All language subtitles for How To Marry A Millionaire - S01E31 - A Man for Mike

Golf tournament.

Bringing out the
country club set and drones.

Men of wealth and position becoming
worshipful slaves of the masters of the machine.

You can have the masters.

I'll take the slaves.

To improve your golf?

To marry, mister.

To marry.

Well, we've saved up 3,300 stamps. Really?

That's just enough for
one complete egg beater.

How many stamps do we need for that TV
set that's in the catalog? Forget it.

By the time we save that
many, there'll be a new medium.

I just wish those stamps could help
us pay off the installment company.

They're getting pretty ugly
about those bedroom drapes.

Well, they can't get any
uglier than the drapes.

I just hope Loco got that job today.

All we need is $222. I owe a dollar
at the delicatessen. Hi, girl. Hi.

What are you doing? Ironing clothes?

One of us is, but I'm not going to
tell you which one. Did you get the job?

Nope.

Missed again. Gee, you should have
seen the crowd outside of that building.

I guess they all came down to see you.

Oh, no.

They were all watching the policeman's
horse in the lobby. You paced for a while,

Sergeant. I want to
interrogate the witness.

Now, local, you say there was this
policeman's horse in the lobby? Uh-huh.

He had to run there when the
cab hit the bus. Well, Inspector,

I have a way with these natives.

Now, miss, about this
taxi bumping into a bus.

Well, the cab driver
couldn't help it anyway.

Oh.

He was hit from behind
by that cute boy in the

red convertible with the blonde wavy hair.

A red convertible with blonde wavy hair.

Now, local, let's take
this from the beginning.

The horse went into the lobby
when the bus was hit by the cab

that was hit by the car that was driven
by that cute boy. That's what I said.

And did anything else happen?

I couldn't see.

I was in the cab.

Marco, honey, are you all
right? Are you all right? Oh, sure.

I just got shook up a bit.

But you should have seen
how fast that crowd gathered.

As if there'd been an
accident or something.

And I was almost late for
my interview because a man

came up and was asking me
all sorts of questions.

He even wanted my address.

Oh, I guess they'll
want you for a witness.

Oh, I'll answer the door.

You girls finish ironing and make dinner.

That seems fair enough.

Yes?

My dear girl, you shouldn't be
walking around. I shouldn't?

After that terrible accident.

This poor child may have a concussion.

She doesn't even remember talking to me
after the collision. Sit down, my dear.

I think you're mistaken, sir.

Who are you?

I'm the poor child who has a
concussion. I mean, who was in the accident.

Oh, of course. Then you sit down.

Please, my dear, you get up. Thank you.

Well, it's very nice of you to
be concerned, Mr... Oh, Lumpford.

Lumpford's the name. I.H.
Lumpford, at your service.

Oh, you're a lawyer.

Ah, but that has nothing
to do with my being here.

I was just interested in how the
little lady felt after the collision.

Oh, thank you, but I feel fine.

Oh, I've seen enough of these
cases to know that a victim can

walk away from an accident
feeling perfectly all right,

and six months later...
What's... I'd rather not say.

I can only tell you that
sometimes it's even worse.

Okay.

Yes? This is Miss Jones.

It's an insurance company.

Oh, no, no, not at all.
I feel perfectly fine.

I had to take the phone from the
girl's shaky hand, sir. Yes, yes. Oh,

she's paid it again.
That's the third time.

The accident.

Oh, yes, she's a very plucky girl.

I think you'd better do that.

What did you do that for?
How dare you take Loco's call?

Because as I told you, this
little girl's in no position

to know the full extent of her injuries.

Of all the nerves.

She doesn't have the slightest
idea of how much she can collect.

We don't go around
suing people, Mr. Lumpert.

But she's got to be
examined by a competent physician.

This way.

Look, girls, I don't think you understand.

Mr. Lumford, I think it is very
wrong of you to come into a girl's home,

whoever that girl might be, and
scare her into thinking she is sick,

whoever she might be, and
especially since it's me, and...

Particularly since I have never
felt better in my whole life.

No, Cole, what is it? Are you all
right? What is it, honey? What happened?

I don't know, Cole.

All of a sudden, I felt dizzy and faint.

Oh, well, it probably
isn't anything serious.

You know, my cousin
Phyllis used to faint all

the time whenever she
got near cooked fish.

Oh, well, it couldn't be that. I
had mackerel for dinner last night.

And it was cooked.

Maybe you're allergic to something else.

Nonsense. She's not allergic to
anything. She's suffering from severe shock.

Oh, this is awful.

I told you so.

Oh, but I'm fine. Don't worry about me.

No, I don't mean you. I was
thinking about the insurance

company when we get through with them.

Now, easy, mister.

Leave everything to Lumpa.

Now.

When that insurance
company doctor gets here,

you tell him that every
bone in your body hurts,

and you haven't been the
same since the accident.

Wouldn't that be dishonest?

Dishonest?

Yeah.

Just a moment. The name is Lumford.

I.H. Lumford. By reputation, the I.H.
has grown to mean integrity and honesty.

I merely want you to tell the doctor
the truth, that you're a complete,

nervous wreck, and you
may never work again.

If she does what you
tell her to, she'll work

plenty on some chain gang, nothing more.

I see.

Well, then.

When the doctor comes, promise me you
won't do or say a thing until I get here.

I may be able to hand over to you girls a
very handsome check. Shall we say $50,000?

How about a small advance?

Advance? Fine.

I'd be happy to accept the check for sale.

$20, huh?

That wasn't exactly what I
had in mind. An advance to us.

Now, remember, don't let the
doctor do a thing till I get here.

You stole him any way that
you can. Leave the rest to I.H.

Good day, ladies.

$50,000. Wow. Gee, if we
spend that in the right places,

we'll have enough stamps to get anything.

Hello?

Doctor who?

Oh.

Send him up, please.

The insurance doctor's on his way up.

I'd better call
integrity and honesty. Hello?

Mr. Lumford? This is
Loco Jones' friend, Greta.

It's D-hour.

Yes, doctor's hour.

All right, but hurry.

Hey, here's a thought.

How are we going to stall
until Lumford gets here?

We could play Scrabble.

You must be the plumber. Well,
we had it fixed this morning.

We'll call you if it stops up again.

I'll be there in a minute.

Just a second.

There must be some mistake.

Of course there's a mistake.

I told you your helper was here
this morning and fixed the leak.

But I'm not the plumber.
Oh, of course he isn't.

Can't you see he's much too
well-dressed to be a plumber?

I'm a very busy man, and I have
a lot of calls to make today.

I know. You're the man from the
encyclopedia. I know they're wonderful,

but we're really not interested now.

I am not the plumber, nor
the man from the encyclopedia.

I am Dr. Covell from the
Sunrise Insurance Company,

and I have come to examine
Miss Jones. Now, may I come in?

Oh, why, of course. Oh.

I'm terribly sorry, Doctor.
I don't know how we could

have made such a
mistake. Go right this way.

I merely want to examine the
patient, make out my report, and leave.

Now, which one of you was in the accident?

Well, that's all you
want to know. It was me.

Well, that's something to work on. Now,
if you'll sit down, I'd like to examine you.

Here?

My bag.

Well, I'm sure I... Maybe
you left it in your car.

I did not leave my bag in the car.

I always carry my bag with me.

And I distinctly remember
placing it on the floor right here.

If you want to, I can borrow some
tools from a doctor I used to go with.

Certainly was a nice fellow.

Please, please, I have no time for small
talk. I have a lot of calls to make today.

Do you want to use the
phone? I mean house calls.

It's a house phone.

I'm beginning to think all
three of you were hit by a car.

Or maybe it was me.

Oh, would you like my friend
the doctor to examine you?

There is nothing wrong with me physically.

But I do think I'm losing my mind. Oh.

Well, maybe I did leave my bag in the car.

Well, does this hurt you?

I'm not allowed to say.

In all my 25 years of practice, I have
never had an examination quite like this.

First, I am mistaken for a plumber,

then I find my bag in a
potted palm on the terrace,

and now I have a patient
who won't tell me anything.

Well, Miss Jones, I can find
absolutely nothing wrong with you,

but I'm sure that I'll feel
better after I've taken a sedative.

Am I in time? Yes.

Miss Jones, what are you
doing standing up? Somebody

open the window, please.
The patient needs air.

If she doesn't lie down, you know, I
won't be responsible for the consequences.

This is Dr. Cavell from the
Sunrise Insurance Company. This

is Mr. Lumford, our lawyer.

Dr. Cavell, I know your name, of course.

It's a privilege to meet such a
distinguished physician. Thank you.

Dr. Cavell says Loco isn't sick at all.

Not sick.

Are you sure you went to an
accredited college? I beg your pardon? Oh,

look at that poor child.
Her complexion's sallow.

She's lethargic. She can
hardly keep her eyes open.

She looks perfectly all right to me.

Well, doctor.

You're entitled to
your findings, of course,

but I want this little girl
examined by a family physician.

Family physician?

My brother's a doctor.

Dr. Cavell.

If indeed you are a doctor.

Careful what you say, sir. The libel
laws in this state are very strict.

All I know is that only
yesterday I was standing

talking to the little lady just like this.

I saw it with my own eyes.

She got dizzy and fainted dead away.

Loco! Loco, what is it?
What's wrong? What's the matter?

I can't understand it.

What, Doctor, what?

It's a clear case of syncope.

What does that mean in English?

It means I fainted again.

Miss Jones, we have read very carefully
Dr. Covell's report about you. Mr. Snyder,

I know you're the toughest
adjuster Sunrise Insurance has,

but let me warn you that my
client is in a very strong position.

We are well aware of
your client's position.

My company is prepared to make a cash
settlement. Whatever it is, it's not enough.

Then suppose you name a figure.

Well, we don't want to hold anybody up,

so let's make it as easy as
possible for everybody concerned.

Oh, no.

I know you're in pain, my
dear. They'll pay for it.

Uh-huh. Well, that's just a little
above the figure we had in mind.

What did you have in mind? $500.

Well, at least that's something to
work on. Home negotiations compromise.

What do you say to $45,000? Mr.
Lumpard, I did not come here to negotiate.

I came here with one figure in mind, $750.

That's absolutely out of the
question. In that case, see you in court.

It will be a pleasure.

There goes $750 right out the
door. I thought you were on our side.

I'll run downstairs and
beat him to the street.

He'll be back.

He'll be back.

Perhaps I was too hasty.
I've decided to raise my last

figure considerably to
make all concerned happy.

What is it?

I can't permit it. Thank you very much.

Now, stay here, Mr. Lumford.

You'll be back.

Nine hundred and a quarter.

No, no, no, thanks.

What a delicious dinner. You know, I
don't often get a home-cooked meal.

Now then.

Do we all know what we're going to say
when we get in court in the morning?

Are you sure this is the way
things are done, Mr. Lumford?

I mean to rehearse like this.

Why, of course. How else
would you know what to do?

Now let's go over one or two things again.

Miss Jones, where were
you on September 5th?

May I have a glass of water, please?

I feel faint.

Perfect.

I hope I can remember.

Oh, you've got to remember.
September 5th, water. 5th, water.

5th, water.

5th, water.

Now, what do you answer when I ask,
have you worked since the accident?

Oh, no, sir. Who would hire a girl
who could not be relied on because

she might break down because of
the terrible accident she had? Sure.

Do we have to rehearse anymore,
Mr. Lumford? I'm tired and sleepy.

And besides, somebody might
call to take me out dancing.

If they do, it'll be
the first time in months.

You're right.

I can't remember the last
time I was asked to go dancing.

Dancing. I might be able to use that.

Well, girls, get a good night's sleep.
After tomorrow, you'll all be on easy street.

I don't think we've got
enough car fare to get there.

When we leave that court tomorrow, your
only money problems will be the income tax.

And you won't even have any of those.

Why not?

I've got another
brother who's an accountant.

Now, Mr. Plough, as the
driver of the taxi cab,

would you please tell the court
exactly how the accident occurred?

Yeah, yeah, I'll give
you an idea what happened.

I just pulled up to the
curb. You know what I mean?

And I was about to get
out and opened the door.

You know what I mean? When
all of a sudden, bang-go.

You never heard such a crash.

By the time your cab
was at a complete stop?

If I was stopped anymore, I'd be
going backwards. You know what I mean?

Yes.

Your witness, Counselor.

Will you ask your lawyer
if he'll accept this offer?

Quiet, please.

Miss Hanson, as Miss Jones's
roommate, prior to the accident,

have you ever known her to faint before?

Oh, no, sir. Loco's as strong as an ox.

Whenever any of the furniture has to
be moved, she's the one who does it.

Would you say that Miss
Jones enjoys dancing?

Does she?

You know, local was once named
Miss Twinkle Toes of Cherimoya Lodge.

I object, Your Honor. Miss
Jones' ability as a dancer is

highly irrelevant and has
no bearing on the accident.

Overruled.

Continue, Counselor.

Is it not true that since
this terrible accident...

That sweet little girl
has not danced even once.

Well, you see, she...
Answer the question, please.

No, sir, she hasn't
danced since the accident.

But that's only because
she... Thank you, Miss Hanson.

Your witness.

No questions. Will you ask Mr.
Lumpert if they'll accept this new offer?

Mr. Harwick, you're the driver of the
vehicle that had the collision with the taxi,

is that right? Yes, sir. Did you
notice the occupant of the taxi?

Oh, yes, sir. How could you help it?

She's so pretty.

Well, Mr. Harwick, we're
all searching for the same

thing in this court,
the truth and justice.

Can you give any reason for the accident
that would be of interest to the court?

Well, all I can say, sir, is that
it was just my fault, that's all.

I was about to stop
because I remember seeing

the cab stop in front of me, but then...

This young lady, I mean Miss Jones,

turned around and she was so
beautiful that I forgot all about

what I was doing and my car
just smacked into the cabin.

To tell you the truth, I'm just so
sorry that this whole thing happened,

and I feel terrible that Miss
Jones had any trouble at all.

And I agree with you that
all we want is justice.

Because of this accident,

my father's taking away my car
and a trip to Europe this summer,

but it was my fault, and I deserve it.

That'll be all, Mr. Harwick.

Any questions, Mr. Swaner?

Now, Your Honor, I'd like to have
the plaintiff herself sworn in.

But with the court's permission,

I would like to ask if the clerk
swear her in where she's seated

in order to avoid that long
walk to the witness chair.

Oh, it's all right. I can go up there.

Swear to tell the truth, the whole
truth, and nothing but the truth? I do.

She's a brave little lady.

Miss Jones, are you quite comfortable?

American spunk.

I'm fine.

Miss Jones. I'm sorry, Your Honor.

I can't look at her without
thinking of how she used to dance.

Let's go on.

Tell us how you've felt since that
fateful day when this careless young man,

this overage juvenile delinquent,

came careening down the street to
crash into your cab on September 5th.

Wait till the judge gets a
load of Loco's baby blue.

Well, I left the house about
ten... That was September 5th.

I was telling you, I left the house...
Miss Jones, I'm talking about September 5th.

Remember? September 5th.

I was telling you.

Water. Would you like some water?

Oh, no, thank you. I had some
orange juice before I got here.

But you don't look very well, Miss Jones.

Maybe you'd like to have a little recess.

Oh, that is, if it's all right with your
honor. Would you like a recess, Miss Jones?

Oh, no, thank you. I feel perfectly fine.

We'll continue.

Miss Jones, is it not
true that you're considered

a very successful model around New York?

Well, I suppose so.

And is it not also true that
you have not worked in one single

job in your profession since
this terrible thing happened?

That's absolutely right.

Now, Miss Jones, is it not true
that you, a one-time successful model,

has not worked once in her
profession since that horrible

accident because of the
injuries received then?

Why, no, Mr. Lumford, not at all. The
accident had nothing to do with it.

What you're trying to say is,
in your deranged condition,

that the accident had
everything to do with it, is that right?

Oh, dear me, no, not at all.

The only reason I haven't worked is
because nobody's offered me a job.

It's been slow in the
modeling business. I object.

I object. I object to the objection.

And I object to the
objection to the objection. Please,

you cannot object to
testimony of your own client.

Now, please, continue with your testimony.

Miss Jones, can you deny that in the
presence of your roommates and myself,

that you had two fainting spells?

What's a couple of fainting
spells? It clears the head.

I never felt better in my whole life.

I don't know what this trial is all about,

and I think it's very unfair that we have
to make trouble for that nice young man.

Your Honor, I move for a dismiss.

Apparently there have
been no injuries suffered.

Case dismissed.

Oh, Loco, you were
wonderful. Poor but honest.

Miss Jones, what happened?
Couldn't you remember September 5th?

5th?

5th.

Oh, Mr. Lumpard, could I
please have a glass of water?

Miss Jones, I don't know how to thank you.

I just spoke to Mr. Snyder. He also
handles the insurance for my dad's bank.

Your dad has a bank?

Maybe we ought to go back and appeal.

Tell me, why did you
say you were all right?

I understand you actually fainted twice.

Oh, well, I guess she's like my
cousin Phyllis, allergic to fish.

Oh, hogwash. Nobody can tell me
that she can walk away from a horrible

accident unharmed and yet faint
when she gets near something like a,

well, let's say a little flower.

What happened? I did it again.

Are you all right, honey?

Yeah, did you get hurt?

My back hurts.

Well, lucky thing I was
here. I'll handle the case.

Oh, no, you won't.
You're the one she's suing.