All language subtitles for Shoresy.S04E03.en

(Dramatic instrumental music)

♪

(Text on screen)

(♪ Wild Enough ♪
by Cortese, Higgo, & Kitty)

♪ It was cold from
the moment we met ♪

♪ You taste like danger ♪

♪ that first kiss
I'll never forget ♪

♪ You bring out
the shadows to play ♪

♪ They whispered run
but it was too late ♪

♪ Cause I'm hooked
on your love ♪

♪ Addicted to your touch ♪

♪ My friends say
you're too much ♪

♪ Yeah I'm hooked on your love ♪

♪ Addicted to your touch ♪

♪ And I can't get enough ♪

♪ Wild enough ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ Wild enough ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ You're not the kind
to stop and help ♪

♪ It's been hard to keep up
with you lately ♪

♪ I try to find the dark ♪

(Liam): How's it goin'
with the Pineapple Pals?

- Yeah, Shoresy, can I be
a Kumquat Companion?

- Sure wish I had a Green Apple
Amigo growing up.

- I'd love to be
Cherry Chaps with ya.

- I know a young guy who could
really use a Cranberry Comrade.

You and me coulda
been Papaya Partners.

- Yeah, can girls be Mulberry
Maids too or how does it work?

If my buddy wants in,
should he wax his eyebrows now,

or can he do that later?
- It's good to know if I really

wanna make a difference, I can
join the Strawberry Sidekicks.

- I mean, someone's gotta
teach 'em to exfoliate

before applying self-tanner, right?

- Think you'll ever find
work as fulfilling

as being a Star Fruit Friend?
- I won't lie to ya, Liam.

I'm having trouble
finding something as fulfilling

as hockey.
- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah, but your mom offered up
a threesome with Cory's mom,

so I'll give it a try.
I don't care,

I'll try anything right now.
- Fuck you, Shoresy.

- Fuck you, Liam. I was really
loving how affectionate

your mom was the other night
'til I realized

she was just wiping
her Dorito hands on me.

(Cory): Fuck you, Shoresy.
(Shoresy): Fuck you, Cory.

Ask your mom why it feels like
I'm pissing Vick's VapoRub.

I didn't sign up for this.
Oh man, I can't believe it,

Liam, last night,
I said no to sex,

and your mom called me
a homophobic slur.

- Shut up.
- Yeah, I was so mad

when I dropped her off,
I didn't even wait to make sure

she got inside safely.
(Cory): Fuck you, Shoresy.

- Hey, Cor, did I tell ya
I'm ghost writing

your mom's autobiography?
It's called,

"How I went from a cold hard ten
to a type two candidate."

(Liam): Fuck you, Shoresy.
- Fuck you, Liam.

I thought I'd seen everything,
but that was before

I saw your mom rip a fart
off the bathtub floor

while having a sit-down shower.
Oh, my God, Cory.

Your mom's so mean.
When I told her she needs

to start speaking
my love language,

she said,
"that's the single gayest thing

I've ever heard in my life."
(Liam): Fuck you, Shoresy.

- Fuck you, Liam.
I got in your mom's bed,

and she's such a fuckin' pig,
there were two snails in there.

- Fuck you, Shoresy.
- Fuck you, Liam.

Last night, your mom belched
in my face.

I was so grossed out
I couldn't even

make it to the toilet.
Just gooned one into the sink.

- Fuck you, Shoresy.
- Fuck you, Cory.

Your mom's mitt's so dank,
it's got earwigs.

I thought it couldn't get
any worse

than Liam's mom's bed bugs.

But your mom
had a pubic hair so long,

I thought it was a centipede.
- Shut the fuck up.

- Yeah, tell that to your mom,
Liam.

The only time she shuts up

is when she's going
to mouth town on my tush.

(whistle blowing)
(Nat): Fuck you, Shoresy!

- Fer what?
- For letting this

all go to shit!
- Me?

- Yeah!
- Huh?

(Ziig): Oh, my God.

- Fuck you, too!
(women): Fer what?

- 'Cause you got us doin'
so much shit,

I haven't gone tubing all week.

- I started
the Blueberry Buddies program

under the assumption
you would be leading it.

But oh no, Shoresy's on TV now.

He's under the bright lights.
- Mm-hmm.

- He's on the big screen.
- Look, I know this is supposed

to be serious, but if you keep

talking like that,
I'm gonna laugh.

- This is life after hockey
for you.

You're trying some new shit,
and I'm here to support.

But while you're in
the big city

getting your make-up done,

they're back here fucking up.

- Who?
- The boys!

- And the b'ys.
- The boy b'ys.

- What the fuck are you guys
talking about?

- Let's start with the b'ys.
(Shoresy): Huh?

- Which ones are they again?
- Oh, my God.

- The Bulldogs.
- Right.

(Shoresy): So dumb.
- Know what the Bulldogs

are doing with their
Blueberry Buddies?

- Skating the shit outta them.

- They're fucking their moms.

- Are they?
(women): Yes!

- So?

- So, they're their moms.

- Are they ugly?
- This just nose-dived so fast.

Nose-dove?
- Wish I was doving into a tube.

- And the boys...
- The Lakers.

- The ones propellering
their dicks around.

- Helicoptering.

- Why don't you ask them what
they wore to their

toxic masculinity seminar.

- Toxic masculinity seminar?

(mocks): Toxic masculinity
seminar?

- Well, it can't be any worse

than the Blueberry Buddies
shirts!

(Shoresy): All right, so
everybody listen up here now.

Madison.

- Him?
- Mason.

- What's your name again?
- Jack.

- Short for Jackson.
- Doesn't matter.

The shirts.
- Our teammate Dubois

faked mental illness to get
outta the conditioning skate,

so we wore the shirts
to the toxic masculinity seminar

to call him out on it.

- Pfft.

- Yeah, let's start from
the beginning here.

- If we're starting
from the beginning,

what is toxic masculinity,
should come before,

what is a toxic
masculinity seminar.

(Shoresy): Michaels,
control your guy.

(Michaels): Shut the fuck up,
Caleb.

- Toxic masculinity
is like cultural pressure

for men and boys
to act tough and secure.

- All right.
- No, that's not all right.

- Why don't you wanna
act tough and secure?

- Because it leads
to aggression and dominance.

And homophobia.
(Bulldogs): Whoa!

- And homophobia?
- Yeah.

- That escalated quickly, b'ys.
- Toxic masculinity

is also rooted
in anti-femininity.

(Goody): What's that mean?
- He's not saying it right,

it's anti-feninimity.

- Anti-femininity.

- Anti-femiminity?
- Anti-femininity.

- What's it mean?
- Well, as it pertains

to toxic masculinity--
- Don't act like a girl.

- What do the b'ys do if they
don't wanna be toxic, den?

- Act like a girl.
- That's pretty much it.

- Is wearing matching shirts
to the seminar not girly enough?

- It's what's on the shirts.
- Carter's into clothing design.

- Okay, that's gotta
be girly enough.

- Our buddy Dubois said
that he had bad mental health

'cause he didn't wanna
go to the skate,

but we all know he's fine.
- How do you know he's fine?

- 'Cause he was tubin' on
Long Lake with his girlfriend

while we were getting skated.
- She's ugly, too.

- He's tubing.
(Jack): Yeah, he put it
on TikTok.

- So, I took the logo
for the Lakers,

changed it to Fakers, and then
we put his name on the back.

- Yeah, then we all wore
the shirts

to the toxic
masculinity seminar.

- Because we all know he's fine.
- He's a diver.

- Who cares?

- This defiant act was deemed
toxically masculine.

- At our toxic masculinity
seminar.

- A few broads on the TikTok,
too. All ugly.

- Yeah, but in fairness,
we've all done it before.

- Done what, b'y?
- What Dooby did

and cited poor mental health
to get out of school, or work,

or other things
we don't want to do.

- You can say mental health
and get anything

you want, really.
- Really?

- Got Dooby to the front
of the line.

- That's fucked up.
- We are human, after all.

- Okay, so they round
you all up.

They say you're not being
a guy right

because you're not being
a girl enough?

- That's pretty much it.

- And none of your parents say

what the fuck's going on here?

- The denial
of toxic masculinity

in itself is
toxically masculine.

- Fuckin' Putin bomb us now, eh?

- With respect to those
suffering from mental illness,

you could save yourself
the helicopter

next time, Jackson.
- Yeah, I know.

- Just say you're sad
about something, like Dooby.

- Straight to the front
of the line.

- Carter.
- He's Carter.

- No, he isn't.
- Yes, I am.

- What's your name again?
(Ziig): Bad news.

- No. Only good news.
Give me some good news.

- Corn's knee-high
by the 4th of July.

- What's the bad news?

- The boys were out
shit faced again.

- Where?
- Everywhere.

- Including,
but not limited to...

(Bulldogs cheer)

The Townehouse.

Wagonwheel Ranch.

And Northern Ontario
Railroad Museum.

- For fuck sakes!
- Whoa!

- I'd love if something
went right this off-season.

- Key word, off-season.

- That's two words.
- Hmm, that's one

hyphenated word.
- What else can go wrong?

Our reputation is going to shit.
- Arguably gone.

- The kids are choppering
their dicks around.

- Helicoptering.
- And the Blueberry Bulldogs

are banging their
Blueberry Buddies' moms!

- Shh!
- You want them to hear

you at Peppi Panini?

- You're right. Sorry.

This cannot get out.

(Britt): They're fucking
the moms?

- Yeah.

- Yes.
- The Blueberry Bulldogs

are fucking the mothers
of their Blueberry Buddies?

- The use of profanity to make
a point can be useful,

but we should be cautious
not to overuse.

- Are you exclusive?

- Are you?
- We've never had the chat. You?

- He's not my boyfriend,
but I definitely wish

he wasn't banging somebody else.

Are you banging somebody else?

- Well, that's none
of anybody's business.

- Are you?

- You?

- Only like, one guy.

- You're sure?
- Yeah.

- Yes.
- They're banging

their Blueberry Buddies' moms.

- Thanks for dropping
the hard F there.

I appreciate it.

It's my hang-up, not yours.
But still classy of you.

This one time in Grade 4...
Actually, never mind.

- Let's go knocking.
(knock on door)

- I made you. You're fucking
nothing without me.

- What do you want?

- I wanna see how things
work at BROdude.

Where's my lanyard?
- What?

- My lanyard.
- What's a lanyard?

- Every other TV--
- Huh?

- Every other TV studio
gives you a lanyard.

- 'kay.
- Shows what kinda rinky-dink

station you work for.
- Uh-huh.

- You're straight Mickey Mouse.
- Yep.

- Showing identification's
important.

It's a courtesy
to the security team.

- 'kay.
- Wearing a lanyard's

the least you could do
for those guys.

- All right.
- It's the least you--

- Shut up.
- Their job's stressful enough.

Know how hard those guys work?
- No.

- Yeah, right. Don't expect ya

to think about the little guys.
Grab me a coffee.

(Emma): Shoresy. Caffeinated?

- Not yet.
- Grab me one, too.

- That's the boss.
- Jory Jordan.

Sudbury Kids Sport Report.
- Hi.

- Combined social media
following of nearly 1,200.

Currently between agents.
- Wants a lanyard.

- No, I don't.
- Fine.

- I mean, sure.
If you got one, I'll take it.

(Emma): Can we chat?
- Hey, feel free to jam

right here.
I'm like a fly on the wall.

- Yeah, last week
was a real doozy.

Outta the frying pan
and into the fire,

but you held your own
in tough company.

You must be proud.
- Don't care at all.

- Since last week was so heavy,

I thought we'd keep things
light today. Just you and Anik.

- Show's called 3-on-1.

- It's just a name.

- No, you'll need a third man.
Wouldn't make sense.

- Shoresy.
- Who cares.

- I'm not known to appear
on camera without a contract

in place, but you're in
a real mess here.

I'll play ball.
Where's the make-up girl?

- Who are you again?
- Sudbury Talent Show

second runner-up 2018.
I'll need the hair girl too.

- I'm not putting him on TV.
- It's a web show.

Where's the wardrobe girl?
- Shoresy.

- Who cares?

- Welcome to 3-on-1
presented by BROdude Energy.

I'm your host Anik Archambault

with the guy
you all know as Shoresy.

And joining us today
is a young man you may not know.

(Jory): They will soon.
- From the Sud--

(Jory): They will soon.
(Shoresy): Let her talk.

- From the Sudbury Kids
Sport Report, Jordan Jory.

(Jory sighs)

(Anik): What?

- It's Jory Jordan.
- What?

- It's Jory Jordan.
- No one cares.

(Anik): Oh.
- Not much between the ears.

That's why they call her
all-boobs Archambault.

- Hey.
- Let's keep it movin'.

- Honest mistake.
- Yeah, sure.

- Shut up.
- My mom didn't give me

this fine name of Cornish origin
so big boobs could bungle it.

- It's wrong
on your lanyard, too.

- Ah, this is going great.

- Yeah, thanks
to the fumbled intro

from Anik Archambimbo.

- All right, what are we doing?
What are we talking about?

- Today we're gonna
rate the drip.

- Rate the dip?
- The drip.

- What's the drip?

- The fit, Shoresy.
The clothing.

- Well, rate the dip is actually

a really good topic
for hockey, but...

- You like a little lip dinger?
- Just a big lip boomer.

- Today we're gonna rate
the players pre-game style.

- Their what?
- What they wear to the rink.

- Their clothes.
(Anik): Their drip.

- Just stick with
the preferred lingo.

It's a branding thing,
you fuckin' idiot.

- We're gonna talk about
their clothes?

(Anik): Oui, monsieur,
and up first is--

- No.
- No, what?

- Not doing it.
- Don't fuck this up, asshole.

- I'm not doing it!
- Come on, Shoresy.

We're in the content game.
- We're a hockey show.

Why are we talking
about clothes?

- The clo--
- Huh?

- The clothing of people
who play sports.

- I don't wanna talk
about clothes.

- You wanna get choked out

on the world wide web?

- I'm not gonna talk
about clothes!

(Emma): Shoresy, fine!
- So dumb.

- In TV land,
you gotta move on the fly.
We can still save the bit.

(Emma): Cut!
- Quick bring in the wardrobe

girl who, for some reason,
is a guy.

(Emma): We already cut.
(bell rings)

(Jory): That was a disaster.

Let's get into some hard bar.

- How old are you?
- Don't be a pussy.

At least the boss got to see
a real host up there.

Gotta think the clock's tickin'
for airhead Archambault.

- Yeah.
- I harken back to the hundreds

of hours I've logged
for these chops,

and she's up there
eyeballin' it.

- At least you got your lanyard.
- It's not even laminated.

- Shut up.
- I've seen more

professionalism at a rub 'n tug.
- I don't care.

- You don't care about what?
- About any of it.

- Are you serious?
- No.

- No, you're not serious?
- No, I don't care

about any of it.
- I would kill to be--

- I just finished playing
senior whale shit hockey.

I ref beer league.

Why am I on TV
arguing with Sean Avery?

- It's a web show.
- Trying to be an expert

on women's hockey.

- You ever heard
of Presley Norby?

- Now they got me talking about
hockey player clothes.

- If you're seriously
interested in

a "Rate The Dip" segment,
I'll produce it.

We'll bootstrap it.
- I don't care about

any of this.

- We'll put it
in the maybe pile.

You must really miss playing
right about now, eh?

(Mason): It's the last thing
in the world I wanna

be doing right now.

- 34 degrees,

and we're going into the rink.

- Better change
your attitude, Caleb.

- Big summer bag skate here, boys.

Big hot summer skate
on deck here now!

- You see Maria Mercier's
tubing on Ramsay?

- Maybe.
- No, you're the only one

who checks her story every
five minutes, ya fuckin' lurker.

- Tubing's so sick.
- Didn't get the invite,

eh, Jackie?
She probably found out

you don't shower
after you exercise.

- That's a real possibility.
- This sucks.

- This is where you check
your attitude, Caleb.

At the door.
(Shoresy): I feel bad for them.

- The game is changing.

It's about so many
other things now.

- Yeah, like anti-fenimimity?

- Anti-femininity?
(Shoresy): Huh?

- I don't know,
like toxic masculinity

and all that other stuff.

- What other stuff?
- Heteronormativity,

acts of othering.
- Hetero... what's othering?

Never mind, don't say it.

I'm gonna blow
my fuckin' head off.

- What did they preach
when you were a kid?

- Don't hit from behind.
- They used to just put

the Timbits jerseys on them

and let them go.
- Shit's gotten weird.

- Just let the kids play.
- Well, I don't know if

anybody wants to play
in the middle of summer.

- Yeah, no, you'd rather
talk about it on BROdude.

- I don't know if I would.
- Oh?

- Doesn't scratch the itch.

- That's why you
should coach, Shoresy.

- No!
- Yes!

- No!
- Yes!

- You don't know
how I'm wired.

- Oh, I think I know better
than just about anybody.

- Like, to just stand there
and watch the game.

Like, to see the play happening

and not have the option
to react to it.

To know I have zero effect
on the game whatsoever.

- TV is where you have
zero effect on the game.

Why do you think you hate it?

With coaching, you're still
boots on the ground.

You're right there.
You can speak your reactions.

You can inspire.
- I don't know if I can inspire.

- Give your balls a tug.
- No, if it's not blades

under my feet,
lumber in my hands.

- Coach with Sanger next season.
- You don't listen to me!

And you work too much.

(♪ Never Ending Song of Love ♪
by Delaney & Bonnie)

♪ I've got a never ending
love for you ♪

♪ From now on
that's all I wanna do ♪

♪ From the first time
we met I knew ♪

♪ I'd have a never ending
love for you ♪

♪ I've got a never ending
love for you ♪

♪ From now on
that's all I wanna do ♪

♪ From the first time
we met I knew ♪

♪ I'd have a never ending
love for you ♪

♪ After all this time
of being alone ♪

♪ We can love one another ♪

♪ Feel for each other ♪

♪ From now on ♪

♪ It's so good
I can hardly stand it ♪

♪ Never ending love for you ♪

♪ From now on
that's all I wanna do ♪

♪ From the first time
we met I knew ♪

♪ I'd sing my never ending
song of love for you ♪

(song stops abruptly)

- Were you in bed?
(Laura): It's kinda late.

- Well, then, you shouldn't just
be answering your door

all willy-nilly.

- I can see you
on the doorbell camera.

- Does that record?

(both): Huh?
- Yeah.

- You've for sure seen me

pick my nose out here.

- No, but I've seen you

snot rocket like some
fuckin' bushman.

- That's disgusting.
- What's up?

- Well, you know,
I was just thinking about

how you told me I should
hang out with the guys more,

and I was thinking
it might be because...

(sighs)

...because you're scared.

- That's what you were
just thinking?

- And I want you to know
I get that. I'm scared.

Dammit, I'm scared, too, Laura.
- What am I afraid of?

- That you can't stop yourself
from bangin' me for a bit.

- I'd bang you right here
if I wanted to.

- Oh, that's so hot.
Even more 'cause I know

you're rollin' tape on it.
- But you wanna know something?

- Fer sure.
- I can go a long time

without bangin'.
- You're such a broad

for saying that.
- How are you doin' with it?

- Seriously? Like, so bad.
- Give your balls a tug.

- What do I gotta do?
- Run a marathon.

- I'll run you the best
marathon you've ever seen.

- 'kay, go.
- You've never seen

a marathon run so good.

- I can't even focus right now.

Your eyebrows are so fucked up.
Did you cut them?

- BROdude did.
- But after BROdude,

you didn't cut your eyebrows?
- No.

- You didn't cut your eyebrows?
- No.

- You didn't cut your eyebrows.
- Well, fuckin' once.

- Okay, come in.
I gotta fix this.

- Oh. Okay.

Well, sure you don't wanna
take your shirt off again?

- Yup.
- Walk up the stairs

seductively. Remember that?
- Yup.

- All right, well you've
definitely been more hospitable.

- I'm not wearing a bra.
- You're making it worse!

- I don't think you're going
back to BROdude.

- I don't know where to go.

- Go where you're needed.

- Doesn't scratch the itch.

- Well, you're done playing.

You can do anything you want.
That's kind of exciting.

- I know what I wanna do.
- I know.

That's what I like about you.

'kay. You're done.

Go hit the bar with the boys.
I'm going to bed.

- Why do you wanna do this?

- I wanna see
what you're made of.

(♪ Joy (A Place I Belong) ♪
by Joy Anonymous)

♪ I've been lost for a minute ♪

♪ Don't see it
when you're in it ♪

♪ No ♪

Show me what you're made of.

♪ Well, hope has its beginning ♪

♪ When I see my people winning ♪

♪ Yeah, that's home ♪

(Shoresy): Get your shit off.
Let's go.

- Where?

♪ I found a place
where I belong ♪

♪ I found a place
where I belong ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Where I don't need to try ♪

♪ Don't need to try
Don't need to try ♪

♪ Don't need to try ♪

♪ No need to try ♪

♪ Don't need to try ♪

♪ Where I can be my... ♪

♪ Don't need to try
Don't need to try ♪

♪ ...Own ♪

♪ Don't need to try ♪

♪ I found a place
where I belong ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ I found a place
where I belong ♪

♪ You can too, you can too ♪

♪ Where you don't need to try ♪

♪ Don't need to try
Don't need to try ♪

♪ No need to try ♪

♪ Don't need to try
Don't need to try ♪

♪ Where I can be my own ♪

♪ Don't need to try ♪

(Hitch): What're we drinkin' to,
b'ys?

Summer in Sudvegas or what?

(Mason): To anything but hockey.

(Shoresy): Here we go now!
(Michaels): All right.

- Yeah so, thanks for bringing
me here and putting me on TV.

- It's a web show.
- And for thinking

I'm so entertaining
and likeable.

- Never said likeable.

- Come back anytime
you're in the city.

- Door's always open.

♪ Where I belong
and you call it home ♪

♪ I found a place
where I belong ♪

♪ I found a place
where I belong ♪

♪ You can too, you can too ♪

♪ Where you don't need to try ♪

♪ Don't need to try
Don't need to try ♪

♪ No need to try ♪

♪ Don't need to try
Don't need to try ♪

♪ Where I can be my own ♪

♪ Don't need to try
Don't need to try ♪

♪ You can too, you can too ♪

♪ Don't need to try
Don't need to try ♪

- I'm haggard.
- Worth it?

- Yeah.
- Beats the cold-ass,

dry-ass rink.
- I think I'm gonna kick back

for a while.
- Summer in Sudvegas, baby.

- You're right. Too much hockey

is a good way
to stop enjoying hockey.

- That's what's up.

But Ziig said that.
(Ziig): Yo!

Yo! There's a fire
to put out.

- The boys whirly-birding
their dicks around again?

- Helicoptering.
- No.

- Where are they drinking
from the Cup this time?

- Including,
but not limited to...

Sudbury Kartways.

The original Deluxe location.

And Canada's largest mural.

(Hitch): Bulldogs hockey!

(Miig laughs)

- What's happening
with Weird Sudbury?

- Take a break.
- A deal's a deal.

- They're barely holding up
their end of it.

- Let's get that sorted,

then it's summer in Sudvegas.
Home free.

- Good news about that, actually.

There's a prospect party
that happens first.

- So weird.
- Good and weird.

- And we're in.
- Nice work, Ziig.

- Hmm.
Wait, what's the bad news?

- The Jims have gone rogue.

(♪ Yes I Think ♪ by Kocham)

♪ Yes, I think I love him ♪

(♪)

Subtitling: difuze