All language subtitles for How To Marry A Millionaire - S01E27 - To Hock or Not to Hock

Football.

The crowd must be good for a
quarter of a million dollars.

Lady, if it's millions
you've got your mind on,

just get yourself a nice little group like

the Chicago Bears or
the Green Bay Packers.

I know how, too.

All right, how?

Marry a man who owns one.

Look what I got us, girls.

Where did you get that stone?

Well, there's a teeny little
place on 45th Street, Burr's Furs,

and they're having a liquidation
sale. And the stole was a steal.

Joke.

Laughing. Well, it's not funny. It
really was a steal, only $1,000.

And where did you get $1,000?

Easy, I just wrote a check.

No, a thousand dollar check.

You're going to look awfully silly
wearing that stole over convex stripes.

Convex stripes?

That's the usual reward
for passing bad checks.

But we've got the money.

I went over the books myself this morning.

We have exactly...

$1,038. Here, see for yourself.

Mm-hmm.

Except for one
teensy-weensy decimal point.

We have exactly $10.38.
Next time, wear your glasses.

Oh, but it looks so much better without
them. Well, we'll just have to call Mr.

Burr, and you'll have to ask
him to take the thing back.

Farewell, you gorgeous thing.

Hello, Mr. Berg. This is Loco Jones.

Well, I'm afraid I'll
have to return that stole.

I just found out that I don't have
enough money to cover the check.

But the check'll bounce!

Higher than the Empire State Building. You

wouldn't want to see
me in jail, would you?

Oh, you will?

Oh, Mr. Bird, you're a doll!

He'll take it back.

Oh, he'd love to, but his
creditors won't let him. Well,

that's the reason he's had to liquidate.

But he's done a beautiful thing. He
won't deposit the check for another 10 days,

so we'll have enough time
to make it good. 10 days?

Where are we going to
get $1,000 in 10 days?

Well, maybe it'll make it easier if
we think of it as only $100 a day.

Why stop there? It's only $4.17 an hour.

See, girl, it's really
nothing. And with $10.38 in the bank,

we don't have to worry for
another two and a half hours.

I think... Come in.

Hello, girls.

Oh, excuse me for bursting in like this,

but I just can't stay
in my apartment another

minute. What is it
this time, Mrs. Teasley?

Another one of those oil
promoters badgering you again?

No, no, that was
yesterday. No, this is some man

trying to sell me a yacht. Oh, ridiculous.

I'm afraid that's the price of being rich.

Yes, a real drag. Yes, it is, you know.

I'll see if it's all clear now.

I think it's safe to go
back to the apartment.

I'll see you when the
next salesman comes around.

Goodbye, you two. Gee, I feel better
after listening to poor Mrs. Teasley.

I don't feel like we
have any problems at all.

Sure, sure.

We can all wait for her while we watch you

going to the clink for passing bum checks.

Well, I bought the stool for all of us.

There must be some way of
raising $1,000. Any ideas?

Well, I've done all the work so far. Now
it's your turn to do something. Hello?

Oh, yes, this is Loco
Jones. It's for me. A telegram?

Uh-huh. Oh.

Well, thank you very much.

Girls were saved. My Uncle George
is coming to town tomorrow morning.

What's the matter?

We've met some of your uncles,

and all they did was sit
around barefoot and eat turnips.

But you don't understand.
Uncle George is a family success.

He owned practically all
of Oklahoma and was well on

his way to buying Texas
when I left for New York.

Well, in that case, let me
have a coin. A coin? What for?

Well, now that we all have a mink
stole, let's flip to see who wears it first.

Uncle George!

It'll just be all day long,
lady. The name is Melvin.

Then you must be Uncle George?

Well, by the process of
elimination, I guess I am.

Oh, George, I'm so glad you're here.

Uncle George!

Loco, your mother didn't
have two other daughters

she forgot to tell me about, did she?

Of course not, Uncle George. These
are my roommates, Mike and Greta.

Well, I'm beginning to enjoy
my visit already. 445, please.

Oh, you're fast. It's only 11.20.

No, he's referring to my fare.

I seem to be all out of small change,
and I... Oh, don't worry about that.

How much will you need, Uncle George?

Oh, well, this will do
nicely, my dear. There

you are, my good man.
You may keep the change.

A tent!

Well, thank you, mister. Well, it's
nothing at all, my good fellow. Nothing at all.

Nothing? If he's referring
to our bank rule, he's right.

Well, what an attractive place.

And you girls must be
doing extremely well.

Oh, it suits three old maids like us,

but it must be nothing
compared to what you're used to.

Well, I stay at the desk, naturally, but
a hotel room is a hotel room, you know.

It's awfully lonely.

Well, in that case...
You want me to stay here?

But the rooms are so tiny.

Oh, well, to be near my favorite
niece, I wouldn't mind squeezing a little.

But this is your vacation, Uncle
George. You shouldn't have to squeeze.

If he wants to squeeze, let him squeeze.

Well.

Now that that's settled, I'll just
take these bags in here, shall I?

Oh, he's adorable.
He's so free with money.

Well, ours, anyway. Here I am again, girl.

Oh, come in, Mrs. Teasley. I just
brought this little thing for Uncle George.

You know, you made him sound
so eligible. Girls, you know,

I'm beginning to feel at home already.

Uncle George, this is
Mrs. Teasley, our neighborly

next-door neighbor. How do you do?

I just brought you a little present.

For me?

Are you married, madam?

Widow. Oh, well, then, no,
thank you. Now, please, no offense,

but I make it a rule never to
accept gifts from unattached females.

And after 60 years
protecting my blessed bachelorhood...

I have learned a great deal about
the predatory ways of the female sex.

Are you implying that I'm out to trap
you? Madam, I never imply. I state.

And I can spot a hound dog a mile away.

My dear husband always
called me his little chihuahua.

But nobody's ever called me a hound dog.

You told me.

You said.

Oh, Uncle George, how
could you be so cruel?

I'm sorry, Loco, but that woman is out to
get me, and I do not intend to be gotten.

I think it'd be better if I left here.

Oh, no, you can't.

Well, it's obvious she comes
in here every few minutes,

and I haven't got the right
to ask you to get rid of her.

Oh, but you have every right.

You just have to think
of a way to keep her out.

Well...

While you girls are
thinking, I have an appointment

to keep. Toodle-oo, Uncle George. Oh.

Hello, loco.

May I come in for a moment, Mrs. Teasley?

There's something I
want to talk to you about.

Of course, my dear. Come in.

This is our chance,
Greta. Loco's too embarrassed

to ask him for the
money. We'll have to do it.

Let's at least wait until
he's finished unpacking.

Suspense is killing me.

Well, okay.

After all, a thousand to a man
like that's just chicken feed.

And here's one chicken
that's kind of hungry.

Girls, now that Loco has gone,
I won't hem and haw any longer.

Will you lend me $1,000?
$250? You mean you're broke?

Broke?

Me? Well, I'm a little short of cash, and
my properties are mortgaged to the hilt,

and creditors are chasing me.

Yes, I guess you could say I'm broke.

The locals said you were
the richest man in town.

Oh, so I was.

Oh, that poor child. She must never
know to what depths her uncle has fallen.

But I can rise again.

All I need is $250 for
a plane fare to Peru,

where a wonderful
business opportunity awaits me.

Well, I guess the joke's on us.

We wanted to borrow $1,000 from you. You?

What, this penthouse, these furnishings?

Don't tell me you're broke, too. Broke?

We may be out in the street soon.

But not your niece, Loco.

She'll be in jail.

It's really awfully sweet of you, Loco.

But you know...

You didn't have to come and
apologize for your uncle.

Oh, I didn't come to
apologize. I came to warn you.

Stay away from Uncle George.

Well, after what happened,
I've very little choice.

But you know, Loco, perhaps I
was a little bit too forward.

I'll come over and apologize to him.

Uh-oh, now don't you
go falling for his act.

The brutal one.

Number two on his list. He
thinks the meaner he acts,

the more attractive he is to women.

You mean he really likes me?

Well, I don't know if he likes
you, but he sure likes your money.

I hate to say this, but he's
a notorious fortune hunter.

Fortune hunter?

Now, listen, loco.

When you see him, you tell him he's
barking up the wrong fortune. Sure.

But if you should see him
first, Mrs. Hound Dog, I... Teensy.

Well, just bite him. Bye.

Does she always walk
back and forth like that?

Oh, not always. Only
during financial crises.

Yes, always.

I think I have it.

Uncle George, if I had a way to solve
all our problems, would you help us out?

Well, girl, you know I
would. What do I have to do?

Marry Mrs. Teasley?

Well, I'd be very happy to.

Marry a hound dog?

Never. She's really very
nice, and she's lonely.

This could be a good
thing for both of you.

I have been a bachelor for 60 years,
and I am not crossing the Rubicon now.

Too bad.

She's worth at least two million.

If I had my way, the word marriage would
be stricken from the vocab... ...to me.

Cool catch.

What did you say the name
of that lovely lady was?

Mike, get the ammunition. You know,

that box of candy your date
brought over the other night?

Here you are, Uncle
George, for the sweet lady from

her sour boyfriend. Okay,
Unc, turn on the charm.

I shall be irresistible.

Mrs. Teasley, you look
absolutely ravishing.

Well, well, well, if it
isn't the old treasure hunter.

I just came by to apologize for
my inexcusable behavior before.

You mean you flopped as
Bluebeard, and now you're

trying the Casanova
approach. Well, it won't work.

Loco told me everything.

Well, I'm afraid my niece
doesn't know everything,

and I don't know what
you're talking about.

Well, I'll try to make
it as simple as I can.

The hunting season is closed.

Officially.

Don't say a word.

Uncle George, a fortune hunter?

Oh, where did you ever
get that preposterous idea?

I just told you straight
from the horse's mouth, loco.

Oh, the length that girl will go to to
protect dear Uncle George. Protect? Well,

she thinks that every
woman is after his money.

Oh, I know that feeling.

Oh, excuse me, girls.

Hello? Oh, hello, Mr. Toby.
Yes, I did want to talk to you.

Now, you know how all those salesmen
have been plaguing me lately. Well,

I just can't stand it any longer.

Yes, well, they must have got my name
out of high finance magazine or something.

Anyway, you've got to put a stop to it.

Tell them I'm broke, I haven't
paid my rent, or anything you like,

but just keep them out of
that elevator. I, uh, yes.

Yeah, well, thank you, Mr. Toby.

Thank you very much.

Now, where were we?

Oh, yes. Do you mean to say that
the local told that dreadful story

because she thought that Uncle
George was becoming interested in me?

I'm not becoming interested. Uncle
George has fallen madly in love with you.

No, he doesn't know what's hit him.

Oh, you make me feel so guilty.

How about coming over this
afternoon and pouring tea for Uncle George?

Do you think he'd like that?

Oh, he'd like it if you
poured it in his lap.

You know, I'm so excited, I probably will.

No, no, no, I'm terribly sorry, young man.

Hello, Mr. Toby.

Hello, Miss Jones.

You're wasting your time
going up to Mrs. Teasley's. Why,

she couldn't possibly
afford a helicopter. Why,

she's four months behind in her rent.

But I've published this article on
her last month. How could she be broke?

You know how these people live. One day
they have it, the next day they don't.

Why, just yesterday, she sent her
maid out to pawn her last diamond ring.

Well, no use wasting time
on that. Thanks for the tip.

Where are the girls? Have I
got something to tell them?

They're out buying some little cakes
because Mrs. Teasley is coming over for tea.

What?

No, I know, I know. I
asked you to get rid of her,

but since then I've discovered that
she's a lovely, charming, cultured lady.

Matter of fact, I'm thinking
of asking her to be my wife.

Your wife?

Oh, that's terrible.

Oh, no.

It's wonderful.

But, Uncle George, she's after your money.

You're getting your signals crossed.

Then you're after a gold digger who
doesn't have a penny to call her own.

Now, Uncle, I'm a big boy.

Just let me handle it.

Huh?

I just heard Mr. Toby say
that she's four months behind

in her rent and she just
hawked her last diamond ring.

He's thinking of evicting her.

I thought she changed
her tune rather quickly.

Sure.

Now that she has no place to live,
she figures she'll move in on you.

She thinks you're better than a flophouse.

But I don't.

Right in the first place, that
woman ain't nothing but a hound dog.

Just stay where you
are, or I'll answer this.

I know I'm a little early, but I just
couldn't stay in my apartment another minute.

So they kicked you out already, eh?

Come now, you're still missed
because I slammed the door in your face.

Oh, no.

No, because you opened it again.

Sorry we took so long, Uncle George.

Oh, Mrs. Teasley, you're here already?

How nice.

Are we making beautiful music?

I'm afraid the only music our good
neighbor knows is, brother, can you spare a dime?

Well, I don't suppose
it's of any interest,

but I'd like you to know that
I can spare 20 million dimes.

That's your story. But I
happen to know your flat broke.

I just heard Mr. Toby tell a salesman.

Mrs. Teasley was four months
behind in her rent, didn't

have a quarter to her
name, and she's a deadbeat.

Well, that's exactly what he said.

Naturally.

Mrs. Teasley told Mr. Toby to say that to
all the salesmen who were annoying her.

You mean she's really loaded?

Now, now, local, let's not be vulgar.

It wouldn't make the
slightest difference to me

if this lovely lady were barefoot
and penniless. I'd still be enchanted.

I'm all confused.

Please, don't be obvious.

My dear, would it give you
any satisfaction if I took that

child over my knee and gave
her the spanking of her life?

Oh, no, she's only trying to protect you.

Oh, dear, if I only had
someone that interested in me.

Someone is?

Uncle George!

Oh, please, just George.

Please? Then you must call me Alma.

Shall we sneak off on
the town tonight, Alma?

Could you be ready in an hour?

Ali?

I can be ready in half an
hour. Toodle-oo, girl. Oh!

Well, what's going on here?

Loco, my child, prepare yourself
for a shock. Your sweet, generous,

rich uncle is only sweet and generous.

He wants to marry Mrs. Teasley so
you won't have to go to jail. Now,

what have you got to say to that?

Well, let's see.

Aunt Alma.

Auntie Alma?

No.

My rich aunt.

I'm dying to know what happened last
night. I wish Uncle George would get up.

I didn't hear him come
in until four. Four?

Wow. Wow.

Good morning, my little doves.

Uncle George, you're up.

I'm in the stratosphere.
Would you care to join me?

Oh, I'd love to.

Dad, you're the merry old soul this
morning. You must have had quite a night.

Whenever I take a woman out, it's always
quite a night. Would you get it, then?

By all means.

Pardon me for cutting in, but what
happened between you and Mrs. Teasley last night?

Oh, first, first we rumbled, and then
we sambled, and then we cha-cha-cha.

Is that all that happened?

Well, incidentally, I discovered
she's a very delightful woman.

I repeat, is that all that happened?

Well, what more do you expect?

I mean, after you cha-cha-cha, uh...

Oh, I forgot to tell you, we're engaged.

Oh, George! We'll have the wedding right
here. Will your Wednesday be too soon?

Oh, I'll get it. Oh, Uncle George!

How pleased Grandma would be.

Her baby getting married after 60 years.

Jesse just delivered a
note for Mrs. Teasley.

Ah, it's probably a little love note.

No, no, it's for us.

Now, let's see.

Dear girls, how grateful I am to you
for introducing me to Uncle George.

Last night was the most
exciting evening of my life.

That's the usual effect.

There I was with a man who could offer
me glamour, excitement, and cha-cha-cha.

But alas, this morning I awoke
with asthma, arthritis, and lumbago.

I'm afraid we shouldn't have
done that last cha-cha-cha.

I have a feeling you
shouldn't have done the first one.

So I'm off to my
country home to recuperate,

happy in the knowledge that I'm too old
for the exciting life I've always dreamt of,

and completely content with what I
thought was my humdrum existence.

I seem to have lost my touch.

Wait, wait, there's more.

Thank you, girls, for
teaching me contentment.

And knowing that you have everything,
I hope you'll accept this little gift.

It's a $1,500 check. Oh, that's
awful. Well, what's the matter, loco?

Now you don't have to go to jail.

I know, but... Poor Uncle George.

Always a bridesmaid.

Never a bride!

Boy, that 1500 sure went fast.

Well, we didn't have to send Uncle
George to Peru first class, did we?

But he wouldn't travel any other way.

Girls, isn't it beautiful?

Now, who gets to wear it first? Well,
let's flip for it. Mike, have you got a coin?

Oh, I'm afraid we'll have
to draw straws instead.

Why?

There isn't a coin in the house.