All language subtitles for Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia - 14x08 - Paddys Has a Jumper.METCON+ION10+PHOENiX.English.HI.C.orig.Addic7ed.com

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,960 --> 00:00:03,590 MAN: But Miss Covington does not govern the lady of the house. 2 00:00:03,830 --> 00:00:05,330 If you'll have me as your husband, 3 00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:06,600 that is what you shall be. 4 00:00:06,930 --> 00:00:08,900 - Whoa! - What? 5 00:00:08,930 --> 00:00:11,130 Oh, my God. I did not see that coming. 6 00:00:11,170 --> 00:00:12,570 Well, no... I mean, Lord Davenforth 7 00:00:12,594 --> 00:00:14,340 and Anna the scullery maid? 8 00:00:14,370 --> 00:00:16,340 I mean, that's... it's kind of scandalous, really. 9 00:00:16,370 --> 00:00:17,910 - Kind of scandalous? - Yeah. 10 00:00:17,940 --> 00:00:20,210 I usually hate this old-time British crap. 11 00:00:20,240 --> 00:00:21,599 - Oh, yeah. - You know? But, like, 12 00:00:21,623 --> 00:00:22,680 this-this show is amazing. 13 00:00:22,710 --> 00:00:23,910 - Yeah. - It's good. It's... 14 00:00:23,950 --> 00:00:26,580 They actually knew that you would love it 'cause of the algorithm. 15 00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:28,150 - The... the what? - (CLEARS THROAT) 16 00:00:28,180 --> 00:00:30,020 The-the algorithm. 17 00:00:30,050 --> 00:00:31,690 Yeah, all of our previously-watched shows, 18 00:00:31,714 --> 00:00:33,990 they go into a data bank, so they can accurately predict 19 00:00:34,020 --> 00:00:36,020 which shows you'll love moving forward. 20 00:00:36,060 --> 00:00:37,490 So they knew what was gonna happen. 21 00:00:37,530 --> 00:00:39,600 See, the algorithm, it takes thinking 22 00:00:39,630 --> 00:00:41,190 - out of the equation, basically. - Hmm. 23 00:00:41,214 --> 00:00:43,136 Well, that's because math and computers can think 24 00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:44,960 better for us than we can think for ourselves. 25 00:00:44,984 --> 00:00:46,216 Yeah... ooh, shut up, shut up. 26 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:47,776 I-It's decided we're watching another one. 27 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:49,170 Ah, I love that it does that, too. 28 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:50,840 Another thing I don't have to think about. 29 00:00:50,864 --> 00:00:52,670 You know what I mean? I-I... 30 00:00:52,710 --> 00:00:54,216 What I am thinking about, though, is the fish and chips. 31 00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:55,380 The fish and chips. 32 00:00:55,410 --> 00:00:57,510 - These snacks aren't cutting it. - Where's Frank? 33 00:00:57,550 --> 00:00:59,696 - I want substance. Where is Frank? - Need something hearty. 34 00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:00,811 - He supposed to be here... - It is weird how, when 35 00:01:00,835 --> 00:01:01,420 you watch stuff like this, 36 00:01:01,450 --> 00:01:02,756 you feel like you want to eat like the British. 37 00:01:02,780 --> 00:01:04,340 CHARLIE: Constantly want to eat like... 38 00:01:04,364 --> 00:01:05,520 - Cop! Cop! - (SHOUTING) 39 00:01:05,550 --> 00:01:07,190 - All right, fine. - I'm filming this! 40 00:01:07,220 --> 00:01:09,360 - Hey, hey, hey. Calm down! - I didn't do it... 41 00:01:09,390 --> 00:01:11,860 I came in to tell you there's a suicidal man on the roof. 42 00:01:11,890 --> 00:01:13,060 He's threatening to jump. 43 00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:17,030 - We have nothing to do with that! - (ALL SHOUTING) 44 00:01:17,070 --> 00:01:18,700 Right. Well, the police are handling it, 45 00:01:18,730 --> 00:01:20,070 but I need you to sit tight. 46 00:01:20,100 --> 00:01:22,400 No one can enter or exit the building 47 00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:24,610 until the situation is resolved. 48 00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:26,410 - Oh... - Okay. Thank you, ma'am. 49 00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:28,786 - DENNIS: Thank you for your service. - MAC: Yeah, we love, 50 00:01:28,810 --> 00:01:30,050 - we love the police. - Go blue. 51 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:31,721 Blue-Blue Lives Matter, Blue Lives Matter. 52 00:01:31,746 --> 00:01:33,835 Sh-Shit, man. You guys know what this means, right? 53 00:01:33,865 --> 00:01:35,320 What? 54 00:01:35,350 --> 00:01:36,950 We're not gonna get our fish and chips. 55 00:01:39,020 --> 00:01:44,720 Sync & corrections by Costa Dax www.addic7ed.com 56 00:01:44,744 --> 00:01:49,744 ♪ ♪ 57 00:02:01,340 --> 00:02:02,740 Shifting gears now, we have reports 58 00:02:02,764 --> 00:02:06,310 of a developing situation at Paddy's Pub. 59 00:02:06,350 --> 00:02:07,656 - Oh, that's us. There we are. - Hey. All right, there we go. 60 00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:09,400 - We're on TV. Oh, my God. - That's our bar. 61 00:02:09,424 --> 00:02:11,990 A man by the name of Bryan O'Brien 62 00:02:12,020 --> 00:02:14,490 is threatening to jump off the roof. 63 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:15,860 (LAUGHS) "Bryan O'Brien". 64 00:02:15,890 --> 00:02:17,690 - (LAUGHS) - I'd kill myself, too, 65 00:02:17,730 --> 00:02:19,090 if I had that clown's name. 66 00:02:19,130 --> 00:02:21,500 You literally have the name of a clown. 67 00:02:21,530 --> 00:02:22,576 - That's true, you do. - All right, you know what? 68 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:23,676 This is moving a little too slow for me. 69 00:02:23,700 --> 00:02:24,706 Let's-let's-let's click it back 70 00:02:24,730 --> 00:02:26,010 - over to the show, yeah? - Yeah! 71 00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:27,520 Uh, whoa, h-hold on a second, Dennis. 72 00:02:27,544 --> 00:02:29,740 Uh, this guy's gonna commit suicide off of our roof. 73 00:02:29,770 --> 00:02:31,170 I mean, shouldn't we do something? 74 00:02:31,210 --> 00:02:32,440 - Us? - Us do something? 75 00:02:32,470 --> 00:02:34,271 - Why would we...? - The cops are handling it. 76 00:02:34,295 --> 00:02:36,280 - Yeah. - Well, yeah, but I mean, look, 77 00:02:36,310 --> 00:02:38,680 if he actually goes through with it, that's a mortal sin. 78 00:02:38,710 --> 00:02:40,680 I mean, maybe God is testing us. 79 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:43,550 He's not gonna do anything. This is a classic cry for help. 80 00:02:43,590 --> 00:02:45,350 If the guy actually wanted to off himself, 81 00:02:45,390 --> 00:02:47,790 he'd hop into a warm bath and he'd do the old... 82 00:02:47,820 --> 00:02:50,060 (SUCKS LIPS) You know? North, south. 83 00:02:50,090 --> 00:02:52,030 - DENNIS: Hmm? - Hmm? 84 00:02:52,060 --> 00:02:54,220 He'd go "down the road" instead of "across the street". 85 00:02:54,244 --> 00:02:55,730 You know what I mean? 86 00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:57,346 - I don't know what you mean. - I have no idea what you mean. 87 00:02:57,370 --> 00:02:59,670 The proper way to slit your wrist is take a knife 88 00:02:59,700 --> 00:03:02,800 and, ideally, you go from metacarpal straight to bicep, 89 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:03,935 connecting with the artery 90 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:05,080 - the entire time. - Oh, man. 91 00:03:05,110 --> 00:03:07,910 - Oh, you've done research. - Ugh. 92 00:03:07,940 --> 00:03:09,656 - That is the most pathetic thing, Dee. - No, I... I-I'm not talking... 93 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:11,156 we're not talking about me. We're talking about him. 94 00:03:11,180 --> 00:03:12,826 - Are we not? I think we're... - DENNIS: We are now. 95 00:03:12,850 --> 00:03:14,596 Okay, you know what? The point is, I'm just saying, 96 00:03:14,620 --> 00:03:16,850 the man has no intention of offing himself, all right? 97 00:03:16,890 --> 00:03:18,666 - This is a pathetic attention grab. - CHARLIE: Yeah, well, 98 00:03:18,690 --> 00:03:20,536 it-it doesn't matter if he wants do or he doesn't want to. 99 00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:22,420 He's not gonna die falling from that height. 100 00:03:22,460 --> 00:03:23,930 Whoa. Hard disagree, pal. 101 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:26,830 You could absolutely die if you jump from that height. 102 00:03:26,860 --> 00:03:28,300 What? Dude, it's like three stories. 103 00:03:28,330 --> 00:03:29,970 It's like basic science, you know, like... 104 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,670 Uh, oh, I'm sorry. Let's not bring science into it. 105 00:03:32,700 --> 00:03:34,140 Okay? I mean, this is life or death. 106 00:03:34,164 --> 00:03:35,600 This is God's territory. 107 00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:36,954 All right? I mean, there is no science. 108 00:03:36,978 --> 00:03:38,078 - All right. - What do you mean... 109 00:03:38,102 --> 00:03:39,386 What do you mean "there is no science"? 110 00:03:39,410 --> 00:03:41,490 I mean, you were just talking about how much you love 111 00:03:41,514 --> 00:03:43,750 science and math for predicting your television shows. 112 00:03:43,780 --> 00:03:45,910 The... wh-why do you not like it in this scenario? 113 00:03:45,950 --> 00:03:47,356 Like, uh... do you either believe in science 114 00:03:47,380 --> 00:03:48,696 or you do not believe in science? 115 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:50,366 I am an American! I can believe in whatever I want... 116 00:03:50,390 --> 00:03:51,526 - I am also an American. Okay, though? - ...in any given moment 117 00:03:51,550 --> 00:03:53,226 based on what the argument I'm trying to make. 118 00:03:53,250 --> 00:03:54,670 - That is not an argument. - Okay? You are not 119 00:03:54,694 --> 00:03:55,520 a true American, Charlie. 120 00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:56,284 I'm more American than 121 00:03:56,309 --> 00:03:57,190 - you will ever be! - You s... 122 00:03:57,230 --> 00:03:58,830 Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Simmer down, guys. 123 00:03:58,854 --> 00:04:00,360 S... just simmer down, calm down. 124 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:02,700 All right? Dee, stop being so emotional. 125 00:04:02,730 --> 00:04:04,600 Okay? So, guys, 126 00:04:04,630 --> 00:04:07,100 I think I have a way that we can solve this argument 127 00:04:07,140 --> 00:04:09,770 without human emotion mucking it all up. 128 00:04:09,810 --> 00:04:12,910 What we need is an algorithm. 129 00:04:12,940 --> 00:04:15,380 (SIREN WAILS) 130 00:04:15,410 --> 00:04:17,770 Now, guys, we are living in a data-driven world, are we not? 131 00:04:17,794 --> 00:04:19,080 Yeah! 132 00:04:19,110 --> 00:04:21,980 So this is my Behavioral Predictor algorithm. 133 00:04:22,020 --> 00:04:24,920 - Oh. There's words. Okay. - Mm. 134 00:04:24,950 --> 00:04:27,960 - So, first we have: "Could he?" - No way, uh-uh. 135 00:04:27,990 --> 00:04:29,760 - Then "Would he?" - Nah. Cry for help. 136 00:04:29,790 --> 00:04:32,460 - CHARLIE: Mm-hmm. - And "Should we?" 137 00:04:32,490 --> 00:04:33,830 - Yes. - (STAMMERS) Guys, please. 138 00:04:33,860 --> 00:04:35,260 Shut the hell up! 139 00:04:35,300 --> 00:04:36,930 I don't need your opinions. 140 00:04:36,970 --> 00:04:39,000 Okay? 'Cause based on the analytical conclusions 141 00:04:39,030 --> 00:04:40,616 that we draw here, we're gonna be able to come up 142 00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:43,000 with a mathematically-accurate, non-emotional answer 143 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:44,440 to all of our questions. 144 00:04:44,470 --> 00:04:47,010 Okay? We just need to think like a computer. 145 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:48,640 - CHARLIE: Oh... - MAC: Oh. 146 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:49,326 Like a computer does. 147 00:04:49,351 --> 00:04:50,280 - I-I'm getting it now. - Okay. 148 00:04:50,310 --> 00:04:53,480 Exactly. So why don't we start with "Could he?" Charlie? 149 00:04:53,510 --> 00:04:55,310 - Okay, great. (CLEARS THROAT) - Do the thing. 150 00:04:55,334 --> 00:04:56,650 All right. So, what we have here 151 00:04:56,690 --> 00:04:59,320 is I made a little Paddy's Pub. 152 00:04:59,350 --> 00:05:00,790 - All right. - Ah. 153 00:05:00,820 --> 00:05:02,540 DENNIS: And-and you got the, uh, the jumper? 154 00:05:02,564 --> 00:05:03,990 Uh, I do. I do. 155 00:05:04,030 --> 00:05:06,430 Uh, luckily I brought an egg to work today. 156 00:05:06,460 --> 00:05:09,000 - Oh! Look at that guy. - All right, so when the guys falls, 157 00:05:09,030 --> 00:05:10,506 we'll be able to tell, based on the breakage, 158 00:05:10,530 --> 00:05:11,946 what would happen to the jumper when... 159 00:05:11,970 --> 00:05:13,650 - I think he's gonna smash. - Y-Yeah, okay. 160 00:05:13,674 --> 00:05:15,005 - Here we go. - So, he's up here 161 00:05:15,030 --> 00:05:16,100 and he's saying, "Oh, 162 00:05:16,140 --> 00:05:18,540 - I feel so sad. Life is so..." - Oh, yeah. 163 00:05:18,565 --> 00:05:19,340 Oh. 164 00:05:19,370 --> 00:05:20,650 Yeah, Dee, what would you say in this situation? 165 00:05:20,674 --> 00:05:21,340 DEE: Well, I don't think 166 00:05:21,380 --> 00:05:23,950 he's sad, I think he's happy to get off this merry-go-round. 167 00:05:23,980 --> 00:05:26,180 - (INHALES) - CHARLIE: Oh, my God. 168 00:05:26,210 --> 00:05:27,593 - That's so pathetic. - I'd never... I would never... 169 00:05:27,617 --> 00:05:28,350 That you would know that. 170 00:05:28,380 --> 00:05:29,896 - You've thought about it. - You asked me a... 171 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:31,526 - You had that in the chamber. - I'm talking about the egg. 172 00:05:31,550 --> 00:05:33,860 - Here he goes. "Goodbye, world". - MAC: Goodbye. 173 00:05:33,890 --> 00:05:35,960 - DENNIS: Oh. - CHARLIE: Okay. 174 00:05:35,990 --> 00:05:37,960 So I think he'll break a leg, but, you know... 175 00:05:37,990 --> 00:05:38,970 - Mm-hmm. - ...he'll be okay. 176 00:05:38,995 --> 00:05:39,390 DEE: Hmm. 177 00:05:39,430 --> 00:05:40,906 If I'm being honest, I was hoping his entire skull 178 00:05:40,930 --> 00:05:42,406 - would just explode. - DENNIS: Right. 179 00:05:42,430 --> 00:05:43,706 I think we all were, Mac. We were hoping 180 00:05:43,730 --> 00:05:45,246 - for a bit of an explosion. Yeah. - Uh-huh. 181 00:05:45,270 --> 00:05:47,470 Yeah, but I think what we learned is that there's no way 182 00:05:47,494 --> 00:05:49,340 that the jumper's gonna die from this height. 183 00:05:49,370 --> 00:05:52,140 You know? So there's no reason for us to do anything about it. 184 00:05:52,170 --> 00:05:54,256 Uh, I don't know about that, b... I think the problem is, is that, 185 00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:56,000 you know, an egg, i-in this particular case, 186 00:05:56,024 --> 00:05:58,150 a-a hard-boiled egg, it's not really 187 00:05:58,180 --> 00:06:00,580 an accurate representation of-of the human head 188 00:06:00,620 --> 00:06:01,826 - and how it would behave under a fall. - Yeah, that's true. 189 00:06:01,850 --> 00:06:03,080 Now, Charlie, 190 00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:04,666 do you happen to ha... I know you've got more eggs... 191 00:06:04,690 --> 00:06:05,439 - Yeah... - Do you happen 192 00:06:05,464 --> 00:06:06,250 to have an uncooked one? 193 00:06:06,290 --> 00:06:09,760 Ugh. No. Unfortunately, that was the only one I found. 194 00:06:09,790 --> 00:06:11,760 Found? What does that mean? 195 00:06:11,790 --> 00:06:13,530 Goddamn it, Dee, are you eating my egg? 196 00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:14,930 Well, yeah. I got hungry. 197 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:16,760 - Oh... - Uh, we never got our fish and chips. 198 00:06:16,784 --> 00:06:18,600 You bitch. That was the only one in the nest. 199 00:06:18,630 --> 00:06:20,670 Nest? What? Charlie, where did you get this egg? 200 00:06:20,700 --> 00:06:22,216 - DENNIS: Where'd you get the egg? - And why are you going around 201 00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:24,940 stealing eggs from goddamn nests in trees? 202 00:06:24,970 --> 00:06:27,110 Well, it wasn't in-in a tree, it was in a hole. 203 00:06:27,140 --> 00:06:28,880 - (RETCHING) Oh, no... - Yeah. I mean, 204 00:06:28,910 --> 00:06:30,526 - it's, like, a rat's egg or something. - (COUGHS) 205 00:06:30,550 --> 00:06:31,826 Can we get back to the task at hand here? All right? 206 00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:32,250 Okay. 207 00:06:32,280 --> 00:06:33,856 Dee's eaten some sort of a rat or a reptile's egg... 208 00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:34,769 - (DEE GROANS) - ...of some kind, 209 00:06:34,794 --> 00:06:35,919 - or whatever it is, but... - Yeah. 210 00:06:35,943 --> 00:06:37,026 ...either way, we got to find something 211 00:06:37,050 --> 00:06:39,130 that accurately represents the human head, all right? 212 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:41,441 Otherwise, we're not gonna get the explosion that we want. 213 00:06:41,465 --> 00:06:43,730 Oh, you know what, I might be able to get 214 00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:45,360 Frank's secret casaba melon. 215 00:06:45,390 --> 00:06:46,800 Mmm. Hmm? 216 00:06:49,260 --> 00:06:52,230 Why does Frank keep a casaba melon in the safe? 217 00:06:52,270 --> 00:06:53,940 Hmm? I don't know, but he flips out 218 00:06:53,970 --> 00:06:55,570 if I go anywhere near the thing. 219 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:57,210 Has he cut a hole in the rind, 220 00:06:57,240 --> 00:06:59,370 and then put it back on, like a plug? 221 00:06:59,410 --> 00:07:01,210 - Oh, yeah. - Oh. 222 00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:02,632 - Yeah, there's a little... - You guys think he's 223 00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:03,240 having sex with it? 224 00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:04,756 - Well... yeah. - He's definitely having sex with it. 225 00:07:04,780 --> 00:07:05,475 - (PHONE RINGING) - Oh, that's... 226 00:07:05,500 --> 00:07:05,910 Prob-Probably is. 227 00:07:05,950 --> 00:07:07,220 - Yeah. - Probably is. 228 00:07:07,250 --> 00:07:08,620 - Yeah. - Hello. 229 00:07:08,650 --> 00:07:10,290 Hey, guess what. 230 00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:12,950 There's a guy stuck on the roof of Paddy's. 231 00:07:12,990 --> 00:07:14,660 Oh, no, he's not stuck, he's a jumper. 232 00:07:14,690 --> 00:07:18,090 A jumper? You think you could die from that height? 233 00:07:18,130 --> 00:07:20,330 Uh, well, inconclusive. Yeah. 234 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:22,200 We'll have an answer for you on that real soon. 235 00:07:22,224 --> 00:07:24,100 Speaking of which, we need your casaba melon. 236 00:07:24,130 --> 00:07:25,600 We're gonna run a smash test on it. 237 00:07:25,630 --> 00:07:27,190 FRANK: Whoa, hold it. What, what, what? 238 00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:28,600 Stay away from my stuff. 239 00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:31,340 Don't put your hands near my casaba. 240 00:07:31,370 --> 00:07:33,940 Yeah, hey, man, why do you have a-a casaba melon in a safe? 241 00:07:33,980 --> 00:07:36,310 You-you banging it? 242 00:07:36,340 --> 00:07:38,510 It's none of your goddamn business, Dennis. 243 00:07:38,550 --> 00:07:40,350 - None of your goddamn business! - Banging it. 244 00:07:40,374 --> 00:07:41,420 - Yeah. - Yeah. 245 00:07:41,450 --> 00:07:43,350 Damn it, I got to get in there. 246 00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:44,450 Damn it. 247 00:07:44,490 --> 00:07:46,620 Dennis is touching my melon. 248 00:07:46,650 --> 00:07:48,520 No. I got to get in there. 249 00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:50,690 Sir, move back. This area's cordoned off. 250 00:07:50,730 --> 00:07:51,890 There's a jumper on the roof. 251 00:07:51,914 --> 00:07:54,100 You don't understand. It's my son. 252 00:07:54,130 --> 00:07:55,830 He's gonna do something really stupid. 253 00:07:55,860 --> 00:07:57,330 I got to get in there. 254 00:07:57,370 --> 00:07:58,600 Oh, your son? 255 00:07:58,630 --> 00:08:00,000 - Yeah. - Come with me, sir. 256 00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:01,240 - Okay. - Step aside, please. 257 00:08:07,540 --> 00:08:08,616 MAN: Ladies and gentlemen, please keep a safe distance 258 00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:10,680 - around the perimeter. - All right, here we go. 259 00:08:10,710 --> 00:08:12,750 Oh, okay, now, I think this is finally gonna give us 260 00:08:12,774 --> 00:08:14,220 that explosion we've been craving. 261 00:08:14,250 --> 00:08:15,690 Well, yeah. Now, if we see splatter, 262 00:08:15,714 --> 00:08:18,020 that's gonna prove that he could die by jumping, so yeah. 263 00:08:18,050 --> 00:08:19,350 Okay, ready? Here we go. Five... 264 00:08:19,390 --> 00:08:20,860 ALL: Four, three, 265 00:08:20,890 --> 00:08:23,960 two, one, ho... 266 00:08:23,990 --> 00:08:25,310 - DEE: Cricket! - DENNIS: Cricket! 267 00:08:25,334 --> 00:08:27,360 - Cricket. - Where did you come from? 268 00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:30,300 I was up on the roof getting eggs from a nest. 269 00:08:30,330 --> 00:08:32,030 What the hell? Come on, man. 270 00:08:32,070 --> 00:08:33,400 Yeah, yeah, well, 271 00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:35,070 I checked the hole, but it was empty. 272 00:08:35,100 --> 00:08:36,476 - Oh, I got the one in the hole. - The hole. 273 00:08:36,500 --> 00:08:38,316 Hey, you know that you guys have a guy up on your roof? 274 00:08:38,340 --> 00:08:39,276 - Yeah, we know. - Oh, yeah, yeah. 275 00:08:39,301 --> 00:08:40,240 There's a guy, there's a jumper. 276 00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:42,810 Guys, why the hell are you wasting 277 00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:44,580 a perfectly good casaba melon? 278 00:08:44,610 --> 00:08:46,450 We're trying to figure out if the guy could die 279 00:08:46,474 --> 00:08:47,820 from falling off our roof, so... 280 00:08:47,850 --> 00:08:49,350 Oh, no way. No. 281 00:08:49,380 --> 00:08:51,180 I've fallen off buildings before; I never die. 282 00:08:51,204 --> 00:08:53,190 And look at me. I'm doing great. 283 00:08:53,220 --> 00:08:54,920 Yeah, but you're not really a trustworthy 284 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:56,320 control group, Cricket. 285 00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:57,090 I mean, you know, you're sort of subhuman 286 00:08:57,130 --> 00:08:58,260 at this point, you know. 287 00:08:58,290 --> 00:08:59,450 - For sure. - I don't know how 288 00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:01,040 to squeeze that one into the algorithm. 289 00:09:01,064 --> 00:09:03,600 Hey, I'm just going to, uh, take the casaba and head on out. 290 00:09:03,630 --> 00:09:04,830 (ALL PROTESTING) 291 00:09:04,870 --> 00:09:05,870 No, you're not, Cricket. 292 00:09:05,900 --> 00:09:07,300 - Get out of here, street rat. - Go! 293 00:09:07,324 --> 00:09:08,500 - Get out! Go. - Fine. 294 00:09:08,540 --> 00:09:10,610 Go get high in the bathroom, or whatever. 295 00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:13,110 Cricket actually just made me realize something. 296 00:09:13,140 --> 00:09:15,180 We already have data for this situation. 297 00:09:15,210 --> 00:09:16,950 Maureen Ponderosa. 298 00:09:16,980 --> 00:09:19,920 Now, she died from falling off a much shorter building. 299 00:09:19,950 --> 00:09:21,926 - Yeah, but you pushed her. - No, no, no, they never proved that. 300 00:09:21,950 --> 00:09:23,250 That was never proven. 301 00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:25,280 It was never even proven that she was pushed. Okay? 302 00:09:25,304 --> 00:09:27,020 But it was, I have to say, fortunate 303 00:09:27,060 --> 00:09:28,690 that she landed on her head, you know. 304 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:31,560 Or at least he certainly made it look that way. 305 00:09:31,590 --> 00:09:34,060 - He pushed her. - Yeah, he pushed her. 306 00:09:34,100 --> 00:09:35,420 No, I was following your threads. 307 00:09:35,444 --> 00:09:37,070 Come on, you guys are nuts, all right. 308 00:09:37,100 --> 00:09:39,030 Li-Listen, the point is, it's all about 309 00:09:39,070 --> 00:09:40,570 how this guy falls, okay. 310 00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:42,246 'Cause if he falls feet first, he might break a couple bones, 311 00:09:42,270 --> 00:09:43,370 sure, but he-he'll be fine, 312 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:44,940 he'll survive, you know what I mean? 313 00:09:44,970 --> 00:09:46,740 That'd be more of a cry for help, right? 314 00:09:46,770 --> 00:09:47,786 - Wouldn't you say, Dee? - Oh, absolutely. Yeah. 315 00:09:47,810 --> 00:09:49,280 - So sad that you know that. - Stop! 316 00:09:49,310 --> 00:09:51,670 But if the guy falls head first, now that'd be a death jump. 317 00:09:51,694 --> 00:09:53,210 Right? So the answer to the question 318 00:09:53,250 --> 00:09:54,720 "could he die from jumping?" 319 00:09:54,750 --> 00:09:56,880 Yeah, absolutely, if he did a death jump. 320 00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:58,550 Okay, you're right. It's how he falls. 321 00:09:58,590 --> 00:10:00,990 Exactly, exactly. But the question still remains: 322 00:10:01,020 --> 00:10:02,990 would he jump, would he do it at all? 323 00:10:03,020 --> 00:10:05,430 And for that we need to understand his state of mind. 324 00:10:05,460 --> 00:10:09,300 And for that, we got to go back to the algorithm. 325 00:10:09,330 --> 00:10:11,430 All right, so how does one go about figuring out 326 00:10:11,470 --> 00:10:13,630 what another human being would do? 327 00:10:13,670 --> 00:10:15,840 Right? How do you truly get to know someone? 328 00:10:15,870 --> 00:10:17,286 - Just go through their trash. - Sleep with them. 329 00:10:17,310 --> 00:10:18,840 - Oh. - Uh, talk to their priest, 330 00:10:18,870 --> 00:10:20,030 then sleep with their priest. 331 00:10:20,054 --> 00:10:21,610 Then blackmail the priest. 332 00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:24,310 Then go back to the priest and ask him to ask God 333 00:10:24,350 --> 00:10:26,350 to forgive you for blackmailing him. 334 00:10:26,380 --> 00:10:27,950 No. No. 335 00:10:27,980 --> 00:10:29,680 You just, uh... 336 00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:32,290 We're just gonna pull up Bryan O'Brien's social media page, 337 00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:33,290 and we're gonna comb through that for any 338 00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:35,290 pertinent information on his life. 339 00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:36,720 Okay, so from what I'm seeing here, 340 00:10:36,744 --> 00:10:38,290 he looks like a pretty normal guy. 341 00:10:38,330 --> 00:10:39,290 Yeah, it looks like he likes to travel. 342 00:10:39,330 --> 00:10:40,800 He was recently on a cruise. 343 00:10:40,830 --> 00:10:42,606 CHARLIE: Lot, lot of pictures of food. I love that. 344 00:10:42,630 --> 00:10:44,006 - DEE: Oh, I love that. - DENNIS: Oh, I love that. 345 00:10:44,030 --> 00:10:45,446 - CHARLIE: Don't you love that? - 'Cause I know what I ate. 346 00:10:45,470 --> 00:10:47,176 I don't know... I want to know what you ate. 347 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:48,676 CHARLIE: It's a good reminder that food is a thing. 348 00:10:48,700 --> 00:10:50,346 - DENNIS: Yeah, exactly. Right. - You know what I mean? 349 00:10:50,370 --> 00:10:52,331 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Okay, so it looks like 350 00:10:52,356 --> 00:10:53,436 he's got a lot to live for. 351 00:10:53,465 --> 00:10:55,440 - He's eating food. - Mm-hmm. 352 00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:57,880 Or-or-or is he? 353 00:10:57,910 --> 00:11:00,450 Because is... is that just what he wants you to believe? 354 00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:02,440 You know, because we all know that on the surface, 355 00:11:02,464 --> 00:11:04,520 social media... it's a lie. 356 00:11:04,550 --> 00:11:06,150 All right, so let's dig deeper, shall we? 357 00:11:06,174 --> 00:11:08,690 Now, clock the amount of baseball caps 358 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:10,366 this guy's wearing, and with the tucked-in shirts, 359 00:11:10,390 --> 00:11:12,270 it's a bit of a juvenile look for a man his age, 360 00:11:12,300 --> 00:11:14,140 wouldn't you say? I mean, he's hardly a child, 361 00:11:14,170 --> 00:11:16,360 but he's still hanging on to his youth. 362 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:19,130 That suggests to me that maybe he's got some daddy issues. 363 00:11:19,170 --> 00:11:21,970 - Mm-hmm. - Abandonment, abuse. 364 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:24,410 Plus, he gave him a comical name, like Mac's dad did. 365 00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:25,589 His dad hates him as much as Mac's dad hates him. 366 00:11:25,613 --> 00:11:25,970 That's so sad. 367 00:11:26,010 --> 00:11:29,080 No, my dad loves me. That... No, my name's an homage. 368 00:11:29,110 --> 00:11:31,590 - No, it's not. He really doesn't. - My dad's name's an homage. 369 00:11:31,614 --> 00:11:33,250 It's an homage to a hamburger clown. 370 00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:35,580 But, uh, oh, look at this, looks like he also, uh, 371 00:11:35,620 --> 00:11:38,750 just got back from a cruise, alone, to mainland Alaska. Oh. 372 00:11:38,790 --> 00:11:40,920 - Lame. - Where he met himself an edgy woman 373 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:42,860 at a conference, and she introduced him 374 00:11:42,890 --> 00:11:44,760 to a whole new way of life: 375 00:11:44,790 --> 00:11:48,360 parasailing, Chilean wines, a tattoo 376 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:50,600 of Spider-Man, butt-eating... 377 00:11:50,630 --> 00:11:53,000 Butt-eating? Where are you getting that from? 378 00:11:53,030 --> 00:11:56,940 Well... there's a certain glint in the eye, you know, a sparkle. 379 00:11:56,970 --> 00:11:59,270 You can see that in someone's eye? 380 00:11:59,310 --> 00:12:00,280 - Oh, Dee. - I'm asking. 381 00:12:00,310 --> 00:12:01,780 (GASPS) 382 00:12:01,810 --> 00:12:03,456 - Have you been eating butts? - CHARLIE: Of course she has! 383 00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:05,450 - Nasty! - You are too much today, Dee. 384 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:07,010 - I was clarifying. - You're nasty. 385 00:12:07,050 --> 00:12:08,850 - Too much. - I just was curious. 386 00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:10,690 But recently the girlfriend, she's disappeared 387 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:12,280 from his pictures, which tells me that, 388 00:12:12,310 --> 00:12:14,390 uh, she probably broke up with him, you know, because 389 00:12:14,430 --> 00:12:16,730 of all his father issues, and 'cause he's an alcoholic, 390 00:12:16,770 --> 00:12:19,730 and because of the copious requests for butt-eating, 391 00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:22,260 which, she was thinking was more of a one-time thing, 392 00:12:22,300 --> 00:12:25,370 and he was thinking, this is a thing now, like, from now on. 393 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:26,600 You got him. Nice work, man. 394 00:12:26,630 --> 00:12:28,470 - Yeah. Geez. - That sums this guy up, I think. 395 00:12:28,494 --> 00:12:29,940 All right, guys, so in summation, 396 00:12:29,970 --> 00:12:31,850 algorithm-wise, what have we learned here today? 397 00:12:31,874 --> 00:12:34,040 - That Dee's a nasty fucking slut. - You are so nasty. 398 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:35,740 - Okay, all right. - You nasty! 399 00:12:35,780 --> 00:12:37,371 - Disgusting. - Definitely, definitely, 400 00:12:37,396 --> 00:12:38,710 but also that the poorly named 401 00:12:38,750 --> 00:12:43,550 Bryan O'Brien most definitely would kill himself. 402 00:12:43,580 --> 00:12:45,349 - No-no-no... - So has your son exhibited 403 00:12:45,374 --> 00:12:46,720 this kind of behavior before? 404 00:12:46,750 --> 00:12:49,660 What? Oh, yeah, he's a real deranged person. 405 00:12:49,690 --> 00:12:51,590 This kid's a real whack job. 406 00:12:51,630 --> 00:12:53,790 I'm afraid he's gonna do something really stupid 407 00:12:53,830 --> 00:12:55,960 this time. I got to get in there. 408 00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:57,946 - I can't let you do that, sir. - But-but, look, it might've been 409 00:12:57,970 --> 00:12:59,600 my fault. I mean, we had an argument... 410 00:12:59,630 --> 00:13:01,170 I assure you we're doing all we can. 411 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:03,100 We're trying to talk to him now. 412 00:13:03,140 --> 00:13:04,640 - So just stay put. - But-but, hey... 413 00:13:04,670 --> 00:13:06,470 Excuse me, sir, I'm Jackie Denardo 414 00:13:06,510 --> 00:13:08,280 from Channel Five News. 415 00:13:08,310 --> 00:13:10,710 ("ALONE" BY HEART PLAYING) 416 00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:19,120 ♪ Oh, oh, whoa. ♪ 417 00:13:19,150 --> 00:13:20,520 I hear you're the father. 418 00:13:20,560 --> 00:13:23,290 - I would love to interview you. - (STAMMERS) 419 00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:25,330 Baby, I'll do anything you want. 420 00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:28,530 My son is actually a big fan of yours. 421 00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:29,669 - Oh. - I mean, it would 422 00:13:29,694 --> 00:13:30,970 really get under his skin 423 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:33,170 if he knew I was standing next to those. 424 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:35,200 Uh, you. You. 425 00:13:40,980 --> 00:13:43,410 - (SIRENS WAILING) - (HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING) 426 00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:46,720 Okay, guys, now we are on to "Should we?" 427 00:13:46,750 --> 00:13:49,050 Should we get involved in this in any way? 428 00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:51,050 Is it our moral obligation, as Mac says, 429 00:13:51,090 --> 00:13:52,690 to keep this man from committing suicide 430 00:13:52,714 --> 00:13:54,960 - and going to hell... - What... I feel... I don't know. 431 00:13:54,990 --> 00:13:55,890 I still think we just better, like, 432 00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:57,790 - let the cops do their jobs. - Mm-hmm. 433 00:13:57,830 --> 00:13:59,670 Mm, I don't know. But we've already established 434 00:13:59,694 --> 00:14:01,360 that this guy could die and would jump, 435 00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:03,870 so, I don't know, the chances of the police getting in there 436 00:14:03,900 --> 00:14:06,200 in time to-to stop this guy are, uh, pretty slim. 437 00:14:06,230 --> 00:14:08,040 And then we could be known as a suicide bar, 438 00:14:08,070 --> 00:14:10,040 and that's no good. I don't want to be that. 439 00:14:10,070 --> 00:14:12,710 Yeah, kind of grim. I'd probably take my business elsewhere. 440 00:14:12,740 --> 00:14:14,240 You don't have business. 441 00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:16,910 Oh! What, uh, what if you lean into that, though? 442 00:14:16,950 --> 00:14:19,350 Right? Like, you don't make it grim, but you make it playful. 443 00:14:19,374 --> 00:14:22,680 Like, we start to name drinks after jumpers or whatever, 444 00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:24,690 like, uh, The Last Call. 445 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:25,920 The Jump Shot. 446 00:14:25,950 --> 00:14:27,360 - (GASPS) - Lemon Drop. 447 00:14:27,390 --> 00:14:28,690 - Right. - Oh. There you go. 448 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:30,530 Cosmo-fall-itan? 449 00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:32,260 - Oh! - Very good. 450 00:14:32,290 --> 00:14:34,430 We could become, like, a hot spot for jumpers. 451 00:14:34,460 --> 00:14:36,436 You know? We'd put their pictures up, all around the bar 452 00:14:36,460 --> 00:14:37,876 - to immortalize them, you know? - DEE: Oh, yeah. 453 00:14:37,900 --> 00:14:39,270 Turn them into martyrs. 454 00:14:39,300 --> 00:14:41,260 That's cool. And we'd play music. We'd play music. 455 00:14:41,284 --> 00:14:43,870 Uh, "Highway to Hell". "Free Fallin'". 456 00:14:43,906 --> 00:14:45,466 "Free Fallin'". Come on, man. That's... 457 00:14:45,490 --> 00:14:46,671 You know what we could do? 458 00:14:46,695 --> 00:14:49,180 We could lean into, like, a-a haunted, a haunted house 459 00:14:49,210 --> 00:14:51,386 - kind of bar theme, like... you know? - Oh, well, I'm loving that. 460 00:14:51,410 --> 00:14:52,686 - Yeah, that'd get my business back. - DEE: You don't have business, 461 00:14:52,710 --> 00:14:54,350 - Cricket. - You don't have business, guy. 462 00:14:54,390 --> 00:14:56,266 Basically, what we've concluded is that it would actually 463 00:14:56,290 --> 00:14:58,250 be good for the bar if this guy jumps and dies. 464 00:14:58,290 --> 00:15:00,090 Yeah? So the answer to the question 465 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:03,560 of "should we get involved?" is... is actually yes. 466 00:15:03,590 --> 00:15:05,360 - Huh? Why, though? - Yeah, but-but 467 00:15:05,390 --> 00:15:07,376 if-if we stop him, that would be bad for the bar, right, Dennis? 468 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:09,400 W-Well... No, that's not what I'm saying, though. 469 00:15:09,430 --> 00:15:11,770 More importantly, that's not what the algorithm is saying. 470 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:14,200 You see, we've already established that this guy wants 471 00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:16,400 to die and that it would actually benefit our bar 472 00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:17,610 if he dies. 473 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:19,540 Now, of course, from an emotional standpoint, 474 00:15:19,570 --> 00:15:21,540 we feel as though we should get involved, 475 00:15:21,580 --> 00:15:23,540 we feel as though we should save this guy, 476 00:15:23,580 --> 00:15:25,250 but the algorithm is actually telling us 477 00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:27,280 that that does not benefit anybody. 478 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:28,780 - Hmm. - The algorithm is telling us, 479 00:15:28,820 --> 00:15:30,890 mathematically, scientifically, 480 00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:34,960 that this guy could die, wants to die, 481 00:15:34,990 --> 00:15:37,060 and that we should help him do it. 482 00:15:37,090 --> 00:15:38,630 (WHISPERS) That's just math. 483 00:15:38,660 --> 00:15:40,100 - Oh. - Hmm. 484 00:15:40,130 --> 00:15:42,460 Well, it still feels a little weird, 485 00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:45,930 but feelings are irrelevant in the face of facts. 486 00:15:45,970 --> 00:15:47,340 - Yeah. - Is that what I'm hearing? 487 00:15:47,370 --> 00:15:49,130 The feelings... feelings just get in the way. 488 00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:50,960 Now, but here's-here's the only thing, though. 489 00:15:50,984 --> 00:15:53,440 Like, if we were gonna do something like this, 490 00:15:53,470 --> 00:15:54,640 - like... - Mm-hmm? 491 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:55,960 ...you know, how would we do it? 492 00:15:55,984 --> 00:15:58,150 Like, in the right way? 493 00:15:58,180 --> 00:16:00,301 Do we need to do another algorithm to figure this out? 494 00:16:00,325 --> 00:16:00,850 CRICKET: Eh. 495 00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:02,680 - Nah, I'll push him. - CHARLIE: Huh? 496 00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:04,520 What's that? 497 00:16:04,550 --> 00:16:06,520 Yeah. I'll push him off the building. 498 00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:08,360 I don't give a shit. 499 00:16:08,390 --> 00:16:10,431 This is such a difficult situation for any parent. 500 00:16:10,456 --> 00:16:10,998 Yeah. 501 00:16:11,028 --> 00:16:13,660 If you could, would you like to say anything to your son? 502 00:16:13,690 --> 00:16:16,460 Oh, yeah. Look, you think you can do whatever you want, 503 00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:17,830 but what's mine is mine. 504 00:16:17,870 --> 00:16:19,470 You don't have a call. 505 00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:21,600 If I want to bang it, I'm gonna bang it. 506 00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:23,870 Not that I am banging it, but I could. 507 00:16:23,910 --> 00:16:26,270 And if it doesn't splatter to bits, 508 00:16:26,310 --> 00:16:27,880 I'm gonna bang it later. 509 00:16:27,910 --> 00:16:30,550 (CHOKES) Because it's my property. 510 00:16:30,580 --> 00:16:33,780 And what I do with my property is my business. 511 00:16:33,820 --> 00:16:35,500 - You got that? - I-I'm sorry to interrupt, 512 00:16:35,524 --> 00:16:36,780 but we have breaking news. 513 00:16:36,820 --> 00:16:38,220 - Eh. - I've gotten word 514 00:16:38,250 --> 00:16:40,220 - the jumper is coming down. - Oh. 515 00:16:40,260 --> 00:16:43,060 I've been told he found out his estranged father is here 516 00:16:43,090 --> 00:16:45,066 - and he wants to come down and talk. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. He's call... 517 00:16:45,090 --> 00:16:46,730 - He's calling me strange? - Wait, wait... 518 00:16:46,754 --> 00:16:49,030 You don't know what this sicko kid has done. 519 00:16:49,060 --> 00:16:50,870 Okay, Cricket, uh, here's a broom. 520 00:16:50,900 --> 00:16:52,576 You probably sneak up there, give him a little nudge, 521 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:54,280 and, uh, you know, don't let anyone see you 522 00:16:54,304 --> 00:16:56,040 - commit the murder. - DENNIS: Whoa, uh... 523 00:16:56,070 --> 00:16:58,310 Guys, can-can we just not call it a murder? 524 00:16:58,340 --> 00:17:00,020 Let's try to think of it more analytically, 525 00:17:00,044 --> 00:17:02,310 more mathematically. It's sort of like a deletion. 526 00:17:02,340 --> 00:17:03,980 You know? Like hitting Control-Alt-Delete. 527 00:17:04,004 --> 00:17:05,310 Bloop. He's in the trash. 528 00:17:05,350 --> 00:17:06,526 - Oh, that's all it is, right? - MAC: I like that. 529 00:17:06,550 --> 00:17:07,670 - That works for me. - Uh-oh. 530 00:17:07,695 --> 00:17:08,386 Blip. He's gone. 531 00:17:08,416 --> 00:17:10,750 Breaking news right now. Uh, there's some clarification. 532 00:17:10,790 --> 00:17:13,920 The jumper did not jump. He did not jump from the roof. 533 00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:15,120 He is coming down the stairs. 534 00:17:15,144 --> 00:17:17,590 G... oh, dude, that's... What a gyp. 535 00:17:17,630 --> 00:17:19,760 - Yeah. Yeah. - We were gonna... we had a good plan. 536 00:17:19,790 --> 00:17:22,430 Can I say something, though? I think this is for the best. 537 00:17:22,460 --> 00:17:24,100 Right. 538 00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:24,821 - You know what I mean? - Probably. 539 00:17:24,846 --> 00:17:25,430 That's not the algorithm... 540 00:17:25,470 --> 00:17:27,110 - Right. - Like, we were going down a road 541 00:17:27,140 --> 00:17:29,460 - I was not totally comfortable with. - DEE: Ooh, ooh, ooh. 542 00:17:29,484 --> 00:17:31,540 You guys want to go back to watching our show? 543 00:17:31,570 --> 00:17:32,726 - Let's get back to our show. - Right? 544 00:17:32,750 --> 00:17:33,110 The show. 545 00:17:33,140 --> 00:17:34,556 - All right. - Why are we watching this stuff? 546 00:17:34,580 --> 00:17:35,686 - Okay. Yeah, okay. - The guy didn't even jump. 547 00:17:35,710 --> 00:17:36,880 That's boring. 548 00:17:36,910 --> 00:17:38,710 Chet, what we are about to witness here 549 00:17:38,750 --> 00:17:42,120 is a father being reunited with his son after a harrowing day. 550 00:17:42,150 --> 00:17:43,990 - Here he is now. - Yeah. Hey... 551 00:17:45,790 --> 00:17:47,260 This isn't my dad. 552 00:17:47,290 --> 00:17:48,360 That's not Dennis. 553 00:17:48,390 --> 00:17:50,860 I thought you said you were the dad. 554 00:17:50,890 --> 00:17:53,030 Not of this sad sack. 555 00:17:53,060 --> 00:17:55,430 I'm sorry, kid. Must've been a mix-up. 556 00:17:55,460 --> 00:17:58,370 I got distracted by the reporter's bagonzas. 557 00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:00,740 Speaking of melons, there's a casaba 558 00:18:00,770 --> 00:18:03,070 with my name on it in there. 559 00:18:03,100 --> 00:18:06,570 Dear Anna, our time apart only makes my heart grow fonder. 560 00:18:06,610 --> 00:18:08,910 - In the dead of night... - CHARLIE: Oh! 561 00:18:08,940 --> 00:18:10,780 Hey, you got our fish and chips? 562 00:18:10,810 --> 00:18:12,210 - Ate 'em. - DEE: Uh... 563 00:18:12,250 --> 00:18:13,019 - You ate 'em? - Wow. 564 00:18:13,044 --> 00:18:13,750 Hey, wait, wait. 565 00:18:13,780 --> 00:18:15,580 - Where's my melon? Where's my casaba? - Oh... 566 00:18:15,610 --> 00:18:17,426 It's right here, man. Why do you care so much about this thing? 567 00:18:17,450 --> 00:18:18,620 - What is the deal? - Ah... 568 00:18:18,650 --> 00:18:20,390 Yeah, what is the deal with that? 569 00:18:20,420 --> 00:18:21,890 - Ugh. - Oh. 570 00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:23,082 - Ah... - Oh, God. 571 00:18:23,107 --> 00:18:23,560 Ugh! 572 00:18:23,590 --> 00:18:27,300 It's where I stash my Maui Kush. 573 00:18:27,330 --> 00:18:29,630 - You hide your weed in a casaba melon? - Yeah. 574 00:18:29,660 --> 00:18:31,430 In case the cops ransack the place, 575 00:18:31,470 --> 00:18:34,640 you got to find a good, unsuspecting spot 576 00:18:34,670 --> 00:18:36,940 to stash your drugs. 577 00:18:36,970 --> 00:18:38,640 Pot's pretty much legal now. 578 00:18:38,670 --> 00:18:39,846 You don't really have to stash it anywhere. 579 00:18:39,870 --> 00:18:41,470 I-I don't think you have to hide it, man. 580 00:18:41,494 --> 00:18:43,140 When did that happen? 581 00:18:43,180 --> 00:18:44,756 - Can you move? - You're blocking our show, man. 582 00:18:44,780 --> 00:18:45,280 Yeah. 583 00:18:45,310 --> 00:18:46,460 - Come on, man. - You're blocking the show. 584 00:18:46,484 --> 00:18:47,320 FRANK: I didn't know that. 585 00:18:47,350 --> 00:18:48,280 What? You're still watching that British show? 586 00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:50,290 I mean, that's a bunch of crap. 587 00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:51,850 - It stinks. - Uh... 588 00:18:51,890 --> 00:18:53,290 Uh, well, no, actually, 589 00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:55,460 the algorithm told us that we like it. 590 00:18:55,490 --> 00:18:57,360 - Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah. And-and, um... 591 00:18:57,390 --> 00:18:58,990 - Yeah. - I don't. You know what I mean? 592 00:18:59,030 --> 00:19:01,530 Like, I can't follow what they're saying most of the time. 593 00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:03,176 Thank you for saying that. I find it very boring. 594 00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:04,170 - Okay, now, I... - It is boring, right? 595 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:05,640 I hate the plot because it's absurd. 596 00:19:05,664 --> 00:19:06,630 The plot is ridiculous. 597 00:19:06,670 --> 00:19:07,640 - Right? The scullery maid? - And their teeth, 598 00:19:07,670 --> 00:19:09,140 I find them hard to look at. 599 00:19:09,170 --> 00:19:11,370 The teeth are a little bit of a mess, but mathematically 600 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:12,576 - we're supposed to like the show. - CHARLIE: Uh, yeah, 601 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:13,710 I know, but mathematically 602 00:19:13,740 --> 00:19:15,220 we were supposed to kill a man today. 603 00:19:15,244 --> 00:19:16,840 Maybe that's, like, part of the problem 604 00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:19,680 of, like, taking the humanity out of decisions. 605 00:19:19,710 --> 00:19:21,450 Perhaps the science just isn't there yet. 606 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:24,020 Hey! Where did we land on the casaba? 607 00:19:24,050 --> 00:19:25,926 I-I think you can eat it, man. I think we're done with it. 608 00:19:25,950 --> 00:19:27,383 - CHARLIE: Yeah, we're done. - Yeah. 609 00:19:27,408 --> 00:19:28,561 (LAUGHS) Oh! 610 00:19:28,590 --> 00:19:30,890 - Yeah, baby. - FRANK: Eh. 611 00:19:30,930 --> 00:19:33,690 I wouldn't eat it, Cricks. 612 00:19:33,730 --> 00:19:36,400 It's full of loads. 613 00:19:37,524 --> 00:19:42,524 Sync & corrections by Costa Dax www.addic7ed.com 614 00:19:42,548 --> 00:19:47,548 ♪ ♪ 615 00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:17,140 (TRIO CHANTING BACKWARDS) 45813

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