All language subtitles for los.espookys.s01e01.internal.subfrench.1080p.web.h264-ukdtv

- Uncle Tico!
- Happy Birthday!

It's so great you could come
all the way from LA

- to my quinceañera!
- Of course!

Look, I hate to tell you this,

but I think the cake
has gone bad. Did you see it?

No, Uncle Tico,
it's intentional.

Intentional? Oh, okay.

It's supposed to look like that.

Ah! Well, I brought you a gift.

- Thanks, Uncle.
- Happy Birthday.

It's an autographed photo
of Coraline.

I had to ask her
to sign it twice

because the first time,
she wrote Dakota Fanning.

This is so cool. I love it.
Thank you.

This party is incredible.

- I know, right?
- How did you do all this?

My brother did it
with his friends.

- Renaldo did this?
- Yes, Renaldo.

Where is he?

Uh, over there.

- Okay. I'll see you later.
- See you…

- Come back in a bit.
- Okay.

You did all this?

- Yeah.
- It's incredible.

Well, I did it with my friends,
Andrés and Ursula.

I've seen spooky things,
and I've seen scary things,

but nothing like this.

- Seriously?
- Seriously.

You should do this full-time.

Nah, come on.

Listen, all I ever wanted to do
was park cars.

Now I do it full-time.

This horror business
is your parking cars.

Go for it.

Yes? Hello?

Oh, hi, Father Francisco.

Yes.

Andrés!

Andrés!

Dude, sorry I couldn't tell you
everything over the phone.

- I ran out of minutes.
- Halt.

Sorry. There's a new statue,

and I wanted
to introduce myself.

Listen,
Father Francisco called me.

He said some weird things.

Something about a gig
he wants to offer us?

What kind of work?

I don't know. He said something
like my sister's quinceañera.

Can you imagine?
Another dark party.

Sounds good.
Sorry, are you hungry?

Yes, I'm actually starving.

My family is about to launch
a new line of chocolates.

They're called
"Charlie Wonka Chocolates."

Do you want to try them?

Do you have anything
other than chocolate?

Mm… No.

That's okay. Anyway, can you
imagine? It'd be incredible.

You'd do prosthetics,
and Ursula would make teeth

- like the ones she made for—
- Okay, fine.

But before we continue, there's
something you should know.

- Okay.
- I'm adopted.

I was found as a baby
at the steps of the orphanage,

- amidst a thunderstorm.
- Yeah, alright.

When the nuns found me,
they said,

"This child is not like
the others…

He's different."

When Father Francisco gave me
to my parents,

he said to them,
"Beware of this child.

There's something mysterious
inside him…

something dark."

So, if it feels weird between
the priest and I, that's why.

Andrés.
Can I talk to you in private?

Hi, Juan.

Are you talking
about spooky things again?

- Have a chocolate.
- Yes, in a minute.

But first, promise you won't do
more ugly things

with that greasy guy.

You know I can't tolerate
ugly things.

When we watch
Beauty and the Beast,

I skip the scenes
with the beast.

I can't stand ugly things.
Seriously.

No, no, no, don't contemplate.

Listen, you have to focus
now more than ever.

You can't get distracted
with your creepy friends

because we have an empire
to inherit.

Your cousins know
you're getting distracted,

and they're going to swoop in.

Andrés, dude, it's urgent.

The priest wants
to see us today.

Yes, but let me
get you up to speed.

Juan Carlos and I were fighting.
He said nasty things about you.

We also discussed
family chocolate drama,

but he mostly said bad things
about you.

Sure, I'm not surprised.

- Can we just go see Ursula—
- Who the fuck is this guy?

Renaldo? He's been my best
friend since fourth grade.

You don't know him?

I don't remember him.

Can we just go see Ursula?
I ran out of minutes.

I never run out of minutes.

I'm sorry, but that only happens

to people
who don't do beautiful things.

I have unlimited minutes
in my plan.

But not for this,
not for scary things.

What are you doing here?

We have something to tell you.

Something dark.

I can't hang
with my friends here.

Hang on.

So, he said
he wanted us to do something

like my sister's quinceañera.

He wants us
to go to his office—

Ursula!

Come here.

What are you doing up here?

We have dozens of teeth
to tend to today.

Dozens!

We are inundated. And your head
is anywhere but here.

Where? I don't know,
but never on the teeth.

And you know perfectly well that
you are not allowed to—

She can't what, dentist?

Mr. Valdez, I'm sorry,
I had no idea you were—

I hope you haven't forgotten
the little arrangement

my family has
with your profession.

We make the chocolate.

The chocolate
makes the cavities.

And the cavities
provide for you.

And round and round
the world goes.

Unless…

what if we made
chocolate that's…

- sugar-free?
- No, please, Mr. Valdez—

All the Valdez flavor
without any cavities.

Sounds good, doesn't it?

- Mr. Valdez. Be reasonable—
- And you know what, Doctor?

My mind is on the teeth.

I like it when
the chocolate prince gets angry.

What are you watching?

Another one of Juan Carlos's
workout videos.

Jesus.

Let my body
be your inspiration.

I love you, my followers.

Ha-ha. I've invested too much
time in my boyfriend

and can't go back.
Ha-ha. So, so funny.

Come on,
don't you think it's funny?

Loving someone means
muting their flaws

for two to five years.

Juan Carlos is perfect
and I love him.

Well, I waste too much time
watching these anyway.

- Are we going to the orphanage?
- Yes.

Perfect.
My sister is working there.

Tati works there?

Ursula, there's something you
should know before we go in.

They found me as a baby,
amidst a—

Yes, I know.

- Father?
Yes, come in. Come in, please.

Have a seat. Thanks for coming.

Well, the truth is, I need your help.

Business isn't going well.

There's a new priest here
at Santo de la Guardia,

Father Antonio Valenzuela.

He's pious, young, and hot.

Ever since he arrived,

everyone asks him
for all sorts of favors.

They want him to lead prayer,
to baptize their babies.

I feel like my role here
isn't important anymore.

Like they don't need me…

Also, his lips are so glossy.

Too glossy.

Oh my god, Francisco.

Did you see the Pope's message
on WhatsApp?

Father Antonio,
I already told you

I don't know the Pope
personally.

I've mentioned this
several times.

Basically, during Holy Week—

Never mind, it's a long story

and sort of an inside joke
at the Vatican.

I'm sorry. Where are my manners?

I'm Father Antonio.
Nice to meet you.

Wow.

Well, I just wanted
to let you know, I'm going out.

I'm taking the kids
for a little ice cream.

They're super excited.

Did you fill out form BH-58?

No, I didn't fill out that form.

Unfortunately,
you'll have to explain to them

you can't take them out
for a little ice cream

because you didn't fill out
the proper workout.

Of course, Father. Excuse me.

Seriously,
what's up with those lips?

We'll see
who's their favorite.

The priest who doesn't know
how to fill out the forms,

or the priest
who created the forms.

So, Father, what's up?
How can we help you?

It's hot in here, isn't it?
Tati!

Please.

Exorcisms are on the decline.

They're sort of
a boutique request nowadays.

So, I thought,

if I performed an exorcism,

I'd be a star and Father Antonio
would lose the spotlight.

I would be much more famous.

The only thing is The Devil,
unfortunately,

hasn't possessed
any of the orphans.

I checked.

So I wanted to ask you
to help me stage an exorcism.

Excuse me, Tati.
This isn't working out.

it's still too hot.

This just isn't working.
I'm going to have to let you go.

Well, that's life.

One minute you're a fan,
the next you're not.

Thank you very much
for the opportunity.

We're going to need a 3x2 room,
a nightgown, a possessed girl.

- A lot of dry ice.
- Yes, tons of dry ice.

Alright, Father, we're in.

Thank you very much.
Goodbye.

I'm still waiting
for my answers, Father.

Tomorrow, an interview
with a child

whose life has been saved
five different times

by the same dog.

Why he fears he's become
a burden to his dog.

And when we return,
we'll meet a restaurant owner

who claims an angel
has been calling

and placing long,
complicated orders

but never picks them up.

He swears he has evidence.
All this and more onMira Esto.

Three, two, one, and we're out.
Thank you.

Where are we now?

Where do I go
when the lights turn off?

Very good, Gregoria. Very good.

Now let's go to your nap.

- Oh, yes, the nap.
- Yes, yes, the nap.

Okay, we have a lot to work on.

The first thing we need
is a place to work.

No, we can't work here.

I don't want my parents
to find out

I'm not focusing
on the chocolate empire.

I can't let
my mom and dad down.

I know a place
where we can meet.

It's a huge abandoned house
by a private cemetery.

It's full of big signs that say,

"Private property.
Beware of dog."

Tati, why do you have
that accent?

I spent two weeks in Minnesota
learning English

and I came back like this.

She didn't learn English either.

Okay, whatever.
We'll go to my place.

Okay, now we just have
to figure out

who will play
the possessed girl.

I can do it.
I'm a really hard worker.

And I have a lot of free time
because I just got fired again.

- Could be?
- I'm a good actor.

I once played the kid whose mom
puts an oxygen mask on her

in an airline safety video.

I sat nice and still

as my mom put the mask on me.
I did very well.

Plus, you can light me on fire,
if you want.

- What?
- Tati is indestructible.

Excellent!

Look, I'll jump off the balcony
to prove it.

Tati, no!

Good evening, everyone.
Got your next assignment:

It's a big Hollywood "it" party
for the Boingo guy.

What— What's Boingo?

You know when you go
to the airport,

and you see all the signs
that say, "Free Wi-Fi,"

and you get all excited,
you try to use the Wi-Fi,

and they actually try
to make you pay?

- Oh, yeah.
- That's Boingo.

Charles Boingo.
It's his birthday.

He's invited
a bunch of friends there

with very specific
parking requests.

Ron Burkle specifically requests
no parallel parking.

Isaiah Thomas
requests parallel parking.

David Chang wants you
to park his car

as close to a fire hydrant
as possible

without getting him a ticket.

And Gregoria Santos,
any where's fine.

And, Tico, this is a big night.
You're the best we've got.

We're relying heavily on you.
I know you got this.

Okay. Just— Uh…
Did you say Gregoria Santos?

- Sí, Gregoria Santos.
- Okay.

All right. That's it, everyone.
Let's get to work.

- Beep beep.
- Beep beep!

Tati,
why are you walking like that?

Work. I got a job breaking
in other people's shoes.

Sorry for doing my other job

during this job,
but I'm slammed.

I have to break in five pairs
and I only have two feet.

Okay.

Tati, come here!

Try this soap.

It's good.

- What's up, Tati?
- I cheated on my husband.

Yeah, Uncle? That's incredible.

Perfect! Yes, thank you. Bye.

That was Uncle Tico.

He's working a Hollywood
"it" party next week.

It's a party for the Boingo guy.

Well, he said Gregoria Santos
fromMira Estowill be there.

Why don't we send her something?

Can you imagine if our exorcism
was on TV?

Let's send her a— a head.

Yes! And what if
when you open the box,

the head floats out
in a green mist.

Hell yeah!
And then it opens its mouth

and hundreds of bats fly out.

Can you do me a favor? Get real.

How would we do something
like that?

We need something simpler.
We don't have a lot of time.

I can't work like this.

Let's send a head.
A decapitated head.

- Or a computer!
- Okay, let's stop arguing.

Let's not forget we're a group.

We're horror technicians.

The only way this will work
is if we do it together.

I know you're all very busy,
but we have to do this together.

What are you talking about?
No one said they don't want to do this.

- We all want this.
- Exactly.

Great, there you go.

We're going to make a head.

- Come on.
- I really like your Uncle Tico.

Yeah, everyone likes Uncle Tico.

He's an idol at his work.

He's a prodigy
in the parking business.

He discovered his gift
at an early age.

My grandparents say he could
park before he could speak.

When he was a teenager,
he'd take girls out for a ride

just so he could show off
his parking skills.

He parked in places
no one else ever could.

And he's the only person
in the world

who can park two cars
at the same time.

Uncle Tico, I'm safe.

I hope you read this
before seeing the head.

We decided to take your advice.

Please give this to
Gregoria Santos at the party.

Wait, Tico! Where are you going?

I have to go into the party.

We're not allowed
in there.

I know.
I have to deliver this box.

No one can know what's inside it
so I put question marks on it.

Well, you can't go in
looking like that.

Thank you for helping me.

I'm like Cinderella
and you're the mice.

We're mice
and you get to be Cinderella?

Okay, we'll talk about it later.
Go, go! Before you get caught!

- Beep beep!
- Beep beep.

Oh my God, there he is.

Are you the brilliant
installation artist

everybody's talking about?

Yes.

Come, please. I want
to introduce you to someone.

Hello.

This is who I was telling you
about.

Yeah, my goodness. Your pieces
are taking LA by storm.

- Yes.
- I love the blue traffic lights.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, that's amazing.

What happened beforeMira Esto?

It sounds like someone needs
to rest.

I'll get the car.

Yes, you're right.

Miss Santos, uh,

I have a special delivery
for you.

- And who are you?
- Tico.

Hello, Tico.
I'm Gregoria Santos.

Ah, sí.

This is my nephew.

Why do you have his head?

Yes.

What happened to him?
The people want to know.

He was decapitated
by a possessed child.

There's going to be
an exorcism for her.

Excellent.
My viewers will love this story.

I love you. I love you more than
anything in the world.

If you left, I'd die.

If you move to another school,
I swear I'll die.

I'm glad we found a use for you, Tati.
Does it sting?

Yes, a lot,
but it doesn't bother me.

Hey, Ursula, what if we make
black goo ooze out of her nose?

- Yeah, that's good. Very good.
- Okay.

Holy Mother of God!

It's not hard. You write the objective
of the outing here,

the destination
in this box,

and here,
how many kids are going.

Father Antonio, the girl!
My god, she's possessed.

We need your help now!

For the love of God!

Father Antonio, please save her!

I'll take care of it.

Calm down,
calm down, little one.

Don't worry, Father,
I'll take care of this.

Holy Virgin…

Mother of God.

Fog, fog… More fog.

Raise her. Raise her.
Raise her.

Holy Mother of God.

Holy Virgin of Virgins!

Saint Michael the Archangel,
Saint Gabriel, Saint Raphael,

Saint John the Baptist,
Saint Joseph, Saint Gregory,

- Lower her, lower her.
- Holy Virgin of Virgins!

Actually, you know what?
No. Raise her.

Raise her, up, up, up.

All saints and prophets!

Now the spin
in one, two, three…

Descend upon this body and
release her from the Devil now!

We need to keep better track
of all the children.

I've never seen this girl
before.

Leave this body, now!

Rotate her a little more.
That's perfect, Tati.

Lower her. Lower her.

Out of this body!

Abandon this body!

Come out of there now!

You're a star,
Tati, you can do it.

Abandon her now!

God bless you, Father!

I'm used to it.
It was nothing, really.

The Devil is out of me.
I feel a lot better now.

Thank you for everything.

You're welcome, sweetie.

Fantastic work,
Father. Tell our viewers…

Satan's days are numbered.

An innocent little orphan was
released from the Devil's grip

by a heroic priest.

We are grateful to Father
Francisco Lopez…

… for exorcising those demons

and sending them back to hell
where they belong.

And when we return, the most
liked car crash on Facebook…

Hello?

- Renaldo?
- Yes?

I got your number
from Father Francisco.

Perhaps you and your group
could help me with a…

little job.

Turn it down! Listen.

Uh, yeah,
what kind of little job?

An eccentric millionaire
died two hours ago.

His last wish was to invite
five strangers to his mansion

and leave his fortune
to whomever can brave

a night of horrors and frights.

So, like a standard
inheritance scare?

Can you help me?

Yeah, of course we can.

Perfect.

And one more thing,
what is your group called?

- Los…
- Juan Carlos!

No! Los… Espookys.

Alright, it's set in stone.
Los Espookys.

Wait for my instructions.
Goodbye.

Bye.

Guys…

we have another gig!