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1
00:00:06,049 --> 00:00:08,399
♪
2
00:00:10,662 --> 00:00:14,057
Gentlemen,
welcome to my universe.
3
00:00:14,101 --> 00:00:16,059
♪
4
00:00:18,279 --> 00:00:20,063
-Whoa!
-Oh, holy shit.
5
00:00:20,107 --> 00:00:22,022
♪
6
00:00:34,817 --> 00:00:36,514
It's a feast
for the eyes
7
00:00:36,558 --> 00:00:38,342
and a veritable buffet
for the dick.
8
00:00:38,386 --> 00:00:39,996
Oh, good.
My dick is starving.
9
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:41,432
So get into it
10
00:00:41,476 --> 00:00:44,261
'cause tonight,
you're my guests here.
11
00:00:44,305 --> 00:00:47,003
Enjoy some women,
do some drugs.
12
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,657
Nothing's off-limits.
13
00:00:48,700 --> 00:00:50,311
So, hey, man,
have you been able
14
00:00:50,354 --> 00:00:51,660
to talk to ghosts
your whole life
15
00:00:51,703 --> 00:00:53,227
-or is it like a--
-Except for that.
16
00:00:53,270 --> 00:00:55,142
We don't talk
about that in public.
17
00:00:55,185 --> 00:00:57,100
Oh, yeah, right.
No, me neither.
18
00:00:57,144 --> 00:00:58,884
-That's-- that's gross.
-Come on, man! Don't be weird!
19
00:00:58,928 --> 00:01:00,930
-I'm being totally weird.
-So, Danny,
20
00:01:00,973 --> 00:01:03,019
now, I've been following you
for a long time,
21
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:04,412
uh, not stalking you,
obviously,
22
00:01:04,455 --> 00:01:05,978
but following you
on Instagram, and, uh,
23
00:01:06,022 --> 00:01:08,285
I've noticed
that all of these parties
24
00:01:08,329 --> 00:01:09,939
have orgies
taking place.
25
00:01:09,982 --> 00:01:12,898
Do you know, kind of,
when that tends to happen or...
26
00:01:12,942 --> 00:01:16,380
Orgies, uh,
are like an avalanche.
27
00:01:16,424 --> 00:01:17,773
You can't force them.
28
00:01:17,816 --> 00:01:20,254
You just gotta let them
happen naturally.
29
00:01:20,297 --> 00:01:21,951
Although--
hang on, they--
30
00:01:21,994 --> 00:01:24,693
they do make avalanches
happen, right?
31
00:01:24,736 --> 00:01:27,043
They light the dynamite
and throw it off the helicopter.
32
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,392
Hey, man, could you
take your shoes off?
33
00:01:28,436 --> 00:01:29,393
-Yeah! I'm so sorry.
-Oh, shit...
34
00:01:29,437 --> 00:01:30,916
Nah, you're cool, man.
35
00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:33,354
-Just this little bitch.
-Hey, Danny.
36
00:01:33,397 --> 00:01:35,530
Oh, excuse me,
gentlemen.
37
00:01:35,573 --> 00:01:37,836
I gotta let these ladies
use my dick as a coke mirror.
38
00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:39,403
-Sure, sure, sure.
-But enjoy yourself.
39
00:01:39,447 --> 00:01:40,665
Don't do anything
I wouldn't do.
40
00:01:40,709 --> 00:01:42,667
Thank you,
Danny Poker!
41
00:01:42,711 --> 00:01:44,147
Man, I can't fucking believe
we're at a Danny Poker party.
42
00:01:44,191 --> 00:01:45,714
I know, I know, right?
43
00:01:45,757 --> 00:01:48,760
It is, uh--
it's very arousing.
44
00:01:49,892 --> 00:01:51,807
-Hey.
-Really, dude?
45
00:01:51,850 --> 00:01:53,896
-Come on.
-Don't listen to him.
46
00:01:53,939 --> 00:01:56,203
He doesn't see what I see,
sweet stuff.
47
00:01:56,246 --> 00:01:58,248
You caught my eye
from across the room.
48
00:01:58,292 --> 00:02:00,729
I want you in my mouth.
49
00:02:02,426 --> 00:02:04,428
I'm ready, are you?
Shit!
50
00:02:04,472 --> 00:02:06,604
Ah, what happened
to the chocolate?
51
00:02:06,648 --> 00:02:09,651
Don't worry.
Just a blown fuse.
52
00:02:09,694 --> 00:02:11,392
Don't let
your pussies dry up.
53
00:02:11,435 --> 00:02:14,525
♪
54
00:02:26,711 --> 00:02:29,192
♪
55
00:02:59,091 --> 00:03:01,442
-[moaning]
-[snaps fingers] Get out.
56
00:03:01,485 --> 00:03:04,009
-Suck face in the toilet.
-Yeah, go suck toilet.
57
00:03:04,053 --> 00:03:06,708
What were you two
even doing in here?
58
00:03:06,751 --> 00:03:09,232
What was--
what was going on?
59
00:03:09,276 --> 00:03:11,234
You saw that piece-of-shit
ghost, right?
60
00:03:11,278 --> 00:03:13,236
Yeah, I did.
But are you testing me
61
00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:14,759
or are we allowed
to talk about ghosts now?
62
00:03:14,803 --> 00:03:16,152
That guy shows up
at all my parties,
63
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,545
turns off all the goddamn
electricity
64
00:03:17,588 --> 00:03:19,460
like some sort of retarded
Thomas Edison.
65
00:03:19,503 --> 00:03:20,939
Fucking ghosts, right?
66
00:03:20,983 --> 00:03:22,506
I mean,
you can't live with them
67
00:03:22,550 --> 00:03:23,899
'cause technically
they're not alive,
68
00:03:23,942 --> 00:03:25,509
and I could totally
live without them,
69
00:03:25,553 --> 00:03:27,555
so I guess I don't really
have a point.
70
00:03:27,598 --> 00:03:30,819
I mean, how am I gonna bounce
that guy, right?
71
00:03:30,862 --> 00:03:33,213
I mean, if anybody sees me
talking to a ghost,
72
00:03:33,256 --> 00:03:34,866
like, they're gonna know
why I'm so good at cards.
73
00:03:34,910 --> 00:03:36,955
-Yeah, that would suck.
-Yeah.
74
00:03:36,999 --> 00:03:39,175
Well, you know,
I could talk to him.
75
00:03:40,481 --> 00:03:41,960
-Seriously?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
76
00:03:42,004 --> 00:03:44,615
Getting rid of ghosts
is kind of my thing.
77
00:03:47,966 --> 00:03:51,187
♪
78
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,276
[chuckles]
79
00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,887
♪
80
00:03:55,931 --> 00:03:57,280
Whoo! Yes.
81
00:03:57,324 --> 00:03:59,151
Hey-o!
82
00:03:59,195 --> 00:04:01,153
Hello, my name is Pac.
Yes, I can see you.
83
00:04:01,197 --> 00:04:03,112
Unfortunately,
this is a private event,
84
00:04:03,155 --> 00:04:05,375
so I'm gonna have to politely
ask you to get the fuck out.
85
00:04:05,419 --> 00:04:08,378
I'd be more than happy to leave
this Sodom and Gomorrah.
86
00:04:08,422 --> 00:04:10,989
-Good.
-Just as long as he leaves, too.
87
00:04:11,033 --> 00:04:13,383
That is my son Elijah.
88
00:04:13,427 --> 00:04:15,342
He left for Rumspringa
about a year ago
89
00:04:15,385 --> 00:04:16,995
and now it is time
for him
90
00:04:17,039 --> 00:04:18,736
to come back
to the Amish community.
91
00:04:18,780 --> 00:04:21,043
Okay, what if
he doesn't want to?
92
00:04:21,086 --> 00:04:22,174
He does.
93
00:04:22,218 --> 00:04:24,089
You see,
I have six daughters.
94
00:04:24,133 --> 00:04:26,657
-Wow.
-Elijah is my only son.
95
00:04:26,701 --> 00:04:30,052
He's the family's only hope
to continue the bloodline.
96
00:04:30,095 --> 00:04:33,360
He just needs
a friendly reminder.
97
00:04:33,403 --> 00:04:34,535
That's where I come in.
98
00:04:34,578 --> 00:04:36,798
All right,
consider it done.
99
00:04:36,841 --> 00:04:39,670
-You can go.
-How can I "consider it done"
100
00:04:39,714 --> 00:04:41,237
if you haven't
done it yet?
101
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,283
No, no, I mean it--
I'm going to do it.
102
00:04:43,326 --> 00:04:45,981
-It's as good as done.
-I'll just wait until you do it.
103
00:04:46,024 --> 00:04:48,810
Dude, it's a fucking
figment of speech.
104
00:04:48,853 --> 00:04:51,291
-Will you get on with it?
-Oh, my God!
105
00:04:51,334 --> 00:04:53,293
Yes, I will.
106
00:04:53,336 --> 00:04:55,295
[clears throat]
107
00:04:55,338 --> 00:04:57,819
Hey, Elijah?
Got some coke there, huh?
108
00:04:57,862 --> 00:05:00,865
-Yeah, man.
-Okay, my name is Pac
109
00:05:00,909 --> 00:05:02,084
and I'm a medium.
110
00:05:02,127 --> 00:05:03,520
And the ghost
of your father is here.
111
00:05:03,564 --> 00:05:05,566
He wants you
to put an end to all this
112
00:05:05,609 --> 00:05:07,437
and wrap up
your Ramstinger.
113
00:05:07,481 --> 00:05:09,483
-Rumspringa.
-Roomstinger.
114
00:05:09,526 --> 00:05:11,354
-My dad's really here?
-Yes, really.
115
00:05:11,398 --> 00:05:13,225
He's standing
right here with us.
116
00:05:15,097 --> 00:05:16,838
Fuck you, Dad!
117
00:05:16,881 --> 00:05:18,579
No, uh,
he's actually over here.
118
00:05:18,622 --> 00:05:20,189
Fuck you, Dad!
119
00:05:20,232 --> 00:05:22,626
This is the life
I want to lead!
120
00:05:22,670 --> 00:05:25,194
Not-- not that life
of cow shit!
121
00:05:25,237 --> 00:05:28,066
Tell him that Hannah's husband
has died.
122
00:05:28,110 --> 00:05:30,199
-Who's Hannah?
-Wait, Hannah?
123
00:05:30,242 --> 00:05:32,244
-What about Hannah?
-As children,
124
00:05:32,288 --> 00:05:34,638
they played double Dutch
every night after dinner.
125
00:05:34,682 --> 00:05:35,900
-That's sweet.
-She grew
126
00:05:35,944 --> 00:05:37,902
to be a full-bodied,
sturdy woman...
127
00:05:37,946 --> 00:05:39,382
-Mm.
-...with long hair
128
00:05:39,426 --> 00:05:41,906
and strong legs
and good milking hands.
129
00:05:41,950 --> 00:05:43,734
Yeah, I can see
why anyone would like that.
130
00:05:43,778 --> 00:05:46,171
All the other men in the village
are married off.
131
00:05:46,215 --> 00:05:49,131
He'd literally be the only one
left she could marry.
132
00:05:49,174 --> 00:05:51,046
-What's he saying?
-Uh, he's saying
133
00:05:51,089 --> 00:05:53,614
that Hannah's husband
dropped dead.
134
00:05:53,657 --> 00:05:55,703
-R-really?
-Really. If you go back now,
135
00:05:55,746 --> 00:05:57,487
all the fresh milk
you can handle.
136
00:05:57,531 --> 00:05:59,097
[glass clinks]
137
00:06:00,447 --> 00:06:02,884
-Fine.
-Excellent. Good. Yeah.
138
00:06:02,927 --> 00:06:05,060
Okay, and now
you can consider it done
139
00:06:05,103 --> 00:06:06,757
and go into your light.
Is it this one?
140
00:06:06,801 --> 00:06:08,933
I don't trust
Elijah will make it
141
00:06:08,977 --> 00:06:10,979
out of this devil's playground
on his own.
142
00:06:11,022 --> 00:06:12,763
What are you talking about?
He's fine. Look at him.
143
00:06:12,807 --> 00:06:14,983
You must
escort him home.
144
00:06:15,026 --> 00:06:16,898
Come on, man!
You're ruining my night!
145
00:06:16,941 --> 00:06:19,117
All I wanna do is have my way
with that chocolate fountain
146
00:06:19,161 --> 00:06:20,510
for a few half hours!
147
00:06:20,554 --> 00:06:22,251
Okay, fuck. Fine, fine.
Yes, I'll go.
148
00:06:22,294 --> 00:06:24,122
[people cheering]
149
00:06:25,689 --> 00:06:27,735
Wait for me,
my sweet.
150
00:06:27,778 --> 00:06:29,040
♪
151
00:06:31,913 --> 00:06:33,262
You've got this, man.
152
00:06:33,305 --> 00:06:34,611
Now, I know chicks
can be intimidating,
153
00:06:34,655 --> 00:06:36,047
but you just gotta
be aggressive, bro.
154
00:06:36,091 --> 00:06:37,614
Chicks love aggression!
155
00:06:37,658 --> 00:06:39,747
Are you equipped
to give dating advice?
156
00:06:39,790 --> 00:06:41,226
No, not really.
157
00:06:41,270 --> 00:06:42,619
Ooh, I'm starving.
Are we gonna eat?
158
00:06:44,447 --> 00:06:46,797
-Hey, guys.
-[gasps] Elijah!
159
00:06:46,841 --> 00:06:48,103
-Ta-da!
-Hi, guys.
160
00:06:48,146 --> 00:06:50,105
-The "prodigidal" son returns.
-Hi.
161
00:06:50,148 --> 00:06:52,324
Not me-- him.
Big huggers, huh?
162
00:06:52,368 --> 00:06:53,935
-That's nice.
-Hi.
163
00:06:53,978 --> 00:06:55,719
Super sweet, but I got
a big party to get back to,
164
00:06:55,763 --> 00:06:57,242
-so let's wrap it up.
165
00:06:57,286 --> 00:06:58,940
-Last one.
-Hi!
166
00:06:58,983 --> 00:07:01,421
-Um, guys, this is Pac.
-Hello.
167
00:07:01,464 --> 00:07:03,640
He's from a West Coast
community.
168
00:07:03,684 --> 00:07:05,120
Hi.
169
00:07:05,163 --> 00:07:07,165
He-- he rides the short wagon
around town.
170
00:07:07,209 --> 00:07:08,906
Ah.
171
00:07:08,950 --> 00:07:10,734
Hold on a second, did you
just introduce me as retarded?
172
00:07:10,778 --> 00:07:12,170
♪
173
00:07:12,214 --> 00:07:14,216
Did you? Um...
[chuckles]
174
00:07:14,259 --> 00:07:17,785
♪
175
00:07:17,828 --> 00:07:19,395
-Hi.
-Who the fuck is that?
176
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:20,918
-Elijah, language!
-Sorry.
177
00:07:20,962 --> 00:07:22,659
I'm still cleansing
the mouth palate.
178
00:07:22,703 --> 00:07:24,139
-Who is that?
-Oh, that's
179
00:07:24,182 --> 00:07:25,749
Jebediah Klopfenstein,
180
00:07:25,793 --> 00:07:28,404
a recent transfer from
a community in Pennsylvania.
181
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,101
-Shit.
-Hannah seems to like him.
182
00:07:30,145 --> 00:07:31,494
What's not to like?
183
00:07:31,538 --> 00:07:33,148
He's a paragon
of Amish culture,
184
00:07:33,191 --> 00:07:35,150
pure as the day
is long.
185
00:07:35,193 --> 00:07:37,500
Never even taken
a Rumspringa.
186
00:07:37,544 --> 00:07:39,371
-That's fucking insane!
-Elijah!
187
00:07:39,415 --> 00:07:40,764
Sorry.
188
00:07:40,808 --> 00:07:42,244
I thought
my dumb dad said
189
00:07:42,287 --> 00:07:43,680
she wouldn't have
any fucking suitors.
190
00:07:43,724 --> 00:07:44,899
-Well, he did.
-I can't compete
191
00:07:44,942 --> 00:07:46,248
with Amish
Seann William Scott.
192
00:07:46,291 --> 00:07:47,771
Oh, yeah.
Nailed it.
193
00:07:47,815 --> 00:07:49,817
♪
194
00:07:52,602 --> 00:07:54,343
Hey, listen, listen,
listen to me.
195
00:07:54,386 --> 00:07:56,519
Okay, so he's a bona fide
bohunk times 10.
196
00:07:56,563 --> 00:07:58,565
Okay, so what?
So are we, right?
197
00:07:58,608 --> 00:08:00,523
Plus, think about your odds.
They're still pretty good.
198
00:08:00,567 --> 00:08:03,134
There's only one other guy
and he's a fucking transfer.
199
00:08:03,178 --> 00:08:04,832
You were her double Dutch
partner, man.
200
00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:06,834
Come on,
show her the ropes.
201
00:08:06,877 --> 00:08:08,226
Show her the ropes,
jump her in.
202
00:08:08,270 --> 00:08:09,793
-Yeah.
-Yeah!
203
00:08:09,837 --> 00:08:10,881
Come on! Let's go.
204
00:08:10,925 --> 00:08:12,535
-Come on.
-All right.
205
00:08:12,579 --> 00:08:14,363
♪
206
00:08:14,406 --> 00:08:15,799
Hey, hey,
get the fuck out there.
207
00:08:15,843 --> 00:08:18,062
Come on, go.
Go, go, go, go.
208
00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:26,070
Fuck!
209
00:08:26,114 --> 00:08:27,942
Just wipe it off
casually, man.
210
00:08:27,985 --> 00:08:30,379
Just-- this doesn't need
to be a disaster.
211
00:08:30,422 --> 00:08:32,033
-Yes.
-Okay.
212
00:08:32,076 --> 00:08:33,425
Bailamos.
213
00:08:36,690 --> 00:08:39,083
-Hi. Hi, Hannah.
-Elijah!
214
00:08:39,127 --> 00:08:40,955
Oh, it's been
so long!
215
00:08:40,998 --> 00:08:42,826
Yes! Um, may I have
this dance?
216
00:08:42,870 --> 00:08:45,742
Um, actually...
217
00:08:55,056 --> 00:08:56,971
♪
218
00:09:18,470 --> 00:09:21,299
Bring her back. Bring her back
to her childhood, yeah!
219
00:09:21,343 --> 00:09:23,650
♪
220
00:09:34,312 --> 00:09:37,141
♪
221
00:09:39,491 --> 00:09:41,276
Amish Style.
222
00:09:46,324 --> 00:09:47,848
Amish Style.
223
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,510
-[squishes]
-Fuck!
224
00:10:04,081 --> 00:10:07,345
Hey, you ladies ever been
with an Indian Jew before?
225
00:10:07,389 --> 00:10:08,869
Eh, your loss.
226
00:10:10,653 --> 00:10:12,612
Excuse me, ladies.
227
00:10:12,655 --> 00:10:14,352
You wanna do
a group shot here
228
00:10:14,396 --> 00:10:16,877
and get the group party started,
if you know what I mean?
229
00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:18,661
[squeaks]
230
00:10:18,705 --> 00:10:20,271
-I don't know what you mean.
-All right, well,
231
00:10:20,315 --> 00:10:21,838
why don't I start
the avalanche?
232
00:10:21,882 --> 00:10:24,536
Pour whatever kind of booze
you wanna drink in there
233
00:10:24,580 --> 00:10:26,495
and I'll swallow
whatever it is you give me.
234
00:10:26,538 --> 00:10:29,324
♪
235
00:10:29,367 --> 00:10:31,239
Uh-oh! Oh, no!
236
00:10:31,282 --> 00:10:34,590
My tongue is stuck.
Aw, man!
237
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:37,549
Hey, can one of you
just lick right here?
238
00:10:37,593 --> 00:10:39,551
Kind of get it loose.
If you both do it,
239
00:10:39,595 --> 00:10:41,205
it will happen
a lot quicker.
240
00:10:41,249 --> 00:10:42,642
-N-no?
-Perv.
241
00:10:42,685 --> 00:10:45,079
Don't leave me here--
ow, my tongue!
242
00:10:45,122 --> 00:10:47,690
Ah, fuck. I thought
that was gonna work.
243
00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:50,693
-Damn it!
-[ringtone plays]
244
00:10:52,782 --> 00:10:54,958
Pac, come on, man!
You had to call now?
245
00:10:55,002 --> 00:10:56,612
I was about to get
an orgy started
246
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,135
with, like,
so many chicks.
247
00:10:58,179 --> 00:11:00,094
Oh, that's so many rad, Clyde.
248
00:11:00,137 --> 00:11:01,965
Listen, I need you
to find everything you can
249
00:11:02,009 --> 00:11:04,098
about a guy named
Jebediah Klopfenstein.
250
00:11:04,141 --> 00:11:05,926
He's a legit
hunk-asaurus,
251
00:11:05,969 --> 00:11:07,536
so maybe type that
into your search.
252
00:11:07,579 --> 00:11:09,451
Does that have anything to do
with a ghost case?
253
00:11:09,494 --> 00:11:11,235
Yeah, of course
it's for the ghost case, man.
254
00:11:11,279 --> 00:11:12,976
I'm just-- I'm trying to
get back to the party, okay?
255
00:11:13,020 --> 00:11:15,239
Bro, you've gotta get
a smartphone, okay?
256
00:11:15,283 --> 00:11:17,111
You need to be able to look
that stuff up yourself.
257
00:11:17,154 --> 00:11:18,721
I know. I just--
I like my flip phone.
258
00:11:18,765 --> 00:11:20,636
It makes hanging up
feel more urgent, you know?
259
00:11:21,898 --> 00:11:23,857
[goat bleats]
260
00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:26,207
[sighs]
261
00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:27,295
-Hey.
-Hey, man.
262
00:11:27,338 --> 00:11:29,079
At least we tried.
263
00:11:29,123 --> 00:11:30,602
I just
don't belong here.
264
00:11:30,646 --> 00:11:32,474
What? No, no, no, no.
No, no, Elijah.
265
00:11:32,517 --> 00:11:34,215
I don't know.
You can't give up, okay?
266
00:11:34,258 --> 00:11:35,999
And not just because I wanna
go eat a chocolate fountain,
267
00:11:36,043 --> 00:11:37,522
but because,
I gotta tell you,
268
00:11:37,566 --> 00:11:39,742
there's something fishy
about that Jebediah guy.
269
00:11:39,786 --> 00:11:41,222
-What do you mean?
-What do I mean?
270
00:11:41,265 --> 00:11:42,440
Didn't your sister say
he never went
271
00:11:42,484 --> 00:11:43,746
on his Ramstein
or whatever?
272
00:11:43,790 --> 00:11:45,052
-Yeah.
-So how the fuck
273
00:11:45,095 --> 00:11:46,749
could he possibly know
that dance?
274
00:11:46,793 --> 00:11:49,056
Am I right?
275
00:11:49,099 --> 00:11:52,015
-He's a fucking phony!
-He's a fucking phony!
276
00:11:52,059 --> 00:11:54,496
Okay, even if that's true,
how do we prove it?
277
00:11:54,539 --> 00:11:56,803
Dude, I can't be the retard
and the mastermind, okay?
278
00:11:56,846 --> 00:11:59,675
-It's too much for me to handle.
-There's only one way.
279
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:02,025
-Your father says there's only--
-That asshole's still here?
280
00:12:02,069 --> 00:12:03,810
Yeah, that asshole
is still here.
281
00:12:03,853 --> 00:12:06,247
Fuck you, Dad!
282
00:12:06,290 --> 00:12:08,902
No, he-- he's actually
over here.
283
00:12:08,945 --> 00:12:11,208
-[scoffs] Whatever.
-No, not "whatever," okay?
284
00:12:11,252 --> 00:12:13,645
His unfinished business
is you.
285
00:12:13,689 --> 00:12:15,430
He's not going anywhere
because you are
286
00:12:15,473 --> 00:12:17,998
the most important
fucking thing to him.
287
00:12:18,041 --> 00:12:19,826
He never
said that to me.
288
00:12:19,869 --> 00:12:22,524
Well, he's trying to
right now
289
00:12:22,567 --> 00:12:24,352
in a really weird,
roundabout way.
290
00:12:24,395 --> 00:12:26,658
So why don't we hear
the clingy old fucker out?
291
00:12:28,138 --> 00:12:30,010
-All right.
-Yeah?
292
00:12:31,272 --> 00:12:32,839
Does he have
a white glove?
293
00:12:32,882 --> 00:12:35,189
♪
294
00:12:35,232 --> 00:12:37,757
Jebediah Klopfenstein!
295
00:12:39,846 --> 00:12:43,023
I challenge you
to an Amish-Off!
296
00:12:45,808 --> 00:12:46,940
Bitch.
297
00:12:46,983 --> 00:12:49,072
-What was that?
-Um, nothing.
298
00:12:52,728 --> 00:12:54,469
[goat bleats]
299
00:12:54,512 --> 00:12:58,342
Because I am the most bearded
Amish man in this community,
300
00:12:58,386 --> 00:13:00,823
it is my duty
and honor
301
00:13:00,867 --> 00:13:02,825
to judge the age-old
tradition,
302
00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:04,696
the Amish-Off.
303
00:13:04,740 --> 00:13:06,437
My beard is longer.
304
00:13:07,874 --> 00:13:10,485
I should be judging
this Amish-Off
305
00:13:10,528 --> 00:13:12,313
and you know it.
306
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,229
Ooh, intense.
307
00:13:22,323 --> 00:13:24,891
-[crying]
-Well, now that that is settled,
308
00:13:24,934 --> 00:13:27,850
we may commence
with the competition.
309
00:13:27,894 --> 00:13:29,809
Two men enter,
310
00:13:29,852 --> 00:13:31,462
two men leave,
311
00:13:31,506 --> 00:13:35,597
but one man will feel
a little bad about himself
312
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:38,905
and be less impressive
to the opposite sex.
313
00:13:38,948 --> 00:13:41,777
So, without further ado,
314
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:45,041
one, two, three,
315
00:13:45,085 --> 00:13:48,349
-Amish-Off!
-Yeah!
316
00:13:48,392 --> 00:13:50,960
Elijah, Elijah, Elijah!
317
00:13:51,004 --> 00:13:52,222
Elijah!
318
00:13:52,266 --> 00:13:53,745
Go!
319
00:13:53,789 --> 00:13:54,834
Come on!
320
00:13:54,877 --> 00:13:55,878
Put your body weight
into it.
321
00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:58,750
♪
322
00:13:58,794 --> 00:14:00,970
-Kill him!
-Time's up.
323
00:14:01,014 --> 00:14:02,406
-[groans]
-Unh!
324
00:14:02,450 --> 00:14:03,799
Whoo!
325
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,322
[wrench clangs]
326
00:14:08,673 --> 00:14:09,936
Time's up.
327
00:14:09,979 --> 00:14:11,851
♪
328
00:14:17,682 --> 00:14:19,510
Go!
329
00:14:19,554 --> 00:14:21,295
How hard is it
to peel a potato, man?
330
00:14:24,689 --> 00:14:25,908
Noink.
331
00:14:25,952 --> 00:14:27,605
Come on!
332
00:14:27,649 --> 00:14:29,738
-Come on, peel.
-Time's up.
333
00:14:31,044 --> 00:14:33,611
[applause]
334
00:14:33,655 --> 00:14:37,354
[flute whistling]
335
00:14:37,398 --> 00:14:39,966
[buzzing]
336
00:14:43,317 --> 00:14:44,884
-Hey.
-You know that
337
00:14:44,927 --> 00:14:46,276
Jebediah Klopfenstein
you were asking me about?
338
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:48,365
-Yeah.
-Well, turns out
339
00:14:48,409 --> 00:14:50,541
Jebediah Klopfenstein's
not even his real name.
340
00:14:50,585 --> 00:14:53,457
His real name
is Jedediah Klopfenstein.
341
00:14:53,501 --> 00:14:55,285
I didn't hear
any difference there, so...
342
00:14:55,329 --> 00:14:57,940
Jedediah.
There's a "D" in there.
343
00:14:57,984 --> 00:15:00,029
He created this alias
so he can throw his "D"
344
00:15:00,073 --> 00:15:01,857
all over
the Amish community.
345
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,990
Yes, Clyde! You just cracked
the whole case wide open, man.
346
00:15:04,033 --> 00:15:05,165
Text me everything
you have on him.
347
00:15:05,208 --> 00:15:06,601
Will do.
348
00:15:06,644 --> 00:15:09,560
So, uh, on another note,
how is the party going?
349
00:15:09,604 --> 00:15:12,085
Uh, I assume by that you mean
how's your chocolate fountain?
350
00:15:12,128 --> 00:15:13,782
Indeed, I do.
351
00:15:13,825 --> 00:15:15,653
-Still flowing.
-Uh, yes.
352
00:15:15,697 --> 00:15:18,439
I knew it would be, Clyde.
I just-- I knew it would be.
353
00:15:18,482 --> 00:15:20,136
Okay, bye.
354
00:15:20,180 --> 00:15:21,659
[phone chimes]
355
00:15:21,703 --> 00:15:24,575
Something else
is flowing right here.
356
00:15:24,619 --> 00:15:26,490
♪
357
00:15:30,364 --> 00:15:31,887
Dude, dude,
what are you doing?
358
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,889
This is my wife.
359
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,457
-Cool.
-No, no, no, no, no, no.
360
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:37,980
Could you go away
from us, please?
361
00:15:38,024 --> 00:15:39,242
All right.
Geez, sorry.
362
00:15:39,286 --> 00:15:41,418
I thought the avalanche
was starting.
363
00:15:41,462 --> 00:15:43,333
♪
364
00:15:46,119 --> 00:15:47,076
[camera clicks]
365
00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:50,210
♪
366
00:15:50,253 --> 00:15:52,603
[grunting]
367
00:15:52,647 --> 00:15:53,996
Time's up.
368
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:55,911
Ah, fuck it!
369
00:15:57,913 --> 00:16:00,307
-You win.
-Whoo!
370
00:16:00,350 --> 00:16:02,483
Yeah!
[laughs]
371
00:16:02,526 --> 00:16:04,920
-Ooh!
-Ooh! [laughs]
372
00:16:07,618 --> 00:16:09,316
You're so crazy!
373
00:16:09,359 --> 00:16:11,057
-[phone buzzing]
-♪ Hey
374
00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:12,623
♪ You don't want none of that,
none of that ♪
375
00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:13,973
♪ Hey, you don't want
none of that ♪
376
00:16:14,016 --> 00:16:15,539
What is that sound?
377
00:16:15,583 --> 00:16:17,280
I, uh, haven't a clue.
378
00:16:17,324 --> 00:16:18,542
Appears to be coming
379
00:16:18,586 --> 00:16:20,022
-from your pocket.
-Hannah!
380
00:16:20,066 --> 00:16:22,155
-[gasps]
-That's not mine!
381
00:16:22,198 --> 00:16:23,765
Oh, no?
382
00:16:23,808 --> 00:16:26,202
♪
383
00:16:26,246 --> 00:16:27,508
-[snaps]
-Oh, shit!
384
00:16:27,551 --> 00:16:28,944
I just popped
my suspenders.
385
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,293
[groans]
That's funny...
386
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:33,775
because I just dialed
the number
387
00:16:33,818 --> 00:16:36,604
of one
Jedediah Klopfenstein.
388
00:16:36,647 --> 00:16:37,648
-Bam!
-See, that's not me.
389
00:16:37,692 --> 00:16:39,302
That's got a "D" in it.
390
00:16:39,346 --> 00:16:41,391
Yeah, well, the "D"
is in your mouth now, buddy.
391
00:16:41,435 --> 00:16:43,176
The jig is up.
392
00:16:43,219 --> 00:16:44,960
That's right,
everybody.
393
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,831
I'm not
West Coast Amish.
394
00:16:46,875 --> 00:16:48,311
-I'm also not retarded.
-[gasps]
395
00:16:48,355 --> 00:16:49,747
I wanted to clear that up
earlier,
396
00:16:49,791 --> 00:16:51,271
but I wanted to find
the right time.
397
00:16:51,314 --> 00:16:53,099
I'm just a regular guy
who talks to ghosts
398
00:16:53,142 --> 00:16:55,710
who happens to have just saved
the purity of your bloodline.
399
00:16:55,753 --> 00:16:58,626
Uh, wait.
You talk to ghosts?
400
00:16:58,669 --> 00:17:00,149
Yeah, that's not
important.
401
00:17:00,193 --> 00:17:01,846
It's-- shit.
It's a force of habit.
402
00:17:01,890 --> 00:17:03,413
I'm sorry. I'm always
explaining that shit.
403
00:17:03,457 --> 00:17:04,980
Just forget about that part.
All you need to know
404
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:07,243
is that with
my technological savvy
405
00:17:07,287 --> 00:17:09,115
and Elijah's bravery,
406
00:17:09,158 --> 00:17:11,987
we just saved
sweet Hannah
407
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:14,207
from this despicable
piece-of-shit predator.
408
00:17:14,250 --> 00:17:17,166
Noink. This yuck-mouthed,
dancing,
409
00:17:17,210 --> 00:17:19,038
douchebag imposter
410
00:17:19,081 --> 00:17:21,344
goes all across the country
infiltrating Amish communities,
411
00:17:21,388 --> 00:17:24,086
tricking girl after girl
412
00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:27,698
after girl after girl.
413
00:17:27,742 --> 00:17:30,179
Holy shit, how many
hot Amish girls are there?
414
00:17:30,223 --> 00:17:32,181
You bang
all these chicks?
415
00:17:32,225 --> 00:17:34,140
-Should I become Amish?
-Pac!
416
00:17:34,183 --> 00:17:36,272
Huh? Yeah, look.
Here, see for yourself.
417
00:17:36,316 --> 00:17:39,058
-Unh!
-Ooh--
418
00:17:39,101 --> 00:17:41,451
ew!
419
00:17:41,495 --> 00:17:43,105
Take him away.
420
00:17:44,454 --> 00:17:47,414
-[grunts]
-Gently, of course.
421
00:17:47,457 --> 00:17:49,720
We don't believe
in violence.
422
00:17:49,764 --> 00:17:51,200
[phone beeps]
423
00:17:56,031 --> 00:17:58,381
So, um,
424
00:17:58,425 --> 00:18:00,253
would you get a cider
with me?
425
00:18:00,296 --> 00:18:02,690
I thought
you'd never ask.
426
00:18:05,258 --> 00:18:06,737
[groans]
427
00:18:06,781 --> 00:18:08,435
-Thank you...
-Hey.
428
00:18:08,478 --> 00:18:10,524
-...for your help, Pac.
-Yeah, don't worry about it.
429
00:18:10,567 --> 00:18:13,179
-You can just-- you can go.
-Yeah, yeah, will do.
430
00:18:17,183 --> 00:18:18,793
What's going on?
What-- why are you still here?
431
00:18:18,836 --> 00:18:20,621
-Just leave already!
-I don't know.
432
00:18:20,664 --> 00:18:23,580
-Something's wrong.
-Elijah and Hannah
433
00:18:23,624 --> 00:18:25,278
have stolen
a carriage!
434
00:18:25,321 --> 00:18:27,149
Oh, shit. I know exactly
where they're going.
435
00:18:27,193 --> 00:18:29,108
-Vegas.
-What?
436
00:18:29,151 --> 00:18:31,545
They asked if the horse
had enough hay in him
437
00:18:31,588 --> 00:18:33,286
to make it
to Manhattan!
438
00:18:33,329 --> 00:18:35,636
Well, that was
my next guess.
439
00:18:35,679 --> 00:18:36,898
♪
440
00:18:36,941 --> 00:18:38,291
Hey, hey.
441
00:18:41,032 --> 00:18:44,906
-Hey, handsome head.
-Hello.
442
00:18:44,949 --> 00:18:48,344
You wanna find
a bedroom with me?
443
00:18:48,388 --> 00:18:49,911
-Interesting.
-Mm.
444
00:18:49,954 --> 00:18:52,043
For one-on-one sex?
445
00:18:52,087 --> 00:18:53,610
-Yeah.
-How old-fashioned.
446
00:18:53,654 --> 00:18:55,917
Whoa! Um, I'm not
complaining,
447
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,223
but that was
a little violent.
448
00:18:57,266 --> 00:18:59,529
♪
449
00:18:59,573 --> 00:19:01,227
Oh.
450
00:19:01,270 --> 00:19:03,316
You're making me
your little prisoner, huh?
451
00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:04,926
-Mm-hmm.
-I like that.
452
00:19:04,969 --> 00:19:07,407
Waterboard me.
Just kidding.
453
00:19:07,450 --> 00:19:09,844
-Seriously, don't waterboard me.
-Okay.
454
00:19:09,887 --> 00:19:12,151
[moans]
455
00:19:12,194 --> 00:19:13,500
Don't stop.
I really like this.
456
00:19:13,543 --> 00:19:15,806
I really do.
457
00:19:15,850 --> 00:19:18,592
-[retches]
-What the fuck?! Oh, fuck!
458
00:19:18,635 --> 00:19:20,420
Fuck,
I can't even see!
459
00:19:20,463 --> 00:19:22,813
I mean, I guess I can. I just--
I don't wanna open my eyes!
460
00:19:22,857 --> 00:19:24,119
[whines]
Fuck.
461
00:19:26,208 --> 00:19:28,167
Okay. Wait,
a little more.
462
00:19:29,733 --> 00:19:31,213
-[clears throat]
-Dude, I'm fucking
463
00:19:31,257 --> 00:19:32,214
handling this, okay?
464
00:19:32,258 --> 00:19:33,607
You gotta vanish.
465
00:19:33,650 --> 00:19:34,825
My new friend
can't see you here.
466
00:19:34,869 --> 00:19:36,349
-Get out. Get out of here.
-Aw!
467
00:19:36,392 --> 00:19:38,699
-All right, fine!
-[people cheering]
468
00:19:38,742 --> 00:19:41,745
Dude!
Dude, what the hell?
469
00:19:41,789 --> 00:19:43,965
You got what you wanted.
You got the dream girl, right?
470
00:19:44,008 --> 00:19:45,880
You got high standing in your
fucking community or whatever.
471
00:19:45,923 --> 00:19:47,316
What-- what are you
doing here?
472
00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:49,753
-Dude, this was all her.
-Oh, it was all her?
473
00:19:49,797 --> 00:19:51,146
You expect me
to believe that shit?
474
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:53,322
[coughing]
475
00:19:53,366 --> 00:19:56,673
When Elijah told me of
the wonders he saw in the world,
476
00:19:56,717 --> 00:19:59,850
I realized I can't settle down
without experiencing Rumspringa.
477
00:19:59,894 --> 00:20:01,417
-Ugh.
-I don't want her
478
00:20:01,461 --> 00:20:03,202
to have any regrets
after we're married.
479
00:20:03,245 --> 00:20:05,204
So you brought her here? Dude,
this is where regrets come
480
00:20:05,247 --> 00:20:06,901
to get fucking
pregnant, okay?
481
00:20:06,944 --> 00:20:08,859
You gotta hit that blunt
once or twice,
482
00:20:08,903 --> 00:20:10,426
take her home,
get out of here.
483
00:20:10,470 --> 00:20:12,211
-No, we're going home.
-Good. Fucking great.
484
00:20:12,254 --> 00:20:13,951
-Go now.
-As soon as we experience
485
00:20:13,995 --> 00:20:15,475
the life-altering event
486
00:20:15,518 --> 00:20:17,259
that everyone around here
keeps talking about
487
00:20:17,303 --> 00:20:20,610
called, um,
Danny's Poker Orgy.
488
00:20:20,654 --> 00:20:22,177
Oh, God, I hate
that idea so hard.
489
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:23,874
-Sounds exciting!
-No, Elijah, Elijah, Elijah.
490
00:20:23,918 --> 00:20:25,485
No. Come on, man,
you can't be cool with this!
491
00:20:25,528 --> 00:20:27,138
Dude, I'm sorry, Pac.
I--
492
00:20:27,182 --> 00:20:30,446
I think we'll look back
on this someday and laugh.
493
00:20:30,490 --> 00:20:32,796
-I don't think so.
-Pac, no! Stop them!
494
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:34,711
I'm trying!
They're so horny
495
00:20:34,755 --> 00:20:36,278
-and young.
-[squirting]
496
00:20:36,322 --> 00:20:38,715
-Nice shot, Josh!
-[laughing]
497
00:20:42,110 --> 00:20:43,938
-You ready to go home?
-Yep.
498
00:20:43,981 --> 00:20:45,287
-Okay.
-Good choice, good choice.
499
00:20:45,331 --> 00:20:46,549
-Yeah, yeah. Skedaddle.
-Come, Hannah.
500
00:20:48,551 --> 00:20:49,900
Okay!
501
00:20:49,944 --> 00:20:51,946
There. Well,
looks like your son
502
00:20:51,989 --> 00:20:54,078
is officially done
with his Rimjobba.
503
00:20:54,122 --> 00:20:56,733
I wanna thank you
for all your help today, Pac.
504
00:20:56,777 --> 00:20:59,736
You know, I hope
you learned something today
505
00:20:59,780 --> 00:21:01,521
about the Amish people.
506
00:21:01,564 --> 00:21:03,523
We're not
just ring bologna--
507
00:21:03,566 --> 00:21:04,959
Oh, my God, shut your face!
Shut up your face
508
00:21:05,002 --> 00:21:06,700
and just fucking leave
already, okay?
509
00:21:06,743 --> 00:21:08,310
I didn't learn anything.
I never do.
510
00:21:08,354 --> 00:21:10,921
I just wanted to try
the goddamn chocolate fountain!
511
00:21:10,965 --> 00:21:12,314
Hey, anybody got
512
00:21:12,358 --> 00:21:14,142
a larger-than-an-eight-gauge
butt plug?
513
00:21:14,185 --> 00:21:18,059
Oh, I can't wait to get out
of this den of iniquity!
514
00:21:18,102 --> 00:21:20,844
[gasps]
Oh!
515
00:21:25,545 --> 00:21:27,198
[electricity buzzing]
516
00:21:31,420 --> 00:21:33,553
It's what I do.
517
00:21:33,596 --> 00:21:35,250
Thank you.
518
00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:38,122
Ah, fuck!
519
00:21:38,166 --> 00:21:39,907
-[sighs]
-Hey, guy!
520
00:21:39,950 --> 00:21:41,996
Let's keep the fountain
for another hour
521
00:21:42,039 --> 00:21:43,867
for my brother.
522
00:21:43,911 --> 00:21:45,652
[giggles]
523
00:21:45,695 --> 00:21:47,306
[slurping]
524
00:21:49,612 --> 00:21:53,355
Now, this is the room
where the magic happens.
525
00:21:53,399 --> 00:21:55,052
But when I'm not
doing card tricks,
526
00:21:55,096 --> 00:21:56,837
I like to have orgies
in here.
527
00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:58,578
-Oh, hello, ladies.
-Oh.
528
00:21:58,621 --> 00:22:00,144
Toss me a towel.
Should be fun.
529
00:22:00,188 --> 00:22:01,668
You know what?
Let's, uh--
530
00:22:01,711 --> 00:22:04,540
let's use the backup
orgy room, all right?
531
00:22:04,584 --> 00:22:06,368
Come back, come back,
come back, come back!
532
00:22:06,412 --> 00:22:08,239
It's really not as bad
as it looks, I promise.
533
00:22:08,283 --> 00:22:10,329
-Avalanche.
-Fuck you!
534
00:22:11,852 --> 00:22:14,115
♪
37356
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