All language subtitles for American Dad S21E01 The Grocery Store Bank 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-FLUX_track3_[eng]

It's the grand opening
of Langley's first ever
Grand Grocer,

and the stars are out.

That's right, Greg.

All the city's top elite
are in attendance.

Quiet, Trish.
Mayor Garfield's
about to speak.

I inaugurate unto this town

a most glorious mercantile
that I understand is to be...

Racially integrated?

Let's just cut
the blasted ribbon already

and let in
the kind of despicable
work-shy lunkheads

who attend
a grocery store opening.

- Grocery store!
Grocery store!
- Whoa! Yeah! Yeah!

♪ Good morning, USA ♪

♪ I got a feeling
That it's gonna be
a wonderful day ♪

♪ The sun in the sky
Has a smile on his face ♪

♪ And he's shining a salute
To the American race ♪

♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪

♪ Good morning, USA ♪

Ah!

♪ Good morning, USA ♪

This place has everything.

It's so smart.

People come to get fish.

They see the
beautiful fish, right?

They're smelling
the big fish smells,

listening to the
high-powered sink

washing bloody scales
off the thick forearms
of the fish-chopping men.

What are they gonna be?
Hungry, right?

I already wanted fish later,

but now I'm hungry
for fish now.

A sushi bar?

Right here?
Boom.

It's so smart.

But what if you drop
a top-quality piece
of yellowtail,

dripping in
wasabi-thickened
soy sauce,

right on your new
"Life is Good" T-shirt?

- Oh, no.
- Boom.

Dry cleaner right there.

It's just so smart.

Hold up. I gotta nab
a real quick prescription

at this convenient as hell
pharmacy. Boom.

A climbing wall?

Lure a bunch of
lean climbers in,

let them grip around
till they're half mad
with hunger,

then turn them loose
in a grocery store?

It's smart, Francine,
like you've been saying.

I see you're taking
Liflafluvia.

Let me go over
some of the side--

I've taken Liflafluvia before.

I get all the side effects,
every last one.

Leg bloat, numb fingers,
ear closure, memory loss,

phantom tail, and last
but not least, memory loss.

Sounds like it's hard
on your body.

- What do you
take it for?
- I forget.

Wha...

No [bleep] way.

What are you doing here?

- I came to check it out.
- Us too. Insane.

When are the three
of us ever together?

We should get a drink.

Aw, too bad we're in
a normal grocery store.

As if!

To the Grand Grocer.

What was once
a Korean War memorial

is now finally
something we can use.

Can I say how nice it's been,

coming here every day
this month with you guys?

Klaus has been all over me
about my drinking,

and these mid-morning drinks
are really helping me relax.

It's certainly
enriched my life.

Just staring
at the bank
over there

has me this close
to opening my first
checking account.

It's an odd duck,
the grocery store bank.

It's a real bank.
Vault, guard,
everything but--

Something always
made me think
it'll be easier to--

Never mind. Must be
the third Midori Sour
before 11:00 a.m. talking.

Easier to rob?

Sure, I've thought that too.

- You have?
- Yeah, I see it.

All the distraction
of a grocery store

gives the robber good cover.

Totally agree.
Also, I'm hammered.
I need food.

These olive bar olives
are mixing nicely
in my stomach

with the martini olives.

How would someone
rob the bank,

if they were gonna do it?

You know, for banks,
protocol during a robbery
is not to risk human life.

Guards only shoot
if they see a weapon.

Huh. So the worst thing
to bring to a robbery--

Is a gun.

Give me all the money
or I shoot.

- You got a gun?
- You bet.

- Let me see it.
- Check it.

Just terrible. Awful.

You know what
isn't awful, though?

The Marcona almonds
they're putting out
at this olive station.

Holy shit.

Okay. So guns wouldn't work.

The real issue is
how to do a robbery

without being identified.

Well, if there's one thing
I know, it's disguises.

Hey, sweets.
Long day.
Am I right?

I'm the new
armored truck driver.

We've never met.
I'm here to pick up
the cash. I'm new.

Sure. What's
the 10-digit code?

No prob, beautiful.

That 10-digit code
is I got a gun. Here it is.

Just awful.

That bloodthirsty guard
is a big problem.

Wait. Where is he?

It's 12:15.

That's when they put out
the rotisserie chickens.

And he gets one every day.

He gets one every day.

And that's when we'd rob the--

Wait. What am I saying?

I'm a lawman.

To this day,
I'm hot under the collar
about Al Capone's antics.

You gotta relax, Stan.

No one's robbing anything.

It's just a simple
thought experiment.

Yeah. And here's a thought.

What if you got someone else
to rob the bank for you?

What if you got...
Hear me out.

...a cake to rob the bank?

They take a lot of
orders over the phone,

and never seem
to give much thought

to what people want
written on them.

Twenty-four-inch sheet cake.

The message?

"Sorry, Glen.

"You are not the father."

You want that
delivered, darling?

They deliver, huh?

The message?

"You're being robbed.
Give me all your money."

You want cursive or print?

My cursive ain't great.

Time for big baby
to get his chicky.

Cake delivery.

Hey, burglars.

Where do I put the money?

Smoosh it in the cake?

Seems stupid.

We're not stupid.

I think I know
where the money
should go.

Peep this.

Janitorial
to kombucha bar.

Then you can call in,

access the PA
without even being
in the store.

But you need the dial-in code.

It's one, four, three.

I saw it.

Oh, wow.

So, it could go like this.

"This is a robbery.

"Put the money
in your waste basket,

then lock yourself
in the vault."

Wait a second.

That's 68 letters.

You're gonna need
a bigger cake.

Waste basket full
at bank counter.

Janitorial to
bank counter, please.

Then we grab the money
from that dumpster

and walk out through
the loading dock.

No. There's cameras outside.

- Excuse me.
- Go around me.

No cameras here.

What if we hid the cash
in a bag of flour,

then put it in that
reshelving area?

Then it'd go back
on the shelves,

and using a burner phone...

Ooh, burner phone.

...we order
an InstoShopper to pick it up

and they deliver
the money right to us.

We'll have to be
in the bathroom

to put the money in the flour.

But the only people
doing things on camera

would be the baker,

the janitor, the reshelver

and the InstoShopper.

And after the InstoShopper
delivered the cash,

we could change
his tip to zero.

Double heist.

Did we think of everything?

Maybe.

Look, they're not
responding to emails
or phone calls

for what seems like years.

I think we have to face
the very real possibility

that Mah Mah
and Bah Bah
have died.

Oh, no. Dye packs.

The teller's put dye packs
in with the money.

Where'd they go?

Bah Bah...

The dye packs are activated

by a battery-powered
transmitter.

If the money gets
too far from the bank,

it explodes.

Try to tamper
with the dye pack,

it explodes.

How long does
the battery last?

Top of my head?

504 hours. Three weeks.

So if the money doesn't move,
the dye pack won't explode?

What if the dye packs
weren't a problem?

What if they were
the solution?

Listen.

Even if we could
get away with it,

the cops would still be
looking for the money.

But you know
the kind of
stolen money

no one looks for?

Greek money?

The kind of money

they think they've
already found.

I put the real money
in the rice.

And in the flour--

Counterfeit money.

Counterfeit dye.

A rather ingenious
plan foiled.

Money destroyed
but accounted for.

Case closed.

And then we bring
the money here,

to this beautiful nearby hill.

It doesn't have to
be in the plan,

but I'd really like it to be.

My only loose end,
and I mean only,

is in the three weeks
we'd be waiting,

someone will surely
buy the rice.

We'd put it in brown rice.

The perfect plan.

So I think we've
all been sleeping

pretty badly this week.

I'm sleeping great.

With those bags
under your eyes?

And your lips looking like
sunbaked earthworms?

I don't think so.

If we need someone
to say it, I'll say it.

I think we should
rob the bank.

- Roger, no.
- Absolutely not.

It was a thought experiment.

There's no point
to really robbing the bank.

The plan is the point.

It's perfect.

- Maybe--
- No.

- Yeah. No. No way.
- Never.

We're not
the kind of people
that rob banks.

And even though
we'd definitely
get away with it,

we'd always be haunted
by what we'd done.

Would it change your mind

if I told you
I've been thinking of us
as the Three Musketeers?

A bank robbed by a cake?

It's crazy but true.

As last night,
at our beloved
Grand Grocer,

an attempted bank robbery

began with a demand
written in icing

and ended with an unknowing
InstoShopper covered in dye.

Police say it was
an ingenious plan,

but with the money
all blasted up and inky,

it looks like these thieves

won't get to have their cake

and steal it too.

Nobody beats the boys in blue.

I can't believe you robbed
the bank without me.

But with Stan to do the phone

and Francine to do
the bathroom switch,

it must have been easy
to cut old Roger out.

Technically, one person
could've done it all

with the phone
in the bathroom.

Is that how you did it?

I didn't rob the bank.

Well, I didn't rob the bank.

That's why no one
wanted to do it when I asked.

You'd already done it.

That's why
you asked us to do it.

So we wouldn't think
you'd already done it.

That's why
he gave us coffee.

He poisoned the co--

I didn't poison
the coffee.

And I didn't do the robbery.

- Me neither.
- Me neither.

But we all heard the news.

That was the first half
of our plan.

Which leaves the second half.

How about we go down
to the store right now,

check the rice section
for big bags of cash?

Sounds good to me.

How does it sound to you?
To both of you?

Nothing.

So, you moved it, huh?

Pretty cute, Stan
and/or Francine.

You hid it
in the store
somewhere,

just waiting out the dye pack.

Stop acting like
it wasn't you.

It's always you.

Unless it was you,
my treacherous queen.

I'm the only one
I know isn't lying.

Isn't lying about what?

Isn't lying about my age.

I'm 17,

so I can't be tried
as an adult.
Who are you?

Detective Turlington.

I'm... investigating
the bank robbery.

Oh, really?

And how is that going?

The robbers didn't
get the money.

So it's not...
a high priority.

Makes good sense.

So you think
you have the money?

Be quiet, Roger.

You'd like that,
wouldn't you,
you snake?

Just saying not everything's
what it seems in this world,

money being real-wise.

Roger, that was stupid,
goading Turlington like that.

I'm innocent
and I've nothing to fear.

I didn't do it,

but we've got a whiteboard
with the perfect plan on it.

And I don't want
the cops involved,

'cause when I figure out
which one of you did this,

I'm gonna whap
the top of your foot
with a hammer.

I demand
to search your things.

I have nothing to hide.

You cool with that, Stan?

Hella cool.
What about you, Roger?

Why, yeah. I have
lots of things to hide.

I'm a real sick ticket.

But I didn't do this.
Search away.

You weren't kidding, Roger.

I saw some truly
horrifying things.

But nothing to link you
to the robbery.

And you two checked out.

Underwear all smells
nice and clean.

Is there a possibility that
maybe none of us did it?

Oh, another team
of absolute hottie geniuses

figured out the same
perfect robbery?

Unlikely.

Someone could have
overheard us.

I can be a little shouty.

I miss how it was yesterday.

When we were getting along

and not calling each other
snakes all the time.

Okay. Then let's
erase this board,

in case Turlington
comes poking around.

The Three Musketeers again.

A burner phone?

- Snakes.
- Betraying snakes.

I'm taking this phone
to Turlington right now.

How do you like that?

I'm absolutely gaga about it.

It's not my phone,
so I like it a lot.

Don't test me.
Just come clean now.

This is your last chance,
whoever I'm speaking to.

Hot evidence, coming through.

Detective Turlington will be
with you in just a moment.

Oh, someone's hosed.

This phone is
full of evidence.

Calls to the bakery
and store intercom.

The InstoShopper order.

Videos of us-- Wait. What?

Liflafluvia.

It will wipe our memories
for this whole day.

If we do the job right now
during this window,

Stan won't be haunted
by any pesky guilt.

And none of us will be
witnesses to what we did.

That's turning
the perfect heist into--

The perfect heist.

All right, Stan.

You place
the cake order, then--

Wait. We almost forgot
to take the Liflafluvia.

We all robbed the bank?

Oh, almost forgot
the crucial Liflafluvia.

That doesn't prove we did it.

It just looks like
we're getting high
in the basement.

Which is fine, and cool.

There's a second video.

God damn it.

We did it! We robbed the bank!

I hear you have... evidence.

Yes. A fingerprint.

A fingerprint? Where is it?

It was on some ice.

But it melted.

So... we should go.

You're the people
from the rice aisle.

Is eating rice a crime?

You know, we checked the cash.

Turned out it was fake,
as was the dye.

You said something
about that, right?

People say a lot of things
in the rice aisle.

I don't know.

I think the cash
is still in the store

and the robbers are
waiting for the dye pack
battery to run out.

I think, to me,

that all sounds
like mumbo-jumbo.
Right?

- I mean, what?
- Total mambo-jambo.

We'll let you get back to
your impenetrable forensics,

you everyday hero.

If you're watching this, us,
you just pulled it off.

All you have to do
is go to Grand Grocer
to pick up the cash

when the battery dies.

We changed our minds
on the rice

and found a cool
new hiding spot.

And that spot is inside--

Holy smokes. Is that a wolf?

My God. That was so beautiful.

They really are
like gorgeous dogs.

I love seeing a wolf
after robbing a bank.

We got to destroy this phone.

Agreed. Then we're
free and clear.

Yes, let's.

But also, we should
finish the job.

No. No way.

It's a miracle
we've gotten away
with it so far.

It's not a miracle,
it's the perfect heist.

And I say, in a few weeks,

when the dye pack
battery dies,

we go down there,

find the hidden money
and finish this thing.

Turlington knows.

He's gonna be
all over that store.
I'm out.

It's over, Roger.

But we're
the Three Musketeers.

That was never something
I agreed to or understood.

That's a candy.

So I'm gonna do it myself?

Need some help?

I can't stand the idea

of a bank getting
its money back.

And I just watched
The Three Musketeers
with Chris O'Donnell.

I get it now.

He's cute and sexy.

All for one and one for all.

Oh, I like that.
Who says that?

Is it from something
or just you?

Let's stay calm.

We just have to get
inside our minds

and figure out what
we were thinking

when we hid the cash.

Let's get it
before the cops do.

Oh, also, we need
honey mustard
pretzel nubbins.

We're out?

Listen up.

$50,000 is hidden
somewhere within the store.

As of right now,
the dye pack battery
is dead.

I believe the robbers
will be back for the money.

We have to catch them
or find it first.

Ideally, both.

But you guys have a reputation

for being the worst cops
in the country.

But I'm confident
you're gonna serve this force

with distinction,
bravery and--

Because we're cops,
can we eat anything
in the store for free?

- No.
- What if we
search something

and now it's open?

They can't sell it, right?
We can eat it then.

Cheddar is slang for money.

Is the money, like,
pushed into some cheese?

In the video,
we said it was a cool
new hiding spot.

Is there somewhere
food is kept cool?

Not the rotisserie chickens.

Those are hot.

Let's eat two each,
see if we get any ideas.

The freezer section.
That's cool.

Think the money
could be in here?

- In the big
rubber ball thing?
- Yeah.

- Underneath the balls?
- Yeah.

Oh, that's definitely
where it is.

Oh, these balls
are under arrest!

If I know my own brain,
it has to be here.

Because these
Jimmy Dean
Breakfast Nuggets

are money in the bank.

Tamales. Like the saying.
"That's a lot of tamales."

Whoa, these tamales
are a lot of tamales.

This isn't right.

That's it. The triceratops.

Three horns.

One horn per friend.

It's empty.

But you're on to something.

The hiding place
could be about us,
our friendship.

Gold Top Nuts?

The best.
But the can's too small.

Nuts. Nuts. Marcona almonds.

They're in the olive bar,

but they also carry
a big tub of them

that's so expensive
no one could ever buy it.

The almonds.

That might actually be it.

And they're over there.

Look at
the brand name.

I don't speak much Italian,

and I don't even
think that is Italian,

but I think we just
found the cash.

Now let's get out of here.

If it isn't
the rice aisle gang.

I know what you're doing here.

Oh, whatever are you
talking about?

Oh,
like you don't know...

that someone
hid $50,000 somewhere
in this store.

Why am I loud?

Do I sound loud to you?

Money riot!

I need that money
because I want it!

No, no, no!

Are you in there, money?

I have to deal
with this fireball.

Don't you dare
use this fireball

as an opportunity
to escape my questioning.

♪ This money
is tearing us apart ♪

This is it.

The perfect end
to the perfect heist.

And once again, gang,

sorry for dropping
the almond tub

all the way down the hill
so many times.

Busted.

If you don't mind.

And here it is, at long last.

Fifty thousand...

Almonds?

What? I mean, of course.

Uh, yeah.

What'd you think
you were gonna find?

The missing paintings
of the Isabella Stewart
Gardner Museum?

By the way, store's on fire.

My keys are in there!

So, we didn't find it.

But it looks like
no one else will either.

And we'll always have
the wonderful memory

of nearly pulling off the--

What's this? Damn it.
We took this again?

Well, we didn't find the money

and we won't
remember the heist.

But I don't know.

At least we destroyed
the grocery store?

We loved that grocery store.

We sure did.