All language subtitles for How To Marry A Millionaire - S01E28 - Loco Goes to Night School

Olé! Death in the afternoon.

Steel-nerved matadors
risking life and limb.

And for what?

For a fortune, mister.

But lady, would you
risk your life for money?

Not if I could marry it.

Good evening, Miss Wilkins.
Doctor, some mail for you.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, and this came for you.

Will you sign for it, please?

Not a thing for you, Miss Jones.

Oh, good.

No bills.

Hi, Miss Jones. Good evening, Jessie.

Hi.

Anybody home?

Over here, local. What took
you so long with the shopping?

I don't know. I guess I've got one of
those faces that looks like it's just looking.

Did you get the coffee maker? Yes.

I couldn't remember if we
wanted boil, perk, or drip.

So I got perk.

There must be some logical
explanation for that reasoning.

I don't want to hear it.

Well, the man said we
could exchange it for drip,

but that would cost 89 cents
more. Or if we wanted boil,

that would be 30 cents less.

Or if we didn't want it at
all, he'd give us a credit.

So we could get that
hot water bottle we need.

So I told him. And never mind.

I'll take tea. Well,
take a look at it anyway.

I personally think it's
rather attractive. How?

That perks.

I dropped it in the elevator,

but I couldn't have knocked it that much
out of shape. Out of shape? You killed it.

Well, how in the world
could you... Get it.

Oh, if that's the rest of
him, I'm getting out of here.

Yes?

Hello.

I'm Dr. Harvey.

This package...

Well, I believe your friend picked up
mine by mistake. I'm sorry I opened this.

Not half as sorry as we
were when we opened yours.

Girls, won't you come in?

We heard. Here you are. Doctor.

Thank you.

Oh, that's beautiful.

Doctor, you were so nice
to return our coffee maker.

Suppose we put some up and you join us?

Oh, I'd like to very much,
but I have to see a patient.

Well, any time you lose your
head again, just call on us.

Wilfred Poindexter Harvey, M.D.

Harvard Medical School interned John
Hopkins, studied two years in Europe.

He's a resident at Mercy Hospital.

Resident at... Well, I
thought he lived here.

He does, and his family has one of
the largest estates in Westchester.

The dock is loaded and single.

How did you find out?

Very simple in this age of electronics.

Just press the elevator button
and ask the elevator boy. Well,

now that we know he's single,
what button do we press next?

How about the bachelor button?

We could press, but that doesn't
necessarily mean he'll answer.

Why is it that young, handsome,
wealthy bachelors are always so popular?

For three reasons. Because they're
young, handsome, and wealthy. Let's see.

We know he's a bachelor.

Seems to me our best bet is to have him
call professionally. I agree, but for what?

Every other year at
this time, I have a cold.

Now when I need one,
I'm healthy as a horse.

We ought to be able to figure out some
little ailment, like a stomach ache.

I'm not making dinner tonight.

We want the doctor, not the coroner.
Come on, you kids, let's be serious.

If one of us just had an ingrown toenail
or a stiff neck, or even housemaid's knee.

That's it, Greta, the
knee, your tricked knee.

Yeah, that'd be perfect.

It hasn't gone out of whack in
months. It's fine. Look, I'll show you.

One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.

Pick a little higher.
Pick a little higher.

One, two, three, four.

See? I told you there was
nothing wrong with my knees.

I guess this is one of those
days when everything goes right.

We'll just have to think of
something else. What does it feel?

Well, it hurts like the
devil. Well, wonderful.

Let's see if it's
still swollen. All right.

It sure looks like it. And isn't
it the most adorable shade of blue?

It goes perfectly with your pajamas.

Sorry, honey, I guess it isn't very funny.

That knee must be a
pretty painful little organ.

But every time it throbs, you just
imagine it's playing Here Comes the Bride. Ah,

careful, local. You're liable to
jar that knee back into place.

It's probably the doctor now.

Girl.

Oh, loco, it isn't my head. It's my
knee. Well, he's got the diploma.

Let him find out for himself.

Well, what seems to be the trouble?

It's my knee, doctor.

It's so swelled up, the
kneecap doesn't fit anymore.

We'll let the doctor
make his own diagnosis.

It seems to be
dislocated. Does this happen often?

Very.

Well, don't worry. We'll
have you fixed up in a jiffy.

Now, hang on. This might
give you a little jolt.

Well, there we are. Does that feel better?

Much.

Is that all you have to do?

That's all. Good night's rest, and
she should be fine in the morning.

But what about her dizziness?

It is in it.

Oh, yes, yes.

I forgot to tell you. I blacked out.

And then she fell and twisted
her knee. Well, hadn't you better?

Well, the knee is nothing but
blackouts. That's something else again.

Just for my record, you're Greta Hansen?

Miss.

Weight?

1-11? 34-24-34. I see.

Well, I don't think that knee
will give you any more trouble.

We'd better look into those
blackouts when I have more time.

Oh, you're not going, Doctor?

I mean, you've had such
a tiring day. Wouldn't

you like to relax and
play a little? Scrabble?

Afraid not. I have a very
busy evening ahead of me.

I took Miss Hanson's knee
first, but I still have to

call on a pancreas, a
thyroid, and a sacroiliac.

Oh, gosh. With words like that,
you'd be a cinch to win at Scrabble.

You'd better stay in bed,
young lady, and... I'll

be by tomorrow
evening, give you a check-up.

Good night, ladies. Don't
bother, I can find my way out.

Ow! Oh!

Oh, I can't stay in bed. I've
got to go to work tomorrow. So go,

just as long as you're back in bed
tomorrow night by the time Dr. Harvey gets here.

Yeah, and don't forget to be dizzy. Do
you think all this is really worth it, Mike?

I didn't exactly bowl him over.
You've got to be patient, patient.

He was too busy with your knee tonight.

After a few more visits,
he'll notice your face.

Yeah.

It's too bad you don't have a trick nose.

Hello?

Oh, yes, just a minute. He's
here now. Telephone, doctor.

Oh, thank you.

It is late.

We'd better get you back in bed
before... Dr. Harvey speaking.

Let's let him take the
elevator first. But, Mike,

what if he goes
straight up to our apartment?

If he does, we're sunk.

Greta, you better take the stairs.
Loco and I will try to stall him.

Mike, I know we've got a lot at stake,

but asking me to walk
up 21 flights of stairs?

I'm not asking you to walk.

Run!

Dr. Harvey.

Oh, good evening, ladies.

Just on my way up to your apartment.

Oh, fine. We'll ride up
with you. It's up there.

I know.

I have a keen sense of direction.

Oh, would you hold it a second? I
want to see if we have any mail.

Anything for us?

Nothing for 21G.

Oh, dear, and I'm expecting
some very important mail.

How about 1G?

Now, for what earthly
reason would your mail be in 1G?

Well...

Short letter carrier.

Reach up in. I put the
mail in myself. Why not?

Oh, no, you go first, Dr.
Harvey. You must be tired.

Lifting all those heavy gallstones.

Well, maybe we ought to wait till you come

back down again so we won't be so crowded.

Oh, pardon me. May I
help you with your package?

Thank you. It isn't heavy.

Just some pastry. What
kind? Devil's food cake. Oh,

you should never buy devil's food cake.

I have the most marvelous
recipe. You take two cups of flour,

the whites of three eggs.
Excuse me, but I really must go.

Oh, and then you melt your butter
in a double boiler. Going down? Oh,

it's okay with us. Sorry.

Oh.

11. Holy smoke, we're going down.
That's a shame. We're in a hurry.

Oh, what's happened?

It makes sense.

Respiration 78, extreme palpitation,
pupils dilated, I don't understand it.

Miss Anson, what have you been doing?

Just lying here, reading.

Well, maybe the book was too exciting.

Floral arrangements made easy?

Miss Anson, are you sure
you were just reading?

Oh, no, she was doing something
else, too. What was that? Turning pages.

Now, please, we have a
very sick girl here.

Miss Hanson, I may have to
see you every day for a while.

Well...

Doctor, if you think that's advisable.

Well, I certainly do.

So do we. Don't we, Mike? Definitely.

May I use your phone to
make the arrangements?

Arrangements?

Well, of course. You
have to go to the hospital.

Now, Miss Hanson, we
must stay absolutely quiet

and breathe steadily
through the tube. Hello, Doctor.

Nurse.

Good.

Let me know as soon as
you finish the basal.

Yes, Doctor.

See you in a little while, Miss Hanson.

Dr. Harvey, how is she?

Well, I haven't seen the results of the
test yet. We're doing the last one just now.

Oh, how's her knee?

It's fine.

Oh.

This morning, I noticed a number of
blisters on the bottoms of her feet.

Now, has she been doing an
unusual amount of walking lately?

Really?

Oh, Greta?

She only walks when... when
she wants to get somewhere.

Well, I must confess, I've never
come across a case like this before.

Well, maybe it's one of those
sicknesses that hasn't been discovered yet.

Dr. Harvey, there's no need for Greta
to take up this hospital room. Now,

I'm sure Loco and I can take care of
everything that's wrong with her at home.

It so happens the hospital is nowhere
near filled to capacity at the moment.

And this is much too baffling a case to
be treated lightly. If you'll excuse me.

Hi, Greta. We brought you some flowers.

Don't they smell nice?

Please, we mustn't disturb
the patient during this test.

Oh, I'm sorry, we just... Shh.

Gosh, she looks terrible. Oh, we can't
have Dr. Harvey see her looking like this.

If you girls want to play charades, the
recreation room is right down the hall.

We were just wondering where we were
going to put the flowers. I'll get a vase.

Poor people, what are they
doing to you? Come on, doctor.

And just what do we think we're
doing? You've ruined the whole test.

I've got to do it all over
again, and you've got to get out.

You may go in now.

Thank you.

Oh, Miss Ward.

Finney?

Yes, Doctor.

Where are the results of the other tests?

Uh, they're all underneath.

Fine.

Well, she checks out
perfectly in everything.

Thank the Lord those tests are over.

Why, would you believe it?

Miss Hanson, I can find
nothing wrong with you.

Absolutely nothing.

Oh, that's wonderful,
Doctor. Now I can go home.

No, I'm afraid not. It just
means we have to keep on digging

till we come up with the
answer to this mystery.

But I feel fine.

Well, that just makes
it more of a challenge.

What are we gonna do now?

I don't know.

But we've got to do something.

All those tests and pills
they've been giving me.

Red pills for the liver,
blue pills for the blood,

green pills for the
stomach, and even purple pills.

Purple pills? What are they for?

Probably to round out
the color scheme. Well, if

I wanted to get out of
here, I know what I'd do.

I'd simply get up out of bed and go home.

In my pajamas? That's all I've got here.

Besides, if they catch you trying to
sneak out of here without a doctor's discharge,

they'll strap you in bed.

Well, just tell him you've got to go home.

You don't feel well.

If anyone offers you a penny
for your thoughts... Grab it.

We tried getting you
an honorable discharge.

Now the only thing left is to
get you a dishonorable one.

You mean we're going to
have her court-martialed?

No, I mean we're going
to get Dr. Harvey to

discharge her without
bothering Dr. Harvey.

Slowly, Mike, slowly. I'm
going out to the phone booth

in the corridor and make
arrangements with Dr. Jesse right now. Jesse?

Oh, but Jesse's an
elevator operator. Mm-hmm,

and his first case is
going to be Operation Greta.

I sure hope the scheme of yours
works, Mike. If I stay here any longer,

I really will need a doctor. Well,
don't you think we could do something else?

Time for our temperature.

But we don't want our
temperature taken. I beg your pardon?

I said we...

Well, as we say on Wall
Street, if it reaches 105, sell.

Silly. Who'd want to buy
a thermometer that old?

Hello?

Yes, Dr. Harvey, Miss
Ward is right here. For you.

Miss Ward speaking.

Miss Ward. After careful
analysis of Miss Hanson's case,

I've decided to order
her release. Release?

But, Doctor, you gave me strict
instructions to start a new series of tests.

I don't... Oh, I see.

Well, would you hold the
phone, please, Dr. Harvey?

Dr. Harvey, you're on this telephone
telling me to release Ms. Henson. I am.

Well, let's see what I have to say.

Hello, Dr. Harvey.

Who am I?

Well, I'm Dr. Harvey.

Now, I've talked to myself before,

but that's the first time
I ever hung up on myself.

The thing some people will
do to get out of a hospital.

Miss Ward, did you notice this?

Well, you tried everything. Now,

I guess the only thing
left to do is take the

coward's way out and tell him the truth.

You mean the whole truth?

Even about Greta running
up 21 flights of stairs and

letting him think she
was in bed all the time?

If we do, we might as well scratch
another young, handsome, wealthy bachelor.

Miss Ward, have you ever seen
anything as grisly as this?

Never in all my 30 years as a nurse.

I can understand the
hypervascular syndrome,

which is contracting the
subcutaneous aorta, but...

I have never seen it combined with a
deciduous atrophy of the esophagus.

Is that bad?

Bad?

Unless we can effect a
cure, Miss Hanson had better...

Not start reading any serials.

But I thought you said
my tests were all right.

Well, the tests
themselves were inconclusive,

but upon research and further
consultation with other experts in the field,

I was finally able to
diagnose your... strange malady.

I was fine when I came
in here. Really, I was.

There, there. We mustn't strain
ourselves. We're a very sick girl.

I wish we would mind our own business.

Prepare for surgery.

Poor Greta.

I'm getting out of here.
Where's my robe? But Greta,

the doctor said you needed an
operation. Please, I'm as healthy as a horse.

Gosh, don't say that, or they're
liable to shoot you. I don't know, Greta.

The doctors seem mighty worried.
Maybe you ought to see a doctor.

I mean, I better see one.

I don't know about you, but I'm
getting out of here. Retta! Oh,

I forgot this is all I brought. And if
they catch you trying to get out of here,

they'll strap you in bed.

Okay, okay, we went
all through that before.

If Florence Nightingale took
a chance, why shouldn't I?

Sure!

Come along, nurse.

Tom selected me.

Oh, but I... Every nurse on this floor
has suddenly been called down to maternity.

Come along!

Patience in better shape than this one.

We should have suspected Dr.
Harvey was playing a trick on you.

He sure taught us a lesson.

I guess we deserved it.

That bawling out he gave us when we left.

Dr. Harvey was real annoyed, wasn't he?

I would say so.

Telling us we were the
worst things to happen to

that hospital since the
flu epidemic of 1917.

Going up?

Hi, Jessie.

Oh, hi, girls.

Don't touch her. I'll
call Dr. Harvey. Never mind.

Are you ready, Dr. Jones? Ready.

One, two, three.