
Well, that's
very perceptive, Charlie.
420
00:20:13,067 --> 00:20:15,000
I had no idea you were so deep.
421
00:20:15,033 --> 00:20:17,934
I'm not. I just remember
what women screamed at me
422
00:20:17,968 --> 00:20:19,868
during the breakups. .
423
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:23,634
Oh, Randall, thank goodness. .
424
00:20:23,667 --> 00:20:27,868
That neoclassical German
art exhibit starts at 9:30,
425
00:20:27,901 --> 00:20:29,934
and we are gonna be late.
426
00:20:29,968 --> 00:20:33,200
Judith, there's only one thing
I hate more than German art. .
427
00:20:33,234 --> 00:20:35,234
It's neoclassical German art.
428
00:20:37,167 --> 00:20:39,400
I'm absolutely,
positively not going. .
429
00:20:39,434 --> 00:20:41,968
Whatever you want.
I want you to be happy. .
430
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:44,601
It's just, he's one
of my favorite artists. .
431
00:20:44,634 --> 00:20:47,968
Okay, we'll go...
But not at 9:30. .
432
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,000
We're going at 10:00. .
433
00:20:52,701 --> 00:20:54,400
Who's the man? .
434
00:20:59,767 --> 00:21:02,033
Wouldn't it be great if they
grew old together? .
435
00:21:02,067 --> 00:21:04,100
If there's anything
to genetics,
436
00:21:04,133 --> 00:21:07,567
she'll have a marble ass
to look forward to. .
437
00:21:07,601 --> 00:21:09,868
The mayor and I
are gettin' way too close. .
438
00:21:09,901 --> 00:21:13,601
Well, the good news is we're
free to do whatever we want. .
439
00:21:13,634 --> 00:21:15,434
Got any plans tonight? .
440
00:21:15,467 --> 00:21:16,634
Nothing. You? .
441
00:21:16,667 --> 00:21:18,467
Nothin'. .
442
00:21:19,834 --> 00:21:22,801
You wanna go
to the mayor's office
443
00:21:22,834 --> 00:21:24,868
and watch "mystic pizza"? .
444
00:21:24,901 --> 00:21:27,133
That's a chick movie.
You know that. .
445
00:21:27,167 --> 00:21:29,634
That's why I got the beers. .
446
00:21:29,667 --> 00:21:32,300
Sit, ubu. Good dog.
32566
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