Original subtitles

There are basically five steps

to the IVF process.

One, they stimulate and monitor the development

of healthy eggs in the ovaries.

Two, they harvest the eggs.

Three, they select and secure sperm.

Four, they combine the egg and the sperm in a lab

and provide an appropriate environment for fertilization

and early embryo growth.

And five, they select--

Identify the best embryos and transfer them to the uterus.

I'm at step one. Heh.

How are you feeling about that?

I feel like...

Heh.

Like I'm at step one.

I got hormones.

Congratulations. You pulled the trigger.

It's not quite congratulations yet

because I haven't pulled the trigger,

because the shots go in my ass.

Sam can't pull the trigger?

I like to be sexy with Sam,

and shots that stimulate egg production?

Not sexy.

Enough said.

Okay.

And this stays between us, right?

I have no idea what you're talking about.

God, I miss Naomi.

What are you--? What are you doing?

Just calm down.

Massaging the area helps to absorb the hormones.

I'm deriving absolutely no pleasure from this

whatsoever.

Well, ahem, thank you.

Now it's congratulations.

Well, my FSH is really high.

I don't know if I'll get any good eggs out of it.

It's still congratulations. There's no way to know

unless you try and you're trying.

It's not safe. No one should go up.

Wes. Wes.

No one is gonna do anything to you, honey.

You wanted to give them your painting.

I'm not going up there.

I don't wanna be here, Mom. It's not safe.

No one should get in there. Karen. Wes. Everything okay?

He's refusing to take his heart meds.

He's refusing to take any meds.

Hey, Wes. Is this your painting here? It's really beautiful.

Is that this building, Wes? Yeah. The elevators hear.

They hear you. Right.

They want you to go in.

Know who would love to see this?

I'm not going up. Dr. Turner.

Dr. Turner, Wes.

Why don't we both take the stairs up--?

They hear you and they watch you.

He needs to start seeing her again. He's in trouble.

Everything's gonna be okay. Why don't you--?

I can't go up there. All right.

I can't be here.

I can't. I can't. I can't.

Take that.

Ah!

I can't believe you have been running around Italy

for six months. I'm jealous.

Don't be jealous. Just go.

And get the pizza in Naples. It is insane.

And then head straight to Rome,

buy a large box of condoms and never leave.

Italian men are ridiculous. And they're everywhere.

Italian men in Italy?

Just standing around in Armani suits, eating gelato.

Waiting to get attacked by a predatory American tourist.

Never a tourist. There I am che donna stupenda.

A hot piece of ass.

Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha.

When did your symptoms start?

Couple months ago, in Ravello.

We can try meds.

There are ways that we can manage your symptoms.

Amelia, thanks to you,

I had a beautiful six months in Italy,

which I wouldn't have had, and I am grateful.

So grateful.

But I'm not gonna die a slow death from Huntington's.

I am not going the way my mother did.

I'm not. You promised. Michelle-- I know, but--

It's time, Amelia.

I mean, I've had great food,

great sex,

great love in my life.

And a great friend.

I'm happy.

And I'm ready.

I need you to help me die.

All right, you wanna open it?

All right. Open it up.

Hi. Hey, Uncle Sam. How you doing?

Hey, buddy.

Hey, have you ever, um, baked anything?

Like tried to bake? Because it's hard.

Really hard.

I had no idea how hard it was.

It's harder than med school. Yeah.

We have a little 2-year-old sous-chef here.

I want candy. I...

Yes. You. Why are you here?

It's Wes. Do you remember him?

Patient, the painter. I know Wes.

He's off his meds.

Psych meds or heart meds? All of them.

He won't see Sheldon, he won't listen to me.

You're the only one he trusts.

I know that you can't talk to him officially,

but-- Damn it.

Unofficially, I was thinking maybe--

Yeah. I'll get a sitter. All right.

Watch him for a minute? Yeah.

What's happening, buddy boy?

If you and Mason are gonna be seeing each other,

we should set some rules.

Ground rules. Okay. Yeah.

First, your wife-- Yeah.

--is not allowed to speak to Mason or be anywhere near him.

Charlotte should never have done what she did,

but she's sorry.

She's actually very different once you get to know her.

No, thanks. Secondly,

I don't want you telling Mason that you're his father.

Ever? For now.

Okay. If you wanna see Mason, those are my conditions.

Beautiful. All of this is so beautiful.

The colors. The textures.

Everything around us. It's life on a canvas.

Hey, Wes. It's me.

It's Dr. Turner. Do you remember me?

You're not Dr. Turner. Yes. Yes, I am.

Listen to me, Wes.

Do you remember when we started working together

and you were living in a box on Venice Beach?

Do you remember that?

And I used to come visit you

and we would talk about how you were feeling.

About the voices in your head, the ones that frightened you.

You're not Dr. Turner.

Remember what happened after that?

You started taking medication

and you kept coming to see me and you got better.

And you didn't live in a box anymore.

You had an apartment. You paid rent.

The apartment on Third Street.

Yes, the apartment on Third Street.

And you had a show in the local art gallery.

People loved my paintings. They did.

You made beautiful paintings.

Don't you wanna get back to that?

You are not Dr. Turner.

Wes. The machines got Dr. Turner.

The machines took over her mind. They made her leave me.

Wes. The real Dr. Turner

would never have left me. You're a machine.

And I'm not talking to you anymore.

Michelle is 30, her CAG count is 43.

She should've had a couple more years before symptoms started.

How advanced are they?

Tremors, rigidity, seizures.

The younger the onset, the faster they progress.

It's a daunting prospect,

but there are support groups and therapy.

And she'll still have time where she's lucid and functional.

But she doesn't want the time, does she?

She wants me to euthanize her.

Your friend Michelle, is she a puppy?

Because unless she's a puppy--

I promised her I would.

It was the only way I could stop her from killing herself

when she found out she had the Huntington's gene.

Wait, Amelia.

The puppy thing is kind of a good point.

Why are we more humane in our treatment of animals--?

You're not considering this? He did it.

Okay, okay, okay.

One, when I tell you something,

just keep it to yourself, okay?

And two,

my patient was in his seventies. He was in excruciating pain

and he only had a couple of weeks to live.

What if you were seizing and losing control of your muscles,

of your bowels, of your mind?

Would you want to stick around for that?

You took an oath.

You think I would do less harm

by letting her die slowly and painfully?

I know you're sad. I know you're scared,

I know you wanna help your friend.

This is not how to do it.

Physician-assisted suicide is legal

in Washington and in Oregon--

But in California, we're talking about murder.

You got that, right?

You're talking about committing a murder.

I got one. What do I do? What?

What? Wait. Oh, reel it in.

Reel it in.

There you go. Nice and steady. Oh, my God.

Mason, you really got one. Steady.

Yeah. There you go.

Bring it up. Bring it up. Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah. Ha-ha-ha.

Good job, man.

Check that out. Look at that, man.

I'm hungry. You want a hot dog?

Sure.

Hot dog? Ha-ha-ha. No thanks.

You're pretty good. You wanna go again?

Are you dating my mom?

No, we're just friends.

Well, whenever my mom

has a friend that's a guy,

it usually means that he's her boyfriend.

And her boyfriends are kind of dumb.

Oh, well, it's a good thing I'm not her boyfriend then, huh?

I mean, do you think a dumb boyfriend

could do like this?

If it's all right, I kind of wanna go find my mom.

Okay. Go ahead.

Hey. Hey.

So did you hear about my former patient?

My schizophrenic patient, Wes, who because I was suspended

and forced to stop seeing him, has stopped taking meds.

And is living on the streets

talking to traffic lights. I heard.

It's not okay. It's not okay.

Okay. I'm thinking about suing.

You're gonna sue a homeless guy? The medical board.

And if I can't sue, then I am gonna go to the press

and I am gonna bring attention to this system.

To this process that is so broken,

I don't even know where to start fixing it.

Okay, are you angry at me?

Because you're actually yelling at me.

No. Oh, no, Addison. I just--

Ever since Pete's heart attack,

I feel like I've been trying to be the perfect wife

and mother and not a doctor.

I haven't let myself realize the effect that my suspension

has had on my patients whom I just abandoned.

You didn't completely abandon them.

No, I did. I did.

That's how it feels to them.

And it sucks.

Nai used to put food on top of feelings.

Addison, I'm a therapist.

I don't eat for comfort. That's not healthy.

It's disordered eating.

Try a doughnut hole. They help.

They're good, right?

Hey. I got an idea about Wes. You got a moment?

Yeah. I have nothing but. How you doing? You good?

I'm great. I have doughnut holes.

Oh.

You wanna lock my son up? Not exactly.

We just wanna keep him in a psych hold.

Because of Wes' pattern of destructive behavior,

severe delusions which result in him

not taking his heart medication--

He could die.

We think we could get a judge to sign off on the hold.

I had him committed before, Dr. Turner. It makes it worse.

Being held down and being strait-jacketed?

His paranoia goes off the charts.

And then when he goes off his meds,

which he always eventually does, he trusts me less.

I need him to trust me. I'm his mom.

The only way I can be there for him at all is if he trusts me.

I... I can't have him committed.

I mean, he's still my boy. He's in there.

He's somewhere in there. You know, in the cracks.

In the moments where those voices get quiet,

he's my wonderful, wonderful boy.

I won't allow you to hold Wes against his will.

And if you pursue this,

I will fight you.

How did you do it?

Morphine.

My patient was halfway there on a cocktail

of sedatives and sleeping pills,

so it didn't take much.

What happened?

After you gave him the drugs?

Well, at first he was ecstatic.

Maybe because he was free from the pain.

But after his body started to shut down,

well, there was so much fear.

He said it was what he wanted,

but I don't think he was prepared for the...

How terrifying and lonely it was.

And what did you do?

I stayed with him till it was over.

It takes an emotional toll on you.

Sometimes I wonder if I gave him the morphine

because I was the one who couldn't take it anymore.

That if I had been stronger for him,

maybe he would've died in his sleep, without any of that

regret or despair.

If you knew then how you would feel now,

would it have stopped you?

No. But that was different.

And no matter what Michelle says,

she has no idea what it's really like to face death, believe me.

It's not gentle or sweet or a relief.

I gave her my word.

Then take it back.

Take back your word

before you ruin your life and your career.

Take it back.

So have you seen Amelia?

I don't have her on GPS.

I'm just worried.

So am I.

You don't think she would actually--?

I don't know. I don't...

I'm sick. I'm actually worried a little sick.

I mean, physically nauseous.

But I'm not her shrink, I'm not her father.

That's the way you feel about her? Fatherly?

You two have been spending a lot of time together.

I don't know. I don't know what I'm feeling. Except sick.

Hey. Hey.

How was fishing with the kid? It was good.

He'd never been before, he did great. He caught two fish.

Which he couldn't care less about.

No, it wasn't good. It was awkward.

It was weird and awkward,

and it was like he didn't wanna have anything to do with me

and I just don't get it.

Hi. Hey.

Hey. Hey.

What now?

Mason and I were getting along great, until--

Until what?

If you're having an issue with him,

it has nothing to do with me.

I only talked to the mother. We hung out and it was awkward

and it never was before. If Erica hates you,

or us, that is gonna influence Mason.

Coop, I understand you're going through a rough patch.

If you think you can blame me because an 8-year-old

doesn't want to share a corn dog with you,

you have another thing coming.

Son of a bitch.

: Excuse me.

Hey. Is everything okay?

No, I'm very definitely not okay.

If you try to do one thing, one simple thing,

like rename the practice and suddenly,

I'm in a blizzard of paperwork, you know?

I got the building management people,

I've got the insurance company.

Oh, I've even got the guy

who paints our damn parking spaces.

This is not what I signed up for.

Heavy is the head.

Seriously? Are you trying to piss me off?

Because I'm looking for someone, anyone, whose face I can just--

It's not your fault. I'm sorry.

You have massive doses of hormones

coursing through your veins,

your emotions are elevated,

your filter is gone.

You feel like you've been hit by a PMS truck.

No kidding. How do I make this stop?

Just breathe, okay?

And if you start to feel like you wanna cry or scream

or rip somebody's face off, walk away.

Go someplace quiet. Avoid emotional triggers, like--

Sam. Hey.

Hey. What's going on?

Just giving Addison a pep talk

on how to get through paperwork.

Hang in there.

You okay? Yeah.

Sweetie, I'm right there with you.

Ugh. I hate this thing that's going on with Wes.

I feel so bad for his mother. I feel bad for my moth--

I feel bad for all mothers everywhere.

Did you know that Wes was a perfectly normal kid

up until he was Maya's age?

So you're worried that Maya might have, um,

a schizophrenic break?

Yes, I am.

And I'm worried about a million other things

because my baby girl's living in New York City.

She's a blessing.

Maya is the biggest blessing of my life,

but sometimes, I don't know...

Sometimes I just wonder if not having the burden,

of the fear and the stress of having a child,

maybe that's a blessing too.

You know what I mean? Addie, where are you going?

Going for a walk. Addie.

Addie.

Yeah, this is Dr. Bennett.

Okay. I'll be right there.

So, what happens after I'm gone?

I call the police.

I tell them I found you.

And they'll think I took pills?

Hold this.

Put some fingerprints on it.

Should I just take the pills?

You could end up in an irreversible coma

or with just really bad liver damage.

I don't want to get you in trouble.

I don't want you to suffer.

First, I'll inject a benzo to relax you.

Then a barbiturate.

It'll put you under.

And finally, potassium chloride.

It'll stop your heart.

Okay. I'm ready.

Thank you.

I love you.

I know.

If you see my dad,

you tell him I said hi, okay?

Maybe I'll fix him up with my mom.

Why can't I breathe?

You could be having an adverse reaction.

I'm gonna keep going, okay?

This barbiturate will depress your central nervous system.

Amelia.

Should I keep going or should I stop?

I don't know what that means.

Stop. Okay.

Okay, I'm stopping.

It's okay, Michelle.

I'm gonna call 911. Michelle?

It's okay. Michelle, it's okay. I'm stopping.

No. Get away from me.

He had a psychotic episode

and collapsed on the street.

His mom called it in.

He was upset. He was ranting at a kid on his cell phone

and then he just dropped.

They'll take over. Can I get help?

Okay, he's got hypertrophic cardiomyopathy.

It's gone unmedicated. Probably arrhythmia.

He came in the ambulance.

Thinks the EKG and every other machine was trying to kill him.

Can't you hear? Can't you hear it?

They're trying to send signals into our brain.

Let's 51, 50 him and 5 milligrams of haloperidol IV.

You gotta trust me. You're not my friend.

You're trying to poison me!

Sweetie, please let the doctors help you.

What are you doing to him?

Gonna put him on a psych hold.

Mom. Mom, make them stop. Make them stop.

Don't let the machines get me!

Haloperidol, 10 milligrams. Stop! You're hurting him!

Get her out of here. No!

All right.

Mom! Mom! Mom, don't leave me!

Don't let them do this to me! Mom!

It's respiratory distress. Secondary to benzo.

Okay, I need point two milligrams of flumazenil IV.

And 02 at 6 liters. She got a hold of drugs, Pete.

I don't know how. She did this herself. I found her--

She changed her mind.

She had a bad reaction and she changed her mind.

Pull an intubation tray. Let me help.

No, Amelia, it's time to step back.

Please, Pete.

Amelia, it's time to go. Go to the waiting room.

I'll keep you updated.

So I've gotten to know all of the guys here,

but you women are harder to crack. You're like a coven.

Oh, God.

It's just the hormones.

Don't even pay attention to me.

I'm just being ridiculous.

I've heard that before.

I feel like my brain is broken. And that.

I hate my boyfriend. Heard that the most.

Do you know he basically said it's a blessing

that I can't have children?

Doesn't sound like Sam.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's what he said.

"It's a blessing." A blessing. Really?

For whom is it a blessing? Him?

Is that the only reason that he's with me?

He thinks I'll never get pregnant?

Because I prefer to think

that it's because I'm awesome in the sack.

Addison. Addison, listen to me. Okay?

I can't get myself zipped.

You're brave to do this, okay?

It's a brave and wonderful thing you're trying to do.

And all of the thoughts and tears

and "I hate my boyfriend" talk

is just the hormones, okay?

But the fact of the matter is you cannot do this alone.

Of course I can. Lots of women do.

No, they don't. Even single women.

They have friends and family and book clubs.

You're afraid to tell

because you're trying to keep it secret from your boyfriend.

What are you gonna tell Sam

if you get pregnant?

Or when you're six months along?

What are you gonna do when the baby comes?

Hide it in the liquor cabinet?

I've seen the road you're heading down,

and you're not gonna make it

unless you have people on your team.

Hey. Hi.

Um, this isn't gonna-- I have to cancel.

I'm sorry about the late notice.

What? Wait. Why? Why? He had a meltdown.

Ten minutes ago. Sorry I didn't call you sooner,

but I was kind of busy trying to talk him out of his bedroom.

It's not me.

Mason doesn't want to spend time with you.

Oh.

Did he say why?

He's 8, who knows why?

But if he doesn't want to spend time with you,

I can't force him.

Maybe that would change if he knew I was his father?

You say you want to be a dad, but are you ready?

I mean, I'm not talking about buying him stuff

or pulling a quarter out of his ear.

I'm talking about have you thought about

making room in your life for him?

Or your home? Have you talked to your bitch of a wife about--

Don't call her that.

--how fatherhood would change your lives?

Yes, I have. I really have.

I get that she scared you off.

I get that you think that she's awful

and I must be awful if I' married to her,

but you really don't know her.

She's like a mama bear when she's threatened,

and you threatened her.

Or she thought you were threatening me,

and so she, you know, growled loudly and...

Okay, the metaphor wears thin,

but my point is my wife loves me,

and so she will love Mason because I love him.

He's my son. And I love him.

And you were the one who showed up in my life

to tell me that he exists and I'm glad you did.

And maybe you wish you could take that back now,

but you can't.

You wanted Mason to have a father?

Now he does.

Now he does.

Hey. Have you seen Amelia? Hey.

You okay?

You're worried about him.

Yeah, I'm just waiting for Sam or anyone

to come and update me because I'm not allowed in his room.

That new lawyer is working overtime to re-open my case,

so I am following the letter of the law.

No contact with my former patients,

but, um, yeah, I'm worried about him.

I'm worried about all of them.

It's gonna be okay, Violet.

How? I don't know.

I don't know how, I just...

This is my favorite thing about you.

When I get the crazy eyes?

No. That-- That's pretty cute too,

but my favorite thing about you

is how much you care about your patients.

I'm glad you're fighting the board.

I'm glad you're remembering things you like about me.

Amelia!

Amelia, open the door. I know you're in there. I saw your car.

Amelia, open the door because I'm not leaving until you do.

Amelia!

Are you crazy?

Are you actually clinically insane?

Did you really do this thing?

Because even I didn't think you were stupid enough

and crazy enough to actually go through with it!

Do you get that you basically confessed your crime to me

before you did it?

Do you get that I could and should call the police?

And if that woman had died, I would call the police.

Because I am not gonna be an accessory to murder.

What is wrong with you?

Why are you this self-destructive?

She didn't die?

She's alive?

Yes.

She's alive.

You ready to go?

Yeah.

I got you.

You okay?

I'm sorry.

I am so sorry.

Do not apologize to me. I mean it.

I was so sure that I wanted to die,

but now I don't-- I don't know.

I just-- I don't know if I panicked or--

Hey, you don't have to figure it out today.

Or tomorrow for that matter.

I know it's not easy being alone.

Your mom had you and you--

You have me. I will be there the whole way.

You can even move in if you want.

Oh, I couldn't do that to you.

You'd be helping me too.

I know it doesn't compare

to what you're going through,

but I struggle too. Every day.

Pills? Booze.

I'm branching out.

I didn't know. I'm sorry.

You don't have to be sorry.

So we're both screwed up,

but maybe we can be there for each other.

Like some kind of--

Like some kind of messed up buddy system.

You know, I won't drink today if you don't kill yourself.

Deal?

Deal.

We got his heart stabilized. For now.

How are you doing there, Wes?

He can't hear you.

Not when he's like this.

That's why he never could stay on his meds.

He said they made him feel like he was 10 feet underwater.

Working with Dr. Turner helped,

but I knew it was just a matter of time.

We should talk about other options for Wes.

What to do next.

I think that you should legally petition for a conservatorship.

You'll be able to make all of Wes' medical decisions.

Place him in a facility for his own safety.

We already went through this.

Hear me out.

I'm not talking about a temporary psych hold here.

I'm talking about something-- I said no.

I'm not gonna put my son in some clinic

where they keep him locked and drugged.

I won't do that to him.

Uh, my sister, Corinne.

She was a lot like Wes.

She made a habit of disappearing too.

My mother would do everything she could to keep her home,

but Corinne would always find a way out.

One day, she left

and she never came back.

That was a long time ago.

I still don't know if she's dead or alive.

But I do know

that my mother's never been the same.

I've never been the same.

I know that you love Wes,

and that you respect his right to be free.

But are you prepared for the day that he walks out of your life

and disappears forever?

I don't...

My son is an artist.

He's a thinker.

He's funny and sharp and he's passionate.

Do you see that man, Dr. Bennett?

Do you see my son in this bed?

If I keep him like this,

then he's already disappeared.

Carlos, Carlos, you have to leave.

My boyfriend's gonna be home soon.

Carlos? Heh, heh.

You know-- You know I have a soft spot for the Latin lovers.

You better watch it. Oh!

What's the matter? What happened?

What's up?

I started...

I started IVF treatments a couple of days ago.

I am sore.

IVF.

Jake's been giving them to me.

Jake? Yeah,

Jake's the only one who knows.

I didn't want the entire office gossiping about it.

I'm sorry.

No, no. It's okay.

Huh.

Um...

I don't want to have another kid,

because I already got mine through.

What? No, I was

terrified every single day

of Maya's childhood, but I got her through.

I mean, it was-- It was wonderful

and it was terrible. Both equal parts.

And it's definitely an experience that you should have

if that's what you want, but...

I just don't know if I have it in me to do it again.

But that doesn't mean

that I don't support you.

That doesn't mean that I don't love you.

And it doesn't mean that you get to keep secrets from me.

Okay?

Okay.

Hands off the ass.

I'm sorry.

Michelle! Get in here! We're doing girls night in.

I got rocky road and a DVD of the second Twilight movie.

The one with all the hot werewolves.

Michelle?

She had a degenerative disease that was progressing rapidly.

It was painful and she was taking OxyContin.

Those bottles hold 30 pills.

I found a bunch on the bed beside her.

If she got half of them down, she didn't last long.

You all right, Dr. Shepherd?

You have someone you can call?

I'm all right.

You're sure? No.

I miss my friend.

So I'm not all right.

But I will be.

I'll be fine.

All right.

Are you sure you won't ride in a taxi with me?

Cars aren't safe, Mom. Please don't ride in cars.

The night sky is much better for you than cars.

Okay, honey.

You're gonna need some money.

Okay.

Okay.

And I want you to have my phone number

and not lose it.

Thanks for saving me.

You're my hero.

You're mine.

You're still here.

Yeah.

I thought you might need a ride.

Thank you.

I'll be in the kitchen if you need me.

Okay, thanks for this.

Hey, Mason.

So, uh, I had fun yesterday.

And I'd love to, you know, keep hanging out if...

If you don't like fishing,

we can do something else, you know?

Whatever you want, really.

Uh...

Are you my dad?

I'm pretty sure you are.

I look like you.

And mom acts weird when she talks about you.

How do you feel about that?

I don't know.

But if you're not gonna be around, like all the other guys,

we can't be friends.

He's your dad, Mason.

I am your dad.

And, uh...

I'm not going anywhere.

So you want to watch some Phineas and Ferb?

It's good.

Yeah.

Step one is the hardest.

I mean, they say that kind of about everything.

You know, it's like when you watch a baby

take her first step.

I mean, she's spent days and weeks and months

literally teaching her muscles how to function.

But once they do, it's never that hard again.

Okay. You are all set.

Do you want to be my fertility doctor?

I mean, mine's fine, she's great.

But you're clearly the better choice for me.

I mean, that's assuming that you would still take me on.

I wouldn't blame you if you didn't--

Yes.

So, what muscle did you train

in order to take this step?

You'll laugh.

I won't.

Hope.

I had to learn

to let myself hope.