All language subtitles for Heavier.Trip.2024.1080p.Blu-ray.Remux.MPEG-2.DTS-HD.MA 5.1-KRaLiMaRKo

AFTER CAUSING CHAOS,
ANGER AND DESTRUCTION,

THE MEMBERS OF IMPALED REKTUM,
THE MOST BRUTAL METAL BAND IN THE WORLD,

ARE SERVING THEIR SENTENCE
IN A NORWEGIAN PRISON

Hello, we are Impaled Rektum,
and we are here to play...

...dance music.

Stop it! Now!

We almost made it
to the chorus, boys.

Rektum forever.

Rektum forever!

-Ah, Mr. Xytrax.
-Warden.

Listen, having the biggest library of metal
in Europe is wonderful,

really wonderful.

I even write about it
in our PrisonAdvisor page, but...

Are you okay?

Anyway, as I was saying,

some of our inmates have been...

rather vocal
about the music selection,

And that got me wondering,

is it possible
to maybe try other genres?

No.

No?

No. Okay.

Good talk!

Hey.

What do you think of this solo?

No...

I agree with Oula.

How do you do it?

Turo.

Our last gig for the Finland
tour has just been confirmed.

-A festival?
-Ykan's basement.

Is that something...
like a big concert hall?

No, it's Ykan's basement.
Only true metalheads know it.

This tour is going to be
for the chosen few.

And we don't let them all in either.

Maybe our lawyer is coming.

He made it pretty clear
he's not coming back.

Maybe your parents
are coming.

They can't afford to visit here.

Then I hope it's Satan.

I called him a lot.

Gentlemen.

Hello.

- Hello.?
- And who...

Please allow me to introduce myself.

My name is Maxwell Efraim Fisto.

Nice to meet you.

Wow.

Impaled Rektum.

Your reputation precedes you.

The most dangerous
band in the world right now.

Nice.

Yet,

you don't seem like
the usual suspects.

Serving a prison sentence for...

causing an armed conflict
between Finland and Norway,

grave robbing, kidnapping.

I was in a mental hospital.

Anger issues.
All in the past, though.

I represent and manage the
biggest bands in the metal music.

Maybe, I don't know if you've
heard of some of my clients.

Vomit Distributor, Corpse Kisser,

Bloodmotor.

Bl... Bloodmotor?

The reason why I'm here is

because I have
a proposition for you.

A concert.

In Wacken. Germany.

Wacken is
the biggest, loudest, hardest,

most amazing metal
music festival in the world.

A hundred thousand people
gather together

to celebrate the world's
greatest metal music bands.

Is Dave Mustaine
going to be there?

Everyone is going to be there.

Okay.

Sounds good.

Your compensation...

I know it's not much,

...50,000 euros,

but a once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity

to melt faces on an epic scale.

And after Wacken,

I promise you, all your dreams
are gonna come true.

So, what do you say?

No.

Why no?

Wacken is an overcommercial festival
for wannabe metalheads.

And we already have
our own tour planned.

But it's a big opportunity.

We could think about it.

What a shame.

Maybe this is not for you,
after all.

No.

I mean, uh, yes.

We could...

Also, we are
still in prison then.

Sorry to hear, Xytrax.

That's unfortunate.

Maybe we could play
another gig.

Later.

Turo, this is
a one-off opportunity.

Unfortunately.

Thank you for
your precious time, gentlemen.

Enjoy the rest of today.

And good luck.

We just said no to Wacken.

And to 50,000 euros.

That's metal.

You're next.

LOTVONEN SLAUGHTERHOUSE

What the fuck...

Pekka?

Pekka!

We are so extremely sad
to hear about your father.

Thankfully,
he's in a stable condition.

And I'm sure we can make
some kind of arrangement...

...for you to--

Sorry.

Yes, yes, hello?

Mr. Pettersen, you asked me to let you know

when the guests from
PrisonAdvisor have arrived.

Yes, great. I'll be right
there, Hilde, thank you very much.

Make sure everyone is smiling.

Everything has to be perfect.

Okay. Great.

Uh, I'm so sorry. I-- I need to-- to leave.

But, our head of security, Mrs. Dokken,
she will take care of everything.

- A big day.
-Yes.

Well, see you. See you.

So about the vacation...

Can you make it two weeks?

Losing someone is difficult.

I know. I lost a lot.
I was a Colonel in the armed forces.

I had rifles, grenades, missiles.

And then, all this sissy talk started.

Suddenly, I was "prone to violence"
and "using excessive force."

I was a soldier, goddamn it!

Now I'm stuck guarding idiots

like you in this joke prison

with nothing more
than this stinking stick!

You'll get what you deserve.

I promise you that.

I'm so sick of this
fucking salmon.

They didn't let you go home?

This is just like prison.

Dad had a seizure

when they found out
they need 30,000 euros

or they'll lose the farm.

They don't have that kind of money.

I'm going to escape.

You're not serious.

I have to see Dad
while he's still alive.

Do you know how much more time
we'll have to do for that?

We only have a couple of months left.

We could save the slaughterhouse
with the money from Wacken.

Pekka is like a dad to me.

The farm is like a home to us.

I say we go play that gig.

A mainstream festival for metal posers.

But escaping prison
would be cool, though.

Let's do it.

You can't be serious.

You're going to change your mind
when you see my plan.

I planned this thoroughly.

Timing is really important here.

Is that
an escape plan you have here?

Are you a complete idiot?

We don't have a helicopter.

The only way out of this prison
is with this key card.

But the problem is

that an idiot like you will never get
his hands on it.

Come help me!

Come back here!

Spit it out!

They're gonna stop serving
the salmon buffet!

It has been called the best seafood buffet
in all of Scandinavia.

Heh. It is the...
riot reenactment club.

It's starting to look really authentic.

Very good, guys.

Great thrashing.

How about we check out
the spa next. Yeah? Heh.

We've been waiting an hour.

It takes a long time to do this.

Sometimes
you could make a compromise.

Compromises are for amateurs.

Try bareback.

Stop!

Let's get the hell out of here. Fast!

Hey.

Let me guess.

You are the visitors
from PrisonAdvisor.

- Yes.
- I knew it.

I'm really good at reading people.

Sorry you came on the riot day.
It almost never happens.

May I see your passes?

No.

Let me guess.

You lost it in the riot.

Yes.

What can I say.

It's a gift.

Close the gate!

Close the gate!

Sorry, guys,
but I will have to close the gate.

Please move to the other side.

And don't forget to rate us!

Why did you have to eat the key card?

I'll take care of this.
My metabolism is fast.

Guys!

I have a librarian's keycard.

I get new records
from the mainland once a week.

Stop!

Oh, dear.

This is not good. Not good at all.

Not at all.

When PrisonAdvisor
finds out prisoners have left us...

We can be happy if they give us a six.

If they find out.

Let's find them on our own.
Nobody needs to find out.

What do you mean?

Let's catch them.
Throw them into the sea.

What are you talking about?

I was just kidding,

I meant we should
bring them back for rehabilitation.

I know the perfect person for the job.

Efficient. Motivated. Trained.

Me.

Are you sure you're
not taking this personally?

Oh, no. Absolutely not.

I'm worried about the boys.
They're like children to me.

I'm a very motherly person.

Yeah.

I just want this to be

a prison people want to come to.

NORWEGIAN COD

I'm bringing Mom fish
so she doesn't always have to eat lamb.

I wonder if it was overripe.

Get the hell out!
I ain't trading with you!

I would've given it to you for free.

Kristian?

Oh, Lord.

How come you're here?

I thought you were
the guys from the bank.

I came to see Dad.

Aw.

Hello, Turo.

Oula.

How are you doing?

-Hallo, Zytrex.
-Xytrax.

Right.

The men in suits demand
we invest money

in renovating the slaughterhouse,

but we don't have that kind of money.

The vultures are already waiting,

wanting to bulldoze the yard

and build a darn supermarket.

But we won't give up without a fight.

The doctor suspects

the fear of losing the farm
has caused a mental breakdown.

Sometimes I think

he's shed so much blood in this place

that they're tied together.

I'm going to lose
my old man, home and job.

And our rehearsal space.

If we had the money,

we would help you.

I know that. You're good boys.

But now we can only wait for a miracle.

We have a plan.

You were so young
and excited in that picture.

Jynkky was still alive.

Yeah.

It's ringing.

- Yes. Pronto.?
- Yes.

Hello, Mr. Fisto.

This is Turo.

Who?

Turo.

Turo Moilanen. From Impaled Rektum.

Turo, Impaled Rektum.
How could I forget?

We changed our minds...
and, uh, we got out of prison, too.

I'm really happy for you.
Thanks for letting me know.

But, unfortunately,

your Wacken slot,
is long gone.

Yeah, Turo. The show must go on.

Of course.

but hey, take care and send
my best wishes to the band.

Wait. I need this.

We need this.

We'll do anything.

Yeah?

There is this festival
in Vilnius in two days.

And lucky you,

I have an open slot.

Now, nothing big, just a supporting act.

You show me what you can do
and we take it from there.

Yes, sir.

Thank you.

How do we get to Vilnius?

Ah, it will be great to see you.
Gotta dash. Bye!

Well?

We'll probably need a car.

Is Dad's Saab still broken?

What do you think?

Could we borrow that?

What?

Holy shit!

I think our ride is here.

What...

All right, you had your fun.

Time to go back. Come out!

Don't make me come in there!

Last chance!

I'm going to give you
to the count of ten, and then I am...

Smart move, hippies.

Coffee and buns.

Oh, well, why not.

Mission accomplished.

You know,
criminal minds are weak.

Thinks too much
about itself. Easy to fool.

- Yes. yes...
- So...

No!

Come back!

Stop right now!

No!

Now we're in deep shit.

Shit, I can't feel my ass.

We should cross the sea.

And we have no money.

Nope.

And we don't have passports, either.

Shit.

There's a dead person there.

Whose stalkers
are these anyway?

Hey, get the fuck
out of there.

That space is reserved for our technician.

Spazz, get your shit together.

No, sir.
She was alive when I left.

One day
you're not gonna wake up.

- Legends never die.
- Uh-huh?

Holy shit.

Do you know who they are?

Bloodmotor.
The most brutal band in the world.

- Five albums ago.
- Anyone else seeing these people?

We are also a band.

Impaled Rektum. From Finland.

Cool.
What the hell are you doing here?

We broke out of the prison to fight
the injustices of the financial sector

over small agricultural
businesses in rural regions.

Yeah, that's... that's definitely something
that we should be worried about.

Yeah.

Where you guys heading?

Vilnius.

That's where we're going.

Have a seat, guys.

"Servants of Blood"
is my favorite album,

all-time best.

Your vocals, so heavy.

You can really feel it in your guts.

Well, we don't play that anymore.

We've evolved.

It took us a long, long time
to find our sound.

I think it's just getting worse.

What did you say?

I said, I think your music
is just getting worse

The last record was
especially loose and uninspired.

The lyrics have no context.

The guitar sounds are bland,
and so are the melodies.

Compared to your old records,
the new one is just superficial radio pop.

Even the artwork is awful.

Yeah.

It's a really bad record.

Well, I'll have to go cry
on my solid gold toilet

to get over this one.

C'mon, have a drink, guys.

Spazz!

Rob.

Halleluja.

My golden boy.
How was your trip?

Long and boring.

Luckily we picked up
these dudes on the way.

I guess they're looking for you.

Impaled Rektum!

Really?
You really made it?

- Yes, sir.
- Hey!

Welcome to Vilnius.

Truly wonderful to see you.

I feel I'm getting goosebumps.
And look at you.

Look at them, Rob.

So young and full of energy.

Unlike us, old geezers.

Right?

Yes, sir.

Well, what are we waiting for?

Let's get started.

Follow me, gentlemen.

- Chris.
- Eh?

What's with the sucking?

Sucking?

Rob.

Yeah. Rob's voice is so black
it sucks the light.

It's helium.
Fisto's idea.

The sales went up, you know, when people
figured out what he was singing.

I mean, not that the lyrics
make any sense, but anyway...

Uh, don't mention it, yeah?
It's a touchy issue.

- Okay.
- See you.

The reality is,
with all my love and respect,

nobody knows you, yeah?

So, first impressions
are everything.

You've got to stand out.
You want to be remembered.

So, how do you feel about playing on fire?

- It's always a crowd pleaser.
- Sounds good.

Any allergies?
Snake venom?

Asbestos?
Cow blood?

We tend to use reindeer blood,
but we can be flexible.

Love it!

You gentlemen just keep on giving.

- What's this?
- Ah. Music list.

- Covers.
- Surefire hits.

We only play our music.

- Uh, we...
- I know. It's fine, too.

You have to respect
a man's conviction.

Really great seeing you again.

Safe travels home and good luck.

We have to play this gig!

Sir!

Mr. Fisto.

I'm sure we can work
this out somehow.

I need my band
hungry and willing.

You have to take chances
when they're given to you.

Obviously you're
not such a band.

But sir.

Sir.

- Yeah, hello?
- Mr. Fisto!

Yeah? Oh, Fisto here.

Yeah, sure. Okay.

I can't believe I'm feeling
this shitty at a Bloodmotor gig.

I can.

Hey! Turo's singing on the main stage!
Come see him sing.

What's this?

This is the worst thing
you can do to metal.

What's wrong with them?

Well, just look at them.

They look ridiculous

You don't have to look at them, do you?

I think you like them.

I definitely don't.

Listen to them.

This plastic pop
is just used for selling merchandise.

Right.

Okay, why don't you stay here
and not like them.

I'm gonna go watch Turo melt faces.

Not bad, kiddo.

Yeah, yeah,
I gotta call you back.

What the fuck
were you thinking?

No, I mean, you're
clearly stupid, reckless,

and you have no regard
for your own life.

Just kidding. Call me impressed.

Big time!

Please.

Please let us play in Wacken.

Easy, tiger, easy.

I got you and your Rektum amigos an
opportunity to perform here in Vilnius,

and frankly, you failed to deliver.

And now you want to take it
straight to Wacken.

It's a big risk for me,

and I don't know
if I can trust you.

You can trust us.
I promise.

We will deliver. We just want to play
our own music.

Please.

You think you got what it takes?

Yes.
Whatever it takes.

I won't let you down.

I'm counting on you, Turo.

Turo! Turo!
Insane!

- You're totally nuts!
- That was really crazy!

Listen up, gentlemen.

Turo Starshine just earned

Impaled Rektum
a ticket to Wacken.

No covers.

Great!

All right, this calls for a toast.

Drinks, please!

My love, Armando.

Everything's gonna be okay.

No worries. Now I'm there.

I'll get them for doing this to you!

Ahh, the smell of fish and pilsner.

Gotta love it.

Show business, gentlemen.
Forget about the show.

It's all about business.

So, do you know where the money
in the music business comes from?

Uh, the music.

You wish. Nope.

It comes from the little kids
in Cambodia who make the T-shirts.

So, today, we're gonna help them
by taking some pictures for merchandise.

Gentlemen, welcome to Fistoworld!

I don't know about this.

A lot of great artists didn't start rocking
until they found their thing.

Slipknot, Ghost, Lordi.

Look at Xytrax.

Fine.

Welcome.

Thank you.

Pretty, pretty good.
I like.

I've got something for you
to make it perfect.

If hats could talk, this one
would be a very traumatized hat.

Turo.

The hat of legends.

Okay, let's shoot!
Get everyone here.

You heard the man.

C'mon! Energia!

These stylists know
what they're doing.

Speak for yourself.

I think that looks damn good.

Who are you?

Lotvonen.

You had stylists?

Maybe this will look better in photos.

Great.

Now I want to feel your danger,

your emotion, your sexual rage.

Yes!

Yes, more.

Perfect. Perfect. Give me more.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes!

Yes!

Give me more.

Let's try with the hammer.

Add the skull crushing to part C.

And turn up the sternums
by three percent.

All right.

Wrap the song up.

I have a suggestion.

This won't take long.

No. Wait.

I think that's enough.

What the hell was that?

I couldn't get it right.

I think I was thinking too much.

You weren't thinking at all.

We looked ridiculous.

It's perfect.

You heard the man!

Bravo. Great job, gentlemen.

Now, get the hell out of here

Helmut and I will wrap it up.

Thank you. Thank you.
Kiitos. Kiitos.

Here we go.

First time abroad.

We've been in Norway
for the past five years.

Abroad for real for the first time.

This is so cool.

It's so different here from back home.

Guys, you think it's a good idea
to be walking around here?

Let's get this thing over with
and go back to prison.

And let's pray we don't have
to sit there for the rest of our lives.

Let's enjoy now that
we're not in prison.

You smell that?

Stroetzels!

You think we could ask
Fisto for an advance?

I haven't eaten
anything in days.

I don't want to bother him.

Run, boys, run!

Run!

Come on, get in!

Look.
Lou Reed's preserved liver.

Who cares.
Let's get the hell out of here and fast.

Where's the exit?

Oh, shit.

Hide!

Hey!

Have you seen
four long-haired hippies?

Yes.

Our hippie hair
collection is my life's work.

It's priceless.

I said, I'm looking for four men!

Please, sir.

We are not that kind
of establishment.

Hey, guys.

Hey, come!

Faster, faster.

Read the sign!

You suck at everything,
don't you?

Lotvonen.

Come on, that's it.

No! No no no! No no...

- I'm a pacifist!
- You make me sick!

Don't!

Easy now. It's me, Turo.

Oula, easy.

Let's go!

What happened?

Well... not much.

What?

Dokken busted in,

and I almost took her down
all by myself,

but then you came and threw her
across the room like a rag doll.

My respect, that was fucking brutal!

Not good.
I don't like this at all.

Let's go back.

We can't.
We have to move forward.

We're in this together.

Obviously.

At least I don't have
to be ashamed of those clothes.

Hey! I'll talk to Fisto.

Hey, guys!

What is it?

The guys are disappointed
because the poster focuses on you.

It's like a Turo show
where the rest of us

are mere shadows in the background.

I got it.

It's nice, but it's no band photo.

More like a solo artist's advertisement.

And the font...

Can I help you?

I need to speak
with Mr. Fisto.

Oh, no, no. Now is not a good time.
He's in the studio right now, and he's working.

He knows who I am.

Please. Wait! I can schedule you
an appointment.

That's our song.

Now, add some more...
You know what I mean.

What are you doing?

Oh, Turo, heh,
what are you doing?

Um... Um, Helmut,
can you step outside for a minute?

Thanks.

C'mon, Turo, step forward.

Sit down. What can I do for you?

You don't like our music.

Oh... It's just music.

What's behind it is important.

And the story of
Impaled Rektum is legendary.

We don't want to play that.

Turo,

you broke out of prison,
you made it to Vilnius,

and we made a deal,
remember?

"Whatever it takes."

Your words.

C'mon.

You want to be on that stage
more than anything.

I see that in you.

We broke out of prison
to save the slaughterhouse.

And Lotvonen's father.

I respect that.

I'll tell you what.

Let's cancel our pact
and Wacken.

I'll make a plea.
No negativity. Yeah?

I'll still write you
a check for 50,000.

You can go back where you need to.
Save Lotvonen's farm.

I'm sure it's going to be as great.

Rob could probably melt
a face with that voice.

He can melt my face any day.

You wouldn't guess how many times
Slash bailed Axl out.

Or Keith bailed Mick out.

It's our job to step in
when the singer screws up.

It kind of inspired me. Maybe--

Maybe today you can teach me
how the dance ought to look.

Actually-- Xytrax!

You won't believe this,

but these girls are from
the band you dig, Babymetal.

Xytrax, meet Su-Metal,

Moa-Metal, Momo-Metal.

Meet Xytrax.

Nice corpse paint.

We're just talking about Forced Vomit.
They have the best war paints.

That's exactly what you said.

Their demos are so brutal.

The vocals sound like
a goat screaming.

That's exactly
what you said, too.

I said it sounds like
a goat being buried alive.

Is he all right?

He's a bit eccentric.
But definitely a real fan.

Hey!

That is not a sausage, sir.

Sorry.

Nice party.

Yeah, I like it when strangers
go through my panties.

I wanted to ask about Fisto.

Just go with it.
He knows his shit.

-It's just--
-You and me...

...we go on that stage
for people to gawk at.

They don't care about who we are.

Or even what we play.

Before Fisto showed up,

nobody ever gave
a fucking shit about us.

I liked your first albums.

They added fame.

What happens to the bands
who don't do what Fisto says?

Nothing.

They just disappear.

Go straight down the abyss.

One more thing, Turo...

If you ever touch my mic again,
you don't want to hear me get angry.

Capiche?

Turo, Turo, look!

Wow!

That turned out so much
better than I expected.

Darn it.

- What have you done to our music?
- I made it better.

You're very welcome, Xytrax.

You made shit.

That's what people
want to hear nowadays.

It's gonna be huge.

I can see and feel it already.

You know, posters, billboards.

"To Die For." The new song
from Impaled Rektum.

Our song is called "Prisoner of Flesh."

- "To Die For" is what you want it to be.
- We won't play that.

It's very simple: If you don't like it,
you can leave.

Let's go.

I think the sound is okay.

We can't be selfish.

We have to save the slaughterhouse.

And Pekka.

What do you think?

Dad needs me.

We have to play this gig.

You can't leave now, Xytrax.

Could you listen
to other people's opinions, for once?

I listen to them.

But they suck.

Just this once.

If the name of the song is the problem,
we can still change it.

I got it.

Check it out.

"2 Die 4."

What do you think?

Wait.

Xytrax.

We don't all want to play at
Ykan's basement for a handful of people.

Do you always have to be so inflexible?

You could make
compromises sometimes.

Pasi!

Say something.

You're definitely going to
be a great solo artist, Turo.

Fine, go!

You were just a mediocre
bass player anyway!

A sad day for music history.

Behind me, one man's life's work of love.

A unique collection of musical history
now lays in ruins.

The culprits behind this massive
symphony of destruction

is a Finnish metal band recently
escaped from prison.

We have an eye witness at the scene.

Please tell me what you saw here tonight.

I'm the Monarch of the
Kingdom of the Dead.

Infamous butcher.

Angel of Death.

You heard it here first.

The police is interested in any inform...

You know you've made it
when people want to kill you.

Well, I guess it's back
to prison for us.

Prison? Have you ever seen
a rock star go to prison?

Just forget about it.

I really should be
thanking you, yeah.

You simply cannot buy
this kind of publicity.

Not cheap anyways.

I tell you.

You're just one concert away

from being the biggest thing in music.

What was that, Rob?

Sounded like an elephant farting.

You should be taking notes
from these gentlemen.

They do more than just complain.

They make news.

And maybe you're not
just hungry enough anymore.

A lack of desire.

I tell you what.

For this trip,
the entire serving will be done by you.

Taking orders.
Any drinks?

- No.
- Turo?

- No.
- C'mon. Don't be shy.

What are you gonna have?

- Uh... a Coke.
-No, no, no, no, no.

You are a star! Act like one.

A Coke with ice?

And?

Lemon.

Exactly!

Now, Rob, you go and get
Mr. Turo Starshine here

a Coke with ice
and a slice of lemon.

Come on.

Go on, Rob.

Wait.

You forgot the lemon.

- Hi, Xytrax.
- Hello.

You need a ride to Wacken?

I'm not going.

Don't you have a gig there?

No, I'm not in the band anymore.

Oh. We feel you.

You can still come
hang out with us.

We're listening to...

Angel's Necropolis?

Yes. It's the only copy
that survived the purge.

- Have you heard it?
- I thought no one has.

- C'mon.
- C'mon.

I can't.

Oh. Okay.
See you later.

Yes.

Satan.

Blow off some steam.

Shooting a few pucks
cheers me up every time.

Okay.

What if I hit the driver?

Don't worry, sir.
Not my first rodeo.

Plexiglass.

Indestructible.

What the hell?

Cops!

Wake up, wake up!

No!

Where are they?

Don't know.

There!

Shit!

Stop!

Lotvonen!

Are you okay?

Today is Saturday.

He's good.

Nope, we're going this way.

Get in there.

Oula, let's go.

So we're stealing
cars again, great.

What next?

A dead body.

On our way to a festival
with a dead body in the trunk, again.

He's not in a hurry to go anywhere.

What's wrong with you all of a sudden?

Nothing.

Someone's gotta take
responsibility here.

Responsibility?

Turo, you only care about the gig,
and you don't care about anything else!

Hey.

I've done all the work here!

You've just tagged along.

Ooh, you're welcome!

Oula.

You wouldn't have gotten
anywhere without me.

You better be grateful.

Oula?

Oula.

Oula.

Oula, no!

Oula, calm down!

Oula, listen.

Oula!

Let him go.

The drums will be playback anyway.

Are you coming?

Hello. We are Im...

...potent.

Can't help you with that.

And, uh, we are...

delivering, uh, this dead body.

Let's see.

Yup, got it right here.

One backstage corpse
for Abbath.

Okay.

Darn it.

Mr. Mustaine.

Sorry. Not him.

I met him once, though.

Really?

After a concert.

He just played the best guitar
solo I'd ever heard.

It was like a sonic attack
on the senses.

I was bleeding
from my holes for days.

- Wow.
- But it was worth it.

I met him backstage
and I told him

he just played the best goddamn
solo that's ever been played.

Know what he told me?

I wrote it down
just so I'd never forget.

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU THINK
-DAVE MUSTAINE

Made me see the man
he really is.

A goddamn genius.

Lotvonen.

Let's go.

Remember, don't give a fuck!

Fuck.

I'm going to make it up to you.

Yes, and I know Lars doesn't
want to talk to me ever again,

but please, send my love to him
and enjoy that fruit basket.

Yeah?

Oh, and James...

um, I gotta go. Huge fan.
Love you! Call you back.

We lost Oula.

No.

What a tragedy.

Oh, no.

But you're here,
my Turo Starshine.

That's all that matters.

This is your moment.

Your golden ticket.

Personally,
I'm so proud of you decided

to do this concert and
not just take the money.

What?

You...

seriously, you didn't know?

I offered Turo the 50,000

to save your papa's
slaughterhouse, farm, whatever.

And of course he said no.

Performing here in Wacken
is so much more important.

Yeah? He chose the band.

- Very honorable.
- I did it for us.

Traitor!

Honestly, Turo... he was holding you back

because you're going places.

And I've got guys
lined up for you.

Finest top musicians who actually
appreciate you and your talent.

Unlike your friends.

Turo, my starshine.

I'm so excited
to see you perform.

Sorry.

Lars? I thought you didn't want
to talk to me ever again.

Fisto.

Thomas. What are you doing here?

I'm taking a big risk.
I hope you know what you're doing.

Of course.

Ready when you are.

Thank you. Looks beautiful.

How do you feel?

Good.

I feel good, too.

You go out there now and
set the crowd on fire.

Always remember,
you're a star.

Turo, what's wrong?

I need to go.
I need to go save my friend.

I'll get you new friends.

Even better friends.
C'mon. Please.

Please. Get back out there.

Thanks for the opportunity,
but this is more important.

Who the fuck do you think
you are, you little fuckface?

Get your shiny little leather ass
back onstage, now.

You're gonna pay
for what you've done to Armando.

Who's Armando?

I would like to go back
to prison now.

Fucking bird.

I came to save you.

We were doing fine on our own.

Guys.

I'm so sorry.

I know I screwed up.

I just wanted to do the gig so bad.

It's just so cool to be onstage.

I just wanted everyone to like me.

It wasn't worth it
because you weren't there.

It was a shitty gig.

Do you have the money?

The money?

We still have time to save Dad.

Let's get the money.

Together.

Into the Rektum.

Oh, Lord.

How many cans do we have to collect?

About 120,000.

I already have 16 here!

Can you hear that?

I see.

Get off, you!

Turo found a better way to collect cans.

He just wants attention.

Where you going?

To make a compromise.

Good luck.

No one touches Armando!

Madam Dokken.

You and I share a common interest.

For dead metalheads.

The cage is open,
but they locked the door!

Nice solo.

It had a little bit
of Necrofilius Christ Puncher's scales,

but mostly it was original.

I don't care what you think of it.

- This was just for me.
- That's the way.

- You came.
- We came to save the farm.

That's all.

Right,
it looked like you needed us.

Where did you get the instruments?

They are from Xytrax's new favorite band.

Well, it's not my favorite band.

They're number seven on my list,
between Goreyhole and Vominatrix.

But they might move up
when their new record comes out.

Let's play the most brutal gig
in the world.

We are Impaled Rektum.

And we are here to play

symphonic-postapocalyptic-
reindeer-grinding...

For Armando!

Lotvonen!

Boom.

What a tragedy.

We better stock up on the merch now.
They're going to make a killing.

What?

What's with you, sour face gargoyle?

You know I can't understand
you fucking murmuring.

Suck your pipe, yeah.

You tell him, Rob.

That's it, yeah?

Nice speech, Chewbacca.

Whatever.

Now, piss off.

Or you might get shot next.

Shit.

No...

Lotvonen!

- Are you all right?
- I'm okay.

I just have a little headache.

Does it look bad?

A bullet went through your head.

There's a nasty-looking hole.

Darn it.

Yeah, well,

I guess it didn't hit anything important.

You might want
to put a bandage on it anyway.

You saved me.

It's the guitarist's job.

It's time.

The guitarist got shot in the head
in the middle of the gig, and he got up,

and he played the concert anyway.

He's a legend!

That's a lousy shot.

I was aiming for the other guy.

This is crazy.

People commit all kinds
of crimes just so they can see the show.

Fantastic, right?

We are Impaled Rectum,

and we are here to play

symphonic-postapocalyptic
reindeer-grinding-

Christ-abusing-extreme-war-
pagan-Fennoscandic

metal!

Pekka!

Can you come down from your throne?

There are so many holes
that need to be filled!

You can take off your pants now!

I'm about to fill
the queen's holes!

All is well in the kingdom.