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1
00:00:06,694 --> 00:00:10,463
I am so sorry.
2
00:00:10,464 --> 00:00:11,698
It meant nothing.
3
00:00:11,699 --> 00:00:13,233
- Get away from me.
4
00:00:13,234 --> 00:00:15,301
- You were never
supposed to find out.
5
00:00:15,302 --> 00:00:16,669
I mean, not that I wanted
to keep it from you.
6
00:00:16,670 --> 00:00:18,238
I just didn't wanna hurt you.
7
00:00:18,239 --> 00:00:19,539
- But I told you
'cause I couldn't go
8
00:00:19,540 --> 00:00:21,141
one more day
with keeping a secret
9
00:00:21,142 --> 00:00:22,342
from the love of my life.
10
00:00:22,343 --> 00:00:23,476
both: Shut the fuck up.
11
00:00:23,477 --> 00:00:24,778
- Absolutely.
12
00:00:24,779 --> 00:00:26,579
- You're a shit person
13
00:00:26,580 --> 00:00:27,781
and a fucking liar.
14
00:00:27,782 --> 00:00:30,483
I can't even look at you.
15
00:00:30,484 --> 00:00:31,584
- You shouldn't.
16
00:00:31,585 --> 00:00:33,653
I don't deserve
your beautiful eyes.
17
00:00:33,654 --> 00:00:35,355
- You deserve prison.
18
00:00:35,356 --> 00:00:36,723
Not only did you sleep
with my boyfriend,
19
00:00:36,724 --> 00:00:37,857
you murdered him.
20
00:00:37,858 --> 00:00:39,192
- Nope. Nope.
21
00:00:39,193 --> 00:00:41,161
Not gonna happen.
I'm not gonna die
22
00:00:41,162 --> 00:00:42,562
'cause I got the best mystery
solver in town working on it,
23
00:00:42,563 --> 00:00:44,597
and she's gonna figure it out
before it gets to me.
24
00:00:44,598 --> 00:00:45,598
Where are you with that?
25
00:00:45,599 --> 00:00:46,666
- Do you even care
26
00:00:46,667 --> 00:00:47,734
that you sleeping with Zack
27
00:00:47,735 --> 00:00:48,735
means he's gonna die?
28
00:00:48,736 --> 00:00:51,204
- Of course I do.
29
00:00:51,205 --> 00:00:53,373
But what I care
most about is you.
30
00:00:53,374 --> 00:00:55,875
I would do anything
to take back what I did.
31
00:00:55,876 --> 00:00:58,244
- Aw, what a poet.
32
00:00:58,245 --> 00:00:59,879
You whisper poetry like that
in my boyfriend's ear
33
00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:01,414
when you fucked him last night?
34
00:01:01,415 --> 00:01:04,417
- I didn't fuck Zack
last night.
35
00:01:04,418 --> 00:01:06,553
I fucked Richie last night.
36
00:01:06,554 --> 00:01:07,921
- You what?
37
00:01:07,922 --> 00:01:10,323
- I had sex with Richie
to protect Isaac.
38
00:01:10,324 --> 00:01:12,359
He kissed me in the rain,
and it was really romantic.
39
00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:14,494
And I like him so much,
and he looked so hot.
40
00:01:14,495 --> 00:01:16,296
And I wanted to sleep with him,
but I can't.
41
00:01:16,297 --> 00:01:18,264
So I had sex with Isaac
through Richie,
42
00:01:18,265 --> 00:01:20,600
who I can't hurt
because he is my sex loophole.
43
00:01:20,601 --> 00:01:23,370
- Did you consider
the possibility
44
00:01:23,371 --> 00:01:26,206
of not having sex with anyone?
45
00:01:26,207 --> 00:01:28,641
- I did not.
46
00:01:28,642 --> 00:01:30,710
Did you see "Roxanne"?
47
00:01:30,711 --> 00:01:32,380
- I did not.
48
00:01:33,914 --> 00:01:35,382
- OK.
49
00:01:35,383 --> 00:01:37,617
I know I can't defend
my actions with Zack.
50
00:01:37,618 --> 00:01:39,619
- Who's currently
proving himself indispensable.
51
00:01:39,620 --> 00:01:42,389
- But I was in such a bad place
at Robert's wedding
52
00:01:42,390 --> 00:01:44,691
and so drunk and so high.
53
00:01:44,692 --> 00:01:47,794
And I really did think you guys
were broken up for good.
54
00:01:47,795 --> 00:01:50,230
- Is that all it takes
for you to fuck my boyfriend?
55
00:01:50,231 --> 00:01:51,531
An opening?
56
00:01:51,532 --> 00:01:52,565
- There is no excuse
for what I did.
57
00:01:52,566 --> 00:01:54,934
It was a terrible mistake
that we both regretted
58
00:01:54,935 --> 00:01:55,969
as soon as it happened.
59
00:01:55,970 --> 00:01:57,670
- That's another thing.
60
00:01:57,671 --> 00:02:00,440
You both kept this sick
little secret from me
61
00:02:00,441 --> 00:02:02,976
while I wandered around here,
trying to solve--
62
00:02:02,977 --> 00:02:05,812
what are you doing?
63
00:02:05,813 --> 00:02:07,414
Um--
64
00:02:07,415 --> 00:02:08,481
I know
the accuracy of the board
65
00:02:08,482 --> 00:02:09,849
is important to you, so...
66
00:02:09,850 --> 00:02:11,518
- Is that
a professional headshot?
67
00:02:11,519 --> 00:02:13,553
Why are you blowing
a gum bubble?
68
00:02:13,554 --> 00:02:14,587
- A few years ago,
when I tried acting,
69
00:02:14,588 --> 00:02:18,324
my agent said it would
make me seem more "zany."
70
00:02:18,325 --> 00:02:20,960
- You know what?
71
00:02:20,961 --> 00:02:22,495
Zack is right.
72
00:02:22,496 --> 00:02:25,599
It's important the sex
timeline be up-to-date.
73
00:02:38,412 --> 00:02:41,448
Guess you fucked that too.
74
00:02:41,449 --> 00:02:43,917
Solve your own mystery.
75
00:02:43,918 --> 00:02:45,619
I'm done.
76
00:02:47,355 --> 00:02:49,255
We're done.
77
00:02:49,256 --> 00:02:50,824
Get out of my apartment,
78
00:02:50,825 --> 00:02:52,592
both of you.
79
00:02:52,593 --> 00:02:55,995
It's my name on the lease, yes.
80
00:02:55,996 --> 00:02:57,263
It's my apartment.
81
00:03:56,691 --> 00:03:57,590
- That's what I'm trying
to tell you, Tabitha.
82
00:03:57,591 --> 00:03:59,559
It's not plugged into
a surge protector.
83
00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:01,094
It is literally
raw dogging the wall,
84
00:04:01,095 --> 00:04:02,829
and I'm getting no steam.
85
00:04:02,830 --> 00:04:04,097
There's no steam emanating...
86
00:04:04,098 --> 00:04:05,365
From this device.
87
00:04:05,366 --> 00:04:06,633
And now I have to go.
88
00:04:06,634 --> 00:04:08,568
All right, Tabitha,
thanks a lot.
89
00:04:08,569 --> 00:04:10,637
Real help.
I gotta--I'll figure it out.
90
00:04:10,638 --> 00:04:12,840
46 minutes.
91
00:04:16,110 --> 00:04:17,977
- Hey. Hey.
92
00:04:17,978 --> 00:04:19,646
It's all right.
93
00:04:19,647 --> 00:04:20,647
You're not the first woman
I've slept with
94
00:04:20,648 --> 00:04:24,451
to show up at my door,
overcome with emotion.
95
00:04:24,452 --> 00:04:27,954
Ladies always come back
for more Sweet Rich.
96
00:04:27,955 --> 00:04:29,856
- AJ kicked me out.
97
00:04:29,857 --> 00:04:31,424
- Aw.
98
00:04:31,425 --> 00:04:32,525
Of course she did, sweetie.
99
00:04:32,526 --> 00:04:34,094
You're a nightmare.
100
00:04:34,095 --> 00:04:37,697
All right, now take off
your top and hop into bed.
101
00:04:37,698 --> 00:04:40,633
That is not what this is.
102
00:04:40,634 --> 00:04:43,737
I need to figure out why my
vagina is killing people now,
103
00:04:43,738 --> 00:04:46,940
and as my sex loophole, it
is your social responsibility
104
00:04:46,941 --> 00:04:48,508
to help me do that.
105
00:04:48,509 --> 00:04:52,379
- What I'm hearing
is that I'm so good in bed,
106
00:04:52,380 --> 00:04:54,881
the memory will carry you
to your grave.
107
00:04:56,517 --> 00:04:58,752
- OK, bad joke.
108
00:04:58,753 --> 00:04:59,819
All right.
109
00:04:59,820 --> 00:05:01,855
Why did AJ kick you out?
110
00:05:01,856 --> 00:05:03,456
- I don't wanna tell you.
111
00:05:03,457 --> 00:05:05,558
- OK.
- I slept with her boyfriend.
112
00:05:05,559 --> 00:05:07,560
- Whoa. What the fuck?
113
00:05:07,561 --> 00:05:09,162
- This is why
I didn't wanna tell you.
114
00:05:09,163 --> 00:05:11,464
- I could not have been clearer
that you didn't have to.
115
00:05:11,465 --> 00:05:13,166
- Can I please just stay here?
116
00:05:13,167 --> 00:05:16,503
I have nowhere else to go, and
all my friends would judge me.
117
00:05:16,504 --> 00:05:17,771
- I'm judging you.
118
00:05:17,772 --> 00:05:21,975
- Oh, girl,
I don't care about that.
119
00:05:21,976 --> 00:05:25,980
- All right, well, feel free
to join me on my biscuit.
120
00:05:28,182 --> 00:05:29,783
- No, thank you.
121
00:05:29,784 --> 00:05:32,452
- Otherwise, I am experiencing
a sciatica flare-up,
122
00:05:32,453 --> 00:05:34,521
so I'm not giving up the bed.
123
00:05:34,522 --> 00:05:37,190
But loveseat's yours.
124
00:05:37,191 --> 00:05:38,925
- This is not--
125
00:05:38,926 --> 00:05:40,493
this isn't a loveseat.
126
00:05:40,494 --> 00:05:41,761
- I'm sorry.
127
00:05:41,762 --> 00:05:43,797
Is that not enough room for you
and the huge dog
128
00:05:43,798 --> 00:05:45,932
that you just brought
into somebody else's home?
129
00:05:47,802 --> 00:05:49,069
- That day that I came home...
130
00:05:50,705 --> 00:05:51,838
It wasn't just that,
like, I lost my home...
131
00:05:51,839 --> 00:05:53,506
And a few days later,
132
00:05:53,507 --> 00:05:54,841
I lost my freedom.
133
00:05:54,842 --> 00:05:57,711
Like, that day, I lost
my friend, and I lost...
134
00:05:57,712 --> 00:06:00,013
Also...
135
00:06:00,014 --> 00:06:02,949
- Why are you still here?
136
00:06:02,950 --> 00:06:04,651
- 'Cause I'm almost done
nailing the extension cord
137
00:06:04,652 --> 00:06:05,952
to the baseboards.
138
00:06:05,953 --> 00:06:08,221
The worst thing that I--
139
00:06:08,222 --> 00:06:09,689
- Frantically completing
all the tasks
140
00:06:09,690 --> 00:06:11,558
I've asked you to do
over the last four years
141
00:06:11,559 --> 00:06:13,126
won't stop me
from breaking up with you.
142
00:06:13,127 --> 00:06:14,527
- I-I changed the Brita filter.
143
00:06:14,528 --> 00:06:15,795
I changed the HVAC filter.
144
00:06:15,796 --> 00:06:16,996
I even changed the filter
on that photo
145
00:06:16,997 --> 00:06:19,466
I posted that you thought made
you look like Shaun White.
146
00:06:19,467 --> 00:06:21,234
- No, you--you--
you said that it
147
00:06:21,235 --> 00:06:24,204
made me look like Shaun White
in a comment under the photo.
148
00:06:24,205 --> 00:06:28,074
And there is nothing you can do
to make up for what you did.
149
00:06:28,075 --> 00:06:30,844
- Not even if I got my channel
subscriber count up to 200,000,
150
00:06:30,845 --> 00:06:32,579
and I was--I was recently
approached
151
00:06:32,580 --> 00:06:34,214
by a hard-shell luggage
advertiser?
152
00:06:35,549 --> 00:06:38,018
Well, that changes everything.
153
00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:41,955
- Look, please, AJ,
I'm so sorry,
154
00:06:41,956 --> 00:06:43,723
but you cannot
break up with me.
155
00:06:43,724 --> 00:06:45,025
- Why, because you have
to get your own
156
00:06:45,026 --> 00:06:46,659
Paramount+ subscription?
157
00:06:46,660 --> 00:06:48,194
- No, I don't even watch
Paramount Positive anymore,
158
00:06:48,195 --> 00:06:50,497
ever since "Rise of the
Pink Ladies" got canceled.
159
00:06:50,498 --> 00:06:51,731
Aw, don't do that.
Not the corgi.
160
00:06:51,732 --> 00:06:52,999
I got those for you.
161
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:55,702
Come on, no, not--
not Oswald Cobblepot.
162
00:06:55,703 --> 00:06:57,037
Look, AJ, I'm--I'm sorry,
163
00:06:57,038 --> 00:06:58,705
but you cannot
break up with me, OK?
164
00:06:58,706 --> 00:06:59,839
Let's not--let's not forget
165
00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:00,874
the headline
of the main event here
166
00:07:00,875 --> 00:07:02,842
is that I'm dying.
- Don't do that.
167
00:07:02,843 --> 00:07:04,077
Don't try to make me
feel bad for you
168
00:07:04,078 --> 00:07:06,613
because you fucked up worse
than you have ever fucked up.
169
00:07:06,614 --> 00:07:09,049
- That's fair.
That's why--
170
00:07:09,050 --> 00:07:10,951
that's why I got you this.
171
00:07:13,888 --> 00:07:16,222
What the fuck is that?
172
00:07:16,223 --> 00:07:18,625
- It's Tickle Frog.
173
00:07:18,626 --> 00:07:20,528
I ordered him from Japan.
174
00:07:22,096 --> 00:07:24,164
Imagine getting tickled
by these digits,
175
00:07:24,165 --> 00:07:26,099
these little bad boys.
176
00:07:34,942 --> 00:07:36,943
I can't tell if you're
playing or fighting with him.
177
00:07:36,944 --> 00:07:38,012
What?
178
00:07:41,982 --> 00:07:44,317
Is that a house for them all
to live in together?
179
00:07:44,318 --> 00:07:45,919
- Yeah.
180
00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:47,587
You should ask
if they need a roommate.
181
00:07:47,588 --> 00:07:48,955
- Yeah.
182
00:07:48,956 --> 00:07:50,657
Maybe I will because they're
pretty great company.
183
00:07:50,658 --> 00:07:53,026
Oh, don't do that. Come on.
184
00:07:53,027 --> 00:07:55,095
Don't do that.
Not Free William.
185
00:07:55,096 --> 00:07:56,196
Stop it.
186
00:07:56,197 --> 00:07:57,564
It's not gonna fit.
187
00:07:57,565 --> 00:07:58,631
Get me another trash bag.
188
00:07:58,632 --> 00:07:59,899
- OK.
189
00:07:59,900 --> 00:08:02,335
- What was I thinking,
sleeping with Zack?
190
00:08:02,336 --> 00:08:04,738
- What were you thinking?
191
00:08:04,739 --> 00:08:05,972
- I don't know.
192
00:08:05,973 --> 00:08:07,841
We were at my ex
Robert's wedding,
193
00:08:07,842 --> 00:08:10,176
and he had just
called me selfish
194
00:08:10,177 --> 00:08:12,613
in front
of his old pediatrician.
195
00:08:15,216 --> 00:08:17,851
Do you cut your own hair
with meat scissors?
196
00:08:17,852 --> 00:08:18,852
- I do.
197
00:08:18,853 --> 00:08:20,353
Don't beat yourself up.
198
00:08:20,354 --> 00:08:21,855
A lot of people
seek physical connection
199
00:08:21,856 --> 00:08:23,757
when they're in a bad
emotional place.
200
00:08:23,758 --> 00:08:26,192
- Yes, that's exactly it.
201
00:08:26,193 --> 00:08:29,295
When I panic, I turn to sex.
202
00:08:29,296 --> 00:08:32,198
- You see panic, turn to
the left--boom, there's sex.
203
00:08:32,199 --> 00:08:33,233
- Yeah.
204
00:08:33,234 --> 00:08:35,301
It goes panic, sex,
205
00:08:35,302 --> 00:08:38,938
panic, sex, panic, sex,
panic--
206
00:08:40,241 --> 00:08:42,208
What the fuck?
207
00:08:42,209 --> 00:08:44,044
- I thought it might help you
get back into the idea
208
00:08:44,045 --> 00:08:45,845
of Cyrano sex
since both Isaac
209
00:08:45,846 --> 00:08:47,714
and Joe have boyish jawlines.
210
00:08:47,715 --> 00:08:49,949
- Why do you own
a Joe Jonas mask?
211
00:08:49,950 --> 00:08:52,285
- Because I'm him
for Halloween.
212
00:08:52,286 --> 00:08:53,386
- Every year?
213
00:08:53,387 --> 00:08:55,088
- Every year, yes.
214
00:08:55,089 --> 00:08:56,856
- OK, well,
put on a goddamn robe.
215
00:08:56,857 --> 00:08:59,659
This is not the time.
216
00:08:59,660 --> 00:09:01,261
- That's a shame.
217
00:09:01,262 --> 00:09:04,664
- Besides, Isaac is way more
handsome than Joe Jonas.
218
00:09:05,766 --> 00:09:07,200
That's an insane thing to say.
219
00:09:07,201 --> 00:09:08,401
- Uh, trust.
220
00:09:08,402 --> 00:09:10,737
You didn't see him in the rain,
221
00:09:10,738 --> 00:09:13,673
all sweet and wet and sexy.
222
00:09:13,674 --> 00:09:16,276
He's perfect--
223
00:09:16,277 --> 00:09:19,646
which is why
I need to stay away from him.
224
00:09:19,647 --> 00:09:21,915
- Isn't that gonna be hard,
since he's paying you to plan
225
00:09:21,916 --> 00:09:24,951
his horny-for-his-parents
anniversary party?
226
00:09:24,952 --> 00:09:26,886
- I already asked my coworker
to cover my meeting
227
00:09:26,887 --> 00:09:28,822
with Isaac tomorrow.
228
00:09:28,823 --> 00:09:30,824
You and I are going to be
229
00:09:30,825 --> 00:09:33,059
with the next person
on my timeline--
230
00:09:33,060 --> 00:09:34,294
Aubrey.
231
00:09:34,295 --> 00:09:38,031
She's--I don't know--
232
00:09:38,032 --> 00:09:40,033
kind of my one that got away.
233
00:09:44,105 --> 00:09:46,306
Well,
234
00:09:46,307 --> 00:09:47,774
sucks she's gonna die.
235
00:09:47,775 --> 00:09:49,776
- She's not.
236
00:09:49,777 --> 00:09:52,445
I am taking
a different approach with her.
237
00:09:52,446 --> 00:09:54,147
Warning my exes
hasn't been working,
238
00:09:54,148 --> 00:09:57,417
so I am going into
full protection mode.
239
00:09:57,418 --> 00:09:59,252
We are not going
to leave her side.
240
00:09:59,253 --> 00:10:00,453
- Oh, so it's we now?
241
00:10:00,454 --> 00:10:02,122
- Yes.
242
00:10:02,123 --> 00:10:03,890
I need to figure out a way
to stop this
243
00:10:03,891 --> 00:10:05,992
before the timeline
gets to Zack.
244
00:10:05,993 --> 00:10:09,896
It is the only thing
I can still do for AJ.
245
00:10:09,897 --> 00:10:11,331
They may not be
together anymore,
246
00:10:11,332 --> 00:10:13,033
but I know she still loves him.
247
00:10:13,034 --> 00:10:15,001
- OK, well,
what do you want me to do?
248
00:10:15,002 --> 00:10:16,903
Because we still don't know
why I'm your sex loophole.
249
00:10:16,904 --> 00:10:18,171
- I don't know.
250
00:10:18,172 --> 00:10:21,141
Just, like,
stand next to her or something.
251
00:10:21,142 --> 00:10:23,843
It could be like
an osmosis thing.
252
00:10:23,844 --> 00:10:25,412
- Well, I mean,
I guess I can do that.
253
00:10:25,413 --> 00:10:28,182
My new job doesn't start
till the day after tomorrow.
254
00:10:33,521 --> 00:10:34,954
What new job, you ask?
255
00:10:34,955 --> 00:10:36,990
Oh, that's right.
You didn't.
256
00:10:36,991 --> 00:10:38,324
You actually haven't asked me
a single thing
257
00:10:38,325 --> 00:10:39,859
since you got here.
258
00:10:39,860 --> 00:10:41,728
- I asked if you cut your hair
with meat scissors.
259
00:10:41,729 --> 00:10:43,196
- Elitism like that
is exactly why
260
00:10:43,197 --> 00:10:45,332
we're never gonna get anything
through Congress!
261
00:10:47,401 --> 00:10:49,469
Well, since I don't appear
to be dying anytime soon,
262
00:10:49,470 --> 00:10:52,972
I decided to get a job at
Queen Anne Toyota dealership
263
00:10:52,973 --> 00:10:56,109
to make a little,
you know, money.
264
00:10:56,110 --> 00:10:58,812
And I'm steaming the polo
because you only get one chance
265
00:10:58,813 --> 00:10:59,879
to make a first impression,
266
00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:02,082
but it's proving
very difficult.
267
00:11:02,083 --> 00:11:05,351
This machine is not intuitive.
268
00:11:05,352 --> 00:11:08,121
And yes, before you ask,
there is water in the tank.
269
00:11:08,122 --> 00:11:10,890
It--
270
00:11:10,891 --> 00:11:12,927
Unbelievable.
271
00:11:14,028 --> 00:11:15,061
What are you doing?
272
00:11:15,062 --> 00:11:16,196
I was in the middle
of telling--
273
00:11:16,197 --> 00:11:18,398
- Fuck your story!
People are dying!
274
00:11:18,399 --> 00:11:19,466
- Is that my T-shirt?
275
00:11:19,467 --> 00:11:20,901
- Yes!
276
00:11:25,206 --> 00:11:26,506
- I would put
the party buffet over here,
277
00:11:26,507 --> 00:11:29,142
close to the kitchen.
278
00:11:29,143 --> 00:11:31,444
- OK.
279
00:11:31,445 --> 00:11:34,114
- It makes it easier
for the kitchen staff.
280
00:11:34,115 --> 00:11:36,316
- Yeah, and that's what's
important, isn't it?
281
00:11:36,317 --> 00:11:39,887
Making this event as easy as
possible for the kitchen staff.
282
00:11:43,824 --> 00:11:45,358
Hey.
- Hey.
283
00:11:45,359 --> 00:11:46,459
- Look who's here.
284
00:11:46,460 --> 00:11:48,061
It's the son of the hour.
285
00:11:48,062 --> 00:11:49,829
That's a son with an O.
- Where's Ruby?
286
00:11:49,830 --> 00:11:51,031
- Oh, she's not here today.
287
00:11:51,032 --> 00:11:52,332
It's just you and me,
and I'm excited.
288
00:11:52,333 --> 00:11:54,367
I'm excited to show you
what I can do.
289
00:11:54,368 --> 00:11:55,535
Bye.
290
00:11:55,536 --> 00:11:57,470
All right, let me just show you
what I have set up here.
291
00:12:00,441 --> 00:12:02,175
- Thought we'd go over the
seating arrangements today.
292
00:12:02,176 --> 00:12:04,144
Now, this is a great time
to tell me anyone
293
00:12:04,145 --> 00:12:06,513
we should keep separated--
conservative aunts...
294
00:12:06,514 --> 00:12:08,381
And mouthy cousins
295
00:12:08,382 --> 00:12:10,483
who have thoughts
about organized labor.
296
00:12:10,484 --> 00:12:12,119
- Sure. Sounds good.
297
00:12:13,921 --> 00:12:14,921
- Hey.
298
00:12:14,922 --> 00:12:16,523
Is everything OK?
299
00:12:16,524 --> 00:12:18,958
- Yeah.
Yeah, no, totally.
300
00:12:18,959 --> 00:12:21,262
I was just expecting
to meet with Ruby today.
301
00:12:22,463 --> 00:12:23,496
No offense.
302
00:12:23,497 --> 00:12:25,832
These tiny tables are so cute.
303
00:12:29,603 --> 00:12:31,504
Hey.
304
00:12:31,505 --> 00:12:33,506
Boy to boy,
305
00:12:33,507 --> 00:12:35,608
something happen
between you guys?
306
00:12:35,609 --> 00:12:37,278
- Boy to boy?
307
00:12:40,147 --> 00:12:43,116
OK, truth is,
Merci and I broke up,
308
00:12:43,117 --> 00:12:44,851
and Ruby and I kissed
the other night.
309
00:12:44,852 --> 00:12:46,119
Yeah.
310
00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:47,587
- She has a lot going on
in her personal life,
311
00:12:47,588 --> 00:12:50,156
so we decided to take a beat
while she sorts things out.
312
00:12:50,157 --> 00:12:53,560
But I didn't think that meant
she'd start avoiding me.
313
00:12:53,561 --> 00:12:56,062
Hate to say it,
but I've seen this before.
314
00:12:56,063 --> 00:12:57,864
Don't get me wrong.
315
00:12:57,865 --> 00:12:59,466
Huge Ruby fan. So great.
316
00:12:59,467 --> 00:13:00,500
So fun, you know?
317
00:13:00,501 --> 00:13:01,968
But this is what she does.
318
00:13:01,969 --> 00:13:03,903
She draws people in,
which, jealous,
319
00:13:03,904 --> 00:13:05,438
but then she's in control.
320
00:13:05,439 --> 00:13:06,272
She writes the narrative.
321
00:13:06,273 --> 00:13:07,874
You get what she wants
to give you
322
00:13:07,875 --> 00:13:09,409
when she wants to give it.
323
00:13:09,410 --> 00:13:12,612
- What are you saying?
324
00:13:14,281 --> 00:13:16,217
I felt like
that was super clear.
325
00:13:18,452 --> 00:13:21,521
I guess the headline is,
326
00:13:21,522 --> 00:13:22,923
welcome to the Ruby Show.
327
00:13:32,633 --> 00:13:35,201
Is this it?
328
00:13:35,202 --> 00:13:37,904
- Why are you asking me
where your ex-girlfriend works?
329
00:13:37,905 --> 00:13:40,107
- Yeah, I think this is it.
330
00:13:44,478 --> 00:13:45,678
I can't believe
it took you so long
331
00:13:45,679 --> 00:13:46,980
to pick out that outfit.
332
00:13:46,981 --> 00:13:48,281
- Of course you can't.
333
00:13:48,282 --> 00:13:50,250
You dress like
a teenage boy with mono.
334
00:13:52,053 --> 00:13:54,320
Oh, boy.
- Richie?
335
00:13:54,321 --> 00:13:56,523
- Ooh, I love
what's about to happen.
336
00:13:56,524 --> 00:13:58,058
- Hi, Chelsea.
337
00:13:58,059 --> 00:13:59,459
- What are you doing here?
338
00:13:59,460 --> 00:14:01,394
You said we had to break up
because you were dying.
339
00:14:01,395 --> 00:14:03,463
Do you have a colostomy bag
I can't see?
340
00:14:03,464 --> 00:14:04,297
Where's your bag?
341
00:14:04,298 --> 00:14:05,331
I don't see a bag.
Where's your bag?
342
00:14:05,332 --> 00:14:07,701
Or did you make that up
so you could date her?
343
00:14:07,702 --> 00:14:09,703
- Oh, no,
please leave me out of this.
344
00:14:09,704 --> 00:14:11,371
I just wanna watch.
345
00:14:11,372 --> 00:14:13,206
- I promise you,
I did not make it up.
346
00:14:13,207 --> 00:14:17,343
But I did find out
that I'm not actually dying.
347
00:14:17,344 --> 00:14:19,179
- Yay.
348
00:14:19,180 --> 00:14:21,715
- Unfortunately, I think
we should remain broken up
349
00:14:21,716 --> 00:14:24,484
because I still hate
how you use
350
00:14:24,485 --> 00:14:26,186
the "not me"
sentence structure.
351
00:14:26,187 --> 00:14:28,955
- "Not me" sentence structure?
352
00:14:28,956 --> 00:14:30,457
- "Not me getting
broken up with."
353
00:14:30,458 --> 00:14:32,459
Not me having wet nails,
354
00:14:32,460 --> 00:14:34,627
so I can't slap the shit
out of you.
355
00:14:34,628 --> 00:14:36,596
Yeah, that's right.
356
00:14:36,597 --> 00:14:38,064
I'm still gonna use it.
357
00:14:38,065 --> 00:14:41,101
I'm not gonna let you
rob me of my joy, bitch.
358
00:14:41,102 --> 00:14:43,236
Good luck with this asshole, honey.
359
00:14:45,706 --> 00:14:49,075
- Not you dating a girl
who doesn't get gels.
360
00:14:49,076 --> 00:14:50,343
- OK, well,
it's also disgusting
361
00:14:50,344 --> 00:14:52,512
to wear the same nail polish
for over a month.
362
00:14:53,514 --> 00:14:56,483
- Whoa.
- Whoa.
363
00:15:01,088 --> 00:15:02,455
- Oh, God.
364
00:15:02,456 --> 00:15:03,990
Look at her.
365
00:15:15,236 --> 00:15:17,504
- Are my eyes red?
- What?
366
00:15:17,505 --> 00:15:19,205
- My eyes get really red
when I don't get enough sleep,
367
00:15:19,206 --> 00:15:20,640
and I only slept nine hours.
368
00:15:20,641 --> 00:15:22,475
Are they red?
- Wow.
369
00:15:22,476 --> 00:15:24,411
You're really pressed
about this girl.
370
00:15:24,412 --> 00:15:26,246
- I told you.
371
00:15:26,247 --> 00:15:28,314
Aubrey's different.
372
00:15:28,315 --> 00:15:29,449
She's...
373
00:15:29,450 --> 00:15:30,717
special.
374
00:15:30,718 --> 00:15:32,018
We're gonna stay with her
375
00:15:32,019 --> 00:15:34,287
as long as it takes
to keep her safe.
376
00:15:34,288 --> 00:15:35,288
- Great.
377
00:15:35,289 --> 00:15:37,057
Well, I'll be sure
to give you the same grace
378
00:15:37,058 --> 00:15:38,525
you gave to me
when I confronted my ex
379
00:15:38,526 --> 00:15:39,392
40 seconds ago.
380
00:15:39,393 --> 00:15:42,328
- You are a terrible
AJ replacement.
381
00:15:42,329 --> 00:15:44,631
- Does that mean you
won't fuck my boyfriend?
382
00:15:47,535 --> 00:15:49,035
- After you.
383
00:15:52,606 --> 00:15:54,140
- It doesn't hurt that much.
384
00:15:55,609 --> 00:15:57,310
Aubrey?
385
00:15:57,311 --> 00:15:58,578
- Jesus.
386
00:15:58,579 --> 00:16:00,146
- Wow.
387
00:16:00,147 --> 00:16:02,348
Hey, Ruby.
388
00:16:02,349 --> 00:16:05,051
I-I thought I saw you
lingering outside.
389
00:16:05,052 --> 00:16:06,352
You grew your hair out.
390
00:16:06,353 --> 00:16:10,090
- You know, it turns out,
you need a very specific
391
00:16:10,091 --> 00:16:11,491
type of head
for an asymmetrical buzz,
392
00:16:11,492 --> 00:16:13,827
and--and I don't have it.
393
00:16:13,828 --> 00:16:15,362
It's knob city limits up here.
394
00:16:15,363 --> 00:16:17,130
Oh, my God.
395
00:16:17,131 --> 00:16:19,199
I just--I totally forgot
you work here.
396
00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:20,367
- Oh, yeah?
- Oh, my God.
397
00:16:20,368 --> 00:16:21,768
Who am I? Elle Woods?
398
00:16:21,769 --> 00:16:23,570
I totally forgot you go here.
399
00:16:23,571 --> 00:16:25,305
Here's my little dog.
There's no dog.
400
00:16:25,306 --> 00:16:28,341
It's just dust,
but I will clean it for you.
401
00:16:29,610 --> 00:16:31,544
How are you?
402
00:16:31,545 --> 00:16:34,581
This is just
such a crazy coincidence.
403
00:16:34,582 --> 00:16:38,518
We--we should sit down
in a cozy, quiet place
404
00:16:38,519 --> 00:16:41,221
and catch up right now,
have a safe little dinner.
405
00:16:41,222 --> 00:16:42,355
You still love prime rib?
406
00:16:42,356 --> 00:16:44,290
- Ooh, surely
that's not a question
407
00:16:44,291 --> 00:16:45,492
any woman wants to be asked.
408
00:16:45,493 --> 00:16:48,194
- Yeah, I--honestly, I can't.
409
00:16:48,195 --> 00:16:50,563
I'm about to go ax-throwing
at the bar across the street.
410
00:16:50,564 --> 00:16:52,399
- No, absolutely not.
You're not.
411
00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:54,100
- Jesus.
412
00:16:54,101 --> 00:16:56,469
- I mean...
413
00:16:56,470 --> 00:16:59,739
I just really need a tattoo
right now.
414
00:16:59,740 --> 00:17:02,142
Uh, ooh.
415
00:17:02,143 --> 00:17:03,676
Uh, "That's all, folks."
416
00:17:03,677 --> 00:17:05,311
That could be interesting.
417
00:17:05,312 --> 00:17:06,479
- And appropriate.
418
00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:07,715
- Shh.
419
00:17:14,422 --> 00:17:16,890
They were really good ideas.
420
00:17:16,891 --> 00:17:18,258
They were not good ideas.
421
00:17:18,259 --> 00:17:19,826
- Oh, come on.
422
00:17:19,827 --> 00:17:21,461
A hyperrealistic Betty Boop?
423
00:17:21,462 --> 00:17:22,595
That would have been
a sick tattoo.
424
00:17:22,596 --> 00:17:24,698
- That would have been creepy.
Why would you want that?
425
00:17:24,699 --> 00:17:25,565
- You're just saying that
426
00:17:25,566 --> 00:17:26,800
'cause you know
you couldn't do it.
427
00:17:26,801 --> 00:17:28,468
- Oh, I could have done it.
428
00:17:28,469 --> 00:17:31,905
Kate Beckinsale with, like,
what was it, aviator goggles?
429
00:17:31,906 --> 00:17:32,806
That one would
have been hard.
430
00:17:32,807 --> 00:17:34,340
- Well, you know how much
"Serendipity"
431
00:17:34,341 --> 00:17:35,775
and aviation mean to me.
432
00:17:37,211 --> 00:17:38,446
Well, I think
you made the right choice.
433
00:17:40,247 --> 00:17:41,681
- Aw.
434
00:17:41,682 --> 00:17:43,416
Is that a R for Richie?
435
00:17:43,417 --> 00:17:44,684
That's so sweet, babe.
436
00:17:44,685 --> 00:17:45,785
- Stop it.
437
00:17:45,786 --> 00:17:46,753
I am not your babe.
438
00:17:46,754 --> 00:17:47,787
He is not my babe.
439
00:17:47,788 --> 00:17:49,289
We are not together.
440
00:17:49,290 --> 00:17:51,658
Yeah, that sounds familiar.
441
00:17:51,659 --> 00:17:52,826
- Excuse me?
442
00:17:52,827 --> 00:17:53,860
- No, nothing.
443
00:17:53,861 --> 00:17:56,196
Just remembering that, uh,
444
00:17:56,197 --> 00:17:58,565
you had a hard time
defining us.
445
00:17:58,566 --> 00:18:00,667
- Why we gotta be put in a box?
446
00:18:00,668 --> 00:18:02,769
- And you felt like
we needed a break
447
00:18:02,770 --> 00:18:05,271
to rediscover ourselves
as individuals.
448
00:18:05,272 --> 00:18:07,273
- Is that not healthy?
449
00:18:07,274 --> 00:18:09,709
- And seeing you now,
it's clear
450
00:18:09,710 --> 00:18:12,912
that you haven't fully
dealt with your shit.
451
00:18:12,913 --> 00:18:14,914
- What is that
supposed to mean?
452
00:18:17,852 --> 00:18:20,720
- I'll be more gentle.
453
00:18:20,721 --> 00:18:21,855
- Thank you.
454
00:18:21,856 --> 00:18:25,325
- You like to keep one foot
out of every relationship
455
00:18:25,326 --> 00:18:26,693
that you're in.
456
00:18:26,694 --> 00:18:29,462
It's 'cause of your
crippling intimacy issues.
457
00:18:29,463 --> 00:18:30,797
It's why you
couldn't handle us.
458
00:18:30,798 --> 00:18:33,666
- That is not at all how
I remember our relationship.
459
00:18:33,667 --> 00:18:35,335
We had no problem
with intimacy.
460
00:18:35,336 --> 00:18:36,836
We were graphically intimate.
461
00:18:36,837 --> 00:18:38,204
My cleaning lady quit.
462
00:18:38,205 --> 00:18:39,739
- That was sex.
463
00:18:39,740 --> 00:18:40,774
That's different.
464
00:18:40,775 --> 00:18:43,443
We dated for over a year,
and you tried to keep me
465
00:18:43,444 --> 00:18:45,445
from ever really knowing you.
466
00:18:45,446 --> 00:18:47,380
You never showed
any vulnerability.
467
00:18:47,381 --> 00:18:49,482
- People always say that.
468
00:18:49,483 --> 00:18:51,418
"Show vulnerability."
469
00:18:51,419 --> 00:18:52,685
What does that even mean?
470
00:18:52,686 --> 00:18:54,621
- It means,
it took you six months
471
00:18:54,622 --> 00:18:56,356
to tell me that you
hadn't talked to your dad
472
00:18:56,357 --> 00:18:57,724
since you were 18.
473
00:18:57,725 --> 00:19:00,226
- You never asked.
474
00:19:00,227 --> 00:19:01,528
- I literally asked you,
475
00:19:01,529 --> 00:19:02,796
"When was the last time you
talked to your dad?"
476
00:19:02,797 --> 00:19:04,831
And you were like,
"Sydney Sweeney is so hot,
477
00:19:04,832 --> 00:19:06,800
but it's, like, enough
with the Broncos."
478
00:19:06,801 --> 00:19:08,501
- Well, it is.
479
00:19:08,502 --> 00:19:10,970
- I would let her drive one
right over my mother's face.
480
00:19:10,971 --> 00:19:12,839
Back it up. Do it again.
481
00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:14,641
- What's your point, Aubrey?
482
00:19:14,642 --> 00:19:17,811
- You're afraid that
if you let anyone know you,
483
00:19:17,812 --> 00:19:19,746
you'll get left again.
484
00:19:19,747 --> 00:19:23,817
So you subconsciously do
something to push them away
485
00:19:23,818 --> 00:19:25,452
before that can happen.
486
00:19:25,453 --> 00:19:28,288
Which I'm guessing
is what you did to AJ?
487
00:19:28,289 --> 00:19:29,789
- You talked to AJ?
488
00:19:29,790 --> 00:19:31,791
- No,
489
00:19:31,792 --> 00:19:34,627
but you're at your worst
when she's not around.
490
00:19:34,628 --> 00:19:36,597
And I've never seen you
this bad.
491
00:19:38,599 --> 00:19:41,601
Every couple keeps secrets
from each other, Ruby.
492
00:19:41,602 --> 00:19:43,636
Mine was,
493
00:19:43,637 --> 00:19:45,972
I knew you
long before you pushed me away.
494
00:19:51,545 --> 00:19:56,583
- There's just this, like...
495
00:19:56,584 --> 00:19:58,918
emptiness I keep trying to fill
496
00:19:58,919 --> 00:20:01,054
with all the wrong things.
497
00:20:04,458 --> 00:20:07,394
I don't even know why.
498
00:20:07,395 --> 00:20:09,763
- You know why.
499
00:20:09,764 --> 00:20:11,431
Your mother's death.
500
00:20:11,432 --> 00:20:15,769
Your--your dad just
up and leaving after.
501
00:20:19,974 --> 00:20:22,575
I know it hurts,
502
00:20:22,576 --> 00:20:25,712
but if you really
wanna move forward,
503
00:20:25,713 --> 00:20:30,316
you have to deal with
the pain of your past.
504
00:20:30,317 --> 00:20:32,485
- How am I supposed
to even do that?
505
00:20:34,655 --> 00:20:36,556
- You know what you need to do.
506
00:20:36,557 --> 00:20:38,425
Actually talk to your dad.
507
00:20:38,426 --> 00:20:41,061
Try and--I don't know--
508
00:20:41,062 --> 00:20:42,562
clear up some of that trauma.
509
00:20:47,902 --> 00:20:49,502
- It wasn't me!
510
00:20:49,503 --> 00:20:51,604
I didn't--I didn't shoot.
511
00:20:51,605 --> 00:20:53,873
Fuck! Check my body cam.
512
00:20:53,874 --> 00:20:55,509
Ah, fuck! It's off!
513
00:21:18,933 --> 00:21:19,933
- What are--
514
00:21:19,934 --> 00:21:22,736
- Do you have a printer?
515
00:21:22,737 --> 00:21:23,570
- No.
516
00:21:25,039 --> 00:21:28,675
- But if you send it
to the lady down the hall,
517
00:21:28,676 --> 00:21:30,944
she'll usually just
slide it under the door.
518
00:21:30,945 --> 00:21:34,581
It's HP 3158736 LaserJet.
519
00:21:34,582 --> 00:21:36,484
Use tray two.
520
00:21:39,887 --> 00:21:41,054
Sorry.
521
00:21:41,055 --> 00:21:42,622
What are you writing?
522
00:21:42,623 --> 00:21:43,857
- A letter to my dad.
523
00:21:43,858 --> 00:21:45,692
I've put it off
for too long, and,
524
00:21:45,693 --> 00:21:48,795
in a way,
it was Aubrey's last wish.
525
00:21:48,796 --> 00:21:50,697
- Are you sure
you wanna do that right now?
526
00:21:50,698 --> 00:21:52,665
- Well, what I wanna do
right now
527
00:21:52,666 --> 00:21:54,567
is never be with a man again.
528
00:21:54,568 --> 00:21:55,769
I have always known
that I was queer,
529
00:21:55,770 --> 00:21:59,439
but I am queerer
than I thought.
530
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:01,007
Do you want shrimp?
531
00:22:01,008 --> 00:22:02,442
- What?
532
00:22:02,443 --> 00:22:05,478
- I am going to order shrimp,
533
00:22:05,479 --> 00:22:06,980
the cold kind
you peel with your hands.
534
00:22:06,981 --> 00:22:09,149
- Uh, no, I'm OK.
535
00:22:09,150 --> 00:22:10,784
- Oh, see?
536
00:22:10,785 --> 00:22:13,788
A woman would have
said yes to shrimp.
537
00:22:15,156 --> 00:22:17,590
- What is this?
538
00:22:17,591 --> 00:22:18,992
Why are you acting like
when Buzz Lightyear
539
00:22:18,993 --> 00:22:20,860
became Mrs. Nesbitt?
540
00:22:20,861 --> 00:22:23,530
- I've never seen "Toy Story."
541
00:22:23,531 --> 00:22:24,597
- Yes, you have.
542
00:22:24,598 --> 00:22:26,566
- No, I haven't.
543
00:22:26,567 --> 00:22:28,034
- You have.
- Um, I haven't.
544
00:22:28,035 --> 00:22:29,736
- Yes, you have seen
"Toy Story," Ruby!
545
00:22:29,737 --> 00:22:31,805
- No, I haven't!
I haven't seen it!
546
00:22:31,806 --> 00:22:33,740
I haven't seen it,
and maybe I have.
547
00:22:33,741 --> 00:22:35,809
And maybe I have and I'm
trying to forget it, OK?
548
00:22:35,810 --> 00:22:38,111
Maybe I thought it was fucked
when RC smashed
549
00:22:38,112 --> 00:22:40,180
into Mr. Potato Head
and his head exploded
550
00:22:40,181 --> 00:22:42,048
all over the moving van and--
551
00:22:42,049 --> 00:22:44,150
and Rex and Bo-Peep
just had to stand
552
00:22:44,151 --> 00:22:46,019
and fucking watch it happen.
553
00:22:48,556 --> 00:22:50,156
- All right.
All right.
554
00:22:50,157 --> 00:22:52,092
Come here.
555
00:22:54,495 --> 00:22:55,562
- It's OK.
556
00:22:55,563 --> 00:22:57,931
- It's not OK.
557
00:22:57,932 --> 00:23:00,533
Aubrey's gone.
558
00:23:00,534 --> 00:23:04,070
She's just fucking gone.
559
00:23:04,071 --> 00:23:08,241
She was the only person who's
ever seen who I really am.
560
00:23:08,242 --> 00:23:10,811
- I'm so sorry, Ruby.
561
00:23:14,548 --> 00:23:15,983
Hey, listen to me.
562
00:23:21,255 --> 00:23:24,091
I see who you really are.
563
00:23:30,264 --> 00:23:32,799
I'm gonna make us a drink.
564
00:23:45,713 --> 00:23:49,516
So many people are dead.
565
00:23:49,517 --> 00:23:52,185
What's the point of even trying
to solve this thing anymore?
566
00:23:52,186 --> 00:23:53,286
- What do you mean?
567
00:23:53,287 --> 00:23:56,222
- I mean nothing is working.
568
00:23:56,223 --> 00:23:58,858
- Oh, no.
569
00:23:58,859 --> 00:23:59,826
No way.
570
00:23:59,827 --> 00:24:01,561
You can't give up now.
571
00:24:01,562 --> 00:24:03,997
Aubrey wouldn't want that.
572
00:24:03,998 --> 00:24:07,100
And neither would David
or Brandon
573
00:24:07,101 --> 00:24:08,568
or Stu Jackward.
574
00:24:10,304 --> 00:24:12,972
You remember
my dead exes' names.
575
00:24:12,973 --> 00:24:15,675
- Well,
given the circumstances,
576
00:24:15,676 --> 00:24:17,110
I don't think
that's as creepy as it sounds.
577
00:24:18,813 --> 00:24:21,981
- Now, I don't have
an iPad Mini like AJ,
578
00:24:21,982 --> 00:24:25,753
but I do have
Mrs. Martyushev's LaserJet.
579
00:24:30,124 --> 00:24:33,660
The next person
on the timeline is...
580
00:24:33,661 --> 00:24:35,128
Brad.
581
00:24:35,129 --> 00:24:37,731
Um, why does his name have
three question marks after it?
582
00:24:37,732 --> 00:24:39,132
- Because I remember
we hooked up,
583
00:24:39,133 --> 00:24:41,902
but I don't remember
if we had sex.
584
00:24:44,004 --> 00:24:45,872
AJ used to love
trying to remember
585
00:24:45,873 --> 00:24:48,942
if I had sex with someone.
586
00:24:48,943 --> 00:24:50,310
- Look, if there's anything
we've learned,
587
00:24:50,311 --> 00:24:52,579
it's that life is short.
588
00:24:52,580 --> 00:24:55,215
I think you should
reach out to AJ.
589
00:24:55,216 --> 00:24:56,316
Who knows?
590
00:24:56,317 --> 00:24:59,186
Maybe she's processed it
and is in a forgiving mood.
591
00:25:01,088 --> 00:25:02,756
- Delete.
592
00:25:02,757 --> 00:25:04,157
Delete.
593
00:25:04,158 --> 00:25:06,726
Ignore, bitch.
594
00:25:06,727 --> 00:25:08,029
Delete.
595
00:25:09,830 --> 00:25:10,964
Skinny arm on me.
596
00:25:10,965 --> 00:25:11,966
Crop.
597
00:25:16,037 --> 00:25:17,237
Say it again.
598
00:25:17,238 --> 00:25:18,938
Say what you just said.
599
00:25:18,939 --> 00:25:20,807
- I've never voted!
600
00:25:23,644 --> 00:25:24,778
Oh, my God.
601
00:25:24,779 --> 00:25:25,945
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
602
00:25:25,946 --> 00:25:28,048
Oh, my God.
603
00:25:28,049 --> 00:25:30,083
God damn it.
604
00:25:30,084 --> 00:25:30,984
- Hey, film us.
605
00:25:30,985 --> 00:25:32,318
You need to film us.
606
00:25:32,319 --> 00:25:33,620
- Shouldn't we be working?
607
00:25:33,621 --> 00:25:34,721
- OK, boo!
608
00:25:34,722 --> 00:25:36,656
So boring.
609
00:25:36,657 --> 00:25:38,158
OK, you ready?
610
00:25:38,159 --> 00:25:40,760
You ready?
Ready? Ready?
611
00:25:42,196 --> 00:25:44,130
How do we remember this dance?
612
00:25:44,131 --> 00:25:45,398
- I don't know.
613
00:25:45,399 --> 00:25:46,833
- Oh, hey, I'm Ruby.
614
00:25:46,834 --> 00:25:48,201
I'm the center
of the universe.
615
00:25:48,202 --> 00:25:49,969
Now watch me do
a stupid fucking dance
616
00:25:49,970 --> 00:25:52,238
to a perfect fucking song.
617
00:25:52,239 --> 00:25:53,640
- What?
618
00:25:56,944 --> 00:25:58,378
- What--what are we doing?
619
00:25:58,379 --> 00:25:59,813
- Are we going towards me
or you?
620
00:25:59,814 --> 00:26:00,880
- Yes, we're going towards you.
Yes.
621
00:26:00,881 --> 00:26:02,649
To the right. Keep going.
Keep going. Keep going.
622
00:26:02,650 --> 00:26:04,250
- Is my shirt wrinkled
in the back?
623
00:26:04,251 --> 00:26:05,852
- Why are you acting like
an eighth grade girl
624
00:26:05,853 --> 00:26:06,786
with her first
hair straightener?
625
00:26:06,787 --> 00:26:08,355
- It's your right shoulder.
- It's fine.
626
00:26:08,356 --> 00:26:10,390
- Bring it back.
627
00:26:10,391 --> 00:26:11,424
- Hey, Brad.
628
00:26:11,425 --> 00:26:12,992
- Oh, good. You're here.
629
00:26:12,993 --> 00:26:13,827
- OK.
630
00:26:13,828 --> 00:26:15,362
- Can I talk to you
for a second?
631
00:26:15,363 --> 00:26:16,429
- Of course. What's up?
632
00:26:16,430 --> 00:26:18,698
Well, um--
633
00:26:18,699 --> 00:26:19,933
Shh. Hey, Brenda.
634
00:26:19,934 --> 00:26:22,236
Please, we'll do this later.
635
00:26:23,771 --> 00:26:25,805
Sorry about that.
636
00:26:25,806 --> 00:26:28,408
- So you remember how we
hooked up a couple times
637
00:26:28,409 --> 00:26:29,843
for a stretch there?
638
00:26:29,844 --> 00:26:31,678
It was obviously super casual,
639
00:26:31,679 --> 00:26:32,912
almost like a handshake.
640
00:26:32,913 --> 00:26:35,415
Oh, look,
the Ruby Show is in town.
641
00:26:35,416 --> 00:26:37,283
- Well,
it is not important why,
642
00:26:37,284 --> 00:26:40,353
but--actually,
it's super important why.
643
00:26:40,354 --> 00:26:44,325
But how I say it sort of
depends on your answer to this.
644
00:26:45,826 --> 00:26:48,862
I sort of can't remember
if we actually...
645
00:26:48,863 --> 00:26:50,898
slept together or not.
646
00:26:52,299 --> 00:26:54,000
- What, you gonna Me Too me?
Is this your lawyer?
647
00:26:54,001 --> 00:26:57,003
- College is a scam.
- What? No.
648
00:26:57,004 --> 00:26:57,971
- Are you worried
I'm gonna Me Too you?
649
00:26:57,972 --> 00:26:58,972
Is that the problem?
- No.
650
00:26:58,973 --> 00:27:01,007
No one is Me Too-ing anyone.
651
00:27:01,008 --> 00:27:03,143
I just need to know.
652
00:27:03,144 --> 00:27:05,311
- All right.
653
00:27:05,312 --> 00:27:08,214
Well, no.
654
00:27:08,215 --> 00:27:08,982
Never had sex.
655
00:27:08,983 --> 00:27:11,251
Just hand stuff,
over the clothes.
656
00:27:11,252 --> 00:27:12,919
- Hand stuff.
- You know, a little honk-honk,
657
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:14,421
a little rub-a-dub-a-doo.
658
00:27:14,422 --> 00:27:15,955
Thank God.
659
00:27:15,956 --> 00:27:18,024
- Oh, boy, the hits just
keep on coming, don't they?
660
00:27:18,025 --> 00:27:19,759
- No, no, no.
It's not that.
661
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:21,027
It's--
662
00:27:21,028 --> 00:27:23,029
- OK, this is going
to sound super crazy,
663
00:27:23,030 --> 00:27:25,899
but something really terrible
has been happening
664
00:27:25,900 --> 00:27:27,834
to all the people
I've had sex with.
665
00:27:27,835 --> 00:27:30,503
They're kind of dying.
666
00:27:30,504 --> 00:27:33,973
They're definitely dying,
actually,
667
00:27:33,974 --> 00:27:35,742
in the order I slept with them.
668
00:27:35,743 --> 00:27:37,377
And not from STDs or anything.
669
00:27:37,378 --> 00:27:42,515
They're, like, really random,
often violent deaths.
670
00:27:42,516 --> 00:27:44,317
No. It's OK.
671
00:27:44,318 --> 00:27:47,454
You and I didn't sleep
together, so you're safe.
672
00:27:47,455 --> 00:27:49,923
- It's Brad!
673
00:27:49,924 --> 00:27:51,491
Back up, Robert Durst.
674
00:27:51,492 --> 00:27:52,992
I heard your burped confession.
675
00:27:52,993 --> 00:27:54,194
It's him.
It's Brad.
676
00:27:54,195 --> 00:27:55,795
- What are you talking about?
677
00:27:55,796 --> 00:27:57,097
- Just watch.
678
00:27:58,366 --> 00:27:59,399
- Thanks, Brad.
679
00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:01,101
Can't wait to take advantage
of your kindness
680
00:28:01,102 --> 00:28:03,103
and your ambition again soon.
681
00:28:03,104 --> 00:28:05,138
- I hate you, Ruby.
You hear me? I hate you.
682
00:28:07,208 --> 00:28:08,274
- But guess what.
Guess what.
683
00:28:08,275 --> 00:28:09,476
I have a little secret
for you.
684
00:28:09,477 --> 00:28:11,845
You want to hear it?
685
00:28:11,846 --> 00:28:13,480
I put a hex on you.
686
00:28:21,489 --> 00:28:22,789
- I guess it's working.
687
00:29:20,047 --> 00:29:22,015
- I think that's a good idea.
44912
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