All language subtitles for My.Name.Is.Earl.S03E07.1080p.WEBRip.x265-KONTRAST

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American) Download
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:12,113 o [ Earl Narrating ] For me, prison was like a long car vacation with my parents-- 2 00:00:12,180 --> 00:00:14,182 the more I slept, the shorter the trip. 3 00:00:14,248 --> 00:00:16,217 Wakey, wakey. Hands off penis. 4 00:00:17,618 --> 00:00:19,453 It's for protection. 5 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:23,757 There's a new guy here who thinks it's funny to pull on your junk while you're sleeping. 6 00:00:23,824 --> 00:00:25,693 The principal wants to see you. 7 00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:30,131 You mean the warden? Yeah. Did I say landlord again? 8 00:00:30,198 --> 00:00:32,266 No. Good. 9 00:00:33,801 --> 00:00:36,737 - You wanted to see me, sir? - Yeah, Hickey. Come on in. 10 00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:41,275 You don't mind if I multitask, do you? Not at all, sir. 11 00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:44,978 Vinnie's here to shave some guy for the electric chair. 12 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,381 Oh, I hate execution days. 13 00:00:47,448 --> 00:00:50,584 Especially if they die with a funny look on their face, and you start giggling. 14 00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:53,587 Then suddenly you're the jerk who's laughing at an execution. 15 00:00:53,654 --> 00:00:56,457 Anyway, I am getting ready... 16 00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:58,959 to start a program called "Scared Straight." 17 00:00:59,026 --> 00:01:01,129 Not into the ladies, huh? 18 00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:04,132 Well, it worked for a guy at my parents' church. 19 00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:06,334 No, no. The program I'm talkin' about... 20 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:10,171 is where we go into schools, and we try to scare kids out of a life of crime. 21 00:01:10,238 --> 00:01:12,973 We used to bring 'em here. 22 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:15,143 Didn't work out too well. 23 00:01:17,145 --> 00:01:20,548 Remember, be scared, stay straight. 24 00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:23,184 Excuse me. 25 00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:25,619 He wasn't my buddy when we came in. 26 00:01:29,490 --> 00:01:32,326 We finally found the real kid in the washing machine. 27 00:01:32,393 --> 00:01:36,029 Two months later, he's still dizzy. [ Chuckles ] 28 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:41,335 So, what do you say? Are you in? 29 00:01:41,402 --> 00:01:45,005 I'll give you a certificate that knocks another five weeks off your prison sentence. 30 00:01:45,072 --> 00:01:47,141 If it keeps 'em out of trouble... 31 00:01:47,208 --> 00:01:49,543 and gets me out of here five weeks sooner, 32 00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:51,645 I guess scaring kids is a good thing. 33 00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:53,781 Great! All right, you're gonna be putting on... 34 00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:55,883 a presentation at the school in a couple of days. 35 00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:58,886 Just pick any three prisoners you want to help you. 36 00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:02,390 Just, if you pick a black guy, make sure he's a doctor or lawyer. 37 00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:04,325 We don't want to perpetuate negative stereotypes. 38 00:02:06,194 --> 00:02:08,629 My name is Earl. 39 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:15,669 [ Earl Narrating ] I was excited to get started on my Scared Straight project, 40 00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:18,138 but first I had to look after Randy. 41 00:02:19,507 --> 00:02:21,442 You okay, Randy? I'm great. 42 00:02:21,509 --> 00:02:25,313 Found a shady spot in the yard where no other guards could see me, and I took a nap. 43 00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:29,049 [ Earl Narrating ] Because as great as it was to see Randy every day-- 44 00:02:29,116 --> 00:02:31,018 well, he wasn't the best prison guard. 45 00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:33,887 It was great. How was your weekend? 46 00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:40,761 [ Earl Narrating ] Sometimes I got there in the nick of time. 47 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:46,634 Hey, Randy. Hey, Earl. 48 00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:50,404 [ Earl Narrating ] And sometimes I didn't. Mealtime. 49 00:02:50,471 --> 00:02:52,773 Hello! Dinner. [ Man ] * I was in the right place * 50 00:02:54,141 --> 00:02:56,244 * Must have been the wrong time * Oh! Oh, no! 51 00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:58,279 [ Giggling ] That tickles. 52 00:02:58,346 --> 00:03:01,549 [ Gasps ] No. No, no. No, no! No! 53 00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:03,951 No! Earl! Earl! No! Earl! 54 00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,520 [ Blubbering ] 55 00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:11,859 - * My head is in a bad place * - [ Sniffs ] 56 00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:13,961 * But I'm havin' such a good time * Yeah. 57 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,830 [ Earl Narrating ] And sometimes he wasn't just a danger to himself. 58 00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:18,732 Everyone, this is Fred. 59 00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:21,635 It's his first time in prison, and he's a little nervous. 60 00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:24,672 He used to be a police officer, and then he molested a little boy. 61 00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:27,575 So make him feel welcome. * Must have been the right time * 62 00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:29,910 * I been in the right place ** 63 00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:32,179 Really? They wrote "Best guard" on my forehead? 64 00:03:32,246 --> 00:03:34,147 They sure did. 65 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:37,050 [ Earl Narrating ] I realized if I wanted to keep Randy out of trouble, 66 00:03:37,117 --> 00:03:40,688 I needed to keep him close, and I figured the warden wouldn't mind. 67 00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:42,623 Good news, Randy. 68 00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:44,692 The warden thinks you should be the guard... 69 00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:47,461 to escort us on the Scared Straight project. Cool! 70 00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:49,497 I was worried he thought I was an idiot... 71 00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:51,665 when he saw me fall out of that guard tower. 72 00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:54,302 I guess when I said, "I meant to do that," he believed me. 73 00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:56,904 [ Earl Narrating ] I was trying to help Randy stay out of trouble, 74 00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:59,707 and a very pregnant Joy was trying to get out of bed. 75 00:04:01,409 --> 00:04:04,111 Oh, thank God you're here. I'm stuck again. 76 00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:07,114 This mattress is pressing against me like a creepy uncle. 77 00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:09,450 [ Earl Narrating ] Recently, Joy had found out that Liberty, 78 00:04:09,517 --> 00:04:13,421 her lifelong enemy, was also her lifelong half-sister. 79 00:04:13,487 --> 00:04:15,323 And after putting aside their differences, 80 00:04:15,389 --> 00:04:18,158 Joy agreed to be Liberty and Ray-Ray's surrogate mom. 81 00:04:18,225 --> 00:04:21,795 Baby, I told you you needed to stay in the middle. I was in the middle. 82 00:04:21,862 --> 00:04:23,931 That damn monster truck pulled in next door... 83 00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:26,233 and created a wave that pushed me into the crack. 84 00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:28,469 Just get me out of here. I'm gonna go sleep on the couch. 85 00:04:28,536 --> 00:04:32,606 Now, you know you're not allowed to sleep on any furniture with exposed rusty springs. 86 00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:35,576 We don't know it was the couch that gave Earl Junior lockjaw. 87 00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:37,678 Besides, when I agreed to be their surrogate, 88 00:04:37,745 --> 00:04:40,047 I didn't realize they were part of the Nazi gazpacho. 89 00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:42,149 [ Earl Narrating ] Being new to parenting, Liberty and Ray-Ray... 90 00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:44,117 had a lot of baby rules. 91 00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:46,754 No fried foods, no trans fat, no alcohol, no tobacco-- 92 00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:50,023 You first timers are way overprotective. I was that way with Dodge. 93 00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:52,926 I even switched to Marlboro Lights, and he still came out with asthma. 94 00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:56,196 With Earl Junior, she smoked cloves. That's why he likes spicy food. 95 00:04:56,263 --> 00:05:00,000 Also, no soft cheeses, no canned cheeses, 96 00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:03,671 no antiperspirants, no hair dye and no g-strings. 97 00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:05,773 No g-strings or canned cheese? 98 00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:09,142 How the hell am I supposed to celebrate New Year's? 99 00:05:09,209 --> 00:05:11,779 [ Earl Narrating ] And even though she agreed to all those demands, 100 00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:16,183 nine months and two weeks later, her patience was runnin' thin. 101 00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:17,751 [ Groans ] 102 00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:21,121 Even though Joy was not in a very good place, Randy was-- 103 00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:24,692 by my side, where he'd be safe while I had my Scared Straight auditions. 104 00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:27,194 Our first two auditioners are Frank and Paco. 105 00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:29,096 Frank's new to performing, 106 00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:31,865 but Paco did once stab a guy in front of a big crowd. 107 00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:36,303 Thanks for comin' in. Frank, why don't you go first? Scare me straight. 108 00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:38,305 Okay. All right. Yo, yo! 109 00:05:38,372 --> 00:05:41,542 When you get in here, first I'm gonna mess you up, and then-- 110 00:05:43,544 --> 00:05:45,979 I'm sorry. I blanked out. 111 00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:48,148 [ Stammering ] You know, I had it perfectly back in my cell. 112 00:05:48,215 --> 00:05:50,851 You know what? My fault. Paco should have gone first. 113 00:05:50,918 --> 00:05:52,986 Go in the hall and collect yourself. 114 00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:54,722 [ Clears Throat ] 115 00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:57,825 - Go for it, Paco. - It's not too bad in here. 116 00:05:57,891 --> 00:06:01,228 I mean, I made some new friends, and I even took a computer course. 117 00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:04,064 And last week I googled myself-- Paco-- 118 00:06:04,131 --> 00:06:08,802 and I found out I have unclaimed money in Tejas-- that's Texas for you. 119 00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:10,938 Next. 120 00:06:11,004 --> 00:06:13,306 I like to cuddle. 121 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:16,376 You like to cuddle? You're in. 122 00:06:16,444 --> 00:06:19,112 Did you really think this could possibly work? 123 00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:21,014 I gave it a shot. 124 00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:23,383 This is you. 125 00:06:23,451 --> 00:06:25,986 This is you in prison. 126 00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:33,160 Any questions? It was confusing, but I like your voice. 127 00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:36,597 - You're in. - Watch this. This'll freak the kids out. 128 00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:44,371 That was impressive, Wilson. 129 00:06:44,438 --> 00:06:45,906 Wilson? 130 00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:50,310 Damn, I wish he would have saved that for the show. 131 00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:52,345 Then I'm gonna kick in all your teeth, 132 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,281 and rent you out for cigarettes like what. 133 00:06:54,347 --> 00:06:57,184 When I get a hundred cigarettes, I'm gonna stuff 'em all up in your mouth... 134 00:06:57,250 --> 00:07:00,253 and make you smoke 'em, like that dude from the Guinness Book of World Records. 135 00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:03,023 You know why? 'Cause prison is boring. 136 00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:05,358 I knew you had it in you. 137 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,928 So did I get the part? 138 00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:09,863 [ Earl Narrating ] I had my Scared Straight team together... 139 00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:12,032 and was excited to show the warden. 140 00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:15,536 Okay, kids. 141 00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:20,808 The scariest thing about prison is that there's violence everywhere. 142 00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:25,312 Everywhere. Yeah. Everyone's always trying to get over on you. 143 00:07:25,378 --> 00:07:27,648 And when you think you're safe, 144 00:07:27,715 --> 00:07:30,851 [ Whispering ] you're walking along by yourself... 145 00:07:30,918 --> 00:07:32,853 because you might be walking around and-- 146 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:36,289 [ Yells ] [ Screams, Laughs ] 147 00:07:36,356 --> 00:07:37,858 That is such nice work. 148 00:07:37,925 --> 00:07:39,760 You like that? That is so scary. 149 00:07:39,827 --> 00:07:42,663 Just had another thought. 150 00:07:42,730 --> 00:07:46,266 What if the Scared Straight show had a green message too? 151 00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:50,571 - I don't follow. - Green-- It means "environmentally friendly." 152 00:07:50,638 --> 00:07:53,040 Yeah. The thing is, sir, 153 00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:56,910 uh, goin' green doesn't fit with the rest of the show. 154 00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:58,946 Well, work your magic. Make it fit. 155 00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:01,381 Well, I'd just be wedgin' it in. 156 00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:05,085 What if I told you you had to do it because I'm your boss? 157 00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:08,355 Then I would say I could take the shower killing story, 158 00:08:08,421 --> 00:08:11,559 and turn it into something about the importance of conserving water. 159 00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:14,061 That's good. 160 00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:16,096 [ Inhales ] And how about if we start the show... 161 00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:18,832 when the guy bends over to pick up the phosphate-free soap? 162 00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:23,370 [ Earl Narrating ] I wasn't the only one dealing with other people's crazy ideas. 163 00:08:23,436 --> 00:08:27,507 PBS? Ray-Ray, how the hell would I get PBS when I'm pregnant? 164 00:08:28,776 --> 00:08:30,911 Oh. It's a channel? 165 00:08:30,978 --> 00:08:32,846 Oh. Hold on. 166 00:08:36,784 --> 00:08:39,452 Okay, I found it. [ Man On TV, Indistinct ] 167 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,755 He's listening. 168 00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:45,626 Dipstick and dumdum want the baby to listen... 169 00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:48,361 to some stupid show about the moon landing. 170 00:08:48,428 --> 00:08:50,631 Alleged moon landing. 171 00:08:50,698 --> 00:08:54,602 Keep the receiver covered while I give this baby the opposing point of view. 172 00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,538 Consider this, little man. 173 00:08:58,606 --> 00:09:01,842 In the footage, you'll notice shadows from divergent sources. 174 00:09:01,909 --> 00:09:05,212 [ Snickers ] This baby's already smart, Darnell. 175 00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:08,481 He just turned around, so you're talkin' to his butt. 176 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:11,518 [ Earl Narrating ] That baby still had a chance to come out smart, 177 00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:13,386 but it was too late for Randy, 178 00:09:13,453 --> 00:09:17,157 who had just been outsmarted by a pair of handcuffs. 179 00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:21,328 Oh, hey, Earl. These things close so fast. 180 00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:24,865 Sit down, Randy. I think we need to have a little talk. 181 00:09:24,932 --> 00:09:26,667 Okay. 182 00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:28,836 I'm wonderin' if... 183 00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,904 you wouldn't be happier workin', uh, 184 00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:35,475 in someplace like the cafeteria. 185 00:09:35,542 --> 00:09:37,510 No way. 186 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:40,580 Cafeteria guys don't get nightsticks or cool uniforms. 187 00:09:40,648 --> 00:09:43,450 Where is your nightstick? Oh, I lost it. 188 00:09:43,516 --> 00:09:47,621 I didn't lose it. I know which prisoner has it, but he won't give it back, so-- 189 00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:52,492 Come on, Randy. Workin' in the cafeteria, they'll let you use the big spoon. 190 00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:55,062 That is a big spoon they got in there. 191 00:09:56,664 --> 00:09:58,866 Wait. Do you think I'm a bad guard? 192 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:02,502 No. Not-Not bad, just... too trusting. 193 00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:06,573 And I can't look after you in here like I can on the outside. 194 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:09,943 [ Laughs ] What are you talking about? I look after you. 195 00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:12,680 Randy, that's ridiculous. 196 00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:17,184 Is it? Who got you a new mattress when Hepatitis Bob had sex with yours? 197 00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:20,921 If I hadn't have been here, you'd have whatever disease Hepatitis Bob has. 198 00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:22,956 Face it, Randy, you only took this job... 199 00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:24,925 'cause you couldn't exist out there without me. 200 00:10:24,992 --> 00:10:27,795 Or maybe I knew you couldn't exist in here without me. 201 00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:31,264 Or maybe you're gettin' defensive and sayin' everything I say back at me. 202 00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:34,067 Or maybe you're just sayin' what I'm gonna say before I say it. 203 00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:37,304 What? I don't know. Why don't you tell me? 204 00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:41,241 Randy, the point is, you're not cut out for positions of authority. 205 00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:46,479 I see what's happening here. 206 00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:48,782 You can't handle me being in charge. 207 00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:50,250 What? Yeah. 208 00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:52,485 You've been bossin' me around so long, 209 00:10:52,552 --> 00:10:54,621 you can't stand that I'm top dog. 210 00:10:54,688 --> 00:10:56,556 [ Laughs ] Oh, really? 211 00:10:56,623 --> 00:10:59,760 You think you're top dog? Huh. 212 00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:04,998 Come here, top dog. Give it. 213 00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:06,967 Give it! Come get it, top dog. 214 00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:09,102 Give it! Randy, look. 215 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,404 It doesn't matter that you're a guard and I'm a prisoner, 216 00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:14,574 'cause when it comes to us, I'm always gonna be in charge. Oh, yeah? 217 00:11:14,641 --> 00:11:16,910 Code Pink. 218 00:11:20,748 --> 00:11:22,816 [ Chuckling ] 219 00:11:22,883 --> 00:11:25,152 You'll get your stuff back at the end of the day. 220 00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:28,688 Now get out in the yard. It's time for mandatory volleyball. 221 00:11:28,756 --> 00:11:30,858 Randy-- Randy! 222 00:11:30,924 --> 00:11:33,293 Ra-- Randy! Randy. 223 00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:39,466 [ Earl Narrating ] I was trying to get ready for my Scared Straight presentation, 224 00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:43,036 but me and Randy were still fighting over which one of us was in charge. 225 00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:46,139 Not jail-- No pointers. 226 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:49,709 - [ Shards Clatter ] - Anyway, not jail-- 227 00:11:49,777 --> 00:11:51,845 No pointing. 228 00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:55,082 [ Earl Narrating ] I was surprised to see Randy was stayin' so mad. 229 00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:57,150 But I guess being the little brother, 230 00:11:57,217 --> 00:12:00,553 these feelings had been building up inside him for years. 231 00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:02,389 Randy, I told you. It's too weird. 232 00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:05,725 We can't both have mustaches, and I had mine first. 233 00:12:05,793 --> 00:12:08,896 [ Buzzing ] 234 00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:12,900 [ Earl Narrating ] In fact, I was in charge for as long as either of us could remember. 235 00:12:13,801 --> 00:12:15,135 [ Gurgling ] 236 00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:17,570 Randy didn't just mess with my rehearsal time. 237 00:12:17,637 --> 00:12:19,439 He also started messing with my meals. 238 00:12:19,506 --> 00:12:21,474 [ Man ] * Searching for something to say * 239 00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:24,311 Half portion. 240 00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:26,746 Who's in charge now? 241 00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:29,382 * Flashing lights against the sky * 242 00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:31,618 Kosher meal. 243 00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:37,157 * Giving up I close my eyes * Enjoy your Muslim food. 244 00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:39,459 Regular meal. 245 00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:43,530 * Sitting cross-legged on the floor * 246 00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,866 Upside-down. * Twenty-five or six to four ** 247 00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:47,167 Damn it, Randy. You're actin' like-- 248 00:12:47,234 --> 00:12:49,469 Code Pink. [ Squeaky Voice ] No. No. 249 00:12:49,536 --> 00:12:53,506 [ Earl Narrating ] Turns out me and Joy were both dealing with uncooperative babies. 250 00:12:53,573 --> 00:12:56,043 And your great-great-great- great-great grandfather was sent to Asia... 251 00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:58,711 by a tobacco company to get the Chinese hooked on smoking. 252 00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:02,282 If you ever go there, little one, you'll see what a first-rate job he done. 253 00:13:02,349 --> 00:13:04,451 Damn it, Ray-Ray, the baby can't see you. 254 00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:06,619 You wanna show him pictures, let me induce. 255 00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:09,756 Absolutely not. Inducing's not a part of our natural childbirth plan. 256 00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:11,624 Your body will tell us when it's time. 257 00:13:11,691 --> 00:13:14,995 My mouth speaks for my body, and it's sayin' it's go time. 258 00:13:15,062 --> 00:13:17,030 My daddy always said, "Don't do business with family." 259 00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:20,767 - I told you we should have gotten a written contract. - Good luck with that. 260 00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:23,536 Before we were married, I asked for a prenuptial agreement, 261 00:13:23,603 --> 00:13:27,640 and she burned all my stuff-- but then she did sign it. 262 00:13:27,707 --> 00:13:30,077 We don't need a written contract. 263 00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:32,545 Joy and I have a verbal agreement between sisters. 264 00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:35,382 Look, I agreed to carry this baby for nine months. 265 00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:39,152 So technically, our agreement expired two weeks ago. 266 00:13:39,219 --> 00:13:41,221 Only reason I haven't cut this baby out myself... 267 00:13:41,288 --> 00:13:43,356 is because a caesarean scar and my prom scar... 268 00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:46,059 would make a weird little crucifix right above my landing strip. 269 00:13:48,761 --> 00:13:52,165 Yo, man, I mean, things were going from worse to even worser. 270 00:13:52,232 --> 00:13:55,368 Not only did the cops have my footprint from the casino vault, 271 00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:58,171 but my carbon footprint was off the charts. 272 00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:02,342 Great job, guys. We're leavin' in five minutes. 273 00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:05,178 And Scooby, when you tell that story about dumping a body in the woods, 274 00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:07,280 say you felt bad about litterin'. 275 00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:11,684 I did. That was the only part I did feel bad about. 276 00:14:11,751 --> 00:14:15,155 You can go back to your bunk now, Earl. You're not involved in the show anymore. 277 00:14:15,222 --> 00:14:18,458 What? Your field trip privileges have been canceled. 278 00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:22,329 I'm only takin' these three. I can do that 'cause I'm in charge. 279 00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:25,798 Well, I'll talk to the warden. The warden's not here. We're leavin'. 280 00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:28,468 Randy, you're gettin' way out of control. 281 00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:31,504 You know what's getting way out of control? My Taser hand. 282 00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:35,275 My Taser hand's way out of control. Randy, you know I hate Tasers. 283 00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:37,978 Come on, guys. We're goin'. Right. 284 00:14:42,749 --> 00:14:46,353 Frank-- Do me a favor. 285 00:14:46,419 --> 00:14:48,621 My brother gets a little mixed up and-- 286 00:14:48,688 --> 00:14:51,124 Don't worry. I'll look after him. Hey, but, Earl. 287 00:14:51,191 --> 00:14:54,694 About my performance-- Am I doing good, or am I pushing? 288 00:14:54,761 --> 00:14:58,165 Yeah, it-- It's good. All right. 289 00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:00,200 [ Man ] * I like to dream, yes * Carbon footprints. 290 00:15:00,267 --> 00:15:02,402 [ Earl Narrating ] Frank didn't want to push, but Joy did. 291 00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:05,172 She was trying everything she could to get that baby out. 292 00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:08,976 * On a cloud of sound I drift in the night * 293 00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:11,678 * Anyplace it goes is right * 294 00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:13,413 * Goes far, flies near * 295 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:16,249 [ Earl Narrating ] 'Cause while she promised not to induce at the hospital, 296 00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:19,086 she never promised not to try and induce at home. 297 00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:21,888 * Why don't you tell your dreams to me * 298 00:15:21,955 --> 00:15:24,557 * Fantasy will set you free * 299 00:15:24,624 --> 00:15:28,595 * Close your eyes, girl Look inside, girl * 300 00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:31,965 * Let the sound take you away ** 301 00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:34,401 [ Exhales ] 302 00:15:38,838 --> 00:15:41,708 Get out, get out, get out, get out! 303 00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:45,578 [ Children ] Bye! [ Together ] Bye! 304 00:15:45,645 --> 00:15:47,580 Great show, guys. 305 00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:51,018 I heard one kid say he'll never stab anyone or order Chilean sea bass. 306 00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:52,819 They are dangerously overfished. 307 00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:55,822 Hey, Bob, that was really something how you got the teacher's phone number, 308 00:15:55,888 --> 00:15:58,191 even after telling that story about killing a teacher. 309 00:15:58,258 --> 00:16:00,260 I dig chicks who wanna fix me. 310 00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:02,529 You know what? You guys did such an awesome job, 311 00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:05,198 - we're gonna stop for ice cream. - [ All ] Yeah! 312 00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:07,467 All right! All right. 313 00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:11,671 This is the last time I'll bring it up, 314 00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:14,507 but frozen yogurt would be a lot healthier than ice cream. 315 00:16:18,245 --> 00:16:20,647 Damn. There's no parking spots. 316 00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:24,051 I don't wanna double park. If I get a ticket in this van, I'll get in big trouble. 317 00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:26,986 We could run in for you. 318 00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:31,124 Okay, I'm trustin' you. 319 00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:34,361 I want half french vanilla, half rocky road. 320 00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:38,331 Sprinkles-- not too many. Only rainbow color. 321 00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:41,801 One scoop chopped nuts. Whipped cream. Don't screw me on this. 322 00:16:41,868 --> 00:16:46,073 Yeah, but what about Frank? Just let him sleep. But get him something. 323 00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:48,308 Nothin' too fancy. He hates snobs. 324 00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:51,178 Get him a working man's flavor, like rum raisin. Mmm. 325 00:16:51,244 --> 00:16:53,213 Or brown. Okay. 326 00:17:03,956 --> 00:17:06,559 Baby, you've been squatting for five and a half hours. 327 00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:10,029 That's, like, five hours longer than any human should squat. 328 00:17:10,097 --> 00:17:13,133 That's it. I don't care what I promised. 329 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:17,504 We're going to the hospital and inducing right now. Get your keys. 330 00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:23,210 [ Groans ] 331 00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:26,279 I'm all cramped up. 332 00:17:33,853 --> 00:17:36,156 I feel like B.J. and the Bear. 333 00:17:36,223 --> 00:17:38,258 [ Woman On P.A., Indistinct ] 334 00:17:38,325 --> 00:17:41,628 Whichever one of you pregnant bitches thinks you're goin' next, you are wrong. 335 00:17:41,694 --> 00:17:44,397 I need to get some drugs to kick-start this delivery. 336 00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:52,004 - Randy. - [ Gasps ] I forgot you were back there. 337 00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:55,908 - Where is everyone? - Silly sleepyhead, did you forget? Ice cream. 338 00:17:55,975 --> 00:17:58,077 - What? - Don't worry. They're gettin' you something. 339 00:17:58,145 --> 00:18:01,013 No, no, no. Randy, you can't just let a couple of criminals... 340 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,882 go into an ice cream store. 341 00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:05,852 It's like lettin' a bull loose in a Chinese shop. 342 00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:09,322 That's nuts. How would you even get a bull into a store? 343 00:18:09,389 --> 00:18:13,726 The door would have to be huge, and then, once he was in there, he'd just go crazy with-- 344 00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:15,628 Oh, crap. 345 00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:18,898 [ Sighs ] 346 00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:21,968 Can't believe you didn't trust us. 347 00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:25,338 Although now that I think about it, that was a wasted opportunity. 348 00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:30,210 I'm sorry, guys. I should have known better than to think one of you would try and run away. 349 00:18:31,144 --> 00:18:33,079 Frank? 350 00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:35,482 Frank? 351 00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:39,786 An escaped convict and a parking ticket on a state vehicle? 352 00:18:39,852 --> 00:18:43,156 Not the kind of thing that's gonna get me laid at home, fellas. 353 00:18:43,223 --> 00:18:45,192 I-It's not my fault, sir. 354 00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:47,227 Captain Jackass was in charge. 355 00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:51,898 You actually took prisoners for ice cream? 356 00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:54,000 Yes, sir. 357 00:18:54,066 --> 00:18:57,304 But I got a receipt, so if I can just get my eight dollars back-- 358 00:18:57,370 --> 00:18:59,306 - Moron. - [ Snickers ] 359 00:18:59,372 --> 00:19:02,275 I hold you both responsible for this mess. 360 00:19:02,342 --> 00:19:05,878 Look, sir, I knew Frank on the outside. 361 00:19:05,945 --> 00:19:08,481 Maybe I can help the troopers figure out where he's hidin'. 362 00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:11,318 No, no, no! No troopers. No press. 363 00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:13,686 And the governor can never hear about this. 364 00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:15,688 [ Earl Narrating ] There was a good reason... 365 00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:17,690 the warden didn't want the governor to find out. 366 00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:21,294 She was also his wife. So you're trying Scared Straight again? 367 00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:24,731 - Yes. - And this time you're going to the school? 368 00:19:24,797 --> 00:19:27,867 - That's what I said. - With actual prisoners? 369 00:19:27,934 --> 00:19:31,604 I know what I'm doing. I'm a grown man. [ Grunts ] 370 00:19:34,106 --> 00:19:37,644 You like your job, fella? Yes. 371 00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:43,416 Do you like your brother? Not at the moment, sir, no. 372 00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:45,885 Too bad. You're both gonna go out there. 373 00:19:45,952 --> 00:19:48,355 You're gonna find Frank, and you're gonna bring him back. 374 00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:50,390 Fine. We'll do it. 375 00:19:50,457 --> 00:19:53,493 Great. You got 46 hours. 376 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:56,796 And nobody better find out about it. Uh, sir-- 377 00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:59,031 Before we go, which one of us is in charge? 378 00:19:59,098 --> 00:20:01,634 Would you two figure it out? 379 00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:08,408 [ Mouthing Words ] 380 00:20:11,278 --> 00:20:13,513 [ Men ] * Freeze frame, freeze frame * 381 00:20:13,580 --> 00:20:16,716 * Whoo! Now freeze ** 31034

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.