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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,480
You've not been very good, have you?
Let's get rid of you, then.
2
00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:06,640
Blast off! Oh, my God.
3
00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:08,440
This is actually
my brother's memorial.
4
00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:10,680
I've had that level of connection.
5
00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:11,880
Oh, my God...
6
00:00:11,880 --> 00:00:15,320
There's a guy called Alex.
It was going on for months.
7
00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:17,320
Years, and years and years.
8
00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:19,520
You said that you'd never
recorded me.
9
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,200
I thought he loved me.
10
00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:22,280
He did.
11
00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:24,720
Can I just stay on the sofa?
Absolutely not.
12
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:28,560
I need you right now cos I've got
nowhere else to stay.
13
00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:30,840
It's only temporary.
14
00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:32,600
I just want my family back.
15
00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:34,720
Your son will
inherit your murderous ways.
16
00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:36,680
Where have you seen this, Ollie?!
17
00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:38,800
It walked past my bedroom window.
18
00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:41,440
Yeah, him killing the cat's got
nothing to do with what you did.
19
00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:44,040
I never told you that Ollie
killed the cat.
20
00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:49,240
The Skellis is like the devil's
debt collector.
21
00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:55,240
PHONE RINGS
22
00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:59,840
Sorry, hi. Uh, can you hear us?
23
00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:03,000
Yes. I'm Nic, this is Dan.
24
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:05,560
Hello. I'm Savannah.
25
00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:07,680
Lovely. Pleasure to meet you both.
26
00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:11,400
Thank you, first of all, for fitting
us in at such short notice.
27
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,000
No, no problem at all.
28
00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:14,880
My schedule was completely clear.
29
00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:18,240
Um, yeah, so we've...
30
00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:20,560
We've never done anything
like this before.
31
00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:22,800
Virgins. Yeah. Yeah...
32
00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:25,200
SHE CHUCKLES
My favourite.
33
00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:28,600
Well, first of all,
how brave that you're here.
34
00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:31,320
And so I want to just take
a second to applaud you.
35
00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:34,800
Thank you.
36
00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:41,880
This is a place to explore.
37
00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:46,600
It's a place to upset
patterns that are upsetting you.
38
00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:49,520
I guess, what are you looking
to get out of these sessions?
39
00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:54,600
Um, I suppose we've been struggling
with communication a bit.
40
00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:56,040
Yeah, work things out with Ollie.
41
00:01:56,040 --> 00:01:57,400
Like, how to navigate all that.
42
00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:59,680
Co-parenting
and how to navigate that.
43
00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:01,600
Mmm, good daddy.
44
00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:04,280
And how old is your son?
45
00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:06,920
11. Nine.
NIC GASPS
46
00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:09,400
He's not nine?
47
00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:11,400
Well, yeah, he is, yeah. Is he?!
48
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:12,680
Yeah. He's nine, yeah.
49
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:15,600
He goes to primary school.
50
00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:25,440
And how long have you been
separated, the two of you?
51
00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:27,640
How long have you
been separated here?
52
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:31,520
Well, it's a week,
isn't it? A week.
53
00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:34,160
And how has that week
been feeling for you?
54
00:02:35,640 --> 00:02:37,800
Um....
55
00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:39,840
Standing In The Way Of
Control by Gossip
56
00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:42,240
I said to you!
57
00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:55,920
When would you say that
things started to go downhill?
58
00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:01,000
Well, when you started
fucking my brother, probably.
59
00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:04,160
I disagree. I think it was
around the time of the puzzle.
60
00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:06,720
This is ridiculous.
61
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,920
Can you... Can you let her talk?
62
00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:10,680
Oh, yeah, I'm not...
Yeah. Fine.
63
00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:16,040
I think that even sometimes
scowling and shaking your head
64
00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:19,880
sort of tells your partner,
"I don't have space to talk."
65
00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:21,480
Mmm, mmm, mmm. OK.
66
00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:24,120
When we first moved in together,
67
00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:27,560
I used to do puzzles to
help me with my anxiety.
68
00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:29,160
Sorry, I have to...
69
00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:31,640
I'm sorry, I can't let that one
go because it wasn't to do...
70
00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:34,680
There was no anxiety,
it was an attempt to look
71
00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:37,760
cookie and quirky. And it was
just attention-seeking, basically.
72
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:40,120
Just in a really boring,
route one way.
73
00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:41,760
That's it. Carry on.
74
00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:45,840
I was doing a 1,000-piece puzzle
on the village of Kendal -
75
00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:47,640
you know, where the
mint cake comes from?
76
00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:49,880
Kind of Beatrix Potter territory.
77
00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:51,440
You know, visually stunning.
78
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,760
Oh, yes, gorgeous!
79
00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:57,440
So I'd gone to visit
my cousin, who -
80
00:03:57,440 --> 00:04:00,880
this is irrelevant - but was
in an amateur production
81
00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:02,360
of An Inspector Calls.
82
00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:05,280
With, by the way,
a very young Tom Hiddleston
83
00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:06,560
What's it got to do with anything?
84
00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:08,840
It's...
85
00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:12,200
Just that he ended up being
one of the most beloved
86
00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:14,240
actors of our generation.
87
00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:16,360
And, of course that's
irrelevant to you,
88
00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:18,600
because you don't
understand the arts.
89
00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:20,360
The puzzle, Nic?
90
00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:24,960
The puzzle, I'd come back, er,
cannot wait to see the puzzle.
91
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:28,760
And find out that he's had a couple
of friends over, gotten drunk,
92
00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:30,800
and punched a hole in my puzzle.
93
00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:35,000
And I remember standing
there, looking down at it
94
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:37,520
and just feeling,
you know... Puzzled?
95
00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:39,240
SHE LAUGHS
96
00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:40,840
No, I felt distraught!
97
00:04:40,840 --> 00:04:43,040
I felt like it was
an act of destruction
98
00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:44,840
against everything that I am.
99
00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:46,080
Oh, chill out.
100
00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:47,960
Why did you punch that hole?
101
00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:49,520
Er...
102
00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:52,240
Well, like, the week
before we'd been watching
103
00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:55,080
an episode of Scrapheap Challenge -
I don't know if you know that.
104
00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:56,840
Mmm. I do, yeah.
You do, do you like it?
105
00:04:56,840 --> 00:04:59,240
I just started watching it,
I'm, like, bingeing it.
106
00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:02,480
Yeah, it's quite watchable,
you sort of... It is.
107
00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:04,400
I don't know if you saw the
one where there's a catapult
108
00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:07,960
and I just said,
"I could do better than that."
109
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:10,160
And Nic just launched at me.
110
00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:13,280
"No, you're too thick,
you'll fuck up the dimensions.
111
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:15,680
"You're stupid, you think
you can do better than that."
112
00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:19,480
I didn't say that. You fucking did,
Nic, you said it all with your head
113
00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:21,560
just in a grab-bag of salt
and vinegar Square crisps.
114
00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:24,280
That, I do do. Yeah, and you just
lifted your head out of the packet
115
00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:26,760
just like a truffle hog
lifts its snout from the soil
116
00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:28,920
and you just went...
HE SNORTS RAPIDLY
117
00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:30,800
You just sort of just spat
that sentence at me,
118
00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:32,480
along with loads
of Square crumbs.
119
00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:38,360
Well, if I did say that,
I deeply apologise.
120
00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:41,040
But do you think you
can apologise to me
121
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,800
for calling me a truffle hog?
122
00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:47,680
No. No, I just don't
think I'm there yet
123
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:51,520
Does it feel like it would
help you to strip the words
124
00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:54,720
and just go back to
your primordial self?
125
00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:59,600
Be an ape and feel
and emote without words.
126
00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:01,120
I think you can do it.
127
00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:03,120
Let's try it.
128
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:04,600
As what?
129
00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:06,400
An ape.
130
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:07,760
Let's have you be an ape.
131
00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:11,960
HE GRUNTS
132
00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:16,560
Did you hear him?
133
00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:17,960
Um...
134
00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:22,680
I think you're trying to
say it would be nice
135
00:06:22,680 --> 00:06:24,920
if you helped out a
bit with the bills?
136
00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:27,160
No. No?
137
00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:28,960
I heard, "It was my brother."
138
00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:30,840
"It was my brother!"
139
00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:33,120
Incredible work.
140
00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:34,560
Let's try a chicken.
141
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:40,520
My diary entry from 1969.
142
00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:43,240
"The boy who broke my heart."
143
00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:45,080
This sounds spicy.
144
00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:49,480
I'd never been in love
before I met him.
145
00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:52,640
"Jack Tanner, the butcher's boy.
146
00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:56,400
"Beautiful blue eyes, a coy smile
147
00:06:56,400 --> 00:07:01,120
"and riddled with rickets -
so much so, he walked
148
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:05,520
"as if he were perpetually
playing a game of leap frog.
149
00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:11,720
"To straighten his legs, Dr
Busworth bound them to two canes,
150
00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:16,560
"causing him tremendous pain, but
one could always hear him coming.
151
00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:22,920
"He tottered on the cobbles
like a newborn goat,
152
00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:28,720
"and the sound would make
my heart sing like a skylark.
153
00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:32,440
"I was only 16 when he told me
154
00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:37,000
"I was the most beautiful girl
in the whole wide world.
155
00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:43,360
"We carved our names into the great
oak in Mama's walled garden,
156
00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:47,080
"and each night
he would sneak to meet me.
157
00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:54,480
"All we would do was hold hands,
but it still felt electric.
158
00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:57,440
"I thought it was a love
to last the ages,
159
00:07:57,440 --> 00:08:02,240
"but that summer, Jack grew
paler and weaker each day.
160
00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:08,000
"Turns out Dr Busworth was a quack -
161
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:11,760
"nothing but
a money-grabbing fantasist,
162
00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:17,440
"who had never set foot in a medical
school, let alone a practice.
163
00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:20,800
"And rickets, left untreated,
164
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:25,040
"could lead to seizures, and death.
165
00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:32,400
"I remember the night I didn't hear
his click-clacking on the cobbles.
166
00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:34,080
"Hours, I waited by that oak.
167
00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:40,880
"Eventually, I ran
to the butcher's, barefoot,
168
00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,840
"fearing the worst."
Oh, God, no. Please, not Jack.
169
00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:47,280
"The lamp was on in his room
and I ran up the back steps.
170
00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:50,960
"I heard painful groaning.
171
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,840
"I flung open the door...
172
00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:59,120
.."and was greeted with
the most awful sight. Ohh, ohh!
173
00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:03,560
"My best friend, Daphne,
174
00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:06,560
"bouncing up and down
on Jack Tanner's cock."
175
00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:10,240
What, like a big chicken? Ah. Right,
OK! We're going - come on, boys!
176
00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:12,680
Well, what did you expect, darling?
177
00:09:12,680 --> 00:09:14,760
Do we have to go? Yes, we do.
178
00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:16,560
What are you still doing here?
179
00:09:16,560 --> 00:09:18,360
I'm just having a little
tipple, darling.
180
00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:20,440
Come on. All right? Go.
181
00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:24,560
Let's talk about the good parts
of the relationship, shall we?
182
00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:28,120
What worked? What was
the success that you shared?
183
00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:35,120
NIC EXHALES
184
00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:37,240
Did you go to Center Parcs with us?
185
00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:40,160
You didn't go, did you?
No, that wasn't me.
186
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:42,520
I know there were good bits -
of course there were -
187
00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:47,120
but if I'm being honest, I think
we just stopped loving each other.
188
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:49,680
But that's just
fucking life, isn't it?
189
00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:52,200
You know, you move in with
each other, you have a kid,
190
00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:56,320
you start talking about,
"Could you stack the dishwasher?",
191
00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:58,640
"Have you remembered
to put the bins out?
192
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:00,440
"Cos the neighbours
have got the bins out."
193
00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:03,120
"It's not a Tuesday, is it?"
"Yeah, it's a Tuesday."
194
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:07,400
"Oh, God, I thought it was
Wednesday cos Bargain Hunt's on."
195
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:10,280
And that's just... You know,
that's just fucking life,
196
00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:13,040
It just sucks the romance
out of everything.
197
00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:14,800
Yeah, yeah.
198
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:17,120
It's not like there was
nothing there in the first place
199
00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:20,520
but it just gets knocked out of you.
It's like, who our age is...
200
00:10:21,560 --> 00:10:24,520
..is totally happy?
You know, like blissfully happy?
201
00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:26,600
Apart from maybe Wayne Lineker.
202
00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:30,360
That, I agree with.
203
00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:34,600
And how's your son coping
with all these changes?
204
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:39,440
Well, it's not ideal, is it?
I mean, it's up and down.
205
00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:44,160
And, you know, obviously
the cat going missing and...
206
00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:46,160
What... What do you mean,
the cat's gone missing?
207
00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:48,080
Oh, just... Well, I'm
not worried about it -
208
00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:49,600
he's just a cat and went missing
209
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:52,040
and obviously that just
doesn't help, and... Since when?
210
00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:53,840
A day ago, two days,
it doesn't matter.
211
00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:55,120
I'm not worried about it.
212
00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:58,200
What we've managed to
do here is leave ga....
213
00:10:58,200 --> 00:10:59,800
Oh, for God's sake.
214
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:01,880
Hang on, it'll sort itself out.
215
00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:04,000
I told you to call BT.
216
00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:05,480
I did phone BT.
217
00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:08,280
CATERWAULING ECHOES
218
00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:11,040
What was that?
219
00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:12,200
Piece of shit.
220
00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:14,320
The blue light's on
so it should be working.
221
00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:15,480
Dan!
222
00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:18,080
Yeah, just give me a sec,
I'm just trying to get it working.
223
00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:19,880
CATERWAULING CONTINUES
224
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,480
Mr Meowgi...
225
00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:26,160
Ooh. Sorry about that.
226
00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:28,720
We're just having some
behavioural issues with our cat.
227
00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:30,240
I'm so sorry.
228
00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:32,440
He's figured out how
to open doors somehow.
229
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:33,880
Please forgive me, I'm going to
230
00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:35,320
try to get him out of here and...
231
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:37,800
CAT MEOWS AND HISSES
232
00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:40,280
Ow! DJ Sushi, no!
233
00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:41,840
No.
234
00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:43,440
Where's she gone?
235
00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:46,200
Oh, she went to take the cat out.
She said she'll be back in a minute
236
00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:51,480
CAT SCREECHES
237
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:53,600
NIC PANTS
238
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,240
What are you doing?
239
00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:01,040
So sorry about that!
240
00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:02,840
Um, where were we?
241
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:04,760
We're off to such a good start.
242
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:07,720
You two have made
incredible progress today.
243
00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:09,840
I found him
in the tumble dryer...
244
00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:13,520
What did you just say?
245
00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:15,720
I'd like to do a quick
exercise with the two of you,
246
00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:17,600
if that would be all right?
247
00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:20,360
Mm-hm. Nic?
248
00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:23,040
Oh, sorry. Yes, yeah, sure
249
00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:25,200
Come on, then,
greedy guts.
250
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:29,360
I was saying, this
can be really helpful
251
00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:32,000
when we need to repair
our communication.
252
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,760
NIC PANTS AND WHIMPERS
253
00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:44,120
What did you do that for?
254
00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:45,480
What's wrong with you?
255
00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:48,360
Nic?
256
00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:51,480
I need to show you something.
257
00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:57,440
Come on. Why don't you
just play some Fortnite
258
00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:58,800
with Harry or something?
259
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:03,840
No, ta. I'd rather listen to...
David Gray's last album.
260
00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:05,800
How do you know who David Gray is?
261
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:08,640
Dad listens to him while he drinks
whisky and cries in the bath.
262
00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:10,240
Oh, course he does.
263
00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:11,680
What time's Mum going to be back?
264
00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:13,560
I don't know, she's, um...
265
00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:15,760
She's just got to talk
to your dad for a bit
266
00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:18,320
You can say therapy,
I know what they're doing.
267
00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:20,000
OK.
268
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,960
Well, she'll be back
when they're done.
269
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:24,400
Well, I mean...
they wouldn't have needed therapy
270
00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:27,280
if you hadn't have recorded
her, but... Excuse me?
271
00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:29,160
KNOCKING
272
00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:30,720
PHONE CHIMES
273
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:32,080
What are you doing with my phone?
274
00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:33,600
Nothing. Just buying some V-Bucks.
275
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:35,920
No. Absolutely not.
276
00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:38,320
And give me that. Wait... No.
277
00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:41,120
I don't want you playing
with this any more.
278
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:43,800
Mum! No, I'm sick of this rubbish.
279
00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:45,000
Sick of what?
280
00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:47,000
Why don't you do what normal
kids do and just go get a yoyo?
281
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:48,600
That's not normal!
282
00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:52,240
DOOR SLAMS
283
00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:54,200
Just give him a minute.
This is good for him.
284
00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:57,280
He needs to learn
some boundaries and...
285
00:13:57,280 --> 00:13:59,000
..so do you.
286
00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:04,200
Come on, then, greedy guts.
287
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,560
You've not been very good, have you?
288
00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:12,400
You've destroyed the whole city.
289
00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:17,440
Let's get rid of you, then!
CAT MEOWS
290
00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:23,400
Three, two, one, blast off!!
291
00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:32,760
Oh, God.
292
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:35,520
Why didn't you tell me, like...
293
00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:37,200
I... So...
294
00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:41,920
The cat we've got now, is that
just...? Just a random, yeah.
295
00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:43,720
I'm not even sure it's a boy.
296
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:47,480
Not even sure it's a cat,
by the size of its...dumps.
297
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,480
How long has the second cat
been missing? I don't know!
298
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:55,880
When would you say, since Sunday?
Fucking hell.
299
00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:57,800
We need to report this, don't we?
300
00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:59,720
Or do we? Do we need to... Oh.
Do we need to call the police?
301
00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:01,520
Like, is this a crime.
Like, what...?
302
00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:03,400
No, but where does that even end?
303
00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:06,600
I mean, what? That he's,
you know, seeing psychiatrists
304
00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:09,720
all the time and living
in a juvenile institution?
305
00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:11,760
He's put on lithium
for the rest of his life?
306
00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:14,080
No, absolutely not. I don't
think we've got a choice, Nic!
307
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:15,760
I think we need
all the help we can get!
308
00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:18,520
Dan, I mean...kids
experiment, don't they?
309
00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:22,240
I mean, you know, we've done it -
I remember once on a school
310
00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:27,560
trip to Longleat booting a peacock
up the arse out of pure curiosity.
311
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:30,960
You told me you once
wanked off in a pond.
312
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,800
Yeah, no animals were hurt,
were they?
313
00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:34,840
Other than, like, a frog's pride.
This is different, this is...
314
00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:37,440
This is, like, methodical.
This is Jeffrey Dahmer shit.
315
00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:40,560
Oh! It's a one-off. It's a one-off.
It's not a one-off!
316
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:42,920
If it's a one-off, where's the
second fucking cat, Nic? Oh.
317
00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:45,640
Hello, darling. OH!
I need you to park my car!
318
00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:47,360
Just calm down.
319
00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:48,720
Quickly! The handbrake's off.
320
00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:50,080
I'm coming, Mum!
321
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:52,120
NIC SCOWLS
Of course his mum would turn up now.
322
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:54,760
KETTLE WHISTLES
323
00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:57,280
GROAN TUBE WHINES
324
00:15:57,280 --> 00:15:58,840
Does he have to do that?
325
00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:01,240
It's the only way I could
get him out of the toilet.
326
00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:06,560
So, Goody Winters saw her dancing
in a field under the full moon
327
00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:09,520
and chanting spells, so of course
she told the Witchfinder General.
328
00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:11,680
Goody Winters
sounds like a right tit.
329
00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:14,600
But the last straw was when
Goody Ashmore witnessed her
330
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:19,600
vomiting up sharp needles and crows
that flew off into the woods.
331
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:21,400
Then what happened?
332
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:25,480
So then, all of the men
in the village dragged her
333
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:29,560
from her house by her pubic hair,
marched her through the village
334
00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:31,640
and drowned her in the Bow Wow.
335
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:33,960
Urgh. Men. Thank you.
336
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:36,920
And last year,
we raised £500 for the WI.
337
00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:40,080
I'm sorry, but can you not see
the glaring irony there?
338
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:42,960
I know, they don't need
any more money.
339
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:46,040
So what part am I playing, then?
The witch?
340
00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:49,360
No, everyone voted for Nic
to play the witch.
341
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:52,120
Because of what happened?
No - because of her nose.
342
00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:53,800
Oh, fair enough.
343
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:56,360
You're playing Edie Yarmouth
Goody Yarmouth?
344
00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:57,800
No, she wasn't married.
345
00:16:57,800 --> 00:16:59,440
She was a one-legged lady
of the night
346
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:00,920
who frequented the local tavern.
347
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,000
Ah. So a prostitute, then.
348
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:04,160
Oh, no! No.
349
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:05,600
She wasn't paid for it.
350
00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:09,880
What... No, why are you adding more?
351
00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:14,640
Because, Carbonel was famously fat
from eating everybody's souls!
352
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,000
Right, OK.
353
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,960
But how am I going to
go to the toilet?
354
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:22,960
Well, why don't you do what
I do on a girls' night out
355
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:24,920
and crouch over a drain?
356
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:28,560
So what part are you
playing, then, Harry?
357
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:30,320
I'm the sacrificial pig.
358
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:32,320
Oh, lovely.
359
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:33,840
I'm so very proud.
360
00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:42,920
HE SLURPS HIS TEA
361
00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:53,200
Tooth looks good.
362
00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:55,880
Yeah, well, it cost me five grand.
You're joking! So...
363
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:03,520
We were just on our way to
a book signing at Waterstones.
364
00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:05,120
Whose? Whose signing?
365
00:18:05,120 --> 00:18:07,240
Charlie from Casualty. Oh, OK.
366
00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:09,720
What do you think that's going to be
about, then, his time on Casualty?
367
00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:11,120
No...
368
00:18:11,120 --> 00:18:13,640
It was about his journey
of self-discovery
369
00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:17,360
on his walk from
John O'Groats to Land's End.
370
00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:19,280
That sounds riveting
Do you want to come?
371
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:22,600
No. Tempting as that sounds,
I don't think...
372
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:24,800
I've got stuff to get on
with here, so... Yeah.
373
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:27,560
NIC YAWNS
Yeah. So, thank you for coming.
374
00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:31,120
Oh, I see. What?
375
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:35,000
She's weaselled her way
back in again. Oh, Mum.
376
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:37,920
She fornicated with
your brother, Daniel!
377
00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:39,440
Mum! I can't do this.
378
00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:42,880
You should be ashamed of yourself!
379
00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:45,560
You killed him!
380
00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:50,360
What did you just say?
He couldn't bear the guilt...
381
00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:54,400
..so he threw himself
in front of that train!
382
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:55,720
I know he did!
383
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:57,520
My son is dead...
384
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:01,080
..and you're just...swanning around
385
00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:04,000
like Joan Collins
in the south of France!
386
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,520
I'm sorry... I can't...
I can't bear it, Daniel, I can't.
387
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,360
Right, I'm done.
388
00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:11,000
Why couldn't you have
married Helen Foster?
389
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:12,440
You know...
390
00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:14,880
..she designs wallpaper
for Laura Ashley!
391
00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:17,680
Because she's my third cousin.
Well, that never stopped the royals!
392
00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:19,720
Marrying your cousin's
a sign of class!
393
00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:25,120
Look, Suze...
I want to see the video again.
394
00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:26,720
I don't have it.
395
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:28,280
Why were you there that night?
396
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:32,760
I was there that night
to tell him that I loved him,
397
00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:34,560
and he turned me down for you.
398
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,800
And that's everything, OK?
399
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:38,720
At least Alex found a good woman.
400
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:42,120
You never liked Suze! Yes, I did!
401
00:19:42,120 --> 00:19:44,240
Oh, my God, you've only started
liking her now that he's dead.
402
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:47,280
That is not true! You said her
Lady MacBeth was so wooden, that it
403
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:49,760
was like someone threw a chair
on the stage! Shh!
404
00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:52,200
Oh, my God, you always did this!
405
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:54,840
Did what? Played us off
against each other.
406
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:58,560
God. No wonder Dad started shagging
his palliative-care nurse.
407
00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:01,200
You're a sad, bitter,
hateful old bitch!
408
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,600
SHE GASPS
409
00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:04,480
And you were a bad mum.
410
00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:06,200
You know what?
411
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:08,080
Nic may be a lot of things,
412
00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:09,720
but she would never
treat Ollie that way.
413
00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:10,880
SHE GASPS
414
00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:14,160
I want to know, word for word,
what happened on that night.
415
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:18,160
I, erm...
416
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:21,800
SHE SIGHS
417
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:24,680
I knew that he was going
to be getting that train...
418
00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:27,880
Alex.
419
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:35,120
..so I went there to talk to him
420
00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:39,520
about, erm, telling you and Dan...
421
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:43,360
I just wanted to say that
maybe it's a good time
422
00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:45,640
for us to come clean about it.
423
00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:47,240
What did he say?
424
00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:49,160
He wanted to come clean, as well.
425
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:50,960
Get your hands off me.
426
00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:52,760
Well, the sex was fine...
427
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:57,040
..but I think you
should lose some weight.
428
00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:59,240
To save his relationship with you.
429
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:01,560
Not... Not... Nothing to do with me.
430
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:02,960
NIC SNIFFS
431
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:05,680
How did his coat get
trapped in the doors?
432
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:07,040
I was really upset.
433
00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:15,440
And he went to comfort me,
so he hugged me.
434
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:16,960
Open the door.
435
00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:21,760
And he just timed it wrong
cos the doors....
436
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:24,200
Open the fucking door!
437
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,400
I tried to...
438
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:26,760
Just pull the cord!
439
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:32,240
Argh! Ugh!
440
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:38,600
Pull the cord!
How long have I known you, Nic?
441
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,280
How long?
442
00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:43,440
Long enough to know
when you're lying.
443
00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:46,480
CAROL GASPS
444
00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:48,080
Carol? What's wrong?
445
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:49,880
I'm having a heart attack.
446
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:51,320
She's fine.
447
00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:53,440
Take me home.
448
00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:55,960
But can we stop into M&S on the way?
449
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:57,160
Erm...
450
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:01,680
SHE BREATHS HEAVILY
451
00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:04,800
Nic? You all right?
452
00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:06,280
SHE SCREAMS
453
00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:07,600
Fuck.
454
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:11,400
Sor... Sorry, what is it, a fucking
full moon tonight, is it?
455
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:13,440
Oh, my... Oh, my God.
456
00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:15,000
Nic!
457
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:16,520
What, are you still
picking up Ollie?
458
00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:21,200
BELL TOLLS
459
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:23,080
ECHOING VOICES
Why were you there that night?
460
00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:24,320
Ohh...
461
00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:26,520
Hurry up, you stupid bitch!
462
00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:28,280
Oh, shut up.
463
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:30,920
Hey, look, you never
told me what you actually saw.
464
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:34,000
You killed him!
Get it together, Nic.
465
00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:36,920
Three, two, one, blast off!
466
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:39,200
Kids experiment, don't they?
467
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:41,080
In you go. Channel your sin.
468
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:43,600
I can't take any more! Shut up!
469
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:45,600
VOICES STOP
470
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:47,040
SHE SIGHS
471
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,400
Ohhh... I'm nuts.
472
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:52,880
I'm nuts, I'm nuts.
473
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:58,160
Sorry, I'm fine,
I was just having a breakdown...
474
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:09,160
It was in a dream, I think.
It walked past my bedroom window.
475
00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:10,720
How long have I known you, Nic?
476
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:13,000
Long enough to know
when you're lying.
477
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:14,120
The Skellis is...
478
00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:21,000
I can't...
479
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,760
What's wrong? I can't...
I can't breathe.
480
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:25,880
Mum? I can't breathe...
481
00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:27,600
Er, it's OK, it's OK, boys.
482
00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:30,120
Look... Look, why don't you guys
go into the house and get
483
00:23:30,120 --> 00:23:32,720
Mrs Baggott to tell you about her
grandson's kidney infection? Mum!
484
00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:34,920
Look, she's all right, she's going
to be fine. She's going to be fine.
485
00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:36,640
She just needs a minute. You OK?
She just needs a minute.
486
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:38,000
I just need you to get the kids out.
487
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:41,280
Yeah, yeah, so I'll come and get you
in a bit, OK? All right. Yeah?
488
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:43,160
That's it, off you go.
DOOR CLOSES
489
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:44,920
Right, it's OK, it's OK.
490
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:46,920
It's OK, right?
491
00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:49,240
Everything's going to be OK.
492
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:51,480
What... What happened?
493
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:53,120
Oh, she knows...
494
00:23:53,120 --> 00:23:55,680
Who? Who knows? Suzie knows.
495
00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:57,680
Knows what? What does she know?
496
00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:00,120
I can't say it, I can't say!
497
00:24:00,120 --> 00:24:02,160
BANGING
The Skellis is...
498
00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:03,600
Oh, my God!
499
00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:05,960
Not been very good, have you?
500
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:07,400
When you started fucking my brother.
501
00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:09,200
Do you think there's something
special about you? Oh, my God!
502
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:11,200
What are you doing?
NIC SCREAMS
503
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:12,880
You're scaring me.
504
00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:15,800
It has never been about...
You're lying.
505
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:17,440
Open the fucking door!
506
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:20,360
VOICES STOP
507
00:24:20,360 --> 00:24:21,960
NIC CRIES
508
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:26,120
It's, like, the worst...
509
00:24:26,120 --> 00:24:27,680
It's the worst thing.
510
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:29,160
What, Nic, what?!
511
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:32,080
You have to promise me that
you're not recording this
512
00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:35,000
cos you've done that to me before.
Oh, my God, I wouldn't!
513
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:37,120
I wouldn't, I promise.
You can't do that to me again.
514
00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:38,440
I promise, I promise.
515
00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:40,240
OK, look, look. OK, I'm going to...
516
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:42,800
I'm going to put the phone here, OK?
517
00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:44,440
And, look, it's not recording.
518
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:48,720
Just nothing but Ben Adams'
glossy '90s curtains.
519
00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:51,320
All right?
So I'll just put that there.
520
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:55,040
Now, I'm not... I'm not going
to go anywhere near it, OK?
521
00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:56,360
Satisfied?
522
00:24:56,360 --> 00:24:58,080
NIC BREATHES SHAKILY
523
00:24:58,080 --> 00:24:59,720
Satisfied. OK.
524
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:02,240
It's, like...
525
00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:07,800
..the most heinous thing
anybody could ever do.
526
00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:10,280
Oh, God.
527
00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:15,280
You're not a nonce, are you?
528
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:17,400
God, no! OK, OK, fine, no.
529
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:20,240
Well, what... What, then?
What? I mean...
530
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:22,000
Have you shagged your dad?
531
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:25,320
No! OK, I'm sorry.
Why would you even say that?!
532
00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:27,880
I don't know! My brai...
What, then?!
533
00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:32,400
Alex.
534
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:33,800
What?
535
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:36,920
I killed him.
536
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:39,240
What? I killed him.
537
00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:42,920
God, I can't believe I just
said that out loud.
538
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:50,880
Er... I killed him. Erm...
539
00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:53,720
You know when the doors were closing
540
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:57,000
and I said that it's
because we were hugging?
541
00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:58,360
Yeah. We weren't hugging.
542
00:25:58,360 --> 00:26:01,480
I just... He'd dumped me
and I was so angry
543
00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:04,040
that I just pulled his
coat through the...
544
00:26:06,120 --> 00:26:07,440
Fuck.
545
00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:09,040
Ugh... Ah...
546
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:10,920
Oh, Nic. Yeah.
547
00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:12,680
OK. Oh, God.
548
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:14,680
It's all right, it's all right.
549
00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:16,480
You've got to...
You've got to breathe. Yeah.
550
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:19,280
You've got to breathe. You're OK.
551
00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:23,320
This feels better.
552
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:25,000
Feel better?
553
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:27,440
Yeah. OK.
554
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:29,160
So...
555
00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:30,680
..you were at the station?
556
00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:32,720
I went to meet him
at the station... Yeah.
557
00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:36,720
..because he just wasn't
answering any of my calls.
558
00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:40,200
And I had seen him two days before,
559
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:44,200
and he'd said that he wanted to
come clean about everything.
560
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:46,360
So, what, two days before, he's...
561
00:26:46,360 --> 00:26:49,000
What, he's going to leave Suzie?
He's going to leave Suzie.
562
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:50,680
He's saying he loves you? Yeah...
42026
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