All language subtitles for Bigga.Than.Ben.2008.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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- [Cobakka] Yes,
it is a true story

about two pieces of Moscow scum.

[speaking in foreign language]

[dog barking]

- Nyet.
- Nyet.

[dog barking]

- [Cobakka] They tried
to avoid the Russian Army

and so began an adventure

which didn't always
go according to plan.

At least they had a plan.

- Our target is to
gain $2,000 each.

Me, to start a band.

Spiker, so he can marry
childhood sweetheart.

We decided to go to Los Angeles

where the women are beautiful

and anyone can own a Mercedes

within six months.

But unfortunately,
we annot afford it.

We would like to visit
the place of Shakespeare,

Sid Vicious, Sherlock Holmes
and the Yellow Submarine.

- The Beatles?

- Instead, we opted for London.

The world's fourth
largest economy

has the most even
distribution of wealth,

a free healthcare
and welfare system

and is a haven for fraudsters.

[rock music]

[singing in foreign language]

[clock chiming]

[percussive music]

[speaking in foreign language]

[cash register ringing]

- Sergei is Cobakka's childhood
friend who has done okay.

[speaking foreign language]

- You have to look
and sound English.

Or you will be shot
for being a terrorist.

[heavy rock music]

This is Cobakka and Spiker.

They're going to be staying
here for a few days.

They're going to
be millionaires.

[speaking foreign language]

[speaking foreign language]

[heavy rock music]

- This is the house.

It's a nice house, isn't it?

Oi, oi, oi!

You are living in a
very nice area now.

You must be like English
gentlemen, not Russian scum.

- Why can we not
stay in the house?

I thought you say
this guy not here?

- Too risky.

This is Neighborhood Watch area.

Poshli!

[singing in foreign language]

- [Cobakka] Let me
explain something

about this Neighborhood
Watch scheme.

Pavlik Morozov was a
hero of Stalin's time.

Because he informed
the authorities

that his father was hiding
wheat from the Bolsheviks,

his father was
taken away and shot.

[guns firing]

His photo now hangs in every
classroom of Soviet Union

as an example to us all.

- Look!

Your very own place.

If you need to piss, you
use the broken window.

For the more serious problems,
you use the wallpaper

or look, paper plates.

Mmm!

- Okay, and if we get caught?

- I'll give you two numbers.

If you want to go
legit, call Patrick.

He has a job agency.

If you want to use
the other route,

and only if all else fails-

- Choices.
- Yeah.

- You call Artash.

But only if you're
absolutely desperate.

♪ Oh, no, come here again

♪ I want to know you again

- [Cobakka] To rip
off British Isles,

you need first to
have bank account.

Deposit some money, then
you get checkbook and card,

which you report stolen.

Then cash checks

as fast as possible in
series of dodgy outfits.

This is the plan.

Do not ask for overdraft
or credit card.

You may as well
just rob the bank

Ask for savings,

it sounds like they're going
to hold on to your money.

- And proof of earnings?

- I have some money, 200 pounds.

I will have a job in
two or three days.

- Good.

Right, you will need
a proof of address.

Council tax bill or a utility
bill and employment papers.

- I cannot open bank
account right now?

- Not today.

But don't worry, it will
only take a couple of months.

- A couple of months?

- You might be able to open
up a student account quicker.

Are you a student?

- I would like to join your
learning establishment.

A student account guarantees
you a 100 pounds loan

plus overdraft.

- Do you have any proof

of your qualifications?
- Give me a test.

- What color are my eyes?
- Brown.

Beautiful, chocolate brown.

- What are you hoping

to study?
- Capitalism.

[upbeat music]

London is crazy expensive.

First you need to find the means

to get about town with no money.

[man shouting]

There is usually some
genetic garbage by the gate.

When you get caught-

I don't have any
more money on me.

That is the great thing
about this island.

My address.

The presumption of innocence
means they assume you will pay.

- You have any experience?

[speaking indistinctly]

Do you speak English?

- Do you?

- Can we have subtitles, please?

[button buzzing]
- You'll need a permit or ID

or somebody's visa you can use.

[upbeat music]

- We can't get an
apartment without a job.

You can't get a job
with no work visa.

[cash register ringing]

- Believe me, in this country,
money can buy you anything.

Even a bloody knighthood.

You just have to have the cash.

- Without work, we
can't get the money.

- Look.

You can use my ID
for, let's say, 50%.

- 50%?

Half everything?

- You have to think big.

I didn't get to where
I was by scraping by,

living the life of a refugee.

- I'm not a refugee.

- What I mean is,

you have to learn to stand
on your own two feet.

Don't rely on friends.

Since I came here,

not once did I ask to
borrow money from anybody.

- You begged on the streets?

- No, I showed the people

of London my magic
tricks on the streets

for a while because
I am an artist.

What I am saying, you
have to be careful

how you spend your money.

Everybody is trying
to rip you off.

People are all on the make.

The main thing is
that you stay focused

and remember why you came here.

Stick to it, don't spend
your money stupidly.

In the meantime, you
have to work to live.

Like I'm saying, I will
cash your checks for you.

[speaking foreign language]

Business is business.

[speaking foreign language]

[glass shattering]

[laughing] ♪ See the
sky, see this hill ♪

♪ See what part you will fill

♪ Wonder you are, I
wonder where you are ♪

[phone ringing]

- What?

- The third time you've
fucking let me down. It's 7:30.

Just get there, okay?

Same fucking message,
7:30, just get down there.

- Where it is?

- Look, it's Weston fucking
Street, do you hear me?

- Yes, we hear.
- If you don't make it,

I'll rip your fucking legs off

and beat you round the
fucking head with them!

- It's like I say, I tell
you, I will be there.

- 7:30, all right?

- Where exactly?

- 37 Weston Street.

Just get there now, it's 7:30.

[indistinct]

[phone ringing]

- Hello.

- I told Patrick I
don't allow lateness,

drugs or alcohol
on the premises.

- But I am 10 minutes late only.

- 10 minutes today, 20
tomorrow, before we know it,

you're having a week off and
I'm paying for yesterday.

- I can sustain
many, many hardships.

I can,

a-tone.

A-tone?

- Yeah, well a-tone
somewhere else.

- But I have 38 pence left only.

- You better not have afternoon
tea at the Ritz, then.

- I just want proof
for employment.

- You don't work here.

- Yes, but Patrick say-

- Patrick is not the boss, I am.

You don't work here.

- But I work-

Fuck you, man.

- You don't need that
attitude, either.

- Hi.

[speaking foreign language]

I'm Tony.

- You can work over there.

I'm sure you two can share
stories about the war, eh?

[upbeat music]

♪ Well, I was walkin'
down the high road ♪

♪ And this guy stops me

♪ He'd just got in
from New Zealand ♪

♪ And he was looking
for mushy peas ♪

♪ I said, no, we don't
really got 'em round here ♪

[speaking foreign language]

- The shops, they
are open all night?

- You're hammered.

[singing in foreign language]

- You have your tea
voucher with you?

- I come for a job.

- Do you have a work permit?

- No.

- Then I'm afraid you
can't work here, dear.

- Just some tea then, please.

- I'm afraid this hostel
is just for British people.

- I just want tea,
a biscuit maybe.

- If you go to the Committee
for Refugees and seek asylum,

then you can get a free blanket.

- I am not refugee.

How am I supposed to eat

while I wait for you
and your bureaucracy?

I am not asylum seeker!

- Charity begins at home.

- I don't have a home.

[upbeat rock music]

♪ I remember

♪ The last time I saw you

♪ You left me with nothing

♪ But disappointment

- Why do they always
send Eastern Europeans?

- I am from Moscow.

- Did you run all the way?

Go and clean the toilet.

♪ I said love

♪ Any way you slice it

- What?

No!

What?

What the fucking-

- Hey!
- Fuck!

Hey, hey!

Don't bother with the toilets.

This is typical
refugee behavior.

They deserve to live in shit.

- Where are you from?

- Afghanistan.

I had to run from the Taliban.

I sold my house for $10,000.

Then I crossed Europe.

Now my house is
worth half a million.

All the poppy farmers are rich.

And I have a degree
in political science.

Half of my friends,

they work for the government,
and look where I am.

These refugees, they lead
a parasitical existence

at the expense of the state

and they get shipped out to
some obscure town in the country

where nobody gives a shit about.

You heard of Bicester?
- Bicester?

No.

- I would thank you
to note that Bicester

is a thriving traditional
Saxon market town.

We didn't ask for 10,000
immigrants to be put here.

- So, you're homeless?

- Spiker?
- We haven't got any money.

- It's okay, he's my brother.

- I ain't doing you both.

- It's okay, I am gay.

- Fancy some jerk chicken
and some plantain?

[speaking foreign language]

[speaking foreign language]

- Did you want anything?

It's all fresh.
- Oh yes, please.

It's most agreeable.

[both grunting]

- No, sorry.

- What's the matter with you,
you prefer men or something?

- Sorry, I have a girlfriend.

I love her.

We get married.

- So, why are you here then?

- It's quieter than Heathrow.

[upbeat rock music]

♪ Never got what she wanted to

♪ Never got what she wanted to

♪ She never got
what she wanted to ♪

♪ She never got
what she wanted to ♪

- I can't blame Spiker

and I can't talk anymore
because I'm too tired.

Tired of England,

tired of the smell of
curry and tired of myself.

How can a man be tired
of life at just 23?

Maybe we should call Artash.

[speaking foreign language]

- And how must you
describe our situation?

Hmm?

[upbeat music]

Artash, beady-eyed owl who
spends most of his free time

looking for loopholes
in British legal system.

His perfect Oxford
pronunciation helps him

defraud everyone and anyone,
including his own grandfather.

After staging a
burglary in his house,

Artash squandered 4,000 of
his grandfather's pounds

in two days.

And his father is millionaire.

- I find job but they take 50%.

- I live for 30.

- 10.

- Income tax is 25, all right?

I'm the one taking the risk.

30.

- What risk?

Sergei says says you never work.

- I only don't work
out of principle.

Forget it.

I'll teach you how to make
money, all right, here and now.

Okay, inside here, okay, go
to HMV, all right, go inside,

go to the CDs, take
the CDs, a lot of them,

not the cheapest ones,

go to the counter, not
right to the counter,

act normal, put the
CDs inside, get out.

- [Cobakka] He was a
professional parasite,

worked every scheme in the book,

presented us with a whole
pile of illegal opportunities.

We were blown away

- First, you need
to convince them

that you are a child
of this goddamn island.

Da?

Good.

Watch and learn.

[upbeat music]

Excuse me, excuse me.

[cash register ringing]

Thank you very much,
lady, have a nice day.

See?

All you have to do is
smile and be charming.

- Bags.

Your bags.

- Please, I have children.

- Excellent.

Bags.

- I have money.

- Yes, please.

[change jingling]

Your car is this way.
- You can't take the car.

My husband'll kill me.

- Why do you stay with this man?

♪ Three, four

[upbeat music]

♪ Down in the valley there's
a long legged queen ♪

♪ She's got hair like a knot
and she twists and screams ♪

♪ She spends her days
living in despair ♪

♪ Waiting for her knight
have you seen him, where ♪

♪ Yes, well you sit
on your throne ♪

- So simple, even
a child can do it.

[suspenseful music]

- Oh, oh.

- Teach me how to steal cars.

- You cannot drive.

[wind whooshing]

Well?

Envelopes.

You cannot live on envelopes.

Still, you can write home
and tell all your friends

of your momentous achievement.

- Fuck you.

[upbeat rock music]

[singing in foreign language]

- [Cobakka] To get mobile phone,

you first need proof of address

- And now I declare you
officially employed.

- [Cobakka] Anything
will do, they never check

- And you can find all the
clients you need in here.

- And one copy of Loot,

a London listings
paper full of clients

How do you know the police
don't make adverts in here?

- Because this is
the British Isles,

and the presumption of
innocence is king here.

- [Cobakka] You need to
get as many mobile phones

as possible.

They are worth at least
30 pounds each phone

[singing in foreign language]

- Hey.

Hello.

[laughing]

[cash register ringing]

- Look, man, they are
worth more than this.

- Don't give me that crap, man.

You're a nobody,
we all know that.

Take the money and clear off

before I break your
mother's heart.

- Thank you.

You're very, very nice people.

- Of course.

We are very kind.

[laughing]
[upbeat rock music]

- Thank you.

So, this should be
enough for a deposit.

[cash register ringing]

Plus some spending money.

Okay?

365 pounds from you in checks.

And 250 handed out
by me to you in cash.

I will hold on to the rest

and start a savings
account for you guys.

- If we need money,
how can we get it?

- Do you want
success for the band?

That's money, okay?

Do you want a big white wedding?

That's a lot of money.

Besides, if I give you the
money now, you'll just spend it.

I'm saving it up for you guys.

My father is a millionaire.

What could I possibly
want from you?

I'm taking care of
you guys, come on.

It's mine, thank you.

Okay?

Spend the money
carefully, all right?

- [Cobakka] For a utility
bill, you need an address,

so get yourself an A to Z

and decide which environs are
most appealing and applicable.

When you realiae
you cannot afford

such a location,
head off to Alperton.

♪ I went down to Moscow

♪ In a white limousine.

- What made you
choose this area?

- It chose us.

- So, you wish to
rent this armpit

in order to install
a telephone line,

which will provide you with
a verifiable domestic bill

and complementary calls
to Moscow for a month,

before the bill,

which you have no intention
of paying, arrives?

- We went over this already.

- Yes, but you have
to explain it twice

for the American audience.

I'm Dennis and this is the room.

You need a room to get a
job and a bank account,

from where you can put

your money into your account,
so as not to raise suspicion,

and then launder it mercilessly.

You only have half
the deposit, you see,

so your choices are limited.

- What is the smell?

- What smell?

[cash register ringing]

- [Cobakka] When
you don't pay bill,

phone will be disconnected

and the company will
call asking for payment.

But you will no
longer be there or,

ideally, in the British Isles.

- What is that smell?

- I carry out revision
of the armpit fridge.

I need to remember what
food smell like this,

will never by mistake
steal from Paki shop.

The question remains,

where does this
terrifying stench

like rotting garbage come from?

I think I found it.

Great.

Not only armpit but Imam armpit.

The Turkish food stinks.

There is nothing to
steal in the shops,

as all counters are covered
in piles of slimy brown crap.

I simultaneously want to puke,

to shoot myself and
drop napalm bombs

on this little area full

of unshaven dirty
barbarians in cheap clothes.

The armpit is simply
too smelly to sleep in.

[door clicking]

I have utility bill.

I can make bank
account right now.

- Right.

I still need to see
proof of employment.

- This is crazy.

I just wanted bank account
so I can put some money.

How am I supposed to go
somewhere in this country?

- [Man] How is the
job-hunting going?

- Great.

There is a shortage of
Eastern Europeans in London.

- Why do you want to work
here? Everyone hates it.

- So I can complete bank fraud.

- Well, why didn't you say so?

Look, if I make you the
night security guard,

you sleep here, right?

- Yes.

- For extra security.

- Yes.

- Alone.

- Alone, of course alone.

- You need to have a bath,
you absolutely stink.

There's a nice jacket in my
locker in case you get lucky.

No drink or drugs.

- You have proof of
employment for me?

- You don't ask
for much, do you?

There's a hard hat and some
boots down in that cabin.

- I go?

- Yeah, I'll give you a start.

Go on.
- Okay.

Hey.

Make sure there is
money in your account,

so as not to arouse suspicion.

You'll now have only 10 days
to wait for your magic card.

There are many interesting
places to see in London.

We haven't got around to
seeing any of them yet.

But there is still time.

[upbeat rock music]

♪ Can't take no more of
this panic and stress ♪

♪ Well, I am living
off the DSSS ♪

♪ Ain't got the money 'cause
I don't want to work ♪

♪ Just sit about and let
the hours drift away ♪

♪ He tried his hand at
a job in a factory ♪

♪ But don't take orders off
of people that he don't like ♪

♪ He can't make up his
mind what he wants to be ♪

♪ I have to say that
I've got to agree ♪

♪ Getting lost in London

♪ Getting lost in London

♪ Getting lost in London

♪ Getting lost in London

We got better at stealing
though we decided stealing

could only be qualified
like sin when stealing

from small shops.

Large conglomerations
which kill off small shops

are fair game.

[upbeat rock music] ♪
Lie down, some bed ♪

♪ Scratching in my head
♪ Boyfriend I don't love

♪ Open food, far from

♪ Happy sap, lootin'
kids, talkin' crap ♪

♪ Smokin' weed, takin' speed

♪ Damn, I feel the need

♪ Bright eyes, big thighs

♪ Standard meters, overdrive

♪ See girl, spit
back, hard pans ♪

♪ That's why, can then I text

♪ Doesn't have the same effect

♪ Don't go out, don't stay in
♪ Relationships anything ♪

♪ What do I do about it

♪ How do I change my tone

♪ I wait for the
solution to arrive ♪

♪ But the light just
never turns in ♪

♪ Oh

♪ Don't know if
I'm lost about it ♪

- Hey, lads!

Thank you for
shopping at Cresco's.

- So, this is a favorite
drug of the local citizens

with a non-traditional
sexual orientation, right?

It is like an ax
landing in your skull

and after that you
feel squashed, flat.

Try it.

Try it.

Trust me.

When you're going to
see British girl dance,

you'll know why.

Okay, guys.

This is Misha.

Misha can get you
anything you want.

- Hi, Misha.

Misha, a real junky fuck.

Puny and pale like death.

There are dark bags under
his eyes like baby Dracula.

He speaks slowly and moves

in space hardly
shifting his feet.

His veins have long gone.

Instead, he has only thread
circling his weak body.

Unlike Artash, who
gets money for heroin

by means of dazzling,
breathtaking heists,

this one rats cash from
friends, parents, whoever.

- Why do you hang out
with this piece of scum?

- I like scum.

[upbeat music]

- Hey!

The girls here, they
are like plankton.

Trust me.

Everything will be different
in just a little while.

- Where are you from?

- Russia.

- Is it true you still have
to queue for toothpaste?

- No.

- Isn't there still a war on?
- Always.

- The trouble with communism

is it's capitalism under
a different banner.

What Marx saw as Utopia
was everybody being able

to be his own boss
without avarice.

People want more
than a simple life.

They're greedy.

- You want to get some food?

- Okay.

- Bugger off.

[upbeat music]

[sniffing]

- Someone has to take
care of the homeless.

One third of them are ex-forces.

They served their country and
this is how it serves them.

Governments, the way they
treat people, it makes me sick.

- Look! I have to
get up very early.

Please, can we, give it up.

Wait!

I don't know you.

- You were quick enough
to come back with me.

- Yes. So I can get to know you.

At least wait till morning, yes?

- No.

- We can have nice talk.

- I've done the talking bit.

- Well, we can just, wait.

We can hold each other.

- And you'll sort me out

in the morning?
- Yes.

Sorting in the morning, right.

- Good morning.

I'm ready for my sorting.

[phone ringing]

- Sorry, mother died.

[dramatic music]

- Lying bastard!

[singer vocalizing]

- How come you don't sleep here?

Are you a terrorist?

- I look at Denis and
wonder if he is real genie

who has spent 3,000 years

inside a lamp and would have
been there 3,000 years more

if some stoned mujahedin
hadn't let him out.

How come I don't sleep

in the room one meter by
one-and-a-half metres?

- Remember, I'm a refugee too.

I have a sixth sense.

- Listen.

From time to time I have to
come back to this disgusting

fart-hole and make my
presence known so that you -

you genetic piece of garbage

will keep off my back
long enough for me just

to collect my post.

Don't worry.

Soon there will be no
shortage of visitors for you.

First, Dennis, you will be
visited by the representatives

of at least five
telephone companies.

- You haven't paid your
bills for six months-

- Good day, sir.

We're looking

for a Mr. Tetersky.
- Then a cop will pay a visit

and ask all manner of
provocative questions.

I don't ever want to
see that man again.

Bloody Russian.

It will result in
the realization that
you, brown islander,

don't pay any taxes.

I'm totally innocent!

You've got the wrong man!

- How come you don't sleep here?

Are you a terrorist?

- Mostly I stay with girlfriend.

[laughing]

- Do you think you could
provide me with proof?

[speaking foreign language]

- Yeah, sure.

As long as you're legal to work.

- What would be a
problem if I wasn't?

- Come on.

I'll give you a ride home.

♪ Swimming in the slipstream
and the sun will shine ♪

♪ Look at the sky it's
reeling in the stars ♪

♪ See where I am today I
want to be where you are ♪

Look, mate.

This is all the
cash I've got on me.

Take it, yeah.

Come on!

It's only a few groceries,
do you know what I mean?

- I want to tell you something.

- [Donny] Go on, and get out.

- In Russia, I was a racist.

I hated blacks.

[both laughing]

- Oh, my days, you kill me!

Oh!

It's all right, yeah.

You can still be a racist.

No, you,

go on, mate, get out!

Take the groceries with you.
- Thank you.

- Look after yourself.

- Thank you, see you later.

[upbeat music]

♪ Some time for looking
at the room from above ♪

♪ Is it so wrong

Donny, the bloke from Jamaica,

I will remember you
until the end of my days.

- Finally, after
all your efforts,

your beautiful
little card arrives.

[upbeat music]

First, you report
your checkbook stolen.

That way you get
another one sent.

Yes, hello.

Each one of these little
books is worth 1,150 pounds.

There are different
types of check points.

Poke your nose into
these little windows

and watch people cashing checks.

Carefully observe
the manipulations

of each person
behind the window.

If he starts to study
the miraculous cards

with a perplexed expression

and dials a number
or puts the cards

into some strange piece of
equipment, avoid this checkpoint

like your worst nightmare.

You need to find as many
of these little windows

as the number of
checks you possess.

Never mind if the checks are

from the book you
reported as lost,

they never check.

You can only cash one cheque
per day from each book

which is why you
need several books.

- Thank you very much.

Call again.

- I'll be back.

To speed things up, you
can buy something useless

like building
bricks or a dollar,

which is as close to
50 pounds as possible.

The following day, go
back and return this junk.

You need to know which shops

to go into as some
will just provide

you with idiotic vouchers
to buy some rubbish

for a similar amount.

Sorry.

Sister dies.

- Have you got a receipt?

- [Woman] Would
you like cashback?

- Huh?
- Cashback?

- Cash back?
- Yes.

Would you like cashback?

- Um, 30 pounds.
- Cashback.

I don't know lunatic who
invented the cashback system

which allows you to earn
up to 50 pounds a day.

Goodbye.

[upbeat music]

- We love you, Tesco!

[cash register ringing]

Hello.

How are you?

Woohoo!

Go, go, go.

Woo-hoo!

Five, 10.

- [Cobakka] If all goes to
plan, you get two checkbooks

with 23 checks each book.

At 50 pounds a day,
plus 70 times 23 days

of cashback money
plus student loan.

This adds up to 4,550 bucks.

Be careful not to get too
greedy with your magic art.

You could very easily
become state criminal.

Your face painstakingly recorded
in every detail, all over

[speaking foreign language]

to be seen by your neighbors,
your work colleagues

and your landlord,

who, thanks to
Neighborhood Watch,

all descend on Scotland Yard,

falling over themselves in order

to give evidence against you.

When they catch you, you'll
be glad you're not in Moscow.

[grunting]

- [Woman] Dear Mr. Tetersky,
we seem not to have received

your June payment.

Please accept our
apologies if the matter

has already been dealt with.

We thank you again for
your business and hope

to continue providing you
with our services in future.

- Oh, look!

An honest individual.

- Why don't you come
into the office?

We have got a great
film to show you.

- Oh, yeah.

- With an international star.

- But I have a ticket.

- Go take a seat.

There you go.

[upbeat music]

Action packed.

- This is my favorite bit.

He's a runner.

- He'll never make it.

You want to put that shot in.

- Please don't call the cops.

- I won't phone Her
Majesty's police force.

I'm going to get you an agent.

[upbeat music]

- They took all Tony's stuff.

[speaking foreign language]

- Fucking thieves.

[light acoustic guitar music]

♪ Is it coming by the river

- I have a job for you.

Who's the patron saint
of the Catholic Church?

Apaedophilia.

What do you get for the
paedophile who has everything?

A bigger parish.

♪ To get to know you

♪ Mending light to
talk about himself ♪

- Are you going to buy that?

- I was going to appropriate
it for a little while maybe.

- There are CCTV cameras
all over the shop.

- Ah, yes.

CCTV.

Watched 24 hours a day
till we all conform

to the power of surveillance.

I don't read it yet.

- You could buy it.

- Or I can save money
and spend on dinner.

For two maybe.

- [Woman] I don't want
to get in trouble.

[speaking foreign language]

- He doesn't have any money.

- I can bring back next week?

Just take now.

It's easy.

[cash register ringing]

[woman laughing]

- So, interesting book?

- Mmm.

Dali and Picasso.

- Very nice.

[speaking foreign language]

- I don't know how
she lose her job.

She's very cute.

[speaking foreign language]

- Maybe.

- She works in a bookshop.

You didn't get her number.

Here.
- I don't even start it!

- I thought you were
reading something else.

- It's written by fat-ass
American in shorts

and white sunhat.

He defiles Empire of
Lights with deafening,

guttural vernacular,

clicking camera and
hamburger scratch.

- So it didn't conjure
up to the exciting images

of Nepalese monasteries?

- No.

- How much for this?

- None of these appeal to you?

- No.

- And your bag broke on the bus?

Which is why you were
carrying them in your jacket?

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

That's it.

- Tenner, cash?

[cash register ringing]

- Okay.
- Piece of cake.

- Don't give to him.

I'll spend it at least
on something useful,

like drugs and alcohol.

He'll just waste it.

- We can do drugs from here.

What do you want?

You want something to
go up or to go down, or,

[laughing]

or you can get some books.

- [Cobakka] Best places
to buy drugs in London,

Camden for cannabis,

New Cross for pills and
good old Kilburn for crack.

- Thank you.
- How long we can stay here?

- [Artash] Don't worry about it.

My father won't be
back until tomorrow.

Fuck it.

- I know one place in Brixton.

We can stay 50 pounds one week.

- [Artash] All right!

A hostel?
- Mm.

- Sure, if you want to spend
your time with Saudi terrorists

and Albanian sheep fuckers.

Is there the gangster
from Jamaica, man?

They knife each other
and when they get bored,

they knife, kill, white guys.

- How can Rastafarians
be so violent?

They smoke so much dope.

[speaking foreign language]

[speaking foreign language]

- The reason for my living,

for being here,

she's sleeping with
one of my best friends.

Fuck.

Fuck.
- You sleep around too.

- I sleep with chicks in
parties just to sleep.

This is different.

She has a place to sleep, and
someone to sleep with, me.

She's talking to me
like nothing happens.

He's there and she's telling me

she's bought the fucking rings.

I can't believe she
would do this to me.

The woman I trust more
than the rest of humankind.

[door whirring]

- Oh, shit.

- [Man] I don't
want to play house

with thieves and drug dealers.

- It's a big house, okay?
- Oh, my God!

What do you think life
is supposed to be like?

Will you-get there.

You are my son.

You're supposed to make my
life a comfort and a joy.

You are like a vampire who
sucks the blood from his victims

and then leaves them hopeless.

When did you start going so bad?

What more can I do for you?

- You know, more money, for
the start, would be nice.

- You piece of shit.

You piece of shit.

You nothing.

You don't know what life is.

When you do,

if you do,

I hope you'll be smiling.

- Wherever they go,

Russians seem to crap
all over the planet.

[upbeat music]

♪ If you love me

♪ As much as the
words you speak ♪

♪ You got a funny
way of showing it ♪

♪ Take it from me

♪ I made your love

♪ Out of the thoughts below

♪ But that was months ago

♪ So where are you now

♪ And I'm falling
through the cracks ♪

♪ In time

♪ You got me falling
through the cracks ♪

♪ I don't seem to
be in evidence ♪

♪ Not even in consequence

♪ Not even in mind

♪ All I saw was inconsistency

♪ Never the honesty

♪ You bought and sold

♪ And I'm falling

And stay away from Artash,

probably turn a mobile
phone into crack.

[crowd cheering]
- [audience applauding]

Welcome.

Tonight we are going
to cook heroin.

[all groaning]
[audience applauding]

What you need is the heroin.

[crowd cheering]

Spoon.

Citric acid.

Syringe.

And a syringe pack.

Take the heroin,

pour the citrics
over, add water,

boil until all dissolved.

After that you're ready to go.

In the pack, we also have a
pre-injection cleansing swab.

You can use this use this to
burn it hotter and longer.

And the gear appears.

[crowd cheering]

- This is how they live
in homeland of Bob Marley.

[reggae music]

♪ Billy billy bong bong

♪ Billy bong bong
Billy bong bong ♪

All niggers wake up at 12 noon,

wash their faces,
clean their teeth

and plug in their
reggae-screaming stereos.

They head for beach
to smoke dope.

[toilet flushing]

So what awaits those
brothers careless enough

to emigrate to foggy Albion?

He gets up at six,
has cold shower,

and is squeezed into
Tube with no reggae

and plenty of dull work.

I've been rejected
from university.

I know I should try
philosophy department.

- I've been good to you.

I let you stay here because
you didn't have anywhere to go.

But I will not have
drugs on my site.

- It's not me.

I don't do this stuff.

- Maybe you do, maybe you don't.

There's more silverware
here than in the kitchens

of the bloody Dorchester.

- I swear to God, it's not me!

- It doesn't matter who it is.

You're in charge of security.

That means no junkies, so
you didn't do your job.

I have to keep this place
drug-free or I'm out of a job,

and I've got, like, four wives.

The company will tolerate
a bit of stealing.

I mean, they're insured
for that, but drugs?

It's an absolute no-no.

- But I have to
get one thing from-

- No, you can go.

- I have to get one
thing from this.

No, not this.

It's one thing different.

- You'll have to
come back next week

when I'm sure there's
nothing missing.

- It's very important.
- Get out.

- It's not worth
anything next week.

- Out.
- Please.

- Out.
- Please.

I need my checkbook.

- [Man] Never, ever, ever
steal from the family again!

- You stole from Grandpa.

- That's different.

He's useless.

He's rubbish.

- You lost me my job.

Fucking parasite.

You kept the checks,
but now I want my money.

- Your fucking money?

- My fucking money.

- It's in a fucking
savings account, all right?

- [Cobakka] Let's go, right now.

Me and you, let's go.

- You're supposed
to leave it in there

for at least six months.

- We're not going to
be here for six months.

You don't have it, do you?
- No, no, no.

It's just that the
UK have a very,

very complex banking system.

- You spent our money.

You spent our money!

- Please don't hit me,
at least not in the face.

I did spend at least half
of it on Spiker, all right?

And I bought you some presents.

- It's impossible
to rely on you.

- I'm willing to admit a
certain lack of borderlines-

- One job to do.

One job only, just the checks.

You have nice cut.

We're all very happy.

But you had to change
all the money into crack,

and turn Spiker into a junkie.

- He's an adult, you know?

He's perfectly capable
of saying "no",

a word which, incidentally,

I haven't heard you
saying when it was offered

to you for free.

- Leave him alone,
or I will kill you.

[soft music]

♪ Dancing with
the pretty thief ♪

♪ He's got eyes so sweet

- Can I help you?

Can I help you?

♪ And he

Can I help you with your bags?

- Oh, thank you, dear.

You're very kind.

[glass shattering]

Oh, don't worry, dear.

♪ Dancing with the ugly thief

♪ He got gold for teeth-

[shouting indistinctly]

- [Spiker] Fuck!

♪ That may be

♪ That pretty thief

♪ Yeah

♪ Dancing with the pretty girl
she got diamonds and pearls ♪

♪ And she moves like
the breeze and me ♪

♪ The loser at his feet

- A can of Coke.

Yep, look.

Listen, I've got to go.

I've got a client.

- Hey.

I'd like to get mobile phone.

- You think I'm stupid, lad?

- No.

- Listen, mate.

Do yourself a favor, go
away and don't come back.

- Is there some problem
with my documents?

- Are you from the Ukraine?

- Yeah!

- Thought so.

Pathological liars.

And eternally greedy.

Now piss off!

Bloody immigrants.

[dramatic music]

- Hey, how are things?
- I'm fine.

How have you been?

- I, I just thought
you could, maybe,

you know, lend me some money.

- Look, mate, you need
to get off it, yeah?

- Okay.

Okay.

[doorbell ringing]

[knocking on door]

[speaking foreign language]

- [Sergei] No?

- I need some money.

- Huh!

Yeah, I see.

This is what always
happens, you know?

You spend on the wrong
things, my friend.

You were always
the same at school.

Always borrowing money,
never paying it back.

You still owe me $10 from 1987.

- What?

I could not believe
what I am hearing.

It was as though there
had not been 12 years

of friendship, as though we had
not shared a desk at school,

as though together we
did not beat the shit

out of our fat classmate pig,
or puff the same dog-end.

- You said to me that
you're going to look

after yourself here in London.

- [Cobakka] We gave him
a phone for his birthday,

we trust him,

but Ukrainian blood runs
through Sergei's veins.

and, added to this, the
spirit of Carnegist.

- What I tell you when
you first come to England?

You get in the car at the
airport, what did I tell you?

♪ I said blow me up
before I fade away ♪

- Thanks.

♪ I said, blow me up before
I get that way, I said ♪

Thank you.

♪ I said, blow me up
before I fade away ♪

♪ Yeah, don't you let
me look that way ♪

- Salt.

♪ I said, pull the trigger
before the night is through ♪

♪ There ain't nothing
left but me and you ♪

- You again.

Why you steal from me?

Why not steal from Tesco,

or one of those big
conglomerations that buy up

all the fields,

fill the air with carbon
monoxide and put us all

out of business?

- On principle, normally
I steal from Tesco,

but it's midnight.

- You think I don't
have children to feed?

You think I don't have
people at home waiting for me

to bring money home?

A wife that doesn't know
what I do with all my time?

- I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I was desperate.

- Take it.

I've been desperate.

Just go.

Go, and don't come back.

Please!

[light acoustic guitar music]

♪ All down-and-out when
they're black-and-blue ♪

♪ But we don't talk about that

♪ Are you from round here

♪ How do you do

♪ I'd like to talk about that

♪ Talk over gin in teacups
and leaves on the lawn ♪

♪ Violence at bus stops
and a pale thin girl ♪

♪ With eyes forlorn
ah, gin in teacups ♪

♪ And leaves on the lawn

♪ Violence in dole queues
and a pale thin girl ♪

♪ Behind the checkout

♪ But if you're looking
for cheap sorts ♪

♪ As in false anticipation

♪ I'll be waiting
in the photo booth ♪

♪ At the underground station

♪ So come away

♪ Won't you come away

♪ We're going to

♪ Catford, Watford

♪ Lincoln

♪ Digbeth

♪ Liverpool,
anywhere in Albion ♪

[dramatic music]

- The deposit was 60.

- Minus 10 for each key,
plus 10% wear and tear.

[door buzzing]

I hope you enjoyed your stay.

- I would rather live in sewer.

[urine spraying]

[speaking foreign language]

- From thieving genie.

Who do you think?

- Um.

[speaking foreign language]

- This is for one chocolate.

Artash steals all our money.

Huh?

What do you think
about this? Nothing.

- Well, what do you expect?

He is a junkie.

Hi, friend.

[sighing]

It's okay.

It does say that a person
attending before December 31st,

we're entitled to a bar of-

- Yeah, I can read English.

Day release from the
asylum shelter, is it?

- What?

You not forget something?

Hm?

Aren't you supposed to say,
"Thank you for shopping?"

- Not to immigrants, I'm not.

[sighing]
[speaking foreign language]

- Bye-bye.

- Yeah.

- [Cobakka] I watch Spiker
on the phone to his mother,

sitting in the doorway,
unshaven and he smells,

like any other homeless drunk.

I wonder what kind of
person it takes to make it

to a place such as this.

For a moment, I thought
maybe I could help him.

Remind him why we come

or to say it was okay to go,

that we see each
other back in Moscow,

for drink with our friend,

laugh at stories of
escapade in heroin clutch

of foggy Albion.

[speaking foreign language]

- No, mate.

- It's me?
- But truth is,

I didn't know who
Spiker was anymore.

- Okay, bye, you guys.
- And I didn't care.

Why do childhood
friends grow up?

It ever so great?

- I love Christmas.

It's sweet, like the sunshine.

What do you think?
- Very nice.

- Want to see my woman?
- Sure.

Beer breaks them.

How could I ever imagine that I,

Moscow hooligan and Nazi,
would ever become Negro-lover?

- [Women] When do PIN
numbers come into operation?

- [Man] Two or three
months from now.

- [Man] And if you
don't have one?

You won't be able to
use your credit card,

and you won't be able
to get a bank account

without a work permit.

- [Woman] And what about people
who already have accounts?

- [Man] People who already
have accounts will be-

- [Cobakka] Just when I thought
things cannot get any worse,

they introduce PIN number.

[dramatic music]

- Look, all-new technology.

- Very impressive.

♪ Lord, there goes
Johnny Appleseed ♪

♪ He might pass by
in the hour of need ♪

♪ Has a lot of soul

♪ Been drinking from the well

♪ Locked in a factory

♪ Hey

♪ Don't they know

♪ Hey

♪ Don't they know

♪ If you're after
getting the honey ♪

♪ Hey

♪ Then you don't go
killing all the bees ♪

So, Brother,

I read to you to distract you
from your sad state of mind.

[knocking on door]

- Please help me.
- No.

I need money for a band.

I need verifiable address.

I have a plan.

- I know.

I wish I had plan.

I don't.

I'm begging you.

- I need this job, Artash.

I have been visualizing the
future, and it looks good.

You will get your
notes published,

and as to showing
them to my mother,

well, I am one quarter
of a century old

and I feel I can
do whatever I want.

Maybe they will see it simply
as bravado or two fraudsters

who fell greedily upon
freedom and shamelessly tried

to reap all its fruit.

Or perhaps they will
find story of friendship

and treachery or the joy
of life and loneliness,

of the realization
of simple truth that,

more often than not,
sadness and adversity happen

because of the inability
to believe in something.

Maybe this is friendship.

I don't know.

[light acoustic guitar music]

- Four pounds, please.
- One coffee latte.

♪ He said, come on, then
let's stop by the river ♪

♪ No one's there but
me and the ducks ♪

♪ And they've stopped
talking to me anyway ♪

♪ And I would like
to get to know you ♪

- I, uh, don't
suppose that, uh...

You know, I was going
to quit drinking today.

And then, uh,

well, there you
are, like an angel.

It's nae Big Ben, y'know.

Big Ben's just the bell.

It's been cracked since
they put it there.

I love the way it
sounds, though.

- Keep it.

I don't need it.

No.

I just need some water.

I have picture in my
mind dear to my heart.

Hampstead Heath,
watching planes fly over.

The one time we felt happy
on these goddamn isles.

And you at your dacha,

sitting on the porch,
fucking blown away.

Heavy snowfall starts,
with big flakes.

In half an hour, we
will be in the forest.

Then, coming back home, we sit
by the fire with no talking,

because now we no
longer need it.

We are alive, mijo.

Is that not beautiful?

Your friend, Cobakka.

- [Woman] What is that smell?

- What smell?

[upbeat rock music]

♪ Can't take no more of
this panic and stress ♪

♪ Rely on living off the DHSS

♪ Ain't got no money
'cause I don't wanna work ♪

♪ Just sit about and let
the hours drift away ♪

♪ He tried his hand at
a job in a factory ♪

♪ But can't take orders off
the people that he don't like ♪

♪ He can't make up his
mind what he wants to be ♪

♪ I'd have to say that
I've got to agree ♪

♪ You're getting
lost in London ♪

♪ Getting lost in London

♪ Getting lost in London

♪ Getting lost in London

♪ I cannot lie yes,
I find it so hard ♪

♪ To sell my dreams for
a job with security ♪

♪ You want me close Yeah,
you want me so near ♪

♪ But, darling, don't you
know I never had a career ♪

♪ But all these kids lying
naked aside the tree ♪

♪ Till she found
out he was broken ♪

♪ It was good night

♪ He can't make up his mind

♪ What he wants to
be I'd have to say ♪

♪ That I've got to agree

♪ You're getting
lost in London ♪

♪ Getting lost in London

♪ Getting lost in London

♪ Getting lost in London

♪ We've got a bit of a problem
with the youth of today ♪

♪ You better find a solution

♪ You can say what you like

♪ But you know we're not
fit for nine to five ♪

♪ Getting lost in London

♪ Getting lost in London

♪ Getting lost in London

♪ Getting lost in London

[upbeat music]

♪ Well, I was walking
down the high road ♪

♪ And this guy stops me

♪ He'd just got in
from New Zealand ♪

♪ And he was looking
for mushy peas ♪

♪ I said, no, we hadn't
really got 'em round here ♪

♪ I said, but we do got

♪ Balti, bhindi,
strictly Hindi ♪

♪ Dall, halal and I'm
walking down the road ♪

♪ We got rocksoul,
okra, Bombay duck ra ♪

♪ Shrimp beansprout

♪ Comes with it or without,
with it or without ♪

♪ Bagels soft or simply harder

♪ Exotic avocado
or toxic empenada ♪

♪ We got akee, lassi,
somali waccy baccy ♪

♪ I'm sure back home you know

♪ What tikka's all about,
what tikka's all about ♪

♪ Welcome stranger

♪ To the humble neighborhoods

♪ You can get inspiration
along the highroad ♪

♪ Hommus, cous, cous
in the jus of octopus ♪

♪ Pastrami and salami
and lasagne on the go ♪

♪ Welcome stranger,
there's no danger ♪

♪ Welcome to this
humble neighborhood ♪

♪ There's balti,
bhindi, strictly Hindi ♪

♪ Dall, halal and I'm
walking down the road ♪

♪ Rocksoul, okra,
Bombay duck ra ♪

♪ Shrimp beansprout,
comes with it or without ♪

♪ So anyway, I told
him I was in a band ♪

♪ He said, Oh yeah, oh yeah,
what's your music like ♪

♪ I said, it's um

♪ Um

♪ well, it's kinda like

♪ You know, it's got a
bit of, um, you know ♪

♪ Ragga, bhangra,
two step tanga ♪

♪ Mini-cab radio,
music on the go ♪

♪ Um, surfbeat, backbeat,
frontbeat, backseat ♪

♪ There's a bunch of players
and they're really letting go ♪

♪ We got, Brit pop, hip-hop,
rockabilly, lindy hop ♪

♪ Gaelic heavy metal fans,
fighting in the road ♪

♪ Ah, Sunday boozers,
for chewing gum users ♪

♪ They got a crazy DJ and
she's really letting go ♪

♪ Oh, welcome stranger

♪ Welcome stranger to the
humble neighborhoods ♪

♪ Well, I said, there's
plenty of places to eat ♪

♪ He said, oh yeah,
I'm pretty choosy ♪

♪ You got balti,
bhindi, strictly Hindi ♪

♪ Dall, halal, walking
down the road ♪

♪ Rocksoul, okra,
Bombay duck ra ♪

♪ Shrimp beansprout,
comes with it or without ♪

♪ Just check it out