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Previously on "Resident Alien"...
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00:00:03,072 --> 00:00:05,975
This is what is left of my spaceship.
3
00:00:06,145 --> 00:00:08,334
This happened to you
because you went to space.
4
00:00:08,359 --> 00:00:09,926
I don't think that's how space works.
5
00:00:09,927 --> 00:00:12,765
- What else could it be?
- I have no idea.
6
00:00:13,015 --> 00:00:14,731
That little shit pocket.
7
00:00:14,732 --> 00:00:18,843
I forgot to tell you, my people
are coming to kill everyone.
8
00:00:18,848 --> 00:00:21,073
You're an alien, you know, phone home.
9
00:00:21,078 --> 00:00:22,605
Call them and tell them not to come.
10
00:00:22,606 --> 00:00:25,468
I will try to build a radio
and contact my people.
11
00:00:25,473 --> 00:00:27,269
The government is after him.
12
00:00:27,274 --> 00:00:29,241
They know that I know who he is.
13
00:00:29,246 --> 00:00:31,281
- What?
- And they went back to their base,
14
00:00:31,286 --> 00:00:33,089
and now they're driving
around searching for him.
15
00:00:33,093 --> 00:00:34,874
How do you know where their base is?
16
00:00:34,879 --> 00:00:36,714
We have our ways.
17
00:00:36,783 --> 00:00:38,517
Hello, Asta. We need to speak
18
00:00:38,522 --> 00:00:40,590
with Dr. Vanderspeigle
about that severed foot.
19
00:00:40,591 --> 00:00:41,776
Well, I'll be.
20
00:00:41,781 --> 00:00:44,221
Botulinum toxin... The murder weapon.
21
00:00:44,226 --> 00:00:46,196
- Oh, no.
- Where is he, Asta?
22
00:00:46,197 --> 00:00:47,538
He went to hide in the cellar.
23
00:00:47,543 --> 00:00:48,761
Dr. Vanderspeigle!
24
00:00:48,766 --> 00:00:51,932
- Whoa, what's with the guns?
- Asta?
25
00:00:51,937 --> 00:00:54,238
What in holy hell?
26
00:01:03,296 --> 00:01:05,582
_
27
00:01:05,587 --> 00:01:09,564
That faint one there is Mars,
28
00:01:09,578 --> 00:01:11,380
the God of war.
29
00:01:11,603 --> 00:01:16,103
And over there is Venus,
the goddess of fertility.
30
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Venus rhymes with penis.
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00:01:19,150 --> 00:01:22,009
D'arcy, Judy, that's not funny.
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Is there a girl hero?
33
00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:26,556
Olivia Baker, did we raise
our hand before we spoke?
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00:01:26,736 --> 00:01:28,856
Ben didn't raise his hand.
35
00:01:28,861 --> 00:01:31,701
Ben is working on being more assertive,
36
00:01:31,706 --> 00:01:33,576
so it's okay for him.
37
00:01:35,909 --> 00:01:38,812
Wow, what's that?
38
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Let's go! Asta, Kayla, come on!
39
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- Cool!
- Wait up!
40
00:01:42,938 --> 00:01:46,108
Hey, hey! Never leave a fire unattended.
41
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I'll stay.
42
00:01:53,980 --> 00:01:56,649
Okay, hold up... I'm coming with you.
43
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I looked, but there was nothing.
44
00:02:10,660 --> 00:02:13,028
- I didn't see anything.
- I did. I saw something.
45
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Olivia Baker, you know
the rules about lying.
46
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Did you really see something?
47
00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:25,841
No.
48
00:02:28,143 --> 00:02:30,084
Okay.
49
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Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
50
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Dr. Vanderspeigle!
51
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Dr. V!
52
00:02:50,499 --> 00:02:52,950
Where the hell is he? Oh, shit!
53
00:02:53,161 --> 00:02:55,004
Put your hands above
your head right now.
54
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You're under arrest for
the murder of Sam Hodges.
55
00:02:57,314 --> 00:02:59,382
What? Harry, what's going on?
56
00:03:02,278 --> 00:03:04,583
You're going to have to catch me first.
57
00:03:05,246 --> 00:03:07,208
Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
58
00:03:07,857 --> 00:03:09,700
Deputy, we got ourselves a werewolf!
59
00:03:09,867 --> 00:03:11,942
- What?
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Hey!
60
00:03:11,947 --> 00:03:14,218
- Freeze!
- Don't shoot him!
61
00:03:14,223 --> 00:03:15,724
Him? That's a goddamn it!
62
00:03:15,725 --> 00:03:17,225
You need a silver bullet in your ass,
63
00:03:17,226 --> 00:03:19,090
you albino-ass werewolf mother...
64
00:03:22,291 --> 00:03:24,690
No, he won't hurt you
if you don't hurt him!
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00:03:24,695 --> 00:03:26,340
He's an alien!
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00:03:26,535 --> 00:03:28,458
I knew they existed.
67
00:03:37,223 --> 00:03:38,520
You know what?
68
00:03:38,525 --> 00:03:40,611
I think we deserve
a toast with our toast.
69
00:03:40,616 --> 00:03:42,914
Good work on the Severed
Foot Killer, Deputy.
70
00:03:42,919 --> 00:03:44,686
It's gonna be nice to
move on to something else.
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00:03:44,687 --> 00:03:46,856
Thank you, sir. You too.
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00:03:46,989 --> 00:03:49,158
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
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I don't want to put my "foot"
74
00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:54,729
in my mouth...
75
00:03:54,730 --> 00:03:58,354
But I think we deserve to
have more of this bacon.
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00:03:59,101 --> 00:04:01,002
And maybe even a raise!
77
00:04:01,003 --> 00:04:02,838
Ha! You know what?
78
00:04:03,089 --> 00:04:05,826
Now that I think about it,
you're absolutely right.
79
00:04:05,831 --> 00:04:08,956
I mean, now's the time, and
you've certainly earned it.
80
00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:11,246
Let's get some more of that bacon.
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00:04:21,628 --> 00:04:23,385
Morning, Dr. V.
82
00:04:24,729 --> 00:04:25,995
Howdy.
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00:04:26,292 --> 00:04:28,995
How... dy.
84
00:04:29,532 --> 00:04:32,357
Wow, I guess it worked.
85
00:04:32,362 --> 00:04:33,753
I am an alien.
86
00:04:34,034 --> 00:04:36,771
We are very good at
changing peoples' memories
87
00:04:36,772 --> 00:04:38,604
to suit our purposes.
88
00:04:38,831 --> 00:04:40,942
They will not be a problem anymore.
89
00:04:47,717 --> 00:04:49,250
Deputy, let's get into the car
90
00:04:49,251 --> 00:04:51,623
and drive out to
Dr. Vanderspeigle's house.
91
00:04:51,628 --> 00:04:54,255
We need to talk to him
about some murder stuff.
92
00:04:59,795 --> 00:05:03,098
Sheriff Michael Thompson,
Deputy Olivia Baker,
93
00:05:03,099 --> 00:05:06,542
Special Agent Fisher, FBI.
94
00:05:07,401 --> 00:05:09,240
We're tracking down
the Dead Foot Killer.
95
00:05:09,245 --> 00:05:10,511
We've been following your movements
96
00:05:10,515 --> 00:05:11,760
for quite some time now,
97
00:05:11,765 --> 00:05:15,102
and I have to say, you
two do excellent work.
98
00:05:15,413 --> 00:05:18,149
Thank you. You've made
me feel good about myself,
99
00:05:18,154 --> 00:05:20,256
so I'm open to what
you're going to say next.
100
00:05:20,261 --> 00:05:23,128
We wouldn't be where we are
if it wasn't for you both.
101
00:05:23,133 --> 00:05:25,385
But the time has come for
us to take over this case.
102
00:05:25,390 --> 00:05:27,091
Well, if you're taking over,
103
00:05:27,096 --> 00:05:29,159
we should stop looking into the crime.
104
00:05:29,164 --> 00:05:32,839
Exactly. I can only tell
you one thing about the case.
105
00:05:32,844 --> 00:05:36,557
The murderer is not Harry Vanderspeigle.
106
00:05:38,775 --> 00:05:40,901
Well, you're lucky they bought that.
107
00:05:41,343 --> 00:05:42,912
You know, when we were in the crevasse,
108
00:05:42,917 --> 00:05:44,018
I saw you were an alien.
109
00:05:44,023 --> 00:05:45,807
Why didn't you replace my memory?
110
00:05:46,375 --> 00:05:48,776
Because I am not alone anymore.
111
00:05:50,671 --> 00:05:52,606
You can thank me if you want.
112
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For what?
113
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I killed the man who
killed your friend Sam.
114
00:05:58,087 --> 00:05:59,925
You are welcome.
115
00:06:00,787 --> 00:06:02,260
- Okay, Harry...
- Hmm?
116
00:06:02,265 --> 00:06:04,034
You're still a murderer.
117
00:06:04,147 --> 00:06:08,865
No. I am a murderer
murderer. It's very different.
118
00:06:08,870 --> 00:06:12,641
You can rationalize your
murderer murder all damn day.
119
00:06:12,642 --> 00:06:13,676
But guess what.
120
00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:17,128
Abigail Hodges is still accused
of a murder she didn't commit.
121
00:06:17,133 --> 00:06:19,769
So what? You do not even like her.
122
00:06:19,816 --> 00:06:21,750
What is wrong with you?
123
00:06:21,751 --> 00:06:23,885
Do you really have
no empathy whatsoever?
124
00:06:23,886 --> 00:06:25,323
That is not what is wrong with me.
125
00:06:25,328 --> 00:06:27,182
That is what is right with me.
126
00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:28,314
Maybe you should try
127
00:06:28,319 --> 00:06:29,879
putting yourself in
other people's shoes.
128
00:06:29,883 --> 00:06:34,456
Ugh! Other people's shoes
smell like other people's feet.
129
00:06:35,426 --> 00:06:37,479
Hi, I'm Ben Hawthorne,
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00:06:37,484 --> 00:06:40,453
Mayor of peaceful Patience, Colorado,
131
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where sometimes bad things happen
132
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that are totally unrelated.
133
00:06:44,632 --> 00:06:46,666
Some of the highest peaks in Colorado
134
00:06:46,671 --> 00:06:49,940
are right here in Patience,
but you know what's really low?
135
00:06:49,945 --> 00:06:51,784
Our mortality rate.
136
00:06:52,616 --> 00:06:54,484
I don't think you
should say "mortality."
137
00:06:54,489 --> 00:06:55,784
- No?
- No.
138
00:06:55,789 --> 00:06:58,214
No good? You're right,
it's a little too dark.
139
00:06:58,221 --> 00:07:00,441
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah. Uh, Alexa?
140
00:07:00,446 --> 00:07:03,621
What is another word for "mortality"?
141
00:07:04,541 --> 00:07:07,043
Synonyms for "mortality" meaning "death"
142
00:07:07,048 --> 00:07:10,546
include "fatality,"
"bloodshed," or "dying."
143
00:07:10,551 --> 00:07:12,196
Alexa, stop.
144
00:07:12,201 --> 00:07:13,435
Uh, you know what?
145
00:07:13,436 --> 00:07:16,515
Let's just lose the whole,
you know, death theme.
146
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:17,839
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Keep it positive.
147
00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:19,185
- Yeah, keep it light.
- Keep it loose.
148
00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:20,590
- Yeah.
- Okay, let me, uh...
149
00:07:20,595 --> 00:07:21,997
Let me just try some of these.
150
00:07:23,215 --> 00:07:24,575
Come on down to Patience.
151
00:07:24,580 --> 00:07:26,137
We still have a working phone booth.
152
00:07:26,516 --> 00:07:28,350
We have a pretty good dentist.
153
00:07:28,351 --> 00:07:30,752
Our meth hospitalizations
have been way down
154
00:07:30,753 --> 00:07:32,287
since we legalized marijuana.
155
00:07:32,288 --> 00:07:33,422
So come to Patience
156
00:07:33,423 --> 00:07:36,215
for some good, clean
family fun, you hear?
157
00:07:36,317 --> 00:07:37,999
Oh! Oops
158
00:07:38,004 --> 00:07:39,809
How'd that get in there?
159
00:07:40,825 --> 00:07:42,861
See, honey, this is... This
is why I said not to use
160
00:07:42,865 --> 00:07:44,633
the cloud for these... It's not safe.
161
00:07:44,634 --> 00:07:45,867
Oh, don't be so uptight.
162
00:07:45,868 --> 00:07:47,636
What's the worst that happens, huh?
163
00:07:47,637 --> 00:07:49,604
Somebody hacks into our account
164
00:07:49,605 --> 00:07:52,374
and sees pictures of our BDSM kink play?
165
00:07:52,379 --> 00:07:55,246
- What's BDSM kink play?
- It's... uh, it's...
166
00:07:55,251 --> 00:07:56,804
- Did we get a new game?
- It's nothing.
167
00:07:56,808 --> 00:07:58,153
It's nothing. No, we did not, okay?
168
00:07:58,157 --> 00:08:00,245
Go clean your room... my cousin
Carlyn's coming for the night.
169
00:08:00,249 --> 00:08:01,914
Can I play kink play
with you and your cousin?
170
00:08:01,918 --> 00:08:03,051
No!
171
00:08:03,056 --> 00:08:04,715
Uh, because she and I are going hiking.
172
00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:06,707
You go clean your room.
173
00:08:07,652 --> 00:08:10,309
So how long will
building this radio take?
174
00:08:10,314 --> 00:08:13,298
- Can I help?
- Ha! Ha!
175
00:08:13,363 --> 00:08:17,766
I don't know. Can a newborn pig
help perform cardiac surgery?
176
00:08:17,767 --> 00:08:19,701
All right, you might want
to think of another metaphor
177
00:08:19,702 --> 00:08:21,590
before I push you into traffic.
178
00:08:21,595 --> 00:08:24,031
I'm just trying to save
the human race here.
179
00:08:24,036 --> 00:08:26,738
My problem is I do not have
a lot of time to build it,
180
00:08:26,909 --> 00:08:31,543
and human technology is very limited.
181
00:08:31,748 --> 00:08:33,613
I don't know what to tell you, Harry.
182
00:08:33,618 --> 00:08:34,886
Get creative.
183
00:08:34,891 --> 00:08:37,160
You know, E.T. used a
freakin' Speak & Spell.
184
00:08:37,420 --> 00:08:39,887
E.T. was an idiot.
185
00:08:40,251 --> 00:08:42,902
Obviously, sexy.
186
00:08:43,359 --> 00:08:45,360
Very attractive...
187
00:08:45,361 --> 00:08:47,074
but so dumb.
188
00:08:47,664 --> 00:08:49,898
Well, at least we
have fewer distractions
189
00:08:49,899 --> 00:08:52,602
now that your criminal
past is taken care of.
190
00:08:52,746 --> 00:08:55,672
Almost taken care of.
191
00:08:57,240 --> 00:08:59,905
- Now it is taken care of.
- Are you serious?
192
00:08:59,910 --> 00:09:01,243
Maybe don't throw a deadly toxin
193
00:09:01,244 --> 00:09:03,147
- where any kid can just grab it.
- Mm.
194
00:09:03,152 --> 00:09:05,008
Have you not watched
enough "Law & Order" to know
195
00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:07,418
you don't just throw
evidence into a trash can?
196
00:09:07,650 --> 00:09:09,418
Who's the idiot now?
197
00:09:09,957 --> 00:09:11,855
Still E.T.
198
00:09:12,473 --> 00:09:14,523
Beautiful moron.
199
00:09:34,508 --> 00:09:35,843
- What?
- Dr. Vanderspeigle,
200
00:09:35,848 --> 00:09:38,038
I am so glad you're home.
201
00:09:38,043 --> 00:09:39,215
This is my cousin Carlyn.
202
00:09:39,220 --> 00:09:40,402
Hi. Sorry.
203
00:09:40,407 --> 00:09:43,288
We were out hiking, and she
tripped and cut her knee open.
204
00:09:43,293 --> 00:09:45,679
- I was hoping you could help.
- And she's dying?
205
00:09:45,684 --> 00:09:48,273
Oh, no. It just needs to be looked at.
206
00:09:48,278 --> 00:09:49,684
I was gonna take her into town,
207
00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:51,574
but Dr. Smallwood is...
208
00:09:51,579 --> 00:09:54,613
Well, Susan Brown went
in with a broken wrist
209
00:09:54,618 --> 00:09:56,707
and came out with a cast on her ankle.
210
00:09:56,712 --> 00:09:58,777
If I fix it...
211
00:09:58,782 --> 00:10:00,450
you'll leave?
212
00:10:00,455 --> 00:10:02,524
Uh, yes.
213
00:10:02,529 --> 00:10:03,699
Mm.
214
00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:06,059
Oh, this looks like a ring resonator.
215
00:10:06,064 --> 00:10:08,715
Are you... Are you building a laser?
216
00:10:09,082 --> 00:10:11,199
Are you a talking ham?
217
00:10:11,204 --> 00:10:13,473
Carlyn works in a lab
at New Mexico Tech.
218
00:10:13,478 --> 00:10:16,520
- She's one smart lady.
- I'm impressed.
219
00:10:16,525 --> 00:10:19,402
For a layman, this is
really quite advanced.
220
00:10:20,531 --> 00:10:21,866
It is software-based
221
00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:24,512
radio-telemetry-transceiver technology,
222
00:10:25,192 --> 00:10:27,661
but the inside-out potato chip bag
223
00:10:27,666 --> 00:10:30,910
that I'm using as
a diffuser keeps melting.
224
00:10:31,616 --> 00:10:33,051
Wow.
225
00:10:33,056 --> 00:10:35,371
I've never known a guy who was into SDR
226
00:10:35,376 --> 00:10:38,279
who wasn't also, like,
you know, a troll.
227
00:10:39,027 --> 00:10:40,816
Trolls live under bridges.
228
00:10:40,821 --> 00:10:42,176
I am not one of them.
229
00:10:42,181 --> 00:10:44,426
It means she thinks you're handsome.
230
00:10:46,939 --> 00:10:50,590
I have a handsome human face.
231
00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:53,457
And my skin tone is the
same as a dead soldier
232
00:10:53,462 --> 00:10:55,449
in a Renaissance painting.
233
00:11:12,878 --> 00:11:15,414
Oh. Yes.
234
00:11:19,372 --> 00:11:21,771
Just, whatever you do,
don't eat the snacks.
235
00:11:21,776 --> 00:11:24,521
Benny. Kate.
236
00:11:24,526 --> 00:11:27,508
Long time, no see...
Well, together anyway.
237
00:11:27,513 --> 00:11:30,049
I saw you up close and
personal the other night.
238
00:11:30,263 --> 00:11:32,161
What other night?
239
00:11:33,154 --> 00:11:34,795
Poker.
240
00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:37,036
Why? What night did you
think I was talking about?
241
00:11:37,269 --> 00:11:39,887
- Hi, I'm Carlyn.
- Hey. D'arcy.
242
00:11:39,892 --> 00:11:42,327
So can I get you guys some sliders?
243
00:11:42,328 --> 00:11:45,482
Day-old buns help
disguise the week-old meat.
244
00:11:45,487 --> 00:11:47,094
We'll just... We'll stick to liquids.
245
00:11:47,099 --> 00:11:50,092
We just wanted to show Carlyn
the town, and now we have.
246
00:11:50,097 --> 00:11:51,630
It took about nine minutes.
247
00:11:51,635 --> 00:11:53,388
Well, if you're here tonight,
248
00:11:53,393 --> 00:11:55,361
my friend Kayla just called a GN59.
249
00:11:55,366 --> 00:11:58,339
It's, like, a party but with
a decent chance of prison time.
250
00:11:58,344 --> 00:11:59,529
Sounds fun.
251
00:11:59,534 --> 00:12:01,169
Yeah. Yeah.
252
00:12:01,174 --> 00:12:03,343
When anything stressful
or shitty happens,
253
00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:05,646
anyone in our friend
group can call a GN59.
254
00:12:05,651 --> 00:12:06,918
You have to drop everything
255
00:12:06,919 --> 00:12:09,357
and go tits out on a huge girls' night.
256
00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:11,052
Yeah, it's really fun. You should come.
257
00:12:11,057 --> 00:12:13,058
Well, can't tonight.
We have dinner plans.
258
00:12:13,059 --> 00:12:15,460
But, uh, wouldn't mind
ordering a few drinks, though,
259
00:12:15,461 --> 00:12:17,429
if you can just find that bartender.
260
00:12:17,430 --> 00:12:18,730
Oh, come on, Kate-o.
261
00:12:18,731 --> 00:12:20,932
You just said you'd seen
everything in the town.
262
00:12:20,933 --> 00:12:22,412
Yeah, we should totally do it.
263
00:12:22,417 --> 00:12:23,584
I mean, when's the last time
264
00:12:23,589 --> 00:12:25,412
you let Kendra out to play, huh?
265
00:12:25,837 --> 00:12:27,263
Who's Kendra?
266
00:12:27,268 --> 00:12:30,008
Kendra was her alter ego
when she drank too much.
267
00:12:30,013 --> 00:12:32,406
Oh, yeah, she brought her out
at a family reunion once...
268
00:12:32,411 --> 00:12:34,212
Real wild child.
269
00:12:34,217 --> 00:12:35,847
Oh, I'm sad. You've never met Kendra.
270
00:12:35,848 --> 00:12:38,076
- Yeah. News to me.
- I'm sad, too.
271
00:12:38,081 --> 00:12:40,548
Uh, I'll have a pilsner,
what would you ladies like?
272
00:12:40,553 --> 00:12:42,232
Come on.
273
00:12:43,089 --> 00:12:44,356
Okay.
274
00:12:44,357 --> 00:12:46,091
Okay. Let's do it.
275
00:12:46,092 --> 00:12:47,141
- Oh.
- We'll do it.
276
00:12:47,146 --> 00:12:48,962
Oh, but, hon, we already got a sitter.
277
00:12:48,967 --> 00:12:52,375
Perfect. Call a friend.
You can go out, too.
278
00:12:52,532 --> 00:12:54,266
Ugh! Yes!
279
00:12:55,539 --> 00:12:57,649
Can we get some service around here?
280
00:13:01,358 --> 00:13:03,527
Hey, Sahar, I need your help.
281
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:06,337
Wait, when did you get a dog?
282
00:13:06,342 --> 00:13:07,909
I'm not allowed to have a dog.
283
00:13:07,914 --> 00:13:10,188
I walk Cinnamon for my neighbors.
284
00:13:10,583 --> 00:13:12,456
She hasn't pooped in three days.
285
00:13:12,461 --> 00:13:13,552
Why not?
286
00:13:13,553 --> 00:13:15,555
She swallowed a whole avocado.
287
00:13:15,894 --> 00:13:17,718
I don't walk behind her anymore.
288
00:13:17,949 --> 00:13:19,284
Ew!
289
00:13:19,383 --> 00:13:21,093
You got to help me shave again.
290
00:13:21,348 --> 00:13:22,917
Your face looks fine.
291
00:13:22,922 --> 00:13:24,529
It's not my face.
292
00:13:28,362 --> 00:13:30,798
- Oh. What?
- What?
293
00:13:30,803 --> 00:13:33,972
- I need a lawnmower for that!
- What do I do?
294
00:13:33,973 --> 00:13:34,973
I can help you,
295
00:13:34,974 --> 00:13:37,180
but we're gonna need some privacy.
296
00:13:40,413 --> 00:13:42,180
I found it last week.
297
00:13:42,185 --> 00:13:44,774
Your mom's phone still had battery.
298
00:13:45,157 --> 00:13:46,859
They just...
299
00:13:46,864 --> 00:13:48,524
left it here.
300
00:13:49,151 --> 00:13:50,853
Cool.
301
00:14:03,469 --> 00:14:05,445
Okay.
302
00:14:05,671 --> 00:14:07,806
All right, where are we going, General?
303
00:14:10,376 --> 00:14:11,810
No.
304
00:14:11,811 --> 00:14:14,713
No, no, no. No, don't die on me now.
305
00:14:14,714 --> 00:14:15,947
Come on.
306
00:14:15,948 --> 00:14:17,349
Come on.
307
00:14:22,622 --> 00:14:25,525
Damn it!
308
00:14:25,727 --> 00:14:28,093
Where the hell am I
gonna find a new dish?
309
00:14:32,331 --> 00:14:34,332
I feel bad doing this.
310
00:14:36,857 --> 00:14:38,292
Why aren't you looking?
311
00:14:38,297 --> 00:14:40,347
It's against my religion
to look at the naked back
312
00:14:40,352 --> 00:14:42,875
of a man who's not my
relative or my husband.
313
00:14:42,957 --> 00:14:45,159
Plus, it's disgusting.
314
00:14:45,164 --> 00:14:46,938
Is it gonna hurt?
315
00:14:47,258 --> 00:14:49,386
My mom says when she waxes her legs,
316
00:14:49,391 --> 00:14:52,752
it feels like being stung
by a thousand hornets.
317
00:14:53,133 --> 00:14:54,587
Then why does she do it?
318
00:14:55,008 --> 00:14:57,104
Because as soon as we hit puberty,
319
00:14:57,109 --> 00:15:00,190
Western culture tells women
we're not okay as we are.
320
00:15:00,195 --> 00:15:03,120
We must rip out stuff
that's supposed to be there,
321
00:15:03,125 --> 00:15:05,370
insert stuff that's not
supposed to be there,
322
00:15:05,375 --> 00:15:08,125
and bleach everything
visible to the naked eye.
323
00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:11,276
Hey, being a man is hard, too.
324
00:15:11,281 --> 00:15:13,506
I have to brush my teeth sometimes.
325
00:15:15,274 --> 00:15:18,144
I take it back.
I don't feel bad anymore.
326
00:15:18,149 --> 00:15:20,727
Aah!
327
00:15:23,885 --> 00:15:25,672
Miguel...
328
00:15:25,677 --> 00:15:27,008
my belle.
329
00:15:27,990 --> 00:15:29,376
What the hell did you just call me?
330
00:15:29,380 --> 00:15:30,906
No, nothing, bro-ham.
331
00:15:30,911 --> 00:15:34,109
Just, uh, taking a
little breaky, you know?
332
00:15:34,114 --> 00:15:36,336
A little break-a-rindo.
333
00:15:38,570 --> 00:15:39,838
Dog toy.
334
00:15:39,843 --> 00:15:41,836
Oh, you got one of
those, uh, Zen gardens.
335
00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:43,320
I love these things.
336
00:15:43,325 --> 00:15:44,883
May I?
337
00:15:46,968 --> 00:15:50,906
Yep. Yeah, more, uh, relaxed already.
338
00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:53,976
So, um, I was just wondering...
339
00:15:56,286 --> 00:15:58,922
I'll... I'll get that.
340
00:15:58,927 --> 00:16:02,024
Hey, uh, you ever
tried those wheat beers?
341
00:16:02,029 --> 00:16:03,696
You know, the one where
you put the lemon in there?
342
00:16:03,700 --> 00:16:05,321
I hear they're, uh...
They're pretty tasty.
343
00:16:05,325 --> 00:16:07,297
What do you want, bro-ham?
344
00:16:07,302 --> 00:16:09,578
What, are you asking me
out on a date or something?
345
00:16:09,583 --> 00:16:12,250
No, no. Uh, well, yeah.
346
00:16:12,255 --> 00:16:14,797
Uh, but a guy date...
Guy hang, you know?
347
00:16:14,802 --> 00:16:17,838
Just a couple brews, mano a mano,
348
00:16:17,843 --> 00:16:20,479
"caliente accione."
349
00:16:20,484 --> 00:16:22,258
Look, I ain't got time for that, okay?
350
00:16:22,263 --> 00:16:23,865
I take care of my father at home.
351
00:16:23,870 --> 00:16:25,035
- Sure.
- Now, I need you to clean up
352
00:16:25,039 --> 00:16:26,127
all this damn sand
353
00:16:26,132 --> 00:16:27,800
'cause I need 30 minutes
of raking every day
354
00:16:27,804 --> 00:16:28,807
so I can relax.
355
00:16:28,812 --> 00:16:31,079
I happen to know that Lewis would love
356
00:16:31,084 --> 00:16:33,432
to get out of the house and have a beer.
357
00:16:36,266 --> 00:16:38,213
I'll think about it. How about that?
358
00:16:38,218 --> 00:16:40,940
- I'll... I'll think about it.
- He'll definitely be there.
359
00:16:44,268 --> 00:16:46,203
Thanks for letting us crash your party.
360
00:16:46,208 --> 00:16:47,807
The more, the merrier.
361
00:16:47,812 --> 00:16:49,981
You know, a few GN59s ago,
362
00:16:49,986 --> 00:16:52,088
we actually needed a few extra people
363
00:16:52,100 --> 00:16:54,776
and a wheelbarrow to carry D'arcy home.
364
00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:55,831
Oh, wait. No.
365
00:16:55,835 --> 00:16:58,612
Yeah. I came prepared this time.
366
00:16:58,617 --> 00:17:00,479
I might need to make
a quick getaway, so...
367
00:17:00,484 --> 00:17:03,019
- Hey. Hi.
- Hi.
368
00:17:04,579 --> 00:17:06,948
- Hi.
- Hi, this is my cousin Carlyn.
369
00:17:06,953 --> 00:17:07,963
- Hi. Kayla.
- Hey.
370
00:17:07,968 --> 00:17:09,940
- Nice to meet you.
- Are you okay? What happened?
371
00:17:09,945 --> 00:17:11,066
Yeah, is everything okay with Shane?
372
00:17:11,070 --> 00:17:12,260
Yes. Yeah, he's fine.
373
00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:13,761
I just needed to get out of the house.
374
00:17:13,765 --> 00:17:16,080
Oh, okay, I was worried.
375
00:17:16,085 --> 00:17:18,932
Can I just say... As
a mom, I'm with you.
376
00:17:18,937 --> 00:17:21,604
Sometimes needing to get out
of the house is an emergency.
377
00:17:21,609 --> 00:17:22,977
Yes. Yes, thank you.
378
00:17:22,982 --> 00:17:25,685
You know, you just need
a kid... and a man-free zone.
379
00:17:25,690 --> 00:17:27,124
- Mm-hmm.
- Amen to that.
380
00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:29,131
I mean, I don't have a kid or a man,
381
00:17:29,136 --> 00:17:33,135
but, you know, anecdotal
evidence would support that.
382
00:17:33,140 --> 00:17:35,676
The town I live in,
all the men really suck.
383
00:17:35,681 --> 00:17:37,950
My lab supervisor thinks
grabbing my buttocks
384
00:17:37,955 --> 00:17:39,089
is one of his job perks.
385
00:17:39,094 --> 00:17:40,401
- Ew.
- I was really beginning
386
00:17:40,406 --> 00:17:42,370
to think I was never
gonna meet a nice guy.
387
00:17:42,375 --> 00:17:44,330
Till today, that is.
388
00:17:44,335 --> 00:17:46,018
- Wait, you met a guy here?
- Mm-hmm.
389
00:17:46,023 --> 00:17:47,627
- Today?
- In Patience?
390
00:17:47,632 --> 00:17:49,979
- Mm-hmm.
- No way. Who?
391
00:17:53,257 --> 00:17:55,237
- Jesus God.
- Oh.
392
00:18:10,843 --> 00:18:12,445
What are you doing here?
393
00:18:12,805 --> 00:18:15,233
You told me that every minute
you're not working on the radio
394
00:18:15,258 --> 00:18:18,597
is a minute we all come
closer to certain death.
395
00:18:18,602 --> 00:18:20,671
I am working on the radio,
396
00:18:20,676 --> 00:18:23,546
but without a diffuser,
it will never work.
397
00:18:23,551 --> 00:18:25,980
The pony-haired one's cousin
398
00:18:25,985 --> 00:18:28,636
is a scientist in a lab...
399
00:18:29,434 --> 00:18:32,019
that uses portable diffusers.
400
00:18:32,024 --> 00:18:33,659
So what?
401
00:18:33,664 --> 00:18:37,215
I know that I am not as pretty as E.T.
402
00:18:38,235 --> 00:18:40,917
I do not have his bulbous football head
403
00:18:40,922 --> 00:18:44,292
or his squat corgi legs or his...
404
00:18:44,297 --> 00:18:46,362
platypus feet,
405
00:18:46,367 --> 00:18:49,804
but I can be a charming alien
406
00:18:49,809 --> 00:18:51,737
when I need to be.
407
00:18:52,269 --> 00:18:54,065
Mm, mm, mm.
408
00:18:59,130 --> 00:19:01,132
So do you come here a lot?
409
00:19:03,811 --> 00:19:05,386
Mm.
410
00:19:05,391 --> 00:19:07,948
Of all the gin joints in all the world,
411
00:19:07,953 --> 00:19:10,222
this one is closest to my house.
412
00:19:24,381 --> 00:19:26,419
What is that perfume?
413
00:19:26,922 --> 00:19:30,091
Jergens Intense Moisture Therapy.
414
00:19:30,466 --> 00:19:33,739
I did a BM earlier,
so I had to wash them.
415
00:19:33,744 --> 00:19:34,979
I get acute dermatitis
416
00:19:34,984 --> 00:19:36,919
'cause I scrub them so often in the lab,
417
00:19:36,924 --> 00:19:39,177
so I carry it in my purse.
418
00:19:39,182 --> 00:19:44,028
Mm. I don't wash my
hands after I urinate.
419
00:19:45,795 --> 00:19:49,708
The skin on my penis is very clean.
420
00:20:01,418 --> 00:20:02,986
Gram keeps asking about Harry.
421
00:20:02,991 --> 00:20:04,726
- Uh-huh.
- I think she likes him.
422
00:20:04,731 --> 00:20:06,976
I think she wants you to have his baby.
423
00:20:06,981 --> 00:20:09,101
Ew! Gross! Shut up!
424
00:20:09,106 --> 00:20:10,941
You shut up.
425
00:20:10,946 --> 00:20:12,148
Hey, actually, can I ask
426
00:20:12,153 --> 00:20:13,743
your professional
opinion about something?
427
00:20:13,747 --> 00:20:14,960
Mm-hmm.
428
00:20:14,965 --> 00:20:17,374
What do you think is gonna
happen to Abigail Hodges?
429
00:20:17,379 --> 00:20:18,547
You know, Sam's wife?
430
00:20:18,552 --> 00:20:21,054
Um, you think she's gonna go to jail?
431
00:20:21,059 --> 00:20:23,061
You know, criminal law
isn't really my area,
432
00:20:23,066 --> 00:20:24,374
but from what I've read,
433
00:20:24,379 --> 00:20:26,032
I don't think they're
gonna get a conviction.
434
00:20:26,036 --> 00:20:27,938
- Oh.
- Yeah, sorry.
435
00:20:27,943 --> 00:20:29,578
- No, that's good.
- Oh.
436
00:20:29,583 --> 00:20:31,945
Um, you know, I mean, if
she... if she didn't do it.
437
00:20:31,950 --> 00:20:34,648
Oh, but she probably did.
I mean, it's always the spouse.
438
00:20:34,653 --> 00:20:35,679
I'm a lawyer, too.
439
00:20:35,684 --> 00:20:37,152
No way. Where do you practice?
440
00:20:37,157 --> 00:20:38,210
I don't.
441
00:20:38,215 --> 00:20:41,418
I gave up my dream to be
a mom and live in this tiny town.
442
00:20:41,656 --> 00:20:43,913
Now I'm happy. Shots?
443
00:20:46,700 --> 00:20:49,169
I would like to...
444
00:20:49,174 --> 00:20:51,390
go by your work.
445
00:20:51,853 --> 00:20:54,468
Maybe you could give
me a tour of your lab.
446
00:20:54,535 --> 00:20:55,937
- Oh.
- Mm-hmm.
447
00:20:55,942 --> 00:20:57,310
I love that you're interested.
448
00:20:57,315 --> 00:20:59,900
That's very flattering, but I can't.
449
00:20:59,905 --> 00:21:04,488
The security is so tight, not
dissimilar to my vagina.
450
00:21:04,620 --> 00:21:06,793
Your vagina is like a lab?
451
00:21:06,798 --> 00:21:10,527
Yeah, it's... It's tough to get in.
452
00:21:11,567 --> 00:21:14,382
- It is?
- Lots of neat stuff once you're there.
453
00:21:14,710 --> 00:21:17,746
- Are there monkeys in cages?
- No.
454
00:21:18,788 --> 00:21:21,324
Maybe it would be funny...
455
00:21:21,849 --> 00:21:23,249
Ha ha ha!
456
00:21:23,250 --> 00:21:25,140
A big joke if you stole
457
00:21:25,145 --> 00:21:28,726
a telemetry diffuser...
458
00:21:28,856 --> 00:21:30,925
And gave it to me.
459
00:21:32,343 --> 00:21:33,820
They would freak out.
460
00:21:33,824 --> 00:21:37,626
They would freak out.
You could be so funny.
461
00:21:37,631 --> 00:21:39,843
You're a kidder.
462
00:21:39,848 --> 00:21:42,085
You should do it.
463
00:21:42,566 --> 00:21:44,668
- Oh, my God.
- Do it!
464
00:21:45,366 --> 00:21:47,429
- No.
- Do it.
465
00:21:47,434 --> 00:21:50,170
But you are so sweet to ask.
466
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:00,933
Oh.
467
00:22:07,584 --> 00:22:08,944
Hey, is that Liv?
468
00:22:08,949 --> 00:22:10,441
Tell her to hurry up. She's late.
469
00:22:10,446 --> 00:22:13,149
Uh, no, it's just Jay. Just guy drama.
470
00:22:13,154 --> 00:22:16,261
Oh. Wow, you... you guys text?
471
00:22:16,266 --> 00:22:18,969
Yeah, mostly emojis. Mostly eggplants.
472
00:22:19,199 --> 00:22:21,292
Wow, that's cool.
You guys are buddies now.
473
00:22:21,891 --> 00:22:24,160
Hey, GN59ers.
474
00:22:24,165 --> 00:22:25,675
- Hey!
- Sorry, I'm late!
475
00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:27,715
Trixie wouldn't start.
I had to jump her again.
476
00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:29,334
Thank God you're finally here.
477
00:22:29,339 --> 00:22:31,474
Hey-o! Sorry! I'm late, too.
478
00:22:31,479 --> 00:22:34,949
But I'm here, though, finally, right?
479
00:22:35,250 --> 00:22:37,730
Ooh, thank you. I could use that.
480
00:22:37,735 --> 00:22:39,972
That's... Never mind.
481
00:22:40,656 --> 00:22:42,224
Ugh, what is that?
482
00:22:42,229 --> 00:22:43,738
It's a gin and tonic.
483
00:22:44,175 --> 00:22:45,465
Oh.
484
00:22:45,466 --> 00:22:47,206
Ugh, it's, like, fancy.
485
00:22:47,211 --> 00:22:49,128
Okay, I got to piss. I'll be back.
486
00:22:51,690 --> 00:22:53,425
- You text her?
- No!
487
00:22:53,430 --> 00:22:56,638
- How does she always know?
- She always knows.
488
00:22:58,993 --> 00:23:00,794
All right.
489
00:23:00,799 --> 00:23:02,935
All right, this is great.
490
00:23:03,051 --> 00:23:05,053
Nope, wife in the corner.
We're out of here.
491
00:23:05,058 --> 00:23:06,626
Where else do you plan to go, son?
492
00:23:06,631 --> 00:23:08,644
This isn't New York City.
493
00:23:09,046 --> 00:23:11,315
Hey! Benny!
494
00:23:11,408 --> 00:23:13,543
Your girl's safe with me, okay?
495
00:23:13,630 --> 00:23:15,597
- But am I safe with her?
- Oh.
496
00:23:19,144 --> 00:23:21,135
Do you have any beer
with rat poison in it?
497
00:23:22,420 --> 00:23:24,322
What's wrong with this one, huh?
498
00:23:28,618 --> 00:23:30,253
Kate, you did good.
499
00:23:30,258 --> 00:23:33,113
It was so nice of Ben to take
the Sheriff out for a drink.
500
00:23:33,118 --> 00:23:34,786
Ben is so sweet.
501
00:23:34,923 --> 00:23:37,780
No, he's not. He's a dirty little bitch.
502
00:23:37,785 --> 00:23:39,706
- Hmm.
- I'm sorry?
503
00:23:40,706 --> 00:23:42,472
Gird your loins, ladies.
504
00:23:42,477 --> 00:23:44,687
- I think Kendra has arrived.
- Oh, yeah.
505
00:23:44,692 --> 00:23:47,589
The mayor is a nasty piece of work.
506
00:23:48,152 --> 00:23:50,163
I cannot wait to get home
507
00:23:50,164 --> 00:23:51,898
and let him slap a puppy hood on me
508
00:23:51,899 --> 00:23:53,533
and jam a ball gag in my mouth.
509
00:23:53,534 --> 00:23:55,225
Oh, what?
510
00:23:55,230 --> 00:23:57,433
Ben... The one who makes candles?
511
00:23:57,438 --> 00:24:00,041
Uh, the wax he has
isn't just for candles.
512
00:24:00,046 --> 00:24:02,938
I have a nine-inch
ice dildo in my freezer
513
00:24:02,943 --> 00:24:04,911
that Max thinks is for my water bottles.
514
00:24:07,399 --> 00:24:09,267
Oh, God, this is my favorite night.
515
00:24:09,272 --> 00:24:11,160
This is the best night of my life.
516
00:24:11,486 --> 00:24:13,922
Can you please stop
looking at your wife?
517
00:24:13,938 --> 00:24:15,951
- It's weird.
- Look, I, uh...
518
00:24:15,956 --> 00:24:17,824
I got to talk to you about something.
519
00:24:17,825 --> 00:24:19,826
It's driving me crazy.
520
00:24:19,827 --> 00:24:22,175
Okay, so, about a week ago,
521
00:24:22,180 --> 00:24:24,673
D'arcy sort of...
522
00:24:25,316 --> 00:24:27,160
kissed me.
523
00:24:27,165 --> 00:24:30,105
It was a drive-by. Not my fault.
524
00:24:30,110 --> 00:24:31,894
No tongue.
525
00:24:32,634 --> 00:24:33,792
Some tongue.
526
00:24:33,797 --> 00:24:36,066
I just... I really think
that I should tell Kate.
527
00:24:36,772 --> 00:24:38,741
Have you... Have you lost your mind?
528
00:24:38,746 --> 00:24:40,480
You don't ever tell, never.
529
00:24:40,481 --> 00:24:43,456
Now, hold on a minute... the man
said he didn't reciprocate.
530
00:24:43,461 --> 00:24:45,895
It don't matter. This is something
you take to your grave, okay?
531
00:24:45,899 --> 00:24:47,597
Well, maybe I could, um...
532
00:24:47,821 --> 00:24:49,188
I could write her a note,
533
00:24:49,189 --> 00:24:50,890
you know, explaining what happened.
534
00:24:50,891 --> 00:24:52,525
You want to... You want
to write her a note?
535
00:24:52,526 --> 00:24:54,886
Okay. All right, look,
here's what I want you to do.
536
00:24:55,042 --> 00:24:56,139
Here go $5.
537
00:24:56,144 --> 00:24:57,830
Now, I want you to go down to the mall.
538
00:24:57,831 --> 00:24:59,152
All right, you know that kiosk
539
00:24:59,157 --> 00:25:01,175
where they'll write your
name on a grain of rice?
540
00:25:01,180 --> 00:25:02,616
Right, you're gonna
give that guy that $5.
541
00:25:02,620 --> 00:25:05,123
He gonna write your note on
the end of a bullet, right?
542
00:25:05,128 --> 00:25:06,269
Now, I want you to take that bullet.
543
00:25:06,273 --> 00:25:07,674
I want you to put it
in a gun and go home
544
00:25:07,675 --> 00:25:08,941
and stand in your bathtub.
545
00:25:08,942 --> 00:25:10,510
Now, you also gonna need a phone book...
546
00:25:10,511 --> 00:25:11,878
Not something thin like Patience,
547
00:25:11,879 --> 00:25:14,514
something with some girth
like... like Denver, right?
548
00:25:14,515 --> 00:25:15,598
And you gonna put that phone book
549
00:25:15,602 --> 00:25:16,913
up against one side of your head,
550
00:25:16,917 --> 00:25:18,027
and you gonna take that gun
551
00:25:18,032 --> 00:25:19,161
and put it against
the other side, right?
552
00:25:19,165 --> 00:25:21,292
And then you're gonna shoot
yourself right in the head,
553
00:25:21,297 --> 00:25:23,919
and that bullet's gonna fly
right through and lodge itself
554
00:25:23,924 --> 00:25:26,691
right around the D's, for dumbass.
555
00:25:26,860 --> 00:25:28,494
And she'll get your note.
556
00:25:31,198 --> 00:25:32,231
But I'm dead.
557
00:25:32,232 --> 00:25:33,964
You tell her, you dead anyway.
558
00:25:37,171 --> 00:25:40,246
You guys, what the hell
is happening over there?
559
00:25:40,641 --> 00:25:43,843
Ooh, I think we know
what's going to happen.
560
00:25:43,844 --> 00:25:47,076
- Oh...
- I don't... I don't trust him.
561
00:25:47,081 --> 00:25:48,988
Your pulse is quickening.
562
00:25:49,410 --> 00:25:51,886
Your upper sternum is becoming flushed.
563
00:25:52,519 --> 00:25:54,887
You are becoming aroused.
564
00:25:54,888 --> 00:25:57,225
- I am now.
- Hey, Harry.
565
00:25:57,230 --> 00:25:58,920
Can I please talk to you for a second?
566
00:25:58,925 --> 00:26:01,694
- I am so busy.
- Now.
567
00:26:04,331 --> 00:26:05,631
Don't go changing.
568
00:26:09,403 --> 00:26:10,863
What is it?
569
00:26:11,069 --> 00:26:14,636
She is about to present
like an engorged macaque.
570
00:26:14,641 --> 00:26:17,003
You are preying on this woman.
571
00:26:17,008 --> 00:26:18,474
I am not preying on her.
572
00:26:18,479 --> 00:26:21,905
I am seducing her so I can
steal her security badge,
573
00:26:21,910 --> 00:26:25,651
then I can break into
the lab and steal a diffuser,
574
00:26:25,652 --> 00:26:27,816
and then finish my radio.
575
00:26:28,138 --> 00:26:30,123
That's a terrible plan.
576
00:26:30,128 --> 00:26:31,657
You're gonna swipe her badge
577
00:26:31,658 --> 00:26:34,373
and... and just use it
at some high-security lab
578
00:26:34,378 --> 00:26:36,045
and think no one will notice?
579
00:26:36,050 --> 00:26:37,194
More importantly,
580
00:26:37,199 --> 00:26:39,566
you... you can't just
use people like that.
581
00:26:39,571 --> 00:26:40,990
It's cruel.
582
00:26:41,368 --> 00:26:43,503
I am giving her compliments.
583
00:26:43,504 --> 00:26:46,606
She is happy like a baby,
584
00:26:46,607 --> 00:26:49,858
like a stupid, happy baby.
585
00:26:49,863 --> 00:26:53,191
You'll just never understand
what it's like to be a woman.
586
00:26:54,843 --> 00:26:56,178
That is true.
587
00:27:00,031 --> 00:27:02,566
I am going to leave now.
588
00:27:03,899 --> 00:27:05,734
Good night!
589
00:27:07,300 --> 00:27:09,998
- Wait, what just happened?
- Uh...
590
00:27:10,003 --> 00:27:13,018
- What... what did I do?
- Nothing. I'm sorry.
591
00:27:13,308 --> 00:27:15,631
All the men in this town suck, too.
592
00:27:30,946 --> 00:27:32,597
Don't sweat it, Carly Q.
593
00:27:32,602 --> 00:27:34,203
It's supposed to be
a girls' night anyway.
594
00:27:34,204 --> 00:27:35,617
Yeah, that's easy for you to say.
595
00:27:35,622 --> 00:27:37,569
I saw that ice dildo in your freezer.
596
00:27:37,574 --> 00:27:39,775
- Whoo!
- Okay, all right.
597
00:27:39,776 --> 00:27:41,510
Okay, uh, Judy's clothes are coming off.
598
00:27:41,511 --> 00:27:42,986
Time to go to the yacht spot. Come on.
599
00:27:42,990 --> 00:27:44,525
Ooh, we're going on a boat?
600
00:27:44,530 --> 00:27:46,778
Uh, no, Asta used to
have this station wagon
601
00:27:46,783 --> 00:27:48,651
we called "The Yacht," and we'd drive it
602
00:27:48,652 --> 00:27:51,016
to the middle of the woods
and drink and sing like idiots.
603
00:27:51,021 --> 00:27:52,563
And, plus, it's where I usually barf,
604
00:27:52,568 --> 00:27:54,653
so it's kind of like a boat in that way.
605
00:27:54,658 --> 00:27:55,711
- Oh.
- I should go.
606
00:27:55,716 --> 00:27:57,548
You know, I got to get
up early and drive, so...
607
00:27:57,552 --> 00:27:58,786
No.
608
00:27:58,791 --> 00:28:00,725
Okay. Well, I'll come with you.
609
00:28:00,730 --> 00:28:02,472
No, no, no, you stay. I'm fine.
610
00:28:02,477 --> 00:28:04,633
- You sure?
- Uh, she's sure.
611
00:28:04,634 --> 00:28:06,535
When you brought ice dildos
into this conversation,
612
00:28:06,536 --> 00:28:08,070
you made a commitment to this night.
613
00:28:09,572 --> 00:28:11,940
This takes me back, Dad.
You want to go back to DC?
614
00:28:14,210 --> 00:28:16,555
What? Oh, Jesus Christ.
615
00:28:18,008 --> 00:28:20,258
- You feel it, Sheriff?
- Ah...
616
00:28:20,263 --> 00:28:23,581
- You want to feel it?
- Oh, Lord, have mercy.
617
00:28:23,586 --> 00:28:25,120
Aw, come on. Dance with the girl.
618
00:28:25,121 --> 00:28:26,221
Is that what you call it?
619
00:28:26,222 --> 00:28:28,663
Hey, don't be pushing me off the stool.
What's wrong with you?
620
00:28:29,097 --> 00:28:31,489
Okay. All right, yeah, go ahead.
621
00:28:31,494 --> 00:28:33,996
Hey, hon, you, uh... you
heading home to pay the sitter?
622
00:28:33,997 --> 00:28:37,526
Nope, you pay her. We
are going to the yacht spot.
623
00:28:38,050 --> 00:28:39,682
Ooh.
624
00:28:39,813 --> 00:28:43,530
I cannot wait for the
re-election campaign.
625
00:28:43,535 --> 00:28:46,115
It's... Respect, okay?
626
00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:47,932
- We're so proud of you.
- I'm really proud of you.
627
00:28:47,936 --> 00:28:50,030
Do you need... do you
need ice in that drink?
628
00:28:50,035 --> 00:28:52,272
Oh, yeah.
629
00:28:53,155 --> 00:28:55,679
Tell me more about the guy
who does the rice thing.
630
00:29:29,545 --> 00:29:31,888
You remember class
camping trips out here?
631
00:29:32,610 --> 00:29:33,779
Yes.
632
00:29:33,970 --> 00:29:37,022
Third grade, D'arcy
rolling in poison ivy...
633
00:29:37,027 --> 00:29:38,670
on a dare.
634
00:29:39,062 --> 00:29:41,313
We had to take turns itching her.
635
00:29:41,318 --> 00:29:43,767
Oh, my God.
636
00:29:44,403 --> 00:29:45,907
Oh.
637
00:29:45,912 --> 00:29:48,764
She's always been so her.
638
00:29:49,087 --> 00:29:50,835
She's free.
639
00:29:51,084 --> 00:29:53,109
Not everyone can be like that.
640
00:29:54,717 --> 00:29:56,584
Everyone loves her.
641
00:29:57,748 --> 00:29:59,654
It's a superpower...
642
00:30:00,490 --> 00:30:03,086
not caring what anyone thinks.
643
00:30:05,123 --> 00:30:06,646
Everyone loves you, too.
644
00:30:07,186 --> 00:30:10,025
Yes, but it's only because I'm nice.
645
00:30:11,528 --> 00:30:13,529
You gave me a ticket once
646
00:30:13,530 --> 00:30:15,531
for locking my bike to a stop sign.
647
00:30:15,532 --> 00:30:17,396
You're not that nice.
648
00:30:29,387 --> 00:30:30,604
Oh, Christ on a cracker!
649
00:30:30,608 --> 00:30:31,982
- What?
- No!
650
00:30:31,987 --> 00:30:35,287
Oh, relax, you complete degenerates.
651
00:30:35,292 --> 00:30:38,561
I keep a battery charger in my trunk!
652
00:30:38,811 --> 00:30:41,201
Poop car! Poop car!
653
00:30:41,513 --> 00:30:45,117
Oh, Liv, I can't believe you
still drive this death trap.
654
00:30:45,122 --> 00:30:47,209
Oh, it's fine. I'm used to it.
655
00:30:47,214 --> 00:30:50,217
You know, I read recently
that they make new cars now.
656
00:30:51,193 --> 00:30:54,334
John wants a new riding mower,
657
00:30:54,339 --> 00:30:56,287
and we have money set
aside for that, so...
658
00:30:56,292 --> 00:30:57,936
John's getting a new riding mower
659
00:30:57,941 --> 00:30:59,975
before you get a car
that actually works?
660
00:30:59,980 --> 00:31:01,448
Well, it was my idea.
661
00:31:01,568 --> 00:31:03,646
He makes more than I do, so it's fair.
662
00:31:03,651 --> 00:31:06,115
Hold up. John makes more than you?
663
00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:07,889
I do what John does.
664
00:31:07,985 --> 00:31:09,953
You put your life on the line every day.
665
00:31:09,958 --> 00:31:12,787
When... when's the last
time you got a raise?
666
00:31:13,295 --> 00:31:15,748
I've never gotten a raise.
667
00:31:15,936 --> 00:31:17,084
- What?
- Oh.
668
00:31:17,089 --> 00:31:19,553
- Okay, no, no.
- Wow.
669
00:31:19,833 --> 00:31:22,102
I'm not sure this is a good idea.
670
00:31:22,107 --> 00:31:25,124
Oh, it's not, but we're doing it anyway.
671
00:31:25,129 --> 00:31:26,217
As a city employee,
672
00:31:26,222 --> 00:31:28,014
your salary is part
of the town's budget.
673
00:31:28,019 --> 00:31:30,654
So we got to figure
out how big is this pie
674
00:31:30,659 --> 00:31:32,717
and why is your piece so goddamn small.
675
00:31:33,214 --> 00:31:35,771
Especially when
you're a freakin' Picasso.
676
00:31:36,088 --> 00:31:37,779
Did you draw this picture?
677
00:31:38,315 --> 00:31:41,051
Yeah, I draw police
composites of criminals,
678
00:31:41,056 --> 00:31:42,324
which we are now.
679
00:31:42,329 --> 00:31:45,498
Hey! This is my husband's office, okay?
680
00:31:45,503 --> 00:31:47,451
We can be wherever we want.
681
00:31:47,456 --> 00:31:50,226
We didn't technically break
in, because we had a key.
682
00:31:51,937 --> 00:31:53,385
- Judy!
- Judy!
683
00:31:53,390 --> 00:31:55,811
Shh! Stop!
684
00:31:55,816 --> 00:31:57,556
Wait, found it, found it, found it.
685
00:31:57,561 --> 00:32:00,803
"Civic Payroll for the Town
of Patience, Colorado."
686
00:32:00,808 --> 00:32:02,109
No one's gonna know.
687
00:32:02,114 --> 00:32:03,326
As a woman in this world,
688
00:32:03,331 --> 00:32:05,732
you need to fight for what you deserve.
689
00:32:06,373 --> 00:32:09,592
And you deserve a goddamn raise.
690
00:32:09,998 --> 00:32:13,303
Ugh. Jesus Christ! Who's Peter Jignac?
691
00:32:13,308 --> 00:32:15,740
I think he's, um,
a crossing guard, I think.
692
00:32:15,745 --> 00:32:18,146
He makes enough for a new
riding mower and a new car.
693
00:32:18,151 --> 00:32:19,453
What?
694
00:32:19,458 --> 00:32:21,893
- Who's Brandon Touter?
- Oh.
695
00:32:21,972 --> 00:32:23,541
He's the new science teacher.
696
00:32:23,546 --> 00:32:25,481
He's actually a really nice guy.
697
00:32:25,486 --> 00:32:26,889
Well, he makes twice what you do.
698
00:32:28,622 --> 00:32:29,622
Prick.
699
00:32:29,627 --> 00:32:31,053
What? Weren't you a lawyer?
700
00:32:31,058 --> 00:32:33,894
I have a JD/PhD. What the...?
701
00:32:33,899 --> 00:32:37,035
Who the hell is in
charge of this budget?
702
00:32:37,221 --> 00:32:39,023
I know who.
703
00:32:39,195 --> 00:32:41,364
He lives in my goddamn house.
704
00:33:07,464 --> 00:33:09,350
Kidnappers!
705
00:33:10,279 --> 00:33:12,336
Oh, no. Oh, no. Nope.
706
00:33:12,958 --> 00:33:14,896
- Wake up.
- You're not having a nightmare, Ben.
707
00:33:14,901 --> 00:33:17,269
- We are.
- You know what's a nightmare?
708
00:33:17,274 --> 00:33:20,396
Getting paid 76 cents on the dollar.
709
00:33:20,401 --> 00:33:22,274
- What?
- Yeah, there is a blatant pay gap
710
00:33:22,279 --> 00:33:24,404
between the male and female
employees of this town.
711
00:33:24,409 --> 00:33:27,641
What? No, a-a-as mayor, I
only sign off on budgets...
712
00:33:27,646 --> 00:33:30,365
A-a-as mayor, you need to fix this!
713
00:33:30,370 --> 00:33:32,651
Yeah, the blatant sexism makes me sick.
714
00:33:32,656 --> 00:33:34,257
- Yeah, damn right.
- Sick.
715
00:33:34,258 --> 00:33:35,421
- Oh, honey.
- It's really gross.
716
00:33:35,425 --> 00:33:36,743
- Sick to my stomach.
- No, no.
717
00:33:36,748 --> 00:33:38,761
- Oh.
- Oh, God, no.
718
00:33:38,762 --> 00:33:40,889
Oh.
719
00:33:41,627 --> 00:33:43,329
You're my best friend.
720
00:33:43,334 --> 00:33:44,734
- That's right.
- I love you.
721
00:33:44,735 --> 00:33:46,436
- You see that?
- It's coming up.
722
00:33:49,324 --> 00:33:50,892
It hurts.
723
00:33:54,045 --> 00:33:55,846
Harry.
724
00:33:55,958 --> 00:33:58,143
I brought coffee.
725
00:33:59,683 --> 00:34:02,386
We're gonna need to make
a plan about that radio...
726
00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:04,153
Oh, God!
727
00:34:04,154 --> 00:34:06,422
No! Don't tell me you
hooked up with Harry.
728
00:34:06,423 --> 00:34:08,459
Okay, I will not.
729
00:34:13,990 --> 00:34:15,164
Wait.
730
00:34:26,538 --> 00:34:28,892
- Harry?
- Hi, Asta.
731
00:34:28,897 --> 00:34:30,976
Oh, God! Shit!
732
00:34:30,981 --> 00:34:32,683
You have to come with me to New Mexico,
733
00:34:32,688 --> 00:34:35,429
but, first, can you teach me how to pee?
734
00:34:41,484 --> 00:34:43,164
_
735
00:34:43,836 --> 00:34:47,180
She hasn't blinked the entire trip.
736
00:34:52,492 --> 00:34:55,479
Oh, this is wrong, Harry.
737
00:34:58,231 --> 00:34:59,733
Ooh.
738
00:34:59,956 --> 00:35:02,391
Ah! Wrong and super weird.
739
00:35:02,396 --> 00:35:04,971
It was your idea for me to become her.
740
00:35:04,976 --> 00:35:07,367
No, no, no, no, no,
do not put this on me.
741
00:35:07,368 --> 00:35:09,652
I would never tell you to
take over a woman's body
742
00:35:09,657 --> 00:35:10,833
without her consent.
743
00:35:10,838 --> 00:35:13,039
She wanted me to take
over her body last night
744
00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:16,331
with my penis, but I did not do that.
745
00:35:16,336 --> 00:35:18,045
Oh, God, no.
746
00:35:18,539 --> 00:35:21,167
It's not just about her body, okay?
747
00:35:21,172 --> 00:35:23,416
It's a whole life we're invading.
748
00:35:23,417 --> 00:35:25,520
There has to be a better way.
749
00:35:26,054 --> 00:35:28,159
To access a microsatellite
network in time
750
00:35:28,164 --> 00:35:30,423
to tell my people not to come here
751
00:35:30,424 --> 00:35:34,031
and melt you all like
crayons in a hot car?
752
00:35:34,728 --> 00:35:36,112
I'll wait.
753
00:35:36,117 --> 00:35:38,781
Shit.
754
00:35:39,109 --> 00:35:41,456
Shit. Shit.
755
00:35:41,461 --> 00:35:43,871
- Right here?
- No, no, Harry.
756
00:35:43,992 --> 00:35:46,878
Let's just get this over with.
757
00:35:46,883 --> 00:35:48,196
That's what you were wearing last night,
758
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:50,302
so you have to go change
before you get to the lab.
759
00:35:50,307 --> 00:35:53,010
This body is quite stout.
760
00:35:53,093 --> 00:35:54,561
Hurry.
761
00:35:54,566 --> 00:35:56,086
Fine.
762
00:35:56,091 --> 00:35:57,893
This doesn't make any sense.
763
00:35:57,898 --> 00:35:59,375
This says plasma levels
764
00:35:59,380 --> 00:36:01,859
of testosterone and triiodothyronine
765
00:36:01,864 --> 00:36:03,899
were diminished after space flight,
766
00:36:03,904 --> 00:36:06,476
but it seems like your
testosterone levels
767
00:36:06,481 --> 00:36:08,156
are getting higher.
768
00:36:08,161 --> 00:36:09,648
What am I missing?
769
00:36:09,653 --> 00:36:13,524
I mean, do you feel
like it's accelerating?
770
00:36:20,119 --> 00:36:22,388
Why are you looking at me like that?
771
00:36:22,393 --> 00:36:24,662
Hello, pretty lady.
772
00:36:25,773 --> 00:36:28,108
Oh, no!
773
00:36:28,833 --> 00:36:30,356
So is this it now?
774
00:36:30,361 --> 00:36:32,262
You're just gonna change
into different people
775
00:36:32,267 --> 00:36:33,402
whenever you want?
776
00:36:33,407 --> 00:36:35,442
Under normal circumstances,
777
00:36:35,447 --> 00:36:38,016
it is too difficult to do often,
778
00:36:38,021 --> 00:36:40,465
but the energy balls from my ship
779
00:36:40,470 --> 00:36:42,403
make it effortless,
780
00:36:42,797 --> 00:36:46,434
and they work on the organic
matter in clothing as well.
781
00:36:46,439 --> 00:36:48,919
Except I think it got my bra size wrong.
782
00:36:48,924 --> 00:36:51,693
The wire leaves dents in my skin.
783
00:36:51,737 --> 00:36:54,567
Yeah, well, wait until
you put on a thong.
784
00:37:32,128 --> 00:37:34,752
Oh, yes.
785
00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:43,867
Working late, Carlyn, my darlin'?
786
00:37:45,310 --> 00:37:47,524
I'm just trying to...
787
00:37:48,132 --> 00:37:51,281
bring home the salt-cured pork slices.
788
00:37:53,092 --> 00:37:54,664
Good night.
789
00:37:54,669 --> 00:37:59,310
Why don't you stick around for a bit?
790
00:38:11,393 --> 00:38:14,325
Aah!
791
00:38:40,773 --> 00:38:43,171
Are you sure she's not
gonna feel any different?
792
00:38:44,173 --> 00:38:46,018
I mean, what does she
think happened to her
793
00:38:46,043 --> 00:38:47,352
in the last 24 hours?
794
00:38:47,357 --> 00:38:49,592
She will remember going to sleep
795
00:38:49,597 --> 00:38:53,156
at Mayor Snowflake's house,
driving home in the morning,
796
00:38:53,161 --> 00:38:55,397
and then having a pleasant
nap on the couch.
797
00:38:55,402 --> 00:38:56,920
Long nap.
798
00:38:58,173 --> 00:39:00,303
She likes long naps.
799
00:39:00,514 --> 00:39:03,745
And it is better than being
awake for her real life.
800
00:39:03,990 --> 00:39:07,071
Her boss is a bad man.
801
00:39:07,076 --> 00:39:08,923
Yeah, she said something about that.
802
00:39:08,928 --> 00:39:12,217
Mm. He will not bother her again.
803
00:39:13,125 --> 00:39:14,232
What did you do?
804
00:39:14,237 --> 00:39:15,990
The same thing you would have done...
805
00:39:16,658 --> 00:39:19,506
if you had the strength of six gorillas.
806
00:39:19,828 --> 00:39:22,163
I am glad to be out of her body.
807
00:39:22,490 --> 00:39:25,139
People treated it
like break-room yogurt.
808
00:39:25,900 --> 00:39:28,168
Even though her name was on it,
809
00:39:28,169 --> 00:39:29,903
they felt comfortable molesting it
810
00:39:29,904 --> 00:39:31,701
when they were hungry.
811
00:39:32,217 --> 00:39:34,252
It is awful being short.
812
00:39:34,693 --> 00:39:37,211
Harry, that's not because she's short.
813
00:39:37,212 --> 00:39:40,715
That's being a woman.
Welcome to our world.
814
00:39:41,170 --> 00:39:45,719
You mean you all feel
the eyes hunting you
815
00:39:45,720 --> 00:39:49,181
like a baby deer in the woods,
just walking down the street?
816
00:39:49,186 --> 00:39:51,212
Yeah. I tried to tell you.
817
00:39:51,217 --> 00:39:54,928
You know, next time a woman
tries to tell you something,
818
00:39:54,929 --> 00:39:57,565
sit down, shut up, and listen.
819
00:39:57,732 --> 00:39:59,800
And if you feel the
need to say anything,
820
00:39:59,801 --> 00:40:03,756
all it needs to be is, "Yes, ma'am."
821
00:40:23,792 --> 00:40:26,626
Yes. Yes.
822
00:40:27,188 --> 00:40:28,611
Mm.
823
00:40:29,962 --> 00:40:31,231
Yes!
824
00:40:44,991 --> 00:40:47,248
Sit down, space man.
825
00:40:55,552 --> 00:40:56,953
Sit!
826
00:40:58,493 --> 00:41:00,583
I know all about your silver balls.
827
00:41:00,588 --> 00:41:02,363
I know Max stole one, and
that's why he's been acting
828
00:41:02,364 --> 00:41:04,919
like springtime lions
in those nature videos,
829
00:41:04,924 --> 00:41:07,634
but I also know you knew he had a ball
830
00:41:07,635 --> 00:41:09,494
and did nothing to stop him.
831
00:41:09,830 --> 00:41:11,939
Guess what. You're not
getting your ball back.
832
00:41:11,940 --> 00:41:14,357
I've hidden it where
you'll never find it,
833
00:41:14,362 --> 00:41:16,163
and I'm guessing now that it's gone,
834
00:41:16,164 --> 00:41:18,066
Max will go back to normal.
835
00:41:18,353 --> 00:41:22,336
And if he doesn't, you
are going to hear from me.
836
00:41:22,337 --> 00:41:23,805
Do you understand?
837
00:41:25,753 --> 00:41:27,121
Yes, ma'am.
838
00:41:31,553 --> 00:41:33,197
Good.
839
00:41:34,346 --> 00:41:37,549
Humans believe they all
deserve certain rights...
840
00:41:37,554 --> 00:41:41,825
The right to be heard,
the right to be respected.
841
00:41:42,338 --> 00:41:45,627
Asking for what you deserve
in life should not be so hard,
842
00:41:45,632 --> 00:41:46,933
but for others,
843
00:41:46,938 --> 00:41:50,293
asking for what they deserve
can be very difficult.
844
00:41:54,057 --> 00:41:55,541
Hey, D'arce!
845
00:41:55,546 --> 00:41:57,581
Okay! Yes, girl!
846
00:41:57,586 --> 00:42:00,270
- What do you think?
- Wow, very fancy, girl!
847
00:42:00,275 --> 00:42:01,642
Get your things!
848
00:42:01,643 --> 00:42:03,244
- Thank you!
- Okay.
849
00:42:07,115 --> 00:42:11,787
Posting flyers is against
Patience civil code 1-8-22.
850
00:42:12,078 --> 00:42:14,119
And actually getting what they deserve
851
00:42:14,124 --> 00:42:16,947
sometimes requires an act of heroism.
852
00:42:36,377 --> 00:42:38,813
Whoo! Ha!
853
00:42:38,814 --> 00:42:41,543
Women of Patience,
have patience no more!
854
00:42:41,548 --> 00:42:44,118
We demand equal pay!
855
00:42:46,595 --> 00:42:49,150
Way to go, D'arce!
856
00:42:55,924 --> 00:42:57,924
_
857
00:43:02,971 --> 00:43:05,411
Wow, it's D'arcy.
858
00:43:09,332 --> 00:43:12,375
God, she is incredible, don't you think?
859
00:43:12,989 --> 00:43:15,083
Honey, there's something
I got to tell you.
860
00:43:19,087 --> 00:43:20,822
What is it?
861
00:43:23,225 --> 00:43:25,292
I'm gonna have a word
with the town assembly
862
00:43:25,293 --> 00:43:26,950
and fix this pay gap.
863
00:43:28,207 --> 00:43:29,684
Yeah, you are.
864
00:43:30,065 --> 00:43:31,699
Wow.
865
00:43:31,700 --> 00:43:33,723
Way to be assertive, honey.
866
00:43:35,149 --> 00:43:36,777
It's very sexy.
61771
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