All language subtitles for Laid.US.S01E07.720p.WEBRip.x264-GalaxyTV

- I just can't--

I mean, what even is a hex?

Like a magic spell?

- Shh. I'm sorry, Brad.

Go ahead.

Tell us about the hex.

We all know what one is.

- I recorded that video,
like, two years ago

after we worked
a string of shit-show events.

I thought I was in the clear
when you hadn't brought it up.

I really thought
the hex didn't work.

I mean, why would
something like that

actually work, you know?

I didn't mean to hurt anyone.

I just--

I was in
a really dark place.

- Because of Ruby?

- Yes, yes, because of Ruby.
- Mm-hmm.

- And then there was
this stretch where

me and Ruby would get drunk
and make out after events.

And it meant--honestly,
it meant nothing.

But then she kept reminding me
that, like, it meant nothing

and over and over.

And it just felt pointed
and dismissive.

And then it made me realize,
you know, how dismissive she is

of me at work as well.

- You know, she never gives me
credit when I have great ideas.

She never says thank you.

- Oh, shut up, Brad.

Yes, I do.

Remember when we hired your dad

to do magic
at the Microsoft party?

I told everybody,
only Brad would be that brave.

- See? Dismissive.

And maybe even
a little demeaning as well.

- Yeah, for sure.

- Here you go, slugger.
- Thank you.

- It's a little hot.

Be careful.

- Why are you comforting him?

Would you comfort
Richard Ramirez?

Because that is essentially
what you are doing.

- You mean the Night Stalker?

The serial killer?

- 13 murders, 5 attempted,

brought down by civilians
in Boyle Heights.

Great cheekbones,
terrible teeth.

- Exactly.

Brad is the reason why

18 people are dead.
- Why is she saying that?

- So--so actually--

actually, he's worse
than the Night Stalker.

It goes Zodiac,
Night Stalker, Brad.

- No, it goes Ruby, Ruby, Ruby.

- AJ, please.
- No.

I am only here because

previously
undiscovered evidence

has reactivated
my interest in the case.

I'm still very hurt
and mad at you.

- I just want a chance
to try and--

- Ruby shows up,
tells me I'm gonna die,

and disappears--just bolts.

- She's out of there.
- Out of there.

And I'm like, hi,

I have some
follow-up questions.

- Well, Ruby
straight-up destroyed

my five-year relationship,
betrayed me,

and now my ex is gonna die
as a result.

- OK, yes.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

I have made
many, many mistakes.

But let's not forget that
Brad is a piece of shit too.

He summoned the demons
of the netherworld,

and he needs to undo the hex.

- Oh, I--yeah, I mean,
I can't undo it.

- What do you mean?

- Well, I mean, it's not like--

it's not like I actually
performed the hex.

That's insane.
- I see. I see.

- Yeah, that's ridiculous.

No, I--some--

I don't even know
what her name is.

I mean, it was
some random woman

at a bar one night
after the McKenzie--

you know,
the McKenzie Sweet 16?

Oh, man,
that event was a doozy.

95 gluten-frees, 24 vegans.

- Ruby?

- Isaac?

Hi. Uh...

Didn't think
you were coming today.

- I didn't think
you were coming.

You haven't answered
any of my calls or texts.

I thought you didn't want
to see me.

- Well, guess
we're doing this now.

Whatever she told you about me,
it isn't true.

Richie.

- Oh, you are
the lighting tech, right?

This guy, acting like
he doesn't know me.

Looks like he just got
introduced to his mistress

at a cocktail party.

All right, go ahead.

I'll leave you alone.

- What's going on?

Why are you avoiding me?

Just tell me the truth.

- That's from me.

I just texted you
my sex timeline.

Come here.

- He definitely knows who I am.

- Isaac,
what Merci told you was true.

My exes are dying.

- That's absurd.

- I know it's hard to believe,

but those 18 people with Xs
over their faces,

they're dead.

And every single one of them
I've slept with.

- Maybe this is just
what happens in our 30s?

- And they're dying
in the exact order

I slept with them.

- OK, well, there's got
to be an explanation.

Right, maybe it's long--

No, we ruled that out.
- Body--

- Hair theories?

Went through all of them.

Almost thought we had something
with "surprise fire crotch."

Unexpected red pubes.

- How about plan--

- B?

Only took it once.

OK, twice.

It was three times.

I took it four to five times.

It doesn't matter.
We ruled it out.

The point is, Isaac,
we did all of this already.

And it's not a new
Nathan Fielder show either.

I'm the problem.

And everything else Merci said,

it's all true.

Remember at the smelt tasting,

when I was upset about
a horrible thing I did to AJ?

Well, the horrible thing was
sleeping with her boyfriend.

- What?
- You know the other night

when we kissed in the rain
and you said you'd wait for me?

Well, I didn't wait for you.

Immediately after, I had sex
with that guy, Richie.

- You had sex with Guy Ritchie?

- What? No.

Sorry, I didn't pause
in the right place.

I had sex with that guy,
comma, Richie,

because he's the only person
who hasn't died,

and for some reason now
he's this sex loophole.

So I had sex with him
pretending

I was having sex with you.

- Look, if you're not into me
or whatever, just say that.

You don't have to make up
a bunch of wild stories.

- I'm not making it up.

I'm actually being
completely honest

for the first time,
like you told me to do

with AJ, remember?

Because I care about you.

- All right, whatever. Um...

I'm gonna go.

I liked it better
when you were avoiding me.

- I hate to interrupt

the emotional end
of "Love, Simon"

or whatever you two were doing,

but we have
pressing business here.

We need to--
- Focus.

Yes, we do.

Because we are going to solve
this fucking thing.

Brad, you need
to retrace your steps and--

- Take us everywhere
he went that night.

Yeah, me and him
already decided that.

It's the only--
- Chance we have to find--

- The hex lady.
- And save--

- The rest of these guys,
including--

- Your ex-boyfriend who could
die because I fucked him.

- I was just gonna say Zack.

Why would I say that last bit?

Put that down.

You're embarrassing yourself.

- Hence my hex. You see it?
- Yeah.

Yeah.
- You see why now?

- Yeah, uh-huh.

- OK, I'll just fuck off
to my first day of work then.

- Kay!

- And yeah, I don't know.

I mean, honestly,
it's hard to tell.

I mean, do you think he meant,
"I'm gonna go," like,

"I just need to clear my head
and I'll call you later,"

or do you think he meant,

"I never want to speak
to you again.

I won't even talk to you
at my parents' party"?

Did you hear about that nurse

who stole that baby
who was secretly an adult

who then stabbed the nurse?

Ooh, there she is.

- To be clear, I'm here
for the case and only the case.

I do not want to hear
about your love life problems.

And don't you dare dangle

a "fake baby, real adult"
nurse killer at me.

- You're right.

That was totally unfair.

Add it to my endless list
of fuck-ups.

- Here it is.

Where we threw
the McKenzie Sweet 16.

- OK.

So you left the Sweet 16
at around 11:00 PM that night.

Where did you go next?

- Ugh, they went with
a DJ over a band, huh?

Not the best use
of the acoustics in there.

That high ceiling, the curves,

the way a vibrato can
come alive.

- Hey.

Dealing with Ruby's shit
is the last thing

I want to be doing right now,
so I don't have time

for you to be horny
for building acoustics.

Now focus.

Back to the night
of the Sweet 16.

- Yeah.

All right, so--
so I left the party.

Uh, it was a brutal one,
because Ruby was being

weird and dismissive, as usual.

I had a couple of drinks with
some of the girls at the party.

Older ones, OK?

Relax.

The McKenzie girl had
a couple of friends

who were, like,
22 or something.

- No, she didn't.

- Yeah, she did.

Anyway, after they got
picked up by their moms--shit.

You know what? Doesn't matter.

Not the point.

The point is, I wasn't ready
to go home yet.

I was a teeny, tiny bit tipsy,
and I decided to take a stroll.

- I saw a street vendor
selling a knockoff

Goyard wallet
that I had to have.

And so I bargained hard,
but fairly for it.

And I don't like to brag,

but I did go
to business school,

so I'm a pretty great
negotiator.

After that, I was feeling
a little hungry.

So I went to a halal cart
down the block for a snack.

And then I saw it.

- The DVD that would
complete my collection.

There you go.

- OK. Where did you go next?

- It was a nice night,
so I thought

I'd go for a walk
in the community garden.

I felt great.

You know when
you feel fresh and new,

like anything is possible?

So I thought I'd find a bar
to have one final nightcap.

A digestif to send me off
to the Land of Nod.

This bar.

- This place is nicer
than I was imagining.

- The bathroom for sure has
a lid on the toilet tank.

- Oh, my God,
do you remember that bar

that was disgusting
but then had, like,

state of the art
Japanese toilets?

- The case and only the case.

- Yeah.

- I remember I sat
on the stool

right over here.

Then someone played
"Shadowboxer"

on the jukebox,
which I chuckled at

because it reminded me
of Ruby.

- And the bartender said
it was last call,

which I took in stride.

I was about to order my usual,
a dairy-free White Russian,

when a lady with raven hair

who smelled of cinnamon
sat next to me.

We're gonna see a lady?

- Yes, we are.

I don't know how,
but this lady could sense

something was troubling me.

So I told her
all about you, Ruby,

and what an absolute
monster you are.

And then the lady said...

- I can put a hex on her.

- That lady
didn't even know me.

I'm so tired of women
not supporting women.

Witherspoon would be furious.

- Yeah, no, and she'd love
how you support women.

Brad, is there anything else
you remember about that night?

- No, I don't remember
anything else about her.

Not even her name.

Hey, I'm sorry,

but there's just no way
to find her.

- Found her.

- Sir, I will say that
all of our research shows

that we were on track
to follow consumer trends.

- Then what happened, Janelle?

I'm all ears, Janelle.

- Well, it's actually really
not a Cinnabon problem, sir.

It's a mall issue, right?

I was actually talking
with George just the other day

about the decline of malls.

George.

- And you thought
Skinnabon would solve it?

- Um, well...

People are more
health-conscious now.

And it was testing well.

How could we have known--

- Excuse me, Janelle,

your high school friends
are here to see you.

- Toby and Lindsey are here?

- Who the fuck are
Toby and Lindsey?

- I'm sorry, sir,
those are friends of mine.

They were supposed to be
in town this weekend.

I'll be right back.

- What the fuck is going on
down there?

Do I need to fly in?
I'm flying in from Dallas--

- George,
if you fuck me on this,

I will fuck you.
- Molly, pick me up

some face wash
and call for the jet!

- You're not Toby and Lindsey.

- Who is this?

- This is the woman you met
who put a hex on Ruby.

She smelled of cinnamon

probably because
she works here.

And maybe
she looks less mystical,

but you try having an ounce of
whimsy around all this beige.

- Yeah, no, that's me.

- I can't believe we found you.

AJ, you are amazing.

- Yeah, I know.

- OK, please,
we really need your help.

- I mean, you are not
who I pictured in my mind,

and I have a very clear
recollection of that night.

- Well, I remember you.

I remember everything
from that night

because it was
the worst day of my life.

- I'm sure it was,
but we really need--

- Hey, this isn't about you
and your sex life right now.

She wants to speak.

Please, go on.

- Thank you.

Yeah, I was in
a really dark place.

I was here at work,
and Toby called me.

You know when
someone's mad at you

but they're trying to hide it,
and you're like,

"Is everything OK?"

And they're like,
"Yeah, no, I'm fine."

You know, in that register?

And you're like,
"Well, you're lying,

"and you're mad.

"I'm an adult.
Aren't we friends?

Bring it to me,
and then I can fix it."

- I am so sorry.

We really do not have time
for this, Janelle.

I'm sure it was a dark place.

Everyone is in a dark place.

Yours is a bad day at work;

mine is the blood
of 18 people and counting

on my hands, so...

- Sounds like you're
a really good friend, though.

Toby is lucky.

- Thank you.

I wish he thought so.

- You need to reverse the hex.

- I can't.

I'm sorry.
It's irreversible.

- What?

- I know.

It's like a nightmare.

Hexes, spirits, dark arts--

things people dismiss
as a silly superstition.

The ability to manipulate it
runs in my family.

- And you chose to work
at Cinnabon?

- Yeah.

I love morning pastries.

And I love paperwork.

I wanted a different life
for myself.

I only dipped my toe
back in that night

because I was in
such a shitty place.

- Because of Toby?

- Because of Toby.

- So that's it.

It's over.

You can't undo it.

- I'm sorry, I can't.

You can only transfer it
to someone else.

- OK.

Great.

Do that.

Transfer it.

- Oh, I can't.

Only the person who's affected
can transfer it.

- OK, tell me.

Recording your voice.

We'll fully transcribe it
later.

- OK.

Write down the name
of the person

that you want to transfer it to
on a piece of paper.

Put that paper in your shoe,

and walk with it
for three hours.

- Are we talking 30 minutes on,
30 minutes off, or...

- Three hours straight.
- Great. Understood.

- Get a lock of your hair,
and then get a rock

from the Fremont Troll
under the Aurora Bridge.

Lastly, get an object
the person

you want to transfer it to
has recently touched.

Tie the object, the hair,
the rock, and the paper

all together and throw it
into the nearest body of water.

- And that's it?

If I do all that, then all this
will for sure stop?

- Yeah, it will.

- Janelle, consumer products

is calling
an emergency meeting.

- Ugh. This is unrelated.

It's about our Cinnabon
exercise shakes.

Apparently some guy in Miami
shit himself to death.

Yeah. Wish I could laugh.

It's been a fucking nightmare.

Excuse me.

- I can't believe it.

I can save everyone who's left

and finally get my life back.

I mean, that "walk
for three hours straight" part

sounded a little intense,
but push comes to shove,

I can just take some Adderall
and listen to a podcast.

- Incredible.

Of course you immediately want
to transfer the hex.

Have you considered that
if you do that,

you could be responsible
for killing more people?

- Not if I find someone
who it won't hurt.

Like, I don't know,
a virgin on death row.

- That is your plan?

- Well, I don't know,

but I am going
to figure it out,

because I need this to stop.

I mean, look,
it could save Zack.

- How convenient

that the selfish thing
you want to do

can look like
some altruistic thing.

But this isn't about Zack.

This is about you.

This is because
you want to fuck Isaac.

See, this is why you got
the hex in the first place.

You are always hurting other
people just to help yourself.

- But I am literally trying
to save other people right now.

I am trying to not be selfish.

I am trying to be selfless.

- Oh, my God.

See, you can't even
pronounce that.

You have never even said
that word before.

- AJ, we literally found the
key to stop this whole thing

and you're actually
considering not using it?

I mean, don't you want
to solve the case?

The case that you have
poured so much time,

so much yarn into?

- You're asking if
I want to solve a case?

It's all I've wanted
since I was seven

and that Rockette I met was
murdered by a drug addict.

I am just actually
weighing the cost first,

something that
you have never done,

which is why we are here.

- So what do you want me to do,

be alone
for the rest of my life?

- Works for Najin and Fatu.

They're the last two
white rhinos on Earth.

They're mother and daughter.

It's very sad.

Try listening to a podcast
I send you for once!

Yeah, I feel like
my time dealing with this

has come to a close,
so I'm just gonna...

- Huzzah. Huzzah.

Huzzah.

So my back's feeling great.

No more spasms.

Probably 'cause of
my new mattress

from Mattriss.

I had it shipped
to my buddy Felix's place

where I'm staying right now.

Even on the floor
with no box spring,

it's so comfortable.

- You deserve
that type of comfort, Zack.

You've been through so much.

- How is it going with AJ?

- Not good, Starlight.

All these endorsements
just make me miss her more.

All the space
on my Mattriss mattress,

it's all so meaningless
without my girl.

- Have you thought about doing
something to win AJ back?

Show her how much
she means to you?

- I--I tried.

I bought her stuffed animals,
fixed things around the house,

stashed beef jerky
in all of her pockets

so she'll never have to get up
to get a snack.

- Those sound like things
you like, Zack.

What does AJ like?

- Coffee, juice, the Rockettes.

She likes tableside guac at
authentic Mexican restaurants,

true crime.

- Well, AJ sounds
like a great girl.

Show her you know that.

- Show her I know that.

Yeah.

- Brave Zackary,
I bequeath to you

my daughter to be your wife.

In seven days, she will be 22.

- Marry a baby? What?

No, I'm good.

- You AJ?

- Yeah.
- Great.

Where can I set up?

- For what?

- Don't want to spoil
the surprise.

- Hey, all the plants
in the communal space

are infected with root rot!

- OK.

Thank you, Jill.

- Hey.

- Hi, Jill.

- All the plants
in the communal--

- So how are you doing
this afternoon?

- Not great, to be honest,

but I'm loving this pageantry.

- That's what I like to hear.

Lemon OK?

- Lemon's perfect.

- Billy Crystal had abs?

Noted.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Tough day on the sales floor.

My head was not in the game.

This is why boxers go into
isolation before a match,

because they can't have
any distractions.

And you know what was
on my mind all day

was your little situation.

- You were thinking about me?

- No, I was thinking
about your situation.

Is that "Running Scared"?

- Yeah.

Did you know
Billy Crystal had abs?

- Fuck yeah, I did.

- How did I not know?

- AJ still done with you?

- Probably forever.

- Isaac still gone?

He thinks I lied
about everything.

- I got more popcorn
for Ruby Hot Sauce.

- The kind she likes?

- White cheddar, but remember,

please only give her
one kernel at a time.

- Well, she almost finished
this whole bag, so...

no more for you.

So we found out I can transfer
the hex to someone else.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Great.

OK.

Good.

So this nightmare
will finally be over.

Everything will be
back to normal.

No more loophole.

No more dead exes.

This is great news.

- It's not great news.

AJ thinks I should
keep the hex.

And to be honest,
I think I should too.

I fucked up so bad
that I completely

destroyed my relationship
with my best friend.

I have no family,
no romantic future.

I'm probably gonna die alone.

And the sad part is
I probably deserve to,

because I am a bad person.

- Ruby...

you're not a bad person.

- No, I am.

You even said it
when you kidnapped me.

- Again, you were free to go.

- You said, and I quote,

that I was the worst person
you've ever met.

- Look, maybe I was wrong.

OK, I wasn't.

But you're trying to be better.

Hey, look, you even wrote
that letter to your dad.

That's hard to do.

- Yeah, but I didn't send it,

and I know I should,

and I want to, but I'm scared.

I'm running scared.

Maybe underneath it all,
I am just a coward.

- You are not a coward.

You're working on yourself.

You're at least trying
to make things better,

with the exes dying, with AJ.

- Yeah, but a good person
wouldn't have slept with

her best friend's boyfriend
to begin with.

- OK.

Ruby, you are not the first
person to ever make a mistake.

OK?

And you've been doing
the best you can

to try and make up for it.

And yes,
if you look at the facts,

you might deserve
some of these things

that are happening to you,
but that doesn't mean

you don't deserve love.

Yes,

you have a lot
of annoying qualities,

like how you make
my place a sauna

or how you don't know how
to properly load a dishwasher.

- Water comes at it
in all directions.

It doesn't matter which way
the bowl is facing.

- Nope, nope.
Always down.

Cups and bowls
always go face down

because you don't want
the water spritzing every--

OK, never mind,
because it doesn't matter.

Because someday,

some guy will like
all of those things.

I don't know why, but he will.

And hex or not,

the right guy won't care,

because he gets you.

He gets to be with you.

- Wait, you were gonna say
something else.

- Let me just--

- Isaac?

- Who buzzed you
into the building?

I can't have an aquarium,

but anyone can just
walk in here?

- I believe you.

- What?

- Everyone you slept with
is dying.

I believe you.

- You do?

- After I left,
I obviously wasn't able

to think about anything else.

And I even tried
to "Greatest Showman" it out.

That didn't even help.

- Which number?

"The Other Side."

- The fuck are you guys
talking about?

- But all I could
think about was you and--

and why you were saying
these things.

Were you trying
to push me away?

I don't know.

I was honestly so confused.

And then I pulled up
that thing that you texted me

of all the people that you--

- My sex timeline.

- I have a hard copy here
if you want a reference.

- And I was staring at it
for hours,

just staring at it
and Googling their names.

And they are all dead.

- Except me.

- You were telling the truth.

- I know.

- So then I saw
the next guy on the list.

The first one who didn't have
an X over his face.

Marcus.

- Marcus
the Chocolatorium waiter?

- I went there.

- You went
to Chuckaboo's Chocolatorium?

- Yeah.

Hi.

Just curious, does someone
named Marcus still work here?

- Oh, no.

- I watched him die
right in front of my eyes.

- Jesus.

Poor Marcus...

Whittenberg.

- So everyone you slept with
is dying.

- Yeah.

- Except me.

- That's OK.

- What?

- We can figure our way
around this.

I mean, yes,
I don't want to die.

But also, you're unlike
anyone I've ever met.

- Isaac--

- I know--I know you're

killing guys and girls
with sex,

and you don't know why.

And I believe I worked you up
into such a frenzy

that you had no choice
but to immediately

sleep with that guy
while you imagined me.

And I knew you'd be watching
a Billy Crystal movie.

I know you, Ruby.

And I realized something.

We both want
what my parents have, right?

40 years married
to your soul mate.

The good OK.

But my parents didn't start
at the good OK.

They had to get there.

I don't want
what they have now.

I--I don't want to start there.

I--I want the messy.

I want the scary.

I want the sexy.

I want all that big beginning
stuff that they had,

but I want it with you.

I want to find the good OK
with you.

Because then it'll be great OK,
because you're fucking great.

- Wow.

- Well, that was a hell
of a romantic speech.

It's exactly what you want.

- Yeah.

It is.

- I think that's a good idea.