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1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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00:00:01,801 --> 00:00:04,601
Angie, could you send
flowers to Allison
2
00:00:04,634 --> 00:00:08,133
with a note that says,
"last night was special. .
3
00:00:08,167 --> 00:00:11,100
Thinking of you... Charlie"? .
4
00:00:11,133 --> 00:00:12,767
That is so sweet. .
5
00:00:12,801 --> 00:00:14,868
Yeah, it is. .
6
00:00:14,901 --> 00:00:18,367
Could you also send flowers
to Jennifer...
7
00:00:19,767 --> 00:00:24,467
with a note that says,
"last night was special. .
8
00:00:24,501 --> 00:00:26,400
"Thinking of you...
9
00:00:26,434 --> 00:00:28,634
Charlie"? .
10
00:00:28,667 --> 00:00:31,667
Maybe I should get a bunch
of those cards printed up. .
11
00:00:31,701 --> 00:00:35,667
No, that would be
so impersonal.
12
00:00:35,701 --> 00:00:37,434
I don't believe it. .
13
00:00:37,467 --> 00:00:40,133
You went shoe shopping again?
14
00:00:40,167 --> 00:00:41,434
I needed sandals... .
15
00:00:41,467 --> 00:00:46,300
And boots and clogs
and platforms and pumps. .
16
00:00:46,334 --> 00:00:48,501
Mike's been in Zimbabwe
for weeks. .
17
00:00:48,534 --> 00:00:51,267
You're obviously substituting
clogs for sex. .
18
00:00:51,300 --> 00:00:52,767
Just because I go shopping
19
00:00:52,801 --> 00:00:54,934
doesn't mean
I'm preoccupied with...
20
00:00:54,968 --> 00:00:58,434
is it me, or have his pants
gotten tighter? .
21
00:01:00,567 --> 00:01:02,167
Now you're chewing ice. .
22
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:03,767
Why don't you just wear
23
00:01:03,801 --> 00:01:06,100
a sign that says,
"I need some"? .
24
00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:10,501
Better yet...
put on those pumps. .
25
00:01:10,534 --> 00:01:14,200
You know, that whole
chewing-ice thing
26
00:01:14,234 --> 00:01:16,367
is just a juvenile myth. .
27
00:01:25,267 --> 00:01:27,834
Is it me, or have his pants
gotten tighter? .
28
00:01:54,767 --> 00:01:56,200
Someone should have warned me
29
00:01:56,234 --> 00:01:59,567
it was Paul's turn
to buy the bagels. .
30
00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,234
What is this? .
31
00:02:02,267 --> 00:02:05,434
That is authentic
imitation lox. .
32
00:02:07,501 --> 00:02:10,200
You bought fool's lox? .
33
00:02:10,234 --> 00:02:15,734
"Discontinue use
if irritation persists." .
34
00:02:15,767 --> 00:02:17,901
Let's start
before my eyes swell shut. .
35
00:02:17,934 --> 00:02:20,868
Some good news...
since the mayor took office,
36
00:02:20,901 --> 00:02:23,234
200,000 new jobs
have been created. .
37
00:02:23,267 --> 00:02:26,400
He's declaring victory
in the war on unemployment. .
38
00:02:26,434 --> 00:02:27,801
With that in mind,
39
00:02:27,834 --> 00:02:30,000
he wants us
to start thinking of... .
40
00:02:30,033 --> 00:02:32,434
New wars. .
41
00:02:32,467 --> 00:02:34,901
How about a war
on Pennsylvania?
42
00:02:36,334 --> 00:02:38,968
I'm sorry.
I hate those smug bastards. .
43
00:02:40,601 --> 00:02:42,501
Wait. I've seen
the employment figures. .
44
00:02:42,534 --> 00:02:44,868
Most of the new jobs
are minimum wage. .
45
00:02:44,901 --> 00:02:47,501
They're still new jobs.
Don't make waves. .
46
00:02:47,534 --> 00:02:49,901
Good morning, everybody!
Oh, did you hear the news?
47
00:02:49,934 --> 00:02:51,801
I just told them
about the new jobs. .
48
00:02:51,834 --> 00:02:53,200
No, not that...
49
00:02:53,234 --> 00:02:55,601
today is Mickey Rooney's
birthday! .
50
00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:57,067
With all due respect,
51
00:02:57,100 --> 00:02:59,067
we have not won the war
on unemployment. .
52
00:02:59,100 --> 00:03:01,067
All we've done is create
a temporary fix,
53
00:03:01,100 --> 00:03:02,501
not a long-term solution. .
54
00:03:02,534 --> 00:03:04,067
Okay. .
55
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:05,934
Ah, lox! .
56
00:03:05,968 --> 00:03:07,534
It's not a victory...
57
00:03:07,567 --> 00:03:08,801
Carter, please... .
58
00:03:08,834 --> 00:03:11,400
Not on Mickey Rooney's
birthday. .
59
00:03:11,434 --> 00:03:14,467
My job here is to look out
for the disenfranchised...
60
00:03:14,501 --> 00:03:16,133
the people who have no voice. .
61
00:03:16,167 --> 00:03:18,901
Mr. mayor, please don't
ignore me on this issue. .
62
00:03:27,100 --> 00:03:29,534
My God, there's
a chicken bone in my lox! .
63
00:03:35,334 --> 00:03:37,701
Can I talk to you
about something personal? .
64
00:03:37,734 --> 00:03:39,200
There's nothing wrong
65
00:03:39,234 --> 00:03:41,534
with wearing a shirt
two days in a row! .
66
00:03:41,567 --> 00:03:44,133
People in other countries
do it all the time. .
67
00:03:44,167 --> 00:03:47,067
Since Mike left New York,
I've been a little lonely.
68
00:03:47,100 --> 00:03:50,000
I figured you'd understand
since Claudia left home,
69
00:03:50,033 --> 00:03:52,300
and you probably
haven't had sex in... .
70
00:03:52,334 --> 00:03:53,601
Two years. .
71
00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:57,567
But she just left
to become a nun a month ago. .
72
00:03:57,601 --> 00:03:59,434
She went into the convent
a month ago. .
73
00:03:59,467 --> 00:04:03,834
She began practicing at home
October 4, 1998. .
74
00:04:03,868 --> 00:04:07,100
How do you deal with it?!
I have been shopping like crazy!
75
00:04:07,133 --> 00:04:10,300
Caitlin, the only way
to come to terms with celibacy
76
00:04:10,334 --> 00:04:11,934
is to embrace it.
77
00:04:11,968 --> 00:04:13,467
Buddha teaches
78
00:04:13,501 --> 00:04:17,801
that life is suffering
caused by craving or desire. .
79
00:04:17,834 --> 00:04:21,133
Well, once you eliminate
those evils,
80
00:04:21,167 --> 00:04:24,133
the suffering stops. .
81
00:04:26,901 --> 00:04:28,133
According to that,
82
00:04:28,167 --> 00:04:30,400
if you eliminate suffering,
you eliminate life. .
83
00:04:30,434 --> 00:04:32,834
Unh-unh...
don't pull that thread. .
84
00:04:32,868 --> 00:04:34,501
You see...
85
00:04:34,534 --> 00:04:37,033
I've developed a 3-step system. .
86
00:04:37,067 --> 00:04:39,501
First, when you feel the urge,
87
00:04:39,534 --> 00:04:41,567
focus that energy inward...
88
00:04:43,434 --> 00:04:45,734
"tunneling," I call it. .
89
00:04:45,767 --> 00:04:49,734
See, on a horse,
it's called "blinders." .
90
00:04:49,767 --> 00:04:52,300
Second, keep your hands busy.
91
00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:53,734
I like juggling. .
92
00:04:53,767 --> 00:04:56,334
Okay, the third
and most powerful tool
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00:04:56,367 --> 00:04:58,334
to suppress sexual desire...
94
00:04:58,367 --> 00:04:59,934
banjo music. .
95
00:04:59,968 --> 00:05:02,868
Just to know
where we're coming from,
96
00:05:02,901 --> 00:05:05,133
how long has it been
since you, uh... .
97
00:05:05,167 --> 00:05:07,367
Three weeks ago. .
98
00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:09,534
Oh, please.
Mike was taking me to the airport. .
99
00:05:09,567 --> 00:05:10,734
Yeah? .
100
00:05:10,767 --> 00:05:12,801
It was raining on my blouse,
it got wet,
101
00:05:12,834 --> 00:05:14,901
and you could see
right through it. .
102
00:05:14,934 --> 00:05:19,000
Okay, okay... yeah, yeah, yeah. .
103
00:05:19,033 --> 00:05:21,934
Bringing Angie coffee, huh? .
104
00:05:21,968 --> 00:05:25,267
Get out of here. .
105
00:05:25,300 --> 00:05:27,234
You're not exactly her type. .
106
00:05:27,267 --> 00:05:30,033
You mean she's a lesbian?
107
00:05:30,067 --> 00:05:32,934
'Cause I'm okay with that. .
108
00:05:32,968 --> 00:05:35,267
No, it's just that
Angie's cool, hip...
109
00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:36,667
a little wild. .
110
00:05:36,701 --> 00:05:38,834
Look, she even rides
a motorcycle. .
111
00:05:38,868 --> 00:05:42,133
You freaked out the last time
I opened the sunroof. .
112
00:05:42,167 --> 00:05:44,334
Hey, guys, what's up? .
113
00:05:44,367 --> 00:05:47,767
Oh, uh, just checking out
this picture. .
114
00:05:47,801 --> 00:05:49,868
Sweet... Rig. .
115
00:05:49,901 --> 00:05:51,801
You ride?! .
116
00:05:51,834 --> 00:05:54,534
Like a demon shot from hell. .
117
00:05:56,033 --> 00:05:58,968
So what kind of bike
do you have? .
118
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,968
Schwinn-ster. .
119
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,434
You're funny. .
120
00:06:03,467 --> 00:06:06,801
Yeah, I was joking. .
121
00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:09,200
Well, you know, you can do me
a really big favor.
122
00:06:09,234 --> 00:06:11,234
I have this bachelorette
party tonight...
123
00:06:11,267 --> 00:06:12,467
I'll do it,
124
00:06:12,501 --> 00:06:14,100
but I won't go
beyond a g-string. .
125
00:06:15,601 --> 00:06:18,634
I was gonna ask if you could
take my bike home with you.
126
00:06:18,667 --> 00:06:19,868
I don't know.
127
00:06:19,901 --> 00:06:23,367
I'd really appreciate it. Okay. .
128
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:25,400
By the way,
do you like frappacino? .
129
00:06:25,434 --> 00:06:26,601
Nah.
130
00:06:26,634 --> 00:06:29,033
I hate those
froufrou coffee drinks.
131
00:06:29,067 --> 00:06:33,067
I'll tell Carter
you don't want it. .
132
00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:36,100
And so with the creation
of 200,000 jobs,
133
00:06:36,133 --> 00:06:37,567
I'm happy to report
134
00:06:37,601 --> 00:06:40,133
the jobless rate
in New York City
135
00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:41,667
is at a 20-year low. .
136
00:06:41,701 --> 00:06:44,033
We have won the war
on unemployment! .
137
00:06:44,067 --> 00:06:46,667
Misleading. .
138
00:06:46,701 --> 00:06:49,067
Not now. .
139
00:06:50,767 --> 00:06:54,067
The people
should know the truth. .
140
00:06:55,334 --> 00:06:57,234
What the hell
are you guys doing? .
141
00:06:57,267 --> 00:07:00,434
Does Mr. Heywood have something
he would like to add?
142
00:07:00,467 --> 00:07:03,267
I would like to add
that the administration realizes
143
00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:05,734
that what people need
is education and training
144
00:07:05,767 --> 00:07:09,400
so that these minimum-wage jobs
become a stepping stone
145
00:07:09,434 --> 00:07:11,300
and not the end of the line. .
146
00:07:11,334 --> 00:07:15,000
To paraphrase... .
147
00:07:15,033 --> 00:07:18,734
The war is over. .
148
00:07:18,767 --> 00:07:22,100
Mr. mayor, have you ever worked
at a minimum-wage job? .
149
00:07:22,133 --> 00:07:23,734
Of course. .
150
00:07:23,767 --> 00:07:26,767
My first job out of law school,
151
00:07:26,801 --> 00:07:29,200
I made the minimum wage
for an associate...
152
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:34,033
72 grand a year. .
153
00:07:34,067 --> 00:07:36,601
And I don't have to tell
anyone here,
154
00:07:36,634 --> 00:07:39,567
but back in 1969,
it was not a lot of money. .
155
00:07:39,601 --> 00:07:42,601
Actually, sir,
in today's dollars,
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00:07:42,634 --> 00:07:45,434
that's about $350,000 per year. .
157
00:07:45,467 --> 00:07:46,801
That's right. .
158
00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:48,167
But back then,
159
00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:50,501
we didn't have today's dollars. .
160
00:07:53,434 --> 00:07:55,701
You were way out of line,
Carter. .
161
00:07:55,734 --> 00:07:58,934
The entire press corps
thinks the mayor is a snob. .
162
00:07:58,968 --> 00:08:01,467
It's very distasteful
being ridiculed
163
00:08:01,501 --> 00:08:03,901
by people
so obviously beneath me. .
164
00:08:03,934 --> 00:08:06,067
Oh, you just want me
to censor myself,
165
00:08:06,100 --> 00:08:07,534
not speak up? .
166
00:08:07,567 --> 00:08:09,968
Could you?
That would be really nice.
167
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,167
I think we need to do
a little damage control.
168
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,434
I once worked for a senator
who ran over a dog. .
169
00:08:14,467 --> 00:08:17,067
Next day... pictures of him
at the animal shelter...
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00:08:17,100 --> 00:08:18,267
problem solved.
171
00:08:18,300 --> 00:08:21,801
Charlie, I'm not about
to run over a dog. .
172
00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:24,968
No, sir,
we're gonna do a photo op...
173
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,801
you working in
a fast-food restaurant.
174
00:08:27,834 --> 00:08:30,801
I can see the headline now...
"mayor serves up new jobs." .
175
00:08:30,834 --> 00:08:33,033
Why don't we bring peace
to northern Ireland? .
176
00:08:33,067 --> 00:08:34,267
All we need is a photo
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00:08:34,300 --> 00:08:36,400
of the mayor getting tanked
in a pub. .
178
00:08:36,434 --> 00:08:39,767
That sounds like
a lot more fun than... .
179
00:08:39,801 --> 00:08:43,467
Killing an innocent dog.
180
00:08:45,234 --> 00:08:50,300
♪ when a man loves a woman
181
00:08:50,334 --> 00:08:54,667
♪ can't keep his mind
on nothin' else ♪
182
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:59,467
♪ he'll trade the world
for the good thing he's found ♪
183
00:08:59,501 --> 00:09:05,467
♪ if she is bad,
he can't see it ♪
184
00:09:05,501 --> 00:09:09,467
♪ she can do no wrong
185
00:09:18,868 --> 00:09:21,200
♪ oh, suzanna
186
00:09:21,234 --> 00:09:23,634
♪ oh, don't you cry for me .
187
00:09:25,801 --> 00:09:27,133
Hello.
188
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:28,367
Paul... .
189
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:29,634
It's Caitlin.
190
00:09:29,667 --> 00:09:31,834
I'm slipping.
"Mambo kings" is on tv.
191
00:09:31,868 --> 00:09:33,834
Armand assante...
192
00:09:33,868 --> 00:09:36,334
this is a challenge. .
193
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:39,534
There's something about him
that drives me crazy!
194
00:09:39,567 --> 00:09:41,133
I already flipped to qvc
195
00:09:41,167 --> 00:09:43,601
and bought
an 8-person camping tent. .
196
00:09:43,634 --> 00:09:45,901
All right...
okay, listen, listen. .
197
00:09:45,934 --> 00:09:48,567
Before you buy anything
you don't need,
198
00:09:48,601 --> 00:09:50,167
I'm gonna talk you down. .
199
00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,767
You and I are spending
the night together,
200
00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:56,167
after which you will never
be interested in sex again. .
201
00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:58,434
Now... Sing along with me.
202
00:09:58,467 --> 00:10:01,067
♪ oh, suzanna
203
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:03,601
♪ oh, don't you cry for me
204
00:10:03,634 --> 00:10:05,601
♪ for I've come from Alabama ♪
205
00:10:05,634 --> 00:10:07,133
bring it home, sweetheart.
206
00:10:07,167 --> 00:10:08,834
♪ with a banjo on my knee
207
00:10:11,734 --> 00:10:13,868
today,
I'm revisiting my roots...
208
00:10:13,901 --> 00:10:16,701
back among the working people
of this city,
209
00:10:16,734 --> 00:10:19,400
where I feel so comfortable. .
210
00:10:23,067 --> 00:10:25,968
We're not off to a good start. .
211
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,834
Don't worry, sir. .
212
00:10:27,868 --> 00:10:30,267
You can ice that on your break. .
213
00:10:30,300 --> 00:10:32,634
You're gonna be fine,
I checked this place out. .
214
00:10:32,667 --> 00:10:34,801
It's the slowest lunch shift
in the city. .
215
00:10:34,834 --> 00:10:36,868
We sell 5 burgers,
we're out in 20 minutes. .
216
00:10:36,901 --> 00:10:38,667
Okay.
217
00:10:38,701 --> 00:10:41,901
I didn't come here today
for this photo-op sham.
218
00:10:41,934 --> 00:10:44,734
I'm here to help you reach
your potential
219
00:10:44,767 --> 00:10:47,601
so that one day
you can walk out that door
220
00:10:47,634 --> 00:10:49,434
and into a brighter future! .
221
00:10:49,467 --> 00:10:51,133
But I like it here. .
222
00:10:51,167 --> 00:10:54,100
They let me eat anything
that falls on the floor. .
223
00:10:54,133 --> 00:10:55,534
You're missing the point. .
224
00:10:55,567 --> 00:10:58,133
You have to use this job
as a stepping stone. .
225
00:10:58,167 --> 00:11:00,400
In the words
of William Arthur ward...
226
00:11:00,434 --> 00:11:03,834
"if you can imagine it,
you can achieve it. .
227
00:11:03,868 --> 00:11:06,701
If you can dream it,
you can become it." .
228
00:11:06,734 --> 00:11:09,801
But if I drop it...
I can eat it. .
229
00:11:13,634 --> 00:11:15,767
Hey, you're just in time
for the photo. .
230
00:11:15,801 --> 00:11:17,367
Hey. .
231
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:18,367
You're okay, buddy?
232
00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:19,467
I just ran over
233
00:11:19,501 --> 00:11:21,434
from the phish concert
in central park.
234
00:11:21,467 --> 00:11:22,834
I wanted to beat the crowd. .
235
00:11:22,868 --> 00:11:24,767
Crowd? .
236
00:11:39,334 --> 00:11:42,367
Okay, you got a number-2
combo and a sprite,
237
00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:44,534
and I'm looking
at the register,
238
00:11:44,567 --> 00:11:47,901
and I don't see a picture
of anything called "doobage."
239
00:11:47,934 --> 00:11:49,467
Charlie, I can't believe
240
00:11:49,501 --> 00:11:51,601
I let you talk me
into coming here! .
241
00:11:51,634 --> 00:11:54,334
This is the biggest tragedy
since tiananmen square! .
242
00:11:54,367 --> 00:11:57,267
Way to keep things
in perspective, sir. .
243
00:11:57,300 --> 00:12:00,968
Just try to stay calm.
Remember, the press is here. .
244
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,434
We're not just a couple
of trained monkeys
245
00:12:03,467 --> 00:12:04,868
who smile on command! .
246
00:12:04,901 --> 00:12:07,834
Mr. mayor! Charlie! .
247
00:12:07,868 --> 00:12:10,334
Have you guys thought
about your futures? .
248
00:12:10,367 --> 00:12:11,968
Because let me tell you
something...
249
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,901
there are a lot of opportunities
in this new global economy. .
250
00:12:14,934 --> 00:12:16,400
Burger down! .
251
00:12:16,434 --> 00:12:17,534
Stop. Stop. .
252
00:12:17,567 --> 00:12:19,067
Stop! Stop! Stop! .
253
00:12:19,100 --> 00:12:21,701
Give me that! .
254
00:12:21,734 --> 00:12:24,901
Look, there is more to life
than diving for floor burger. .
255
00:12:24,934 --> 00:12:26,501
You guys... .
256
00:12:26,534 --> 00:12:28,100
You're like this raw Patty...
257
00:12:28,133 --> 00:12:29,601
you have a choice. .
258
00:12:29,634 --> 00:12:31,968
Do you want to be
all flat and smushed, huh? .
259
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:34,634
Like all the other burgers?
Or do you want to be different? .
260
00:12:34,667 --> 00:12:37,968
Look, I'm gonna tell you guys
something right now
261
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:40,868
that is gonna change
your lives forever. .
262
00:12:40,901 --> 00:12:42,734
A chicken sandwich...
white meat only...
263
00:12:42,767 --> 00:12:43,968
extra special sauce,
264
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:46,434
and romaine lettuce,
but only if it's fresh. .
265
00:12:46,467 --> 00:12:47,868
Gotcha. .
266
00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:49,534
One rowdy burger. .
267
00:12:49,567 --> 00:12:52,801
Hey, hey...
where are you going? .
268
00:12:52,834 --> 00:12:54,501
To shake off the malaise
269
00:12:54,534 --> 00:12:56,868
that has been inflicted upon us
270
00:12:56,901 --> 00:12:58,667
by this mind-numbing job! .
271
00:13:00,334 --> 00:13:03,501
Carter's a dead man.
272
00:13:03,534 --> 00:13:05,267
♪ oh, suzanna
273
00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:08,100
♪ oh, don't you cry for me
274
00:13:08,133 --> 00:13:10,767
Caitlin, please,
I'm begging you...
275
00:13:10,801 --> 00:13:12,534
go back to buying shoes. .
276
00:13:12,567 --> 00:13:14,834
"Mambo kings"
was on last night.
277
00:13:14,868 --> 00:13:16,868
Armand assante. .
278
00:13:16,901 --> 00:13:19,367
Hey, Paul, this celibacy thing
may work for you,
279
00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:20,767
but I am miserable! .
280
00:13:20,801 --> 00:13:22,100
Oh, no... Caitlin... .
281
00:13:22,133 --> 00:13:25,467
You've come too far
to turn back now. .
282
00:13:25,501 --> 00:13:27,100
You're this close
283
00:13:27,133 --> 00:13:29,968
to a life of sexless solitude. .
284
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,934
You didn't even notice
the hot delivery guy. .
285
00:13:32,968 --> 00:13:34,467
Where? .
286
00:13:36,734 --> 00:13:39,434
I didn't even notice him.
287
00:13:39,467 --> 00:13:43,434
I feel nothing.
I'm asexual... bland! .
288
00:13:43,467 --> 00:13:47,234
Welcome to my world. .
289
00:13:47,267 --> 00:13:48,834
Nice work, Norma rae. .
290
00:13:48,868 --> 00:13:50,968
We'll tell the press
we didn't expect this,
291
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:52,968
and we're not trained
to handle it. .
292
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,267
Perfect, Carter...
293
00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:56,334
"the mayor's staff
can't serve people food,
294
00:13:56,367 --> 00:13:58,567
"but please trust us
to keep the streets safe
295
00:13:58,601 --> 00:14:00,033
and educate your children."
296
00:14:00,067 --> 00:14:01,934
I don't appreciate that tone. .
297
00:14:01,968 --> 00:14:04,000
You sabotaged
my press conference,
298
00:14:04,033 --> 00:14:06,801
then you convinced the entire
kitchen staff to walk,
299
00:14:06,834 --> 00:14:09,300
including a young man
who I consider to be
300
00:14:09,334 --> 00:14:11,767
the best milkshake guy
on the east coast.
301
00:14:11,801 --> 00:14:14,567
I think I've earned the right
to change my tone. .
302
00:14:14,601 --> 00:14:17,868
Excuse me if I'm a little more
passionate about people
303
00:14:17,901 --> 00:14:19,834
than photo ops. .
304
00:14:19,868 --> 00:14:21,934
You know what? .
305
00:14:21,968 --> 00:14:24,567
Icare about photo ops,
306
00:14:24,601 --> 00:14:26,501
because if the mayor
doesn't look good,
307
00:14:26,534 --> 00:14:28,133
we all lose our credibility. .
308
00:14:28,167 --> 00:14:29,934
And we can't help people
find new jobs,
309
00:14:29,968 --> 00:14:32,434
create affordable housing,
and finally get New York
310
00:14:32,467 --> 00:14:34,467
a women's pro
beach-volleyball team.
311
00:14:34,501 --> 00:14:37,534
I'm passionate
about things, too. .
312
00:14:37,567 --> 00:14:39,200
Ok, I hear what you're saying. .
313
00:14:39,234 --> 00:14:41,367
But you don't need to worry
about the mayor. .
314
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:42,901
He can take care of himself. .
315
00:14:44,701 --> 00:14:46,000
Oh, son of a...
316
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,133
in the two hours
before we close,
317
00:14:52,167 --> 00:14:54,667
you and I are gonna make sure
every customer jams
318
00:14:54,701 --> 00:14:57,367
1/4 pound of saturated fat
into their arteries. .
319
00:14:57,400 --> 00:15:00,334
There are over
a hundred people out there.
320
00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:01,734
Carter... .
321
00:15:01,767 --> 00:15:04,033
Somebody once told me... .
322
00:15:04,067 --> 00:15:07,601
"If you can imagine it,
you can achieve it." .
323
00:15:07,634 --> 00:15:11,033
Okay, I'm in.
324
00:15:11,067 --> 00:15:16,567
♪ off the Florida keys
325
00:15:16,601 --> 00:15:22,000
♪ there's a place
called kokomo ♪
326
00:15:22,033 --> 00:15:24,267
♪ that's where you wanna go ♪
327
00:15:24,300 --> 00:15:29,467
♪ to get away from it all
328
00:15:29,501 --> 00:15:33,567
♪ bodies in the sand
329
00:15:33,601 --> 00:15:37,801
♪ tropical drink
melting in your hand ♪
330
00:15:37,834 --> 00:15:39,968
♪ we'll be falling in love
331
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:43,000
♪ to the rhythm
of a steel-drum band ♪
332
00:15:43,033 --> 00:15:44,767
♪ down in kokomo... .
333
00:15:44,801 --> 00:15:46,200
How are you doing?
334
00:15:46,234 --> 00:15:48,701
I am crankin'. .
335
00:15:52,801 --> 00:15:54,467
Hey, Stuart!
336
00:15:54,501 --> 00:15:57,200
I'll see you later, okay? .
337
00:16:04,934 --> 00:16:06,767
Awesome ride. .
338
00:16:06,801 --> 00:16:08,667
By the way... .
339
00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:11,133
It starts to rattle
when you hit 100. .
340
00:16:11,167 --> 00:16:12,767
So, what are you doing tonight? .
341
00:16:12,801 --> 00:16:14,667
Tonight? .
342
00:16:14,701 --> 00:16:18,501
Just some daredeviling,
then nothing. .
343
00:16:18,534 --> 00:16:21,467
How about a nice
candlelight dinner at my place?
344
00:16:21,501 --> 00:16:23,000
I could swing by. Great! .
345
00:16:23,033 --> 00:16:25,634
Oh, I have some boxes
I need to bring home,
346
00:16:25,667 --> 00:16:27,701
so I'm gonna have to take
a cab. .
347
00:16:27,734 --> 00:16:30,067
You can ride my bike
out to queens for me, right? .
348
00:16:30,100 --> 00:16:31,534
Queens? .
349
00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:37,334
That's really far. .
350
00:16:37,367 --> 00:16:39,133
For an extra 29 cents,
351
00:16:39,167 --> 00:16:41,767
I can jumbo-size those fries
and rowdy up your shake.
352
00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:43,400
I am on fire. .
353
00:16:43,434 --> 00:16:47,968
Size fries, shake quake
on that number 4. .
354
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:50,033
That's $8.16. .
355
00:16:54,667 --> 00:16:57,901
Gotcha covered, boys. .
356
00:16:57,934 --> 00:17:00,968
Oh, you're here. Great.
Grab an apron. We need help. .
357
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:02,167
No can do. .
358
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:04,234
This is an official
media event. .
359
00:17:04,267 --> 00:17:05,734
If I get involved,
360
00:17:05,767 --> 00:17:08,601
as press secretary,
it would compromise my image.
361
00:17:08,634 --> 00:17:11,567
I'd buy that if I didn't
just see you in the play area
362
00:17:11,601 --> 00:17:14,000
belly-flopping into the bin
of plastic balls.
363
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:17,334
I thought the kid was drowning. .
364
00:17:20,334 --> 00:17:21,701
Mmm. .
365
00:17:21,734 --> 00:17:24,634
You know, it feels great
not to have to worry
366
00:17:24,667 --> 00:17:26,767
about how I look, what I eat.
367
00:17:26,801 --> 00:17:30,200
I never realized being celibate
could have such advantages. .
368
00:17:30,234 --> 00:17:32,100
Sex is so overrated...
369
00:17:32,133 --> 00:17:33,968
especially the way I do it. .
370
00:17:35,701 --> 00:17:37,501
Welcome to rowdy burger.
I'm "mayor."
371
00:17:37,534 --> 00:17:39,334
I think he was in front of me. .
372
00:17:39,367 --> 00:17:40,734
Oh, my God... .
373
00:17:40,767 --> 00:17:42,334
You're Armand assante. .
374
00:17:42,367 --> 00:17:44,467
Oh, I am a huge fan of yours!
375
00:17:44,501 --> 00:17:47,734
- I'm afraid you're mistaken.
- I'm not Armand assante. .
376
00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:49,501
You have a pickle in your hair. .
377
00:17:49,534 --> 00:17:52,033
Oh! .
378
00:17:52,067 --> 00:17:53,601
Thanks. .
379
00:17:53,634 --> 00:17:56,667
Oh, I loved you
in "the mambo kings." .
380
00:17:56,701 --> 00:17:58,100
No, no, you didn't.
381
00:17:58,133 --> 00:17:59,667
I'd...
382
00:17:59,701 --> 00:18:02,067
I'd like a number 5... To go.
383
00:18:02,100 --> 00:18:03,434
I'm bothering you.
384
00:18:03,467 --> 00:18:05,367
I'm sorry. I just...
385
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,033
that woman needs to have sex. .
386
00:18:14,701 --> 00:18:16,167
What are you doing?
387
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:17,834
I just maxed out
my credit card,
388
00:18:17,868 --> 00:18:20,167
and I am on my way
to Zimbabwe to see Mike. .
389
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:21,767
This is weakness.
390
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:24,267
I appreciate everything
you've done for me. .
391
00:18:24,300 --> 00:18:25,801
When I get back,
392
00:18:25,834 --> 00:18:28,100
I am gonna find someone
for you to have sex with. .
393
00:18:28,133 --> 00:18:29,934
But...
394
00:18:34,367 --> 00:18:37,701
that would be nice.
395
00:18:37,734 --> 00:18:43,033
♪ when a man loves a woman
396
00:18:43,067 --> 00:18:46,434
♪ can't keep his mind
on nothin' else... ♪ .
397
00:18:48,300 --> 00:18:49,734
Shut up!
398
00:18:51,067 --> 00:18:53,567
I'm doing the best I can,
okay?! .
399
00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:57,200
What a day. .
400
00:18:57,234 --> 00:18:59,033
My feet are killing me.
401
00:18:59,067 --> 00:19:01,634
I don't remember the last time
I was this tired.
402
00:19:01,667 --> 00:19:03,334
I can.
403
00:19:03,367 --> 00:19:06,133
I once spent an entire summer
cracking slate in a quarry.
404
00:19:06,167 --> 00:19:08,000
I had a summer like that once. .
405
00:19:08,033 --> 00:19:11,467
What did you do?
Usher at "les mis." .
406
00:19:11,501 --> 00:19:12,968
Wow.
407
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:14,667
I feel like a real wuss
408
00:19:14,701 --> 00:19:17,167
for mentioning
that quarry stuff. .
409
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:19,167
Listen, Charlie, I, uh... .
410
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:22,367
Want to apologize for being
so difficult back there.
411
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:24,167
I was out of line. .
412
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,400
The mayor is gonna get
some great p.R. Out of this. .
413
00:19:26,434 --> 00:19:27,934
It never would have happened
414
00:19:27,968 --> 00:19:30,100
if you hadn't pushed us
and been such a pain.
415
00:19:30,133 --> 00:19:32,100
I'm not just saying that
as your friend,
416
00:19:32,133 --> 00:19:34,067
I'm saying that
as your shift manager. .
417
00:19:37,601 --> 00:19:41,567
Yeah, well,
I appreciate that, and...
418
00:19:41,601 --> 00:19:45,133
I'm sorry
about the grease fire. .
419
00:19:45,167 --> 00:19:47,267
It's okay. .
420
00:19:47,300 --> 00:19:50,033
Folks seemed to like
the new charburger. .
421
00:19:51,934 --> 00:19:53,501
It's strange...
422
00:19:53,534 --> 00:19:55,968
you've made the last two days
of my life miserable. .
423
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:57,667
You say all these weird things,
424
00:19:57,701 --> 00:20:00,033
and you take a really long time
saying them. .
425
00:20:02,601 --> 00:20:04,167
But I like you. .
426
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:05,601
Thanks. .
427
00:20:05,634 --> 00:20:07,133
You know, Charlie,
428
00:20:07,167 --> 00:20:09,167
I've often pondered
the significance of...
429
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,400
so... .
430
00:20:14,834 --> 00:20:16,601
"Les mis," huh?
431
00:20:18,067 --> 00:20:21,634
I've always had a thing
for hot peasant chicks. .
432
00:20:21,667 --> 00:20:23,767
Good night, Charlie. .
433
00:20:23,801 --> 00:20:26,000
Good night. .
434
00:20:32,434 --> 00:20:33,701
Hello. .
435
00:20:33,734 --> 00:20:35,434
Oh, hi, Allison. .
436
00:20:35,467 --> 00:20:38,133
Oh, you got the flowers? .
437
00:20:38,167 --> 00:20:42,033
Come on, Allison.
They're just flowers. .
438
00:20:42,067 --> 00:20:43,934
A backrub? .
439
00:20:43,968 --> 00:20:46,200
That sounds nice. .
440
00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:55,334
Who's that in the background? .
441
00:20:55,367 --> 00:20:57,601
Yeah, she can come. .
442
00:21:04,901 --> 00:21:06,200
Hey.
443
00:21:06,234 --> 00:21:08,000
I saw you
on the news at 6:00... .
444
00:21:08,033 --> 00:21:11,467
And 10:00... And 11:00. .
445
00:21:11,501 --> 00:21:14,067
Oh. Can I still come in
for dinner? .
446
00:21:14,100 --> 00:21:15,367
It's 4:00 in the morning. .
447
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:16,868
Breakfast? .
448
00:21:16,901 --> 00:21:20,667
Thanks for bringing my bike. .
449
00:21:26,801 --> 00:21:29,601
Sco-o-o-re! .
450
00:21:29,634 --> 00:21:32,100
Sit, ubu, sit. Good dog.
32639
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