All language subtitles for Laid.US.S01E08.720p.WEBRip.x264-GalaxyTV

Oh, my God, Isaac.

- Ruby.

Mm, sorry.

Mm, something's,
like, chafing me.

Is that a zipper?
A button-fly?

It's buttons
you said I can't open.

- You can't.

Mine are the thickest denim
I could find.

These are an extra-large
boys' husky.

- Yeah, I'm pretty sure
my cousin's son

has a pair of those.

- Mm, and I can't even
go down on you

because all the women
I was with

are dead,
so I can't even use my mouth.

But yours is OK.

- Wait.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hold on.
- I'm kidding.

It might not be safe.
Unless you want to chance it?

Kidding again.
I can't stop kidding.

Do it.

Kidding.

Or am I? Ugh.
- Yeah.

- I think making out
might actually be worse

than just not making out.

- But that was still good,
though, right?

I mean, jean-on-jean
dry humping

is more than enough.

We could totally
do this forever

and be completely satisfied.
- Yeah.

It might be better
than actual sex

because you always want more,
and wanting

something you can never have
feels great.

- So this is what being

in a healthy relationship
feels like.

- Yeah, no, I'm in actual pain.

- If you don't put a shirt on,
I'm gonna rip my vagina off...

- It's like a real intense
stomach ache.

- And throw it
at the ceiling fan.

- I don't know what to do.

AJ is right.

It's selfish of me to just
immediately transfer the hex,

but I can't live like this
for the rest of my life.

But I have to
because I need to learn

what love is without sex,

because I am becoming
a better person,

and this is what
all that feels like.

Mildly proud of myself and
a hot throbbing in my private.

All right.

- I think the dye from
our jeans stained my sheets.

- I'm gonna get going.

I have so much work I need
to do tonight before the party.

- My parents are excited
to meet you tonight.

- As your party planner?

- And maybe more.

I might have told them
a lot about you.

- You did?
- Mm-hmm.

- Ah, OK.

I mean, I want them to love
the party and now also me.

- They're going to love you.

Oh, yeah.
I'm gonna need a minute.

Actually,
thinking about my parents

might help me right now.

- Oh, yeah, maybe
that'll work for me, too.

Oof.

- Nope.
Hot throb still there.

Must be a different science.

- And it gets great mileage,
so perfect for long commutes

or road trips
if you two wanna get away.

And, uh-- um...

It also has 360-degree
cameras to let you know

if there's anything dangerous
around, like a woman.

OK, yeah.
Just think it over.

I understand.
And remember, it's not a race.

It's a Toyotathon.

To be clear, that--
that's not official Toyota.

That-- that one's just me.

I have to pitch it
to Gene still.

- Hey.
- Hi.

- How's it going?

- Um, well, you know,
you just made me lose a sale,

so...
- How did I make you lose--

- What do you want, Ruby?
- Nothing.

Just stopping by to say thanks

for taking care of
Ruby Hot Sauce last night.

I'm sorry I left like that.

It was just--
I mean, that speech--

- Which one?
- The one Isaac gave me.

I mean, it was incredible.
I mean, you even said it.

Those were the words
I've been wanting to hear.

I was like, "I can't even
believe this is happening."

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I get it, OK?

It's romantic.
You're a romantic.

But you know what, Ruby?

You just want people
to entertain you,

rip their hearts
out of their chest for you,

and then
you decide how you feel.

And you do nothing.
You make no moves.

You just sit back
and watch the show, like--

like a coward.

- Why are you so mad?

Did you start your day
only watching four hours

of "Real Housewives
of Beverly Hills"?

- A man who watches Bravo
is a strong man.

And I'm not mad.

I'm just saying what I see.

- Are you-- wait, you're not,
like, jealous, are you?

- Jealous?
- Yeah.

- No, I'm not jealous.
Jealous of what?

Your ugly leather pants?

- Why the fuck do you--

- That's
a "Housewives" reference.

Well, am I jealous that
he gets to be with you,

that he gets this mess?
No, no, thanks.

- Look, I am sorry
if I upset you.

I really--
- I'm not upset.

You didn't upset me.

- We were both using
each other, right?

For Cyrano sex?
That was the deal?

- You're right.
That was the deal.

And since you have now chosen

jean-on-jean dry humping
with Isaac...

- Whoa.
How did you know that?

- Because you rubbed a patch
of color off on your jeans.

- These are a child's jeans
if it makes it less gross.

- Since you've chosen
to do that,

that also means you've chosen
not to transfer the hex,

so sounds like
you don't need me anymore.

Pick up your shit
and your dog,

and please replace the box
of Honey Nut Cheerios

that you demolished
the other night

while watching "Love is Blind."

- Richie, are you sure
there isn't something more

you want to say to me?

- I told you
everything I want to say.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have some Toyotas to move,

which should be really easy,
because they're great cars,

safe and reliable,
two things you're not.

- OK, first, I didn't want you
to see the Honey Nuts,

which is why I fisted the box
all the way

to the bottom of the trash.
Second, fuck off.

Looking forward to going back
to not remembering who you are.

So then that's when
the 19th person died.

And, uh, yeah.

I think that about covers it.

Now you know everything.

- What the fuck?

- Dr. Deborah.

- How many people were dead
last session

when you talked about
meeting a cute client?

- Uh, 17?

OK, look, we were making
so much progress

on my past baggage
and my-- my father issues

that I didn't want
to slow us down.

- 19 people you slept with
are dead.

- Well, I finally wrote
that letter to my dad.

I didn't send it yet,
but-- but I do want to.

So I should get some credit
for that, shouldn't I?

- Why are you telling me
all this now?

- Because I am actually
trying to finally do the work.

I decided to keep the hex
because I am being selfless

since AJ thinks
it's selfish of me

to just try and transfer it,
which is the last thing

AJ will ever say to me
because she'll never forgive me

for sleeping with
her boyfriend, Zack.

- Jesus Christ.

- So I'm keeping the hex
because it is the right thing

to do, but now I don't know
how to navigate

this whole jean-on-jean
dry hump relationship

with Isaac,
so I need your advice on that,

too, because I don't know.

I don't think
I'm going to be satisfied

just getting eaten out
for all of eternity,

if he's even good at that

because sometimes that's just
not something you can teach.

And now I can't even talk
to Richie, which is fine.

Honestly, fuck that guy.

I mean,
he's mad at me for what?

For crashing at his apartment
and-- and using him?

But weren't we
using each other?

Like, I mean, yeah, sure,
I used his body as a vessel

to sleep with Isaac,
but he fucked

Kristin Chenoweth through me.
- Sorry, who is Richie?

- Oh, Richie, my sex loophole.
The one who didn't die.

- Oh, good.
Someone didn't die.

OK, and why are you talking
about this guy now?

- I don't know, Debra.

I don't have the answers
because I plan parties.

I come here for your help.

I just hope I can
at least figure out

what the fuck is wrong with me.

- I hate it when
you close your pad.

- Ruby, I think we've reached
the end of our relationship.

You need help.

I just don't think
I can help you.

- Wait.

You can just do that?

- And if you could
just sign right here,

that is a termination
of care form.

You're now released
as my patient,

and I can say anything
I want to you.

You talk about
how much you want things,

you know,
the big romantic declarations,

the grand gestures,
the kiss in the rain.

- I got that one, by the way.

- You're constantly focusing
on yourself

and what you can get,
but do you know

what would be
a real grand gesture?

Thinking of someone else
for once.

You know,
maybe just take one minute

out of your day
to actually consider

the person you love most.
- Right.

And that is?

- How the fuck do I know?

You're asking me who you love?

Ask yourself.
Who do I love?

Uh, my guess is
the answer will be me,

Ruby, and no one else
because I blow.

And you really do.
You blow so hard.

That's your final invoice.

Sorry the printer is so loud.

A guy is coming
to look at it tomorrow.

- Please welcome Amanda Knox.

- I'm Amanda Knox.

And I'm here because
this is my last hour

of community service.

- Hey.
- Oh, hi.

- So Ruby hasn't come by
to pick up,

well, any of her shit,
so I thought I'd drop it off

and hope that Ruby Hot Sauce's
cute face

would convince you
to accept it.

- Wait, she just bailed
and left you

with an actual living being?

- Yeah.
Whatever.

I just can't believe
I fell for her shit again.

I don't mean-- you know,
I don't mean I fell for her.

I just mean that--
- Hey. Oh, hey.

Sorry, I didn't see you there.
Um--

- What are you
doing here, Zack?

- Just here to give you this.

I drew all those hearts
and the one little penis.

- A picture of
the 1998 Rockettes signed

by all the-- yikes--
surviving members.

I, uh, saw the Rockettes
at Radio City

with my mom when I was seven.

I actually ran up to
one of them and said,

"Can you put your leg
way up high in the air

so I can dangle from it?"
- Aww.

I'm not sure how you did this

since you thought Rockettes
were female Flintstones.

- That makes perfect sense
to me.

- Right?

- Zack, nothing you can do
will make me forgive you.

I'm not gonna stop trying.

- Well, maybe you should.

- You're listening
to "Sheet Music

for the Spiritual Adult,"
where we explore types

of love that aren't physical.

For this next exercise,
I want you to ask

your partner
what they're scared of,

and then deeply,
intensely,

erotically, listen.

- So great.

- Great, she didn't pick up
her shit,

her dog, or her letter.
- Hey.

- Hey.

Thanks for coming.

I, uh-- I think I owe you
an explanation.

Not me agreeing
hard as balls with you.

- We've discussed this.
You can't have wine.

Maybe I'll give you
a little later.

- Singing telegram for AJ.

- God damn it, Zach.

What?

Wait, what is this?

- Hey, everyone good?
Everyone good?

- Hey.

Make sure you guys
get something to eat, OK?

A big fat
shrimp cocktail maybe?

- Allergic to seafood.

I've written
many songs about it.

- And I love them all.

Hey.

Oh, Ruby.

We've heard so much about you.

Everything looks so beautiful.

It's wonderful.

- We couldn't have
asked for more.

Aw.

- Well, I couldn't
have asked for more

in this son you raised here.

Seriously, he's perfect.

No notes.

Those abs?

You made those abs.

He's like a rock climbing gym.

- Well, I have to go do
a dove check.

I heard the birds
can get triggered

if they hear confusing sounds,

and there's an unhinged man
outside screaming,

"Bring back Nurse Jackie!"

Excuse me.

- We'll see you in a bit.

- Hi, I'm supposed
to meet someone here

under the name
Raffaele Sollecito?

- Yes, right this way.

- Amanda Knox?

Holy fucking shit!

- Hi, AJ.

Um, it's great to meet you.

- What?
I'm a piece of shit.

It's great to meet you.
Fuck.

I should have known.

Raffaele Sollecito,
your boyfriend

during your year abroad and
other things that happened.

And how is this possible?

- It was actually
your boyfriend, Zack.

He said you always say,
"If I could just have

one hour with Amanda Knox."

Well, I'm Amanda Knox,
and you have one hour.

- OK, so you were in
literal jail

for a murder you did not do.

Like, um, talk about that.

OK, um--

yeah, I don't recommend it.

- Thank you.

This was a dream come true.

- Don't thank me.
Thank Zack.

You have
a really great boyfriend.

And I hope you don't mind
me saying this,

but learn from me, AJ.

Sometimes you really never know
what you have until it's gone.

- I'm sorry.

This is literally
the worst thing I've ever said,

but, Amanda Knox, I have to go.

- Wait.
You're my alibi for tonight.

Just kidding.

Go.

Three people have already
tweeted that I'm here.

OK.

Thank you.
- Yeah.

- Um, I care about you deeply.
- OK.

Bye.

- Yeah, OK.

Oh, OK.

Yeah.
Great.

You smell really good.

- Thank you.

- Ah, now look
who doesn't have her key.

Jill.
- I got your mail again!

- Were you just trying
to get into this apartment?

- Yes, to throw your mails
in your foyer!

Turn down your music.
- Can you turn down the sun?

You know? The sun tells you
how bright it wants to be,

and Sade tells you
how loud she wants to sing.

- Ruby!

- What are you doing here?

- I know it was you.

Rafaelle Sollecito?

- What?
Uh, no, it wasn't me.

It was Zack.
- No.

You gave me a puzzle to solve.

You didn't want me
to know it was you.

Only you know me
well enough to do that.

Only you would do something
like that for me.

- No, but you weren't supposed
to find out it was me.

It doesn't count
if you know I did it.

Besides, it was just a--
- A grand fucking gesture.

And the nicest thing
anyone has ever done for me.

- AJ, I know it doesn't
make up for what I did.

Nothing ever will.

But I am trying.

And I know Zack is trying too.

You know, for someone who is
always saying "I love love,"

I really don't know
anything about it,

except I do know
I wanted to do something

for the person I love most,

and the person
I love most is you.

I love you, AJ.

I love you.

- I guess we're stuck
with each other.

- I guess we are.

- But, look, I'm sorry, too.

I didn't mean
what I said before.

You have to transfer the hex.

You cannot live
like this forever.

- Did I hear
we're transferring the hex?

I think that's good.
I think that's right to do.

I think-- is that something
we could do, like, now?

- Are you sure?
- Yeah.

You deserve to be happy.

Also, I don't want Zack to die.

Sure, I'm mad at him
85% of the time,

but he and I were broken up,
and I did give

lots of hand jobs
to that cellist.

Like, I couldn't text
for two days.

Also, I love him like crazy.

- I know you do.

And, luckily,
there are a few people

in front of Zack
on the sex timeline,

so we still have a little time.

- Oh, no.

- Brett.
Brett.

- Seafood allergy.

- So I guess you--

- Fucked all of the band.
Yeah.

It was during the summer they
toured with Kelly Clarkson,

but then Brett and his two
less assertive friends

went back to doing
their own thing.

- Did they die in the--

- Order I slept with them?

Yeah.

Wait, no.

Yeah.

- Bats!

- So Bad-Sex-Spotify-Ads Jason

is the only one left
before Zack.

But it's OK.
It's OK.

It's not like you're
the very next person, right?

There's one person, then you.

- Does this mean
we're back together?

- Yes, forever.

I mean, that might mean,
like, a week, but I hope not.

But, yes, for all of that week.

- OK, so who should Ruby
transfer the hex to?

Because we need to--
hey, we need to decide fast.

- I don't know.

What about your
dolphin ex-girlfriend?

She sounded like a real turd.

- No, because that would mean
Isaac would die.

Remember, it's not the person.

It's everyone the person
has slept with.

- How about Brad?

I can't imagine anyone's
ever had sex with Brad.

- Mm-mm, he told me tonight

that his girlfriend
is pregnant,

and he did such
a nice job at the event.

- Oh, uh, James Corden?

He was mean to, like,
a bunch of waiters.

Robert Durst.

- Didn't he die in jail?

- Oh, my God, he did.
I forgot.

- What about Greta Thunberg?
She's that smart kid.

I just don't like it
when kids are smart. Like--

- What about Julianne Hough?

Didn't she wait till marriage
to have sex?

Are we OK losing whoever
Julianne Hough is married to?

I am.

- I have it!
Tom Sandoval.

- How about that Richie guy?
- Oh, no.

- No, that means
Ruby would die.

Come on.
We gotta focus.

Wait, is Temple Grandin
still alive?

- Wait, is that the lady
who invented

the machine that,
like, hugs cows?

- Yeah.
- Um-- uh, yes.

Madame is still with us.

Temple Grandin is
a neuro-spicy genius

who, for decades, has been
very open about being asexual,

has no partners.

She's always been happy
to just be alone.

- That's sort of perfect?
- Yes!

We can transfer the hex
to Temple Grandin.

She never knows,
continues to live her life,

and no one else has to die.

We did it.

We just need something
Temple Grandin has touched.

- No!

She famously
doesn't touch anything.

- Oh, this is bullshit.

- I thought we figured it out.
- Shit.

- All right, now what?

- Write down
the name of the person

you want to transfer it to
on a piece of paper.

Put that paper in your shoe and
walk with it for three hours.

- How much longer?

- 2 hours and 48 minutes.

- Might as well multitask.
- Get a lock of your hair.

- I just need
a lot of your hair.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
- Whoa.

- She said lock.

Lock of hair.

- What the fuck is a lock?

- Then get a rock
from the Fremont Troll

under the Aurora Bridge.

Lastly,
get an object the person

you want to transfer it to
has recently touched.

Tie the object, the rock,
the paper, and the hair

all together, and then throw it
into the nearest body of water.

- Did it work?

Is the hex transferred?

- The longest gap between
deaths has been eight days,

so to be extra safe,
we should wait--

- Nine days.
- A month.

- A month.
Yeah, exactly.

- Great.

- Hey.

Oh, my god.

- Whoo!
Speedy, speedy.

Hey, Jason.
- Hi. Good running.

- Yeah, good run time, man.
- Oh, thanks.

- It's Ruby.

Remember?

We went on three dates,
like, six months ago.

I told you a story about
a guy who had a cannibal uncle.

Yeah, right.

How are you doing?
- Good.

More importantly, though,
how are you doing?

Like, how are you feeling?

- Yeah, feeling, uh, great.

This is my girlfriend, Vicky.

- Hi.
- Yeah, hi, Vicky.

All good healthwise, though?

No weird issues
or death scares?

- Nope.
All good.

- You see a doctor regularly?
- Oh, yeah.

Full regular checkups.

That stuff's actually
really important to me.

- Even colon?

I know you're young, but they
call that the secret killer.

- Yep, even colon.

Everything's good.

- Great.

OK, well, uh, congrats again.

And, yeah, have a happy life.

- OK.
- OK. Bye.

- Nice to meet you.

Um, I'm sorry.
I don't--

- That was odd.

- Have any explanation
for that at all.

- Did we do it?

Am I-- am I not gonna die?

- I think... we did?

- I think we did.

- We transferred the hex.

Case closed.
- Oh, my god.

I have my life back.
- Me too.

Whatever. Go ahead, go ahead.

- I was just gonna hug you.
I'm sorry.

- OK, well--
- You go.

- Well, then I'm gonna kiss her
if you don't hug her, so go.

I love you.

I love you.
- I love you too.

Get in there.

Oh, my God.

- Whatever it is,
I'm good either way.

- It worked.

I'm free.

- Yes!

I need to see you right now.

- Hi.

- Hey.

- Did you--
- No, I don't know him.

That's not because of me.

Totally unrelated death.

- Folks, stay back. Stay
back, please.

- Clear!

Not getting anything.

Clear!

- Wow.
- Yeah.

Wow.

That was...

- Incredible.
- Frickin' amazing.

- Oh, my God.

I am so glad
you felt that way too.

- You know what
the best part was?

- Oh, like we just did it
twice in a row

without saying
a single word in-between.

We just made eye contact
and then got to it.

It was like two coworkers
who have a great shorthand.

Oh, that was fantastic.

But I was gonna say
how it seemed like

things could only
get less good,

but then it would get better.

And you, sir, wow.

Your colonel
did not leave his post.

- Isaac, I'm so glad
this all worked out.

Sometimes you've
just got to trust

that everything
is gonna shake out

exactly how you want--

Dad?

- Hi, Ruby.

- What are you doing here?

How did you even find me?

- I got your letter.

- My letter?
How?

I-- I didn't even send it.

Richie.

- We need to talk about
what's happening to you, Ruby.

What you wrote,

everyone you've
ever been with is dying.

- It's fine, OK?
Everything's fine.

We figured it out.
Why are you here?

- I'm sorry.

- What?

- Jason's dead.

- What?

- It happened after the race.

- Oh, my God.

- Guess he went to the zoo
to celebrate.

- But that means
it didn't work.

We didn't transfer the hex.

- What's up, knuckle-butt?

- Zack, it didn't work.

You are going to die.

- What?
- And then--

- And then you.

- Ruby, let me help.

I know what's happening to you.
- No, Dad.

- I know
what's happening to you

because it happened to me too.

- I think that's a good idea.