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1
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'Now nobody's saying
that Chatsworth Estate is a garden of Eden
2
00:00:05,527 --> 00:00:09,315
'but it's been a good home to us -
me, Frank Gallagher,
3
00:00:09,367 --> 00:00:12,404
'and me kids who l'm proud of,
4
00:00:12,447 --> 00:00:16,360
'cos every single one of them
reminds me a little of me.
5
00:00:16,407 --> 00:00:19,717
'They can all think for themselves,
which they've me to thank for.'
6
00:00:19,767 --> 00:00:22,076
- Run! Run for it!
- Leg it!
7
00:00:22,127 --> 00:00:24,925
'Fiona, who's a massive help,
8
00:00:24,967 --> 00:00:29,961
'Lip, who's a bit of a gobshite,
which is why nobody calls him Philip now,
9
00:00:30,007 --> 00:00:31,679
'lan, a lot like his mam,
10
00:00:31,727 --> 00:00:34,685
'which is handy for the others
cos she's disappeared into thin air,
11
00:00:34,727 --> 00:00:37,446
'and Carl - we daren't let him grow his hair
12
00:00:37,487 --> 00:00:40,718
'cos it stands on end and makes him
look like Toyah, and nits love it.
13
00:00:40,767 --> 00:00:44,442
'Debbie - sent by God. Total angel.
14
00:00:44,487 --> 00:00:48,605
'You've to check your change but she'll go
miles out of her way to do you a favour.
15
00:00:48,647 --> 00:00:54,802
'Plus Liam - gonna be a star
once we've got the fits under control.
16
00:00:54,847 --> 00:01:00,604
'Steve, Fiona's boyfriend.
The truth is out there... Not.
17
00:01:00,647 --> 00:01:05,482
'Fantastic neighbours Kev and Veronica.
Lend you anything. Well, not anything.
18
00:01:05,527 --> 00:01:09,361
'But all of them to a man know,
first and foremost,
19
00:01:09,407 --> 00:01:12,365
'one of the most vital necessities in this life
20
00:01:12,407 --> 00:01:16,320
'is they know how to throw a party!
21
00:01:16,367 --> 00:01:17,846
'Scatter!'
22
00:01:22,287 --> 00:01:23,800
Hey, give us me bag back!
23
00:01:23,847 --> 00:01:26,281
Use it or lose it, fatso!
24
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:34,074
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25
00:01:37,527 --> 00:01:39,518
Fuck's sake!
26
00:01:42,927 --> 00:01:48,399
(Debbie) 'l don't know why everybody
thinks Christmas is such a big deal.
27
00:01:48,447 --> 00:01:51,803
'What is good
about the world standing still
28
00:01:51,847 --> 00:01:55,999
'when the only shops open
don't sell anything worth having?'
29
00:01:56,047 --> 00:01:58,800
(Frank) Didn't think we had a white duvet.
30
00:01:58,847 --> 00:02:02,601
(Debbie) 'lf l hear anyone trying to tell me
the point of it all,
31
00:02:02,647 --> 00:02:06,606
'l think l'll just punch their lights out.'
32
00:02:07,927 --> 00:02:09,883
Watch it.
33
00:02:09,927 --> 00:02:14,125
- What have you done now?
- What do you mean, what have l done?
34
00:02:14,167 --> 00:02:16,158
SHOUTlNG
35
00:02:23,127 --> 00:02:26,483
'Since our family only ever got bigger,
36
00:02:26,527 --> 00:02:31,362
'Christmas seemed worse every year.
As far as l could see, anyway.
37
00:02:31,407 --> 00:02:35,082
'The more it cost,
the more everybody smiled.
38
00:02:35,127 --> 00:02:40,076
'Never occurred to them that
two days later, everything's half price.
39
00:02:40,287 --> 00:02:45,486
'lt's fine if you can pretend
the Earth has gone into hibernation
40
00:02:45,527 --> 00:02:48,041
'and good things only happen in spring.'
41
00:02:48,087 --> 00:02:50,647
'Not fine if you know for a fact
42
00:02:50,687 --> 00:02:53,679
'that every Christmas
is as boring as the last one
43
00:02:53,727 --> 00:02:56,799
'cos nothing ever happens.'
44
00:03:02,967 --> 00:03:05,356
The other way round.
45
00:03:10,367 --> 00:03:12,323
Stop pushing and pulling.
46
00:03:12,367 --> 00:03:17,839
What is clever about watching a tree
dying in your living room?
47
00:03:20,087 --> 00:03:22,237
She hates Christmas.
48
00:03:22,287 --> 00:03:26,200
(Lip) Hurry up. Just get it in the house.
49
00:03:26,247 --> 00:03:28,681
Lip, Christmas shopping.
50
00:03:31,007 --> 00:03:32,565
Oi!
51
00:03:32,607 --> 00:03:34,996
(Sheila) You didn't see who mugged you?
52
00:03:35,047 --> 00:03:37,607
No, just a bloke. A big bloke.
53
00:03:37,647 --> 00:03:41,276
Christmas and they take your wallet.
54
00:03:41,327 --> 00:03:44,683
What was the Peterloo Massacre
all about?
55
00:03:44,727 --> 00:03:47,116
You haven't got a wallet, Frank.
56
00:03:48,487 --> 00:03:50,205
No...
57
00:03:51,087 --> 00:03:54,284
l'd just bought one in the pub.
58
00:03:54,327 --> 00:03:57,478
Little crocodile skin.
59
00:03:57,527 --> 00:04:01,805
l knew how much l had
cos l'd just transferred �55 into it.
60
00:04:01,847 --> 00:04:05,476
No, cos you went out
with less than a tenner.
61
00:04:05,527 --> 00:04:10,203
l asked you to pick us up
a box of formula to practise with
62
00:04:10,247 --> 00:04:14,559
in case the baby rejects me
and l can't breast-feed.
63
00:04:14,607 --> 00:04:19,442
And you said, ''l've only a tenner
so you'll have to sub us.''
64
00:04:19,487 --> 00:04:20,397
Did l?
65
00:04:20,447 --> 00:04:23,041
So you'll have sent him on his way.
66
00:04:23,247 --> 00:04:24,521
Have l?
67
00:04:24,567 --> 00:04:28,526
Yeah, so he won't be trying
that one twice, will he?
68
00:04:28,567 --> 00:04:30,205
No, l dare say not.
69
00:04:30,247 --> 00:04:34,479
Good, cos l've got some news for you.
70
00:04:34,527 --> 00:04:39,282
My mum's gone doolally so our
Karen's coming home for Christmas!
71
00:04:50,407 --> 00:04:51,396
Right.
72
00:04:51,447 --> 00:04:53,722
This is gonna fit Carl, innit?
73
00:04:53,767 --> 00:04:57,840
No probs. l tell you what,
Debbie's gonna love this.
74
00:04:57,887 --> 00:05:02,881
She once borrowed one from school.
Spent a week magnifying head lice.
75
00:05:03,927 --> 00:05:05,918
Oh!
76
00:05:07,167 --> 00:05:10,079
Oi, oi, no! Oi, not that one!
77
00:05:10,127 --> 00:05:11,685
What is it?
78
00:05:11,727 --> 00:05:15,436
You'll find out when Mr Santa comes.
79
00:05:15,487 --> 00:05:18,047
You were never out of my sight.
80
00:05:18,087 --> 00:05:20,760
- ..Or so she thought.
- What shop?
81
00:05:20,807 --> 00:05:23,924
- l'm saying nothing.
- Oh, yeah?
82
00:05:25,327 --> 00:05:26,396
Get that off.
83
00:05:30,767 --> 00:05:32,280
(Come here.)
84
00:05:33,327 --> 00:05:34,999
SHE LAUGHS
85
00:05:35,047 --> 00:05:37,641
No, cut it out! Stop!
SHE GASPS
86
00:05:37,687 --> 00:05:40,884
- What are you doing down there?
- l wanted to know what you got us.
87
00:05:40,927 --> 00:05:43,395
Why can't you wait?
88
00:05:43,447 --> 00:05:45,677
- l didn't want clothes.
- You haven't got clothes.
89
00:05:45,727 --> 00:05:48,366
l heard. ''Will this fit our Carl?''
90
00:05:48,407 --> 00:05:52,082
A pair of earmuffs
and a big, fat nappy. Downstairs!
91
00:05:52,127 --> 00:05:53,924
Clothes aren't presents.
92
00:05:55,727 --> 00:05:59,686
This is his fault.
Stopping at his girlfriend's in Rawtenstall.
93
00:05:59,727 --> 00:06:00,682
Will you shut up?
94
00:06:00,727 --> 00:06:06,677
Our Barry went to Rawtenstall in 1 987.
Not been seen since.
95
00:06:06,727 --> 00:06:09,082
< Bloody Bermuda Triangle.
96
00:06:09,127 --> 00:06:14,121
This fuel pipe's completely shagged.
l'll have to send for parts.
97
00:06:14,167 --> 00:06:16,317
(You're a bad man, Kev.)
98
00:06:19,247 --> 00:06:21,203
Ho-ho!
99
00:06:21,247 --> 00:06:26,241
- What did l tell you?
- Quick, get that door!
100
00:06:26,287 --> 00:06:28,005
(Here, grab these.)
101
00:06:28,047 --> 00:06:30,197
(Kev) Here y'are.
102
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,763
(Lip) OK, are you ready?
103
00:06:36,767 --> 00:06:38,758
(Kev) Yep.
104
00:06:40,327 --> 00:06:46,004
Jez! Jez! Jez, come here.
Come over here a minute.
105
00:06:46,047 --> 00:06:50,484
(Old woman) How come you always
smell of cheese and onion crisps?
106
00:06:50,527 --> 00:06:54,076
Cos we always end up
sitting next to you.
107
00:06:59,087 --> 00:07:00,440
What's in it for me?
108
00:07:00,487 --> 00:07:03,843
1 0%%% of what we take
and a couple of joints.
109
00:07:03,887 --> 00:07:05,081
Grass, skunk or resin?
110
00:07:05,127 --> 00:07:08,199
No, lamb, pork or beef.
111
00:07:08,247 --> 00:07:12,320
Hands up, anybody
who's not collected their meat yet.
112
00:07:12,367 --> 00:07:14,756
l know you've heard it all before,
113
00:07:14,807 --> 00:07:20,120
but maybe your Christmases have
all come early. Bring it in, fellas!
114
00:07:21,447 --> 00:07:26,237
Half market price. Come on, girls,
get your meat and your chops.
115
00:07:26,287 --> 00:07:28,517
Beef!
116
00:07:28,567 --> 00:07:30,523
A leg of lamb and a shoulder of pork!
117
00:07:32,607 --> 00:07:33,926
Make that two of lamb.
118
00:07:33,967 --> 00:07:36,162
Yes, love?
119
00:07:37,727 --> 00:07:39,718
Whoa, whoa!
120
00:07:39,767 --> 00:07:42,201
Who wants this pork?
121
00:07:48,407 --> 00:07:53,640
(Frank) For fuck's sake, total shambles.
Fucking animals.
122
00:07:56,007 --> 00:07:59,636
l don't like what we've become
as a nation.
123
00:08:00,567 --> 00:08:03,445
Massive pressure. Massive.
124
00:08:03,487 --> 00:08:07,162
People with nothing
spend money they can't afford.
125
00:08:07,207 --> 00:08:12,042
People with shitloads spend money
they don't notice. And for what?
126
00:08:12,087 --> 00:08:15,397
Little baby Jesus? ls it fuck!
127
00:08:15,447 --> 00:08:19,725
Sticking money in the pockets
of overpaid shites like...
128
00:08:21,287 --> 00:08:23,243
..shops.
129
00:08:23,287 --> 00:08:27,326
Keeping you way down the pecking order
in a mountain of debt...
130
00:08:27,367 --> 00:08:31,565
Do you know what
the perfect Christmas is for me?
131
00:08:31,607 --> 00:08:36,806
Not having to listen to bone idle,
miserable, old wankers like you.
132
00:08:36,847 --> 00:08:39,680
That's why l bought this.
133
00:08:41,367 --> 00:08:44,484
Make way for a chronic duodenum.
134
00:08:46,287 --> 00:08:48,323
Shift, shift!
135
00:08:49,367 --> 00:08:54,680
With any luck you'll be dead
this time next year, smelly old cunt.
136
00:09:00,887 --> 00:09:04,641
Does that smell
like an old lady's tush to you?
137
00:09:04,687 --> 00:09:07,076
How the fuck should l know?
138
00:09:07,127 --> 00:09:09,482
Ugh, you knobhead!
139
00:09:14,167 --> 00:09:15,839
WOMEN CHUCKLE
140
00:09:17,487 --> 00:09:20,126
Are you sure you don't mind, mate?
141
00:09:20,167 --> 00:09:23,284
l'm in my element wrapping pressies.
142
00:09:23,327 --> 00:09:25,636
Carl's obsessed
so l can't leave them at ours.
143
00:09:25,687 --> 00:09:27,643
Ah, bless him.
144
00:09:27,687 --> 00:09:29,678
l tormented me mam rooting for presents
145
00:09:29,727 --> 00:09:32,639
until l looked under her bed
and found a kitten.
146
00:09:32,687 --> 00:09:33,483
Not wrapped.
147
00:09:33,527 --> 00:09:36,041
No. Oi, Kev...
148
00:09:36,087 --> 00:09:38,965
show them your drinks thingy.
149
00:09:42,887 --> 00:09:47,438
- Looks like an ordinary beer barrel.
- OK.
150
00:09:51,247 --> 00:09:54,319
(Fiona) Oh, it's champion is that.
151
00:09:55,327 --> 00:09:57,966
That's what l said. Champion.
152
00:09:58,007 --> 00:10:02,683
lt's what you say to kiddies
when their drawing's fucking awful.
153
00:10:02,727 --> 00:10:03,682
(Steve) Where did you get this?
154
00:10:03,727 --> 00:10:05,877
l made it.
VERONlCA LAUGHS
155
00:10:05,927 --> 00:10:08,077
l did.
156
00:10:10,727 --> 00:10:12,718
Slag! Mum's a slag!
157
00:10:16,927 --> 00:10:19,157
HE BARKS
158
00:10:23,367 --> 00:10:26,006
(Fiona) Marty?
159
00:10:26,047 --> 00:10:28,515
Oh, no, Marty, not again.
160
00:10:28,567 --> 00:10:31,718
lf there's a party, there's a Marty.
161
00:10:31,767 --> 00:10:33,723
No, l'm on parole.
162
00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:36,201
Out me way!
163
00:10:36,247 --> 00:10:39,842
Jesus, Mum, look at the state of you.
164
00:10:44,007 --> 00:10:45,326
Are you OK, Carol?
165
00:10:45,367 --> 00:10:47,835
You will not believe this.
166
00:10:48,927 --> 00:10:49,757
< Tell 'em.
167
00:10:49,807 --> 00:10:51,798
Never mind me.
168
00:10:51,847 --> 00:10:54,156
He's just burnt my house down.
169
00:10:54,207 --> 00:10:57,563
(Fiona) Oh, my God!
You're joking me, Carol.
170
00:10:57,607 --> 00:10:59,438
You're disgusting.
171
00:10:59,487 --> 00:11:02,001
Consenting sex is normal.
172
00:11:02,047 --> 00:11:03,400
Not at your age!
173
00:11:03,447 --> 00:11:05,915
There's nothing wrong with my age!
174
00:11:05,967 --> 00:11:08,037
You...
175
00:11:10,967 --> 00:11:13,276
(Veronica) Pack it in!
176
00:11:15,207 --> 00:11:16,799
Ow!
177
00:11:19,567 --> 00:11:21,558
Hey!
178
00:11:22,247 --> 00:11:24,238
SHE SOBS
179
00:11:25,887 --> 00:11:28,845
Why did they let you out?
180
00:11:28,887 --> 00:11:33,597
Significant breakthroughs
with a cognitive therapist. (BARKS)
181
00:11:33,647 --> 00:11:35,558
You torched your mam's house.
182
00:11:35,607 --> 00:11:39,805
l lets myself in.
Surprise, surprise! Nobody in.
183
00:11:39,847 --> 00:11:44,477
Nips for a leak and she's having
a jump in the shower with...
184
00:11:44,527 --> 00:11:46,916
HE STAMMERS
185
00:11:48,647 --> 00:11:53,004
Thingy. The redhead.
Eddie Singer's middle lad.
186
00:11:53,047 --> 00:11:55,766
- Sean?
- Sean!
187
00:11:55,807 --> 00:11:59,482
You were shagging Sean Singer?
188
00:11:59,527 --> 00:12:00,562
So?
189
00:12:00,607 --> 00:12:02,404
He's only 20-odd.
190
00:12:02,447 --> 00:12:04,039
He's a good-looking lad.
191
00:12:04,087 --> 00:12:06,681
You said l were too old for him!
192
00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:09,924
So l offered a cash incentive.
193
00:12:09,967 --> 00:12:11,082
You paid?
194
00:12:11,127 --> 00:12:14,836
- For sex?
- lt wasn't put like that.
195
00:12:14,887 --> 00:12:18,766
l offered an extra �50
to smarten my bathroom tiles.
196
00:12:18,807 --> 00:12:23,278
The message sinks in.
l'm having one of my pleasanter days
197
00:12:23,327 --> 00:12:26,683
when fiery Jack turns up
screaming the odds
198
00:12:26,727 --> 00:12:30,117
and thick, black smoke
coming up the stairs.
199
00:12:30,167 --> 00:12:32,601
That's Marty's best mate.
200
00:12:32,647 --> 00:12:33,716
They're not twins.
201
00:12:33,767 --> 00:12:35,962
They're like twins.
202
00:12:36,007 --> 00:12:38,077
Yeah, but they're not twins!
203
00:12:38,127 --> 00:12:40,197
Sean Singer?
204
00:12:40,247 --> 00:12:43,637
Never mind that.
What about my house?
205
00:12:45,487 --> 00:12:47,717
All your presents were in there.
206
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:51,123
My entire Christmas.
207
00:12:51,167 --> 00:12:54,125
My whole bloody life.
208
00:12:54,167 --> 00:12:56,158
Thank you(!)
209
00:12:57,327 --> 00:12:58,965
DOG BARKS
210
00:13:03,647 --> 00:13:05,638
There.
211
00:13:09,167 --> 00:13:14,525
So we've nowhere else till the council
sorts us out, have we, Pepe?
212
00:13:18,447 --> 00:13:21,086
PEPE BARKS
213
00:13:21,127 --> 00:13:21,718
Agh!
214
00:13:21,767 --> 00:13:24,281
SHOP BELL RlNGS
215
00:13:30,887 --> 00:13:33,355
Where's all the snow gone?
216
00:13:33,407 --> 00:13:37,195
Me dad says it's cos your mam
never paid the council tax.
217
00:13:37,247 --> 00:13:38,316
Oh.
218
00:13:45,167 --> 00:13:49,638
We shift more meat than this in
a normal week, never mind Christmas.
219
00:13:49,687 --> 00:13:51,325
What if we've overpriced it?
220
00:13:51,367 --> 00:13:52,641
We always overprice it.
221
00:13:52,687 --> 00:13:54,643
True.
222
00:13:54,687 --> 00:13:56,086
What's up?
223
00:13:56,127 --> 00:14:00,518
Can you redo the labels on these, lan?
Knock 50p off everything.
224
00:14:00,567 --> 00:14:02,637
We won't shift it.
225
00:14:02,687 --> 00:14:05,599
There's tons of knock-off flying about.
226
00:14:05,647 --> 00:14:10,163
Turkeys, beef. Sheila brought
us a couple of legs of lamb round.
227
00:14:10,207 --> 00:14:11,959
- How fair is that?
- From who?
228
00:14:12,007 --> 00:14:16,558
Dunno, but everyone's got
so l don't think 50p's gonna help.
229
00:14:16,607 --> 00:14:19,997
- Right, price them up at cost.
- Cost plus 50p.
230
00:14:20,047 --> 00:14:21,366
Cost!
231
00:14:21,407 --> 00:14:23,363
Plus 25p.
232
00:14:23,407 --> 00:14:27,400
lf we don't shift this by its sell-by
it's gonna smell like a bloody graveyard in here!
233
00:14:32,287 --> 00:14:35,359
Cost plus 25p. l'll do a sign.
234
00:14:48,567 --> 00:14:52,765
(Kev) 'You torched a house, Marty.
The police will be after you.'
235
00:14:52,807 --> 00:14:56,595
So where did you go from the nick?
236
00:14:56,647 --> 00:14:58,956
A bed and breakfast.
237
00:14:59,007 --> 00:15:00,963
Sheila Jackson's.
238
00:15:01,007 --> 00:15:02,122
Sheila and Frank's.
239
00:15:02,167 --> 00:15:05,876
And you never set foot
outside the house again.
240
00:15:05,927 --> 00:15:07,121
Mm-hm.
241
00:15:07,167 --> 00:15:08,520
Marty!
242
00:15:08,567 --> 00:15:10,523
Yes! Hm, hm.
243
00:15:10,567 --> 00:15:12,683
Bucket of spunk!
244
00:15:12,727 --> 00:15:15,400
lf anyone asks, he was in his room.
245
00:15:15,447 --> 00:15:17,756
What, our Karen's room?
246
00:15:17,807 --> 00:15:20,241
But call it the spare room.
247
00:15:20,287 --> 00:15:23,120
Veronica, the cops are round yours.
248
00:15:23,167 --> 00:15:27,922
Jesus! Right. lf anyone asks, you can
say Marty lodged with you. All right?
249
00:15:27,967 --> 00:15:29,241
OK with that, Sheila?
250
00:15:29,287 --> 00:15:31,278
Yeah, l think.
251
00:15:31,327 --> 00:15:33,283
(Debbie) They'll catch him.
252
00:15:33,327 --> 00:15:39,118
Hang on, what would he have done
for supper if he came at three?
253
00:15:39,167 --> 00:15:41,806
- (Carol) He wasn't hungry.
- l wouldn't have not fed him.
254
00:15:41,847 --> 00:15:43,803
Just say you fed him.
255
00:15:43,847 --> 00:15:46,919
l don't want it to look bad on me.
Not if l'm charging rent.
256
00:15:46,967 --> 00:15:52,439
- Whatever you like, Sheila.
- l'll say l gave him ham. That's very tasty.
257
00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:56,806
lt is. Oh, thanks. Thanks, Sheila.
258
00:16:01,967 --> 00:16:04,879
Double up and go round the back.
259
00:16:04,927 --> 00:16:07,646
< Seal off both ends of t'streets.
260
00:16:08,487 --> 00:16:12,958
- Jesus, Mam, they're everywhere!
- God in heaven!
261
00:16:13,007 --> 00:16:17,683
Find out where Marty is.
Find Sheila. She don't look well.
262
00:16:17,727 --> 00:16:20,446
lf she's the alibi,
we'll all be on prison food.
263
00:16:20,487 --> 00:16:22,637
She's bailing you out so give it a rest, Carol!
264
00:16:22,687 --> 00:16:24,643
Don't talk to my mam like that.
265
00:16:24,687 --> 00:16:27,440
Fuck off! This isn't our problem.
266
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:30,479
How many of your problems
have l helped out with?
267
00:16:30,527 --> 00:16:32,483
l can defend myself.
268
00:16:32,527 --> 00:16:36,884
You can't control yourself.
You wonder where Marty gets it from!
269
00:16:36,927 --> 00:16:39,999
l've never burnt anything!
270
00:16:40,047 --> 00:16:43,642
Well, you can't fucking cook,
that's for sure!
271
00:16:43,687 --> 00:16:47,236
- Sorry, kid.
- Me and all.
272
00:16:53,007 --> 00:16:55,567
We'll take him round to mine.
273
00:16:55,607 --> 00:17:00,761
Don't talk to anyone, don't touch
anything, don't offer anyone a light.
274
00:17:00,807 --> 00:17:03,196
Come on.
SlREN
275
00:17:04,207 --> 00:17:06,277
Are they all for me?
276
00:17:06,327 --> 00:17:08,079
lf they want a name, l'll tell 'em.
277
00:17:08,127 --> 00:17:10,925
- l'm here!
- What's your problem?
278
00:17:10,967 --> 00:17:12,923
You have answers for everything.
279
00:17:12,967 --> 00:17:15,117
l meant him.
280
00:17:15,167 --> 00:17:19,922
Or assuming that any suggestion
Kev makes is a fucking waste of time.
281
00:17:19,967 --> 00:17:22,845
You need two sides of a brain
that communicate.
282
00:17:22,887 --> 00:17:25,879
So it's my fault l'm dyslexic?
283
00:17:25,927 --> 00:17:30,557
Dyslexic my arse! You're illiterate.
Admit it. Get help.
284
00:17:30,607 --> 00:17:33,121
You're asking for a twatting.
285
00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:35,286
Oi!
286
00:17:35,327 --> 00:17:37,477
SlREN
287
00:17:51,687 --> 00:17:52,961
Found one!
288
00:17:53,007 --> 00:17:57,080
They're not after Marty.
They're after the meat!
289
00:17:57,127 --> 00:17:59,436
Oh, shit!
290
00:17:59,487 --> 00:18:02,445
What am l supposed to do with this?
291
00:18:04,767 --> 00:18:06,962
Lads, don't leave me.
292
00:18:16,447 --> 00:18:18,438
Oi!
293
00:18:19,447 --> 00:18:21,119
- And that.
- l've licked that bit.
294
00:18:21,167 --> 00:18:23,237
Tough.
295
00:18:23,287 --> 00:18:27,405
- What am l gonna do with it?
- You're not bringing it in here.
296
00:18:27,447 --> 00:18:31,884
- Why are you binning it?
- The meat's knock-off.
297
00:18:31,927 --> 00:18:34,760
Nobody pays full price for meat.
298
00:18:34,807 --> 00:18:39,881
Judging from that turnout, it must
have come from an armed robbery.
299
00:18:40,687 --> 00:18:43,884
(Veronica) Shit! What shall we do with it?
300
00:18:43,927 --> 00:18:46,157
(Fiona) We can't chuck it in the bins.
301
00:18:52,927 --> 00:18:55,077
Fuck!
302
00:18:59,007 --> 00:19:03,797
Here, boy! What's this, then?
What's this tasty bit of meat, then?
303
00:19:03,847 --> 00:19:06,645
Just a couple of chops to go.
304
00:19:06,687 --> 00:19:09,042
Come on, then.
305
00:19:13,047 --> 00:19:16,244
That's it. Take it to your mam.
306
00:19:33,927 --> 00:19:37,237
Steve, where have you been?
307
00:19:38,607 --> 00:19:42,077
What's he doing here?
There's cops everywhere.
308
00:19:42,127 --> 00:19:44,118
Never mind the cops. Look.
309
00:19:49,007 --> 00:19:50,998
< Bloody hell!
310
00:19:54,007 --> 00:19:56,999
(Kev) lt's like Kelly's Heroes, isn't it?
311
00:19:57,047 --> 00:20:01,086
(Over loudspeaker) Stay in your homes
with your doors locked
312
00:20:01,127 --> 00:20:04,961
and your windows closed until further notice.
313
00:20:05,007 --> 00:20:07,680
Everything is under control.
314
00:20:08,767 --> 00:20:13,363
Please do as you're told
and no harm will come to you.
315
00:20:13,407 --> 00:20:16,160
This is not a drill.
316
00:20:16,207 --> 00:20:19,756
Repeat. This is not a drill.
317
00:20:19,807 --> 00:20:24,722
Stay in your homes with your doors locked
and your windows closed.
318
00:20:24,767 --> 00:20:30,922
- Could make the nationals with this.
- Get that street cordoned off. >
319
00:20:32,207 --> 00:20:35,358
Everything is under control.
320
00:20:35,407 --> 00:20:39,878
Please do as you're told
and no harm will come to you.
321
00:20:39,927 --> 00:20:42,236
lt can't be another bloody gas leak.
322
00:20:42,287 --> 00:20:44,676
(Yvonne) No, l think they're filming.
323
00:20:44,727 --> 00:20:47,400
Oi, is this for Corrie?
324
00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:51,235
Corrie only film round here
if it's a rape or a siege.
325
00:20:51,287 --> 00:20:55,326
(TV) 'News coming in of a story
breaking in Manchester.
326
00:20:55,367 --> 00:20:59,724
''Chatsworth Estate
has been sealed off by the MoD.
327
00:20:59,767 --> 00:21:04,443
'We have a statement here
from a spokesman for the MoD...'
328
00:21:04,487 --> 00:21:07,320
What's going on here, mate?
329
00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:12,646
(Radio) 'The Chatsworth Estate
has been sealed off by the MoD.
330
00:21:12,687 --> 00:21:18,683
'This is not a joke. lt's not April 1 st.
l've got Eileen on line one.'
331
00:21:18,727 --> 00:21:22,720
- 'Hiya, Justin.'
- 'Hiya. You've been trying to get in.'
332
00:21:22,767 --> 00:21:28,125
'Yeah. l said to the soldier,
''Me dad's lived there for 45 years,
333
00:21:28,167 --> 00:21:31,477
- '''and l've never missed Christmas.'''
- 'Were they helpful?'
334
00:21:31,527 --> 00:21:35,725
- 'He said ''Fuck off.' Can l say that?'
- 'No.'
335
00:21:35,767 --> 00:21:38,600
Stan Waterman, community liaison.
336
00:21:38,647 --> 00:21:41,878
- Nobody in or out. My orders.
- This is my patch.
337
00:21:41,927 --> 00:21:47,559
Like Afghanistan, lraq, Northern lreland
and Timbuk-fucking-tu,
338
00:21:47,607 --> 00:21:52,158
you can have your patch back
once we've milked it dry, all right?
339
00:21:52,207 --> 00:21:55,279
Me mam's in there.
340
00:22:03,567 --> 00:22:05,717
That's it. Go on.
341
00:22:05,767 --> 00:22:08,486
Keep going. Go on.
342
00:22:09,647 --> 00:22:12,241
That's it. Piss off!
343
00:22:13,687 --> 00:22:15,518
What a mug!
344
00:22:15,567 --> 00:22:17,046
SlREN
345
00:22:17,087 --> 00:22:19,647
Out the way!
346
00:22:26,647 --> 00:22:31,562
We're responsible for social order
round here. Why wasn't l informed?
347
00:22:31,607 --> 00:22:36,158
Your chief constable forgot
you existed. You weren't cleared.
348
00:22:36,207 --> 00:22:37,526
Can we go?
349
00:22:37,567 --> 00:22:41,003
- Not until l know what's going on.
- OK.
350
00:22:41,047 --> 00:22:42,719
Sign this.
351
00:22:44,687 --> 00:22:48,646
Last night, thieves stole
200-weight of freight.
352
00:22:48,687 --> 00:22:50,643
All this for knock-off?
353
00:22:50,687 --> 00:22:56,319
lt happens every week. They keep
the prices low, especially electricals.
354
00:22:56,367 --> 00:22:57,402
The freight was all meat.
355
00:22:57,447 --> 00:23:02,475
lt's Christmas. Easter, it'll be chocolate,
August, it'll be sunbeds and sarongs.
356
00:23:02,527 --> 00:23:06,281
The meat was on its way
to an army base in Scotland.
357
00:23:06,327 --> 00:23:09,000
To a defence laboratory.
358
00:23:09,047 --> 00:23:12,881
One that specialises
in biological warfare.
359
00:23:14,447 --> 00:23:17,041
Which kind of meat do you mean?
360
00:23:17,087 --> 00:23:20,921
Hinds and rinds, legs and segs,
heads and innards,
361
00:23:20,967 --> 00:23:26,325
with ''not for human consumption''
labels like this.
362
00:23:26,367 --> 00:23:28,483
We've quarantined the area.
363
00:23:28,527 --> 00:23:31,121
Oh, fuck's sake!
364
00:23:36,807 --> 00:23:41,517
Mum, don't cook that lamb.
Do not cook that lamb because...
365
00:23:41,567 --> 00:23:43,558
Hello?
366
00:23:43,607 --> 00:23:46,679
Well, where's me mum?
367
00:23:46,727 --> 00:23:49,719
(Radio) 'Casualties arriving. Unit 61 5.
368
00:23:49,767 --> 00:23:55,763
'One male, aged 25, and a female, 64.
Married apparently.
369
00:23:55,807 --> 00:23:59,959
'Large number of suspected cases
in same house. Big family.
370
00:24:00,007 --> 00:24:04,319
'Massive actually 1 4 kids and counting, Sarge.
All cross-eyed.
371
00:24:04,367 --> 00:24:06,835
'Unless that's one of the symptoms.'
372
00:24:06,887 --> 00:24:10,880
- Touch it and you're dead.
- This meat is the property...
373
00:24:10,927 --> 00:24:12,201
The meat is mine!
374
00:24:12,247 --> 00:24:14,636
Von, let them have it!
375
00:24:14,687 --> 00:24:15,722
Ah!
376
00:24:15,767 --> 00:24:17,439
Let them have the meat!
377
00:24:17,487 --> 00:24:22,766
Fuck off! l am sick of having to compete
with knock-off round here!
378
00:24:22,807 --> 00:24:25,799
Come on, love, you're being daft.
379
00:24:25,847 --> 00:24:30,159
- l've brought down bigger than that.
- Don't corner her! lt makes her worse.
380
00:24:30,207 --> 00:24:34,723
Come on, Von. You mean more to me
than a bloody shop.
381
00:24:43,847 --> 00:24:46,520
Let's get it cleared.
SHOP BELL RlNGS
382
00:24:52,607 --> 00:24:56,202
- Yes, Lillian?
- A packet of fags, Yvonne.
383
00:24:58,007 --> 00:25:02,205
A couple of scratchcards,
but only your lucky ones.
384
00:25:04,567 --> 00:25:08,116
You wouldn't have any broken biscuits?
385
00:25:12,047 --> 00:25:15,596
Fetch them back, you can have 20p off.
386
00:25:18,607 --> 00:25:21,201
Did you mean what you said, Kash?
387
00:25:22,247 --> 00:25:25,239
Not physically, obviously, cos...
388
00:25:26,287 --> 00:25:30,565
But, yeah, you mean the world to me.
Of course you do.
389
00:25:32,007 --> 00:25:35,556
l've just come to say
that l feel a bit rough.
390
00:25:35,607 --> 00:25:37,563
Yeah, you look it.
391
00:25:37,607 --> 00:25:41,316
Thanks. So l'm gonna give
this afternoon a miss if that's OK.
392
00:25:41,367 --> 00:25:44,803
Yeah, course it is, love. See ya.
393
00:25:49,167 --> 00:25:52,682
They're a bit more hammered
than what l wanted.
394
00:25:59,567 --> 00:26:02,127
On me, Lillian. Season's greetings.
395
00:26:08,767 --> 00:26:10,883
- Did you buy any meat?
- What if we did?
396
00:26:10,927 --> 00:26:12,963
- We didn't know where it came from.
- Have you eaten any?
397
00:26:13,007 --> 00:26:16,716
(Veronica) l gave most of mine to the dogs.
398
00:26:18,607 --> 00:26:23,840
They carted a load of dogs away.
A couple of them were half-crippled.
399
00:26:23,887 --> 00:26:26,720
< All dead. The lot of them.
400
00:26:26,767 --> 00:26:28,917
From what?
401
00:26:31,567 --> 00:26:35,003
l am in deep shit
if they know l'm repeating this.
402
00:26:35,047 --> 00:26:37,641
They made me sign Official Secrets,
403
00:26:37,687 --> 00:26:41,396
but the meat was on its way
from Porton Down.
404
00:26:41,447 --> 00:26:46,760
l thought that were a made-up place.
You know, with the rabbits?
405
00:26:46,807 --> 00:26:48,399
That's Watership Down.
406
00:26:48,447 --> 00:26:53,282
A defence installation. The meat
was part of a war games exercise.
407
00:26:53,327 --> 00:26:57,559
< lt's contaminated by team A,
then sent for analysis to team B
408
00:26:57,607 --> 00:27:02,362
who have 24 hours to work out
what's in it, but it never arrived.
409
00:27:02,407 --> 00:27:05,399
Contaminated with what?
410
00:27:05,447 --> 00:27:09,076
Nobody knows until they get
team A back from Christmas leave.
411
00:27:09,127 --> 00:27:12,324
How long's that gonna take?
412
00:27:12,367 --> 00:27:14,403
Have any of you eaten it?
413
00:27:20,047 --> 00:27:23,278
- Er, you have.
- l had no appetite.
414
00:27:23,327 --> 00:27:26,444
No, you wolfed the lot down.
415
00:27:26,487 --> 00:27:27,397
l never.
416
00:27:27,447 --> 00:27:32,521
l watched you. You were licking the plate
while you did the washing up.
417
00:27:32,567 --> 00:27:36,526
< Well, so far, we've had two human fatalities
418
00:27:36,567 --> 00:27:38,956
and 1 2 people have gone down poorly.
419
00:27:39,007 --> 00:27:45,242
The symptoms to watch for are nosebleeds
and stomach pains. Colicky stomach pains.
420
00:27:45,287 --> 00:27:48,802
They've set up a field hospital
at the junior school.
421
00:27:48,847 --> 00:27:52,522
Everybody's gonna have to give
a blood sample.
422
00:27:52,567 --> 00:27:54,762
You all need testing now.
423
00:27:54,807 --> 00:28:00,484
A question. ls anyone out
there mentioning my name?
424
00:28:00,527 --> 00:28:02,597
- What's your name?
- Marty Fisher.
425
00:28:02,647 --> 00:28:04,524
No.
HE SNORTS
426
00:28:04,567 --> 00:28:06,205
lan!
427
00:28:06,247 --> 00:28:08,636
He's still at work.
428
00:28:08,687 --> 00:28:12,726
He's put himself to bed,
said he was feeling a bit rough.
429
00:28:19,087 --> 00:28:21,043
Do you know what's going on?
430
00:28:21,087 --> 00:28:23,840
They're after the meat. Where is it?
431
00:28:25,047 --> 00:28:29,006
No-one should eat it.
lt's not for human consumption.
432
00:28:29,047 --> 00:28:31,117
Where's all the meat, Jez?
433
00:28:31,167 --> 00:28:33,442
They've cleaned me out.
434
00:28:39,407 --> 00:28:43,559
Get it up, Felix.
Save some room for your pudding.
435
00:28:43,607 --> 00:28:48,840
All right. Thank you. Got darts
coming up so we've gotta clear up.
436
00:28:48,887 --> 00:28:51,196
(Man) That's my bloody dinner!
437
00:28:51,247 --> 00:28:53,078
(Kev) How's your Kevin?
438
00:28:53,127 --> 00:28:58,155
(Woman) What's your game?
That's our dinner, that is. l've paid for that.
439
00:29:01,007 --> 00:29:03,123
l need to see your kitchens.
440
00:29:03,167 --> 00:29:07,604
- Not without a warrant.
- Only speak if you don't need your face.
441
00:29:14,407 --> 00:29:16,398
All right, Felix?
442
00:29:17,247 --> 00:29:19,283
All right, me old mate?
443
00:29:36,127 --> 00:29:39,722
He has to be in a hospital.
A proper hospital.
444
00:29:39,767 --> 00:29:42,406
- (Doctor) We can't break the quarantine.
- He's burning up.
445
00:29:42,447 --> 00:29:46,963
(Doctor) We'll get his temperature down.
We'll keep him supervised.
446
00:29:47,007 --> 00:29:48,963
What good is saline?
447
00:29:49,007 --> 00:29:54,718
- We haven't identified the contamination.
- You put it there, so what's in it?
448
00:29:54,767 --> 00:29:57,839
(Doctor) Where have you heard that?
449
00:29:59,447 --> 00:30:02,325
lt's just a rumour someone started.
450
00:30:02,527 --> 00:30:06,281
lan, l need your arm.
l need to take a blood sample.
451
00:30:07,967 --> 00:30:11,755
A small sting.
l'll be as gentle as l can.
452
00:30:16,647 --> 00:30:19,798
Just form an orderly queue.
453
00:30:19,847 --> 00:30:24,398
Jesus, Peebles,
it's like a worn-out gene pool.
454
00:30:27,207 --> 00:30:31,803
None of the women comb their hair
at the back. ls that a religious thing?
455
00:30:31,847 --> 00:30:35,601
l'm not sure, sir. l'll find out, sir.
456
00:30:35,647 --> 00:30:40,482
Oh, little men dressed in brief authority.
457
00:30:40,527 --> 00:30:42,358
Eh?
458
00:30:42,407 --> 00:30:47,117
1 9th century. Shakespeare.
Plus other stuff, so don't think you're hard.
459
00:30:47,167 --> 00:30:54,005
Never poke your cousin if you can't find a
cardigan with three sleeves. Socrates, 400BC.
460
00:30:55,327 --> 00:30:57,557
You didn't know that.
461
00:30:57,607 --> 00:31:00,519
Or you.
462
00:31:00,567 --> 00:31:04,401
Somebody must have poked a bloody goat
to come up with that one.
463
00:31:04,447 --> 00:31:05,436
Sir.
464
00:31:10,247 --> 00:31:12,203
(Frank) Vernon Francis Gallagher.
465
00:31:12,247 --> 00:31:16,286
Vernons as in Pools,
though l've never won a fucking bean.
466
00:31:16,327 --> 00:31:20,161
l used to be a blood donor,
but l got addicted.
467
00:31:20,207 --> 00:31:22,641
Out with the old, in with the new.
468
00:31:22,687 --> 00:31:26,396
lt's quite seductive in a way,
don't you think?
469
00:31:26,447 --> 00:31:31,475
So are you taking any
regular medication at all, Sheila?
470
00:31:31,527 --> 00:31:33,279
As a matter of fact, l am.
471
00:31:33,327 --> 00:31:37,445
(Frank) l had BCG in the third year.
l'm still having nightmares.
472
00:31:37,487 --> 00:31:40,240
Passed out. Woke up colour-blind.
473
00:31:40,287 --> 00:31:44,678
Can't tell the difference
between dextrine and Nurofen
474
00:31:44,727 --> 00:31:46,957
so bastards take advantage.
475
00:31:47,007 --> 00:31:50,079
You are not coming near me with that.
476
00:31:51,127 --> 00:31:53,357
Ow!
477
00:31:54,767 --> 00:32:00,364
Fat cunt. On the plus side,
l've got 20/20 vision so...
478
00:32:00,407 --> 00:32:02,875
HE MUMBLES
479
00:32:02,927 --> 00:32:06,806
(Steve) lf it's not airborne,
why can't we leave the estate?
480
00:32:06,847 --> 00:32:12,365
Christmas isn't a good time to send
people off kissing their relatives.
481
00:32:12,407 --> 00:32:14,921
What's lan's blood tests saying?
482
00:32:14,967 --> 00:32:20,166
Nothing helpful, but believe me,
none of us want to be here either.
483
00:32:20,207 --> 00:32:22,767
The only mortalities have occurred
484
00:32:22,807 --> 00:32:26,482
in people with diabetes
or high blood pressure.
485
00:32:26,527 --> 00:32:30,884
lan's 1 5, no medical complications.
That's all l can say for sure.
486
00:32:30,927 --> 00:32:31,916
We won't say you said.
487
00:32:31,967 --> 00:32:33,446
Ah!
488
00:32:34,447 --> 00:32:36,278
Mam!
489
00:32:36,327 --> 00:32:38,887
(Marty) What's up with her?
(Veronica) lt's not fucking flu, is it?
490
00:32:38,927 --> 00:32:40,883
Pepe!
491
00:32:40,927 --> 00:32:44,556
lf you let this happen, we're finished.
492
00:32:44,607 --> 00:32:46,723
SHE SOBS
493
00:32:50,407 --> 00:32:53,956
(Carol) Swear to me you won't cut him open!
494
00:32:54,007 --> 00:32:55,918
SHE WAlLS
495
00:32:55,967 --> 00:32:58,083
Pepe!
496
00:33:19,047 --> 00:33:21,766
You! You fucking...
497
00:33:21,807 --> 00:33:23,035
Hang on, Stan.
498
00:33:23,087 --> 00:33:27,126
He caused all this. Him!
That's where l got the meat from.
499
00:33:27,167 --> 00:33:31,160
A fiver for a shoulder of lamb.
Worth it, was it, Kev?
500
00:33:31,207 --> 00:33:33,198
Nice little wedge?
501
00:33:44,447 --> 00:33:46,438
Help us out, Lip.
502
00:33:51,047 --> 00:33:53,197
Little shit.
503
00:33:54,607 --> 00:33:56,598
SHOUTlNG
504
00:33:56,647 --> 00:33:58,239
Come here! >
505
00:33:59,687 --> 00:34:00,722
Bring him in.
506
00:34:00,767 --> 00:34:02,758
Sir.
507
00:34:04,607 --> 00:34:07,519
Merry fucking Christmas!
508
00:34:11,407 --> 00:34:13,398
TO Y SQUEAKS
509
00:34:15,447 --> 00:34:18,519
Sorry, Mam.
510
00:34:18,567 --> 00:34:21,764
Yes, l know, cos you caused this.
511
00:34:24,527 --> 00:34:26,518
MARTY BARKS
512
00:34:28,047 --> 00:34:32,677
l've been sent down three times.
When did you cry for me?
513
00:34:32,727 --> 00:34:38,040
Apart from worms and diarrhoea,
when did Pepe ever let me down?
514
00:34:38,087 --> 00:34:39,759
He's got a brain this big.
515
00:34:39,807 --> 00:34:42,002
What difference does that make
516
00:34:42,047 --> 00:34:46,040
when the brain you've got
is wired like an old Allegro?
517
00:34:49,887 --> 00:34:53,163
< l don't care how little you made.
518
00:34:53,207 --> 00:34:57,837
We need to know whether any of it
was sold outside the community.
519
00:34:59,687 --> 00:35:04,681
Well, not sold, but l took a rack of lamb
round my Aunty Pat's in Denton.
520
00:35:04,727 --> 00:35:09,517
Address? ls she likely
to have shared it with anyone else?
521
00:35:09,567 --> 00:35:11,922
Pat? No way.
522
00:35:11,967 --> 00:35:15,721
Only thing she's given anyone
in 50 years is herpes.
523
00:35:15,767 --> 00:35:21,876
Come here! You're a fucking liar
cos everyone round here knows it was you.
524
00:35:21,927 --> 00:35:27,001
Fine. OK. Me. Me and Lip
but not cos we knew what it was.
525
00:35:27,047 --> 00:35:30,323
- So?
- We just thought it was fucking meat!
526
00:35:30,367 --> 00:35:32,881
Where's the money?
527
00:35:32,927 --> 00:35:35,999
- You're wearing most of it.
- What?
528
00:35:36,047 --> 00:35:39,676
How much do you think
lace crotchless panties cost me?
529
00:35:39,727 --> 00:35:44,801
Right, that's the last beef curtain
you'll be seeing in a long time.
530
00:35:44,847 --> 00:35:47,281
Where's the rest of it?
531
00:35:54,607 --> 00:35:55,881
This money's got blood on it.
532
00:35:55,927 --> 00:36:00,478
You're in deep shit
and everybody wants you dead, Kev.
533
00:36:00,527 --> 00:36:03,963
This is all your fault, twisted shit!
534
00:36:04,007 --> 00:36:06,157
Yeah, l know. Everything is.
535
00:36:06,207 --> 00:36:10,280
Pepe, (BARKS), Arndale Centre,
crucifixion, miners strike.
536
00:36:10,327 --> 00:36:12,522
Fine, bring it on!
537
00:36:29,967 --> 00:36:32,527
Can l get you anything?
538
00:36:36,687 --> 00:36:39,076
l could skin up, if it'll help.
539
00:36:39,127 --> 00:36:41,277
No.
540
00:36:53,887 --> 00:36:57,277
lan, l'm really sorry. This is my fault.
541
00:36:58,967 --> 00:37:03,677
The meat. lt was me, me and Kev.
We ripped a lorry off on the bypass.
542
00:37:03,727 --> 00:37:05,319
HE SlGHS
543
00:37:05,367 --> 00:37:07,323
Well...
544
00:37:07,367 --> 00:37:09,562
lt was just for a laugh.
545
00:37:09,607 --> 00:37:13,646
l promise you, we're gonna get you
to a proper hospital.
546
00:37:13,687 --> 00:37:16,042
l don't care what l have to do.
547
00:37:16,087 --> 00:37:21,002
l'd do anything for you
not to be laid here like this.
548
00:37:22,087 --> 00:37:24,078
Sorry.
549
00:37:37,127 --> 00:37:40,802
(Radio) 'Breaker in sector nine
coming over the roof.'
550
00:37:44,287 --> 00:37:50,920
Whoa! Keep walking. Just keep walking.
No, not towards me, darling. The other way.
551
00:37:50,967 --> 00:37:52,923
How old are you, Debbie?
552
00:37:52,967 --> 00:37:56,801
1 1 . Well, 1 1 if you ask my dad,
1 2, if you ask my mum.
553
00:37:56,847 --> 00:38:00,237
- Where were you going?
- Shopping.
554
00:38:00,287 --> 00:38:02,164
At 01 .25?
555
00:38:02,207 --> 00:38:07,645
The Trafford Centre's open all night
and they're laying free buses on.
556
00:38:07,687 --> 00:38:09,917
l've six presents still to buy.
557
00:38:09,967 --> 00:38:12,720
You were leaving a restricted zone.
558
00:38:12,767 --> 00:38:16,555
You've lied to my officers
and you're lying to me.
559
00:38:16,607 --> 00:38:19,405
OK, l've five presents to buy.
560
00:38:19,447 --> 00:38:23,963
l'll give Carl something l got last year,
but it still looks new.
561
00:38:24,007 --> 00:38:28,762
He loves driving, but everyone
round here keeps the batteries dead.
562
00:38:28,807 --> 00:38:31,446
A pair of jump leads.
563
00:38:31,487 --> 00:38:35,639
- Please, can somebody help me out here?
- Yes, sir. l'm from round these parts.
564
00:38:35,687 --> 00:38:37,120
Are you playing maisonette?
565
00:38:37,167 --> 00:38:38,805
No, pontoon.
566
00:38:38,847 --> 00:38:43,398
lt's maisonette. When you turn 21 ,
that's what you get off the council.
567
00:38:43,447 --> 00:38:45,438
THEY LAUGH
568
00:38:53,647 --> 00:38:55,524
There's three cameras covering the Causeway,
569
00:38:55,567 --> 00:39:00,766
two monitoring Denver Road
and 3,000 soldiers on Plymouth Street.
570
00:39:00,807 --> 00:39:04,766
- Come on, Debbie.
- About 1 00. But at least 1 00.
571
00:39:04,807 --> 00:39:06,525
They didn't shove you around?
572
00:39:06,567 --> 00:39:10,242
No, l got a tuna salad
and l won �5 on maisonette.
573
00:39:10,287 --> 00:39:12,517
(Fiona) Did you get anything or not?
574
00:39:16,367 --> 00:39:18,323
Yes!
575
00:39:18,367 --> 00:39:21,803
They don't have normal number plates.
576
00:39:21,847 --> 00:39:25,886
(Steve) Let's get lan out as fast as possible.
lf we spread out, we'll find the vehicle faster.
577
00:39:25,927 --> 00:39:29,317
Lip, take Kev with you. Keep his face covered.
578
00:39:29,367 --> 00:39:32,518
Marty, you go with them.
579
00:39:32,567 --> 00:39:35,161
Fiona, tell lan what's happening.
580
00:39:35,207 --> 00:39:37,721
Oh! Oh! Oh, dear! Oh!
581
00:39:37,767 --> 00:39:39,723
Sheila?
582
00:39:39,767 --> 00:39:43,476
Oh, it's OK. He just kicked.
583
00:39:43,527 --> 00:39:48,840
- He? You know it's a boy?
- Oh, God, that's supposed to be a big secret.
584
00:39:48,887 --> 00:39:51,276
Now, nice deep breaths.
585
00:39:51,327 --> 00:39:53,283
Mam, brandy.
586
00:39:53,327 --> 00:39:56,558
Don't tell your dad. lt's a surprise.
587
00:39:56,607 --> 00:39:58,916
(Debbie) Have you got a name for him?
588
00:39:58,967 --> 00:40:02,482
Yeah...if l ever get that far.
589
00:40:02,527 --> 00:40:05,166
(Fiona) Oh, don't talk like that, Sheila.
590
00:40:05,207 --> 00:40:09,678
What if l've passed something on to him
through the meat?
591
00:40:09,727 --> 00:40:12,525
Ah, ah, ah! Ah!
592
00:40:12,567 --> 00:40:14,239
SHE GROANS
593
00:40:14,287 --> 00:40:16,721
Bucket biff!
594
00:40:16,767 --> 00:40:20,521
According to Conrad,
the meat's come from Al-Qaeda
595
00:40:20,567 --> 00:40:24,162
and if they scan the bar code,
it comes up in Arabic.
596
00:40:24,207 --> 00:40:29,156
l'm not being a racist
but they're a fucking nightmare, that lot.
597
00:40:29,207 --> 00:40:30,196
- One more.
- No!
598
00:40:30,247 --> 00:40:32,522
One more, Jez. Please.
599
00:40:32,567 --> 00:40:37,322
No, four units each
otherwise we'll be dry by tomorrow.
600
00:40:37,367 --> 00:40:41,963
Hello! lf you name your price,
you could shift the lot tonight.
601
00:40:42,007 --> 00:40:46,797
Hello! lf l ration it, l could name
twice my price tomorrow.
602
00:40:46,847 --> 00:40:48,997
Robbing bitch.
603
00:40:49,047 --> 00:40:50,196
On your way!
604
00:40:50,247 --> 00:40:52,442
(Barmaid) All right. l said l'm coming.
605
00:40:52,487 --> 00:40:55,206
- One little bottle to be going on with.
- Oh!
606
00:40:55,247 --> 00:40:56,680
(Barmaid) There you go!
607
00:40:56,727 --> 00:40:59,639
SHOUTlNG
608
00:41:07,007 --> 00:41:10,238
- (Fiona) Kash, l need to speak to your mum.
- Where's your lan?
609
00:41:10,287 --> 00:41:16,237
They're rationing the booze at the pub.
l've stuck a quid on everything.
610
00:41:16,287 --> 00:41:21,998
l can say it out loud. Form a queue
or you're getting fuck all!
611
00:41:22,047 --> 00:41:23,560
- (Woman) Cheery-bye.
- Merry Christmas, love.
612
00:41:23,607 --> 00:41:28,362
- Where's your mum?
- Upstairs with the kids. Why?
613
00:41:28,407 --> 00:41:33,162
Sheila's gone into labour,
plus lan's in a right state.
614
00:41:36,887 --> 00:41:41,324
Can somebody change the wallpaper?
lt's doing my head in!
615
00:41:41,367 --> 00:41:43,323
You're really hurting my hand.
616
00:41:43,367 --> 00:41:45,323
Sheila, this is Umi.
617
00:41:45,367 --> 00:41:47,961
lt's OK, Sheila. Keep calm.
618
00:41:48,007 --> 00:41:49,963
She's a midwife.
619
00:41:50,007 --> 00:41:51,963
She's not just saying that?
620
00:41:52,007 --> 00:41:56,159
- Why would l say it if it wasn't true?
- l don't know!
621
00:41:56,207 --> 00:41:59,882
Don't push. Just breathe round it.
622
00:41:59,927 --> 00:42:04,398
l had a dentist once who turned out
to be a brickie. So, l'm a bit phobic.
623
00:42:04,447 --> 00:42:06,597
Stop pushing!
624
00:42:06,647 --> 00:42:10,037
(Soldier) Look, just keep back like l said.
625
00:42:10,087 --> 00:42:14,046
lf l don't get this giro cashed,
l can't feed my kids.
626
00:42:14,087 --> 00:42:16,476
Why didn't you cash it last week?
627
00:42:16,527 --> 00:42:21,237
lt's not in my name.
l've had to work on the signature.
628
00:42:21,287 --> 00:42:25,883
Cheers! Starving children
and you're not gonna let me through.
629
00:42:25,927 --> 00:42:28,395
You, too, as well, mate.
630
00:42:28,447 --> 00:42:32,201
(Kev) lt'll be all right. lt'll be all right. Stay cool.
631
00:42:33,287 --> 00:42:35,676
We're just having a look, mate.
632
00:42:41,247 --> 00:42:43,442
lt's there!
633
00:42:45,167 --> 00:42:48,603
- Fuck's sake! That's hopeless.
- l know.
634
00:42:48,647 --> 00:42:53,163
l can't believe it's on the wrong side
of the fucking fence.
635
00:42:57,887 --> 00:42:59,843
Lip?
636
00:42:59,887 --> 00:43:02,401
What's going on?
637
00:43:02,447 --> 00:43:05,280
- Your mum's gone into labour.
- Let me through.
638
00:43:05,327 --> 00:43:07,045
Nobody in or out.
639
00:43:07,087 --> 00:43:08,236
l want my mum!
640
00:43:08,287 --> 00:43:10,323
lt's for your own safety.
641
00:43:10,367 --> 00:43:12,119
(Lip) Karen!
642
00:43:24,127 --> 00:43:26,595
(Hippy Pete) l didn't say Swindon.
l said Swinton.
643
00:43:26,647 --> 00:43:30,162
l said you're going nowhere.
No-one leaves until the blood tests are cleared.
644
00:43:30,207 --> 00:43:34,041
- We're all vegetarians.
- We're not, are we?
645
00:43:34,087 --> 00:43:37,477
No, son, and neither's the other 1 00 over there.
646
00:43:37,527 --> 00:43:40,963
Cheers, Clinton. What are you like?
647
00:43:41,007 --> 00:43:43,396
My real dad.
648
00:43:55,767 --> 00:43:57,758
Oh!
649
00:43:58,847 --> 00:44:01,486
Has it got warmer or is it just me?
650
00:44:01,527 --> 00:44:04,883
l think it's dropping, to be honest.
651
00:44:04,927 --> 00:44:07,885
l think it's all the tension.
652
00:44:19,687 --> 00:44:22,247
Oh!
653
00:44:37,247 --> 00:44:39,203
(Soldier) Colchester's all right.
654
00:44:39,247 --> 00:44:43,718
Anywhere's lonely at Christmas doing
this job, you know what l mean?
655
00:44:43,927 --> 00:44:49,160
lt's better than Basra.
l was glad to get out of there. A right dump.
656
00:44:49,207 --> 00:44:53,644
lt's a right dump now, innit?
Mind you, it's not as bad as round here.
657
00:44:54,887 --> 00:44:56,161
(Radio talkback) 'Corporal Pollack?'
658
00:44:56,207 --> 00:44:59,199
Oh, sorry, babes.
659
00:44:59,247 --> 00:45:02,683
Speak to you later on, all right?
660
00:45:08,407 --> 00:45:10,398
All right.
661
00:45:37,527 --> 00:45:42,078
Come on, let's get him.
We can be at St George's in ten minutes.
662
00:45:42,127 --> 00:45:45,881
l'll keep it running in case we have to shift it.
663
00:45:45,927 --> 00:45:47,918
All right.
664
00:45:53,927 --> 00:45:55,918
Stan, l've found him.
665
00:46:05,407 --> 00:46:09,116
- Are you all right, sweetheart?
- No, l feel sick.
666
00:46:09,167 --> 00:46:12,637
We all do. l've got an old wheelchair next door.
667
00:46:12,687 --> 00:46:15,679
That's all right. Just get those undone..
668
00:46:21,127 --> 00:46:23,083
Shit! Kev!
669
00:46:23,127 --> 00:46:25,163
Steve, Sheila needs you.
670
00:46:25,207 --> 00:46:27,437
(Steve) Put him back to bed and find a medic.
671
00:46:33,327 --> 00:46:34,555
Fuck off!
672
00:46:34,607 --> 00:46:36,120
SHOUTlNG
673
00:46:36,167 --> 00:46:38,362
That was my mother, you twat!
674
00:46:38,407 --> 00:46:40,967
lt wasn't me. For fuck's sake!
675
00:46:43,127 --> 00:46:45,243
- Right.
- What are you doing?
676
00:46:49,327 --> 00:46:52,444
Calm down! What good is this doing anyone?
677
00:46:52,487 --> 00:46:54,637
Well, you watch, all right?
678
00:46:56,887 --> 00:47:00,926
Oi! Back off or one of you's getting this!
679
00:47:00,967 --> 00:47:02,525
Get off it.
680
00:47:02,567 --> 00:47:06,082
Look what he's done -
people dropping like fucking flies!
681
00:47:06,127 --> 00:47:07,719
Why aren't you blaming the Army?
682
00:47:07,767 --> 00:47:09,598
We didn't buy it off the Army.
683
00:47:09,647 --> 00:47:11,797
We didn't load it with anthrax.
684
00:47:11,847 --> 00:47:12,962
Anthrax?
685
00:47:13,007 --> 00:47:14,520
Are you serious?
686
00:47:14,567 --> 00:47:17,843
The Army put it there. Ask him.
687
00:47:19,127 --> 00:47:20,162
Me? Why me?
688
00:47:20,207 --> 00:47:24,166
For fuck's sake, none of this is down to us.
Ask him.
689
00:47:24,207 --> 00:47:26,243
Will you listen, right?
690
00:47:26,287 --> 00:47:28,482
The lad's right. Nearly right.
691
00:47:28,527 --> 00:47:32,281
lt's got a lot more to do
with the Army than this lot.
692
00:47:32,327 --> 00:47:33,396
(Hippy Pete) Deliberately?
693
00:47:33,447 --> 00:47:38,157
The Army's the only place you're gonna get
a vaccine. Tell 'em, Tony!
694
00:47:38,207 --> 00:47:40,482
They said there wasn't one.
695
00:47:40,527 --> 00:47:42,483
They're bullshitting.
696
00:47:42,527 --> 00:47:44,836
What do you know, Gallagher?
697
00:47:44,887 --> 00:47:49,085
What if they're just waiting to see
what happens, eh?
698
00:47:49,127 --> 00:47:50,958
So there is a vaccine?
699
00:47:51,007 --> 00:47:55,080
He's telling you what we think
and we know more than most.
700
00:47:59,367 --> 00:48:01,164
Oh, fuck!
701
00:48:01,207 --> 00:48:03,846
(Hippy Pete) Come on! Come on!
702
00:48:03,887 --> 00:48:06,003
This is our estate, not yours.
703
00:48:06,047 --> 00:48:10,086
Giving us anthrax! We'll give you anthrax!
704
00:48:10,127 --> 00:48:14,120
This is the Chatsworth Estate
and we're taking it back!
705
00:48:14,167 --> 00:48:18,604
We've had enough of the Army
and the police coming down here!
706
00:48:18,647 --> 00:48:23,084
lt's a redemption zone! Jah Rastafari!
707
00:48:23,127 --> 00:48:25,083
Give me a consonant.
708
00:48:25,127 --> 00:48:28,244
- C.
- Give me a vowel.
709
00:48:28,287 --> 00:48:31,324
- U.
- Give me another consonant.
710
00:48:31,367 --> 00:48:32,959
N.
711
00:48:33,007 --> 00:48:37,125
- How can we get lan out now?
- Dunno, Lip. ls nobody with him?
712
00:48:37,167 --> 00:48:38,486
l'll go up.
713
00:48:38,527 --> 00:48:42,042
Give me another consonant, Carol!
714
00:48:42,087 --> 00:48:43,645
T.
715
00:48:43,687 --> 00:48:47,965
(Veronica) Are you all right?
lf you throw up, l can't help you.
716
00:48:48,007 --> 00:48:50,760
l want Frank!
717
00:48:51,887 --> 00:48:55,675
Life under President Blair.
718
00:48:55,727 --> 00:48:58,287
(Over loudspeaker)
Please, all return to your homes.
719
00:48:58,327 --> 00:49:00,841
Get out of it!
720
00:49:00,887 --> 00:49:03,162
(Over loudspeaker) The situation
is under control.
721
00:49:03,207 --> 00:49:04,526
(Hippy Pete) Take him to the White House.
722
00:49:04,567 --> 00:49:09,482
We're not having you on this estate any more.
723
00:49:09,527 --> 00:49:14,521
We've heard it straight from
the fucking horse's mouth!
724
00:49:14,567 --> 00:49:19,243
You know a lot more than you're telling us.
We've had enough.
725
00:49:19,287 --> 00:49:25,476
You know why they call it fatigues?
Cos we're sick of the fucking sight of you!
726
00:49:25,527 --> 00:49:27,518
ALL CHEER
727
00:49:27,567 --> 00:49:29,523
Stopping vital deliveries.
728
00:49:29,567 --> 00:49:31,205
ALL CHEER
729
00:49:31,247 --> 00:49:34,080
While the rest of us just...
730
00:49:36,527 --> 00:49:38,882
..you know, thingy?
731
00:49:38,927 --> 00:49:41,316
Baby Jesus!
732
00:49:46,367 --> 00:49:52,237
Well, l've been on the blower
to Brussels and you're all sacked!
733
00:49:59,647 --> 00:50:02,957
Who threw that? Oi, you!
734
00:50:03,007 --> 00:50:07,239
Will you please just shut the fuck up?
735
00:50:09,287 --> 00:50:13,724
While you've been making your lives
a lot more difficult
736
00:50:13,767 --> 00:50:17,123
for yourselves and the rest of us,
737
00:50:17,167 --> 00:50:23,083
people have been working
round the clock to find the solution.
738
00:50:23,127 --> 00:50:27,200
The contamination has been identified.
739
00:50:27,247 --> 00:50:33,197
Vaccines are already being
administered to high-priority cases.
740
00:50:33,247 --> 00:50:38,401
They'll be with you as soon as possible,
but until they arrive,
741
00:50:38,447 --> 00:50:44,556
will you please continue
to just shut the fuck up?
742
00:50:44,607 --> 00:50:46,757
l don't like his tone.
743
00:50:50,327 --> 00:50:53,125
(Frank) Guantanamo Bay.
744
00:50:55,087 --> 00:50:59,205
Leave me alone! Leave me alone!
745
00:50:59,247 --> 00:51:03,923
(Corporal) lan, l have to do this.
lt takes less than a minute, if you keep still.
746
00:51:03,967 --> 00:51:06,640
lan, he knows what he's doing.
747
00:51:06,687 --> 00:51:08,325
l don't care. Fuck off!
748
00:51:08,367 --> 00:51:10,835
Pin him down. Kev!
749
00:51:10,887 --> 00:51:16,120
lt's pretty heavy. lt'll hurt when it goes in a bit.
A bit of a dead leg.
750
00:51:16,167 --> 00:51:19,239
But l promise you, it's effective.
751
00:51:19,287 --> 00:51:21,243
(Lip) Oh.
752
00:51:21,447 --> 00:51:23,438
HE SCREAMS
753
00:51:26,287 --> 00:51:29,006
Ah, you fucking bastard!
754
00:51:29,047 --> 00:51:31,038
Ah!
755
00:51:33,487 --> 00:51:37,765
Keep his leg moving and it'll circulate it.
He'll be fine.
756
00:51:37,807 --> 00:51:41,516
- Honestly?
- Just keep his leg moving.
757
00:51:45,887 --> 00:51:50,119
lan, mate, l can't tell you how sorry l am.
758
00:51:52,447 --> 00:51:56,235
Well, you can, Kev. Try.
759
00:52:00,487 --> 00:52:03,160
(Carl) Have you got any more pans?
760
00:52:05,647 --> 00:52:08,081
Shit.
761
00:52:12,167 --> 00:52:14,203
(Fiona) Shit! What now?
762
00:52:14,247 --> 00:52:15,475
Have we got any fuse wire?
763
00:52:15,527 --> 00:52:17,916
(Sheila) Give us another consonant.
764
00:52:18,607 --> 00:52:19,642
L.
765
00:52:19,687 --> 00:52:22,155
(Debbie) What are you boiling water for?
766
00:52:22,207 --> 00:52:24,357
Mother of God!
767
00:52:24,407 --> 00:52:27,922
You only do that when you're
getting a contraction.
768
00:52:27,967 --> 00:52:32,085
Oh, yeah, sorry.
l'm all over the place, aren't l?
769
00:52:32,127 --> 00:52:34,880
Give us a couple of vowels.
770
00:52:34,927 --> 00:52:36,645
A. l.
771
00:52:36,687 --> 00:52:38,643
You're getting one now.
772
00:52:38,687 --> 00:52:40,484
- Boy or girl?
- You said it was a boy.
773
00:52:40,527 --> 00:52:42,677
Oh, yeah.
774
00:52:42,727 --> 00:52:46,037
l meant a contraction. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 .
775
00:52:46,087 --> 00:52:47,236
SHE GROANS
776
00:52:47,287 --> 00:52:49,562
Come on, Sheila!
777
00:52:49,607 --> 00:52:52,599
LUNATlC!
778
00:52:53,967 --> 00:52:56,640
l've never had seven letters before!
779
00:52:56,687 --> 00:52:58,678
ALL LAUGH
780
00:53:04,127 --> 00:53:06,118
DOORBELL
781
00:53:08,167 --> 00:53:10,920
(Umi) That's it, Sheila.
782
00:53:10,967 --> 00:53:13,003
lt wasn't for nothing.
783
00:53:13,047 --> 00:53:16,596
lt's a boy! You have a son.
784
00:53:16,647 --> 00:53:18,444
(Fiona) He's beautiful.
785
00:53:22,567 --> 00:53:26,321
Oh, Jesus, is that what
they come out looking like?
786
00:53:26,367 --> 00:53:31,680
Mine were a bit smoother than that.
No offence, Sheila. Congratulations.
787
00:53:33,247 --> 00:53:35,203
Oh!
788
00:53:35,247 --> 00:53:38,284
(Carol) Where's Frank, anyway?
789
00:53:40,287 --> 00:53:42,164
Slag!
790
00:53:42,207 --> 00:53:47,679
CHOlR SlNGS
791
00:53:55,327 --> 00:53:58,922
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
792
00:53:58,967 --> 00:54:01,162
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
793
00:54:02,927 --> 00:54:06,556
Bombs on planes and contaminated meat at...
794
00:54:06,607 --> 00:54:12,079
You know, thingy? Little baby Jesus.
lt's fucking ridiculous.
795
00:54:12,127 --> 00:54:14,083
Who suffers?
796
00:54:14,127 --> 00:54:16,277
The likes of us. That's who.
797
00:54:16,327 --> 00:54:20,923
What have we done wrong? Just fixed
the odd meter and rung the odd car.
798
00:54:20,967 --> 00:54:26,724
Call 'em all you want. lf they all
went on strike, we'd be legless.
799
00:54:26,767 --> 00:54:32,763
You know, shops, hospitals,
the entire fucking transport system.
800
00:54:32,807 --> 00:54:37,278
lf every immigrant on this sceptred isle
801
00:54:37,327 --> 00:54:40,478
downed tools for one day - one day -
802
00:54:40,527 --> 00:54:44,679
we'd come to a total fucking standstill.
803
00:54:45,967 --> 00:54:49,676
Then they'd really have us by the balls.
804
00:54:52,007 --> 00:54:55,636
Don't let that go giving you any ideas, Gandhi,
805
00:54:55,687 --> 00:54:59,999
otherwise, you know,
we'll have, er, whatshisname.
806
00:55:00,047 --> 00:55:05,246
You know, Kilroy on your doorstep,
pestering you for the vote.
807
00:55:05,287 --> 00:55:08,006
Yak, yak, fucking yak.
808
00:55:09,407 --> 00:55:11,398
Nightmare.
809
00:55:24,727 --> 00:55:26,160
Shouldn't you be lying down?
810
00:55:26,207 --> 00:55:28,163
No.
811
00:55:28,207 --> 00:55:33,361
l don't wanna be in here any more.
Medic said l should stretch my legs.
812
00:55:33,407 --> 00:55:35,637
How come you never phoned me?
813
00:55:35,687 --> 00:55:39,646
l was too tired. l couldn't be fucked.
814
00:55:39,687 --> 00:55:44,283
Look, if l'm in the way
between you and Yvonne, just say so.
815
00:55:44,327 --> 00:55:48,445
Yvonne has been good to us.
We should be grateful.
816
00:55:48,487 --> 00:55:51,047
Me, for the kids.
817
00:55:51,087 --> 00:55:53,203
You, for the wages.
818
00:55:53,247 --> 00:55:58,367
The pair of us, cos she never put out
a gay-bashing fatwa.
819
00:55:58,407 --> 00:56:01,763
She could have ended all this and she ain't.
820
00:56:01,807 --> 00:56:06,244
She's far from perfect, but neither are we.
821
00:56:09,127 --> 00:56:11,482
What did you get me for Christmas?
822
00:56:11,527 --> 00:56:14,200
Slippers with built-in headlamps.
823
00:56:14,247 --> 00:56:16,158
- Fuck off!
- What did you get me?
824
00:56:16,207 --> 00:56:18,198
A penis enlarger.
825
00:56:20,287 --> 00:56:22,039
- Same goes for you.
- Me?
826
00:56:22,087 --> 00:56:24,840
Yeah, l don't like your bathroom.
827
00:56:24,887 --> 00:56:28,243
- Well, stay out of it, then.
- Leave him alone. He's tanked.
828
00:56:28,287 --> 00:56:29,322
Who let him get like that?
829
00:56:29,367 --> 00:56:32,677
(Lip) She did!
(Veronica) We're celebrating you're not dead.
830
00:56:32,727 --> 00:56:34,365
Carl, drink this.
831
00:56:34,407 --> 00:56:36,716
And you, you robbing bastard!
832
00:56:36,767 --> 00:56:38,962
- Cut it out!
- How much is a Twix?
833
00:56:39,007 --> 00:56:42,920
- (Kash) 49p.
- And a quarter of midget gems?
834
00:56:42,967 --> 00:56:44,195
28p.
835
00:56:44,247 --> 00:56:46,920
So how much does it come to?
836
00:56:46,967 --> 00:56:48,036
(lan) Carl, l'm warning you.
837
00:56:48,087 --> 00:56:49,645
77 p.
838
00:56:49,687 --> 00:56:51,245
No, it's 77.
839
00:56:51,287 --> 00:56:53,403
l said 77 p.
840
00:56:53,447 --> 00:56:55,403
Did you?
841
00:56:55,447 --> 00:57:01,283
OK, sorry. Sorry, Kash. l love your shop
and your daughter is a stunner.
842
00:57:03,207 --> 00:57:08,486
(Vicar) 'Will you, Carl Francis Gallagher,
take Meena Karib to be your wife?
843
00:57:08,527 --> 00:57:11,325
'Would you love her, cherish her...'
844
00:57:19,447 --> 00:57:22,007
Frank!
845
00:57:22,047 --> 00:57:24,197
lt's Nigel.
846
00:57:24,247 --> 00:57:27,364
- Little Nigel.
- ls it?
847
00:57:27,407 --> 00:57:30,046
Where the bloody hell have you been?
848
00:57:31,087 --> 00:57:33,840
A couple of riots, the pub.
849
00:57:46,847 --> 00:57:48,803
Where's Nigel come from?
850
00:57:48,847 --> 00:57:51,645
Little Nigel.
851
00:57:51,687 --> 00:57:53,757
Little Delia.
852
00:57:53,807 --> 00:57:55,479
What is it?
853
00:57:55,527 --> 00:57:58,166
(Umi) lt's OK, Frank. lt is a boy.
854
00:58:01,807 --> 00:58:05,038
What now? What's happening to her?
855
00:58:05,087 --> 00:58:09,239
l don't know. Sheila, the baby's here.
856
00:58:09,287 --> 00:58:11,437
lt's twins!
857
00:58:11,487 --> 00:58:15,275
Mind your backs. Here comes Delia!
858
00:58:17,327 --> 00:58:22,321
lt's a surprise for Frank.
Where are you, Frank? lt's a surprise.
859
00:58:45,407 --> 00:58:47,159
(Soldier) Right, next.
860
00:58:53,887 --> 00:58:57,960
You're not shoving that down me
till l know what's in it.
861
00:58:58,007 --> 00:59:02,922
lt's just an antibiotic coagulant
in a zinc-phosphate-based emulsion.
862
00:59:02,967 --> 00:59:04,958
Right you are.
863
00:59:16,087 --> 00:59:19,682
Actually, l think l've had this one before.
864
00:59:31,927 --> 00:59:34,725
- They're here. Fiona's here.
- Quick, quick.
865
00:59:34,767 --> 00:59:36,758
ALL CHEER
866
00:59:39,007 --> 00:59:41,885
That's mine. l know that's mine! Here y'are.
867
00:59:43,727 --> 00:59:46,002
You've done well there, Frank.
868
00:59:46,047 --> 00:59:48,515
Get fucked, tosser.
869
00:59:51,247 --> 00:59:54,000
BABlES CRY
870
00:59:55,247 --> 00:59:56,236
Hiya.
871
01:00:01,687 --> 01:00:03,678
(All) Yeah!
872
01:00:07,447 --> 01:00:08,641
What's that?
873
01:00:08,687 --> 01:00:10,643
Right, who's next?
874
01:00:10,687 --> 01:00:13,406
(Lip) Come on, Carl.
(Debbie) Hurry up.
875
01:00:13,447 --> 01:00:14,436
(Lip) Whoa!
876
01:00:14,487 --> 01:00:16,318
Cheers, Fiona.
877
01:00:19,927 --> 01:00:23,715
(Lip) Open it up. What have you got?
878
01:00:25,407 --> 01:00:27,443
Whoa! A microscope!
879
01:00:29,127 --> 01:00:31,118
HE LAUGHS
880
01:00:32,327 --> 01:00:35,717
An arse and face towel. Thanks a lot.
881
01:00:37,367 --> 01:00:39,483
(Fiona) Arse face!
882
01:00:39,687 --> 01:00:42,838
(Steve) Quick, lan.
883
01:00:42,887 --> 01:00:45,117
(Carl) Who's that off, lan?
884
01:00:45,167 --> 01:00:47,601
lt's from Kash and Yvonne.
885
01:00:50,647 --> 01:00:52,126
No way!
886
01:00:52,167 --> 01:00:54,727
(Fiona) Are you employee of the month?
887
01:00:54,767 --> 01:00:56,166
(lan) What are you on about?
888
01:00:59,327 --> 01:01:01,283
Hope you like it.
889
01:01:01,327 --> 01:01:02,442
(Wow!)
890
01:01:13,127 --> 01:01:14,321
ALL CHEER
891
01:01:14,367 --> 01:01:16,517
(Lip) That were a good one, that.
892
01:01:19,047 --> 01:01:21,277
Happy Christmas!
893
01:01:23,007 --> 01:01:25,441
(Debbie) Hurry up.
894
01:01:25,487 --> 01:01:30,356
Happy Christmas. What did you get?
Let's have a look what you got.
895
01:01:30,407 --> 01:01:33,319
Hey, happy Christmas.
896
01:01:33,367 --> 01:01:35,358
Did you see Santa?
897
01:01:51,367 --> 01:01:53,323
lt's open.
898
01:01:53,367 --> 01:01:57,326
Can l share your mirror?
They're really bugging me.
899
01:01:59,247 --> 01:02:00,760
Thanks for the present.
900
01:02:00,807 --> 01:02:01,922
lt suits you.
901
01:02:01,967 --> 01:02:03,923
Did you like yours?
902
01:02:03,967 --> 01:02:05,923
Yeah.
903
01:02:05,967 --> 01:02:10,995
Look, l know why you never enjoy
this time of year.
904
01:02:13,167 --> 01:02:16,637
Cos...Christmas is when Mum left.
905
01:02:19,047 --> 01:02:20,241
So?
906
01:02:20,287 --> 01:02:22,243
Not that?
907
01:02:22,287 --> 01:02:24,278
No.
908
01:02:25,567 --> 01:02:29,276
Cos Christmas is when Dad
first got sent down?
909
01:02:30,247 --> 01:02:32,203
No.
910
01:02:32,247 --> 01:02:36,081
Cos it's when you got expelled
from St Ellen's?
911
01:02:36,127 --> 01:02:37,321
Big deal!
912
01:02:37,367 --> 01:02:39,437
What's with the face?
913
01:02:40,607 --> 01:02:42,757
l've started my periods.
914
01:02:44,327 --> 01:02:47,683
- When?
- Last night.
915
01:02:47,727 --> 01:02:51,197
- You're too young.
- l'm not the first in our year.
916
01:02:51,247 --> 01:02:53,841
Why didn't you come to me?
917
01:02:53,887 --> 01:02:56,037
l told Yvonne in the shop.
918
01:02:56,087 --> 01:02:57,122
Rather than me?
919
01:02:57,167 --> 01:03:00,318
l had to buy...stuff.
920
01:03:01,367 --> 01:03:03,801
Never apologise for the anger.
921
01:03:03,847 --> 01:03:08,682
Feel it in your womb and use it
otherwise you'll go bleeding nuts.
922
01:03:08,727 --> 01:03:12,117
DOORBELL RlNGS
You, out! You're barred!
923
01:03:12,167 --> 01:03:14,886
Anyway, you were busy.
924
01:03:18,127 --> 01:03:24,077
l am never too busy to talk to you.
You can come to me with anything.
925
01:03:28,167 --> 01:03:30,727
l'm way too old for that microscope.
926
01:03:30,767 --> 01:03:34,237
lf l can persuade Carl it's worth
double what you paid,
927
01:03:34,287 --> 01:03:37,120
would you be offended
if l had his jacket?
928
01:03:37,167 --> 01:03:40,603
No. Yeah! He loves that jacket.
929
01:03:40,647 --> 01:03:44,435
Yeah, but not if l told him
he looks a bit gay.
930
01:03:45,367 --> 01:03:48,643
OK. Don't wipe the floor with him.
931
01:03:48,687 --> 01:03:51,724
l'll make him think it's his idea.
932
01:03:51,767 --> 01:03:53,758
Oh!
933
01:04:12,807 --> 01:04:18,518
Oi! l asked you to keep an eye on the veg,
not plan the next bonfire!
934
01:04:18,567 --> 01:04:20,876
All right, b-i-n.
935
01:04:20,927 --> 01:04:25,079
Just listen to the sounds, mate. B-i-n.
936
01:04:26,167 --> 01:04:27,725
Banana?
937
01:04:27,767 --> 01:04:31,999
Jesus, no! Just listen to the sounds, Kev!
938
01:04:32,047 --> 01:04:36,643
Losing your rag won't help, will it?
Just makes me feel like a prick.
939
01:04:36,687 --> 01:04:40,726
l'm sorry, Kev. Let's just start from the
beginning.
940
01:04:40,767 --> 01:04:42,723
l'm going to get more beers.
941
01:04:42,767 --> 01:04:46,806
Will someone make sure
l'm not sitting next to him?
942
01:04:46,847 --> 01:04:49,281
l tried giving him lessons.
943
01:04:49,327 --> 01:04:53,036
l gave him an hour, then l said my
friend had died so l had to go home.
944
01:04:53,087 --> 01:04:56,159
Lip, lan...
945
01:04:56,207 --> 01:04:58,198
Give us a hand.
946
01:04:59,807 --> 01:05:01,843
That's Delia. That's Nigel.
947
01:05:05,247 --> 01:05:08,205
Why, what do you need?
948
01:05:12,007 --> 01:05:12,996
Trestle.
949
01:05:13,047 --> 01:05:18,405
Go and fetch a trestle table from ours,
then get Veronica's chairs.
950
01:05:18,447 --> 01:05:20,005
- (Lip) How many are we?
- Too many.
951
01:05:20,047 --> 01:05:22,356
- 1 2.
- 1 3.
952
01:05:22,407 --> 01:05:26,241
- Dad's not hungry.
- You'll be joining us, won't you?
953
01:05:26,287 --> 01:05:27,322
Get fucked.
954
01:05:27,367 --> 01:05:30,245
No, l'm not having that.
955
01:05:30,287 --> 01:05:33,165
A proud, new father.
956
01:05:33,207 --> 01:05:36,722
Get Frank a chair. Centre table.
957
01:05:36,767 --> 01:05:39,565
Where you belong, darling.
958
01:05:48,047 --> 01:05:53,326
Debbie, go and see if you can find Dad
something decent to wear.
959
01:05:53,367 --> 01:05:55,323
(Both) Not from my room.
960
01:05:55,367 --> 01:05:57,517
You're filthy.
961
01:06:02,287 --> 01:06:04,642
For what we are about to receive,
962
01:06:04,687 --> 01:06:08,475
may the Lord, our God,
make us a little bit more thankful
963
01:06:08,527 --> 01:06:10,438
than we might otherwise have been.
964
01:06:10,487 --> 01:06:16,517
May he grant us wealth and peace
and happiness...and wealth,
965
01:06:16,567 --> 01:06:20,799
plus thanks for Pepe's resurrection.
966
01:06:21,687 --> 01:06:25,646
(Vicar) ln the name of the Father, Son
and Holy Spirit. Amen.
967
01:06:25,687 --> 01:06:29,680
We trusted our dearly beloved brother to
God's merciful...
968
01:06:29,727 --> 01:06:31,080
DOG BARKS
969
01:06:31,127 --> 01:06:33,083
..What?
970
01:06:33,127 --> 01:06:36,483
(Carol) You heard me, oh Lord,
in my hour of need,
971
01:06:36,527 --> 01:06:39,803
crying like a baby for my baby.
972
01:06:39,847 --> 01:06:42,315
(Frank) For fuck's sake.
973
01:06:42,367 --> 01:06:44,323
We're not religious.
974
01:06:44,367 --> 01:06:46,517
l'm not finished.
975
01:06:46,567 --> 01:06:50,162
No wonder you're all plagued by misfortune.
976
01:06:51,727 --> 01:06:56,084
Thanks all the more for bringing me
and Marty back together.
977
01:06:56,127 --> 01:07:00,678
For uniting my babies at this special time
978
01:07:00,727 --> 01:07:02,683
with these special people.
979
01:07:02,727 --> 01:07:09,200
lf you do your best for peace and wealth,
l'll work my socks off for you. Amen.
980
01:07:09,247 --> 01:07:10,236
(All) Amen.
981
01:07:10,287 --> 01:07:13,836
Come on, let's eat! Happy Christmas!
982
01:07:26,887 --> 01:07:29,481
(Lip) Kev, have a pull on that.
983
01:07:43,607 --> 01:07:46,679
LAUGHTER
984
01:07:50,767 --> 01:07:52,758
(Steve) Oh, here we go.
985
01:07:55,607 --> 01:07:57,757
For fuck's sake, Frank!
986
01:07:57,807 --> 01:07:59,923
What?
987
01:07:59,967 --> 01:08:02,276
l think you've had enough.
988
01:08:02,327 --> 01:08:06,115
Oh, no truer word said.
989
01:08:06,167 --> 01:08:08,123
Too right.
990
01:08:08,167 --> 01:08:14,083
Cos as soon as the doctor's is open,
l am having the snip.
991
01:08:14,127 --> 01:08:15,640
No, Frank!
992
01:08:15,687 --> 01:08:17,882
Oh, fucking yes!
993
01:09:01,727 --> 01:09:04,605
Talk about taking it up the shitter.
994
01:09:04,647 --> 01:09:07,161
Eight kids on half a wage.
995
01:09:07,207 --> 01:09:11,359
What's that if it's not
a total fucking shambles?
996
01:09:15,847 --> 01:09:18,077
Oh, come on, Frank!
997
01:09:18,127 --> 01:09:20,402
Starter for ten. No conferring.
998
01:09:20,447 --> 01:09:22,483
Queens, can you take it?
999
01:09:22,527 --> 01:09:28,204
What's David Carradine all about
if you learn fuck all, eh?
1000
01:09:29,687 --> 01:09:32,281
Where's the Grasshopper now, Frank?
1001
01:09:32,327 --> 01:09:34,716
Snip, snip, fucking snip!
1002
01:09:40,247 --> 01:09:42,203
Oh!
1003
01:09:42,247 --> 01:09:48,482
Frozen chips, triple-A batteries,
drinking chocolate...
1004
01:09:49,305 --> 01:09:55,890
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