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1
00:00:01,023 --> 00:00:04,303
Roje, when did you first meet
actor Archie Toole?
2
00:00:04,303 --> 00:00:06,583
And what was that meeting like?
3
00:00:06,583 --> 00:00:08,903
I mean, he was really
quite charming.
4
00:00:08,903 --> 00:00:10,183
He's not just an actor.
5
00:00:10,183 --> 00:00:11,943
He's Archie Toole.
6
00:00:11,943 --> 00:00:15,943
And did he say
anything inappropriate?
7
00:00:15,943 --> 00:00:19,103
Well, not at first.
But then?
8
00:00:19,103 --> 00:00:24,143
But then he started asking me
questions about my skincare routine.
9
00:00:24,143 --> 00:00:28,183
He really wanted
as much detail as possible.
10
00:00:28,183 --> 00:00:30,063
What sort of detail?
11
00:00:30,063 --> 00:00:31,583
Brands,
12
00:00:31,583 --> 00:00:32,703
ingredients...
13
00:00:33,703 --> 00:00:37,263
..how much skin came off
after I exfoliated.
14
00:00:37,263 --> 00:00:38,823
It was so weird.
15
00:00:38,823 --> 00:00:40,903
That is weird.
16
00:00:40,903 --> 00:00:43,823
But, Roje, he's the biggest star
in Hollywood.
17
00:00:43,823 --> 00:00:46,663
Why should our viewers
trust your word over his?
18
00:00:46,663 --> 00:00:49,423
Because it's the truth.
19
00:00:49,423 --> 00:00:50,703
All of it.
20
00:00:50,703 --> 00:00:54,303
Since the story broke,
we've received even more screenshots
21
00:00:54,303 --> 00:00:56,903
of messages sent
from the actor's account.
22
00:00:56,903 --> 00:00:59,183
I promise you,
that is not my account.
23
00:00:59,183 --> 00:01:01,703
When the women questioned
if it was really Toole,
24
00:01:01,703 --> 00:01:05,023
he responded, "I promise you,
this is my account."
25
00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:07,383
Anyone could have pretended to be me
and sent those messages.
26
00:01:07,383 --> 00:01:09,823
The message was accompanied
by a selfie.
27
00:01:09,823 --> 00:01:12,743
"It's not someone pretending
to be me. It's me. Archie Toole."
28
00:01:12,743 --> 00:01:16,303
Even if I did send those messages,
it's not like they were that weird.
29
00:01:16,303 --> 00:01:19,983
The next message said,
"I collect human skin."
30
00:01:21,463 --> 00:01:22,983
(GROANS)
31
00:01:26,543 --> 00:01:28,543
OK. So, the story is
definitely out there.
32
00:01:28,543 --> 00:01:30,863
And the story is
Archie Toole DMs women,
33
00:01:30,863 --> 00:01:33,303
they engage in sexual relations,
during which he peels, flakes,
34
00:01:33,303 --> 00:01:36,823
or shaves parts of their skin
that he then collects in a box.
35
00:01:36,823 --> 00:01:39,063
The studio are threatening
to Kevin Spacey him.
36
00:01:39,063 --> 00:01:41,183
Well, actually, it would only be
Kevin Spaceying if he'd filmed
37
00:01:41,183 --> 00:01:42,183
part of the movie already,
38
00:01:42,183 --> 00:01:44,063
which would be quite helpful -
it would give us leverage.
39
00:01:44,063 --> 00:01:45,103
What is a win is
40
00:01:45,103 --> 00:01:47,103
that none of the alleged victims
were underage.
41
00:01:47,103 --> 00:01:49,063
Good work, Archie.
No underage victims. Yeah. Good.
42
00:01:49,063 --> 00:01:50,303
We attack, right?
43
00:01:50,303 --> 00:01:52,463
Actually, we remove Archie
from the spotlight,
44
00:01:52,463 --> 00:01:56,023
and we check him in to a spa
where phone access is prohibited.
45
00:01:56,023 --> 00:01:57,583
Yeah, he won't be able
to do any further damage,
46
00:01:57,583 --> 00:01:58,943
and we have a great place
47
00:01:58,943 --> 00:02:01,183
that we send a bunch of clients
called the Post Office.
48
00:02:01,183 --> 00:02:02,703
(PHONE CHIMES)
Hmm.
49
00:02:02,703 --> 00:02:06,703
Excuse me, I have to go
to the...bathroom.
50
00:02:08,063 --> 00:02:09,223
We got this under control.
51
00:02:09,223 --> 00:02:10,943
They say these girls are
the best in the business.
52
00:02:10,943 --> 00:02:13,383
Everything is under control.
53
00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:16,223
By the way, I have been
completely fucked on this.
54
00:02:16,223 --> 00:02:18,143
"Oh, Spence, you did
such an amazing job
55
00:02:18,143 --> 00:02:19,583
"with Amy's Nitro Espresso deal,
56
00:02:19,583 --> 00:02:21,343
"we decided to give you
Archie Toole."
57
00:02:21,343 --> 00:02:24,103
I took out a margin loan
on a WeHo condo,
58
00:02:24,103 --> 00:02:25,743
and once everything was
signed off on,
59
00:02:25,743 --> 00:02:26,903
it was like, "Surprise!
60
00:02:26,903 --> 00:02:30,063
"Now you get to fly 15 billion hours
to the ass end of the world,
61
00:02:30,063 --> 00:02:33,543
"because it turns out
that Archie is into skin, sexually,
62
00:02:33,543 --> 00:02:37,143
"which scares the fan base
of predominantly children."
63
00:02:37,143 --> 00:02:38,383
Mm-hm.
Hmm.
64
00:02:38,383 --> 00:02:40,783
Speaking of children,
who the fuck are you?
65
00:02:40,783 --> 00:02:43,343
Why do I get the feeling
neither of you is Fritz nor Randell?
66
00:02:43,343 --> 00:02:46,063
OK, so I'm Greta,
and this is Nicole.
67
00:02:46,063 --> 00:02:48,663
Fritz is dead, and Randell is...
Survived by his son.
68
00:02:48,663 --> 00:02:51,063
And we understand
how emotional this all makes you.
69
00:02:51,063 --> 00:02:52,103
We really do.
70
00:02:52,103 --> 00:02:53,783
How tight is Archie's contract?
71
00:02:53,783 --> 00:02:55,863
The lifestyle clause is our problem.
72
00:02:55,863 --> 00:02:59,863
The legal test is - does collecting
skin offend public conventions?
73
00:02:59,863 --> 00:03:02,503
That will let the studio drop them
from the movie.
74
00:03:02,503 --> 00:03:05,623
Now, the good news is
that the studio aren't going
75
00:03:05,623 --> 00:03:06,863
to make any major decisions
76
00:03:06,863 --> 00:03:09,063
without the director, Jeb Carson's,
sign-off.
77
00:03:09,063 --> 00:03:13,903
Now, the bad news is that Jeb Carson
is an emasculated fedora chode
78
00:03:13,903 --> 00:03:16,663
we've had to ass-kiss
for 14 long lunches
79
00:03:16,663 --> 00:03:18,623
just to secure this role
in the first place.
80
00:03:18,623 --> 00:03:20,863
Hmm.
He never even liked Archie.
81
00:03:20,863 --> 00:03:24,303
He never wanted him.
And now he's got this.
82
00:03:24,303 --> 00:03:25,863
Fuck!
83
00:03:25,863 --> 00:03:28,783
OK, Spence,
we won't let that happen.
84
00:03:28,783 --> 00:03:31,343
Not gonna happen, Spence.
85
00:03:31,343 --> 00:03:34,063
Well, it looks more raised
86
00:03:34,063 --> 00:03:35,703
than it does
in the reference journal.
87
00:03:35,703 --> 00:03:37,623
Yeah, you'll find
that's common in gingers -
88
00:03:37,623 --> 00:03:39,623
weaker genetic selection.
89
00:03:39,623 --> 00:03:42,263
It happens whenever I get stressed.
90
00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:44,703
Have you had any reason
to be stressed lately, Ian?
91
00:03:46,343 --> 00:03:49,183
What's this ball?
Wait, where's my chair gone?
92
00:03:49,183 --> 00:03:51,463
Haven't you read New Beginnings,
the visual ethos memo?
93
00:03:51,463 --> 00:03:53,383
We've shifted
to a more ergonomic seating plan
94
00:03:53,383 --> 00:03:55,143
to better align
with our moral health mission.
95
00:03:55,143 --> 00:03:56,503
Nothing came through on email.
96
00:03:56,503 --> 00:03:58,423
It's not on email, it's on duro.
97
00:03:58,423 --> 00:04:00,503
Have you downloaded duro, Ian?
98
00:04:00,503 --> 00:04:01,903
(DISTORTED) Ian!
99
00:04:03,263 --> 00:04:07,143
I mean, not...not really.
100
00:04:07,143 --> 00:04:09,343
Where's my Bento box?
101
00:04:09,343 --> 00:04:11,503
Ian, we told you, if you don't place
your order on duro
102
00:04:11,503 --> 00:04:12,503
by COB the previous day,
103
00:04:12,503 --> 00:04:14,463
then it'll be assumed
that you're intermittently fasting
104
00:04:14,463 --> 00:04:16,303
or you've meal-prepped
your working week.
105
00:04:16,303 --> 00:04:18,663
Ian, and they told me
you were fasting.
106
00:04:18,663 --> 00:04:20,503
Uh, no.
107
00:04:20,503 --> 00:04:22,623
You have to download it, Ian.
Ian, have you downloaded duro?
108
00:04:22,623 --> 00:04:25,783
Hashtag #yumtime.
duro, Ian. Hashtag #yumtime, Ian.
109
00:04:25,783 --> 00:04:28,263
We're your bosses now.
110
00:04:28,263 --> 00:04:31,703
I mean, I've just been usurped
professionally by two women.
111
00:04:33,303 --> 00:04:35,583
Not that that's a problem.
112
00:04:35,583 --> 00:04:38,703
It's just
that they're much younger than me.
113
00:04:38,703 --> 00:04:41,463
Not...
Not that that's a problem either.
114
00:04:41,463 --> 00:04:47,183
It's just that they look at me
with this pity and condescension.
115
00:04:50,583 --> 00:04:54,983
Either way, whenever I think
about it, I can't breathe,
116
00:04:54,983 --> 00:04:58,503
and I get this pain
down my left arm.
117
00:04:58,503 --> 00:05:01,783
OK, Ian, wear this band
for the next 24 hours
118
00:05:01,783 --> 00:05:03,463
to monitor your palpitations.
119
00:05:03,463 --> 00:05:05,423
You'll feel a short pulse
at random intervals
120
00:05:05,423 --> 00:05:06,823
throughout the day.
(BAND VIBRATES)
121
00:05:06,823 --> 00:05:07,823
Uh...
122
00:05:07,823 --> 00:05:09,543
Aren't I too young
for something like this?
123
00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:11,103
Not really.
124
00:05:11,103 --> 00:05:13,463
People your age drop dead
all the time.
125
00:05:13,463 --> 00:05:14,823
Oh.
126
00:05:14,823 --> 00:05:17,623
NICOLE: You can't send mail there,
it's not...
127
00:05:17,623 --> 00:05:18,623
OK, great.
128
00:05:18,623 --> 00:05:21,183
Archie, why don't we
grab your phone off you?
129
00:05:21,183 --> 00:05:23,543
Yes, Archie, it's so important
that you stay silent
130
00:05:23,543 --> 00:05:24,943
while we work out
what is favourable
131
00:05:24,943 --> 00:05:27,183
about collecting skin
as a lifestyle choice.
132
00:05:27,183 --> 00:05:29,863
Uh, we'll organise a car
to come collect you.
133
00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:32,423
Yes, and, oh, don't forget
to have fun, Archie, as well.
134
00:05:32,423 --> 00:05:34,743
Yes, just relax
and forget about everything.
135
00:05:34,743 --> 00:05:36,143
(CLEARS THROAT)
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
136
00:05:36,143 --> 00:05:38,543
You've got somebody supervising
Archie at the spa, right?
137
00:05:40,223 --> 00:05:41,223
Um...
138
00:05:41,223 --> 00:05:42,903
I've handled this guy
for three days,
139
00:05:42,903 --> 00:05:45,263
and there are two things
I know for certain -
140
00:05:45,263 --> 00:05:47,743
he cannot act
and he cannot be trusted.
141
00:05:47,743 --> 00:05:49,223
(GROANING)
142
00:05:52,583 --> 00:05:54,623
OK, well, we can send Ian.
He should be...
143
00:05:54,623 --> 00:05:56,143
No man, no. No man, no man.
144
00:05:56,143 --> 00:05:57,823
Massive daddy issues.
We need a woman.
145
00:05:57,823 --> 00:05:59,023
Oh, well, we're...
146
00:05:59,023 --> 00:06:00,423
Not a woman he'd be attracted to.
147
00:06:00,423 --> 00:06:02,063
Well, that's us out.
Hmm.
148
00:06:02,063 --> 00:06:03,743
We could send Meredith.
Perfect.
149
00:06:03,743 --> 00:06:05,063
Meredith?
We'll send Meredith.
150
00:06:05,063 --> 00:06:06,583
Meredith.
Yeah.
151
00:06:07,783 --> 00:06:10,783
Now, isn't it like Meredith's
first day off in, like, 34 years
152
00:06:10,783 --> 00:06:11,903
or something like that?
153
00:06:11,903 --> 00:06:14,663
Didn't she go on about that?
Hmm.
154
00:06:14,663 --> 00:06:15,943
Hi, Ian.
Hi, Ian.
155
00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:17,943
Ian, where have you been?
Greg keeps calling.
156
00:06:17,943 --> 00:06:19,463
What the...?
Greg from Star Toys.
157
00:06:19,463 --> 00:06:22,863
Your oldest friend, Ian.
Why is my lunch at 3am?
158
00:06:22,863 --> 00:06:24,063
What?
159
00:06:24,063 --> 00:06:25,143
On duro.
160
00:06:25,143 --> 00:06:26,703
Oh, you've set it to Warsaw time.
161
00:06:26,703 --> 00:06:29,143
Well, can you change it back?
I'd have to reset your profile.
162
00:06:29,143 --> 00:06:31,823
(GASPS) You'd lose
all of your plus points.
163
00:06:31,823 --> 00:06:33,943
But I've just reached silver two!
Yeah.
164
00:06:33,943 --> 00:06:37,543
I know, why don't I just add
nine hours to the time in my head
165
00:06:37,543 --> 00:06:38,703
from now on?
166
00:06:38,703 --> 00:06:39,983
Great idea.
167
00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:41,703
Shall I let Greg know
you're on your way?
168
00:06:41,703 --> 00:06:44,223
The girls are all on top
of the Archie Toole thing.
169
00:06:44,223 --> 00:06:46,423
Archie Toole?
Hmm.
170
00:06:46,423 --> 00:06:48,303
Why don't you go to Star Toys?
171
00:06:48,303 --> 00:06:50,103
What? Without you?
172
00:06:50,103 --> 00:06:51,783
I should stay here just in case
173
00:06:51,783 --> 00:06:54,023
Greta and Nicole need my help
with Archie.
174
00:06:54,023 --> 00:06:55,023
Don't worry.
175
00:06:55,023 --> 00:06:57,823
It'll just be a factory fire
or child slavery or something.
176
00:06:57,823 --> 00:06:59,103
Huh?!
177
00:06:59,103 --> 00:07:00,743
Just tell Greg to use
178
00:07:00,743 --> 00:07:03,383
the Ian Corporate Love playbook
play.
179
00:07:04,703 --> 00:07:06,583
You'll be fine.
180
00:07:06,583 --> 00:07:08,143
Yeah.
181
00:07:08,143 --> 00:07:09,543
Greta!
182
00:07:09,543 --> 00:07:10,783
Nicole!
183
00:07:12,983 --> 00:07:14,463
(PHONE VIBRATES)
184
00:07:21,303 --> 00:07:22,583
Yes.
185
00:07:22,583 --> 00:07:25,823
Meredith, so, we totally know
it's your first day off in 34 years.
186
00:07:25,823 --> 00:07:27,863
Yeah, and you're probably doing
something so restorative.
187
00:07:27,863 --> 00:07:29,903
It's a personal day,
and we respect that.
188
00:07:29,903 --> 00:07:31,063
We're just brainstorming.
Yes.
189
00:07:31,063 --> 00:07:32,663
Being, like,
"How do we treat Meredith?
190
00:07:32,663 --> 00:07:33,943
"How do we let her know
she's valued?"
191
00:07:33,943 --> 00:07:35,903
So we went ahead
and booked you into the Post Office.
192
00:07:35,903 --> 00:07:37,223
That's a celebrity day spa,
Meredith.
193
00:07:37,223 --> 00:07:38,743
Although if you pass
an actual post office,
194
00:07:38,743 --> 00:07:40,103
we might have a package
for you to pick up.
195
00:07:40,103 --> 00:07:41,303
It's, like, weighted wristbands.
196
00:07:41,303 --> 00:07:42,983
They're, like, pretty heavy
for me to carry, so...
197
00:07:42,983 --> 00:07:44,943
And that is a tomorrow problem -
tomorrow morning, though.
198
00:07:44,943 --> 00:07:46,343
Today, we've booked you
into a day spa.
199
00:07:46,343 --> 00:07:48,263
That is the point
of this conversation.
200
00:07:48,263 --> 00:07:49,983
All expenses paid?
201
00:07:49,983 --> 00:07:52,063
Of course. It's on us,
which is on the company.
202
00:07:54,783 --> 00:07:56,703
Alright, then.
203
00:07:56,703 --> 00:07:58,423
Amazing.
Great.
204
00:07:58,423 --> 00:08:00,503
Oh, my God, Meredith, you're going
to be totally transformed.
205
00:08:00,503 --> 00:08:03,103
It's going to be like a car wash
for the mind, body and soul vibes.
206
00:08:03,103 --> 00:08:05,703
Just a note, though, Meredith,
because it is a company expense,
207
00:08:05,703 --> 00:08:07,903
you will have to meet our client,
Archie Toole there.
208
00:08:07,903 --> 00:08:09,463
Yes, and you will have to keep him
off his phone
209
00:08:09,463 --> 00:08:12,623
because he has been outed
for skin-based sexual deviancy.
210
00:08:12,623 --> 00:08:14,143
Oh!
Great.
211
00:08:14,143 --> 00:08:16,303
Thank you so much, Meredith.
That's...
212
00:08:16,303 --> 00:08:18,303
(SIGHS)
213
00:08:18,303 --> 00:08:20,263
I think I had a lot of empathy
in that conversation.
214
00:08:20,263 --> 00:08:22,423
I've noticed
you've been working on that.
215
00:08:22,423 --> 00:08:25,383
Hey, so what the hell
was this guy thinking?
216
00:08:25,383 --> 00:08:27,743
Didn't he learn anything
from MeToo?
217
00:08:27,743 --> 00:08:31,223
Don't do anything weird
in the bedroom without an NDA first.
218
00:08:31,223 --> 00:08:33,903
That's quite a special message
to glean from MeToo, Ian.
219
00:08:33,903 --> 00:08:36,183
Well, the lesson was - NDAs work.
220
00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:39,383
This guy should be eating,
breathing and shitting out NDAs,
221
00:08:39,383 --> 00:08:41,783
hiding all his shame in paperwork.
222
00:08:41,783 --> 00:08:44,623
Firstly, that is vulgar.
Secondly, no, Ian.
223
00:08:44,623 --> 00:08:46,623
Actually, I think Ian might be
on to something with that,
224
00:08:46,623 --> 00:08:48,943
in the sense
that he's completely wrong.
225
00:08:48,943 --> 00:08:51,463
I mean, skin-collecting only offends
public conventions
226
00:08:51,463 --> 00:08:53,103
because it's shameful.
227
00:08:53,103 --> 00:08:55,423
Wait, you're talking
a classic reverse frame.
228
00:08:55,423 --> 00:08:57,623
We eliminate the shame
from Archie Toole's skin-collecting,
229
00:08:57,623 --> 00:08:59,543
and, wait a second,
suddenly he's totally inspiring.
230
00:08:59,543 --> 00:09:00,823
Exactly. Reverse frame.
231
00:09:00,823 --> 00:09:02,903
This is the first time an A-lister
has been out and proud
232
00:09:02,903 --> 00:09:04,303
from the skin-collecting community.
233
00:09:04,303 --> 00:09:05,983
Wow.
Love that. I'm writing that down.
234
00:09:05,983 --> 00:09:07,303
That's so good.
235
00:09:07,303 --> 00:09:08,943
He's not out and proud.
236
00:09:08,943 --> 00:09:11,503
He employed us to bury the evidence.
237
00:09:11,503 --> 00:09:13,023
Well, actually,
I think he employed us
238
00:09:13,023 --> 00:09:15,103
to wage war on the rampant
kink-shaming in Hollywood.
239
00:09:15,103 --> 00:09:17,423
Skin-collecting's not a kink.
240
00:09:17,423 --> 00:09:19,783
A kink is having sex on a swing
241
00:09:19,783 --> 00:09:22,583
or while you think
about someone else.
242
00:09:22,583 --> 00:09:25,223
People should be ashamed
of some things
243
00:09:25,223 --> 00:09:28,263
and keep them hidden
deep inside them.
244
00:09:28,263 --> 00:09:30,943
(LOUD VIBRATING)
(MOANS)
245
00:09:30,943 --> 00:09:33,223
(INTERMITTENT VIBRATIONS)
246
00:09:34,423 --> 00:09:35,503
OK, great.
247
00:09:35,503 --> 00:09:37,903
Well, looks like you know
what you're doing.
248
00:09:40,703 --> 00:09:42,703
So, what do we think that was?
I have no idea.
249
00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:59,223
Finally, Meredith.
250
00:09:59,223 --> 00:10:00,543
Yes.
251
00:10:00,543 --> 00:10:01,623
You're perfect.
252
00:10:01,623 --> 00:10:03,783
Have a morally acceptable time,
Archie.
253
00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:06,743
Oh.
254
00:10:07,943 --> 00:10:09,223
Oh, right.
255
00:10:09,223 --> 00:10:10,223
OK.
256
00:10:11,503 --> 00:10:13,023
I'm going to book in
257
00:10:13,023 --> 00:10:16,583
for the Solo Calde
Golden Foot Scrub Package.
258
00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:19,263
Oh, and the Eight Hands Massage.
259
00:10:19,263 --> 00:10:21,743
And for sir over there?
260
00:10:21,743 --> 00:10:23,863
Oh, he can have what he wants.
261
00:10:23,863 --> 00:10:27,503
Oh, except
for the skin exfoliation treatment.
262
00:10:29,543 --> 00:10:32,903
Sir, we have a no phones policy.
263
00:10:32,903 --> 00:10:34,303
Oh, I don't have a phone.
264
00:10:34,303 --> 00:10:35,743
It's just I'm an actor
265
00:10:35,743 --> 00:10:37,223
and sometimes I think
some people think
266
00:10:37,223 --> 00:10:39,503
that I have a phone when I don't,
just 'cause they see me on screen.
267
00:10:39,503 --> 00:10:40,503
But easy mistake to make.
268
00:10:40,503 --> 00:10:42,983
We can see the phone
beside your leg, Archie. Come on.
269
00:10:50,463 --> 00:10:52,023
(SIGHS)
270
00:11:07,223 --> 00:11:09,303
Hello, mate.
Hello!
271
00:11:09,303 --> 00:11:11,263
Welcome to the Star Toys universe.
272
00:11:11,263 --> 00:11:13,663
Greg, sorry Ian couldn't be here.
273
00:11:13,663 --> 00:11:16,183
Look, I'm sure he sends his best.
First time here?
274
00:11:16,183 --> 00:11:17,783
Yeah.
Wow, exciting for you.
275
00:11:17,783 --> 00:11:18,863
Argh! Jeez!
276
00:11:18,863 --> 00:11:21,423
DOLL: I'm beautiful.
Every single time!
277
00:11:21,423 --> 00:11:23,423
That's our educational doll range.
278
00:11:23,423 --> 00:11:25,303
Such a great initiative!
279
00:11:26,303 --> 00:11:28,663
So, what seems to be the problem?
Oh, this way.
280
00:11:29,663 --> 00:11:32,143
Oh, my niece wants one of these!
281
00:11:32,143 --> 00:11:33,783
No, she doesn't.
282
00:11:35,023 --> 00:11:36,263
Oh!
283
00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:37,663
(COUGHS)
284
00:11:37,663 --> 00:11:40,103
Oh, God!
285
00:11:40,103 --> 00:11:43,383
Why discuss skin collection
when wind farms keep killing whales?
286
00:11:43,383 --> 00:11:44,703
It's a Margaret Kone piece.
287
00:11:44,703 --> 00:11:46,263
I've got her running
the whataboutism angle.
288
00:11:46,263 --> 00:11:47,983
That is so good.
(PHONE VIBRATES)
289
00:11:47,983 --> 00:11:49,903
Oh, my God, and this is Amanda
about the listicle.
290
00:11:49,903 --> 00:11:51,103
Oh, perfect.
Amanda...
291
00:11:51,103 --> 00:11:53,343
Are you working with Margaret Kone?
292
00:11:53,343 --> 00:11:55,303
I love Margaret Kone.
293
00:11:55,303 --> 00:11:57,223
Ian, I am Margaret Kone.
294
00:11:57,223 --> 00:11:59,543
Well, we're all Margaret Kone,
aren't we?
295
00:11:59,543 --> 00:12:03,063
No. Like, I quite literally am
Margaret Kone. I created her.
296
00:12:03,063 --> 00:12:04,663
She's one of my several aliases
that I use
297
00:12:04,663 --> 00:12:06,943
to influence conversation online.
298
00:12:06,943 --> 00:12:09,543
But something about her centrist
platitudes really resonated
299
00:12:09,543 --> 00:12:11,463
with older audiences
such as yourself.
300
00:12:11,463 --> 00:12:13,463
And then editors were messaging me,
me as Margaret,
301
00:12:13,463 --> 00:12:15,463
asking me for op-eds
and think pieces.
302
00:12:15,463 --> 00:12:17,023
She really took off.
303
00:12:17,023 --> 00:12:18,423
Yeah, yeah.
304
00:12:18,423 --> 00:12:21,143
But I mean, she has gone
off the boil a bit
305
00:12:21,143 --> 00:12:22,543
in the last few months.
306
00:12:22,543 --> 00:12:23,823
Oh, no, that sounds really good.
307
00:12:23,823 --> 00:12:26,023
I was just thinking, like,
eight kinks making a comeback,
308
00:12:26,023 --> 00:12:28,383
like shoe-sniffing, objectophilia...
309
00:12:28,383 --> 00:12:29,623
Um, yeah.
310
00:12:29,623 --> 00:12:31,383
I mean, something chill,
like skin-collecting.
311
00:12:31,383 --> 00:12:34,063
That also works.
What about... What about eating poo?
312
00:12:34,063 --> 00:12:35,583
You know, like the scat stuff.
313
00:12:35,583 --> 00:12:38,663
(INTERMITTENT LOUD VIBRATIONS)
(MOANS)
314
00:12:41,543 --> 00:12:42,823
No, sorry, I am still here.
315
00:12:42,823 --> 00:12:45,063
Yep, live by this afternoon
would be...would be great, Amanda.
316
00:12:45,063 --> 00:12:46,063
Thank you.
317
00:12:48,063 --> 00:12:50,743
Are you OK, Ian?
Anything you want to tell us?
318
00:12:50,743 --> 00:12:53,743
OK, girls. I'm back on deck.
Have you done anything at all?
319
00:12:53,743 --> 00:12:56,303
Oh, we have bombarded
our online contacts
320
00:12:56,303 --> 00:12:57,743
with our anti-kink-shaming campaign.
321
00:12:57,743 --> 00:13:00,623
It's a movement and a perfectly
acceptable lifestyle choice.
322
00:13:00,623 --> 00:13:02,583
On the pink feed,
we have Nikki Lake doing a deep dive
323
00:13:02,583 --> 00:13:05,063
on how skin-collecting is
actually a racially inclusive kink.
324
00:13:05,063 --> 00:13:07,343
Yep, and on the blue feed, we have
Doctor Hugh Memphis doing a video
325
00:13:07,343 --> 00:13:09,543
about how social stigma
affects the frontal cortex,
326
00:13:09,543 --> 00:13:11,343
therefore kink-shaming
causes brain damage.
327
00:13:11,343 --> 00:13:13,303
Mm-hm. And our Estonian design team
is doing all the text
328
00:13:13,303 --> 00:13:14,343
and animation for that.
329
00:13:14,343 --> 00:13:16,823
Authentic social media presence is
all about spoon-feeding influencers
330
00:13:16,823 --> 00:13:18,863
information that you bought
from Estonians.
331
00:13:20,103 --> 00:13:21,943
So, but what the fuck
does any of this mean?
332
00:13:21,943 --> 00:13:23,383
Are you following this?
333
00:13:23,383 --> 00:13:26,583
No, and I don't think anyone cares
334
00:13:26,583 --> 00:13:29,903
about that failed model
turned fake doctor
335
00:13:29,903 --> 00:13:31,943
making videos about skin.
336
00:13:31,943 --> 00:13:33,823
That's right. Who is this guy?
337
00:13:33,823 --> 00:13:36,143
Ian. Ian Randell.
338
00:13:36,143 --> 00:13:39,023
Wait, the Randell
of Fritz and Randell?
339
00:13:39,023 --> 00:13:40,343
Why isn't he on this brief?
340
00:13:40,343 --> 00:13:43,583
OK, re- our social outreach,
this algorithm will place the vids
341
00:13:43,583 --> 00:13:45,663
in front of anyone who has lingered
on Njord content
342
00:13:45,663 --> 00:13:47,663
for longer than three seconds
in the last 60 days.
343
00:13:47,663 --> 00:13:50,103
That's everyone we need to reach
to influence the conversation.
344
00:13:50,103 --> 00:13:51,543
Everyone.
345
00:13:51,543 --> 00:13:57,143
Look, those are fancy stats, girls,
but the way I see it,
346
00:13:57,143 --> 00:13:58,943
we need to be hitting
the decision-makers,
347
00:13:58,943 --> 00:14:00,743
the movie studios,
348
00:14:00,743 --> 00:14:03,463
the Jeb Carsons of this world.
349
00:14:03,463 --> 00:14:05,183
That's absolutely right.
350
00:14:05,183 --> 00:14:07,783
This isn't about
whether Brandon Nobody
351
00:14:07,783 --> 00:14:11,303
from Butthurt, Ohio thinks
that skin-collecting is
352
00:14:11,303 --> 00:14:13,023
a new social movement,
353
00:14:13,023 --> 00:14:14,863
because he's not the one
354
00:14:14,863 --> 00:14:19,503
making $300 million investment
decisions on movie franchises.
355
00:14:19,503 --> 00:14:22,263
Yes, I am agreeing with this.
356
00:14:22,263 --> 00:14:24,903
I know,
I know TikToks are fun, girls,
357
00:14:24,903 --> 00:14:28,703
but maybe we should get
the Wall Street Journal talking
358
00:14:28,703 --> 00:14:32,583
about how movie studios would be
a lot more profitable
359
00:14:32,583 --> 00:14:34,623
if they stopped getting so worked up
360
00:14:34,623 --> 00:14:37,503
every time a guy jerks it
into a pot plant.
361
00:14:37,503 --> 00:14:39,063
(LOUD VIBRATIONS)
Oh!
362
00:14:39,063 --> 00:14:41,023
(MOANS)
363
00:14:41,023 --> 00:14:44,383
(INTERMITTENT VIBRATIONS)
(MOANS)
364
00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:46,063
GREG: I mean,
it's fascinating, really.
365
00:14:46,063 --> 00:14:48,023
You know, the lithium bank's
just a little bit...
366
00:14:48,023 --> 00:14:49,703
..a little bit too close
to the capacitors.
367
00:14:49,703 --> 00:14:52,183
So the shielding, you know,
creates a kind of a shaped charge.
368
00:14:52,183 --> 00:14:54,343
Shaped charge?
Yeah.
369
00:14:54,343 --> 00:14:55,743
Upwards.
370
00:14:55,743 --> 00:14:58,463
I mean, basically a precision hit
to the genitals
371
00:14:58,463 --> 00:15:02,143
to anyone who's standing
on the board at the time.
372
00:15:02,143 --> 00:15:04,143
Oh!
Oof!
373
00:15:04,143 --> 00:15:06,943
(THEY COUGH)
374
00:15:06,943 --> 00:15:08,983
And this is marketed at children?
375
00:15:08,983 --> 00:15:11,383
Yeah, well, that's why I couldn't
email you the photos.
376
00:15:11,383 --> 00:15:13,343
But we're following
Ian's playbook on this.
377
00:15:13,343 --> 00:15:14,983
We're doing
the corporate love method.
378
00:15:14,983 --> 00:15:16,583
Yeah, I mean,
you just tell the parents
379
00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:17,823
that it's an isolated incident,
380
00:15:17,823 --> 00:15:21,063
pay their medical bills
while the kids do a factory tour,
381
00:15:21,063 --> 00:15:23,423
and in return,
they sign a watertight NDA,
382
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:24,823
buying their silence in perpetuity.
383
00:15:24,823 --> 00:15:26,423
I mean, most of them
have been delighted.
384
00:15:26,423 --> 00:15:28,263
OK, well, then, what's the problem?
385
00:15:28,263 --> 00:15:29,383
A hold-out.
386
00:15:29,383 --> 00:15:31,143
One of the parents wants
to go to the press.
387
00:15:31,143 --> 00:15:34,303
And, look, once that happens,
then they'll all know
388
00:15:34,303 --> 00:15:35,903
that this wasn't
an isolated incident.
389
00:15:35,903 --> 00:15:37,263
It's going to bloody ruin us.
390
00:15:37,263 --> 00:15:38,983
Oh, well.
391
00:15:38,983 --> 00:15:40,383
OK. Wow. Um...
392
00:15:40,383 --> 00:15:41,743
Well, I'll take these photos
393
00:15:41,743 --> 00:15:44,103
and I'll see
what Ian thinks about them.
394
00:15:44,103 --> 00:15:45,423
OK.
395
00:15:47,823 --> 00:15:49,143
(MOANS)
396
00:15:49,143 --> 00:15:51,703
Sorry. What the hell was that?
397
00:15:54,583 --> 00:15:56,743
Uh, what was...? What was what?
398
00:15:56,743 --> 00:15:58,743
Uh, you were vibrating, Ian.
399
00:15:58,743 --> 00:16:01,863
The sound was coming
from inside of you.
400
00:16:01,863 --> 00:16:03,743
Oh. Uh, that?
401
00:16:03,743 --> 00:16:05,423
No. Yeah, I've heard that, too.
402
00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:08,503
I think maybe it's, uh, coming
from the building or something.
403
00:16:08,503 --> 00:16:10,903
Ian, we're not stupid.
404
00:16:10,903 --> 00:16:12,183
It's OK, Ian.
405
00:16:12,183 --> 00:16:15,223
And while we really appreciate
you fully supporting our stance
406
00:16:15,223 --> 00:16:16,583
on anti-kink-shaming...
407
00:16:16,583 --> 00:16:18,263
It's just still super inappropriate
408
00:16:18,263 --> 00:16:20,983
to have a vibrating butt plug
up your arse in the office.
409
00:16:20,983 --> 00:16:24,303
Up your arse.
What? No, no, it's not...
410
00:16:24,303 --> 00:16:25,983
You probably take the butt plug
out your arse, Ian.
411
00:16:25,983 --> 00:16:28,023
Take your butt plug out, Ian.
412
00:16:30,063 --> 00:16:33,583
I mean, it's not...
Go take out your butt plug, Ian.
413
00:16:33,583 --> 00:16:35,263
It's not a butt plug.
414
00:16:35,263 --> 00:16:38,583
(SIGHS) That's why he's not
on this brief.
415
00:16:44,343 --> 00:16:45,503
Sorry.
416
00:16:45,503 --> 00:16:49,623
Um, what goes into this cheesecake
that makes it $265?
417
00:16:49,623 --> 00:16:51,943
Raw cashew cream and sea gel.
418
00:16:51,943 --> 00:16:54,023
Ooh, sounds disgusting.
419
00:16:54,023 --> 00:16:55,343
We'll take three of them.
420
00:16:55,343 --> 00:16:57,143
Archie, what do you want?
421
00:16:57,143 --> 00:16:58,303
Oh, God.
422
00:16:58,303 --> 00:16:59,903
Come on.
423
00:16:59,903 --> 00:17:01,343
(SIGHS)
424
00:17:03,143 --> 00:17:04,583
(SCOFFS)
425
00:17:07,183 --> 00:17:08,903
Look, can I just ask,
426
00:17:08,903 --> 00:17:12,143
what is the most expensive treatment
you do here?
427
00:17:12,143 --> 00:17:15,823
Or should I just add
Korean snail mucin
428
00:17:15,823 --> 00:17:17,543
to my hair Botox package?
429
00:17:17,543 --> 00:17:20,303
Well, our most sought-after programs
430
00:17:20,303 --> 00:17:23,663
are with our systemic
family healing guru, Susanna Bali.
431
00:17:23,663 --> 00:17:25,503
And she's the most expensive?
432
00:17:25,503 --> 00:17:28,783
She's the leading healer
in the Pan Pacific, and she's 1,400.
433
00:17:28,783 --> 00:17:30,543
Hmm?
434
00:17:32,903 --> 00:17:35,623
Tell my fridge to DM Claudia.
435
00:17:36,863 --> 00:17:38,583
(ELECTRONIC BEEP)
436
00:17:42,663 --> 00:17:44,343
What do you mean?
Oh, great.
437
00:17:44,343 --> 00:17:46,383
Apparently, Archie's been using
his smart bottle to connect
438
00:17:46,383 --> 00:17:48,543
to his fridge to log into Instagram
to DM a foot model.
439
00:17:48,543 --> 00:17:49,543
Fantastic.
440
00:17:49,543 --> 00:17:51,823
We have zero traction on our videos.
What happened to the Kone op-ed?
441
00:17:51,823 --> 00:17:54,263
OK, it's published online,
and so far it has, uh...
442
00:17:54,263 --> 00:17:55,623
..one comment.
What is it?
443
00:17:55,623 --> 00:17:57,303
"Fuck up Margaret Kone!"
444
00:17:57,303 --> 00:17:58,823
Great.
What about the listicle?
445
00:17:58,823 --> 00:18:00,383
OK, well, they've taken the liberty
446
00:18:00,383 --> 00:18:02,463
of publishing two listicles.
Well, that's great.
447
00:18:02,463 --> 00:18:03,783
No, "Cool Kinks
and Kinks That Stink".
448
00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:05,383
Oh, my God, what stinks?
449
00:18:05,383 --> 00:18:06,743
Skin-collecting.
450
00:18:06,743 --> 00:18:08,863
BOTH: Fuck!
OK, we have to get this down.
451
00:18:08,863 --> 00:18:10,903
Well, well, well.
452
00:18:10,903 --> 00:18:12,983
Looks like your butt plug buddy
was right.
453
00:18:12,983 --> 00:18:14,383
Oh, well, actually, Spence,
454
00:18:14,383 --> 00:18:17,263
the internet is like
a complex marketplace of ideas,
455
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:19,903
which takes time...
To unfold into the play.
456
00:18:19,903 --> 00:18:22,023
And it's different here.
It's a long game, if anything.
457
00:18:22,023 --> 00:18:24,063
You're in Australia now.
It's the southern hemisphere.
458
00:18:30,703 --> 00:18:33,103
Oh, my God, it's Jeb Carson.
459
00:18:35,383 --> 00:18:37,623
No way.
No way, no way.
460
00:18:37,623 --> 00:18:39,423
No fucking way.
Uh...
461
00:18:39,423 --> 00:18:40,583
Wow. Hi.
462
00:18:40,583 --> 00:18:43,463
Can I take this moment to say
you are my favourite male auteur?
463
00:18:43,463 --> 00:18:46,543
Jeb. Jeb, listen, we are
across the online conversation.
464
00:18:46,543 --> 00:18:48,623
I mean, every listicle journalist
is a hack. People know this.
465
00:18:48,623 --> 00:18:49,623
People are saying this.
466
00:18:49,623 --> 00:18:52,303
Also, who cares
what Kylie Blands from, um,
467
00:18:52,303 --> 00:18:53,943
Lacklustre Town, uh...
468
00:18:53,943 --> 00:18:56,023
Kentucky.
..have to say about kinks?
469
00:18:56,023 --> 00:18:58,143
I mean, what do they know?
470
00:18:58,143 --> 00:19:01,583
I don't care what they think.
Exactly. Because you're an artist.
471
00:19:01,583 --> 00:19:03,663
I care what I think.
Yes.
472
00:19:03,663 --> 00:19:05,263
Archie's out.
Oh.
473
00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:09,143
Let me guess.
It was a nothing burger.
474
00:19:09,143 --> 00:19:11,303
Actually, a disaster burger.
475
00:19:11,303 --> 00:19:13,343
The hover board has a defect.
476
00:19:13,343 --> 00:19:16,423
They've been using
your corporate love playbook on it.
477
00:19:16,423 --> 00:19:19,263
They're using the corporate love
playbook on this?
478
00:19:19,263 --> 00:19:21,583
This isn't a corporate love
playbook play.
479
00:19:21,583 --> 00:19:24,103
This is a recall playbook play.
480
00:19:24,103 --> 00:19:25,783
Have they recalled?
They don't need to.
481
00:19:25,783 --> 00:19:27,063
Except for this one person,
482
00:19:27,063 --> 00:19:28,983
Star Toys reckons
the truth won't come out.
483
00:19:28,983 --> 00:19:32,143
The truth will come out. You recall.
484
00:19:32,143 --> 00:19:34,903
You get ahead of the story,
you accept responsibility,
485
00:19:34,903 --> 00:19:36,903
and you control the narrative.
486
00:19:36,903 --> 00:19:39,143
That is the only playbook to use
487
00:19:39,143 --> 00:19:41,423
when you're dealing
with kids' genitals.
488
00:19:41,423 --> 00:19:42,663
We cover up the sweatshops.
489
00:19:42,663 --> 00:19:44,863
We do not cover up the sweatshops.
490
00:19:44,863 --> 00:19:46,703
Well, yeah, we do cover up
the sweatshops.
491
00:19:46,703 --> 00:19:48,783
But that's only because nobody's
ever going to find out.
492
00:19:48,783 --> 00:19:52,063
And even if they do find out,
nobody actually cares.
493
00:19:52,063 --> 00:19:54,543
Whereas people do actually care
about this.
494
00:19:54,543 --> 00:19:58,623
Cody, why wouldn't you immediately
tell them to issue a recall?
495
00:19:58,623 --> 00:20:01,343
Every minute that we're not issuing
a recall goes
496
00:20:01,343 --> 00:20:05,463
into the court transcript
when this inevitably goes to court.
497
00:20:05,463 --> 00:20:07,823
I messaged you, you never responded.
498
00:20:07,823 --> 00:20:09,863
I haven't got any messages.
499
00:20:09,863 --> 00:20:11,543
Oh, wait. There they are.
500
00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:14,503
Oh, fuck. I'm still on Warsaw time!
501
00:20:15,783 --> 00:20:17,143
Oh, the timestamps show
502
00:20:17,143 --> 00:20:19,343
that you received these messages
nine hours ago.
503
00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:22,743
That's not going to look good.
Oh, fuck!
504
00:20:22,743 --> 00:20:24,943
MEREDITH: 35 years I worked for him.
505
00:20:24,943 --> 00:20:28,183
It's just I never got a chance
to say goodbye.
506
00:20:29,543 --> 00:20:30,783
And he was...
507
00:20:31,903 --> 00:20:33,623
He meant so much to me.
508
00:20:33,623 --> 00:20:37,463
And now I don't even know
if I knew him at all.
509
00:20:37,463 --> 00:20:38,863
My heart...
(SMALL ITEM HITS FLOOR)
510
00:20:39,903 --> 00:20:40,983
Sorry.
511
00:20:40,983 --> 00:20:42,903
Sorry, Archie, I can see
512
00:20:42,903 --> 00:20:44,903
that you're writing something
down there.
513
00:20:44,903 --> 00:20:47,063
Yeah, I'm taking notes.
514
00:20:47,063 --> 00:20:48,623
No, he's not.
Yes, I am.
515
00:20:48,623 --> 00:20:50,063
I'm taking in the session.
516
00:20:50,063 --> 00:20:51,743
He's writing filth.
517
00:20:51,743 --> 00:20:55,023
He's disgusting.
See? No-one ever believes me.
518
00:20:55,023 --> 00:20:56,943
Meredith, why do you think
you always assume
519
00:20:56,943 --> 00:20:58,303
the worst of Archie?
520
00:20:58,303 --> 00:21:01,423
I'll bet your entire $1,400 fee
521
00:21:01,423 --> 00:21:04,623
that that note contains
something unbelievably crass.
522
00:21:04,623 --> 00:21:06,303
Like, "I'm a stiff little boy,
523
00:21:06,303 --> 00:21:08,023
"and I'm going to peel
all your dry skin off
524
00:21:08,023 --> 00:21:10,263
"and keep it in my arse,"
for instance.
525
00:21:12,063 --> 00:21:13,463
Hey.
526
00:21:15,463 --> 00:21:16,983
Archie, can you hand me the note?
527
00:21:18,903 --> 00:21:19,983
Archie?
528
00:21:21,583 --> 00:21:23,103
Archie.
529
00:21:24,263 --> 00:21:25,943
Oh!
530
00:21:27,743 --> 00:21:28,783
Sorry.
531
00:21:30,703 --> 00:21:31,783
What does it say?
532
00:21:39,183 --> 00:21:41,183
We've got a lot of work to do here.
533
00:21:41,183 --> 00:21:43,263
(WHIMPERS TO SELF)
534
00:21:43,263 --> 00:21:45,743
Oh, God. You know what?
535
00:21:45,743 --> 00:21:47,503
This isn't fun anymore.
536
00:21:47,503 --> 00:21:49,503
Not until the session is over,
Meredith.
537
00:21:49,503 --> 00:21:51,463
(SIGHS)
538
00:21:56,143 --> 00:21:58,903
My problem is
Njord doesn't eat skin.
539
00:21:58,903 --> 00:21:59,903
He just doesn't.
540
00:21:59,903 --> 00:22:02,303
OK, again, there's no evidence
that Archie eats skin, at this point.
541
00:22:02,303 --> 00:22:04,343
There's no evidence.
You're not listening to me.
542
00:22:04,343 --> 00:22:05,463
With a film like this,
543
00:22:05,463 --> 00:22:07,343
you need to respect
the origins of the text.
544
00:22:07,343 --> 00:22:08,903
If Njord suddenly collects skin,
545
00:22:08,903 --> 00:22:10,903
then the horse has
already left the station, hasn't it?
546
00:22:10,903 --> 00:22:13,343
I mean, why not change
Njord's name to Njora?
547
00:22:13,343 --> 00:22:15,903
And why not say
that Njora isn't a Nordic warrior
548
00:22:15,903 --> 00:22:17,743
who watches over the fjord
after all?
549
00:22:17,743 --> 00:22:20,703
Because Njora is actually
a lesbian bartender from Barbados.
550
00:22:20,703 --> 00:22:22,103
You know what I'm saying?
551
00:22:22,103 --> 00:22:23,903
Er, we definitely hear the words
you're saying, Jeb.
552
00:22:23,903 --> 00:22:26,223
Nobody wants Njord to be a lesbian
from Barbados
553
00:22:26,223 --> 00:22:28,943
who collects skin, Jeb.
No-one wants that.
554
00:22:28,943 --> 00:22:31,103
He might as well be
with Archie as Njord.
555
00:22:31,103 --> 00:22:33,863
It's not true to the comic books
or fair to the fans.
556
00:22:33,863 --> 00:22:36,783
OK, so, sorry, you want
to sack Archie Toole the actor
557
00:22:36,783 --> 00:22:38,863
because, in your mind,
he can no longer portray
558
00:22:38,863 --> 00:22:41,103
a half-centaur Nordic god
who fucks a snow goose
559
00:22:41,103 --> 00:22:44,023
in order to retain his ice powers?
560
00:22:44,023 --> 00:22:47,143
The snow goose is
from the original Swedish fairytale.
561
00:22:47,143 --> 00:22:49,143
We're adapting the manga retelling.
Yes.
562
00:22:49,143 --> 00:22:52,623
So, um, I think where we're going
wrong here, Archie is an actor,
563
00:22:52,623 --> 00:22:55,463
so he's actually going
to act the character. Um...
564
00:22:55,463 --> 00:22:57,303
He'll transform into the role.
Yes.
565
00:22:57,303 --> 00:22:59,703
You know how they didn't really find
those big blue creatures
566
00:22:59,703 --> 00:23:01,383
to play those big blue creatures
in Avatar?
567
00:23:01,383 --> 00:23:03,903
Those creatures were made
on a computer.
568
00:23:05,303 --> 00:23:08,903
How dare you talk about those
fucking beautiful blue creatures.
569
00:23:08,903 --> 00:23:10,903
I don't want Archie as Njord.
570
00:23:10,903 --> 00:23:13,583
It's factually incorrect.
And I'm the director.
571
00:23:13,583 --> 00:23:15,543
Jeb!
Jeb, wait, wait.
572
00:23:15,543 --> 00:23:16,863
I'm just gonna try something.
573
00:23:16,863 --> 00:23:18,743
OK. Jeb, Jeb, Jeb, Jeb.
574
00:23:18,743 --> 00:23:20,583
Um, OK, so, uh,
575
00:23:20,583 --> 00:23:22,423
while we really respect
your dedication
576
00:23:22,423 --> 00:23:24,663
to protecting the integrity
of the fictional Norse gods
577
00:23:24,663 --> 00:23:28,183
in your cinematic work,
ultimately, we represent Archie.
578
00:23:28,183 --> 00:23:31,463
So if you were to revoke
his contract in any way,
579
00:23:31,463 --> 00:23:33,983
then we would be forced
to use the tools in our arsenal
580
00:23:33,983 --> 00:23:36,103
to punish you for that decision.
581
00:23:36,103 --> 00:23:38,583
Oh, wow. OK, they're doing it.
582
00:23:41,263 --> 00:23:43,303
Are you fucking threatening me?
583
00:23:43,303 --> 00:23:45,223
Not unless you're saying
you've been extremely kind
584
00:23:45,223 --> 00:23:47,783
to every woman
that you've ever worked with, ever.
585
00:23:50,943 --> 00:23:52,863
Then we wouldn't be.
586
00:23:52,863 --> 00:23:56,383
I want you to know that myself
and the Njord cinematic universe
587
00:23:56,383 --> 00:23:58,383
stand behind Archie Toole.
588
00:23:58,383 --> 00:24:00,303
Archie as Njord.
589
00:24:00,303 --> 00:24:02,543
This is an important moment
in kink history,
590
00:24:02,543 --> 00:24:06,023
and I'm proud to be part of it,
because I just love my kinks.
591
00:24:06,023 --> 00:24:08,383
Because I'm an inclusive
male auteur.
592
00:24:08,383 --> 00:24:10,143
Wow. I wonder what he did.
593
00:24:10,143 --> 00:24:12,543
I mean, he's really going for it,
so probably something quite horrific.
594
00:24:12,543 --> 00:24:13,543
Hmm.
595
00:24:13,543 --> 00:24:15,583
Just got to duck out.
Something quite important.
596
00:24:15,583 --> 00:24:16,583
What could be more important
597
00:24:16,583 --> 00:24:18,423
than watching us nail
the Archie case, Ian?
598
00:24:20,023 --> 00:24:21,543
What's this?
599
00:24:21,543 --> 00:24:23,143
Oh, my God!
Oh, shit!
600
00:24:23,143 --> 00:24:24,583
Ian! What?
(LOUD VIBRATIONS)
601
00:24:24,583 --> 00:24:26,863
(MOANS)
602
00:24:26,863 --> 00:24:29,503
It's not a butt plug. It's a...
603
00:24:29,503 --> 00:24:30,943
Heart monitor.
We know, Ian.
604
00:24:30,943 --> 00:24:33,183
Nicole's grandmother had one,
before she died of old age.
605
00:24:33,183 --> 00:24:35,103
We are not letting you
take on this brief, Ian.
606
00:24:35,103 --> 00:24:37,063
But Greg's my oldest cl... Hang on.
607
00:24:37,063 --> 00:24:38,463
You knew it was a heart monitor?
608
00:24:38,463 --> 00:24:40,343
This is not coming
anywhere near our brand.
609
00:24:40,343 --> 00:24:42,583
No, definitely not
in the visual ethos memo.
610
00:24:42,583 --> 00:24:44,703
He's the first client
I ever brought to the firm.
611
00:24:44,703 --> 00:24:46,743
He's my friend.
612
00:24:46,743 --> 00:24:48,543
This is a branding issue, Ian.
613
00:24:48,543 --> 00:24:51,503
And that's coming straight
from the top, which is us now.
614
00:24:51,503 --> 00:24:53,423
Your brand might be
deformed children's genitals,
615
00:24:53,423 --> 00:24:55,623
but it is not our brand.
It's not our brand, Ian.
616
00:24:57,303 --> 00:24:58,503
ARCHIE: See, that's the thing.
617
00:24:58,503 --> 00:25:02,023
It makes so much sense
because she cut my brother's nails
618
00:25:02,023 --> 00:25:03,623
and she cut my sister's nails,
619
00:25:03,623 --> 00:25:05,663
but she never cut my nails!
620
00:25:07,023 --> 00:25:08,463
Oh.
621
00:25:08,463 --> 00:25:09,983
Oh, look, Archie.
622
00:25:09,983 --> 00:25:12,143
Looks like you're
back on the film again.
623
00:25:12,143 --> 00:25:14,503
So, they're taking care of you.
624
00:25:14,503 --> 00:25:16,703
What? Really?
Yes.
625
00:25:16,703 --> 00:25:17,703
Oh, my God!
626
00:25:19,263 --> 00:25:20,863
That's such good news.
627
00:25:21,863 --> 00:25:23,343
Oh, my God.
628
00:25:24,543 --> 00:25:25,903
I love you, Mum.
629
00:25:29,863 --> 00:25:31,143
Ta!
630
00:25:33,303 --> 00:25:35,743
Does Susanna Bali
have a business card?
631
00:25:37,143 --> 00:25:39,863
OK, so, Jeb is on board.
632
00:25:39,863 --> 00:25:41,423
Fine. Great.
633
00:25:41,423 --> 00:25:43,223
But also, who cares? Because this...
634
00:25:43,223 --> 00:25:44,863
ANNA MCDOWELL:
What are your thoughts?
635
00:25:44,863 --> 00:25:48,263
If Jeb Carson is standing by him...
(SCOFFS)
636
00:25:48,263 --> 00:25:50,143
..I know the rest
of the industry will too.
637
00:25:50,143 --> 00:25:51,703
We're going to fight this.
638
00:25:51,703 --> 00:25:54,143
We don't want this story
to just go away.
639
00:25:54,143 --> 00:25:56,183
We need this story to just go away!
640
00:25:56,183 --> 00:25:58,823
OK, we understand that,
but we've pulled in every favour.
641
00:25:58,823 --> 00:26:01,263
Yes, Spence, at this point,
all we can do is damage control.
642
00:26:01,263 --> 00:26:04,103
Yeah, exactly. You can't
just bury something like this.
643
00:26:04,103 --> 00:26:07,023
You'd need a whole new story
to blow it out of the water.
644
00:26:07,023 --> 00:26:08,983
Something more heinous.
645
00:26:08,983 --> 00:26:10,503
More sensational.
646
00:26:10,503 --> 00:26:12,303
Something more explosive.
647
00:26:18,503 --> 00:26:19,903
What?
648
00:26:19,903 --> 00:26:20,903
No!
649
00:26:20,903 --> 00:26:21,903
You can't!
650
00:26:21,903 --> 00:26:23,383
Get the folder! Get the folder!
651
00:26:23,383 --> 00:26:24,383
Yes, do it. What is it?
652
00:26:24,383 --> 00:26:26,023
Hi, Anna. Yeah.
653
00:26:26,023 --> 00:26:28,623
I have the most heinous,
explosive story to tell you.
654
00:26:28,623 --> 00:26:30,223
Don't! No!
Yeah. Two words.
655
00:26:30,223 --> 00:26:32,543
Just...
Child eunuch. I know.
656
00:26:32,543 --> 00:26:34,463
(QUIETLY) Just hang up! Hang up!
Headline would be good.
657
00:26:34,463 --> 00:26:35,543
Don't!
658
00:26:35,543 --> 00:26:37,023
I'm so proud of you, Archie.
659
00:26:37,023 --> 00:26:39,383
I mean, how did we manage
to turn this around?
660
00:26:39,383 --> 00:26:40,463
I don't know.
661
00:26:40,463 --> 00:26:44,223
ANNA MCDOWELL: And now
to a horrifying exclusive report.
662
00:26:44,223 --> 00:26:47,863
Dream gift or every parent's
worst nightmare?
663
00:26:47,863 --> 00:26:50,103
Tonight, explosive revelations
664
00:26:50,103 --> 00:26:54,543
about a beloved toy
turning children into eunuchs.
665
00:26:54,543 --> 00:26:55,943
Anna keeps messaging us, by the way.
666
00:26:55,943 --> 00:26:57,263
She wants to catch up
for some reason.
667
00:26:57,263 --> 00:26:59,423
Oh, I think we just ignore her.
I agree with you.
668
00:27:01,263 --> 00:27:03,183
IAN: No, I know
you're not a mutilator.
669
00:27:03,183 --> 00:27:04,903
Mate, you know me.
670
00:27:04,903 --> 00:27:06,143
I wouldn't do that to you.
671
00:27:06,143 --> 00:27:08,063
It's not in my playbook.
672
00:27:08,063 --> 00:27:09,263
It went above my head.
673
00:27:09,263 --> 00:27:10,703
Oh, my God, it's Bobby.
Finally. Answer it!
674
00:27:10,703 --> 00:27:11,863
OK.
Get it.
675
00:27:11,863 --> 00:27:14,983
Hi, Bobby.
Girls, congrats on the Archie fix.
676
00:27:14,983 --> 00:27:17,863
Handled as delicately
as the skin he puts in boxes.
677
00:27:17,863 --> 00:27:19,343
Uh, thank you, Bobby.
Thank you.
678
00:27:19,343 --> 00:27:20,663
Oh, we had one thing
we wanted to ask you.
679
00:27:20,663 --> 00:27:22,583
Just when the board is going
to ratify our position?
680
00:27:22,583 --> 00:27:24,183
Yes. Just, you know,
for our security,
681
00:27:24,183 --> 00:27:25,903
financially and emotionally.
682
00:27:25,903 --> 00:27:29,143
Girls, girls, this is
a big thing for the board. OK?
683
00:27:29,143 --> 00:27:32,303
For a start, I had to sit them down
and explain what a woman was.
684
00:27:32,303 --> 00:27:34,263
Unlike Archie, they need
to make sure
685
00:27:34,263 --> 00:27:36,303
that your talents aren't skin deep.
686
00:27:36,303 --> 00:27:39,983
So, just do everything perfectly
and you'll be fine.
687
00:27:39,983 --> 00:27:42,063
Alright? OK. Bye.
688
00:27:42,063 --> 00:27:44,103
OK, but can we just get a...?
Absolute...
689
00:27:45,263 --> 00:27:47,423
What does that mean?
I have no idea what that means.
690
00:27:47,423 --> 00:27:49,183
(PHONE VIBRATES)
She's still calling.
691
00:27:49,183 --> 00:27:51,183
I can't. I'm done.
Honestly, just ignore her.
692
00:27:51,183 --> 00:27:52,183
What does she want from us?
693
00:27:52,183 --> 00:27:53,783
We just gave her
the biggest story of her career.
694
00:27:53,783 --> 00:27:55,183
No, no, I totally agree with you.
695
00:27:55,183 --> 00:27:56,903
Oh, Greg...
696
00:27:56,903 --> 00:27:59,023
Oh, no... (SIGHS)
697
00:27:59,023 --> 00:28:00,023
Oh, I understand.
698
00:28:01,223 --> 00:28:05,823
It's so beautiful seeing a face
with so many stories etched into it.
699
00:28:05,823 --> 00:28:08,623
Oh, thank you, Archie.
700
00:28:11,823 --> 00:28:14,423
Did you work with Frank
for...how long you said?
701
00:28:14,423 --> 00:28:17,463
Oh, around 30 years.
702
00:28:19,143 --> 00:28:21,383
Frank Fritz is gone too soon.
703
00:28:23,023 --> 00:28:26,183
I always had such a good time
on his yacht.
704
00:28:26,183 --> 00:28:28,223
Sorry. His what?
705
00:28:28,223 --> 00:28:29,543
His yacht. His superyacht.
706
00:28:29,543 --> 00:28:32,103
His...superyacht?
707
00:28:32,103 --> 00:28:33,503
Yeah.
708
00:28:33,503 --> 00:28:36,183
Oh, yes.
709
00:28:36,183 --> 00:28:37,503
His superyacht.
Yeah.
710
00:28:37,503 --> 00:28:40,303
It was just incredible energy
on there.
711
00:28:40,303 --> 00:28:42,823
You know, it was, like, powerful.
712
00:28:42,823 --> 00:28:45,223
I just...
His parties, they always...
713
00:28:45,223 --> 00:28:49,303
It always like, sparked something
in me, spiritually.
714
00:28:51,663 --> 00:28:53,023
Physically.
715
00:29:02,823 --> 00:29:04,063
Oh, hey.
716
00:29:04,063 --> 00:29:08,023
No, I think you should probably
just... (SIGHS)
717
00:29:08,023 --> 00:29:09,103
(HIGH-PITCHED) Shit!
718
00:29:09,103 --> 00:29:11,263
(EXPLOSION AND SCREAMING)
719
00:29:11,263 --> 00:29:13,263
Captions by Red Bee Media
720
00:29:13,263 --> 00:29:15,263
Copyright Australian
Broadcasting Corporation
721
00:29:15,263 --> 00:29:20,263
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722
00:29:15,263 --> 00:29:25,263
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