All language subtitles for Optics S01E04

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranรฎ)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,023 --> 00:00:04,303 Roje, when did you first meet actor Archie Toole? 2 00:00:04,303 --> 00:00:06,583 And what was that meeting like? 3 00:00:06,583 --> 00:00:08,903 I mean, he was really quite charming. 4 00:00:08,903 --> 00:00:10,183 He's not just an actor. 5 00:00:10,183 --> 00:00:11,943 He's Archie Toole. 6 00:00:11,943 --> 00:00:15,943 And did he say anything inappropriate? 7 00:00:15,943 --> 00:00:19,103 Well, not at first. But then? 8 00:00:19,103 --> 00:00:24,143 But then he started asking me questions about my skincare routine. 9 00:00:24,143 --> 00:00:28,183 He really wanted as much detail as possible. 10 00:00:28,183 --> 00:00:30,063 What sort of detail? 11 00:00:30,063 --> 00:00:31,583 Brands, 12 00:00:31,583 --> 00:00:32,703 ingredients... 13 00:00:33,703 --> 00:00:37,263 ..how much skin came off after I exfoliated. 14 00:00:37,263 --> 00:00:38,823 It was so weird. 15 00:00:38,823 --> 00:00:40,903 That is weird. 16 00:00:40,903 --> 00:00:43,823 But, Roje, he's the biggest star in Hollywood. 17 00:00:43,823 --> 00:00:46,663 Why should our viewers trust your word over his? 18 00:00:46,663 --> 00:00:49,423 Because it's the truth. 19 00:00:49,423 --> 00:00:50,703 All of it. 20 00:00:50,703 --> 00:00:54,303 Since the story broke, we've received even more screenshots 21 00:00:54,303 --> 00:00:56,903 of messages sent from the actor's account. 22 00:00:56,903 --> 00:00:59,183 I promise you, that is not my account. 23 00:00:59,183 --> 00:01:01,703 When the women questioned if it was really Toole, 24 00:01:01,703 --> 00:01:05,023 he responded, "I promise you, this is my account." 25 00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:07,383 Anyone could have pretended to be me and sent those messages. 26 00:01:07,383 --> 00:01:09,823 The message was accompanied by a selfie. 27 00:01:09,823 --> 00:01:12,743 "It's not someone pretending to be me. It's me. Archie Toole." 28 00:01:12,743 --> 00:01:16,303 Even if I did send those messages, it's not like they were that weird. 29 00:01:16,303 --> 00:01:19,983 The next message said, "I collect human skin." 30 00:01:21,463 --> 00:01:22,983 (GROANS) 31 00:01:26,543 --> 00:01:28,543 OK. So, the story is definitely out there. 32 00:01:28,543 --> 00:01:30,863 And the story is Archie Toole DMs women, 33 00:01:30,863 --> 00:01:33,303 they engage in sexual relations, during which he peels, flakes, 34 00:01:33,303 --> 00:01:36,823 or shaves parts of their skin that he then collects in a box. 35 00:01:36,823 --> 00:01:39,063 The studio are threatening to Kevin Spacey him. 36 00:01:39,063 --> 00:01:41,183 Well, actually, it would only be Kevin Spaceying if he'd filmed 37 00:01:41,183 --> 00:01:42,183 part of the movie already, 38 00:01:42,183 --> 00:01:44,063 which would be quite helpful - it would give us leverage. 39 00:01:44,063 --> 00:01:45,103 What is a win is 40 00:01:45,103 --> 00:01:47,103 that none of the alleged victims were underage. 41 00:01:47,103 --> 00:01:49,063 Good work, Archie. No underage victims. Yeah. Good. 42 00:01:49,063 --> 00:01:50,303 We attack, right? 43 00:01:50,303 --> 00:01:52,463 Actually, we remove Archie from the spotlight, 44 00:01:52,463 --> 00:01:56,023 and we check him in to a spa where phone access is prohibited. 45 00:01:56,023 --> 00:01:57,583 Yeah, he won't be able to do any further damage, 46 00:01:57,583 --> 00:01:58,943 and we have a great place 47 00:01:58,943 --> 00:02:01,183 that we send a bunch of clients called the Post Office. 48 00:02:01,183 --> 00:02:02,703 (PHONE CHIMES) Hmm. 49 00:02:02,703 --> 00:02:06,703 Excuse me, I have to go to the...bathroom. 50 00:02:08,063 --> 00:02:09,223 We got this under control. 51 00:02:09,223 --> 00:02:10,943 They say these girls are the best in the business. 52 00:02:10,943 --> 00:02:13,383 Everything is under control. 53 00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:16,223 By the way, I have been completely fucked on this. 54 00:02:16,223 --> 00:02:18,143 "Oh, Spence, you did such an amazing job 55 00:02:18,143 --> 00:02:19,583 "with Amy's Nitro Espresso deal, 56 00:02:19,583 --> 00:02:21,343 "we decided to give you Archie Toole." 57 00:02:21,343 --> 00:02:24,103 I took out a margin loan on a WeHo condo, 58 00:02:24,103 --> 00:02:25,743 and once everything was signed off on, 59 00:02:25,743 --> 00:02:26,903 it was like, "Surprise! 60 00:02:26,903 --> 00:02:30,063 "Now you get to fly 15 billion hours to the ass end of the world, 61 00:02:30,063 --> 00:02:33,543 "because it turns out that Archie is into skin, sexually, 62 00:02:33,543 --> 00:02:37,143 "which scares the fan base of predominantly children." 63 00:02:37,143 --> 00:02:38,383 Mm-hm. Hmm. 64 00:02:38,383 --> 00:02:40,783 Speaking of children, who the fuck are you? 65 00:02:40,783 --> 00:02:43,343 Why do I get the feeling neither of you is Fritz nor Randell? 66 00:02:43,343 --> 00:02:46,063 OK, so I'm Greta, and this is Nicole. 67 00:02:46,063 --> 00:02:48,663 Fritz is dead, and Randell is... Survived by his son. 68 00:02:48,663 --> 00:02:51,063 And we understand how emotional this all makes you. 69 00:02:51,063 --> 00:02:52,103 We really do. 70 00:02:52,103 --> 00:02:53,783 How tight is Archie's contract? 71 00:02:53,783 --> 00:02:55,863 The lifestyle clause is our problem. 72 00:02:55,863 --> 00:02:59,863 The legal test is - does collecting skin offend public conventions? 73 00:02:59,863 --> 00:03:02,503 That will let the studio drop them from the movie. 74 00:03:02,503 --> 00:03:05,623 Now, the good news is that the studio aren't going 75 00:03:05,623 --> 00:03:06,863 to make any major decisions 76 00:03:06,863 --> 00:03:09,063 without the director, Jeb Carson's, sign-off. 77 00:03:09,063 --> 00:03:13,903 Now, the bad news is that Jeb Carson is an emasculated fedora chode 78 00:03:13,903 --> 00:03:16,663 we've had to ass-kiss for 14 long lunches 79 00:03:16,663 --> 00:03:18,623 just to secure this role in the first place. 80 00:03:18,623 --> 00:03:20,863 Hmm. He never even liked Archie. 81 00:03:20,863 --> 00:03:24,303 He never wanted him. And now he's got this. 82 00:03:24,303 --> 00:03:25,863 Fuck! 83 00:03:25,863 --> 00:03:28,783 OK, Spence, we won't let that happen. 84 00:03:28,783 --> 00:03:31,343 Not gonna happen, Spence. 85 00:03:31,343 --> 00:03:34,063 Well, it looks more raised 86 00:03:34,063 --> 00:03:35,703 than it does in the reference journal. 87 00:03:35,703 --> 00:03:37,623 Yeah, you'll find that's common in gingers - 88 00:03:37,623 --> 00:03:39,623 weaker genetic selection. 89 00:03:39,623 --> 00:03:42,263 It happens whenever I get stressed. 90 00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:44,703 Have you had any reason to be stressed lately, Ian? 91 00:03:46,343 --> 00:03:49,183 What's this ball? Wait, where's my chair gone? 92 00:03:49,183 --> 00:03:51,463 Haven't you read New Beginnings, the visual ethos memo? 93 00:03:51,463 --> 00:03:53,383 We've shifted to a more ergonomic seating plan 94 00:03:53,383 --> 00:03:55,143 to better align with our moral health mission. 95 00:03:55,143 --> 00:03:56,503 Nothing came through on email. 96 00:03:56,503 --> 00:03:58,423 It's not on email, it's on duro. 97 00:03:58,423 --> 00:04:00,503 Have you downloaded duro, Ian? 98 00:04:00,503 --> 00:04:01,903 (DISTORTED) Ian! 99 00:04:03,263 --> 00:04:07,143 I mean, not...not really. 100 00:04:07,143 --> 00:04:09,343 Where's my Bento box? 101 00:04:09,343 --> 00:04:11,503 Ian, we told you, if you don't place your order on duro 102 00:04:11,503 --> 00:04:12,503 by COB the previous day, 103 00:04:12,503 --> 00:04:14,463 then it'll be assumed that you're intermittently fasting 104 00:04:14,463 --> 00:04:16,303 or you've meal-prepped your working week. 105 00:04:16,303 --> 00:04:18,663 Ian, and they told me you were fasting. 106 00:04:18,663 --> 00:04:20,503 Uh, no. 107 00:04:20,503 --> 00:04:22,623 You have to download it, Ian. Ian, have you downloaded duro? 108 00:04:22,623 --> 00:04:25,783 Hashtag #yumtime. duro, Ian. Hashtag #yumtime, Ian. 109 00:04:25,783 --> 00:04:28,263 We're your bosses now. 110 00:04:28,263 --> 00:04:31,703 I mean, I've just been usurped professionally by two women. 111 00:04:33,303 --> 00:04:35,583 Not that that's a problem. 112 00:04:35,583 --> 00:04:38,703 It's just that they're much younger than me. 113 00:04:38,703 --> 00:04:41,463 Not... Not that that's a problem either. 114 00:04:41,463 --> 00:04:47,183 It's just that they look at me with this pity and condescension. 115 00:04:50,583 --> 00:04:54,983 Either way, whenever I think about it, I can't breathe, 116 00:04:54,983 --> 00:04:58,503 and I get this pain down my left arm. 117 00:04:58,503 --> 00:05:01,783 OK, Ian, wear this band for the next 24 hours 118 00:05:01,783 --> 00:05:03,463 to monitor your palpitations. 119 00:05:03,463 --> 00:05:05,423 You'll feel a short pulse at random intervals 120 00:05:05,423 --> 00:05:06,823 throughout the day. (BAND VIBRATES) 121 00:05:06,823 --> 00:05:07,823 Uh... 122 00:05:07,823 --> 00:05:09,543 Aren't I too young for something like this? 123 00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:11,103 Not really. 124 00:05:11,103 --> 00:05:13,463 People your age drop dead all the time. 125 00:05:13,463 --> 00:05:14,823 Oh. 126 00:05:14,823 --> 00:05:17,623 NICOLE: You can't send mail there, it's not... 127 00:05:17,623 --> 00:05:18,623 OK, great. 128 00:05:18,623 --> 00:05:21,183 Archie, why don't we grab your phone off you? 129 00:05:21,183 --> 00:05:23,543 Yes, Archie, it's so important that you stay silent 130 00:05:23,543 --> 00:05:24,943 while we work out what is favourable 131 00:05:24,943 --> 00:05:27,183 about collecting skin as a lifestyle choice. 132 00:05:27,183 --> 00:05:29,863 Uh, we'll organise a car to come collect you. 133 00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:32,423 Yes, and, oh, don't forget to have fun, Archie, as well. 134 00:05:32,423 --> 00:05:34,743 Yes, just relax and forget about everything. 135 00:05:34,743 --> 00:05:36,143 (CLEARS THROAT) Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 136 00:05:36,143 --> 00:05:38,543 You've got somebody supervising Archie at the spa, right? 137 00:05:40,223 --> 00:05:41,223 Um... 138 00:05:41,223 --> 00:05:42,903 I've handled this guy for three days, 139 00:05:42,903 --> 00:05:45,263 and there are two things I know for certain - 140 00:05:45,263 --> 00:05:47,743 he cannot act and he cannot be trusted. 141 00:05:47,743 --> 00:05:49,223 (GROANING) 142 00:05:52,583 --> 00:05:54,623 OK, well, we can send Ian. He should be... 143 00:05:54,623 --> 00:05:56,143 No man, no. No man, no man. 144 00:05:56,143 --> 00:05:57,823 Massive daddy issues. We need a woman. 145 00:05:57,823 --> 00:05:59,023 Oh, well, we're... 146 00:05:59,023 --> 00:06:00,423 Not a woman he'd be attracted to. 147 00:06:00,423 --> 00:06:02,063 Well, that's us out. Hmm. 148 00:06:02,063 --> 00:06:03,743 We could send Meredith. Perfect. 149 00:06:03,743 --> 00:06:05,063 Meredith? We'll send Meredith. 150 00:06:05,063 --> 00:06:06,583 Meredith. Yeah. 151 00:06:07,783 --> 00:06:10,783 Now, isn't it like Meredith's first day off in, like, 34 years 152 00:06:10,783 --> 00:06:11,903 or something like that? 153 00:06:11,903 --> 00:06:14,663 Didn't she go on about that? Hmm. 154 00:06:14,663 --> 00:06:15,943 Hi, Ian. Hi, Ian. 155 00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:17,943 Ian, where have you been? Greg keeps calling. 156 00:06:17,943 --> 00:06:19,463 What the...? Greg from Star Toys. 157 00:06:19,463 --> 00:06:22,863 Your oldest friend, Ian. Why is my lunch at 3am? 158 00:06:22,863 --> 00:06:24,063 What? 159 00:06:24,063 --> 00:06:25,143 On duro. 160 00:06:25,143 --> 00:06:26,703 Oh, you've set it to Warsaw time. 161 00:06:26,703 --> 00:06:29,143 Well, can you change it back? I'd have to reset your profile. 162 00:06:29,143 --> 00:06:31,823 (GASPS) You'd lose all of your plus points. 163 00:06:31,823 --> 00:06:33,943 But I've just reached silver two! Yeah. 164 00:06:33,943 --> 00:06:37,543 I know, why don't I just add nine hours to the time in my head 165 00:06:37,543 --> 00:06:38,703 from now on? 166 00:06:38,703 --> 00:06:39,983 Great idea. 167 00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:41,703 Shall I let Greg know you're on your way? 168 00:06:41,703 --> 00:06:44,223 The girls are all on top of the Archie Toole thing. 169 00:06:44,223 --> 00:06:46,423 Archie Toole? Hmm. 170 00:06:46,423 --> 00:06:48,303 Why don't you go to Star Toys? 171 00:06:48,303 --> 00:06:50,103 What? Without you? 172 00:06:50,103 --> 00:06:51,783 I should stay here just in case 173 00:06:51,783 --> 00:06:54,023 Greta and Nicole need my help with Archie. 174 00:06:54,023 --> 00:06:55,023 Don't worry. 175 00:06:55,023 --> 00:06:57,823 It'll just be a factory fire or child slavery or something. 176 00:06:57,823 --> 00:06:59,103 Huh?! 177 00:06:59,103 --> 00:07:00,743 Just tell Greg to use 178 00:07:00,743 --> 00:07:03,383 the Ian Corporate Love playbook play. 179 00:07:04,703 --> 00:07:06,583 You'll be fine. 180 00:07:06,583 --> 00:07:08,143 Yeah. 181 00:07:08,143 --> 00:07:09,543 Greta! 182 00:07:09,543 --> 00:07:10,783 Nicole! 183 00:07:12,983 --> 00:07:14,463 (PHONE VIBRATES) 184 00:07:21,303 --> 00:07:22,583 Yes. 185 00:07:22,583 --> 00:07:25,823 Meredith, so, we totally know it's your first day off in 34 years. 186 00:07:25,823 --> 00:07:27,863 Yeah, and you're probably doing something so restorative. 187 00:07:27,863 --> 00:07:29,903 It's a personal day, and we respect that. 188 00:07:29,903 --> 00:07:31,063 We're just brainstorming. Yes. 189 00:07:31,063 --> 00:07:32,663 Being, like, "How do we treat Meredith? 190 00:07:32,663 --> 00:07:33,943 "How do we let her know she's valued?" 191 00:07:33,943 --> 00:07:35,903 So we went ahead and booked you into the Post Office. 192 00:07:35,903 --> 00:07:37,223 That's a celebrity day spa, Meredith. 193 00:07:37,223 --> 00:07:38,743 Although if you pass an actual post office, 194 00:07:38,743 --> 00:07:40,103 we might have a package for you to pick up. 195 00:07:40,103 --> 00:07:41,303 It's, like, weighted wristbands. 196 00:07:41,303 --> 00:07:42,983 They're, like, pretty heavy for me to carry, so... 197 00:07:42,983 --> 00:07:44,943 And that is a tomorrow problem - tomorrow morning, though. 198 00:07:44,943 --> 00:07:46,343 Today, we've booked you into a day spa. 199 00:07:46,343 --> 00:07:48,263 That is the point of this conversation. 200 00:07:48,263 --> 00:07:49,983 All expenses paid? 201 00:07:49,983 --> 00:07:52,063 Of course. It's on us, which is on the company. 202 00:07:54,783 --> 00:07:56,703 Alright, then. 203 00:07:56,703 --> 00:07:58,423 Amazing. Great. 204 00:07:58,423 --> 00:08:00,503 Oh, my God, Meredith, you're going to be totally transformed. 205 00:08:00,503 --> 00:08:03,103 It's going to be like a car wash for the mind, body and soul vibes. 206 00:08:03,103 --> 00:08:05,703 Just a note, though, Meredith, because it is a company expense, 207 00:08:05,703 --> 00:08:07,903 you will have to meet our client, Archie Toole there. 208 00:08:07,903 --> 00:08:09,463 Yes, and you will have to keep him off his phone 209 00:08:09,463 --> 00:08:12,623 because he has been outed for skin-based sexual deviancy. 210 00:08:12,623 --> 00:08:14,143 Oh! Great. 211 00:08:14,143 --> 00:08:16,303 Thank you so much, Meredith. That's... 212 00:08:16,303 --> 00:08:18,303 (SIGHS) 213 00:08:18,303 --> 00:08:20,263 I think I had a lot of empathy in that conversation. 214 00:08:20,263 --> 00:08:22,423 I've noticed you've been working on that. 215 00:08:22,423 --> 00:08:25,383 Hey, so what the hell was this guy thinking? 216 00:08:25,383 --> 00:08:27,743 Didn't he learn anything from MeToo? 217 00:08:27,743 --> 00:08:31,223 Don't do anything weird in the bedroom without an NDA first. 218 00:08:31,223 --> 00:08:33,903 That's quite a special message to glean from MeToo, Ian. 219 00:08:33,903 --> 00:08:36,183 Well, the lesson was - NDAs work. 220 00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:39,383 This guy should be eating, breathing and shitting out NDAs, 221 00:08:39,383 --> 00:08:41,783 hiding all his shame in paperwork. 222 00:08:41,783 --> 00:08:44,623 Firstly, that is vulgar. Secondly, no, Ian. 223 00:08:44,623 --> 00:08:46,623 Actually, I think Ian might be on to something with that, 224 00:08:46,623 --> 00:08:48,943 in the sense that he's completely wrong. 225 00:08:48,943 --> 00:08:51,463 I mean, skin-collecting only offends public conventions 226 00:08:51,463 --> 00:08:53,103 because it's shameful. 227 00:08:53,103 --> 00:08:55,423 Wait, you're talking a classic reverse frame. 228 00:08:55,423 --> 00:08:57,623 We eliminate the shame from Archie Toole's skin-collecting, 229 00:08:57,623 --> 00:08:59,543 and, wait a second, suddenly he's totally inspiring. 230 00:08:59,543 --> 00:09:00,823 Exactly. Reverse frame. 231 00:09:00,823 --> 00:09:02,903 This is the first time an A-lister has been out and proud 232 00:09:02,903 --> 00:09:04,303 from the skin-collecting community. 233 00:09:04,303 --> 00:09:05,983 Wow. Love that. I'm writing that down. 234 00:09:05,983 --> 00:09:07,303 That's so good. 235 00:09:07,303 --> 00:09:08,943 He's not out and proud. 236 00:09:08,943 --> 00:09:11,503 He employed us to bury the evidence. 237 00:09:11,503 --> 00:09:13,023 Well, actually, I think he employed us 238 00:09:13,023 --> 00:09:15,103 to wage war on the rampant kink-shaming in Hollywood. 239 00:09:15,103 --> 00:09:17,423 Skin-collecting's not a kink. 240 00:09:17,423 --> 00:09:19,783 A kink is having sex on a swing 241 00:09:19,783 --> 00:09:22,583 or while you think about someone else. 242 00:09:22,583 --> 00:09:25,223 People should be ashamed of some things 243 00:09:25,223 --> 00:09:28,263 and keep them hidden deep inside them. 244 00:09:28,263 --> 00:09:30,943 (LOUD VIBRATING) (MOANS) 245 00:09:30,943 --> 00:09:33,223 (INTERMITTENT VIBRATIONS) 246 00:09:34,423 --> 00:09:35,503 OK, great. 247 00:09:35,503 --> 00:09:37,903 Well, looks like you know what you're doing. 248 00:09:40,703 --> 00:09:42,703 So, what do we think that was? I have no idea. 249 00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:59,223 Finally, Meredith. 250 00:09:59,223 --> 00:10:00,543 Yes. 251 00:10:00,543 --> 00:10:01,623 You're perfect. 252 00:10:01,623 --> 00:10:03,783 Have a morally acceptable time, Archie. 253 00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:06,743 Oh. 254 00:10:07,943 --> 00:10:09,223 Oh, right. 255 00:10:09,223 --> 00:10:10,223 OK. 256 00:10:11,503 --> 00:10:13,023 I'm going to book in 257 00:10:13,023 --> 00:10:16,583 for the Solo Calde Golden Foot Scrub Package. 258 00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:19,263 Oh, and the Eight Hands Massage. 259 00:10:19,263 --> 00:10:21,743 And for sir over there? 260 00:10:21,743 --> 00:10:23,863 Oh, he can have what he wants. 261 00:10:23,863 --> 00:10:27,503 Oh, except for the skin exfoliation treatment. 262 00:10:29,543 --> 00:10:32,903 Sir, we have a no phones policy. 263 00:10:32,903 --> 00:10:34,303 Oh, I don't have a phone. 264 00:10:34,303 --> 00:10:35,743 It's just I'm an actor 265 00:10:35,743 --> 00:10:37,223 and sometimes I think some people think 266 00:10:37,223 --> 00:10:39,503 that I have a phone when I don't, just 'cause they see me on screen. 267 00:10:39,503 --> 00:10:40,503 But easy mistake to make. 268 00:10:40,503 --> 00:10:42,983 We can see the phone beside your leg, Archie. Come on. 269 00:10:50,463 --> 00:10:52,023 (SIGHS) 270 00:11:07,223 --> 00:11:09,303 Hello, mate. Hello! 271 00:11:09,303 --> 00:11:11,263 Welcome to the Star Toys universe. 272 00:11:11,263 --> 00:11:13,663 Greg, sorry Ian couldn't be here. 273 00:11:13,663 --> 00:11:16,183 Look, I'm sure he sends his best. First time here? 274 00:11:16,183 --> 00:11:17,783 Yeah. Wow, exciting for you. 275 00:11:17,783 --> 00:11:18,863 Argh! Jeez! 276 00:11:18,863 --> 00:11:21,423 DOLL: I'm beautiful. Every single time! 277 00:11:21,423 --> 00:11:23,423 That's our educational doll range. 278 00:11:23,423 --> 00:11:25,303 Such a great initiative! 279 00:11:26,303 --> 00:11:28,663 So, what seems to be the problem? Oh, this way. 280 00:11:29,663 --> 00:11:32,143 Oh, my niece wants one of these! 281 00:11:32,143 --> 00:11:33,783 No, she doesn't. 282 00:11:35,023 --> 00:11:36,263 Oh! 283 00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:37,663 (COUGHS) 284 00:11:37,663 --> 00:11:40,103 Oh, God! 285 00:11:40,103 --> 00:11:43,383 Why discuss skin collection when wind farms keep killing whales? 286 00:11:43,383 --> 00:11:44,703 It's a Margaret Kone piece. 287 00:11:44,703 --> 00:11:46,263 I've got her running the whataboutism angle. 288 00:11:46,263 --> 00:11:47,983 That is so good. (PHONE VIBRATES) 289 00:11:47,983 --> 00:11:49,903 Oh, my God, and this is Amanda about the listicle. 290 00:11:49,903 --> 00:11:51,103 Oh, perfect. Amanda... 291 00:11:51,103 --> 00:11:53,343 Are you working with Margaret Kone? 292 00:11:53,343 --> 00:11:55,303 I love Margaret Kone. 293 00:11:55,303 --> 00:11:57,223 Ian, I am Margaret Kone. 294 00:11:57,223 --> 00:11:59,543 Well, we're all Margaret Kone, aren't we? 295 00:11:59,543 --> 00:12:03,063 No. Like, I quite literally am Margaret Kone. I created her. 296 00:12:03,063 --> 00:12:04,663 She's one of my several aliases that I use 297 00:12:04,663 --> 00:12:06,943 to influence conversation online. 298 00:12:06,943 --> 00:12:09,543 But something about her centrist platitudes really resonated 299 00:12:09,543 --> 00:12:11,463 with older audiences such as yourself. 300 00:12:11,463 --> 00:12:13,463 And then editors were messaging me, me as Margaret, 301 00:12:13,463 --> 00:12:15,463 asking me for op-eds and think pieces. 302 00:12:15,463 --> 00:12:17,023 She really took off. 303 00:12:17,023 --> 00:12:18,423 Yeah, yeah. 304 00:12:18,423 --> 00:12:21,143 But I mean, she has gone off the boil a bit 305 00:12:21,143 --> 00:12:22,543 in the last few months. 306 00:12:22,543 --> 00:12:23,823 Oh, no, that sounds really good. 307 00:12:23,823 --> 00:12:26,023 I was just thinking, like, eight kinks making a comeback, 308 00:12:26,023 --> 00:12:28,383 like shoe-sniffing, objectophilia... 309 00:12:28,383 --> 00:12:29,623 Um, yeah. 310 00:12:29,623 --> 00:12:31,383 I mean, something chill, like skin-collecting. 311 00:12:31,383 --> 00:12:34,063 That also works. What about... What about eating poo? 312 00:12:34,063 --> 00:12:35,583 You know, like the scat stuff. 313 00:12:35,583 --> 00:12:38,663 (INTERMITTENT LOUD VIBRATIONS) (MOANS) 314 00:12:41,543 --> 00:12:42,823 No, sorry, I am still here. 315 00:12:42,823 --> 00:12:45,063 Yep, live by this afternoon would be...would be great, Amanda. 316 00:12:45,063 --> 00:12:46,063 Thank you. 317 00:12:48,063 --> 00:12:50,743 Are you OK, Ian? Anything you want to tell us? 318 00:12:50,743 --> 00:12:53,743 OK, girls. I'm back on deck. Have you done anything at all? 319 00:12:53,743 --> 00:12:56,303 Oh, we have bombarded our online contacts 320 00:12:56,303 --> 00:12:57,743 with our anti-kink-shaming campaign. 321 00:12:57,743 --> 00:13:00,623 It's a movement and a perfectly acceptable lifestyle choice. 322 00:13:00,623 --> 00:13:02,583 On the pink feed, we have Nikki Lake doing a deep dive 323 00:13:02,583 --> 00:13:05,063 on how skin-collecting is actually a racially inclusive kink. 324 00:13:05,063 --> 00:13:07,343 Yep, and on the blue feed, we have Doctor Hugh Memphis doing a video 325 00:13:07,343 --> 00:13:09,543 about how social stigma affects the frontal cortex, 326 00:13:09,543 --> 00:13:11,343 therefore kink-shaming causes brain damage. 327 00:13:11,343 --> 00:13:13,303 Mm-hm. And our Estonian design team is doing all the text 328 00:13:13,303 --> 00:13:14,343 and animation for that. 329 00:13:14,343 --> 00:13:16,823 Authentic social media presence is all about spoon-feeding influencers 330 00:13:16,823 --> 00:13:18,863 information that you bought from Estonians. 331 00:13:20,103 --> 00:13:21,943 So, but what the fuck does any of this mean? 332 00:13:21,943 --> 00:13:23,383 Are you following this? 333 00:13:23,383 --> 00:13:26,583 No, and I don't think anyone cares 334 00:13:26,583 --> 00:13:29,903 about that failed model turned fake doctor 335 00:13:29,903 --> 00:13:31,943 making videos about skin. 336 00:13:31,943 --> 00:13:33,823 That's right. Who is this guy? 337 00:13:33,823 --> 00:13:36,143 Ian. Ian Randell. 338 00:13:36,143 --> 00:13:39,023 Wait, the Randell of Fritz and Randell? 339 00:13:39,023 --> 00:13:40,343 Why isn't he on this brief? 340 00:13:40,343 --> 00:13:43,583 OK, re- our social outreach, this algorithm will place the vids 341 00:13:43,583 --> 00:13:45,663 in front of anyone who has lingered on Njord content 342 00:13:45,663 --> 00:13:47,663 for longer than three seconds in the last 60 days. 343 00:13:47,663 --> 00:13:50,103 That's everyone we need to reach to influence the conversation. 344 00:13:50,103 --> 00:13:51,543 Everyone. 345 00:13:51,543 --> 00:13:57,143 Look, those are fancy stats, girls, but the way I see it, 346 00:13:57,143 --> 00:13:58,943 we need to be hitting the decision-makers, 347 00:13:58,943 --> 00:14:00,743 the movie studios, 348 00:14:00,743 --> 00:14:03,463 the Jeb Carsons of this world. 349 00:14:03,463 --> 00:14:05,183 That's absolutely right. 350 00:14:05,183 --> 00:14:07,783 This isn't about whether Brandon Nobody 351 00:14:07,783 --> 00:14:11,303 from Butthurt, Ohio thinks that skin-collecting is 352 00:14:11,303 --> 00:14:13,023 a new social movement, 353 00:14:13,023 --> 00:14:14,863 because he's not the one 354 00:14:14,863 --> 00:14:19,503 making $300 million investment decisions on movie franchises. 355 00:14:19,503 --> 00:14:22,263 Yes, I am agreeing with this. 356 00:14:22,263 --> 00:14:24,903 I know, I know TikToks are fun, girls, 357 00:14:24,903 --> 00:14:28,703 but maybe we should get the Wall Street Journal talking 358 00:14:28,703 --> 00:14:32,583 about how movie studios would be a lot more profitable 359 00:14:32,583 --> 00:14:34,623 if they stopped getting so worked up 360 00:14:34,623 --> 00:14:37,503 every time a guy jerks it into a pot plant. 361 00:14:37,503 --> 00:14:39,063 (LOUD VIBRATIONS) Oh! 362 00:14:39,063 --> 00:14:41,023 (MOANS) 363 00:14:41,023 --> 00:14:44,383 (INTERMITTENT VIBRATIONS) (MOANS) 364 00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:46,063 GREG: I mean, it's fascinating, really. 365 00:14:46,063 --> 00:14:48,023 You know, the lithium bank's just a little bit... 366 00:14:48,023 --> 00:14:49,703 ..a little bit too close to the capacitors. 367 00:14:49,703 --> 00:14:52,183 So the shielding, you know, creates a kind of a shaped charge. 368 00:14:52,183 --> 00:14:54,343 Shaped charge? Yeah. 369 00:14:54,343 --> 00:14:55,743 Upwards. 370 00:14:55,743 --> 00:14:58,463 I mean, basically a precision hit to the genitals 371 00:14:58,463 --> 00:15:02,143 to anyone who's standing on the board at the time. 372 00:15:02,143 --> 00:15:04,143 Oh! Oof! 373 00:15:04,143 --> 00:15:06,943 (THEY COUGH) 374 00:15:06,943 --> 00:15:08,983 And this is marketed at children? 375 00:15:08,983 --> 00:15:11,383 Yeah, well, that's why I couldn't email you the photos. 376 00:15:11,383 --> 00:15:13,343 But we're following Ian's playbook on this. 377 00:15:13,343 --> 00:15:14,983 We're doing the corporate love method. 378 00:15:14,983 --> 00:15:16,583 Yeah, I mean, you just tell the parents 379 00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:17,823 that it's an isolated incident, 380 00:15:17,823 --> 00:15:21,063 pay their medical bills while the kids do a factory tour, 381 00:15:21,063 --> 00:15:23,423 and in return, they sign a watertight NDA, 382 00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:24,823 buying their silence in perpetuity. 383 00:15:24,823 --> 00:15:26,423 I mean, most of them have been delighted. 384 00:15:26,423 --> 00:15:28,263 OK, well, then, what's the problem? 385 00:15:28,263 --> 00:15:29,383 A hold-out. 386 00:15:29,383 --> 00:15:31,143 One of the parents wants to go to the press. 387 00:15:31,143 --> 00:15:34,303 And, look, once that happens, then they'll all know 388 00:15:34,303 --> 00:15:35,903 that this wasn't an isolated incident. 389 00:15:35,903 --> 00:15:37,263 It's going to bloody ruin us. 390 00:15:37,263 --> 00:15:38,983 Oh, well. 391 00:15:38,983 --> 00:15:40,383 OK. Wow. Um... 392 00:15:40,383 --> 00:15:41,743 Well, I'll take these photos 393 00:15:41,743 --> 00:15:44,103 and I'll see what Ian thinks about them. 394 00:15:44,103 --> 00:15:45,423 OK. 395 00:15:47,823 --> 00:15:49,143 (MOANS) 396 00:15:49,143 --> 00:15:51,703 Sorry. What the hell was that? 397 00:15:54,583 --> 00:15:56,743 Uh, what was...? What was what? 398 00:15:56,743 --> 00:15:58,743 Uh, you were vibrating, Ian. 399 00:15:58,743 --> 00:16:01,863 The sound was coming from inside of you. 400 00:16:01,863 --> 00:16:03,743 Oh. Uh, that? 401 00:16:03,743 --> 00:16:05,423 No. Yeah, I've heard that, too. 402 00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:08,503 I think maybe it's, uh, coming from the building or something. 403 00:16:08,503 --> 00:16:10,903 Ian, we're not stupid. 404 00:16:10,903 --> 00:16:12,183 It's OK, Ian. 405 00:16:12,183 --> 00:16:15,223 And while we really appreciate you fully supporting our stance 406 00:16:15,223 --> 00:16:16,583 on anti-kink-shaming... 407 00:16:16,583 --> 00:16:18,263 It's just still super inappropriate 408 00:16:18,263 --> 00:16:20,983 to have a vibrating butt plug up your arse in the office. 409 00:16:20,983 --> 00:16:24,303 Up your arse. What? No, no, it's not... 410 00:16:24,303 --> 00:16:25,983 You probably take the butt plug out your arse, Ian. 411 00:16:25,983 --> 00:16:28,023 Take your butt plug out, Ian. 412 00:16:30,063 --> 00:16:33,583 I mean, it's not... Go take out your butt plug, Ian. 413 00:16:33,583 --> 00:16:35,263 It's not a butt plug. 414 00:16:35,263 --> 00:16:38,583 (SIGHS) That's why he's not on this brief. 415 00:16:44,343 --> 00:16:45,503 Sorry. 416 00:16:45,503 --> 00:16:49,623 Um, what goes into this cheesecake that makes it $265? 417 00:16:49,623 --> 00:16:51,943 Raw cashew cream and sea gel. 418 00:16:51,943 --> 00:16:54,023 Ooh, sounds disgusting. 419 00:16:54,023 --> 00:16:55,343 We'll take three of them. 420 00:16:55,343 --> 00:16:57,143 Archie, what do you want? 421 00:16:57,143 --> 00:16:58,303 Oh, God. 422 00:16:58,303 --> 00:16:59,903 Come on. 423 00:16:59,903 --> 00:17:01,343 (SIGHS) 424 00:17:03,143 --> 00:17:04,583 (SCOFFS) 425 00:17:07,183 --> 00:17:08,903 Look, can I just ask, 426 00:17:08,903 --> 00:17:12,143 what is the most expensive treatment you do here? 427 00:17:12,143 --> 00:17:15,823 Or should I just add Korean snail mucin 428 00:17:15,823 --> 00:17:17,543 to my hair Botox package? 429 00:17:17,543 --> 00:17:20,303 Well, our most sought-after programs 430 00:17:20,303 --> 00:17:23,663 are with our systemic family healing guru, Susanna Bali. 431 00:17:23,663 --> 00:17:25,503 And she's the most expensive? 432 00:17:25,503 --> 00:17:28,783 She's the leading healer in the Pan Pacific, and she's 1,400. 433 00:17:28,783 --> 00:17:30,543 Hmm? 434 00:17:32,903 --> 00:17:35,623 Tell my fridge to DM Claudia. 435 00:17:36,863 --> 00:17:38,583 (ELECTRONIC BEEP) 436 00:17:42,663 --> 00:17:44,343 What do you mean? Oh, great. 437 00:17:44,343 --> 00:17:46,383 Apparently, Archie's been using his smart bottle to connect 438 00:17:46,383 --> 00:17:48,543 to his fridge to log into Instagram to DM a foot model. 439 00:17:48,543 --> 00:17:49,543 Fantastic. 440 00:17:49,543 --> 00:17:51,823 We have zero traction on our videos. What happened to the Kone op-ed? 441 00:17:51,823 --> 00:17:54,263 OK, it's published online, and so far it has, uh... 442 00:17:54,263 --> 00:17:55,623 ..one comment. What is it? 443 00:17:55,623 --> 00:17:57,303 "Fuck up Margaret Kone!" 444 00:17:57,303 --> 00:17:58,823 Great. What about the listicle? 445 00:17:58,823 --> 00:18:00,383 OK, well, they've taken the liberty 446 00:18:00,383 --> 00:18:02,463 of publishing two listicles. Well, that's great. 447 00:18:02,463 --> 00:18:03,783 No, "Cool Kinks and Kinks That Stink". 448 00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:05,383 Oh, my God, what stinks? 449 00:18:05,383 --> 00:18:06,743 Skin-collecting. 450 00:18:06,743 --> 00:18:08,863 BOTH: Fuck! OK, we have to get this down. 451 00:18:08,863 --> 00:18:10,903 Well, well, well. 452 00:18:10,903 --> 00:18:12,983 Looks like your butt plug buddy was right. 453 00:18:12,983 --> 00:18:14,383 Oh, well, actually, Spence, 454 00:18:14,383 --> 00:18:17,263 the internet is like a complex marketplace of ideas, 455 00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:19,903 which takes time... To unfold into the play. 456 00:18:19,903 --> 00:18:22,023 And it's different here. It's a long game, if anything. 457 00:18:22,023 --> 00:18:24,063 You're in Australia now. It's the southern hemisphere. 458 00:18:30,703 --> 00:18:33,103 Oh, my God, it's Jeb Carson. 459 00:18:35,383 --> 00:18:37,623 No way. No way, no way. 460 00:18:37,623 --> 00:18:39,423 No fucking way. Uh... 461 00:18:39,423 --> 00:18:40,583 Wow. Hi. 462 00:18:40,583 --> 00:18:43,463 Can I take this moment to say you are my favourite male auteur? 463 00:18:43,463 --> 00:18:46,543 Jeb. Jeb, listen, we are across the online conversation. 464 00:18:46,543 --> 00:18:48,623 I mean, every listicle journalist is a hack. People know this. 465 00:18:48,623 --> 00:18:49,623 People are saying this. 466 00:18:49,623 --> 00:18:52,303 Also, who cares what Kylie Blands from, um, 467 00:18:52,303 --> 00:18:53,943 Lacklustre Town, uh... 468 00:18:53,943 --> 00:18:56,023 Kentucky. ..have to say about kinks? 469 00:18:56,023 --> 00:18:58,143 I mean, what do they know? 470 00:18:58,143 --> 00:19:01,583 I don't care what they think. Exactly. Because you're an artist. 471 00:19:01,583 --> 00:19:03,663 I care what I think. Yes. 472 00:19:03,663 --> 00:19:05,263 Archie's out. Oh. 473 00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:09,143 Let me guess. It was a nothing burger. 474 00:19:09,143 --> 00:19:11,303 Actually, a disaster burger. 475 00:19:11,303 --> 00:19:13,343 The hover board has a defect. 476 00:19:13,343 --> 00:19:16,423 They've been using your corporate love playbook on it. 477 00:19:16,423 --> 00:19:19,263 They're using the corporate love playbook on this? 478 00:19:19,263 --> 00:19:21,583 This isn't a corporate love playbook play. 479 00:19:21,583 --> 00:19:24,103 This is a recall playbook play. 480 00:19:24,103 --> 00:19:25,783 Have they recalled? They don't need to. 481 00:19:25,783 --> 00:19:27,063 Except for this one person, 482 00:19:27,063 --> 00:19:28,983 Star Toys reckons the truth won't come out. 483 00:19:28,983 --> 00:19:32,143 The truth will come out. You recall. 484 00:19:32,143 --> 00:19:34,903 You get ahead of the story, you accept responsibility, 485 00:19:34,903 --> 00:19:36,903 and you control the narrative. 486 00:19:36,903 --> 00:19:39,143 That is the only playbook to use 487 00:19:39,143 --> 00:19:41,423 when you're dealing with kids' genitals. 488 00:19:41,423 --> 00:19:42,663 We cover up the sweatshops. 489 00:19:42,663 --> 00:19:44,863 We do not cover up the sweatshops. 490 00:19:44,863 --> 00:19:46,703 Well, yeah, we do cover up the sweatshops. 491 00:19:46,703 --> 00:19:48,783 But that's only because nobody's ever going to find out. 492 00:19:48,783 --> 00:19:52,063 And even if they do find out, nobody actually cares. 493 00:19:52,063 --> 00:19:54,543 Whereas people do actually care about this. 494 00:19:54,543 --> 00:19:58,623 Cody, why wouldn't you immediately tell them to issue a recall? 495 00:19:58,623 --> 00:20:01,343 Every minute that we're not issuing a recall goes 496 00:20:01,343 --> 00:20:05,463 into the court transcript when this inevitably goes to court. 497 00:20:05,463 --> 00:20:07,823 I messaged you, you never responded. 498 00:20:07,823 --> 00:20:09,863 I haven't got any messages. 499 00:20:09,863 --> 00:20:11,543 Oh, wait. There they are. 500 00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:14,503 Oh, fuck. I'm still on Warsaw time! 501 00:20:15,783 --> 00:20:17,143 Oh, the timestamps show 502 00:20:17,143 --> 00:20:19,343 that you received these messages nine hours ago. 503 00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:22,743 That's not going to look good. Oh, fuck! 504 00:20:22,743 --> 00:20:24,943 MEREDITH: 35 years I worked for him. 505 00:20:24,943 --> 00:20:28,183 It's just I never got a chance to say goodbye. 506 00:20:29,543 --> 00:20:30,783 And he was... 507 00:20:31,903 --> 00:20:33,623 He meant so much to me. 508 00:20:33,623 --> 00:20:37,463 And now I don't even know if I knew him at all. 509 00:20:37,463 --> 00:20:38,863 My heart... (SMALL ITEM HITS FLOOR) 510 00:20:39,903 --> 00:20:40,983 Sorry. 511 00:20:40,983 --> 00:20:42,903 Sorry, Archie, I can see 512 00:20:42,903 --> 00:20:44,903 that you're writing something down there. 513 00:20:44,903 --> 00:20:47,063 Yeah, I'm taking notes. 514 00:20:47,063 --> 00:20:48,623 No, he's not. Yes, I am. 515 00:20:48,623 --> 00:20:50,063 I'm taking in the session. 516 00:20:50,063 --> 00:20:51,743 He's writing filth. 517 00:20:51,743 --> 00:20:55,023 He's disgusting. See? No-one ever believes me. 518 00:20:55,023 --> 00:20:56,943 Meredith, why do you think you always assume 519 00:20:56,943 --> 00:20:58,303 the worst of Archie? 520 00:20:58,303 --> 00:21:01,423 I'll bet your entire $1,400 fee 521 00:21:01,423 --> 00:21:04,623 that that note contains something unbelievably crass. 522 00:21:04,623 --> 00:21:06,303 Like, "I'm a stiff little boy, 523 00:21:06,303 --> 00:21:08,023 "and I'm going to peel all your dry skin off 524 00:21:08,023 --> 00:21:10,263 "and keep it in my arse," for instance. 525 00:21:12,063 --> 00:21:13,463 Hey. 526 00:21:15,463 --> 00:21:16,983 Archie, can you hand me the note? 527 00:21:18,903 --> 00:21:19,983 Archie? 528 00:21:21,583 --> 00:21:23,103 Archie. 529 00:21:24,263 --> 00:21:25,943 Oh! 530 00:21:27,743 --> 00:21:28,783 Sorry. 531 00:21:30,703 --> 00:21:31,783 What does it say? 532 00:21:39,183 --> 00:21:41,183 We've got a lot of work to do here. 533 00:21:41,183 --> 00:21:43,263 (WHIMPERS TO SELF) 534 00:21:43,263 --> 00:21:45,743 Oh, God. You know what? 535 00:21:45,743 --> 00:21:47,503 This isn't fun anymore. 536 00:21:47,503 --> 00:21:49,503 Not until the session is over, Meredith. 537 00:21:49,503 --> 00:21:51,463 (SIGHS) 538 00:21:56,143 --> 00:21:58,903 My problem is Njord doesn't eat skin. 539 00:21:58,903 --> 00:21:59,903 He just doesn't. 540 00:21:59,903 --> 00:22:02,303 OK, again, there's no evidence that Archie eats skin, at this point. 541 00:22:02,303 --> 00:22:04,343 There's no evidence. You're not listening to me. 542 00:22:04,343 --> 00:22:05,463 With a film like this, 543 00:22:05,463 --> 00:22:07,343 you need to respect the origins of the text. 544 00:22:07,343 --> 00:22:08,903 If Njord suddenly collects skin, 545 00:22:08,903 --> 00:22:10,903 then the horse has already left the station, hasn't it? 546 00:22:10,903 --> 00:22:13,343 I mean, why not change Njord's name to Njora? 547 00:22:13,343 --> 00:22:15,903 And why not say that Njora isn't a Nordic warrior 548 00:22:15,903 --> 00:22:17,743 who watches over the fjord after all? 549 00:22:17,743 --> 00:22:20,703 Because Njora is actually a lesbian bartender from Barbados. 550 00:22:20,703 --> 00:22:22,103 You know what I'm saying? 551 00:22:22,103 --> 00:22:23,903 Er, we definitely hear the words you're saying, Jeb. 552 00:22:23,903 --> 00:22:26,223 Nobody wants Njord to be a lesbian from Barbados 553 00:22:26,223 --> 00:22:28,943 who collects skin, Jeb. No-one wants that. 554 00:22:28,943 --> 00:22:31,103 He might as well be with Archie as Njord. 555 00:22:31,103 --> 00:22:33,863 It's not true to the comic books or fair to the fans. 556 00:22:33,863 --> 00:22:36,783 OK, so, sorry, you want to sack Archie Toole the actor 557 00:22:36,783 --> 00:22:38,863 because, in your mind, he can no longer portray 558 00:22:38,863 --> 00:22:41,103 a half-centaur Nordic god who fucks a snow goose 559 00:22:41,103 --> 00:22:44,023 in order to retain his ice powers? 560 00:22:44,023 --> 00:22:47,143 The snow goose is from the original Swedish fairytale. 561 00:22:47,143 --> 00:22:49,143 We're adapting the manga retelling. Yes. 562 00:22:49,143 --> 00:22:52,623 So, um, I think where we're going wrong here, Archie is an actor, 563 00:22:52,623 --> 00:22:55,463 so he's actually going to act the character. Um... 564 00:22:55,463 --> 00:22:57,303 He'll transform into the role. Yes. 565 00:22:57,303 --> 00:22:59,703 You know how they didn't really find those big blue creatures 566 00:22:59,703 --> 00:23:01,383 to play those big blue creatures in Avatar? 567 00:23:01,383 --> 00:23:03,903 Those creatures were made on a computer. 568 00:23:05,303 --> 00:23:08,903 How dare you talk about those fucking beautiful blue creatures. 569 00:23:08,903 --> 00:23:10,903 I don't want Archie as Njord. 570 00:23:10,903 --> 00:23:13,583 It's factually incorrect. And I'm the director. 571 00:23:13,583 --> 00:23:15,543 Jeb! Jeb, wait, wait. 572 00:23:15,543 --> 00:23:16,863 I'm just gonna try something. 573 00:23:16,863 --> 00:23:18,743 OK. Jeb, Jeb, Jeb, Jeb. 574 00:23:18,743 --> 00:23:20,583 Um, OK, so, uh, 575 00:23:20,583 --> 00:23:22,423 while we really respect your dedication 576 00:23:22,423 --> 00:23:24,663 to protecting the integrity of the fictional Norse gods 577 00:23:24,663 --> 00:23:28,183 in your cinematic work, ultimately, we represent Archie. 578 00:23:28,183 --> 00:23:31,463 So if you were to revoke his contract in any way, 579 00:23:31,463 --> 00:23:33,983 then we would be forced to use the tools in our arsenal 580 00:23:33,983 --> 00:23:36,103 to punish you for that decision. 581 00:23:36,103 --> 00:23:38,583 Oh, wow. OK, they're doing it. 582 00:23:41,263 --> 00:23:43,303 Are you fucking threatening me? 583 00:23:43,303 --> 00:23:45,223 Not unless you're saying you've been extremely kind 584 00:23:45,223 --> 00:23:47,783 to every woman that you've ever worked with, ever. 585 00:23:50,943 --> 00:23:52,863 Then we wouldn't be. 586 00:23:52,863 --> 00:23:56,383 I want you to know that myself and the Njord cinematic universe 587 00:23:56,383 --> 00:23:58,383 stand behind Archie Toole. 588 00:23:58,383 --> 00:24:00,303 Archie as Njord. 589 00:24:00,303 --> 00:24:02,543 This is an important moment in kink history, 590 00:24:02,543 --> 00:24:06,023 and I'm proud to be part of it, because I just love my kinks. 591 00:24:06,023 --> 00:24:08,383 Because I'm an inclusive male auteur. 592 00:24:08,383 --> 00:24:10,143 Wow. I wonder what he did. 593 00:24:10,143 --> 00:24:12,543 I mean, he's really going for it, so probably something quite horrific. 594 00:24:12,543 --> 00:24:13,543 Hmm. 595 00:24:13,543 --> 00:24:15,583 Just got to duck out. Something quite important. 596 00:24:15,583 --> 00:24:16,583 What could be more important 597 00:24:16,583 --> 00:24:18,423 than watching us nail the Archie case, Ian? 598 00:24:20,023 --> 00:24:21,543 What's this? 599 00:24:21,543 --> 00:24:23,143 Oh, my God! Oh, shit! 600 00:24:23,143 --> 00:24:24,583 Ian! What? (LOUD VIBRATIONS) 601 00:24:24,583 --> 00:24:26,863 (MOANS) 602 00:24:26,863 --> 00:24:29,503 It's not a butt plug. It's a... 603 00:24:29,503 --> 00:24:30,943 Heart monitor. We know, Ian. 604 00:24:30,943 --> 00:24:33,183 Nicole's grandmother had one, before she died of old age. 605 00:24:33,183 --> 00:24:35,103 We are not letting you take on this brief, Ian. 606 00:24:35,103 --> 00:24:37,063 But Greg's my oldest cl... Hang on. 607 00:24:37,063 --> 00:24:38,463 You knew it was a heart monitor? 608 00:24:38,463 --> 00:24:40,343 This is not coming anywhere near our brand. 609 00:24:40,343 --> 00:24:42,583 No, definitely not in the visual ethos memo. 610 00:24:42,583 --> 00:24:44,703 He's the first client I ever brought to the firm. 611 00:24:44,703 --> 00:24:46,743 He's my friend. 612 00:24:46,743 --> 00:24:48,543 This is a branding issue, Ian. 613 00:24:48,543 --> 00:24:51,503 And that's coming straight from the top, which is us now. 614 00:24:51,503 --> 00:24:53,423 Your brand might be deformed children's genitals, 615 00:24:53,423 --> 00:24:55,623 but it is not our brand. It's not our brand, Ian. 616 00:24:57,303 --> 00:24:58,503 ARCHIE: See, that's the thing. 617 00:24:58,503 --> 00:25:02,023 It makes so much sense because she cut my brother's nails 618 00:25:02,023 --> 00:25:03,623 and she cut my sister's nails, 619 00:25:03,623 --> 00:25:05,663 but she never cut my nails! 620 00:25:07,023 --> 00:25:08,463 Oh. 621 00:25:08,463 --> 00:25:09,983 Oh, look, Archie. 622 00:25:09,983 --> 00:25:12,143 Looks like you're back on the film again. 623 00:25:12,143 --> 00:25:14,503 So, they're taking care of you. 624 00:25:14,503 --> 00:25:16,703 What? Really? Yes. 625 00:25:16,703 --> 00:25:17,703 Oh, my God! 626 00:25:19,263 --> 00:25:20,863 That's such good news. 627 00:25:21,863 --> 00:25:23,343 Oh, my God. 628 00:25:24,543 --> 00:25:25,903 I love you, Mum. 629 00:25:29,863 --> 00:25:31,143 Ta! 630 00:25:33,303 --> 00:25:35,743 Does Susanna Bali have a business card? 631 00:25:37,143 --> 00:25:39,863 OK, so, Jeb is on board. 632 00:25:39,863 --> 00:25:41,423 Fine. Great. 633 00:25:41,423 --> 00:25:43,223 But also, who cares? Because this... 634 00:25:43,223 --> 00:25:44,863 ANNA MCDOWELL: What are your thoughts? 635 00:25:44,863 --> 00:25:48,263 If Jeb Carson is standing by him... (SCOFFS) 636 00:25:48,263 --> 00:25:50,143 ..I know the rest of the industry will too. 637 00:25:50,143 --> 00:25:51,703 We're going to fight this. 638 00:25:51,703 --> 00:25:54,143 We don't want this story to just go away. 639 00:25:54,143 --> 00:25:56,183 We need this story to just go away! 640 00:25:56,183 --> 00:25:58,823 OK, we understand that, but we've pulled in every favour. 641 00:25:58,823 --> 00:26:01,263 Yes, Spence, at this point, all we can do is damage control. 642 00:26:01,263 --> 00:26:04,103 Yeah, exactly. You can't just bury something like this. 643 00:26:04,103 --> 00:26:07,023 You'd need a whole new story to blow it out of the water. 644 00:26:07,023 --> 00:26:08,983 Something more heinous. 645 00:26:08,983 --> 00:26:10,503 More sensational. 646 00:26:10,503 --> 00:26:12,303 Something more explosive. 647 00:26:18,503 --> 00:26:19,903 What? 648 00:26:19,903 --> 00:26:20,903 No! 649 00:26:20,903 --> 00:26:21,903 You can't! 650 00:26:21,903 --> 00:26:23,383 Get the folder! Get the folder! 651 00:26:23,383 --> 00:26:24,383 Yes, do it. What is it? 652 00:26:24,383 --> 00:26:26,023 Hi, Anna. Yeah. 653 00:26:26,023 --> 00:26:28,623 I have the most heinous, explosive story to tell you. 654 00:26:28,623 --> 00:26:30,223 Don't! No! Yeah. Two words. 655 00:26:30,223 --> 00:26:32,543 Just... Child eunuch. I know. 656 00:26:32,543 --> 00:26:34,463 (QUIETLY) Just hang up! Hang up! Headline would be good. 657 00:26:34,463 --> 00:26:35,543 Don't! 658 00:26:35,543 --> 00:26:37,023 I'm so proud of you, Archie. 659 00:26:37,023 --> 00:26:39,383 I mean, how did we manage to turn this around? 660 00:26:39,383 --> 00:26:40,463 I don't know. 661 00:26:40,463 --> 00:26:44,223 ANNA MCDOWELL: And now to a horrifying exclusive report. 662 00:26:44,223 --> 00:26:47,863 Dream gift or every parent's worst nightmare? 663 00:26:47,863 --> 00:26:50,103 Tonight, explosive revelations 664 00:26:50,103 --> 00:26:54,543 about a beloved toy turning children into eunuchs. 665 00:26:54,543 --> 00:26:55,943 Anna keeps messaging us, by the way. 666 00:26:55,943 --> 00:26:57,263 She wants to catch up for some reason. 667 00:26:57,263 --> 00:26:59,423 Oh, I think we just ignore her. I agree with you. 668 00:27:01,263 --> 00:27:03,183 IAN: No, I know you're not a mutilator. 669 00:27:03,183 --> 00:27:04,903 Mate, you know me. 670 00:27:04,903 --> 00:27:06,143 I wouldn't do that to you. 671 00:27:06,143 --> 00:27:08,063 It's not in my playbook. 672 00:27:08,063 --> 00:27:09,263 It went above my head. 673 00:27:09,263 --> 00:27:10,703 Oh, my God, it's Bobby. Finally. Answer it! 674 00:27:10,703 --> 00:27:11,863 OK. Get it. 675 00:27:11,863 --> 00:27:14,983 Hi, Bobby. Girls, congrats on the Archie fix. 676 00:27:14,983 --> 00:27:17,863 Handled as delicately as the skin he puts in boxes. 677 00:27:17,863 --> 00:27:19,343 Uh, thank you, Bobby. Thank you. 678 00:27:19,343 --> 00:27:20,663 Oh, we had one thing we wanted to ask you. 679 00:27:20,663 --> 00:27:22,583 Just when the board is going to ratify our position? 680 00:27:22,583 --> 00:27:24,183 Yes. Just, you know, for our security, 681 00:27:24,183 --> 00:27:25,903 financially and emotionally. 682 00:27:25,903 --> 00:27:29,143 Girls, girls, this is a big thing for the board. OK? 683 00:27:29,143 --> 00:27:32,303 For a start, I had to sit them down and explain what a woman was. 684 00:27:32,303 --> 00:27:34,263 Unlike Archie, they need to make sure 685 00:27:34,263 --> 00:27:36,303 that your talents aren't skin deep. 686 00:27:36,303 --> 00:27:39,983 So, just do everything perfectly and you'll be fine. 687 00:27:39,983 --> 00:27:42,063 Alright? OK. Bye. 688 00:27:42,063 --> 00:27:44,103 OK, but can we just get a...? Absolute... 689 00:27:45,263 --> 00:27:47,423 What does that mean? I have no idea what that means. 690 00:27:47,423 --> 00:27:49,183 (PHONE VIBRATES) She's still calling. 691 00:27:49,183 --> 00:27:51,183 I can't. I'm done. Honestly, just ignore her. 692 00:27:51,183 --> 00:27:52,183 What does she want from us? 693 00:27:52,183 --> 00:27:53,783 We just gave her the biggest story of her career. 694 00:27:53,783 --> 00:27:55,183 No, no, I totally agree with you. 695 00:27:55,183 --> 00:27:56,903 Oh, Greg... 696 00:27:56,903 --> 00:27:59,023 Oh, no... (SIGHS) 697 00:27:59,023 --> 00:28:00,023 Oh, I understand. 698 00:28:01,223 --> 00:28:05,823 It's so beautiful seeing a face with so many stories etched into it. 699 00:28:05,823 --> 00:28:08,623 Oh, thank you, Archie. 700 00:28:11,823 --> 00:28:14,423 Did you work with Frank for...how long you said? 701 00:28:14,423 --> 00:28:17,463 Oh, around 30 years. 702 00:28:19,143 --> 00:28:21,383 Frank Fritz is gone too soon. 703 00:28:23,023 --> 00:28:26,183 I always had such a good time on his yacht. 704 00:28:26,183 --> 00:28:28,223 Sorry. His what? 705 00:28:28,223 --> 00:28:29,543 His yacht. His superyacht. 706 00:28:29,543 --> 00:28:32,103 His...superyacht? 707 00:28:32,103 --> 00:28:33,503 Yeah. 708 00:28:33,503 --> 00:28:36,183 Oh, yes. 709 00:28:36,183 --> 00:28:37,503 His superyacht. Yeah. 710 00:28:37,503 --> 00:28:40,303 It was just incredible energy on there. 711 00:28:40,303 --> 00:28:42,823 You know, it was, like, powerful. 712 00:28:42,823 --> 00:28:45,223 I just... His parties, they always... 713 00:28:45,223 --> 00:28:49,303 It always like, sparked something in me, spiritually. 714 00:28:51,663 --> 00:28:53,023 Physically. 715 00:29:02,823 --> 00:29:04,063 Oh, hey. 716 00:29:04,063 --> 00:29:08,023 No, I think you should probably just... (SIGHS) 717 00:29:08,023 --> 00:29:09,103 (HIGH-PITCHED) Shit! 718 00:29:09,103 --> 00:29:11,263 (EXPLOSION AND SCREAMING) 719 00:29:11,263 --> 00:29:13,263 Captions by Red Bee Media 720 00:29:13,263 --> 00:29:15,263 Copyright Australian Broadcasting Corporation 721 00:29:15,263 --> 00:29:20,263 DOWNLOADED FROM WWW.AWAFIM.TV 722 00:29:15,263 --> 00:29:25,263 For latest movies and series with subtitles Visit WWW.AWAFIM.TV Today 51953

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.