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1
00:00:02,959 --> 00:00:05,086
- Understood.
Yeah, absolutely.
2
00:00:05,128 --> 00:00:07,630
No, no.
3
00:00:07,672 --> 00:00:10,049
Oh, yeah.
Thanks so much.
4
00:00:10,091 --> 00:00:12,343
You too.
Yeah.
5
00:00:12,427 --> 00:00:14,887
Well, that was the coroner.
David died of sepsis.
6
00:00:14,929 --> 00:00:15,888
- [screams]
7
00:00:15,930 --> 00:00:16,889
- [screams]
8
00:00:16,973 --> 00:00:17,890
- [gasps]
9
00:00:17,974 --> 00:00:19,684
Sorry, I forgot we had a dog.
10
00:00:21,269 --> 00:00:23,271
Also surprising and alarming
11
00:00:23,312 --> 00:00:24,939
that you know how
to call a coroner.
12
00:00:24,981 --> 00:00:26,274
- Look, I know death.
13
00:00:26,315 --> 00:00:29,152
And yes, I know every girl now
is obsessed with murder,
14
00:00:29,193 --> 00:00:30,695
but I started the trend.
15
00:00:30,778 --> 00:00:32,447
They could have their
buccal fat removal
16
00:00:32,488 --> 00:00:33,740
and Charlotte Tilbury.
17
00:00:33,781 --> 00:00:35,700
I get blood spatter
and Amanda Knox.
18
00:00:35,783 --> 00:00:37,827
- Is Amanda Knox the one--
19
00:00:37,910 --> 00:00:38,786
Italy?
- Mm-hmm.
20
00:00:38,870 --> 00:00:39,912
- Acquitted?
- Mm-hmm.
21
00:00:39,996 --> 00:00:41,539
- Real killer left behind poo.
22
00:00:41,581 --> 00:00:42,749
- My girl has been through
so much,
23
00:00:42,832 --> 00:00:44,709
and all people remember
is the poo.
24
00:00:44,792 --> 00:00:47,253
Look, I know
the right questions to ask.
25
00:00:47,295 --> 00:00:48,796
And in your case,
the right question to ask
26
00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:50,423
was what killed David?
27
00:00:50,506 --> 00:00:53,968
- David.
My first love is dead.
28
00:00:54,010 --> 00:00:55,303
Feels like just yesterday
29
00:00:55,386 --> 00:00:57,764
he was fingering me under
my Hervé Léger bandage dress
30
00:00:57,847 --> 00:01:01,267
at prom, now he's
a literal angel in our sky.
31
00:01:01,350 --> 00:01:03,394
- Mm-hmm.
32
00:01:03,478 --> 00:01:07,148
Brandon, Jeffrey, David.
33
00:01:07,190 --> 00:01:09,567
Sepsis,
34
00:01:09,650 --> 00:01:11,110
comma,
35
00:01:11,194 --> 00:01:12,236
fingered.
36
00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:14,113
- What are you doing?
37
00:01:14,155 --> 00:01:15,990
- Three of your
ex-boyfriends died.
38
00:01:16,032 --> 00:01:17,992
The more I think about it,
the weirder I think it is.
39
00:01:18,076 --> 00:01:21,162
- I mean, it's not that weird,
right?
40
00:01:21,245 --> 00:01:23,831
Sure, a few of my exes died.
41
00:01:23,915 --> 00:01:26,167
I mean, I'm sure
you have an ex who's died.
42
00:01:26,250 --> 00:01:27,919
- Terrence.
43
00:01:32,757 --> 00:01:34,467
- Anyway, if anything,
44
00:01:34,509 --> 00:01:37,970
dating is already impossible
and now people are also dying.
45
00:01:38,054 --> 00:01:39,806
It's like, what do I have--
46
00:01:39,847 --> 00:01:41,390
ugh.
47
00:01:41,474 --> 00:01:42,517
[whispers]
No.
48
00:01:44,769 --> 00:01:46,813
- Sick, right?
For the wedding.
49
00:01:46,854 --> 00:01:47,855
I ordered it from Nordstrom's.
50
00:01:47,897 --> 00:01:49,273
- I can see a ball.
51
00:01:49,315 --> 00:01:51,776
- OK, you're not actually
wearing that to the wedding.
52
00:01:51,859 --> 00:01:53,152
- The invite says
53
00:01:53,236 --> 00:01:55,696
come attired in your most
authentic spirit, so.
54
00:01:55,780 --> 00:01:57,949
- In what way is your most
authentic spirit Japanese?
55
00:01:57,990 --> 00:01:59,367
- The same way yours is French.
56
00:01:59,450 --> 00:02:01,327
- I am 78% French.
57
00:02:01,369 --> 00:02:03,371
- OK, yeah,
and I'm 0.9 Japanese.
58
00:02:03,454 --> 00:02:04,580
Where do you draw the line?
59
00:02:04,622 --> 00:02:06,165
- I think it's problematic
and short.
60
00:02:06,207 --> 00:02:07,625
- Oh, so it's Ruby.
61
00:02:07,708 --> 00:02:09,293
- Dude, shut the fuck up.
62
00:02:09,335 --> 00:02:10,378
- Whatever, I'm just joking.
63
00:02:10,419 --> 00:02:12,338
Oh, my God.
Look, don't worry, babe.
64
00:02:12,421 --> 00:02:14,048
You know my legs
don't get cold.
65
00:02:14,132 --> 00:02:15,258
[smooches]
We're going to have fun.
66
00:02:15,341 --> 00:02:16,634
Just wear something cool too.
67
00:02:16,717 --> 00:02:18,177
I can order another one.
They're still cheap right now.
68
00:02:18,219 --> 00:02:19,387
You know, they're on sale
69
00:02:19,428 --> 00:02:20,471
'cause it's cherry blossom
season.
70
00:02:20,555 --> 00:02:22,890
- How are you feeling
about that?
71
00:02:22,974 --> 00:02:24,725
- Robert's wedding?
72
00:02:24,767 --> 00:02:27,270
Eh, fine.
73
00:02:27,311 --> 00:02:30,565
I mean, I don't love
that it's...
74
00:02:30,648 --> 00:02:32,024
on a Thursday.
75
00:02:32,108 --> 00:02:33,484
Like, "at work tomorrow"
76
00:02:33,568 --> 00:02:35,361
are words I might actually say
at a wedding.
77
00:02:35,444 --> 00:02:38,239
- Rubes, you were with him
for three years.
78
00:02:38,281 --> 00:02:39,407
There was a moment
when you thought
79
00:02:39,490 --> 00:02:41,284
you were gonna marry him,
we all did.
80
00:02:41,367 --> 00:02:43,244
- Yeah, no, I...
81
00:02:44,620 --> 00:02:46,164
Really tried with that one.
82
00:02:46,789 --> 00:02:48,166
Anyway,
we broke up so long ago,
83
00:02:48,249 --> 00:02:50,376
it feels like ancient history.
84
00:02:50,418 --> 00:02:52,170
It's still just like a reminder
85
00:02:52,253 --> 00:02:54,338
that everybody else has
figured it out.
86
00:02:54,422 --> 00:02:57,508
- You are exactly where
you are supposed to be,
87
00:02:57,592 --> 00:03:00,219
and you are going
to find someone.
88
00:03:00,261 --> 00:03:03,472
Holland Taylor didn't meet
Sarah Paulson till she was 66.
89
00:03:03,514 --> 00:03:04,640
- [chuckles softly]
90
00:03:05,808 --> 00:03:07,018
What could have helped
91
00:03:07,059 --> 00:03:09,228
is if Robert had at least
given me a plus-one.
92
00:03:09,312 --> 00:03:11,522
It's like, no,
I'm not seeing anyone now,
93
00:03:11,606 --> 00:03:13,733
but why did he just assume
I'm single?
94
00:03:13,816 --> 00:03:15,067
[scoffs]
95
00:03:15,109 --> 00:03:16,611
He could have asked me when
I texted him after
96
00:03:16,652 --> 00:03:19,488
"Quiet on Set: The Dark Side
of Kids TV" came out.
97
00:03:19,530 --> 00:03:21,532
He had a small part
in all that.
98
00:03:21,616 --> 00:03:22,950
Nothing happened.
He was fine.
99
00:03:22,992 --> 00:03:24,619
- Sorry, were Brandon,
Jeffrey, and David
100
00:03:24,660 --> 00:03:26,537
all born in Cantara,
a town in California
101
00:03:26,621 --> 00:03:29,916
that had a toxic spill in '91,
the year they were born?
102
00:03:29,957 --> 00:03:30,875
No.
No, none of them were.
103
00:03:30,958 --> 00:03:32,752
- Would you stop?
104
00:03:32,835 --> 00:03:34,545
There is no connection here.
105
00:03:34,629 --> 00:03:38,216
It is like you said.
It is a tragic coincidence.
106
00:03:38,299 --> 00:03:40,426
Look, Robert's an ex.
107
00:03:40,468 --> 00:03:41,594
He's alive.
108
00:03:41,677 --> 00:03:43,012
And look,
109
00:03:43,095 --> 00:03:45,431
look at all these other exes
who are doing great.
110
00:03:45,514 --> 00:03:47,475
Oh, Brian, Aubrey.
111
00:03:47,558 --> 00:03:49,602
Ah, Joao had twins.
112
00:03:49,685 --> 00:03:50,645
- Aw.
113
00:03:50,728 --> 00:03:51,771
- Nope, that's just
114
00:03:51,854 --> 00:03:53,439
one big baby
looking into a mirror.
115
00:03:53,522 --> 00:03:54,649
- Oh.
116
00:03:54,690 --> 00:03:57,068
- And you know who's
doing really great?
117
00:03:57,151 --> 00:04:00,154
[bassy hip-hop beat]
118
00:04:00,238 --> 00:04:04,784
Now, that is the very
alive ass of a very alive ex.
119
00:04:04,867 --> 00:04:06,702
- Stu Jackward.
120
00:04:06,786 --> 00:04:09,163
I totally forgot you dated him.
121
00:04:09,205 --> 00:04:10,289
How'd you meet again?
122
00:04:10,331 --> 00:04:11,916
- At that bobblehead event,
remember?
123
00:04:11,999 --> 00:04:13,167
He shot me a T-shirt
from a cannon
124
00:04:13,209 --> 00:04:14,669
with his phone number on it.
125
00:04:14,710 --> 00:04:16,128
You know, that was the
first relationship where
126
00:04:16,170 --> 00:04:17,588
I really felt like a grown-up.
127
00:04:17,630 --> 00:04:20,424
He took me to a Ruth's Chris
and paid with a check.
128
00:04:20,508 --> 00:04:21,759
- Ruth's Chris.
129
00:04:21,801 --> 00:04:23,094
I will never for the life of me
130
00:04:23,177 --> 00:04:24,303
understand the name
of that restaurant.
131
00:04:24,345 --> 00:04:25,972
Ruth's Chris?
132
00:04:26,055 --> 00:04:29,267
- He's also the guy who
gave me my first orgasm.
133
00:04:29,350 --> 00:04:31,519
And he was so strong.
134
00:04:31,602 --> 00:04:33,980
He was always picking me up
and putting me places.
135
00:04:34,021 --> 00:04:36,983
On a counter, on a table.
136
00:04:37,066 --> 00:04:38,526
He called me his little
elf on a shelf.
137
00:04:38,609 --> 00:04:39,694
- I'd rather not picture you
138
00:04:39,777 --> 00:04:42,363
having an orgasm
on a bookshelf, thank you.
139
00:04:42,446 --> 00:04:44,532
- What are you doing?
140
00:04:44,573 --> 00:04:46,784
- Oh, sorry, um,
I broke up with Zack,
141
00:04:46,867 --> 00:04:49,036
so I'm deleting all evidence
of our relationship.
142
00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:52,123
- No way.
Because of the kimono?
143
00:04:52,164 --> 00:04:54,834
Oh, my God.
He has done way dumber shit.
144
00:04:54,917 --> 00:04:56,127
- No, no, no.
145
00:04:56,168 --> 00:04:58,879
The kimono is symbolic
of many bigger issues,
146
00:04:58,921 --> 00:05:00,715
all of which
boil down to the fact
147
00:05:00,756 --> 00:05:03,050
that he is a child
who refuses to evolve.
148
00:05:03,092 --> 00:05:06,387
He shows me he loves me
by giving me stuffed animals.
149
00:05:06,429 --> 00:05:07,847
And it used to be cute,
you know?
150
00:05:07,888 --> 00:05:09,348
When we were 25,
it was like,
151
00:05:09,432 --> 00:05:10,725
look at that dude
in roller skates.
152
00:05:10,766 --> 00:05:12,310
He's nuts!
Fun!
153
00:05:12,393 --> 00:05:14,562
Now it's like there are
roller skates on that man
154
00:05:14,645 --> 00:05:16,897
who is the first call
if I have a stroke.
155
00:05:16,981 --> 00:05:19,275
Now I can get that orca
out of the kitchen.
156
00:05:19,317 --> 00:05:20,818
Takes up so much counter space.
157
00:05:20,901 --> 00:05:22,903
That's why I started using
the blowhole to hold Splendas.
158
00:05:22,987 --> 00:05:23,904
- Oh!
[audience groaning]
159
00:05:23,988 --> 00:05:25,489
- Oh, oh!
160
00:05:25,573 --> 00:05:28,075
- Stu Jackward has just taken
a foul ball to the temple.
161
00:05:28,159 --> 00:05:30,995
Ooh, that is not what
you want to see.
162
00:05:31,078 --> 00:05:32,079
Oh, my!
- Holy shit.
163
00:05:32,163 --> 00:05:33,706
- Oh, let's not.
Yeah, we don't--
164
00:05:33,748 --> 00:05:35,207
we don't really need
to see that again.
165
00:05:35,291 --> 00:05:36,500
Let's stop showing that.
166
00:05:36,584 --> 00:05:37,752
- [gasps]
167
00:05:37,793 --> 00:05:39,253
- Looks like
Goldie has come out
168
00:05:39,295 --> 00:05:41,255
to try to cheer up the crowd,
but that's--
169
00:05:41,297 --> 00:05:43,007
that's clearly
not gonna be enough.
170
00:05:43,090 --> 00:05:46,844
Can we get somebody to tell
Goldie what's going on,
171
00:05:46,927 --> 00:05:49,597
[cover of James' "Laid"]
172
00:05:49,638 --> 00:05:53,726
- ♪ This bed is on fire
with passionate love ♪
173
00:05:53,809 --> 00:05:57,980
♪ The neighbors complain
about the noises above ♪
174
00:05:58,022 --> 00:06:02,234
♪ But she only comes
when she's on top ♪
175
00:06:02,318 --> 00:06:04,362
[upbeat rock music]
176
00:06:04,445 --> 00:06:06,197
♪ ♪
177
00:06:06,238 --> 00:06:09,784
♪ My therapist said not
to see you no more ♪
178
00:06:09,867 --> 00:06:13,913
♪ She said you're like
a disease without any cure ♪
179
00:06:13,954 --> 00:06:18,125
♪ She said I'm so obsessed
that I'm becoming a bore ♪
180
00:06:18,167 --> 00:06:20,294
♪ Oh, no ♪
181
00:06:20,336 --> 00:06:26,092
♪ Ah, you're think
you're so pretty ♪
182
00:06:26,175 --> 00:06:27,760
♪ ♪
183
00:06:27,843 --> 00:06:29,887
♪ [vocalizing] ♪
184
00:06:41,355 --> 00:06:44,274
[suspenseful music]
185
00:06:44,358 --> 00:06:45,984
♪ ♪
186
00:06:46,026 --> 00:06:46,985
[light knocking]
187
00:06:47,069 --> 00:06:48,153
[door opens]
- [gasps]
188
00:06:48,237 --> 00:06:50,989
- Well, Ruby,
everything looks great.
189
00:06:51,031 --> 00:06:52,491
Your pelvic exam looks good,
190
00:06:52,574 --> 00:06:53,951
your numbers are where
I want them.
191
00:06:54,034 --> 00:06:56,286
I'm very happy with your smear.
192
00:06:56,370 --> 00:06:58,122
- And you're...
193
00:06:58,205 --> 00:06:59,790
sure?
- Yeah.
194
00:06:59,832 --> 00:07:03,001
I'm looking at the results of a
very healthy 33-year-old woman.
195
00:07:03,085 --> 00:07:04,336
- Cool.
196
00:07:04,420 --> 00:07:05,671
Very cool.
197
00:07:05,712 --> 00:07:07,214
- All right.
I'll let you get dressed.
198
00:07:07,256 --> 00:07:09,466
- Um, I, uh
199
00:07:09,550 --> 00:07:12,803
just have one question.
200
00:07:12,886 --> 00:07:16,432
There's nothing...
201
00:07:16,473 --> 00:07:18,892
in there that could be
202
00:07:18,934 --> 00:07:21,395
harming people, right?
203
00:07:21,478 --> 00:07:22,855
- I--I'm sorry?
204
00:07:22,896 --> 00:07:24,481
- I don't know how to say this,
Dr. Banooni,
205
00:07:24,565 --> 00:07:28,861
but there have been
some odd deaths around me,
206
00:07:28,902 --> 00:07:32,322
and I just want to make sure
I'm not...
207
00:07:32,406 --> 00:07:33,532
involved.
208
00:07:33,615 --> 00:07:34,658
- Uh, wh--
209
00:07:34,741 --> 00:07:36,326
- A few guys I slept with
have died.
210
00:07:36,410 --> 00:07:38,162
- Oh, I am so sorry.
211
00:07:38,203 --> 00:07:39,538
- Thank you!
212
00:07:39,580 --> 00:07:41,373
Ah, it's been hard.
[chuckles softly]
213
00:07:41,457 --> 00:07:43,500
- So you're worried
about an STD?
214
00:07:43,584 --> 00:07:45,043
- But, like,
215
00:07:45,085 --> 00:07:48,755
I slept with them many years
ago, so maybe it's like a--
216
00:07:48,839 --> 00:07:50,757
a time-release thing.
217
00:07:50,799 --> 00:07:54,052
Like a sexually transmitted
218
00:07:54,136 --> 00:07:55,554
shingles.
219
00:07:55,637 --> 00:07:58,140
I rode an elderly donkey when
I went to the Grand Canyon.
220
00:07:58,223 --> 00:07:59,558
Could that be related?
221
00:07:59,641 --> 00:08:01,018
- How are these people dying?
222
00:08:01,059 --> 00:08:02,311
- Uh, one had sepsis.
223
00:08:02,352 --> 00:08:03,896
One, uh, we still don't know.
224
00:08:03,937 --> 00:08:06,398
One got hit by a car
right in front of me.
225
00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:08,901
One took a foul ball
to the temple.
226
00:08:08,984 --> 00:08:10,569
An FB to the T.
227
00:08:10,652 --> 00:08:12,404
That's the jargon
we've been using.
228
00:08:12,488 --> 00:08:14,490
- This is the problem
with your generation.
229
00:08:14,531 --> 00:08:16,158
You're all so anxious.
230
00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:17,534
Remember the time you came in
231
00:08:17,618 --> 00:08:19,453
worried about your pubic hair
growing in sideways?
232
00:08:19,536 --> 00:08:20,496
- It was.
233
00:08:20,579 --> 00:08:21,747
It stopped.
234
00:08:21,830 --> 00:08:22,956
I think I was just sleeping
on my left side.
235
00:08:22,998 --> 00:08:24,458
- Ruby, let me assure you
236
00:08:24,500 --> 00:08:25,959
it's medically impossible
237
00:08:26,001 --> 00:08:28,378
for you to be causing
the deaths of these men.
238
00:08:28,462 --> 00:08:29,588
A foul ball to the temple
239
00:08:29,671 --> 00:08:32,299
cannot be the result
of your vagina.
240
00:08:32,382 --> 00:08:34,343
- [relieved laugh]
241
00:08:34,426 --> 00:08:35,302
[chuckling softly]
OK.
242
00:08:35,385 --> 00:08:36,845
- [chuckles]
- Good!
243
00:08:36,929 --> 00:08:37,846
- [chuckling] Yeah!
244
00:08:37,888 --> 00:08:39,389
- Great.
245
00:08:39,473 --> 00:08:41,975
Yeah, that's what
the other three doctors said.
246
00:08:42,059 --> 00:08:45,312
[Ruby chuckles]
- Oh, I was your fourth stop.
247
00:08:45,354 --> 00:08:48,482
- Well, well, well,
look who's anxious now.
248
00:08:48,565 --> 00:08:49,858
- [sighs]
249
00:08:49,900 --> 00:08:52,027
- Pardon me, I'm gonna
deliver the good news.
250
00:08:52,069 --> 00:08:52,986
[chuckles]
251
00:08:53,070 --> 00:08:55,989
[soft upbeat music]
252
00:08:56,073 --> 00:09:03,121
♪ ♪
253
00:09:18,178 --> 00:09:20,472
[door opens]
254
00:09:20,514 --> 00:09:22,808
- Oh, wow.
[chuckles]
255
00:09:23,767 --> 00:09:25,269
- Oh, hi.
[laughs]
256
00:09:25,352 --> 00:09:27,062
- Wow, this place is great.
257
00:09:27,104 --> 00:09:28,438
- Right?
[chuckles]
258
00:09:28,522 --> 00:09:29,982
We can make this place
really special
259
00:09:30,065 --> 00:09:31,191
for your parents' party.
260
00:09:31,275 --> 00:09:35,112
Dinner over there,
dancing there.
261
00:09:35,195 --> 00:09:37,155
And I was thinking maybe
262
00:09:37,239 --> 00:09:40,117
when they read
their original wedding vows,
263
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:42,119
we could do it here.
- Hmm.
264
00:09:42,202 --> 00:09:43,203
- Yeah, and don't forget about
265
00:09:43,287 --> 00:09:44,454
the release
of the hundred doves
266
00:09:44,496 --> 00:09:46,290
that his parents have asked for
for some reason.
267
00:09:46,373 --> 00:09:47,916
All right, where's Brenda?
Has anyone seen Brenda?
268
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:50,085
Does anyone have eyes
on Brenda?
269
00:09:50,127 --> 00:09:51,086
- He'll rally on the day.
270
00:09:51,128 --> 00:09:52,462
- OK, cool.
271
00:09:52,504 --> 00:09:55,632
- And on that day,
this place will look beautiful.
272
00:09:55,716 --> 00:09:56,842
I actually booked this place
273
00:09:56,925 --> 00:09:58,760
three years from now
for my own wedding.
274
00:09:58,844 --> 00:10:00,929
- Oh, you're--you're engaged?
275
00:10:00,971 --> 00:10:02,055
- No.
[chuckles]
276
00:10:02,097 --> 00:10:03,890
Actually,
not even dating anyone.
277
00:10:03,974 --> 00:10:06,893
And have zero prospects
on the horizon.
278
00:10:06,935 --> 00:10:08,478
So you know,
279
00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:10,355
if you know anyone.
280
00:10:10,439 --> 00:10:11,690
Like you.
[laughs]
281
00:10:11,773 --> 00:10:13,567
- [chuckles uncomfortably]
- But not you, of course.
282
00:10:13,650 --> 00:10:14,776
I don't date clients.
283
00:10:14,818 --> 00:10:15,861
What do they say?
284
00:10:15,944 --> 00:10:17,237
Don't take a shit at work.
285
00:10:17,279 --> 00:10:18,739
- [stifled laugh]
- No, it's not that.
286
00:10:18,780 --> 00:10:21,366
Something real close, though.
287
00:10:21,450 --> 00:10:22,784
Sorry, I said take a shit.
288
00:10:22,826 --> 00:10:23,910
- That's fine.
289
00:10:23,994 --> 00:10:25,078
People shit.
290
00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:26,204
- Not me.
291
00:10:26,246 --> 00:10:27,581
[Ruby laughs]
- [groaning chuckle]
292
00:10:27,623 --> 00:10:29,166
- Yeah.
293
00:10:29,207 --> 00:10:30,417
[inhales deeply]
294
00:10:30,459 --> 00:10:34,880
I just love weddings
and romance and love.
295
00:10:34,963 --> 00:10:36,923
Guess I'm just a romantic.
296
00:10:37,007 --> 00:10:39,468
- You know,
I hear people say that, but
297
00:10:39,551 --> 00:10:40,719
what does that mean, you know?
298
00:10:40,761 --> 00:10:42,888
To be a romantic.
299
00:10:42,971 --> 00:10:45,641
- Oh, well...
300
00:10:45,682 --> 00:10:48,518
you know.
[chuckles]
301
00:10:48,602 --> 00:10:50,520
I just love love.
302
00:10:50,604 --> 00:10:51,688
- Mm-hmm.
303
00:10:51,730 --> 00:10:53,565
- Things with love in them.
304
00:10:53,607 --> 00:10:56,735
Movies, TV shows, podcasts,
305
00:10:56,818 --> 00:11:00,405
things you can watch and
listen to that are romantic.
306
00:11:00,489 --> 00:11:02,199
Things with Meg Ryan,
but not dramas.
307
00:11:02,282 --> 00:11:03,283
Like, she did something
called "Ithaca,"
308
00:11:03,367 --> 00:11:05,118
which did not work for me.
309
00:11:05,202 --> 00:11:07,871
So like rom-coms,
but only with Billy Crystal.
310
00:11:07,954 --> 00:11:09,373
As much as we love Tom Hanks,
311
00:11:09,456 --> 00:11:12,459
that was not undeniable
chemistry if you ask me.
312
00:11:12,501 --> 00:11:15,087
So "When Harry Met Sally."
I love "When Harry Met Sally."
313
00:11:15,170 --> 00:11:17,089
Next thing you know,
you're singing
314
00:11:17,172 --> 00:11:18,423
"Surrey with the Fringe on Top"
in front of Ira.
315
00:11:18,507 --> 00:11:19,758
[chuckles]
316
00:11:19,841 --> 00:11:21,843
Oh, and spitting that grape
at that car window?
317
00:11:21,927 --> 00:11:23,470
- Those are both
Billy Crystal's moments.
318
00:11:23,553 --> 00:11:25,347
Is it maybe him you like?
319
00:11:25,430 --> 00:11:27,891
- It's love that I like.
320
00:11:27,933 --> 00:11:30,227
I want an epic kiss in the rain
321
00:11:30,310 --> 00:11:32,813
or a big speech about
how someone loves
322
00:11:32,854 --> 00:11:34,898
every little flaw about me
323
00:11:34,940 --> 00:11:37,401
or someone running in
and interrupting a party
324
00:11:37,442 --> 00:11:38,944
to call my name
so everyone turns to look.
325
00:11:39,027 --> 00:11:40,237
And then it's quiet except
326
00:11:40,278 --> 00:11:41,571
for, like, a little clink
or two of silverware.
327
00:11:41,613 --> 00:11:42,614
And then I'm like--
328
00:11:42,698 --> 00:11:43,615
[gasps]
329
00:11:43,699 --> 00:11:45,492
[soft dramatic music]
330
00:11:45,575 --> 00:11:47,077
What are you doing here?
331
00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:49,287
♪ ♪
332
00:11:49,371 --> 00:11:51,331
[music fading]
333
00:11:51,373 --> 00:11:52,541
Anyway, sorry.
334
00:11:52,582 --> 00:11:53,792
Rambling. [chuckles]
335
00:11:53,875 --> 00:11:56,920
- No, don't apologize.
I--I get it.
336
00:11:57,003 --> 00:11:59,923
You want to find someone
you love.
337
00:12:02,384 --> 00:12:04,302
You know,
this was not in the brochure.
338
00:12:05,721 --> 00:12:07,097
- Shut the fuck up.
339
00:12:07,139 --> 00:12:08,807
Was that a Billy Crystal line
from "City Slickers"?
340
00:12:08,890 --> 00:12:12,352
- Yes!
[laughter]
341
00:12:12,436 --> 00:12:13,979
- Oh, maybe I am
a Crystal-head.
342
00:12:14,062 --> 00:12:15,021
[both chuckle]
343
00:12:15,063 --> 00:12:17,107
[Ruby laughs and sighs]
344
00:12:19,443 --> 00:12:22,362
So this place holds 100.
345
00:12:22,446 --> 00:12:25,073
I assume you'll want
to invite 50
346
00:12:25,157 --> 00:12:27,367
and give everyone a plus-one?
347
00:12:27,451 --> 00:12:28,702
Unless you also like
348
00:12:28,785 --> 00:12:30,954
to discriminate against
single people.
349
00:12:31,037 --> 00:12:33,832
- No. No, of course.
Everyone should get a plus-one.
350
00:12:33,915 --> 00:12:37,794
I mean, I'm not married and
I'll be bringing a plus-one.
351
00:12:37,878 --> 00:12:39,504
- Oh.
352
00:12:39,546 --> 00:12:41,423
Like a...
353
00:12:41,465 --> 00:12:42,424
old teacher?
354
00:12:42,466 --> 00:12:44,634
- No, my girlfriend.
355
00:12:44,718 --> 00:12:48,847
- Is your girlfriend
an old teacher?
356
00:12:48,930 --> 00:12:52,517
- [chuckles]
No, she's a marine biologist.
357
00:12:52,601 --> 00:12:54,728
Her name is Merci,
as in beaucoup.
358
00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:59,191
- [sighs] Yes.
359
00:12:59,274 --> 00:13:00,942
She's--[inhales deeply]
360
00:13:00,984 --> 00:13:02,569
Pretty.
- Yeah.
361
00:13:02,611 --> 00:13:04,863
- And how cool that she has
a job where
362
00:13:04,946 --> 00:13:10,076
she gets to wear what I assume
must be her work bikini?
363
00:13:10,118 --> 00:13:11,578
- [chuckling] Yeah, yeah.
364
00:13:11,661 --> 00:13:13,580
She's also a gamer and does
a ton of charity work.
365
00:13:13,622 --> 00:13:15,499
- [chuckling] Ah.
Congratulations.
366
00:13:15,582 --> 00:13:17,042
That's great.
367
00:13:17,083 --> 00:13:19,252
That is actually what I want
too, to find someone great.
368
00:13:19,336 --> 00:13:20,504
I've recently realized
369
00:13:20,587 --> 00:13:21,880
I've been too tough
on the people I've dated,
370
00:13:21,963 --> 00:13:23,840
so just this morning,
I slid my age range up
371
00:13:23,924 --> 00:13:27,344
five years to 50 because,
you know, Brad Pitt is 50.
372
00:13:27,385 --> 00:13:28,678
- I think Brad Pitt is 60.
373
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:30,680
- Get the fuck out of here.
He's 60?
374
00:13:34,140 --> 00:13:38,853
- FB to the T.
375
00:13:41,523 --> 00:13:43,608
- Hi.
376
00:13:43,691 --> 00:13:45,735
Had a great session
with Dr. Debra.
377
00:13:45,777 --> 00:13:47,570
- You mean you Zoomed with
your therapist from your car
378
00:13:47,612 --> 00:13:49,280
in a Mendocino Farms
parking lot?
379
00:13:49,364 --> 00:13:50,323
- That's right.
380
00:13:50,365 --> 00:13:51,616
- Great.
381
00:13:51,699 --> 00:13:53,409
Dying to know what she has
to say about all this.
382
00:13:53,493 --> 00:13:55,995
- That?
Oh, I didn't bring it up.
383
00:13:56,079 --> 00:13:58,289
- You didn't bring up that
four of your exes died?
384
00:13:58,373 --> 00:14:00,959
- I didn't even get to bring up
the fact that Brad Pitt is 60.
385
00:14:01,042 --> 00:14:02,335
- What?
386
00:14:02,418 --> 00:14:03,586
- She was on this thing about
387
00:14:03,670 --> 00:14:06,631
how my family is the root
of my romantic problems.
388
00:14:06,714 --> 00:14:08,258
She was on a roll,
so I just turned off my camera
389
00:14:08,341 --> 00:14:10,468
and ate my side tortilla.
390
00:14:10,510 --> 00:14:11,511
Ooh!
391
00:14:11,594 --> 00:14:14,013
I like that.
Out of the way.
392
00:14:14,055 --> 00:14:15,014
Much better.
393
00:14:15,098 --> 00:14:16,140
- Hmm.
394
00:14:16,224 --> 00:14:20,603
- Also, cute client Isaac?
395
00:14:20,687 --> 00:14:21,938
Has a girlfriend.
396
00:14:21,980 --> 00:14:26,776
A sexy, charitable,
marine biologist gamer.
397
00:14:26,860 --> 00:14:27,735
Can you?
398
00:14:27,819 --> 00:14:29,237
- I cannot.
399
00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:30,947
[loud thump from ceiling]
- What's with this?
400
00:14:31,030 --> 00:14:32,282
- Love when
a thought gets interrupted
401
00:14:32,365 --> 00:14:34,617
by a single clog-drop
from a Clogdropper.
402
00:14:34,701 --> 00:14:36,536
- Come on, Jill.
403
00:14:36,619 --> 00:14:37,620
- What's with this?
404
00:14:37,704 --> 00:14:39,581
- Ugh.
Zack is being such a dick.
405
00:14:39,664 --> 00:14:40,957
Even though we broke up,
406
00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:43,001
he refuses to give up
his plus-one to the wedding.
407
00:14:43,084 --> 00:14:44,377
He says selecting
the fish option
408
00:14:44,460 --> 00:14:45,962
made it a binding agreement.
409
00:14:46,045 --> 00:14:47,714
- What a dick move.
410
00:14:47,797 --> 00:14:51,050
- Yeah,
my ex is a real asshole.
411
00:14:51,134 --> 00:14:53,094
- Why are you still doing this?
412
00:14:53,136 --> 00:14:54,846
- I added Stu
and I'm trying to see
413
00:14:54,888 --> 00:14:56,180
if it's, like, a riddle.
414
00:14:56,264 --> 00:15:00,226
The first initials of their
names spell out B-J-D-S,
415
00:15:00,268 --> 00:15:01,436
but that means nothing.
416
00:15:01,519 --> 00:15:03,146
'Cause I was thinking
how scary would it be
417
00:15:03,187 --> 00:15:05,815
if their initials spelled out,
like, a creepy word?
418
00:15:05,899 --> 00:15:07,734
Guts or hang.
419
00:15:07,817 --> 00:15:09,152
I would scream.
420
00:15:09,193 --> 00:15:10,153
But they don't.
421
00:15:10,236 --> 00:15:11,362
So it's not that.
422
00:15:11,446 --> 00:15:14,574
- Listen, I know you need
a distraction right now.
423
00:15:16,117 --> 00:15:20,705
And it is sad and it is tragic
that these guys have passed,
424
00:15:20,788 --> 00:15:23,166
and no one feels that
more than me.
425
00:15:23,249 --> 00:15:24,500
- I hate that you
just did that.
426
00:15:24,584 --> 00:15:27,754
- But I just got
a clean bill of health.
427
00:15:27,837 --> 00:15:31,716
So whatever's happening here
is not my fault.
428
00:15:31,799 --> 00:15:34,052
If anything, this should just
remind us that life is short
429
00:15:34,135 --> 00:15:35,887
and we need to appreciate it.
430
00:15:35,929 --> 00:15:38,222
We owe it
to these dead gentlemen
431
00:15:38,306 --> 00:15:39,807
to have single girl fun
432
00:15:39,891 --> 00:15:43,561
and find love
at a weeknight wedding at--
433
00:15:43,645 --> 00:15:45,188
wait, where is this again?
434
00:15:45,271 --> 00:15:47,857
♪ ♪
435
00:15:47,899 --> 00:15:49,192
[whistle blares]
[bell dings]
436
00:15:49,275 --> 00:15:50,693
[eagle cries]
437
00:15:50,777 --> 00:15:51,778
[tires squeal]
438
00:15:56,157 --> 00:15:58,242
- Jesus Christ.
439
00:15:58,284 --> 00:16:01,162
- One-hour drive,
35-minute ferry,
440
00:16:01,204 --> 00:16:02,956
dropped our bags at that shed.
441
00:16:03,039 --> 00:16:04,874
- That was the motel.
442
00:16:04,916 --> 00:16:08,002
- And a 25-minute bus ride?
443
00:16:08,044 --> 00:16:10,922
both: On a Thursday.
444
00:16:10,964 --> 00:16:14,175
- Oh, God, this is so Robert.
445
00:16:14,258 --> 00:16:15,635
- [chuckles]
446
00:16:15,718 --> 00:16:19,138
Remember when you dated him,
you got super into tahini?
447
00:16:19,222 --> 00:16:21,349
- Middle Eastern dips
and protesting salmon farming
448
00:16:21,391 --> 00:16:22,392
was our thing.
449
00:16:22,433 --> 00:16:24,310
- Ugh, Zack is here.
450
00:16:24,394 --> 00:16:27,105
I'd recognize those Shrek Crocs
anywhere.
451
00:16:29,065 --> 00:16:30,483
[AJ sighs]
452
00:16:30,525 --> 00:16:32,068
- Single girl fun?
453
00:16:32,151 --> 00:16:34,195
- Single girl fun.
454
00:16:34,237 --> 00:16:37,156
[light violin music]
455
00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:43,162
♪ ♪
456
00:16:43,246 --> 00:16:44,789
- Oh.
457
00:16:44,872 --> 00:16:48,668
And there's Robert, looking
very much healthy and alive.
458
00:16:48,751 --> 00:16:50,837
- Yes, he does.
459
00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:53,089
- And there's Sarah.
460
00:16:53,172 --> 00:16:54,257
- So what's our vibe tonight?
461
00:16:54,340 --> 00:16:57,301
Mean girls
or women supporting women?
462
00:16:57,343 --> 00:16:59,804
- In the spirit
of celebrating life,
463
00:16:59,887 --> 00:17:02,015
let's do supporting women.
464
00:17:02,056 --> 00:17:03,558
- Great. Love Sarah.
She's glowing.
465
00:17:03,599 --> 00:17:04,684
- Radiant. Stunning.
466
00:17:04,726 --> 00:17:06,978
My eyes are
looking at a mermaid.
467
00:17:07,061 --> 00:17:08,438
[camera shutter clicks]
468
00:17:08,521 --> 00:17:10,148
- Robert and Sarah are offering
almond butter stouts
469
00:17:10,231 --> 00:17:11,774
and orange wine with tannins
on the side
470
00:17:11,816 --> 00:17:14,777
if you'd like to spoon some in.
471
00:17:14,861 --> 00:17:17,613
- Is there, like,
regular alcohol?
472
00:17:17,655 --> 00:17:19,198
- There is not.
473
00:17:20,616 --> 00:17:22,702
- [softly] OK.
474
00:17:22,744 --> 00:17:24,620
Thank you.
- Thanks
475
00:17:24,662 --> 00:17:26,289
Cheers.
- Cheers.
476
00:17:26,372 --> 00:17:28,583
♪ ♪
477
00:17:28,624 --> 00:17:32,295
Mine is, like,
stuck in the glass.
478
00:17:32,378 --> 00:17:39,385
♪ ♪
479
00:17:41,637 --> 00:17:43,056
[energetic classical music]
480
00:17:43,139 --> 00:17:47,393
- [laughs]
You design toothpaste flavors?
481
00:17:47,435 --> 00:17:50,021
That's crazy!
482
00:17:50,104 --> 00:17:52,523
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bye.
483
00:17:52,565 --> 00:17:59,572
♪ ♪
484
00:18:07,580 --> 00:18:09,624
♪ ♪
485
00:18:09,665 --> 00:18:12,668
[laughter]
486
00:18:12,752 --> 00:18:15,838
- I think she's alone, Dennis.
- You think so?
487
00:18:15,922 --> 00:18:16,923
- Yes...
- What?
488
00:18:16,964 --> 00:18:18,216
- [whispers]
She's by herself.
489
00:18:18,299 --> 00:18:19,425
- Oh.
490
00:18:19,509 --> 00:18:21,260
[chuckles]
491
00:18:21,302 --> 00:18:28,351
♪ ♪
492
00:18:29,977 --> 00:18:32,522
[upbeat music]
493
00:18:32,563 --> 00:18:35,525
- [takes deep breath]
494
00:18:35,608 --> 00:18:38,152
♪ ♪
495
00:18:38,236 --> 00:18:39,445
- Thank you so much for coming.
496
00:18:39,487 --> 00:18:41,405
It means a lot.
Take care.
497
00:18:41,489 --> 00:18:45,535
♪ ♪
498
00:18:45,618 --> 00:18:47,120
- [laughs] Hey!
- Hey.
499
00:18:47,161 --> 00:18:49,580
- You here by yourself?
[laughter]
500
00:18:49,664 --> 00:18:51,666
Kidding.
501
00:18:51,749 --> 00:18:53,209
Beautiful ceremony.
502
00:18:53,251 --> 00:18:55,169
Yeah.
503
00:18:55,211 --> 00:18:57,630
- I'm so glad
you could make it, Ruby.
504
00:18:57,672 --> 00:18:59,507
- Wouldn't miss it.
505
00:18:59,549 --> 00:19:01,175
I'm so happy for you, Robert.
506
00:19:01,259 --> 00:19:03,219
- I am too.
507
00:19:03,302 --> 00:19:07,473
I feel like I finally found
the other half of my spirit
508
00:19:07,557 --> 00:19:09,100
and I feel complete.
509
00:19:09,183 --> 00:19:10,852
- Yeah.
510
00:19:10,893 --> 00:19:12,061
Must be a good feeling.
511
00:19:12,103 --> 00:19:13,896
- Oh, it really is.
512
00:19:13,938 --> 00:19:15,106
- [chuckling] Yeah.
513
00:19:15,189 --> 00:19:17,275
You said.
514
00:19:17,358 --> 00:19:20,236
So speaking of other
halves of spirits,
515
00:19:20,278 --> 00:19:25,491
and this is not a big deal,
but I was wondering...
516
00:19:25,575 --> 00:19:28,744
why didn't you give me
a plus-one?
517
00:19:28,828 --> 00:19:30,746
- Oh, uh, you know,
518
00:19:30,830 --> 00:19:33,124
it was just a policy
Sarah and I had
519
00:19:33,207 --> 00:19:35,418
for people who weren't
in a significant relationship.
520
00:19:35,501 --> 00:19:37,044
- Ooh, right.
- Yeah.
521
00:19:37,086 --> 00:19:40,339
- But--and again,
this is not a big deal at all,
522
00:19:40,423 --> 00:19:43,843
but did you know for a fact
523
00:19:43,926 --> 00:19:46,679
that I wasn't in
a significant relationship,
524
00:19:46,721 --> 00:19:49,473
or did you just assume?
525
00:19:49,557 --> 00:19:50,725
- I--I thought I'd heard.
526
00:19:50,808 --> 00:19:52,351
- Because it kind of
feels like you assumed
527
00:19:52,435 --> 00:19:53,978
and I'm not sure why.
528
00:19:54,061 --> 00:19:56,981
Like, we texted when
I asked if you were molested
529
00:19:57,064 --> 00:19:59,317
on that Nickelodeon show,
which honestly feels like
530
00:19:59,358 --> 00:20:00,943
it would have been
the perfect opportunity
531
00:20:01,027 --> 00:20:02,111
to ask, but you didn't.
532
00:20:02,153 --> 00:20:03,905
And I guess I don't know,
533
00:20:03,946 --> 00:20:06,616
I don't know why
you think it was so crazy
534
00:20:06,699 --> 00:20:08,451
that I'd be with someone,
535
00:20:08,492 --> 00:20:12,205
because I actually thought
I did a--I don't know--
536
00:20:12,246 --> 00:20:14,707
a nice job
in our relationship.
537
00:20:14,749 --> 00:20:16,167
I didn't just give up.
538
00:20:16,209 --> 00:20:18,044
I--
I considered your feelings.
539
00:20:18,085 --> 00:20:19,629
I developed shared interests.
540
00:20:19,712 --> 00:20:21,005
I compromised.
541
00:20:21,047 --> 00:20:22,256
I tried.
542
00:20:22,340 --> 00:20:24,008
Which, honestly,
is why I was surprised
543
00:20:24,050 --> 00:20:25,134
when you broke up with me.
544
00:20:25,218 --> 00:20:26,761
But I mean, it is fine.
545
00:20:26,844 --> 00:20:28,262
It is fine.
546
00:20:28,346 --> 00:20:29,555
It is fine.
It was forever ago.
547
00:20:29,597 --> 00:20:32,266
And now--and now you are here
marrying Sarah,
548
00:20:32,350 --> 00:20:33,643
who is a radiant mermaid.
549
00:20:33,684 --> 00:20:35,686
But also, like,
550
00:20:35,728 --> 00:20:37,313
how did you know
we weren't right?
551
00:20:37,355 --> 00:20:38,522
- This.
552
00:20:38,606 --> 00:20:39,523
- Huh?
553
00:20:39,565 --> 00:20:40,775
- This is how I knew.
554
00:20:40,816 --> 00:20:43,861
I mean, you're making
my wedding about you
555
00:20:43,903 --> 00:20:45,154
while my parents
556
00:20:45,238 --> 00:20:47,698
and a line of people
are waiting to talk to me.
557
00:20:49,575 --> 00:20:51,244
- I'm not making it about me.
558
00:20:51,285 --> 00:20:53,204
You were making this about me
when you assumed
559
00:20:53,287 --> 00:20:54,288
that I was single
and I'm just trying--
560
00:20:54,372 --> 00:20:55,706
- Why are we talking
about this?
561
00:20:55,748 --> 00:20:56,832
- Well, I would have talked
to my plus-one about it,
562
00:20:56,874 --> 00:20:58,084
but I didn't get one.
563
00:20:58,125 --> 00:20:59,710
- Maybe if you weren't
like this,
564
00:20:59,794 --> 00:21:01,921
you'd have a plus-one.
565
00:21:01,963 --> 00:21:04,048
Like, this is why I didn't
want Sarah to invite you.
566
00:21:04,131 --> 00:21:05,299
You haven't changed at all.
567
00:21:05,383 --> 00:21:09,136
I cannot believe
you're still this selfish.
568
00:21:09,178 --> 00:21:10,513
Now if you wouldn't mind,
569
00:21:10,596 --> 00:21:13,057
my old pediatrician
would like to congratulate me.
570
00:21:21,482 --> 00:21:23,526
DocDoc Steiner!
Hey!
571
00:21:23,609 --> 00:21:24,819
How's it going?
572
00:21:24,902 --> 00:21:27,405
[indistinct chatter]
573
00:21:27,446 --> 00:21:29,198
♪ ♪
574
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:31,867
- Stout and a spoon, please.
- Here you go.
575
00:21:31,951 --> 00:21:33,077
- Having fun?
576
00:21:33,119 --> 00:21:35,288
- Not in the slightest.
577
00:21:35,371 --> 00:21:36,289
You?
578
00:21:36,372 --> 00:21:38,249
- Nope.
579
00:21:38,332 --> 00:21:40,584
I've gotten zero compliments
on my kimono.
580
00:21:40,626 --> 00:21:43,296
One person even called it
cultural appropriation.
581
00:21:43,337 --> 00:21:44,755
But I'm like, whatever, dude.
582
00:21:44,839 --> 00:21:48,092
Like, women wear berets, so--
[scoffs]
583
00:21:48,175 --> 00:21:51,470
- It's hard to argue
with any part of that.
584
00:21:51,554 --> 00:21:53,431
[inhales deeply]
585
00:21:53,514 --> 00:21:55,766
At least our girl
is having fun.
586
00:21:55,808 --> 00:21:59,478
- Please. She's not really
learning how to play.
587
00:21:59,562 --> 00:22:01,439
[sighs]
588
00:22:03,274 --> 00:22:04,734
You want a real drink?
589
00:22:04,775 --> 00:22:07,028
- If you have been drinking
actual alcohol at this thing,
590
00:22:07,069 --> 00:22:09,280
I swear to Elsbeth.
591
00:22:09,363 --> 00:22:10,740
- Hey, everyone.
592
00:22:10,823 --> 00:22:12,241
It's me, Craig.
593
00:22:12,283 --> 00:22:15,578
Uh, who's ready for two
long-ish stories about Robert?
594
00:22:15,619 --> 00:22:16,579
- I also have weed.
595
00:22:16,662 --> 00:22:18,331
- Let us go far
from this place.
596
00:22:18,372 --> 00:22:19,498
- This one is, uh, the kegger.
597
00:22:19,540 --> 00:22:22,293
Uh, he was wrestling
with my dad.
598
00:22:22,335 --> 00:22:24,879
[indistinct chatter]
599
00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:27,131
[crickets chirping]
600
00:22:27,214 --> 00:22:28,632
[Ruby slurps]
601
00:22:28,674 --> 00:22:30,134
- Mm.
- [chuckling] You OK?
602
00:22:30,176 --> 00:22:32,345
- Oh, yeah.
603
00:22:32,428 --> 00:22:33,763
Sort of.
604
00:22:33,846 --> 00:22:36,223
The groom just told me some...
605
00:22:36,307 --> 00:22:39,602
rude information about myself.
606
00:22:39,685 --> 00:22:41,354
But I don't know.
You'd probably just agree.
607
00:22:41,437 --> 00:22:43,898
- Try me.
608
00:22:43,981 --> 00:22:48,903
- Well, he said I was selfish.
609
00:22:48,986 --> 00:22:50,654
- [coughs and laughs]
610
00:22:50,738 --> 00:22:52,782
Yeah, big time.
611
00:22:52,823 --> 00:22:53,949
- [sighs]
612
00:22:53,991 --> 00:22:55,117
- But whatever.
[clears throat]
613
00:22:55,159 --> 00:22:57,036
Aren't we all?
You, me, everyone?
614
00:22:57,078 --> 00:22:59,372
Robert?
That ding-dong is selfish.
615
00:22:59,413 --> 00:23:01,290
I mean,
who has all their friends
616
00:23:01,374 --> 00:23:02,958
ferry out to the woods
on a Thursday?
617
00:23:03,042 --> 00:23:03,959
Fuck that guy.
618
00:23:04,001 --> 00:23:06,379
- Yeah, fuck that guy.
619
00:23:06,462 --> 00:23:08,130
Maybe it seems
like I'm selfish,
620
00:23:08,214 --> 00:23:10,049
but really, it's like AJ says,
621
00:23:10,132 --> 00:23:12,051
I just have high standards
for myself.
622
00:23:12,134 --> 00:23:13,302
- I get it.
623
00:23:13,386 --> 00:23:15,054
Every time
I leave the apartment,
624
00:23:15,137 --> 00:23:18,557
I think maybe, just maybe,
625
00:23:18,641 --> 00:23:21,519
I'll save a baby.
626
00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:22,978
From whatever.
627
00:23:23,062 --> 00:23:25,064
Like, an out-of-control car,
or, like, a falling elevator,
628
00:23:25,106 --> 00:23:26,982
neglectful nanny.
629
00:23:27,066 --> 00:23:29,110
I don't know.
630
00:23:29,151 --> 00:23:31,362
Probably won't happen.
631
00:23:31,445 --> 00:23:35,699
- I mean,
if I'm being honest...
632
00:23:35,783 --> 00:23:37,576
guess I thought it would all
turn out better,
633
00:23:37,618 --> 00:23:40,162
that I'd be...
634
00:23:40,246 --> 00:23:42,373
further along by now.
635
00:23:42,456 --> 00:23:45,793
- It's like we all have this
idea of where we should be.
636
00:23:45,835 --> 00:23:48,712
And there's where we are.
637
00:23:48,754 --> 00:23:51,632
The reality.
638
00:23:51,674 --> 00:23:54,468
With our careers,
our relationships.
639
00:23:54,552 --> 00:23:56,178
Like, how's someone's supposed
to know, like,
640
00:23:56,262 --> 00:23:58,180
this is the person
I'm supposed to end up with?
641
00:24:00,266 --> 00:24:01,934
- Totally.
642
00:24:05,813 --> 00:24:07,815
Life doesn't come
with a manual.
643
00:24:07,898 --> 00:24:09,733
[chuckling]
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
644
00:24:09,775 --> 00:24:11,026
I don't know where
that came from.
645
00:24:11,110 --> 00:24:12,945
I think I read it
on a dish towel.
646
00:24:12,987 --> 00:24:14,363
[Zack chuckles]
647
00:24:17,158 --> 00:24:19,243
Still good with
that kimono choice?
648
00:24:19,326 --> 00:24:20,244
- Um--
649
00:24:20,286 --> 00:24:21,370
- You still think that was
650
00:24:21,454 --> 00:24:22,455
a smart move to wear
to the wedding?
651
00:24:22,496 --> 00:24:23,581
- I do.
This shit is awesome.
652
00:24:23,664 --> 00:24:25,082
I'm never going back
on this choice.
653
00:24:25,166 --> 00:24:27,084
Look at all these folds
I can, like, store stuff in.
654
00:24:27,126 --> 00:24:28,919
I'm like fucking 007.
Look at all this stuff.
655
00:24:29,003 --> 00:24:30,254
[Ruby chuckling]
I got a flask.
656
00:24:30,296 --> 00:24:31,589
I got my weed in here.
657
00:24:31,630 --> 00:24:35,259
I got my driver's license,
my motel room key.
658
00:24:35,342 --> 00:24:38,387
- [chuckling] Oh, fancy.
Motel room key.
659
00:24:38,471 --> 00:24:40,139
- Yeah, well,
I'm a pretty fancy guy.
660
00:24:40,222 --> 00:24:41,891
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
661
00:24:41,932 --> 00:24:43,434
[old-timey accent]
You're a fancy guy with your--
662
00:24:43,476 --> 00:24:45,227
with your kimono and its folds.
663
00:24:45,311 --> 00:24:46,937
You gonna take a girl
home tonight?
664
00:24:47,021 --> 00:24:48,147
- Yeah, I'm gonna
take every girl--
665
00:24:48,189 --> 00:24:49,273
every woman in
these woods home.
666
00:24:49,315 --> 00:24:50,733
- [chuckling]
Oh, yeah, you are!
667
00:24:50,816 --> 00:24:52,443
You're going to take all the
women home from these woods.
668
00:24:52,485 --> 00:24:53,736
- Yeah,
I'm like Winnie the Pooh
669
00:24:53,819 --> 00:24:55,154
looking for that honey pot.
670
00:24:55,237 --> 00:24:57,281
- Search for that honey pot,
you fancy kimono man!
671
00:24:57,323 --> 00:24:58,657
- I'm like a little bumblebee
looking to sting.
672
00:24:58,741 --> 00:25:01,118
- Ooh, a-buzz, a-buzz, a-buzz.
- [laughs]
673
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:02,661
- Buzz,
buzzing towards your honey.
674
00:25:02,703 --> 00:25:04,121
- That's right, that's right.
- Buzz towards your honey pot.
675
00:25:04,163 --> 00:25:05,164
- You fancy kimon--
676
00:25:05,247 --> 00:25:08,292
[tense music]
677
00:25:08,334 --> 00:25:09,460
♪ ♪
678
00:25:09,543 --> 00:25:11,051
Oh, fuck!
679
00:25:11,051 --> 00:25:11,086
Oh, fuck!
680
00:25:14,630 --> 00:25:17,841
- Oh! Oh, my God!
Get up! Get up!
681
00:25:17,925 --> 00:25:19,885
Oh, my God, we did the worst.
682
00:25:19,968 --> 00:25:21,845
We did the absolute worst.
683
00:25:21,929 --> 00:25:23,639
We did the fucking worst!
684
00:25:23,722 --> 00:25:25,682
Oh, oh!
685
00:25:25,766 --> 00:25:28,060
And, like, 20 missed texts
from AJ.
686
00:25:28,143 --> 00:25:29,520
Where did you go?
Hello?
687
00:25:29,561 --> 00:25:31,063
A selfie in bed
next to the cellist.
688
00:25:31,146 --> 00:25:33,357
Cello!
- Hold up. What?
689
00:25:33,398 --> 00:25:35,317
What the fuck?
690
00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:36,568
I can't believe she did that.
691
00:25:36,652 --> 00:25:40,239
- I can't believe we did this!
692
00:25:40,322 --> 00:25:43,116
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
693
00:25:43,158 --> 00:25:44,326
[inhales deeply]
694
00:25:44,409 --> 00:25:46,245
We can never tell her
what happened, OK?
695
00:25:46,328 --> 00:25:47,579
Never!
- Why would I tell her?
696
00:25:47,663 --> 00:25:50,082
She would never
talk to me again.
697
00:25:50,123 --> 00:25:53,043
- And shit.
It's Friday.
698
00:25:53,126 --> 00:25:55,045
I have to work.
699
00:25:55,128 --> 00:25:58,549
Oh!
[groans]
700
00:25:58,590 --> 00:26:01,593
Just make us a couple Keurigs
while I shower, OK?
701
00:26:01,677 --> 00:26:04,263
Oh, I hope there's Wi-Fi
on the ferry.
702
00:26:04,304 --> 00:26:07,349
I am a monster!
703
00:26:07,432 --> 00:26:09,685
- [sighs]
704
00:26:10,852 --> 00:26:12,104
- [sighs] Sorry I'm late.
705
00:26:12,187 --> 00:26:15,941
I had to go back into the woods
for my heels.
706
00:26:16,024 --> 00:26:17,359
- Hey, no worries.
707
00:26:17,442 --> 00:26:18,777
Gave the chef time to prepare
all the different smelts.
708
00:26:18,819 --> 00:26:20,696
♪ ♪
709
00:26:20,779 --> 00:26:22,948
- Uh, right.
710
00:26:23,031 --> 00:26:25,117
That is what we're doing today.
711
00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:27,619
The smelt tasting.
712
00:26:27,661 --> 00:26:29,580
Yum.
713
00:26:29,663 --> 00:26:32,416
- Yeah, my parents
are gonna love this.
714
00:26:32,457 --> 00:26:34,209
Different types of oily,
buttery fishes.
715
00:26:34,293 --> 00:26:36,044
That is their heaven.
716
00:26:36,128 --> 00:26:37,963
- Mine too.
[Isaac chuckles]
717
00:26:38,046 --> 00:26:39,923
Is there any way
I could get, like, a Sprite?
718
00:26:39,965 --> 00:26:41,300
- Mm, I cannot believe
719
00:26:41,383 --> 00:26:44,136
there are eight different ways
to enjoy smelt.
720
00:26:44,219 --> 00:26:45,637
Mm!
Chef's kiss!
721
00:26:45,679 --> 00:26:47,472
Um, yes, chef.
722
00:26:47,514 --> 00:26:49,558
- Those are two different--
723
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:52,144
- Hi, you must be Ruby.
I'm Merci.
724
00:26:52,227 --> 00:26:54,396
- [chuckling] Hi. I didn't
realize you'd be here today.
725
00:26:54,479 --> 00:26:55,689
Hi.
726
00:26:55,772 --> 00:26:57,524
- Yeah, Merci's a huge foodie
like my mom.
727
00:26:57,566 --> 00:26:58,650
She wanted to come
to the tasting.
728
00:26:58,734 --> 00:27:00,277
- Mm, I love food.
729
00:27:00,319 --> 00:27:01,987
Just like GeeGeeGigi.
[Isaac chuckles]
730
00:27:02,070 --> 00:27:03,822
- Uh, what words are those?
731
00:27:03,905 --> 00:27:07,284
- Oh, that's what I call
Isaac's mom, GeeGeeGigi.
732
00:27:07,367 --> 00:27:08,660
We're, like, very close.
733
00:27:08,744 --> 00:27:10,662
- OK, wonderful.
That's--love that.
734
00:27:10,746 --> 00:27:13,498
- OK, first smelt is up.
735
00:27:13,582 --> 00:27:16,335
Who's ready
for a fish so tender
736
00:27:16,418 --> 00:27:17,961
you can spread it
like cream cheese?
737
00:27:18,045 --> 00:27:19,087
- Mm.
738
00:27:19,171 --> 00:27:20,422
- For a second,
you're gonna think
739
00:27:20,505 --> 00:27:22,090
your body can't hold it.
740
00:27:22,174 --> 00:27:23,842
But count to ten, and it will.
741
00:27:23,884 --> 00:27:27,429
- [inhales deeply]
Stop talking about the fish.
742
00:27:27,471 --> 00:27:29,514
- Mmm.
- Wow.
743
00:27:29,556 --> 00:27:32,434
- So, uh, Merci,
I've heard so much about you.
744
00:27:32,517 --> 00:27:34,478
You're a marine biologist?
745
00:27:34,561 --> 00:27:35,687
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
746
00:27:35,771 --> 00:27:37,272
And I also work with a charity
747
00:27:37,356 --> 00:27:39,232
that's very near and dear
to my heart.
748
00:27:39,316 --> 00:27:41,860
- [gasps]
That's so selfless of you.
749
00:27:41,943 --> 00:27:42,986
Which one?
750
00:27:43,028 --> 00:27:44,946
- People Experiencing
Car-lessness,
751
00:27:44,988 --> 00:27:46,573
Specifically Women.
752
00:27:46,615 --> 00:27:50,243
Yeah, we provide transportation
to un-carred people.
753
00:27:50,285 --> 00:27:52,454
Specifically women.
754
00:27:52,537 --> 00:27:54,039
- Oh.
755
00:27:54,081 --> 00:27:57,167
That sounds like a great cause.
756
00:27:57,209 --> 00:27:58,960
[chuckles]
757
00:27:59,002 --> 00:28:01,797
I'm trying to understand it,
but it's hard.
758
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:06,635
So women who don't have cars,
you give them one?
759
00:28:06,718 --> 00:28:08,470
- Yes, but not just un-carred.
760
00:28:08,553 --> 00:28:10,472
They're also usually un-homed.
761
00:28:10,555 --> 00:28:12,933
[phone buzzing]
762
00:28:13,016 --> 00:28:15,727
Oh, sorry, it's the lab.
763
00:28:15,811 --> 00:28:17,062
Hey, Glenda.
764
00:28:17,104 --> 00:28:18,647
OK, well, did you
get the blood work back?
765
00:28:18,730 --> 00:28:20,565
Excuse me.
- Mm-hmm.
766
00:28:20,607 --> 00:28:21,983
Yeah.
767
00:28:22,067 --> 00:28:23,985
No, I'm listening.
768
00:28:24,069 --> 00:28:25,570
Hold on, I'm just--
769
00:28:25,654 --> 00:28:26,738
I'm just going to--
770
00:28:26,822 --> 00:28:29,116
OK.
OK, I'm here.
771
00:28:31,243 --> 00:28:32,160
Yeah.
772
00:28:32,202 --> 00:28:35,122
[phone buzzing]
773
00:28:36,498 --> 00:28:38,750
[Ruby sighs]
774
00:28:38,834 --> 00:28:40,419
- You OK?
775
00:28:40,460 --> 00:28:43,755
- Honestly, no.
776
00:28:43,839 --> 00:28:46,508
I made a horrible mistake at
last night's Thursday wedding,
777
00:28:46,550 --> 00:28:49,344
and I just--
778
00:28:49,428 --> 00:28:51,805
I did something unforgivable
to a friend.
779
00:28:51,847 --> 00:28:53,223
- Hey, look, we--
780
00:28:53,265 --> 00:28:55,934
we all do things we regret.
781
00:28:56,017 --> 00:28:59,271
It doesn't mean
you're a bad person.
782
00:28:59,354 --> 00:29:01,231
Is it your friend AJ?
783
00:29:01,273 --> 00:29:03,066
- How'd you know?
784
00:29:03,108 --> 00:29:06,528
- Well, he seems to really
want to get a hold of you.
785
00:29:06,611 --> 00:29:07,612
- Oh.
[chuckles]
786
00:29:09,197 --> 00:29:10,699
AJ's a she.
787
00:29:10,741 --> 00:29:11,742
- OK.
788
00:29:11,783 --> 00:29:14,619
Um, does AJ know what happened?
789
00:29:16,204 --> 00:29:19,124
- I've never kept a secret
from her before.
790
00:29:19,207 --> 00:29:23,336
- Well, I mean, this is clearly
someone who's important to you.
791
00:29:23,420 --> 00:29:24,546
The sooner you tell her,
792
00:29:24,629 --> 00:29:25,881
the sooner you can get past
whatever it is
793
00:29:25,964 --> 00:29:27,799
and get your friendship
back on track.
794
00:29:29,259 --> 00:29:30,677
- OK, second smelt.
795
00:29:30,719 --> 00:29:32,763
Listen, I'm not gonna lie
to you guys.
796
00:29:32,846 --> 00:29:33,930
This one is tough.
797
00:29:35,515 --> 00:29:37,601
- Rubes, that you?
798
00:29:39,186 --> 00:29:42,230
- Yeah, it's me.
799
00:29:42,314 --> 00:29:45,692
Sorry I didn't call you back.
I was, uh, slammed at work.
800
00:29:47,194 --> 00:29:48,612
Fuck.
801
00:29:48,695 --> 00:29:52,073
- We got back together!
802
00:29:52,157 --> 00:29:53,784
- No, I--
803
00:29:53,825 --> 00:29:55,160
Zack took all his
gaming stuff.
804
00:29:55,202 --> 00:29:56,328
- He called this morning.
805
00:29:56,411 --> 00:29:57,954
I told him I hooked up
with the cellist,
806
00:29:58,038 --> 00:29:59,831
which really seemed
to upset him.
807
00:29:59,873 --> 00:30:02,167
He told me he hooked up
with someone,
808
00:30:02,250 --> 00:30:04,961
and it led to
a whole big discussion,
809
00:30:05,003 --> 00:30:07,672
like an actual adult discussion
810
00:30:07,714 --> 00:30:10,300
about what we want
and what we need.
811
00:30:10,383 --> 00:30:14,179
It was different and nice.
812
00:30:14,221 --> 00:30:15,430
And then...
813
00:30:15,514 --> 00:30:17,057
sawfish!
814
00:30:17,140 --> 00:30:18,475
I'm naming him Terrence.
815
00:30:18,558 --> 00:30:20,560
- OK, wow!
816
00:30:20,644 --> 00:30:22,020
- Zack's just
bringing his stuff back over
817
00:30:22,103 --> 00:30:23,522
from his friend Felix's place.
818
00:30:23,563 --> 00:30:24,898
Who do you think
he hooked up with?
819
00:30:24,981 --> 00:30:26,817
Did you see him
talking to anyone?
820
00:30:26,858 --> 00:30:28,652
- I think it...
821
00:30:28,735 --> 00:30:30,111
was the bartender.
822
00:30:30,195 --> 00:30:31,655
- I had a feeling.
823
00:30:31,696 --> 00:30:33,198
Anyway, that's not what
I needed to tell you.
824
00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:34,658
Where have you been?
825
00:30:34,741 --> 00:30:36,993
- Oh, I, uh--
826
00:30:37,077 --> 00:30:38,370
I was gonna take a bus back,
827
00:30:38,411 --> 00:30:40,330
but I just fell asleep
in the woods.
828
00:30:40,413 --> 00:30:41,373
- Disgusting.
829
00:30:41,414 --> 00:30:42,707
I cannot believe you left
830
00:30:42,749 --> 00:30:43,875
before the speeches last night.
831
00:30:43,959 --> 00:30:45,502
It was crazy.
832
00:30:45,544 --> 00:30:48,421
- Yeah, so as many of you
833
00:30:48,463 --> 00:30:50,674
who are close to me know,
834
00:30:50,757 --> 00:30:53,218
I'm dying,
so I got married.
835
00:30:53,301 --> 00:30:55,011
Check everything off
the bucket list.
836
00:30:55,053 --> 00:30:56,972
- No.
837
00:30:57,013 --> 00:30:58,139
Not Robert!
838
00:30:58,181 --> 00:31:00,183
- Yes.
Lymphoma.
839
00:31:00,267 --> 00:31:02,477
And that's not even
the best part.
840
00:31:02,561 --> 00:31:04,521
Look what I figured out.
841
00:31:04,604 --> 00:31:07,482
We found out about the deaths
in this order,
842
00:31:07,566 --> 00:31:09,693
but David actually died first,
843
00:31:09,734 --> 00:31:11,987
so they really died
in this order.
844
00:31:12,070 --> 00:31:14,114
And I'm gonna redo all this.
It's gonna look good.
845
00:31:14,197 --> 00:31:16,491
But just so you can see,
846
00:31:16,575 --> 00:31:19,703
they died in the order
you slept with them.
847
00:31:19,744 --> 00:31:21,204
[somber dramatic music]
848
00:31:21,288 --> 00:31:22,330
- No.
849
00:31:24,749 --> 00:31:27,294
No, this--
850
00:31:27,335 --> 00:31:28,879
that can't be true.
851
00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:32,257
- I hate to say, but it is.
852
00:31:32,299 --> 00:31:33,925
- Michael!
853
00:31:33,967 --> 00:31:35,927
You forgot Michael.
854
00:31:36,011 --> 00:31:40,265
I slept with Michael
in between Jeffrey and Stu.
855
00:31:40,307 --> 00:31:41,516
He just liked an Instagram post
856
00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:44,394
of a James Baldwin poem
I paraphrased.
857
00:31:44,477 --> 00:31:45,520
Michael's fine.
858
00:31:45,604 --> 00:31:48,940
[tense somber music]
859
00:31:48,982 --> 00:31:51,776
♪ ♪
860
00:31:51,860 --> 00:31:54,029
- That's six.
861
00:31:54,112 --> 00:31:57,032
- [whispering]
My vagina is killing people.
862
00:31:57,115 --> 00:31:58,783
- ♪ It's an emergency ♪
863
00:31:58,825 --> 00:32:00,285
[Cecile Believe's
"Bitch Bites Dog"]
864
00:32:00,368 --> 00:32:05,081
♪ My salivating kitty
needs a dog on a leash ♪
865
00:32:05,123 --> 00:32:06,583
♪ She walks me sometimes ♪
866
00:32:06,625 --> 00:32:08,501
♪ When I want
to lose my mind ♪
867
00:32:08,543 --> 00:32:12,672
♪ And I want to lose
my mind tonight ♪
868
00:32:12,756 --> 00:32:14,966
♪ Will this feeling
ever go away? ♪
869
00:32:15,008 --> 00:32:16,801
♪ Will it take
a sixth extinction ♪
870
00:32:16,885 --> 00:32:19,429
♪ Just to kill off
all the pain? ♪
871
00:32:19,512 --> 00:32:22,265
♪ Wish I could live my life
in peace ♪
872
00:32:22,307 --> 00:32:26,311
♪ Without ripping off
a little bit of meat ♪
873
00:32:26,394 --> 00:32:30,273
♪ I can't take another night
inside my body ♪
874
00:32:30,315 --> 00:32:33,902
♪ I can't take
another night inside my body ♪
875
00:32:33,985 --> 00:32:38,239
♪ I can't take another night
inside my body ♪
876
00:32:38,323 --> 00:32:44,037
♪ Better get home and satisfy
before this bitch bites dog ♪
877
00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:46,164
♪ Bitch bites dog ♪
878
00:32:46,206 --> 00:32:47,791
♪ ♪
879
00:32:47,832 --> 00:32:49,084
♪ Bitch bites-- ♪
880
00:32:49,125 --> 00:32:51,169
- I think that's a good idea.
60854
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