All language subtitles for How To Marry A Millionaire - S01E29 - The Playwright

Speedway.

Daredevil racers courting death and
destruction for the coveted championship.

Gateway to fame and fortune.

If you don't mind, I'll just sneak in
the back door. It's a little safer.

Back door to fame and fortune?

Sure.

All you have to do is marry it.

Hi, Mike. Hi, Greta.
You're just in time to help

me clean up the place.
Well, what's going on?

Get a good grip on yourself, honey.

William Sanford III is
joining us for cocktails. What?

Local met him at a fashion show.

The Magnesium Copper Oil
Uranium Steel William Sanford III.

And don't forget the three plantations
with matching railroads in South America.

Please don't bother me with
the small change. He'll be here.

Oh, $15 million worth of him.

Oh, William Sanford III.

Even his name has numbers in
it. He's not just the ordinary,

everyday type of millionaire.
According to Loco, he's brilliant.

He's been all over the
world, knows everything.

Well, how did Loco get hooked up with
him? I told you they met at a fashion show.

Loco was modeling bikinis.

No further questions.

Well, how do I look?

Neckline's a little too low.

The hem is too short. The waist is
way too tight. Oh, the back is too low.

Well, okay, I'll go change.

What for? You look beautiful.

Why didn't you say so in the first place?

Nervous enough as it is.

Why should you be nervous?

Well, he's so smart and so intelligent.

How can I hold a conversation
with him? Oh, of course you can.

Oh, you don't know. Him and his family,
Einstein's theory is just small talk.

I'm going to be alone with him.

I'm scared.

Now, local, there's no
reason to be scared.

Let him do the talking. You
know how men love to talk.

And if you must talk,
pick things you know.

All right.

I'll talk about things I
know. Now, I'm scared.

Just stick to the subject
you're familiar with. You mean...

Like the weather?

Like the weather.

You could talk about clothes. Or
the people you know, that's easy.

The weather, clothes, people I know.

Weather, clothes, people
I know. Okay, I'll try.

But I wish I had a brain.

Loco, he'll be here in 15 minutes.
That's hardly enough time for surgery.

Charming place, Loco.

Actually, I rather expected you to
be living in an apartment like this.

Strange how people reflect
their homes and their possessions.

Now, there's a whole field
for some psychic research.

Wouldn't you say so?

Yes.

And the weather has been
very changeable lately. Yes.

There are still so many
theories of weather formation

which still remain to be reconciled.

But I think we've made tremendous strides.

Don't you think so, Loco?

Yes.

And aren't the new clothes just the end?

Actually, there's nothing new
about the so-called new styles.

When I was in Rome last year, I had
another look at the Jameson frescoes.

You know, they depict the clothing
and customs during the Roman wars.

Oh, I'm sorry. Here I am rambling on,

and I suppose you're not the least
bit interested in the Roman Wars.

Well, it happened so long ago.
I say let bygones be bygones.

How'd it go? Oh, all
right, I guess. Just all right?

Well, half the time, I didn't
know what he was talking about.

I think the feeling was mutual.

What's a Taj Mahal?

It's a famous building in India. Why?

I thought it was a Swedish actress.

Oh, great.

Did you tell him you had her autograph?

No.

But when he talked about how it was
built, I said I didn't care how it was built.

Take Ingrid Bergman any day.

Oh, it's no use. I can't keep up with
him. I'm not going to see him anymore.

Are you kidding? You can't give him up
just like that. But I felt so stupid.

Honest, if I thought it'd do
any good, I'd go back to school.

I think it's a wonderful idea.

But I can't give up my job.

Hey, wait a minute. They have night
schools, don't they? Big, beautiful ones.

Then what am I waiting for?

I'll take a few courses, and
I'll go down and enroll tomorrow.

Now you're talking.

They won't laugh at me going back
to school at my age, will they?

Don't be silly. I read
about a woman with 12

children going back to
school. 12 children?

Well, I hope that isn't
one of the requirements.

Let's see. Candy, chewing gum, fruit,
nuts, popcorn, glass of water, radio.

Yep, I'm all set to do my homework.
Has anybody got a pencil? Here you are.

Oh, ancient history. How are you doing?

Ask me something.

Okay, let's see.

How did Julius Caesar prepare
for his battle with Pompey?

He said goodbye to his wife.

He set his sword out to be sharpened.

His wife set his sword
out to be sharpened.

Oh, it's no use. I'll
never learn this stuff.

And I've got a quiz tomorrow. Mr.
Krantz is going to ask questions.

Oh, well, don't be discouraged,
honey. You've only been at it a few days.

I know, but I just can't
be... Come on, Logo, get with it.

Well, think of the satisfaction
you'll have when you pass the course.

Yeah, we'll throw a party. We'll have a
real celebration. Yeah, some celebration.

I'll get my diploma and my
old age pension the same day.

No, don't be a quitter. Where's that
old spirit? Where's that old fight?

Okay, coach, give me that book.

Caesar prepared for his battle
with Pompey with 20 legions in Gaul.

He followed Pompey into Greece
and defeated him at Pharsalus.

Maybe if I can learn just that much.

Caesar prepared for his battle with
Pompey with twenty legions in Gaul.

And it was during this
period that a conflict developed

which was to have
far-reaching consequences.

A conflict between Caesar and Pompey.

Now, who can tell me, how did Caesar
prepare for his battle against Pompey?

Mrs. Beecher.

Well, Caesar prepared for his battle with
Pompey by gathering 20 legions in Gaul.

That's correct, Mrs. Beecher.

I've been robbed.

And now for the battle itself. Now, who
can tell me where Pompey was defeated?

Uh, Mr. Wagner.

Well, Caesar followed
Pompey into Greece and

defeated him at the Battle of Pharsalus.

Good, good.

I knew that.

Gee, I'm sorry.

Miss Jones, you seem awfully
anxious to answer a question.

Perhaps you can tell us
what famous woman of this

period was known as the Queen of the Nile?

Woman?

Can't we go back to Caesar and Pompey?

Miss Jones.

Who was the Queen of the Nile?

Queen of the Nile.

Queen of the Nile.

Well, she was the wife
of the King of the Nile.

Cleopatra.

Cleopatra. Well, I've got it.

Cleopatra.

That's correct. Thank
you very much, Mr. Wagner.

But you're not going to
flunk me out of the course.

Well, Miss Jones, I
don't want to flunk anybody,

especially a pretty girl like yourself.

But your work hasn't been satisfactory.

Now, this quiz paper that you turned
in yesterday on the government of Rome,

I asked you to name two senators.

But I did.

Kefauver and Morse.

Well, I've been trying very hard.

Well, I'm sure you have.

But, well, maybe you've been out of school

too long and you've
forgotten how to study.

My biggest trouble is I've
forgotten how to remember.

Well, if I may...

I'd like to suggest a
little outside help, a tutor.

I'll try anything.

All right.

There's a young man in class, Albert
Wagner. He sits right next to you.

Oh, yes, he's a real brain.

Well, now, I've talked to him, and
he'd be very willing to help you.

I believe he charges $50.

But for you, you'd be
willing to do it for nothing.

Oh, no, no, no, no, 50 cents is
fine. And thanks a lot, Mr. Kranz.

You're a doll, a living doll.

I'm a living doll. And the
Greek states were included

in the Persian Empire in the 5th century,

and the Greeks came under the
cultural influence of the Persians.

Is that right, Albert?

Yes, that's right, Miss Jones.

Oh, not Miss Jones, Albert. Call me Loco.

Call you by your first name?

Well, of course.

We're going to be
seeing a lot of each other,

and I hope we're going to
become very good friends.

Very good friends.

Oh, that's wonderful, Miss Jones.

Oh, I mean, loco. Thanks.

The next question is, to make a toll
call any place in the United States,

dial over a... Well,
the next question is...

That was delicious.

Yes, and if we'd had a meal
like this in ancient Rome,

we would have been
served reclining on couches,

and it would have
taken hours with all sorts

of delicacies served by household slaves.

Look, oh, I'm amazed at
your knowledge of such things.

Well, darling, I think you should know.

I've been studying.

That's wonderful.

I even have a tutor. He comes
to the house three times a week.

He comes to the house?

He's just a kid, but
he's so smart and clever.

Well, that's a relief.

For a moment, I was afraid your tutor
might be some handsome young instructor.

I wouldn't care for that at all.

William, you're jealous.

Well, not really. I could be.

Loco, I can't tell you how pleased
I am that you're doing this for me.

I'm pleased you're pleased.

Look, I'm going to be out
of town for a few days.

I've got some business in Chicago.

But when I return, I may ask you a
very important question, darling.

Oh, William, I don't know what the
question will be. The answer is...

Yes.

Oh, Albert, I'm so happy tonight.

You are?

Something wonderful has
happened to me, and it's

all because you helped
me. Oh, love that boy.

Do you really?

Yes, but... Oh, I've been
waiting to hear those words.

Yeah? Oh, haven't you felt
it? Haven't you guessed? What?

I've loved you ever since the
first day in class when you got

the Punic Wars mixed up with
the fourth Etruscan dynasty.

Get away with me now. Yeah, tonight.
We'll be married right away. Married?

Tonight?

But what about our ancient
history? Ancient history? Why,

this is the oldest story of all.

A man and a woman in love. Oy.

Albert, come on. Be reasonable.

Please go home, Albert.

I love Loco, and I want to marry her.

But don't you understand?

You're just a kid.

She's too old for you.

She says it doesn't matter. Anyway,
there's only five years difference between us.

That's now, but what about later?

How will it look, a woman 65 years old
running around with a kid of 60? Well,

she is too old for you, Albert.

Sure, she's practically fighting
off rigor mortis. Now, wait a minute.

It doesn't matter.

When I was a kid, I was a scout. They
taught us to be kind to older people.

And I'll be kind to you.

I promise. But you can't even support me.

Well, I'll find a way.

How? That 50 cents an hour I pay you for
tutoring stops the minute we get married.

I've got a day job.

I'll quit school and work nights.

Nothing can stop a man who's in love.

I give up.

Wait a minute.

Loco, I'm afraid you'll
just have to tell him the

truth. Huh? Yes, yes,
Loco, tell him the truth.

I will, as soon as I know
what it is. I don't blame you.

You don't want to break his heart.

I'll do it.

Albert, the reason Loco
can't marry you is very simple.

She's engaged to another man. I am?

Well, I mean, yes, I am. Who is it?

William Sanford III.

It's true.

We're going to be married.

I don't believe it.

Sanford is a big-shot millionaire.

What's that got to do with it?

They always marry showgirls.

Well, I can dance a little.

Would you come between
Loco and the man she loves?

Has he asked you to marry him?

Well, it... There, there.

That's the way all those rich guys
operate. He's just stringing you along.

Well, that's not true.

Let me talk to him on the
phone, and I'll prove it.

Oh, you can't. He's out of town.

I'll call him when he gets
back. What's his number?

His number is... Just a minute, loco.

Girls.

Local, do you realize what's going to
happen if this kid starts bothering Sanford?

You'll be stone cold dead.

You won't even have an expensive funeral.

What am I going to do?

Maybe I ought to talk to Mr.
Kranz. After all, he got us together.

No.

We've got to get rid of him now.

But how?

Tell him you're in
love with somebody else.

Who?

Anybody. What's the difference?

Well, okay, I'll try.

Albert, I have a confession to make.

I haven't been telling you the truth.

I'm not in love with William Sanford III.

I knew it!

But I am in love with somebody else.

Somebody who isn't stringing me along.

Like who?

Who?

Well, it's a...

It's Mr. Kranz.

Mr. Kranz?

Loco, I don't think you should have told
him about you and Mr. K. Oh, well, Mr.

Kranz and I are desperately in love.

Yeah.

Desperately in love.

I should have realized the way you
smile at him and the way he looks at you.

Loco can't help it. She
wears her heart on her sleeve.

I never would have believed it.

I never would have believed it.

I know how it is, Mr. Kranz.

She loves me.

I envy you, Mr. Kranz.

She loves me?

I want you to know
there's no hard feelings.

I won't try and come between you.

After all, it's better to have loved
and lost than... Well, you understand.

Good luck to both of you.

I'm going to have to have a double shot
of warm milk to get to sleep tonight.

Good evening, Miss Jones.

Loco.

Well, this is a wonderful surprise.

Won't you come in?

I hardly expected to see you here tonight.

Well, I thought under the
circumstances, I'd better come right over.

Mr. Krantz, this is Greta
and Mike, my roommates.

Mr. Krantz is my ancient history teacher.

Oh, hello.

How do you do?

These are for you, my dear.

Gee, thanks.

I didn't know I was
doing that well in class.

Put them in water for you, Loco.

Miss Jones, Loco, I wonder if I
might speak to you privately.

Oh, Greta and I have something to do in
the kitchen. Oh, no, please, don't go.

What is it, Mr. Kranz?

I just want you to know that I
reciprocate your feelings for me.

My feelings?

Albert told me all about it.

Wait a minute.

You mean that Albert told you that Loco...

I think I'll go next door
and borrow a cup of arsenic.

Get enough for all of us.

Mr. Kranz, you mean
you're in love with me?

Yes, ever since that first
day in class when you mixed

up the Punic Wars with the
Fourth Etruscan Dynasty.

Those Punic Wars were murder.

Mr. Kranz, I'm afraid you've been misled.

Yes, I respect you very much,
but I'm not in love with you.

Oh, but Albert told
me, and he was so sure.

Well, I'm completely at a loss.

Well, you're lucky.

I wish I could get lost.

I guess it was too much to hope for.

But I'm not complaining.

Even the mighty Caesar lost his Cleopatra.

I better be going.

Excuse me.

Hi.

Albert.

Loco all set for a lesson?

Albert, listen, I want
to take... Hi, Loco.

Hi, Mr. Kranz.

Albert, what are you doing here?

Well, 50 cents an hour is 50 cents an
hour. Albert, I want to speak to you.

Oh, not now, Mr. Kranz.

Mr. Kranz?

I mean, uh, George.

Herman.

Hey, how come you two lovebirds
aren't sitting on the couch holding hands?

Who says we're not?

But you just told me... Yes,
that I'm madly in love with you.

But you said you... Do I know what
I'm saying when I'm this close to you?

Well, I guess you don't need
any tutoring from me tonight.

Now you've got the
idea. Good night, local.

Good night, Mr. Kranz. You'll have
to excuse them for not getting up.

Good night, Albert.

Thanks very much, Mr. Kranz.

But you just said you
were madly in love with me.

I'm sorry, Mr. Kranz, but
like I told you before, I...

But you said you didn't know
what you were saying before.

Well, that's it, Mr. Kranz.

She didn't know what
she was saying when she

said she didn't know
what she was saying. I see.

Now what?

Albert!

I want to see Logan.

Oh, Albert, no, no.

I just came back to tell you, if
Mr. Kranz doesn't treat you right,

I want you to know I'll
always be waiting for you.

Yes, Albert.

Thank you very much, Mr. Krantz.

I don't understand. First you,
then you threw me on the couch.

I can't help it. I'm just
a creature of many moods.

You certainly are.

You've got me so, so
confused, I don't know what to say.

You don't know what to say.
You're a teacher. Think of me.

Maybe I'd better come back some other
time. Maybe I can catch you between moods.

Yes, maybe that would be a better idea.

Oh, now what does that fool kid
want? I know what I want. Roller skate.

Now listen, Albert.

Mr. Sandford.

Hello, Mike. Finished up a little
early and got the first plane out.

Couldn't wait to see Loco.

I thought you were in Chicago.

Obviously.

Oh, William, I can explain.

Mr. Krantz is my history teacher.

Just a kid tutor, huh?

What did he do, send his
father around tonight?

But, William, listen.

No, thanks.

But that question you were
going to ask, The answer is yes.

Never mind.

I just changed the question.

I'm getting rid of these books.

I'm through with ancient history. A lot
of good it did me. But you learned a lot.

Sure, you know all about Julius Caesar.

Yeah, a lot of good
ancient history did him.

He was stabbed.

Now on, I'm studying more modern things.

Interspace travel, orbits,
three-stage rockets, life on the moon.

You'll never be able to learn
that stuff. It's awfully difficult.

Not for me, it isn't.