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1
00:00:09,137 --> 00:00:10,137
Are you ready, kids?
2
00:00:10,241 --> 00:00:12,379
Aye, aye, Captain!
3
00:00:12,482 --> 00:00:13,758
I can't hear you.
4
00:00:13,862 --> 00:00:15,655
Aye, aye, Captain!
5
00:00:15,758 --> 00:00:18,310
♪ Oh...
6
00:00:18,413 --> 00:00:20,655
♪ Who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪
7
00:00:20,758 --> 00:00:22,206
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪
8
00:00:22,310 --> 00:00:24,931
♪ Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he. ♪
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00:00:25,034 --> 00:00:26,413
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪
10
00:00:26,517 --> 00:00:28,724
♪ If nautical nonsense be
something you wish... ♪
11
00:00:28,827 --> 00:00:30,172
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪
12
00:00:30,275 --> 00:00:32,724
♪ Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish. ♪
13
00:00:32,827 --> 00:00:34,413
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪
14
00:00:34,517 --> 00:00:36,620
♪ Ready?
SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪
15
00:00:36,724 --> 00:00:39,620
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!
16
00:00:39,724 --> 00:00:40,724
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!
17
00:00:40,758 --> 00:00:43,172
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!
18
00:00:45,482 --> 00:00:49,068
Captioning sponsored by THE
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
19
00:00:49,172 --> 00:00:52,000
and NICKELODEON
20
00:01:02,034 --> 00:01:07,620
Ah, Goo Lagoon, a luxurious
oasis of sand and sea.
21
00:01:07,724 --> 00:01:09,689
Shoot, SpongeBob,
22
00:01:09,793 --> 00:01:10,793
how can we go swimming
23
00:01:10,827 --> 00:01:12,586
when you're in a shirt & tie?
24
00:01:12,689 --> 00:01:14,379
Ah, yes, how foolish of me.
25
00:01:15,827 --> 00:01:18,551
Allow me to remedy
said situation right now.
26
00:01:18,655 --> 00:01:20,620
I will just use
this changing tent here
27
00:01:20,724 --> 00:01:23,413
to change into my bathing suit.
28
00:01:23,793 --> 00:01:25,344
And I won't do anything else.
29
00:01:25,448 --> 00:01:26,655
SpongeBob's acting jumpier
30
00:01:26,758 --> 00:01:29,413
than a rattlesnake
in a pickle barrel.
31
00:01:29,517 --> 00:01:30,517
Wait... what?
32
00:01:31,827 --> 00:01:34,275
Oh, I'll be changing all right,
33
00:01:34,379 --> 00:01:36,068
but not into a bathing suit.
34
00:01:36,172 --> 00:01:40,793
Wait until Sandy sees
that I brought my karate gear!
35
00:01:40,896 --> 00:01:41,551
Hi-yah!
36
00:01:41,655 --> 00:01:42,827
Hi... yah!
37
00:01:42,931 --> 00:01:45,034
Sandy won't beat me this time,
38
00:01:45,137 --> 00:01:47,689
because I've got the element
on my side.
39
00:01:47,793 --> 00:01:50,862
The element of surprise.
40
00:01:50,965 --> 00:01:51,758
Hi-yah!
41
00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:53,931
SpongeBob, are you ready?
42
00:01:54,034 --> 00:01:57,310
Yes, Sandy,
I most certainly am ready!
43
00:01:57,413 --> 00:02:00,103
Ready to get it on.
44
00:02:00,206 --> 00:02:02,206
Hi...
45
00:02:02,310 --> 00:02:03,344
Hi-yah!
46
00:02:03,448 --> 00:02:04,586
Look, SpongeBob,
47
00:02:04,689 --> 00:02:06,275
we both brought our karate gear.
48
00:02:07,586 --> 00:02:10,000
Great minds
think alike, I suppose.
49
00:02:10,103 --> 00:02:11,620
Hi-yah!
50
00:02:17,379 --> 00:02:20,827
I may be down, but I'm not out!
51
00:02:21,724 --> 00:02:22,724
Way to go, buddy.
52
00:02:22,827 --> 00:02:23,827
It took us three days
53
00:02:23,862 --> 00:02:25,896
to make that potato salad.
54
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:27,586
Three days!
55
00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:29,241
Hi-yah!
56
00:02:29,344 --> 00:02:30,689
Sandy?
57
00:02:30,793 --> 00:02:33,517
Oh, I'm Sandy all right...
58
00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:35,896
I'm very sandy.
59
00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:36,620
Hi-yah!
60
00:02:36,724 --> 00:02:38,931
Oh, I get it.
61
00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:40,172
She's "Sandy."
62
00:02:40,275 --> 00:02:43,965
That's her name and she's
also covered in... yes.
63
00:02:45,275 --> 00:02:48,724
Back in Texas,
we call ice cream
"frozen cow juice."
64
00:02:48,827 --> 00:02:50,827
Excuse me for a sec.
65
00:02:50,931 --> 00:02:52,034
Hi... yah!
66
00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:53,724
Thank you.
67
00:02:53,827 --> 00:02:55,896
No, no, thank you.
68
00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:57,000
Hi-yah!
69
00:03:00,965 --> 00:03:03,620
Who threw that
piece of paper at me?
70
00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:07,655
Hey, what's everyone
71
00:03:07,758 --> 00:03:09,344
waiting in line for?
72
00:03:09,448 --> 00:03:13,103
Ahoy, fair lass, it be the line
to get into the Salty Spitoon,
73
00:03:13,206 --> 00:03:15,655
the roughest,
toughest,
sailor club
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00:03:15,758 --> 00:03:17,931
ever to be built
under the seven seas.
75
00:03:18,034 --> 00:03:21,172
Only the baddest of the bad
can get in.
76
00:03:21,275 --> 00:03:22,862
You need to have muscles.
77
00:03:24,275 --> 00:03:27,034
You need to have muscles
on your muscles.
78
00:03:28,206 --> 00:03:31,448
You need to have muscles
on your eyeballs.
79
00:03:34,241 --> 00:03:35,655
Ew.
80
00:03:40,103 --> 00:03:42,793
Looks like a rip-snortin'
good time, SpongeBob.
81
00:03:42,896 --> 00:03:44,448
Yeah, let's go in.
82
00:03:44,551 --> 00:03:45,896
Go ahead.
83
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:48,379
Welcome to the Salty Spitoon.
84
00:03:48,482 --> 00:03:49,689
How tough are ya?
85
00:03:49,793 --> 00:03:51,172
How tough am I?
86
00:03:51,275 --> 00:03:52,379
How tough am I?
87
00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:55,241
I had a bowl of nails
for breakfast this morning.
88
00:03:55,344 --> 00:03:56,103
Yeah, so?
89
00:03:56,206 --> 00:03:58,448
Without any milk.
90
00:03:58,551 --> 00:03:59,413
Uh, right this way.
91
00:03:59,517 --> 00:04:00,827
Sorry to keep you waiting.
92
00:04:00,931 --> 00:04:02,758
Welcome to the Salty Spitoon.
93
00:04:02,862 --> 00:04:03,758
How tough are ya?
94
00:04:03,862 --> 00:04:06,103
How tough am I?
95
00:04:08,344 --> 00:04:09,862
Wow.
96
00:04:09,965 --> 00:04:11,551
Got any more tattoos?
97
00:04:11,655 --> 00:04:14,068
Uh, that won't
be necessary.
Go ahead.
98
00:04:14,172 --> 00:04:15,034
Thanks!
99
00:04:15,137 --> 00:04:16,655
See ya inside, SpongeBob.
100
00:04:16,758 --> 00:04:18,068
How tough are ya?
101
00:04:18,172 --> 00:04:18,965
How tough am I?
102
00:04:19,068 --> 00:04:20,931
You got a new bottle of ketchup?
103
00:04:21,034 --> 00:04:22,034
Sure.
104
00:04:22,068 --> 00:04:23,241
It's on!
105
00:04:40,517 --> 00:04:43,586
If I could just run this
under some hot water...
106
00:04:43,689 --> 00:04:44,862
Get outta here.
107
00:04:44,965 --> 00:04:47,310
This place is too tough
for you, little man.
108
00:04:47,413 --> 00:04:48,413
Too tough for me?
109
00:04:48,517 --> 00:04:50,000
That's downright ridiculous.
110
00:04:50,103 --> 00:04:52,310
I'll have you know
I stubbed my toe last week
111
00:04:52,413 --> 00:04:56,034
while watering my spice garden
and I only cried for 20 minutes.
112
00:04:56,137 --> 00:04:59,482
Listen, kid, I think
you'd be more comfortable
113
00:04:59,586 --> 00:05:00,689
over at that place.
114
00:05:00,793 --> 00:05:02,137
Weenie Hut Jr.'s?
115
00:05:02,241 --> 00:05:04,862
Are you saying I belong
at Weenie Hut Jr.'s?
116
00:05:04,965 --> 00:05:06,482
Oh, no, sorry.
I was actually
117
00:05:06,586 --> 00:05:08,103
pointing to the place
next to it.
118
00:05:08,206 --> 00:05:10,655
Super Weenie Hut Jr.'s?
119
00:05:10,758 --> 00:05:12,068
Yeah.
120
00:05:12,172 --> 00:05:14,827
Unless you think you're
tough enough to fight me.
121
00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:18,862
How's your collection
coming along?
122
00:05:18,965 --> 00:05:20,310
Well I don't mean to brag,
123
00:05:20,413 --> 00:05:21,413
but it's pretty sweet.
124
00:05:21,448 --> 00:05:23,827
I'm in the process
of acquiring issue 347
125
00:05:23,931 --> 00:05:26,103
which will give me
my fourth set.
126
00:05:26,206 --> 00:05:27,068
No!
127
00:05:27,172 --> 00:05:28,551
What weenies.
128
00:05:28,655 --> 00:05:30,206
Oh, brother.
129
00:05:30,310 --> 00:05:32,931
Would you care
for another diet cola
130
00:05:33,034 --> 00:05:35,103
with a lemon twist, Weenie?
131
00:05:35,206 --> 00:05:35,793
What?!
132
00:05:35,896 --> 00:05:38,000
But I'm not a weenie!
133
00:05:39,241 --> 00:05:42,000
I'm sorry, sir,
but my sensors indicate
134
00:05:42,103 --> 00:05:43,827
that you are indeed a weenie.
135
00:05:45,689 --> 00:05:47,689
That's impossible!
136
00:05:47,793 --> 00:05:50,862
You can't hide what's inside.
137
00:05:52,827 --> 00:05:54,655
I demand entrance into your club
138
00:05:54,758 --> 00:05:57,482
on the grounds
that I am nota weenie!
139
00:05:57,586 --> 00:05:59,241
Hey, Reg, how's it going?
140
00:05:59,344 --> 00:06:00,172
You were saying?
141
00:06:00,275 --> 00:06:01,275
Go ahead, buddy.
142
00:06:01,344 --> 00:06:02,344
Thanks, Reg.
143
00:06:02,379 --> 00:06:03,931
So, your name's Reg?
144
00:06:04,034 --> 00:06:06,000
Would you get outta here?
145
00:06:06,103 --> 00:06:07,241
Mark my words, Reg!
146
00:06:07,344 --> 00:06:10,413
I will get into
the Salty Spitoon!
147
00:06:10,517 --> 00:06:11,551
I will!
148
00:06:11,655 --> 00:06:12,827
Couldn't get in, huh?
149
00:06:12,931 --> 00:06:14,551
What you need is a tough hairdo.
150
00:06:14,655 --> 00:06:15,931
No one gets into the double-S
151
00:06:16,034 --> 00:06:17,172
without a tough hairdo.
152
00:06:17,275 --> 00:06:18,517
I disagree... I saw a guy
153
00:06:18,620 --> 00:06:20,448
going in there and he was bald.
154
00:06:20,551 --> 00:06:21,655
I saw that guy.
155
00:06:21,758 --> 00:06:23,379
He wasn't bald,
he had a shaved head.
156
00:06:23,482 --> 00:06:24,896
Shaved... that's a hairdo.
157
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:25,896
Case closed.
158
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,000
Hey, where'd he go?
159
00:06:27,103 --> 00:06:29,068
I believe he said something
160
00:06:29,172 --> 00:06:31,689
about going to the wig store.
161
00:06:31,793 --> 00:06:32,620
Ha-ha!
162
00:06:32,724 --> 00:06:35,034
Check and mate!
163
00:06:35,551 --> 00:06:37,206
What's shaking, my man?
164
00:06:37,310 --> 00:06:38,103
Not much.
165
00:06:38,206 --> 00:06:40,310
Say, haven't I seen you before?
166
00:06:40,413 --> 00:06:43,689
Doubt it... I'm a drifter...
Just blew into town.
167
00:06:43,793 --> 00:06:45,724
Heard your club
was pretty tough.
168
00:06:45,827 --> 00:06:47,310
Thought I'd check it out.
169
00:06:47,413 --> 00:06:47,931
Nice try, kid.
170
00:06:48,034 --> 00:06:48,931
I know it's you.
171
00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:51,068
What are you talking about?
172
00:06:51,172 --> 00:06:51,931
Aha!
173
00:06:52,034 --> 00:06:54,931
Hey everybody, what's going on?
174
00:07:00,103 --> 00:07:01,758
Ah, you can go in.
175
00:07:01,862 --> 00:07:03,000
Sorry about that.
176
00:07:03,103 --> 00:07:04,275
And what do youwant?
177
00:07:04,379 --> 00:07:06,827
I'd like to gain entrance
to your club, please.
178
00:07:06,931 --> 00:07:09,965
I believe my hairdo is in order.
179
00:07:14,655 --> 00:07:15,724
So where do you stand
180
00:07:15,827 --> 00:07:17,896
on the whole
bald vs. shaved debate?
181
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,068
Hey-ya, Reg.
182
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:21,034
All right, now it's a party.
183
00:07:21,137 --> 00:07:23,448
Oh, yeah, check out the new ink.
184
00:07:23,551 --> 00:07:24,344
Thanks.
185
00:07:24,448 --> 00:07:26,275
Hey, look what I can make it do.
186
00:07:28,931 --> 00:07:30,758
Yeah!
187
00:07:30,862 --> 00:07:32,068
Hey, what about that one?
188
00:07:32,172 --> 00:07:35,103
Huh, you know, I don't
remember getting this one.
189
00:07:35,206 --> 00:07:36,413
Can you make it dance?
190
00:07:36,517 --> 00:07:37,517
Oh, here, let me try.
191
00:07:41,034 --> 00:07:43,000
Hot-cha, cha-cha,
hot-cha, cha-cha.
192
00:07:43,103 --> 00:07:44,655
Cha-ditty-cha-ditty-cha!
193
00:07:44,758 --> 00:07:46,965
Hmm, wait a minute.
194
00:07:47,068 --> 00:07:48,275
Go ahead in.
195
00:07:48,379 --> 00:07:49,620
Yeah, sure, Reg.
196
00:07:49,724 --> 00:07:50,931
Thanks.
197
00:07:51,034 --> 00:07:52,965
Nice try, little man.
198
00:07:54,655 --> 00:07:56,931
Hey, I was in front of you!
199
00:07:57,034 --> 00:07:57,862
No, you weren't!
200
00:07:57,965 --> 00:07:59,655
Are you callin' me a liar?
201
00:07:59,758 --> 00:08:01,758
I ain't callin' you for dinner!
202
00:08:07,310 --> 00:08:09,137
Hold it, you two...
That's enough.
203
00:08:09,241 --> 00:08:10,689
You're both plenty tough.
204
00:08:10,793 --> 00:08:11,689
Go ahead in.
205
00:08:11,793 --> 00:08:12,689
All right.
206
00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:14,034
Thanks, Reg.
207
00:08:14,137 --> 00:08:15,137
Hey, what about me?
208
00:08:15,241 --> 00:08:16,241
I was in that scrap.
209
00:08:16,344 --> 00:08:17,931
I saw you running.
210
00:08:18,034 --> 00:08:20,310
When you get
in a real fight,
then we'll talk.
211
00:08:20,413 --> 00:08:25,206
Well then, I guess it's time
to take it up a notch.
212
00:08:40,482 --> 00:08:43,137
Care for another sundae, weenie?
213
00:08:43,241 --> 00:08:44,241
I am not a weenie!
214
00:08:44,275 --> 00:08:46,413
Relax, you're among friends.
215
00:08:46,517 --> 00:08:50,586
My friends don't hang out
at Weenie Hut Jr.'s.
216
00:08:50,689 --> 00:08:52,344
You tell 'em, SpongeBob.
217
00:08:52,448 --> 00:08:54,103
Patrick, what are
you doing here?
218
00:08:54,206 --> 00:08:56,931
I'm always here on
Double-Weenie Wednesday.
219
00:08:57,034 --> 00:08:58,103
Actually, they moved
220
00:08:58,206 --> 00:08:59,793
Double-Weenie
Wednesday
to Friday.
221
00:08:59,896 --> 00:09:01,137
Besides, today's Monday.
222
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:03,206
Oh, so it's Mega-Weenie Monday?
223
00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:04,862
That's now on Sunday.
224
00:09:04,965 --> 00:09:05,827
Barnacles!
225
00:09:05,931 --> 00:09:06,724
Super Weenie
Hut Jr.'s
226
00:09:06,827 --> 00:09:08,137
has a Mega-Weenie Monday.
227
00:09:08,241 --> 00:09:09,034
No, you're thinking
228
00:09:09,137 --> 00:09:10,275
of Monster-Weenie Monday.
229
00:09:10,379 --> 00:09:11,655
I don't have time for this!
230
00:09:11,758 --> 00:09:14,758
I've gotta go pick a fight
with a muscular stranger.
231
00:09:14,862 --> 00:09:16,275
It's the only way of getting
232
00:09:16,379 --> 00:09:17,827
into the Salty Spitoon.
233
00:09:17,931 --> 00:09:19,137
No, SpongeBob, you can't.
234
00:09:19,241 --> 00:09:20,241
It's too dangerous.
235
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:21,448
I've got no choice.
236
00:09:21,551 --> 00:09:23,241
I have a suggestion.
237
00:09:23,344 --> 00:09:25,413
Why not fake a fight?
238
00:09:25,517 --> 00:09:28,448
Hey, that's not a bad idea!
239
00:09:28,551 --> 00:09:31,000
You can call me
a couple of bad names,
240
00:09:31,103 --> 00:09:32,827
we rumble, next thing you know
241
00:09:32,931 --> 00:09:34,206
you're in the Salty Spitoon.
242
00:09:34,310 --> 00:09:37,344
Well, I guess I've
got nothing to lose.
243
00:09:37,448 --> 00:09:38,241
Let's do it!
244
00:09:38,344 --> 00:09:39,620
Yeah!
245
00:09:40,275 --> 00:09:41,137
Hey, how come you never
246
00:09:41,241 --> 00:09:42,448
help us with our problems?
247
00:09:42,551 --> 00:09:46,034
I am a robot,
not a miracle worker.
248
00:09:46,137 --> 00:09:47,000
Afternoon, Reg.
249
00:09:47,103 --> 00:09:48,551
Whoa, whoa, little man.
250
00:09:48,655 --> 00:09:50,103
You still can't go in.
251
00:09:50,206 --> 00:09:53,310
Well, that makes me pretty mad.
252
00:09:53,413 --> 00:09:54,413
Oh, yeah?
253
00:09:54,448 --> 00:09:55,275
Yeah.
254
00:09:55,379 --> 00:09:56,689
I might have to beat someone up
255
00:09:56,793 --> 00:09:58,965
just to get rid
of all this blind fury.
256
00:09:59,068 --> 00:10:00,620
Wow.
257
00:10:00,724 --> 00:10:04,137
I feel pretty sorry for the
next guy who looks at me funny.
258
00:10:04,241 --> 00:10:06,137
Hmm... what about
that guy?
259
00:10:07,689 --> 00:10:09,689
I...
don't be silly,
260
00:10:09,793 --> 00:10:11,103
he's not bothering anybody.
261
00:10:11,206 --> 00:10:14,103
I mean, not like...
that guy!
262
00:10:14,689 --> 00:10:15,689
Who, me?
263
00:10:15,793 --> 00:10:16,896
Yeah, you.
264
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,355
Standing there all
smiling and whatnot.
265
00:10:18,379 --> 00:10:21,000
Somebody ought to teach
you some manners.
266
00:10:21,103 --> 00:10:23,034
Okay, but I must warn you.
267
00:10:23,137 --> 00:10:28,241
I happen to be a world
championship... uh...
268
00:10:28,344 --> 00:10:31,206
"kick... box... er."
269
00:10:31,689 --> 00:10:35,137
I don't care if you're
the demon seed
of Davey Jones!
270
00:10:35,241 --> 00:10:37,517
You're going down, Tubby!
271
00:10:38,931 --> 00:10:40,689
Tubby?
272
00:10:43,793 --> 00:10:46,068
Nobody calls me Tubby!
273
00:10:47,068 --> 00:10:48,413
Wait, Patrick.
274
00:10:48,517 --> 00:10:50,620
You're supposed to
let mewin, remember?
275
00:10:50,724 --> 00:10:51,724
Oh, yeah.
276
00:10:54,655 --> 00:10:56,068
No, please wait!
277
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:19,758
No, please, have mercy.
278
00:11:25,241 --> 00:11:26,275
Wow!
279
00:11:26,379 --> 00:11:27,275
You destroyed that guy
280
00:11:27,379 --> 00:11:29,310
without even touching him!
281
00:11:29,413 --> 00:11:30,758
I did?
282
00:11:30,862 --> 00:11:32,586
I never thought I'd say this,
283
00:11:32,689 --> 00:11:34,965
but...
go ahead in.
284
00:11:35,068 --> 00:11:36,448
Really?
285
00:11:36,551 --> 00:11:37,827
I can go in?
286
00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:41,068
Oh, my gosh, I never thought
this moment would come!
287
00:11:41,172 --> 00:11:42,517
I, SpongeBob SquarePants,
288
00:11:42,620 --> 00:11:46,068
am tough enough to get
into the Salty Spitoon!
289
00:11:46,172 --> 00:11:51,241
This is the happiest day
of my life!
290
00:11:54,413 --> 00:11:55,448
Sandy?
291
00:11:57,206 --> 00:11:58,344
What happened?
292
00:11:58,448 --> 00:12:01,275
You ran inside and
slipped on an ice cube.
293
00:12:03,344 --> 00:12:04,655
What happened?
294
00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:09,172
I slipped on an ice cube
and got covered in boo-boos.
295
00:12:09,275 --> 00:12:10,448
Boo-boos, eh?
296
00:12:10,551 --> 00:12:12,172
I think you guys
want thathospital.
297
00:12:12,275 --> 00:12:13,655
Weenie Hut General?!
298
00:12:26,137 --> 00:12:31,344
Ten, nine, eight, seven,
six, five, four,
299
00:12:31,448 --> 00:12:33,482
three, two, one.
300
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:36,344
I'm done with my shift,
Mr. Krabs!
301
00:12:36,448 --> 00:12:37,896
And let me just say,
302
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:41,482
there will come a day when I
will make something of my life
303
00:12:41,586 --> 00:12:47,172
and I will never have to set
foot in this grease trap again!
304
00:12:47,275 --> 00:12:48,482
Yeah, we'll see you
305
00:12:48,586 --> 00:12:50,758
after your lunch break,
Squidward.
306
00:12:50,862 --> 00:12:52,965
Okay.
307
00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:56,758
So I just took my private yacht
308
00:12:56,862 --> 00:12:59,655
across my private lake
to my private heliport.
309
00:12:59,758 --> 00:13:02,862
It's the only way
off my private island.
310
00:13:02,965 --> 00:13:04,517
Oh, shrimp!
311
00:13:04,620 --> 00:13:07,655
It's my arch rival from high
school, Squilliam Fancyson!
312
00:13:07,758 --> 00:13:10,655
I can't let him see me
in my Krusty Krab uniform.
313
00:13:10,758 --> 00:13:14,379
On your lunch break,
eh, Squiddy?
314
00:13:14,482 --> 00:13:17,482
Yes... I mean no...
I mean... uh, uh...
315
00:13:17,586 --> 00:13:19,068
Hey, whatcha been up to?
316
00:13:19,172 --> 00:13:23,310
Oh, just succeeding in
everything you've failed in.
317
00:13:23,413 --> 00:13:25,862
You are no great shakes,
Squilliam Fancyson!
318
00:13:25,965 --> 00:13:30,758
Anyone can be a big shot in
a hick town like Bikini Bottom.
319
00:13:30,862 --> 00:13:32,172
Oh, is that so?
320
00:13:32,275 --> 00:13:35,137
Let's hear what you've
accomplished
321
00:13:35,241 --> 00:13:36,862
since high school, Squiddy.
322
00:13:36,965 --> 00:13:39,482
Don't be intimidated, Squidward.
323
00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:41,758
Try to imagine him
in his underwear.
324
00:13:44,344 --> 00:13:46,000
Oh, no, he's hot!
325
00:13:46,103 --> 00:13:49,517
I'm, uh, in... food service.
326
00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:51,896
Hold it, don't tell me...
327
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:53,172
You're a cashier!
328
00:13:54,586 --> 00:13:56,068
Don't lie.
329
00:13:56,172 --> 00:13:57,586
Lying always makes it worse.
330
00:13:57,689 --> 00:13:59,517
I own a five-star restaurant!
331
00:13:59,620 --> 00:14:04,758
Squidward, I had no idea
you were such a success.
332
00:14:04,862 --> 00:14:05,482
That's right!
333
00:14:05,586 --> 00:14:07,241
And I would be honored
334
00:14:07,344 --> 00:14:11,172
if you would allow me
to come to yourrestaurant...
335
00:14:11,275 --> 00:14:12,448
tonight.
336
00:14:14,655 --> 00:14:17,068
T-t-t-t-t-t-tonight?
337
00:14:17,172 --> 00:14:19,827
In fact, we'll all come.
338
00:14:19,931 --> 00:14:21,344
My treat!
339
00:14:23,724 --> 00:14:26,620
Please, Mr. Krabs,
you got to help me!
340
00:14:26,724 --> 00:14:27,931
When they get here tonight
341
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:31,172
they'll see I'm just
a big phony and a loser!
342
00:14:31,275 --> 00:14:33,000
Oh, boo-hoo!
343
00:14:33,103 --> 00:14:37,793
Let me play a sad song for you
on the world's smallest violin.
344
00:14:37,896 --> 00:14:38,586
This is serious.
345
00:14:38,689 --> 00:14:40,103
I know... this really is
346
00:14:40,206 --> 00:14:42,206
the world's smallest violin.
347
00:14:42,310 --> 00:14:43,689
See?
348
00:14:43,793 --> 00:14:45,103
Mr. Krabs!
349
00:14:45,206 --> 00:14:47,172
Please let me run the restaurant
350
00:14:47,275 --> 00:14:48,344
for just one night!
351
00:14:48,448 --> 00:14:50,896
I really need
to impress Squilliam.
352
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:53,517
Sq-Sq-Sq-Squilliam?
353
00:14:53,620 --> 00:14:54,660
That guy who made millions
354
00:14:54,758 --> 00:14:56,896
doing what you
wish you could do?
355
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:58,034
Don't rub it in.
356
00:14:58,137 --> 00:14:59,482
Why didn't you tell me?
357
00:14:59,586 --> 00:15:02,344
We'll take him to the cleaners!
358
00:15:02,724 --> 00:15:04,068
All right, listen up!
359
00:15:04,172 --> 00:15:06,965
Men, Squilliam Fancyson
will be here in 20 minutes.
360
00:15:07,068 --> 00:15:09,758
Therefore, we need
to turn the Krusty Krab
361
00:15:09,862 --> 00:15:12,448
into a fancy restaurant
as soon as possible!
362
00:15:12,551 --> 00:15:14,448
Patrick, what are you
doing here?
363
00:15:14,551 --> 00:15:15,655
I thought the Corps
364
00:15:15,758 --> 00:15:17,793
would straighten out
my life, sir!
365
00:15:17,896 --> 00:15:18,517
The Corps?
366
00:15:18,620 --> 00:15:19,448
What the...?
367
00:15:19,551 --> 00:15:20,896
Patrick this isn't the...
368
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,862
Beggars can't be choosers.
369
00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:24,965
Can you take hats
370
00:15:25,068 --> 00:15:27,034
in a dignified and
sophisticated manner?
371
00:15:27,137 --> 00:15:28,965
You mean like a weenie?
372
00:15:29,068 --> 00:15:29,758
Okay!
373
00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:32,137
May I take your hat, sir?
374
00:15:32,241 --> 00:15:34,413
May I take your hat, sir?
375
00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:35,517
May I...
376
00:15:35,586 --> 00:15:36,734
All right, I've heard enough.
377
00:15:36,758 --> 00:15:38,206
You've got the job.
378
00:15:38,310 --> 00:15:41,724
Mr. Krabs, didn't you once
serve on the S.S. Gourmet?
379
00:15:41,827 --> 00:15:42,551
Aye-aye!
380
00:15:42,655 --> 00:15:44,275
Then you'll be our chef.
381
00:15:44,379 --> 00:15:45,448
What can I do?
382
00:15:45,551 --> 00:15:46,831
I can't believe I'm saying this,
383
00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:50,448
but, SpongeBob, you're going
to have to be the waiter.
384
00:15:50,551 --> 00:15:51,793
What's that?
385
00:15:51,896 --> 00:15:54,206
It's the guy who goes
to tables and takes orders.
386
00:15:54,310 --> 00:15:55,965
Do other restaurants do that?
387
00:15:56,068 --> 00:15:56,965
Yes, they do that!
388
00:15:57,068 --> 00:15:58,655
Now listen,
Squilliam is on his way
389
00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:00,517
and you have
less than 20 minutes
390
00:16:00,620 --> 00:16:02,172
to become a fancy waiter,
391
00:16:02,275 --> 00:16:03,275
so read this.
392
00:16:03,344 --> 00:16:04,586
"How To Become a Fancy Waiter
393
00:16:04,689 --> 00:16:06,068
in Less Than 20 Minutes."
394
00:16:06,172 --> 00:16:07,241
Don't worry, Squidward,
395
00:16:07,344 --> 00:16:08,551
I'll memorize every page...
396
00:16:08,655 --> 00:16:09,862
Right down to the punctuation!
397
00:16:09,965 --> 00:16:12,586
All right, I've got
all the positions filled.
398
00:16:12,689 --> 00:16:14,482
I just might pull this off.
399
00:16:14,586 --> 00:16:15,586
Give me that hat!
400
00:16:15,689 --> 00:16:17,689
I said give it to me!
401
00:16:17,793 --> 00:16:20,586
Are you going to
hand it over or not?
402
00:16:20,689 --> 00:16:22,137
Don't you back-sass me!
403
00:16:23,689 --> 00:16:26,965
He's just the hat-check guy,
nothing essential!
404
00:16:28,689 --> 00:16:30,758
What happened?
What is it?
405
00:16:30,862 --> 00:16:31,758
Peas!
406
00:16:31,862 --> 00:16:33,044
Made 'em the old-fashioned way.
407
00:16:33,068 --> 00:16:35,931
Mr. Krabs, you got
to take them out of the...
408
00:16:36,034 --> 00:16:39,586
Holy fish paste, what is that?
409
00:16:39,689 --> 00:16:41,620
That's the appetizer!
410
00:16:41,724 --> 00:16:42,931
But, I thought you said
411
00:16:43,034 --> 00:16:45,517
you were the head chef
on the S.S. Gourmet?
412
00:16:45,620 --> 00:16:46,896
Did I say that?
413
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:48,862
No, I cleaned
the bathrooms
on the Gourmet.
414
00:16:48,965 --> 00:16:51,586
I was the head chef
on the S.S. Diarrhea.
415
00:16:51,689 --> 00:16:52,689
There you are!
416
00:16:52,724 --> 00:16:54,379
SpongeBob, you got to help me!
417
00:16:54,482 --> 00:16:56,655
Patrick and Mr. Krabs
aren't working out
418
00:16:56,758 --> 00:16:58,310
and Squilliam's almost here,
419
00:16:58,413 --> 00:16:59,965
and, and... SpongeBob?
420
00:17:02,379 --> 00:17:03,379
I can't do it.
421
00:17:03,413 --> 00:17:05,862
I can't do it, Squidward.
422
00:17:05,965 --> 00:17:06,965
What?
423
00:17:07,034 --> 00:17:09,413
Every sentence,
every paragraph...
424
00:17:09,517 --> 00:17:11,517
Spoons! Bread! Salad! Pepper!
425
00:17:11,620 --> 00:17:12,724
Don't you understand?
426
00:17:12,827 --> 00:17:14,758
My brain is full to bursting!
427
00:17:14,862 --> 00:17:16,793
If I have to memorize
a single order,
428
00:17:16,896 --> 00:17:18,689
I think I'm going to explode!
429
00:17:18,793 --> 00:17:20,034
SpongeBob, hold on!
430
00:17:20,137 --> 00:17:24,931
Let's just take a second here
to relax.
431
00:17:26,448 --> 00:17:28,724
Little more...
432
00:17:30,482 --> 00:17:32,758
Little more...
433
00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:35,793
Good.
434
00:17:35,896 --> 00:17:40,103
Now... I want you
to empty your mind.
435
00:17:40,206 --> 00:17:42,103
Empty my mind?
436
00:17:42,206 --> 00:17:44,448
Empty your mind.
437
00:17:44,551 --> 00:17:46,655
Empty my mind.
438
00:17:46,758 --> 00:17:49,034
Empty your mind of everything
439
00:17:49,137 --> 00:17:52,655
that doesn't have to do
with fine dining.
440
00:17:52,758 --> 00:17:56,896
Fine dining and breathing...
441
00:17:58,586 --> 00:17:59,866
Just got an order from the boss:
442
00:17:59,965 --> 00:18:02,827
dump everything that
isn't about fine dining!
443
00:18:02,931 --> 00:18:04,206
Everything?
444
00:18:04,310 --> 00:18:05,172
Everything.
445
00:18:05,275 --> 00:18:06,103
Come on, come on!
446
00:18:06,206 --> 00:18:07,206
Quicker, quicker!
447
00:18:09,068 --> 00:18:11,827
Start dumping, start dumping.
448
00:18:11,931 --> 00:18:14,034
Come on, let's get moving!
449
00:18:14,137 --> 00:18:14,793
Hurry up!
450
00:18:14,896 --> 00:18:16,482
What am I paying you for?
451
00:18:16,586 --> 00:18:17,689
You don't pay me.
452
00:18:17,793 --> 00:18:18,793
We don't even exist.
453
00:18:18,896 --> 00:18:20,182
We're just a clever
visual metaphor
454
00:18:20,206 --> 00:18:22,965
used to personify
the abstract concept
of thought.
455
00:18:23,068 --> 00:18:26,586
One more crack like that
and you're out of here!
456
00:18:26,689 --> 00:18:27,689
No, please!
457
00:18:27,758 --> 00:18:28,758
I have three kids!
458
00:18:38,689 --> 00:18:40,724
How do you feel?
459
00:18:41,758 --> 00:18:42,758
SpongeBob?
460
00:18:46,482 --> 00:18:47,724
This isn't working!
461
00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:50,344
I gotta go tell Squilliam
I need more time!
462
00:18:50,448 --> 00:18:52,551
I'll just go and tell him...
463
00:18:52,655 --> 00:18:53,482
You're here!
464
00:18:53,586 --> 00:18:54,896
Hello, Squiddy!
465
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,931
We're all ready to be dazzled
466
00:18:57,034 --> 00:18:59,068
by your five-star restaurant.
467
00:18:59,172 --> 00:18:59,862
Wait, Squilliam!
468
00:18:59,965 --> 00:19:01,275
I've got to explain!
469
00:19:01,379 --> 00:19:02,482
Explain what?
470
00:19:02,586 --> 00:19:04,758
That you, Squidward Tentacles,
471
00:19:04,862 --> 00:19:08,862
voted most likely
to suck eggs
n high school,
472
00:19:08,965 --> 00:19:12,413
are trying to pass off
a lousy burger stand
473
00:19:12,517 --> 00:19:14,586
as a five-star...
474
00:19:15,896 --> 00:19:18,137
restaurant?
475
00:19:20,275 --> 00:19:22,103
Hommina, hommina,
hommina, hommina...
476
00:19:22,206 --> 00:19:23,896
Hommina, hommina, hommina...
477
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,862
Hommina, hommina, hommina,
hommina, hommina...
478
00:19:26,965 --> 00:19:28,862
Table for Hommina?
479
00:19:28,965 --> 00:19:30,758
I can seat you immediately.
480
00:19:30,862 --> 00:19:33,000
How did you do all this?
481
00:19:33,103 --> 00:19:34,862
It was easy... once
I cleared my mind.
482
00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:37,206
But what about
Krabs and Patrick?
483
00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:38,310
Taken care of.
484
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,413
Right this way, please.
485
00:19:46,689 --> 00:19:47,517
Good evening, sir.
486
00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:48,724
From our menu tonight,
487
00:19:48,827 --> 00:19:50,267
might I recommend
the Krabby Newburg?
488
00:19:50,310 --> 00:19:53,000
We take the finest cuts
of aged, imported kelp,
489
00:19:53,103 --> 00:19:55,448
stuff them with herbs
from our garden,
490
00:19:55,551 --> 00:19:56,551
wrap them in parchment
491
00:19:56,655 --> 00:19:57,793
with our shallot tapenade,
492
00:19:57,896 --> 00:20:00,103
roast them for hours
in our wood-fired oven,
493
00:20:00,206 --> 00:20:02,241
and serve them with wilted coral
494
00:20:02,344 --> 00:20:03,344
on a mahogany plank.
495
00:20:03,413 --> 00:20:06,793
Mmm... this is
fantastic!
496
00:20:06,896 --> 00:20:07,793
Thank you, sir.
497
00:20:07,896 --> 00:20:10,586
Pinch me, I must be dreaming.
498
00:20:12,068 --> 00:20:13,586
If you need
anything else,
just call.
499
00:20:13,689 --> 00:20:15,793
SpongeBob, I can't
thank you enough
500
00:20:15,896 --> 00:20:17,172
for all you're doing!
501
00:20:17,275 --> 00:20:20,241
Fine dining and breathing
are all I know how to do.
502
00:20:21,862 --> 00:20:23,275
It worked.
503
00:20:23,379 --> 00:20:24,482
I can't believe it!
504
00:20:24,586 --> 00:20:27,965
Squilliam thinks I own
a five-star restaurant.
505
00:20:28,068 --> 00:20:31,310
Time to rub it in his face.
506
00:20:34,172 --> 00:20:36,827
Well, Squilliam, I'm waiting.
507
00:20:36,931 --> 00:20:39,413
All right, I admit it.
508
00:20:39,517 --> 00:20:41,379
Everything is fabulous!
509
00:20:41,482 --> 00:20:45,793
The food, the atmosphere...
Everything's flawless!
510
00:20:45,896 --> 00:20:47,931
In that case,
I need you to read this.
511
00:20:48,034 --> 00:20:49,413
"Squidward Tentacles..."
512
00:20:49,517 --> 00:20:50,689
And I need you to wear this.
513
00:20:50,793 --> 00:20:53,655
Oh, eh, "Squidward Tentacles
has the fanciest..."
514
00:20:53,758 --> 00:20:55,034
I'm sorry, one more time.
515
00:20:55,137 --> 00:20:57,965
"Squidward Tentacles has
the fanciest restaurant
516
00:20:58,068 --> 00:21:01,793
in Bikini Bottom...
and he does not suck eggs."
517
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:06,379
Squidward, I must tell you...
518
00:21:06,482 --> 00:21:07,827
Thank you.
519
00:21:07,931 --> 00:21:11,000
What really won me over
was your brilliant waiter.
520
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:12,793
It's as if all he knows
521
00:21:12,896 --> 00:21:15,034
is fine dining and breathing.
522
00:21:15,137 --> 00:21:16,793
I must know your name.
523
00:21:18,862 --> 00:21:19,724
My name?
524
00:21:19,827 --> 00:21:21,034
Yes, your name, son.
525
00:21:21,137 --> 00:21:24,310
Uh, Beef Wellington?
526
00:21:24,413 --> 00:21:25,827
No, your name.
527
00:21:25,931 --> 00:21:28,620
Uh... er...
528
00:21:28,724 --> 00:21:30,137
The fork on the left?
529
00:21:30,241 --> 00:21:30,896
Stop joking.
530
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:32,172
Tell him our name.
531
00:21:32,275 --> 00:21:33,172
My name...
532
00:21:33,275 --> 00:21:34,862
What's his name?
What's his name?
533
00:21:34,965 --> 00:21:36,137
I got nothing on a name!
534
00:21:36,241 --> 00:21:39,310
Come on baby, what's the name?
535
00:21:42,827 --> 00:21:44,620
We threw out his name!
536
00:21:49,206 --> 00:21:50,379
Uh...
537
00:21:52,448 --> 00:21:53,689
I am so very sorry!
538
00:21:53,793 --> 00:21:56,620
I don't know what
has gotten into that...
539
00:21:57,689 --> 00:21:59,586
More soup for your armpits?
540
00:22:01,137 --> 00:22:03,103
Please enjoy the food!
541
00:22:03,206 --> 00:22:06,620
Would you like some cheese
on that, sir?
542
00:22:06,724 --> 00:22:08,931
Ow, ow, ow, ow!
543
00:22:11,413 --> 00:22:12,931
No, no!
544
00:22:14,724 --> 00:22:19,862
Run for your lives, everyone,
it's the appetizer!
545
00:22:32,103 --> 00:22:36,172
Well, Squiddy, I'm waiting.
546
00:22:36,827 --> 00:22:38,206
Okay, I admit it!
547
00:22:38,310 --> 00:22:39,517
I'm a fraud!
548
00:22:39,620 --> 00:22:43,241
This was all a futile,
pathetic attempt
to impress you.
549
00:22:43,344 --> 00:22:46,034
This isn't really my restaurant!
550
00:22:46,137 --> 00:22:48,103
I'm just a cashier!
551
00:22:48,206 --> 00:22:51,034
Squidward, I understand.
552
00:22:51,137 --> 00:22:54,275
I have a confession
to make myself.
553
00:22:54,379 --> 00:22:57,620
I made everything up
about my life.
554
00:22:57,724 --> 00:23:00,137
I have no yachts,
jets or anything.
555
00:23:00,241 --> 00:23:03,206
I was only trying
to impress you.
556
00:23:03,310 --> 00:23:09,689
The horrible, sad truth is
I'm a cashier, too!
557
00:23:15,413 --> 00:23:17,965
Is that true?
558
00:23:18,068 --> 00:23:18,862
Of course not!
559
00:23:18,965 --> 00:23:20,379
I'm filthy, stinking rich!
560
00:23:20,482 --> 00:23:21,586
Come on, everyone!
561
00:23:21,689 --> 00:23:25,620
Let's all take a ride
in my balloon/casino.
562
00:23:25,724 --> 00:23:26,965
Hooray!
563
00:23:33,137 --> 00:23:34,275
I got such a headache.
564
00:23:34,379 --> 00:23:36,000
What's going on with you?
565
00:23:36,103 --> 00:23:37,103
Oh, the usual.
566
00:23:40,172 --> 00:23:48,034
Would you get out of here!
567
00:23:48,137 --> 00:23:51,275
[And NICKELODEON]
37481
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