All language subtitles for Resident Alien - 01x09 - Welcome Aliens.AMZN.WEB-DL.NT

Previously on "Resident Alien"...

I think this alien's
here to kill everybody.

You will help me find my device.

That's on the glacier.
You can't go there.

Harry, don't go! It's too dangerous.

- Not for me.
- Harry!

You have kids?

We have a little boy named Max.

Max.

You should take my number. Call anytime.

When I find my device,
I can finally kill them all.

Harry! Don't move.

I am what your people
call an extraterrestrial.

- An alien.
- Oh, I feel nauseous.

You earn respect through
your actions, Deputy.

Did you make your own murder board?

Toxicology results. Sam was poisoned.

You don't respect me,
and you never have.

I quit!

I'm not quitting.
I'm gonna get us out of here.

- Tell me how to help you.
- My leg.

I will die if you don't chop it off.

Okay, look at me. I won't let you die.

Aah!

Do my feet look like watermelons?

'Cause they feel like it.

- _
- The sexiest watermelons

- _
- I've ever seen.

Still so much to do before
"Jack" or "Joanie" comes.

We need crib sheets and burp cloths.

Couples massage.

So, where do we stand on baby food?

Jarred or homemade?

I don't know. I read somewhere homemade

doesn't keep as well.
A little too lumpy.

Plus, I've tried baby applesauce,

and it's freakin' delicious.

What's happening?

I don't know.

Oh, my God.

Honey!

Oh. Honey, the baby.

Uh, uh...

Okay.

You saw that, right?

Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com

I'm dead.

But if I'm dead,
why do I feel so warm and squishy

like I'm being hugged by a cloud?

Oh, no.

This must be the afterlife.

I'm in human heaven.

It makes me want to kill myself.

I see the morphine is still working.

What are you doing here?

Why does the afterlife

look like a crappy cabin?

Are you dead too?

I didn't want to leave you alone
after what you've been through.

Come on. You need to eat just so
you can get your strength back.

Mmm.

Now I know why you have 17
gallons of milk in your fridge.

Okay, I need to change your dressing.

Um, I think we should, you know,

try to avoid suspicion.

So I started looking into
getting you a prosthetic.

I know... what the
freakin' hell is that?

That is my leg.

It's regenerating.

How is that even possible?

My people are descendants of octopuses.

Soon it will grow longer,

and then I will transform the
molecules into human shape.

So you're telling me
eventually that thing

will look like that one?

Yes.

Except for the mole and the hangnail.

I chewed my toenail down too low.

You can go now.

Excuse me?

I stayed up all night.

I got supplies. I dressed your wounds.

I cleaned you up,
and this is how you thank me?

I didn't ask you to stay.

Well, I did

'cause that's what humans do.

They take care of one another.

You know, when some...

I'm sorry, I can't take you
seriously with that thing.

What is wrong with it?
It's perfectly normal.

Jesus, can you just

put a sock on it?

It likes the fresh air.

Also, it's not a thing. It is a leg.

You are leg-shaming me.

Be careful with that.

- No.
- Please be careful.

Do not press the black button.

I'm not ready to radio my people yet.

This black button?

Asta.

- Say thank you.
- Thank you.

Oh!

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Please do not move.

I'm going to work,
and I'll be back later.

If all goes as planned,

there won't be a "later."

Yes. Later.

Shit!

I knew it.

Why are you ignoring my calls?

Um, I'm sorry.

I've just been so busy. Ooh.

'Cause last night,
you sent me inside to get help,

and when I came back out,
you and Harry were gone, so...

Yeah, uh, sorry. Harry was in bad shape.

And I realized we didn't
have an MRI machine.

So I took him to
the hospital in Braddock.

What?

I know you too well. You're lying.

I am not.

Yeah, you are. You have a tell.

Oh, really? What's my tell?

Well, I can't tell you because
then you'd know

what the tell is and you'd
hide the tell from me,

and I wouldn't be able to tell.
It's like...

Wow, you ever thought
about working for the CIA?

Yeah, actually,
I'm waiting to hear back.

Hey, Asta.

The doctor had me call Braddock
to follow up on Harry's MRI.

But they have no record of it.

That's a mistake.
So I'll take care of it.

Thank you.

Why is she staring at you like that?

What did you do?

Don't you have better
things to do, Ellen?

Maybe unpack the shipment of catheters

that came in this morning?

Oh, right. The fun stuff.

Got my eye on you, Twelvetrees.

The power source is damaged.

Built to provide energy for 5,000 years

but apparently not built to withstand

an unprotected fall into a crevasse.

Certain alien races
implant tiny transmitters

into human beings to
monitor their activity.

If I can find one of those,

I can reverse engineer
it to reboot my device.

Aah! Mmm.

Yeah.

I heard you fell down a crevasse.

Did you find your radio?

My radio is broken.

- I'm trying to fix it.
- Well, maybe I can help.

- Ah...
- Is this it?

Don't touch that.

You need...

to leave.

At least you're okay.

If Asta wasn't there,

I would be dead.

Except now she knows the truth about me.

You told her?!

I thought this whole alien
thing was just our secret.

It stopped being a secret

when you told
your little friend over there

in the head covering.

She must have followed me. Don't worry.

She's not gonna tell anyone.

She swore to Allah.

Allah knows?!

How many people have you told?

Are you trying to cut me out?

'Cause if it wasn't for me,
you'd be in Georgia by now.

I made this truce happen. I want in.

You are so pushy.

Oh, looks like aliens

are also put off by strong women.

Get used to it.
We're not going anywhere.

What are you hiding under there?

I covered it for a reason.

It's his radio so he
can contact his people.

But it's broken.
So he's trying to fix it.

Why can't you just go
home on your spaceship?

They took it, didn't they?

How did you know that?

Must be the government.
That means they're after you.

It could be any of the agencies.

But it's probably "Men in Black."

It's a top-secret agency

that monitors alien activity on Earth.

But they don't always wear black,

and they're not only men.

Then why do they call
them "Men in Black"?

Because it's cooler than calling
them "People in Clothes."

It's pretty obvious.

I'm not worried.

Once I fix my radio,

they won't be a problem.

I'm just missing a part.

Have you tried the hardware store?

They have everything.

My dad even bought
a pair of pajamas there.

Unless you know someone
who has been in contact

with other aliens, then I'm...
What is the expression?

"Shit out of luck."

If you don't stop using that
kind of language around us,

we're gonna have to wash
your mouth out with soap.

Go ahead. I like soap.

I eat it all the time.

Shit, ass, piss, dink.

Where is the soap? I'm so hungry.

Wait, I know where you
can go to find alien stuff.

Oh.

Hey! Where are you going?

I need to go pick up

a missing piece for my radio.

No. You are not driving with one leg.

Whoa!

Your leg grew back.

Just like I said it would.

Now I have got to go.

Okay. Even as a pretend doctor,
you have to know

that the medication still
stays in your system.

I just took more. I'll be fine.

Which one is my truck?

Okay.

Give me these.

I will drive you.

Where are we going?

Wow. We're really gonna do this.

Are they supposed to be me?

My people are not a costume.

Welcome to my life.

Oh, this is gonna be fun.

_

Kind of cool that I'm here
with an actual alien.

I feel special.

You're not special. You're common.

That's oddly less offensive now

that I know you're from outer space.

- Here you go.
- Thank you.

Okay. So what now?

Our ancestors had teachers.

The engineering knowledge came
from the extraterrestrials.

Finally, a little credit.

I like this high-haired gentleman.

The Moon landing was a sham.

It was all filmed on a
soundstage by Kubrick.

- The astronauts did land on the Moon.
- Good.

And their bodies were taken
over before they returned.

What?

And we find evidence of
this all around the world.

Mayans, everyone talks
about their calendar,

but they never gave credit
for their day planner.

- We have the Grays.
- Insidious assholes.

- The Arcturians.
- Jerks, so cheap.

- Little Green Men.
- They are cute,

but they so know it.

- The Mantis.
- One of them owes me money.

And the Blue Avians.

They're actually very nice.

Well, don't you two look cozy?

Hello, Sheriff.

Do you have anything
you want to say to me?

Well, I don't know.

Do you have anything
you want to say to me?

In that case, yes.

Have a good day.

Goodbye, Lewis.
I'll see you on Thursday.

Thursday.

What's Thursday?

We're having lunch.

She's sitting here
probably trash-talking me,

and you buying her lunch?
I see how it is.

She didn't say anything.

In fact, she mostly listened.
You could use that.

What is that supposed to mean?

Your relationship with Liv
reminds me of me and your mom

before she up and left me.

You mean when she died?

I'll never forgive her for that.

Your mother was sharp.
She always challenged me.

When I messed up,

she wouldn't let me off the hook

until I took steps to fix it.

You might want to think about that one.

Order me a burger. Be right back.

Hey, hey, hey. Dad, Dad.

Hey, hey! It's okay to ask for help.

Look who's talking.

Sam's toxicology results are in.

Botulinum Toxin A levels
are through the roof.

Sam was poisoned.

Maybe with insulin as
the method of delivery,

all he or she would need
to do is inject the toxin

into a single insulin vial

and wait for Sam to use it.

Son of a bitch.

Hey, Sheriff, have a seat.
I'll be with you in about ten.

Yeah, well,
I ain't here on grooming business.

I'm here on official sheriff's business.

I see you do Botox injections.

Yeah.

You'll need about 20 units
for that furrowed brow.

Well, I got news for you.

I like to furrow, and I like the lines.

Abigail Hodges, you're under the arrest

for the murder of Sam Hodges.

What?! What are you talking about?

I'll tell you what I'm talking about.

You see, I went through
your phone records,

and I found repeated calls,

and I mean a shit ton of them,
to one number.

You know who it belonged to?
Thomas Hoffman.

Okay, fine.

We are casually seeing each other.

But are you gonna arrest me
for having a social life?

Can't a widow move on?

Well, of course, a widow can move on.

The only problem is those calls...

They started way before Sam died.

You see, I think you wanted
to get rid of Sam

'cause you was having an affair.
That's motive.

- Oh, now just hang on a second...
- All you needed was

high levels of botulism,

which you clearly had access to.

Then you took that poison,
and you put it

in Sam's insulin bottle.
And then from there,

it was a ticking time bomb
just waiting to go off.

- No, just...
- And it finally did.

Turn around and put your hands
behind your back. Turn around.

You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say can and will be used

against you in a court of law.

You got the right to an attorney.

If you cannot afford an attorney,

I'd be surprised because
this salon is bangin'.

What is it you're looking for

at an alien experiencer panel?

I'll know when I see it.

Thank you. Hi, I'm Peter Bach.

Most of you know me from my podcast

as "The Alien Tracker."

I have spent 15 years

working at the Carl
Sagan Center at SETI.

I've been a government consultant.

And if you've read my books,
you'll know I possess

a special skill set that
makes aliens fear me.

And, of course, I had my own encounter,

which was, well,

terrifying to say the least.

So it's my honest belief
that aliens walk amongst us.

And my mission has
become to find aliens,

to trap them,

and, well...

One shot of this...

10,000 volts,
I can knock out an elephant.

You okay?

Yes.

I'm not an elephant.

I also found that talking
about my encounter

helped me feel a sense of control.

And I'd like you to think
of this as a safe forum

where you can do the same.

So please, come on up

and share with the room

with no judgment,

so we can all hear
about your experiences.

I was driving home late one night

when this blue light

beamed through the roof of my car.

I woke with these triangular cuts...

I was paralyzed.

And lesions on my stomach
and across my back.

It was horrible.

It's etched on my brain forever.

They strapped me to this cold,

hard metal surface.

- They're monsters.
- And...

And they are here to kill us.

Took this long tubular rod

and they put it in...

In my...

He was going to say his asshole.

One night, a few months ago,

my ex-husband and I were fighting,

which is sort of a usual thing for us.

Um...

I finally decided I'd had enough,

so I ran out,

but I wasn't sure

if I was doing the right thing.

And then I saw it.

It was a fire in the sky,

like a guiding light.

It gave me strength.

Strength to move on and never look back.

Months later, I came into contact

with who I now know was
the occupant of that UFO.

Something about him

made me feel safe

and not alone.

And I know that that's not
what you all have experienced.

But trust me,

based on my encounter,

I don't think they're monsters.

I think some of them
are here to do good.

Nope!

Wow.

Abigail Hodges.

- Who would have thought?
- Ha.

Well, congratulations
on solving the case.

You must be happy.

Yeah, well, you know, a man died.

So there really isn't very
much to be happy about.

Of course. I just meant...

Well, you did use up a lot of resources

dragging the lake.

Like, a tremendous amount actually

that I'm still trying to
justify to the town council.

Probably can't afford to
have Patience Family Day

this year on the town green.

But hey, you got to the bottom it.

- Uh-huh.
- That's what's important.

Yeah, that's right.
That's what's important.

Thank you.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

Hello to you, Jay.
What can I get for you?

We have a happy hour special on IPAs.

Are you offering me a drink?

I'm not even 18 yet.

I meant to offer you a juice

in an opaque mug.

Well, actually, I just came in to ask

if I could interview you
for the school paper.

Everyone in town is
talking about the rescue.

I'm so sick of people making
a big deal about this.

You don't have to put me on a pedestal.

It won't take long,

and I'm only doing
it for the extra credit.

Oh, well, in that case.

Thanks.

It's only a few questions.

Ask away.

All right.

So you were an Olympic skier.

What was it like to wipe out

and lose in front of the whole world?

Not awesome.

Would you consider
yourself a fallen hero

because you were a hero
and then you fell?

Hmm. Mmm.

Um, I don't know.
I thought this interview

was supposed to be
about the rescue thing.

- I'm establishing background.
- Cool.

So what happened to your hand?

Fractured it.

First time I fell down the crevasse.

You fell down a crevasse?

Yeah. What did you think happened?

I don't know. I thought you were
stuck on top of the mountain.

You climbed out with your
hand looking like that?

Well, yeah. Kind of had to.

I was 30 feet down.

Asta and Harry were down even further.

I knew any rescue
effort would have to wait

until the storm had passed,

at which point, it would be too late

as we would have all
gone into hypothermia

and be dead.

Asta could have died?

Yeah. She could have.

I mean, we all could have died actually.

We're pretty lucky.

You know what, I, um,

I think I'll take that juice
in the opaque mug now.

You bitch, I almost lost you.

Ow... oh.

Oh, I'm okay.

I just feel like...

You should probably, like,
buy me a drink or something

'cause I'm like...
uh, my nerves are like fried eggs.

We're gonna do two sodas.

One with vodka.

When I woke up,

I had no idea where I was.

I mean, one minute, I was in bed,

and the next minute,
I was lying in a ditch

by the side of the road.

And they put something in me.

Look.

I don't know why,
but they're following me.

They're listening.

Look, you can see it.

Alien technology. That's it.

- Hey, honey.
- Honey.

Why do I smell fish?

Because I made branzino.

Tonight's supposed to be taco night.

Does that mean that tacos
are moving to tomorrow night?

Because that's... That's spaghetti.

Will you relax, just try to
get out of your comfort zone?

Yeah, but...

Max is at the movies with Sahar.

So I invited a friend
over with her husband.

I want you to meet them.
You're gonna love them.

Yep.

Maybe we could do fish tacos.

This is my husband, Ben.

Ben, this is Sarah and Richard Houston.

Oh, come on. We're friends.

You can call him Dick.

Well, we're having fish.

I want to thank you all
for coming and for sharing.

Come down and visit me.

We have a booth on the con floor.

A lot of cool merchandise. Thank you.

Excuse me.

Wait. Harry, where are you going?

Alien Tracker, hold up.

Alien Tracker!

Can I get an autograph?

I'm sorry. Excuse me.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Yeah. You're welcome.

Sorry. It's my turn.

Do you mind?

I'm going to cut that alien
technology out of your arm,

and then I'm going to leave.

- What the hell!
- Quiet.

Aah, it's not alien!

- It's a BB.
- What?

A BB got lodged in my
arm when I was a kid.

- Okay, I lied.
- What is wrong with you?

You're the one with the knife,

you freakin' psycho.

Ugh!

What the hell is going on?

What are you looking for? And don't lie.

I think I deserve at least that.

When the Grays abduct a human,

they leave alien technology
implanted on their body.

It is a transmitter.

It is a way for them
to track the victim.

I need to find one.

Is that why we're here?

So you can rip an implant out
of some poor person's arm?

It's for my radio.

The implant is made of an alien metal.

I need it.

The Alien Tracker is after me.

He can see me like Max.

- I don't understand.
- The rest is self-explanatory.

His name is Alien Tracker.

- Maybe we should go then.
- Yes.

It was like... I mean,
he designed the whole thing himself,

the whole thing.
He made it all on his own.

Oh, I'm so sad. I thought Max
was gonna be here tonight.

We're so looking forward to meeting him.

Right, honey?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I love kids.

We want them, but the doctor said
Sarah's probably too old.

I'm sorry.

I'm sure that it will
happen for you two.

Meanwhile, enjoy the freedom
'cause kids are a lot.

That's why it's so nice
having some adult time.

Right, honey?

Fun fact, more people died

choking on branzino bones
per year than heart disease.

Honey, could you help me with dessert?

Sweetie, you haven't said
two words all night.

I'm pulling all of the weight here.

Well, I'm sorry.
I think not having tacos

has kind of thrown me off my game.

Look, I'm trying.

You spent the last half hour
playing medical examiner

with your fish bones.

Well, if it makes you feel any better,
I swallowed most of them.

Uh, it doesn't make me feel better.

Okay. I feel terrible.

I really like Sarah and Dick.

And it's nice to have
couple friends who we can

have over for dinner. Can you try?

Okay. Look, I'll be more sociable.

I'll talk to Dick about candle making.

Yeah, sure.

Or something else.

What, you don't...
what, you don't like my candles?

No, I mean, of course. I... love them.

It's just...

It's not really exciting
dinner conversation.

Hmm.

Not sure I want to live in
that world, but okay.

Just leave the baby talk to me, okay?

I'm the mother-to-be.

Well, that's not what the doctor said.

Hey, listen, asshole, just do your job.

Keep them engaged

so I can go on a little
reconnaissance mission.

I did an Internet deep dive
and found pictures of Ben

making these shitty candles.
Ask him about it.

Hope everyone's in the mood for pie.

- Oh.
- Can't wait.

May I use your powder room first?

Of course.

I have to say,

these are really, really nice candles.

What are they made of? Soy?

Well, actually, there are... yeah,

there are several
different kinds of, um...

Not sure.

I don't know.

Just a regular store-bought candle.

Mmm.

Okay, um, keep moving.

I got this.

Oh, my God. You're the Alien Tracker.

I have listened to every
episode of your podcast.

I was wondering if maybe I
could get a selfie with you?

And this crazy dude came in

and tried to stab me with a scalpel.

Why are you just staring at me?
Are you gonna help me?

Can we just go look for him?

I'm not crazy.

- Hmm, hmm, hmm.
- Hey, can I help you?

I need to hide. Can you leave?

What are you hiding from?

The Alien Tracker. He's chasing me.

He thinks I'm an alien.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Um... He's a crazy guy.

Well, I have no problem hiding aliens.

Wait a minute.

You are that hair guy,

the one who knows all
about ancient monuments.

Yeah, that's me.
Would you like a signed copy?

I would rather have

flower-shaped fruit.

Hey, what are you doing up here?

I know. I'm such a snoop, right?

I just love your decorating style.

I had to see what the rest
of the house looked like.

You could have asked for a tour.

I'll be honest with you.

This whole

"not being able to have kids" thing

is really hard.

And I just wanted to
see your son's room.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

Just don't give up.

Women are having
babies older and older now.

You just never know.

I'm actually not the problem.

Dick only said that because
he's so self-conscious.

But he has very low motility.

Look, if you want to get a taste for it,

you can babysit Max whenever you want.

Oh, I would love that.

I'll take such good care of him.

What's interesting is that

the masonry style of Delphi, Cuzco,

or Sacsayhuamán are virtually identical,

and they're considered
"navels of the world"

where deities descended from the sky

and imparted knowledge
to the local population.

So those places

are on two opposite ends of the planet,

and they have the same stories.

So you have to wonder

if these people had been visited

by the same beings.

And if so, then you have
to ask the question,

"Who were they?
And where did they come from?"

- You should be on television.
- Okay.

- I have to go.
- I hope I didn't bore you.

No.

You're out of fruit flowers.

I left you the honeydew melon.

They taste like old women's perfume.

Kate doesn't love
the whole candle thing?

I accidentally spilled
some wax on her head once.

She lost some hair.

- Yeah.
- What are you gonna do?

Yeah, I get it. You know,

Sarah can get pretty particular
about the things I do too.

- Mm-hmm.
- So yeah.

Very passionate, very passionate ladies.

Oh, that's... That's one word for it.

Want to fire it up?
Show you how it's done.

- Yes, yes.
- You sure?

Please, yeah, yeah, oh.

- Oh.
- Oh!

Oh. Okay.

- I just find it pretty relaxing.
- Yeah.

Helps me cope with
the pressures of being mayor,

especially after the town
doctor was murdered.

That's horrible.

Yeah, yeah.

We did just make an arrest though.

And it was the first murder in Patience

since, like, the 1800s.

I've always wanted to say, you know,

"Not on my watch, buddy."

But yeah, it was...

It was on my watch.

Think I might have been across
the street when it happened.

Uh...

Do you like pumpkin spice?

Mmm. That was close.

It's like everybody is talking about me

like I'm some big hero...

Except for the two people
whose lives I actually saved

that incidentally are both
completely ignoring me.

You know, I should be hanging
out with my friend right now.

Bitch, I'm your friend.

We're closer than you and Asta.

We shared a boyfriend in high school.

You mean the guy that you
slept with behind my back?

I grabbed his dick, and he was into it.

So what am I supposed to do, say no?

Oh, yeah. Fair point.

It just, like, bothers me
I can't get ahold of them.

I've been texting all day.

I don't know,
maybe something happened to her.

Maybe they're not okay.

I don't know. It's kind
of freaking me out.

Yeah, probably something
bad did happen to her.

I don't know. She probably got kidnapped

or something or, like,
people are after her

and, like, she's in the back of a car,
like, in a trunk,

like, screaming and, like, pounding

and, like... Or she could be dead.

She could be dead in
a ditch somewhere, like,

covered in blood

and, like, intestines are,
like, trailing out...

Is this supposed to help me feel better?

Okay. So we're gonna switch
gears over to karaoke.

First up, we have our own Liv Baker
singing a song for us.

Come on.

♪ Oh, whoa ♪

♪ It must have been cold there ♪

♪ In my shadow ♪

♪ To never have sunlight ♪

♪ On your face ♪

♪ You were content to let me shine ♪

♪ That's your way ♪

♪ You always walked a step behind ♪

♪ So I was the one with all the glory ♪

What the hell is happening?

♪ While you were the one ♪

♪ With all the strength ♪

♪ A beautiful face without a name ♪

♪ For so long ♪

♪ A beautiful smile
that hides the pain ♪

♪ Did you ever know ♪

♪ That you're my hero ♪

♪ And everything I would like to be? ♪

♪ I can fly higher ♪

♪ Than an eagle ♪

♪ You are the wind beneath my wings ♪

Okay.

Guess I'm deputy again.

Oh, shit.

I first learned the concept
of two for one

when there was a sale on day
old baguettes at the market.

But having this Alien Tracker
in my grips

and discovering he was
implanted with the very chip

I need is even more exciting

than getting an extra
two-foot-long crouton.

Don't move.

I'm taking that alien
technology out of your neck.

No, wait. Where is my baby?

What baby?

The one you took out of my wife

30 years ago on the bus.

We don't do that. That's the Greys.

You're a Grey.

- How dare you!
- Please don't take it out.

It's the only way they can
find me if they come back.

It's the only way I'll ever meet my son.

They're not coming back for you.

They already got what they wanted.

I recognize you.

You were in that Experiencer Panel.

Mmm, yeah.

I heard what you said up there.

It was very touching.
But you should be careful.

- What do you mean?
- For all you know,

your alien is a Christopher
Columbus of the sky.

_

Let's go. I got what I needed.

Well, that makes me nervous.

Don't worry. I didn't hurt him.

He was on his knees, thanking me.

- You're a monster.
- You're welcome.

There are no monsters.

Beings do what needs to be
done in order to survive.

Asta!

Are you in there?!

Aah!

Ow, shit!