All language subtitles for Top Gear S19E06-07 - Africa Special

HAMMOND: Hello!

CLARKSON: Thank you,
everybody, thank you.

And welcome to what is
a Top Gear Special,

a two-part adventure
around the heart of Africa.

We were each told to buy
a second-hand estate car

here in Britain
for not more than 1,500 quid.

And then we were told
to report, with our cars,

to the start line,
which was in a small village
in rural Uganda.

So, you've seen
Sir David Attenborough's
take on Africa,

now it's time to see ours.

CLARKSON: I was
the first to arrive

and I was feeling
a bit nervous.

As you can see,
I've gone for
a BMW 528i.

And on the Internet
it looked fantastic.

But I've now
had the chance to
examine it more closely,

and one or two
things are giving me
cause for concern.

For example,
it's got a manual gearbox.

Now that tells me
the previous owner
was the sort of chap

that likes to
take it to the max
between gear changes.

Secondly,
the front tyres
are Pirellis,

the back tyres
are made by a company
I've never heard of.

So that tells me
it's been run on
a tight budget.

I don't know
what the challenge
is going to be,

but I'm going to be
doing it like that.

-(ENGINE REVVING)
-Oh, hang on.

That is the throb
of a turbocharged
flat-four engine.

A sound which,
all over the world,

heralds the
imminent arrival
of a moron.

JEREMY: And it did here, too.

It's Richard Hammond,
everybody.

Who I suspect
has started to
dye his hair.

See what you think.

-Hammond!
-And there it is.

It is, yes.

It is.
Well, there can be
only one word.

Legend.
Subaru Impreza WRX estate.

And driven
by emeritus professors
all over the world.

Yeah. No, no.
Just hang on.
Here's my gut thinking.

I don't know
what's gonna face us,

what challenges
face us here,
but think about it.

Subaru stands for
Toughest-Thing-On-The-Planet.

WRX stands
for world rallycross,
which the Impreza just owned.

It's all there.
Four-wheel-drive,
turbocharged estate.

But you're going to
look stupid doing it.

I don't have to look.

I know
I'm wearing double denim,
and that is a mistake,

but you've got
Daktari trousers on,

and the wheels
of the agri-yob.

It looks a bit like you.

What?

You know, small.

And with
a sort of surprised...

A tree! A house!

Well, then,
that's perfect.
My face in that car.

Honestly,
I'm so chuffed.

This time
I've done this right.

-CLARKSON: Big boot.
-Practical.

-Practical?
-So, what have you got? Oh!

528i, rear wheel drive,
2.8 straight-six.

HAMMOND: How many
miles has it done?

151,000. This, though,
is the last of the
mechanical 5-series.

After this,
they started
using computers.

What, they're solid state?

This is simple,
mechanical engineering.

-Anyway, listen.
-Yes?

-James isn't here.
-No.

No surprises there.

I know for a fact
what he's got.

-Go on.
-He'll have a Volvo.

Yeah.

-He just will.
-Yes, yes, yes.

Because you know he's got
no imagination at all.

CLARKSON: As it turned out,
James did have a Volvo,

but not the sort of Volvo
we were expecting.

-That isn't an 850 R, is it?
-It is, it is!

That's a bold call!

-Gentlemen.
-Yes?

CLARKSON: You bought an 850 R?

It doesn't matter,
it's a Volvo.

This defines the estate car.

Nothing else is
an estate car, only this.

Have you seen the tyres
on an 850 R?

HAMMOND: Well,
there aren't any.

-MAY: It has tyres.
-Painted on.

It's just a thin veneer of
paint on a wheel.

But they're
high-performance tyres.
It's a high-performance car.

-It does 146 miles an hour.
-Standing on dust!

Do you remember
British Touring Car
Championships?

-These were
great fun to watch.
-Yes.

-And they were on
dirt tracks, weren't they?
-No.

-Racetracks.
-Yes.

Do you think when
Volvo sat down to
design the 850 R,

they said, "Now, Africa.

"We need to try and get
some market share over there,

"so let's lower
the suspension,
fit very low profile tyres."

They didn't think that
in so many words,

but when you design a Volvo,
you design it for everything.

It doesn't look
at home, does it?

That looks at home.

That looks at home
on the M4

in the outside lane,
too close to the car in front,

being driven by
an embittered toner
distribution manager.

(LAUGHING) He's right.

MAY: Let's be honest.

That's going to beach.

-It's not.
-It is!

CLARKSON: As we argued,
a challenge arrived.

Oh, hello.

Thank you.

Oh!

"You will find
the source of
the River Nile."

-That's it?
-That's it.

Oh, so we're Livingstone,
Burton and Speke!

-Yes, we are.
-And I have the right car!

Oh, come on,
for exploring.

If Livingstone
was still alive...

-He's not, is he?
-(CLARKSON CHUCKLING)

No. Ken Livingstone is,
but it's not Ken Livingstone.

If the other explorer
Livingstone bloke were alive,

he would drive
a Subaru Impreza WRX estate.

Yeah, but Speke,
my favourite of all
the Victorian explorers...

(CLICKS TONGUE)
Beemer man.

-Was he?
-Yeah.

So we just go that way?

Well, do you know,
I'd head downhill, personally.

Oh, no, no. Uphill!

Right, uphill.

Looking for the
source of a river,
uphill.

Here we go.

-The source of the...
-(CLANGING NOISE)

The source of the River Nile.

CLARKSON: The Nile,
the longest river
in the world.

A mighty
4,000-mile ribbon
of year-round water,

running from the
heart of Africa to
the Mediterranean Sea,

bringing life
and sustenance
to millions.

Finding its source
has occupied the minds

and claimed
the lives of explorers
for thousands of years.

Roman legions,
Arab traders,

the Victorian British,

all have forged a path
through the vast heat of
this awe-inspiring continent

to find where the
raging torrent came from.

And today,
we would join that
illustrious band of brothers.

We would take up the challenge
no matter what the perils,

-no matter what the hardships,
no matter what...
-(SCRATCHING)

I'm sorry to interrupt myself,

but I think
we have a problem.

Um, we found it.

Right.

(HAMMOND STUTTERS)

That is Lake Victoria.

MAY: It is.

CLARKSON: Man has
known for 160 years

that Lake Victoria is
the source of the Nile,

and it's not like
we could miss it.

-It's big!
-MAY: It's quite large.

It is the size of Latvia.

-Is it?
-Yeah.

This exploring is
not as hard as
I thought it would be.

No, my car
hasn't suffered at all.

No, I'm fine.

What are we going to
do for the rest of...

We're only
a few minutes in.

We could pretend we haven't.
If we stand like this...

No, you can't miss it.

What?

Look, we've already
found it, you idiot.

That is the
source of the Nile.

"This is not
the source of the Nile."

It is.

"The source of the Nile
is still disputed.

"The Victorians thought
it was Lake Victoria,

"but today we know
this huge body of water
is fed by many rivers.

"One of them
is the true source,
and even today, in 2012,

"experts have
not been able to
determine which it is.

"You will."

You know what?

This is an opportunity for us

to write ourselves
into the history books.

I mean, finding
the source of the Nile,
if we can say this is it...

And then it would be
marked on a map,

and we'd be able
to go, "That was us."

Yeah!

This is quite a big one.

That is
quite good, actually.
I quite like that.

What?

It's just that it says
experts have not been
able to determine which it is.

-Yeah.
-Well, where do we fit in?

CLARKSON: We broke out
the map, and discovered that

two places are
currently marked as
the source of the Nile.

One in Burundi, found by
a Dr. Burkhardt Waldecker,

and one in Rwanda,
found by Joanna Lumley.

And since our source
had to be further from
the Mediterranean

than either of these two,
it had to be further south.

Hang on, hang on.

Here's the Nile,
okay, but look.

The Nile also comes here,
into this lake,

and then this lake,
which is connected
to that lake.

It doesn't say on the map,
but if these two
are connected,

look, this will be
the source of the Nile,
down here.

Yeah, but if those
two were connected,

I think we'd know
about it by now,

and they'd have
drawn it on.

No, no,
you say that,

but David Livingstone
thought the source of the
Nile was down here.

So what we need to do
is go here and establish
these two are joined up,

check it out,
we're in business.

CLARKSON: And so
our epic journey began.

A journey that would
see us taking on nature
at its most brutal.

There would be
lions, insects and
thick, glutinous mud.

We'd have to
climb every mountain
and forge every stream.

And we'd have to
do it all in three
second-hand cars

we'd bought for
less than 1,500 quid each.

Right, my car.

Well, it's got
quite a sticky throttle,
but other than that,

every single thing works,
even the air conditioning.

I've never, ever
had a car with

working air conditioning
before on one of these trips,

but I have now,
and it is joyous.

The Impreza
is all about that
engine and drivetrain.

You're just
aware, constantly,
that this is rally-bred.

The other two,
they're just sporty versions
of ordinary estate cars.

This is the
best car here. Fact.

MAY: It's a cracking car,
the Volvo 850 R.

This one's done 145,000 miles.

It's just clicked over,
in fact, onto that figure,

and you wouldn't really know.

It's so smooth,
the transmission is excellent,

the engine is silky,
everything works.

Except the air conditioning.

But at least that
saves me the effort
of getting really annoyed

when the other two
deliberately break it

out of spite, jealousy
and small-mindedness.

(SIREN BLARES)

Crikey!
It's the Ugandan rozzers.

I think the President's
just driven past us.

A couple of rules
you need to know,
really, about Uganda,

if you're coming here.

Number one,
if you're a male homosexual

and you indulge
in your homosexuality,

it's life imprisonment.
That's very important to know.

(SIREN WAILING)

Also, it is compulsory here
for motorcyclists to
wear crash helmets,

unless you are
a woman on your way
back from the hairdressers.

Then you are allowed
to wear a carrier bag
on your head instead.

(CHUCKLING)
I promise that's true!

At this point,
the producers told us

to stop off at the
still bullet-scarred
Entebbe Airport.

It was here in 1976
that Israeli special forces

staged a daring operation
to rescue passengers
from a hijacked airliner.

Oh, wow, look at this!

I'll tell you what.
I couldn't be Israeli
special forces.

You'd run out
of breath too fast.

I'm exhausted.

They'd have been
all sitting there thinking,

"Oh, help!
Here comes help."
And then...

(IMITATES WHEEZING)

"Sorry, just give us five!"

More bullet holes.

Out on the balcony,
we saw something
a bit worrying.

Is that a Ford Scorpio?

-HAMMOND: Where?
-There.

It is. Estate.

I'd say that's
there for one reason!

That's why they
brought us here. Funny.

-Funny.
-Because what that is...

(CHUCKLES)

-That's the forfeit car.
-It is.

If one of our cars
goes wrong...

Which, let's face it,
James, yours is going
to break in half.

I've always
liked the Scorpio.

You have not!

HAMMOND: You know
that word you like,
James, gopping?

MAY: It is gopping!

That was invented...
Nothing has ever been
more gopping than that.

HAMMOND: And as
we prepared to leave,

it looked like one of us
would soon be driving it.

-(ENGINE REVVING)
-That's full throttle.

It's revving, slightly,
but I'm not doing it.

You know,
this all-mechanical
BMW of yours?

-You were very
proud of that, yeah?
-Yeah.

Does it have
a fly-by-wire throttle?

-Yeah.
-(LAUGHING)

So it's all mechanical,
except that bit?

HAMMOND: Jeremy
broke out his vast
and sophisticated toolkit.

What else is
electrical in here?

BOTH: Not the
exhaust manifold.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

I've done the fuse box,
if that's what that is.

-That's an air filter.
-It's an air filter.

Right.

"It's all mechanical,
you can mend it
with a hammer!"

-If this works...
-Yes?

-(ENGINE REVS CONSISTENTLY)
-(LAUGHING)

Soldier on.

CLARKSON: With my throttle
still not working brilliantly,
we set off for the lakes.

But first,
we had to get through
Uganda's capital city.

Kampala.

This is going
to turn out to be
one of those places

with terrible
crash statistics.

CLARKSON: In fact,
Hammond was wrong.

Because to have a crash,
first you have to be moving.

CLARKSON: Holy cow!

That is...

We're never, ever, ever
going to get through.

What are we going
to do, seriously, here?

We're never, ever
going to get through there.

CLARKSON:
It's probably safe to say
the Victorian explorers

didn't face problems
as big as this.

HAMMOND: Oh, Jesus!

Sally Traffic,
are you watching this
on Radio 2?

Because this is what
we call a traffic jam.

From now on, just go,
"Everything's going very well
in England, really."

Oh, my God.

Hammond,
this is phenomenal.

It is the heaviest traffic
ever, ever seen.

This is just
like a scrapyard
on the road in front.

Cars and vans
piled on top of each other.

Going to finish our days here.

CLARKSON: Well,
we're all right
if we want supper.

I fancy a banana.

Excuse me?

Not knowing
the exchange rate,

I accidentally
bought more than one.

No, it's all right.
Do I have all of them?

Oh, Christ!
Oh, bloody hell!

How do you do that?
(LAUGHS)

How the hell
do you do that?

(LAUGHING)

MAY: Three hours later,
our average speed
made for grim reading.

It must quieten down soon.

It's evening now.

HAMMOND: But it didn't.

(CAR HONKING)

It wasn't a dream.

I'm still here.

I can't get over how heavy
those bananas were.

How could she
have them on her head?

HAMMOND: By this stage,
we were pretty famished,

but then breakfast turned up.

Wow, that's
just a meat feast
in front of me here!

Hang on, look, look.
Right. Thank you.

You were here first,
so do I buy yours?

-What bone?
-Bone.

-But it's goat bone?
-Yeah.

I don't want that.

-How much is the water?
-Yes.

-How much is that?
-Yes.

-It just happens to be that?
-Yes.

Obviously, it is.
Of course it is.
Thank you very much.

No, thank you.
I've got one.

What is it?

Is it a chair leg?

CLARKSON: Soon,
we found a dual carriageway,

and at last the traffic
started to move.

Freedom!

That's it,
that's the end!
(LAUGHS)

MAY: We headed west,
towards the lakes,

surprised at how easy
this exploring was
turning out to be.

This is just tremendous.
This is like being
in northern France.

Look at that ahead.

CLARKSON: Hammond,
you don't need a Subaru.

This road is
fantastically smooth.

Apparently, it was
built by the Chinese

in exchange
for some oil deal.

It's like the
Swiss have done it,
or some Austrians.

HAMMOND: Yeah, right now,
we could be on the M4.

But the point is,
further on,
if things get tough,

if we end up
off this road
and on tracks,

the other two will be
completely stuffed.

I will have the last laugh.

Wow!

It's my town!

MAY: We've just entered Jezza.

Oh, no!

MAY: When I say
we've just entered Jezza,
that's a disgusting thought.

We've come into Jezza.

-No, we haven't
come into Jezza.
-(CHUCKLING)

CLARKSON: Even though we
were on an important mission,

I decided we should pull over
and have a look around.

Jezza church.

They've actually had a church
where they worship me.

(HAMMOND READING)

I've never seen that
and those close.

That doesn't make
any sense at all.

My name is Jezza.

Your name is Jezza?

My name is Jezza.

-What do you think of that?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You'll like this, James.

There is Jezza's back alley.
Well found.

CLARKSON: At this point,
to demonstrate that
Hammond's car was too small,

James and I
bought him a present.

(HAMMOND EXCLAIMS)

Do you like it?

-We like it because
it's really the Dralon.
-Yeah.

Because we know
you like Dralon because
you're from Birmingham.

And we know that
you like the peacock
and cheetah blend

-which gives an African
and yet Birmingham flavour.
-Yes.

And I've put it in my car
and we know it fits.

We know it fits, and mine.
It fits in both our cars.

-Does it?
-Yes, it does.

-Does it really?
-Yes, it does.

-Precisely into your car?
-It fits! It's snug.

-MAY: It's snug.
-Is it? Snug.

Anyway, Hammond.
If you'd like to...

There are plenty of people
here who can help you.

Good. Let's pop it in
the back of my car.

Okay, now,
maybe I could...

I think he's started
to dye his hair.

-Do you?
-Have a look.

He's 45 and there
isn't a grey hair.

-You know Paul McCartney?
-Yeah.

Go and have a look at that.

-I think if I maybe...
-(WHISTLING)

Oh, easy, yeah. That'll fit.

HAMMOND: Yeah.

Is it nearly in?
Let's have a look.

Pretty close.

What you've got now
is a big rear spoiler.

That's how it runs.

Right, I think it's time
to pull out of Jezza.

I just hope nobody
sees me doing it.

MAY: As we headed
further West,

we discovered
that rural Uganda

is the world capital
of the speed hump.

Oh, God!

-(BOTTOM SCRAPES)
-(EXCLAIMS)

CLARKSON: James is now
regretting selecting the R.

Oh!

If they get any bigger,
I've had it. I'm honest.

MAY: Annoyingly, though,
the speed mountains

didn't seem to
worry the agri-yob.

Easy. No problem, goodbye.

Ah!

But Jeremy and I
suffered for mile
after graunching mile.

Oh!

That's it, no more.

-(CLANGING)
-Apart from that one.

But that really was
the absolute last one.

Whoa!

Oh, my God!

Oh! Relax.

Not yet.

MAY: As night
started to fall, it was
time to look for a hotel.

Ah!

And Hammond thought
we'd stand a better
chance of finding one

if we switched
to the side roads.

Which was a great idea.

Whoa!

MAY: Whoa!

CLARKSON: I can't stop!

MAY: Oh! You idiot!

CLARKSON: I can't stop it!

MAY: Well,
I can't stop it, either!

I'm enjoying the sounds
of disaster behind me.

MAY (ON RADIO):
Hammond, there had better
be a really good hotel

at the end of this.

These buildings down here,
there'll be a very nice hotel.

One of those
with a posh book in it.

So, in your mind,
because there's
tea being grown,

there's a sort of
plantation house

with a veranda
and somebody saying,
"Would you like a gin sling?"

People in white linen suits
with hats on have to
come to tea plantations

to test and buy tea
for supermarkets.

I've seen it
on the television.

They will need
hotels to stay in,

there will be one
near the tea plantation,
if not in it.

Fact.

MAY: Hammond.

HAMMOND: What?

If we're about to rejoin
that main road,

I'm going to have to
get out and kill you
very slowly, I'm afraid.

I believe that is
what has happened, yeah.

CLARKSON: Still, at least
it's a lovely evening.

There you go.
I told you there would be
a hotel, and there it is.

CLARKSON: I don't see
anybody coming out
to help with our luggage.

HAMMOND: (ON RADIO)
So, let's go check in.

Jesus.

-That is character-ful,
isn't it?
-No.

Have you heard of
those boutique hotels?

Small, with a style
all of their own?

You're getting that room.

This one's got
a chair and a table.

I don't think
you'd even notice
the smell after a while.

Oh, my God.

Hammond!

MAY: The next morning,
desperate to redeem himself,

Hammond called an
emergency breakfast meeting.

Let's just face reality here.

We're in Africa,
and we're not in like

a big, touristy bit
of Africa, are we?

CLARKSON: No.

All the hotels
are going to be
like that or worse.

And I've had an idea.

If you suggest camping,
there will be a live and
celebrated television death.

Your love affair
with tenting...
No, I'm not camping.

It's not, I...

Let me finish.
I haven't said tents.

We've all three
got estate cars, yeah?

Yes.

Why don't we sleep
in the cars?

We can control it, it's ours,
they're dry, warm.

Just get in the car.

Actually,
that's not a bad idea.

Get a sleeping bag,
sleep in your car.

I could get
a mattress that hasn't got
excrement all over it.

But seriously,
you could get a mattress
in your car, easy.

MAY: I could easily get one.
I'm not sure about you.

CLARKSON: Did he
have that as an idea?

MAY: He sort of did, yeah.

Come on,
it's like camping,

but it's not camping,
because there's no tents.

No, you're right,
it's a good idea.

But don't do that,
"Come on," as if
we're supposed to go,

"Hammond,
you're brilliant,
you've just about

"redeemed yourself
with quite a good idea."

He hasn't redeemed himself.

And this is where you've
brought me for breakfast.

No breakfast,
then, obviously,

because Christ The King,
as it turns out, is shut.

Which means that
Christ The King
hasn't risen yet.

(ALL CHUCKLING)

That's the problem.

Right, come on.
It's a plan,
it's stuff to do.

HAMMOND: We split up
and set about

getting the stuff
we'd need to
convert our cars.

The best hotel room
I ever stayed in was in
South Beach, in Miami,

and what I'm going to
try and do is replicate
the decor there

in the back of my Beemer.

-Morning.
-WOMAN: Morning.

Do you have any white cotton?

(HAMMOND GRUNTS)

And it's got
a cockerel on it.

Yeah, I'll have
one of them
and the kettle.

Thank you.

-Nails?
-Yeah.

Deal.

(WOMEN LAUGHING)

There we go.

And this is half inch?
Perfect.

That's quite a lot, isn't it?
That's more than I expected.

I didn't think
it was this long,
I'll be honest.

-(HORN BEEPS)
-Oh!

Sorry!

Yes.

This kind of size.

For me. Small.

Standard size.
Six feet is comes.

5' 7" is enough.

Well, 5' 7" and a half.

MAY: With all
our materials bought,
we set to work.

CLARKSON: This is epic!

And then met up to
reveal our creations.

Gentlemen, behold
the future of exploring.

-I've given this some thought.
-It'll be a mouse cage.

No. Look!

-MAY: Wow!
-Let me talk you through it.

I'm just going to
climb into the sitting
area at the back,

but it's not
just a sitting area.

Note the footwell
for the feet.

-Where the spare wheel was?
-Yeah.

-Where's that now?
-It's gone.

Uh, there's a bin in here.

But you can't fail
to notice the kitchen.

Burners, gas,
taps, running water,
cold and cold.

-Do these work?
-Yes, yes.

-So you've got
a gas bottle in here?
-Yes.

Okay. No, that's fine.

And a storage cupboard,
full of useful things for me.

Along here, everything
I need for cooking and eating.
It's all...

-And where do you sleep?
-There.

There's the bed.
You see? Let me get out.

Leopardskin sheets.

We are in Africa.
Come have a look, see.

You can go in
by the side entrance.

Question.

-Yes?
-Our gift.

Well, there wasn't
room for it.

Actually, that is now
my upstairs sitting room.

Is it?

Well, let's move on
to have a look at
May's car, shall we?

You will see a gentleman
explorer's quarters.

It's got a globe,
it's got a telescope,
it's got maps, it's got music.

-CLARKSON: It's a library,
James.
-Yeah.

Things you don't need
when you're looking
for the source of the Nile.

Number one, library.

Well, if you look carefully,
you'll see some of the books
are about exploring,

plus there's a selection of
English poets to read in bed.

Do any of the books contain
the exact location of the
true source of the Nile,

in which case it's a rather
wasted exercise anyway?

No, but it's inspiration.

-So there's a library
in the front.
-Yes.

And I'm guessing, in the back,
some kind of dungeon.

-Whoa!
-That's not a dungeon, is it?

It's a living quarters
combined with a workshop.

That's...
I'm genuinely astonished.

-Would you like me to
run through what's in there?
-Not really.

-May I just sneak in,
do you mind?
-Yes.

That doesn't look
terribly comfortable.

It's been good enough
for the army for
several hundred years.

And this will just
make you itch.

It's an itchy blanket.
It's designed to remind you
how lucky you are.

So you can
cook food for us,

you can mend
mechanical things
that go wrong.

-Keep us going.
-What have you done?

-What have I done?
-Yes.

You might want to
come and have a look.

I should warn you,
there are two electronic
things on this car.

The throttle, which is broken,
and the electronic
boot release,

which is broken,
so I've fitted
a manual replacement.

And there you are.

What I've done is I've
filled it with Egyptian cotton
and duck down.

Is that a coffin?

Yeah.
Who knew a coffin
was dual purpose?

But it is.
It could be
used for bodies,

or I've used it
as a chest of drawers.

Washing things, clean clothes,
dirty clothes and shoes.

Can I just say,
it's all very nice,

but you haven't considered
your colleagues' needs.

Well, there are two features
on this car that you
might be interested in.

In the front, gentlemen,
we find here,

instead of a passenger seat...

Oh, so you have thought
of sustenance, a fridge.

-That's good, that's good.
-Full of beer.

And it runs off the cigarette
lighter in the car.

That's a tradable commodity
you've got there.

It is, but something
even more useful than beer.

No, actually, no.

Nearly as useful as beer is
what I've fitted over here.

A shower.

And if we peel
back the curtain...

HAMMOND:
Oh, it's a complete
bathroom in there.

Oh, yeah.
So, you lower this window.

HAMMOND:
It lowers it automatically?

Hang on.
Yes, it does, but...

It's not going.

There are three electrical
components on this car,
as it turns out.

I get it. The window
goes down, and that lowers
the bog seat, is that right?

Yes, exactly.

That's quite theatrical.

It doesn't work,
but it's very...

Well, the battery's
somehow gone flat.

I suspect the
fridge is drawing
quite a lot of power.

-Can I have a jump?
-No.

CLARKSON: With the BMW
re-energised, we set off
once more for the lakes.

So, here we are now,
Livingstone, Burton and Speke

in full explorer mode.

James,
with those modifications,
will have added,

got to be getting
on for a tonne,

which will have reduced
his ground clearance

from one inch to
much less than one inch.

What an idiot.

(SUSPENSION CLANGING)

I have made it quite heavy.

MAY: Still, could be worse.

(CROCKERY CLANGING)

I've uncovered one
design feature in here
that I don't like.

The driver?

No. Every time I brake,
my curtain closes.

Braking.

CLARKSON: Despite my terrible
hardship, we carried on,

and soon we
turned off the road

where the speed humps
were frequent.

And onto a road where
they were continuous.

Oh, God!

Nice. Washboard gravel.
My favourite.

Once again, though,
the agri-yob was unfazed.

More like it.

Finally, I get to do
some Subaru-ing.

Woo-hoo!

CLARKSON: Because we were
now off the beaten track,

we started to
encounter more animals,

but sadly, as we
saw in Botswana,

the Top Gear cameramen
do struggle when they're
not filming cars.

HAMMOND: No, there!

Did you see that, Hammond?
It was a monkey.

HAMMOND: Did you get it?

Elephant!

What elephant?

(OVER RADIO) Elephant on the
right-hand side of the road.

Oh, this is
strangely familiar,

you telling me about
animals that you've just
seen that I haven't.

(LAUGHING)

Oh, you evil sod!

That reminds me
of a television programme.

James, can you think what that
television programme was?

Shut up, shut up!

Shut up, shut up, shut up!

Was it Richard Hammond
coming to you from
a tent in the dark?

Was it that one?

CLARKSON: Hammond,
there was a little man,
and he kept saying,

"I've had an amazing day,
I've seen lots of animals,

"but sadly, this is live
and it's dark now."

Shut up! (CHUCKLING)

CLARKSON: Eventually,
we arrived at Lake Edward.

Whoa, whoa.
That's a beautiful lake.

So beautiful, in fact,
we decided to stop
on its shoreline

for a night in
our new accommodation.

Right, let's pitch
the tents. Done.

Beer? It's already chilled.

That would be lovely.
I'll put dinner on.

-Oh, God!
-What?

My bed's gone
out of alignment.

-Oh, you've got problems.
-There we go.

-What's your problem?
-Nothing.

No, what's your problem?

Nothing. I think
the chair, the fringe
has just slightly...

-What is your problem?
-Oh, dear!

Is this every single thing?

-I'm just going to tidy up.
-It's Hammond's
kitchen nightmare.

(ALL LAUGHING)

CLARKSON: We sat
and watched the sun go down,

looking forward to
Heston Hammond's
delicious dinner.

-I'm enjoying the bean course.
-Yeah, good.

-What's next?
-Beans.

Can you honestly
not cook anything
other than beans?

Nope.

-What's that?
-Fly paper.

Do you still not like insects?

You know, they've
got their place.

In the world,
or something.

-Is it in your car?
-No.

CLARKSON: Then,
it was time for bed.

Nobody in the history
of Africa has ever been more
comfortable than this.

I'm under
a layer of duck down
and Egyptian cotton,

I'm watching
Kristin Scott Thomas

in a film where
she's bound to do
lesbionics at some point.

I've had some beans.

Oh, this is just heaven.

(CLANKING)

(HORN BLOWS)

What's for breakfast?

HAMMOND: Beans.

MAY: Today, our exploring
would begin in earnest,

but first, we had to mend
Jeremy's car, again.

What you need
under here is an M8 screw,

and a home-made little clip,

made out of tin,
which I've got in there.

Easy.

While I was doing this,
Jeremy had time to develop
one of his theories.

Gentlemen,
this is a map, okay,

of what all these
famous explorers

told the Victorian English
was Africa.

Now, look at
the Sahara Desert.

Which is really
tough and difficult.

We've been there,
it's horrible.

All done, every nook
and cranny explored.

This is really tough.

Sudan, impossible.

Awful. All done.

But here, in this pleasant
Garden of Eden,
where we are now,

unexplored territories.

What was holding them up?

-Here?
-Yes.

It's not mountainous,
every tree has got food
growing out of it.

It's a good point,
when you think about it.

There's nothing here
that would stop you.
Gentle wooded hills.

-Temperature?
-Oh, lovely.

Yet they kept coming
out here and saying,

"Oh, very difficult, I must
go out there for five years.

"I shall probably be lost."

-It all stinks a bit,
doesn't it?
-Yeah.

So let's just work it out.
England, go home.

"Would you like to go to
Mrs Simpson's piano recital
this evening?"

Or they come out here,
dusky maidens,
lovely temperature,

very pleasant views,
great food, get a tan.

Write home,
tell them it's awful.

Yes, exactly.

Send a letter.
"Dear Mrs Hammond.

"It is with a heavy heart
that I write to say

"we have not seen
Richard for three years."

"He's in the
vice-like grip of,
what's that name? Fever?"

I'll put that in.
Malaria, yeah.

Basically, our conclusion
is that Victorian explorers

were just
a bunch of hoorays
on a very long gap year.

-Yes. Yes.
-Is that right?

Well-funded gap year here.

CLARKSON: With all
that cleared up,
we set off to do exploring.

Our task was to
scour the perimeter
of Lake Edward to see

if any of the rivers we
crossed were flowing into it
from the lake below.

If it turned out
these lakes were joined,

we would head south
to find the true source
of the River Nile.

Follow me.
River this way, gentlemen.

Right, this is actual
off-road, and it's
starting to rain.

Oh, fuck!

This is more like it.

Feeling confident about your
choices of car now, chaps?

CLARKSON: Are we moving,
Hammond, or not?

Yes. The question is for
how long, and James,
you've gone very quiet.

MAY: Yeah, yeah.

This car is just masterful.

Whoa!

HAMMOND: James's masterful
Volvo was now minus
its protective skid plate.

Oh, dear.

Oh, look,
it's all under the car.

They laboured for
six long months to cut off
the plastic spoiler.

You do that,
I'll go and write
to your loved ones.

Would you, would you?
Make it sound a bit better.

Put a lion in it,
some fever.

-Build it from there.
-Exactly.

CLARKSON: With the
Volvo mostly mended,
we got back to exploring,

and unlike the
Victorian hoorays,

we decided
not to shilly-shally.

This is Top Gear exploring.

High-speed exploring!

This is good.
We will cover some ground.

CLARKSON: In the racing Volvo,
though, life was not so good.

Ah!

This is going to be bad.

Ah, ah!

I'm going to have to
stop for a minute.

(GROANING)

CLARKSON: Our colleague
was in considerable pain.

So we left him behind.

"Dear Mrs May.

"James has suffered a terrible
back injury wrestling a lion.

"He will be home,
in maybe five years.
Please send money."

River, Hammond, river.

Oh, hello,
exploring to be done!

CLARKSON: We needed
for it to be flowing north.

I've got 68 degrees east.

-Yeah.
-It's no good to us.

-(SIREN WAILING)
-Here we go.
More exploring.

Yes, now I've got a siren.

(SIREN WAILING)

It's going that way, east.

River.

That's the angle
I want you to tell me.

East. It's no good.

CLARKSON: When Captain
Backache caught up...

Whoa!

...we still hadn't
found a river flowing
in the right direction.

I think this
is our final bridge.
I think it's the last river.

CLARKSON: We don't need
to throw a stick in that

to see which way
it is flowing, do we?

MAY: Not really.

It is going that way.

HAMMOND: Sort of southeast.

-Southeast?
-Yeah.

CLARKSON: Our theory
about the two lakes being
connected was in tatters.

Our expedition
seemed to be at an end.

So that night in camp,
the mood was despondent.

But then,
while poring over the maps,
I noticed something.

Wait a minute,
wait a minute.

-Hammond! May!
-What?

Come here, come here,
come here.

You see it says here,
"Source du Nile"?

Yes. Source of the Nile.

That is Joanna Lumley's,
and that is the furthest
the water has to

flow down a very
wiggly river, yes?

HAMMOND: Yes.

This one is
in Burundi, yes,

and this is the furthest
the crow flies from
the exit of the Nile.

-Okay?
-BOTH: Yes.

I believe
they are both wrong.

Right.

Where is the exit of the Nile?

Alexandria, which you
can see on this, there.

So their rivers flow
through Lake Victoria

and then go there
into another sea,
inland sea, effectively.

The Mediterranean
isn't even tidal,
just like Lake Victoria.

The actual exit of the
Nile is Gibraltar.

Because that is where
it goes into the ocean.

The ocean is here.

Their sources are both to
the west of Lake Victoria.

MAY: I see what you mean.

We are looking for a river
on the east side
of Lake Victoria.

-Do you see what I mean?
-Because it is further...

That's further from Gibraltar.
And I have found it.

Gentleman,
the actual source
of the Nile

is around there.

Southeast of Lake Victoria.

That's as far from Gibraltar
as you can get.

You follow a river
called the Grumeti,

or it's a tributary
of the Grumeti,
which I have traced back.

I can't work out
exactly where it is
but it is about here.

That's the furthest
as the crow flies

and it is the furthest
the water flows.

That is extremely good.

We are here,
we have to get from
where we are now

on completely the wrong
side of Lake Victoria,
to the other side,

that is going through
Rwanda, Tanzania, to there.

-It is such a long way.
-It is a long way.

It's worth it though,
isn't it?

MAY: The next morning,
the Top Gear crew prepared

for the long journey
that lay ahead.

Hammond, meanwhile,
cooked breakfast.

Oh, careless.

And I fitted a new skid plate
to protect the underside
of my Volvo.

CLARKSON: Nobody is
allowed to use my car
as a lavatory any more.

(THUMPING)

You can hear my improvised
guard working there,

protecting my vital
intercooler from mud
and sharp points.

To be honest it is
a bit of an improvisation,

it's not the
thickest steel there is.

You have to work with what
you've got out in the bush.

I had a cold shower
this morning, my penis
was like a press stud.

Again.

Out into the wilderness,
in my little mobile house.

Hello, chaps.

Are you both stuck?
(CHUCKLES)

CLARKSON: (OVER RADIO)
Are you stuck, James?

MAY: I have gone
into a bit of a soft bit.
Are you stuck?

Well, I tell you what,
let's find out.

No! Come on!

(CHUCKLING)
I've improved the style
of the Subaru, no end!

MAY: (OVER RADIO)
I'm free as well.

Thank you, guys.
That was a trap,
wasn't it?

MAY: A bit, yeah.

You evil sods.

CLARKSON: We pointed our cars
at the border with
Rwanda and set off

on a 600-mile journey
to what we now knew

was the true source
of the Nile.

I wonder if we are
heading towards that
massive rain cloud.

Yeah, we are, aren't we?

(AFRICA BY TOTO PLAYING)

As the miles rolled by,
we started to climb
into the mountains.

Oh, wow, this is
very, very pretty, here.

But, we couldn't
really admire the view,

because the road
was starting to be
a bit of a test

for two of
the 1,500 quid
second-hand cars.

My bash plate is
earning its keep today.

Oh, cock.

Oh. We are both
in the same boat here,
James and I.

It is called the HMS Careful.

HAMMOND: Meanwhile, far ahead,

my four-wheel-drive Subaru
was scampering along.

Come on, come on!

I am king of the forest.

Bloody hell,
look at this one.

Come on, Beemer!
Come on!

How is it doing this?

Oh.

Absolutely no chance.

MAY: Annoyingly, I had to
ask the agri-yob to
come back and help.

What's that expression
about pig in...

It's Hammond in mud?

-Yeah, it'll pull out.
-Give him a tug.

I'm going to.

-Did it hit you?
-Yes, it did

What was that?

It was a huge
chunk of tree
just bounced off...

And it smashed my windscreen.

-MAY: Is it?
-CLARKSON: Yeah.

Right, we probably
should get a move on.
I'll back it up.

-James,
get your tow rope out.
-MAY: Go, go, go.

HAMMOND: As I pulled
James free...

Yes! Bloody brilliant,
Hammond.

Some locals arrived
and Jeremy decided

to give them a quick lecture
on his theories
of off-road driving.

Now,
I believe in speed.

Power.

-Power and speed
solves many things.
-Yes.

Right.

James, how far?

Middle of the puddle.

CLARKSON:
(THROUGH MEGAPHONE)
Speed and power!

(LAUGHING)

Go faster!

Speed and power
doesn't work.
It was doing quite well.

It was, to be honest,
I was surprised
you got that far.

-Do you think you
could push it out?
-Yeah.

Yes?

Okay.

Which way...
Oh, they're lifting it.

I've got to get out
of the way. These guys
are immensely strong.

-Drive back, drive back.
-Okay.

HAMMOND: Yeah,
keep going.

There you go.

HAMMOND: Having freed Jeremy,
the men started to
build him a new road.

I wouldn't
do that bare feet,
I can't watch.

I am assuming
he has never got it wrong

because he still has
an entire right foot.

-MAN: Okay!
-CLARKSON: Yeah.

Three, two, one!

-(CREW CLAPPING)
-HAMMOND: Yes!

-Well done,
that was amazing.
-MAY: Well done.

Thank you, guys,
that's amazing.

CLARKSON: With my dues paid...

Thank you, thank you.

...we were back on our way.

It is amazing, those guys
actually turned out to be
Ugandan army.

Up here training.
God, they are strong.

We hoped
that that would be
the last of the mud,

but as the day went on
it got even worse.

Oh, no,
I have no steering.
No, no, no!

Go! Thank you.

It is beached.

Bloody hell.

-Thank you.
-Hit it.

Oh, cock.

We are just going to
blow the clutches to pieces.
Going to have to pull it out.

Go on, go on, go on,
you son of a...

(SCREAMING)

That was so damn close.

CLARKSON: And then,
to add to the misery,

I discovered
there had been treachery.

How long has
that been there?

Good grief!
You must have...

Hammond, I know
what your panto face is.
Hammond, where is that?

What are those
really big things?
They could rip steel.

-Oh, yeah, won't it?
-I know exactly where it is.

-I have no idea and you will
never get it out of me.
-May!

Is that thing on
the front of your car
made out of my door?

Yes, it is.

Is that my door?

What?

It is from my...
I know it is
from my door.

Well, you're not
using that bit and it was
more useful on my car.

-You didn't even notice.
-That's it, that's it.

-Can you give me a tow?
-No!

CLARKSON: As evening drew in,
conditions started to improve.

This is all feeling a bit
Gorillas In The Mist.
It's a bit mystical.

It is kind of wonderful.

CLARKSON: Thanks to my door,
the Volvo had
survived the ordeal.

But in the BMW, my throttle
problem was even worse

and my handbrake had broken.

Hammond, keep moving,
I can't stop, I can't do hill
starts any more. Keep going.

This has to be one of the
toughest days we've
ever had on Top Gear.

There hasn't been
a single moment when
one of us wasn't stuck.

No car is built to survive
conditions like this. None.
Not one.

And there were still more
than 500 miles to go.

CLARKSON: As dawn broke,
the peace and serenity

of this beautiful
Ugandan morning

was shattered
by the bellow
of a wild animal.

MAY: Clarkson!

Last night, while Hammond
and May were round
the campfire

discussing Uganda,

I made an interesting
modification to my car.

Yesterday
I discovered hill starts
were very difficult.

I can't ride the clutch

because
of the throttle problem

and I can't use
the handbrake
because it's broken,

so what I've done is fitted
this log at the back.

You tow it along normally,

but then when you want
to start on a hill,

you let the car
roll back onto it,

use it as a wedge
and set off easily.

It's simple, it's elegant,

it's brilliant.

HAMMOND: As we set off
on our long drive,

the mood
was a little fractious.

If I know James May at all,

and I'm sorry
to have to say I do,

he won't be so cross
about the theft

of half of his bonnet
as he will be

about the shoddiness
of the execution of the theft.

It's not a neat job.
That will rankle.

Look at it!

I mean, that looks
like it was done
with a knife and fork

by the Council.

It's not square,
it's not neat,
he's wasted material,

he's left sharp edges,
it's all bent.

I cannot conceive
of the mind of a man

who would look at that
and think that was
the right way to do it.

MAY: I don't mind
you taking a bit
of my bonnet, that's fair.

I do mind you doing such
an appalling bloody job of it,

you ham-fisted oaf!

Honestly,
I could do a better
job than that

with the end of a bulldozer!

Well, I...
I couldn't find any tools.

The back of the car
is full of bloody tools!

The biggest tool
in this operation
was you!

A pair of tin snips looks
like a pair of robust scissors

and their function is obvious.

They are obviously
not a hammer!

This could go on.

MAY:
Obviously not a screwdriver!

They are obviously
not a spanner!

They are obviously designed...

-(TURNS DOWN VOLUME)
-There we go,
that's got rid of him.

CLARKSON:
Soon we came
to an uphill stretch,

so I decided to test
my new handbrake.

Simply pop it off the back,
roll it out.

(MUMBLES)

Watch this.

Roll back.

The wooden handbrake
is holding me,
I simply set off.

Here we go.

Oh, yes!

So there we are,

hill starting solved!

Sometimes my genius is...

It's almost frightening!

HAMMOND:
Well, fair dos, that works.

You do have
to tow a log about,
but it works.

I am a happy man today.

HAMMOND: Chaps?
MAY: (OVER RADIO) Yes?

Are we likely
to see a gorilla?

MAY:
I hope I do see a gorilla.

I'd show them
my bonnet and say,

"Could you do a better job
than that?"

But look on the bright side,
James,

it's going to be
a scorcher today.

Oh, my God!

-Oh.
-(LAUGHING)

Did that...

-Oh, dear!
-(CHUCKLING)

The handbrake
bounced up

and has broken
my hotel viewing platform.

Oh, you've got glass
in your duvet!

CLARKSON:
Stupidest idea in history!

-Jeremy...
-What?

People walk around
here barefoot.

-You've got to sweep
all this stuff.
-We have.

But look...

God gave us a tool
for just such
a moment as this.

Would you not agree
this is the ideal tool,
James, for this job?

JAMES: Yes, hammers
do have their uses.

I can think of one right now.
(SNIGGERS)

CLARKSON:
After cleaning up my mess,

we carried on through
yet more breathtaking
countryside.

Look at the state
of that view.

Wait a minute.

Does the world
get any prettier
than this?

In fact the only blot
on the landscape

was our hideous
Ford Scorpio back-up car.

I've just realised
I forgot to eat
anything this morning.

I'm starving.

CLARKSON: Well,
Hammond made me
a lovely plate of beans.

MAY:
Beans? What sort of beans?

Do you know, they were baked?

Soon, the dirt track
gave way to some perfect
Chinese-built roads,

a blessed relief
for our battered cars.

And after a simple
50-mile cruise,

we reached the border.

HAMMOND:
Goodbye, Uganda,
and thank you.

That was an education.

And now, Rwanda.

I don't know anything
about Rwanda.

HAMMOND: As it turned out,
James knew even less.

-HAMMOND: James?
-What?

Apparently they drive
on the other side
of the road in Rwanda.

Do they really?

HAMMOND: James, really,
we're not fooling you!

MAY: Yeah, yeah.

(HONKING)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

CLARKSON: Mercifully,
there was more
Chinese tarmac,

so we were able to surge

through a country where,
actually, none of us

had really known
what to expect.

In 1994,
this country witnessed

the worst genocide
in the history of humankind.

A million people
died in around
about three months.

A million people
in three months!

With machetes
and garden tools.

And that was only
18 years ago, and now look.

It's incredible
how quickly things,

on the surface at least,

mend themselves.

CHILDREN: (SHOUTING)
Hello! Hello!

CLARKSON: Hello, hello!

It's constant.

All the roads,
even out here in the sticks,

are just absolutely
three-deep in people,

and they all wave
when you go by
and you have to wave back.

HAMMOND: Hello! Hello!

Hello, hello.

Hello.

CHILDREN: Hello! Hello.

CLARKSON:
After many more miles
of waving,

smooth tarmac
and stunning scenery,

we arrived on the other side
of Rwanda

at its border with Tanzania.

That was a long drive,
but we've done it.
All of Rwanda.

Now for
an interminably long wait.

The paperwork did indeed
take an age,

but, happily,

Jeremy and I
found a way to pass the time.

Funny.
(LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY)

And then, finally,
we crossed over
into Tanzania.

CLARKSON: Shall we make
camp here, gentlemen?

It's been a long drive

with a long
border crossing
of 900 hours.

Despite the calm
stillness of the evening,

James plainly
still had a bee
in his bonnet

about his bonnet.

This evening,
I am going to need

these.

And I'm going to need

these and this.

And I'm going to need
these tin snips,

which are like scissors
but much stronger.

I'm going to need those.

I'm going to need all these
things for this evening.

Right, I'm up to 18 million
pieces of glass.

Look in another fold,
there you go,
18 million and two, three...

Why do they
call this stuff
safety glass?

I mean, it isn't!

Why can't it just
break into four pieces?

Why does it have to
break into 19 million pieces?

And it goes everywhere!

It would break, and
you could be in bed and
it's outside your house

and it goes in your pyjamas!

Eighteen million and ten.

(SIGHS)

No.

No.

No.

Yes.

-No.
-(CLATTERING)

(BLOWS)

Good morning, viewers.

I'm afraid things
may have got

a little out of hand
in camp last night,

but it's good news!

I found another piece
of scrap metal

and I managed
to mend my bonnet!

I'll admit,
I was furious

when James
stole my bonnet scoop,

but then on Jeremy's car,

I found something
that does the job
just as well.

(RATTLING)

I'm calling it the poop scoop.

I was a bit cross about

losing my lavatory,
but then, staggeringly,

in the middle
of a remote field
in Tanzania,

(CHUCKLES) I found a rear
window that fitted into
the back of my car!

I mean,
it looks like
it's meant to be there!

It's uncanny!

Unfortunately,
the modifications

to Hammond's now
half-timbered Tudoru

seem to have
impaired his visibility.

-(CRASHING)
-Oh!

Oh, no!

Bad!

Anyway, we've woken up,
slightly thick heads.

We're all mates again,

which is just as well,
because we've got
an extremely long day...

Oh.

CLARKSON: That is a river.

HAMMOND: Yes. Yes, it is.

Well, there must
be a bridge somewhere.

Why must there be a bridge?

-Well, there must be!
-Well, there isn't!

-Look!
-Well, there isn't one there,

but there'll be a bridge.

I know what.

It's time to deploy the ARU.

What?

CLARKSON: The ARU.

Aerial Reconnaissance Unit.

I knew this sort
of thing would
happen.

Where did that come from?

I've been working
on it for the last couple
of weeks at home

for just such an eventuality
as this.

MAY: Have you?
HAMMOND: Have you really?

-Did you build it?
-Yeah.

-(CHUCKLES) Really?
-Well, you've
got a helicopter licence.

-Yes. Right.
-You fly it.

-I operate
the camera underneath...
-Yes.

-...That swivels about.
-Yes.

And you tell us
what it's seeing, James.

-Right, are we ready?
-Yes, I've got a picture.

-Hammond?
-Yes...

Begin!

(BEEPING)

CLARKSON: Yes!
There she goes!

HAMMOND: There you go.
MAY: That's good.

Right, that height is good.

Now head that way,
down the river.

Point it down.
You're not pointing
it at the river.

-Point it down.
-HAMMOND: You want me
to point it down?

-No, you fly level.
-You point the camera down.

-Yeah. Yeah.
-All right.

HAMMOND: Got it.
MAY: River turns left...

That's good.
There's no bridge, though.

CLARKSON: Keep going.

MAY: Pivot right a bit.

Yeah.
Swivel left, camera a bit.

-Oh, hang on a minute.
-What?

MAY: There's like
a big weir thing.

It's not a weir, James!

That's the biggest waterfall
I've ever seen!

HAMMOND: Right,
that's relevant.

CLARKSON: Right, good.
HAMMOND: No bridge.

CLARKSON: And it was
the same story
when we looked upstream.

Bring it back, Hammond.

With the ARU back at base,

we had to work out
how we could cross this river

that was full
of killer waterfalls,
bilharzia and many teeth.

(INSECTS CHIRPING)

Why don't
we build a car ferry?

HAMMOND: What,
with like a bar
and everything?

No, no!
Like that thing
we saw in Albania!

Like a raft?

HAMMOND:
Why don't we build one?

Look, I used to build them
when I was a kid!
I fell in a lot, but...

Wood...

-What else do you need?
Some rope.
-Oil drums.

You need to lash
the rope together.

Maybe some nails and a hammer.

Probably a hammer, yeah.

Oil drums,
oil drums underneath.

This sounds like
the worst business
management course ever!

You know those
Outward Bound courses

where you've got
a chicken and some rice.

Okay, then.
Thanks to Hammond,
it's back to the studio.

All we need is a platform

big enough to take
the car and that will take
its weight and that floats.

And then we pull it
across on ropes
like the Albanian one.

We drove through a village,
did we not,

about, just behind
those banana trees?

Yes, but do you think
they sell rafts for cars?

They might sell car ferries.

-MAY: No,
but they've always got...
-(LAUGHING)

Don't want a banana,

don't want a headscarf,
I'd like a car ferry.

"Oh, we've got
one in the back, sir."

Look, I'm going
to divide this up.

I'm going to find some rope.

You go
and find some oil drums.

-You go...
-MAY: I'll go get some wood.

And some wood.

Right, off you go.
Have you got
the hammer and stake?

Yup.

Oh!

CLARKSON:
Your rope's come off!

-You're getting nearer, James!
-I'm not!

(GRUNTS)

Oh.

Would you say
you were nearer,
James?

No.

CLARKSON:
With HMS Wobbly
in the water,

Hammond and May
decided that my car
should go first.

Good. A tiny, tiny bit left.

Straight, that's good.

Hold on.

You need to go...
Oh, shit.

It's close. Tiny bit of right.

Okay,
your back wheels are on.

I am now boarding our ferry.

MAY: That's good.

CLARKSON: As I inched
forwards,
a hungry audience gathered.

You'll feel when you're on
'cause you'll hit the chock.

Two and a half feet.

-Feet?
-Yeah.

Going, a bit more.

You're just about to...
There you go, you're on!

Put it in gear and turn off.

CLARKSON: These have
got to come with us
for the other side.

MAY: Yeah.

CLARKSON:
With the ramps on board,
we set off.

-(CREAKING)
-Whoa! Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.

-What did you just do?
-Cast off.

-Are we now under way?
-Yes.

-Pull on the rope.
-I am.

I'm Geoff Capes!

I am pulling
a BMW 528i Touring

across
a crocodile-infested river!

And the impressive thing is,
you're not making
a fuss about it either.

No, I'm not showing off,
but I am...

James, wait!
James, James, James!

-What? It doesn't
make any difference.
-Stay at the back. Please.

It doesn't make
any difference!

James,
please stay at the back.

Oh, stop being such
an old woman.

-It doesn't
make any difference.
-Oh, really?

So that barrel's just
come back above
the water again.

MAY: Yeah, but it's not
going to go
all the way down, is it?

(WHISPERING)
I feel like an explorer now.

-Right...
-HAMMOND: So if I
get on the bank

and James
throws me a yellow rope...

-Good idea.
-Can you get on
the bank from there?

Ooh, these logs
get really slippery!

-Yes.
-Right.

You're on the bank...

Good catch.

-The throw wasn't brilliant.
-I'll go to the back. Whey!

Well...

People are now
turning over
to watch Red or Black?

Well, I'm sorry we made it.
(GRUNTS)

Nobody was expecting that.

Got it?

CLARKSON: Mind you, there was
still the small matter
of disembarking.

Uh... (BREATHING HEAVILY)

Not convinced.

Yes!

(REVVING)

Well, you're nearly ashore.

CLARKSON: Aren't I ashore?

HAMMOND:
Not entirely ashore, no.

CLARKSON: Yes, I'm ashore.

HAMMOND: Is that wheel ashore?
CLARKSON: Yes.

HAMMOND: We weren't convinced,

so we gave him
a helping hand.

CLARKSON: Here we go!

Yes!

-Feeling good.
-(BOTH GROAN)

CLARKSON: Oh, yes, oh, yes!

God, I'm a good driver.

(WHISPERS) Oh, God.

CLARKSON:
Back on the other bank,

it was Hammond's turn,
and for some reason,

he decided
to make life difficult
for himself.

Why are you backing on?

Because,

it is, as we saw,
quite difficult getting off
at the other side, yeah?

-Yeah.
-And your BMW is now there
so it could tow me off.

The only towing eye
is at the back.

It does mean
I'll have
to reverse on.

Hold on, hold on!
Does that look right
from there? Have a look.

CLARKSON: What?

(HAMMOND SHUDDERING)

-HAMMOND: Oh!
-No, no, no.
Stop! Stop!

You've been turning the wheel.

-I did not turn the wheel.
-You did.
You've turned it minutely.

-I might have leant on it.
-you've turn it down minutely.

Oh!

You're miles off the end.
Just a little bit more.

And stop.

Oh! I am so on board!

Right, James, you can pull
this time, you'll see
how easy it is,

and I shall be ballast.
There, that's the ticket!

MAY: Now we're all
on the same side.
You can't come on this side.

-What?
-I can't go on the other side.

HAMMOND: But we are...
Look at the angle.

-Gentlemen...
-Climb through the car.

It is impossible
to stand there

because there
are two ramps piled
on top of one another.

Hammond,
get in your sitting room!

-I can't.
-Get in your sitting room!

-No!
-MAY: You need to be
on the other side.

CLARKSON: Look,
climb over the bloody car.

(GRUNTS)

-You've got heavier
as you've... Oh!
-(EXCLAIMS)

That was tied on!

-CLARKSON: No,
I took the rope off.
-MAY: We needed the rope.

CLARKSON: I took it off.

I can go on the other side.

As it turns out...

MAY: Perfect. Right, let's go.
Forget the chair.

(GRUNTS)

-Are we there yet?
-Somebody's had me chair!

That man's got your chair!

HAMMOND: Good for him.
Enjoy it!

(SHUDDERS)

HAMMOND: On the other side,

I was determined
to make a better job
of disembarking

than Jeremy had.

-CLARKSON: Power.
-(EXCLAIMS)

CLARKSON:
Some of you's onboard.

Now, you got...
Whoa, we got a problem.
Nose.

(REVVING)

MAY: No, that's all
completely hopeless

and you've sunk the raft

and your catflap's terrible.

MAY: Go!

CLARKSON:
I then pulled Hammond off...

(HAMMOND EXCLAIMING)

And that gave me an idea.

Why don't
we use this to pull
the ferry across

with the Volvo on it?

Why would we not do that?

MAY: Rather sceptically,

Hammond and I
went back to get my Volvo.

Crack on.

"Our father,
who art in heaven,

"if you're there,
make it go upside down,
please, please, please."

-HAMMOND: Steady!
-(BOTH SHUDDER)

-HAMMOND: Ooh!
-(WHISPERING)
That looked a bit perilous.

-Shall I come back?
-Little tiny bit.

-(EXCLAIMS)
-MAY: Stop making
squeaking noises.

The thing is, the BMW
has what we call
a 50-50 weight distribution.

50% over the front axle,
50% over the back,

which is why
the raft was level.

With James' car,

all of the weight, well,
70% of the weight is
over the front axle.

That's why the whole thing
is tipping down.

-Are we attached?
-Yes.

Jeremy, we have begun!

Right,
so I pull you
across the river.

MAY: Yeah, gently.
HAMMOND: Yes.

Very, very slowly indeed!

If it goes under,
it'll probably go nose-in,
won't it?

Yeah, I'm gonna
stand at the back.

Are you ready?

MAY: No, he's going already.
Look, hang on.

This is Captain Hammond
ringing down
to the engine room.

Ooh, you've got the slacks.

That's...
That's plenty fast enough!

(EXCLAIMS)

Yes, gently.

Seriously, Jeremy,
we are going under.

That's plenty fast enough.
That's too fast, too fast!

CLARKSON: Oh, yes!

Oh, yes!

HAMMONS: Gently, gently,
seriously!

We're going in.

Stop!

Jeremy, absolutely stop
or you'll have deaths
on your hands.

I've been shouted at so much.

Need a zesty drink.

CLARKSON: Eventually,
our third and final car
was ready to go ashore.

Forward. Oh, my God!

HAMMOND: Well,
credit where it's due!

Come on!

(LAUGHING)
You got to admit,

-that is quite a finish,
with a flourish!
-Come on!

MAY: It had been
a fraught undertaking,

but the fact was that,
against the odds,

all three of our cars
were on the other side
of the river.

That's the first time,
I think, in 10 years,

we've ever done anything

ambitious and successful.

MAY: Yeah,
I think you're right.
And doesn't it feel good?

It feels weird, frankly.

Normally, there's one
of us in the water,
in the jaws of a lion,

-going, "Oh, he's dead!"
-"That's terrible."

It was genuinely peculiar.

CLARKSON: Oh, my God!

-The journey...
-Uh, gentlemen...

(ALL LAUGHING)

HAMMOND: It's gone!
It's completely gone!

MAY: It's completely sunk!
CLARKSON: Completely gone.

-Well done!
-(APPLAUDING)

You can see how difficult
our job is.

HAMMOND: Very good.
MAY: That's how deep it was!

-That could
have happened to us.
-It could have done...

BOTH: But it didn't!

-Right.
-BOTH: Onwards.

CLARKSON: Leaving
the producers
to clear up their mess,

we set off...

...And soon discovered
that Tanzania's roads

were not built by the Chinese.

Pothole, pothole, pothole,
pothole. Big one.

It is like driving
through
a minefield.

If you take your eye
off the road for a second,

you are into one
and they are massive.

I don't know how James
is gonna be able
to cope with this,

because you can only
concentrate on
one thing at a time

and when he's driving,
that is normally
an obscure poet.

(IMITATING MAY)
"Oh, yes, Philip Larkin's
done some very good...

"Oh, no, I've hit a pothole."

CLARKSON:
Soon James hit a pothole.

-(THUDDING)
-Oh!

CLARKSON: So hard,
it took out two of his tyres.

Um... Do you remember...

It seems like months ago,

but at the beginning
of this voyage,

we looked at these tyres
and said,

"There's no way
those tyres will
survive Africa?"

The signs are not good,
are they?

-In that they're not.
-It's goodbye.

You just wait here
for the backup car.
You know the code.

-Yes.
-Oh, no, wait.

The backup car's
at the bottom of
a crocodile-infested river.

MAY: I don't need
the backup car,
I've got spare wheels.

You're not very
or useful to me or helpful.
Please continue.

I'll see you later.

CLARKSON: See you, James. Bye.
HAMMOND: Bye!

MAY: Once the
Annoying Brothers
had left,

I discovered
it was rather more
than just tyre damage.

Ho-ho-ho!

Both wheels had shattered!

Having raided the support
truck for more,

I set off and caught up
with the others

in a swarm of lake flies.

(FLIES BUZZING)

-Ugh!
-(SPITS)

This told us
we were getting
close to Lake Victoria.

At 150 miles across,

it was too wide
for us to even think

about building
a homemade ferry.

So we decided
to use one someone
else had made earlier.

CLARKSON: Have you ever
seen more
flies than that

in one place ever?

HAMMOND: Oh, oh, oh!

(GROANS)

I'll give you a million pounds
if you go and stand out
there naked for an hour.

(BELL RINGING)

(PIANO PLAYING)

MAY: The voyage
across Lake Victoria
took more than 16 hours,

but there was
good news
on the other side.

The ferry would drop
us close to the River Grumeti,

the river that
we believed
would take us

to the source of the Nile.

(BELL RINGING)

All we've gotta do,
find the mouth of the river,

track that back to its source,

and we've done it.
Then we go to our place.

(HORN HONKING)

Thirty seconds.

MAY: Keen to demonstrate
the advantage
of four-wheel drive

to the bewildered crowd,

Hammond insisted
on going first.

Right, here we go.

(GRUNTS)

-Yeah.
-(CLATTERING)

(CROWD MURMURING INDISTINCTLY)

Okay.

I am ashore!

(CLARKSON OVER RADIO)
You're letting
yourself down, the BBC,

and the whole country
with your incompetence,
Hammond.

(REVVING)

Oh, come on!

-Sorry about that, Skipper!
-(LAUGHING)

-Leave him.
-Yeah. We can leave him.

MAY: And so, we did.

-Bye, Hammond!
-Bye!

Hello.

Hello.

MAY: As we disembarked
a few miles away
on a proper landing jetty,

Hammond was being
rescued by the locals.

(ALL SHOUTING)

(CHEERING)

We're coming out!

(YELLS TRIUMPHANTLY)

Oh, this is done.
Everybody needs money now

and I don't have any money.

Um...

I've got biscuits.

I got biscuits.
I've got more biscuits.

Got more sweets.

One second.

Um, okay,
this is becoming alarming.

Um...

I've got crisps.

With my lunch
all gone,
I rejoined my colleagues.

With hindsight,
offering up
biscuits was a mistake.

(LAUGHING)

Yes,
when you've
40 mouths to feed,

unless you're Jesus,
starting with two biscuits
isn't brilliant.

MAY: Well, that arrival
was very happy and glorious

and we're excellent
ambassadors for Britain

and her long tradition
of exploration.

In other news,

I've fitted a fan.

CLARKSON:
We then broke out the map

and went off
to find the
mouth of our river.

The beautiful
and majestic
Grumeti.

(VEHICLE BEEPING)

-In my mind,
it was prettier.
-Yes.

This is quiet, though.

-No, no.
-It's not quiet.

I admit, it's not picturesque
and it's not peaceful,

but if we find
the source of this...

We've done it.

You can't argue,
we're in the history books.

It flows through
Lake Victoria,

into the Nile,
along the Nile,

-through the Med
and into the Atlantic.
-HAMMOND: Yeah.

And as far as I can work out,
it's there.

That's about 70 miles.

We only have 70 miles to do.

The good news is,
look, some of it,

you can follow the river
on that road.

But that bit, the last bit,

-it's off-road.
-Yeah.

Yeah, no, I mean.
Look, there's no tracks
or anything.

MAY: Well...
CLARKSON: So, that's it.

It can only get prettier.

And it did,

because soon
we were in the Serengeti.

A vast plain teaming
with animals,

all of which, as usual,

were way beyond the reach
of our camera teams.

Wildebeest! Wildebeest!

Got a zebra.

I've seen more
already here
on the Serengeti

than I saw in
Sir Richard
Hammondborough's

Planet Earth Live programme.

(CLARKSON OVER RADIO)
Why didn't you show us
all of these animals, Hammond,

in your Planet Earth Live
programme?

There's millions of them
we could have looked at!

HAMMOND: Shut up!

CLARKSON: Soon, we stopped
to check on the course
of our beautiful river.

And here we saw the most
amazing wildlife yet.

(LOW) They are
the funniest creatures
on Earth, aren't they?

Why are they so funny?

This one's been to
the Daktari shop in Florida,

hasn't he, for his outfit?

HAMMOND: Every single piece
of kit, he's got the lot.

CLARKSON: Americans...
I don't know why,
but American tourists,

and I know we're watched
in America,

-I'm not saying
you're all like this...
-No.

-But when you travel,
you're hysterical.
-You're ridiculous.

(LAUGHING)

CLARKSON: Sadly,
the Americans departed,

leaving us with nothing
to look at except some hippos.

So we got back on the road

for the last few miles
of our epic journey.

Did you know,
I'm going to put my hand
on my heart

and say that this

is the best
Top Gear adventure
we've ever had.

It's a noble quest in a truly
stunningly beautiful country

full of utterly
hospitable people.

CLARKSON: And then, of course,
there were our cars.

A trio of
1,500-quid high-milers.

All had been presumably sold

because their owners thought
they were on their last legs,

but they'd come here

and they had
taken on the worst

that Africa could
throw at them,
and they'd survived.

But which
had been
the most impressive?

Well,
at the next river check,

we had a chat about that.

Normally
we pick one car
that's best.

-Mmm-hmm.
-I think on this occasion,

I can't be convinced mine
isn't the best.

-I'm not...
-But I'm sure
you're in the same...

I wouldn't allow anybody
to convince me

-that
mine isn't the best.
-So, in other words,

let's, on this occasion,
just agree to disagree

-and say they're all the best.
-Yes.

Like one
of those primary school
sports days.

-Yes.
-MAY: Everybody gets a prize.

You've all won.

There are no losers
at St Barnabas'.

Ah, for now,
let's go with that,
they are all the best.

I think that's fair.
They've all
done well together.

Let us now find
the source of this disgusting,
scummy river.

HAMMOND: Yes.
MAY: Okay.

Rubbish!

If this were
a school sports day,

here's how it's worked out.

Everyone's got all excited
because the BMW, the fat kid,

and the Volvo, the geeky,
specky, nerdy kid,

have both finished
the cross-country
course.

"Oh, well done,
we're so amazed you did it!

"We're so surprised," and
yes, well done them.

But let's not forget
the fact that the genuinely

sporty kid, the Subaru,

who's actually
good at this stuff,

also finished
and finished well.

Because it's the best.
Fact.

Ten minutes after this
show's finished,

you won't be able to describe
what Jeremy was driving,

but you'll be able
to describe this.

Because it's got personality,
character,

something about it.

I'm gonna miss it.

MAY: Now we're alone, viewers,

I can tell you that the Volvo
is the best car here.

Because let's not forget,
this is a family estate.

It's a family estate
pretending
to be a BTCC racing car.

So it's compromised as well.

It shouldn't be here,
it shouldn't have
got this far,

but it is and it has,

and that's why I love it!

It has the biggest heart.

How can May possibly say
that his Volvo's
better than this?

It's been like a seal
on the entire journey,

endlessly dragging
its stomach along the floor.

And it broke his back.

He'd have been better off
doing this journey

on a space hopper.

And then we have Hammond's
"Tubaru,"

which is as needlessly
complicated

as those idiotic trousers
he insists on wearing

with all their special pockets
and clips for mossie spray

and a hunting knife
with a special compass.

What's the point?

I've done the entire journey
in a pair of jeans
and a T-shirt.

And that's what
the 5 Series is.

It's the familiarity
of home...

Here.

You're a car,
you're a sitting-room,

you're a bedroom,
you're a fridge,

you're a power station
that charges
up my phone every night,

but most of all what you are,

what you've become,

is a mate.

And that is what makes
a car special.

That's what makes a car great.

You start
to think of it
as a person.

(CHUCKLES)
You start to love it.

What our cars
deserved now

was a relaxing cruise
to the finish.

But that wasn't
going to happen.

(RATTLING)

(EXCLAIMING)

No!

Whoa! Geez!

CLARKSON: The road
was a rutted nightmare,

and it was peppered
with sharp stones.

It was a car killer.

MAY: This is absolute
puncture alley, this.

Ah, bloody Nora!

(BANG)

CLARKSON:
What the fuck was that?

Now, Jezza's stopped
on the side of the road.
Hang on, something's up.

Jezza's been hit, I think,
probably by a stone
into his window.

Stone in through your window?

CLARKSON: Something's blown up
in there.

What the fuck was it?

-That.
-Is it an airbag?

The airbag has gone off.

Look, the smoke's
still pouring
out of it.

-MAY: Is that the airbag?
-Yes.

Yes, the airbag just went off.

There was a massive flash...

-That's really weird!
-My ear.

I was saying this road
is so rough it's going
to set the airbags off.

I said that just
a few miles back.
Yeah.

-Well, I've never seen that.
-No, me neither.

Whoa!

Now I'm worried
about this one.

By now we'd had
enough and wanted
to stop for the night,

but this was dusk
on the Serengeti.

Feeding time for the wildlife.

So we had to reach a safe camp
that was 30 miles away,

30 miles that turned
into a massacre.

Oh, dear. Shot to bits.

-Have you got any more fronts?
-Yes, I've got one more.

CLARKSON: That was new
three minutes ago.

Three minutes later I've
got a flat on the front.

HAMMOND:
We've lost another one.

CLARKSON:
This road is beyond belief
for killing cars.

CLARKSON:
It was inevitable, really,
that eventually one of us

would suffer some damage
that was slightly more serious
than a puncture.

Oh, my God.
You are in big trouble.

That one is straight,
and if you come around
the other side,

that's on full-left.

You've broken a track rod
steering...

HAMMOND: Oh, my God.

You can see
the wishbone. There!

If you look in there,
you'll see the end of it,
where it's... Gone.

-Is it sheared? That is
completely sheared off.
-Yeah.

HAMMOND: That might have
killed my car.

-What's up?
-He's got a puncture.

-Right.
-He's also got
a sheared wishbone.

-You're kidding.
-I'm not.

CLARKSON:
That's a game over, isn't it?

The next morning,
in our safe camp,

we counted up the toll
from Death Road.

I had three punctures,
one of which I've still got.

Two airbags went off,
both of which deafened me
and gave me heart attacks.

Um, what else?
Oh, all four shock absorbers
are completely ruined.

Yours any better?

MAY: Well,
I had two punctures,
the fuel line came off,

the front bumper collapsed,

I'm not even bothering
to look at my shocks,

'cause I know they were
absolutely shot,
shot absorbers,

but on the plus side,
all the bits that attach
the wheels to the car...

-Are intact.
-(SNIGGERING)

-Speaking of which...
-(BOTH LAUGHING)

Actually, where is he?

(FAINT BANGING)

These are the remnants
of the point at which
the track control arm went,

and you can see it was just
rotten from the inside out.

It was gonna go
at some point,
and when it did collapse,

it took the anti-roll bar
out on the way past.

So, the only option is,
and it is quite a long shot...

This is all useless.

...To use the remainder
of the track control arm

that's under there
attached to the hub,

and use this to fabricate
and weld on replacement
bits for that.

CLARKSON: At times like this,
the procedure is clear.

We do leave a man behind.

But because we'd come
so far together,

and because we hadn't
had breakfast yet,

James and I decided
to bend the rules.

We'll give him
till 11:00.

Fair enough.

-That's an hour
and 10 minutes.
-Fair enough.

What time did we get in
last night, about 2:00?

Something like that,
it went on forever.

Look at what
I've just slept in.
Look at it!

-I mean, look at the...
-Thank you!

CLARKSON:
At exactly three minutes
past 11:00,

James and I were parked
on the main road by the camp,

waiting to see
whether we would finish
this journey as a twosome,

or a threesome.

Hammond is making
a bit of a habit of this
on these adventures now.

-Bolivia, his leg fell off.
-Oliver.

Oliver... Didn't it make it?
Can't remember.

-It did, but we had
to wait for it...
-Oh, yes, for days and days.

...while he put
it back together.

-(VEHICLE APPROACHING)
-Oh, hang on!

-Do you hear that?
-I can, just, yeah.

Is that soundtrack of
an approaching moron,

or is it our support truck?

With his silly little face
at the wheel.

What is coming over the hill?

-Please let it be a lorry.
Please let it be a lorry.
-Oh!

(THUDDING)

(INAUDIBLE)

-Well, we can't be...
-No, no.

Pretend to be pleased,
pretend to be pleased!

Pleased face!

Oh, great, we're all back
together as a team.

All right, good, here we go.

-Well done, mate.
-MAY: Yeah, well done!

-(LAUGHS)
-That's very good.

-You impressed?
-Yeah.

We're impressed
that you're impressed.
Yeah, great. Good!

That was tremendous.
Anyway, Hammond,
while you've been gone,

-James and I have made
a bit of a decision.
-What?

The source of our river
is somewhere up there, okay?

Now, only one of us
can technically
get there first,

they'll be the one
who's remembered,

the other two
will be forgotten,

'cause nobody remembers
who comes second.

-So, we propose a race.
-Yeah.

Three, two, one! Go!

And whoever finds
the source first,

into the history books,
buried in Westminster Abbey.

They dig up Livingstone,
throw him away.

"You got it wrong..."

You don't have
to be buried immediately?

-No, no, when you die.
-When you're dead.

So, are we ready?

Hey, the producers aren't
here, they're on the other
side of that river.

-You can shout "Go!"
-I'll do it on my
Tannoy system.

Are we ready, gentlemen?

-Yes.
-I am ready.

This is for everything.

The greatest race
in the history
of mankind is about to begin.

(CLARKSON OVER P.A.)
Three, two, one. Go!

Power, etc.

Where is Jeremy?
What was he doing?

Have they learned nothing
from last night?
Because I did!

Speed causes punctures.

Seventeen miles an hour,
that's what you need.

I don't want a puncture,
I want to win this,

because this is
a race for glory.

The winner will go
in the history books,

the losers will be
quietly forgotten,

and they'll end up
opening a shoe shop,
probably in Durham.

MAY: Top Gear's ARU had found
an area of hilly terrain
12 miles to the east,

where we believed
we'd find
the source of the Nile.

Getting there first mattered.

Richard Hammond
hot on my tail,

in the quest for
the source of the Nile,
with his repaired suspension.

HAMMOND:
This is as fast as I dare go.

Oh! Ow!

The car has just
undergone major surgery,

I have just closed
the patient's chest,

and I'm forcing him
to play rugby.

MAY: If Richard Hammond
beats me
in this race,

he will be knighted
by the Queen.

She will say,
"Arise, Sir Richard."

Oh, you already have.

Where the hell is Jeremy?

This James May-Christian
motoring isn't working.
They're not getting punctures.

I'm gonna revert to type.

Power!

I am a one-man dust machine.

Hammond is going for it,
he's making a move!

(LAUGHING)

MAY: For the next few miles,
we jostled for the lead.

Argh, it's neck and neck!

CLARKSON: Oh, no!

I'm going left,
I'm going to do it. Oh!

(LAUGHING) Oh!

This!

There they are! I'm catching.

And now a warning light's
come on
to say my car needs a service.

(RATTLING)

Oh! Oh, this is just
killing my car.

Ow!

MAY: We were now in the area
where the source should be,

so we needed to go
off-road to find it.

We'll have to go
right somewhere.

Oh, hold on,
hold on, what's this?

There!

Come on!

Bugger Clarkson!

Yes! What do you think
of that? (LAUGHS)

Westminster Abbey is mine.

As the plain opened out,
we realised
that in normal racing,

people tend to know where
the finish line is.

(GRUNTING)

Which way? Which way?

CLARKSON: But we had to rely
on intelligence and cunning.

Right, trees. Trees all
growing along a little valley,
that can only mean river.

That is a valley,
I'm not heading
down into there.

The source of the Nile
isn't gonna be in a valley.

(LAUGHS) Uphill, you see.
Uphill is good.

I've totally lost my
bearings here, totally lost.

Hang on a minute! Oh!

This looks...

This looks like a stream.

It's going downhill that way.

So I follow it up...

And the source
is in those rocks.

It has to be. Oh, yeah!

Rocks. Many rocks.

That is the sort of magical
place I anticipate finding
the source of the Nile.

There's a bit there moving,
so it's that way.
Right, here we go.

It's got to be this way,

and Clarkson clearly has
the same idea.

And so did Hammond.

(EXCLAIMING)

CLARKSON: Can you imagine
children of the future
learning in history lessons

about Sir Richard Hammond?

Nobody wants to think of that.

MAY: Because only one of us
could achieve immortality
in the history books,

things soon got a bit ugly.

-Hammond's attacking him!
-(CRASH)

Get off!

(LAUGHS) I'm through.

Hammond is properly
in my way now,
he really is annoying me.

I know how I can get Hammond
out of my way...

(I KNOW WHAT I LIKE
BY GENESIS PLAYING)

Oh, God! Not that!

I'm Genesis-ing him!

(YELLS)

CLARKSON: Sadly, though,
Genesis didn't work.

So I rammed him.

What?

I'm in the lead again!

No! Whoa!

This Volvo is so far
out of its comfort zone.

Going to go
down in history!

CLARKSON:
Everything tells me this is...

It's the highest ground
for miles around.
It's got to be in there.

It's got to be in there.

(YELLS)

But there can be no more than
a few hundred metres now.

We can afford
to take a few knocks.

HAMMOND: Whoa!

James, your suspension
has collapsed.

Your back wheel is coming off,
I'm not joking. (LAUGHING)

My car has collapsed.
I'm going on foot.

As now were Richard and I.

End of the road for you,
old friend.
I'll tell you what it's like.

I'm off.

(PANTING)

It's geology, Jeremy, geology.

What have we got here?
We've got bedrock.

We've got the ground
has sunk down,

indicating the presence
of a spring in my mind.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Lizards.

Look at it.
A stream has done this.

But where is the source?

(PANTING)

This has been wet. Wait.

This is soggy. This is soggy.

This could be a stream.

It is a stream
I'm walking up. It is.

Fucking Hammond
is not having this!

It goes downhill, that doesn't
mean it starts at the top.

Wait!

Wait!

Is it?

No.

Here?

-That...
-Yes.

(LAUGHING) Yes!

Sorry, mate! That was close.

Hammond!

Well done.
That is the source
of the River Nile.

I'm going to put
my finger in it. Excuse me.

That is the root
of civilisation,

-that nourished
the ancient Egyptians.
-HAMMOND: What, your finger?

No, not my finger, the water.

CLARKSON: That's going to
nourish the Sudan, Egypt,

Greece, Italy, Spain,
Morocco, Algeria.

-That water is
the lifeblood...
-MAY: Of all of it.

CLARKSON: Of all of it.

So, that is the undisputed
source of the River Nile.

That is the man who found it,

and somewhere way down there

is the ruined Volvo
that brought him here.

We now have to claim this
little pond for Top Gear,

so, just bear with me, chaps,
while I...

Is the Top Gear flag slightly
bigger than the Union Flag?

(ALL AGREEING)

Have we got this
the right way up this time,
so we don't get...

So, here's what
I'm suggesting, chaps.
We plant the flags,

and then we do what
all the great Victorian
explorers did,

-is pose for a photograph
by our discovery, yes?
-HAMMOND: Yes! Have to pose.

PHOTOGRAPHER:
Wait for the birdie!

-Three, two, one!
-(SHUTTER CLICKS)

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)