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1
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,550
MIDGE: Ugh, I'm so late.
They're gonna kill me.
2
00:00:07,591 --> 00:00:09,343
ROSE: I'm late, too.
My class is at 8:00.
3
00:00:09,385 --> 00:00:10,678
MIDGE:
I'm late for work!
4
00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:11,971
ROSE:
That makes you more important?
5
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,556
ABE:
My fancy socks are missing.
6
00:00:13,597 --> 00:00:15,182
Hey, is Zelda here yet?
7
00:00:15,224 --> 00:00:16,976
Which ones are your fancy socks?
8
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,894
-I only have one pair
of fancy socks.
-MIDGE: They're the ones
9
00:00:18,936 --> 00:00:21,021
with the floating
martini glasses on them.
10
00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:22,815
Those are my comical socks!
11
00:00:22,857 --> 00:00:24,316
Why do you have comical socks?
12
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:25,860
Are you talking about the ones
with pineapples on them?
13
00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:27,153
Those are comical socks, too.
14
00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:29,989
Why do you have two pairs
of comical socks?
15
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,490
Abe, you're dressed.
Why are you asking about socks?
16
00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:33,784
Because I'm dressed
for the university.
17
00:00:33,826 --> 00:00:37,329
I go to Bell Labs later
and they dress more eclectic.
18
00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:40,040
Sounds like a job
for pineapple socks to me.
19
00:00:40,082 --> 00:00:42,793
I'll just bring a pair of fun,
weekend slacks for Bell Labs
20
00:00:42,835 --> 00:00:44,211
and change in the taxi.
21
00:00:44,253 --> 00:00:45,838
BOTH:
Do not change in the taxi.
22
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,506
I don't have time
to change at school.
23
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,675
BOTH:
Do not change in the taxi.
24
00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:51,343
-CHILD: Mama!
-Coming!
25
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:52,970
ROSE: Why do you have
comical socks?
26
00:00:53,012 --> 00:00:55,055
-Did you call me?
-No.
27
00:00:55,097 --> 00:00:56,390
Could've sworn you called me.
28
00:00:56,432 --> 00:00:58,851
It's Zelda's day off,
by the way.
29
00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:00,269
No one told me.
30
00:01:00,311 --> 00:01:01,729
I told you multiple times.
31
00:01:01,771 --> 00:01:03,189
She was supposed
to watch the kids.
32
00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:04,565
Get their father to watch them.
33
00:01:04,607 --> 00:01:05,900
That's who should watch them.
34
00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:07,610
Tomorrow is Joel's day
to watch them.
35
00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:09,862
If you want to make a change,
give Joel a call.
36
00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:10,988
I am not calling Joel.
37
00:01:11,030 --> 00:01:13,574
There is no food and
I'm literally starving.
38
00:01:13,616 --> 00:01:15,409
You are not
"literally starving."
39
00:01:15,451 --> 00:01:16,827
-CHILD: Mama!
-Coming!
40
00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:18,078
ABE: I guess I don't get
to use the bathroom.
41
00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,538
ROSE:
Like I'm stopping you.
42
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:22,041
Now, that time you called me.
43
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,043
If it wasn't you, who was it?
44
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:26,045
-Esther.
-Esther?
45
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:28,047
Really?
46
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,674
Hey! Hey, hey!
47
00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:32,051
Esther said a word!
48
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:34,595
-She said a word?
-Good for her.
49
00:01:34,637 --> 00:01:36,263
Should we take a cab?
50
00:01:36,305 --> 00:01:37,807
No, walking's faster.
51
00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:39,225
When you're not in heels.
52
00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:41,519
-And you are not starving.
-I am, too.
53
00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,562
Then your muscle and tissue
would be breaking down.
54
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,064
Your abdomen would be distended.
55
00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:47,107
-Your menstruation would cease.
-Abe, stop.
56
00:01:47,149 --> 00:01:49,235
-What is that?
-She said she was
literally starving.
57
00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:50,736
There is no food
58
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:52,196
and I am literally,
figuratively starving.
59
00:01:52,238 --> 00:01:53,531
-I got to go!
-Me, too.
60
00:01:53,572 --> 00:01:55,741
What have I been saying?
61
00:01:57,743 --> 00:01:59,745
-Someone's got to stay.
-I can't stay.
62
00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:01,247
-None of us can stay.
-ESTHER: Mama.
63
00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,082
Call Mrs. Fulber, tell her
it's an emergency.
64
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,875
-ROSE: This isn't an emergency.
-MIDGE: It kind of is.
-Mama.
65
00:02:04,917 --> 00:02:06,710
ABE: Now I'm second-guessing
these slacks.
66
00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:08,379
(overlapping chatter)
67
00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:10,005
B. Altman, where may I
direct your call?
68
00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:11,507
I will connect you.
69
00:02:11,549 --> 00:02:13,467
B. Altman, where may I direct
your call? I will connect you.
70
00:02:13,509 --> 00:02:15,261
B. Altman, where may I
direct your call?
71
00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:17,930
Yes, our Charleston Gardens
Restaurant is open today, ma'am,
72
00:02:17,972 --> 00:02:19,682
as it is every day.
73
00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:22,309
Oh, it's terrific. It's some
of the best food in town.
74
00:02:22,351 --> 00:02:24,687
Do not get the crab meat salad.
75
00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:26,313
The crab meat salad.
76
00:02:26,355 --> 00:02:27,940
It's Monday.
Crab's delivered on Tuesdays.
77
00:02:27,982 --> 00:02:29,984
-Do the math.
-O'TOOLE: Miriam Maisel.
78
00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:32,111
MIDGE:
Oh, Mrs. O'Toole.
79
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,737
I was just suggesting things
from the menu.
80
00:02:33,779 --> 00:02:35,447
Headset down. Come with me.
81
00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:46,208
Your office?
82
00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:47,918
First floor.
83
00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:49,545
First floor?
84
00:02:49,587 --> 00:02:51,338
-Makeup Department.
-You're back in the show.
85
00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:53,549
-Girls.
-B. Altman, where may I
direct your call?
86
00:02:53,591 --> 00:02:57,344
Come.
87
00:02:57,386 --> 00:03:00,556
♪ There'll be a change
in the weather ♪
88
00:03:00,598 --> 00:03:03,726
♪ And a change in the sea ♪
89
00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:05,477
♪ From now on... ♪
90
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:07,146
It's Midge.
91
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,982
Hi, Midge.
92
00:03:10,024 --> 00:03:12,151
♪ My walk will be different ♪
93
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,361
♪ My talk and my name... ♪
94
00:03:14,403 --> 00:03:16,488
-I'm confused.
-You're checking coats.
95
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,532
-Checking coats?
-We're short a hand
96
00:03:18,574 --> 00:03:20,534
and you're the most presentable
of the basement girls.
97
00:03:20,576 --> 00:03:22,202
Is this a problem?
98
00:03:22,244 --> 00:03:25,497
No. Not at all. Thank you,
but I-I was just thinking
99
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,791
I would be so much more valuable
behind the makeup counter.
100
00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:30,127
-I need you here.
-I've kept up
with all the latest
101
00:03:30,169 --> 00:03:31,670
styles and trends
since I've been off the floor.
102
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:34,506
Face masks, they're the future
and the past.
103
00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:36,091
Cleopatra used them.
Isn't that interesting?
104
00:03:36,133 --> 00:03:38,385
-Lake mud and egg whites.
-I need you here.
105
00:03:38,427 --> 00:03:40,846
Well, I've never been trained
for coat check.
106
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:43,223
Take coat, give ticket.
Take ticket, give coat.
107
00:03:43,265 --> 00:03:45,017
Congratulations.
You've been trained.
108
00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:46,602
Now, one more thing.
109
00:03:46,644 --> 00:03:49,063
And listen very closely.
110
00:03:49,104 --> 00:03:50,481
I'm listening.
111
00:03:50,522 --> 00:03:52,566
Never leave the booth.
112
00:03:52,608 --> 00:03:54,860
Yes, ma'am.
113
00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:59,239
♪ There'll be
some changes made. ♪
114
00:03:59,281 --> 00:04:04,119
Take coat, give ticket.
115
00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:06,372
Coat room?
116
00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:08,874
Purgatory with a better view.
117
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,459
-Poor thing.
-Hey, did you hear?
118
00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:12,211
-I'm not Mary's maid of honor.
-I told you, Viv,
119
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,963
my sister had
to be maid of honor.
120
00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:15,047
It's a family thing.
121
00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:16,465
How's planning going?
122
00:04:16,507 --> 00:04:17,549
Oh, we've had
a couple of hiccups.
123
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:18,759
Hiccups? Your sister's a bitch.
124
00:04:18,801 --> 00:04:20,594
-Viv.
-We're on the floor.
125
00:04:20,636 --> 00:04:22,388
She got a little bossy,
so I nudged her aside.
126
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:23,847
I'm doing it all myself now.
127
00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:26,433
What? Oh, my God, Mary,
no, you can't do that.
128
00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:27,977
-O'TOOLE: Girls!
-O'Toole.
-Ooh.
129
00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:29,478
Mary, wait.
130
00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,188
-She'll need water.
-Got him.
131
00:04:31,230 --> 00:04:33,941
Pookie's a her.
132
00:04:33,983 --> 00:04:35,567
(whispering):
Mary.
133
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,069
Mary.
134
00:04:37,111 --> 00:04:38,570
ANNOUNCER (over P.A.):
Attention, ladies.
135
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,823
Rouge Master Class
begins in five minutes
136
00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:43,117
-at the Revlon Counter.
-Sweetie, I'm sorry,
137
00:04:43,158 --> 00:04:44,410
but you can't plan your wedding
by yourself.
138
00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:46,412
It's too much. Let me help.
139
00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:48,247
Oh, Midge, thank you,
but there's no time
140
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:50,249
-and really no money.
-Don't worry about money.
141
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,418
What you need is experience
and I have experience.
142
00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:55,004
The marriage didn't stick, but
my reception was unforgettable.
143
00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:56,755
-It got a write-up
in The Jewish Daily Forward,
-(gasps)
144
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:58,465
in Yiddish, so it didn't get
a wide readership,
145
00:04:58,507 --> 00:04:59,925
but the picture was sensational
146
00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:02,553
and I can make the time
for you, my friend.
147
00:05:02,594 --> 00:05:04,930
-I don't know.
-Please. I want to.
148
00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:08,434
No one should have
a less than perfect wedding.
149
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,185
Okay. Yes. Yes!
150
00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:11,937
-Good.
-Really good.
151
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,772
I'm relieved.
I'll see you at lunch.
152
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:15,315
See you at lunch.
153
00:05:20,195 --> 00:05:22,197
Look at this.
154
00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:23,949
The high ceilings,
the tile floor,
155
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:25,117
like the Vatican.
156
00:05:25,159 --> 00:05:26,493
I feel like I forgot something.
157
00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:27,661
How are we doing here, Curren?
158
00:05:27,703 --> 00:05:29,413
MOISHE:
Why would a fakakta bank
159
00:05:29,455 --> 00:05:31,623
in the tuchus of Brooklyn
try to compete with the Pope?
160
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:32,916
I need to start
writing things down,
161
00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:34,334
but by the time I find a pen,
162
00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:36,295
I forget what I was
supposed to write down.
163
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:39,048
It's so open, so flaunting,
so gentile.
164
00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:40,549
Jews use the bank, too, Pop.
165
00:05:40,591 --> 00:05:42,009
Show me one. Hey.
166
00:05:42,051 --> 00:05:44,553
-You a Jew?
-Pop. Sorry.
167
00:05:44,595 --> 00:05:47,514
So, how close are we
to wrapping this up, Curren?
168
00:05:47,556 --> 00:05:49,058
Curren. What is that?
169
00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:51,185
Just making sure all the I's
are dotted here.
170
00:05:51,226 --> 00:05:53,562
-He dots the I's.
-And I've got a team
counting cash in the back.
171
00:05:53,604 --> 00:05:55,314
It'll take a while.
172
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:58,025
-Only a goy dots the I's.
-I hope it's all there.
173
00:05:58,067 --> 00:05:59,610
The treasure map's
in pretty bad shape.
174
00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:00,903
-Treasure map?
-JOEL: It's just
what she calls her records
175
00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:02,321
marking where she put the money.
176
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:03,989
Ma, what-what are you
looking for?
177
00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:06,116
I feel like I forgot something.
178
00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:09,203
Moishe, did you bring the bag
of money we use to bribe people?
179
00:06:09,244 --> 00:06:11,246
There's a bag of money
we use to bribe people.
180
00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:12,664
A little louder, Ma.
181
00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:14,249
I don't think they heard you
in Poughkeepsie.
182
00:06:14,291 --> 00:06:15,542
Curren, that's not a name.
183
00:06:15,584 --> 00:06:18,128
That's something
you pour over rice.
184
00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:19,546
And, Pop, Mr. Cleary
is my buddy Archie's brother
185
00:06:19,588 --> 00:06:21,340
and he's doing us
a big favor here.
186
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:23,842
By taking our money? I wish
I could do someone that favor.
187
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,637
-Mr. Curry, a question...
-Cleary. Cleary.
188
00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:28,722
Is there gonna be another
Great Depression soon?
189
00:06:28,764 --> 00:06:30,432
Is that something
you can tell us?
190
00:06:30,474 --> 00:06:32,476
If I could, I'd be
the president of the bank
191
00:06:32,518 --> 00:06:33,894
or the United States.
192
00:06:33,936 --> 00:06:35,896
Step on enough Jews,
you'll get there.
193
00:06:35,938 --> 00:06:38,732
Now I remember. I found this.
194
00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:40,818
It was behind
one of the radiators.
195
00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:42,778
Ma, you said you found
all the money.
196
00:06:42,820 --> 00:06:44,446
On the first treasure map.
197
00:06:44,488 --> 00:06:47,616
I found two more treasure maps
this morning.
198
00:06:47,658 --> 00:06:49,910
Oh, should we lock these up
in the safe?
199
00:06:49,952 --> 00:06:51,662
They show where
all our stashes are.
200
00:06:51,703 --> 00:06:54,373
-They're like gold.
-I'm in charge
of these from now on.
201
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,667
Are we gonna be okay?
202
00:06:58,752 --> 00:06:59,878
You...
203
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:02,256
are not Jewish.
204
00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:05,676
-Thank you for shopping
B. Altman.
-WOMAN: It's a little plain.
205
00:07:05,717 --> 00:07:07,845
Sometimes I just want
to spark it up a little.
206
00:07:07,886 --> 00:07:09,304
-You know?
-Mm-hmm.
207
00:07:09,346 --> 00:07:10,973
Yes, ma'am. What's life
without a little spark?
208
00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:12,391
So, what do I do?
How do I do that?
209
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,434
-ELSA: You could go bolder
with the colors.
-Oh.
210
00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:16,228
-WOMAN: Like what?
-Fuchsia?
211
00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:17,604
-Oy.
-WOMAN: Interesting.
212
00:07:17,646 --> 00:07:19,940
-ELSA: Or maybe orange.
-Aah!
213
00:07:19,982 --> 00:07:22,234
ANNOUNCER: Husbands, a new
waiting lounge has opened up
214
00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:24,194
on the first floor.
215
00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:25,696
What the hell? You're in a box.
216
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,114
Did Madame Alexander
put you in there?
217
00:07:27,156 --> 00:07:28,490
I'm the coat room attendant.
218
00:07:28,532 --> 00:07:30,868
This is my job, Susie, and
I am proud of the work I do.
219
00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:34,288
-Ooh.
-Yeah, seems really
soul satisfying.
220
00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:35,914
ANNOUNCER:
Attention, B. Altman customers,
221
00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:37,124
the store will be closing
in 15 minutes.
222
00:07:37,166 --> 00:07:38,917
What are you doing here?
223
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,043
We have a gig tonight, remember?
224
00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:41,545
Yes, but we were meeting
at the club.
225
00:07:41,587 --> 00:07:42,754
This place is on the way.
226
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,339
It's 20 blocks out of your way.
227
00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:46,550
And I like having extra time
with you before the gigs
228
00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:47,968
to talk, dish.
229
00:07:48,010 --> 00:07:49,595
Sammy Davis Jr.'s
dating a white chick.
230
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,638
You're frog-marching me
to the gig.
231
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,599
-That, too.
-Susie.
232
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,184
We have a bunch
of gigs coming up
233
00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:56,852
and I don't like standing there
with my thumb up my ass.
234
00:07:56,894 --> 00:07:59,021
I'm not always late.
235
00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:02,357
Fine. We'll go together,
under protest
236
00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:05,068
because I do not appreciate this
lack of faith in my punctuality.
237
00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:07,404
-Viv, punch out for me.
-VIVIAN: You got it.
238
00:08:07,446 --> 00:08:09,406
-How may I help you?
-Not this.
239
00:08:09,448 --> 00:08:14,286
-This and this.
-Thanks.
240
00:08:14,328 --> 00:08:16,538
Not that or that.
241
00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:20,751
-This. This. Not that.
-Ah.
242
00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:22,461
Ooh, not that.
243
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:25,839
-This and this. Have a good day.
-Ah.
244
00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:31,637
You're such a little freak.
I mean, you really are.
245
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:33,597
MIDGE: I want to get serious
here for a minute, people.
246
00:08:33,639 --> 00:08:36,433
Nuclear war.
The nightmare, the horror.
247
00:08:36,475 --> 00:08:38,268
Oh, now, I'm not talking
about dying in one.
248
00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:40,896
I'm talking about surviving and
living in an underground bunker
249
00:08:40,938 --> 00:08:43,815
with your extended family
until the radiation disperses.
250
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,859
Mr. Khrushchev,
have you met my family?
251
00:08:45,901 --> 00:08:48,987
If you're gonna hit us, comrade,
fucking obliterate us.
252
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:52,491
I'm obsessed
with the time lady.
253
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,868
You know her. Dial the number
and it's, "At the tone,
254
00:08:54,910 --> 00:08:58,497
Eastern Standard Time will be
6:53 and 20 seconds."
255
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:01,500
Beep. Now, 6:53 and 30 seconds
is next, right?
256
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,252
Maybe.
257
00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:05,087
But I like to think
that it may not be
258
00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:06,838
and then be surprised
when it is.
259
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,508
The suspense is intoxicating.
260
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,927
Oh, and I drink while I do this.
261
00:09:11,969 --> 00:09:14,012
Did I not mention that?
I should've mentioned that.
262
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:17,224
My son was bullied the other day
at the park
263
00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:20,519
and the anger I felt
at that boy.
264
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:23,146
Not the boy picking on my son,
I mean my son.
265
00:09:23,188 --> 00:09:25,399
You know? 'Cause Mama
didn't raise no pussies.
266
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,734
I told him, "Get in there.
Use what you got.
267
00:09:27,776 --> 00:09:29,403
"The greatest defense
in the male armory:
268
00:09:29,444 --> 00:09:31,822
"foot to nuts. Foot to nuts.
269
00:09:31,863 --> 00:09:33,949
Fight dirty,
you little bastard."
270
00:09:33,991 --> 00:09:35,534
I got to tell you,
the first time...
271
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,661
...my mother says,
"You've gained so much weight
272
00:09:37,703 --> 00:09:39,371
since the apocalypse,"
273
00:09:39,413 --> 00:09:42,082
I'll pry the door open and
stick my head outside, going...
274
00:09:42,124 --> 00:09:44,126
(breathes rapidly)
Are my eyes popping out yet?
275
00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:46,253
Am I bleeding from the ears?
Say that it's happening.
276
00:09:46,295 --> 00:09:47,754
Please tell me that
sweet release is imminent.
277
00:09:47,796 --> 00:09:48,755
I mean, it's the...
278
00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:50,424
...greatest drinking game ever.
279
00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:52,217
A shot of vodka every time
it goes beep.
280
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:54,177
Then I throw up
on the half hour.
281
00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:56,305
I should patent this.
I should...
282
00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:58,473
...bury the body.
It's not pretty, son,
283
00:09:58,515 --> 00:10:00,267
but we can't leave a dead four-
year-old unburied like this.
284
00:10:00,309 --> 00:10:01,560
The flies, alone.
285
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,228
Get your sand pail,
start digging.
286
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:04,896
We'll make it fun.
287
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:06,565
Wait. He's still breathing.
288
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:07,941
He's a stubborn little fucker,
isn't he?
289
00:10:07,983 --> 00:10:09,568
Quick, look in my purse,
there's a...
290
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,862
...government pamphlet I read
on this with guidelines.
291
00:10:11,903 --> 00:10:14,156
One was not to bring anything
into the fallout shelter
292
00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:16,742
that would be
unnaturally disturbing.
293
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,493
You realize what that means.
294
00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:22,581
Hundreds of radioactive,
Jewish mothers above ground,
295
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:25,208
roaming the streets
of the Upper West Side.
296
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:27,336
If that's not a deterrent
for nuclear war,
297
00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:29,087
I don't know what is. I mean...
298
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,756
...does the time lady
count off the seconds
299
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:32,591
while she's having sex?
300
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,634
Really, no man wants
to go through that.
301
00:10:34,676 --> 00:10:37,054
And women,
most men we sleep with,
302
00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:39,931
they go off before the beep.
You know what I'm saying?
303
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,058
Then we have to...
304
00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:42,559
...turn ourselves in.
305
00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:44,102
I mean, it's one thing
to kill the boy,
306
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,854
but taking out the rest
of his family, his mother,
307
00:10:45,896 --> 00:10:48,607
his sister, his dog...
308
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:51,443
I think people noticed.
309
00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:53,653
Thanks, everybody.
310
00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:55,530
You've been more than diverting.
311
00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:58,617
I'm Mrs. Maisel. Good night.
312
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,619
(cheers and applause)
313
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,746
Hi. Great crowd.
314
00:11:02,788 --> 00:11:05,082
-Yeah, this guy in the back
wasn't laughing.
-Not one cough.
315
00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:06,750
It's when they don't cough
that I know I got them.
316
00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:08,043
I asked him if he was
foreign or something,
317
00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:09,461
but he's from Hoboken.
318
00:11:09,503 --> 00:11:10,962
Susie, 99% of the audience
was laughing.
319
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,214
That's a good thing.
320
00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:13,632
You got 100% of that place
on 19th.
321
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,175
Ah, that was a great gig.
322
00:11:15,217 --> 00:11:17,052
You got 100 at that
Midtown place on 23rd.
323
00:11:17,094 --> 00:11:18,845
23rd is not Midtown.
324
00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:20,430
-It's close.
-It's not close.
325
00:11:20,472 --> 00:11:22,015
-It's a short walk.
-It's a cab ride.
326
00:11:22,057 --> 00:11:23,225
Goddamn Harry Drake.
327
00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:24,893
He's stopping my career cold.
328
00:11:24,935 --> 00:11:26,645
I mean, how long
can he hold a grudge?
329
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:30,273
Hey, everybody. Who here
doesn't love our Mrs. Maisel?
330
00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:32,275
(cheers and applause)
331
00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:35,904
And who here doesn't love the
dulcet tones of the autoharp?
332
00:11:35,946 --> 00:11:40,033
Give it up for Clint Gowdy.
333
00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:43,286
Hey, hey. What the hell?
334
00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:45,205
Jackie, how many times
have I told you?
335
00:11:45,247 --> 00:11:48,166
Autoharps are permanently
banned, meaning forever.
336
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,001
Hey, as long as you're off
doing your Maisel thing,
337
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,795
I'm gonna book
what I want to book.
338
00:11:51,837 --> 00:11:54,756
Autoharps, panpipes, ocarinas.
339
00:11:54,798 --> 00:11:56,800
-You're just toying with me now.
-That's right.
340
00:11:56,842 --> 00:11:58,718
And I'm gonna start charging
for overnight stays
341
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,929
at the Hotel Le Gaslight.
Count on it.
342
00:12:00,971 --> 00:12:03,432
-Overnight stays?
-It's nothing. Ignore him.
343
00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:05,350
She's been sleeping here.
344
00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:08,061
I'm getting tired of having to
fold her bedding every morning.
345
00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:09,688
You don't sleep clean.
346
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,314
Susie, you can't sleep here.
347
00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:13,024
Relax, I'm not anymore.
I swapped apartments
348
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,776
with the Italian family
upstairs.
349
00:12:14,818 --> 00:12:16,486
-I'm sorry, what?
-I swapped apartments.
350
00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:19,448
I'm in their place
and they're in mine.
351
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:22,284
A family is in your apartment?
Your place is a shithole.
352
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:25,078
Oh, you'd change your tune
if you saw their place. Brutal.
353
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:26,913
We really should treat
immigrants better.
354
00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:29,916
But what if Harry Drake's goons
show up at your apartment?
355
00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:31,126
-I won't be there.
-Yes,
356
00:12:31,168 --> 00:12:33,962
-but the Italian family will.
-I know, right?
357
00:12:34,004 --> 00:12:36,631
We need a more permanent
solution to this Harry thing.
358
00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:39,342
-One where there's
no innocent victims.
-I know.
359
00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:41,386
Is this your brassiere, Susie?
You left it in the back.
360
00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:43,180
Jesus Christ, Jackie.
361
00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:46,308
Well, how do you think I feel?
I thought it was a dishrag.
362
00:12:46,349 --> 00:12:49,186
Well, at least now I know what
to get you for your birthday.
363
00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:55,025
DORA: You won't be judged
by the professor's
364
00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,651
highest standard, Rose.
365
00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:58,528
I'm not sure I could meet
his lowest standard.
366
00:12:58,570 --> 00:12:59,988
Sketching, drawing, he'll say,
367
00:13:00,030 --> 00:13:01,615
"Let your hand follow
what your eye sees."
368
00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:03,450
I'll try. I practiced
a little last night,
369
00:13:03,492 --> 00:13:05,035
drawing a bowl of fruit.
370
00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:08,538
My lemon was fine,
but my banana was a disaster.
371
00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:10,999
It's getting the right
texture... (gasps)
372
00:13:11,041 --> 00:13:12,834
-You okay?
-What's the matter?
373
00:13:12,876 --> 00:13:15,128
-She can't breathe.
-Watch-- her chair!
374
00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:17,130
My God, oh, my God.
375
00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:19,049
Too close, too close.
376
00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:21,092
(hyperventilating)
377
00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:26,348
-That's our subject?
-That's our subject.
378
00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:28,350
That's our subject.
379
00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:31,686
That texture's gonna be
even harder to capture.
380
00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:34,689
(indistinct chatter)
381
00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:35,899
Susie!
382
00:13:35,941 --> 00:13:37,943
(excited chatter in Italian)
383
00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:43,615
Hi, everybody. How's it going?
384
00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:45,909
Splendido! Siamo cosi grati!
385
00:13:45,951 --> 00:13:47,452
Okay, quick head count.
386
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:50,121
One, two, three, four
and there's little Sal.
387
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,290
Okay. Whew, all alive.
So far, so good.
388
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:54,543
Susie, ecco la tua mail.
389
00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:56,753
Devi essere moto importante.
390
00:13:56,795 --> 00:13:58,755
Ah. Grazie, Grandma.
391
00:13:58,797 --> 00:14:01,675
Uh, you-you might want
to keep those shades closed.
392
00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:03,718
(singing in Italian)
393
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:10,850
(others joining in)
394
00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:25,740
(laughter)
395
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,827
LANCE:
In my spare time,
396
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,870
I've been thinking about
the very nature of infinity--
397
00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:32,831
w-what it infers,
what it portends.
398
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:35,542
-Yes, yes.
-And for that reason,
I was wondering
399
00:14:35,584 --> 00:14:37,669
if you had any insight
on a true hero of mine,
400
00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:40,088
uh, the great German
mathematician Georg Cantor
401
00:14:40,130 --> 00:14:41,840
and his prodigious work,
402
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:45,093
which included his theory
on the infinity of infinities.
403
00:14:45,135 --> 00:14:46,928
Georg Cantor.
404
00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:48,680
I'm really glad
you brought him up, Lance.
405
00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:50,181
I love that you did that.
406
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:53,852
Because he reminds me of a man
that I actually do care about,
407
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:56,813
and that's the great
mathematician Henri Poincaré.
408
00:14:56,855 --> 00:14:59,399
It's Poincaré's history
of work on the solution
409
00:14:59,441 --> 00:15:01,735
of the three-body problem
in planetary orbits
410
00:15:01,776 --> 00:15:05,405
that distinguished him,
and although he did not produce
411
00:15:05,447 --> 00:15:09,534
a definitive solution, he
advanced the inquiry so greatly
412
00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:12,203
that of course, Karl Sundman
stood on his shoulders
413
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:15,707
when he finally proved
the existence of...
414
00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:17,917
I apologize. I need to leave
a bit early today.
415
00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:19,961
I'm meeting my wife
in a few minutes.
416
00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:23,173
An infinite series solution.
417
00:15:23,214 --> 00:15:28,011
Even this solution is
of limited practical utility,
418
00:15:28,053 --> 00:15:31,890
because it converges so slowly.
419
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:35,143
Poincaré showed astounding
aptitude for mathematics
420
00:15:35,185 --> 00:15:38,980
at a very young age,
as all great mathematicians do.
421
00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:43,401
It was an innate ability that
is not uncommon in the field.
422
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:46,821
He was also a man
of unusual work habits.
423
00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:49,199
He'd work two hours in the
morning, two in the evening
424
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,201
and use the intervening time
425
00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:54,829
for his subconscious to continue
working on the problem.
426
00:15:54,871 --> 00:15:57,457
This calls to mind another
mathematician I discussed
427
00:15:57,499 --> 00:15:59,876
in my office with Truman
just last Tuesday.
428
00:15:59,918 --> 00:16:01,795
Truman, you took notes that day.
429
00:16:01,836 --> 00:16:03,254
Please share them
with the class.
430
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:06,341
Stop it. Get away!
I bruise easy!
431
00:16:06,383 --> 00:16:08,426
ABE: If you're so inclined,
reach back further
432
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,637
to the musings
of the mathematician Zeno.
433
00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:13,264
He describes
a series of paradoxes
434
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:16,476
concerning infinity
and infinitesimals.
435
00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:18,478
This being ancient Greece,
little is left
436
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:21,648
of his written record, but
of the scraps we do have left--
437
00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:23,066
oh, my God.
438
00:16:23,108 --> 00:16:24,818
-Professor Weissman?
-Are you all right?
439
00:16:24,859 --> 00:16:26,569
Give him air, guys.
440
00:16:26,611 --> 00:16:28,321
Yeah, he just saw a naked man.
441
00:16:28,363 --> 00:16:30,990
-I'm okay, oh, my God.
-We need crowd control here.
442
00:16:31,032 --> 00:16:32,659
-No, I'm okay, I'm okay.
-Are we dismissed?
443
00:16:32,701 --> 00:16:35,912
Yes, yes. Go. Go, go.
444
00:16:35,954 --> 00:16:37,664
Well, hello there, young lady.
445
00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:40,375
Right on time.
Uh, where shall we go?
446
00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:42,335
Faculty dining room,
if that's okay with you?
447
00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:45,171
I was just thinking about
the egg salad they make there.
448
00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:47,215
Ladies first.
449
00:16:54,139 --> 00:16:56,182
46 bucks for two months?
Is that possible?
450
00:16:56,224 --> 00:16:57,809
-It can't be possible.
-ED (over phone):
Your biggest charges
451
00:16:57,851 --> 00:16:59,936
are for multiple calls
to the same places.
452
00:16:59,978 --> 00:17:02,021
Midtown places.
Did you make all those calls?
453
00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:04,023
Well, probably, but Ed,
when I signed up,
454
00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:05,900
I was told
it was nine dollars a month.
455
00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:08,236
Yes, but you didn't take
into account the message units.
456
00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:10,071
-The what units?
-Well, in your plan,
457
00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:12,031
anything beyond two miles
of your geographical service
458
00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:14,576
incurs additional fees
on top of the nine dollars.
459
00:17:14,617 --> 00:17:16,536
You're telling me
every call beyond two miles
460
00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:18,496
from my apartment
is considered long distance?
461
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:21,374
-Yeah, pretty much.
-So let me
get this straight, Ed.
462
00:17:21,416 --> 00:17:24,627
If I call someone
who's less than two miles away,
463
00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:26,963
and then they make a call
from a second phone
464
00:17:27,005 --> 00:17:28,882
to a person
four miles away from me
465
00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:30,759
but only two miles away
from them,
466
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,344
and they hold the receiver
up to the line I'm on,
467
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,305
I'll just get
charged locally, right?
468
00:17:35,346 --> 00:17:37,348
Sure, I mean,
if you want to go to the bother.
469
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:38,892
I don't want to go
to the fucking bother, Ed.
470
00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:40,268
I'm just trying to figure out
how can I afford
471
00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:42,353
this stupid fucking phone
you sold me!
472
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,980
Look, I hear you,
and I sympathize,
473
00:17:44,022 --> 00:17:45,482
but the charges are the charges.
474
00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:47,317
-Jesus.
-And, uh...
475
00:17:47,358 --> 00:17:49,068
I guess I'm compelled
to tell you this...
476
00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:50,862
-What?
-Our office is in Harlem,
477
00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:53,323
so this call
is long distance as well.
478
00:17:56,201 --> 00:17:58,203
-(crying)
-(speaks Italian)
479
00:18:00,789 --> 00:18:03,374
(knocking on door)
480
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:05,376
-SHIRLEY: Joely.
-Yeah, Ma?
481
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,378
You've got a gentleman caller.
482
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:11,508
A handsome young man.
483
00:18:11,549 --> 00:18:13,343
Why'd you make it
sound salacious?
484
00:18:13,384 --> 00:18:15,178
Did-did I make it
sound salacious?
485
00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:16,888
Come on in, Arch.
486
00:18:18,181 --> 00:18:20,475
Archie, would you do me
a big favor?
487
00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:22,101
-Sure.
-Would you ask your brother
488
00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:24,062
if real estate prices
are gonna go up or down
489
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,772
in the next ten years?
That would be a big help.
490
00:18:25,814 --> 00:18:27,065
I will ask him.
491
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,942
Oh, Curry is a good man.
492
00:18:28,983 --> 00:18:31,820
He's a nice blend of spices
and herbs, as well.
493
00:18:31,861 --> 00:18:34,656
Ah. Well, I'll leave you boys
to get on with things.
494
00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:36,241
Your sword fights and whatnot.
495
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:37,867
Thank you, Mrs. Maisel.
496
00:18:37,909 --> 00:18:39,494
Thanks, Ma.
497
00:18:39,536 --> 00:18:41,287
Smells like a foxhole in here.
498
00:18:41,329 --> 00:18:43,122
-Yeah, sorry.
-Can I get some coffee?
499
00:18:43,164 --> 00:18:44,541
Coming up.
500
00:18:44,582 --> 00:18:46,334
And these are...?
501
00:18:46,376 --> 00:18:47,752
My mother's treasure maps.
502
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,170
Supposed to show
where they've hidden
503
00:18:49,212 --> 00:18:50,463
all the cash over the years.
504
00:18:50,505 --> 00:18:51,881
-Did Curren see these?
-You bet he did.
505
00:18:51,923 --> 00:18:53,174
That's what I thought.
506
00:18:53,216 --> 00:18:55,093
He's denying us
a line of credit.
507
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:57,637
Told us there were too many
"mitigating circumstances,"
508
00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,681
which my father called
the two most goyish words
509
00:18:59,722 --> 00:19:00,890
in the English language.
510
00:19:00,932 --> 00:19:02,308
(sniffs)
511
00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:03,768
Smells like Ma's making kugel.
512
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,353
She makes good kugel.
513
00:19:05,395 --> 00:19:07,188
Don't leave
before you have some kugel.
514
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:11,860
You know, Joel, you and I
are good friends. Close.
515
00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:13,695
To the point where we didn't
even correct your mother
516
00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:15,321
when she implied that
we're a couple of queers.
517
00:19:15,363 --> 00:19:18,658
And because of that,
I need to say,
518
00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:21,286
you have got to get out
of this fucking house!
519
00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:23,454
Of course I have to get out
of this house!
520
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:25,456
I mean, look at me.
521
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:28,585
I-I'm back with my toys and my
mother and the fucking kugel
522
00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:30,587
and it wasn't supposed
to be like this.
523
00:19:30,628 --> 00:19:32,255
I've got to find a place.
524
00:19:32,297 --> 00:19:34,132
And it's got to be right
for the kids, too, because
525
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,551
they have to be with me some
of the time or I'll go crazy.
526
00:19:36,593 --> 00:19:38,177
Good. You still got
some fight left.
527
00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:39,971
Now stop moving around.
528
00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:42,348
It's making the smell
in here worse.
529
00:19:42,390 --> 00:19:44,767
(sighs)
530
00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:50,440
I got Curren to reconsider
the mitigating circumstances.
531
00:19:50,481 --> 00:19:52,150
You're getting
your line of credit.
532
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:54,694
-Arch. You're kidding.
-I've got things on him.
533
00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:56,362
And I vouched for you.
534
00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:58,281
And I'm gonna help you
get the hell out of here
535
00:19:58,323 --> 00:20:00,658
because it's just sad.
536
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,201
I owe you, Arch.
537
00:20:02,243 --> 00:20:04,704
I owe you big-time.
538
00:20:04,746 --> 00:20:06,331
(door opens)
539
00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:09,709
Oops. Never mind me.
I saw nothing.
540
00:20:09,751 --> 00:20:11,753
(door closes)
541
00:20:15,924 --> 00:20:19,260
Oh. Hey, Albert, help.
542
00:20:19,302 --> 00:20:21,888
Ah.
543
00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:23,681
You're a prince, Albert.
544
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:25,683
"Prince Albert."
I just came up with that.
545
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:27,936
-Thank you, ma'am.
-(clears throat)
546
00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:29,771
Hi. Midge.
547
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:33,191
-Hi.
-Midge, let me introduce you
548
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,860
to Father O'Brien, and this
is Sister Saint Stephen.
549
00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:38,279
Father, Sister, this is
my good friend Midge Maisel.
550
00:20:38,321 --> 00:20:40,156
She's here to help me
with the reception.
551
00:20:40,198 --> 00:20:41,908
-Nice to meet you.
-And nice to meet you, miss.
552
00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:43,952
(girl crying)
553
00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:48,831
Carrie Ann misbehaved
in geography class.
554
00:20:48,873 --> 00:20:52,251
Yes. Of course.
555
00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:54,253
Will you excuse us
for just a second?
556
00:20:54,295 --> 00:20:56,881
I've got some important business
to discuss with Mary here.
557
00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:58,883
(whispering): What is this?
What is happening?
558
00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:01,219
This is my parish. I'm getting
married in the church upstairs.
559
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:02,845
It's very old, very beautiful.
560
00:21:02,887 --> 00:21:04,764
Sure, sure,
but where are we now?
561
00:21:04,806 --> 00:21:06,641
This is where
the reception's going to be.
562
00:21:06,683 --> 00:21:08,101
-In this room?
-Yes.
563
00:21:08,142 --> 00:21:09,978
-No. No. No.
-Yes. Yes.
564
00:21:10,019 --> 00:21:11,187
Mary, there's no light here.
565
00:21:11,229 --> 00:21:12,855
It's damp and lifeless.
566
00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:14,190
And there's a little girl
crying in the corner.
567
00:21:14,232 --> 00:21:15,817
This is the Punishment Room.
568
00:21:15,858 --> 00:21:17,276
You can't have your reception
in the Punishment Room.
569
00:21:17,318 --> 00:21:18,861
-Midge.
-The walls
are stained with tears.
570
00:21:18,903 --> 00:21:20,321
My sister had
her reception here.
571
00:21:20,363 --> 00:21:22,365
-And how happy is your sister?
-Well...
572
00:21:22,407 --> 00:21:24,492
Because she got married
in the Punishment Room.
573
00:21:24,534 --> 00:21:27,495
-Is everything okay?
-Yes, ma'am. Sir. Sister.
574
00:21:27,537 --> 00:21:29,998
There is a bigger room that
you go through to get here.
575
00:21:30,039 --> 00:21:31,207
It has a window.
576
00:21:31,249 --> 00:21:32,417
That's the Window Room.
577
00:21:32,458 --> 00:21:33,626
That's really what they call it?
578
00:21:33,668 --> 00:21:34,836
The bigger donors get that room.
579
00:21:34,877 --> 00:21:36,129
My family's not a big donor.
580
00:21:36,170 --> 00:21:37,463
Ah. So it's about money.
581
00:21:37,505 --> 00:21:39,382
Bartering. I can work with that.
582
00:21:39,424 --> 00:21:41,217
-Now who's the power here,
the priest or the nun?
-Midge.
583
00:21:41,259 --> 00:21:42,552
-Mary.
-The priest.
584
00:21:44,595 --> 00:21:46,764
Father, can we talk?
585
00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:47,932
Of course, dear.
586
00:21:47,974 --> 00:21:49,934
Don't we love our sweet Mary?
587
00:21:49,976 --> 00:21:51,436
Oh, I've known Mary
all her life.
588
00:21:51,477 --> 00:21:53,521
I baptized her
when she was just a week old.
589
00:21:53,563 --> 00:21:55,356
Ah, well, I'm Jewish.
590
00:21:55,398 --> 00:21:57,817
When somebody dunks us in water,
we call a lawyer.
591
00:21:57,859 --> 00:21:59,819
I was just wondering,
this room--
592
00:21:59,861 --> 00:22:02,447
would it be possible
to give it a coat of paint?
593
00:22:02,488 --> 00:22:03,781
Lighten it up a little?
594
00:22:03,823 --> 00:22:05,825
Father picked
this color himself.
595
00:22:05,867 --> 00:22:07,285
And it's a nice one.
596
00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:10,163
Yellow mustard... gas.
597
00:22:10,204 --> 00:22:13,291
But a sky blue would make
the room feel cheerier.
598
00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:14,667
This is the Punishment Room.
599
00:22:14,709 --> 00:22:16,919
And there's no budget to paint.
600
00:22:16,961 --> 00:22:19,922
Okay. Well,
do you supply flowers?
601
00:22:19,964 --> 00:22:22,550
A lot of colorful flowers
would really liven things up.
602
00:22:22,592 --> 00:22:25,053
-We have no flowers.
-There's no money for flowers.
603
00:22:25,094 --> 00:22:27,472
Well, you have flowers
at funerals.
604
00:22:27,513 --> 00:22:29,057
Anyone scheduled to die
the week before Mary's wedding?
605
00:22:29,098 --> 00:22:30,266
We'll take those.
606
00:22:30,308 --> 00:22:31,768
-Mary.
-MARY: Midge...
607
00:22:31,809 --> 00:22:33,227
Is Carrie Ann still
gonna be there?
608
00:22:33,269 --> 00:22:35,521
-Because that'll be
very distracting.
-(clears throat)
609
00:22:35,563 --> 00:22:38,733
Convert. Be something else.
Buddhism's nice.
610
00:22:38,775 --> 00:22:40,610
I have no choice.
It is going to be here,
611
00:22:40,651 --> 00:22:42,737
in this room,
at Our Lady Of Perpetual Sorrow.
612
00:22:42,779 --> 00:22:44,572
That is not the name.
613
00:22:44,614 --> 00:22:47,283
Midge, the ceremony's the thing,
and the church is beautiful.
614
00:22:47,325 --> 00:22:49,160
Down here is just
a quick breakfast,
615
00:22:49,202 --> 00:22:50,953
a splash of champagne
and... what?
616
00:22:50,995 --> 00:22:53,623
-Did you say breakfast?
-Eggs and ham.
617
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:59,170
(exhales)
618
00:22:59,212 --> 00:23:02,048
Mary just told me about Bill.
619
00:23:02,090 --> 00:23:03,299
About...
620
00:23:03,341 --> 00:23:05,551
Well, I guess I was
the only one not to know.
621
00:23:05,593 --> 00:23:08,179
He's a veteran of Korea.
Right, Mary?
622
00:23:08,221 --> 00:23:09,764
Our brave Bill?
623
00:23:09,806 --> 00:23:11,474
Yes.
624
00:23:11,516 --> 00:23:13,309
I'd suggest we say
a prayer for him now,
625
00:23:13,351 --> 00:23:15,645
but your prayers and mine,
they differ.
626
00:23:15,686 --> 00:23:17,146
Mine would be Mi Shebeirach.
627
00:23:17,188 --> 00:23:18,731
Mi Shebeirach avoteinu,
628
00:23:18,773 --> 00:23:20,358
Avraham, Yitzchak v'Yaakov...
629
00:23:20,399 --> 00:23:21,651
You'd like a lot
of our stuff, Father.
630
00:23:21,692 --> 00:23:23,569
We've got some real barnburners.
631
00:23:23,611 --> 00:23:25,655
-All right.
-But I guess
what I'm wondering now is,
632
00:23:25,696 --> 00:23:28,157
what if you let them
have the Window Room
633
00:23:28,199 --> 00:23:29,617
for an early evening reception?
634
00:23:29,659 --> 00:23:31,786
For just a couple of hours.
Nothing fancy.
635
00:23:31,828 --> 00:23:33,538
Our bingo ladies are there then.
636
00:23:33,579 --> 00:23:34,664
You can bump them.
637
00:23:34,705 --> 00:23:37,291
Just for this one night?
For Mary?
638
00:23:37,333 --> 00:23:39,293
And Bill.
639
00:23:39,335 --> 00:23:41,129
Mary's Bill.
640
00:23:41,170 --> 00:23:45,633
-Well, we do all love Bill.
-Mm.
641
00:23:47,093 --> 00:23:49,470
I guess an early evening event
642
00:23:49,512 --> 00:23:52,014
in the Window Room
can be arranged.
643
00:23:52,056 --> 00:23:54,392
Wow. So generous.
644
00:23:54,433 --> 00:23:56,811
Thanks, Father.
645
00:23:56,853 --> 00:24:00,481
I'm assuming a band
is out of the question?
646
00:24:00,523 --> 00:24:03,401
"The sandy beach
reminded Harold of picnics,
647
00:24:03,442 --> 00:24:06,404
and the thought of picnics
made him hungry."
648
00:24:06,445 --> 00:24:09,407
And just made your mommy hungry.
(clears throat)
649
00:24:09,448 --> 00:24:12,952
"So he laid out
a nice simple picnic lunch."
650
00:24:12,994 --> 00:24:15,788
Hope he brought wine.
651
00:24:15,830 --> 00:24:20,293
"There was nothing but pie."
There's never anything but pie.
652
00:24:20,334 --> 00:24:22,837
(phone ringing)
653
00:24:25,506 --> 00:24:26,674
Hello?
654
00:24:26,716 --> 00:24:28,092
I think there may be
a bag of money hidden
655
00:24:28,134 --> 00:24:29,385
in your front closet.
656
00:24:29,427 --> 00:24:31,429
-What?
-I've been studying
Ma's treasure maps
657
00:24:31,470 --> 00:24:33,306
and one of them didn't
correspond to anywhere
658
00:24:33,347 --> 00:24:35,224
-in their house or the factory.
-Treasure maps?
659
00:24:35,266 --> 00:24:37,268
And now I think one of them
is your parents' house
660
00:24:37,310 --> 00:24:38,936
and that on one
of my parents' visits,
661
00:24:38,978 --> 00:24:40,813
they stashed a bag of money
in a closet.
662
00:24:40,855 --> 00:24:42,481
-I know, it sounds crazy.
-Not at all.
663
00:24:42,523 --> 00:24:44,609
Just look.
It's the one in the foyer.
664
00:24:44,650 --> 00:24:46,527
Holy cow.
665
00:24:46,569 --> 00:24:49,113
I'm at the closet.
666
00:24:49,155 --> 00:24:50,448
Check the back, left side.
667
00:24:50,489 --> 00:24:52,950
Is it just gonna be sitting
in here on the floor?
668
00:24:52,992 --> 00:24:55,328
JOEL: No, it's probably
in a cutout in the wall.
669
00:24:55,369 --> 00:24:57,079
They cut open the wall?
670
00:24:57,121 --> 00:24:58,623
My dad has a portable
rotary blade.
671
00:24:58,664 --> 00:25:00,166
This just keeps getting weirder.
672
00:25:00,208 --> 00:25:02,501
Be careful 'cause some
of the bags are booby-trapped.
673
00:25:02,543 --> 00:25:03,753
Is it gonna explode?
674
00:25:03,794 --> 00:25:06,214
There may be a mouse trap in it.
It's probably snapped.
675
00:25:06,255 --> 00:25:07,298
Unbelievable.
676
00:25:09,550 --> 00:25:12,803
-Oh, wait, the wall is jiggling.
-That must be it.
677
00:25:12,845 --> 00:25:15,473
And there's a bag.
678
00:25:19,310 --> 00:25:20,478
Found it.
679
00:25:20,519 --> 00:25:22,855
Good. I'll come by
and pick it up tomorrow.
680
00:25:22,897 --> 00:25:26,776
Joel, there must be
at least $2,000 here.
681
00:25:26,817 --> 00:25:29,362
They're crazy, Midge.
My parents are crazy.
682
00:25:29,403 --> 00:25:31,656
I-I know, but at least
it skipped a generation.
683
00:25:31,697 --> 00:25:33,366
I think that's probably
all they stashed there.
684
00:25:33,407 --> 00:25:35,368
They probably got nervous
about the noise the blade made.
685
00:25:35,409 --> 00:25:37,036
One of the hazards
of secretly using power tools
686
00:25:37,078 --> 00:25:38,204
in someone else's house.
687
00:25:38,246 --> 00:25:40,623
-Kiss the kids for me?
-Okay.
688
00:25:40,665 --> 00:25:41,999
-And hug them?
-Of course.
689
00:25:42,041 --> 00:25:43,167
And tell them
I'll always love them?
690
00:25:43,209 --> 00:25:44,543
Joel, are you dying?
691
00:25:44,585 --> 00:25:46,379
I've got to dig into Aunt
Golda's sub-basement tomorrow
692
00:25:46,420 --> 00:25:48,214
and there could be
a Komodo dragon guarding it.
693
00:25:48,256 --> 00:25:51,092
-Just get some sleep?
-I probably won't. Good night.
694
00:25:51,133 --> 00:25:53,761
Good night.
695
00:25:53,803 --> 00:25:56,264
DORA: I've never drawn
a nude man before.
696
00:25:56,305 --> 00:25:57,932
MILLY: I've never seen
a nude man before.
697
00:25:57,974 --> 00:25:59,600
Drawing a man's genitals
is not easy.
698
00:25:59,642 --> 00:26:00,893
Or appetizing.
699
00:26:00,935 --> 00:26:02,853
Did you draw a face
on his penis?
700
00:26:02,895 --> 00:26:04,814
-No.
-It's smiling.
701
00:26:04,855 --> 00:26:07,650
-I draw what I see.
-Rose, let's see yours.
702
00:26:07,692 --> 00:26:09,652
Oh, I completely skipped
the down-there part.
703
00:26:09,694 --> 00:26:11,195
It made me very uncomfortable.
704
00:26:11,237 --> 00:26:13,447
-Even though it was smiling?
-It's not smiling.
705
00:26:13,489 --> 00:26:15,408
I wouldn't submit that
for your master's thesis, Milly.
706
00:26:15,449 --> 00:26:17,660
A master's degree,
that sounds so important.
707
00:26:17,702 --> 00:26:19,662
-Are you all on that path?
-Pretty much.
708
00:26:19,704 --> 00:26:21,706
My, I can't even imagine.
709
00:26:21,747 --> 00:26:24,583
And once you have your master's,
what do you do with it?
710
00:26:24,625 --> 00:26:27,295
-Pardon?
-I mean, it's so audacious,
a master's.
711
00:26:27,336 --> 00:26:28,504
You're learning so much.
712
00:26:28,546 --> 00:26:30,548
What are you going to do
with all that knowledge?
713
00:26:30,589 --> 00:26:33,009
-What is she talking about?
-What do you do
once you graduate?
714
00:26:33,050 --> 00:26:35,011
There's a lot of things
we can do. Teach.
715
00:26:35,052 --> 00:26:39,056
-Oh, yes, teach. Where?
-Here, I guess.
716
00:26:39,098 --> 00:26:41,142
But none of the teachers here
are women.
717
00:26:41,183 --> 00:26:42,601
They all seem to be men.
718
00:26:42,643 --> 00:26:45,855
-I guess a lot of them are men.
-I think all of them are men.
719
00:26:45,896 --> 00:26:47,106
I never put that together.
720
00:26:47,148 --> 00:26:49,900
Some of us want to be artists.
I want to be an artist.
721
00:26:49,942 --> 00:26:53,321
But there are really no
lady artists, not in the States.
722
00:26:53,362 --> 00:26:56,115
I knew a couple
back in the day in Paris.
723
00:26:56,157 --> 00:26:58,492
One quit, no one knows
where she is today.
724
00:26:58,534 --> 00:27:00,119
The other one killed herself.
725
00:27:00,161 --> 00:27:02,163
Mainly because no one
would buy art from a girl.
726
00:27:02,204 --> 00:27:03,998
She tried calling herself
Bertrum and wearing a bowler,
727
00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:05,291
but it didn't work.
728
00:27:06,334 --> 00:27:07,418
You don't like your sandwich?
729
00:27:07,460 --> 00:27:08,836
I'm not hungry anymore.
730
00:27:08,878 --> 00:27:10,963
Some of you are doing this
to find a husband, I assume?
731
00:27:11,005 --> 00:27:12,673
That's why my daughter
went to college.
732
00:27:12,715 --> 00:27:15,217
Oh, sure, she wanted to make
friends and take classes,
733
00:27:15,259 --> 00:27:18,596
but her real goal was to meet
a man, and she met one.
734
00:27:18,637 --> 00:27:21,098
Then he dumped her,
so she's working a low-level job
735
00:27:21,140 --> 00:27:23,142
because all she had was a degree
in Russian literature,
736
00:27:23,184 --> 00:27:24,435
but not a master's.
737
00:27:24,477 --> 00:27:27,480
I mean, it would be nice
to meet a man.
738
00:27:27,521 --> 00:27:28,856
Yeah, I guess.
739
00:27:28,898 --> 00:27:32,068
Well, if you want to meet a man,
this is not the place to do it.
740
00:27:32,109 --> 00:27:37,031
The art department, mm-mm.
The whole building, nope.
741
00:27:37,073 --> 00:27:38,908
Now, the business school,
that's the place.
742
00:27:38,949 --> 00:27:40,826
Lots of choices and they're
all studying something
743
00:27:40,868 --> 00:27:44,330
with real potential.
744
00:27:44,372 --> 00:27:46,999
I hope you don't mind
the thoughts of an older woman.
745
00:27:47,041 --> 00:27:48,834
I'm just very new at all this.
746
00:27:48,876 --> 00:27:50,920
Not at all.
747
00:27:50,961 --> 00:27:52,963
Yes, thank you, Rose.
748
00:27:57,134 --> 00:27:59,887
SUSIE: Mmm. This place has
the best pastrami, right?
749
00:27:59,929 --> 00:28:01,806
-See you, Susie.
-Yeah, see you, Louie.
750
00:28:01,847 --> 00:28:03,474
I don't know,
Katz's is pretty good.
751
00:28:03,516 --> 00:28:05,559
Mm, I like Katz's
for their corned beef.
752
00:28:05,601 --> 00:28:08,604
-Hey, Susie, call me tomorrow.
-Actually, Mel, can you call me?
753
00:28:08,646 --> 00:28:10,106
-Why?
-Just do it.
754
00:28:10,147 --> 00:28:12,983
-Whatever.
-Mm, Greengrass for the lox.
755
00:28:13,025 --> 00:28:14,485
I grew up on Barney Greengrass.
756
00:28:14,527 --> 00:28:16,362
Don't tell me
about Barney Greengrass.
757
00:28:16,404 --> 00:28:18,864
-Maybe the matzo ball soup.
-FRED: Hey, Susie.
758
00:28:18,906 --> 00:28:20,699
That thing you did?
That was real shitty.
759
00:28:20,741 --> 00:28:22,410
That's the joy
of not giving a shit, Freddy.
760
00:28:22,451 --> 00:28:24,078
You're just asking
for reciprocation.
761
00:28:24,120 --> 00:28:26,288
-I'm asking you to sit down.
-Don't tell me to sit down!
762
00:28:26,330 --> 00:28:28,582
-Fuck you and your reciprocation
and your two-dollar suits.
-No, no, fuck you...
763
00:28:28,624 --> 00:28:30,418
-You throw your weight around.
-And fuck your mother
at the same time.
764
00:28:30,459 --> 00:28:32,128
-You're nothing.
You're a nobody.
-Just crawl back up her pussy
765
00:28:32,169 --> 00:28:34,296
-and shut the fuck up.
-Eat shit and die!
766
00:28:34,338 --> 00:28:35,881
Nice guy,
I'll introduce you later.
767
00:28:35,923 --> 00:28:38,717
He seemed very personable.
768
00:28:38,759 --> 00:28:40,511
-Shit.
-What?
769
00:28:40,553 --> 00:28:42,263
You're not gonna believe
who else is here.
770
00:28:42,304 --> 00:28:43,639
-Who? Who?
-Harry Drake.
771
00:28:43,681 --> 00:28:45,558
-SUSIE: Harry Drake.
-MIDGE: Did he see us?
772
00:28:45,599 --> 00:28:47,017
He sees us now.
773
00:28:47,059 --> 00:28:49,103
He's coming over.
Should I scream?
774
00:28:49,145 --> 00:28:51,313
-Why, are you having an orgasm?
-He threatened you, Susie.
775
00:28:51,355 --> 00:28:54,442
-Hello, Midge, Susie.
-Hey, Harry, nice to see you.
776
00:28:54,483 --> 00:28:55,860
How're you liking this weather?
777
00:28:55,901 --> 00:28:57,570
"Spring is sprung,
the grass is riz..."
778
00:28:57,611 --> 00:28:59,029
"I wonder where
the birdie is..."
779
00:28:59,071 --> 00:29:00,948
Not that any of us
get outside much.
780
00:29:00,990 --> 00:29:03,242
-Just enough to hop in a taxi.
-Lunch sometime?
781
00:29:03,284 --> 00:29:04,660
-Name the day.
-My treat.
782
00:29:04,702 --> 00:29:05,703
Yup. See you.
783
00:29:05,744 --> 00:29:08,622
-What the fuck?
-What?
784
00:29:08,664 --> 00:29:10,875
When did you make up
with Harry Drake?
785
00:29:10,916 --> 00:29:12,001
I didn't.
786
00:29:12,042 --> 00:29:14,003
-Then what was that?
-That was showbiz.
787
00:29:14,044 --> 00:29:16,088
He's been threatening you
with violence.
788
00:29:16,130 --> 00:29:18,048
That's showbiz, too.
789
00:29:18,090 --> 00:29:20,509
Oh, look who Harry's with now.
That's Billy Jay.
790
00:29:20,551 --> 00:29:21,969
He books the Upstairs
at the Downstairs.
791
00:29:22,011 --> 00:29:23,596
I'd give my right nut
to get you in there.
792
00:29:23,637 --> 00:29:25,264
Yeah, that's on 56th.
793
00:29:25,306 --> 00:29:27,516
That's 30 blocks
above our last one.
794
00:29:27,558 --> 00:29:29,977
SUSIE: Billy Jay.
He never comes in here. Crap.
795
00:29:30,019 --> 00:29:31,770
Go talk to him.
796
00:29:31,812 --> 00:29:35,065
You don't just talk
to Billy Jay, you need an in.
797
00:29:35,107 --> 00:29:36,734
Luckily, I got one.
798
00:29:36,775 --> 00:29:38,652
Yeah? What?
799
00:29:38,694 --> 00:29:42,323
His eye for the ladies. Hmm?
(clicks tongue)
800
00:29:42,364 --> 00:29:44,617
-Are you having a stroke?
-Get over there
and do your thing.
801
00:29:44,658 --> 00:29:46,744
-What thing?
-The guy's a dog.
802
00:29:46,785 --> 00:29:48,746
He'd fuck a corpse if it
was less than six hours old.
803
00:29:48,787 --> 00:29:50,080
Are you kidding me?
804
00:29:50,122 --> 00:29:52,166
I'm not gonna go over there
and make this guy think
805
00:29:52,208 --> 00:29:53,918
I'm gonna sleep with him
if he books me.
806
00:29:53,959 --> 00:29:55,836
Why not? You have those weapons.
807
00:29:55,878 --> 00:29:58,631
-So do you.
-No, these are self-destructive.
808
00:29:58,672 --> 00:29:59,798
I wouldn't do something
like that.
809
00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:01,217
Come on, you told me all about
810
00:30:01,258 --> 00:30:02,843
how you practically
slept with a priest
811
00:30:02,885 --> 00:30:04,720
so he'd give your friend
some pigs in a blanket
812
00:30:04,762 --> 00:30:06,388
for her wedding,
but you're not gonna do this?
813
00:30:06,430 --> 00:30:09,058
That was just sweet talk.
It happened in the moment.
814
00:30:09,099 --> 00:30:11,560
Oh, so you're just against
being a premeditated slut.
815
00:30:11,602 --> 00:30:14,063
You're fine being
a spontaneous slut.
816
00:30:14,104 --> 00:30:16,148
I'm not sidling up to Billy Jay.
817
00:30:16,190 --> 00:30:18,692
Okay. Don't.
818
00:30:18,734 --> 00:30:21,612
But we do have to make
some money at some point.
819
00:30:21,654 --> 00:30:23,572
-You understand that, right?
-Yes, I understand that.
820
00:30:23,614 --> 00:30:26,242
-Like, now.
-Don't worry about me, I'm fine.
821
00:30:26,283 --> 00:30:29,954
Oh, are you, Princess?
You hanging in there?
822
00:30:29,995 --> 00:30:32,873
Is life okay in your 18-room
apartment on the Upper West Side
823
00:30:32,915 --> 00:30:35,000
with your doorman and your maid
and your childcare
824
00:30:35,042 --> 00:30:36,710
and your bottomless closet?
825
00:30:36,752 --> 00:30:39,713
Oh, I forgot to tell you,
I found $2,000 in my closet.
826
00:30:39,755 --> 00:30:41,131
(quietly):
This is what I'm talking about.
827
00:30:41,173 --> 00:30:43,759
I'm not gonna find $2,000
in my closet.
828
00:30:43,801 --> 00:30:46,804
Think about my life
for a moment. I'm broke.
829
00:30:46,845 --> 00:30:50,140
I'm working less at the Gaslight
so I'm falling further behind.
830
00:30:50,182 --> 00:30:51,475
I'm begging people to call me
831
00:30:51,517 --> 00:30:53,310
'cause I can't afford
to call them.
832
00:30:53,352 --> 00:30:55,646
I am picking up half-eaten
apples out of trash cans
833
00:30:55,688 --> 00:30:57,731
at the Port Authority.
It's getting dire here.
834
00:30:57,773 --> 00:30:59,900
Then I'll pay your phone bill.
How about that?
835
00:30:59,942 --> 00:31:01,110
It's 46 bucks.
836
00:31:01,151 --> 00:31:03,904
Oh. That I would have to borrow
from my father.
837
00:31:03,946 --> 00:31:05,447
Yeah, from the father
that doesn't have any idea
838
00:31:05,489 --> 00:31:07,157
why you'd be paying
the phone bill of a friend
839
00:31:07,199 --> 00:31:08,826
that he's never met that you're
not even supposed to know.
840
00:31:08,867 --> 00:31:09,827
Great plan.
841
00:31:09,868 --> 00:31:11,412
You know,
842
00:31:11,453 --> 00:31:13,247
don't worry about me,
I'll be fine.
843
00:31:13,289 --> 00:31:16,250
I get it. Okay? I-I'm lucky.
844
00:31:16,292 --> 00:31:18,836
I have a support system,
you don't. I'm sorry.
845
00:31:18,877 --> 00:31:21,297
Don't be sorry.
Forget I said anything.
846
00:31:21,338 --> 00:31:23,257
No, Susie,
it's good for me to know.
847
00:31:23,299 --> 00:31:24,800
A manager doesn't go
to her client
848
00:31:24,842 --> 00:31:26,135
saying she's worried
about money.
849
00:31:26,176 --> 00:31:28,596
She goes out and she gets money.
850
00:31:28,637 --> 00:31:30,431
I take on the burdens.
You're the artist.
851
00:31:30,472 --> 00:31:31,932
-Your thing's harder.
-WAITRESS: Thank you.
852
00:31:31,974 --> 00:31:33,517
We're both trying
something hard.
853
00:31:33,559 --> 00:31:35,019
Yeah.
854
00:31:36,061 --> 00:31:37,521
I'm getting this.
855
00:31:37,563 --> 00:31:41,358
I'm not arguing.
856
00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:44,028
VIVIAN:
Oh, my God.
857
00:31:44,069 --> 00:31:45,863
I was crying my eyes out.
I couldn't believe it.
858
00:31:45,904 --> 00:31:47,364
And then when the priest said,
859
00:31:47,406 --> 00:31:49,408
"Do you take this man to be
your lawfully wedded husband?"
860
00:31:49,450 --> 00:31:50,618
and she said, "I do."
861
00:31:50,659 --> 00:31:52,202
It was a cliffhanger until then.
862
00:31:52,244 --> 00:31:53,662
It was so magical.
863
00:31:53,704 --> 00:31:55,873
-It was perfect.
-It was perfect.
864
00:31:55,914 --> 00:31:57,666
Oh, these flowers are beautiful.
865
00:31:57,708 --> 00:31:59,335
Church kept them
from a funeral last week.
866
00:31:59,376 --> 00:32:00,669
Some guy named Horace.
867
00:32:00,711 --> 00:32:02,129
He was well-liked
by those who enjoy
868
00:32:02,171 --> 00:32:03,339
expressing themselves florally.
869
00:32:03,380 --> 00:32:04,882
Let's raise a glass.
870
00:32:04,923 --> 00:32:08,844
Horace, you were gone too soon,
but right on time.
871
00:32:08,886 --> 00:32:10,846
-Here's to Horace.
-To Horace!
872
00:32:10,888 --> 00:32:12,598
(laughter)
873
00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:16,018
Oh, boy,
cheap champagne works fast.
874
00:32:16,060 --> 00:32:17,770
-(glass clinking)
-Excuse me, everybody.
875
00:32:17,811 --> 00:32:20,481
If I could just grab your
attention for a minute or so.
876
00:32:20,522 --> 00:32:22,566
-Yay, Daddy's gonna speak.
-Whoo-hoo!
877
00:32:22,608 --> 00:32:24,818
-Go, Brian!
-All right!
-More Brian!
878
00:32:24,860 --> 00:32:26,236
(applause)
879
00:32:26,278 --> 00:32:28,280
Eh, don't get
your hopes up here.
880
00:32:28,322 --> 00:32:29,698
(laughter)
881
00:32:29,740 --> 00:32:30,991
I'm not much
of a public speaker.
882
00:32:31,033 --> 00:32:32,743
I lay bricks,
like my father did.
883
00:32:32,785 --> 00:32:35,871
-A speech for me
is saying "Ouch."
-(laughter)
884
00:32:35,913 --> 00:32:37,915
But I just wanted
to get up here and thank you
885
00:32:37,956 --> 00:32:39,917
for coming to celebrate
our daughter's wedding with us.
886
00:32:39,958 --> 00:32:41,919
There's a lot of emotion
on a day like today,
887
00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:45,881
but I just wanted to say, Mary,
you're the best.
888
00:32:45,923 --> 00:32:47,841
I love you, sweetie.
889
00:32:47,883 --> 00:32:50,469
And Bill, we couldn't ask
for a better son-in-law.
890
00:32:50,511 --> 00:32:52,554
Here's to you both.
891
00:32:52,596 --> 00:32:54,139
May you be as happy
as Jean and I have been
892
00:32:54,181 --> 00:32:56,392
for all these 30-odd years.
893
00:32:56,433 --> 00:32:59,937
-To Mary and Bill.
-ALL: To Mary and Bill.
894
00:32:59,978 --> 00:33:01,438
So pardon the interruption.
895
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:03,148
I'll let you get back
to your champagne
896
00:33:03,190 --> 00:33:05,776
and these fantastic appetizers.
897
00:33:05,818 --> 00:33:08,112
And let's all have fun.
898
00:33:08,153 --> 00:33:09,947
(applause)
899
00:33:09,988 --> 00:33:11,699
Whoo!
900
00:33:11,740 --> 00:33:13,534
Thank you, Daddy. I love you.
901
00:33:13,575 --> 00:33:17,121
And for all those enjoying
the appetizers, the flowers,
902
00:33:17,162 --> 00:33:19,707
this wonderful room,
it's all courtesy
903
00:33:19,748 --> 00:33:23,168
of my brilliant B. Altman
friend, Midge Maisel.
904
00:33:23,210 --> 00:33:25,295
This wouldn't
have happened without her.
905
00:33:25,337 --> 00:33:28,298
-Thank you, Midge.
-(applause)
906
00:33:28,340 --> 00:33:30,926
Oh, gosh. Thank you.
907
00:33:30,968 --> 00:33:32,678
I was happy to do it.
908
00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:35,639
Really, thank you.
909
00:33:39,643 --> 00:33:42,896
Now I say we raise a glass
to Mary's daddy.
910
00:33:42,938 --> 00:33:44,648
Didn't he do a great job, guys?
911
00:33:44,690 --> 00:33:46,734
Even got a couple
of solid laughs.
912
00:33:46,775 --> 00:33:49,153
Yeah. To Daddy. Cheers.
913
00:33:49,194 --> 00:33:50,529
ALL:
Cheers!
914
00:33:50,571 --> 00:33:52,197
MIDGE: That was a tight
one minute, Brian.
915
00:33:52,239 --> 00:33:54,366
-You're ready for Jack Paar.
-(laughter)
916
00:33:54,408 --> 00:33:55,743
Yeah, I don't know about that.
917
00:33:55,784 --> 00:33:58,620
And the ceremony was lovely.
918
00:33:58,662 --> 00:34:04,293
Mary was gorgeous,
and Bill was... sweaty.
919
00:34:04,334 --> 00:34:05,711
(laughter)
920
00:34:05,753 --> 00:34:07,379
No, no, no,
you're pretty, too, Bill.
921
00:34:07,421 --> 00:34:09,631
But if anyone brought
a set of towels as a gift,
922
00:34:09,673 --> 00:34:11,425
that would've been a good time
to hand them over.
923
00:34:12,968 --> 00:34:14,928
She's the funniest girl
in the world.
924
00:34:14,970 --> 00:34:16,555
Don't oversell me there, Viv.
925
00:34:16,597 --> 00:34:19,266
Hey, can you all see me okay?
926
00:34:19,308 --> 00:34:22,686
Oh, okay. Ah, there we go.
927
00:34:22,728 --> 00:34:26,273
I see a few maiden aunts,
928
00:34:26,315 --> 00:34:28,192
I see a few drunk uncles.
929
00:34:28,233 --> 00:34:30,944
And of course,
there's Father O'Brien.
930
00:34:30,986 --> 00:34:35,741
A good man, a pious man,
a handsome man.
931
00:34:35,783 --> 00:34:37,534
And whatever you heard,
people, I did not
932
00:34:37,576 --> 00:34:40,078
-schtup Father O'Brien.
-(people gasp)
933
00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:42,456
I don't think God would
look too kindly on that.
934
00:34:42,498 --> 00:34:46,084
The lightning bolt would be the
size of Florida, right, Father?
935
00:34:46,126 --> 00:34:48,378
A-And if a priest is gonna
have sex, I think God would
936
00:34:48,420 --> 00:34:50,380
prefer it wasn't with a Jew.
937
00:34:50,422 --> 00:34:54,134
That's like putting mayonnaise
on a bialy, you don't do it.
938
00:34:54,176 --> 00:34:57,012
Uh... okay. Um...
939
00:34:57,054 --> 00:35:00,015
I-I always think a lot
about sex at weddings.
940
00:35:00,057 --> 00:35:03,811
And it makes sense. Everyone's
dolled up, drinking booze,
941
00:35:03,852 --> 00:35:05,979
we're happy, we're dancing.
942
00:35:06,021 --> 00:35:08,857
Even Brian here's
talking about laying bricks.
943
00:35:08,899 --> 00:35:11,318
No amount of lubrication's
gonna help you there.
944
00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:12,986
Talk about "Ouch."
945
00:35:13,028 --> 00:35:14,279
(people gasping)
946
00:35:15,906 --> 00:35:19,701
And-and then
there's Mary and Bill.
947
00:35:19,743 --> 00:35:22,371
They are perfect together,
aren't they?
948
00:35:22,412 --> 00:35:24,289
And talk about
love at first sight.
949
00:35:24,331 --> 00:35:26,458
I mean, they met in November,
and here they are
950
00:35:26,500 --> 00:35:27,960
three months later,
getting hitched.
951
00:35:28,001 --> 00:35:31,421
What do we got here, kids?
A shotgun wedding?
952
00:35:36,301 --> 00:35:37,845
I am so sorry, honey.
953
00:35:37,886 --> 00:35:39,680
I am in shock,
I'm in absolute shock.
954
00:35:39,721 --> 00:35:42,224
I didn't know you were gonna
throw it to me like that.
955
00:35:42,266 --> 00:35:43,684
I didn't throw it to you, Midge.
956
00:35:43,725 --> 00:35:45,561
I thanked you for the rumaki.
957
00:35:45,602 --> 00:35:47,145
Guess I sort of misread
the audience.
958
00:35:47,187 --> 00:35:49,481
-No shit.
-Mary, we're in church.
959
00:35:49,523 --> 00:35:51,483
-I can't go back down there.
-HARRIET:
You have to go back down.
960
00:35:51,525 --> 00:35:53,318
Mary, it was a mistake,
you have to believe me.
961
00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:54,736
I mean, there's no way
I could possibly
962
00:35:54,778 --> 00:35:56,113
have known you were pregnant.
963
00:35:56,154 --> 00:35:58,156
I've known him
three months, Midge.
964
00:35:58,198 --> 00:35:59,867
Why the hell do you think
I'm getting married
965
00:35:59,908 --> 00:36:01,702
three months after meeting him?
966
00:36:01,743 --> 00:36:05,581
Wow, well, guess I didn't know
you were that big a slut.
967
00:36:05,622 --> 00:36:07,749
Joke. That was a joke.
968
00:36:07,791 --> 00:36:09,710
What happened to humor, huh?
969
00:36:09,751 --> 00:36:12,796
It-- this isn't a funeral, it's
the happiest day of your life.
970
00:36:12,838 --> 00:36:14,631
(Mary blows nose)
971
00:36:14,673 --> 00:36:16,133
Oh, and congratulations
on the baby.
972
00:36:16,174 --> 00:36:18,302
(sobbing)
973
00:36:29,021 --> 00:36:30,939
What are you doing here?
974
00:36:30,981 --> 00:36:32,357
I think I'm in trouble.
975
00:36:32,399 --> 00:36:33,609
What are you doing here?
976
00:36:33,650 --> 00:36:36,862
I got a note to come
speak to Simon.
977
00:36:38,238 --> 00:36:40,532
Simon, it's Abe Weissman.
978
00:36:40,574 --> 00:36:43,285
SIMON:
Come on in, Abe.
979
00:36:43,327 --> 00:36:46,079
-Thank you for coming by.
-Yes. Um,
980
00:36:46,121 --> 00:36:49,249
what is my wife doing
out there?
981
00:36:49,291 --> 00:36:51,376
This is a little
embarrassing, Abe.
982
00:36:51,418 --> 00:36:55,964
I mean, I've known Rose socially
for what, 20 years?
983
00:36:56,006 --> 00:36:58,926
(sighs)
"Unusual" is the word for it.
984
00:36:58,967 --> 00:37:00,719
What's unusual?
What's the issue?
985
00:37:00,761 --> 00:37:02,596
Well...
(sighs)
986
00:37:02,638 --> 00:37:04,264
Rose has been very disruptive.
987
00:37:04,306 --> 00:37:06,767
(chuckles):
Disruptive how?
988
00:37:06,808 --> 00:37:09,061
All I know is she spoke
to a group of girls
989
00:37:09,102 --> 00:37:10,479
at a gathering here on campus,
990
00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:12,898
and now half of them
want to quit,
991
00:37:12,940 --> 00:37:14,274
and the other half
are demanding
992
00:37:14,316 --> 00:37:15,734
to be transferred
to the business school.
993
00:37:15,776 --> 00:37:17,486
And just about all of them
were crying.
994
00:37:17,527 --> 00:37:19,613
Well, that must be
a coincidence.
995
00:37:19,655 --> 00:37:21,156
-No, I don't think so.
-(bell tolling)
996
00:37:21,198 --> 00:37:23,992
She's disillusioned them
about the art department.
997
00:37:24,034 --> 00:37:27,704
So she can no longer
audit these classes, I'm sorry.
998
00:37:27,746 --> 00:37:30,832
No.
999
00:37:30,874 --> 00:37:32,668
-No.
-Pardon me?
1000
00:37:32,709 --> 00:37:36,505
No. Sorry, she's not stopping.
1001
00:37:36,546 --> 00:37:38,465
-Abe...
-Simon, let me be clear.
1002
00:37:38,507 --> 00:37:40,467
I would love her to quit.
1003
00:37:40,509 --> 00:37:42,260
I don't like
walking into a room,
1004
00:37:42,302 --> 00:37:45,180
and my wife is there staring
at some young guy's schlong...
1005
00:37:45,222 --> 00:37:47,140
-Abe, your language.
-But you don't understand
1006
00:37:47,182 --> 00:37:48,558
what we've been through.
1007
00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:50,143
If she doesn't get
to do this,
1008
00:37:50,185 --> 00:37:51,687
she'll go back to Paris,
1009
00:37:51,728 --> 00:37:54,189
and Paris is chock-full
of schlongs.
1010
00:37:54,231 --> 00:37:55,732
French schlongs.
1011
00:37:55,774 --> 00:37:57,192
This would be very bad for me.
1012
00:37:57,234 --> 00:37:59,569
I'm afraid this isn't
your call, Abe.
1013
00:37:59,611 --> 00:38:00,904
Rose!
1014
00:38:00,946 --> 00:38:02,990
-Rose...
-Abe...
1015
00:38:03,031 --> 00:38:05,826
Will you come in here, please?
1016
00:38:05,867 --> 00:38:09,371
Rose, these girls,
you talked to them.
1017
00:38:09,413 --> 00:38:11,957
-What did you do?
-Nothing.
1018
00:38:11,999 --> 00:38:13,208
We've got to clear this up.
1019
00:38:13,250 --> 00:38:15,043
Now, tell me,
what did you say?
1020
00:38:15,085 --> 00:38:16,503
All I did was
I asked the girls
1021
00:38:16,545 --> 00:38:18,005
why they were getting
an education,
1022
00:38:18,046 --> 00:38:19,756
and why they were in
this particular class.
1023
00:38:19,798 --> 00:38:21,425
And a few of them talked
about being teachers,
1024
00:38:21,466 --> 00:38:24,344
and I pointed out that
I didn't see any female teachers
1025
00:38:24,386 --> 00:38:26,346
in the art department.
1026
00:38:26,388 --> 00:38:31,560
Okay, now, see, that was...
1027
00:38:31,601 --> 00:38:33,895
Actually, that was right.
1028
00:38:33,937 --> 00:38:36,690
We don't have any female
art teachers here, do we?
1029
00:38:36,732 --> 00:38:39,109
Well, I'd have to check.
1030
00:38:39,151 --> 00:38:41,194
Exactly. So I said,
"What's the point?"
1031
00:38:41,236 --> 00:38:43,488
Well, it does seem
a little pointless.
1032
00:38:43,530 --> 00:38:45,282
And a few others talked
about being artists,
1033
00:38:45,323 --> 00:38:47,826
and I pointed out that I didn't
know many female artists.
1034
00:38:47,868 --> 00:38:50,495
I-I've known a couple.
One died.
1035
00:38:50,537 --> 00:38:52,998
ABE:
The one in the hat. Bertrum.
1036
00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:55,042
And the other gave up.
1037
00:38:55,083 --> 00:38:57,002
I remember you telling me
about that.
1038
00:38:57,044 --> 00:38:59,212
You've got to admit
that's not a good track record.
1039
00:38:59,254 --> 00:39:00,922
Eight girls are asking
to be transferred
1040
00:39:00,964 --> 00:39:02,549
to the business school.
1041
00:39:02,591 --> 00:39:04,426
Yes, because there are so many
handsome men over there.
1042
00:39:04,468 --> 00:39:07,012
Ooh, the men in the business
school are very handsome.
1043
00:39:07,054 --> 00:39:08,472
But you understand that
we count on these ladies'
1044
00:39:08,513 --> 00:39:10,307
tuition payments
to keep the place running.
1045
00:39:10,348 --> 00:39:12,184
Yes, but you're just
taking their money
1046
00:39:12,225 --> 00:39:14,770
and not giving them
anything in return.
1047
00:39:14,811 --> 00:39:16,063
Where are they going to go?
1048
00:39:16,104 --> 00:39:17,731
They can't all work
at B. Altman.
1049
00:39:17,773 --> 00:39:19,900
She's right.
B. Altman, I've seen it.
1050
00:39:19,941 --> 00:39:21,485
They already have a lot
of girls working there.
1051
00:39:21,526 --> 00:39:23,570
You know, when I went to school,
different things
1052
00:39:23,612 --> 00:39:24,946
were expected of women.
1053
00:39:24,988 --> 00:39:26,490
I was just getting
their points of view
1054
00:39:26,531 --> 00:39:28,116
on why they were doing this.
1055
00:39:28,158 --> 00:39:30,243
-Sounds very reasonable.
-Mm-hmm.
1056
00:39:30,285 --> 00:39:32,996
You know, basically,
I think I'm on her side.
1057
00:39:33,038 --> 00:39:34,247
And you must be, too.
1058
00:39:34,289 --> 00:39:36,083
We're all on the same page,
right?
1059
00:39:36,124 --> 00:39:37,334
-Abe...
-And I don't see a reason
1060
00:39:37,375 --> 00:39:38,668
for her not to stay.
1061
00:39:38,710 --> 00:39:41,171
Oh, really?
That's wonderful.
1062
00:39:41,213 --> 00:39:43,215
The only thing for me is
I don't want her looking
1063
00:39:43,256 --> 00:39:44,633
at a naked penis ever again.
1064
00:39:44,674 --> 00:39:46,218
Oh, I'd rather not
look at that either.
1065
00:39:46,259 --> 00:39:49,596
I think a fig leaf could be
a very tasteful way
1066
00:39:49,638 --> 00:39:50,889
to solve the problem.
1067
00:39:50,931 --> 00:39:52,641
If you would pass that
along, Simon...
1068
00:39:52,682 --> 00:39:55,227
Okay. So, basically,
1069
00:39:55,268 --> 00:39:57,395
we're on the same side
about everything
1070
00:39:57,437 --> 00:39:59,731
and in complete agreement, yes?
1071
00:39:59,773 --> 00:40:01,483
Good? Are we done?
1072
00:40:01,525 --> 00:40:03,777
Sure.
1073
00:40:03,819 --> 00:40:05,278
Thank you.
1074
00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:06,530
You want to get some lunch?
1075
00:40:06,571 --> 00:40:08,949
-Faculty lounge?
-Yeah, let's do it.
1076
00:40:11,284 --> 00:40:13,203
This has been
a very good meeting, Simon.
1077
00:40:13,245 --> 00:40:14,538
Thank you.
1078
00:40:14,579 --> 00:40:17,124
(door closes)
1079
00:40:17,165 --> 00:40:18,792
I've totally lost
my societal filter.
1080
00:40:18,834 --> 00:40:19,918
SUSIE (on phone):
Your what?
1081
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:21,336
I don't know how to speak
1082
00:40:21,378 --> 00:40:23,588
in front of normal,
everyday people anymore.
1083
00:40:23,630 --> 00:40:25,423
What, like you don't know
what to say to your neighbors?
1084
00:40:25,465 --> 00:40:27,092
-They're not worth it.
-No, Susie,
1085
00:40:27,134 --> 00:40:29,594
I've completely forgotten
where the fucking line is.
1086
00:40:29,636 --> 00:40:31,930
Geez, listen to me.
I said "the fucking line."
1087
00:40:31,972 --> 00:40:33,348
I hardly ever said
the F-word before,
1088
00:40:33,390 --> 00:40:34,850
and now it just slides
out of my mouth.
1089
00:40:34,891 --> 00:40:36,518
I mean, what the fuck?!
1090
00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:38,645
You tried washing your mouth out
with fancy pink soap?
1091
00:40:38,687 --> 00:40:40,480
-(laughter, shouting)
-What is that?
1092
00:40:40,522 --> 00:40:42,649
-What is that noise?
-Oh, it's Luigi TV.
1093
00:40:42,691 --> 00:40:44,359
It's what?
1094
00:40:44,401 --> 00:40:46,194
One of the kids here,
little Luigi,
1095
00:40:46,236 --> 00:40:48,071
stands outside the window,
puts on a little show
1096
00:40:48,113 --> 00:40:49,739
for everyone, like he's on TV.
1097
00:40:49,781 --> 00:40:52,701
His domestic comedy's on now.
It's pretty funny.
1098
00:40:52,742 --> 00:40:54,953
Oh, wait, commercial break.
Go on.
1099
00:40:54,995 --> 00:40:57,122
I mean, I spoke at my wedding,
and the worst thing I said
1100
00:40:57,164 --> 00:40:58,582
was "shrimp in the eggrolls."
1101
00:40:58,623 --> 00:41:00,041
Guess you had to be there.
1102
00:41:00,083 --> 00:41:03,003
So, tonight,
the gig is at 7:00.
1103
00:41:03,044 --> 00:41:04,254
Is it really, or is it at 8:00
1104
00:41:04,296 --> 00:41:06,214
and you're telling me 7:00
so I'll be on time?
1105
00:41:06,256 --> 00:41:07,716
Just be there at 7:00.
1106
00:41:07,757 --> 00:41:10,343
Okay, I'll be there
at fucking 7:00.
1107
00:41:10,385 --> 00:41:12,220
I just have to make
a quick stop before.
1108
00:41:12,262 --> 00:41:14,472
Just don't get distracted
by whatever the stop is.
1109
00:41:14,514 --> 00:41:15,807
I won't, I promise.
1110
00:41:15,849 --> 00:41:17,142
Okay, later.
1111
00:41:17,184 --> 00:41:20,145
(laughter)
1112
00:41:20,187 --> 00:41:23,481
(indistinct chatter)
1113
00:41:54,137 --> 00:41:56,723
(mutters)
1114
00:41:56,765 --> 00:41:58,934
-MIDGE: Boo.
-Oh, God.
1115
00:41:58,975 --> 00:42:00,352
Didn't mean to scare you.
1116
00:42:00,393 --> 00:42:02,812
No, it's good.
You restarted my heart.
1117
00:42:02,854 --> 00:42:04,856
I think it flat out gave up.
1118
00:42:04,898 --> 00:42:08,151
So, am I crying,
or is that just on the inside?
1119
00:42:08,193 --> 00:42:11,571
Mostly inside. Here.
1120
00:42:11,613 --> 00:42:13,907
Yup, $2,000.
1121
00:42:13,949 --> 00:42:17,702
-2,135, for the record.
-Thanks.
1122
00:42:17,744 --> 00:42:20,205
So that's the famous
treasure map, huh?
1123
00:42:20,247 --> 00:42:23,250
One of 'em.
It's a surreal masterpiece.
1124
00:42:23,291 --> 00:42:25,377
Salvador Dali's got
nothing on Ma.
1125
00:42:25,418 --> 00:42:27,462
Look, two norths.
1126
00:42:27,504 --> 00:42:29,464
Which "X" were you looking for?
1127
00:42:29,506 --> 00:42:32,300
That one.
1128
00:42:32,342 --> 00:42:34,261
That's not here.
1129
00:42:34,302 --> 00:42:36,972
That's deeper in the building.
1130
00:42:51,695 --> 00:42:57,367
So, according to this,
it should be right... here.
1131
00:42:57,409 --> 00:42:59,494
-Wait.
-(stomps floor)
1132
00:42:59,536 --> 00:43:02,455
You have a saw
or some dynamite?
1133
00:43:02,497 --> 00:43:03,581
JOEL:
I found it.
1134
00:43:03,623 --> 00:43:05,834
The money?
1135
00:43:08,003 --> 00:43:09,587
My place.
1136
00:43:13,174 --> 00:43:17,262
♪ Well, I guess
I'll have to change my plan ♪
1137
00:43:17,304 --> 00:43:20,974
♪ I should have realized
I'd lose my favorite man ♪
1138
00:43:21,016 --> 00:43:22,976
(overlapping chatter)
1139
00:43:23,018 --> 00:43:26,479
♪ I overlooked that point
completely... ♪
1140
00:43:26,521 --> 00:43:29,190
B. Altman, where may I
direct your call?
1141
00:43:29,232 --> 00:43:31,484
-I will connect you.
-Midge, what happened?
1142
00:43:31,526 --> 00:43:33,236
B. Altman, where may I
direct your call?
1143
00:43:33,278 --> 00:43:35,071
What are you doing down here?
You were in the coat room,
1144
00:43:35,113 --> 00:43:37,532
-so close to the show.
-I will connect you.
1145
00:43:37,574 --> 00:43:39,868
-Midge!
-♪ I tried to reach
the moon... ♪
1146
00:43:39,909 --> 00:43:42,620
Thank you for shopping
B. Altman.
1147
00:43:42,662 --> 00:43:44,706
Okay, thank you.
1148
00:43:44,748 --> 00:43:47,500
Psst!
1149
00:43:47,542 --> 00:43:49,711
(louder):
Psst!
1150
00:43:55,925 --> 00:43:58,928
Mary, please.
I'm sorry, please forgive me.
1151
00:43:58,970 --> 00:44:00,847
I-I'm not suitable
to be out in public anymore.
1152
00:44:00,889 --> 00:44:02,265
I wish I'd known that
before your reception,
1153
00:44:02,307 --> 00:44:03,725
but better late than never.
1154
00:44:03,767 --> 00:44:05,935
I'm sorry.
Please, what can I say
1155
00:44:05,977 --> 00:44:09,022
to get you to forgive me?
Tell me what I can say.
1156
00:44:09,064 --> 00:44:12,859
Never leave the booth.
1157
00:44:15,070 --> 00:44:17,655
-♪ I've lost the one man... ♪
-Drag.
1158
00:44:17,697 --> 00:44:20,283
(overlapping chatter continues)
1159
00:44:20,325 --> 00:44:22,952
B. Altman, where may I
direct your call?
1160
00:44:22,994 --> 00:44:24,037
I will connect you.
1161
00:44:24,079 --> 00:44:26,664
♪ I've lost the one man. ♪
1162
00:44:26,706 --> 00:44:30,085
B. Altman, where may I
direct your call?
1163
00:44:30,126 --> 00:44:32,295
I will connect you.
1164
00:44:32,337 --> 00:44:35,507
(overlapping chatter continues)
1165
00:44:35,548 --> 00:44:37,175
Your Charley Patton?
1166
00:44:37,217 --> 00:44:38,885
Why are you selling
your Charley Patton?
1167
00:44:38,927 --> 00:44:40,637
'Cause I need the money, genius.
1168
00:44:40,678 --> 00:44:43,598
-It's kind of rare.
-Don't rub it in.
1169
00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:45,892
Could you hurry it up, guys?
I got stuff to do.
1170
00:44:45,934 --> 00:44:48,311
Look, we pride ourselves
on our quality control,
1171
00:44:48,353 --> 00:44:50,313
so we go over everything
with a fine-tooth comb.
1172
00:44:50,355 --> 00:44:51,981
I just hope it's not
the one you use
1173
00:44:52,023 --> 00:44:53,733
to rake the crabs
out of your pubes.
1174
00:44:53,775 --> 00:44:57,278
It's not.
"Cornet Chop Suey." No way.
1175
00:44:57,320 --> 00:44:59,864
OZ:
First pressing, too.
1176
00:44:59,906 --> 00:45:03,243
It's so perfect I could cry.
1177
00:45:03,284 --> 00:45:04,869
MAN (on record):
This recording is brought to you
1178
00:45:04,911 --> 00:45:06,955
by the guys at Music Inn.
1179
00:45:06,996 --> 00:45:08,706
MIDGE (on record):
So this is it, huh?
1180
00:45:08,748 --> 00:45:10,667
-This is the dream.
-(record skips)
1181
00:45:10,708 --> 00:45:13,211
So, my life completely
fell apart today.
1182
00:45:13,253 --> 00:45:15,338
Did I mention that
my husband left me?
1183
00:45:15,380 --> 00:45:18,216
-MAN: Whoo-hoo!
-MIDGE: Okay. All right.
1184
00:45:18,258 --> 00:45:20,927
But did I mention that
he left me for his secretary?
1185
00:45:20,969 --> 00:45:22,345
(scattered groans)
1186
00:45:22,387 --> 00:45:24,681
She's 21, and dumb
as a Brillo pad.
1187
00:45:24,722 --> 00:45:26,099
And I'm not naive.
1188
00:45:26,141 --> 00:45:28,309
I know that men like
stupid girls, right?
1189
00:45:28,351 --> 00:45:30,437
But I thought Joel
wanted more than stupid.
1190
00:45:30,478 --> 00:45:32,105
I thought he wanted spontaneity.
1191
00:45:32,147 --> 00:45:34,649
And I'm sorry, but look at me.
1192
00:45:34,691 --> 00:45:37,777
I am the same size now
that I was at my wedding.
1193
00:45:37,819 --> 00:45:39,654
And come on, who wouldn't want
to come home
1194
00:45:39,696 --> 00:45:41,281
to this every night?
1195
00:45:41,322 --> 00:45:42,532
What the fuck?
1196
00:45:42,574 --> 00:45:44,284
Hey, this is my client!
1197
00:45:44,325 --> 00:45:46,244
How many of these
have you sold?!
1198
00:45:46,286 --> 00:45:48,329
Don't you run from me.
Don't you...
1199
00:45:48,371 --> 00:45:52,125
Hey, don't you run
from me, motherfuckers!
1200
00:45:52,167 --> 00:45:54,169
♪ ♪
1201
00:46:00,967 --> 00:46:03,136
♪ Hi! Nice to see ya ♪
1202
00:46:03,178 --> 00:46:06,764
♪ C'mon in, c'mon in,
sorry the place is a mess ♪
1203
00:46:06,806 --> 00:46:09,476
♪ Need an ashtray,
drink some coffee, some coffee ♪
1204
00:46:09,517 --> 00:46:11,686
♪ I know you've been upset ♪
1205
00:46:11,728 --> 00:46:14,272
♪ What I mean is
maybe part of your problem ♪
1206
00:46:14,314 --> 00:46:16,357
♪ Is simply you were teased ♪
1207
00:46:16,399 --> 00:46:19,068
♪ I know what you'd like,
but the good stuff promised ♪
1208
00:46:19,110 --> 00:46:21,237
♪ Is hard fought
and not for free ♪
1209
00:46:21,279 --> 00:46:23,490
♪ Get tough,
don't be so patient ♪
1210
00:46:23,531 --> 00:46:25,825
♪ Get smart, head up,
shoulders straight ♪
1211
00:46:25,867 --> 00:46:28,286
♪ Since when is it a disaster ♪
1212
00:46:28,328 --> 00:46:30,872
♪ If the "S" on your cape
is a little frayed? ♪
1213
00:46:30,914 --> 00:46:33,416
♪ What's a girl to do? ♪
1214
00:46:33,458 --> 00:46:35,877
♪ Born to shop? No!
Pretty victories ♪
1215
00:46:35,919 --> 00:46:38,421
♪ What's a girl to do? ♪
1216
00:46:38,463 --> 00:46:41,341
♪ Scream and screw? No!
Pretty victories ♪
1217
00:46:43,843 --> 00:46:46,346
♪ Go out jumpin' with your
dumplin', your dumplin' ♪
1218
00:46:46,387 --> 00:46:48,723
♪ Go wheelin' with your pet ♪
1219
00:46:48,765 --> 00:46:51,100
♪ Never worry even a bit,
just a bit ♪
1220
00:46:51,142 --> 00:46:53,436
♪ If there're any
good ones left ♪
1221
00:46:53,478 --> 00:46:56,105
♪ Use your credit
at the boybank, the boybank ♪
1222
00:46:56,147 --> 00:46:58,233
♪ If those you've bounced,
you've broke ♪
1223
00:46:58,274 --> 00:47:00,860
♪ Spit out the F-word
like a shotgun, a shotgun ♪
1224
00:47:00,902 --> 00:47:02,987
♪ If they can't take a joke! ♪
1225
00:47:03,029 --> 00:47:05,281
♪ Get tough,
don't be so patient ♪
1226
00:47:05,323 --> 00:47:07,742
♪ Get smart, head up,
shoulders straight ♪
1227
00:47:07,784 --> 00:47:10,286
♪ Since when is it a disaster ♪
1228
00:47:10,328 --> 00:47:12,580
♪ If the "S" on your cape
is a little frayed? ♪
1229
00:47:12,622 --> 00:47:15,208
♪ What's a girl to do? ♪
1230
00:47:15,250 --> 00:47:17,961
♪ Born to shop? No!
Pretty victories ♪
1231
00:47:18,002 --> 00:47:20,004
♪ What's a girl to do? ♪
1232
00:47:20,046 --> 00:47:23,049
♪ Scream and screw? No!
Pretty victories ♪
1233
00:47:25,843 --> 00:47:28,346
♪ Starting to see what I mean? ♪
1234
00:47:29,806 --> 00:47:31,849
♪ What's a girl to do? ♪
1235
00:47:31,891 --> 00:47:35,061
♪ Scream and screw? No!
Pretty victories ♪
1236
00:47:35,103 --> 00:47:37,772
♪ Starting to see what I mean? ♪
1237
00:47:37,814 --> 00:47:39,899
♪ Sure, stop by anytime ♪
1238
00:47:39,941 --> 00:47:42,360
♪ Will yesterday be better? ♪
1239
00:47:42,402 --> 00:47:44,821
♪ I think you'll do just fine. ♪
94451
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