All language subtitles for The.Marvelous.Mrs.Maisel.S02E03.WEBRip.x264-ION10

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,550 MIDGE: Ugh, I'm so late. They're gonna kill me. 2 00:00:07,591 --> 00:00:09,343 ROSE: I'm late, too. My class is at 8:00. 3 00:00:09,385 --> 00:00:10,678 MIDGE: I'm late for work! 4 00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:11,971 ROSE: That makes you more important? 5 00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,556 ABE: My fancy socks are missing. 6 00:00:13,597 --> 00:00:15,182 Hey, is Zelda here yet? 7 00:00:15,224 --> 00:00:16,976 Which ones are your fancy socks? 8 00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,894 -I only have one pair of fancy socks. -MIDGE: They're the ones 9 00:00:18,936 --> 00:00:21,021 with the floating martini glasses on them. 10 00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:22,815 Those are my comical socks! 11 00:00:22,857 --> 00:00:24,316 Why do you have comical socks? 12 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:25,860 Are you talking about the ones with pineapples on them? 13 00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:27,153 Those are comical socks, too. 14 00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:29,989 Why do you have two pairs of comical socks? 15 00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,490 Abe, you're dressed. Why are you asking about socks? 16 00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:33,784 Because I'm dressed for the university. 17 00:00:33,826 --> 00:00:37,329 I go to Bell Labs later and they dress more eclectic. 18 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:40,040 Sounds like a job for pineapple socks to me. 19 00:00:40,082 --> 00:00:42,793 I'll just bring a pair of fun, weekend slacks for Bell Labs 20 00:00:42,835 --> 00:00:44,211 and change in the taxi. 21 00:00:44,253 --> 00:00:45,838 BOTH: Do not change in the taxi. 22 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,506 I don't have time to change at school. 23 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,675 BOTH: Do not change in the taxi. 24 00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:51,343 -CHILD: Mama! -Coming! 25 00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:52,970 ROSE: Why do you have comical socks? 26 00:00:53,012 --> 00:00:55,055 -Did you call me? -No. 27 00:00:55,097 --> 00:00:56,390 Could've sworn you called me. 28 00:00:56,432 --> 00:00:58,851 It's Zelda's day off, by the way. 29 00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:00,269 No one told me. 30 00:01:00,311 --> 00:01:01,729 I told you multiple times. 31 00:01:01,771 --> 00:01:03,189 She was supposed to watch the kids. 32 00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:04,565 Get their father to watch them. 33 00:01:04,607 --> 00:01:05,900 That's who should watch them. 34 00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:07,610 Tomorrow is Joel's day to watch them. 35 00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:09,862 If you want to make a change, give Joel a call. 36 00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:10,988 I am not calling Joel. 37 00:01:11,030 --> 00:01:13,574 There is no food and I'm literally starving. 38 00:01:13,616 --> 00:01:15,409 You are not "literally starving." 39 00:01:15,451 --> 00:01:16,827 -CHILD: Mama! -Coming! 40 00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:18,078 ABE: I guess I don't get to use the bathroom. 41 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,538 ROSE: Like I'm stopping you. 42 00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:22,041 Now, that time you called me. 43 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,043 If it wasn't you, who was it? 44 00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:26,045 -Esther. -Esther? 45 00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:28,047 Really? 46 00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,674 Hey! Hey, hey! 47 00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:32,051 Esther said a word! 48 00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:34,595 -She said a word? -Good for her. 49 00:01:34,637 --> 00:01:36,263 Should we take a cab? 50 00:01:36,305 --> 00:01:37,807 No, walking's faster. 51 00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:39,225 When you're not in heels. 52 00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:41,519 -And you are not starving. -I am, too. 53 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,562 Then your muscle and tissue would be breaking down. 54 00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,064 Your abdomen would be distended. 55 00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:47,107 -Your menstruation would cease. -Abe, stop. 56 00:01:47,149 --> 00:01:49,235 -What is that? -She said she was literally starving. 57 00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:50,736 There is no food 58 00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:52,196 and I am literally, figuratively starving. 59 00:01:52,238 --> 00:01:53,531 -I got to go! -Me, too. 60 00:01:53,572 --> 00:01:55,741 What have I been saying? 61 00:01:57,743 --> 00:01:59,745 -Someone's got to stay. -I can't stay. 62 00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:01,247 -None of us can stay. -ESTHER: Mama. 63 00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,082 Call Mrs. Fulber, tell her it's an emergency. 64 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,875 -ROSE: This isn't an emergency. -MIDGE: It kind of is. -Mama. 65 00:02:04,917 --> 00:02:06,710 ABE: Now I'm second-guessing these slacks. 66 00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:08,379 (overlapping chatter) 67 00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:10,005 B. Altman, where may I direct your call? 68 00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:11,507 I will connect you. 69 00:02:11,549 --> 00:02:13,467 B. Altman, where may I direct your call? I will connect you. 70 00:02:13,509 --> 00:02:15,261 B. Altman, where may I direct your call? 71 00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:17,930 Yes, our Charleston Gardens Restaurant is open today, ma'am, 72 00:02:17,972 --> 00:02:19,682 as it is every day. 73 00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:22,309 Oh, it's terrific. It's some of the best food in town. 74 00:02:22,351 --> 00:02:24,687 Do not get the crab meat salad. 75 00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:26,313 The crab meat salad. 76 00:02:26,355 --> 00:02:27,940 It's Monday. Crab's delivered on Tuesdays. 77 00:02:27,982 --> 00:02:29,984 -Do the math. -O'TOOLE: Miriam Maisel. 78 00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:32,111 MIDGE: Oh, Mrs. O'Toole. 79 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,737 I was just suggesting things from the menu. 80 00:02:33,779 --> 00:02:35,447 Headset down. Come with me. 81 00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:46,208 Your office? 82 00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:47,918 First floor. 83 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:49,545 First floor? 84 00:02:49,587 --> 00:02:51,338 -Makeup Department. -You're back in the show. 85 00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:53,549 -Girls. -B. Altman, where may I direct your call? 86 00:02:53,591 --> 00:02:57,344 Come. 87 00:02:57,386 --> 00:03:00,556 ♪ There'll be a change in the weather ♪ 88 00:03:00,598 --> 00:03:03,726 ♪ And a change in the sea ♪ 89 00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:05,477 ♪ From now on... ♪ 90 00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:07,146 It's Midge. 91 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,982 Hi, Midge. 92 00:03:10,024 --> 00:03:12,151 ♪ My walk will be different ♪ 93 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,361 ♪ My talk and my name... ♪ 94 00:03:14,403 --> 00:03:16,488 -I'm confused. -You're checking coats. 95 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,532 -Checking coats? -We're short a hand 96 00:03:18,574 --> 00:03:20,534 and you're the most presentable of the basement girls. 97 00:03:20,576 --> 00:03:22,202 Is this a problem? 98 00:03:22,244 --> 00:03:25,497 No. Not at all. Thank you, but I-I was just thinking 99 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,791 I would be so much more valuable behind the makeup counter. 100 00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:30,127 -I need you here. -I've kept up with all the latest 101 00:03:30,169 --> 00:03:31,670 styles and trends since I've been off the floor. 102 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:34,506 Face masks, they're the future and the past. 103 00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:36,091 Cleopatra used them. Isn't that interesting? 104 00:03:36,133 --> 00:03:38,385 -Lake mud and egg whites. -I need you here. 105 00:03:38,427 --> 00:03:40,846 Well, I've never been trained for coat check. 106 00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:43,223 Take coat, give ticket. Take ticket, give coat. 107 00:03:43,265 --> 00:03:45,017 Congratulations. You've been trained. 108 00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:46,602 Now, one more thing. 109 00:03:46,644 --> 00:03:49,063 And listen very closely. 110 00:03:49,104 --> 00:03:50,481 I'm listening. 111 00:03:50,522 --> 00:03:52,566 Never leave the booth. 112 00:03:52,608 --> 00:03:54,860 Yes, ma'am. 113 00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:59,239 ♪ There'll be some changes made. ♪ 114 00:03:59,281 --> 00:04:04,119 Take coat, give ticket. 115 00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:06,372 Coat room? 116 00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:08,874 Purgatory with a better view. 117 00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,459 -Poor thing. -Hey, did you hear? 118 00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:12,211 -I'm not Mary's maid of honor. -I told you, Viv, 119 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,963 my sister had to be maid of honor. 120 00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:15,047 It's a family thing. 121 00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:16,465 How's planning going? 122 00:04:16,507 --> 00:04:17,549 Oh, we've had a couple of hiccups. 123 00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:18,759 Hiccups? Your sister's a bitch. 124 00:04:18,801 --> 00:04:20,594 -Viv. -We're on the floor. 125 00:04:20,636 --> 00:04:22,388 She got a little bossy, so I nudged her aside. 126 00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:23,847 I'm doing it all myself now. 127 00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:26,433 What? Oh, my God, Mary, no, you can't do that. 128 00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:27,977 -O'TOOLE: Girls! -O'Toole. -Ooh. 129 00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:29,478 Mary, wait. 130 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,188 -She'll need water. -Got him. 131 00:04:31,230 --> 00:04:33,941 Pookie's a her. 132 00:04:33,983 --> 00:04:35,567 (whispering): Mary. 133 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,069 Mary. 134 00:04:37,111 --> 00:04:38,570 ANNOUNCER (over P.A.): Attention, ladies. 135 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,823 Rouge Master Class begins in five minutes 136 00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:43,117 -at the Revlon Counter. -Sweetie, I'm sorry, 137 00:04:43,158 --> 00:04:44,410 but you can't plan your wedding by yourself. 138 00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:46,412 It's too much. Let me help. 139 00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:48,247 Oh, Midge, thank you, but there's no time 140 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:50,249 -and really no money. -Don't worry about money. 141 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,418 What you need is experience and I have experience. 142 00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:55,004 The marriage didn't stick, but my reception was unforgettable. 143 00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:56,755 -It got a write-up in The Jewish Daily Forward, -(gasps) 144 00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:58,465 in Yiddish, so it didn't get a wide readership, 145 00:04:58,507 --> 00:04:59,925 but the picture was sensational 146 00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:02,553 and I can make the time for you, my friend. 147 00:05:02,594 --> 00:05:04,930 -I don't know. -Please. I want to. 148 00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:08,434 No one should have a less than perfect wedding. 149 00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,185 Okay. Yes. Yes! 150 00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:11,937 -Good. -Really good. 151 00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,772 I'm relieved. I'll see you at lunch. 152 00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:15,315 See you at lunch. 153 00:05:20,195 --> 00:05:22,197 Look at this. 154 00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:23,949 The high ceilings, the tile floor, 155 00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:25,117 like the Vatican. 156 00:05:25,159 --> 00:05:26,493 I feel like I forgot something. 157 00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:27,661 How are we doing here, Curren? 158 00:05:27,703 --> 00:05:29,413 MOISHE: Why would a fakakta bank 159 00:05:29,455 --> 00:05:31,623 in the tuchus of Brooklyn try to compete with the Pope? 160 00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:32,916 I need to start writing things down, 161 00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:34,334 but by the time I find a pen, 162 00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:36,295 I forget what I was supposed to write down. 163 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:39,048 It's so open, so flaunting, so gentile. 164 00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:40,549 Jews use the bank, too, Pop. 165 00:05:40,591 --> 00:05:42,009 Show me one. Hey. 166 00:05:42,051 --> 00:05:44,553 -You a Jew? -Pop. Sorry. 167 00:05:44,595 --> 00:05:47,514 So, how close are we to wrapping this up, Curren? 168 00:05:47,556 --> 00:05:49,058 Curren. What is that? 169 00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:51,185 Just making sure all the I's are dotted here. 170 00:05:51,226 --> 00:05:53,562 -He dots the I's. -And I've got a team counting cash in the back. 171 00:05:53,604 --> 00:05:55,314 It'll take a while. 172 00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:58,025 -Only a goy dots the I's. -I hope it's all there. 173 00:05:58,067 --> 00:05:59,610 The treasure map's in pretty bad shape. 174 00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:00,903 -Treasure map? -JOEL: It's just what she calls her records 175 00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:02,321 marking where she put the money. 176 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:03,989 Ma, what-what are you looking for? 177 00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:06,116 I feel like I forgot something. 178 00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:09,203 Moishe, did you bring the bag of money we use to bribe people? 179 00:06:09,244 --> 00:06:11,246 There's a bag of money we use to bribe people. 180 00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:12,664 A little louder, Ma. 181 00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:14,249 I don't think they heard you in Poughkeepsie. 182 00:06:14,291 --> 00:06:15,542 Curren, that's not a name. 183 00:06:15,584 --> 00:06:18,128 That's something you pour over rice. 184 00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:19,546 And, Pop, Mr. Cleary is my buddy Archie's brother 185 00:06:19,588 --> 00:06:21,340 and he's doing us a big favor here. 186 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:23,842 By taking our money? I wish I could do someone that favor. 187 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,637 -Mr. Curry, a question... -Cleary. Cleary. 188 00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:28,722 Is there gonna be another Great Depression soon? 189 00:06:28,764 --> 00:06:30,432 Is that something you can tell us? 190 00:06:30,474 --> 00:06:32,476 If I could, I'd be the president of the bank 191 00:06:32,518 --> 00:06:33,894 or the United States. 192 00:06:33,936 --> 00:06:35,896 Step on enough Jews, you'll get there. 193 00:06:35,938 --> 00:06:38,732 Now I remember. I found this. 194 00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:40,818 It was behind one of the radiators. 195 00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:42,778 Ma, you said you found all the money. 196 00:06:42,820 --> 00:06:44,446 On the first treasure map. 197 00:06:44,488 --> 00:06:47,616 I found two more treasure maps this morning. 198 00:06:47,658 --> 00:06:49,910 Oh, should we lock these up in the safe? 199 00:06:49,952 --> 00:06:51,662 They show where all our stashes are. 200 00:06:51,703 --> 00:06:54,373 -They're like gold. -I'm in charge of these from now on. 201 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,667 Are we gonna be okay? 202 00:06:58,752 --> 00:06:59,878 You... 203 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:02,256 are not Jewish. 204 00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:05,676 -Thank you for shopping B. Altman. -WOMAN: It's a little plain. 205 00:07:05,717 --> 00:07:07,845 Sometimes I just want to spark it up a little. 206 00:07:07,886 --> 00:07:09,304 -You know? -Mm-hmm. 207 00:07:09,346 --> 00:07:10,973 Yes, ma'am. What's life without a little spark? 208 00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:12,391 So, what do I do? How do I do that? 209 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,434 -ELSA: You could go bolder with the colors. -Oh. 210 00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:16,228 -WOMAN: Like what? -Fuchsia? 211 00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:17,604 -Oy. -WOMAN: Interesting. 212 00:07:17,646 --> 00:07:19,940 -ELSA: Or maybe orange. -Aah! 213 00:07:19,982 --> 00:07:22,234 ANNOUNCER: Husbands, a new waiting lounge has opened up 214 00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:24,194 on the first floor. 215 00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:25,696 What the hell? You're in a box. 216 00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,114 Did Madame Alexander put you in there? 217 00:07:27,156 --> 00:07:28,490 I'm the coat room attendant. 218 00:07:28,532 --> 00:07:30,868 This is my job, Susie, and I am proud of the work I do. 219 00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:34,288 -Ooh. -Yeah, seems really soul satisfying. 220 00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:35,914 ANNOUNCER: Attention, B. Altman customers, 221 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:37,124 the store will be closing in 15 minutes. 222 00:07:37,166 --> 00:07:38,917 What are you doing here? 223 00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,043 We have a gig tonight, remember? 224 00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:41,545 Yes, but we were meeting at the club. 225 00:07:41,587 --> 00:07:42,754 This place is on the way. 226 00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,339 It's 20 blocks out of your way. 227 00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:46,550 And I like having extra time with you before the gigs 228 00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:47,968 to talk, dish. 229 00:07:48,010 --> 00:07:49,595 Sammy Davis Jr.'s dating a white chick. 230 00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,638 You're frog-marching me to the gig. 231 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,599 -That, too. -Susie. 232 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,184 We have a bunch of gigs coming up 233 00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:56,852 and I don't like standing there with my thumb up my ass. 234 00:07:56,894 --> 00:07:59,021 I'm not always late. 235 00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:02,357 Fine. We'll go together, under protest 236 00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:05,068 because I do not appreciate this lack of faith in my punctuality. 237 00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:07,404 -Viv, punch out for me. -VIVIAN: You got it. 238 00:08:07,446 --> 00:08:09,406 -How may I help you? -Not this. 239 00:08:09,448 --> 00:08:14,286 -This and this. -Thanks. 240 00:08:14,328 --> 00:08:16,538 Not that or that. 241 00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:20,751 -This. This. Not that. -Ah. 242 00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:22,461 Ooh, not that. 243 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:25,839 -This and this. Have a good day. -Ah. 244 00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:31,637 You're such a little freak. I mean, you really are. 245 00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:33,597 MIDGE: I want to get serious here for a minute, people. 246 00:08:33,639 --> 00:08:36,433 Nuclear war. The nightmare, the horror. 247 00:08:36,475 --> 00:08:38,268 Oh, now, I'm not talking about dying in one. 248 00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:40,896 I'm talking about surviving and living in an underground bunker 249 00:08:40,938 --> 00:08:43,815 with your extended family until the radiation disperses. 250 00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,859 Mr. Khrushchev, have you met my family? 251 00:08:45,901 --> 00:08:48,987 If you're gonna hit us, comrade, fucking obliterate us. 252 00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:52,491 I'm obsessed with the time lady. 253 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,868 You know her. Dial the number and it's, "At the tone, 254 00:08:54,910 --> 00:08:58,497 Eastern Standard Time will be 6:53 and 20 seconds." 255 00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:01,500 Beep. Now, 6:53 and 30 seconds is next, right? 256 00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,252 Maybe. 257 00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:05,087 But I like to think that it may not be 258 00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:06,838 and then be surprised when it is. 259 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,508 The suspense is intoxicating. 260 00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,927 Oh, and I drink while I do this. 261 00:09:11,969 --> 00:09:14,012 Did I not mention that? I should've mentioned that. 262 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:17,224 My son was bullied the other day at the park 263 00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:20,519 and the anger I felt at that boy. 264 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:23,146 Not the boy picking on my son, I mean my son. 265 00:09:23,188 --> 00:09:25,399 You know? 'Cause Mama didn't raise no pussies. 266 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,734 I told him, "Get in there. Use what you got. 267 00:09:27,776 --> 00:09:29,403 "The greatest defense in the male armory: 268 00:09:29,444 --> 00:09:31,822 "foot to nuts. Foot to nuts. 269 00:09:31,863 --> 00:09:33,949 Fight dirty, you little bastard." 270 00:09:33,991 --> 00:09:35,534 I got to tell you, the first time... 271 00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,661 ...my mother says, "You've gained so much weight 272 00:09:37,703 --> 00:09:39,371 since the apocalypse," 273 00:09:39,413 --> 00:09:42,082 I'll pry the door open and stick my head outside, going... 274 00:09:42,124 --> 00:09:44,126 (breathes rapidly) Are my eyes popping out yet? 275 00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:46,253 Am I bleeding from the ears? Say that it's happening. 276 00:09:46,295 --> 00:09:47,754 Please tell me that sweet release is imminent. 277 00:09:47,796 --> 00:09:48,755 I mean, it's the... 278 00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:50,424 ...greatest drinking game ever. 279 00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:52,217 A shot of vodka every time it goes beep. 280 00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:54,177 Then I throw up on the half hour. 281 00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:56,305 I should patent this. I should... 282 00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:58,473 ...bury the body. It's not pretty, son, 283 00:09:58,515 --> 00:10:00,267 but we can't leave a dead four- year-old unburied like this. 284 00:10:00,309 --> 00:10:01,560 The flies, alone. 285 00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,228 Get your sand pail, start digging. 286 00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:04,896 We'll make it fun. 287 00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:06,565 Wait. He's still breathing. 288 00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:07,941 He's a stubborn little fucker, isn't he? 289 00:10:07,983 --> 00:10:09,568 Quick, look in my purse, there's a... 290 00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,862 ...government pamphlet I read on this with guidelines. 291 00:10:11,903 --> 00:10:14,156 One was not to bring anything into the fallout shelter 292 00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:16,742 that would be unnaturally disturbing. 293 00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,493 You realize what that means. 294 00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:22,581 Hundreds of radioactive, Jewish mothers above ground, 295 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:25,208 roaming the streets of the Upper West Side. 296 00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:27,336 If that's not a deterrent for nuclear war, 297 00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:29,087 I don't know what is. I mean... 298 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,756 ...does the time lady count off the seconds 299 00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:32,591 while she's having sex? 300 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,634 Really, no man wants to go through that. 301 00:10:34,676 --> 00:10:37,054 And women, most men we sleep with, 302 00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:39,931 they go off before the beep. You know what I'm saying? 303 00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,058 Then we have to... 304 00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:42,559 ...turn ourselves in. 305 00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:44,102 I mean, it's one thing to kill the boy, 306 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,854 but taking out the rest of his family, his mother, 307 00:10:45,896 --> 00:10:48,607 his sister, his dog... 308 00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:51,443 I think people noticed. 309 00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:53,653 Thanks, everybody. 310 00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:55,530 You've been more than diverting. 311 00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:58,617 I'm Mrs. Maisel. Good night. 312 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,619 (cheers and applause) 313 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,746 Hi. Great crowd. 314 00:11:02,788 --> 00:11:05,082 -Yeah, this guy in the back wasn't laughing. -Not one cough. 315 00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:06,750 It's when they don't cough that I know I got them. 316 00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:08,043 I asked him if he was foreign or something, 317 00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:09,461 but he's from Hoboken. 318 00:11:09,503 --> 00:11:10,962 Susie, 99% of the audience was laughing. 319 00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,214 That's a good thing. 320 00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:13,632 You got 100% of that place on 19th. 321 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,175 Ah, that was a great gig. 322 00:11:15,217 --> 00:11:17,052 You got 100 at that Midtown place on 23rd. 323 00:11:17,094 --> 00:11:18,845 23rd is not Midtown. 324 00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:20,430 -It's close. -It's not close. 325 00:11:20,472 --> 00:11:22,015 -It's a short walk. -It's a cab ride. 326 00:11:22,057 --> 00:11:23,225 Goddamn Harry Drake. 327 00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:24,893 He's stopping my career cold. 328 00:11:24,935 --> 00:11:26,645 I mean, how long can he hold a grudge? 329 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:30,273 Hey, everybody. Who here doesn't love our Mrs. Maisel? 330 00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:32,275 (cheers and applause) 331 00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:35,904 And who here doesn't love the dulcet tones of the autoharp? 332 00:11:35,946 --> 00:11:40,033 Give it up for Clint Gowdy. 333 00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:43,286 Hey, hey. What the hell? 334 00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:45,205 Jackie, how many times have I told you? 335 00:11:45,247 --> 00:11:48,166 Autoharps are permanently banned, meaning forever. 336 00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,001 Hey, as long as you're off doing your Maisel thing, 337 00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,795 I'm gonna book what I want to book. 338 00:11:51,837 --> 00:11:54,756 Autoharps, panpipes, ocarinas. 339 00:11:54,798 --> 00:11:56,800 -You're just toying with me now. -That's right. 340 00:11:56,842 --> 00:11:58,718 And I'm gonna start charging for overnight stays 341 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,929 at the Hotel Le Gaslight. Count on it. 342 00:12:00,971 --> 00:12:03,432 -Overnight stays? -It's nothing. Ignore him. 343 00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:05,350 She's been sleeping here. 344 00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:08,061 I'm getting tired of having to fold her bedding every morning. 345 00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:09,688 You don't sleep clean. 346 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,314 Susie, you can't sleep here. 347 00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:13,024 Relax, I'm not anymore. I swapped apartments 348 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,776 with the Italian family upstairs. 349 00:12:14,818 --> 00:12:16,486 -I'm sorry, what? -I swapped apartments. 350 00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:19,448 I'm in their place and they're in mine. 351 00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:22,284 A family is in your apartment? Your place is a shithole. 352 00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:25,078 Oh, you'd change your tune if you saw their place. Brutal. 353 00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:26,913 We really should treat immigrants better. 354 00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:29,916 But what if Harry Drake's goons show up at your apartment? 355 00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:31,126 -I won't be there. -Yes, 356 00:12:31,168 --> 00:12:33,962 -but the Italian family will. -I know, right? 357 00:12:34,004 --> 00:12:36,631 We need a more permanent solution to this Harry thing. 358 00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:39,342 -One where there's no innocent victims. -I know. 359 00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:41,386 Is this your brassiere, Susie? You left it in the back. 360 00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:43,180 Jesus Christ, Jackie. 361 00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:46,308 Well, how do you think I feel? I thought it was a dishrag. 362 00:12:46,349 --> 00:12:49,186 Well, at least now I know what to get you for your birthday. 363 00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:55,025 DORA: You won't be judged by the professor's 364 00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,651 highest standard, Rose. 365 00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:58,528 I'm not sure I could meet his lowest standard. 366 00:12:58,570 --> 00:12:59,988 Sketching, drawing, he'll say, 367 00:13:00,030 --> 00:13:01,615 "Let your hand follow what your eye sees." 368 00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:03,450 I'll try. I practiced a little last night, 369 00:13:03,492 --> 00:13:05,035 drawing a bowl of fruit. 370 00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:08,538 My lemon was fine, but my banana was a disaster. 371 00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:10,999 It's getting the right texture... (gasps) 372 00:13:11,041 --> 00:13:12,834 -You okay? -What's the matter? 373 00:13:12,876 --> 00:13:15,128 -She can't breathe. -Watch-- her chair! 374 00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:17,130 My God, oh, my God. 375 00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:19,049 Too close, too close. 376 00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:21,092 (hyperventilating) 377 00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:26,348 -That's our subject? -That's our subject. 378 00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:28,350 That's our subject. 379 00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:31,686 That texture's gonna be even harder to capture. 380 00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:34,689 (indistinct chatter) 381 00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:35,899 Susie! 382 00:13:35,941 --> 00:13:37,943 (excited chatter in Italian) 383 00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:43,615 Hi, everybody. How's it going? 384 00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:45,909 Splendido! Siamo cosi grati! 385 00:13:45,951 --> 00:13:47,452 Okay, quick head count. 386 00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:50,121 One, two, three, four and there's little Sal. 387 00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,290 Okay. Whew, all alive. So far, so good. 388 00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:54,543 Susie, ecco la tua mail. 389 00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:56,753 Devi essere moto importante. 390 00:13:56,795 --> 00:13:58,755 Ah. Grazie, Grandma. 391 00:13:58,797 --> 00:14:01,675 Uh, you-you might want to keep those shades closed. 392 00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:03,718 (singing in Italian) 393 00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:10,850 (others joining in) 394 00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:25,740 (laughter) 395 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,827 LANCE: In my spare time, 396 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,870 I've been thinking about the very nature of infinity-- 397 00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:32,831 w-what it infers, what it portends. 398 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:35,542 -Yes, yes. -And for that reason, I was wondering 399 00:14:35,584 --> 00:14:37,669 if you had any insight on a true hero of mine, 400 00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:40,088 uh, the great German mathematician Georg Cantor 401 00:14:40,130 --> 00:14:41,840 and his prodigious work, 402 00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:45,093 which included his theory on the infinity of infinities. 403 00:14:45,135 --> 00:14:46,928 Georg Cantor. 404 00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:48,680 I'm really glad you brought him up, Lance. 405 00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:50,181 I love that you did that. 406 00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:53,852 Because he reminds me of a man that I actually do care about, 407 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:56,813 and that's the great mathematician Henri Poincaré. 408 00:14:56,855 --> 00:14:59,399 It's Poincaré's history of work on the solution 409 00:14:59,441 --> 00:15:01,735 of the three-body problem in planetary orbits 410 00:15:01,776 --> 00:15:05,405 that distinguished him, and although he did not produce 411 00:15:05,447 --> 00:15:09,534 a definitive solution, he advanced the inquiry so greatly 412 00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:12,203 that of course, Karl Sundman stood on his shoulders 413 00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:15,707 when he finally proved the existence of... 414 00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:17,917 I apologize. I need to leave a bit early today. 415 00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:19,961 I'm meeting my wife in a few minutes. 416 00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:23,173 An infinite series solution. 417 00:15:23,214 --> 00:15:28,011 Even this solution is of limited practical utility, 418 00:15:28,053 --> 00:15:31,890 because it converges so slowly. 419 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:35,143 Poincaré showed astounding aptitude for mathematics 420 00:15:35,185 --> 00:15:38,980 at a very young age, as all great mathematicians do. 421 00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:43,401 It was an innate ability that is not uncommon in the field. 422 00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:46,821 He was also a man of unusual work habits. 423 00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:49,199 He'd work two hours in the morning, two in the evening 424 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,201 and use the intervening time 425 00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:54,829 for his subconscious to continue working on the problem. 426 00:15:54,871 --> 00:15:57,457 This calls to mind another mathematician I discussed 427 00:15:57,499 --> 00:15:59,876 in my office with Truman just last Tuesday. 428 00:15:59,918 --> 00:16:01,795 Truman, you took notes that day. 429 00:16:01,836 --> 00:16:03,254 Please share them with the class. 430 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:06,341 Stop it. Get away! I bruise easy! 431 00:16:06,383 --> 00:16:08,426 ABE: If you're so inclined, reach back further 432 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,637 to the musings of the mathematician Zeno. 433 00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:13,264 He describes a series of paradoxes 434 00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:16,476 concerning infinity and infinitesimals. 435 00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:18,478 This being ancient Greece, little is left 436 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:21,648 of his written record, but of the scraps we do have left-- 437 00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:23,066 oh, my God. 438 00:16:23,108 --> 00:16:24,818 -Professor Weissman? -Are you all right? 439 00:16:24,859 --> 00:16:26,569 Give him air, guys. 440 00:16:26,611 --> 00:16:28,321 Yeah, he just saw a naked man. 441 00:16:28,363 --> 00:16:30,990 -I'm okay, oh, my God. -We need crowd control here. 442 00:16:31,032 --> 00:16:32,659 -No, I'm okay, I'm okay. -Are we dismissed? 443 00:16:32,701 --> 00:16:35,912 Yes, yes. Go. Go, go. 444 00:16:35,954 --> 00:16:37,664 Well, hello there, young lady. 445 00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:40,375 Right on time. Uh, where shall we go? 446 00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:42,335 Faculty dining room, if that's okay with you? 447 00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:45,171 I was just thinking about the egg salad they make there. 448 00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:47,215 Ladies first. 449 00:16:54,139 --> 00:16:56,182 46 bucks for two months? Is that possible? 450 00:16:56,224 --> 00:16:57,809 -It can't be possible. -ED (over phone): Your biggest charges 451 00:16:57,851 --> 00:16:59,936 are for multiple calls to the same places. 452 00:16:59,978 --> 00:17:02,021 Midtown places. Did you make all those calls? 453 00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:04,023 Well, probably, but Ed, when I signed up, 454 00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:05,900 I was told it was nine dollars a month. 455 00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:08,236 Yes, but you didn't take into account the message units. 456 00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:10,071 -The what units? -Well, in your plan, 457 00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:12,031 anything beyond two miles of your geographical service 458 00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:14,576 incurs additional fees on top of the nine dollars. 459 00:17:14,617 --> 00:17:16,536 You're telling me every call beyond two miles 460 00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:18,496 from my apartment is considered long distance? 461 00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:21,374 -Yeah, pretty much. -So let me get this straight, Ed. 462 00:17:21,416 --> 00:17:24,627 If I call someone who's less than two miles away, 463 00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:26,963 and then they make a call from a second phone 464 00:17:27,005 --> 00:17:28,882 to a person four miles away from me 465 00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:30,759 but only two miles away from them, 466 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,344 and they hold the receiver up to the line I'm on, 467 00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,305 I'll just get charged locally, right? 468 00:17:35,346 --> 00:17:37,348 Sure, I mean, if you want to go to the bother. 469 00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:38,892 I don't want to go to the fucking bother, Ed. 470 00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:40,268 I'm just trying to figure out how can I afford 471 00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:42,353 this stupid fucking phone you sold me! 472 00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,980 Look, I hear you, and I sympathize, 473 00:17:44,022 --> 00:17:45,482 but the charges are the charges. 474 00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:47,317 -Jesus. -And, uh... 475 00:17:47,358 --> 00:17:49,068 I guess I'm compelled to tell you this... 476 00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:50,862 -What? -Our office is in Harlem, 477 00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:53,323 so this call is long distance as well. 478 00:17:56,201 --> 00:17:58,203 -(crying) -(speaks Italian) 479 00:18:00,789 --> 00:18:03,374 (knocking on door) 480 00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:05,376 -SHIRLEY: Joely. -Yeah, Ma? 481 00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,378 You've got a gentleman caller. 482 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:11,508 A handsome young man. 483 00:18:11,549 --> 00:18:13,343 Why'd you make it sound salacious? 484 00:18:13,384 --> 00:18:15,178 Did-did I make it sound salacious? 485 00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:16,888 Come on in, Arch. 486 00:18:18,181 --> 00:18:20,475 Archie, would you do me a big favor? 487 00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:22,101 -Sure. -Would you ask your brother 488 00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:24,062 if real estate prices are gonna go up or down 489 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,772 in the next ten years? That would be a big help. 490 00:18:25,814 --> 00:18:27,065 I will ask him. 491 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,942 Oh, Curry is a good man. 492 00:18:28,983 --> 00:18:31,820 He's a nice blend of spices and herbs, as well. 493 00:18:31,861 --> 00:18:34,656 Ah. Well, I'll leave you boys to get on with things. 494 00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:36,241 Your sword fights and whatnot. 495 00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:37,867 Thank you, Mrs. Maisel. 496 00:18:37,909 --> 00:18:39,494 Thanks, Ma. 497 00:18:39,536 --> 00:18:41,287 Smells like a foxhole in here. 498 00:18:41,329 --> 00:18:43,122 -Yeah, sorry. -Can I get some coffee? 499 00:18:43,164 --> 00:18:44,541 Coming up. 500 00:18:44,582 --> 00:18:46,334 And these are...? 501 00:18:46,376 --> 00:18:47,752 My mother's treasure maps. 502 00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,170 Supposed to show where they've hidden 503 00:18:49,212 --> 00:18:50,463 all the cash over the years. 504 00:18:50,505 --> 00:18:51,881 -Did Curren see these? -You bet he did. 505 00:18:51,923 --> 00:18:53,174 That's what I thought. 506 00:18:53,216 --> 00:18:55,093 He's denying us a line of credit. 507 00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:57,637 Told us there were too many "mitigating circumstances," 508 00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,681 which my father called the two most goyish words 509 00:18:59,722 --> 00:19:00,890 in the English language. 510 00:19:00,932 --> 00:19:02,308 (sniffs) 511 00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:03,768 Smells like Ma's making kugel. 512 00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,353 She makes good kugel. 513 00:19:05,395 --> 00:19:07,188 Don't leave before you have some kugel. 514 00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:11,860 You know, Joel, you and I are good friends. Close. 515 00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:13,695 To the point where we didn't even correct your mother 516 00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:15,321 when she implied that we're a couple of queers. 517 00:19:15,363 --> 00:19:18,658 And because of that, I need to say, 518 00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:21,286 you have got to get out of this fucking house! 519 00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:23,454 Of course I have to get out of this house! 520 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:25,456 I mean, look at me. 521 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:28,585 I-I'm back with my toys and my mother and the fucking kugel 522 00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:30,587 and it wasn't supposed to be like this. 523 00:19:30,628 --> 00:19:32,255 I've got to find a place. 524 00:19:32,297 --> 00:19:34,132 And it's got to be right for the kids, too, because 525 00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,551 they have to be with me some of the time or I'll go crazy. 526 00:19:36,593 --> 00:19:38,177 Good. You still got some fight left. 527 00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:39,971 Now stop moving around. 528 00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:42,348 It's making the smell in here worse. 529 00:19:42,390 --> 00:19:44,767 (sighs) 530 00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:50,440 I got Curren to reconsider the mitigating circumstances. 531 00:19:50,481 --> 00:19:52,150 You're getting your line of credit. 532 00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:54,694 -Arch. You're kidding. -I've got things on him. 533 00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:56,362 And I vouched for you. 534 00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:58,281 And I'm gonna help you get the hell out of here 535 00:19:58,323 --> 00:20:00,658 because it's just sad. 536 00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,201 I owe you, Arch. 537 00:20:02,243 --> 00:20:04,704 I owe you big-time. 538 00:20:04,746 --> 00:20:06,331 (door opens) 539 00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:09,709 Oops. Never mind me. I saw nothing. 540 00:20:09,751 --> 00:20:11,753 (door closes) 541 00:20:15,924 --> 00:20:19,260 Oh. Hey, Albert, help. 542 00:20:19,302 --> 00:20:21,888 Ah. 543 00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:23,681 You're a prince, Albert. 544 00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:25,683 "Prince Albert." I just came up with that. 545 00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:27,936 -Thank you, ma'am. -(clears throat) 546 00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:29,771 Hi. Midge. 547 00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:33,191 -Hi. -Midge, let me introduce you 548 00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,860 to Father O'Brien, and this is Sister Saint Stephen. 549 00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:38,279 Father, Sister, this is my good friend Midge Maisel. 550 00:20:38,321 --> 00:20:40,156 She's here to help me with the reception. 551 00:20:40,198 --> 00:20:41,908 -Nice to meet you. -And nice to meet you, miss. 552 00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:43,952 (girl crying) 553 00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:48,831 Carrie Ann misbehaved in geography class. 554 00:20:48,873 --> 00:20:52,251 Yes. Of course. 555 00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:54,253 Will you excuse us for just a second? 556 00:20:54,295 --> 00:20:56,881 I've got some important business to discuss with Mary here. 557 00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:58,883 (whispering): What is this? What is happening? 558 00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:01,219 This is my parish. I'm getting married in the church upstairs. 559 00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:02,845 It's very old, very beautiful. 560 00:21:02,887 --> 00:21:04,764 Sure, sure, but where are we now? 561 00:21:04,806 --> 00:21:06,641 This is where the reception's going to be. 562 00:21:06,683 --> 00:21:08,101 -In this room? -Yes. 563 00:21:08,142 --> 00:21:09,978 -No. No. No. -Yes. Yes. 564 00:21:10,019 --> 00:21:11,187 Mary, there's no light here. 565 00:21:11,229 --> 00:21:12,855 It's damp and lifeless. 566 00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:14,190 And there's a little girl crying in the corner. 567 00:21:14,232 --> 00:21:15,817 This is the Punishment Room. 568 00:21:15,858 --> 00:21:17,276 You can't have your reception in the Punishment Room. 569 00:21:17,318 --> 00:21:18,861 -Midge. -The walls are stained with tears. 570 00:21:18,903 --> 00:21:20,321 My sister had her reception here. 571 00:21:20,363 --> 00:21:22,365 -And how happy is your sister? -Well... 572 00:21:22,407 --> 00:21:24,492 Because she got married in the Punishment Room. 573 00:21:24,534 --> 00:21:27,495 -Is everything okay? -Yes, ma'am. Sir. Sister. 574 00:21:27,537 --> 00:21:29,998 There is a bigger room that you go through to get here. 575 00:21:30,039 --> 00:21:31,207 It has a window. 576 00:21:31,249 --> 00:21:32,417 That's the Window Room. 577 00:21:32,458 --> 00:21:33,626 That's really what they call it? 578 00:21:33,668 --> 00:21:34,836 The bigger donors get that room. 579 00:21:34,877 --> 00:21:36,129 My family's not a big donor. 580 00:21:36,170 --> 00:21:37,463 Ah. So it's about money. 581 00:21:37,505 --> 00:21:39,382 Bartering. I can work with that. 582 00:21:39,424 --> 00:21:41,217 -Now who's the power here, the priest or the nun? -Midge. 583 00:21:41,259 --> 00:21:42,552 -Mary. -The priest. 584 00:21:44,595 --> 00:21:46,764 Father, can we talk? 585 00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:47,932 Of course, dear. 586 00:21:47,974 --> 00:21:49,934 Don't we love our sweet Mary? 587 00:21:49,976 --> 00:21:51,436 Oh, I've known Mary all her life. 588 00:21:51,477 --> 00:21:53,521 I baptized her when she was just a week old. 589 00:21:53,563 --> 00:21:55,356 Ah, well, I'm Jewish. 590 00:21:55,398 --> 00:21:57,817 When somebody dunks us in water, we call a lawyer. 591 00:21:57,859 --> 00:21:59,819 I was just wondering, this room-- 592 00:21:59,861 --> 00:22:02,447 would it be possible to give it a coat of paint? 593 00:22:02,488 --> 00:22:03,781 Lighten it up a little? 594 00:22:03,823 --> 00:22:05,825 Father picked this color himself. 595 00:22:05,867 --> 00:22:07,285 And it's a nice one. 596 00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:10,163 Yellow mustard... gas. 597 00:22:10,204 --> 00:22:13,291 But a sky blue would make the room feel cheerier. 598 00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:14,667 This is the Punishment Room. 599 00:22:14,709 --> 00:22:16,919 And there's no budget to paint. 600 00:22:16,961 --> 00:22:19,922 Okay. Well, do you supply flowers? 601 00:22:19,964 --> 00:22:22,550 A lot of colorful flowers would really liven things up. 602 00:22:22,592 --> 00:22:25,053 -We have no flowers. -There's no money for flowers. 603 00:22:25,094 --> 00:22:27,472 Well, you have flowers at funerals. 604 00:22:27,513 --> 00:22:29,057 Anyone scheduled to die the week before Mary's wedding? 605 00:22:29,098 --> 00:22:30,266 We'll take those. 606 00:22:30,308 --> 00:22:31,768 -Mary. -MARY: Midge... 607 00:22:31,809 --> 00:22:33,227 Is Carrie Ann still gonna be there? 608 00:22:33,269 --> 00:22:35,521 -Because that'll be very distracting. -(clears throat) 609 00:22:35,563 --> 00:22:38,733 Convert. Be something else. Buddhism's nice. 610 00:22:38,775 --> 00:22:40,610 I have no choice. It is going to be here, 611 00:22:40,651 --> 00:22:42,737 in this room, at Our Lady Of Perpetual Sorrow. 612 00:22:42,779 --> 00:22:44,572 That is not the name. 613 00:22:44,614 --> 00:22:47,283 Midge, the ceremony's the thing, and the church is beautiful. 614 00:22:47,325 --> 00:22:49,160 Down here is just a quick breakfast, 615 00:22:49,202 --> 00:22:50,953 a splash of champagne and... what? 616 00:22:50,995 --> 00:22:53,623 -Did you say breakfast? -Eggs and ham. 617 00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:59,170 (exhales) 618 00:22:59,212 --> 00:23:02,048 Mary just told me about Bill. 619 00:23:02,090 --> 00:23:03,299 About... 620 00:23:03,341 --> 00:23:05,551 Well, I guess I was the only one not to know. 621 00:23:05,593 --> 00:23:08,179 He's a veteran of Korea. Right, Mary? 622 00:23:08,221 --> 00:23:09,764 Our brave Bill? 623 00:23:09,806 --> 00:23:11,474 Yes. 624 00:23:11,516 --> 00:23:13,309 I'd suggest we say a prayer for him now, 625 00:23:13,351 --> 00:23:15,645 but your prayers and mine, they differ. 626 00:23:15,686 --> 00:23:17,146 Mine would be Mi Shebeirach. 627 00:23:17,188 --> 00:23:18,731 Mi Shebeirach avoteinu, 628 00:23:18,773 --> 00:23:20,358 Avraham, Yitzchak v'Yaakov... 629 00:23:20,399 --> 00:23:21,651 You'd like a lot of our stuff, Father. 630 00:23:21,692 --> 00:23:23,569 We've got some real barnburners. 631 00:23:23,611 --> 00:23:25,655 -All right. -But I guess what I'm wondering now is, 632 00:23:25,696 --> 00:23:28,157 what if you let them have the Window Room 633 00:23:28,199 --> 00:23:29,617 for an early evening reception? 634 00:23:29,659 --> 00:23:31,786 For just a couple of hours. Nothing fancy. 635 00:23:31,828 --> 00:23:33,538 Our bingo ladies are there then. 636 00:23:33,579 --> 00:23:34,664 You can bump them. 637 00:23:34,705 --> 00:23:37,291 Just for this one night? For Mary? 638 00:23:37,333 --> 00:23:39,293 And Bill. 639 00:23:39,335 --> 00:23:41,129 Mary's Bill. 640 00:23:41,170 --> 00:23:45,633 -Well, we do all love Bill. -Mm. 641 00:23:47,093 --> 00:23:49,470 I guess an early evening event 642 00:23:49,512 --> 00:23:52,014 in the Window Room can be arranged. 643 00:23:52,056 --> 00:23:54,392 Wow. So generous. 644 00:23:54,433 --> 00:23:56,811 Thanks, Father. 645 00:23:56,853 --> 00:24:00,481 I'm assuming a band is out of the question? 646 00:24:00,523 --> 00:24:03,401 "The sandy beach reminded Harold of picnics, 647 00:24:03,442 --> 00:24:06,404 and the thought of picnics made him hungry." 648 00:24:06,445 --> 00:24:09,407 And just made your mommy hungry. (clears throat) 649 00:24:09,448 --> 00:24:12,952 "So he laid out a nice simple picnic lunch." 650 00:24:12,994 --> 00:24:15,788 Hope he brought wine. 651 00:24:15,830 --> 00:24:20,293 "There was nothing but pie." There's never anything but pie. 652 00:24:20,334 --> 00:24:22,837 (phone ringing) 653 00:24:25,506 --> 00:24:26,674 Hello? 654 00:24:26,716 --> 00:24:28,092 I think there may be a bag of money hidden 655 00:24:28,134 --> 00:24:29,385 in your front closet. 656 00:24:29,427 --> 00:24:31,429 -What? -I've been studying Ma's treasure maps 657 00:24:31,470 --> 00:24:33,306 and one of them didn't correspond to anywhere 658 00:24:33,347 --> 00:24:35,224 -in their house or the factory. -Treasure maps? 659 00:24:35,266 --> 00:24:37,268 And now I think one of them is your parents' house 660 00:24:37,310 --> 00:24:38,936 and that on one of my parents' visits, 661 00:24:38,978 --> 00:24:40,813 they stashed a bag of money in a closet. 662 00:24:40,855 --> 00:24:42,481 -I know, it sounds crazy. -Not at all. 663 00:24:42,523 --> 00:24:44,609 Just look. It's the one in the foyer. 664 00:24:44,650 --> 00:24:46,527 Holy cow. 665 00:24:46,569 --> 00:24:49,113 I'm at the closet. 666 00:24:49,155 --> 00:24:50,448 Check the back, left side. 667 00:24:50,489 --> 00:24:52,950 Is it just gonna be sitting in here on the floor? 668 00:24:52,992 --> 00:24:55,328 JOEL: No, it's probably in a cutout in the wall. 669 00:24:55,369 --> 00:24:57,079 They cut open the wall? 670 00:24:57,121 --> 00:24:58,623 My dad has a portable rotary blade. 671 00:24:58,664 --> 00:25:00,166 This just keeps getting weirder. 672 00:25:00,208 --> 00:25:02,501 Be careful 'cause some of the bags are booby-trapped. 673 00:25:02,543 --> 00:25:03,753 Is it gonna explode? 674 00:25:03,794 --> 00:25:06,214 There may be a mouse trap in it. It's probably snapped. 675 00:25:06,255 --> 00:25:07,298 Unbelievable. 676 00:25:09,550 --> 00:25:12,803 -Oh, wait, the wall is jiggling. -That must be it. 677 00:25:12,845 --> 00:25:15,473 And there's a bag. 678 00:25:19,310 --> 00:25:20,478 Found it. 679 00:25:20,519 --> 00:25:22,855 Good. I'll come by and pick it up tomorrow. 680 00:25:22,897 --> 00:25:26,776 Joel, there must be at least $2,000 here. 681 00:25:26,817 --> 00:25:29,362 They're crazy, Midge. My parents are crazy. 682 00:25:29,403 --> 00:25:31,656 I-I know, but at least it skipped a generation. 683 00:25:31,697 --> 00:25:33,366 I think that's probably all they stashed there. 684 00:25:33,407 --> 00:25:35,368 They probably got nervous about the noise the blade made. 685 00:25:35,409 --> 00:25:37,036 One of the hazards of secretly using power tools 686 00:25:37,078 --> 00:25:38,204 in someone else's house. 687 00:25:38,246 --> 00:25:40,623 -Kiss the kids for me? -Okay. 688 00:25:40,665 --> 00:25:41,999 -And hug them? -Of course. 689 00:25:42,041 --> 00:25:43,167 And tell them I'll always love them? 690 00:25:43,209 --> 00:25:44,543 Joel, are you dying? 691 00:25:44,585 --> 00:25:46,379 I've got to dig into Aunt Golda's sub-basement tomorrow 692 00:25:46,420 --> 00:25:48,214 and there could be a Komodo dragon guarding it. 693 00:25:48,256 --> 00:25:51,092 -Just get some sleep? -I probably won't. Good night. 694 00:25:51,133 --> 00:25:53,761 Good night. 695 00:25:53,803 --> 00:25:56,264 DORA: I've never drawn a nude man before. 696 00:25:56,305 --> 00:25:57,932 MILLY: I've never seen a nude man before. 697 00:25:57,974 --> 00:25:59,600 Drawing a man's genitals is not easy. 698 00:25:59,642 --> 00:26:00,893 Or appetizing. 699 00:26:00,935 --> 00:26:02,853 Did you draw a face on his penis? 700 00:26:02,895 --> 00:26:04,814 -No. -It's smiling. 701 00:26:04,855 --> 00:26:07,650 -I draw what I see. -Rose, let's see yours. 702 00:26:07,692 --> 00:26:09,652 Oh, I completely skipped the down-there part. 703 00:26:09,694 --> 00:26:11,195 It made me very uncomfortable. 704 00:26:11,237 --> 00:26:13,447 -Even though it was smiling? -It's not smiling. 705 00:26:13,489 --> 00:26:15,408 I wouldn't submit that for your master's thesis, Milly. 706 00:26:15,449 --> 00:26:17,660 A master's degree, that sounds so important. 707 00:26:17,702 --> 00:26:19,662 -Are you all on that path? -Pretty much. 708 00:26:19,704 --> 00:26:21,706 My, I can't even imagine. 709 00:26:21,747 --> 00:26:24,583 And once you have your master's, what do you do with it? 710 00:26:24,625 --> 00:26:27,295 -Pardon? -I mean, it's so audacious, a master's. 711 00:26:27,336 --> 00:26:28,504 You're learning so much. 712 00:26:28,546 --> 00:26:30,548 What are you going to do with all that knowledge? 713 00:26:30,589 --> 00:26:33,009 -What is she talking about? -What do you do once you graduate? 714 00:26:33,050 --> 00:26:35,011 There's a lot of things we can do. Teach. 715 00:26:35,052 --> 00:26:39,056 -Oh, yes, teach. Where? -Here, I guess. 716 00:26:39,098 --> 00:26:41,142 But none of the teachers here are women. 717 00:26:41,183 --> 00:26:42,601 They all seem to be men. 718 00:26:42,643 --> 00:26:45,855 -I guess a lot of them are men. -I think all of them are men. 719 00:26:45,896 --> 00:26:47,106 I never put that together. 720 00:26:47,148 --> 00:26:49,900 Some of us want to be artists. I want to be an artist. 721 00:26:49,942 --> 00:26:53,321 But there are really no lady artists, not in the States. 722 00:26:53,362 --> 00:26:56,115 I knew a couple back in the day in Paris. 723 00:26:56,157 --> 00:26:58,492 One quit, no one knows where she is today. 724 00:26:58,534 --> 00:27:00,119 The other one killed herself. 725 00:27:00,161 --> 00:27:02,163 Mainly because no one would buy art from a girl. 726 00:27:02,204 --> 00:27:03,998 She tried calling herself Bertrum and wearing a bowler, 727 00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:05,291 but it didn't work. 728 00:27:06,334 --> 00:27:07,418 You don't like your sandwich? 729 00:27:07,460 --> 00:27:08,836 I'm not hungry anymore. 730 00:27:08,878 --> 00:27:10,963 Some of you are doing this to find a husband, I assume? 731 00:27:11,005 --> 00:27:12,673 That's why my daughter went to college. 732 00:27:12,715 --> 00:27:15,217 Oh, sure, she wanted to make friends and take classes, 733 00:27:15,259 --> 00:27:18,596 but her real goal was to meet a man, and she met one. 734 00:27:18,637 --> 00:27:21,098 Then he dumped her, so she's working a low-level job 735 00:27:21,140 --> 00:27:23,142 because all she had was a degree in Russian literature, 736 00:27:23,184 --> 00:27:24,435 but not a master's. 737 00:27:24,477 --> 00:27:27,480 I mean, it would be nice to meet a man. 738 00:27:27,521 --> 00:27:28,856 Yeah, I guess. 739 00:27:28,898 --> 00:27:32,068 Well, if you want to meet a man, this is not the place to do it. 740 00:27:32,109 --> 00:27:37,031 The art department, mm-mm. The whole building, nope. 741 00:27:37,073 --> 00:27:38,908 Now, the business school, that's the place. 742 00:27:38,949 --> 00:27:40,826 Lots of choices and they're all studying something 743 00:27:40,868 --> 00:27:44,330 with real potential. 744 00:27:44,372 --> 00:27:46,999 I hope you don't mind the thoughts of an older woman. 745 00:27:47,041 --> 00:27:48,834 I'm just very new at all this. 746 00:27:48,876 --> 00:27:50,920 Not at all. 747 00:27:50,961 --> 00:27:52,963 Yes, thank you, Rose. 748 00:27:57,134 --> 00:27:59,887 SUSIE: Mmm. This place has the best pastrami, right? 749 00:27:59,929 --> 00:28:01,806 -See you, Susie. -Yeah, see you, Louie. 750 00:28:01,847 --> 00:28:03,474 I don't know, Katz's is pretty good. 751 00:28:03,516 --> 00:28:05,559 Mm, I like Katz's for their corned beef. 752 00:28:05,601 --> 00:28:08,604 -Hey, Susie, call me tomorrow. -Actually, Mel, can you call me? 753 00:28:08,646 --> 00:28:10,106 -Why? -Just do it. 754 00:28:10,147 --> 00:28:12,983 -Whatever. -Mm, Greengrass for the lox. 755 00:28:13,025 --> 00:28:14,485 I grew up on Barney Greengrass. 756 00:28:14,527 --> 00:28:16,362 Don't tell me about Barney Greengrass. 757 00:28:16,404 --> 00:28:18,864 -Maybe the matzo ball soup. -FRED: Hey, Susie. 758 00:28:18,906 --> 00:28:20,699 That thing you did? That was real shitty. 759 00:28:20,741 --> 00:28:22,410 That's the joy of not giving a shit, Freddy. 760 00:28:22,451 --> 00:28:24,078 You're just asking for reciprocation. 761 00:28:24,120 --> 00:28:26,288 -I'm asking you to sit down. -Don't tell me to sit down! 762 00:28:26,330 --> 00:28:28,582 -Fuck you and your reciprocation and your two-dollar suits. -No, no, fuck you... 763 00:28:28,624 --> 00:28:30,418 -You throw your weight around. -And fuck your mother at the same time. 764 00:28:30,459 --> 00:28:32,128 -You're nothing. You're a nobody. -Just crawl back up her pussy 765 00:28:32,169 --> 00:28:34,296 -and shut the fuck up. -Eat shit and die! 766 00:28:34,338 --> 00:28:35,881 Nice guy, I'll introduce you later. 767 00:28:35,923 --> 00:28:38,717 He seemed very personable. 768 00:28:38,759 --> 00:28:40,511 -Shit. -What? 769 00:28:40,553 --> 00:28:42,263 You're not gonna believe who else is here. 770 00:28:42,304 --> 00:28:43,639 -Who? Who? -Harry Drake. 771 00:28:43,681 --> 00:28:45,558 -SUSIE: Harry Drake. -MIDGE: Did he see us? 772 00:28:45,599 --> 00:28:47,017 He sees us now. 773 00:28:47,059 --> 00:28:49,103 He's coming over. Should I scream? 774 00:28:49,145 --> 00:28:51,313 -Why, are you having an orgasm? -He threatened you, Susie. 775 00:28:51,355 --> 00:28:54,442 -Hello, Midge, Susie. -Hey, Harry, nice to see you. 776 00:28:54,483 --> 00:28:55,860 How're you liking this weather? 777 00:28:55,901 --> 00:28:57,570 "Spring is sprung, the grass is riz..." 778 00:28:57,611 --> 00:28:59,029 "I wonder where the birdie is..." 779 00:28:59,071 --> 00:29:00,948 Not that any of us get outside much. 780 00:29:00,990 --> 00:29:03,242 -Just enough to hop in a taxi. -Lunch sometime? 781 00:29:03,284 --> 00:29:04,660 -Name the day. -My treat. 782 00:29:04,702 --> 00:29:05,703 Yup. See you. 783 00:29:05,744 --> 00:29:08,622 -What the fuck? -What? 784 00:29:08,664 --> 00:29:10,875 When did you make up with Harry Drake? 785 00:29:10,916 --> 00:29:12,001 I didn't. 786 00:29:12,042 --> 00:29:14,003 -Then what was that? -That was showbiz. 787 00:29:14,044 --> 00:29:16,088 He's been threatening you with violence. 788 00:29:16,130 --> 00:29:18,048 That's showbiz, too. 789 00:29:18,090 --> 00:29:20,509 Oh, look who Harry's with now. That's Billy Jay. 790 00:29:20,551 --> 00:29:21,969 He books the Upstairs at the Downstairs. 791 00:29:22,011 --> 00:29:23,596 I'd give my right nut to get you in there. 792 00:29:23,637 --> 00:29:25,264 Yeah, that's on 56th. 793 00:29:25,306 --> 00:29:27,516 That's 30 blocks above our last one. 794 00:29:27,558 --> 00:29:29,977 SUSIE: Billy Jay. He never comes in here. Crap. 795 00:29:30,019 --> 00:29:31,770 Go talk to him. 796 00:29:31,812 --> 00:29:35,065 You don't just talk to Billy Jay, you need an in. 797 00:29:35,107 --> 00:29:36,734 Luckily, I got one. 798 00:29:36,775 --> 00:29:38,652 Yeah? What? 799 00:29:38,694 --> 00:29:42,323 His eye for the ladies. Hmm? (clicks tongue) 800 00:29:42,364 --> 00:29:44,617 -Are you having a stroke? -Get over there and do your thing. 801 00:29:44,658 --> 00:29:46,744 -What thing? -The guy's a dog. 802 00:29:46,785 --> 00:29:48,746 He'd fuck a corpse if it was less than six hours old. 803 00:29:48,787 --> 00:29:50,080 Are you kidding me? 804 00:29:50,122 --> 00:29:52,166 I'm not gonna go over there and make this guy think 805 00:29:52,208 --> 00:29:53,918 I'm gonna sleep with him if he books me. 806 00:29:53,959 --> 00:29:55,836 Why not? You have those weapons. 807 00:29:55,878 --> 00:29:58,631 -So do you. -No, these are self-destructive. 808 00:29:58,672 --> 00:29:59,798 I wouldn't do something like that. 809 00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:01,217 Come on, you told me all about 810 00:30:01,258 --> 00:30:02,843 how you practically slept with a priest 811 00:30:02,885 --> 00:30:04,720 so he'd give your friend some pigs in a blanket 812 00:30:04,762 --> 00:30:06,388 for her wedding, but you're not gonna do this? 813 00:30:06,430 --> 00:30:09,058 That was just sweet talk. It happened in the moment. 814 00:30:09,099 --> 00:30:11,560 Oh, so you're just against being a premeditated slut. 815 00:30:11,602 --> 00:30:14,063 You're fine being a spontaneous slut. 816 00:30:14,104 --> 00:30:16,148 I'm not sidling up to Billy Jay. 817 00:30:16,190 --> 00:30:18,692 Okay. Don't. 818 00:30:18,734 --> 00:30:21,612 But we do have to make some money at some point. 819 00:30:21,654 --> 00:30:23,572 -You understand that, right? -Yes, I understand that. 820 00:30:23,614 --> 00:30:26,242 -Like, now. -Don't worry about me, I'm fine. 821 00:30:26,283 --> 00:30:29,954 Oh, are you, Princess? You hanging in there? 822 00:30:29,995 --> 00:30:32,873 Is life okay in your 18-room apartment on the Upper West Side 823 00:30:32,915 --> 00:30:35,000 with your doorman and your maid and your childcare 824 00:30:35,042 --> 00:30:36,710 and your bottomless closet? 825 00:30:36,752 --> 00:30:39,713 Oh, I forgot to tell you, I found $2,000 in my closet. 826 00:30:39,755 --> 00:30:41,131 (quietly): This is what I'm talking about. 827 00:30:41,173 --> 00:30:43,759 I'm not gonna find $2,000 in my closet. 828 00:30:43,801 --> 00:30:46,804 Think about my life for a moment. I'm broke. 829 00:30:46,845 --> 00:30:50,140 I'm working less at the Gaslight so I'm falling further behind. 830 00:30:50,182 --> 00:30:51,475 I'm begging people to call me 831 00:30:51,517 --> 00:30:53,310 'cause I can't afford to call them. 832 00:30:53,352 --> 00:30:55,646 I am picking up half-eaten apples out of trash cans 833 00:30:55,688 --> 00:30:57,731 at the Port Authority. It's getting dire here. 834 00:30:57,773 --> 00:30:59,900 Then I'll pay your phone bill. How about that? 835 00:30:59,942 --> 00:31:01,110 It's 46 bucks. 836 00:31:01,151 --> 00:31:03,904 Oh. That I would have to borrow from my father. 837 00:31:03,946 --> 00:31:05,447 Yeah, from the father that doesn't have any idea 838 00:31:05,489 --> 00:31:07,157 why you'd be paying the phone bill of a friend 839 00:31:07,199 --> 00:31:08,826 that he's never met that you're not even supposed to know. 840 00:31:08,867 --> 00:31:09,827 Great plan. 841 00:31:09,868 --> 00:31:11,412 You know, 842 00:31:11,453 --> 00:31:13,247 don't worry about me, I'll be fine. 843 00:31:13,289 --> 00:31:16,250 I get it. Okay? I-I'm lucky. 844 00:31:16,292 --> 00:31:18,836 I have a support system, you don't. I'm sorry. 845 00:31:18,877 --> 00:31:21,297 Don't be sorry. Forget I said anything. 846 00:31:21,338 --> 00:31:23,257 No, Susie, it's good for me to know. 847 00:31:23,299 --> 00:31:24,800 A manager doesn't go to her client 848 00:31:24,842 --> 00:31:26,135 saying she's worried about money. 849 00:31:26,176 --> 00:31:28,596 She goes out and she gets money. 850 00:31:28,637 --> 00:31:30,431 I take on the burdens. You're the artist. 851 00:31:30,472 --> 00:31:31,932 -Your thing's harder. -WAITRESS: Thank you. 852 00:31:31,974 --> 00:31:33,517 We're both trying something hard. 853 00:31:33,559 --> 00:31:35,019 Yeah. 854 00:31:36,061 --> 00:31:37,521 I'm getting this. 855 00:31:37,563 --> 00:31:41,358 I'm not arguing. 856 00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:44,028 VIVIAN: Oh, my God. 857 00:31:44,069 --> 00:31:45,863 I was crying my eyes out. I couldn't believe it. 858 00:31:45,904 --> 00:31:47,364 And then when the priest said, 859 00:31:47,406 --> 00:31:49,408 "Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" 860 00:31:49,450 --> 00:31:50,618 and she said, "I do." 861 00:31:50,659 --> 00:31:52,202 It was a cliffhanger until then. 862 00:31:52,244 --> 00:31:53,662 It was so magical. 863 00:31:53,704 --> 00:31:55,873 -It was perfect. -It was perfect. 864 00:31:55,914 --> 00:31:57,666 Oh, these flowers are beautiful. 865 00:31:57,708 --> 00:31:59,335 Church kept them from a funeral last week. 866 00:31:59,376 --> 00:32:00,669 Some guy named Horace. 867 00:32:00,711 --> 00:32:02,129 He was well-liked by those who enjoy 868 00:32:02,171 --> 00:32:03,339 expressing themselves florally. 869 00:32:03,380 --> 00:32:04,882 Let's raise a glass. 870 00:32:04,923 --> 00:32:08,844 Horace, you were gone too soon, but right on time. 871 00:32:08,886 --> 00:32:10,846 -Here's to Horace. -To Horace! 872 00:32:10,888 --> 00:32:12,598 (laughter) 873 00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:16,018 Oh, boy, cheap champagne works fast. 874 00:32:16,060 --> 00:32:17,770 -(glass clinking) -Excuse me, everybody. 875 00:32:17,811 --> 00:32:20,481 If I could just grab your attention for a minute or so. 876 00:32:20,522 --> 00:32:22,566 -Yay, Daddy's gonna speak. -Whoo-hoo! 877 00:32:22,608 --> 00:32:24,818 -Go, Brian! -All right! -More Brian! 878 00:32:24,860 --> 00:32:26,236 (applause) 879 00:32:26,278 --> 00:32:28,280 Eh, don't get your hopes up here. 880 00:32:28,322 --> 00:32:29,698 (laughter) 881 00:32:29,740 --> 00:32:30,991 I'm not much of a public speaker. 882 00:32:31,033 --> 00:32:32,743 I lay bricks, like my father did. 883 00:32:32,785 --> 00:32:35,871 -A speech for me is saying "Ouch." -(laughter) 884 00:32:35,913 --> 00:32:37,915 But I just wanted to get up here and thank you 885 00:32:37,956 --> 00:32:39,917 for coming to celebrate our daughter's wedding with us. 886 00:32:39,958 --> 00:32:41,919 There's a lot of emotion on a day like today, 887 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:45,881 but I just wanted to say, Mary, you're the best. 888 00:32:45,923 --> 00:32:47,841 I love you, sweetie. 889 00:32:47,883 --> 00:32:50,469 And Bill, we couldn't ask for a better son-in-law. 890 00:32:50,511 --> 00:32:52,554 Here's to you both. 891 00:32:52,596 --> 00:32:54,139 May you be as happy as Jean and I have been 892 00:32:54,181 --> 00:32:56,392 for all these 30-odd years. 893 00:32:56,433 --> 00:32:59,937 -To Mary and Bill. -ALL: To Mary and Bill. 894 00:32:59,978 --> 00:33:01,438 So pardon the interruption. 895 00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:03,148 I'll let you get back to your champagne 896 00:33:03,190 --> 00:33:05,776 and these fantastic appetizers. 897 00:33:05,818 --> 00:33:08,112 And let's all have fun. 898 00:33:08,153 --> 00:33:09,947 (applause) 899 00:33:09,988 --> 00:33:11,699 Whoo! 900 00:33:11,740 --> 00:33:13,534 Thank you, Daddy. I love you. 901 00:33:13,575 --> 00:33:17,121 And for all those enjoying the appetizers, the flowers, 902 00:33:17,162 --> 00:33:19,707 this wonderful room, it's all courtesy 903 00:33:19,748 --> 00:33:23,168 of my brilliant B. Altman friend, Midge Maisel. 904 00:33:23,210 --> 00:33:25,295 This wouldn't have happened without her. 905 00:33:25,337 --> 00:33:28,298 -Thank you, Midge. -(applause) 906 00:33:28,340 --> 00:33:30,926 Oh, gosh. Thank you. 907 00:33:30,968 --> 00:33:32,678 I was happy to do it. 908 00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:35,639 Really, thank you. 909 00:33:39,643 --> 00:33:42,896 Now I say we raise a glass to Mary's daddy. 910 00:33:42,938 --> 00:33:44,648 Didn't he do a great job, guys? 911 00:33:44,690 --> 00:33:46,734 Even got a couple of solid laughs. 912 00:33:46,775 --> 00:33:49,153 Yeah. To Daddy. Cheers. 913 00:33:49,194 --> 00:33:50,529 ALL: Cheers! 914 00:33:50,571 --> 00:33:52,197 MIDGE: That was a tight one minute, Brian. 915 00:33:52,239 --> 00:33:54,366 -You're ready for Jack Paar. -(laughter) 916 00:33:54,408 --> 00:33:55,743 Yeah, I don't know about that. 917 00:33:55,784 --> 00:33:58,620 And the ceremony was lovely. 918 00:33:58,662 --> 00:34:04,293 Mary was gorgeous, and Bill was... sweaty. 919 00:34:04,334 --> 00:34:05,711 (laughter) 920 00:34:05,753 --> 00:34:07,379 No, no, no, you're pretty, too, Bill. 921 00:34:07,421 --> 00:34:09,631 But if anyone brought a set of towels as a gift, 922 00:34:09,673 --> 00:34:11,425 that would've been a good time to hand them over. 923 00:34:12,968 --> 00:34:14,928 She's the funniest girl in the world. 924 00:34:14,970 --> 00:34:16,555 Don't oversell me there, Viv. 925 00:34:16,597 --> 00:34:19,266 Hey, can you all see me okay? 926 00:34:19,308 --> 00:34:22,686 Oh, okay. Ah, there we go. 927 00:34:22,728 --> 00:34:26,273 I see a few maiden aunts, 928 00:34:26,315 --> 00:34:28,192 I see a few drunk uncles. 929 00:34:28,233 --> 00:34:30,944 And of course, there's Father O'Brien. 930 00:34:30,986 --> 00:34:35,741 A good man, a pious man, a handsome man. 931 00:34:35,783 --> 00:34:37,534 And whatever you heard, people, I did not 932 00:34:37,576 --> 00:34:40,078 -schtup Father O'Brien. -(people gasp) 933 00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:42,456 I don't think God would look too kindly on that. 934 00:34:42,498 --> 00:34:46,084 The lightning bolt would be the size of Florida, right, Father? 935 00:34:46,126 --> 00:34:48,378 A-And if a priest is gonna have sex, I think God would 936 00:34:48,420 --> 00:34:50,380 prefer it wasn't with a Jew. 937 00:34:50,422 --> 00:34:54,134 That's like putting mayonnaise on a bialy, you don't do it. 938 00:34:54,176 --> 00:34:57,012 Uh... okay. Um... 939 00:34:57,054 --> 00:35:00,015 I-I always think a lot about sex at weddings. 940 00:35:00,057 --> 00:35:03,811 And it makes sense. Everyone's dolled up, drinking booze, 941 00:35:03,852 --> 00:35:05,979 we're happy, we're dancing. 942 00:35:06,021 --> 00:35:08,857 Even Brian here's talking about laying bricks. 943 00:35:08,899 --> 00:35:11,318 No amount of lubrication's gonna help you there. 944 00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:12,986 Talk about "Ouch." 945 00:35:13,028 --> 00:35:14,279 (people gasping) 946 00:35:15,906 --> 00:35:19,701 And-and then there's Mary and Bill. 947 00:35:19,743 --> 00:35:22,371 They are perfect together, aren't they? 948 00:35:22,412 --> 00:35:24,289 And talk about love at first sight. 949 00:35:24,331 --> 00:35:26,458 I mean, they met in November, and here they are 950 00:35:26,500 --> 00:35:27,960 three months later, getting hitched. 951 00:35:28,001 --> 00:35:31,421 What do we got here, kids? A shotgun wedding? 952 00:35:36,301 --> 00:35:37,845 I am so sorry, honey. 953 00:35:37,886 --> 00:35:39,680 I am in shock, I'm in absolute shock. 954 00:35:39,721 --> 00:35:42,224 I didn't know you were gonna throw it to me like that. 955 00:35:42,266 --> 00:35:43,684 I didn't throw it to you, Midge. 956 00:35:43,725 --> 00:35:45,561 I thanked you for the rumaki. 957 00:35:45,602 --> 00:35:47,145 Guess I sort of misread the audience. 958 00:35:47,187 --> 00:35:49,481 -No shit. -Mary, we're in church. 959 00:35:49,523 --> 00:35:51,483 -I can't go back down there. -HARRIET: You have to go back down. 960 00:35:51,525 --> 00:35:53,318 Mary, it was a mistake, you have to believe me. 961 00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:54,736 I mean, there's no way I could possibly 962 00:35:54,778 --> 00:35:56,113 have known you were pregnant. 963 00:35:56,154 --> 00:35:58,156 I've known him three months, Midge. 964 00:35:58,198 --> 00:35:59,867 Why the hell do you think I'm getting married 965 00:35:59,908 --> 00:36:01,702 three months after meeting him? 966 00:36:01,743 --> 00:36:05,581 Wow, well, guess I didn't know you were that big a slut. 967 00:36:05,622 --> 00:36:07,749 Joke. That was a joke. 968 00:36:07,791 --> 00:36:09,710 What happened to humor, huh? 969 00:36:09,751 --> 00:36:12,796 It-- this isn't a funeral, it's the happiest day of your life. 970 00:36:12,838 --> 00:36:14,631 (Mary blows nose) 971 00:36:14,673 --> 00:36:16,133 Oh, and congratulations on the baby. 972 00:36:16,174 --> 00:36:18,302 (sobbing) 973 00:36:29,021 --> 00:36:30,939 What are you doing here? 974 00:36:30,981 --> 00:36:32,357 I think I'm in trouble. 975 00:36:32,399 --> 00:36:33,609 What are you doing here? 976 00:36:33,650 --> 00:36:36,862 I got a note to come speak to Simon. 977 00:36:38,238 --> 00:36:40,532 Simon, it's Abe Weissman. 978 00:36:40,574 --> 00:36:43,285 SIMON: Come on in, Abe. 979 00:36:43,327 --> 00:36:46,079 -Thank you for coming by. -Yes. Um, 980 00:36:46,121 --> 00:36:49,249 what is my wife doing out there? 981 00:36:49,291 --> 00:36:51,376 This is a little embarrassing, Abe. 982 00:36:51,418 --> 00:36:55,964 I mean, I've known Rose socially for what, 20 years? 983 00:36:56,006 --> 00:36:58,926 (sighs) "Unusual" is the word for it. 984 00:36:58,967 --> 00:37:00,719 What's unusual? What's the issue? 985 00:37:00,761 --> 00:37:02,596 Well... (sighs) 986 00:37:02,638 --> 00:37:04,264 Rose has been very disruptive. 987 00:37:04,306 --> 00:37:06,767 (chuckles): Disruptive how? 988 00:37:06,808 --> 00:37:09,061 All I know is she spoke to a group of girls 989 00:37:09,102 --> 00:37:10,479 at a gathering here on campus, 990 00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:12,898 and now half of them want to quit, 991 00:37:12,940 --> 00:37:14,274 and the other half are demanding 992 00:37:14,316 --> 00:37:15,734 to be transferred to the business school. 993 00:37:15,776 --> 00:37:17,486 And just about all of them were crying. 994 00:37:17,527 --> 00:37:19,613 Well, that must be a coincidence. 995 00:37:19,655 --> 00:37:21,156 -No, I don't think so. -(bell tolling) 996 00:37:21,198 --> 00:37:23,992 She's disillusioned them about the art department. 997 00:37:24,034 --> 00:37:27,704 So she can no longer audit these classes, I'm sorry. 998 00:37:27,746 --> 00:37:30,832 No. 999 00:37:30,874 --> 00:37:32,668 -No. -Pardon me? 1000 00:37:32,709 --> 00:37:36,505 No. Sorry, she's not stopping. 1001 00:37:36,546 --> 00:37:38,465 -Abe... -Simon, let me be clear. 1002 00:37:38,507 --> 00:37:40,467 I would love her to quit. 1003 00:37:40,509 --> 00:37:42,260 I don't like walking into a room, 1004 00:37:42,302 --> 00:37:45,180 and my wife is there staring at some young guy's schlong... 1005 00:37:45,222 --> 00:37:47,140 -Abe, your language. -But you don't understand 1006 00:37:47,182 --> 00:37:48,558 what we've been through. 1007 00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:50,143 If she doesn't get to do this, 1008 00:37:50,185 --> 00:37:51,687 she'll go back to Paris, 1009 00:37:51,728 --> 00:37:54,189 and Paris is chock-full of schlongs. 1010 00:37:54,231 --> 00:37:55,732 French schlongs. 1011 00:37:55,774 --> 00:37:57,192 This would be very bad for me. 1012 00:37:57,234 --> 00:37:59,569 I'm afraid this isn't your call, Abe. 1013 00:37:59,611 --> 00:38:00,904 Rose! 1014 00:38:00,946 --> 00:38:02,990 -Rose... -Abe... 1015 00:38:03,031 --> 00:38:05,826 Will you come in here, please? 1016 00:38:05,867 --> 00:38:09,371 Rose, these girls, you talked to them. 1017 00:38:09,413 --> 00:38:11,957 -What did you do? -Nothing. 1018 00:38:11,999 --> 00:38:13,208 We've got to clear this up. 1019 00:38:13,250 --> 00:38:15,043 Now, tell me, what did you say? 1020 00:38:15,085 --> 00:38:16,503 All I did was I asked the girls 1021 00:38:16,545 --> 00:38:18,005 why they were getting an education, 1022 00:38:18,046 --> 00:38:19,756 and why they were in this particular class. 1023 00:38:19,798 --> 00:38:21,425 And a few of them talked about being teachers, 1024 00:38:21,466 --> 00:38:24,344 and I pointed out that I didn't see any female teachers 1025 00:38:24,386 --> 00:38:26,346 in the art department. 1026 00:38:26,388 --> 00:38:31,560 Okay, now, see, that was... 1027 00:38:31,601 --> 00:38:33,895 Actually, that was right. 1028 00:38:33,937 --> 00:38:36,690 We don't have any female art teachers here, do we? 1029 00:38:36,732 --> 00:38:39,109 Well, I'd have to check. 1030 00:38:39,151 --> 00:38:41,194 Exactly. So I said, "What's the point?" 1031 00:38:41,236 --> 00:38:43,488 Well, it does seem a little pointless. 1032 00:38:43,530 --> 00:38:45,282 And a few others talked about being artists, 1033 00:38:45,323 --> 00:38:47,826 and I pointed out that I didn't know many female artists. 1034 00:38:47,868 --> 00:38:50,495 I-I've known a couple. One died. 1035 00:38:50,537 --> 00:38:52,998 ABE: The one in the hat. Bertrum. 1036 00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:55,042 And the other gave up. 1037 00:38:55,083 --> 00:38:57,002 I remember you telling me about that. 1038 00:38:57,044 --> 00:38:59,212 You've got to admit that's not a good track record. 1039 00:38:59,254 --> 00:39:00,922 Eight girls are asking to be transferred 1040 00:39:00,964 --> 00:39:02,549 to the business school. 1041 00:39:02,591 --> 00:39:04,426 Yes, because there are so many handsome men over there. 1042 00:39:04,468 --> 00:39:07,012 Ooh, the men in the business school are very handsome. 1043 00:39:07,054 --> 00:39:08,472 But you understand that we count on these ladies' 1044 00:39:08,513 --> 00:39:10,307 tuition payments to keep the place running. 1045 00:39:10,348 --> 00:39:12,184 Yes, but you're just taking their money 1046 00:39:12,225 --> 00:39:14,770 and not giving them anything in return. 1047 00:39:14,811 --> 00:39:16,063 Where are they going to go? 1048 00:39:16,104 --> 00:39:17,731 They can't all work at B. Altman. 1049 00:39:17,773 --> 00:39:19,900 She's right. B. Altman, I've seen it. 1050 00:39:19,941 --> 00:39:21,485 They already have a lot of girls working there. 1051 00:39:21,526 --> 00:39:23,570 You know, when I went to school, different things 1052 00:39:23,612 --> 00:39:24,946 were expected of women. 1053 00:39:24,988 --> 00:39:26,490 I was just getting their points of view 1054 00:39:26,531 --> 00:39:28,116 on why they were doing this. 1055 00:39:28,158 --> 00:39:30,243 -Sounds very reasonable. -Mm-hmm. 1056 00:39:30,285 --> 00:39:32,996 You know, basically, I think I'm on her side. 1057 00:39:33,038 --> 00:39:34,247 And you must be, too. 1058 00:39:34,289 --> 00:39:36,083 We're all on the same page, right? 1059 00:39:36,124 --> 00:39:37,334 -Abe... -And I don't see a reason 1060 00:39:37,375 --> 00:39:38,668 for her not to stay. 1061 00:39:38,710 --> 00:39:41,171 Oh, really? That's wonderful. 1062 00:39:41,213 --> 00:39:43,215 The only thing for me is I don't want her looking 1063 00:39:43,256 --> 00:39:44,633 at a naked penis ever again. 1064 00:39:44,674 --> 00:39:46,218 Oh, I'd rather not look at that either. 1065 00:39:46,259 --> 00:39:49,596 I think a fig leaf could be a very tasteful way 1066 00:39:49,638 --> 00:39:50,889 to solve the problem. 1067 00:39:50,931 --> 00:39:52,641 If you would pass that along, Simon... 1068 00:39:52,682 --> 00:39:55,227 Okay. So, basically, 1069 00:39:55,268 --> 00:39:57,395 we're on the same side about everything 1070 00:39:57,437 --> 00:39:59,731 and in complete agreement, yes? 1071 00:39:59,773 --> 00:40:01,483 Good? Are we done? 1072 00:40:01,525 --> 00:40:03,777 Sure. 1073 00:40:03,819 --> 00:40:05,278 Thank you. 1074 00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:06,530 You want to get some lunch? 1075 00:40:06,571 --> 00:40:08,949 -Faculty lounge? -Yeah, let's do it. 1076 00:40:11,284 --> 00:40:13,203 This has been a very good meeting, Simon. 1077 00:40:13,245 --> 00:40:14,538 Thank you. 1078 00:40:14,579 --> 00:40:17,124 (door closes) 1079 00:40:17,165 --> 00:40:18,792 I've totally lost my societal filter. 1080 00:40:18,834 --> 00:40:19,918 SUSIE (on phone): Your what? 1081 00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:21,336 I don't know how to speak 1082 00:40:21,378 --> 00:40:23,588 in front of normal, everyday people anymore. 1083 00:40:23,630 --> 00:40:25,423 What, like you don't know what to say to your neighbors? 1084 00:40:25,465 --> 00:40:27,092 -They're not worth it. -No, Susie, 1085 00:40:27,134 --> 00:40:29,594 I've completely forgotten where the fucking line is. 1086 00:40:29,636 --> 00:40:31,930 Geez, listen to me. I said "the fucking line." 1087 00:40:31,972 --> 00:40:33,348 I hardly ever said the F-word before, 1088 00:40:33,390 --> 00:40:34,850 and now it just slides out of my mouth. 1089 00:40:34,891 --> 00:40:36,518 I mean, what the fuck?! 1090 00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:38,645 You tried washing your mouth out with fancy pink soap? 1091 00:40:38,687 --> 00:40:40,480 -(laughter, shouting) -What is that? 1092 00:40:40,522 --> 00:40:42,649 -What is that noise? -Oh, it's Luigi TV. 1093 00:40:42,691 --> 00:40:44,359 It's what? 1094 00:40:44,401 --> 00:40:46,194 One of the kids here, little Luigi, 1095 00:40:46,236 --> 00:40:48,071 stands outside the window, puts on a little show 1096 00:40:48,113 --> 00:40:49,739 for everyone, like he's on TV. 1097 00:40:49,781 --> 00:40:52,701 His domestic comedy's on now. It's pretty funny. 1098 00:40:52,742 --> 00:40:54,953 Oh, wait, commercial break. Go on. 1099 00:40:54,995 --> 00:40:57,122 I mean, I spoke at my wedding, and the worst thing I said 1100 00:40:57,164 --> 00:40:58,582 was "shrimp in the eggrolls." 1101 00:40:58,623 --> 00:41:00,041 Guess you had to be there. 1102 00:41:00,083 --> 00:41:03,003 So, tonight, the gig is at 7:00. 1103 00:41:03,044 --> 00:41:04,254 Is it really, or is it at 8:00 1104 00:41:04,296 --> 00:41:06,214 and you're telling me 7:00 so I'll be on time? 1105 00:41:06,256 --> 00:41:07,716 Just be there at 7:00. 1106 00:41:07,757 --> 00:41:10,343 Okay, I'll be there at fucking 7:00. 1107 00:41:10,385 --> 00:41:12,220 I just have to make a quick stop before. 1108 00:41:12,262 --> 00:41:14,472 Just don't get distracted by whatever the stop is. 1109 00:41:14,514 --> 00:41:15,807 I won't, I promise. 1110 00:41:15,849 --> 00:41:17,142 Okay, later. 1111 00:41:17,184 --> 00:41:20,145 (laughter) 1112 00:41:20,187 --> 00:41:23,481 (indistinct chatter) 1113 00:41:54,137 --> 00:41:56,723 (mutters) 1114 00:41:56,765 --> 00:41:58,934 -MIDGE: Boo. -Oh, God. 1115 00:41:58,975 --> 00:42:00,352 Didn't mean to scare you. 1116 00:42:00,393 --> 00:42:02,812 No, it's good. You restarted my heart. 1117 00:42:02,854 --> 00:42:04,856 I think it flat out gave up. 1118 00:42:04,898 --> 00:42:08,151 So, am I crying, or is that just on the inside? 1119 00:42:08,193 --> 00:42:11,571 Mostly inside. Here. 1120 00:42:11,613 --> 00:42:13,907 Yup, $2,000. 1121 00:42:13,949 --> 00:42:17,702 -2,135, for the record. -Thanks. 1122 00:42:17,744 --> 00:42:20,205 So that's the famous treasure map, huh? 1123 00:42:20,247 --> 00:42:23,250 One of 'em. It's a surreal masterpiece. 1124 00:42:23,291 --> 00:42:25,377 Salvador Dali's got nothing on Ma. 1125 00:42:25,418 --> 00:42:27,462 Look, two norths. 1126 00:42:27,504 --> 00:42:29,464 Which "X" were you looking for? 1127 00:42:29,506 --> 00:42:32,300 That one. 1128 00:42:32,342 --> 00:42:34,261 That's not here. 1129 00:42:34,302 --> 00:42:36,972 That's deeper in the building. 1130 00:42:51,695 --> 00:42:57,367 So, according to this, it should be right... here. 1131 00:42:57,409 --> 00:42:59,494 -Wait. -(stomps floor) 1132 00:42:59,536 --> 00:43:02,455 You have a saw or some dynamite? 1133 00:43:02,497 --> 00:43:03,581 JOEL: I found it. 1134 00:43:03,623 --> 00:43:05,834 The money? 1135 00:43:08,003 --> 00:43:09,587 My place. 1136 00:43:13,174 --> 00:43:17,262 ♪ Well, I guess I'll have to change my plan ♪ 1137 00:43:17,304 --> 00:43:20,974 ♪ I should have realized I'd lose my favorite man ♪ 1138 00:43:21,016 --> 00:43:22,976 (overlapping chatter) 1139 00:43:23,018 --> 00:43:26,479 ♪ I overlooked that point completely... ♪ 1140 00:43:26,521 --> 00:43:29,190 B. Altman, where may I direct your call? 1141 00:43:29,232 --> 00:43:31,484 -I will connect you. -Midge, what happened? 1142 00:43:31,526 --> 00:43:33,236 B. Altman, where may I direct your call? 1143 00:43:33,278 --> 00:43:35,071 What are you doing down here? You were in the coat room, 1144 00:43:35,113 --> 00:43:37,532 -so close to the show. -I will connect you. 1145 00:43:37,574 --> 00:43:39,868 -Midge! -♪ I tried to reach the moon... ♪ 1146 00:43:39,909 --> 00:43:42,620 Thank you for shopping B. Altman. 1147 00:43:42,662 --> 00:43:44,706 Okay, thank you. 1148 00:43:44,748 --> 00:43:47,500 Psst! 1149 00:43:47,542 --> 00:43:49,711 (louder): Psst! 1150 00:43:55,925 --> 00:43:58,928 Mary, please. I'm sorry, please forgive me. 1151 00:43:58,970 --> 00:44:00,847 I-I'm not suitable to be out in public anymore. 1152 00:44:00,889 --> 00:44:02,265 I wish I'd known that before your reception, 1153 00:44:02,307 --> 00:44:03,725 but better late than never. 1154 00:44:03,767 --> 00:44:05,935 I'm sorry. Please, what can I say 1155 00:44:05,977 --> 00:44:09,022 to get you to forgive me? Tell me what I can say. 1156 00:44:09,064 --> 00:44:12,859 Never leave the booth. 1157 00:44:15,070 --> 00:44:17,655 -♪ I've lost the one man... ♪ -Drag. 1158 00:44:17,697 --> 00:44:20,283 (overlapping chatter continues) 1159 00:44:20,325 --> 00:44:22,952 B. Altman, where may I direct your call? 1160 00:44:22,994 --> 00:44:24,037 I will connect you. 1161 00:44:24,079 --> 00:44:26,664 ♪ I've lost the one man. ♪ 1162 00:44:26,706 --> 00:44:30,085 B. Altman, where may I direct your call? 1163 00:44:30,126 --> 00:44:32,295 I will connect you. 1164 00:44:32,337 --> 00:44:35,507 (overlapping chatter continues) 1165 00:44:35,548 --> 00:44:37,175 Your Charley Patton? 1166 00:44:37,217 --> 00:44:38,885 Why are you selling your Charley Patton? 1167 00:44:38,927 --> 00:44:40,637 'Cause I need the money, genius. 1168 00:44:40,678 --> 00:44:43,598 -It's kind of rare. -Don't rub it in. 1169 00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:45,892 Could you hurry it up, guys? I got stuff to do. 1170 00:44:45,934 --> 00:44:48,311 Look, we pride ourselves on our quality control, 1171 00:44:48,353 --> 00:44:50,313 so we go over everything with a fine-tooth comb. 1172 00:44:50,355 --> 00:44:51,981 I just hope it's not the one you use 1173 00:44:52,023 --> 00:44:53,733 to rake the crabs out of your pubes. 1174 00:44:53,775 --> 00:44:57,278 It's not. "Cornet Chop Suey." No way. 1175 00:44:57,320 --> 00:44:59,864 OZ: First pressing, too. 1176 00:44:59,906 --> 00:45:03,243 It's so perfect I could cry. 1177 00:45:03,284 --> 00:45:04,869 MAN (on record): This recording is brought to you 1178 00:45:04,911 --> 00:45:06,955 by the guys at Music Inn. 1179 00:45:06,996 --> 00:45:08,706 MIDGE (on record): So this is it, huh? 1180 00:45:08,748 --> 00:45:10,667 -This is the dream. -(record skips) 1181 00:45:10,708 --> 00:45:13,211 So, my life completely fell apart today. 1182 00:45:13,253 --> 00:45:15,338 Did I mention that my husband left me? 1183 00:45:15,380 --> 00:45:18,216 -MAN: Whoo-hoo! -MIDGE: Okay. All right. 1184 00:45:18,258 --> 00:45:20,927 But did I mention that he left me for his secretary? 1185 00:45:20,969 --> 00:45:22,345 (scattered groans) 1186 00:45:22,387 --> 00:45:24,681 She's 21, and dumb as a Brillo pad. 1187 00:45:24,722 --> 00:45:26,099 And I'm not naive. 1188 00:45:26,141 --> 00:45:28,309 I know that men like stupid girls, right? 1189 00:45:28,351 --> 00:45:30,437 But I thought Joel wanted more than stupid. 1190 00:45:30,478 --> 00:45:32,105 I thought he wanted spontaneity. 1191 00:45:32,147 --> 00:45:34,649 And I'm sorry, but look at me. 1192 00:45:34,691 --> 00:45:37,777 I am the same size now that I was at my wedding. 1193 00:45:37,819 --> 00:45:39,654 And come on, who wouldn't want to come home 1194 00:45:39,696 --> 00:45:41,281 to this every night? 1195 00:45:41,322 --> 00:45:42,532 What the fuck? 1196 00:45:42,574 --> 00:45:44,284 Hey, this is my client! 1197 00:45:44,325 --> 00:45:46,244 How many of these have you sold?! 1198 00:45:46,286 --> 00:45:48,329 Don't you run from me. Don't you... 1199 00:45:48,371 --> 00:45:52,125 Hey, don't you run from me, motherfuckers! 1200 00:45:52,167 --> 00:45:54,169 ♪ ♪ 1201 00:46:00,967 --> 00:46:03,136 ♪ Hi! Nice to see ya ♪ 1202 00:46:03,178 --> 00:46:06,764 ♪ C'mon in, c'mon in, sorry the place is a mess ♪ 1203 00:46:06,806 --> 00:46:09,476 ♪ Need an ashtray, drink some coffee, some coffee ♪ 1204 00:46:09,517 --> 00:46:11,686 ♪ I know you've been upset ♪ 1205 00:46:11,728 --> 00:46:14,272 ♪ What I mean is maybe part of your problem ♪ 1206 00:46:14,314 --> 00:46:16,357 ♪ Is simply you were teased ♪ 1207 00:46:16,399 --> 00:46:19,068 ♪ I know what you'd like, but the good stuff promised ♪ 1208 00:46:19,110 --> 00:46:21,237 ♪ Is hard fought and not for free ♪ 1209 00:46:21,279 --> 00:46:23,490 ♪ Get tough, don't be so patient ♪ 1210 00:46:23,531 --> 00:46:25,825 ♪ Get smart, head up, shoulders straight ♪ 1211 00:46:25,867 --> 00:46:28,286 ♪ Since when is it a disaster ♪ 1212 00:46:28,328 --> 00:46:30,872 ♪ If the "S" on your cape is a little frayed? ♪ 1213 00:46:30,914 --> 00:46:33,416 ♪ What's a girl to do? ♪ 1214 00:46:33,458 --> 00:46:35,877 ♪ Born to shop? No! Pretty victories ♪ 1215 00:46:35,919 --> 00:46:38,421 ♪ What's a girl to do? ♪ 1216 00:46:38,463 --> 00:46:41,341 ♪ Scream and screw? No! Pretty victories ♪ 1217 00:46:43,843 --> 00:46:46,346 ♪ Go out jumpin' with your dumplin', your dumplin' ♪ 1218 00:46:46,387 --> 00:46:48,723 ♪ Go wheelin' with your pet ♪ 1219 00:46:48,765 --> 00:46:51,100 ♪ Never worry even a bit, just a bit ♪ 1220 00:46:51,142 --> 00:46:53,436 ♪ If there're any good ones left ♪ 1221 00:46:53,478 --> 00:46:56,105 ♪ Use your credit at the boybank, the boybank ♪ 1222 00:46:56,147 --> 00:46:58,233 ♪ If those you've bounced, you've broke ♪ 1223 00:46:58,274 --> 00:47:00,860 ♪ Spit out the F-word like a shotgun, a shotgun ♪ 1224 00:47:00,902 --> 00:47:02,987 ♪ If they can't take a joke! ♪ 1225 00:47:03,029 --> 00:47:05,281 ♪ Get tough, don't be so patient ♪ 1226 00:47:05,323 --> 00:47:07,742 ♪ Get smart, head up, shoulders straight ♪ 1227 00:47:07,784 --> 00:47:10,286 ♪ Since when is it a disaster ♪ 1228 00:47:10,328 --> 00:47:12,580 ♪ If the "S" on your cape is a little frayed? ♪ 1229 00:47:12,622 --> 00:47:15,208 ♪ What's a girl to do? ♪ 1230 00:47:15,250 --> 00:47:17,961 ♪ Born to shop? No! Pretty victories ♪ 1231 00:47:18,002 --> 00:47:20,004 ♪ What's a girl to do? ♪ 1232 00:47:20,046 --> 00:47:23,049 ♪ Scream and screw? No! Pretty victories ♪ 1233 00:47:25,843 --> 00:47:28,346 ♪ Starting to see what I mean? ♪ 1234 00:47:29,806 --> 00:47:31,849 ♪ What's a girl to do? ♪ 1235 00:47:31,891 --> 00:47:35,061 ♪ Scream and screw? No! Pretty victories ♪ 1236 00:47:35,103 --> 00:47:37,772 ♪ Starting to see what I mean? ♪ 1237 00:47:37,814 --> 00:47:39,899 ♪ Sure, stop by anytime ♪ 1238 00:47:39,941 --> 00:47:42,360 ♪ Will yesterday be better? ♪ 1239 00:47:42,402 --> 00:47:44,821 ♪ I think you'll do just fine. ♪ 94451

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.