All language subtitles for SpongeBob SquarePants 1999 S02 E05

[SEAGULLS SQUAWKING]

?THEME SONG: Are you ready, kids

.Aye, aye, Captain

!I can't hear you

!Aye, aye, Captain

Ooh, who lives in a
?pineapple under the sea

!SpongeBob SquarePants

Absorbent and yellow
.and porous is he

!SpongeBob SquarePants

If nautical nonsense
.be something you wish

!SpongeBob SquarePants

Then drop on the deck
.and flop like a fish

!SpongeBob SquarePants

?Ready

!SpongeBob SquarePants

!SpongeBob SquarePants

!SpongeBob SquarePants

!SpongeBob SquarePants

[GUFFAWS]

[SEAGULLS SQUAWKING]

[DINGS]

!Order up, Squidward-

[CLOCK ALARM]

,Hey, hey, Squidward-
?did you see me

.OK, see you later, Squidinator

.Good morning, Mr. Squidward-

?So are you ready

?To go home-

!No-

To exchange gifts for
.Employee Brotherhood Day

Mr. Krabs, you pay me to-
stand behind this register

.and take orders and give change

But you could never
pay me enough to act

.brotherly toward that guy

?Hm-

[LAUGHS]

That attitude of-
yours is precisely why

we're having this
.little shenanigan

!Now, pay attention

The lad's got a
.surprise for you

Squidward, in honour-
,of employee brotherhood

.I present to you a gift

!Ta-da

".SQUIDWARD: "I heart you

.Try it on, Mr. Squidward-

It's got you
!written all over it

[LAUGHS]

I wasn't sure how big to-
,make the hole for the head

.so I used a watermelon for size

[GRUNTS]-

?Do you love it-

.It's a little itchy-

?What's this thing made of

!Eyelashes-

[WHIMPERS]

Now, may I resume my-
?minimum-wage duties

After you present-
.your brotherhood gift

I'll buy the little-
twerp a gumball

!Oh, no, no, no, no, no, lad-

.You know the rules

.You have to make the gift

The only thing I'm-
.making is for the exit

?Is this any better, Squidward-

[SNIFFLES]

.I made this one with my tears

[SIGHS]-

.I knew you'd come around, boy-

.Make something nice

Why can't I just buy something-
?for the little weirdo

!CAPTAIN: Heave-ho

If you drop one single slice of
!my booty, I'll have your booty

[GRUNTS]-

.Uh, hi there-

Those, uh, homemade
.pies sure look good

.Oh, these aren't homemade-

They were made in a
.factory-- a bomb factory

.They're bombs

.Oh, well, that's too bad-

,I thought they were pies
.and I wanted to buy one

!Wait-

Um, we were just kidding
.about all that bomb stuff

.That'll be $25, please

?So what flavour is it-

.Cherry-

.Uh, apple-

.Raspberry-

Well, if it'll get old-
.man Krabs off my back

.OK, here it is, Mr. Krabs

.Fresh from the oven

I'll be returning
.to my life now

!Not yet-

I got to make sure
.you did it right

.Wait a second

This would go great
!with some milk

!Whoop

So you tried to kill me over a
?little new aged management, eh

!But Mr. Krabs, I had no idea-

!I can explain

?Mr. Krabs, are you OK-

!I heard a-- wow

!A pie

.It's from Squidward

.To SpongeBob"

".Well, here you go

.And that's what happened-

?25$-

?A bomb

?BOTH: In the Krusty Krab

.That's where you left it-

.It's not there-

!Hey, guys-

!Mm, mm, mm, mm, mwah

.Thanks for the pie, Squidward

--SINGING) La la la la la la la)

.You had to kill him-

The boy cries you a sweater
.of tears, and you kill him

How are you going to
?live with yourself

?Kill him-

.Here's your order, sir-

.Thanks-

[BLAST]

!Aah-

!No

!No

What we got-- we got
!to call a hospital

.Won't do any good-

.I've seen this before

When that pie goes
,up to bat-- I mean

!hits his lower intestine-- boom

?You've seen this before-

.11 times, as a matter of fact-

?SQUIDWARD: Yes, hello, doctor

?Hospital

?It won't do any good

?11 times

!Oh

.He's a goner

?How do we tell him

.Don't tell him-

That will only make
.him feel worse

The way I see it, he's
.only got till sunset

?Why ruin his last day on earth

The lad deserves to
.enjoy his final hours

SINGING) La la)-
.la la la la la la

.You're right, Mr. Krabs-

[BAWLING]

I'm going to make
SpongeBob's final hours

.the best he's ever had

And this time, there's
.going to be love

So much, he's going
!to drown in it

!Drown in it

.Note to self"-

".Watch out for Squidward

SINGING) La la la)-
--la la la la la la

?Uh, SpongeBob-

?SINGSONG) Yes)-

,I forgot to tell you-
.there's a part 2 to your gift

?Part 2-

--Part 2, part 2, part

.Uh, uh, please don't do that-

?What's for part 2-

Well, what's the most fun-
?thing you can think of

Actually, I keep a list of the-
.most fun things I like to do

.I call it my friendship list

.Right-

.Uh, let me see it

The things that are extra-
.fun, I've written in red

.Everything's in red-

!Yeah, I know-

We better start now if we-
want to get through this list

--before you die
.of anticipation

!Then let's roll-

.Bye, Mr. Krabs-

[SOBS]-

.Heads up, Squidward-

Looks like they're
.going to replace you

Yeah, uh, now, let's-
.have a look at that list

Well, the first-
thing I want to do

is show my best
,friend, Squidward

.to everybody in town

!Hi there

This is my best
.friend, Squidward

.Hey, kids, check it out

This is my best
!friend, Squidward

!Hi

I want to show you my
.best friend, Squidward

.Hey, Frank-

.Glad that's over

.Good-

Because we're on to
.our next activity

?Which is-

I'm going to show my best-
friend, Squidward, to everyone

.in town wearing a salmon suit

You're going to be-
?wearing a salmon suit

[LAUGHS]-

!That's a good one, Squidward

!Next

.Knock-knock jokes

.Hey, Squid, knock-knock

?Who's there-

!I am-

[LAUGHS]

[LAUGHS WEAKLY]-

.Oh, yeah

.Beep, beep-

.Look out, everyone

!Friends in reverse

.Beep, beep, beep

[BOTH: [BLOWING RASPBERRIES

.Turn left-

!And stop

?See

That's what it would be like
.if you had me for a face

.I can't breathe-

Are you sure you should
?be poking it like that

?Who is the doctor here-

[LAUGHING]

--The last thing on the list is

Does it involve-
?more dismemberment

SPONGEBOB: --"watch the
".sunset with Squidward

?Sunset-

The way I see it, the-
lad's got until sunset

before that bomb hits
.his lower intestine

!Hey-

!It's Mr. Krabs

.Hi, Mr. Krabs

[BAWLING]-

!OK, see you later-

.Come on, buddy-

,You want a sunset
.you'll get a sunset

[SIGHS]-

Underwater sunsets sure are
?beautiful, eh, Squidward

.Yeah-

.Yeah-

.This is great

.Just the three of us

You, me, and this brick
.wall you built between us

.Yeah-

[CHUCKLES]

Sunsets always remind-
.me of bowls of fruit

What do they make you
?think of, Squidward

[LAUGHS]

.Explosions-

,Uh, hey, I mean
.uh, e-- erosion

You know, if I were to-
die right now in some sort

of fiery explosion due to the
,carelessness of a friend, well

.that would just be OK

[SNIFFLES]-

[BURPS]-

!Wow

It feels like
something just dropped

.into my lower intestine

[SNIFFS]

Hey, smells like
.cherry or maybe grape

?Blueberry

!Here it is, the sunset

.I always love to count it down

.Five-- you do the rest, buddy

--Er, four, three, t-
.two-- [GULP] uh, one

.I guess we started too early-

.Let's start again

--Five, four, three-

[BLAST]

.two, waah-- one--

[SOBS]

Well, at least, I
was able to make

.his last few hours meaningful

.I am such a good person

[GASP]

.Hey, Squidward, check this out-

?What's that-

--I thought you

[BABBLING]

Squidward, we already played-
".babble like an idiot"

?Why are you still here-

Well, since we finished-
,everything on the list

.I thought I'd make up a new one

I already filled up
.this book with ideas

We should be able to
.finish by January

!Forget the book-

I spent the whole day
with you, doing all kinds

of ridiculous things because
!you were supposed to explode

?You want me to explode-

!Yes-

That's what I've
!been waiting for

.Um, OK, I'll try-

[GRUNTS]

!YELLS) Garry)

You are going to
!finish your dessert

!And you are going to like it

[LAUGHS]

.Now, it's your turn

That's not what I-
!meant, you barnacle-head

.Ooh, good one-

!No-

You're supposed to explode
!into a million pieces

?Why would I do that-

Because the pie-
!you ate was a bomb

?What pie-

The one I left-
sitting on the counter

this morning that I bought
.from pirates for $25

.And I didn't know it was a bomb

.And you ate it

!That-- that pie

?Pie-

!Oh, you mean this pie

I was saving it in my
.pocket for us to share

!Let's eat, Oops

.SQUIDWARD: Ouch

.NARRATOR: Ah, the Krusty Krab

,Home of the Krabby Patty
with its top secret formula

known only to those brave
enough and intelligent enough

to comprehend its
.culinary complexity

!Look, Mr. Krabs-

!I'm doing it

!I'm doing it

MR. KRABS: Quit fooling
.around, SpongeBob

.We got customers

NARRATOR: But wherever
,there's a secret recipe

there is someone who
.wants to steal it

[CHORTLES]-

!Ugh

!Ouch

And now for the
!final touch, perfect

With this disguise, that
.formula is as good as mine

[LAUGHS]

?Are you SpongeBob SquarePants

.Why, yes-

.Yes, I am

Then you've just-
.won $1 million

[GASP]-

You just have to-
.answer one question

What is the Krabby
?Patty secret formula

.Haah-

?Yes-

.Heeh-

?Yes-

.Heeh-

?Yes-

The Krabby Patty formula is-
the sole property of the Krusty

Krab and is only to be
discussed in part or in whole

.with it's creator, Mr. Krabs

Duplication of this formula
.is punishable by law

.Restrictions apply

.Results may vary

[GROWLS]-

!Aah

?That's it

You'd better cough up that
!secret formula or else

!Plankton-

!Krabs-

!Plankton-

!Krabs-

.SpongeBob-

.You can't do this to me, Krabs-

!I went to college

.Ouch

That Plankton is-
.a clever beast

You've got to keep a sharp
.eye out for him, SpongeBob

The Krabby Patty law
.must be enforced

The future of the Krusty
.Krab depends on it

.Don't worry, Mr. Krabs-

As long as these pants are
,square and this sponge is Bob

!I will not let you down

Uh, SpongeBob, could-
?you let me down

FISH: Man, these patties
.sure are delicious

I wonder what's in
?that secret formula

[SIRENS]

!Code 12-

!Code 12

Your disguises can't fool
!me this time, Plankton

[CUSTOMERS GASPING]

Everyone at the head-
enhancement clinic

.said nobody would notice

[BAWLING]

!MR. KRABS: SpongeBob

!You're scaring away my money

.Sorry, Mr. Krabs-

I'm just trying to protect
.the secret formula

That's no reason to rip-
.people's heads off, boy

Just remember the
.most important rule

?No free napkins-

!No-

The other most important rule
.regarding the secret formula

Only discuss the secret-
.recipe with Mr. Krabs

,As long as you do that-
.the secret is safe

I always thought the-
most important rule

was "why do today what you
"?can put off till tomorrow

[CHORTLES]

What is today but-
?yesterday's tomorrow

?Huh-

Today, I want you-
to take inventory

.on everything in here

Every last pickle and patty
.must be accounted for

.Aye, aye, Captain-

,Two boxes of buns
.three pounds of patties

.ROBOTIC VOICE) Mr. Squidward)-

?What now, Mr. Krabs-

.That's right-

.I am Krabs

.Your boss-

.Your ruler

.Your master

[LAUGHS]

[ROBOTIC LAUGHTER]-

.You're not Mr. Krabs-

Hey, why don't you take-
?the rest of the day off

Well, whatever you-
".say, "Mr. Krabs

[CHORTLES]

!Whee

.Hi, Mr. Krabs-

.Oh, sweet domination-

!This is it

.No sign of Plankton yet-

Gosh, Mr. Krabs, you
.don't look so good

.Ooh, you're so cold-

[CLANGS]

.That's just my metal suit-

I made it to
.protect the formula

!MR. KRABS: SpongeBob

!ECHOES) SpongeBob)

.It's that thick-headed Krabs-

.He'll ruin everything

.Look, a jellyfish-

!I got it-

!I got it

[BUZZ]

!I got it

!I got it

!SpongeBob-

Hey, Mr. Krabs, what-
?happened to your metal pants

.Don't go all loopy on me, boy-

.I need your help

And where in the high
?seas is Squidward

.You gave him the day off-

!"Day off"-

I don't know the meaning
!of them horrible words

Now quit your laying
,around, SpongeBob

!and take out that garbage

.It's starting to give me a rash

!Yes, sir-

!Mr. Krabs, sir

.Hey, Mr. Krabs

.Just taking out that garbage

.Never mind that-

.I need to talk to you

!Whoa-

!oh, Mr. Krabs

I didn't know you
.had heat vision

.Never mind-

--I need you to tell me

!MR. KRABS: SpongeBob

!Yoink-

!SpongeBob-

I'm not paying you
.to stand around

!Get back to the kitchen

But I thought you wanted-
?to ask me a question

.Yes-

?Why aren't you working harder

.I don't know, Mr-
.Krabs, I don't know

I'll never get that-
formula with that pest

Krabs popping in
.and out like that

!I've got it

I've been saving
.this for a rainy day

It looks like an
ordinary penny because it

!is an ordinary penny

That fool Krabs is too greedy
.to ignore you, my little pretty

[LAUGHS WILDLY]

That sound, it sounds like-
!the pitter-patter of money

[SQUEALS]

Hey, where are you
?going, beautiful

--Mr. Krabs, wha-

!Stop-

!Please

!Wait

Nothing stands between me-
.and that secret formula now

[LAUGHS]

[SPLAT]

.Ouch

,SINGING) Scrub-a-dub-dub)-
.I love to rub

.Hi, Mr. Krabs

.Just doing a little scrubbing

.Hello, SpongeBob-

.It is me, Mr
,Krabs, in the flesh

standing right in front of
.you, with no one else around

.I can see that, Mr. Krabs-

I thought we might discuss the-
.Krabby Patty secret formula

?Isn't that a microphone-

?What-

.Why, yes, it is

.I must get this shirt cleaned

All right, now, tell
.me the secret formula

But, sir, we haven't done-
.the secret handshake yet

.Oh, yes-

.Here, let's shake

LAUGHS] We don't shake]--
?with our hands, remember

.Uh, right-

?Why don't you start

We stand on one foot, balance-
a glass of chocolate milk

on our heads, and sing the
.Bikini Bottom national anthem

(BOTH: (SINGING
,Oh, Bikini Bottom

we pledge our hearts
,to you as faithful

!as deep, as true, as blue

!Bikini Bottom, we love you

?Formula time-

.Almost-

.NARRATOR: 6 and 1/2 hours later

[GRUNTING]-

.Yum, yum-

.This spaghetti sure is good

!Belch

,BOTH: Meatball, meatball
.spaghetti underneath

.Ravioli, ravioli

.Great Barrier Reef

OK, now, let's-
.hear that formula

.Sorry, no can do, Mr. Krabs-

?Whaaat-

!But we did everything you said-

!I followed all the rules

I even ate 105 black licorice
!jellybeans through a straw

Now, why can't you-
?tell me the formula

.It's your rule-

.Never speak the formula

You told me to keep
.it in this bottle

.This is it, Plankton-

.Gently, now

[SNICKERS]

[GASP]-

[GASP]-

[GASP]-

.Gasp-

How could you do-
?this, SpongeBob

Giving my secret formula
?to this impostor

.Don't listen to him, SpongeBob-

,Remember-- ravioli, ravioli
.give me the formuoli

!SpongeBob, no-

!Don't listen to him

.I'm the real Mr. Krabs

.Don't listen to him-

.He's obviously a robot

Well, if I was a-
,robot, which I'm not

.at least, I'm well put together

,Not some rusted-out
!steam-driven pile of junk

Who are you calling-
?steam-driven

!SPONGEBOB: (YELLS) Quiet

Until I know who the real
,Mr. Krabs is, nobody moves

.nobody gets hurt

?BOTH: Tartar sauce

Take it easy with-
.that thing, son

[SHRIEKS]

I'll do the-
.talking around here

I think I'll just ask you
--two a couple of questions

questions only the real
.Mr. Krabs can answer

.OK, then-

.First question-

What time does the
?Krusty Krab open

.9:30 AM-

!Right-

.That's one strike, Mr. Fake

--But-

!Uh, uh-

.I'm running this quiz show

!I'll ask the questions

If there's going
",to be any "buts

.they're going to be from me

OK, question number 2, how
?much does a Krabby Patty cost

.2.99$-

.On Wednesday-

.0.99$-

!Right again-

You're starting to look
.pretty phony right about now

.I'd be nervous if I were you

Now, only the really real
.Mr. Krabs can answer this

If we're discussing the secret
formula on the third Wednesday

in January and it's not raining
outside after we've gargled

,with vanilla pudding
?what do we do

!That's an easy one-

You just-- just, let's see, if
,it's a-- if it's January with

with vanilla pudding
?you, uh, pass

!Oof

!Wait

!SpongeBob

!Give me another chance

!So long, Imitation Krabs-

!Bye-bye

I knew it was you
.all along, Mr. Krabs

.Here you go

.Thank you, SpongeDupe-

[ROBOTIC LAUGHTER]

!Whoop-

.Don't forget your lucky penny

!Yoink-

.This must be your lucky day-

[LAUGHS]

AUTOMATED VOICE: Self-destruct
.coin slot has been activated

.10 seconds till detonation

[SIRENS]

?Coin-operated self-destructs-

.Not one of my better ideas

!Help

.Ouch

.If that was Plankton, uh-oh-

!MR. KRABS: Help

!Save me

!No

!Mr. Krabs-

.Ooh, yum, yum-

.Back, you Hungry Hand-

!Back

!Help

.Gee, Mr. Krabs, I'm sorry-

.I thought that you were a phony

!Whew-

.It's OK, lad

Long as the secret
.formula's safe again

However, that penny is
.coming out of your paycheck

[LAUGHTER]

?SPONGEBOB: Really

[MUSIC PLAYING]